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The things some Nigerians did as kids have shown me that I might have let my dear mum off too easily. I was the good kid, you see, a bumbling representation of the common Nigerian sayings “He can’t eat anything harder than a banana” and “If you put water in his mouth and travel far, you’ll return to meet the water in his mouth”.
While people like me were giving our parents peace, other kids were doing the opposite. We’ve combed through X and compiled the most hilarious “dumbest thing you did as a kid” tweets.
Why are you drinking disinfectant? God, abeg
Drank disinfectant and clowned my mum hours later for panicking.
Was caught playing with a live snake.
Went to a beggar I gave money earlier to collect my money back when I did the maths and realized I was going to trek back home from school. https://t.co/6rrEjAK9lh
I stole unconsecrated communion bread from the Sacristy and it took it home. my friend told me that it’ll turn to blood and flood our home, out of fear I went to confess to my Grandfather, Sir Lawrence Alabi (Snr) who was a Eucharistic minister.
Was playing with candles in my room and fire caught the mattress, i tried to put it out but it didn’t go off. Out of fear i closed the door went to another room and slept off. The rest is history https://t.co/tReb8F56OO
It was dark,My dad asked me to bring his shaving stick from his room, i got there, and just used it to comb through the middle of my hair twice then said to myself "e no even sharp". Went outside to meet my dad, NEPA brought light my mum looked at me and shouted "ah ahn" 1/2 https://t.co/hKDsOrIclB
This thread just made me know I did nothing eventful as a child. My own was to be obedient, go to church for Bible study, Faith clinic and sing “O Sunday school on the Lord’s day”😭 https://t.co/Jy1A0ZtMDp
My mum told me that if any man touches me I will get pregnant. One guy in school kissed my hand that day. 2 days later I started vomiting. I told my friends and they told me not to worry, after school we will go to his house and make sure he takes responsibility for his baby https://t.co/G80xQhT4WZ
Mum had a miscarriage because she sat on my favorite chair to cook removed the chair when she was about to sit I can still feel the pains from my dad’s belt now https://t.co/t2kxWNcpCg
I took my dad's cheque book to school and was writing money and sharing for my classmates 🤣🤣🤣. The closer you are to me the higher your money https://t.co/99WdXIMQQG
Was jealous my sister started getting all the attention as per newborn baby, when she was sleeping I went to bite her lmfaoo Them too go finish me that day https://t.co/HHnmkCbZCc
I was 3 years old….remember in the village when i followed a herd of goat/rams stray away for almost 2hours. The whole village were looking for me. Na that Goats still later bring me come house 😂😂 https://t.co/SKM3vX2DAT
I Used to light matchstick beside the Gen house, I stopped the day my dad took me there, asked me to close my eyes, then asked what I saw, I said nothing. He said that’s how it will be when I die😭 https://t.co/ofjqqoZi8S
Soo my mom told me to prepare 3cups of rice for 4 people and it was my first time cooking rice 💀 I thought it won’t be enough, so as a supposed sharp guy I brought everybody’s plate out and put rice that’ll be enough in each plate🥺 Omo when the rice boil finish 😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/L8QNEx9zKm
Grandma had goats. One of the goats strayed and fell into a pretty deep gutter houses away. This was before Fashola started covering gutters along main roads.
I jumped into the gutter to push the goat out but failed. We were both crying until a passerby heard both of us. https://t.co/1wNPDVdd0T
After watching one naija movie where someone threatened another person with a gun saying “say your last prayer” so I went & carried a Knife & told my grandma to say her last prayers. Got the beating of my lufe that day https://t.co/UZoqtYq8f9
I chased a neighbour's chicken for hours till it got tired and passed out, I was so scared it had died. I didn't even know chickens could get tired😂 https://t.co/aKJLJyP5mt
I took money from my dad’s briefcase went out and enjoyed myself with the money, and he found out. On my way back home, I plucked a strand of hair from my eyelashes. Then I put it in the middle of my head, hoping my father would forget. I got home and saw my dad sitting down and… https://t.co/UqVbQptkYU
I had a huge crush on my elder sister’s friend “Aunty Fotress” she’s fine asf, her body tea & she could dance. Then I found out she was dating a married man in our area so I got jealous and went to tell his wife 😭😭 they beat shege Banza from my body when my sisters found out https://t.co/Cc8WJ4NEcg
i loosened my classmate’s new isi owu hair during break. told her i was an expert hairdresser. baby went home looking like a scarecrow. her mum came to shout the next day and i just stood there like😟 https://t.co/owohA3drid
I was on my balcony and saw 2 niggas run in my building, like 2 mins go by and 8 niggas walk up like aye you seen 2 niggas go by here? I’m like yeah they went in the building, found out later them 2 niggas got stabbed to death I was like damn that’s on me https://t.co/HcANmBTcUN
Traveled to the UK during Xmas as a kid. Came out of immigration and collected our boxes and all that. Once the sliding doors of the airport opened and the first wave of cold air hit me, I tugged my dad and said “dad how did the white people put AC outside”
So I liked this boy (he was my neighbor) I’d wear spaghetti top, very short skirt and timberland and I’d go and dance at his window. I was barely even 10💀💀 https://t.co/s9EJn6GJkF
One time I ate our dog food cos I wanted to know what it taste like since it smells good, my stomach started aching me after so i thought I was going to become a dog too. That's how I went to join our dog in the cage so that I won't bite my mummy after I turned 😔. https://t.co/WhJ4tGfhXK
Editi Effiong’s The Black Book is the coolest thing that happened over the weekend. The movie’s lead character, Paul Edima (Richard Mofe Damijo), has Nigerians in a chokehold.
Paul led a quiet, yet fulfilling life until the Nigerian Police brought their wahala. They shot his son Damilola Edima (Olumide Oworu) and tried to frame the deceased young man for a kidnapping.
Edima’s response to this was basically“Una go see crazy”.
If like him, people are testing you, learn a thing or seven from the way he approached his problems.
Lead a quiet life
To unsuspecting neighbours, Edima, a former hitman was nothing but a deacon, a father who mostly existed for the happiness of his only son. He was Uncle Paulo; the neighbour who had the community’s interests at heart and would always go above and beyond to offer a helping hand.
That’s how he stayed safe for so long before Nigeria finally happened to him.
Military background is a must
Senator Dipo (Patrick Doyle) and Angel (Sam Dede) almost shat their pants when they found out Paul Edima was the father of the child they’d murdered and tried to frame for kidnap. You can only have this “not to be fucked with” effect on people when they know the level of physical carnage you’re capable of.
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Have a secret room
So that under the bed wouldn’t be your only option when armed robbers or hired assassins storm your apartment. This is your call to convert that unassuming wardrobe in your bedroom to your secret bunker.
Always be a step ahead
How else will you explain Paul Edima comfortably handing a gun to General Issa (Alex Usifo), knowing what the good general is capable of? He’d emptied the bullets before giving him the gun. Your ops will be wise, but you need to be wiser.
Hold your day ones close
Paul Edima won in the end but that battle would have been lost if Big Daddy (Shaffy Bello) hadn’t come through for him with her baddie army. Do you see why it might be dangerous to use scissors to cut people off every three market days?
Our dear deacon wouldn’t have survived if he didn’t know how to swim after the popo tossed him into the ocean. So, I ask you, as a grown adult, why don’t you know how to swim? It’s literally one of the most important survival skills. Fix up.
Keep a black book
In the wise words of Burna Boy, “You go explain tire, no evidence.” Paul Edima knew this. That’s why he kept a record of those involved in his past criminal activities in a black book. If you must go down, don’t go down alone.
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It’s not a nice feeling to be caught in a web of dangerous or life-threatening situations. It’s even worse for it to happen in our dear country, Nigeria, where systems are often crippled to the point of slow response or all-out inactivity. Always self-prioritise and take the necessary safety measures in case of emergencies.
We’ve compiled some vital steps to take when it feels like you are in harm’s way.
Police is your friend
An important first step to take when involved in life-threatening situations is to visit and make an official report to the nearest police station in your neighbourhood. Never take matters into your own hands, especially if such problems escalate to involve violence.
The Nigerian Police Force (NPF) has a dedicated website with the official mobile numbers of each state’s PROs and another page with emergency numbers for every state. In cases where you’ve been a victim of cybercrime, they have an official website where you can file a complaint or report suspected individuals.
Use national and state emergency lines
Many Nigerians understandably have trust issues when it comes to the functionality and responsiveness of systems that have been put in place by the government. The emergency services are one such systems, but it’s not a good bet to rule them out completely.
Nigeria’s toll-free emergency number is 112. It’s an umbrella code that caters to all emergencies from fire outbreaks to road accidents or flood and even personal safety. It’s also important to get familiar with the emergency services in your state of residence. For instance, Lagos State has contact numbers for designated agencies.
Amplify your cry for help on social media
Source: SearchEngineJournal
Some social media platforms have proven to be effective in helping people get out of life-threatening situations or get the help they need. For instance, X (formerly Twitter) has become a go-to for people to get the public, and sometimes, local authorities’ attention.
Police officers like Benjamin Hundeyin and Olumuyiwa Adejobi have gained popularity for taking up requests or offering guidance to citizens on X. The NPF also has an official account on the platform, dedicated to receiving complaints about erring police officers.
In addition, several cases ranging from missing persons, fraud or abuse have been solved because they were shared on X. It’s important to follow relevant security-related accounts and reach out whenever you find yourself in life-threatening situations.
Inform trusted contacts
It’s important to let everyone around you know what is going on as silence will only embolden perpetrators of abuse, intimidation or harassment. Inform your family members and friends about what is going on.
In urgent situations where you can’t get to family and friends quickly, inform your neighbours.
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Use technology to your advantage
Apple recently released an iOS 17 feature called Check-In. The feature detects when you’ve arrived at your destination and automatically informs family and friends. Every 15 minutes during your trip, the feature also asks if you’ve gotten to your destination. If you don’t respond, it’d automatically share useful information with loved ones. It’s important to get familiar with security features on your mobile devices and set them up ahead of time.
Another useful hack is to take photos, audio and video recordings when you find yourself in distressing situations. The evidence gathered can help the police or other security agencies carry out a smooth investigation and absolve you in case of false accusations.
Many Nigerians land in avoidable situations because they don’t know their rights. It’s important to get familiar with your fundamental human rights as a Nigerian citizen to avoid being a pawn in the hands of corrupt police officers, landlords or people who want to ride on your ignorance.
This should always be the last resort. You might sustain serious injuries, get implicated and even land in jail while trying to defend yourself.
However, just as Yoruba people are commonly assumed to make empty threats, doing so could save you from potentially threatening situations and get you flagged as not-so-easy targets. Still, It’s important to always gauge the situation properly before taking the bet on self-defence.
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The Jameson Distillery on Tour Experience hosts a series of tailored, interactive events highlighting Jameson’s Irish heritage and craft that stretch over 243 years. The ten-day festival gives a glimpse into how Jameson is distilled, followed by unforgettable whiskey and cocktail tastings, gourmet canapes and the hottest artists on stage. Naturally, everyone gets to make a few new friends along the way as they #WidenTheCircle.
A taste of Jameson’s Dublin home – the world-famous Bow Street Distillery – welcomes all Nigerian whiskey lovers, from seasoned palettes to first-time tasters.
Guests are immersed and entertained as they soak in the essence of the brand and its roots. Guests will enjoy best-in-class experiences, hosted by Jameson Brand Ambassadors and friends of Jameson, who embody the jovial Jameson personality.
A delve into the legendary production of Jameson’s triple distilled, twice-as-smooth Irish Whiskey, live music, parties, Jameson pop-up merch store and so much more! The tour allows all to truly experience what makes Jameson Irish Whiskey unique and loved across the globe.
The Jameson Distillery on Tour offers explosive sensory moments, rich flavours and ample space for connection with friends, old and new, as they #WidenTheCircle!
So, pull up a chair, grab a glass and come #WidenTheCircle with some kindred spirits at the Jameson Distillery on Tour Experience in Lagos which is open to the public from September 30 to October 8, 2023.
Join the conversation across social media: @JamesonNgr on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram
About Pernod Ricard Nigeria
Pernod Ricard Nigeria is the local affiliate of Pernod Ricard, a global leader in wines and spirits. Pernod Ricard holds a comprehensive portfolio of premium and luxury brands, with 16 out of the top 100 spirit brands in the world, including Jameson Irish Whiskey, Beefeater Gin, Martell Cognac, Seagram’s Imperial Blue Whisky, Absolut Vodka, Ballantine’s, Chivas Regal, The Glenlivet Scotch Whisky, Olmeca Tequila, Malibu Liqueur and Mumm Champagne.
About Jameson Irish Whiskey
Founded in 1780 by John Jameson, Jameson is the best-selling Irish whiskey in the world. Produced in the distillery in Midleton, County Cork, from malted and unmalted Irish barley, Jameson’s blended whiskeys are triple-distilled, resulting in exceptional smoothness.
It’s become a norm for Nigerians to juggle their 9-5 with a side gig. The economy moves funny, and if you want to secure your spot among the 1% of the 1%, you’ll need more than one job. You may even need seven.
These seven Nollywood gems understand this and have diversified way beyond their first job, dabbling into all aspects of filmmaking, running their own business empires and even entering politics.
Funke Akindele
Source: Instagram/@funkejenifaakindele
When she isn’t in front of the cameras, you’ll find the comedic actress putting on her director cap. Akindele made her directorial debut in 2019 while working on Ebonylife’s political comedy, Your Excellency. The movie would go on to gross over ₦186m, inspiring her to direct her second film in 2020. She co-directed Omo Ghetto: The Saga with her ex-husband, JJC Skillz, and it grossed over ₦630m, cementing Akindele’s place as a movie director to look out for. Some of her self-directed titles include Battle on Buka Street and the upcoming A Tribe Called Judah.
Desmond Elliot
Source: Instagram/@desmondelliot
The OG actor and director proved he could do a lot more than bring scripts and characters to life after he launched his political career in 2014 and declared his intentions to run for the Lagos State House of Assembly (HOA) under the All Progressives Congress (APC) party.
Elliot emerged the winner of the elections in April 2015 and went on to represent the Surulere constituency in the HOA. He won a second term in the 2019 general elections and won the seat again in the 2023 general elections.
Although consumed by the demands of representing his constituency, the actor still makes the time to appear in Nollywood movie productions. His last directorial effort was the 2022 film,Twice Shy.
When you’ve been a screen goddess with acting experience that spans over two decades, it makes total sense that your directorial debut will shatter records and even be involved in the OSCAR conversation.
Genevieve wore double hats in the 2018 film, Lionheart, acting the lead and directing. Although originally considered for an Academy Award nomination for the International Film Category, the movie was later disqualified over the use of the English language.
Five years later, the actress is showing up and showing off again as co-executive producer on the film adaptation of Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani’s award-winning debut novel, I Do Not Come To You By Chance.
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Mo Abudu
Source: Instagram/@moabudu
The OG queen of talk shows in Africa has since been behind some of the biggest films in Nollywood, but it wasn’t until recently that she showed yet another side to her. In 2019, she launched The Ebonylife Place, a lifestyle and entertainment resort with a cinema, hotel and restaurant. She also partnered with the Lagos State Government in 2020 to launch a film school, The Ebonylife Creative Academy.
In August 2022, Abudu announced in an Instagram post that she was set to take her spot on the director’s chair with two short films: “Directing is an art form that takes years to master, so I’m beginning with baby steps and we started shoot today. I have written two short films that I will be directing – HER PERFECT LIFE and IYAWO MI (My Wife), a predominantly Yoruba language film”.
Iyawo Mi premiered at the Cannes Film Festival’s Short Film Corner in May 2023.
Ramsey Nouah
Source: Instagram/@ramseynouah
Another OG screen god made his directorial debut in 2019 with Living in Bondage: Breaking Free, a sequel to the 1992 hit classic, Living in Bondage. The movie’s reception and impressive box office numbers became pointers to the fact Nouah can act his ass out as well as he can direct.
He took on another ambitious directing project with Rattlesnake: The Ahanna Story (2020) and directed his third major blockbuster, Tokunboh, set to release later this year.
Tonto Dikeh
Source: Instagram/@tontolet
The actress has taken a noticeable break from Nollywood but made a brief return in 2021, for the Tchidi Chekere-directed movie, Beggar’s Children.
In June 2022, she emerged as the running mate of Tonte Ibraye, the 2023 governorship candidate of the African Democratic Party (ADC) in Rivers State. However, in March 2023, the actress and her running mate stepped down for the All Progressive Congress (APC) candidate, Tonye Cole.
If there’s one Nollywood actress known to wear multiple hats at once, she is HER. Omoni Oboli is a producer, scriptwriter and director. She made her directorial debut in 2014 with Being Mrs Elliot, and has gone on to direct other titles like The First Lady (2015), Okafor’s Law (2016) and Wives on Strike (2016).
But that’s not all there is to the thespian. Outside of the entertainment scene, she works as a success coach and runs her own health and wellness business.
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Nigerian fintech, PayDay, is trending on social media after a tech publication exclusively reported on Wednesday, September 21, that the company is looking to sell just six months after raising $3 million.
Here are seven facts we’ve gleaned from the situation which has since sparked mixed reactions in the tech ecosystem.
PayDay CEO: Favour Ori
PayDay raised $3 million in March 2023
The Rwanda-based neobank, which helps “Africans send and receive money globally” raised $3 million in a seed funding round led by Moniepoint. Three weeks before the raise, an earlier report revealed that the fintech company was looking to raise $1.5 million to “grow its product and engineering team, expand its operations and get the required licenses for those expansions”. Fortunately for the startup, the round was oversubscribed to the tune of an extra $1.5 million.
Moniepoint didn’t acquire PayDay
After leading its $3 million seed roundup in March 2023, an executive at Moniepoint was reported to have said the investment in PayDay was “a strategic investment and not an acquisition.”
According to TechCabal, however, Moniepoint issued a letter of intent to acquire Payday, but months later, the board was no longer keen on the deal.
Fresh talks of acquisition in September 2023
In March 2023, PayDay’s CEO, Favour Ori, admitted to turning down a $15 million acquisition offer by an African unicorn due to PayDay’s profitability.
Six months later, talks of an acquisition were revealed to be ongoing. “Active conversations are being had with people who reached out and expressed interest in buying.”
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Allegations against PayDay CEO
Former and current PayDay employees spoke out that their salary was reduced by 30-50% three months after the startup raised $3million.
A current employee was quoted to have said: “They told us that it was because the company wanted to be domiciled in Nigeria and was obligated to pay its resident employees in naira.”
Meanwhile, Ori maintained his monthly salary of $15,000 allegedly taking decisions out of the blue without carrying other members of the team along. A source was quoted to have said:
“There were instances when we would wake up to discover upcoming features through Twitter, and even the product team had no prior knowledge of these developments.”
Another said: “At times, he would suddenly take control of the company’s social media account to respond to customer complaints.”
The report of an acquisition barely six months after raising $3 million has stirred an onslaught of allegations against the startup’s CEO on social media.
Favour Ori is now planning to sell PayDay, 6 months after a $3M raise.
While withholding customer funds, slashing employee salaries, he was paying himself $15K in salary as Payday CEO while maintaining a FT job as a Github employee.
PayDay’s COO, other employees, exit after salary slash
According to TC’s report, the fintech’s Chief Operating Officer (COO), Ogechi Obike, and some other employees, exited the company amid the salary reduction debacle.
In her exit note, she cited “misalignment of goals” as the reason for leaving the company. However, a company insider painted a picture of meetings where Obike and Ori clashed. “During meetings, he provoked arguments, particularly when she proposed approaches different from his own.”
Favour Ori claims $15k salary lasted less than three months
In a Twitter thread written in response to TechCabal’s September 20 report, Ori admitted that the company faced challenges.
“The past few months have been challenging for us, but these moments serve as tests to demonstrate our commitment to fulfilling our promise of becoming the one-stop for Africans who want to transact globally.”
Ori claimed that adjustments have been made to the team structure, including remunerations for employees.
On the topic of his $15k monthly salary in the middle of a company-wide reduction, the CEO claimed he’d invested over $100k in the company and “gone months without taking a salary”.
According to him, the $15k salary lasted less than three months and was slashed afterwards.
While PayDay’s potential acquisition has stirred mixed reactions, this isn’t the first time the company’s CEO will be found wanting in public discourse.
Twitter users made reference to August 2020, when he stepped down as CEO of WeJapa, a job sourcing platform.
Favour Ori defrauded devs and designers on Facebook and with WeJapa, dipped and went Scot-free, came back after a year or so with PayDay and some OGs applauded/accepted him with open arms, even some slandered people that slandered him, lol…una go dey alright. 😂
At the time, Ori was accused of underpaying workers or not paying for work, berating people after disagreements and often exaggerating his achievements.
In an apology shared on social media, he apologised for his professional misconduct but maintained innocence concerning fraud allegations.
Source: Technext24
Source: Technext24
This is a developing story.
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Nigerian music has experienced a meteoric ascension in the last decade, with artists like Burna Boy, Ayra Starr, Rema and Asake shining on the world stage.
However, we don’t talk enough about the producers who’ve defined this rise through their quality work. They’re the hallway of one of fastest growing cultural export out of Africa. These geniuses are changing the global sound.
Sarz
Sarz co-produced Drake’s One Dance (2016), one of the records that catapulted afrobeats to international shores. Because of Sarz, we got some of the best music projects from Wurld, Lojay, Obongjayar and more. The super-talented music producer, sound engineer and DJ has a catalogue as diverse as afropop, R&B, Hip-Hop and afro-house, classifying him as one of the most outstanding producers we have. He made the Hennessy Artistry 2014 theme song (Dance Go), released a sample and loop pack for producers (the first from a Naija producer) in 2020 and founded The Sarz Academy to train and develop songwriters, performers and producers. Super producers like Tempoe and P.Priime are products of his music school.
Image source: Wikipedia
Pheelz
Some listeners discovered Pheelz when they heard the tall musician on his mega hit, Finesse (2022) with BNXN FKA Buju. But some 12 years before that, he was already affiliated with YBNL on chart-popping productions like Olamide’s First of All and Fucking with the Devil. His production credits cut across smash hits, era-defining albums and singles like M.I Abaga’s The Chairman album, Runtown’s debut, Ghetto University, Seyi or Shay by Seyi Shay, Adekunle Gold’s Pick Up and Vector’s Popular. He’s also worked with Lil Kesh, Wande Coal, Fireboy DML, Tiwa Savage and Bella Shmurda. Although he’s now focused on recording and performing his own music, Pheelz remains instrumental to how some of our fave sounds have come together.
Image source: Spotify
Young Jonn
Since his early days at the Hit Factory, Young Jonn set himself up for an incredible career trajectory. After he produced five songs on Olamide’s Street OT album (Story For The Gods, Falila Ketan, The Real MVP, Prayer For Client and Blood Money), Young Jonn went on to bag the 2015 Headies’ Producer of the Year award for Baddo’s viral jam, Bobo. Since then, his tag, “It’s Young Jonn, the wicked producer” has become synonymous with hit songs, even though we hear it less as Young Jonn morphs into a recording act.
OkayPlayer
Altims
From 2013 to 2016, Mavin had its legs on everyone’s necks. And Altims is responsible for producing some of our fave 2010s songs from their stable: Oluwa Loni and Ladies and Gentlemen by Reekado Banks, Do Like That by Reekado Banks and DJ Xclusive’s Gal Bad. The former Mavin in-house sound designer, mix engineer and DJ also helped birth hits like Man Already by Ladipoe, Tiwa Savage’s Thank You, Before Nko, LaBaLaBa and Rema’s Lady, Woman, Boulevard, Oroma Baby in later years.
Image source: TVC Entertainment
FreshVDM
[ad][/ad]Going through Fresh’s discography, it’s not hard to see the man had a great run from 2016 to 2021. He produced anthems like Burna Boy’s Mandem; Mayorkun’s Of Lagos; FIA, Flora My Flawa, Nwa Baby and I Got A Friend by Davido. Very solid CV for a producer.
Image source: The East African Feed
Rexxie
Almost all your fave street-pop artists have shopped his beats. No Rexxie, no year defining hits like Able God, Zanku, Tesumole, Mafo, Soapy, Ko Por Ke (KPK) or Comma. He gained popularity in 2018 and became massively involved in bringing fresh sounds to afrobeats. With four star-studded music projects to his name, Rexxie remains relevant as one of Naija’s hottest music producers.
Image source: African Music Library
P.Priime
When you hear the vibrant “Giddem” or a resounding “P” production tag on songs, that’s to let you know P.Priime is the producer. After graduating from The Sarz Academy in 2019, he’s gained increasing popularity and his catalogue speaks for him. With hits like Wizkid’s Anoti, Reekado’s Ozumba Mbadiwe, Fireboy’s Bandana and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever’s Anya Mmiri, Alone and Coming Back For You, P.Priime has placed himself as one of the youngest and busiest producers in Nigeria.
Image source: Wikipedia
London
Most of the songs he’s produced have topped charts, so it’s no wonder London has been nominated at prestigious awards shows across the globe, breaking and setting records for the Nigerian music scene. Although he’s most famously known as one of Rema’s go-to sound men, London has production credits on Wizkid’s Grammy nominated Made In Lagos album, Ceeza Milli’s Diamond in the Rough, Tiwa Savage’s Celia, Arya Starr’s 19 & Dangerous, Black Sherrif’s The Villain I Never Was and more. As of publishing, he’s on Billboard’s Top 100 Producers list thanks to Rema’s multi-record breaking Calm Down — both the OG and remix versions.
Image source: MoreBranches
Kel-P
Popularly known by the “It’s Kel-P Vibes” tag Sarz helped him create, he rose to prominence with his contributions to Grammy-nominated albums like Skip Marley’s Higher Place, Burna Boy’s African Giant, Wizkid’s Made In Lagos (deluxe version) and Angelique Kidjo’s Mother Nature. In 2023, Kel-P joined the likes of Pheelz and Young Jonn to become singer-songwriters but still won the Headies’ Producer of the Year award. Concentrating on his singing and production, we may yet see Kel-P unlock new incredible levels.
Image source: NET
In case you didn’t know, the meat festival of this decade, our Burning Ram, is coming soon.
27-year-old singer Mohbad’s death has been a topic of discussion in the Nigerian media over the last few days. His fans, colleagues and friends amongst others have called for a thorough investigation into the circumstances surrounding his demise.
Unfortunately, the issue has now led to several social media users sharing clickbaity, unconfirmed stories about everything from the singer’s struggle with his old label, Marlian Records, to activities that may have led to his demise.
Here are 14 verifiable events we’ve gleaned from the situation so far.
Naira Marley signed Mohbad in October 2019
Mohbad was a part of Naira Marley’s record label, Marlian Records, until his exit in October 2022. He was signed in 2019 alongside Cblvck, Zinoleesky and Fabian Blu. In October 2020, the singer celebrated his one-year anniversary with the record label in a Twitter post.
Today makes it a year i got signed into Marlian Music..Thanks for believing in me @officialnairam1 🙏❤️🤴
Mohbad terminated his contract with Marlian Records in October 2022
Mohbad officially parted ways with Marlian Records in October 2022, following a series of call-outs on social media. He accused the label boss, Naira Marley, of orchestrating attacks against him.
The events of the last two days have left indelible scars in my heart.
I have always just wanted to create good music and to provide for my family and myself through my music. As an Artiste from the street, I thought the Marlian Family would be a good place for me.
Mohbad launched his own music outfit in November 2022
After departing Marlian Records and terminating his contract, Mohbad announced Imolenization and released hit songs like Weekend, Ask About Me, Peace and Beast in the months that followed.
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Mohbad was an emergency hypertensive patient
In October 2022, Mohbad revealed in a Twitter post that he was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed as an emergency hypertensive patient.
I’ve been admitted as an emergency hypertensive patient but I’ll be back later to say my own bit of the situation.
Quick flashback to February 24th this year when this happened and they said I was intoxicated.
The singer’s close friend and colleague, Bella Shmurda, spoke about his hypertensive condition in a 2023 interview with media personality, Chude Jideonwo.
Throwback to Bella Shmurda talking about Mohbad’s hypertensive health condition.
Mohbad suffered assault from Sam Larry in June 2023
In June 2023, socialite and friend of Naira Marley was filmed disrupting a music video production while Mohbad and Zlatan Ibile were on set. Zlatan quickly interceded and stopped Larry, who looked about to assault Mohbad.
Scene when Mohbad was chased away from a videoshoot set with Zlatan💔
Mohbad filed a petition against Sam Larry in June 2023
After the music video shoot incident in June 2023, Mohbad filed an official petition to the police, accusing Sam Larry and his accomplices of damaging equipment worth ₦5 million and ruining the shoot which cost ₦8 million.
Mohbad filed a petition in June following the assault at his video shoot with Zlatan. pic.twitter.com/FWhIyoq8cL
There were rumours prior to the singer’s demise, but his management shared an official statement on his Twitter and Instagram pages, confirming his death.
Concerning circumstances surrounding his death
Mohbad’s management shared a statement on Saturday, September 16, noting that “The circumstances surrounding his death are truly painful, and we are open to provide any cooperation necessary to the authorities to carry out any investigations.”
No autopsy conducted before he was buried
The singer died in Ikorodu, Lagos state, on Tuesday, September 12. He was buried on Wednesday, September 13, before any autopsy was carried out on his remains. In a video interview, the late singer’s dad explained that he was buried customary to Yoruba culture, which frowns against keeping a deceased person’s body for long if both parents are alive.
Police confirmed receipt of Mohbad’s June 2023 petition
According to Oluniyi Ogundeyi, spokesperson of the Force Criminal Investigation Department (FCID), Mohbad’s petition was received, but the singer failed to show up to defend his case and provide proof of his allegations.
Ongoing investigation into Mohbad’s demise
The PRO of the Nigerian Police Force, Olumuyiwa Adejobi, in a statement shared on September 14, stated that the force is committed to carrying out a full investigation into the circumstances surrounding Mohbad’s demise.
Mohbad's Demise: We Will Carry Out Diligent Investigation – FPRO
We extend our deepest condolences to the family, friends, and fans of late Ilerioluwa Oladimeji Aloba, known as Mohbad, who tragically passed away recently. We understand the concerns surrounding his untimely… pic.twitter.com/BKIBIrRaW6
On September 16, Police PRO of the Lagos State Command, SP Benjamin Hundeyin announced a special investigation team within the homicide section of the State Criminal Investigation Department (SCID) will coordinate the investigation.
MOHBAD: LAGOS STATE POLICE COMMAND COMMENCES FULL INVESTIGATION
Consequent upon the growing public concerns and the preliminary police review of the general circumstances sorrounding the death of Ilerioluwa Oladimeji Aloba aka Mohbad, the Commissioner of Police, Lagos State…
The police haven’t invited Sam Larry and Naira Marley
Some social media users have claimed that the police have invited Sam Larry and Naira Marley for questioning. However, according to a fact-checked report, the claim is untrue. While the police have set up a special investigation team, neither of these individuals have been invited for questioning.
Naira Marley has lost over 500k followers on Instagram Marlian records boss, Naira Marley, has lost over 500k followers on Instagram, following outrage from Nigerians who hold a grudge against him for allegedly mistreating Mohbad while he was signed to the label. As of Tuesday morning, the day of Mohbad’s passing, he had 7.5 million followers. At the moment, he has 6.9 million followers.
Police open to exhuming Mohbad’s body for autopsy
During an IG Live interview with media personality Daddy Freeze on Thursday, September 14, SP Benjamin Hundeyin noted that the police are open to exhuming Mohbad’s remains for an autopsy if it will help determine the cause of death.
“If need be, the body will be exhumed. It is not too late. The body can be exhumed and an autopsy can be performed.”
However, there have been no further announcements from the police confirming that the singer’s remains have been exhumed for an autopsy.
Autopsy conducted
On September 21, at 1:15 p.m., SP Hundeyin announced on Twitter that the police had exhumed the singer’s body to conduct an autopsy.
The quickness of the announcement stirred mixed reactions with some Nigerians raising questions about how long an autopsy examination takes.
According to a Web MD report, “The exam usually takes 1 to 2 hours”.
Zikoko asked a medical officer who explained that the test takes one to two hours. The result takes longer, and the waiting time can range from six to 12 weeks.
This is a developing story.
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We have English-speaking rappers people often mistake for “hardcore rappers”, and Ibile United — an umbrella term for local Yoruba rappers. Although some of them mix some pidgin here and there, they’re not the same as rappers who strictly rap in Pidgin. Also, these pidgin rappers don’t enjoy as much attention as their counterparts expressing through other tongues.
This is a list of seven hard Hip-Hop artists who rap in Pidgin. You should be rinsing and repeating their work.
Erigga
Erigga, a.k.a. Paper Boi, is highly revered for spitting in Nigerian pidgin, telling relatable stories from the streets of Warri. When Erigga flows on soulful Hip-Hop beats and reflects on his life or talks about the ills of the music industry, he’s a different beast. Please start with the intro, Industry, and Death Bed on his Okorowanta album.
DanDizzy
DanDizzy,a Port-Harcourt-born artist, became famous for his impeccable freestyle ability.
Get a music box and play DanDizzy any instrumental, and he’s ready to go on and on. It’s interesting how he switches flows and makes bars out of anything in pure pidgin and PH slang.
His studio releases include Who Goes Der!, Denge Pose feat. BadBoyTimz and Yawa feat. Skales. DanDizzy sings, too, a lover at heart on Garni.
ODC
If soulful, Boombap and Lo-fi raps is your taste, ODC is the guy you turn to. His hard-knocking delivery and classic Hip-Hop samples, but the stories come from the gritty streets of Surulere.
ODC kicks knowledge, lifelines, hard punchlines, and puns that make you go “Ugh”. Yes, that’s how crazy he goes with the bars. He has The Illest series (three volumes) with South-African-based Nigerian producer MHP. They are a perfect pair because their styles are complimentary.
Abstraktt
If you see Abstraktt, you’ll think he’s never stepped foot on Lagos mainland or heard of Ikorodu. But when he drops his pidgin lamba, a big surprise hits you. Trap, drill, and afro-swing are his usual play stations.
[ad][/ad] Bops like 2Fresh, Guyman, and Allow Me to Rap will convince you on the first listen due to their relatability and fun choruses. When you see Abstrakkt outside, hail him as one of the unique rappers out right now instead of confusing him for DJ Consequence — he remarked on No Wahala.
Knowledge (of Ajebo Hustlers)
Knowledge weaves words together in pidgin and Port-Harcourt dialects, handing you vivid imagery of his socio-political thoughts, relationship issues, and his raunchy side. He’s also comical, which makes his raps more digestible. Most of his verses are on songs and projects like Kpos Lifestyle Volume 1 and Bad Boy Etiquette with his fellow Ajebo Hustler, Piego.
hyph!
hyph! has a mystical personality; there’s no face to the brand. hyph! just drops the music. He spills his mind on moody beats that sound comforting, especially after a weary day. hyph! has three tapes to his name — Bicycle Lane, blue+black and [h.i.M] on which he showcases his production skills and tells stories of his unemployment, the 2020 lockdown, cash chasing and lost faith.
His music is currently available on Soundcloud.
Reeplay
Straight out of Abuja, Reeplay has made a name for himself as one of the distinctive spitters in the federal capital’s music scene. Although he’s humourous, Reeplay raps in an aggressive way that amuses and keeps the listener engaged — every bar is either a claim or a brag or just a funny comparison of something. You want to hear what more he has to say. In songs like Comot for Sanko, Na Now, Not Sorry and Who Is Reeplay, he details his time in jail and the tough streets of the Buj.
“Kala, Daju, Ma Rerin, Wuwa Ika” were some of the hardest words in Olamide and Portable’s 2021 street banger, Zazoo Zeh. However, thanks to the recent cult slang conversation on X, I’ve come to realise there’s more meaning to these words, which loosely translate to “Be stern, show no mercy, don’t laugh and be wicked.”
Apparently, the lines are language-altered versions of slang peculiar to some cultist groups in Nigeria. For instance, “Ma Rerin” is associated with the Buccaneers Confraternity’s “No laughing on board,” lingo. This discovery led me on a quest to find more Nigerian cult slangs and their purported meanings.
Some slangs in this list have been loosely used in afrobeats songs by Davido, Shallipopi, OdumoduBlvck, among others.
General cult slangs
Sticker: a cutlass.
Talasa: To hit a person till he/she bleeds.
Manoeuvre: Steal.
Jetesin: Let go of something or an issue.
B40: Brother.
Ancho: Means to give out something.
Belle: Often used to refer to a female member of the Vikings confraternity.
Identify yourself: Members say this to unknown people, wearing colours associated with their cult.
Sangry for Sangry: “Sangre” means “blood” in Spanish. This cult lingo means “blood for blood”.
Dey gbam: Stay calm or keep still. Usually used when they’re trying to intimidate a non-cult member into mellowing down for them.
Wida you? This is cult lingo for “Who the hell are you?” The tone is harsh on non-cultists and softer on fellow cult members.
Ruff sea: Conflict or crisis.
Obembe business: A cult gathering where they share dues and allowance.
Iceland: A place where non-cult members are forbidden to enter. If you do, you’ll either be beaten or forced to join the cult.
Omila squad: Armed robbers.
Slangs peculiar to different cult groups
According to news reports, there are several cult groups in Nigeria domiciled in different regions. Some cult groups with widespread popularity have members who go on to start small chapters and sub-divisions of the mother group. Each of these cult groups have slangs peculiar to them and used by members.
Deby na Debt
Source: Skabash
Also known as the Eternal Fraternity Order of Legion Consortium, members of this group call themselves Klansmen. It was formed in 1983 at the University of Calabar. Their official symbol is the human skull, and their colours are white and black. Some of their common lingo include:
Peaceful man in a deadly mood, disagree to agree
The affairs of a klansman before any other thing in life
What concerns a klansman concerns all klansmen
Oath of secrecy abides by all members
Black Axe Confraternity
Source: Faz
Known for their bright yellow colour, this cult group members are known as Aye, Axe-men, Seven or Amigos. It was founded in 1976 at the University of Benin. Their official symbol is a black axe, and Nigerian cult slangs peculiar to them include:
The Blackman will be freed with an axe
No fuck ups
Forgiveness is a sin
Don’t betray your brother in the hood
Obey before complaining or abeyance
He who price must pay
Buccaneers confraternity
Source: Naira Diary
The Buccaneers are known for their high intellectual standards, a major requirement if you want to join the cult group. Members of the group are known as Fine boys, Alora, Bucketmen, Lords, etc., and their colours are white, yellow and black. The group’s symbol is a human skeleton with a head wrap. It was formed in 1972 at the University of Ibadan.
No price, no pay
No brothers in the wood
No laughing on board
Blood for blood
Let the devil that leads you guide you
Supreme Vikings Confraternity
Source: Skabash
Formed in 1982 by some members of the Buccaneers, this cult group was originally called De Norsemen Club of Nigeria. Members call themselves aro-mates, adventurers or vultures. The group’s symbol is two crossed axes and a boat. Some Nigerian cult slangs peculiar to the group include:
Never hang a leg
Even in the face of death
Blood on the high sea
Songs of Hojas
Pyrate Confraternity
Source: Wikipedia
Founded in 1952 by Nobel Laureate, Wole Soyinka, and his friends at the University of Ibadan, this cult group set out to revive the age of chivalry and elitism and abolish convention. It was disbanded in the 1960s to form a new group called Secret Cults. However, in 2022, Soyinka clamped down on the group over a video of members mocking Bola Tinubu. Their colours are yellow, black and red, and their symbol comprises a skull, two cross-bones and an anchor. Their slangs include:
Nollywood actor, Jimmy Odukoya, recently succeeded his late dad, Taiwo Odukoya, as senior pastor of the Fountain of Life Church. Prior to the new position, Odukoya led a vibrant career in ministry and served as a pastor in TFOLC and The Cave Church.
“The Woman King” actor’s appointment has since stirred mixed reactions from Nigerian Christian faithfuls. Questions have been raised about his acting profession, but did you know he’s not the only Nigerian celebrity combining ministry with a thriving career in entertainment?
Here are seven others you should know about.
Banky W
Source: Instagram/@bankyw
In 2020, the musician-turned-actor was ordained a full-time pastor at Tony Rapu’s This Present House Church. A visit to the singer’s official Instagram page features several videos of him preaching to large congregations. Since he became a pastor, Banky has dropped an album, ran for office and released a song with gospel musician, Mercy Chinwo.
Lynxx
Source: Instagram/@its_lynxxx
The former singer first shared the news that he’d become a born-again Christian in 2016. The years that follow would see Lynxx maintaining a balance that tilts closer toward his spiritual life.
His last known work in entertainment was a feature in the 2022 Netflix film, Glamour Girls. These days, Lynxx proudly wears his tag as a life and spiritual growth coach.
Mama Rainbow
Source: Instagram/@mamarainbowofficial
The veteran entertainer is as vocal about her work as an actress as she is with her evangelism. She has gained a reputation for taking on spiritually inclined journeys for Nigeria in turbulent times. In February 2023, ahead of the general elections, her prayer request for a peaceful election season went viral on social media.
Patience Ozokwor
Source: Instagram/@patienceozokwo
Famous for her wicked step-mother-inclined roles in Nollywood, the veteran actress doubles as a woman of God. In a 2019 interview, Ozokwor stressed that there’s no divide between her career as an actress and her ministry.
“You know, we do drama in the church. It is like I am preaching. I say that the movie industry preaches to the whole world. A pastor can be in his church and be preaching to the people there, but the movies go very far with their stories. It is part of what I am doing.”
Eucharia Anunobi
Source: Instagram/@euchariaanunobi
She was Mother in Nollywood; an iconic queen who delivered a masterclass on how to act anytime she showed up on the screen. However, in February 2012, Anunobi was ordained as a minister of God at the Fresh Oil Ministry International Church. These days, she juggles her ministerial duties with appearances on small-budget Nollywood productions on YouTube.
Pepenazi
Source: Instagram/@pepenazi
Illegal hitmaker, Pepenazi, sent a shock wave through social media in September 2022 after he was seen preaching the gospel in a video shared on his Instagram page. He captioned the clip: “The world cannot give you the satisfaction you need! It is only Jesus! that can satisfy your soul. Start your week by establishing a relationship with him and make a decree on what you want him to purge out of your life. He is a beacon.”
The months that follow will see Pepenazi sharing more Instagram videos preaching the gospel and letting people know where he stands. Although he still proudly wears the tag of singer, rapper and songwriter.
Daddy Freeze
Source: Instagram/@daddyfreeze
The media personality started his spiritual career kicking back against Nigerian pastors like Enoch Adeboye and Paul Adefarasin, among others. He’d later start his own online church, Free The Sheeple Movement, dissecting the word of God for his followers and hosting questions and answers.
Freeze combines his work as a minister with his full-time job as a media personality.
Sitting with crossed legs was a posture connected to wealth. My family members would often make comments like “See the way you’re sitting like a rich man who owns us all”. I’d gleaned the posture from glassy-looking models on the pages of fashion magazines, who exuded an aura of sophistication I loved.
But in senior secondary school, I’d learn — in the harshest way possible — of the connections drawn between a man’s sexuality and sitting posture. Comments like “Why is this one sitting like a girl?” from female classmates, and “Seat properly” from teachers instilling their version of Nigerian etiquette, would eventually force a consciousness on me when I was about to cross my legs in public.
A recent encounter confronted me with old, unpleasant memories and led me on a short quest to learn about the experiences of other men.
Faith*
About two weeks ago, I was at the reception area of a telco experience centre when a security lady approached me. She said something about moving to the next seat, but I also heard her make a snide remark about the way I sat. For context, I wore a pair of shorts way above knee level, and crossed my legs so that a large portion of my thighs were on display. I wasn’t going to let it go, so I responded and told her cross-legging isn’t for women only. She saw that I was visibly irritated and had a quick change of tone. According to her, she didn’t mean it that way and was only worried the content of my pockets would fall off. I let it go, but that’s one of many such experiences.
Dave*
It was during NYSC on a Thursday (CDS). Our meeting was ongoing, but there I was bored and tired, so I crossed my legs. One of my colleagues said she noticed I did that a lot. She went on to say, “It’s very womanly, and the fact that you look like a girl doesn’t help you either.” I laughed and explained to her that I have a weak left knee from an accident I sustained at 13, so I can’t sit too long without wanting to place my left leg on the right to rest a bit.
Ibrahim*
I had my university education in Osun state, and the culture shock was one for the books. Prior to school, I’d lived in Lagos my whole life, and in my house, crossing your legs was in fact a sign of affluence. I remember my mum making statements like “Wo bo se cross-leg bi olowo” (see the way you crossed your legs like a rich man), and that was all there was to it. But I was in for a rude shock when I resumed school in 100 level. These Muslim sisters in my level would make side comments and laugh whenever they saw me sit with crossed legs. I didn’t think of it until one of them approached me and asked why I crossed my legs like a woman. I wasn’t sure I heard well, so I asked what she meant. This girl took her time to explain that crossing my legs makes me look feminine, especially because I also wore skinny jeans. I laughed it off and just walked away. Now that I think of it, that experience made me more conscious of crossing my legs. Sometimes, I scan the room to see if other men are crossing their legs before I do the same. That way, I won’t be singled out.
David Nkem
I cross my legs so much that I sometimes begin to wonder if I can sit without doing so. A woman once warned me to stop crossing my legs so I wouldn’t become impotent. According to her, crossing my legs brings negative energy to my balls. To date, I don’t know what she meant. My mum also used to bother, but she doesn’t care anymore. A coworker recently reported me to “the cartel” at work. They called me for a meeting to say, “Men don’t cross their legs when they sit.” But I feel comfortable and no longer give a fuck about it to be honest.
Dave*
I’ve found that in Nigeria, your sexuality will be questioned for so many flimsy reasons. From how you talk, walk and dress to how you cross your legs. People raise their eyebrows when you look eccentric or out of place. As someone whose sexuality has been questioned, I tend to be self-conscious. So, I self-check whenever I’m out in public. I don’t cross my legs. If you’re my friend, and you love crossing your legs, I might raise my eyebrows — before the Nigerian “sexuality FBI” extends their questions to me.
Gbenro*
I’m a banker. I wear suits a lot and sitting cross-legged is the best posture if you want to appear like the classic magazine models. At conferences or business meetings, once I settle into that chair, the next line of action is to cross my legs, except there’s no room to do so. At a work conference some weeks ago, I was trying to create extra room to cross my legs, and this female colleague goes, “Na wa o. You no fit sit down normally?” I didn’t even have to respond before another colleague jumped in asking how it’s her business. I knew the lady had been pining to say something about the way I sit for so long because she always made side comments. That day, I’d planned to give her a full dressing down.
James*
Nobody don question my sexuality based on leg crossing sha. I think it’s based on people’s background or environment during their formative period. It has nothing to do with sexuality or anything. Some people are just more comfortable crossing their legs while seated, either male or female. However, I have always felt weird standing akimbo. I always feel it is feminine, and I don’t know why. That’s just me digressing.
Apple may have finally lost their unholy grip on the Nigerian audience, who have a history of doing the most to cop the company’s latest offerings. The lukewarm reception that met the iPhone 15’s release is a clear testament to this. Titanium design and type C-USB port? Tim Cook needs to be for real. While the iPhone 15 might be dead on arrival, there are some cool iOS 17 features to look out for.
What’s the gist of iOS 17?
According to Apple, the new slate of iPhones comes with the latest version of its operating system, iOS 17. However, some older models can be upgraded to accommodate the new IOS which launches officially on September 18.
With iPhone 17, you don’t have to deal with static images in your Apple Music background. Apple said: “Let’s get the party started.”
Crossfade between music
Apple ate with this feature because do you know how annoying it is to transition from Asa’s “Bibanke” to Portable’s “I’m Not a Criminal”? According to Apple, this feature allows “Each song to fade in while the previous song is fading out, creating a continuous mix of your favourite music.”
A new Journal app
Journaling is gaining momentum as the new cool, and I honestly get why. It’s much cheaper than booking a session with a therapist. iOS 17 comes with an all-new, first-of-its-kind Journal app that “lets you write about your experiences, find meaningful insights, and let journaling suggestions and writing prompts help you get started.
Check-In
This feature comes in handy to help keep track of your movement, considering the rise in kidnap cases in Nigeria. According to Apple, “Check-In can detect when you’ve arrived safely and inform your loved ones automatically”. Check-In will also ask if you’ve gotten to your destination after 15 minutes or your trip duration, and if you don’t respond, it automatically shares useful info with your loved ones.
Messaging on FaceTime
FaceTime gets a facelift on iOS 17. The latest version of the app allows you to leave video or audio messages in a voicemail when someone misses your call.
Namedrop
Why does this sound like you’re about to snitch? Anyway, the latest update to Airdrop is Namedrop, a feature that allows users to place their iPhones or Apple watches side by side to swap contact info.
Contact posters
Android people had this feature centuries ago, but this isn’t info that fazes Apple stans. With iOS 17, users can now finally include contact posters that pop up during phone calls. Be warned, this feature will let people read your face to know if it’s the LOYL calling or that annoying family member.
Offline maps
This feature is Apple’s biggest middle finger to Nigerian internet service providers on our collective behalf. With iOS 17, you can download locations to use when you don’t have access to good internet.
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It was a tropical paradise on Friday, September 15, 2023, as Calypso, one of Nigeria’s beloved indigenous liqueur brands, hosted an exclusive beach party that was nothing short of extravagant. The theme of the evening: “Switch up the Fun,” set the stage for an unforgettable relaunch event, bringing together celebrities, influencers, artists, and the crème de la crème of Lagos society.
The Ambiance: A Taste of Tropical Paradise
As the sun began its descent over the Lagos shoreline, the Breeze Beach Club transformed into a mesmerising oasis. Glistening waves provided a picturesque backdrop, as the air filled with the harmonious blend of captivating melodies and the fruity scents of coconuts and sweet liqueur. This wasn’t just any beach party; it was a Calypso escape, an experience that would soon become Lagos’ latest obsession.
To add more colour to the evening, guests enjoyed captivating medleys from Chike, Afrohouse Queen – Niniola, Timaya, and Wandecoal, who closed the night with a mix of his best throwback singles and new EPs. Caribbean Carnival dancers, beach girls, and performances from the dance maestro, Kaffy, also got guests very excited.
Elite Guests, Premium Fashion, and a Noteworthy Experience
The guest list read like a who’s who of Lagos’ high society, with celebrities, influencers, artists, and prominent figures from the business, tech, and corporate worlds gracing the event. But it wasn’t just their status that turned heads; it was their impeccable fashion choices that stole the spotlight.
Socialites, like Eku Edewor, Hawa Magaji, Akin Faminu, Teddy A, Kaylah, and Simi Drey, along with popular guests such as Kehinde and Taiwo Balogun, Mimi Chaka, Aduke Shitta Bey, Kemi Smallz, Tolu Oniwo, Jemima, BamBam, Aisha Ibrahim-Alfa, Amira Ibrahim-Alfa, and Daisy Handfield, graced the occasion with their presence. These famous personalities, known for their premium and lavish lifestyles, certainly brought their A-game when it came to beach fashion.
From opulent linen and the softest cotton to delicate mesh and intricately crocheted ensembles, the fashion on display was breathtaking.
The event was hosted by the dynamic duo of Bovi and Pearl Cardy, who added their charisma and wit to the already electric atmosphere. Together, they kept the audience entertained throughout the night, ensuring that the Calypso Relaunch Beach Party was not just a fashion extravaganza, but also a memorable experience.
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Calypso’s Relaunch: The Introduction of Calypso Coconut Liqueur
The highlight of the evening was undoubtedly the introduction of Calypso Coconut Liqueur. This exquisite tropical coconut-flavoured drink promises to redefine relaxation. Whether guests sought a tranquil escape at home, hosted gatherings with friends, or joined a beach getaway, Calypso Coconut Liqueur was set to be their new obsession.
Stanley Obi, the Director of the Prime Business Unit, Grand Oak Limited, in his welcome address to the guest, said: “Tonight, we celebrate not just the relaunch of Calypso, but the essence of a brand that has always stood for beachside elegance and the joy of living in the moment. Calypso has always been about more than just fashion, it’s about embracing life with open arms, cherishing every moment, and living fully in the present. Tonight, we’ve not only relaunched a brand, but we’ve also rekindled the spirit of beachside excitement and are helping Nigerian fun-seekers switch up the fun.”
Crafted to deliver a unique experience, Calypso liqueur caters to individuals with discerning palates, embodying fun, and quality. Calypso didn’t just throw a party; it created a transcendent experience – an invitation to explore the lush realms of luxury and tropical allure right in the heart of Lagos.
Meet your soon-to-be obsession!
Calypso Coconut Liqueur is well on its way to being the most enjoyed liqueur with dual-purpose consumption. Modupe Aremo, Brand Business Manager, Calypso, and Apperito, noted this: “Calypso Coconut Liqueur is more than just a drink; it’s a versatile companion to our beachside moments. Whether sipped leisurely or creatively mixed into cocktails, it’s on its way to becoming a favourite for those who appreciate quality and innovation.“
Her words echoed the sentiments of many, highlighting the brand’s commitment to offering a unique and enjoyable experience.
Against the backdrop of Lagos’ stunning coastline, elite guests indulged in opulent fashion, captivating ambiance, and the tantalising taste of Calypso Coconut Liqueur. Calypso has once again proven that it is the liqueur of the moment m, setting the standard for premium experiences in Lagos.
Nigerians on X were caught up on drawing the most hilarious scenarios from the old money, new money conversation throughout last week. But is a topic even worth discussing if it hasn’t made for premium Nollywood home video content?
If you still don’t have a full grasp of the topic, these Nollywood productions will make clear the difference between old and new money.
Obianuju Onwuka (Ireti Doyle) describing Dunni Coker (Adesua Etomi), daughter of wealthy business tycoons, as a “native house girl from Ekiti state” is all the explanation you need as to why it isn’t just about the cash for old money folks. Do you have pedigree?
Living in Bondage | New Money
New money is fast, loud and noisy. When you show up, you have to show off. You can only get their attention when you pull up to a family meeting or casual get-together in a Ferrari, Porsche 911 Carrera or Lexus GX, just like in this movie.
Old money folks don’t care if you wear designers. The question is, are you wearing the latest season? In Bling Lagosians, friends drag Mopelola Holloway for wearing Ituen Basi of three seasons ago. God, abeg.
Simi, No Forget | Old Money
Marriage is a big deal for old-money folks. If you plan to marry one of them, prepare to answer questions like: “Who are your parents?” and “What is your pedigree?”
Chief Daddy |Old Money
There’s always a great-granddaddy or grandaddy who has every member of the family set up for life with his will, like Chief Beecroft in Chief Daddy. Are you beginning to get the picture? Old money folks don’t even have to work; they do it for the sake of it.
King of Boys |New Money
New money folks of today are the old money folks of tomorrow, which is why politics is important to them. New money parents are either running for office, sponsoring a political party or setting their wards up for a political appointment. In Alhaja Eniola Salami’s (Sola Sobowale) case, she wanted to run for governor but was outsmarted.
Blood Sisters | New Money
It’s hard, and I mean extremely hard, to marry into old money, but folks can occasionally get lucky with new money. Mind you, if it happens, new money parents will make it crystal clear they don’t give a fuck about you or your family. Just like in the dining scene, where Uduak Ademola (Kate Henshaw) shows no regard for her potential in-laws.
Here’s your chance to network with old money and new folks at Zikoko’s upcoming meat festival.
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Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
When did you first realise what money was?
I realised my family was rich when, as a five-year-old inquisitive child, I snooped through my dad’s briefcase in his room one day and found bank statements and letters from Barclays Bank. This was 1996, and the bank was offering my dad a £100k loan.
Now I want to know what he did for money
He was a major supplier for Michelin before the company left Nigeria, so he was a pretty big deal. But I never would’ve guessed it because he had a lot of financial discipline and was very low-key.
On a family vacation abroad when I was around 10 or 12 years old, I asked my dad to get me video games because all my friends had one. Instead, he bought an educational VTech computer game, even though he could afford a PlayStation, Xbox or Sega. He’d always say, “Getting money isn’t as easy as it seems.”
He taught me so many money lessons.
Do share
He made me understand the importance of working hard to get the kind of money I want. He also taught me that there’s a “wrong” way to spend money. His position was partly the reason why the first thing I did for money was washing our neighbours’ cars for money when I was 10 years old.
How did that work?
We lived in an estate, and it wasn’t strange to find young kids washing their neighbours’ cars for the random ₦10 or ₦20. My friends and I started with my dad’s car before moving on to pretty much the entire estate. I saved all I made in a kolo and had up to ₦1k at a point. I later spent it all on Enid Blyton books and Mama Put sha.
I didn’t try another money-making move till my second year in uni in 2008. I attended a private university and noticed students didn’t have many food options at night when the cafeteria had closed. So, I made arrangements with someone who made snacks close to my school to buy in bulk at discounted rates and sell in the hostel at a markup.
What kind of snacks?
Scotch eggs, sausages and meat pies. I brought in the snacks twice per week, and I typically made about ₦8k- ₦10k in profits weekly. I stopped after two months, though.
Why?
It was time-consuming and was already affecting my studies. Plus, other students in the hostel decided to copy the business when they saw how successful it was. There was a lot of competition.
I didn’t mind stopping because I got a regular allowance from my parents — about ₦40k/month, which later increased to ₦50k/month. I only started the business in the first place because I wanted to see if I had an entrepreneurial muscle.
Did you flex that muscle again while in uni?
I couldn’t. I changed departments in my second year, which eventually led to some result issues. The school didn’t update the change, and I had no academic records for the first two years. I had to have an extra year.
I finally graduated in 2013 and decided to take a job with a network company someone in church introduced me to while I was waiting for NYSC call-up.
What was the job like?
I was a project manager, but I did most of the CCTV and IP telephone installations and other network configurations for our hotel clients. I was paid per project, and it depended on how much work I had done during the month. For example, if I helped install about 50 CCTV cameras and Wi-Fi points, I could make ₦30k in commissions at the end of the month.
Was that the average amount you made monthly?
Yes. When NYSC came and posted me out of the state, I redeployed so I could keep working there. My commissions grew to about ₦50k- ₦100k/month after a couple of months. I worked there for about three years.
Were you still getting an allowance from home?
That stopped immediately after uni. In fact, the period I started earning money was when my family’s finances hit a bit of a downturn.
What happened?
My dad tried to get into politics and lost everything. My mum even had to start teaching at a school to make money. Of course, I had to help out with the bills, so that’s where most of my earnings went, apart from the occasional personal expense and love “sturvs” — I had a girlfriend.
What did you do after leaving the network company?
I took another job as the personal assistant to an oil company’s director.
Oshey, oil money
The salary was ₦100k/month, which wasn’t bad in 2017. I wasn’t really spending the salary because other perks came with the job. I was given a car, and they reimbursed every amount I spent on it. My boss also gave me many random ₦5ks for “transport”, but I was using the company’s car, so I didn’t have to spend anything.
So, what were you actually spending on?
I saved a lot because I was planning to get married and needed to get a new apartment. I was co-renting with someone at the time, and my part of the rent was ₦190k.
The wedding plans eventually didn’t work out, but I went ahead and rented my own place in 2018. The total package was ₦690k, but the rent was ₦450k per year. Interestingly, I hit a financial roadblock just after getting my place.
Oh no. What happened?
Someone from church scammed me into leaving my job to work for him. He convinced me he’d done business with the company I worked for and found out they were in a bad financial situation.
Coincidentally, the company was also in a court case at the time, so it looked like he was telling the truth. I left and started working with him as a project manager for offshore platforms. My salary was supposed to be ₦250k/month, but I only got paid once in the four months I worked there.
He couldn’t afford to pay?
He was using me as a front to defraud people. He told investors he had an oil block, and if they invested money with us, he’d refund it after six months with interest. But he used the money for himself and kept lying to me. I started to suspect things weren’t fine when some coworkers I met there left mysteriously. I reached out to some of them and heard things. I decided it wasn’t worth fighting for my unpaid salaries, so I just packed up and left.
I was unemployed for about two months after, and then my dad had a partial stroke. I had about ₦800k saved, which went down the drain quickly trying to settle his health bills and other expenses at home. I also went into about ₦400k debt.
Omo
Thankfully, in September 2013, I got a business development job at a medical sales company. It was ₦80k/month —a drop from my previous income, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Thankfully, through serious budgeting and miracle funds from two family members I never expected, I was about 80% debt-free by December. In January 2019, I got promoted to project manager, and it came with a ₦40k raise.
Nice
I left them in 2021 for a sales representative job at a bigger medical sales company, and my salary was ₦150k/month. It later increased to ₦200k in May 2022. I also got commissions of between 1.5% to 2% on every sale I made. It was a low percentage considering I brought in about ₦110m to the company in the one year I spent there.
Was it the same level of commissions they gave everyone?
Yes. At one point, we even fought them to increase it to at least 5%, but they refused to budge.
Anyway, I got a remote job with an international health technology company in September 2022 and started earning in dollars, so I’ve left naira wahala alone.
God, when? How much was the salary?
$960. I’m still earning that, but the naira equivalent has increased over time due to the naira devaluation. When I first started, I got about ₦780k/month, but now it shuffles between ₦870k to ₦920k.
Wiun. So, it’s sort of increased your purchasing power
In a way. But if you really look at it, purchasing value has pretty much stayed the same. For instance, I buy my groceries monthly, and I’ve constantly watched the prices increase, and I still buy the same things. The same things that used to cost me ₦50k now cost ₦60k.
So, while I can afford to buy these things, I’m not getting maximum value for the amount I have. It’s crazy because you can’t plan your expenses. It’s not about earning dollars; what can your dollars do?
But has your spending increased with your earnings?
Definitely. I can now afford to do small instant gratification here and there, but in an organised way. I’ve come to a point where money doesn’t control or get me unnecessarily excited.
If my financial situation had been like this in 2014/2015, it might’ve been a different story. But I’ve seen what money, or the lack of it, can do to people. I mean, I’ve seen my dad with and without money. So, let’s just say earning more has given me some wiggle room to afford my wants and needs.
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How has your income growth over time impacted your perspective on money?
I think saving money is fine, but it shouldn’t be key. You want to save for the rainy day, but when it comes, you’ll still spend the money. Right now, I see myself as a conduit for money; money flows through me to reach others. I don’t want to be the person who gets money, and their first thought is, “Oh, let me keep it.” Money is meant to be spent, and spending it helps the economy grow.
I’ve also realised that, by improving my skills, I’ve increased my earnings and made myself a larger channel through which money flows. I’m holding foreign currency now, like my dad did many years ago, but I don’t see it as a big deal. It’s still money, and it will be used to purchase stuff. So why not use it?
So, what do you use your money for in an average month?
What’s a purchase you made recently that significantly improved the quality of your life?
I bought some land in June for about ₦800k. I plan to develop it much later, though. It’s just an investment for now.
What’s one money lesson hill you’re willing to die on?
Money isn’t everything, and it’d be great if we all started seeing it that way. It’s a tool for getting good things done, but it’s not THE tool that defines you.
Curious, though. Do you think you’d be a quiet-rich person like your dad?
Somewhat. But my eye tear small. When the money balance well, you’d probably find me on a yacht somewhere, enjoying my life quietly without any apology.
What would you classify as “balance well” money?
At least, $5m/month.
Wawu
I’m aiming for more than that. I want to get to the point where I have a lot of assets bringing in passive income. I’m considering investments in agriculture, tech and real estate. Such that I can sleep for one year and be sure that something is coming into my account.
Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?
A new TV and the newest Xbox console. I can afford it, but they’ll both cost about $1k, and it’s not a priority now.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
4. That doesn’t mean it’s bad; it’s just growing. Plus, I still have the >$5m/month goal to reach.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
It was recently revealed in an X post that in June 2023, Nigerian show promoter, Sam Larry, stormed a music video set with some unidentified accomplices and allegedly attempted to attack Mohbad, until Zlatan Ibile intervened.
Here’s all we know about the individual who has sparked public outrage and become a person of interest in relation to Mohbad’s recent passing.
Who is Sam Larry?
Source: Instagram/@samlarryy
Socialite, music/show promoter and influencer are some of the tags that have been used to describe Samson Erinfolami Balogun AKA Sammy Larry.
Larry first caught the attention of the public in July 2022 after singer, Habeeb Olawunmi AKA Portable, claimed he formed the One-Million Boys cult group terrorising some parts of Lagos State, and he (Larry) could bear witness.
The promoter would later sever ties with Portable and issue a disclaimer dissociating himself from the notorious cult group.
Portable was trying to reveal how evil this Sam Larry was then, we didn't pay attention to him.
Sam Larry immediately disowns Portable over one million boys claims.
They wanted to use portable ruggedness to Carry out their activities, portable jare eh. pic.twitter.com/IqH2GRtgjl
He’s a close ally of indigenous street-hop rapper, Azeez Fashola AKA Naira Marley. They’ve been seen together on several occasions.
Source: Instagram/@samlarryy
Larry has also been in the company of notable government officials like President Tinubu, during a trip to Mecca, and Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu, during a courtesy visit with Naira Marley.
I honestly think the likes of Sam Larry will go free. I mean this man traveled with Tinubu to Mecca. Nigeria is lawless fgs pic.twitter.com/lluOc8Wn7P
In the past, he has allegedly gone under the name Sam Eletu, Elegushi, causing people to link him to the prominent royal families in Lagos and assume he’s one of them.
However, in a recent statement released by the Elegushi Royal Family, it was categorically stated that he isn’t a member of the royal family and doesn’t work for them either.
“Like other celebrities, politicians, religious and community leaders, he visits the palace to pay homage to the king and seek royal blessings just like other members of the public,” a portion of the statement read.
Why is he trending?
Shortly after the news of Mohbad’s death was confirmed, several Twitter users took to the platform with a disturbing clip which was captured in June 2023, at a music video shoot location. In the video, rapper Zlatan Ibile and Mohbad were filming a scene when Larry and some accomplices invaded the venue, ordering them to stop all they were doing. The promoter attempted to physically attack Mohbad, but Zlatan was fast enough to intervene and stop him.
The video caused an outrage on Twitter with many people tagging him as a bully and calling for the authorities to intervene.
My question be say weytin Mohbad do Sam Larry? Na him sign am? Why him dey bully am? Why is he threatening him? So many questions no answer 😪
How can you send your boys to bully Mohbad where he was making a video shoot with Zlatan? Na by force to traffic drugs or swear an oath of secrecy? This is industry is fucked! If Nigeria were a serious country,NPF should have arrested Sam Larry & Naira Marley by now.
A petition filed by Mohbad to the Nigerian police after the video shoot incident further sparked outrage against Larry and the Nigerian police.
In the letter dated June 27th, 2023, Mohbad accused Larry and his accomplices of threatening his life and damaging equipment at the location worth ₦5 million. He added that the entire cost of the ruined shoot was ₦8 million.
According to the late singer, Larry and his boys claimed they worked for prominent monarch, Oba Saheed Elegushi.
“…during the assault, they were boasting that they work for Oba Elegushi and that they have been asked to deal with me for reasons best known to them which to date they are still threatening to kill me if seen.”
Mohbad filed a petition in June following the assault at his video shoot with Zlatan. pic.twitter.com/FWhIyoq8cL
Responding to allegations of the police ignoring Mohbad’s call for help, PRO of the Lagos State Command, Benjamin Hundeyin, clarified that the petition was taken to the Force Criminal Investigation Department (FCID), Lagos Office.
The @LagosPoliceNG is headed by a Commissioner of Police. This petition was taken to the Force Criminal Investigation Department, Lagos office, headed by a superior officer, an Assistant Inspector-General of Police.
Confirming receipt of the petition, the FCID via its spokesperson, Oluniyi Ogundeyi, in an interview with a media outlet, revealed that Mohbad failed to show up to defend his case and provide proof of the allegations. Ogundeyi equally confirmed that Sam Larry filed a counter-petition accusing Mohbad of defamation after he failed to show up to the police to defend his petition.
“We received the petition, and followed up on the information provided in the petition, and the suspects were invited. But Mohbad refused to show up to defend his petition and also provide evidence to assist the police in carrying out a proper investigation and forward the matter to the legal department for prosecution, if necessary.”
However, the Nigeria Police Force PRO, Olumuyiwa Adejobi, in a statement shared via Twitter, stated that the force is committed to carrying out a thorough investigation into the circumstances surrounding Mohabd’s demise.
“Our heartfelt condolences go out to the family, friends and fans of the late Ilerioluwa Oladimeji Aloba, known as Mohbad, who recently passed away. We understand the concerns regarding his untimely demise.
“The Nigeria Police Force is committed to a comprehensive investigation into this matter, as the Lagos State Commissioner of Police has been tasked to unravel the circumstances surrounding his death. Rest assured, updates will be provided as investigations unfold,” the statement read.
Mohbad's Demise: We Will Carry Out Diligent Investigation – FPRO
We extend our deepest condolences to the family, friends, and fans of late Ilerioluwa Oladimeji Aloba, known as Mohbad, who tragically passed away recently. We understand the concerns surrounding his untimely… pic.twitter.com/BKIBIrRaW6
The Elegushi Royal Family dissociates itself from Sam Larry
In an earlier press statement, the Elegushi Royal Family called for a thorough investigation into Mohbad’s demise, stressing that Sam Larry is not a member of the royal family.
“While extending our condolences to the family and friends of the late Ilerioluwa Aloba (known as Mohbad), we would like to add our voice to the call for a thorough investigation into circumstances surrounding his death, with a view to unravelling any foul play.”
At the moment, Sam Larry’s official Instagram account has been disabled.
Sam Larry breaks silence
In a video that surfaced online on Friday, September 15, the socialite maintained he had a cordial relationship with the late singer while he was still signed to Naira Marley’s label.
Larry admitted that while they have their difference, he’d never go as far as hurting the singer. According to him, some of the videos making the rounds online happened last year.
“I can’t kill Mohbad. I love him so much and God sees my heart. I have no hands in his death and some of the videos trending online are from last year.”
Sam Larry finally breaks silence. He claims to have no hands in the demise of Mohbad. pic.twitter.com/gcruauROCq
Kunle Afolayan remains one of Nigeria’s most sought-after filmmakers. Not only does he run one of the biggest film villages in the country, his production stable, Golden Effect, has been consistent with title releases since 2021 with Mokaliki, Ayinla, Swallow and Anikulapo.
His latest film Ijogbon, is set to premiere in October 2023, and we have all the available details.
Ijogbon
Ijogbon is “chaos” in Yoruba. It’s a coming-of-age movie that follows four teenagers who let their greed push them into keeping some diamond stones they found. But of course, there were consequences.
Kunle Afolayan
As usual, he has his hands in every aspect of his movie. The ace filmmaker took the directorial reins and produced Ijogbon through his companies, KAP Motion Pictures and Golden Effect Pictures.
Tunde Babalola
Tunde Babalola is the man behind the script work. He’s made his mark at home, with writing credits on Nigerian productions like Tinsel, The Meeting (2012), Last Flight to Abuja (2012) and October 1 (2014); and abroad, within the U.K. TV series like The Bill and In Exile. He’s a constant collaborator on Kunle Afolayan’s projects.
Image Source: KAP Film Hub
The cast
Oluwaseyi Ebiesuwa, Kayode Junior Ojuolape, Fawa Aina of Ikorodu Boiz and Ruby Akubueze play the four teenagers. We’ll also see known faces like Gabriel Afolayan, Adunni Ade, Yemi Solade, Dorathy Bachor (BBNaija) and Bolaji Amusan (Mr. Latin).
Location
The movie was shot in KAP Film Village and Resort, located in Itesiwaju Local Government of Oyo State, where some Anikulapo and Jagun Jagun scenes were shot.
First trailer
On September 14th, 2023, Kunle Afolayan unveiled the first look at the movie. It’s a captivating teaser that has us expecting some intense drama.
Netflix
Ijogbon will be available on Netflix on October 13, 2023. We won’t cause chaos but we’ll be there to see it.
We can’t wait to see you at our upcoming Burning Ram Meat Festival.
I had no more tears left to cry when I lost my mum four years ago. Prior to her demise, she’d been bedridden for a year and even though I hoped otherwise, I knew the end was near. Those days at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), she lost her speech, and the only way we could connect was through music.
We had a routine. I’d plug my pods in her ears, select a song and watch her attempt to hum the familiar gospel melodies and trending afrobeats songs. It was both beautiful and sad.
She died a month after we started this routine, and I found myself trying to relive the memories we shared during her final moments. Music was the only thing that helped, but not just any music. Gospel was too solemn, foreign music felt, well, foreign to my emotions.
And afrobeats was noisy, until I finally found these particular songs that gave me the familiar sensation I wanted.
“If I Die” by Dagrin
Dagrin’s “If I Die” easily ranks as one of the most controversial Nigerian songs, and the reason isn’t far-fetched. Who records a track about their own death weeks before dying? With lyrics like “If I die, If I die, make you no cry for me. E jen simi, e jor kejen mi,” I’ve never related more, for someone whose mum was ready to embrace death at the time she left.
“Olumoranti” by Niyola
When Niyola released this song in 2020, I was compelled to use it on a compilation of my mum’s photos and videos, even though it wasn’t her death anniversary. The profound lyrics found melodious ways to say things I didn’t know I wanted to say.
“I pray, I pray, I don’t stop thinking about you. I know you’ll surely wait for me. You’re still here inside my heart”. The very thought of forgetting my mother because of death? No, death shouldn’t have that much power over anyone. And Niyola captures this so perfectly well in “Olumoranti”.
“Olorun Mi” by Tiwa Savage
Death was a stranger to me when Tiwa Savage recorded a tribute to fallen stars and heroes in 2013. I knew it was a sad song, I just didn’t know how sad. Six years later, her lyrics “Olorun mi gba adura mi. When you take all the ones we love. We’ll carry on, and it won’t be long. I pray to be strong. Olorun mi gba adura mi oh” became a mantra that made moving on a little easier.
“Ashes” by M.I Abaga
Rap was the last thing I wanted to hear while I was grieving, but I discovered M.I’s tribute to the Aluu 4, the Port Harcourt students brutally murdered by the mob in a local community in 2012. The rapper used music as a tool to express hurt and speak against societal ills. Lines like, “The reason I’m gone. Let it be told, let it be known and turned into a song” resonated deeply with me.
“Legends Can Never Die” by Davido
“LCND” was a tribute to the singer’s late son, Ifeanyi, and other friends he’s lost over the years. He opens the track with the reflective line, “Make I tell you something, life is not fair,” and goes on to describe his loved ones as legends who are shooting stars in the sky. While the track might have been a bit too much at the early stages of grief, it was a favourite because it came out when I’d fully come to terms with my mum’s passing. It’s the perfect afrobeat song for celebrating the lives of those who’ve passed.
“Dad’s Song” by Teni
One of the hardest things about losing a parent at a young age is coming to terms with the fact that they’ll never see you become more. This was Teni’s state of mind when she recorded “Dad’s Song” in 2021. She opens the track with notable career achievements she made in her dad’s absence and how he’d have wished to witness it all. The singer’s pain was all too familiar. Like her, my mum left way too early, missing out on important milestones that were only possible because of how much she sacrificed.
With lines like “Eru o bami, you’re standing by me. Eru o bami, you’re always next to me”, this song offers reassurance that our lost ones will always watch over us even though they’re no longer there.
A Nigerian poet, Oruz Kennedy, and an unconfirmed number of fellow bus passengers have been abducted.
Here’s all we know about the situation.
When did it happen?
According to information shared by a friend, Oruz Kennedy was kidnapped on Monday, September 11, on a journey from Abuja to Port Harcourt.
“The kidnap happened on Monday. It’s not just him but the entire passengers on the bus that were kidnapped. They were coming back from Abuja and got intercepted at Kogi.”
Kennedy had attended a literary festival in the capital city and was returning home when the unfortunate incident happened.
The poet’s last Twitter post was shared on the same day at 3:34 p.m., suggesting it was a few hours before his abduction.
When spirit sings, flesh must follow I desire to complete my book in Bauchi
In a Twitter video shared on the same day, Kennedy’s wife, Faith, confirmed her husband’s kidnap. According to her, the kidnappers reached out demanding a ₦20 million ransom to secure his release.
“He was kidnapped on Monday on his way back from Abuja and the kidnappers are demanding ₦20m for his release. Most people have been calling to tell me it’s a prank, it’s fake and the rest. I’ve been the one the kidnappers have been reaching out to and I know what I heard.”
Hello, guys. A friend @oruzkennedy has been kidnapped and the kidnappers are demanding 20 million naira. Kindly support us with any amount, to 3056553755 Budonyefa F. Okere First Bank
6411591022 USD 6411591046 £ Budonyefa F. Okere Fcmb Bank
However, on Wednesday, September 13, @tamaradogubo returned to Twitter announcing that the ransom had been slashed to ₦5 million. According to her, the kidnapper gave an ultimatum of 9 a.m., Thursday, September 14.
We have raised 2M so far but now we've been given till 9am tomorrow to make it 5M naira. I beg us all, please help. Please. The accounts for donation are below: Naira: 3056553755, Budonyefa F. Okere, First Bank USD: 6411591022, Budonyefa F. Okere, FCMB pic.twitter.com/OlDUCSc7s9
@tamaradogubo returned saying ₦4 million had been raised out of the new ransom. However, she claimed that the abductors insisted on getting the full amount before releasing him.
We are at 4 Million Naira. God bless you all. Please we need 1 Million Naira to get our friend @oruzkennedy back. Keep reposting the fliers. Send in your little token. It goes a long way#FreeOruzKennedyhttps://t.co/sqPkKhryv6
Zikoko understands that an official report was made to the police and the anti-kidnapping unit. However, Kenndy’s friend claimed, “There’s been no substantial feedback nor action from them”.
Several Nigerians on social media have equally tagged the handles of the local authorities to look into the matter.
What about the other passengers?
While Kennedy’s case has gained public attention, there are no updates regarding fellow passengers who were also kidnapped along with him.
“Ice on my neck, Ice on my wrist you know,” is the catchiest lyric in Skiibii’s 2019 single, “Daz How Stars Do”. On the surface, the track embodies the beauty of Afrobeats catchy lyrics and infectious beats, but beneath it is also the genre’s affiliation with luxury and opulence.
For most Afrobeats artists at the pinnacle of their careers, a commissioned, expensive jewellery piece is an emblem of success. While neckpieces are also an investment for some; a secure way of tying down funds, for others, it’s all for the grandshow of it.
Here are the most expensive neckpieces in Afrobeats till date.
Davido’s Timeless Piece by Kettle Brothers (2023)
The singer commissioned the piece to celebrate the success of his album, Timeless. The Cuban chain features an array of 350 Carats diamonds and weighs 1.5kg. According to the Kettle Brothers, the piece was “constructed with a 1-carat pear diamond above the pendant. 4 – 0.5ct pear diamonds in the centre. A 30-pointer boarder for ‘30 Billion Gang’, as well as a 30-pointer boarder around the hourglass. ‘30BG’ across the bespoke Cuban chain. ‘30BG’ Baguette cut display.”
It’s reportedly worth ₦557 million.
Rema’s The Ornament of Ravery by A Jewellers (2023)
Rema commissioned the exquisite piece to mark the groundbreaking success of his debut album, Rave and Roses.
This masterpiece is made with over one kilogram of solid gold, 60 carats of colourless diamonds, and nearly 90 carats of coloured diamonds. The pendant is modelled after a burning house on the Rave and Roses album cover. It’s reportedly worth over ₦200 million.
Burna Boy’s Gambo piece by A Jewellers (2023)
The singer immortalised his late friend, Gabriel “Gambo”, by commissioning a piece in his honour. The pendant and Cuban chain features over 220 VVS diamonds and GIA-certified diamonds. During the 2022/2023 Champions League final in June, the singer caused a stir after taking off the piece and wearing it on famous footballer, Thierry Henry.
Tiwa Savage’s African Bad Gyal piece by Boz Diamonds (2023)
Tiwa Savage copped the expensive piece amid trending reports of an alleged kidnap attempt on her in April 2023. The custom piece, designed by Boz Jewellery, features VVS-certified diamond stones on an ABG pendant and necklace.
Davido’s 001 piece by Benny Da Jeweller (2022)
Davido’s 001 piece was the singer giving himself a pat on his back for selling out the O2 Arena venue in London for a second time.
The piece features large cuts of green diamonds that form the 001 pendant, a smaller-sized pendant in the Nigerian flag and a diamond-studded Cuban necklace. It was delivered alongside a new Richard Mille wristwatch, and according to the jeweller, Davido coughed out $500k for it.
Burna Boy’s ODG piece byA Jewellers (2022)
What better way to reward oneself after a hugely successful year? Burna commissioned the ODG piece in celebration of an amazing 2022. The piece, designed by A Jewellers, has over 100 GIA-certified diamonds and 300 VVS diamonds. The singer, via an Instagram post, said the piece is worth over $1m.
Davido’s Frog Face Pendant by Icebox (2021)
In 2021, Davido left fans shook after commissioning a frog face pendant. It was the singer’s way of taking a spin on the constant comparison of his voice to a frog’s. The diamond-studded piece reportedly cost him $150k.
Wizkid’s Jesus pieces by A-Jewellers (2021)
The singer’s Jesus-themed pendant caused a stir on social media when he purchased it in 2021. Wizkid commissioned A Jewellers for the 60-carat diamond-studded pieces alongside diamond-studded Cuban necklaces. According to the jeweller, each piece cost about £300,000 bringing the total to £600,000.
Tiwa Savage’s Savage pendant by Icebox (2021)
The singer commissioned a customised Savage pendant with Icebox in 2021. The piece features VVS diamond cuts and reportedly cost over $100K.
Davido’s Ifeanyi piece by Icebox
Months after the birth of his first and now deceased son, Ifeanyi Adeleke, the 30BG crooner splashed a whopping ₦150 million on a pendant modelled after his face. The Icebox-designed pendant features white, blue and gold colour VVS-certified diamond stones.
Your budget might not get you a diamond necklace but it’ll cover a ticket to our upcoming meat festival.
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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
How did you meet each other?
Tolani: We met during NYSC in 2012. We joined the NEMA CDS group at the same time and made friends with each other and a couple of other members. Then we all started attending the meetings in a group and checking up on each other at our PPAs.
We didn’t start dating immediately. Her eyes were on some other guy in the CDS group who wasn’t part of our group of friends. They got close at a point and then I stopped seeing them together.
Praise-el: I realised the guy wasn’t serious at all. All he did was smoke weed. I got closer to Tolani after I cut the guy off, and we ended up becoming closer than the rest of our group because our corper lodges were in the same area.
Tolani: Then we went into an everlasting talking stage where I tried to take things to the next level countlessly, and she remained non-committal.
Praise-el: After I got strung along by the first guy, I got it into my head that people only look for flings during NYSC. Most people were trying to have as much sex as possible so that they could return to their home states and actual lives without strings attached.
I thought Tolani was the same, and I’m not the kind of person who can date for fun. Maybe if we were both serving in a state we both lived in, I would’ve been more open. I actually liked him from the start, but he lived in Lagos while I lived in Kaduna. I didn’t see a future for us outside NYSC.
That makes sense, but how did your relationship advance?
Tolani: I was persistent, so we stayed in contact after passing out in October 2012. Three months later, she moved to Lagos for a job. By then, I was her closest friend in town, so we started hanging out a lot, and she found a community in my circle of friends.
At first, I wanted us to stay friends because I was still sore from her constant rebuffs during NYSC. But once we hung out, I realised I still liked her a lot and hadn’t had my eyes on anyone else in a while.
Praise-el: I have that effect on people.
I started liking him way more too, and really wanted him to ask me out again. He was a smart, serious-minded person and that sort of thing always attracts me. He was also really charming, so actually I wasn’t sure if he liked me at that point or if it was just his usual charm that made him nice to me. However, I couldn’t ask him because I couldn’t let go of the idea that a man must always ask a woman out.
Tolani: Sometime in March, I got a really good job with an FMCG that works closely with her company. We were both in entry roles, but we were able to help each other with information to meet targets that got us confirmed to junior positions in a few months. That really helped us get closer.
Praise-el: We got our confirmation letters within a month of each other. It was crazy. Our friends took us out to celebrate, and it was on my way home, as he walked me out to get a cab, that he asked me to be his girlfriend. I just said okay.
It was later we realised that it was almost two years after we met for the first time in January 2012.
And what was dating like after this?
Praise-el: Honestly, nothing much changed. We didn’t even start having sex until we’d decided we’d get married.
Tolani: We were already very close friends who had the same friends and work-related relationships. So it was just more of hanging out and way more calls to check in on each other. Also, we spent more time in each other’s houses. I still lived with my parents at the time, but she had her own apartment she shared with a colleague, so we were there a lot.
Praise-el: It became his second house, but we mostly moved out of it to attend events and other activities.
I heard something about deciding to marry
Tolani: We started talking marriage very early on. It started with plans to launch a start-up. We both studied finance and discovered our shared interest in being entrepreneurs during our early conversations.
When I went to her place for the first time, I saw copies of books like Rich Dad Poor Dad, Outliers and different company biographies lying around. A black-and-white cover of Losing My Virginity comes to mind. We started talking about wealth and building successful businesses, and it just became a passion we shared.
Praise-el: You’re probably wondering how that led to marriage talks. We talked about being business partners, but we were dating, so I think he was like it’d be great if we were life partners first. It sounded romantic at the time.
Tolani: We decided to get married during the first month or so, but I don’t think at that time we thought we’d be married after five months.
Praise-el: Our careers were going well, and we had a lot of job security. In less than two years of working, I already had a sizable savings. I wasn’t privy to his finances at the time, but I knew we were both self-sufficient.
Our relationship was going strong because we’d synergise for work. We’d help each other with contacts, connects and even gossip that was useful for company politics. We also had our parents’ network helping us both career-wise, signing references required to get some contracts and so on.
Tolani: Then we had sex for the first time, and Praise-el woke up the next morning, saying we should tell our parents we want to get married and go to Ikoyi Registry ASAP. I was in tears like “What the fuck?”
She wasn’t joking.
Praise-el: I put my dad on the phone while we were still in bed and told him that Tolani wanted to tell him something.
OMG. That sounds like a lot of pressure
Tolani: It was. I just told him I wanted to come see him soon.
We went to Kaduna the following week. We took time off work and spent a long weekend with them. At first, I was sure I wouldn’t tell them anything about marriage — not because I didn’t want to marry her but because I felt we had all the time in the world to do it. But on the Sunday night before we had to leave for Lagos, I changed my mind.
Praise-el: I didn’t pressure him. I just think we had a lot of time to just relax together and have conversations. We talked about just getting the wedding out of the way so we could focus on building wealth and launching the business and raising our kids together, basically being in each other’s dream chasing origin stories.
Tolani: I believed in her and us.
That night, I took a drive into town alone, called my own parents to tell them, and my dad was just laughing at me. They sha gave their blessings, so I spoke with her parents the next morning before we left. It was nerve-wracking but it also made me feel proud of myself for crossing such a definitive milestone.
Praise-el: I’m an only child and when I was younger, I used to tell my parents I didn’t want to get married, so they were quite relieved and happy for me. They promised to make the trip to Lagos for the court wedding when we were ready.
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Was it just a court wedding ceremony?
Praise-el: No, we had a traditional wedding about three weeks later. Court weddings are just sharp and low-maintenance, so we just wanted to get that out of the way. But there was no way in hell his parents were going to let their second son go without Yoruba fanfare.
My parents on the other hand had separated themselves from our hometown a long time ago. We never even visit our village or relate too closely with our relatives because according to my parents, they can be diabolical. So we didn’t go there. I only invited some of my aunts and uncles.
Tolani: We also did a church thanksgiving after the court wedding, but no white wedding. At that point, we felt very “married” and didn’t feel like we needed further ceremony to establish that.
Praise-el: Especially since we were also in the middle of a two-month long house hunt. I didn’t know it would get a thousand times worse in the future, but getting a decent place to stay in Lagos is the ghetto. Apparently, we were asking for too much in terms of the area we wanted to live in so we had to change locations and living specifications.
Tolani: We had to live in a hotel for about two weeks because we didn’t want to stay in my parents’ house or her one room after we’d done the traditional wedding. We’d been living separately since the court wedding and we didn’t want to continue that either.
Anyway, that was the worst decision we could ever make.
How so?
Tolani: It was expensive. Our savings took a big dent. But also, reverting from that to packing into our new home, unpacking and settling into normal living was jarring. There’s no room service at home.
Praise-el: Also, living in a hotel for that long wasn’t ideal. It gave the first few weeks of our marriage a weird transient vibe. I think the fact that everything happened so quickly didn’t help. When we finally unpacked everything and started settling into our new life together, there was a lot of friction.
Tolani: We were both so stressed. Don’t forget that we were both still going to work throughout this period. We only got a two-week break. So there was work pressure too. I remember that we didn’t even have sex for the first two to three months of our marriage.
Praise-el: I remember crying a lot and needing a shoulder but also realising I couldn’t go to my parents because I didn’t want them to think I was questioning my decision. I also didn’t want to go to any of my friends because most of them were his too, and I also didn’t want them knowing I had any issues so early into it that they’d mistakenly use against us later on in life. It wasn’t like I didn’t love him anymore or had any form of regret. I was just overwhelmed. It’s hard to explain.
Tolani: It was just growing pains, I think.
Praise-el: We’d fight over the smallest things. I was always so heated up like I needed to drain some energy from my veins or something.
I’m so sorry. It sounds so hard. How did you make things work?
Tolani: Eventually, the stress eased, and we just fell into a healthy space of getting used to each other and talking things out.
Praise-el: Something that really helped was finally getting the album of photos from our traditional wedding. Seeing those physical evidences of our joining and how good we looked together, how happy everyone was to celebrate us was strangely validating. The memory of us sitting alone together in the living room of our very first apartment together, turning those big pages, is stuck in my heart. There was no light so we were even sweating.
Tolani: Yeah, the ventilation in that house was bad. I like that we sorted things out between us without needing to involved external parties. That set the tone for how we deal with things between us.
Praise-el: And remembering the vision that led us to marriage in the first place, working towards that goal of building wealth and starting our business. Once we started thinking about that and really making plans, it was easy for romance to come alive again. There was something to look forward to and be excited about.
So is it just about career for you?
Tolani: I won’t say “just”. It might be what keeps us going but every relationship has their version of that. For some, it’s chemistry, children, shared interests, ministry. Most people don’t even have a unifying goal, and that’s why I think many relationships and marriages fade away after a while. For us, it’s building a company that stands the test of time just like all the amazing companies we’ve worked for all our lives.
Praise-el: And the realisation that we’re both capable of making this happen alone or together makes us very happy to be together. Two good heads a better than one after all. Our focus on money making has also made a lot of other things easier for us: maintaining a certain standard of life we aspired towards, giving our three children the kind of education we wished we had, we even have hobbies now, and romance is much easier after you’ve focused on career and making money — or how did Davido put it.
Tolani: We’re not where we want to be financially yet, but we’ve come a long way. And sometimes, when I look back I’m so proud of us. One thing I want to add about getting married right away is now that we’re making a lot of money we don’t have to second guess whether we still like each other or it’s just money that’s making us pretend. There’s not much room for ego because we struggled together to get here and we’re both earning almost equally.
And have you started the dream company yet?
Tolani: Not yet. But it’s coming.
Praise-el: We’ve spent the last year courting early-stage investors, so it’s closer than ever. It’s a consumer goods manufacturing and distribution. We’re finalising manufacturing sources and distribution channels, due diligence, compliance and all that. It’s a huge risk we’re taking but it’s been a decade in the making so we trust we’ve done all our homework.
Tolani: There’s the lobbying involved as well. This is still Nigeria, a rough landscape for businesses. Thankfully, a person like Tinubu is in power now, so things will make sense soon enough.
I pray so. What was your first major fight about?
Tolani: We haven’t really had any. There was one time we fought about our house space. She’d started keeping her clothes in the guest bedroom because our wardrobe was too small for both of us, so one day, she just lashed out about how I couldn’t even notice that we’d outgrown our apartment. This was sometime in 2017.
Praise-el: It wasn’t really a fight though. Most of our arguments are about the children. Either frustrations with their nannies or disagreements over something to do with their school.
Tolani: We argue about work-related gist too sha.
Praise-el: That’s right. It’s also not a piece of cake trying to build a business with your spouse. You can’t just say no, you have to coat it with explanation and mangae communication so it doesn’t ever feel like you’re taking them for granted. Thankfully, our business mentors help out on that front.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Praise-el: 8
Tolani: 8
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Nigerian old-money folks will never let their genes mix with anyone outside their class. But not if you follow these cracked codes.
First, kickstart an “old-money-ish” career
Social media influencing or UI design might pay more than medicine or law right now, but it’s not just about the money for “generational wealth” families; it’s the prestige. So, better don that periwig and carry stethoscope if you want to impress your boo’s family.
Make sure your surname is also old-money-ish
Braithwaite, Vaughan, Coker, Vivour. Can’t you hear the money?
Make sure to sprinkle in small stories of how your great-grandfather was part of the people who built the early Nigerian rail system. Bonus points if you take an important-sounding compound name. Avoid names like Adeleke, Indimi or Dangote because they’re traceable, and you WILL be caught.
Have no social media presence
You might love dragging people and dropping hot takes on Twitter, but you have to learn to live a quiet life if you want to marry old money. Plus, did you forget you used a fake name? Do you want them to find you?
Dabble into a little gold-digging here and there
You can’t go to your potential in-law’s mansion with your ₦4k Van Cleef or ₦10k wine. You will be found out. However, no one would suspect your poverty if you offer to take them out to a high-end restaurant to celebrate their dog’s fifth birthday and pay all the bills. How can you afford that? Get a glucose guardian on the side. Think of it as an investment.
You will do small fraud
Of course, you can’t tell your in-laws you attended Kwara State University, so feel free to go international. Before attempting this, make sure to know all the schools every family member went to, so you don’t say “Chicago State University” and they go, “Wow, me too. What was your favourite library?”
I know the chicken only hits when you crush all the bones, but trying that at your in-law’s place will have you outside the door faster than you can say, “Up NEPA!” Remember, it’s an investment. No pain, no gain.
Have no shame
You’re not perfect, so you might make a mistake. But no matter how condescending anyone gets, don’t look at their face. Look at your in-laws like you’re looking poverty in the eye.
Don’t be too available
Sleeping over so you can help them sweep or wash cars twice a week doesn’t apply to old money. In fact, they’ll ask your boo if you don’t have anything better to do with your time. Only show face during elaborate family dinners or parties. They’ll be too busy with other guests to ask you deep questions.
Go spiritual
If all these don’t work and the family still doesn’t accept you, feel free to go spiritual. And I don’t mean casting a love spell on your boo. Cast the spell on his family. They’re the most important part of this union, and your boo will do whatever they say or risk losing their inheritance. You’re welcome.
“Hate” might be a really strong word, but I don’t like the idea of leaving my bed to go outside just to meet unnecessary billing. So I always try my best to avoid it.
Unfortunately for me, my best wasn’t good enough this weekend because guess who went to the Fly Pool Party?!
The party took place at Muri Okunola Park in VI, and I want to say I got there at the 1 p.m. call time on the flier, but then, i’d be a liar who lives a fake life, so I won’t do that. I got to the party at 2, and everything was already in motion. People were streaming in and playing games, the DJ was killing it on stage, the food vendors were cooking up a storm and the Flying Fish was flowing. I needed a minute to take it all in and consider my first point of call. After thinking about it long and hard, weighing the pros and cons, and winning the battle with my stomach, I marched right to the drinks stand. It was me and Flying Fish today.
The party was premium vibes, and everyone looked like they were having a blast, from the people at the four photobooths (yep, you read that right, FOUR) to those at the games area, playing table tennis and foosball. Everywhere I turned, someone was making a video, taking really cool pictures or drawing the coolest stuff. I’d see a blank big ass whiteboard one second, and the next time I turned towards it, there’d be black doodles or brightly coloured text on it. I was living for every single bit of it. I saw this one girl make a transition video from the blue grass (yes, BLUE grass) to the massive Flying Fish banner. And I swear something in me lit up when I saw people posing with Flying Fish bottles in their hands, giving Nigeria’s Next Top Model.
Speaking of models, Modella was at the party. Actually, Modella, Dotun, Chizzy and Kanaga Jr. were at the party, and now that I’ve seen them in person, I’m going to need Big Brother to fix the cameras in his houses because they’re not doing his children justice.
They got on that big-ass stage, so I got my third cup of beer and stood right in front of it. They started with a rap competition, and this one babe’s entire bar was just her saying, “In the park, in the park. Fly pool party in the park.” They moved to a dancing competition, and Kanaga Jr., Dotun and Modella picked their teams of three people from the crowd. That was when I knew I wouldn’t leave the park with my voice intact. Everytime someone dropped a killer move, I “ayyed” like I’d never ayyed before. Like that wasn’t enough, Kanaga Jr. decided to do a little two-step to remind us that the dancing we saw in Biggie’s house could be replicated in real life.
After they left the stage, I thought, “Okay, that’s all. I can go home now.” I thought wrong. Five minutes later, the hypemen started doing the damn thing, and I found myself jumping and responding to their, “Are you a flying fish?” with “I’m a flying fish”.
The next thing I heard was that DJ Dope Caesar was getting on stage. I saw her head, and I almost fainted. I screamed so loud, and after every two songs, a Shallipopi song would come up, and I’d jump and shout and dance like my life depended on it. It really felt like it did.
While I was at the front having the time of my life, the people behind us were having the time of their lives at the pool.
The Fly Pool Party had something for everyone. Just so we knew they were serious about the “fly” part of the party, they hired the services of Superman to fly for us if need be.
Mohbad had no publicly known health issues prior to his sudden demise. He was billed to perform at an Ikorodu gig on Sunday, September 10, as suggested by his last Instagram post, shared on Saturday, September 9.
While details of his death are still unknown, fans and colleagues mourn the KPK hitmaker.
I'm just so speechless, so Mohbad is no more😭😭, he's just 27yrs and he was doing well in he's music career 🎶, also heading to the top. Omo RIP Mohbad, I pray your soul find peace pic.twitter.com/75eBPa9Rzw
The singer’s management issued an official statement confirming his demise on Tuesday, September 12.
“It is with great sadness that we confirm the passing of Promise Oladimeji Aloba AKA Mohbad (Imole) today the 12th of September 2023. Mohbad was light until the very end and as we mourn the brightness of the light he carried, the family thanks you for your love and prayers, and asks that you continue to respect their privacy during this difficult time. Imole is finally at peace”.
Mohbad was known for hit songs “KPK”, “Feel Good”, and “Peace”, among others.
Hey Z Nation! How’s your savings looking this year? Are you close to your money goals, or is your savings game already in the mud?
December is approaching fast, and you know you’ll want new shoes, a new wig, and some banging Christmas outfits. How about your Detty December plans? Ah no, it can’t afford to be in the mud oh. We rebuke it! Fam, it’s time to go hard on your savings before it’s too late!
Here’s an exciting challenge: Sparkle Stash-a-ton
Can you challenge yourself to save up to ₦250,000 from the 16th of September to the 24th of December? Sparkle is launching a savings challenge called Sparkle Stash-a-ton and you’re invited to join in, hit the savings target, and win an extra ₦250,000. That’s a whopping ₦500,000 for your December parole!
What is it all about?
Sparkle Stash-a-ton is your ticket to reaching your end-of-year money goals. It’s a 100-day savings marathon where you save a little every day until you hit the ₦250,000 target by December 24th.
The top 4 savers who follow through without breaking their stash will each win an extra ₦250,000! What if I don’t win, you ask? Well, there’ll be weekly draws where you get to win cash prizes and other exciting gifts.
Sounds exciting right?
Here’s the lowdown:
The Savings Target: The challenge is for all of us to save up to ₦250,000 by December 24th. That means saving ₦2,500 daily for 100 days starting on the 16th of September. Trust us, your December vibe is going to be off the charts!
The rules of the challenge
The rules are simple. If you already bank with Sparkle, all you need to do is:
1. Create a Stash
Create a new stash and give it a unique name – for example, “Mimi’s Stash-a-ton” or “Femsky’s Stash-a-ton”. Yes, Stash-a-ton must be in the name so it’s easy for Sparkle to track your savings progress and reward you for your effort. If you don’t have a Sparkle account, click here to download the app.
2. Start stashing ₦2,500 daily or as you like
Remember the goal is to save up to ₦250,000 by December 24th so this means you’ll need to save ₦2,500 daily. So, once you’ve created your stash and named it, all you need to do is add your ₦2,500 every day. In fact, you can decide to stash anyhow you like, it’s totally up to you, just keep the end goal in mind. You can stash 5k daily, 50k weekly or the ₦250,000 all at once if you’re feeling like Odogwu. Your stash, your way! Just be sure to not break your stash.
3. Win Big
Now to the good part. If you’re one of the top 4 savers who stay committed, stashing ₦2,500 daily or as you like without breaking your stash, you’re looking at an extra ₦250,000 Christmas bonus. Santa’s got nothing on us! And guess what? Sparkle has a bunch of other goodies up for grabs too, like data, spa vouchers, headphones, weekly cash prizes and more, just for being part of the action. The top 4 Winners will be revealed just a day before Christmas – talk about a holiday treat!
Sparkle Stash-a-ton is all about saving together and reaching a goal of ₦250,000 by December. That’s a lot of sparkle for your Christmas plans!
Are you up for the challenge? Gather your Girlies and Guys and hit your money goals together. That Zanzibar trip might just make it out of the group chat this year.
Challenge Starts on the 16th of September.
Signup to Sparkle and get ready to save ₦250,000 in 100days
Scan to download!
*Sparkle is a digital bank fully licensed by the CBN. Click here to learn more about Sparkle
Some months ago, I asked my WhatsApp contacts if they’d consider sending their kids to boarding school, and one of them said “No” because of the Madam Koi Koi and Bush Baby stories he’d heard. As someone who spent six years of my life in boarding school, I rolled my eyes so hard and had a good laugh.
While his concerns for safety hold water, they are nowhere near the scary things boarding school students experience in real life. I recently spoke with eight of my childhood friends who also attended boarding schools, and these are their stories.
“We were sure a wolf had invaded our school” — Biodun*, Lagos State Model College, Badore
One time, we were all convinced a wolf had gotten into the boys’ hostel. Our school wasn’t far from the Lekki Conservation Centre, and Ajah wasn’t fully developed then. We were surrounded by thick forests. We’d wake up in the morning to find footprints at the entrance to our hostel. It didn’t look like a cat or dog’s footprints. No one had a dog in school — not the academic staff or the non-academic staff. We knew we couldn’t catch it, but we were all determined to at least see the wolf. For about a week, we’d stay up late into the night and watch from the window, hoping to see the wolf. I never saw it, but some people swore it was white. One thing was sure though, we’d wake up the next morning and see the footprints.
“Two men in white tried to take me with them” — Tunji*, Lagos State Model College, Badore
Three days after I resumed as a JSS 1 student, a senior who was my family friend invited me over to her class during night prep. She gave me a good pep talk on how to survive in school. On my way back to my class, two strange people appeared to me, all in white. I didn’t see them approach; they just appeared. They told me to follow them to the toilet, but I insisted I wasn’t pressed. They tried to coerce me until I saw one of the teachers standing far away. I screamed, and they just disappeared. When I told my friends at the time, they didn’t take me serious.
“We saw a bush baby one night” — Tanwa*, Babcock University High School
While other classes had left for the long holiday after third term exams, us JSS 2 students had to stay back to prepare for our junior WAEC. Around midnight, my friend and I were gisting and laughing when we heard the sound of a child crying and pushing something that sounded like a cart behind our room window. The window faced a thick bush path that led to the general refuse pit. we sat in shock as the crying and pushing continued. The following morning, we found out everyone who was awake around that time also heard the strange cries. We all believed it was a bush baby we saw that night.
“I saw a growing shadow on the wall” — Lase*, Lagos State Model College, Igbogbo
I woke up one night in JSS 1 and wanted to take a shit. There was no light in the hostel, but to make it worse, none of my friends wanted to follow me to the toilet. We usually moved around in groups during the day. I grabbed my touch light and braced up. But just as I was about to get to the door, I saw this huge shadow on the wall moving weirdly and making a rickety sound. My first thought was to scream and run, but I calmed myself and started to tiptoe. The shadow got smaller as I got closer to the bunk. When I finally got to it, I saw it was two guys having sex. Up until that moment, I’d never heard of gay sex. They must’ve seen my torch because they stopped, and I just went about my business. However, the entire image — the big shadow, rickety sound and general darkness — manifested into a scary memory in my head. It haunted me until I got older and had a better understanding of sex and sexuality.
“A ghost that touched girls at night” — Anita*, Lagos State Model College, Badore
I can’t forget the two weeks of horror we once experienced in the girls’ hostel. First, it was strange sounds in the ceiling every midnight, but it didn’t stop at that. Some female students started to complain that someone kept touching them in the middle of the night, but no one ever saw the person behind the mischievous acts. In fact, we were convinced it was a ghost since we couldn’t catch anyone no matter how hard we tried to keep watch. Female students were so scared to go to bed, we started arming ourselves with sticks and “legelege” (cutlass). Eventually, some teachers and male students decided to set a trap for the perpetrator. The exact details are fuzzy now, but we found out it was a male kitchen staff who’d been sacked but was still hanging around the school premises.
“A dark figure inside our room” — Temi*, Babcock University High School
My bunkmate and I had just gotten back to the hostel after we were discharged from the school’s hospital. That night, a man in an all-black outfit and a black hat entered the girls’ hostel. For whatever reason, my bunk was his target. I remember seeing a tall figure in front of me. He smelt like an animal with a mix of grass and shit. I wanted to throw up, but there was no light, and I was too scared to leave my bed. The man pulled off his hat, dropped it beside my face and bent down to touch my bunkmate. By reflex, I vomited inside his hat, and this woke my bunkmate and some of my roommates up. My bunkmate screamed after seeing a dark figure bent over her, and he fled with his vomit-filled hat. Everyone woke up and started screaming too. The noise drew the attention of other rooms, and the whole hostel was in pandemonium, with people running to the courtyard. Some girls saw him try to escape from the hostel, some claimed to have met him on their way to the courtyard, but till I left the school, the person was never caught.
“The hall scatters itself overnight” — Gbemi* Mayflower School
When I was in JSS 1, my hostel was in front of the girls’ hall where the senior students had their night prep and other extra lessons. My window was quite close to this hall, and I was on the top bunk. After prep class, they clean the hall and lock it. But what I found strange was that around 1 a.m., the hall would start scattering itself. The benches and tables would smash against each other as though someone was there. It continued till I became a senior. We’d lock the hall, and the next morning everywhere would be scattered without any explanation.
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In my quest to find answers to the question, “How do you know what to do with your life?” I found Kemi* (27), but like most people I talked to, she’s still searching for an answer to that question. The only difference is, she’s switched careers thrice already, to find it.
She’s gone from wanting to become a doctor to discovering a passion for teaching, then health and safety, before choosing a career in social media management. According to her, she’s just winging it at this point.
At ten years old, I decided I’d be a neurosurgeon.
To be fair, almost everyone who read Ben Carson’s “Gifted Hands” as a child — AND has Nigerian parents — is bound to have a medicine-fuelled future ambition.
It also helped that I was book-smart in primary and junior secondary school. It wasn’t like I knew how to study. I’m not even sure how I always topped my class. Of course, my grades meant that “science class” was my only option when I moved to senior secondary school at 12 years old.
But that’s when my book-smartness façade started to fall off.
Physics and chemistry looked and sounded like gibberish. I never understood how to balance a chemical equation or even distinguish an unbalanced one. The formulas were too complicated for my brain, and if not for Mr Rotimi’s* solid teaching and patient explanations, I’d have been lost.
When it became time to write JAMB in 2010, my neurosurgery dreams were already extremely shaky. I’d barely passed the core subjects at O’ levels, and I knew it wasn’t good enough for medicine, so I decided I could also change lives in physiotherapy. I applied for it, passed and got admission the following year.
By the second semester of my first year, I knew I’d made a mistake. I couldn’t understand most of my courses, and even before the results came in, I suspected I’d have carry overs. I had six.
A lecturer advised me to consider changing departments because I’d likely be asked to withdraw by the end of second year. I took his advice and transferred to biology education. I knew I couldn’t survive a course like biochemistry or microbiology, so I rationalised that education would help me be a Mr Rotimi to students like me who struggled to study. We can’t all be doctors and physiotherapists just because we’re in the sciences.
Career change one.
I did infinitely better in education, and by the time I graduated in 2016, I was sure teaching was my passion. But Nigeria soon taught me passion doesn’t count for much in these streets.
I taught in the North during my NYSC year, and it was a terrible experience. If students didn’t come to school bare-footed, they stopped coming at all because they were married off or needed to work for money. I once made the mistake of laughing when a nine-year-old student told me that a religious leader told them, “School is a sin.” He looked at me coldly, and in broken English, warned me never to try it again.
I moved back to the South-West after my service year in 2017 and got a job in a private school, but while I no longer had disappearing students or thinly veiled threats to my life, it was a wake-up call to just how bad the education system is nationally. Students and teachers were nonchalant. The school only cared about collecting money from parents and making sure students got good grades on paper, even if it involved “dashing” them marks. At ₦18k/month, my salary wasn’t exactly the best motivator either.
By 2018, I’d seen enough and could no longer imagine teaching for the rest of my life. I started hunting for random jobs. I even applied for a restaurant supervisor position, and when the interviewer asked, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I went blank. Does anyone really know the answer to that question?
I soon found a job opening for a health, safety and environment (HSE) officer. While I didn’t have the certifications they required and couldn’t apply for it, the job description seemed straightforward enough. Plus, the proposed pay was ₦90k/month. I was immediately interested.
I started researching the field, and I liked what I saw. I could work almost anywhere, even outside the country, and I thought I only had to take some short courses to become a professional. I even started to dream about working in FMCG multinationals. HSE looked like my final bus stop.
Career change two.
I resigned from my teaching job and started my certification journey with a couple of free courses on a popular online safety and health training platform. I then moved on to an HSE level 1 certification, which cost about ₦35k. Fortunately, I got a six-month HSE intern position at ₦30k/month shortly after. In my head, all I needed to do was impress my employers so they’d consider retaining me after the internship.
I finished my internship in mid-2019, and when I asked about the possibility of retainment, they said it wasn’t possible. It turned out I still had a ton of certifications and professional memberships needed to be a confirmed safety professional in Nigeria — certifications I couldn’t afford. Some industries even require a master’s degree.
I decided to push my luck and apply for other HSE jobs, but by 2020, I knew my safety professional dream wasn’t realistic anymore; I had no money or reasonable experience. All this, combined with the uncertainties of the pandemic, pushed me into a depressive state. I was unemployed with no sense of direction or plan for my career. There was no pressure from my family, but I felt like I wasn’t living up to their expectations.
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I tried to pull myself out of that mental state by watching career-related motivational and self-help videos on YouTube, but it somehow made it worse. They kept saying, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life,” but I didn’t know what I loved doing anymore. They also talked about the importance of deliberate “career planning”. While it all sounded good, I was just as confused as ever.
Then in 2021, a friend told me to try social media management. She offered to take me through the basics as she was a social media manager herself. She also told me stories about people earning in dollars just by managing social media accounts. She was earning about ₦100k/month from managing three accounts, but at least, she didn’t have to leave her house. It seemed simple enough, and with the whole world going remote, it was a sensible career path. So, I decided I’d be a social media manager.
Career change three.
I opened new Instagram and Twitter accounts and started applying everything my friend taught me. I even started to enjoy it and grew my accounts quickly by taking part in trends and using reels. I also started cold-emailing potential clients. I got about two or three short-term clients, but my big break came in 2022 when I got a job as a community manager. I’m still at it, and my salary has remained ₦150k/month.
My job is great, but I know I can’t do it long-term. Who would want to hire a 30 or 40-year-old social media manager? Even now, some companies would rather hire a content marketer who’d handle social media with their other tasks rather than hire both a content marketer and a social media manager. What happens to me then?
It’s funny how I’ve made so many career changes, but I still don’t know what to do with my life. I attend many career webinars, but these “career coaches” really need to know that not everyone can afford to “follow their passion”. When I speak to senior colleagues and friends about my confusion, they mostly advise me to pick my most lucrative skill and make a career out of it. But the problem is, I’m not sure I have specific skills. I just know how to perform well on whatever task is in front of me at any given time.
If you ask where I see myself in the next couple of years, I’d probably say “Content marketing” because it’s the next reasonable step from social media management. But if I get a job as an operations executive tomorrow, my future ambition would likely change to “Operations management”.
I’m honestly just winging it in life, so don’t ask me what will happen tomorrow.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
In a tweet posted on Monday, September 11, President Bola Tinubu revealed he had struck a diplomatic deal that will lift the Dubai visa ban on Nigerian travellers.
While the UAE has been silent on their end, according to Tinubu’s tweet, there was more to his trip to Abu Dhabi. He met with their president to discuss ways to strengthen diplomatic relations and seek new investment opportunities.
Good evening Nigerians – Home and abroad,
Today, in unity with my friend, UAE President Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed Al Nahyan @MohamedBinZayed , we have initiated a new era of collaboration and friendship between our nations – Nigeria and the United Arab Emirates.
Tinubu announced in a Twitter post that he met with President Mohammed bin Zayed Al Nahyan of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) on Monday, September 11. The strategic discussions included the immediate removal of the Dubai visa ban placed on Nigerian travellers.
Recall that the ban took effect in October 2022, following a months-long diplomatic row between Nigeria and the UAE over flight allocations and a prior COVID travel ban. In 2021, Air Peace had requested a slot of three weekly flights from Nigeria to Sharjah Airport in UAE, but only one was granted. In retaliation, the federal government cut Emirate’s slots from 21 to one, causing the airline to pull out of the Nigerian route indefinitely.
Etihad and Emirates Airlines resume work in Nigeria
According to President Tinubu, the new deal will also see to the “Immediate resumption of flight schedules into and out of Nigeria by Etihad Airlines and Emirates Airlines, without any immediate payment required from the Nigerian government.”
Billions of dollars worth of investment
“An agreed framework for new investments worth several billions of U.S dollars into the Nigerian economy by the UAE government, covering multiple sectors including defense and agriculture,” President Tinubu shared in a Twitter post.
Foreign exchange programmes
Although the exact details have not been announced, President Tinubu is pushing a new foreign exchange liquidity programme between Nigeria and the UAE.
Improved foreign relations
Jagaban assured Nigerians that he’s making moves to “normalise and enhance” the relationship between Nigeria and the UAE, hence the collaboration with President Al Nahyan.
The UAE’s position
The UAE embassy’s official statement doesn’t mention a visa ban removal or flight resumption by Etihad and Emirates Airlines as announced by President Tinubu and the federal government.
While the statement confirmed that the two leaders met, it only highlighted discussions around diplomatic relations and investment opportunities.
“The UAE President and Nigerian President explored opportunities for further bilateral collaboration in areas that serve both countries’ sustainable economic growth, including the economic development, energy and climate action fields. The two sides also exchanged views on several regional and international developments of interest.”
Nigerians react to news
Some Nigerians have since taken to social media to celebrate the news while others have expressed strong reservations, noting that they’d only believe when the UAE issues an official statement.
Turns out UAE lifted the visa ban on Nigeria after all.
I understand your pains, and I share in the pain too.
If you are not careful, you will turn yourself into talkative and a noisemaker if all you do is find fault in every move of the government.pic.twitter.com/Ops6wboC3I
While the announcement has sparked mixed reactions among Nigerians, President Tinubu’s media aide, Ajuri Ngelale, has stressed that things will take a different turn in a bid to cushion developments that led to the ban in the first place.
During an appearance on Channels TV’s Politics Today, Ngelale said, “Every agreement comes with mutual responsibility. There is no free lunch. What I mean by that is the notion that floodgates will open up and we go back to business as usual. That is not what Nigerians should expect. I want to be very clear about this so that everybody can understand.”
It doesn’t matter what religion you practise, these Nigerian gospel songs will strike a chord in your heart and draw you a step closer to the heavenly race.
“He Fights for Me” by TY Bello
Off her latest album, “Heaven Has Come”, this song has one clear message: “God is enough to fight your battles. You don’t have to lift a finger.” It features Tomi Favored, Grace Omosebi and 121 Sellah. Lyrics like “The battle is the Lord’s. I guard the territory of my heart” can easily become your morning mantra.
“Wonder” by Mercy Chinwo
Mercy Chinwo’s “Wonder” is one of the Nigerian gospel songs that celebrate the overwhelming love and mercies of God. There’s no better way to appreciate the Lord’s goodness than with the catchy chorus: “Jesus, you dey do wonder. You turned my life around, gave me a brand new song. You dey do wonder eh.”
“Ebenezer” by Nathaniel Bassey ft Victoria Orenze
Gospel highlife that exalts the Lord and gets your groove on? Yes, please. This eight-minute-long track is off Nathania Bassey’s album, Hallelujah Live. It’s a feel-good song that’ll help you express premium gratitude to God.
“Tobechukwu” by Nathaniel Bassey ft Mercy Chinwo
Another Nathaniel Bassey number, “Tobechukwu” easily ranks high among global gospel anthems in Nigeria. The track, which features Mercy Chinwo, sees the gospel powerhouses stressing the goodness of the Lord and all he’s done. Got that salary raise? Successful japa plans? Found and married the LOYL? This song will help you show gratitude.
“Oh Jesu” by TY Bello ft Tope Alabi
If you loved “Logan Ti Ode” and other tracks off the 2018 collaborative album, “The Spirit of Life”, then this TY Bello x Tope Alabi joint should be on gospel playlist. With lyrics like “Oh Jesu, open our eyes. Reveal yourself. Show us the heart of the father,” the singers call on the Holy Spirit for a deeper connection to the Lord.
“B’Ola” by Sunmisola Agbebi
Sunmisola Agbebi’s “B’Ola” stresses total submission to God in Yoruba language. The live version of the track features iconic gospel musician, Sola Allyson, and sees them singing profound lyrics like: “Iwo loba to nimi, to da mi to mo mi” which translates to “The king who owns me, created me and knows me”.
“Miracle No Dey Tire Jesus” by Moses Bliss Chizie and Festizie
This is an upbeat Nigerian gospel song that encourages belief in miracles. The catchy chorus “Miracle no dey tire Jesus” is already a favourite for social media users, almost rivalling the iconic “God, abeg”. This is your go-to gospel track if you’re in the mood for a spiritual morning run or feeling religiously funky.
“That’s My Name” by TY Bello
Off the singer’s Heave Has Come, this is a gospel song that reaffirms God’s love for us. The singer tells believers that the only type of love that matters is God’s all-encompassing agape love. “I’m loved by God. Jesus, I’m loved by You”.
Japa season is here again, with young and middle-aged Nigerians uprooting themselves from all they hold dear to start life afresh in the U.K. Some have had to pay through their noses for expensive master’s courses that, in all honesty, they don’t even need.
But do you know you can catch a flight to Papa Charles’ U.K. for free and still get coins for it? Here’s all you should know about a new japa pathway for those who love teaching.
What is it?
The U.K. government has announced the International Relocation Payment (IRP), a one-time payment of £10k to non-UK teachers of language-related subjects and physics. The payment covers visa fees, immigration health surcharge and other relocation expenses.
How does it work?
The scheme covers three categories of individuals: fee-paying trainees, salaried trainees and teachers.
Fee-paying trainees
This category caters to individuals who have secured a fee-paying place in a teacher training course in the U.K. The course must lead to a qualified teacher status for the 2323/2024 academic year. People in this category don’t need to apply for the IRP. The training provider will inform them if their chosen course qualifies for IRP and pay the IRP directly to their accounts.
Salaried trainees and teachers
This category of applicants have either started a teaching job in the U.K. or secured their place in a salaried teacher training course. These applicants can directly apply for the IRP from the Get Into Teaching website.
When to apply
Applications opened on September 4 and runs until October 31, 2023. After that, applications will reopen in January 2024.
When will the £10,000 be paid?
Eligible applicants will be credited by January 31, 2024.
What are the general criteria for applicants?
Teachers
To be eligible for the IRP, non-UK/international teachers must have secured employment in the U.K. from an English state secondary school. The teaching contract must be valid for at least one year from September 1, 2023, to August 31, 2024.
You must also be:
a physics teacher
a general or combined science teacher – you must teach the physics element of these subjects
a language teacher – any language is eligible except English
Fee-paying and salaried trainees
Non-UK/international trainee teachers must’ve secured a place in a U.K. teacher training course from a trainer accredited by the U.K. government. Applicants must be training to teach the following subjects:
Physics
Any language(s) except English language. This includes courses combining language(s) with another subject, as long as language(s) make up at least 50% of the course content
Any language(s), including courses combining language(s) with English language, as long as the non-English language(s) make up at least 50% of the course content.
What are the general visa types issued under the scheme?
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Love Life: We Cheated, and We Moved Past It
How did you meet?
Kuro: We met by chance at a cyber café in 2009. I went there to put together my master’s application documents.
She was there to get her younger brother who was busy playing PlayStation 2 with his friends. We were both delayed for so long that we struck up a conversation. I don’t think anyone said “hi” first; we just started talking about something we noticed, and that was it.
Dupe: It turned out that we both lived off the same street. We later found out our parents even knew themselves from living in the same area for so long.
Kuro: Anyway, we exchanged numbers before parting ways. But I didn’t ask her out because I was sure I’d relocate soon for school. I even got a part-scholarship.
But?
Kuro: The uncle who promised to sponsor me suddenly started posting me until I missed my resumption window. I’d even spent money on a UK visa application by then. It was painful, but I deferred from the September intake to January. That one too came, and this uncle suddenly became scarce. He even started avoiding the whole family because of a promise no one forced him to make.
Dupe: Now that I know him well, I can’t believe he pretends like none of this ever happened.
Kuro: I’m not even shocked anymore.
Dupe and I got close during this trying period. She was one of the reasons I got over the disappointment and picked my life back up. We didn’t even see each other again until almost a year after we met, but we were always texting on 2go and BBM.
Dupe: Three months after we met, I agreed to date this other guy. I liked him so much that I let him get away with too much. We lasted about ten months before we broke up in 2010.
When did you start liking each other?
Kuro: I think once my eyes cleared from the whole UK relocation dream, it was easy to see that Dupe was the only person, apart from my guys and family, who was there for me and supportive. I wanted to hang out with her because it felt like we hadn’t really gotten to know each other yet.
Once I got a decent job and received a few months’ salary, I asked for us to meet up at a popular eatery then. This was in April 2010.
Dupe: We met up and gisted, and that was it. We were still friends. But then, we started doing midnight calls, talking about nothing. My boyfriend started feeling threatened by him. In July, we broke up because he said his pastor told him to, and I immediately told Kuro, “Let’s be in a relationship”.
Kuro: I was shocked, but if I didn’t like her before, the way she called to tell me that initiated the feelings. I even played “hard to get” because I was like, “Wait for me to ask you first na. Why are you jumping the script?”
Dupe: Me, I was like, “Stay there. You’ll know when I find another person to fill your spot.” LOL.
What was it like going from friendship to dating?
Dupe: It was different. I wanted him to be there for me ALL THE TIME, and a part of me could tell it was overwhelming for him, but I couldn’t help myself.
Kuro: The first few months when she called to tell me every single thing happening to her was a lot to handle, I must admit. But I also liked being her first go-to person. Before her, I’d only ever dated one person, and it wasn’t a serious relationship.
Dupe: In my previous relationship, I second-guessed myself a lot. My partner made me question my worth, so I found myself falling back on Kuro for the validation my ex always held back . Kuro gave me all the validation I sought, and I wanted to bask in it. Unfortunately, that too wasn’t healthy.
How were you able to get past this need?
Dupe: Well, things went worse before they became better.
Kuro: We went through life like that for a year. We talked several hours every day and hung out on our street every night. But one day, I was drained and just withdrew for a few days.
Dupe: He took a break from the relationship. The only problem is I wasn’t aware of this at the time.
Kuro: She doesn’t want to expose me, but I’ll expose myself. I slept with someone else, one of my friends. I immediately regretted it, so I told Dupe the next week when we started talking again.
Dupe: I was angry. But I still loved him, so I forgave him.
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So you guys already loved each other at this point?
Kuro: Yes. That’s the only way to explain how we tolerated each other’s madness that year.
It didn’t take long with the other girl before I became remorseful and wanted to make peace with Dupe. I was scared, but I figured it was better to tell the truth than keep such a thing a secret, or worse, have it come to light when I didn’t expect. It was good I did because the babe wanted to create drama around it later, not knowing I’d already told Dupe everything.
Dupe: I was happy he told me, but I made it clear to him that would be the last time I’d forgive him for cheating.
Guess who ended up cheating later on.
Not him again?
Dupe: No. Me.
So, after the whole thing came and went, I forgave him, and we talked about where our relationship was going. I spoke to my mum, and she counselled me that I shouldn’t be too needy, relying on him for everything all the time. We were able to fix the way we ran our relationship, and we were happy with the way things went for several months.
Eventually, we decided we wanted to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. But first, we had to deal with his family, particularly his mum and some uncles.
Kuro: I’m Ijaw, and Mum didn’t like that she’s Yoruba.
Dupe: Even before we decided to get married, I noticed she was cold towards me, but I never guessed it was a tribe thing.
Kuro: When I told her my intentions, she was adamant that I only marry a south-south or south-east person. She’d never mentioned her stance before, so I was shocked. My dad also wanted to back her up, but I stubbornly insisted on marrying Dupe.
How did they take it?
Kuro: After months of back and forth, they relented. I’d never had that close-knit relationship with my parents, so nothing much changed between us.
I proposed in January 2012, the day after New Year’s, we moved in together, went to court in March and did our traditional and church wedding in July 2012 — my runaway uncle somehow found money to sponsor half of the expenses.
Everything was great until we had our second son in 2016. It was a tough pregnancy, but let me not speak about what I didn’t experience physically.
Dupe: It was hard. It took a toll on my body. I almost doubled in size during the course of the pregnancy and then had preeclampsia. By the final trimester, I felt like something was tied up in my brain that needed to be loosened. It was a nagging feeling like I’d run mad if someone didn’t loosen it.
They did a CS to get our son out, and I was in the hospital for some days. I got back home, and I was just depressed. I’d never felt such a strong emptiness; I wouldn’t wish it on my enemies. When I think back on that time, sometimes, I get anxious.
How did this lead to cheating?
Kuro: Afterwards, it was like she couldn’t stand me or anything to do with me. She just became difficult to deal with.
Dupe: I was just angry with him.
I started leaning on a man I’d met through work just about a month after I found out I was pregnant. I felt like a different person and Kuro no longer found me attractive. I was secretly ashamed to be my new not-so-sexy self with him. But this guy was older and not-so-sexy himself. He gave me the validation I needed at that time.
How did you get past that in your relationship?
Kuro: She told me she’d slept with this man, and even though I was angry, I understood. I had no choice but to forgive her because of how vulnerable she was then and what she’d gone through to bring my child into the world. However, I couldn’t really forget for a while.
Dupe: Our marriage was strained for about a year after. But it wasn’t just about the cheating. Having children takes a lot out of the marriage bond, in my opinion. It becomes less about marriage and more about family. There’s simply not as much time to relate, for romance or even sex.
Kuro: Between the children and the cheating, the sex has changed a lot between us. Sometimes, it feels like there’s one elephant in the room.
But like my case from before we got married, I knew it was much better that way than if we kept secrets and tried to deceive each other. I’m glad she immediately came clean to me, and she’s been just as transparent with her activities as she was when we first started dating.
Dupe: One of the things we got used to doing early on was always telling each other what’s going on. If it meant the other person would go their separate way, so be it. We are always kind to each other no matter what because beyond being life partners and lovers, we are friends.
If you didn’t fight over infidelity, what then have you fought over?
Dupe: We didn’t fight much until we had those two boys.
Kuro: Our sons?
Dupe: Our parenting styles are very different.
I believe in discipline, and I work in investment banking, so I don’t have the luxury of time to pamper anyone. Meanwhile, Dr Kuro believes in interacting with them like he’s their friend. Sometimes, I just want to scream at them so they know not to do certain things, but he’ll say, “Don’t shout at my sons.”
Kuro: They are not goats. How do you want them to grow up cultured if you keep screaming at them?
Dupe: Sorry o. Oyibo.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Dupe: 6. Our love is safe and has withstood a lot, so I have high hopes for it.
Kuro: 6 too.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
While more Nigerians are willing to talk about sexual health in recent days, it’s still a topic shrouded in secrecy and judgment. We still live in a world where people are scared of buying condoms, so it’s not obvious they’re “doing it”.
In a bid to throw more light on the importance of sexual health, six Nigerians talk about their experience with sexually transmitted diseases and how they managed it.
“Condoms didn’t protect me from getting herpes” — Jane*, 27
I don’t think people talk enough about how STDs and STIs can be gotten even without penetrative sex. I religiously use condoms, but I noticed painful sores close to my vagina about a year ago. I did a couple of tests, and it turned out to be herpes. That’s when I learnt you can also get it by kissing an infected person or via oral sex. It’s incurable, but I manage it with medication to prevent an outbreak — which means a reappearance of symptoms like sores.
“I didn’t even know I had one” — Dave*, 31
I use condoms with sexual partners but not in serious relationships. I also did an HIV test once in 2019, and it was negative, so I thought all was fine. It wasn’t until 2021, when I had to do medicals for travel, that I realised I had an STD. I didn’t even know I had one — there were no symptoms. Thankfully, it was treatable, so it’s long gone.
“I thought it was just a vaginal infection” — Lola*, 22
I’ve had at least three yeast infections since I was a teenager. So when I noticed some foul-smelling discharge two years ago, I thought it was just a simple infection. I tried to treat it with over-the-counter medication used to treat yeast, but it got worse and progressed to random bleeding. I didn’t want to visit a hospital near where I lived to prevent gossip, so I waited until I returned to school to do a test. It was an STD. I started treatment and informed my now-ex-boyfriend — we broke up because we kept accusing each other of infecting the other.
“I think it’ll come back” — Mike*, 29
I first tested positive for gonorrhoea in 2017 after I noticed severe pain in my genitals. The nurse said it was treatable, and I was prescribed a ton of medication. Even though the symptoms subsided, I still felt pain, so I took another test two months later out of curiousity. I still had gonorrhoea. I treated it again and finally stopped having symptoms, but a part of me still thinks it’ll come back. I haven’t tested for it again.
“I think I got it through a sex toy” — Rachel*, 20
I got an STD last year, and I think I got it through a sex toy. I have a roommate, and she has a couple of sex toys. One day, I was really horny, and I used one of hers without her knowledge. I cleaned it after, though.
A couple of weeks later, I started having pelvic pain and discharge, and Google told me it might be an STD. I got a home test kit, which confirmed my suspicion. I think it was the toy because I wasn’t sexually active at the time, and sources online confirm that STDs can be transmitted via sex toys, too. I treated it but didn’t tell my roommate. How would I say I used her sex toy?
“I’m not sure how I got it” — Jem*, 26
I found out I had an STD in 2021 when my partner insisted we got tested before becoming exclusive. It’s not treatable, and I’m not sure how I got it because I practice safe sex most of the time. I’m glad I know now because I now pay more attention to my health. I’m still with my partner, and we practice safe sex all the time.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
Let’s start from the beginning. What’s your earliest memory of money?
I discovered we were poor-poor when I was ten years old. I’d been disturbing my dad to buy me something that day. He sat me down and broke down how much he earned and how we spent in the house. It was a sombre experience.
How much was he earning?
His work as a church pastor paid him ₦12k/month. He didn’t always work at the church, though. He was a mason but had to stop because he was getting older and couldn’t keep up with the demands of bricklaying.
My mum carried most of the financial weight. She started as a cleaner at the primary school my sister and I attended and eventually became a teacher. The staff discount she got was the reason we could attend the school. She also saved up all her money to feed and put us through secondary school.
My parents wouldn’t eat sometimes, so my sister and I could. I think it’s part of the reason I have a messiah complex now, in addition to my other issues.
What issues?
I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder (BPD) in 2022, and I’ve had undiagnosed dyscalculia for as long as I can remember, even though I only found a name for it through my personal research two years ago. I struggle with numbers and typically have no clue how to handle money.
When did you first realise something might be wrong?
When I was 7 years old, a deaconess at our church asked me to tell her the time, and I just stared at the clock in fear. I knew I should know it. Instead of saying it was almost 2 p.m., I just told her that the “big hand” was on 12, and the “small hand” was close to 2. She just looked at me funny. It was so embarrassing.
Was that the only indicator that you had issues with numbers?
I also couldn’t recite the multiplications table. In school, when the teacher asked us to stand up to recite it, I’d either sneak peeks at the times table at the back of our notes or just mime along to the other students.
As an adult, I still can’t recite it. After the two times table, it’s over. Solving maths problems on my own always muddles my brain. I still can’t tell time either, except if it’s by the hour or every 30 minutes.
I’ve been scammed several times while using public transport. Like, when the conductor asks you to bring ₦1k to collect ₦500, so someone else gives you ₦700, I’m always like, “Wait first, what’s going on?” I always end up getting cheated.
How has this affected your ability to make money?
I got my first job as a typist at a computer shop when I was wrapping up secondary school in 2013. My salary was ₦12k/month, and I’d blow all the money almost immediately and start wondering why I didn’t have any money.
I quit the job in 2014 to write my first JAMB exam. I wrote the exam twice and passed both times but didn’t get admission, so my dad encouraged me to move to Ilorin for IJMB in 2016. It cost around ₦60k for the one-year period plus accommodation. I still didn’t get admission, but I was already quite independent, so I decided to move in with my friend and her grandma in Ibadan to look for a job instead of returning home. I found one as a cashier at a salon.
A job handling money. What could go wrong?
A lot. My salary was supposed to be ₦28k/month, but I always got shortages while balancing the account, and the difference would be removed from my salary. So most times, I only got paid ₦20k or less at the end of the month.
I could only afford to send ₦5k to my parents, keep a little money aside for transport fare and buy Shoprite bread or a club sandwich for small jaiye jaiye. I had zero savings. It didn’t stop me from applying to the National Open University, though.
But how did you handle school fees?
The salon I worked at allowed staff to sell additional products as long as you gave the boss 10% of every sale. I found a beard growth serum on Jumia and convinced the barbers to upsell it to their clients, promising them ₦500 on every bottle they sold. I bought the serum for ₦800 per bottle and sold it for ₦2,500, so I got about ₦1k in profit after the barbers and my boss got their share of the money.
The business was a hit. I started with just 10 bottles, but within a month, I started selling out 24 bottles in two weeks.
I even kept all the money I was making with my boss and only collected it to settle school expenses because I knew the money would disappear if I held on to it.
That was a smart decision
I did that for about a year until I decided I couldn’t keep up with the calculations I had to do as a cashier. Plus, I wanted to learn a skill I could do on my own, so I approached my boss and asked him if I could train to become a pedicurist — we offered pedicures in the salon. He agreed and allowed me to learn for free since I was already a staff member. I learned for about six months while still working as a cashier.
Then you switched from cashier to pedicurist
Yes. In 2019, I moved to our branch in Ilorin because there was no space for pedicurists where I worked. The pay also changed from a fixed salary to commissions. Every pedicurist’s monthly target was at least ₦300k, and we’d get 20%.
I wasn’t earning as much as my coworkers as it involved walking up to people to convince them to do a pedicure, and my anxiety made that really difficult. There were days when I’d be too scared or just not want to attend to anybody.
On average, though, I made about ₦60k/month — a big deal considering where I was coming from.
What were your finances like at this time?
I raised ₦120k from my savings and a loan I took from my job to rent a one-room apartment. I tried to become better at saving money, but it never worked out because there was always a reason to spend. My parents depended even more on me, and I felt like I had to be responsible for them.
Basically, I spent most of my salary on my parents and the little foodstuff I needed. They’d call me for the smallest things, and when I didn’t have, I’d borrow. I always felt guilty about buying myself any piece of clothing, except it was something I needed to wear to work.
I also abandoned uni because I didn’t have as much time as I did when I was a cashier. I worked from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. daily and had only one day off. I just kept telling myself I’d continue when I was more settled. I never did. It was also around this time I started really noticing patterns that contributed to my BPD diagnosis.
What patterns?
I had some issues with my boss, and it was an emotionally tough period for me. I didn’t have a hold of my emotions; when I was happy, I was too happy. When I was sad or angry, it was extreme too. I even started cutting myself.
I’m sorry you went through that
Thank you. I also felt directionless, spent spontaneously and kept changing jobs. I left the salon, and within one year, I worked at four different salons because I just couldn’t stay in one place for long. At some point in 2021, I moved back to Ibadan because I was tired of working every day and living on commissions.
Were you doing anything else to make money?
Not immediately. I moved in with a friend and former coworker. She offered home-service pedicures, but I had anxiety about going to people’s houses. So it took me a couple of months to build the courage to start home services. Thankfully, she introduced me to some people, and I got three regular clients.
A pedicure session cost ₦7k, and the first client paid for two sessions in a month. The second client was a family arrangement with the wife and kids, and I got paid ₦20k for one session a month. The last client only had one session a month, too.
That brought my earnings to about ₦41k/monthly, but it wasn’t enough. I knew I had to look for a better option.
So, what did you do?
I reached out to a long-time friend in the UK. We’ve never met, but I call her my big sister. She encouraged me to write because I was always dropping long posts on Facebook.
As usual, I was anxious, but she introduced me to someone who paid me ₦1k for 800-word research articles for a real estate blog. It was small, but I was grateful for the opportunity to build my confidence. I did about 10 articles a month in addition to the home-service pedicures.
How long did you write for the blog?
About five months. And all the while, I struggled with confidence and imposter syndrome. I couldn’t even seek out other clients or try to establish myself as a writer. I always thought, “What will I even write? What if I write for someone, and they call me out as a no-nothing fraud?”
When I stopped writing for the blog, I decided I wanted to be a copywriter. My UK big sis paid for a copywriting course for me, and I learnt a lot about it. But when it came to utilising the knowledge I’d gained and putting myself out there, I shrunk and concluded I wasn’t good enough.
Oh no. Was this when you got diagnosed with BPD?
It was around that time. After I had a breakdown in 2021, I found an NGO that offered free therapy sessions, and I’ve been in therapy since then. They diagnosed me with BPD in 2022, and it explained why my life is the way it is.
I mean, one of the symptoms is spontaneous spending. I’d be broke and know I needed money to eat, but when the money came, I’d use it to do something completely different.
Was there medication involved after the diagnosis?
How has treatment impacted your relationship with money?
I haven’t found my direction yet, but I think I’ve gotten to a point where I know I need to be financially better and more responsible.
I constantly feel like I’m stuck on an island with wild animals without a means of escape, and I’m supposed to somehow figure out what to do. So I just pretend like I know what I’m doing because if I don’t, it means I’m dumb.
I still feel like my inability to keep a job or focus on a skill for a long time contributes to a vicious cycle of unstable income and inability to save. So I just need to combine this knowledge that I need to be better with willingness in order to put it into action. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting there.
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Rooting for you. What do you do for money these days?
I don’t offer pedicures anymore because most of my regulars have japa. Since July 2022, a former client has been paying me ₦40k monthly to manage his social media page.
I know I can earn more, but I’m still struggling to put myself out there. I’m currently learning UX Design on Coursera, but I know deep down that I may end up not using it for anything.
I’m also planning to start a thrift clothes business soon, partly to earn more and partly to settle a ₦155k debt, which I incurred while trying to secure my own apartment. I first started the thrift business in November 2022 and even started saving money from the almost ₦40k profit I made monthly, but I had to stop in April 2023 due to the debt.
How did you get into debt?
When I was raising money for my current apartment, I loaned about ₦120k from a now-ex-boyfriend to add to my savings and make up what I needed for the rent, but he started disturbing me for his money when we split, so I’m now repaying from my salary monthly.
Of course, I still have to eat, so I’ve been borrowing random ₦5k here and there to survive — which is why my debt grew to ₦155k. But hopefully, when I restart my business, my finances become better.
I already bought ₦60k worth of goods, and I’ll be selling them on Instagram.
What are your monthly expenses like?
What would your ideal financial situation be?
I’ll answer hypothetically because I don’t believe I’ll get to a point where I make sound financial decisions. But it’d be great if I could afford the basic things I like without going broke or be able to buy myself stuff without feeling guilty about it.
Is there something you want right now but can’t afford?
I’d like to move my parents to a better space. I rented where they currently live for them, but it’s not great. I just want to be able to take care of them.
How would you rate your financial happiness?
-1. I’m not happy with my finances, and I desperately need to be better. I’m thankful for my friends, though. I’ve had people come through for me in amazing ways, and it’s such kindness that’s kept me sane because I really would’ve given up a long time ago.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
Two Christmas celebrations ago, my IJGB friend (Dozie*) breezed into Lagos to spend one of his nights with me. Before then, he’d usually get excited whenever I shared pictures of suya or grilled turkey on my WhatsApp status, and every single time, our exchange would end with, “You must show me this life if I come Lagos o”.
Fast forward to the day we agreed to hang out, he got to the spot a few minutes earlier than I did (Lagos traffic na wa) and I told him to order before I got there. Tell me why I arrived to my IJGB friend battling creamy pasta and smoothie? *Criminally offensive bombastic side eye* If like Dozie you don’t know how to treat yourself at a Lagos nightlife spot, you should hold this list to your chest.
Goat meat pepper soup
Source: Sisi Jemimah
It’s unofficially the official Lagos nightlife meal, and honestly, I get it. Nothing beats the satisfaction of scooping broth with juicy meat pieces into your mouth and washing it with a long gulp of mortuary-cold beer.
Asun
Goat meat pepper soup is great but only when you don’t plan to down many bottles. That’s double work for your bladder and double trips to the restroom. But asun? The roasted goat meat sautéed in spicy habanero and red bell peppers comes in bite sizes that don’t fill you up too quickly. Be warned. You might find yourself ordering a dozen plates and spending more than you planned.
Pepper snails
Source: Low carbs Africa
This is probably the best way to enjoy snails. I don’t know what the secret recipe is at these night spots, but boy, do they get it right? The snails are big, juicy, spicy and soulfully flavoured. This might set you back several thousands sha.
Grilled turkey
Consider grilled turkey when you visit a nightlife spot with the potential LOYL or the IJGB friends you want to impress. They’re nice but expensive, with a piece selling for as high as ₦2500 – 3500.
Suya’s versatility makes it my favourite on this list. Whether you’re looking to spend ₦500 or need a money-smart way to cater to a large gathering, it always delivers. And that’s not even the best part. With suya, you don’t have to go to a restaurant or bar. Just strike a badass deal with a random mai-suya on the streets.
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Roasted bushmeat
Source: The Green Palace
Also known as eran igbe, you won’t find it at your regular nightlife spots, but best believe when you do, you’ll pay through your nose and it’ll be totally worth it. Eran igbe is premium meat known for its distinct taste, aroma and nutritional value. It’s mostly available in villages, and that’s why the best pairing for it is palm wine.
Roasted Grasscutter
This is another premium meat that’s hard or expensive to come by in the big cities. While you can also enjoy this with any drink of your choice, palm wine is where the true magic is.
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Considering the amount of time you spend at work compared to anywhere else, your boss might as well be your soul mate, and your co-workers could very well be your partners in one big happy polyamory.
So, no, the fact that these phrases work both during sex and in a corporate setting isn’t weird at all.
“We need to really drill down to get this to work”
Sometimes, good results require intense “drilling”, and for everyone to be willing to put their backs into the task, literally and figuratively.
“Let’s take this offline”
Because some things need privacy, whether it’s calling out a teammate or taking the business off the spicy texts.
“I want to take a deep dive into this”
For when you really want understand a task… or find someone’s g-spot.
“Let’s circle back”
Sometimes, you want to return to a conversation later or get into a particular position that’s one number before 70.
“You always come on time”
There’s only one situation where this is a compliment, honestly.
“Hit me with your best shot”
Sometimes, you need to remind people to give their all. Let’s not waste each other’s time, please.
“You’re so flexible”
Everyone loves the person who can bend over backwards to make sure the work is done.
“Let’s stop to talk about this pain point”
This one is important because why go through something that’s affecting the “business” negatively?
“Teamwork leaves everyone satisfied”
Both in the board room and the other room.
“I’d like to bounce these off you”
For when you want to bounce ideas around. Also works with certain body parts.
“I need you to be more hands-on”
It’s all hands on deck, dear. Again, both literally and figuratively.
“There are so many balls in the air right now”
Corporate people say this when too many things are happening at the same time. But too much of everything is bad, even if it does involve literal balls in the air.
“Let’s leave this on the back burner”
This works in two ways. Either you don’t want to follow through with a suggestion, or you’re feeling a little adventurous.
“You’ll need to increase my salary if you want me to do this”
Like a wise person once said, “Money for hand, back for ground.”
“You’re so experienced”
The only kind of feedback both an employee and sneaky link want to hear.
Growing up, we heard money myths and peddled them at home, school, and everywhere else. Some were weird and funny, some were scary, but we ran with them until we found out they were all lies or funny tricks.
Do you remember any of these?
Don’t pick money on the floor
While dressing up for school, your parents probably hammered one thing in your head. They’d tell you to quickly walk past any money notes you saw on the floor. To drive home this point, they’d add that if you picked money on the ground, you might turn to yam or orange or a tanko football.
May we not become a kidnapper’s item.
Or pee on it before taking it
We heard urine was a jazz neutraliser — if it touched the money on the ground, you’d have one-upped the jazzman.
All that drama over free money.
Parents promising and failing to return your money
Nigerian parents, especially mums, would “borrow” money from you and say they wanted to keep it safe for you. But no one got their money back.
We’ll find out why this happened when we become parents too.
Two notes make bigger money
This is one of the wickedest tricks older siblings used on their younger ones. How the hell did we believe those scammers that two ₦10 notes were worth more than one ₦50 note?
Original and fake naira note
We don’t know where this theory crawled out from, but we were convinced if you squeezed an original note, it’d unfold itself — the fake one would just lay there.
Non-electronic money transfer
Some people believe that you could cash out money you didn’t work for by spending a charmed note to buy something from a vendor. When the money got inside their big bag or container of money, everything would disappear and come into your own pocket. How, abeg?
While talking to friends at an event about how the increasingly high costs of living in Nigeria mean you’re either rich or poor — no middle-class or in-betweens — Kunle* (28) shared his probably all-too-familiar situation: Pushing through life and a crazy economy as a man who’s tired of the money chase, but feels his value is directly proportional to how much he provides.
As a Nigerian man, I grew up believing my worth was tied to how much I made.
I saw it in how my mother’s smile widened when my dad gave her money before leaving for work. How my parents quickly brushed off my ten-year-old self’s declaration that I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up. Their reason was based on: “How much do you think vets make? Don’t you know you’re a man, and you’ll need to make money?”
It’s why, even though I got an allowance from my parents while in university, I was always doing one form of hustle or the other so I could make my own money. I didn’t need it; it just felt good to have money in my account.
I started writing notes and assignments for my coursemates in third year. With my charges averaging around ₦500 to ₦1k per course and my uni’s abundance of unserious students, I made a cool average of ₦30k in a good month. A very decent amount in 2014.
In final year, I graduated to helping my mates write their projects and charged each client ₦15k. By the time I was done with school in 2016, I could afford to be independent. I rented an apartment with a friend during my service year, got a couple of gadgets and even became a recipient of “billing” from my younger sister and parents. I was doing my part as a man, and life was good. Or so I thought.
No one prepared me for the fact that I’d just entered a life-long rat race.
In 2017, I got my first official job after job hunting for three months. The pay was ₦95k/month, and I thought it was a good deal.
It would have been, but transportation costs and saving for house rent became the weapons fashioned against me every month.
Let’s not forget black tax, feeding and data. On paper, I was earning reasonably well for an entry-level 9-5er, but I was living from paycheck to paycheck. I was always broke by salary day.
In 2018, I added love to the mix, and my problems tripled. Suddenly, I had the responsibility of being an “intentional man” by randomly sending my girlfriend money and taking her on dates. No one needed to tell me that I had to start making more money.
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My search yielded success in late 2019 when I found another job, increasing my salary to ₦120k/month. For the first few months, it seemed like I was finally making enough to comfortably splurge on one or two things without worrying too much about it. But then the pandemic came in 2020 and took my job with it.
The six months I spent unemployed were one of the most uncertain periods of my life. Strangely enough, I also felt pockets of peace. There was this kind of relief that came with knowing I didn’t have to spend long days pretending to like work and my coworkers just because I needed money in my account.
I was broke, but it was the closest I’d been to peace in a long while. Maybe it was because I had my roommate to rely on or the fact that everyone became homebodies due to COVID, but I didn’t always feel the crushing need to have money to prove myself.
In late 2020, I got another job, and I’ve been at it since then. My monthly income has grown from ₦200k to ₦350k, but I still live from paycheck to paycheck. And no, I’m not living above my means. I’m a 28-year-old unmarried man living alone in a ₦450k/year Lagos apartment. I have only one girlfriend, and my black tax is not crazy. Yet I still feel poor.
The Nigerian economy has gotten so bad that I can’t even appreciate that I’m a slightly above-average earner. By the time monthly expenses attack my salary, it becomes a struggle to save ₦50k. I’m constantly on the lookout for better job and income opportunities, but when does it end?
There has to be more to life than pursuing money. I’ve chased money all my life, but I’m not happy, fulfilled or at peace. It’s as if money laughs at my efforts and has a thing against staying in my account.
Honestly, I’m tired. Sometimes I envy people in a coma — no struggle to make money. They can just be. I want to just be, too. But I can’t even tell my friends or partner because I’m a man. My worth is tied to how much I make and can provide.
I recently struck a bet with my friend, Ori Ejo, who was visiting Lagos for a couple of days from Osogbo. He went on and on about how we’re suffering in Lagos, paying the most for the most basic things. I couldn’t let that slander go.
Yes, I know Laygurss is expensive, but it’s not so bad that you can’t ball on a ₦5k budget.
So I told Ori Ejo I’d go on a ₦5k meat tour, and it’d be far better than what ₦5k will get him in Osogbo.
A little back story about Ori Ejo. He’s the friend in this article who crushed seasoning cubes on chunks of snake meat. Ori Ejo, which means “snake head” in Yoruba, became my nickname for him after I discovered his love for snake meat.
Now, what do you get for ₦5k on the streets of Lagos? First off, erase any idea of private cabs for this mini adventure. But it’s not like okadas and keke maruwas are cheap these days, no thanks to the fuel subsidy removal.
My take-off point was the popular Olosha market in Mushin because there was no way I’d miss out on linking up with my meat plug. He has the best ponmo deals that fit right into my ₦5k budget. I got a decent cut for ₦800 and was left with a balance of ₦4000 — after paying ₦200 for t-fare.
Next was this barbecue spot around Shitta Underbridge in Surulere. I used to eye this spot a lot because there was always a long queue of people trying to buy from them, and that meant they had to be doing something right. Tell me why I got there and these guys wanted to charge ₦3000 for barbecued chicken and chips. I mean, it’s a fair price, but I expected a cheaper deal for a street spot. ₦3k would’ve done serious damage to my budget, so it was a no-no.
But you see, the beauty of Layguyrss is you’ll always find something. What did I find in this instance? Grilled chicken franks. I didn’t even know this was a thing, but it looked so good, I had to try it. It was just ₦300 for a stick. I bought two.
I knew this my waka wouldn’t be complete without suya and turkey, but I also knew it’d be hard to get both on a ₦3k budget. This is where connection comes in. Sorry to break it to you, but you cannot go far in Lagos without connections. It doesn’t even have to be people in government. You also need to know people in the streets to amp up your street cred.
To cut the long story short, I hopped on a bus to Aguda, where my brother had a turkey grill spot. I mean, I wasn’t even supposed to pay but I had an agenda that needed to agend. I sweet-talked my brother into selling a piece of turkey wing for ₦1500. The going rate would have been ₦2k.
I was running out of cash and knew it was time to head back home. But not without suya. I had a plug, Bello, just outside the LUTH gate in Idi-Araba, and he was the perfect person to wrap up this waka. My ₦1500 got me a stick of chicken suya at ₦500, beef suya at ₦400 and ₦200 masa.
I gagged Ori Ejo when I returned home, but it wasn’t because his point about Lagos being expensive was wrong. I was just street-smart.
Now, who wants to give me ₦100k to properly eat all the meat I want at the Burning Ram meat festival in Laygurrrsss?
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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Love Life: We Don’t Want Marriage or Kids
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Kola: The very first WhatsApp video call we had in July 2020 after a friend of a friend linked us up.
Peju: I told my friends I wanted to end my year-long celibacy run. I hadn’t been in a proper relationship in over a year, konji was being an epic bastard and the lockdown only made it worse for me.
As soon as it was over, I begged one of my most outgoing friends in our group, until she gave me three guys’ numbers. At first, I was uncomfortable about calling them, but I told myself I wouldn’t have wanted her to give my number to a bunch of random guys.
Kola: But they still got your number when you reached out to them sha.
Peju: I only called one of them and we texted for about a week when I reached out to you. We had the video call the next day because he was desperate to see my face.
Kola: I wanted to be sure the DP was real.
How did the call go?
Peju: It was the world’s longest video call. We were on it for about five hours, but remember that this was post-lockdown when we all seemed to have too much time on our hands. We didn’t exactly talk throughout. We just kept the call going while doing other things, with occasional comments and grunts.
Kola: It was a very comfortable call, and neither of us could end it until MTN eventually ended it for us. But it helped set the tone for us.
Peju: We had similarly languid video calls every other day until we met in person in September. We’d long since agreed to go get drinks as soon as we were both comfortable enough to be outside. And also when the sensible Abuja spots had opened up.
Kola: We met for drinks and the vibe matched up in person. That was the start of our highly convenient situationship.
Why a situationship?
Kola: I’d just gotten out of a long relationship and wasn’t looking to get into another one so soon.
Peju: I was still getting used to the idea that the pandemic wasn’t going to lead to the apocalypse. So you can say I was in the “We’re all going to die tomorrow” mood. I just wanted good sex to guide me into the afterlife well. My priority was, “Will this man bring me the end-of-the-world-level smash I needed?” When we met, I was pretty confident he would just because of how much I wanted to hug him and never leave his arms.
Kola: I was a lot less morbid about the whole thing, but it was exciting to meet an attractive woman who was pretty much ready to have sex right away. No hang-ups.
So did you guys do the deed right away?
Peju: Yes. He invited me over to his house the next day, and I ended up staying there for two days.
Kola: We did other things.
We played FIFA, she went off for a while with a friend of hers, and I worked from home for a bit. We didn’t just have sex for the whole two days o.
Peju: Of course. No one was thinking that, love.
The sex was alright, so we just continued having it from then on.
You’ve now been together for three years, so can I assume you started liking each other at some point?
Kola: I think we always liked each other. You can like each other and still be in a situationship.
We just weren’t ready to commit and didn’t try to force ourselves to. It was convenient the way it was, and we were both happy without trying to add responsibilities to it. I was still a bit heartbroken from my ex and also navigating risky waters at work at a time when layoffs and salary cuts were rampant.
Peju: I was going through personal struggles — family drama, unemployment, disillusionment — and was honestly in no headspace to cater to a proper relationship. I even started talking to someone else around Christmas time that year, and almost entered a relationship that would most likely have been toxic. Thankfully, that didn’t happen.
Kola: But she slept with him sha.
Peju: FU. We weren’t committed to each other then.
Anyways, he caught feelings first and asked me one day if I didn’t feel like we should be more. I was surprised because I believed the old African mother’s take that once a guy can sleep with you casually, he’d never be interested in a relationship. So I asked him what made him bring it up.
Kola: I think it was March 2021. We’d been friends with benefits for several months, and I wasn’t over it yet. I still always wanted to spend time with her. One day, I just grew curious about what she thought of what we were doing, that’s all. I wanted to know where her mind was at.
How did that conversation go?
Peju: We decided to give dating a try. I still didn’t have a job, and my home issues were still there, but it was all less overwhelming to me after the fog that was the COVID period. I was ready to be alive again.
Kola: I’d switched jobs and had better job security at the new place, so you can say I was feeling really good and confident.
That was until she suggested an open relationship sometime in May 2021.
Peju: I was afraid.
At some point, I realised I really liked this guy and became scared of the ensuing commitment. I was already anticipating breakfast and wanted to cushion the blow early enough. If we were committed but not exclusive, he’d either break up with me before I fell too hard for him, or I wouldn’t feel so bad anyway because I’d already have someone else.
Kola: She didn’t explain this logic to me at the time, but it would’ve still been the craziest thing I’d ever heard. I told her right away that I didn’t want one, and she just smiled. That’s when I knew it was some kind of test.
But we didn’t really become a traditional boyfriend and girlfriend until early 2022.
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What’s your version of “traditional boyfriend and girlfriend”?
Kola: Communicating multiple times a day? Always being in each other’s faces physically and virtually? Running the most mundane plans by each other? We do these things now. But in 2020 or 2021? Big fat NOPE.
Peju: Yeah. Even after we had the whole conversation about taking our thing seriously, we’d just have a few calls to check in on each other every other week. It went from calling or texting only when we wanted sugar to small emotional talks here and there.
One time, he dropped by my house — my parents’ house actually — and brought me this wide tub of goat meat pepper soup. That was probably the most touching thing that happened between us. It was more like we went heavy on the “friends” part of the benefits than we were dating.
Kola: But that was our process to get to where we are now, and we took it.
Peju: I enjoyed that growing period a lot. Just as I’m enjoying what we have now.
Would you say you guys are in love now?
Peju: I would. Yes.
Kola: Our version of it anyway.
We care about each other a lot, and I think of her as my best friend right now, definitely the best sex I’ve ever had. But we’ve made this decision to never marry or have kids.
Peju: Oh yeah. I’ve always known I don’t want to get married ever, and he doesn’t want children, so we made a pact.
Wait. Please, explain the root of these decisions
Peju: I lived with my parents all my life until I moved in with him last year, but believe me when I say it was the most toxic situation ever. So toxic that it took Kola’s strength to help extricate myself from it. I’d probably have never had the mental power to get myself out of there. My elder sister is still there today.
I lied to my parents that my new job gave me an apartment in Lagos. They still don’t know I’m in Abuja with them. I’m mentally preparing for the day my mother or relatives in Lagos decide to visit me. I’ll either lie that I’ve gone on a business trip or make a quick trip there and beg one of my close friends to use her flat.
Kola: Or just tell her the truth at that point.
Peju: What my parents have going on is a very abusive thing, and I absolutely never want myself to be so tied to someone — because of a marriage certificate and joint assets and children — that getting out when things get beyond toxic becomes impossible. I can’t let that happen to me after all I’ve experienced, trust me.
Kola: Mine is a lot more mundane. I just don’t want children.
I’m confident I won’t be a good father, and this world is too messed up to bring new beings into. I don’t want to be responsible for the experiences of a dependent. The idea that your child could go through trauma, and it’d somehow be because of something you didn’t even know you did, is too much of a burden for me to shoulder.
Peju: I’m completely aligned on that, TBH.
Add that to the actual pregnancy, labour and birth experience, and then, caring for children during that infant-toddler-child and even teenage period? It’s too much. If we were all being honest as a society, we’d confess that it’s all just too much. The pain and suffering in this life is too much jo.
What if you change your mind in your 40s, but then, it’s too late?
Peju: My mother had my only sister and me in her 40s. Rare, but it happened to my mother twice. And come to think of it, maybe there’s a reason she didn’t have us earlier. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to bring us into such a toxic environment, but she forced it. No, I don’t think I’ll change my mind.
Worst case scenario, me and Kola will freeze our eggs/sperm when we get to our 30s. Thank God we’re laser-focused on our careers now, so we may be able to afford IVF. If not, it’s the thought that counts, abi?
Kola: Of course, I’ll always have sperm, so I’m not that pressed to change my mind.
Peju: You just told the universe to give you high blood pressure or prostate cancer.
Kola: God forbid. You’re actually a mad person. But that’s lowkey why I love you.
Peju: Yeah. Anyway, we had this conversation over time as we opened up to each other about our fears. He already knew how much my family life affected me, if not from day one, then from the day he talked me into moving in with him last year. But it took a while for me to find out about his aversion to kids. We were making futuristic plans in January 2023 when he finally admitted he didn’t want them, and I was like, “You know what? I get it.” We made a pact there and then.
Do you remember what your first major fight was about?
Kola: First? Which one was the first now?
Peju: The toilet bag one.
Kola: Oh shit. That one was annoying. God. Small tone in my voice caused wahala.
Peju: It was one of my first few sleepovers at his place during COVID year. I don’t know how my black toilet bag found its way to his kitchen. All I remember is that it was dirty, so I unpacked it one evening with the intention of giving it a little scrub and letting it dry before putting my stuff back in.
But that never happened because, sex.
Kola: Anyway, later that night, I saw it on the kitchen counter when things were still a little foggy. I picked it up and said, “What is this?” in what Peju called a disrespectful tone and threw it in the bin.
Peju: Not just any bin o. The kitchen garbage can that had trash food and everything. I was so upset.
Kola: She screamed at me and insulted my life. I ended up throwing her out of my flat. Not one of my finest moments. We were still a “situation” then, so it didn’t really affect us. We just called each other the next time we needed sex — about two weeks later — and continued on.
Ahhh. And you forgot that was your first fight?
Kola: Oh, we’ve fought — a lot.
Peju: Yes na. Not every time love and light. Sometimes, you need drama and chaos for that healthy balance. It’s the struggle to be “cool” in relationships that used to cause see-finish o.
Agreed. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Kola: 10
Peju: I was looking at you well to see if you’ll call any lower number. Hmm.
Kola: I’m tired of this person.
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