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Nigerian relatives | Zikoko!
  • 9 Ways Nigerian Relatives Behave Like The Royal Family

    9 Ways Nigerian Relatives Behave Like The Royal Family

    Ever since Prince Harry married Meghan Markle, wahala has jammed kasala because HoW DaRe A bRiTiSh RoYaL mArRy A lIgHt-SkInNeD bLaCk GiRl?

    Of course, Nigerians have had a lot to say about the whole palaver. But we seem to be forgetting that we Nigerians have some family members who behave like the British Royal Family but have zero royalty attached to them.

     And here’s how:

    1. They lie against your partner.

    They just love to lie, if your partner raises their left hand they will say they raised their right hand. If it rains during the dry season they will accuse your partner of causing it, that its witchcraft from their father’s village. 

    2.They go around sharing your gist and your partner’s gist like party packs.

    Both the one you did oh and the one you did not do, they will share. The day you make a single mistake, all the Whatsapp groups will hear about it. First to do no dey pain, it is when you do your own back they start to cry and feel attacked. 

    3. They fight against inter-tribal marriage.

    In the year of our lord 2021, they are still fighting you because you married from so and so tribe.

    4.They blame anything that goes on in your life on your partner.

    It’s really laughable, any small thing that happens to you, they will say it’s your partner that caused it. ‘’If you married so and so, you won’t have all these problems’’. If they tell you such, smile. Now say to them, “You that married the person your parents approved of, why is your life still the way it is?” 

    Gbas gbos. 

    5.They view your partner as an outsider and not your immediate family

    Maybe these ones don’t know common Social Studies abi Home Economics. They still think you are their immediate family after marriage, anyway, it’s not your fault that they don’t know book. 

    6. They accuse your partner of trapping you and using jazz

    The absence of love in their lives make the idea of love seem superficial and unattainable, coupled with the fact that they are entitled and sometimes dumb. If you shower your partner with love and affection they will say it is jazz. Instead of them to use that jazz to find love, they will be there, beefing you.

    7.They ask for a male child first.

    They aren’t the ones carrying the pregnancy, but they want you to give birth to a male first child. It’s not like they have any tangible thing to give your children, money they don’t have, a crown they don’t have. But they’ll be opening their mouth woahh.

    8. They expect your partner to behave according to their dictates.

    They don’t even have their house in order but they want to tell your partner to jump when they say jump, and dance when they say dance. If you tell them to jump now, they will be shouting because they are not fit. 

    9.They want you to live with them.

    They want you to live with them so they can do their amebo very well. If you are far away from them, they will be getting third-hand gist and they don’t want that. The closer you are to them, the easier it is for them to be wicked.

  • How To Deal With Crazy Nigerian Relatives

    How To Deal With Crazy Nigerian Relatives

    Having relatives is unavoidable, something most people would rather do without if they could. But, those familial ties come in handy every time; knowing you are loved and are amongst people who’ve known you forever, having no choice but to put up with your shenanigans, can give you a good night’s rest.

    However, Nigerians know that dealing with difficult relatives is an expected menace that nobody really wants to have but has to learn any way. So, it becomes a necessary evil that dictates family harmony. We all have that troublesome uncle that comes to our house uninvited, and the aunties who like to tell us of the old days while peppering us with questions about when we will get married, get a job or go back to school.

    It can be really hard trying to figure out how to deal with them, but here are 4 ways to do so:

    Be quiet:

    Never argue with them, always nod yes to whatever they say even if they just lied through their teeth and told your mother that you misspent money they NEVER gave you.

    Run away:

    Know when to quietly sneak out of the room so they won’t notice, then proceed to pretend to be asleep when they call–because that’s the only way you can get away with doing so without having your ears ring from the insults they will rain on you if they realize you were ignoring them.

    Do not succumb to their traps:

    This usually starts with them asking you simple questions that you think have no meaning. Ha, do not answer o! Because, if you do, you’ll create a big hole you can’t crawl out of.

    Get everything ready for their arrival:

    …even the adverts on TV that you can’t control. Oh, and be prepared for constant legwork–no, not the dance; the number of times you will be on your feet, serving them and adhering to their every whim. Because they will nearly kill you with their requests.

    What is your best way of dealing with your difficult relatives?