If Nigerians are as broke as we say on Mark Zuckerberg’s internet, then these businesses should have collapsed by now.

1. Shawarma Stands

Everyone keeps complaining about inflation, but who are the people buying shawarma? Why are shawarma stands opening up ‘ere and there if we’re broke? These are the questions we need answers to.

2. Transportation

Nigerians say they’re broke but we all know one person jumping cities for knacks. Kudos to them for keeping God is Good transport running.

3. Petrol 

Fuel went from ₦65 per litre in 2009 to ₦165 per litre in 2022, and Nigerians are still turning on generators and fuel-guzzling cars like range rovers, land cruisers and benz (criminals) every day. We should consider trekking as a protest, so the government can take our brokeness seriously. 

4. Data

MTN wouldn’t have the mind to say “everywhere you go” if Nigerians were truly broke. This one has Nigerians on a chokehold. If you don’t convince yourself to buy at least ₦1k data every two days so you can read Naira Life, then you’re not a Nigerian. We won’t say you should stop sha. Keep being the bad girl that you are.

5. Hair

This hair vendor is making ₦850k on the head of Nigerians, and we’re supposed to believe you people are broke? Come off it. There’s no amount of inflation that will make a Nigerian man break up with his barber or stop Nigerian women from using land money to buy human hair. 

6. Apple Inc.

The dollar is rising, the dollar is rising, but half of the country owns either an iPhone or MacBook pro. Are these people Ghanaians and South Africans? Stop telling lies.

7. Noodles

Where are y’all finding money to eat indomie in the morning, afternoon, and night? Or seeing the money to add sardine and eggs as garnish? You people need to say the truth. Bring out that ghana must go under your bed that’ll make Dangote look like a small boy.