NIgerian offices

It’s another year of capitalism and just like you, we’re over it already. We’re back to the early morning struggles of waking up and rushing out by 8:30 a.m. with the hopes of getting to work by 8:00 a.m. The absolute ghetto.

If you’re heading back this week, we bet you can relate to at least one person on this list.

1. The confused one

You have absolutely no idea about how we went from “Merry Christmas” to “Please find attached” all over again.

2. The angry one

You’re not even in the mood for eye contact, much less someone telling you, “Welcome back! ” HR won’t be able to separate the fight that’ll start between you and whoever tells you that shit.

3. The hungry one

The only thing you missed about work is the fluffy amala and soft kpomo Iya Sukirat sells on the street behind your office. Capitalism is awful so we can’t even judge you for using food to numb the pain.

4. The unprepared

You haven’t re-downloaded Slack and are still wondering if the Monday meeting you have memory of was a dream or not. Like, does your boss really expect that document by Friday? What is work?

5. Eye service ogas/madams

You’ve already prepared a powerpoint presentation to explain how your holiday went, and cc’d everyone for the catch up meeting on Friday. All your colleagues hate you and will pour laxatives in your coffee/tea whenever they get the chance.

6. Already tired

It’s barely noon and all you want to do is sleep. Like can we skip ahead to another holiday season? You pull out the year’s calendar to check for the next public holiday and find out that there isn’t one until APRIL. The despair you feel makes you even more tired.

7. The lovers

You’re back and ready to continue your secret but steady knacks in the office toilet.

8. The scapegoat

It’s been two days since you resumed and your line manager has already dragged you across Slack for the entire company to see.. Pele dear.

9. The newcomers

You are just filled with energy and happy to be employed. Give it another week. Nobody will tell you to relax.

10. The ones that never go back

Who capitalism epp?

Ortega

January 6, 2022

Inside Life

9-5, Back to work, Funny memes, NIgerian offices
Whether you work in a small office or a big corporation, you’re definitely going to meet all sorts of people. Here are 10 types of people you probably have in your office right now!

1. Early birds/night owls

You know, those people that are always the first in and last out. The ones that’ll have you wondering if there is someone chasing them from their houses. You’re making the rest of us look bad, uncle!
2. Perpetual latecomers

Loool those ones that can’t be on time to work unless by a divine act of God. They are usually the most creative people because they have to come up with a new lie every day.
3. Style icons

These ones don’t come to play; they come to slay. Our colleagues that even on casual Fridays wear three-piece suits and six-inch heels with full makeup. You’ll just be looking at them and thinking “you have power o…”
4. Always sleepy

These ones are always ‘offline’. Small quiet like this, or if the boss steps out, they’re already making their way to dreamland. It’s an amazing something.
5. Chatterboxes

The ones that if you mistakenly even look their way, they will start talking about any and everything. Just shoot me!
6. Forever cold

Even if it’s 80 degrees outside, there is always that one colleague that is always cold. Always. Any small thing “please put off the AC now. You want to kill somebody?”
7. Office gossip

The way these ones are always gathering and spilling tea, you just have to wonder how they get anything done. You’ll even start to fear them because their powers are too great for you to comprehend.
8. Salespeople

Then we have the salespeople. The ones who have great entrepreneurial spirits and are always selling one thing or the other. They’ll try to sell every useless trinket, and try to pressure or guilt you into buying. No, bro.
9. Assistant boss

These are the guys that once given a little responsibility, let it get to their head and they start feeling like the boss. If I slap you ehn, your swollen head will reduce.
10. Ghost worker

Now, these ones are the people that if you see them in your office, you wonder if there’s a new employee, even though they’ve been working there for 3 years. They’re so quiet and reserved, they’re pretty much invisible. Ghosts.

Sade

July 10, 2018

General, Oldies

Nigerian, NIgerian offices, Nigerians, Office, People, work
1. When your coworker wants you to come and pick him/her every morning

Are you buying me fuel?
2. When Wale from head office is always coming 40 minutes late for every meeting

We that came here early, do we have three heads?
3. That coworker that is always over excited

What is always “sweeting” this one?
4. Monday morning and someone has body odor enough to suffocate

My God. Has water finished in your side of this country?
5. Office people and minding their business

They don’t go together.
6. When one of your coworkers is always asking you out to dinner

You’ve been getting ‘no’ since 2014. You no dey tire?
7. When one of your coworkers is always coming for advice

Every time one problem or the other.
8. When you realize you actually wasted your time advising them

Please don’t come and disturb me ever again.
9. When someone removes his/her shoe and renders the air unsafe

Why do you do this everyday?
10. When Emeka from customer care is never at his desk but everywhere else

Is there soldier ant on your seat?
11. You when the SU of the office is always trying to invite you for fellowship

Ahan, is it not the same heaven we are going?
12. That coworker that is always kissing the ass of all the ogas

You no dey tire?
13. When Haruna always shows up with Sallah meat

SURE GUY!
14. When you see the serial money borrower coming to your desk

I’m not even here.
15. Those coworkers that want to take the shine when they didn’t do anything

If you don’t get out.

Tobi Smith

July 9, 2016

Oldies

NIgerian offices, Office behaviour, Workers