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BET Awards 2023 went down on Sunday night at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles. And this year’s edition celebrated 50 years of Hip Hop, with rap legend Busta Rhymes, receiving the Lifetime Achievement Award.
The prestigious award, which honours the best performances in music, TV, film and sports saw Nigeria’s Burna Boy bagging the Best International Act award. Here’s a complete list of other big winners at the BET Awards 2023.
BEST INTERNATIONAL ACT
Source: Instagram (@bet_africa)
Aya Nakamura (France)
Ayra Starr (Nigeria)
Burna Boy (Nigeria) (WINNER)
Central Cee (UK)
Ella Mai (UK)
Ko (South Africa)
L7nnon (Brazil)
Stormzy (UK)
Tiakola (France)
Uncle Waffles (Swaziland)
BEST MALE R&B/POP ARTIST (TIE)
Source: Instagram (@chrisbrown)
Blxst
Brent Faiyaz
Burna Boy
Chris Brown (WINNER)
Drake
The Weeknd
Usher (WINNER)
BEST GROUP
Source: Instagram (@champagnepapi/@21savage)
City Girls
Drake x 21 Savage (WINNER)
Dvsn
FLO
Maverick City Music & Kirk Franklin
Quavo & Takeoff
Wanmor
BEST COLLABORATION
“Big Energy (Remix),” Latto & Mariah Carey Feat. Dj Khaled
“Boy’s A Liar Pt. 2,” Pinkpantheress & Ice Spice
“Call Me Every Day,” Chris Brown Feat. Wizkid
“Can’t Stop Won’t Stop,” King Combs Feat. Kodak Black
“Creepin’,” Metro Boomin, The Weeknd & 21 Savage
“F.N.F. (Let’s Go),” Hitkidd & GloRilla
“Tomorrow 2,” GloRilla & Cardi B
“Wait For U,” Future Feat. Drake & Tems (WINNER)
BEST FEMALE HIP HOP ARTIST
Source: Billboard
Cardi B
Coi Leray
GloRilla
Ice Spice
Latto (WINNER)
Megan Thee Stallion
Nicki Minaj
BEST MALE HIP HOP ARTIST
Source: Billboard
21 Savage
Drake
Future
J. Cole
Jack Harlow
Kendrick Lamar (WINNER)
Lil Baby
VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Source: BET
“We (Warm Embrace),” Chris Brown
“2 Million Up,” Peezy, Jeezy & Real Boston Richey feat. Rob49
“About Damn Time,” Lizzo
“Bad Habit,” Steve Lacy
“First Class,” Harlow
“Kill Bill,” SZA (WINNER)
“Tomorrow 2,” GloRilla & Cardi B
ALBUM OF THE YEAR (TIE)
Source: BET
Anyways, Life’s Great, GloRilla
Breezy, Chris Brown
God Did, DJ Khaled
Her Loss, Drake & 21 Savage
Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers, Kendrick Lamar
Renaissance, Beyoncé (WINNER)
SOS, SZA (WINNER)
VIDEO DIRECTOR OF THE YEAR
Source: Instagram (@teyanataylor)
A$AP Rocky for AWGE
Benny Boom
Burna Boy
Cole Bennett
Dave Free & Kendrick Lamar
Director X
Teyana “Spike Tey” Taylor (WINNER)
BEST NEW ARTIST
Source: People
Ambré
Coco Jones (WINNER)
Doechii
FLO
GloRilla
Ice Spice
Lola Brooke
BEST GOSPEL/INSPIRATIONAL AWARD
Source: Instagram (@kirkfranklin)
“Bless Me,” Maverick City Music & Kirk Franklin (WINNER)
“Finished (Live),” Tamela Mann
“I’ve Got Joy,” CeCe Winans
“Kingdom,” Maverick City Music & Kirk Franklin feat. Naomi Raine & Chandler Moore
“New,” Tye Tribbett
“One Moment From Glory,” Yolanda Adams
“The Better Benediction (Pt.2),” PJ Morton feat. Lisa Knowles-Smith, Le’andria Johnson, Keke Wyatt, Kierra Sheard & Tasha Cobbs Leonard
VIEWER’S CHOICE AWARD
Source: Instagram (@beyonce)
“About Damn Time,” Lizzo
“Break My Soul,” Beyoncé (WINNER)
“First Class,” Jack Harlow
“Jimmy Cooks,” Drake Feat 21 Savage
“Kill Bill,” SZA
“Last Last,” Burna Boy
“Super Freaky Girl,” Nicki Minaj
“Wait For U,” Future Feat. Drake & Tems
BEST FEMALE R&B/POP ARTIST
Ari Lennox
Beyoncé
Coco Jones
H.E.R.
Lizzo
SZA (WINNER)
Tems
VIEWER’S CHOICE: BEST NEW INTERNATIONAL ACT
Source: Instagram (@iamlibianca)
Asake (Nigeria)
Camidoh (Ghana)
Flo (UK)
Libianca (Cameroon) (WINNER)
Maureen (France)
MC Ryan SP (Brazil)
Pabi Cooper (South Africa)
Raye (UK)
Werenoi (France)
BET HER
Source: Instagram (@beyonce)
“About Damn Time,” Lizzo
“Boy’s A Liar Pt. 2,” Pinkpantheress & Ice Spice
“Break My Soul,” Beyoncé (WINNER)
“Her,” Megan Thee Stallion
“Lift Me Up,” Black Panther: Wakanda Forever – Music From And Inspired By Rihanna & Ludwig Göransson
The Zikoko Bureau of Statistics is here again. After gathering evidence from over 3000 relationships and 450 single pringles who’ve made a name off giving relationship advice, we present the results of our study on how to know if your boyfriend is cheating. It’s sure to stand the test of time.
We won’t say if he has a password because duh. But what if when he doesn’t have a password? That is an even bigger red flag. That must mean he has a burner phone. We don’t make the rules.
We’ve all had those bad days when our African ancestors forget to whisper in our ears and help us gauge the salt while cooking.
But don’t worry, we’ve checked, and these hacks will make sure your bragging right is intact even after messing shit up in the kitchen.
Dilute with water
What water cannot fix does not exist, and this includes your over-salted meal. Just make sure you go easy with the quantity. You’ll be causing more trouble if you also have to deal with watery soup.
Add acid
Source: Eni stores
That’s right. Ingredients like lemon juice and vinegar have high acidic levels that can cut through the saltiness and distract the tongue. Like water, make sure you add it with caution depending on the quantity of the meal.
Add dairy
This might not work with traditional meals, but if you’re making pasta or rice, for example, a moderate dash of coconut milk or heavy cream will reduce the saltiness.
Rinse and recook
This hack works best if you’ve gone overboard with salt while seasoning protein. Drain the water, rinse and cook again with a more controlled salt measurement.
Potato
Source: LiveScience
If you don’t rate potatoes, you better have a rethink. Just peel a potato, cut it into large pieces, rinse and place inside your over-salted meal. Wait for five to ten minutes then remove them. The potato will absorb the excess salt in your meal.
Recook
This should be the last option to consider when the damage is completely beyond repair. Remember, high consumption of salt isn’t good for your health.
Are you ready to take charge and win a brand-new Infinix Note 30 smartphone? Infinix is pleased to announce its exciting competition, #TakeChargeWithNote30, where you can showcase your talent, unleash your creativity and take charge of your journey. Click this link to join the competition now.
Whether you’re a fashionista, a sports enthusiast, a gamer, or a DIY lover, this competition has something for everyone. Get ready to dance, create, and participate in an epic TikTok challenge that will leave you motivated and inspired. Let’s dive into the details and learn how you can join this incredible competition!
Here’s how to participate:
Get creative and showcase your talent (fashion, sports, gaming, DIY, etc.) in a captivating TikTok video.
Ensure to shoot your video in a well-lit environment
Use the Infinix filter to spice up your video and make it stand out (this can be found in the filter segment of the Infinix Nigeria account on TikTok@infinixng)
Ensure your entry is counted using the hashtag #TakeChargeWithNote30 in your caption.
For more information, access the competition link on Infinix Nigeria’s Tiktok bio (@infinixng).
Share your video on your Tiktok account.
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WhatsApp screenshots are some of the funniest things on the internet. The good people of Zikoko took it upon themselves to find the funniest ones. You’re welcome.
A Nigerian university student, Cyprian Igwe, woke up to the news of a 50% increment in payable fees by the school management in May 2023 and planned a protest against it. But this was met with his rustication from the school.
The situation has now taken a legal turn. Here’s all we know about so far:
Who is Cyprian Igwe?
He’s a 400-level undergraduate student in the Sociology department of the University of Abuja. Igwe is also a member of the student union. He caught the attention of the public following his rustication from the university after allegedly inciting fellow students against the school management.
Why was he rusticated?
On April 29, 2023, the university announced the total payable fees for the 2022/2023 session in a Facebook post. And the 50% bump didn’t go down well with Igwe whose fee shot up to ₦89,000 from ₦47,300. He proceeded to express his displeasure with fellow student union executives via an official WhatsApp group. In his message, he called for a meeting to discuss possible solutions to the situation.
Source: ICIR
The university caught wind of Igwe’s WhatsApp message and responded to the call for a protest by issuing a rustication letter dated May 26, 2023, signed by the deputy registrar. Cyprian Igwe, and another student, Olalekan Oladeru, who broadcasted his message on WhatsApp, were accused of circulating “an inciteful press release”, an action “capable of jeopardising the peaceful smooth conduct of academic activities in the university and a breach of the university matriculation oath.”
Igwe told the International Centre for Investigative Reporting (ICIR) that he was brought in for questioning by the school’s security officer, forced to sign the rustication letter and detained for four hours with no access to his mobile phone.
The rustication letter | Source: Twitter (@cyrpianigwe3)
There’s been an outpour of support from Nigerians who argue that students should be able to freely express themselves.
What’s the position of the student union president?
The SUG president, Emito Emmanuel Ayandayo, is against the university’s decision and maintains that there’s no evidence to back up the claims levelled against Cyprian Igwe and Oladeru.
He told the ICIR that the rustication letter referenced the incitement of violence, a meeting with members of the SUG, alumni and stakeholders, and a planned protest slated for May 29, which was all false. He said he issued a counter press release stating he never signed Igwe’s announcement, and there was no meeting held to discuss a protest as claimed in the rustication letter.
Ayandayo also said he spoke with the dean of student affairs, Prof Umar Kari, who maintained that there was a mistake in the rustication letter the assistant registrar sent out. Kari said the students should’ve been suspended and not rusticated.
Has Igwe’s status as a student been reinstated?
That same week, the university recalled the initial rustication letter and issued a fresh letter of suspension. The school’s public relations officer (PRO), Dr Habib Yakoob, claimed that the students were suspended contrary to widely circulated reports of rustication.
Is Igwe back in school?
As of June 2023, Igwe, through his lawyer, Tope Temokun, has taken legal action and sued the university at the Federal High Court in Abuja. The respondents include vice chancellor Professor Abdul-Rasheed Na’allah, Yahaya Mohammed (registrar), Alkasim Umar (deputy registrar, academics, CSO Ibrahim Abdullahi Burga and four others.
Igwe is seeking an order reinstating his status as a bonafide student of UniAbuja, an order setting aside his rustication for violating his fundamental rights to a fair hearing and a declaration against his arrest and detention at the intelligence unit of the school on May 26.
In addition, he’s seeking damages to the sum of ₦50 million, for violation of his human rights.
Five passengers hoping to explore the Titanic wreck via an exclusive tourist experience have gone missing in a submersible called the Titan, since they went into the Atlantic Ocean on Sunday morning, June 18, 2023.
Source: OceanGate
What should have been a roughly ten-hour round trip has stretched into days. The vessel’s last contact with land was a “ping” to its support ship, Port Prince, on Tuesday.
Here’s what we know about the situation so far:
Which tourist company is behind the Titanic expedition?
OceanGate Inc, a privately owned company in the United States, headquartered in Everett, Washington. Founded in 2009, it provides access to the deep ocean through crewed submersibles and launch platforms.
How much did passengers pay?
OceanGate Inc charged a total of $250,000 per tourist for the experience. It was part of a ten-day mission (eight days at sea) in five legs.
When did they go missing?
Five passengers, including Stockton Rush, founder and chief executive officer (CEO) of OceanGate Inc, embarked on the two-hour descent to the Titanic’s wreck at 1 p.m WAT on Sunday. The submersible was reported overdue by Sunday evening, having lost contact with its support ship an hour and 45 minutes after going underwater.
Who are the people in the submersible?
There are five people onboard the Titan.
Source: New York Times
Stockton Rush (Founder and CEO, OceanGateInc), who’s said to be piloting the vessel.
Source: NewYorkTimes
Hamish Harding, a British billionaire and serial explorer who went on an outer space mission in 2022.
Source: NewYorkTimes
Paul-Henri Nargeolet, a French maritime expert and veteran Titanic visitor.
Source: NewYorkTimes
Shazhada Dawood and Suleman Dawood, British-Pakistani businessman and his 19-year-old son.
How much time do they have?
OceanGate designed the Titan submersible to carry five people and provide 96 hours of oxygen for all on board. As of 1p.m. on Tuesday, the US Coast Guard said it likely had about 40 hours of oxygen left. The oxygen is bound to last until Thursday morning, which means it’s crucial for the submersible to be located and retrieved before this time.
Are there search operations underway?
Search agencies from the US and Canada have commenced rescue missions for the OceanGate Titan submersible. The US Coast Guard says as of Wednesday, an area two times the size of Connecticut in the U.S., up to 2.5 miles (4 kilometres) deep has been searched.
Is OceanGate’s Titan submersible different from a submarine?
Source: OceanGate
Unlike a submarine, which is much bigger complex in design, a submersible has limited features. It has a limited power reserve and can’t stay underwater as long as a submarine, which can spend months there. OceanGate’s Titan weighs 10,432 kg (23,000 lbs), has a five-person capacity and can go 4,000 meters (13,123 feet) underwater.
Is this OceanGate’s first expedition to the Titanic wreck?
There have been successful expeditions to the Titanic wreck in 2021 and 2022.
How deep in the ocean is the Titanic wreck?
Source: FoxWeather
The Titanic wreck is about 12,500 feet below sea level. For context, the tallest building in the world, Burj Khalifa is 2,717 feet tall.
When did the Titanic sink?
The Titanic sank in April 1912, after hitting an iceberg on the North Atlantic Ocean. The ship had over 2000 passengers onboard and was headed to New York City after departing Southampton on its maiden voyage.
After the ship — which was the biggest ever at the time — sank, Titanic’s wreck remained hidden from human sight for over 70 years. American oceanographer and marine geologist, Robert Ballard, finally found it in 1985. Since then, it’s been a fixture of international curiosity, further made popular by James Cameron’s award-winning movie, Titanic, in 1997.
2023 feels like it started two weeks ago, it’s been racing so fast like it can’t wait to complete its 52 week-cycle and be done with us.
Thankfully, music has accompanied us; from highly anticipated big-time projects to impressive debuts, this year has given us fire releases back-to-back.
Gangster Romantic — Lojay
After the success of his 2021 joint EP, LV N ATTN (Love and Attention), with producer Sarz, Lojay took his time to brew new music, then kicked off 2023 with sophomore solo project, Gangster Romantic. Its first track YAHWEH is far from being praise and worship. On songs like LEADER! and MOTO, Lojay sounds like he has gone through some character development induced by heartbreak. Although he won’t let himself get hurt, he still wears his heart on his sleeve.
Body & Soul — Joeboy
Joeboy has been on a smooth and interesting musical ride, with the well-curated rollout of his viral single, Sip (Alcohol) which became a TikTok fave; to the controversial Contour that swung veteran Asa into legal action; to his recently released album, Body & Soul. With strong productions from Tempoe, Big Fish, Kemena, and features from BNXN, Ludacris, Oxlade; Joeboy has made a very enjoyable album.
Top Boy — DJ Spinall
Spinall remains one of the most relevant DJs in Nigeria by serving us ridiculously good songs and collaborations. He delivered again on his latest album titled Top Boy. While packing features with the big guns like Olamide, Phyno, BNXN, and Summer Walker, he also has space for new names like Minz, Azanti, Tamera, and Kemuel to coexist. DJ Spinall never fails to keep a party hot.
Heaven Has Come — TY Bello
TY Bello’s music has always been all about praise and worship and in 2023 I can’t say no to it, especially with the events happening in Nigeria in the last six months. The singer-songwriter/photographer/philanthropist makes a comeback with Heaven Has Come, an album that’s sonically different from her 2022’s We Are Fire. With Heaven Has Come, the tempo is upbeat rather than taking a more solemn direction. Songs like He Fights For Me, That’s My Name, Ire and Torrents will make you do legwork anywhere because they always hit.
Davido’s return to social-media and the entertainment space with a brand new album, after months of silence, is definitely one of the biggest moments in the Nigerian entertainment scene in 2023. After giving us A Good Time and A Better Time, he completes the trilogy with his latest Timeless. Aside from big-hit features like Skepta, Angelique Kidjo, and Asake, Davido reintroduces his revamped DMW music label with two new artists, Morravey and Logos Olori who also appear on the album.
West African Goat — PayBac iBoro
Listening to PayBac iBoro feels like you’re watching a Tunde Kelani meets CJ “Fiery” Obasi movie. He puts his soul into his music, it feels like you could almost touch him just from his album covers. On West African Goat, PayBac talks about his defiance over depression on Sacrifice and Bury Me For Gold, the country’s corrupt system on Land of The Tiff and Monkey See Monkey Do, and his hunger for success on Oloun and Spirit. This album is a pure body of work because the listener can feel the raw emotions the artist put into it.
Anger Management — Bloody Civilian
Bloody Civilian started getting mainstream attention after her contribution to the new Black Panther album. This year, she released her debut body of work, Anger Management which she wrote, produced, mixed and mastered by herself. Bloody Civilian explores themes of relationships, girl power and a corrupt government. With her DIY method, unique voice, great songs and stage name, you might as well get familiar with the Bloody Civilian.
Work of Art — Asake
If you think Ololade Asake would be sleeping in his oasis after making the greatest debut in Nigerian music, you’re wrong. He’s back with Work of Art, barely a year after his debut album Mr. Money With the Vibes. Asake said no slowing down. With only one feature from his label boss Olamide, Asake proves again that he can go platinum without features.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
How did you two meet?
Bamidele: It was something like a blind date in 2018.
A female friend at the office had been telling me about her for some months. But I didn’t want to get someone’s number and start getting to know them over the phone. And I’d been too busy with work and personal projects to follow her to hang out with them.
Finally, she asked me out for drinks even though she was in a committed relationship. I knew she wanted me to meet the person she’d been trying to hook me up with, so I was like, “Let me just finally meet this person.” I went along with it, and that’s how we met.
Joyce: It was completely blind for me. I didn’t know this friend of ours wanted to introduce me to anyone. I went to this lounge innocently and found myself on a blind date. It was the first time I’d ever been in that kind of situation. The friend left us, and we just sat there, talking a bit, trying to be cool.
Sounds like it was awkward
Joyce: Kind of. We weren’t really giving each other a chance. I don’t think we thought we’d ever see each other again.
Bamidele: That’s not true. I thought you were chill and wouldn’t have minded seeing you again.
Joyce: But you didn’t even ask for my number or socials.
Bamidele: I was absentminded. I guess a part of me knew I could get that from our friend, which I did much later.
So what happened after the first date?
Joyce: We didn’t see each other until our friend invited me for a get-together on her boyfriend’s street like two months later, and he was there.
About an hour after I arrived, we somehow drifted to each other and said hi. He told me he got my number from our friend and asked if he could call me later. I said he was free to. I remember thinking, “Why is this one forming?”
Bamidele: I wasn’t forming o. I was just extremely busy because my job at the time was killing me with work. I probably didn’t have any social activity between our blind date and that second meeting. My life was pretty much work and sleep that year.
Joyce: Anyway, he didn’t call until the following week.
He just called one Saturday night while I was watching Netflix. I almost didn’t pick up, but thank God for Truecaller. When I saw his name, I was surprised and really curious. We talked for like 30 seconds, then he said he’d chat me up on WhatsApp. Like an hour later, I got the ping, and that’s how we chatted on and off for the rest of the night. We talked about his work, my family, his trips out of Lagos and the movie I was watching.
Bamidele: It was a nice, light conversation. I like the way she answered and asked questions.
Joyce: But then, that was it for another month.
Bamidele: I had a huge project at work for the rest of the month, so I couldn’t really reach out.
Hmm. When did you now realise you liked each other?
Bamidele: The next month, I called and apologised for ghosting, and she made a joke out of it. I was like, “Why na?” I asked her if she wanted to hang out soon. We ended up going out for ice cream the next day, and I realised she could make a joke or witty statement out of anything. I thought that was really cool.
When we hung out again a week later, I found myself expecting the next joke and almost predicting the kind of statement she’d make every time I said something. Also, I noticed she had such a beautiful smile. I couldn’t not smile when she smiled.
Joyce: Meanwhile, I only make jokes like that when I’m nervous. My jokes help me cover my social anxiety, but I’m glad you find that beautiful.
I can’t tell when or how I started liking him. I just did. The first thing I admired about him was how serious he is about work. He’s so focused, and that’s why he’s now making plenty money for us. Also, he’s cute in that bookish way that’s so adorable. Lastly, he’s really smart. He helped me read for and pass one of my ICAN exams in 2019, and all my other exams since then.
That’s very important
Bamidele: That only happened after we started dating sha. Would I study for an exam with you if I don’t like you? No.
After we’d hung out about three times, I wanted to make it official. I asked her out during a beach hangout with my friends.
Joyce: It was really romantic but private; nobody knew he was asking me out. He took me out towards the water, and I was so happy when he said the words. Maybe it was the lagoon breeze blowing my head. I just accepted without even thinking twice.
When did like turn to love?
Joyce: I actually don’t know.
Bamidele: You never seem to know.
Joyce: Maybe because I’m always thinking of love as that over-the-top thing they describe in romance novels. Ours is very normal.
Bamidele: Wow. Ok o. Me too, I don’t know.
I just know that towards the end of 2019, I was ready to get married, so I started thinking deeply about our relationship and where it was going. Should I propose or not?
I was about to ask you to just move in with me when I met your mother.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Huh?
Joyce: My father is no longer in the picture, so it’s just my mum and I. One day in January 2020, she insisted on meeting this guy I’d been claiming to date for over a year. I just told him, “My mum wants to meet you o. Will you come to my house?” Of course, he’d been to my house many times before, but only when my mother wasn’t around. I don’t even know why.
Bamidele: I eventually went with her to meet her mum, and as soon as I met her, I knew I wanted to marry Joyce.
No, my mother-in-law is a beautiful and kind woman. The way she treated me like I was already her son? She’d prepared a whole feast for us — amala and abula with ogufe and panla fish. She also bakes, so she made this moist chocolate cake with real chocolate in five slim layers. Then there were the juicy bananas she grew herself in her backyard.
I can’t even describe how full I was by the time I left the house that day. And we talked and talked about everything from work, business and the state of the country, to football and celebrity gist. She’s so easygoing, I can’t believe she’s a Yoruba mother.
By the time, I left the house, I was sure Joyce was the one for me, LOL.
Joyce: Thank you, Mummy.
How did the proposal and wedding go?
Bamidele: I took her back to the same beach for the proposal, but this time, it was just the two of us. Nothing too dramatic — I got on one knee and had a nice ring that cost me my whole salary for a month.
Joyce: Sweet.
Bamidele: The proposal was in February 2020, and before we could say, “Jack” or start thinking of family introductions, COVID started. Next thing we knew, lockdown.
We did the introductions right after the restrictions were lifted, in May/June, and took it slow from then on.
Joyce: My mum handled the wedding planning. She chose the aso-ebi and everything; she was in her element. I was kind of happy it couldn’t be as huge as she would’ve wanted because of COVID. I’ve always secretly wanted a quiet, close-knit ceremony. We had less than 20 people at the church and like 50/60 people at the traditional and reception — mostly close family members and our bestest friends. God did it.
Amen. What was your first major fight about?
Joyce: We actually don’t fight.
Bamidele: We’ve never fought.
Joyce: It’s so strange. We always look at each other when people say things like “Everyone fights, even people who are deeply in love”. But that’s never been us.
You mean, you’ve never disagreed?
Bamidele: Not really. Not in the real sense. We might want different things a lot, but we always come to some sort of agreement, and that has never led to a fight or quarrel.
Joyce: I just hope if it eventually happens, it won’t end up being an explosive one.
Bamidele: But I don’t think so. We’re not the kind of people to have explosive fights if at all. I’ve never had an explosive fight with anyone, why would I now have one with my wife?
Fair enough. How has this relationship been different from past ones?
Bamidele: Now that I think about it, the lack of fights.
Also, how involved my mother-in-law is. She’s very present, offering advice and helping us manage our finances. It may sound weird, but it’s so convenient. She takes the burden of taking care of our son off us completely. My own mother is jealous, but she lives all the way in Ilorin. I don’t want to uproot her from the life she’s established there.
Joyce: For me, it’s the fact that we’re married. I’ve never been married before. That’s definitely different. This is for life now.
What’s the best thing about being married to each other?
Joyce: Being able to leverage each other’s strengths.
For example, our combined earning power has helped us carry out many projects I doubt I’d have been able to see through on my own. We’ve just made a down payment for a property in Ibeju Lekki, and we’re about to buy land in Osapa London. I’ve always wanted to own property, but I honestly don’t think I could’ve done it alone.
Also, we get to use each other’s networks to get ahead at work and scale our businesses. As I mentioned earlier, his advanced knowledge has helped me pass many certification exams I would’ve been cracking my head to pass on my own. Combining our knowledge makes us twice as smart. He’s more or less my career mentor.
Bamidele: Everything she said plus the constant companionship.
I also want to add that her mother has been a great addition to my life. She makes things so easy between us without being a burden in any way. She’s loving, supportive and great with our son.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Joyce: I think he loves my mum too much, so I’ll say 6 or 7.
Bamidele: Wow. I’m sorry o. For me, 8. But I think it can only get better.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
If you’ve ever walked into a Chinese food restaurant, you’ll know that those guys don’t play with their culinary offerings.
They go hard on prices and this is why it’s not exactly ‘money-wise’ to run to a food joint anytime you crave Chinese. We’ve compiled a list of recipes you can make in the comfort of your kitchen.
Chinese Fried Rice
Source: Sisi Jemimah
This is a good start if you’re trying to ease your Nigerian palette into Chinese cuisine. You’ll get the familiar taste of Nigerian fried rice except with some additions like eggs, oyster sauce, etc that come with Chinese.
If you’re familiar with ordering Chinese food, you’ll know that this is a side dish that often comes with fried rice, pasta or even as a standalone. It’s another Chinese food offering that your Nigerian palette won’t struggle with.
This should easily be at the top of your list if you’re looking to experiment with Chinese food at home. You can pair this with white rice, pasta or enjoy it alone. And you’ll have a bigger portion since you’re making it yourself.
If your taste buds love the sweet-and-sour chicken recipe, they’ll thank you more for this one. Where the former has a sour note that complements the sweetness, the orange chicken recipe replaces it with a spicy kick, and you know we Nigerians don’t play with our pepper.
Here’s another dish from Chinese food that can easily take you on a trip to China even if you’re somewhere in Lagos. Although mushroom isn’t a common protein option for Nigerians, it’ll be hard to take a pass if you combine it with chicken.
We’ve got our own version of dumplings from the north called Dan Wake, but this is another discovery for your Nigerian palette. You can choose either chicken or beef for your fillings.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
When was the first moment you realised your father wasn’t there?
Gosh. That’s a tough one.
I grew into the realisation that I had a father but he was gone. At first, I didn’t understand what “gone” meant, but over time, I found out he’d died way before I can remember. I’m not sure there’s one specific moment when I was told. It’s just something I knew as I started becoming aware of what was going on around me as a child. But I didn’t feel like I was missing much because my mum was very present, and so were her sister and my grandparents. It was a strong family unit.
Did you ever have to ask what happened to him?
Yes, at different times.
The first time was in primary six — I remember because I was just about to graduate from primary school. I was nine or ten. My mum was showing me old pictures when we got to a selection of his pictures. I was in pretty much all of his pictures. He’d carry me in his arms whether it was at a wedding, in his studio, or on the road somewhere. I was always in his arms.
Usually, my mum would quickly hide or dodge anything that was remotely about him so I wouldn’t see. And I’d pretend not to notice. This time, I saw her hesitate, but she didn’t hide the pictures, so it was the perfect opportunity to ask, “What happened to him?” I still remember my small voice saying those words as we sat together in her bedroom, trying hard to be brave for whatever response I got.
And what did she say?
She said, “He loved God so much, he had to go be with him. But it was an accident”. She didn’t say anything else, and I was too scared to push.
But sometime in secondary school, I asked my grandma about the accident, and she said she didn’t want me thinking about that. She told me a bit about him, how much he loved me and was always happiest when he was with me. I know the stories were supposed to make me feel better, but I hated them. I hated that I had no memory of this man.
I’d look at his picture and couldn’t even imagine his voice, what he felt or behaved like. But there I was in his arms, smiling up at him and him smiling back at little me. I don’t remember that interaction. All I have is third-party information. It made me so angry.
My mum has always been there for me, but she’s even more affected by his death than I am. She knew him for years, and they’d only been married for about a year when he died. Sometimes, I think I have to put aside figuring out my own little grief to be a source of comfort to her. She never remarried, and she barely ever dates, so it’s just me and her against the world. We support each other.
As a child, she did her best and sought help from her own family to take care of me, so where she struggled emotionally, they were there to make sure I was okay. I appreciate that she was that forward-thinking. She also used to ask me how I was doing all the time, almost too much.
Her care made me feel secure during my early years. So I’d say yes, my relationship with her helped.
How did other people’s relationships with their fathers make you feel?
Interestingly, most of my friends had terrible relationships with their fathers. One of them has a father who married another wife and treated her and her mum badly, another one’s mum never married her father so she’d only see him like once a year when he visited from the States, and one’s father has several wives and baby mamas.
So I guess I’m in perfect company. And I’ve been friends with these guys since secondary school.
Is it something you ever discuss, how you all have absent fathers one way or the other?
We almost never do. We focus on aspects of our lives that exist: our strong mothers, other healthy relationships we’ve managed to build, money, and so on.
So did you ever find out how he died?
My mother told me after I graduated from college years ago. He was killed in a money-related fight, but the killer was never found despite years of investigation. I cried for days when she finally told me; it was like he’d just died. He looked like such a beautiful and gentle man in his photos. I couldn’t imagine him dying so violently.
I can’t say how, sorry.
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why
I understand
And he left everything to me. He was a music producer and businessman, and he was pretty successful. He was smart enough to draw up a will years before he died, and he signed everything over to me. I live a very comfortable life today because of him. It’s so bittersweet because I never knew him, yet here I am, benefiting from him.
Would you say you’re still affected by his death today?
I can’t escape it.
He was popular. So when I go out, once people learn who I am, they feel the need to talk about him. They share how they knew him, what he was like, how amazing he was. But I never knew him, so it’s like, “How nice. Here’s another stranger who knows more about my father than I ever will”. People even feel the need to ask me what it’s like to have a father like him.
Sigh. How do you get past that?
I’ve become a lot more private in the last couple of years. I stay away from the Nigerian and Ghanaian social scene and focus on my work as an investor. My life is just me, my mum and my few friends now.
It’s hard not to think about my father at all since I help my mum manage his legacy, but I try not to. I also don’t look at his pictures anymore because I’m in 90% of them. They remind me of how much he wanted to be in my life but never got a chance to, and also, how much of his last years I spent in his company yet I don’t even remember.
It seems small, but every time I think about it, I can’t seem to process it without breaking down. My therapist says it’s a barrier in my psyche.
I’m so sorry. Did you have a father figure growing up?
Oh, my granddaddy was my father. He was everything, God rest his soul. He was such a steadying presence in my life. I’d say he’s the reason why I never had to miss my dad. He attended open days on my mum’s behalf a lot. He was so warm and would play with me when I was a child. All my friends loved him.
My grandmother too was something of a father figure to me because she was so firm — the disciplinarian of the house. These are my mum’s parents, by the way. My dad’s parents came and went too. I don’t think I missed much in the way of parenting.
Would you say your feelings about your father affected your romantic relationships?
In a way. I’m afraid to be vulnerable. My therapist links it to the fact that I can’t process my relationship with my father in a healthy way.
I’m way too guarded, so many of my relationships fizzle out after a while. I’m currently in one, and it’s already getting to the part where we have little to talk about. It’s been about eight months, but I can’t seem to open my heart beyond sex, romantic gestures and mundane conversations. Then again, is there supposed to be something more beyond that? Maybe I’m not the only problem.
I was so far away from my family and drowning in depression. I had no interest in studying the art history I’d got in for; no interest in anything at all, TBH. I had no idea what I was passionate about. It’ll break my mum’s heart, but I was drunk, high and in bed for most of my three years there.
Once I’d graduated and had to return to Accra, a friend of mine suggested a therapist. When I first met one sometime in 2014, I wasn’t really thinking about my dad. But he ended up coming up at the first session, as part of what makes me sad or angry.
What’s one thing that gives you joy despite it all?
How lucky I am to have a father who cares, even from the grave.
My mum always said he loved me so much while he was alive, she’s sure he’s watching over me as my guardian angel now; giving God a tough time every time I have the slightest inconvenience.
And she may be right because I’m living a good life.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women-like content, click here
Sallah meat is the most prized procession during the Eid-al-Adha celebration and you’ll be shocked at the lengths people go to juicy, deep-fried pieces of golden brown protein.
So the next time your Muslim friend says there’s no meat or gives you just one piece, you need to appreciate them because they most likely committed ‘armed robbery’ on your behalf.
Gafar*, 29
We used to visit Abeokuta during sallah when my grandpa was alive. In 2014, we’d visited as usual and the house was full of relatives. My grandpa was always strict with the key to his room; that’s where he had his stash of drinks, provisions and all the goodies to last our stay. Of course, the room also houses the fried sallah meat. Because I was among the youngest, he trusted me with the key and didn’t pay as much attention when he wanted me to grab anything for him. With others, he’d either keep a fixed gaze on the room or just find a way to take whatever he needs himself.
With every trip to his room, I picked a piece of meat or two. I kept the meat inside my travelling bag and by the third day, I was satisfied with my stash. The joke was on me sha because I’d hidden it so deep in my bag that there wasn’t space for the meat to ‘breathe’. Even when the general sharing of sallah meat commenced, I didn’t put up a fuss because I knew my stash was more than whatever I’d get. Omo, when we got to Lagos, the meat was covered in mold and maggot. I didn’t throw them away sha.
Hadiza*, 25
My mum used to keep the meat on top of the fridge and I’d use an old newspaper and take as many as possible from the bowl. Every time I passed the by, I’d take some more. I’d wrap the meat inside newspapers first, nylon and then hide it in my wardrobe; usually under my clothes. When my mum is ready to share meat for everybody, I’ll still go and collect more. The pressure on Muslims to share meat is a lot. Too many people to give, not enough meat.
Jelil*, 30
I’m the first grandchild of my maternal grandparents. We were never given ram meat; we only got from the cow. And any Muslim knows that ram meat is sweeter than cow meat. So, during one of the Eid celebrations, we took a trip to my mum’s town in Ikenne, Ijebu. I and my cousins were determined to get ram meat and our target was 10 pieces. While they were frying and everyone was preparing for the evening party, my granny packed the bulk of the meat into her room.
We begged the youngest to follow us so she could give us intel on where granny kept the meat. She returned and told us the meat was inside “eshasun” (a pot), but our granny had the keys to the room in a pouch that she didn’t let go of. Again, we got the youngest cousin to tell grandma that she wanted to sleep; and that was how we gained entry into the room. We took our agreed 10 pieces and even more to drink garri. I’ve been caught before but not on this particular mission.
Kehinde*, 28
I try not to steal meat during sallah but as I got older, I started having more friends who would ask for meat. So I started to take from the big bowls of meat that they’d leave in my mum’s room for safekeeping. I was always so scared of getting caught that I’d only take a little and leave her room. It wasn’t safe to keep in the freezer so I’d wrap them inside an old newspaper and put them in my wardrobe, hoping rats would not finish my clothes. Unlike my sister who takes as much as she wants, I used to steal meat with the fear of God. My mum now locks her room when there’s sallah meat there.
Abbey*, 32
I’ve loved sallah meat since I was a child. I always follow the entire process from my elderly ones shopping for rams from abokis to engaging them in ram fights. I also watched the slaughtering and the process of cooking and frying.
However, as much as I wanted big pieces because of my efforts, I always ended up with tiny chunks of meat. As I got older, I took matters into my hands because it was just unfair to go through all that wahala only to end up with small pieces. Now, I join the women cooking, pretend as if I’m assisting and use the opportunity to steal when they’re not watching.
Now that I kill sallah ram myself, I still fight with my wife over it because I never let her and the people assisting her rest.
It’s always something with relationship people, whether they are together or long departed. This time around, the drama is between ex-celebrity lovers, Iyanya and Yvonne Nelson.
They’re both driving our Twitter timelines crazy, with scandal-inclined excerpts from Yvonne’s memoir I’m Not Yvonne Nelson dropping every other minute. We don’t subscribe to the drama, but here’s why we think they might both be in on it.
It’s giving publicity stunt
Both Iyanya and his ex, Yvonne Nelson, have new projects (an EP and a book) out at the moment and don’t African celebrities do anything for clout?
Yes, they once dated
If you didn’t know, Iyanya and Yvonne were a thing. The singer even gave the Ghanaian diva a shout-out in his 2013 hit song, Your Waist, and tattooed her initials on his waist. God, abeg. The union sadly came to an end in 2015, and in her memoir, Nelson claims Iyanya was nothing but a lying cheater.
Iyanya and My Love Life
There’s an entire chapter in Yvonne Nelson’s memoir dedicated to Iyanya, and who is drumming it in our ears?
The drama keeps getting messier because how did Tonto Dikeh come into the picture? Yvonne Nelson claims the Nollywood actress was in fact the one cheating with Iyanya. An excerpt from the memoir reads:
“When I was convinced about the authenticity of the information I received, I was heartbroken. I took to Twitter to rant and vent. Tonto Dikeh responded on Twitter, saying people change and so did feelings, so l should move on.”
Source: selthebomb
“There’s no proof sha” — Iyanya
This is the hill Iyanya is willing to die on. The singer asked Yvonne Nelson to name the source in his camp who hinted about his “thing” with Tonto Dikeh.
What’s the name of the person who called her from my house ? After that question we will answer if her accusations are true or false and what really transpired. “LOVE & TRUST” https://t.co/TTFlfBiO9x
She hasn’t said jack. This either means she’s not part of whatever Iyanya and Yvonne have going on, or she doesn’t consider it worth her time right now.
The tracks in Iyanya’s new EP
Apparently, track 1 and 6 from Iyanya’s new EP are titled Love and Trust and Breakfast. If you ask us, too much going on here to be a mere coincidence.
The exes are working twice as hard
If you no wan listen pass go listen to other artiste Abeg. Those who love the project will share and keep streaming. Person wey him family member never plant anything for him life Dey here Dey give advice😂 https://t.co/jxSHMKFzBl
Amid the entire chaos, guess who’s jumping on every sub tweet to reroute the discourse to his new music project? Yvonne, on the hand, seems to have started a book tour.
Every week, Zikoko will share the hustle stories of Nigerians making it big in and out of the country. With each story, we’ll ask one crucial question in several ways: “How you do am?”
Ismail Tobi’s hustle story took us through his journey to becoming a mechanic while studying for a civil engineering degree. If you’ve ever been curious about what it takes to become a mechanic in Nigeria, this guide will help you.
Image: Freepik
Who is a mechanic?
When you think of a “mechanic” in Nigeria, you think of someone who repairs and maintains cars. That’s correct, but that just describes an automotive or car mechanic. These mechanics are responsible for diagnostic testing and inspection of cars and small trucks. You might even find a car mechanic who specialises in a particular car brand or a specific area of auto service, like the chassis system.
Mechanics, in general, are skilled workers who use specialised tools to build, maintain or repair machinery like vehicle engines, motorcycles and even refrigerators.
What are the requirements for becoming a mechanic?
Training is an important requirement for mechanics, as it’s a very skill-centric profession. You can train to become a mechanic through two routes: studying a mechanical/automotive engineering degree in school or going through an apprenticeship system.
If the goal is to become a car mechanic, a mechanical engineering degree may not be the best bet, as they focus more on research and development of new designs for all types of machinery, not just cars.
Automotive engineering is a mechanical engineering speciality, and it focuses on all things related to the automobile industry, including testing and maintenance — the typical duties of a car mechanic. Several Nigerian universities offer automotive engineering courses, including Federal University of Technology, Owerri (FUTO), University of Lagos (UNILAG), Bayero University, Kano and many more.
To go through the apprenticeship route, you’d need to undergo training at a mechanic’s workshop for a stipulated period of time This option is used more in Nigeria, as it allows the trainee to get practical hands-on experience.
Like Tobi, you can also reach out to a nearby mechanic workshop and confirm that they offer training services. Be careful to seek out one who knows what they’re doing, though.
You don’t want this
How long does it take to become a mechanic?
Studying at the university usually involves a 4-5 year study period. In many cases, degree holders also have to go through internship periods at workshops to get practical experience. For mechanic apprentices, training duration usually depends on the workshop, but it typically takes a 2-5 year training period.
What is the average mechanic’s salary?
Many mechanics in Nigeria prefer to run their workshops, so their income is determined by their client base and frequency of jobs. These factors also come to play in mechanics who are employed to work in other people’s workshops, but an average mechanic can earn between ₦80k – ₦200k per month.
What skills are needed to succeed as a mechanic?
There are many mechanics in Nigeria; how do you stand out? An important step is staying in tune with new moves in your chosen industry. Are there new technologies you need to be aware of? How do you tell the difference between substandard and quality vehicle parts? These are some of the questions a mechanic needs to consider if they hope to stay successful at their craft.
Hilda Baci inspired many Nigerians after she embarked on a 100-hour cook-a-thon in an attempt to break a Guinness World Record. And a young Chef Dami from Ekiti took things to another level when she entered a makeshift kitchen to cook for 120 hours straight.
Amid all the backlash and trolling, a Twitter space with journalist Kemi Olunloyo seemed like the right place for Chef D to share her point of view. She cleared the air on her strong connection to her church, organising another 150-hour cook-a-thon, among other things. I attended it so you don’t have to.
Source: Instagram (@dammypas)
Chef D, where are you?
The Twitter space was slated for 8 p.m. on Sunday night (June 18, 2023) but 30 minutes in, Chef D was nowhere to be found. It was strongly giving “I’m not ready for this life”. When she finally came on, she blamed her lateness on Ekiti network.
Chef D’s team comprises the entire Spirit World Global Mission (SWGM)
The speculations about members of Damilola’s team are true. According to the chef, the entire 20-something members of SWGM make up her team.
The church is Chef D’s major sponsor
If you’ve been wondering why Chef D’s cook-a-thon is heavily tied to her church, well, there’s your answer. The church funded her first cook-a-thon.
Chef D made a GWR application a day before the cook-a-thon commenced
An application was made, but here’s the thing, it was a day to the cook-a-thon, and GWR stated that it would take another twelve weeks to get feedback. However, Chef Dami and her team couldn’t wait, considering all the preparation and online promotion.
Chef D said GWR was never part of the plan from the get-go. She was inspired by Baci and only wanted to show that she could cook for 120 hours.
She was never in competition with Hilda
“Competing with Hilda Baci is like a poor person competing with a rich person. I’m just a young girl from a local village and no notable background,” Chef D’s answer to a question about what inspired her cook-a-thon.
Trust Kemi to give some pep talk and help Dami understand why she mustn’t view herself from the lens of “less privileged”.
Is Chef Dami doing another cook-a-thon? Yup
It’s still at the proposal stage, and an application hasn’t been submitted, but you better believe that Chef D is coming back. Here’s what Kemi had to say:
“Maybe you shouldn’t announce it if you haven’t submitted an application to GWR. Why would you announce it? What if somebody wants to do more than that? Have you heard of the girl in Kenya that wants to do 400 hours?”
Chef D is open to actually learning the ropes of being a chef
The cook-a-thon might have earned her a title as a chef, but Chef D has no prior culinary knowledge. She’s, however, open to getting schooled and actually earning the title.
Ogi and akara for dinner
If you don’t rate this Nigerian meal, shame on you. Kemi asked Chef D what she’d prepare for dinner if she had five minutes, and her response: “a simple pap and akara”. Apparently, that’s where the magic is at.
Funds secured
There might’ve been a few audio pledges, but Chef D actually got a whopping ₦1m donation from a fellow Ekiti man based in the UK. She also got an additional ₦50k from Kemi.
Revamp your team
Apparently, Chef D and her team have no knowledge of the over 32 fake social media pages impersonating her and saying nasty things about Hilda Baci. She’s also not running a cooking class, even though a Facebook page says otherwise and is already charging unsuspecting people. Wahala.
Kemi came with more advice for Chef D to ditch the church and get an actual team — a manager, publicist and social media handler.
Kemi hosted a free Twitter Space for Chef D
The space eventually ended minutes to 9 p.m., with Chef D thanking Kemi for offering her platform for free. Apparently, she charges $500 for Twitter spaces.
Most people couldn’t ask questions due to the limited time, but if there’s one gist we got from the whole thing, it’s that an application for a 150-hour cook-a-thon hasn’t been submitted and Chef D actually wants to get proper training. Will meals in the next cook-a-thon be prepared or at least presented better? Will she postpone until she gets proper training? Fingers crossed.
If you recently scrolled through Twitter, you’ve probably seen Nigerians blowing hot after Tinu Erin, a UK-based foodpreneur shared pictures of Oreo puff-puff. How could she?
Anyway, I spoke with Tinu and Oreo puff-puff doesn’t even top the list of her crazy but successful puff-puff experiments.
Your Oreo puff-puff is driving Nigerians crazy at the moment. Why do you think so?
A lot of them haven’t seen or heard of Oreo puff-puff till now.
What inspired the twist?
I like to experiment with cooking. Oreo puff-puff isn’t the craziest thing I’ve done with puff-puff. I’ve also made red velvet puff-puff, coconut puff-puff, kinder Bueno, etc. Lol. Food evolves, and there’s nothing wrong with experimenting once in a while.
I mean, if people can add pepper and onions to puff-puff, why can’t I add Oreos?
Fair point. Do you find regular puff-puff boring?
No, I don’t. I actually have a readymade puff-puff mix line with three flavours. I love puff whether it’s the regular one, chocolate or spicy—I’m here for all of it.
You might have to start a puff-puff fan club.
I’m on it.
Without giving away your full recipe, how does one make Oreo puff-puff?
It’s pretty much the same way you make regular puff-puff. Just before frying your batter, dip your Oreo cookies (or whatever you’re crazy enough to try) in the batter. Scoop it like you would regular puff-puff and make sure the batter covers the whole Oreo, and then fry.
Now I want to try it.
Please do, I promise it’s not that bad. Also, it slaps with ice cream.
I’ll be back with a review. So, if you had to break a Guinness World Record for puff-puff, what will that be?
I think a record I could break would be the number of unique puff-puff flavours I can think up and make.
What’s your hot take on Nigerian finger food?
We make the best finger food, no one can deny that. I feel like we need to experiment more and try new things. I wonder how people will react to my Asun spring rolls and Suya spring rolls.
Have you ever witnessed secondary school students participating in a quiz competition? If like us, you have, then you would agree that these competitions are filled with exciting, attention-grabbing reactions from the participants that keep you glued to your seats! MTN Foundation, in collaboration with the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) and the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime (UNODC), has put together a quiz competition for secondary school students on substance abuse.
We attended the elimination stage of the competition which was held virtually between June 6th and 7th, 2023, and watched students answer some pretty tough questions on substance abuse until six finalists emerged to compete for the grand prize on June 23rd, 2023. Here are the five kinds of students we met during the competition;
These are the students that essentially ate their study materials from cover to cover. They didn’t shy away from difficult questions and even sometimes went further to provide reasons for their answers. They came prepared to win the grand prize.
Even when they knew the correct answer to the questions, they were shy to speak up. Luckily, each school had three representatives so in cases like these, the other students were there to echo the correct answer to secure their school’s points.
Let’s just say food is life because we watched students light up like Christmas trees during the lunch break. Students who once seemed quiet and reserved quickly became active chatterboxes when the break was announced.
This set of students remained cheerful throughout the competition irrespective of the outcome. You could even see them cheering for their counterparts as they responded correctly to their questions. They definitely came to the competition with a ‘we are all winners’ mentality. Love to see it!
There you have it! Five types of students we met at the virtual elimination stage of the ASAP quiz competition. We can’t wait for the finals in Abuja where we get to physically meet these participants.
The Anti-Substance Abuse Programme (ASAP) quiz competition is designed to provide participants with the necessary information to make healthier personal choices and avoid risky situations that can predispose them to substance use. The competition is also designed to provide an avenue for participants to act as advocates against substance abuse, educating peers and even members of the family unit on the dangers, triggers, and effects of substance abuse.
Thanks to Hilda Baci’s successful attempt, a handful of young Nigerians have been inspired to break their own Guinness World Records, the most controversial being a young lady from Ekiti, Chef Dammy.
While inspiration is a beautiful thing, following due process is even more fire. The GWR has strict rules and guidelines that anyone hoping to make their attempts count must follow to the T.
How can I apply for a Guinness World Record in Nigeria?
Source: Guinness Word Records
Get on the official GWR website and create an account. You’ll receive an activation link which will lead you to your dashboard, where you can track the progress of your application. Now that you have an account, follow the steps outlined below:
Choose a record
Source: WikiHow
More than five people have attempted their own cook-a-thon since Hilda’s attempt, which brings us to the conclusion that people are not doing their research. While you can attempt a cook-a-thon, there’s an endless list of GWRs waiting to be broken. After selecting your preferred record, submit your application. You can even “apply for a new record title” by clicking that option.
Read the GWR guidelines
Source: Guinness World Records
Before diving headfirst, get familiar with the guidelines set by GWR. It should be your holy book for the months leading up to your attempt. Hilda mistakenly made a miscalculation about the time allotted for rest and this reduced her time by a whopping seven hours. God, abeg.
After submitting your application, look out for the record guidelines GWR will send to your account, outlining the evidence you need to submit to back your record title attempt.
PS: You must make your online application and receive specific guidelines from GWR before sending evidence of your attempt.
Gather evidence and witnesses
Your record-breaking attempt doesn’t have to be a grand affair, depending on your preference, budget and the type of attempt. What’s important is gathering solid evidence to back your submission. Document your journey with videos, photos and testimonies from credible witnesses. Make sure every moment — from preparation to the final attempt — is captured.
Submit your evidence
Once you’ve completed your attempt and gathered all the necessary evidence, it’s time to submit everything on the GWR website. You’ll do this via the account you created when you applied. Proceed to provide detailed information about your record attempt, including the category, description, evidence and witnesses.
Await verification
It took 30 days for the GWR to officially recognise Hilda for successfully breaking a world record. You should hear from the team between two weeks to a month.
Is there a Guinness World Record application fee?
At the moment, there’s no fee attached if you want to apply for a Guinness World Record. It’s completely free to do so. However, a non-refundable fee of £5/$5 (plus VAT) applies if you’re applying for a record that’s never been attempted or isn’t on the GWR database.
What happens if my record attempt is successful?
Source: Punch
You’ll receive an official GWR certificate once the submitted evidence has been reviewed and your attempt deemed successful. It goes straight to the official database, and you might also be featured in the yearly publication or other media platforms.
PS: Currently, Guinness World Record doesn’t award cash gifts or prizes to its record-breakers.
Capitalism will try to make you believe success only comes to those who work hard. We beg to differ. Sometimes, doing the barest minimum brings the best results, especially at work. Here’s why.
More work? Not your problem
You know how they say the reward for hard work is more work? That won’t be your problem. Your employer and colleagues will be satisfied with the fact that you actually completed your work without procrastinating.
Your boss won’t remember you for volunteer work
As long you dead every idea of volunteering for extra work and focus only on the work you’re paid for, no one will remember to call you when they need someone to work after hours or take meeting notes.
…but they’ll notice when you go above and beyond
Since everyone knows you only do what you’re paid to do, the day you decide to go above and beyond on a task, it won’t go unnoticed. Meaning you’re more likely to win “Staff of the Week” than Yetunde, who quietly does two people’s jobs every day.
You’ll have great work-life balance
Since you aren’t spending all your waking hours thinking about work, you’ll have time to do meaningful things, like find a boo and leave the streets.
Also, more time for side gigs
It’s not like your salary lasts more than one week anyway. Now, you’ll have time to pursue other things that’ll bring money into your account.
Your employer doesn’t give a shit about you
Whether you do the bare minimum or not, you can still get laid off if the company hits a rough patch. Plus, they only care about hitting their targets, not you as a person. Say no to capitalism.
Nigeria doesn’t respect hard work
If it did, politicians would be riding keke to work. But it is what it is.
Debowale*, a 28-year-old Nigerian entrepreneur, was diagnosed with hypertension (AKA high blood pressure) in late 2022. He witnessed a sharp decline in his erection after he was placed on anti-hypertensive medication and isn’t as enthusiastic about sex anymore.
“I always had this mad anxiety whenever I had to check my blood pressure. The doctors would wave it off as white-coat syndrome. But after I turned 28, I knew I had to take my health seriously because I started hearing about young people slumping and dying. On a routine hospital visit, I insisted on seeing a senior doctor. He noticed a spike in my blood pressure reading. I made like three more appointments within two weeks, and that was when I was diagnosed. The week I started taking an anti-hypertensive drug, I noticed I couldn’t always get a strong erection anymore. I got worried and mentioned it to my doctor. He said it’s one of the side effects of anti-hypertensive drugs. We’re trying to find one with less side effects, but I don’t look forward to sex like I used to; I’m finding more pleasure in foreplay these days.”
Zikoko caught up with Dr Solomon Ofeimun, a medical professional, and he had some answers for men like Debowale who are fighting silent battles.
Are men at a higher risk of hypertension?
Medical statistics show there’s a balance between men and women now. Back in the day, more men were involved in physical activities and providing for their families. Now, all genders go through the same level of stress, but men still tend to get diagnosed later. Pregnancy, menstruation, and other factors that only affect women often drive them to the hospital where doctors can detect irregularities quickly. Many men don’t make hospital trips until sickness takes some form of physical manifestation.
Hypertension wasn’t common among younger folks before 2021. What’s happening?
A rise in pre-employment medical screening is helping us diagnose the condition in a lot of young folks. The trend of diagnoses is most common among youths in urban areas. Those in rural areas aren’t subjected to tests like these, and therefore, don’t get early diagnoses.
As a guy, what happens to your sexual life after diagnosis?
It depends on the stage. There’s the pre-hypertensive stage, hypertensive stage and hypertensive crisis. If anyone has a blood pressure reading of 140/100 or 140/90, with medication, you can still have a pretty regular sexual life. Sex is just like any cardiovascular activity — jogging, walking, etc. It’s good for the heart.
Some people take sexual activities too far, while others don’t get enough of it. I think having daily sex puts too much stress on yourself. But will you say exercising daily is stressing yourself? Moderation is key. If you have sex at an average of ten minutes daily, there should be no worry, compared to someone going for more than one hour.
So how can men who’ve been diagnosed enjoy sex?
Just make sure you take your medications as prescribed and report to your doctor if you notice any side effects. It’s also important for such men to see a licensed cardiologist and not just general practitioners. You can still have orgasms every day if that’s what you want. Just make sure you don’t push your limits. Whatever you need to do to orgasm with your partner within five to ten minutes is fine. When you start aiming for multiple orgasms or trying to impress by going at it for long, then you’ll be stressing your heart.
Anti-hypertensive drugs affect erection in some men. Is it advisable to take sexual enhancement drugs too?
Diagnosed with high blood pressure or not, you shouldn’t take sexual boosters anyhow. As a man, you should consult your urologist first. It’s important to also discuss your sexual worries with a sex therapist. Sometimes, mental or emotional stress can affect your sexual life, in which case, you need to see a psychologist. Sexual boosters should only be taken when prescribed.
But are there anti-hypertensive drugs that don’t interfere with a man’s erection?
Yes, we have some with less side effects. Just discuss your concerns with your cardiologist, and they’ll know what suits your situation best. They know how to modify medications, and sometimes, prescribe a singular tablet that combines everything you need.
Are the rumours about watermelon, tiger nuts and bitter kola true? Do they really help your sex life?
One of the things that helps with a strong erection is sustained blood circulation to the muscles of the penis. That’s what makes it turgid. The fruits you mentioned are good anti-oxidants; they cleanse your body system for proper blood circulation. It’s not just about having stronger erections; it’s about cleansing the system. And of course, once your system is better, your penis will benefit from it.
Can the sexual side effects of these drugs be reversed once you stop the medication?
Reducing the dosage or frequency of usage will not automatically take you to where you’re coming from. As long as your blood pressure is within the normal range, you should be fine. Remember, a lot of factors affect sexual motivation and pleasure, other than blood circulation or hypertension.
Procrastination is the special art of delaying tasks until the last possible moment, and it has a way of tempting us all. Despite the ills associated with delaying your work until the last minute, I present a counter-argument that it’s in fact not a bad idea.
You’ll need to work under pressure someday. A client sending a brief late or a deadline suddenly moved forward can put you in a tight spot. But if you start procrastinating now, you’d navigate these tight deadlines easily when the time comes.
The suspense of not making it in time, and the joy of submitting seconds before the deadline; it’s a wild rollercoaster ride. Filmmakers would kill for their movies to have that kind of suspense.
Just hear me out. If you started a task immediately it was allocated to you, you’d spend more time on it than if you waited till the last minute to do it.
Disclaimer: If you take this advice and still miss a deadline, do not hold Zikoko responsible.
Over the years, Nollywood has grown in leaps and bounds. And looking back will help you appreciate just how much improvement has been made.
Take Yoruba cinema for example. The predictable storylines and terrible child actors were some of the things that watered down the quality of these movies.
Let’s discuss all the things the tropes we just couldn’t escape from in the 2010s.
Interesting subtitles
I know that subtitling an entire movie is tasking, but some of the errors I’ve seen are inexcusable. They should’ve hired Zikoko editors for the job because these guys miss nothing.
Get Sanyeri and the movie is halfway done. The blend of stupidity and humour is just the spice you’d need.
An annoying cook
This person would be both the gossip partner and the worst enemy of the gateman. Instead of focusing on their work, they’d clash with the other domestic staff and argue over their superiority as the closest to the boss.
A babalawo
I understand the need to showcase our traditional religions, but did we really need a native doctor in every movie?
It didn’t have to be a major part of the plot. It just had to be there. Use a sepia filter on those scenes, and you’d be in business.
A Topi Alabi soundtrack
Somehow, her voice would put you in the mood for all the turmoil the young protagonist was about to experience.
A notorious gang
You’d need a gang to terrorise the community. A cult, if it was a school, and armed robbers, if it was a city. Their leader would most likely be named Scorpion.
A no-nonsense policeman
He’d come in at the end as the strong arm of the law there to teach some lessons. The gang had to be caught somehow, and he’d be at the centre of that.
The singles have had a jolly-good time since the beginning year (except on Valentine’s Day sha) but since we’re now in the rainy season, they have all of our best wishes.
Are you missing the LOYL in your life right now? Do you find yourself seeking body warmth in the comfort of blankets and duvets? If you answer yes to any of these questions, you have our sympathy. But who does sympathy help? Try any of the food on this list and you’ll thank us.
Tea
Source: Ibiene Magazine
Forget sex. Who wants to start worrying about pregnancy scares or STIs anyway? If you’re feeling cold, set a kettle on the stove and treat yourself to a hot cup of tea. The cold will be found dead in a ditch.
Pepper Soup
Source: Sisi Jemimah
If you’ve been sleeping on pepper soup since the rainy season started, you’re wrong. Make sure you season it thoroughly with Cameroon or habanero, the heat will come from within. Cold where?
Akamu
Source: 9jafoodie
Cereal during the cold season as a single-pringle? You clearly don’t like yourself. You better stock up on pap. You even have varieties—white, yellow, brown, ginger-infused. Every hot spoonful will remind you that you’re enough.
Boiled yam
Source: Instagram (@kikifoodies)
Maybe not exactly how you imagined being choked during the rainy season, but hot yam will do the job. You might gasp for air while you try to force it down, but it’s something right?
Noodles
Source: Taste
A meal for all seasons for real! Just make sure you make it soup-style: with extra broth. By the time you’re done, your runny nose will perish all thoughts of your singular status.
Abula
Source: MyActiveKitchen
Do you know our hands get extra chilly during the cold season? Here’s where abula comes in. You’ll be sticking your fingers in something hot and moist. It’s the perfect remedy for those icy fingers.
Peppered snail
Source: DreamAfrica
There’s a standing Yoruba joke about snails and what they mean, but all we know is that snail is best enjoyed when it’s spicy. So, it should be on your list of meals to keep you warm on long days and cold nights.
Yoruba-language cinema, a sub-industry of Nollywood has come a long way since seasoned thespians like Hubert Ogunde, Ade Love and Duro Ladipo first opened up a wave of possibilities with theatre productions in the 1960s.
The years that followed have witnessed a steady rise in the quality of productions, and rightly so, the talents are much more refined, delivering Oscar-worthy performances one film at a time. These ones in particular, have bodied the movement, and we’re simply in awe.
Kareem Adepoju (Baba Wande)
Source: CityPeopleMagazine
Kareem Adepoju is of the old Nollywood tapestry, and there’s no touching the kind of wit he brings to the screen. Adepoju shot to fame after his riveting performance as Oloye Otun in Mainframe’s Ti Oluwa Ni Ile in 1993. He’s cemented his place in the industry over the years with class act performances in Ayọ Ni Mọ Fẹ, Abeni, Arugba, and most recently, Kunle Afolayan’s Anikulapo.
Lanre Hassan (Iya Awero)
Source: CityPeopleMagazine
With an acting career that has spanned over five decades, Lanre Hassan AKA Iya Awero belongs in the upper echelons of Nigerian cinema. The septuagenarian kicked off her career on stage after joining Ojo Ladipo’s theatre group in 1964. She would go on to take acting classes facilitated by Nobel Laureate, Prof Wole Soyinka. Over the years, Hassan’s performance has shone in productions like Owo Blow, Sade Blade and Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys.
Lere Paimo (Eda Onile Ola)
Source: Instagram (@lere_paimo)
Although he’s hardly in action these days, Chief Lere Paimo AKA Ede Onile Ola is your male version of Patience Ozokwor in movies. He brought a vigour to characters that sent chills down the spines of viewers. Like his peers, the actor started out on stage after joining Oyin Adejobo’s theatre group in 1960. However, his breakthrough in cinema came with his gripping performance as Soun Ogunola in Yoruba epic, Ogbori Elemosho. Some of his other notable works include Saworoide, Ayonimofe and Agogo Eewo.
Idowu Philips (Mama Rainbow)
Source: BellaNaija
It’s impossible to have a conversation about Yoruba cinema and not acknowledge the bundle of talent that is Idowu Philips AKA Mama Rainbow. Acting happened by coincidence for her after she took charge of a drama group her husband, Ayanfemi, left behind following his death in 1984. The group will eventually fall apart after five years. Left with five kids to cater for on her own, she jumped on every movie role that came her way. Notable works include Apaadi, Ogidan and Airtel’s The Inlaws.
Jide Kosoko
Source: Instagram (@princejidekosoko)
Unarguably one of the leading men in Nigeria’s movie landscape, Jide Kosoko firmly holds ground whether he’s in the Yoruba-language or English-speaking divisions of Nollywood. This has been the hallmark of his career since he debuted in the 1964 TV production, Makanjuola. More than five decades later, the thespian continues to etch an indelible footprint in Nollywood. Asewo to re Mecca, Ti Oluwa ni Ile and The Royal Hibiscus Hotel are some notable films to look out for.
Peju Ogunmola
Source: Vanguard
As a secondary school student, Peju Ogunmola made an unceremonious entry into the movie scene in Ade Love’s 1979 release, Kadara. But she’s grown with the industry over the years and made a remarkable impact. Her exceptional acting and ability to portray characters with an unmatched depth and authenticity have made her a go-to for producers and directors. Experience her at her best in productions like Koseegbe, King of Thieves and Ahon.
Adebayo Salami (Oga Bello)
Source: Instagram (@adebayo.salami)
Known to many as “Oga Bello”, Adebayo Salami is the gift that keeps giving to Yoruba cinema, and he deserves all the flowers in the garden. With a career that spans over five decades, he’s managed to pass the baton to four of his children, who are all active players in Yoruba Nollywood. He started on stage after joining the drama group, Young Concert Party, under the leadership of Ojo Ladipo in 1964. Oga Bello would take over leadership of the group in 1978, after Ladipo’s demise; the new role catapulted him into the limelight. He produced his first movie, Ogun Ajaye, in 1985, and has featured in and directed hundreds of movies since. Catch him in Omo Ghetto, Owo Blow and Ajani Ogun.
Toyin Afolayan (Lola Idije)
Source: 36NG
A much-adored fav of Gen-Zs, due to slangs like “Pele, my dear” and “Soro Soke, wayray”, Toyin Afolayan AKA Lola Idije is of Nollywood royalty, and there’s no touching the hem of her garment. Rising to fame after her role as Mama Adisa in the 1995 production, Deadly Affair, it’s been over two decades of riveting performances whenever she pops on the screen. She’s also Ade Love’s younger sister and aunt to filmmaker, Kunle Afolayan, and actors, Aremu and Gabriel Afolayan.
Yinka Quadri
Source: Newswireng
With over a hundred productions to his name, Yinka Quadri has earned his place as an icon in Yoruba-language cinema. The veteran actor kicked off his career in 1977, after he dropped out of school to form a drama group with his friends. Quadri would go on to co-found Odunfa Caucus, a theatre group that platformed talents like Funke Akindele, Iyabo Ojo and Saheed Balogun, among others. You can catch Quadri’s magic in movies like Apesin, Abulesowo and Apaadi.
Fausat Balogun (Madam Saje)
Source: AllNewsNigeria
Nobody does it like Fausat Balogun, and it’s been over four decades of pure acting excellence that still holds viewers spellbound. Famously known as Madam Saje, the thespian started her acting career in 1975 after she completed primary school. She would later join Lagos Television (LTV 8) in 1980, where she shot Abeni Ajagun, and move on to NTA 7 in 1991 for a show with Baba Suwe called Erin Kee Kee, which birthed the name Madam Saje. Her career has seen an upward spiral ever since; watch Ofin Igbeyawo, Atila and Alase Aye for proof.
In January, I packed two bags, hired a cab for ₦110k and moved to Cotonou with a friend. We’d had a couple of rough months and needed a break from Lagos. Lagos wasn’t a city interested in my needs. I needed electricity, it gave me an anorexic power grid. I asked for an apartment close to work, and I lost my rented apartment to new house owners. Lagos was like a lover who ghosted once you started to want things. I needed better. Enter Cotonou.
I would’ve gone anywhere – as long as I had electricity and the air was cleaner. But I chose Cotonou because it was four hours away by bus and I could finally use my dusty passport.
Cotonou offered me three things in the first week we moved: 24/7 electricity, a clean city, thanks to cleaners who wiped the city at 2 a.m., and an apartment by the beach for the same price you’d get a boxy mini flat in the heart of Lagos mainland.
At a party, weeks later, when I explained this to a new friend who asked why I was in her city, she contemplated my analysis for a few seconds, then said, “Nigerians used to come to Benin Republic for trade or school… now they just come.”
It was my turn to contemplate. She wasn’t wrong. Nigerians at Dantokpa market, the biggest market in West Africa, may have settled in Cotonou for trade, but I’d learnt about a growing community of Nigerians with mostly flexible jobs, who, like me, had just come. What were their reasons? How did they decide?
Jite, a friend of mine, is one of these Nigerians. She’d spent her 20s in Awka and Nnewi, and loved their “small-townness”. Cotonou reminded her of those places. Friendly, quiet, with a passion to do very little.
“That jet feeling you get in busy cities doesn’t exist. If you go buy something and they don’t have change, you better just stay and wait. If the woman selling fruits has three people buying something, she’d attend to each person one after the other, not at the same time. Everyone is fine with that.”
During a five-minute stroll the evening I arrived, she told me to tone down my “Lagosness”. We’d been tearing through the street as though we were being chased, and she’d realised she was starting to pant. We laughed about it.
In her late 30s, Jite’s priority was peace of mind. Since 2020, before the move to Cotonou, Jite had been considering moving out of Nigeria. She, however, knew she didn’t want to move to a “white people country”.
EndSARS, the protest against police brutality was the trigger. “Something broke in me,” she said. She’d been a managing editor at a publication in Lagos for three years, and she quit. Six months later, she was in Cotonou for a friend’s birthday party, where she fell in love with the city. When she did make the move, she settled in quickly.
Networks
To enjoy a city, you need to understand how it works, and Jite had lived in Cotonou long enough to build a network. She had a guy and hack for everything. A guy for changing money into her Mobile Money (MoMo) account, which she used for transactions in shops on the streets; she knew what fruit seller spoke Yoruba, the fastest way to get to Lagos and back, how much internet data would last the month (25k, 75gb unlimited, the data cap lasts two weeks at best).
In my first week, Jite pointed out places and people I should know to have a good time: Her group of friends with whom she met once a month and checked out new places with, KaleBasse for the sensual, soft, Kizomba classes (we never went), the restaurant by the beach with tasty Bissap and a grilled Barracuda that melted in your mouth. She reminded me not to dress like a hippie when we prepped for a night at the hotel rooftop where a Nigerian singer named Gracia hosted live sets. “If you are black, you need to look wealthy in certain places to avoid disrespect.”
Loneliness is a byproduct of relocation, and people find moving to new cities or countries difficult because of the distance it creates between loved ones. When I asked Jite how she stays connected to her friends and family in Lagos, she told me she saw them more now than when she was in Lagos.
Since Jite started as a comms manager in a hybrid company in February 2022, she has visited Lagos once a month; she only has to be at the office once a month, so she takes a boat ride from Porto-Novo to CMS. The trip is two and a half hours. On these trips, she visits her mum and friends.
On our first night at the hotel rooftop, Jite introduced me to Ade, and the first thing I noted was that he spoke French to the waiter when he ordered a Mojito. For a second, I wondered if I could trust Cotonou bartenders with a glass of Moji baby, but I gestured for a Beninoise instead. As we drank and listened to Gracia belt Adele songs, he told me he’d lived in Cotonou for three years and knows the best spots. I’d meet Ade at various times in the following weeks. Twice at Jite’s for an evening of enjoying her meals and once at Erevan, the biggest supermarket in Cotonou. On one of those meets, we planned to visit one of his favourite spots: La Pirogue.
27-year-old Ade didn’t find settling into a new place with no friends as simple as Jite. Born in Shomolu to a strict dad who didn’t allow him to spend the night at anyone’s house – friend or family — he was shocked by his decision to move to a new city. He’d visited Cotonou for a short trip, a four-day work retreat in September 2021, and on his first night, he fell for the city.
“The time was 11 p.m. and everywhere was alive. I got to learn about the culture. For example, how it’s completely normal to have kids before getting married.”
Ade wasn’t averse to big decisions. He dropped out of the University of Ilorin in 2016 because he hated his course, taught himself to create websites with a friend’s laptop, and started an unsuccessful coaching business. Moving to Cotonou would be the fourth biggest decision in his life.
When I asked why he came, his reason was that he felt alive in Cotonou.
“I remember the moment I decided to move. I returned for another work retreat in December and found myself extending my trip. It was supposed to be for a weekend, but I stayed for two weeks. One night at a Sodabi joint, I immediately texted my mum, ‘I’m moving here.’ She freaked out. Had I considered the language, people, all the barriers? I hadn’t, but I didn’t tell her this. In fact, I had just paid rent for my apartment in Lagos.”
Where to live in Cotonou was easy to figure out. His boss ran their office in his home, and there was space for Ade. But the next three months tested him.
Building new communities
The idea of moving to a new city comes with the daydream of choices unaffected by previous folly. Everything is fresh, exes are not one Friday night-out away from tearing open new wounds and the prospect of getting to know yourself some more is electrifying.
You meet new people, find new spots. There are decisions to be made about everything from your hair salon down to your biscuits.
In reality, all of this was work, hard mental work that Ade, who hadn’t stayed longer than two weeks in a different country, was unprepared for.
“My first week was great. I was excited, checking out everywhere, taking pictures of everything. Second week was also great. I was working with my colleagues face-to-face as opposed to using virtual conferencing tools. From the third week, I started struggling.
“I realised I had to make new habits. If I felt low or had to talk, who would I go to? Living at work also didn’t help me. Even when I was done with work, it felt like I was still at work — the office was four doors away from mine.”
The skill that proved most useful to Ade was his ability to just get into things. Just like he decided to move after a shot of hard liquor, once he knew he had to learn French, he spent time outside till it made sense; he wanted to try new food, so he did.
“I’d jump on a bike and tell him to move. He’d be like, “Quel quartier?” I’d say just go. If I saw a place with a lot of light, I stopped.
“Paying attention to how places made me feel also helped. I found Luxury Lounge, the beach restaurant that helps me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I also made friends to help me with my struggles here. They have context about how the people here are like and can give me contextual advice when I need help.”
In three years, Ade now had a network of Nigerian friends he met at places like Jite’s rooftop, friends from work and an aunt he found had also moved to Cotonou. These people, finding new places to visit and work keep him grounded. It took Ade about a year to settle fully into Cotonou.
When Life Gives You A Beninoise Passport
27-year-old Eli was born in Cotonou and moved to Nigeria when his dad’s trading business started to fail. We were eating bowls of ice cream from Ci Gusta, the best ice cream spot in Cotonou when he told me about his parents, a dad who moved to Cotonou in the mid-80s to expand his business and a mum who moved with his dad to build a family. Eli’s voice was soft and measured, unlike mine which was loud, competing with the music playing above us.
Eli’s dad left his import-export business in Abia, a state in South Eastern Nigeria when the Benin Republic opened its ports in the mid-80s. This is the story Eli was told to explain his Beninoise passport. His dad imported fabric from Gabon to Benin Republic, then exported them from Benin to the Netherlands. His business grew, and he built a house. He switched to importing clothes, towels, and fabric from Europe and selling them in Benin. When Eli was two, they moved to Lagos, and a year later, his dad was back in Abia State to continue his business.
“It was too late to be ‘Nigerian’. I was already in love with Cotonou,” Eli told me. He was back at the Cotonou house every school break, and once done with secondary school, he decided it was time to return. Eli had a plan.
“I told my mum we should come back, and she agreed. She also missed the calmness of Benin, and we still had a house. She moved back with me.”
Eli loved the city and the opportunities his passport affords him. “It’s very easy to get admission into universities here. Once you have 5 C’s in your O’Levels, you pay for a form, fill it, and you’re in. The quality of education is good, but the discipline is poor. No one will tell you to attend classes or punish you for not attending. So the bright students are very bright and the dull students are very dull. It’s entirely up to the students to succeed.
“I was a serious student. I studied Economics, and now I want to do a Masters in Social Work. I’m trying to transition because I want to travel. I’d like to do social work in a clinical setting, vulnerable people – giving care to people who need it. I’m working in a clinic now so I can do that.”
Johnny Just Come
Most Nigerians I met in Cotonou are fond of Jite, and that’s because she’d either convinced them to move down or they tasted her cooking. Jite hosts a once-in-a-while hang-out on the rooftop of her house. I’m eating yam and palm oil sauce on this rooftop when I meet Runor, who’d been in Cotonou for three months and was house hunting. He told me he came for the quiet.
Runor preferred not to think about Lagos, where he ran his generator daily because his apartment belonged to the section of his estate with low current electricity, and he had to pump the entire compound’s water daily because no one else would do it.
From him, I found out how much it cost to get a place. “The way these people build their houses can be very funny.” We watched a video of an apartment where the restrooms are outside and there’s no roof from the living room’s door to it. “What if it rains?” He bends his mouth in disapproval, but his forehead isn’t creased. It’s almost like he’s been enjoying the hunt. Runor knew he was very picky, and also knew that was a privilege he could only have in this city.
“I found a 2-bed with a small bathroom for CFA 85k. I found a two-bedroom place with a balcony. It costs CFA 20k per month. CFA 1.4m a year. One agent sent me a 3-bedroom flat for the same ₦120k. They showed me a one-bedroom with the toilet and kitchen in the same space, so I don’t ask for a one-bedroom again.”
At the time, CFA 1k was changing for ₦850 at Ajali, Dantokpa market area.
Runor was waiting to settle down to really experience the city, and with the options he found weekly, he’d be ready soon.
There are many reasons to enjoy Cotonou during a two-day work retreat, a month or three years. Everywhere is 20 minutes away, there’s 24-hour electricity, and close to the airport is an Amazonian statue I never visit because what if it falls on me?
For me, it’s my apartment.
My apartment is a two-storey white building which houses tenants I don’t hear or see. Security is a man in his late forties with whom I practise my bonjour, bonsoir, a demain. Francis is also the cleaner, gardener, and upholsterer of things.
He tries to teach me basic French, and I fail most times.
“Bonsoir madame, ça va?” “Bonsoir…” “No no. You say “ça va bien, merci. Et tu?”
I repeat, and I’m rewarded with a smile, then disinterest. I cannot bear to fail him.
Two months of this, and I still stutter between je vais bien and ça va bien, et tu and et toi. I’ve been religious with Duolingo, but tongue-tied in actual conversation. I know what it means to be happy — contente — but have no idea what conversation would lead to me saying I was happy, and if anyone would be kind enough to place one word after the other so I could follow. Very unlike the Duolingo owl, I chicken out.
In the middle of March, a week after Nigeria’s gubernatorial elections, we have a soiree on Sunday evening. There’s poetry, clinking glasses filled with zobo wine, a charcuterie board by Lara, my landlady; and art installations to mull over. Runor tells me he’s found a place. My struggles feel a globe away, even though I could get to them in four hours by road and two and half by boat.
I contemplate the people in the room, some here to fill or assuage something, each looking for a sense of balance or just a space to dream — a space that fosters dreams. I wonder how long it’d last, how long just until the stain of being Nigerian became a difficulty they had to contend with even here. We focus on the lull of the beach, Dwin the Stoic’s “God Knows Where”. Now is not the time for wondering; it’s for being contente.
Do you have a story about Nigerian communities around the world? You can contribute to this series. Click here for our guidelines.
Zikoko is now accepting submissions from Nigerian creators worldwide!
We are excited to announce that we’re now accepting submissions from Nigerian creators located anywhere in the world. We’re looking for stories that explore themes such as migration, food, culture, music, friendships, and more. These stories can be based on your personal experiences, or distinct stories that capture the essence of what it means to be Nigerian.
We’re not looking for your everyday article. We’re looking for visual stories that pack a punch. They dive into specific themes and explore that entire universe. Our audience should feel things and know things they wouldn’t have ordinarily known.
At Zikoko, we are passionate about sharing diverse perspectives and unique stories with our audience. By submitting your work, you’ll have the opportunity to connect with our readers and show them a side of life they may not have experienced before.
These are the formats we’re interested in:
Photojournalism: we want images from Nigerians across the world that tell a story.
Visual stories: these stories have strong visual elements, like images, and illustrations. They can [should] feel interactive and create a sensory experience.
Videos: these can be documentary-styled, human interest focused, etc. The important thing is that they tell a strong story.
A series of limited stories: These are pockets of stories that share a specific theme. They can take any of the formats listed above.
For this submissions period, we’re exploring the question: how does moving countries affect Nigerians through food, loneliness, community and language?
In the last few years, we’ve seen a new wave of migration hit Nigerians. Through Abroad Life, we covered some of these stories, but now, we’re interested in the cultural shift that happens when a person migrates.
We’ve witnessed several brain drains throughout our collective history as Nigerians, and we’ve heard the recurring stories that show the impact of leaving: the classic tale of a bank manager who had two houses and left Nigeria to wait tables at McDonald’s and clean toilets because they needed a better life. Or stories around access to innovation, better education and more opportunities. We’ve even heard stories about regret. People who regretted leaving. The people who miss Nigerian food. We’ve heard it all.
We’re looking for a different set of stories.
With social media and the internet, what does this new age of migration bring to the table? What does it mean to leave family behind? Are there any patterns we’ve seen in previous peak periods of migrations that we can see now? How are people building and maintaining community? How are people navigating food? We want to explore why and how people are moving.
We’ve taken four sections that are core to humanity: food, loneliness, community, language, and want our contributors to apply them to the stories they produce. But we don’t want you to limit yourself to these. Think creatively. Step outside the box.
Submissions Guideline
Fill out this form to submit your pitch. We do not accept complete drafts. We want to work with you in shaping the idea. We encourage you to be as detailed as possible in the pitch form.
Submissions close at 11:59 pm WAT on June 24, 2023. If you’re interested in pitching a story, we encourage you to do this as soon as possible, instead of waiting until the last minute.
Once you submit your form, you can expect to hear from us within three weeks.
We will publish at least six stories from July to November. If you’re submitting a pitch for a series, you should aim for at least two stories, but no more than four stories. These will be published in a specified month within the July to November timeline. We will reach out to you with the specific month should your pitch be accepted.
If your pitch is accepted, you’ll be expected to work on your story within a two-week timeline, after which an editor will work with you to beat the story into shape.
For accepted video pitches, we will share detailed guidelines on the visual appearance of your work.
For articles, we have no set maximum length or minimum length, though most of our stories are less than 2000 words. This also applies to videos. We encourage you to share a pitch for a video idea that is less than three minutes. You might however submit a pitch for multiple videos in a series, which in total can be up to 12 minutes.
For articles, remember, we’re super keen on stories that use visuals: photography or animation. Please keep this in mind as you submit your pitch.
If you have any questions that haven’t been responded to here, please reach out to me ruth@bigcabal.com with Contributor Submission in the subject line.
You are expected to send your story within a month after your pitch is accepted. The editing process includes 1 set of developmental edits and a proofread. We expect fully formed stories that do not need a lot of work. The developmental edit would include any changes that’ll be made to the final work that’s published.
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a boy stumbled upon this herbal drink:
At once, he knew he had to do some research. Here he is, after hours of combing through the internet for herbal mixtures with the most ridiculous names.
Soolaya
This translates to “Are you courageous?” Scary name for a drink, but who cares? It does say it’s only for the bold.
Jekonmo
Or “let them know”. Now, you know. What exactly should you let them know? I don’t know.
Japata
Tear pant? I’d like a first-hand account from whoever has consumed this before, detailing how it made them feel.
Fapataya
This is probably Japata’s cousin as they mean almost the same thing. The fact that it’s sold in a keg makes it even more intriguing.
Senuebo
“Can you keep a secret?” Even the lady is telling you to shush.
Oga Abeg E Don Do
One thing I’ll give the product’s team is the name is catchy. You absolutely wouldn’t miss it in the herbal mixture market.
Olekoko Akson Bitters
The galloping horse says all you need to know.
Sho Mo Age Mi Ni
“Do you know my age?” But the vagueness leaves so many questions unanswered. The lady in the picture is still shunning the man, so what’s the point? The only thing that’s clear is the drink’s 30% alcohol. content
A great event is characterised by the food, music, cliques, vibes and variety of outfits. These and lots more were what the just concluded HERtitude event was about. The ambience was vibrant, radiating excitement, fun and the I’m-about to-let-go-of-any-home-training-I-came-here-with energy.
The event was packed with activities including a fashion show, twerking competition, speed friendship, sip and paint, candle making, massage sessions, board games and karaoke, awakening the adventurer in all the hot ladies present. The fashion show was top on our list of exciting activities as we saw budding models on the runway — you’d think it was Lagos Fashion Week. Amidst all of that fun, trust gomoney to do their thing — cheering the hot babes and dishing out gifts to winners at the end of the fashion show.
Then there was the speed friendship session; ladies were caught in action, exchanging numbers. Whoever said ladies are not super friendly to each other? Well, the hot babes at HERtitude 2023 were, and we are pretty sure every lady present made one hot friend!
We weren’t playing around when we said, “Every woman deserves a break”. gomoney made this more remarkable by giving the hot ladies a well-deserved pampering. From free meal tickets to care boxes and other goodies, this is one event that would live rent-free in the ladies’ minds.
You thought we were going to end it here without mentioning the music? You know what they say about how music brings people together? HERtitude 2023 was no different. Save the karaoke, the DJ filled the air with a mix of electrifying beats and infectious melodies, and the dance floor was filled with energy from all the hot babes who came prepared. From old-school classics to modern hits, the music transcended generations, creating an atmosphere of absolute bliss.
HERtitude by Zikoko was just perfect for the hot babes in Lagos to unwind, recharge and take care of themselves. It was also a cheerful reminder that self-love is important and ladies should prioritise their well-being. It was a day filled with unforgettable moments and fun times. The hot babes unleashed their inner warriors and found solace on the dance floor. They found new sisters and created memories — one that wouldn’t be forgotten in a hurry.
African dads are known to put on a tough exterior but things can get overwhelming for those who are widowed especially on special occasions like Father’s Day in Nigeria.
It’s a day that can quickly bring up mixed emotions, and we don’t want that especially if daddy has been nothing short of sweet and amazing. So, let’s talk about these heartwarming ways to celebrate your widowed dad on Father’s Day.
Spend quality time
If you’re looking to make the best of Father’s Day in Nigeria for your widowed dad, quality time should be at the top of your list. You’ll be surprised that daddy doesn’t even want fancy gifts or ‘paranra players’. Just show up and remind him that he’s not alone.
Cook up something he loves
Daddy has most likely missed the taste of your late mum’s food but you know who has the closest chance of teasing his taste buds again? You, yes you. Think of what he enjoys the most and stock his freezer with it. It could be afang soup, egusi or ewa adalu.
Handmade cards
It’s time to get creative with some DIY projects especially if daddy has grandkids. Enlist the help of the little ones to make customized cards and write personalized messages to him. This will for sure bring smiles to his face and remind him that he’s loved.
Remind him that you love him
If there’s a right time for him to be reminded about this vital piece of information, Father’s Day is just perfect. Either by text or calls, remind daddy that he’s the absolute love of your life. You’ll probably get a “thank you” or “you’re blessed” in response, sha.
Plan a date
Depending on if daddy is open to finding romantic love again, you can play the matchmaker. It makes him comfortable and clears the feeling of guilt he might have about being with someone else. However, we recommend keeping him in the loop.
Create a customised playlist
Music is powerful and helps people get through tough times. If you don’t already know, here’s another thoughtful way to celebrate your widowed dad during Father’s Day in Nigeria. If the loss is fairly recent, curate a list of songs he and your late mum loved. It will evoke a feeling of comfort and lift him whenever he listens to it.
Go outside
Outside is therapeutic and what better day to hit the streets with your old man than Father’s Day? Take daddy to your favourite spot, or his favourite spot. Could be Fela’s Shrine or a strip club, or even church fellowship. As long as he likes it there.
Whether you feel prepared or not, job interviews can be unpredictable. There are many opinions about interview dos and don’ts, but who really ever prepares for questions like, “If you were an animal, which would you be?” Yes, recruiters have been known to ask such unusual questions during interviews.
So, what do you do when you’re unsure of the right answer or don’t even know what to say? You finesse it, and here’s how you do that, according to Wande*, a recruiter in Lagos.
Project confidence, even if you don’t feel it
Look the recruiter in the eye, and don’t let any anxiety show. They can’t beat you. Build confidence — and let it show in your voice — even before the interview starts. It will save you from feeling like you’ve hit a block the moment you’re asked an unexpected question. From personal experience, I always conclude that confident people know what they’re saying until they say something that proves otherwise.
Reword and repeat the question
You’ve been asked something, you don’t know the answer, so you need to buy time. Imagine you’re asked, “How many apples fall from the tree yearly?” You can respond with something like, “That’s an interesting question. So that I understand exactly what you’re asking, do you mean both red and green apples?” More often than not, the recruiter will explain the question again with more detail which means more time for you to find an answer.
Remember the question’s purpose
Whether they’re asking you what animal you’d like to be or what superpower you’d like, the general purpose of any interview question is to confirm you fit the role requirements. You can’t be interviewing for a job that involves handling money, and you say the animal you’d like to be is a snake — an animal known to be sneaky and dishonest. As how?
Admit you don’t know, but don’t leave it at that
It’s alright to admit you don’t know the answer to a question because the worst thing you can do is lie. But instead of saying, “I don’t know”, try something like, “I’m so glad you asked this. I’ve always wanted to know more about XYZ, which is why I’ve tried looking up [insert any vaguely similar concept]”. This presents you as someone who isn’t scared of not knowing but is also in tune with their professional growth.
You can also redirect the topic to a similar professional situation where you weren’t sure of the right approach to take, but you were able to identify the best resources needed to get the job done. The idea is to show you’re a collaborator who knows how to work through challenges. No one knows everything, and unless the recruiter is a bad belle, they know it too.
For the love of God, don’t ramble
Keep your answers brief and to the point. Rambling will show your nerves, and remember you’re acting like you know what you’re doing. Recruiters don’t want to hear long stories. Not with about 3,000 more interviews in one workday. No one is paid enough for that.
Redirect attention to your qualifications
In cases where you have absolutely no idea, admit it but don’t just go, “I have no idea.” Instead, go, “I’m not very familiar with this concept, but I’m up to date with XYZ, and I think it also ties into ABC”.
Remember, the recruiter is often under pressure too
Don’t think you’re the only one on the hot seat. The recruiter is also under pressure to deliver. Unless they’re your village people personified, they want to hire the best for the role and get it over with.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Your parents are always going to think they know what’s best for you, even if that includes you bringing a whole human being into the world. These seven Nigerians want no part in raising a child, and did one of the hardest things ever; resist their Nigerian parents. Here are the reactions they got.
“She asked if I plan to just be having sex.” – Rehia*, 29
I’ve never aligned with the idea of kids, I’ve just never been interested. My mum is a God-first, family-second kind of Christian. When I turned 26, she playfully brought up marriage.
I immediately cleared her so rubbish like that wouldn’t fester. She responded with something about God’s purpose for women and whether I plan just to be having sex. I made it very clear, there was no way I could be interested in men or kids, after watching the domestic violence in her marriage. She hasn’t mentioned marriage or kids since then.
“He’s sure I know what’s best for me. – Tomi*, 19
I was 17 when I told my dad, and it wasn’t a conversation per se. I just said, I’m not really interested in having kids, because they didn’t align with the goals I set for myself. He was like okay, we’ll see how that goes, but he’s sure I know the best thing for me. He probably thinks I was joking. I was not.
“She just said I was going to have a child, and that’s it.” – Chuks*, 24
My mom was telling me how her friend’s daughter who is close to my age is expecting a second child and how she can’t wait for me to get married and start having children.
I told her that I don’t want children, she didn’t even ask me why , she just said that I didn’t know what I want, I was going to have a child and that’s that.
I’m her only son, so I understand where she is coming from, but it’s my decision to make.
I like being around kids, but if we’re honest, they’re a lot of work and hinder growth in many ways. Everybody talks about kids being a blessing, but nobody talks about them also being a burden.
Kids tend to upend lives, you could have a specific timeline to achieve a goal and then a kid comes along, and you have to rearrange the timeline and sometimes the goal, just to accommodate them.
I’m a very ambitious person, and I don’t want that in my life.
“She says I shouldn’t use my mouth to curse myself.” – Davina*, 19
I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. Not because I don’t love children or anything just because I never saw myself being a mother. In my mind, there are more disadvantages than advantages to having a child, and every advantage you can think of is selfish.
I haven’t told my dad yet, but I mentioned it to my mum one day as we were talking about my plans after school. She was talking about me moving abroad for my Masters and said if I got married and gave birth there, I’d become a citizen. I told her I didn’t mind getting married but giving birth is not something I want to do. She shouted, “God forbid.” That I’ll carry my children, and I’ll have plenty children, then started praying. She says I’m still young, and I shouldn’t use my mouth to curse myself.
“She called me Jezebel” – Lucy, 22
An aunt had just given birth, and my mom was having baby fever one day, then she goes “do and grow up and marry let me carry your child o” and I told her that even if I get married, which I also don’t want, I’m not having kids.
She reacted by calling me Jezebel for refusing to fulfill God’s word and we had an argument about it. I brought up the fact that many people were not capable of having kids, like her sister, and asked if that made them Jezebels too.
She got defensive, but I was adamant. She hasn’t said a word since but she hopes my mind changes because I’m still ‘young’. I don’t think my mind’s ever going to change though. I’ve never had any sentiment towards kids or fantasized about having them. As I grew up, I became more aware of the responsibility and decided I wanted no part in it.
I think it’s the longevity , the fact that there’s no end to raising a child. There’s also the possibility of being a bad parent, or a deadbeat, and it scares me shitless.
“They still think I’m joking.” – Debo, 26
I told my parents when the subtle “We can’t wait to hold your children -our grandchildren” talk became not-so-subtle.
They still think I’m joking, but the world is already overpopulated, and looking at the general state of things , it seems unfair to bring another person into this world. I’d rather be the rich uncle.
“You’ll grow out of it.” – Daniel*, 35
I just don’t want children. The same way people decide they want kids, is the same way I’ve decided I don’t. There’s no rationale.
One day, I opened my mouth and told my parents I don’t want kids. I’m not scared of them and they’re not going to take care of my children for me, so they’ll be okay. When I told them they were like, “You’ll grow out of it.” But over the years, they’ve come to see that I haven’t grown out of it. They see that I don’t care for it. So they’ll be alright.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
How did you two meet?
Uduak: I met him through my brother-in-law. He told me an old friend of his was looking for someone to marry, and he thought we’d get along well. This was sometime in 2009. He asked me if he could share my number, and I said yes.
JJ: I got her number and called her that night. We agreed to meet later in the week during my off day. I used to work with a family to take care of their house, make sure everything was running and working well 24/7 and run some major errands for them.
We met after church service on a Sunday afternoon. I went to her church to pick her up, and we went to eat in an eatery in Calabar South. I bought us some snacks and two bottles of Fanta — every time our lastborn hears this story, he says that’s why he loves Fanta so much.
My first impression of her in her choir uniform — and the way she spoke as we talked in the eatery — was good.
Uduak: We didn’t stay there for long. Once we ate the snacks and talked for some minutes, he told me of his intentions to start seeing me, with the bottom line being for us to get married. I was a little concerned because I’d just finished from the polytechnic a month before that and was still struggling to find work. But he said he didn’t mind, so my mind became at rest.
He eventually helped me get a job as his boss’s neighbour’s stay-at-home nanny.
When did you realise you liked each other?
JJ: As soon as I heard her voice that first night on the phone, I knew I liked her. She has a sweet, gentle voice that calms me every time she talks, even till today. Meeting her for the first time only made me sure about it.
Uduak: I think I liked him when we first met, but it took some time for me to be sure. After seeing each other once a week then twice and thrice a week, I began to long to see him. That’s how I knew something was happening between us.
JJ: After she got the job with my neighbours — I used to stay in my boss’s BQ — they started complimenting her, saying she was a good girl, and they noticed the difference in how their baby behaved since she started taking care of her. This made me know she would be a good wife and take care of our children well. I started liking her even more.
JJ: When we started spending more time together. After about two or three months, she started coming to visit more often, and she would bring food, or manage my small bachelor’s gas top to cook something fresh for me in the BQ. I loved the time and care she put into these meals, often spending her own money to make them rich.
She would sleep over at my place on her off days. When they clashed with my own off days, we had time to talk and get to know each other even more. By the end of that year — five months after we started seeing each other — I was ready to propose, so I went to talk to my elder brother about her.
Uduak: It was the way he always looked out for me, helped me run errands or take care of my younger ones who used to come around sometimes when he was free. He’d even make time to accompany me to places I didn’t want to go alone. He was always there for me. And then, he helped me get my first job with that nice family. That showed real love and care, so I had no choice but to fall in love.
He also helped my family out in any little way he could, sending me and my siblings ₦2k here and there. He tried his best from early on in our relationship. I also did the best I could to make sure he was happy and comfortable.
Great
JJ: One thing I loved that she did was decorate my room in those early months. She brought some nicely framed pictures to put on my walls, some artificial flowers and those solid air fresheners in boxes. She also made new bedsheets and curtains for me.
Uduak: I trained as a tailor while I was in poly, so it was the least I could do. I wanted to make his place look as best as it could.
JJ: For my first birthday while we were together, she got one of my pictures and framed it for me as a gift. It was the best gift I’d ever received at that point. I actually cried a little when I saw it.
What was your first major fight about?
Uduak: After I got pregnant, my aunty who was my primary guardian in Calabar, asked me to move in with him. He wasn’t happy about it because he didn’t think the BQ was okay for us to live together. He was also concerned about what his boss would think.
But my aunty told other family members about the pregnancy, and they didn’t trust him. They thought he was trying to avoid taking responsibility, and I was being a fool. My aunty told me, “You think I no know say you dey sleep for that same BQ when you dey off, instead of coming back to this house? So why the place suddenly no okay for you now wey you don carry belle?”
I did as they said and pack into his house in February 2010.
JJ: I’d already decided to marry her, but I was still putting money together to leave my oga’s house and start a small printing business. I was doing it small small, printing cards and other corporate items for the company where my boss worked. But I had to share most of the profit with him, and I didn’t have time to push the business while working with him at home.
I had other side work I was doing while saving towards the business and marriage expenses, but I wasn’t making enough to take care of a family yet. While I was planning towards it, the baby came some months too early. I wish she and her family had been more patient with me. Living together in my oga’s BQ wasn’t the plan at all.
Uduak: The night I moved in, he didn’t come home. I didn’t see him till my next off day, which was two weeks later. I could tell he was still angry. Things were rough between us during the first month of my stay, and I was scared. But after a while, it became better, and we started talking properly.
When did he finally propose?
Uduak: He didn’t really propose. About four months after I moved in, he and his people went to see my parents in the village. They agreed to let him marry me but gave him a list of things he needed to do first.
JJ: Everything in that list cost about ₦500k that year, which is like ₦1.5m in today’s money. I didn’t have that kind of money. So I had to work for over a year to raise it. I would buy the different things small small and send them to her village — one goat here, two two cartons of stout, just like that.
During that time, the baby came, and we had to move to our own place. We also had to leave our jobs, so things were tight. I started pushing the printing business small small and doing some buying and selling. My brothers and one of my uncles also chipped in.
But before we could finally go to the village and do the traditional wedding, she was pregnant again. We did the ceremony anyway because I didn’t feel good carrying on with her in my home, already starting a family without marrying her properly. I wanted her and her family to know I valued her. She’s a good woman.
Uduak: When we finally went to my village, I could tell he was happy. His face was glowing. He felt proud that he could buy me my traditional attire with the thick beads, headgear and makeup. And I was also happy that he made all that effort for me.
It reminded me of Jacob in the Bible, and how he went above and beyond for Rachael.
JJ: The traditional ceremony drained my pocket.
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It was for a good cause. How has this relationship been different from past ones?
JJ: This was my first relationship where I said, “I’m ready to be serious and settle down,” before I even went into it. So the way I approached everything was different.
In my past relationships, it was just “This is my girlfriend. Let’s have fun and go crazy. Who cares?” But with her, it’s, “This is my wife. She will be the mother of my children.” Her welfare and happiness have always been my priority, so instead of thinking fun, fun, fun, I’m always thinking, “Are you okay? Am I making you happy?”
It was like that from the first day.
Uduak: That’s true. When I started seeing him, there was this gentleness and respect he accorded me that made me feel loved.
I had two boyfriends while I was in the polytechnic, but my relationship with JJ made me feel like they didn’t care about me. They just used me to pass time, and that’s why both of those relationships ended so easily. They were going nowhere. This relationship is the first one where the man knew he wanted something serious out of it and worked to get it.
And he has worked really hard for me and our family. I do my best to match his strength and hard work.
What’s the most unconventional thing about your relationship?
Uduak: Even though we had the traditional wedding in 2012, do you know we did white wedding only two years ago? I know many people will say why did we bother after so long? I’ve always wanted to be married before God, so I made him promise that we will one day. I wanted us to have a proper church wedding and a reception after, like everyone else.
I know it might sound like I’m greedy.
JJ: She’s not greedy. It’s always been her dream, and I encouraged her to hope for it. I didn’t want to deny her that. It’s money that made it take so long. I want to give her everything that’ll make her happy.
Uduak: Thank you.
JJ: After all, we didn’t go to the registry until 2018, so time is only a number.
You mean, a court wedding? Why did it take you that long?
JJ: We thought we’d do it together with the white wedding, but we kept postponing.
One day, her aunty called me and started shouting, “You mean you people no go court sign paper? That means say you never legally marry? You just dey play with my daughter. Anything happen now, you go bring another wife chase her and her pikin comot.” I was so embarrassed, but what she said made sense. We were being irresponsible.
When I went to my brother about it, he was shocked we hadn’t done it yet. So I made some enquiries, and we went to Calabar Municipal with her aunty and my eldest brother as witnesses.
Uduak: Our three kids at the time witnessed it, too. Bobo was only one year old then.
What’s the best thing about being married to each other?
Uduak: I finally have someone to take care of me. I’ve been alone for too long since I moved to Calabar after secondary school when I was just 16. I had my aunty, who took care of me as best she could, but she wasn’t that caring. And some of my siblings also moved in and out of Calabar, but we haven’t really been together since we all left the village.
Being married gives me my own family I can love and nurture how I want.
JJ: Having your own family can be comforting because you can run it how you see fit and make sure everyone is together. It comes with its struggles, especially when you’re the man of the house and it’s your responsibility to bring money home. But I take the responsibility wholeheartedly, and we’ve built a beautiful family.
Uduak: Yes, we have four beautiful children now. And it’s not always easy, but they make everything worth it.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?
JJ: 10
Uduak: 10
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I’m starting to love weekends more now because of all the events I get to attend. Last Saturday, I went to Flying Fish’s pool party, and I had way too much fun. I don’t usually attend pool parties because I cannot give my haters the chance to shine by throwing me inside the pool. But I had no choice in attending this one because Zikoko said so. For once, I’m thankful for capitalism because that party was lit!
The party was at Sol Beach by Box Mall. I got there at past 12, and first fell in love with how colourful the place looked. Of course, there were many instagrammbale spots; you can’t throw a party with influencers without giving them aesthetically pleasing backdrops. There was a photo booth, where people got to take really cool pictures. There was also a runway. I got on it, strutted up and down like a supermodel and honestly, Naomi Campbell has nothing on me. I loved seeing people have fun, making videos and taking pictures on the runway in their stylish beach outfits. I need more of this at parties, please.
Most of the activities happened around the pool. I didn’t get in the pool but other people did, and they had a lot of fun. There were water gun fights, water volleyball, swimming, and some people were just peacefully floating in the pool. Those outside the pool got to play games like beer pong, and musical chairs with a twist whoever; didn’t get a chair had to jump in the pool.
Belly dancers came out to dance and remind us that hips don’t lie. There was also pool karaoke, which was super entertaining because people took their performances very seriously. People were asked to form music groups with backup singers and dancers. And boy, every single person took it seriously. If you heard that Beyoncé fell down while performing during her Renaissance tour, it’s because a group of people in VI, Lagos, Nigeria, snatched her throne for a few minutes. Or maybe they just wanted to win the cash prize, we’ll never know.
By the way, did I mention that there was free food and unlimited Flying Fish beers going around? I promise I drank responsibly. But I ate until I couldn’t anymore because I had only white rice and stew in my fridge. Don’t judge me, please.
I had so much fun. I danced until I was struggling to breathe. I literally had to take a break to use my inhaler. I love it when people choose DJs that know how to keep the crowd hyped up until the end. DJ Dayzee and DJ Neptune killed it!
The Flying Fish Influencer Party was an unforgettable experience. The venue was perfect, the activities were fun, and the energy was exhilarating. I’m so glad I got to attend.
We’ve established our working theory about Yoruba daddies and how they don’t play with the men in their social cycles, but have you seen their female counterparts?
These women take the ‘sismance’ to a whole different level that leaves the men biting their lips in jealousy. We know you must have seen one of these women in your Yoruba mummy’s social circle.
Big Mummy
She’s slightly older than the others. Big mummy is usually married to an Oloye, and she has advice for days.
Ore mi
She’s the bestie. In her, you’ll find bits and pieces of all the other friends. She’s familiar with family members and never misses an event. She has the same clothes and jewellery sets as your mum and is always trying to make sure the friendship extends to the children.
Mummy London
Is your mummy even Yoruba if she doesn’t have a friend that frequents the abroad? Especially the Youkay? Mummy London has the most pizzazz in the group. She weaves Yoruba and British English in a way that commands respect.
Iya Meto
This is the chief organiser of the group. She’s the one who caters for every other friend at social functions. Wedding? Naming? Birthdays? Leave it for Iya Meto.
Sister mi
Like Big Mummy, Sister mi is that friend who’s been around long enough to be mistaken as an actual family member. She’s your Yoruba mummy’s closest confidant and can whip anybody to shape when needed.
Yeye
Yeye is one friend who became royalty by virtue of the man she’s married to. She shows up to every gathering with her coral beads and bracelet.
Alhaja
She’s the single mother in the group with a thriving business at Lagos Island or similar. She shows up with heavy jewellery and cracks everyone up with her stories. Alhaja is also the plug for all aso-ebi and jewellery needs.
Matron
The most reserved in the group, and unofficial chief medical officer, Matron only shows up at select gatherings. She’s also always in a hurry to return home. But she’s the one your mum calls when you’re beginning to exhibit a sickness that has passed her self-medication skills.
