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Forget what Chimamanda Adichie told you about Nsukka in her stories, if you picked UNN hoping to enjoy that serenity or fall in love like Obinze and Ifemelu, I feel sorry for you. The ways the school will frustrate you oporrr.
Here are some of the ways UNN will make you regret being an undergraduate. Read and tell us if we are lying.
1. Hot and cold weather served together
Dearest undergraduate, you arrived on campus without a sweater? How do you like your suffering? Cold or chilled? Ah, uncle, you came with a sweater? RIP in advance oh. The heat is coming to parboil you.
2. 6 A:M GST classes
Welcome to UNN. Your first year GST classes are fixed by 6am and by 6:15 the hall is already full but the lecturer who is driving down from Enugu doesn’t show up until 8am. All die na die. Attendance, mandatory!
3. You had a sex life before? Forget it
You were a player before you got admitted to UNN and now you want to step up your game abi? You see all those condoms you came with? You will go back home with all of them. Every single one of them. Or maybe you will use them as balloons sha. Everybody here dey pursue CGPA, no time for knack.
4. Okpa is your new best friend
Fried rice, Jollof rice, Amala, Akpu, Pizza, Shawarma all of them will take a backseat so your new found delicacy, Okpa di oku, can reign supreme. You don’t have a choice, you either eat or you starve. Don’t worry, the taste gets better with time. It takes practice.
5. Oh you will trek. YOU. WILL. TREK.
The school’s map is haphazard with faculties scattered all around campus. Chances are that there is no cab going to Abuja building or Vet. So be prepared to walk the 2KM distance with your Leg-edes Benz . By your third year, you may notice that your trousers don’t fit through your calves anymore or that you no longer stand straight in photos. Pele. After graduation, better represent Nigeria in the wakwak olympics.
7. Chemistry Department will welcome you with your first F
You were headboy ooo, you had 9 As in Waec, you scored 340 in JAMB, Chemistry department doesn’t care. They will put you with the others. The first name you will likely hear in UNN is Asegebeloyin, Professor of Inorganic Chemistry and the enabler of your first F. Don’t stress it, just collect your L and rest.
7. Marathon Exams
You don’t need to check your exam timetable, it’s most likely a straightforward Monday to Friday exams, with two days in between where you write two or more papers. To be a lion is not a day’s job.
8. Kirikiri has got nothing on the boys hostel
If you have never seen the inside of a prison before, Alvan hall and Eni Njoku are the closest experience you will ever get. The inmates are running the asylum over there.
9. Extra Year is the rule not the exception
“Them don tidy me.” If you are wondering what that phrase means, wait till you approach your penultimate year, Them go tidyyou join.
10. Zero social life
Don’t expect any special social events while on campus. Nobody get time.
Studying in Unilorin is a rollercoaster. Everybody thinks you have it all good and easy. And yes, you might have some things easy, but the frustration nko? E plenty.
Here are some of the ways University of Ilorin will seriously frustrate your life.
1. Transportation.
Too little buses for too many students. That’s one simple way to describe this frustration. But see ehn, YOU WILL QUEUE. YOU WILL QUEUE OHHH. And when that queueing doesn’t work, you will trek too.
2. Dress code.
It would have been better if they stuck to their list, but Unilorin? NO. Imagine being stopped by dress code for having waist length braids. Or for wearing sunglasses they consider too large.
3. Hostel allocation.
If you are going to Unilorin and you expect to get a hostel, my dear, you better start summoning whatever gods you believe in. You know why? Something must surely happen that will make sure you don’t get that hostel even if you qualify for it. Imagine what happens if that hostel is the only source of accommodation you depend on.
4. Light issues.
Again, living on campus is not as palatable as you think it is. You know why? Light and water palaver. Expect BC messages from the Student Union Government though. They will tell you they are trying their very best. SUG Cares.
5. Timetable.
Honestly, the timetable is usually fair. Until you resume a new session and realise that 100 level Education students plus 100 level Agric students have 8am courses on the same day and time with you, a 300 level Accounting student. Pele my dear. Prepare to fight for bus like your life depends on it. Prepare to trek into campus.
6. ID Card wahala.
Your ID card is supposed to be for identification. But in Unilorin, it can also be for frustration. Security guards will stop you at the gate and will not hear anything if you forget to wear it. You can be heading to your faculty and you’ll hear that dress code officials are stopping people at the Motion Ground. New day, new wahala.
7. COMSIT wahala.
Whatever you do in Unilorin, pray to never have any issues with COMSIT. Just go down on your knees and pray it now. There’s a reason for that prayer.
8. CBT tests and exams.
CBT in Unilorin is a tug of war. Prepare to stay under the sun. Prepare to fight people for your space in the queue. You know what’s worse? When you’re halfway into the exam and your computer trips off, so they have to restart it for you with a different set of questions. God abeg.
9. Lecturers who want you to write exactly what is in their head.
Oh you think Unilorin does not have them? Them dey everywhere oh. Just pray you don’t take their course. Otherwise, you will keep swimming in a river of carryovers until you figure out the hang to answering their questions.
10. Level advisers that won’t actually advise you.
May you not land in the hands of this kind of level adviser sha. Otherwise, you are on your own.
11. Project supervisor that is not always on seat.
Hmm. Your mates will be in Chapter 3, you will still be waiting for approval on Chapter 1. Last last, you will be asked to submit Chapters 1-4, and then that’s where another wahala will come in, because where will they have time to review it?
12. The sun.
I know this is not Unilorin’s doing, but please. Let us blame them small. That sun in Unilorin can suck moisture from your life.
Please be kind to any Unilorin student you meet. They are going through a lot.
If you intend to run for a political office in your university, we have helpful tips for you. Follow them and watch how things will fall in place for you.
1. Start by dressing corporately.
This is the only way to prove your seriousness. It’s a thing of dressing the way you want to be addressed. While your course mates dress like pop stars and failed Nollywood starlets, you should rock suits and leather shoes with starched shirts. Don’t mind the heat. Your ambition comes first.
2. Choose a political name.
Go for something short and punchy: SERENDIPITY. ASTUTE. PROVIDENCE. PUNDIT. You can shorten your government name too. Funke to FUNKY, Kehinde to KENZO, Idowu to IDOWEST.
3. Display your admirable humility.
How do you display this? By greeting people. Greet 100 level students, 200 level students to final year students. Greet the traders and the security men. Go out of your way to shake hands and tell them IDOWEST is the name. Let them know you’re humble, that it was humility that followed you out of your mother’s womb, not placenta. When you get into office, you will show them pepper, but not now.
4. Organise tutorials.
Wahala for politician that does not know how to organise tutorials oh. Omo, it’s a give and take business. You need votes, they need knowledge. Demand meets supply. You don’t even need to know book. Just gather them together and confuse them with vocabulary and stories of how lecturers are evil. When you’re done, tell them, “Don’t forget to vote IDOWEST. IDOWEST is the name.”
5. Now, work on visibility.
How do you push yourself in people’s faces? How do you make your name their chewing stick? Odikwa very simple.
a) Pally with course reps and beg them to add you to their class group chats. When you’re there, kill them with motivational quotes. Eg: When you perspire to aspire, you rewire to refire and require to retire. IDOWEST wishes you a lovely day.
b) Print stickers and paste them everywhere: cafeteria, bus and taxi cabs, on trees, on buildings. IDOWEST welcomes you back on campus. IDOWEST wishes you a fulfilling second semester. IDOWEST says you should not choke on your food. IDOWEST cares for you.
6. Your manifesto should be something bogus.
Bogus = something you know you can’t achieve. Promise to renovate the university library. Promise that in your tenure, the dress code will be reviewed to allow students wear show-me-your-back and coloured attachments. 100 level picnic will be held at Eko Hotel. Nicki Minaj will be at the final year dinner. The idea is to dazzle them. Start with “Of the greatest gba-gba.” If they respond with “Gba!” then you’re on the right track.
7. Of course you will win.
And that’s when you will show them the true you. Who or what that “true you” is, it is up to you to decide. But we know you’re not a good person. No dey disguise for us.
Valentine’s Day is long past, but this one will make you laugh:
Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
University life comes with a lot of pressure. At the top of it is the pressure to stay in school until it’s time to graduate. To make this happen, you need to pass your courses. It’s not a big deal until you remember that some courses, for myriad reasons, are designed to give even the brightest students a tough time. This is something I thought I should explore this week. So, I spoke to some students at University of Uyo and asked them to talk about the toughest course they’ve dealt with. This is what they said;
Unyimeobong – I had three lectures at the same time
I took this Biochemistry course when I was in 200 level. I’m not even studying Biochemistry, but my department said we had to register for the course. I knew something was brewing when I saw the performances of the previous set and found out that a sizable chunk of the class failed.
The problem started with the timetable. I had three classes scheduled for the same time. The university has three campuses and each of these courses had their venues on a different campus. I’m still not sure how they expected me to wing that. It was hard to keep up with all the classes, so I missed out on most of what they did.
The few times I made the Biochemistry class, the lecturer just came in, said a few things, and dropped a material for us. Unfortunately, I could never understand the content of the materials. When it was time to write the exam, I went into the hall knowing that I was essentially unprepared.
I hoped that I would get a D, but that didn’t happen. I failed the course and had to register for it again the following year. Luckily, the arrangement was better the second time — different lecturers took the course and that proved to be what I needed. I wrote the exam again and that was the last time I had to worry about this course.
Ima – I couldn’t keep up with the lectures
This happened with a prerequisite course, which was also a non-departmental course. I’m studying Food Science and Technology and the course was in the Faculty of Engineering. I lost interest in the course from the first day I attended the class. The lecturer came in and assumed that everyone in the class was well-grounded in engineering basics. It went downhill from there.
For the entire time the class ran, I could hardly relate to anything. I didn’t understand why I had to register for it in the first place. So, I practically couldn’t care less about the course. I couldn’t push myself to learn anything from the classes. That definitely didn’t end well.
I wrote the exam the first time and failed it. I can’t say that I was surprised that it happened. When I had to re-register the following year, I knew that I had to figure out a way to wing it — not that I was interested in it, but I didn’t think I would survive it if I had to go to the classes in my third year. So, I turned to tutorials and attended as many as I could. It was a lot of stress and mental torture. I wrote the exam again and I passed this time. I wasn’t ecstatic, I was just relieved that it was over.
Mary — I had a weird lecturer
This story happened in my third year. The course was somewhat odd — you either pass brilliantly or fail woefully. I didn’t understand why this happened until I started attending the classes. The lecturer is from Akwa Ibom state and had something against “foreigners”. He taught all his classes in Ibibio and he knew that not every student in the class understood the language.
That wasn’t even the weirdest part. This man liked to make unnecessary jokes all the time. He could spend the whole lecture commenting on how a girl dressed and whatnot. It didn’t help that some students encouraged this behaviour.
If anyone complained about his teaching, he would ask them to tell him the state they came from and if the answer was not Akwa Ibom, he would ask them why they couldn’t go to a university in their state.
I understood Ibibio, but that did little to help me. He hardly taught us anything related to the course. His lectures were consistently a waste of time. To make things worse for everyone, he didn’t give any material out, even though he always brought a textbook to class.
I was the assistant course rep and my classmates thought he liked me, so they asked me to get close to him and get the material by any means possible. They wanted me to be the sacrificial lamb and that didn’t sit well with me.
So yes, the course was very difficult to deal with. It didn’t help that a lot of people who had carried the course over were attending classes with us. However, I always knew that I couldn’t fail the course. Luckily, I had a window to take pictures of topics from the textbook he brought to class and I took the opportunity. I added that to the breadcrumbs he’d given us in class and that did the trick. I wrote the exam and got an A.
Zamani — The lecturer expected us to figure everything out
I’m very proactive and I ask for help when I need it. So, when I went to some of my senior colleagues and they didn’t have good news for me about a course I had to take in my third year, I understood that I was in a mess. Unfortunately, it was a compulsory course and I couldn’t drop it and take another. I knew it was going to be near impossible to ace the exams, but I braced myself and gave it everything I had.
The course wasn’t exactly difficult, but the lecturer’s approach to teaching was a big disservice to every student in the class. The course involved a lot of calculations and the lecturer skipped everything that remotely looked like that. Apparently, he expected us to figure those bits out.
We were in for a rude shock on the day we wrote the exams. All 6 questions required us to make extensive calculations. Man, it was a sad day. I decided that I couldn’t kill myself and just did the little I could. It was certain that I was going to carry over the course but something happened and I got a D. Normally, that wasn’t something I would be proud of, but it was enough for me to move on totally from the course. And that’s all I wanted.
Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
The first year in a Nigerian university is always one hell of a ride. It’s like finally getting admitted into this prestigious club but then the club has more downs than ups. Here’s a list of some good and bad stuff year one students in Nigerian universities will relate to:
1. All the registration stress and queues.
The one thing you can be certain about in Nigerian universities is queues. There is always a queue, and it’s worse for year one students because they have a registration deadline to meet.
2. The wait for reg number.
You spend 2 weeks on campus and you are still stuck with your JAMB reg number.
3. Matriculation day excitement.
And of course, your parents come through Nigerian style. One cooler of rice, a cake in the university colors and crates of malt for your friends and fans
4. Priding in the fact that you now have “lectures” and not “lessons”.
Levels have changed yo.
5. Dropping the name of your university with shoulders high when neighbours ask.
Status successfully upgraded.
6. The struggle for accommodation.
The struggle is indeed real. Lagos state agents have got nothing on campus agents. It be your own students.
7. Attending classes back to back because you want to make first-class.
With 5.0 CGPA goals on your mind. In spite of the fact that you and WAEC did not really end on good terms.
Humbled by the questions that look like HD when the lectures were only taught in 2D. Also humbled by the mean invigilators and how much space they put between desks. And finally humbled by the fact that other people are already asking for an extra sheet and you can’t even bring yourself to understand what question one wants from you.
9. Checking your first exam results.
You go with your heart in your hands because. And on your way you probably get flashbacks from all the times you were sleeping like a bear when you should have been cramming definitions.
10. First embarrassment from a lecturer.
And you’re like, I thought the point of being a university student is that I will now be treated like an adult? Which one is “get out of my class”?
That’s 9 things most year one students in Nigerian Universities will relate to. Which struggle was the realest for you?
“Great loins and lionesses!”, if UNN graduates got a dollar for each time they were called that and expected to “roar” in return they wouldn’t have had to immediately go into the job market. Because they would be swimming in all the dollars they got.
That aside, here are 10 other things UNN graduates can relate to:
1. Walking through the Stadium at night and reciting Psalm 23 because the stadium becomes a literal shadow of death at night.
And you are with your phone and laptop because your smart ass had to go for nightclass.
2. When they postpone GS and CEDR again
You’ll be on your own diligently reading for the exam and the next thing you’ll see a message from the course rep in the Whatsapp group saying they have post opened the exam again. But your bag of rice and carton of noodles has already finished.
Sometimes Nigerian universities are fun, but most times they are episode after episode of pure hell. If you attended one then you can probably identify one of the reasons why you hated school on this list. Or two reasons, or three. Or maybe the entire list is your story too.
1. There’s ALWAYS a queue.
While Lagosians are spending half their lifetime roasting in traffic, Nigerian students are spending there’s on queues. There’s a long queue at the banks, another one at the bursar’s office, and another at the bus stop, and at the toilet, at the restaurant too, at the Wi-Fi zone, there’s even a queue for your crush. And the queues make it a point to move at snail speed.
2. WhatsApp groups were invented in Nigerian universities.
There’s a WhatsApp group for everything; for every faculty, for every department, for every level in the department, for people who have forgotten their registration numbers, for people who have issues, for the people planning a party and even for people attending the party.
3. Assignments.
You think nursery, primary and secondary schools have all given you enough assignments for one lifetime but you get into the university and realize you are just starting.
4. Blackouts ergo water scarcity on campus.
Just when you have a deadline to submit an assignment the blackouts start and the water scarcity always almost follows suit. And you can best believe the university management is hardly ever in a hurry to fix the issue.
5. Impromptu tests a.k.a Tear out a sheet of paper.
The absolute worst kind of surprise. And lecturers loooooove to see it happen. Don’t they know that nobody reads until the exam time table is published?
6. Strikes.
At first you think it’s not so bad. Its like going on holiday before holiday, but then the strike stretches into months and you start wondering if you’ll ever see your B.SC in this life.
79 year old Hajiya Fatima Kurfi finally achieved her life-long dream of getting an education when she bagged her B.Sc degree in Islamic Studies from Al-Qalam University in Katsina state.
Although the mother of four and grandmother had completed her degree in 2009, her convocation ceremony was deferred till May 2016 when the university hosted its convocation ceremony for seven graduating sets of the school.
Hajiya Kurfi who didn’t have the opportunity to attend school while growing up, began learning how to read and write when she married her husband who eventually relocated to England. She followed him shortly after.
After returning from England with her husband, she enrolled in an Arabic Teachers College for her secondary school education, where she was in the same class with one of her grand-kids, before obtaining a Diploma at Danfodio College.
Hajia Kurfi was still determined to continue her education and eventually got admitted into Al-Qalam University in 2005.
Currently, she runs a private school for children and an NGO which aims at advocating education of the girl-child.
Although she doesn’t want to go further in her education, she has decided to continue researching at home by studying books and research papers written by her husband, Dr Ahmadu Kurfi, who is a teacher and former federal permanent secretary. Go grandma, we couldn’t be more proud!!!
