nigerian politicians

I’d just published this story about an apprenticeship gone wrong when Tunrayo* reached out, saying she’d had a similar experience with a Nigerian politician who’d been her role model since she was 9.

She talks about finally getting the opportunity to work with this politician, abandoning her family, enduring abuse, and almost losing her identity and life to her work.

As told to Boluwatife

Image designed by Freepik

I became fascinated with a particular Nigerian politician at 9 years old. Fascination doesn’t even begin to cover it. I was obsessed. I even had pictures of the woman in my room.

Let me tell you how it started. I decided I wanted to be a journalist pretty early in life. I loved watching the news and following political stories. Though a businessman, my dad knew a lot about the political happenings in my home state. That’s how I got to know this politician. Biodun* was a prominent political figure in my state at a time when it was almost impossible to see women at the forefront of politics. She was 20 years older, but I wanted to be like her.

I admired and wanted to be like Biodun so much I’d write short notes about my admiration and paste them on the noticeboard at the mosque. Biodun was partly the reason I didn’t study in the UK. I graduated from secondary school around 2010 and had already secured admission to the UK — not for journalism, though. My dad thought studying law was better.

Just before I was meant to travel, my dad changed his mind and decided I’d better go to school in Nigeria instead. His reason? Biodun also studied in the UK and was a chain smoker. He knew how much I idolised her and feared I was ready to imitate this woman in everything, including smoking. He was right because I did get into smoking years later because of her, but we’ll get to that.

Eventually, I got admitted to study law at one of the universities in my state. Ironically, that brought me closer to Biodun — it was the same state she worked in. By then, my obsession had grown to commenting on all her social media posts and fighting everyone with anything negative to say in the comments. I followed every single thing she did. I started calling myself a “Biodunist” and made her picture my wallpaper on everything I owned. She was also my display picture on all my social media accounts — the love was that deep.

It was politics that finally brought me the opportunity to meet her. My penchant for writing led me to work for several media houses as a student, and I regularly wrote articles criticising the state government in power. This made me well-known to some members of the opposing political party in the state, and I became friends with many of them. I also became active in student union politics and championed several causes to ensure female involvement in school politics.

In 2014, I organised a female conference and magazine launch to highlight women doing great work in their fields. Of course, Biodun had to be the face of the magazine. I repeatedly sent several invitations to her via Facebook, but I didn’t get any headway until someone I knew from my political activities gave me her contact. Surprisingly, Biodun responded, and we started chatting on BlackBerry Messenger.

I couldn’t believe my luck. It was my chance to impress her, and I tried my hardest. She loves rap music — BBM had a thing where you could see what people were listening to, so I started listening to Nicki Minaj and Drake because she did, too. One time, we were chatting about Game of Thrones during exam season, and I’d literally leave my books to watch new episodes so that I could respond if she talked about the series.

Biodun wasn’t in office at this point, but she planned to run again in 2015, and I somehow became involved in her campaign. She knew I was her staunch supporter and that I knew my way around politics. So, she sent me a data modem and tasked me with creating social media accounts for her campaign.

I should note that we hadn’t met at this point, and I wasn’t being paid, but it felt like I was part of something great. I bragged about my work with her to everyone who cared to listen. I went for Hajj that year, and instead of praying for myself or my family, I stood in front of the Kabba praying for Biodun to win the election. I cried like a baby when she lost the party’s primary elections.

Remember that conference I organised? She didn’t come, even though she promised she would. She sent a representative instead, but I couldn’t stay angry with her for long. Especially since she came through for me some months later when I got into trouble with the police because of my outside-school political activities. She promised to send lawyers if I wasn’t released. It didn’t get to that, but I took that assurance as her reciprocating my love for her. And my loyalty tripled.

We still kept in touch when I went on to law school. She’d always tell me how stressful work was for her since she didn’t have a personal assistant, and I’d respond by saying I wished I was there to help her. I moved into her house immediately after my final exams in 2017 and resumed work unofficially that same night. I say “unofficially” because no one gave me an appointment letter. I was supposed to go home — my mum had even booked a flight for me, but I refused to leave her side.

Biodun was planning to run for governor in 2023, and I was tasked with building a roadmap for her to get there through humanitarian initiatives, charity, and the like. That became my life’s work. In my head, I was going to help make a difference in the state.

My daily schedule involved waking up around 11 a.m., going to Biodun’s study, and working with her until 3 a.m. I lived in the same room with her maid and slept on a bunk bed. They also had a dog in the maid’s room who peed everywhere, which meant I couldn’t observe my daily prayers regularly.

I ate once a day in Biodun’s house — only breakfast, and that was typically bread and eggs. I rarely ate more than once a day, and that happens if the maid brings food to her study and Biodun tells me to come and eat. That wasn’t often because she did a lot of diet fasting. I also wasn’t being paid, so I sometimes called home for money so I could buy food. Looking back at it now, it was a far cry from my privileged background, but I didn’t see it at the time. I was working with my idol, and that was all that mattered.

It also didn’t matter that I took monthly flights with my own money during NYSC year for monthly clearance just so I could keep living with Biodun even though I was posted to a different state.

Our schedule got a lot tighter in 2018 because of the preparations for the general elections the following year. Biodun wasn’t contesting, but she needed to ingratiate herself with the party, and she handled many campaign efforts and empowerment projects in our state on behalf of the presidential candidate.

We flew together everywhere. I was always in the car with her, never more than a few feet away. No jokes; I followed her into the toilet several times and even helped her dress up. I was the one carrying campaign money and following her up and down. People began calling me her PA, and it thrilled me.

If you know anything about politics in Nigeria, you know there’s never a shortage of enemies. Biodun’s house was always full, with different people going in and out. That crowd got bigger with the campaigns, and we began killing a cow daily to cook for people. I was the one handling money, and sometimes, when she directed me to give someone money to buy something, I’d naively exclaim that the item shouldn’t cost that much. That brought me a lot of enemies.

There was also a lot of backbiting and passive-aggressiveness going around, and I soon started feeling unsafe. I had to bring some friends to come live with me because I worried about even eating food at the house. I’m honestly not sure if I was attacked because I was found unconscious one day with my three cats dead beside me and three random scars on my back. This was just before the elections in 2019, and I’d briefly returned to my family home. I was hospitalised for a week, and after I was discharged, I still returned to Biodun’s house despite pushback from my family.

2019 was also the year my eyes started to “clear”. Biodun landed a ministerial appointment and got an actual PA. I didn’t mind it because I thought there was a way personal assistants were supposed to dress or look, and I didn’t fit that position. Where did I even want to see money to buy good clothes? I was literally dressing like a maid back then. But that wasn’t the only thing that changed.

I’d always known Biodun had temper issues — she was known for screaming at people and throwing objects, but I always knew to avoid her when she was in a mood, so I was hardly the focus of her outbursts. But the night before a dinner to celebrate her appointment, she called me a stupid person and threw a remote at me because I couldn’t find golden spoons to rent for the dinner.

ALSO READ: Nigerian Women Talk About Navigating Harassment in “Safe” Spaces

We also went from working closely together to hardly speaking to each other. We were still living in the same house, but there was now a PA and several DSS officers around her and I couldn’t just approach her.

Those first few weeks after her appointment, I felt like I was just floating around—going to the office and returning to the house with no sense of direction. After a while, I was officially given a title as research and policy assistant and a ₦150k salary, but I didn’t feel like part of the team.

I’d thought the ministerial position would provide an opportunity to work on the projects Biodun and I had discussed as her roadmap to governorship, but she was no longer interested. We’d planned to start a recycling project, but that got abandoned. She’d also placed someone on a scholarship but suddenly stopped paying the fees and ignored prompts about it.

Around the same time, she bought aso-ebi for everyone in the office for someone’s wedding. People would reach out for help, and we’d ignore them, but if the person died, we’d send cows and visit for optics. I didn’t recognise who she’d become, and I felt betrayed. What happened to the visions and the people we used to go see back to back during the campaigns?

It suddenly became like I didn’t know how to do anything anymore. Biodun would scream at me and insult me in full view of everyone for the slightest thing. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house or office without permission. One time, I went to the mosque, and when she didn’t see me in my seat, it became an issue. I was also working long hours. I had to get to the office before 9 a.m. and only leave after she had left. Sometimes, I’d return home by 9 p.m. only to continue working till well past midnight.

The office politics was even worse. People who work in government offices have the opportunity to go on training programs with an estacode allowance (or travel allowance) to cover any expenses. Biodun’s chief of staff made sure he was the only one who went for those programs. He actually didn’t even go for most of them; it was the allowance he wanted.

In 2020, I summoned the courage to leave Biodun’s house. I rented an apartment but had to lie to her that it was my friend’s place, and I just wanted to visit her during the weekends. That was how I packed my things small small till I moved into that apartment.

Moving out was a lifesaver. I really began to see how I’d grown into a shadow of myself. I could cook and eat without worrying about going out to buy food and having to explain where I went. I should mention that my mum had been worried about me for a long time. My dad had passed away at this point, and she expected me to return home to manage his business, but I couldn’t even visit. I was also constantly taking money from my trust to survive. She didn’t understand why I just couldn’t leave.

The final push I needed to leave came during the EndSARS protests. I wasn’t allowed to join because I worked for the ruling government, but it was a cause that affected me. My younger brother was a victim of these SARS officers, and it was personal to me. So, I’d sneak out of the office to attend protests. I could do that because the presidency had directed most officials to return to their states to try to diffuse the tension.

On social media, Biodun formed solidarity with the youths, even helping project the #5for5 demands. But on a WhatsApp group with other party members, she was inciting people to throw curses on the youths for protesting and claiming a political opponent sponsored them. I was appalled by it all and even got into a public argument about it on the WhatsApp group until some people reached me privately and called me to order. I was so disappointed and ashamed. This wasn’t the Biodun I knew and admired.

The presidency also called for stakeholders to present reports about the protests, and I attended one to get pointers on how to prepare Biodun’s report. You won’t believe no one talked about the lives lost at the Lekki toll gate or the damaged properties. The “stakeholders” were rather discussing contract approvals.

I think that was the point I became disillusioned with the whole thing and decided I was leaving for good. I did leave sometime later during a meeting with Biodun and some other staff. They were complaining about something I supposedly did wrong, and I just stood up, plugged in my headphones and walked out.

Four years later, I’m still glad I left when I did. I can finally breathe. Since then, I’ve grown in the political space and have done important work that I care about. I also manage my dad’s business now.

I can make friends with whomever I want. I couldn’t do this while working with Biodun because I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone connected with other politicians. She also made me write damaging and insulting articles about other people, and I regret being used to do so much of her dirty work, but I’m moving on from that.

Most importantly, I’ve grown, and I now know my worth. I wasted so many years of my life following someone mindlessly, but I know better now, and no one can make me go through that again. I don’t have any political leader because I can’t do that running up and down for someone else anymore. I’m grateful for my family and appreciate how much they stood by me while I figured things out. I’m in a better place now, and my experience has taught me to treat people with respect. I know how it feels to be treated like shit, and I have a responsibility to make sure I don’t pass that on.

For every young person aspiring to get into politics, it’s important to develop yourself first before putting yourself under someone else because reaching your full potential will be difficult that way. Also, don’t trust any politician. They change.

*Names have been changed for anonymity.

NEXT READ: The #NairaLife of an Apprentice Who Wants Out of the System

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Tife Oni

June 14, 2024

Inside Life

abuse, money, nigerian politicians, relationships
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

Tell me about your earliest memory of money

I’ve always been surrounded by money. But the memory that strikes me the most is from when I was around eight or nine years old. I’d followed my dad to his office that day, and when I went to use the toilet, I noticed several ghana-must-go bags there. I was a curious child, so I peeked inside. You can guess what I found.

Money?

Loads of it. Later that day, some of his staff came to carry the bags out of the office, and I never saw them again. I asked my dad what the bags were for, and he said they were for work.

Now I want to know what the work was

My father is a politician. He and some of his siblings have been in politics for as long as I can remember. At the time of the money bag incident, he was a House of Reps member. I didn’t know then, but I can assume now that the money was probably to share with certain people or groups as part of the party’s campaign efforts.

What was growing up in a political family like?

The early years were good. My dad wasn’t always around, so I spent more time with my mum — the first of my father’s two wives.

The second wife was the “public wife”, and she always went with him for his political engagements. On the other hand, my mum was busy with us and her business. Both wives lived in separate houses, and I only met my half-siblings during parties and holidays.

We didn’t lack anything, though. I was even supposed to go to secondary school in the UK. My dad suggested it, but my mum refused. She thought I was too young to stay with extended family over there, and she wasn’t ready to relocate.

I was upset about this, so what did I do? I took ₦30k cash to school on my first day of JSS 1 and blew it all during recess. I can’t even remember what I spent the money on because the school provided lunch for students.

But where did you get the money from?

My dad put me and my siblings on a ₦20k monthly allowance when we started secondary school, and we usually got gifts from people anytime we visited him. I had a piggy bank where I saved all my money, and I wasn’t supposed to spend from it without informing my mum.

I was grounded for a week when she found out, but I was like, “What’s the use of all this money if I can’t spend it?” I thought she was being unnecessarily frugal, but I soon figured out her reason.

What was it?

My father has this “grace” system. You’re in his good graces whenever you please him, and you automatically become his favourite person for the week, month, or however long your grace period lasts. During this time, he goes out of his way to ensure you have everything you want. But when you annoy him, he almost forgets you exist.

I experienced this for the first time on my 14th birthday in 2014. Birthdays are a big deal in my family, and even when my dad wasn’t around, he’d send money. He did none of that, and it was later I realised it was because I missed his calls multiple times the day before and forgot to call back.

My mum is quite familiar with his system, so she uses it to her advantage and to secure her children’s future. Since we turned 18, my siblings and I have had investments in our name, and they remit monthly payments. We also have trust funds that’ll mature when we’re 25. I don’t think I’ll ever come to a point where I absolutely need to work for money.

Does that mean you’ve never had a job?

Does charging for rent count? When I moved to the UK in 2017 for university, I was supposed to live in one of my dad’s apartments. But I wanted to enjoy uni life with other students and attend parties, so I rented another apartment with a couple of friends and gave out my dad’s apartment to some random people for £1,500 per month. In addition, I got roughly £2k/month allowance from my parents— which wasn’t set in stone because I could always call them if I needed more money.

I only rented for about a year. My mum found out and put a stop to it before my dad found out.

What were you typically spending money on?

My school expenses were on my parents, so my allowance was for me. But my ₦30k debacle should already tell you I’m a very anyhow spender. I spent most of my money on clothes and my friends.

My love language is gift-giving, so I love going all out for my friends to show them I care.

Beyond that, my recurring expenses were my car, other basic needs and random destination trips. In 2018, I sponsored eight friends to Jamaica to attend my half-brother’s birthday party because I didn’t want to travel alone.

Did your friends question your spending?

Most of the African students in my uni were the children of Nigerian public servants, and they spent lavishly too. So even though most of my friends were white, they knew most of the African students were from privileged backgrounds.

My time in school was a spending blur until I graduated in 2020.

What happened after uni?

I planned to return to Nigeria for NYSC, but COVID happened. So I stayed back in the UK till 2021 and did NYSC the following year.

I like to say I served on paper because I only visited the orientation camp once. My PPA was with one of my dad’s colleagues, so I didn’t need to show up. The only reason I didn’t return to the UK was because my mum wanted me to be around my dad.

Let me guess, to be in his good graces?

Exactly. He was going to contest for re-election in the 2023 general elections, and she wanted him to see I was valuable. Perhaps he’d reward me with a position in government or help me get better acquainted with his colleagues.

But do you want to be a public servant?

No, I don’t even like being in the public eye. I prefer not to be known as my father’s daughter in public. My stepmother is the political wife, so her children are a bit more well-known in our state compared to me and my siblings. And I like it that way because I don’t have the strength for trolls. I’ve never had personal experience with insults from random people on the internet, and I’d like to keep it that way.

I just helped with the campaign to put my marketing degree to use and please my mother.

Did you make any money from the campaigns?

I didn’t have official duties, so I was just lowkey participating in party campaigns. I got a few monetary gifts here and there, though — about ₦950k in total. My primary income was from the monthly remittance I mentioned earlier, and I’ve been getting it since I was 18.

I was coming back to that. How does it work?

I’m unfamiliar with the details, but I have different assets in my name, and they bring in an average of ₦800k monthly. They technically belong to my dad, but it’s illegal for public servants to have other companies or business deals which could pose a conflict of interest. But hardly any public servant in Nigeria adheres to that. So, they front other people as the owners and even award contracts to these “companies”. It’s like standard practice.

So… money laundering?

Something like that. But to most of my knowledge, my assets aren’t from diverted government contracts. They are just not publicly linked to my family because they were obtained when my dad was in public office.

“Was”?

He lost the re-elections. But knowing him, he’ll find a way back.

What are you doing these days?

I want to return to school for a postgraduate degree in fashion marketing in 2025. I have a knack for fashion; if I ever have to work, I might as well do something I love. That said, I’m taking two gap years to clear my head. I intend to travel the world, but I’m starting with Nigeria because how am I a Nigerian and have visited only four states?

I visited a resort in the South West a few weeks ago with my friends, and I was surprised the West had something that beautiful. We spent three days there and spent roughly ₦300k on accommodation and refreshments. I hope to do one such local visit every month till I get my trust fund.

How much is in your trust fund?

About $250k. I’ll get it in 2025, and I already have plans for it: tour six countries in four months, enrol in school for my postgraduate degree and keep the rest in a savings account. It’s my safety net because I know if I run to my dad for financial help, he’d ask, “What about your trust fund?” Plus having to pander to be in his “good graces” is exhausting, and I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life.

Do you have other savings or investments?

No, I don’t. I tend to apply an “I can’t kill myself” approach to money, but I know it’ll need to change if I want to be less dependent on my parents. I think I’ll be in a better position to explore investment options when my trust fund comes in.

What do your recurring monthly expenses look like?

Is there something you want but can’t afford?

A Birkin bag — the one I’m eyeing costs about $10k. Apart from the fact that I can’t afford it yet, I know I might end up giving it out to a friend when I get bored of it, so I try to get it off my mind.

How would you rate your financial happiness?

6. I’m not broke, but I’m the most financially-indisciplined person I know. I just spend knowing that money will always be there. It now feels like there will be a ticking clock on my finances the moment I get my trust fund, and I need to figure shit out soon.

If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.

Yes, I want to do a Naira Life

Find all the past Naira Life stories here.

Tife Oni

July 31, 2023

Money, Naira Life

nigerian politicians, Politician's children, trust fund, Trust fund kids
If you don’t count the many court cases and possibility of re-runs in some places, the 2023 election season is over.
What this means is many politicians have now lost their jobs — noticeably five governors (out of eleven) and a certain Senator Chimaroke who’s gone on a Twitter rant since he lost his Enugu East senatorial seat to a Labour Party candidate.

Patrick Obahiagbon is shaking. https://t.co/oUWJ2v3Z6L
— Nk'iru. Njoku (@nkirunjoku) March 21, 2023

It must suck to suddenly be unemployed, especially after putting so much effort into a campaign, and we get it. That’s why we thought to share all the other jobs these ex-incumbents can do now that they’re back in the job market.

Activist

All they have to do is put “Political Activist” in their bios and drop one tweet condemning injustice every three months. They can even throw in random hot takes once in a while for pizzazz. Will they earn? I don’t know, but at least, they won’t be idle.

Social media influencer

They already have the two major requirements: followers and small fame. Just get a ring light, start going live every two days, and brand endorsement deals will start rolling in.

Hairdresser

Why only get pictured making hair in salons during election season when you can make it a full-time job? Those who learnt how to fry akara and roast corn for campaign pictures can also sell their wares for real now.

Motivational speaker

No shade to motivational speakers, but it seems like an easy job. All they have to do is share how they got their first pair of shoes at the ripe old age of 25, and career don set.

Travel vlogger

Our politicians don’t like sitting their asses down in Nigeria before, so they might as well take up vlogging. I know I’d love to watch a “Travel to launder money in Turkey with me” video.

Organise meet-and-greets

Shocking as it may seem, many questionable politicians have die-hard fans. They should just ask those fans to pay to shake their hands, since they obviously don’t have sense.

Magician

Remember how a snake swallowed ₦36 million in JAMB office? Nigerian politicians are already experts in doing the impossible. So what are a few more magic tricks to them?

Bus conductor

They obviously love promising us change and never delivering. Maybe if they become bus conductors, they’d remember to?

NEXT READ: Can We Cancel Cover Letters and Apply for Jobs With These 8 Things Instead?

Tife Oni

March 22, 2023

Money

Inside life, Jobs, nigerian politicians, Politics
When Derin* married her campus fellowship friend-turned-love interest, politics was the last thing she saw in their future. She talks about why she decided to follow his lead, fearing for her children’s safety and other challenges when you’re in the public eye.

This is Derin’s story, as told to Boluwatife

Pexels

When we met, Debo* was a mild-mannered church boy. We became close friends, and soon realised we had similar dreams, We were simple people who just wanted to do business and serve God with our finances.

He proposed marriage to me soon after I graduated from Lagos State University in 2011. We’d actually met there, in the campus fellowship I joined in my second year. He was in his finals.

We got married in 2012, and had two kids in succession. We didn’t lack anything. His real estate business was growing steadily, and I was into retailing female fashion items. We’re both quite entrepreneurial, so the long-term goal was to build a business empire. We’d own multiple businesses and support the church financially. And we were on track, until politics entered the picture.

I should mention that all through our years of friendship and brief courtship before marriage, politics was never in the picture. No reaction to national issues or conversations gave the tiniest idea that he’d someday be interested in politics. Business and church had always been his priorities. We were — and still are — very religious, so we just focused on God guiding us through the way and blessing the works of our hands.

Then in 2016 — four years into our marriage — people started coming to him to talk about politics. He had become quite successful in real estate, which meant he had access to an impressive network of people. They told him how much real impact he’d make if he were part of the people making decisions that affected the nation and even the business sector. He relayed their suggestions to me, and I wasn’t in support.

Everyone knows politics is a dirty and often violent game. I didn’t even think he was seriously considering it till he woke up one day and said he would become a card-carrying member of one of the popular parties. I kicked against it. This was a party known for thuggery and corruption, but he assured me he wasn’t actually running for office, he was only joining. According to him, there was no way to make light take the place of the darkness in our society if the light decided to cower away. I had to agree.

He eventually became fairly active. He’d attend their meetings and conventions, which seemed to triple in frequency as election season drew closer. His weekends became filled with party activities. I hated it, but I could do nothing except pray for him and hope his interest would end with becoming a member. It didn’t. He came home one day in late 2018 and said he felt God was leading him to contest in the 2019 elections for a federal representative seat in his hometown.

This was a big shock for two primary reasons. One, we weren’t in the habit of making significant decisions without agreeing as a family and seeking God’s approval together. Two, when did running for office enter the picture? We had extensive talks about it, and again, I agreed though I wasn’t so sure about it. He’s my husband, I have to follow his lead. Apart from the somehow-ness of politics, I’m also not a big fan of begging people to “Please, vote for me”. There’s this desperation attached to it that doesn’t sit well with me.

He picked the form and started campaigning in earnest. The first hurdle to cross was the party primary elections. I think two people from his party were also seeking the party’s ticket. The campaigns meant he had to leave our home in Lagos a lot to oversee things in his hometown. I also tried to attend some of the campaign efforts.

I wasn’t as involved in the campaigns as he was because it really wasn’t my thing, and less attention was placed on the spouses since it was still just the primaries.

We had to start moving with armed police officers though, because joining politics automatically opens you up to more eyes. We also had to take down pictures of our children from social media just to be safe. Our finances really took a hit during this period because most of the campaign efforts were out of pocket. Most of which involved providing relief packages for his constituency, refurbishing a water distribution system, and all those small small monies here and there to community heads to boost popularity.

RELATED: How Does Campaign Fundraising Work in Nigeria?

These tactics seemed to work because he became something like a household name. According to his team on the ground, his campaign materials were everywhere and the people knew his name. He was like the people’s favourite to win the primaries.

Then one day, the party leaders called him aside and suggested he entered into some sort of covenant with them so they’d be assured of his loyalty if he eventually got the party’s ticket and won the House of Representatives elections. It already sounded diabolical, and my husband refused. He assured them he had the party’s interests at heart and that they could take his word for it. They obviously weren’t pleased with that response because after he won the first primary election, they cancelled it due to some “irregularities” they noticed and slated a date for a re-run.

On the eve of the re-run, they came out to say they didn’t want an election again, stating that the party stakeholders had appointed someone to represent the party instead. That’s how my husband’s ambitions ended.

I’m somewhat relieved, but it feels like it’s just the start of his political career. He didn’t run in the 2023 elections, but we’re already in the public eye. It means I can’t tweet anything I like or even go to the cinema alone for a late-night movie, and I’m still concerned for his and our children’s safety once in a while.

I know 2019 won’t be the last time he’ll try to run for office, because I sense how uneasy he feels about the state of the nation. His favourite line now is, “We need godly people in government.” He may not run now, but definitely when the political landscape changes for the better. For me, I’m just prepping myself to pray for and support him when the time comes.

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Hate Spending My Own Money

Tife Oni

March 2, 2023

Her

Inside life, marriage, nigerian politicians, Nigerian politics, Politics
If you can ace this quiz you really know your Nigerian politics.

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

Which politician is this?

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Say the truth, how do you feel about your score?
I got #{score}/#{total}
You did good, but it’s probably because you sleep on Twitter.
I got #{score}/#{total}
It’s not just by acing this quiz oh, I hope you have your PVC.

Chioma Munachi

February 20, 2023

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

Emojis, nigerian politicians
Will you be quietly eating the national cake or feeding us lies every weekend on live TV? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you the kind of Nigerian politician you’d be.

Sheriff Alimi

January 31, 2023

Quizzes

corruption, nigerian politicians, Politician, Quiz
Nigerian politics might be your true calling, but there’s only one way to know. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.

Sheriff Alimi

January 11, 2023

Quizzes

nigerian politicians, Nigerian politics, Quiz
On 6 January 2023, the All-Progressives Congress (APC) presidential candidate, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, caused quite a stir on social media timelines with a photoshopped picture of him appearing on a campaign billboard.

The victim of the act was Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, host of the popular reality TV show, Big Brother Naija (BBN). In the photo, both Tinubu and Ebuka seem to be sharing the same pose, clothes, and even his wedding ring.

[Photo Credit: Mufasatundeednut on Instagram]

Many Nigerians have criticized the photo, with former senator Dino Melaye even going as far as saying that there is nothing original about the “emi l’okan” man.

Sadly, this isn’t the first time politicians have been accused of the photoshop act. Here are some other cases:

Atiku receiving a handshake from Trump

During Atiku’s 2019 presidential campaign, a picture of him with a former American president, Donald Trump, was circulated. This was to clear rumours about his ban in the U.S.

However, Africa Fact Check revealed that President Muhammadu Buhari was the original person in the photo in April 2018.

Peter Obi with “Tinubu’s Insignia” Cap

Shortly before the Labour Party (LP) presidential candidate joined the party in May 2022, a post by Facebook user Taiwo Olaore was circulated. In the photo, Obi was wearing Tinubu’s insignia cap at an event. This drove the narrative that Obi was a supporter of Tinubu’s campaign or “BATified”.

However, further checks by The Cable revealed that the cap was digitally imposed on his head, as he wore no cap in the original photo.

The Buhari and ‘Jubril from Sudan’ Rumors

In 2017, rumours started to circulate that Buhari was dead after three months of ill health in the United Kingdom. Pictures from a lookalike named “Jubril” was now the new president.

However, this was thoroughly disputed by Buhari himself. He came out to assure the public that he has not been replaced by a double.

Tinubu with Joe Biden

Shortly before his Chatham House visit in 2022, a photo of Tinubu speaking with the current president of America, Joe Biden, was circulated.

However, the APC campaign media director, Bayo Onanuga, cleared the air that the photo had been doctored and there the presidential candidate’s last location then was at Abuja.

Chiamaka Dike

January 9, 2023

Citizen

ATIKU ABUBAKAR, Bola Tinubu, Buhari, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Peter Obi, photoshop
Most jobs usually have a condition that binds an employee to be on their best behaviour or risk termination of employment. No one wants to hire a chef who stinks up the kitchen or a driver who drinks on the job.

Unless you have a car you can afford to lose to gravity

This social contract about red flags isn’t any different for politicians who want to occupy influential positions that determine the state of their societies. But Nigerian politicians are clearly not subjected to any known laws of nature because they’ve got away with things that would make other regular people lose their jobs.

The people on this list are top of the class.

Elisha Abbo

He thinks he’s him. He thinks he’s James Bond

You’d think one of the most enduring qualities of a public official would be their temperament and strong willpower not to commit crimes. But Senator Elisha Abbo didn’t consult that handbook when he savagely attacked a woman inside a sex toy shop in Abuja.

Just a few weeks after he was sworn in as the youngest senator of Nigeria’s 9th Assembly in 2019, a leaked video of the attack turned the lawmaker into online sensation. Abbo repeatedly slapped the woman because she supported the shop owner whom the lawmaker had accused of insulting him. Even worse, he instructed police officers to arrest her while vowing to deal with her.

The incident sparked a tsunami of outrage that resulted in a Senate investigation, a criminal case and a civil lawsuit. The Federal Capital Territory (FCT) High Court ordered the senator to pay his victim, Osimibibra Warmate, ₦50 million as compensation, but he beat the criminal case and the Senate investigation died a shameful, quiet death.

The senator even comically won a “Beacon of Hope” award and an “ICON at Democracy” award months after the assault. He’s contesting for a second term as senator in 2023.

Ovie Omo-Agege

If you don’t know what a mace is, just think of it as the Bible of a legislative chamber in Nigeria. It’s the most sacred object of authority that gives legitimacy to the business of the people that make laws ~~ruining~~ running our lives as Nigerians. But on April 18, 2018, some thugs invaded the upper legislative chamber where senators meet and stole their mace. If you’re wondering how thugs invaded a well-fortified building crawling with security agents, it’s because they entered the chamber with Senator Ovie Omo-Agege who had been suspended by the chamber for misconduct.

The police arrested and questioned Omo-Agege but he maintained his innocence. The mace was later found abandoned by the roadside but no one else was ever arrested. The case ended up as another mysterious one for our police officers to never bother about solving.

Now, no one is allowed to call Omo-Agege a mace thief, so we’re definitely not calling him a mace thief.

We’re just pointing out that the thieves followed him into the chamber to grab the mace and take it out for lunch. This would be a career-ending scandal for a politician in saner climes — if they don’t end up in jail first. But, like a phoenix, Omo-Agege rose from the ashes of the controversy and won his re-election as a senator. His colleagues were so impressed by his panache that they even elected him the deputy senate president in 2019.

Omo-Agege is now a strong contender to win the 2023 election to become Delta State’s next governor. Who said stealing the mace doesn’t pay?

Abdullahi Ganduje

He’s got hands that love to receive

What do you get a man who has everything and is sitting in a prime position to corner public funds? The answer to that question can change from person to person, but we know how the governor of Kano State, Abdullahi Ganduje, likes it.

The answer is dollars

In October 2018, the Daily Nigerian published a series of scandalous videos that caught ~~Gandollar~~ Ganduje taking wads of American dollars from someone and sticking them into his clothes. The collection was payment he took from a contractor — allegedly o — to approve contracts for a project. Basically, he was getting paid dollars on the side to motivate him to do his day job. Some people would call it bribery, and many people called it that.

“It’s only a crime if you get caught, right?”

The videos raised a stink and Nigerians called for the governor’s impeachment and prosecution, but Ganduje used his good friends in the Kano State House of Assembly to block all that nonsense blowback and kept his job.

The governor went even further to win re-election one year later and was cheeky enough to make anti-corruption policies to stop public officials from ~~becoming like him~~ abusing their power.

Abba Moro

In 2014, the Nigeria Immigration Service (NIS) needed to fill 4,556 vacant positions and made a public call for recruitment. 675,675 young Nigerians applied across the country and even paid a controversial ₦1,000 access fee. Things started to go sideways when over 500,000 shortlisted applicants were instructed to go to designated centres for further assessment.

The volume of applicants that showed up caused overcrowding issues which escalated and left at least 15 people dead in the ensuing chaos in Abuja, Edo, Niger and Rivers.

The chief architect of the recruitment exercise was Abba Moro who was the Minister of Interior at the time. Moro’s initial reaction to the tragedy was to blame the victims for their impatience — he’s a Nigerian politician after all. It took the minister more than a week to even acknowledge some responsibility. He also blamed Drexel Tech Nigeria Limited, the firm hired to run the exercise, for the disorganisation and illegal fees paid by the applicants, but a Senate investigation discovered he made the unilateral decision to hire the consultant.

Abba Moro never lost his job over the scandal, and even beat a criminal case that convicted another official, Anastasia Daniel-Nwobia, who was the Permanent Secretary of the ministry, for awarding the contract to the firm.

While the case dragged in court for years, Abba Moro contested and won a senate seat in 2019, and is contesting for a second term in 2023.

ALSO READ: What We’ll Miss About These Outgoing Nigerian Governors

Samson Toromade

December 26, 2022

Citizen

Abba Moro, elisha abbo, Ganduje, nigerian politicians, Nigerians, Ovie Omo-Agege
In the land of Nigerian politics, especially during election campaign season, there is never a dull moment, as you can always expect to see political gaffes, diss tracks, and an endless flow of gbas gbos.

Therefore, we’ve decided to jog your memory of some legendary disagreements and grudges that have occurred in the Nigerian government. Here’s a list of some of them, from spanking new to decade-old feuds:

Ortom Vs Atiku

[Image Source: The Nation]

The most recent on the list is the Ortom-Atiku feud. Due to Atiku’s support of the violent actions of the Myetti-Allah in Benue State, Ortom was so pissed that he said he would rather “choose death” than support Atiku. (For context, both Ortom and Atiku are members of the same party, but Atiku is a presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP).)

VIDEO:“To hell with Atiku and any other Fulani man…anyone supporting Atiku here (Benue) is an enemy”— Benue State Governor, Samuel Ortom

🎥/Symfoninews pic.twitter.com/a0RnZrJiaH
— NewsWireNGR (@NewsWireNGR) November 7, 2022

To further show his displeasure, Ortom decided to pull a diss move and went all the way to the Labour Party to support Peter Obi.

But it seems as though the fuel of anger could not be sustained for long, as the governor made a U-turn and decided to apologize to Atiku about his ‘misyarns’.

According to Ortom: “I want to say that the statement people are holding on was not what I meant when I was captured saying that. But all the same, I know that it would amount to logical fallacy. I want to say to those who are so offended by my remarks, I am very sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

Atiku hasn’t yet spoken on whether he’ll gracefully receive Ortom’s olive wreath or not.

Obasanjo vs Atiku

[Image Source: PUNCH]

Accounts vary as to what started the grudge between the ex-president and his former vice. Things got so bad that Obasanjo said outright that he would not endorse Atiku for the presidency in 2006.

The feud remained a thing until 2018. Obasanjo saw the light somehow and decided to forgive Atiku because he believed Atiku had “discovered and repositioned himself”.

But the reconciliation came during a time when both Atiku and President Muhammadu Buhari was running for a second tenure. Therefore, it seemed like getting Buhari out of the way was bigger than any old disagreement.

[Image Source: Guardian]

Tinubu vs Fashola

[Image Source: Igbere TV]

With the two former governors of Lagos State, things have not always been so rosy for them. Worthy of note is 2018. Tinubu didn’t invite his predecessor to key events like his 10th Colloquium (an event in which Fashola was meant to have testified to Tinubu’s good works in the state).

There were no comments as to why it happened on the Tinubu front, but sources from the Fashola camp said it was a disagreement from Fashola. The disagreement was on outsourcing tax collection to a private company called Alpha Beta (a company that is allegedly owned by Tinubu), instead of collecting it directly.

Anyway, the two seemed to move on from the quarrel as they were seen looking all friendly at a public function in 2018.

[Image Source: Daily Post]

Oshiomhole vs Ize-Iyamu

[Image Source: Vanguard]

The two former Edo State governors got tangled up in a clash of words. This was during the 2015 Edo State governorship elections.

Oshiomhole accused Ize-Iyamu of embezzling Edo state funds and being the source of its underdevelopment. He demanded that Ize-Iyamu should “vomit the N1.2 billion he shared with Dan Orbih which is money meant for defence that he collected from a bank. After that, he will go to jail.”

Ize-Iyamu also countered back. He said that Oshiomhole should officially probe his activities during the eight years he spent as governor.

However, in 2020, the two men seemed to come to an understanding. Oshiomohole described Ize-Iyamu as “a man of God” while Ize-Iyamu said that he needed to be “abused”. This was because he raised his protege (present Edo State governor, Obaseki) to be a bad product. Lmao.

Know more feuds that we didn’t mention? Drop a comment below and show us the light!

Chiamaka Dike

November 11, 2022

Citizen

Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Nigerians, Political Fights, Political Rivalries
A musician and politician are similar in many ways. You need to stay relevant, remain popular, and keep dropping hot content for the public. We imagined the kind of music careers some notable Nigerian politicians would have and it’s hilarious.

Bola Tinubu

He’d be Jay Z, dropping evergreen one-liners that no one understands but he’d still have millions of fans anyway. We think he should just quit music altogether but what do we know?

Nyesom Wike

This man is Kanye West with a Nigerian passport. He wastes no time publicly calling out anybody that vexes him, or anyone he just doesn’t like. If you stress him, he’ll call you out and you’ll hate yourself. He always drops bangers though, and no one can do him anyhow.

Atiku Abubakar

He’s had the longest run as an upcoming artist, no contest. We admire his determination but at this point, he should just rest. Try your hand at something else, bro.

Peter Obi

He’s one of those artists that come out of nowhere and make a few hit songs from a little-known label. Then they clench the title of “Next Rated Artist” and make the already-blown artistes shit their pants. He’s the subject of a lot of diss tracks but that’s none of his business.

Muhammadu Buhari

He might as well be a ghost worker in the music industry because nobody sees him or hears anything from him. But when he decides to go on tour? He ignores his fanbase. But his die-hard stans keep making excuses for him.

Dino Melaye

He likes to think he’s an artist when he’s really just a hypeman. He’s the politics version of Toby Shang, no shade intended. He even has all the supercars to make himself look the part but, if it didn’t dey, then it didn’t dey.

Lai Mohammed

His entire discography is full of cap, and it makes you wonder what else he’s hiding. If fake-it-till-you-make-it were to be a person.

NEXT READ: Zikoko Awards: Nigerian Politicians Edition

Sheriff Alimi

October 28, 2022

Citizen

citizen, music, nigerian politicians, Politicians
Have you ever wondered what prizes Nigerian politicians would win at an awards show? Well, welcome to the Zikoko Awards. We’re recognizing some of the OGs who either made us laugh this year, stressed our lives, or outright annoyed us.

Noisemaker of the year: Dino Melaye

You can probably hear his laughter throughout the picture as he shouts “ajeku iya ni o je”. No one comes close to this man in noisemaking.

Best in Godfatherism: Bola Ahmed Tinubu

With sentences that toe the line of befuddlement, nobody comes close to this man in “building” people who support him to the point of suspension of belief. All he needs is a cigar and a bow-tied suit.

Best in Content Creation: Yahaya Bello

At this point, Nigerian artists need to start meeting this man for music promotion. He’ll shamelessly promote their songs in his TikTok. Criticise him for not caring about his state, that’s your personal business.

Best Dancer: Sen. Ademola Adeleke

This man will steal your babe with vibes and fire dance moves that’ll burst your brain. You’ll be so distracted, you’ll forget to pay attention to his politics.

Next Rated Personality: Peter Obi

He might look like the underdog right now but his fanbase is rapidly growing. We’ll come back next year to review his career.

RELATED: What if These Nigerian Politicians Were to Be Your Co-Workers?

Best in follow-follow: Babajide Sanwo-Olu

We’re not even sure if this man is a governor or a personal bodyguard.

Best in pointing: Babajide Sanwo-Olu

This man deserves a second mention for another talent he has —– pointing.

Best in Vacation: President Muhammadu Buhari

Man doesn’t let anything stop him from taking his monthly trip to chill out in Europe. In fact, you Nigerians are stressing him out.

Artist of the Year: Nyesom Wike

This man’s band has done wonders at his live speeches, peppering us with hilarious tunes every single time. No one deserves it more.

NEXT READ: These Areas in Lagos Are at the Risk of Flooding

Sheriff Alimi

October 21, 2022

Citizen

awards, nigerian politicians
With Nigeria in full electioneering mode unlooking a devastating flooding crisis, another United Kingdom Prime Minister, Liz Truss, has resigned due to incompetence. Truss is now the shortest serving PM in British history — just 45 days — and the fourth PM to resign since 2016.

Why did Truss resign?

In her resignation speech, Truss said she failed to deliver on her Conservative Party’s mandate to cut taxes and boost economic growth. Despite being in office for less than two months, her own party members publicly spoke of plans to replace her.

The underlying reason for Truss stepping down comes from implementing policies that backfired badly — her budget to cut taxes failed and upset financial markets. Even the UK’s almighty pound sterling dropped in value.

So what lessons can Nigerian politicians learn from this saga?

Politics isn’t do-or-die

In the West, elected officials and political appointees know that the positions they hold are temporary and performance-based. People win or lose elections — life continues. But in Nigeria, politicians invest heavily and employ whatever means necessary to win. And when they don’t win, they faint, literally.

Resignations should be more commonplace in Nigeria

Resignation isn’t in the dictionary of Nigerian politicians. Even the rare ones that resign do it usually when the law is holding a gun to their heads. One notable resignation happened in 2018 when the Oluwole-made NYSC certificate of then-finance minister, Kemi Adeosun, was exposed. She claimed that until the scandal broke, she “didn’t know” that her certificate wasn’t genuine.

National interest over party interest

Truss’ resignation followed protests from all quarters — including her own party — that she wasn’t fit to lead. In Nigeria, party loyalty reigns supreme and members of the party in power rarely call out their underperforming leaders. This kind of blind allegiance undermines democracy in the long run.

For example, when Nigerians called for the resignation of Isa Pantami from his ministerial position following his support of terrorist groups, members of his party in his home state of Gombe issued a solidarity statement. He’s still a minister years after that controversy that would have been the end of a politician in saner climes.

Resignation isn’t the end of the world

As a former PM who has only spent 45 days in office, Liz Truss is entitled to a £115,000 annual salary for life. As you can imagine, this lifts her from being a mechanic to being a baller for life.

The lesson here is that resigning from office doesn’t signal the end. One could use the opportunity to pursue one’s passions, earn money from public speaking, write a book, or even run again for the same office, like Truss’s predecessor, Boris Johnson, plans to do.

In Nigeria, politicians tend to make politics their bread and butter, which makes them desperate to die there. Maybe they could be more open to the idea of losing and resigning if they have thriving enterprises outside of office that aren’t dependent on political patronage.

Ultimately, resignations are a feature of a thriving democracy and a reminder that for all the power politicians hold, they still remain public servants.

Stephen Agwaibor

October 21, 2022

Citizen

Liz Truss, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Resignation
It’s hard to imagine Nigerian politicians doing anything other than leeching off Nigeria’s treasury for as long as they can.

We know Nigerian politicians want to stay in power forever, but if they had to work a 9-5 job like the rest of us, what would be their defining character traits — based on what we already know about them?

Yahaya Bello

He says things like “Purrr” out loud to sound like a GenZ even though he’s clearly 47, watches NTA and thinks TikTok is a wristwatch brand.

Remi Tinubu

She always arrives the office late and leaves early because she has a rich husband and doesn’t need the job. She tends to say, “Children of nowadays,” much too often.

Ayo Fayose

Even though he’s a 61-year-old grandfather, he’s the office comedian, and interns hide from him because he’s always sending them to buy roadside amala.

Aisha Buhari

No one knows what exactly she does at the company but she makes enough to visit Dubai for vacation every two months.

Femi Fani-Kayode

He’s always sending broadcast messages about the latest conspiracy theories to the office WhatsApp group. Everyone tries to hide their lunch from him because he always wants to take “just two spoons” out of their food.

Ben Ayade

Says words like “braggadoccio” and “sesquipedalian” to sound like the most intelligent person in the room. Also likes to cry in the office restroom when his salary finishes in the middle of the month.

Stella Oduah

She has no time for office gossip and just goes around minding the business that pays her. But she’s also secretly using the company’s Uber account to run her personal bakery business.

Dino Melaye

He spends all his work hours on social media, tweets a lot about how much he hates his 9-5 and takes too many sick days off for his side hustle as an aspiring Nollywood actor.

Lai Mohammed

No one argues with him because he’s been at the company even before the founder. But if he says good morning to you, you know it’s time to go to bed.

Nyesom Wike

He talks too much and he’s the reason why office meetings last three hours.

ALSO READ: Nigerian Political Parties and What Their Logos Say About Them

Samson Toromade

September 27, 2022

Citizen

Aisha Buhari, Ayo Fayose, coworkers, nigerian politicians, Nyesom Wike, Oluremi Tinubu, Yahaya Bello
Very soon, Nigerian politicians are going to start telling us sweet stories of how they’re bringing us heaven if they get elected. Before you fall our hand and start taking their word for it, take this quiz about basic Nigerian politics.

Sheriff Alimi

August 16, 2022

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

citizen, nigerian politicians, Nigerian politics
You might think only two political parties are stressing your life as a Nigerian, but there are actually 18 of them. How did they come to be, and what’s their origin story? We’ve dug up the stories of the biggest ten, so we can gist you.

All Progressives Congress (APC)

Founded: 2013

National Chairman: Abdullahi Adamu

This broomstick party blew up like a fintech startup and took everywhere by storm in the 2015 elections. Taking one more cue from the tech world, they were formed through a merger of three parties — the Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN), the Congress for Progressive Change (CPC), and the All Nigeria People’s Party (ANPP). They even had factions join them from the All Progressive Grand Alliance (APGA) and the People’s Democratic Party (PDP).

As if all the pepper these parties showed us before then wasn’t enough, they had to band together to form the biggest crew of pepper-sprayers we’ve known to date. And in 2023, they’re gearing up to show us even more pepper by fielding Bola Ahmed Tinubu and Kashim Shettima as presidential and vice-presidential candidates.

People’s Democratic Party

Founded: 1998

National Chairman: Iyorchia Ayu

This party had 16 years of uninterrupted rule over Nigeria’s affairs. They’ve taken us through good times and bad, and are now acting like that toxic ex who keeps trying to convince us they’re the best we’ve ever had.

This party was formed in 1998 and had its first presidential primary election in Jos, Plateau, in which Olusegun Obasanjo was nominated as the presidential candidate, and Atiku Abubakar, his vice presidential candidate. This party won every presidential election from 1998 to 2015 when they got bounced by the APC.

For the 2023 elections, they’re fielding Atiku Abubakar as their presidential candidate and Ifeanyi Okowa as the vice presidential candidate.

Labour Party (LP)

Founded: 2002

National Chairman: Julius Abure

This party sounds like a new one but has actually been around for a while. It was formed in 2002 back when the exchange rate was ₦120 to $1. It used to be called the Party for Social Democracy, but it seems someone in the party realised they needed something hip and moved for them to change the name to Labour Party after the 2003 general elections. This name is so clean, it’s giving startup vibes. They do believe in social democracy, so if you’re wondering what they want Nigeria to look like, think Sweden.

They’re fielding Peter Obi and Yusuf Datti-Ahmed as their presidential and vice presidential candidates for the 2023 elections.

Social Democratic Party

Founded: 1989

National Chairman: Vacant

This party is one of the oldest active parties in Nigeria at the moment. But what we don’t understand is how they’ve managed to hold only a tiny fraction of the seats in all political positions in the country. The party was created alongside the defunct National Republican Convention (NRC) by Gen. Ibrahim Babangida as part of a democracy project to detribalize Nigerian politics. NRC died, while SDP stuck around. Their main agenda is to improve welfare and promote social justice.

Even though you may not have heard a lot about this party in mainstream politics, it has had some of the most notable Nigerians as members in the past. People like Rabiu Kwankwaso, Jerry Gana, Umaru Yar’adua, Atiku Abubakar and Bola Ahmed Tinubu. In fact, the popular June 12 elections had SDP as the winning party, as M.K.O Abiola was the presidential candidate of the party.

For the 2023 elections, this party is fielding Prince Adewole Adebayo as its presidential candidate and Nafisa Mohammed Bolori as its vice presidential candidate.

All Progressives Grand Alliance (APGA)

Founded: 2003

National Chairman: Victor Oye

There’s a hot contest about who really founded this party, between Chekwas Okorie and Chukwuemeka Ojukwu. But we know two things for sure: this party was founded in 2003, and its first presidential candidate was Chukwuemeka Ojukwu. He didn’t win the election, but the party went on to win two seats in the House of Representatives. Today, they only have four seats in the House of Representatives.

Next year, we’ll see this party in the election scene with strange names like Professor Peter Umeadi as the presidential candidate and Abdullahi Koli as his running mate.

RELATED: What Vibe Do These 10 Nigerian Political Parties Give Off?

Young Progressives Party (YPP)

Founded: 2017

National Chairman: Bishop Amakiri

We’ve said it before, this party gives us stealth startup vibes. They started out as a political association in 2016 and didn’t get registered until 2017. They were formed on the basis of social democracy to fight for social justice and provide equal opportunities for all Nigerians. The only problem is they only won one of the 109 seats in the Nigerian senate during the 2019 elections.

They’ve fielded popular names before; Professor Kingsley Moghalu emerged as the presidential candidate of the party in 2019. For the coming elections [2023], Prince Malik Ado-Ibrahim is the party’s presidential candidate.

New Nigeria Peoples Party (NNPP)

Founded: 2001

National Chairman: Prof. Rufai Ahmed Alkali

This party is also one of the oldies as it was founded in 2001 by Boniface Aniebonam. They’re as old as GSM’s stay in Nigeria. The party is currently fielding the former governor of Kano State, Rabiu Kwankwaso, as its presidential candidate for the 2023 elections.

Accord

Founded: Unknown

National Chairman: Hon. Mohammad Lawal Nalado

This party was founded by the former Oyo State governor, Rashidi Ladoja, but no one really remembers when. He ditched his own party and defected to the People’s Democratic Party in 2017. The party only won one seat in the House of Representatives, but they’re sure they’ll give Nigeria its next president. They’re fielding Professor Christopher Imumolen as their candidate for the 2023 presidential elections.

Allied People’s Movement (APM)

Founded: 2018

National Chairman: Yusuf Dantalle

Not much is known about this party asides from the fact that they were officially registered with the INEC in 2018. While they were an unofficial party, they endorsed President Muhammadu Buhari’s candidacy in 2015. Currently, they’re looking to enter Aso Villa themselves by fielding Yusuf Dantalle as their presidential candidate for the 2023 elections. It just might be the only party that has the national chairman running for president.

People’s Redemption Party (PRP)

Founded: 1978

National Chairman: Mallam Falalu Bello

As far as we can tell, this party is the longest surviving in Nigeria. It really takes the cake as the last man standing from the last generation. The party was created by the supporters of Mallam Aminu Kano after his withdrawal from the National Party of Nigeria (NPN) in 1978. They were initially banned by Gen. Muhammadu Buhari, during his first shift as Nigeria’s Head of State, but resurfaced in the 90s and have been unable to gather the same level of support.

The party is fielding Kola Abiola, the son of M.K.O Abiola, as its presidential candidate for the 2023 elections.

NEXT READ: How Much Are Nigerian Parties Charging Aspirants to Run for Office?

Nigeria is already stressful. Reading about it doesn’t have to be like that too. Subscribe to the Citizen newsletter to get weekly emails that keep you updated on Nigerian politics.

Sheriff Alimi

August 15, 2022

Citizen

nigerian politicians, political parties
For a group of people who aren’t doing their jobs well, Nigerian lawmakers earn a lot. In fact, they’re some of the highest-paid lawmakers anywhere in the world.

And they earn a lot for debating things like making naira coins great again, how much shinier toilets can become, and how to recreate a military-era policy.

The reward system for Nigerian lawmakers has been the subject of controversy for many years. Even the actual figures of how much they earn are controversial, especially with respect to the allowances they receive separately from their salaries.

As Nigeria’s financial position continues to see shege, the pressure to review the reward system for lawmakers and other officials grows more intense. And a recent development several thousand kilometres away in Kenya may be the best blueprint for Nigeria to follow.

What’s happening in Kenya?

Kenya’s Salaries and Remuneration Commission (SRC) announced a review of the remuneration package of public officers in a notice issued on July 28th, 2022. The commission removed car grants for state officers and plenary sitting allowances for 416 members of parliament. The cut allows the Kenyan government to save at least Ksh382.2m that can be channelled elsewhere.

The general review still leaves the parliamentary officials earning more than before in gross salary, but the SRC rejected a proposal to increase their pay to as high as Ksh1.2 million per month. The review clearly outlined the pay package for political office holders including the president, ministers, governors and others.

Why can’t Nigeria do a review?

Nigeria’s version of Kenya’s SRC is the Revenue Mobilisation Allocation and Fiscal Commission (RMAFC). Among other things, this commission determines the remuneration package of political, public and judicial office holders in Nigeria.

The RMAFC is made up of a chairperson and 37 other members of “unquestionable integrity” picked from each state and the Federal Capital Territory (FCT).

Elias Mbam served as the chairman of the RMAFC between 2010 and July 2022 when he resigned to run for governor in Ebonyi State. He complained many times about how difficult it was for Nigeria to review the remuneration package of public officers.

In fact, the last time Nigeria reviewed the package was in 2007, a year when inflation was still in single-digits.

The good old days

In 2009, the late President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua asked the RMAFC to do a downward review of salaries and allowances of public officers due to Nigeria’s dwindling revenue. In the RMAFC’s proposal, the commission cancelled the 300% severance gratuity allowances for presidents (₦10.5 million) and vice presidents (₦9.1 million) and reduced their hardship allowance of ₦1.8 million and ₦1.5 million, respectively, by 20%.

This is how much a Nigerian president earns

The proposal also reduced the number of cars allocated to the senate president and the speaker of the House of Representatives, and reduced constituency allowances to federal lawmakers by half. The allowances for entertainment, personal assistants and severance gratuity for local government officials also ended up on the chopping block.

The RMAFC was cutting everything on sight

But the National Assembly never passed the draft bill of the proposal and President Yar’Adua was too distracted by illness to see it through before his death in 2010.

Another attempt to review the remuneration package failed in 2015 under the watch of the outgoing administration of Goodluck Jonathan. The same proposal failed to gain traction with his successor, Muhammadu Buhari, and never even made it to the National Assembly to be ignored a second time.

This is how much a Nigerian senator earns

ALSO READ: The 2023 Presidential Campaign Promises We Already Find Laughable

What can Nigeria do differently?

It’s clear that Nigeria’s biggest problem with reviewing the remuneration package for political officers is that those affected are also in charge of approving any proposals.

The chairman of the RMAFC is appointed by the president and confirmed by the National Assembly. And for a review proposal to pass, it must go through those same channels. It’s no surprise Nigeria cannot get a review done.

Mbam said in 2019, “Perhaps, the most challenging issue the RMAFC faces is the abuse by stakeholders at both the national, state and local government levels in the implementation of the approved remuneration package for political, public and judicial office holders.”

Kenya’s SRC isn’t burdened by such problems, as it has an automatic timeline of four years to review the package for Kenyan politicians; this is usually set just before general elections for a new government.

Nigeria needs a process that’s just as transparent and independent for any progress to be made here. The country needs a fiscally leaner government based on its revenue weakness, and what better place to start cutting the fat than from the top?

ALSO READ: After 35 Years of Service, All I Have Is a Monthly Pension of ₦80k

Samson Toromade

August 5, 2022

Citizen

Kenya, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, salary
On July 7th, 2022, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) arrested two men identified as Wale Adifala and Alfa Abiodun Ibrahim. Why?

The EFCC identified them as self-acclaimed spiritualists who defrauded a politician whose name was kept anonymous. We imagine they’re hiding the politician’s name because he’s not proud of how poorly this reflects on him.

The politician was chasing his party’s ticket to contest in the 2023 House of Representatives election. And to give himself a leg up over his opponents, he reached out to the suspects to help him intercede with the gods.

It’s practically spiritual vote-buying but let’s roll with it. The politician paid the spiritualists ₦24 million for their troubles. And Adifala told the EFCC he used the money to buy black, brown and white cows, rams, lavender perfume and rings, to carry out multiple sacrifices for his unnamed client.

We imagine it was this dramatic

The only problem was the politician didn’t win the ticket. And because he got salty like his mates who paid delegates and still lost elections, he wrote a petition to the EFCC.

ALSO READ: EFCC Wants More Nigerians to Snitch on Corrupt People

The suspects protested their innocence, arguing that this was just a case of the gods not picking their calls. Ibrahim said, “Our own is just to pray, do the necessary sacrifices — which we did — and leave the rest to God.”

We’d hate to speak for the gods, but they probably hate vote-buying, or they think they deserve more than ₦24 million to rig an election. The really important question is: Was this fraud? Or are the gods just really expensive?

Good luck to the judge who has to rule on it.

ALSO READ: How to Get Away with $9.8 Million — the Andrew Yakubu Story

Samson Toromade

July 30, 2022

Citizen

2023 Elections, EFCC, nigerian politicians
It’s hard but possible to imagine some Nigerian politicians as anything other than politicians. So here’s what we think these seven would do if they weren’t trying to get a piece of the national cake.

Nyesom Wike

Policeman

If he wasn’t making us laugh with his hilarious comments or stage dances, this man would’ve made a badass Nigerian police officer. You can totally picture him stopping you on the highway to ask if there’s something for the boys.

Dino Melaye

Hype Man

Some say this man already moonlights as a hype man, but we’ll never really know. There’s no doubt he’ll give us wild nightlife experiences if he wasn’t trying to get a piece of the national cake.

Babatunde Fashola

Lagos Landlord

You can totally picture this, can’t you? Him walking around the house in the morning, looking for something that’s just not there, until he suddenly finds a camera lying around somewhere.

RELATED: Here’s Every Time Nigerian Politicians Were Seen Doing Everything But Their Jobs

Jide Sanwo-Olu

Traffic Warden

All that pointing has to count for something. You can’t deny he does the best traffic warden impressions.

Bola Ahmed Tinubu

Cassava farmer

This man is clearly in love with cassava and corn, and we love to see it. We stan a man who knows where his true passion lies.

Bukola Saraki

Tech Founder

He gives off the vibe of the founder you’ll meet at a tech event, who won’t stop trying to sell you on how his new startup is going to change the world, even though you’ve never heard about it before.

Nasir El-rufai

University Lecturer

“A is for God, B is for me, C is for my wife and kids and D is for my favourite students”. You read that in his voice, didn’t you?

NEXT READ: These Politicians’ Kids Are Taking Over from Their Parents

Sheriff Alimi

July 23, 2022

Citizen, Inside Life

citizen, Jobs, nigerian politicians
Is your life always running helter skelter? Does it seem like your guardian angel is never on seat? Well, he may be a Nigerian politician.

Take this quiz to find out which Nigerian presidential candidate is your Guardian Angel.

Jojo

July 11, 2022

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

guardian angel, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Quiz
Like all elections, the 2023 general election has been lauded as what’ll make or break Nigeria. It’s been touted as another opportunity for young people to get into politics and make a change that’ll shame the people who have been running Nigeria into the ground since 1960.

But we’ve noticed a pattern of many of these young changemakers being the offsprings of the same politicians Nigerians want to see less of. Below are some of them.

Mustapha Lamido, son of Sule Lamido

Sule Lamido is a former federal minister, a former presidential candidate, and a former governor of Jigawa State. Mustapha is set to step into one of his father’s old shoes if he wins at the polls in 2023. The younger Lamido is the flagbearer of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) for the Jigawa State governorship election. If he wins, he’d be replacing the man that replaced his father at the Jigawa State Government House. And the governor’s seat wouldn’t be the first thing father and son have in common, as they also shared a prison cell in the past when they were both arrested over a ₦1.4 billion bribery case in 2015.

Erhiatake Ibori-Suenu, daughter of James Ibori

Who can forget James Ibori? Not after he was convicted in the United Kingdom in 2012 for fraud and money laundering and served a few years behind bars. Erhiatake, the daughter of the former governor of Delta State and the current representative of Ethiope West constituency in the Delta State House of Assembly, has won the ticket of the PDP to contest to become the representative of Ethiope Federal Constituency at the Federal House Of Reps.

Bello El-Rufai, son of Nasir El-Rufai

Nasir El-Rufai is pretty well-known in political circles from his years as the FCT Minister and later governor of Kaduna State, a seat he still keeps warm. His son, Bello will be contesting in the 2023 general elections as the flagbearer of the All Progressives Congress (APC) to represent Kaduna North Federal Constituency in the House Of Reps.

You may remember Bello from one of his high profile Twitter controversies that involved threatening someone’s mother with gang rape and an ethnic-tinged attack on Igbos.

Marilyn Okowa-Daramola, daughter of Ifeanyi Okowa

Ifeanyi Okowa is a former senator and current governor of Delta State whose second term will end in 2023. But the Okowa name won’t leave public office if his daughter wins at the polls next year. She’s the PDP’s flagbearer to represent Ika North-East Constituency at the Delta State House of Assembly.

ALSO READ: Time Is Running Out for You to Register for Your PVC

Idris Ajimobi, son of Abiola Ajimobi

Abiola Ajimobi was a former senator and former governor of Oyo State. He left the Oyo Government House a year before he died of COVID-19 complications in 2020. His son, Idris Abiola-Ajimobi, will take part in the 2023 elections as the APC candidate for the Ibadan South-West II Constituency election.

Umar Ganduje, son of Abdullahi Ganduje

The governor of Kano State, Abdullahi Ganduje, is perhaps most widely-known for stuffing his babariga with thousands of dollars paid as bribe from a contractor. He’s been governor of Kano since 2015 and will end his tenure in 2023. His son, Umar, will contest in the 2023 elections for the seat of representative of Tofa, Rimin Gado, Dawakin Tofa Federal Constituency.

Olamijuwonlo Akala, son of Alao Akala

Before his death in January 2022, Alao Akala was a one-term governor of Oyo State and previously served as deputy governor. At the 2023 polls, his son, Olamijuwonlo, is contesting to become the representative of Ogbomoso North, South and Oriire Federal Constituency.

Joju Fayose, son of Ayo Fayose

Ayo Fayose is easily one of the most recognisable names in Nigerian politics, even if he cannot win one delegate to vote for him as a presidential aspirant. He’s a two-term governor of Ekiti State and a vocal critic of the Federal Government of President Buhari. His son, Joju, is the PDP flagbearer for the Ekiti Central Federal Constituency 1 election in 2023.

ALSO READ: Lessons We Learnt from PDP’s National Convention

Samson Toromade

June 2, 2022

Citizen

2023 Elections, Children, Governor ayo fayose, Mustapha Lamido, Nasir El-Rufai, nigerian politicians
Nigerian politicians are good at two things: making promises they cannot keep and helping themselves to slices of the national cake that don’t belong to them.

The latest star attraction for corruption is the Accountant-General of the Federation, Ahmed Idris, who’s accused of fraud to the tune of ₦80 billion.

That’s a lot of zeros.

Corruption has been going on for far too long in Nigeria, and not enough offenders even end up in prison. Without the fear of consequences, stealing from the country’s treasury will never stop. So, maybe the problem is that we’re not getting creative enough with the punishments for offenders.

We have some nice alternatives to consider.

Walk of Shame boards

We know Nigerian politicians are shameless but a child who won’t let his mother sleep will also have no sleep. Convicted thieves should be made to walk around with placards around their necks. This way, everyone they meet can immediately know to hide their valuables.

Listen to songs by Nollywood actors on loop forever

Whoever violates Nigeria’s treasury should be made to face the music. When you lock up one or two offenders in a room and make them listen to Tonto Dike’s catalogue of ~~torture porn~~ songs, for example, we expect others to learn.

Mop the Lagos lagoon

Mopping the lagoon is an impossible and even illogical task, we know. That’s the whole point of making thieves try to do it with a mop and bucket. So they can see how much of a failure they’re turning the country to.

ALSO READ: Why Everyone Is Angry Buhari Pardoned Two Thieves for Easter

Sweaty exercises

Since grown-up Nigerian leaders can’t seem to learn that stealing is bad behaviour, they deserve to be treated like we treat children that don’t listen. We’re not making thieves sweat enough, and this is why corruption is feeling too at home.

Walk of Shame

Yes, another shaming proposal because we clearly don’t have enough of it. Hollywood has its prestigious Walk of Fame for the best of the best in the business of filmmaking. The best of the best thieves in Nigeria should get their very own shiny Walk of Shame plaques to immortalise their bad behaviour. Maybe then, it’d be harder for thieves to rebrand.

Watch Chief Daddy 2 on repeat forever

We bet even the most unrepentant thief doesn’t want to watch Chief Daddy 2 more than once.

This guy’s suggestion

That Guy that Stole 80 billion, make them first withdraw 80billion in cash 200 Naira notes give am make him count am straight! Anytime he pauses, make them wipe am chord for neck.
— Meeraj Inuwa (@UncleRajj) May 17, 2022

ALSO READ: How to Get Away with $9.8 Million — the Andrew Yakubu Story

Samson Toromade

May 19, 2022

Citizen

corruption, EFCC, nigerian politicians
As a Nigerian politician, having a sweet mouth is a highly desirable skill, no doubt. You can have great plans for your voters, but you need proper storytelling skills to stimulate them. You know? Something to keep the people going.

It’s not enough to say you’ll provide free education, you have to remind your voters that you couldn’t go to school when you were young because there was no one to provide free education for you. Or that you were forced to travel to school on foot across seven seas and mountains because there were no schools in your community.

But as a voter, it’s useful to have it in the back of your mind that politicians are trying to game you. If politicians have to deceive or manipulate you to get what they want, they will — and they do. The goal is the elected office they want, and sometimes they’ll tell you sob stories to appear more relatable to you so you can vote for them.

You have to jazz up and always look at the merit of their actual plans, and not just their corny grass-to grace stories.

With the campaign season for the 2023 elections kicking into gear, we compiled Nigerian politicians’ greatest hits of sob stories. And you should expect to see more of them.

Goodluck Jonathan (2010)

“In my early days in school, I had no shoes, no school bags. I carried my books in my hands but never despaired; no car to take me to school but I never despaired. There were days I had only one meal but I never despaired. I walked miles and crossed rivers to school every day but I never despaired. I didn’t have power, didn’t have generators, studied with lanterns but I never despaired.

In spite of these, I finished secondary school, attended the University of Port Harcourt, and now hold a doctorate degree. Fellow Nigerians, if I could make it, you too can make it.”

Muhammadu Buhari (2014)

“It’s a pity I couldn’t influence the reduction of the cost of nomination forms. I felt heavily sorry for myself because I don’t want to go and ask somebody to pay for my nomination forms, because I always try to pay myself, at least for the nomination. N27 million is a big sum.

Thankfully I have a personal relationship with the manager of my bank in Kaduna and I told him that very soon the forms are coming. So, whether I am on red, or green or even black, please honour my fund request otherwise I may lose the nomination.”

Atiku Abubakar (2018)

“I started out as an orphan selling firewood on the streets of Jada in Adamawa, but God, through the Nigerian state, invested in me and here I am today. If Nigeria worked for me, I owe it as my duty to make sure that Nigeria also works for you.”

ALSO READ: Can a Nigerian Lawmaker Represent Constituencies in More Than One State?

Rotimi Amaechi (2022)

“I don’t come from a privileged background. I grew up poor. I understand how it feels to go without some meals in a day. I know the pain of lack and the agony of want. I know what it means to see your parents toil just to keep a roof over your family’s head. I know what it is to feel the weight of expectation when you are the only one in your family who enjoys the opportunity to attend university. I know what it is to scrimp and save and struggle.”

Atiku Abubakar (2022)

This guy, again.

“Who could have ever imagined, an 11-year-old village orphan, who had to rear other people’s cattle to raise money to feed his family, would have the opportunity to go to school for free, rise through the cadre of a decent profession, establish successful businesses, and become the Vice President of this country? That’s the Nigerian dream and that’s my story. That’s the possibility I want to pass to you and your children. No matter your current circumstances, that shouldn’t limit your success in life. There shouldn’t be any limit to what you want to achieve if you’re willing to work for it.”

ALSO READ: Time Is Running Out for You to Register for Your PVC

Samson Toromade

April 27, 2022

Citizen

2023 Elections, ATIKU ABUBAKAR, goodluck jonathan, Muhammadu Buhari, nigerian politicians, Rotimi Amaechi
Nigerian politicians can be many things: dramatic as hell, disappointing and scandalous. Incidentally, so are a lot of Bible characters from a million generations ago. We can’t even be sure that Nigerian politicians aren’t directly taking inspiration from them.

In the spirit of Easter, we look at Bible characters that could very well make it as Nigerian politicians if they existed in 2022.

Peter

This man publicly denied Jesus Christ three times only hours after swearing they were going to be BFFs for life. You know he’s the type of Nigerian politician that would promise free education to get himself elected. Once in office, you can forget it because he’d deny he ever made that promise. Unless you can get a rooster to crow near him or something.

Methuselah

Methuselah lived 969 years on earth, and you just know Nigeria would have a Not-Too-Old-To-Run law if he was alive today. Just like Methuselah refused to die for a long time, Nigerian politicians don’t know when to stop. They can sit in the National Assembly for 20 years or keep running for the same presidential position for 30 years.

ALSO READ: Game of Thrones: Who Wants to Be Nigeria’s President in 2023?

Saul/Paul

Saul of Tarsus was extremely anti-Christian before his dramatic conversion to Christianity, which prompted his change of name to Paul. This makes him tailor-made for Nigerian politics where politicians jump from one party to the next.

A Nigerian politician — Saul today, Paul tomorrow

The difference between Paul’s time and now is that the defection process for Nigerian politicians doesn’t always involve temporary blindness. But that would be cool to see.

King Herod

A ruthless ruler whose military gets away with the massacre of innocent young people based on paranoia? King Herod wouldn’t find it hard at all to make it as a Nigerian politician.

Deborah

Deborah was kind of like a politician in her day. She’s the only female judge mentioned in the Bible, which makes her a rare breed. Thousands of years later, she’d have the same status in Nigerian politics where women are barely represented in public office. There’s never been an elected female governor, or president or vice president. Attempts to improve the representation of women in politics is also meeting a lot of resistance. But every now and then, you get a Deborah.

ALSO READ: Does the National Assembly Hate Nigerian Women?

Judas Iscariot

This man will stab you in the back while also kissing your cheeks. Definitely a bribe-taking Nigerian politician that claims to be your friend.

Ananias and Sapphira

Not much is known about Ananias and Sapphira other than that they were a couple that tried to cheat the Lord by holding back some of the proceeds of a sale. As Nigerian politicians, you just know they’re the type to award a ₦1 billion contract and pocket ₦700 million, preferably stuffed inside their babariga. And rather than the instant death they got in the Bible, they’d just keep ~~rigging~~ winning elections in Nigeria.

*Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.

Joseph

It may look like this article is really just bagging on Nigerian politicians, but every now and then, you get a decent leader like Joseph. He’s visionary, has lofty dreams and saves for the rainy day. It’s such a shame others that’ll come after him will piss away his legacy. Also went to prison before he became a leader, just like some Nigerian politicians.

Jacob

Jacob’s deception of his father, Isaac, to receive the blessings meant for his brother, Esau, is one of the Bible’s earliest fraud stories. And Esau selling his birthright to Jacob in exchange for a plate of porridge reads exactly like the vote-selling that occurs around Nigerian elections today.

Eve

Eve’s hunger for power to be as knowledgeable as God convinced her to eat the forbidden fruit. And when she was caught, she didn’t take full responsibility for her actions. Instead, she blamed an animal for it. She has all the makings of a Nigerian politician that’d blame past administrations for her current failures.

#ItWasn’tMe

Samson

You can imagine Samson gets elected into office because he boasts he can solve insecurity on account of his six-pack. But the only thing he’s wrestling while he’s in office is the sin of the flesh. Safe to say he’s caught up in at least one sex scandal.

Lucifer/Satan

What does a Nigerian politician have that this entity does not possess? Is it the sweet mouth? The proclivity for self-sabotage? The cunning? The arrogance? Or the dashing personality? Give Lucifer public office and watch him create hell for the people that voted for him.

ALSO READ: Time Is Running Out for You to Register for Your PVC

Samson Toromade

April 16, 2022

Citizen

bible, Bible characters, Easter, nigerian politicians
Narcos isn’t the only action film going on in the police force.

It’s 2022 and, added to the fight against corruption, the Nigerian Police Force (NPF) is also up against fornication — among women only, that is. Yes, being unmarried and pregnant are grounds for dismissal even when you’re serving your country.

Is this even legal?

According to section 127 (also referred to as Regulation 127) of the 2006 Nigerian Police Regulations (NPR), an unmarried woman on the Police Force, who becomes pregnant shall be discharged from the Force and shall not be re-enlisted except with the approval of the Inspector General of Police (IGP).

The regulation insists that a female police officer must undergo post-training experience on the field for at least two years before marriage and three years before childbearing.

Or in this case, get sacked?

Still in doubt?

Let’s roll the tape on Olajide Omolola, an ex-police officer in Ekiti State.

In January 2021, she was dismissed from the force based on Regulation 127 of the 2006 Police Act, because she was pregnant while unmarried.

Stay with me

Next, activists from the Humanist Association of Nigeria (HAN) took to the stage and demanded the reinstatement of Omolola on the Force. This push was based on the 2019 Police Amendment Bill which describes Regulation 127 as discriminatory .

If this were a game of cards with your school guys, this is the point you’d shout, “Last card!” and end the game. Sadly, victory wasn’t in sight for Omolola.

According to the Ekiti State Police Commissioner, Mr Babatunde Mobayo, the repeal of Regulation 127 under the 2019 Police Amendment Bill had not been gazetted.

A quick lesson

When a bill hasn’t been gazetted, it means that the bill hasn’t officially been publicised by the government. So anything you hear about a bill is hearsay until it’s in the government gazette. Essentially, the 2019 Police Amendment Bill, can’t be applied in court to overrule a decision, as in the case of Omolola.

So, as for Mobayo, the dismissal by the Nigerian Police Force was justified. For him, Omolola’s pregnancy was scandalous because it happened less than a year after graduating from the Nigerian Police Force.

The Nigerian Police Force to single women in the Force

Guess what?

Regulation 127 in the Police Act also exists for women serving in the Nigerian Army. Before Omolola, in August 2020, an unnamed soldier got dismissed from the Force after being raped by bandits in Ogbomosho. The dismissal was justified based on the offence of ‘Conduct Prejudicial to Service Discipline’ under section 103(1). Her lawyer, Barr Oyewole tried to fight this ruling, but he also had to “pick two” in this game of cards.

So what’s happening with Omolola?

The Nigerian Bar Association (NBA) took NPF to court and filed a suit against Regulation 127 as a discriminatory act. Their angle was the purpose of the 1999 Nigerian Constitution to uphold our human rights, particularly, sections 37 and 42 of the Constitution.

Here’s the summary: Section 37 guarantees every Nigerian the right to private and family life, while Section 42 provides for the right to freedom from discrimination.

So who won this round?

There was no round to win because the defendants told the NBA to go and sit down.

The defendants to a whole NBA

The Attorney-General of the Federation, Abubakar Malami (SAN), Police Service Commission and the Nigeria Police Force who were listed as defendants in the suit never responded. They simply submitted a counter-affidavit and asked for a dismissal of the court case. Talk about playing with the big boys.

On Monday 21 January, Justice Iyang Ewo refused to nullify Regulation 127. The ruling states: “It is my opinion, the Regulation 127 of the Police Act is to be seen as a code of conduct for an unmarried woman in the Police Force.”

Basically, the Judge took us off-court and asked the NBA to go to “general market”, effectively closing the case.

NBA after the ruling on Monday

So, scorecards?

Patriarchy — 1

Single Nigerian women in the Police Force — 0

Boys and girls, the moral of this story? Get your PVC.

Ortega

February 24, 2022

Citizen

nigerian politicians, Politics
A lot of people are showing interest in the Presidential position. Do you have what it takes to run for President?

Take the quiz to find out:

Miriam Onyemenam

January 25, 2022

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

nigerian political parties, nigerian politicians, Nigerian politics, political parties, Politician, Politicians, Politics
We’ve told you everything you need to know about the aspirants hoping to enter one trouser to fight for your vote in 2023.Well, ding ding ding. This time, we made a picture compilation to remind you of the hilarious moments Nigerian politicians were on the streets to impress us.

1. 2018 Ekiti State gubernatorial campaign

Tell me your Governor is working without telling me your Governor is working.

They had to show us that the ‘other room’ is not the only place they get down and dirty in. Just look at them digging into that kpomo stew for the masses. Ekiti we hail.

2. 2019 presidential election

Daddy oyoyoyo…

This is how politicians tell you they are for the people and by the people. It’s the pure water for us.

3. 2018 gubernatorial campaign

We might have missed the job description here.

Governor by day and hairdresser by night? If your candidate can’t plait kpatewo and fight ‘kwarapption’ at the same time, throw them in the bin.

4. 2014 Osun State gubernatorial election

Governor toh bad

This is a mood. Omisore quietly said “na who cut maize for me I go amaze.” If you don’t gerrit, forget abourrit

5. A mix of corn eaters between 2014 and 2019

There’s clearly a problem here

Is roasted corn the jazz politicians share amongst themselves? Because what’s been going on?

6. 2019 gubernatorial election

Is it your daddy’s money? Maybe.

Talk about when you’re big, you’re big, Kashamu was sharing palliatives even before COVID hit. Our sugar daddy, Kashamu, called this the “Dividends of democracy.”

7. 2019 presidential election

Who are we to question true love?

Aunty Aisha was clearly stressed. This was aunty Aisha after uncle Bubu asked what she brought to the table. She kuku went to help him fry akara outside. A queen and more.

Ortega

January 20, 2022

Citizen

2023 General Elections, Nigerian elections, nigerian politicians
If you kill this quiz, start heading to Aso Rock because you belong there.

Let’s go:

Miriam Onyemenam

November 10, 2021

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

Aso rock, Nigerian politician, nigerian politicians, Nigerian politics, Politicians, Politics
It is safe to agree that Nigerian politicians were the kings of comedy until Donald Trump entered the game in 2017. And suddenly, we had competition.

So in this episode of #JustImagine, we decided to take a break from superheroes and Disney princesses and explore politics.

Trump’s Villa In Banana Island.

Trump is squinting at a tab and his aide is standing next to him.

Aide: Sir if you want to win this election, you have to get your hands dirty. In the murd.

Trump: You say Fayose is doing what?

Aide: He is cutting shaki at a buka.

Trump: And Rotimi Amaechi?

Aide: He is roasting corn in Port Harcourt, sir.

Trump: What about Adams Oshiomole?

Aide: He is pricing plantain chips.

Trump: (looks up) Can he reach the tray?

Aide: The seller is a little girl, sir.

Trump: Ah, that makes sense.

Aide: And Rotimi Ameachi is plaiting patewo and base for someone.

Trump: (stands up) I have had enough. Call the press to my rally!

Aide: Right away, sir.

Trump: And call Wizkid.

Aide: He aired us, sir.

Trump: Davido?

Aide: He wants 30 billion.

Trump: Call someone that can collect two-five.

Election Rally In Lagos

MayD is jumping on stage. Donald Trump is clad in Agbada and standing on a podium.

Trump: I’ve seen all these politicians doing hair, frying akara and pricing garri, but is that what we need in this country?

Crowd: NOOOO!

Trump: I have brought something to combat our growing unemployment!

The crowd goes wild.

Trump: (shouts) Bring it out.

Trump’s security guard brings 20 bottles of Goya oil to the stage and the crowd goes silent.

Trump: Once you rub this goya oil and pray, there will be nothing like unemployment in your life. Oya! Line up.

A queue forms and a woman, Mama Rofia, steps up to Trump. He hands her a bottle of goya oil. She takes it.

Mama Rofia: I think it’s cooking oil you want to give us sah.

Trump frowns aggressively.

Trump’s Aide steps up and whispers something in his ear.

Aide: Sir, Aregbesola is doing common entrance in Osun State.

Trump starts to walk out of the rally. MayD runs after him.

MayD: Baba, I have not collected payment.

Trump squeezes some naira notes into his hand.

MayD: One-three?

Trump: How much did P Square give you?

May D:

Hair Salon

Trump is getting his hair done and his aide is standing next to him, looking into GCE Past Questions.

Trump: Rauf is doing common entrance, me I want to do GCE. Ask me any question.

Aide: What is 2(50.45 X 2.54).

Trump: Ask me simple one.

Aide: What is an Isololes Triangle?

Trump: Are you mad? I said ask me simple one!

Aide: What is 12X0.

Trump: …

Trump: Ask me CRS.

Aide: Who sold his birthright for a plate of pottage?

Trump: El Rufai.

Aide: (sigh) Sir, No.

Aide: Who in the bible stole from the disciples?

Trump: James Ibori.

Aide:

Trump: (shouts in anger) Won’t someone come and wash my hair or is it until I start looking like Elisha Abbo?

Trump is at a Christmas Press Conference. The hall is noisy and crowded. Journalists and citizens are sitting in the audience.

Trump raises his hand and the hall goes silent.

Trump: I am not supposed to be here, but God ministered to me.

Channels Reporter: Sir, we want to know how you plan to combat unemployment in the country.

Trump: I have done that one.

TVC Reporter: What about bad roads sir?

STV Reporter: There is also the problem of flood and limited access to drinking water.

OGTV Reporter: We are also dealing with bad electricity!

The crowd goes into a frenzy. Trump smiles and raises his hand to silence them.

Trump: That’s why I brought a gift for everybody. Christmas gift.

Trump’s aid pulls out a bunch of wrapped gifts and hands it out to the people. Everyone starts to open them. A young man in the audience, Kola, shouts and raises a hand-woven fan.

Kola: What is this???

Trump: When you people don’t have light, you can be using it to fan yourself.

A woman, Moria, speaks up.

Moria: I got a mop.

Trump: When water full everywhere, you are the one that will come out and mop it.

A 9-year-old boy raises an Econet umbrella.

Boy: What am I supposed to do with this?

Trump: You’re too big to be selling card?

Another man, Jide, shouts.

Jide: (jubilates) I got a passport and visa sir! Thank you sir!

Trump: I’ve told Iran that we want to fight with them this December. You are the one that will represent us.

NTA Reporter: Sir, I got padlock.

Trump: To padlock your station. Because it is everytime that you people are spreading fake news about me.

The crowd starts shouting and Trump moves away from the stage.

Trump’s Villa.

Trump is in his house relaxing. His Aide comes into the living room.

Aide: Sir, Adams Oshiomole wants to see you for appointment.

Trump: I have said everybody that wants to see me should do 5 laps round the house first.

Aide: He did 2 and a half and collapsed sir.

Trump: Why?

Aide: He was wearing high heels, sir.

Adams Oshiomole’s shameless ass outside: Moku ooo!

Trump: What about Fayose?

Aide: Fayose has done 3 laps but he is shouting for Glucose.

Fayose that didn’t eat morning food: Where is the glucose?

Suddenly, the sounds of gunshots are heard outside. Another aide runs inside.

Aide 2: Sir, we have to go. Iran has opened fire on us!

Trump:

The shooting continues and Trump runs to his chopper.

Trump: (screams) Pilot! Take me to Uganda!

Pilot: They banned us from there because you said their president’s face looks like undone pap.

Trump: Burkina Faso, nko??

Pilot: You said they should use hammer to press their president’s head.

Trump: Where can we now go?

Pilot: Oyo State.

Trump: Take me there.

Trump in Oyo, trying to avoid Ibadan people, after saying their King is using bleaching cream:

Hauwa L

April 30, 2021

Inside Life, Just Imagine

nigerian politicians, Trump
The US elections is holding today. But as Americans go out to the polls, it is easy to think Donald Trump is a version 2.0 of the average Nigerian politician – refined, composed and less tricky.

Well, we’re here to tell you “na lie“. Trump is just a Nigerian politician who stays in the abroad Nigerian politicians run to. You don’t believe us? See for yourself.

1. When He Said He won’t Leave Office Because of A “Ballot Scam”
Sounds like something Nyesom Wike can say.

Read: 13 Pictures About Nigerian Politicians That Are Beyond Accurate

2. When He Suggested A Delay To The Election
Where do you wake up to go and cast your vote,. only to realise that the election has been postponed. Nigeria, and Trump’s America.

3. When He Won’t Commit To A Peaceful Transfer of Power
Even Goodluck Jonathan was kind enough to make the first call.

Read: We Reimagined Some Presidential Aspirants As Secondary School Students

4. When There Were Claims That He Planned To Steal The Election
LMAO. Maurice Iwu’s INEC, plis.

5. When He Mocked His Opponent
Which Lagos State governor called a press conference to say that his challenger was arrested for spending “fake American dollars”, and that his records are at the Gbagada General Hospital?

Hint.

With these few points of mine, I hope you can now realise that east or west, every politician is the worst.

Read: The 10 Stages of Becoming A Nigerian Politician

[donation]
Doyin Olagunju

November 3, 2020

Citizen

Ballot box, elections, nigerian politicians, Presidential Election
Becoming a Nigerian politician is a long and tedious process many people are unwilling to go through. But we’ve hacked it for you and broken it down into these 10 simple steps so that you can become a Nigerian politician and start living your best life.

1. You have to start by becoming a political activist.

Call out corrupt politicians on every platform possible and amass a large following. Renounce politics and all politicians because they are the devil’s spawn. Make it clear that you’d rather sell your kidney than become one of them.

2. When you’ve become a very well known activist and a voice of the people, use your popularity to collect political appointment from the same people you were criticising.

After you collect your appointment jump through hoops to defend your appointees and blame everything on the previous government. Rain is falling too much? The previous government embezzled the money that was meant to pay rainmakers to hold the rain.

3. Now, start making promises that you have no intention of ever keeping.

You will give Nigerians 24/7 light and free WiFi. You will build 20 schools in one week. You will reduce the exchange rate to $1 to ₦1. With you, corruption shall go to an early grave.

4. As you progress in your political career decide whether it’s broom or umbrella you want to be carrying.

There are 68 political parties in Nigeria but you know the fastest way to get a post is to carry broom or umbrella.

5. Next find yourself a godfather or godmother to sponsor your career.

You think political campaigns are cheap? Better be ready to drop it down low so you can get sponsorship.

6. Practice your fighting skills especially if you are gunning for a place in the National Assembly.

Maybe ask Uncle Dino for some tips.

7. You have to show Nigerians that you are one of them.

You might be worth millions of (laundered) naira but that doesn’t mean you will stop taking okada or buying corn on the road like the average Nigerian.

The script is to act like you feel their plight, so get in character and act like your life depends on it.

8. As a politician you also need to get yourself security by whatever means.

Hire cultists, militants or religious extremists. What’s your business if they end up becoming a terrorist group because you funded them.

9. You have to get your wardrobe on check too. Get a tailor to sew plenty agbadas for you.

Only make white. White is the colour of serious politicians.

10. Once a year share bags of rice to a few people and take a thousand pictures.

Bathroom slippers too isn’t a bad idea. Depends on the kind of message you intend to pass.

Any time Nigerians accuse you of not doing your job publish the pictures online to show them that you are a very hardworking politician.

Now that we’ve shown you the way go forth and flourish as the baby girl or baby boy politician we know you have the potential to be.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

October 24, 2020

Inside Life

Anti Corruption, corruption, elections, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Politics, PVC
Politics in Nigeria is so dramatic so we decided to pick out from the pool of mayhem and shenanigans that happened throughout the decade to bring y’all the award winning performance of the nation’s politicking sagas.

Trust me, it was pretty hard trying to figure out which of the many dramas that occurred throughout the 2010s should make this list, but here are some of the more interesting ones:

1) Dino Melaye On The Dimeji Bankole Impeachment Saga (2010):

Although we are not giving any prizes, Dino Melaye is our favorite and most entertaining politician of the decade; he’s been a trouble maker and a trendsetter in politics for as long as he’s been a politician.

Going as far back as when Dimeji Bankole was the Speaker of the House of Representatives in 2010, Dino was one of the reps that caused quite a raucous at the house when a motion was raised to impeach Bankole, who was seated calmly, watching chaos unfold right in front of him.

2) Pandemonium In Rivers State Assembly (2013):

Rivers state has always been a hot region but the intensity of the heat was brought to the attention of Nigerians when a free-for-all pandemonium ensued in the state’s senate that left a man’s head and jaw broken and the place in an uproar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM9P9nxNMA8&has_verified=1

3) Senators Showing Off Their Climbing Skills (2014):

Somehow, senators made the police force stationed in the 7th National Assembly so mad, they got locked out of the Senate house and had to climb a gate to get through; after hours of agitated discussions, persuasions and pleading.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SRsvk5vbkA

4) GEJ & iPhone 5 Legbegbe (2014):

Former president, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, threw a lavish wedding ceremony for his daughter but many Nigerians couldn’t get over the fact that the alleged iPhone 5 souvenirs were quite extravagant, especially given the fact that Nigeria was still reeling from the shock of Chibok girls who were kidnapped by Boko Haram.

5) Oluremi Tinubu vs Dino Melaye (2016):

Dino is everything nobody really likes even though he makes up for it with his singing and theatrics. He proved himself to be a misogynist when he told Senator Remi Tinubu that he would “beat up and impregnate her on the Senate floor and nothing would be done about it”.

This was as a result of a series of clashes and altercations between them, mostly because of his (and Bukola Saraki’s) defection to PDP from APC at the time. Watch Dino trying to defend himself for something so inexcusable:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaf3sxgvn6c

6) Senators Soliciting Prostitutes In America (2016):

Three Nigerian senators embarrassed the life out of us by their scandalous habits, wandering hands and indecent proposals. Samuel Ikon, Mohammed Gololo and Mark Gbillah went on a business trip ( the International Visitor Leadership Program) to Cleveland, USA, with their meandering ways and got called out for harassing their hotel housekeeper and looking for prostitutes.

Just look at their mugshot.

7) Lothario Buka Abbah Sex Scandal (2017):

Former Nigerian Senator Buka Abbah Ibrahim was caught with his pants down, literally and nobody found it palatable at all.

8) Senator Omo-Agege Kidnapping The Mace (2018):

Former Senator Ovie Omo-Agege, now Deputy Senate President, walked into a senate session with thugs to get away with the mace, disrupting activities in the senate on that fateful day. His actions left many aghast, and even more so when he became the Deputy President of the 9th Senate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OStFIHPD42w&has_verified=1

9) Fragile Fayose (2018):

Oh you really thought Dino Melaye was the only drama king in Nigerian politics? Nah, of course not. The former governor of Ekiti state, Peter Fayose, pulled a close second to that role while he was in office. Just take a look at the video below, where Fayose complained of his broken neck–while turning it–to see what I mean.

10) That time when Senator Abbo assaulted a woman in a sex shop (2019):

Let’s take a moment to forget the fact that Senator Elisha Abbo was spotted in a sex toy shop and totally focus on the fact that he was cocky enough to slap a woman there, thinking he would get away with it. And that’s something we will never forget.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH2Rj4j7Mq0

Honorable Mention– Dino The Musician (2016):

Dino again? Recall when I stated that he was a trendsetter? Let’s focus on his famous musical videos that got everyone talking for a longtime.

I wonder what Yahaya Bello would have to say now if he re-watches the diss video Dino Melaye made for him.

https://youtu.be/pA6DhStBFPY

If we missed out any messy scandal you think should’ve made this list, add it in the comments! 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

Are you subscribed to our political newsletter Game of Votes? You should be subscribed to our political newsletter, Game of Votes. Here’s a link to subscribe if you’re not.

We tell you the most important things that happened in Nigeria, during the week, in a way that won’t bore you to death.

Gabriella Opara

November 20, 2019

Citizen, General

nigerian politicians, Nigerian senate, Senator Dino Melaye, senators fight
Yesterday Aunty Oby declared her bid to run for presidency. Now, this might be the best news we’ve gotten since Burna Boy dropped Ye (our new national anthem).

As expected what is likely to follow after this announcement is a slew of interviews and press runs.

So here’s a public service announcement for all the members of the Nigerian Press. There are a thousand and one questions we should be asking Oby Ezekwesili right now, but they shouldn’t include any of these.

May we meet you?

So what we will call your husband if you win? Is it first husband?

If you become president where will you find the time to be cooking for your husband/will you still be cooking for your husband?

What does your husband think of you running for presidency?

Do you think Nigeria is ready for a female president? Don’t you think you should wait a few years for your turn?

Don’t you think you’d stand a better chance running alongside a man as Vice President?

You can never win, so why are you running?

So if you win how are you going to balance being president with your family life?

If you become president, how do you think it’ll affect your home?

Do you think as a woman you are up to the task of being president?

Did you ask for your husband’s permission before you declared?

What of your pastor? Did you ask for his permission?

As a woman do you think you have what it takes to become the president of Nigeria?

You know you should be asking? About her plans to fix the country’s debt situation, or how she’s going to provide more jobs, or improve national security. Thanks and God bless.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

October 8, 2018

General

2019 election, apc, elections, NigeriaDecides2019, nigerian politicians, Oby, pdp, Politicians, Politics, voting
To say that we are tired of Nigerian politicians, might be the understatement of the year. But our biggest problem with Nigerian politicians might be the fact that they don’t seem to know what their jobs entail. Here’s every time we’ve caught them doing everything but their jobs.
Rauf Aregbesola playing dress up in school uniform

We asked around and nobody could figure out why this picture came to be. Was he trying to show the primary school students that he was one of them? Or helping them model their school uniform?
And here’s Rochas Okorocha roasting corn because what else is left to govern in Imo state.

You know all the roads are fixed, there are enough schools and hospitals the next thing the governor needs to be doing with his time is roasting corn.
Here’s Okorocha again in a school uniform supposedly teaching children.

What’s the need to employ qualified teachers to teach the children of Imo when he can do it himself.
Iyiola Omisore taking a joy ride on an okada

How else can Iyiola Omisore show that he’s truly a man of the people other than riding around on an okada?
When Rotimi Amaechi decided that being a governor wasn’t challenging enough for him, he decided to add hairdressing to his C.V.

Then there’s the time Dino Melaye decided that being a video vixen was his true calling.

You people are the ones forcing him to continue being a senator.
When Buhari decided that being president is merely a side gig and being a travel blogger is what he really wants to be in life.

Lagos today, London tomorrow. Baby boy goals.
When Fayose decided to become a tailor.

What a humble and hardworking politician, sewing his own clothes.
Here’s Fayose again selling ewa-agayin

At this point, we need to recognize that Fayose’s antics are a cry for help. Someone is clearly forcing him to continue being a politician.
When they decided to turn the senate building into a wrestling ground.

Can you see that their role models are Mohammed Ali and Bash Ali.
We know you as tired as we are of all theses Nigerian politicians as we are.

So if you still haven’t collected your PVC you had better go now, the deadline is August 17, 2018, so you know you don’t have a lot of time left.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

August 9, 2018

General

Anti Corruption, apc, corruption, nigerian politicians, Nigerians, pdp
Remember how Dino Melaye clowned himself in a music video after his certificate scandal was cleared and resolved?

We told you guys about it here.
People had to seize the opportunity to do the #Dinochallenge

.@MrHafiiz delivers our top #DinoSongChallenge entry. Top that! pic.twitter.com/XVFgCZVK62
— Anakle (@Anakle) March 29, 2017

Nigerians don’t dissapoint

Nigerian woman parody of Senator Dino Melaye pic.twitter.com/XAKAfMTuF5
— Sahara Reporters (@SaharaReporters) March 28, 2017

Chanels TV spiced it up with subtitles

To understand the import of the @dino_melaye Anthem,for those who do not understand the Yoruba language,we have helped with some subtitle. pic.twitter.com/J9nTAodcGc
— SeunOkin Channels tv (@seunokin) March 30, 2017

Royal Arts Academy, one of Nigeria’s leading institutes for the creative arts just made the their own remix, and it’s lit!

Of course, people are loving it

Una no go kill me Nigerians 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
— J A M I L U 🇳🇬 (@wazirijamil) April 7, 2017

Because Nigerians are too much

@miyonsea Lmao… I really watched it 13times b4 retweeting sef…dis pple r crazy…lolllllllll
— dinkieGirl👌 (@dinkychic001) April 7, 2017

Some only noticed their facial expressions

😂😂😂 this face! pic.twitter.com/tbkKceFrl0
— KAYCEE GEORGE (@geokaycee) April 6, 2017

But others are just tired

Am tired of Nigeria…….. Am going back to my village. Ilorin kwara
— phoenix (@DandelionBeebee) April 6, 2017

Shola

April 7, 2017

Gist

dino melaye, Funny, funny nigerians, Humour, nigerian politicians, royal arts academy, Twitter
It’s rare when you find one thing that carries the entire behaviour of a group as (un)predictable as Nigerian politicians. Which is why, once we found this one and saw the many ways it fits our present situation with Nigerian politicians, we knew we had to share.

1. Nigerian politicians, when you ask them to fulfill their campaign promises.

2. When you ask them to contest free and fair elections.

3. Nigerian politicians when they’re asked not to share rice during elections.

4. When you ask them to vomit the national cake they stole.

5. When you ask Daddy Bubu to stay in Nigeria for a little while.

6. When you ask Nigerian politicians to resign.

7. When you ask them for the Gender Equality Bill.

8. When you ask them not to fight at the House of Assembly.

9. When you ask them to show their school certificates.

10. When foreign media asks them what’s wrong with Nigeria?

Maryam

April 5, 2017

Oldies

grumpy, nigerian politicians, royco
1. So you’ve just been given one fantastic appointment that will bring plenty money

2. You’re doing great things all around and paparazzi will not even let you rest

3. Your salary is plenty, but there’s even more money just sitting there

4. You’re trying not to look at it but the devil is opening your eyes

5. So you kuku take small and keep straight face

6. … and start buying small small houses upandan, nothing serious you know

7. You even buy your son a small kabu-kabu jet

8. When people say Dangote is the richest in Africa, you’re like:

Yeah right!
9. When people start carrying rumors that you’re stealing, you’re like:

My hands are clean o! It’s only small I took o! Free me, abeg!
10. And your correct boss even has your back!

11. Your face, when you hear there’s a new boss in town and he’s asking for you

12. You, looking for the devil that sent you to come and bail you out

13. When you finally find the devil, it’s like

14. That’s when you know your own has finished

Shola

February 16, 2017

Oldies

Allison Madueke, diezani, government\corruption, Nigeria, nigerian politicians
Every now and then, in the name of empowerment, Nigerian politicians turn up with big ass geles and agbadas, scissors and ribbons just to give out the most ridiculous amount of ‘vocational equipment’.
Usually, these politicians go on to post pictures of their incredible feat on social and electronic media just so the world can give them a gigantic cookie for effort.

In the usual manner, this recently happened in Oyo state.

Oyo state Deputy Governors wife presenting 'Hair Dryer' to the graduant @ RAFF Empowerment program pic.twitter.com/L4TYfmTzZZ
— Sen Rilwan Adesoji.A (@senatorAdesoji) September 19, 2016

I mean, it’s a good thing to encourage the people every now and then, but why is that Mummy’s gele that lit on top one hair dryer?

Does this hair dryer come with a salon for the graduant to actually dry hair in? Abi is she supposed to play with it?

When will Nigerian government bodies create long-lasting programs that will serve Nigerians positively?

Let’s know what you think of this in the comments section.

Maryam

September 21, 2016

Gist

empowerment, nigerian government, nigerian politicians, oyo state, Politics
1. Nigerian politicians summed up in a poem:

Too accurate.
2. Nigerian politicians and “resign”:

What is a “resign”?
3. This one about the INEC chairman:

Free and fair ko.
4. When Nigerian politicians show you their true colours.

ALL THE TIME.
5. Nigerian politicians and their counterparts abroad:

See these ones.
6. Nigerian politicians and equality:

“It is unafrican.”
7. This perfect shade:

Too perfect, abeg.
8. This very apt correction:

Nobody is happier than a Nigerian politician.
9. Nigerian politicians and misplaced concern:

Na wa!
10. The only things Nigerian politicians know how to say:

Where their vocabulary starts and ends.
11. This one about the national cake:

Manage the rest.
12. This one about Nigerian politicians and indecision:

They must not carry last.
13. This one about Nigeria’s money:

Is it a lie?

Daniel Orubo

July 21, 2016

Oldies

Africa, government, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Politics
Nigeria is very hot! And what makes it more unbearable is that there’s no light to even power air conditioners or electric fans. On top of that, there’s no fuel to power generators even though some people have been making false promises. A Twitter user, @Zebbook, shared 11 hilarious responses Nigerians should expect from Nigerian politicians concerning the heat in Nigeria:

https://t.co/t5p7SyiK5i
— Bukola Ogunyemi (@zebbook) April 27, 2016

Journalist: “What are your thoughts on this heat Nigerians are complaining about, and what is the government doing about it?”

2. Lai Mohammed: “This is the result of PDP’s misrule, they stole the ozone layer”.

3. Femi Adesina: “Mr President promised us change, and that includes change in temperature. Change is here, embrace change”.

4. Akinwumi Ambode: “We have signed a $10 million deal with LG to install air conditioning across the Lagos skyline”.

5. Ibe Kachikwu: “I assure you that this heat will disappear by 2pm on 29th May”.

6. Bukola Saraki: “Tinubu wanted the heat to be more than this, but I opposed him out of my love for Nigeria and that’s why they are witch hunting me”.

7. Goodluck Jonathan: “The heat was not this bad when I left power, but Nigerians did not appreciate me”.

8. Adams Oshiomhole: “Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala stole the N100 billion meant for temperature control research”.

9. Nasir El-Rufai: “We’re in talks with General Electric to see how they can generate power from this heat”.

10. Rauf Aregbesola: “I just approved payment of January salary so Osun workers can buy hand fans”.

11. Aliko Dangote: “Next week, we are commissioning the Dangote fan factory. By 2030, Australia will be buying fans from us”.

12. Ben Bruce: *Tweets* “When Naira is weak and inflation is high automatically there will be heat. This is common sense”.

Maryam

April 29, 2016

Gist, Oldies

Fuel, heat, Light, Nigeria, nigerian politicians, Nigerians