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  • 7 Ways to Stay a Baddie and Shame Inflation

    7 Ways to Stay a Baddie and Shame Inflation

    If now is the time you want to launch into your baddie era fully, or it’s coming along in your plan, you have to do it properly. Inflation has hit town and being a baddie is more than fine makeup, captivating reels and GRWM videos.

    If you use this guide like a bible, you’ll survive this inflation and have long baddie days.

    Abundance sustainability mentality

    If you invest in this mentality, you can shame inflation. A real baddie knows better to cut her palazzo to her size in this Agbado era. If not, a baddie will crumble in the presence of low balance and inflating prices.

    You can fuck around and find out

    Get more jobs

    Aside the fact that money stops reduces nonsense, you need shit ton of it in the current Nigeria. And a single job hardly feeds anyone these days. The only way to not be a broke baddie in this capitalist world is to diversify like bad girl Riri.

    Yesterday’s price isn’t today’s price

    The naira value we have today isn’t what we had yesterday. As inflation continues to rise, ensure that your rate card rises with it. If not, you might be shortchanging yourself.

    Pretty priviledge

    Pretty priviledge works like magic in 2024, in case you haven’t heard, and you better start wagging your wand. Who knows who might dash you free $50k for being a pretty babe? 

    Keep a lit media

    Whether for your eyes only or you decide to bless our timeline, keep every photo you take at Instagram standard. This is how to convince your haters that Tinubu’s Nigeria isn’t touching you.

    Avoid bad energy

    Don’t allow Nigeria’s inflation wahala and other depressing news suck away your time and emotion. Invest time in productive work and surround yourself with positive people to spark joy. A baddie is a happy soul.

    You’re already a baddie

    When push comes to shove, always remember that you’re tougher than tough times. That’s the true weapon of a baddie. Inflation can fight, but you’re a warrior.

    Now, Proceed to Take this Quiz to Know What Type of Baddie You Are

    Tomide Marv

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  • Every Girl Is at Least One of These 10 People When Seeking Advice

    Every Girl Is at Least One of These 10 People When Seeking Advice

    First of all, the girlies are always right — take it up with your neighbour if you disagree. But every once in a while, we seek advice from others, either because we want to reinforce just how right we are, or we actually want a second opinion. 

    Every girl is at least one of these ten people when seeking advice.

    The one who just wants confirmation

    She’s seeking advice, but in reality, she knows what she wants to hear. All she wants is for you to confirm what she already knows — she’s always right.

    The O in “opposite”

    She has a degree in doing the exact opposite of the advice she just received. Like, girl, why waste both of our times when you know you won’t even try to take the advice?

    The last resort

    She’ll only reach out for advice when she’s tried everything, and everything has scattered like undone eba on her head. Pro tip: Don’t try to advise this babe because chances are the issue is now unsolvable. 

    The one who might get you jailed

    She’ll only ask for advice on stuff like how to bury a body or plant a tracking device on her boyfriend. 

    Did you hear about the party we’re hosting for the girlies? Zikoko is bringing all the hot babes to the yard for the hottest babes-only festival. Get your tickets here.

    The one who just asks for asking sake

    She’s probably asking for advice because everyone has dragged her for never wanting to hear someone else’s opinion. You can tell because she’ll likely stare at you with a faraway look in her eyes as you speak and just nod at intervals. Save your breath; what she wants to do is in her mind already. 

    The unicorn

    She asks for advice and actually takes it. She also knows exactly what she wants to eat at a restaurant. She’s a real-life miracle.

    The fighting queen

    She doesn’t have time for nonsense. Give her advice she doesn’t like, and you’ll probably never hear from her again. She’s also really good at throwing subs and ghosting.

    The time waster

    She comes for advice every two market days, ranting about the same problem every time. You’ve given every piece of advice you can think of, but things never work out as planned. It might be better to just commit her to God’s hands.

    The “never mind”

    She comes seeking advice, but in the middle of baring out her soul, she slams you with “never mind”. If you check it well, she likely has an ex-friend who spread all her dirty thongs in public when they had issues.

    The advice shopper

    If she doesn’t ask at least six different people’s opinions on one matter, she won’t rest. Then she’ll get confused about the final decision to take. Why won’t you be confused, Bisi?

    NEXT READ: A Short Story: “Say the Full Thing”

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    Tife Oni

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  • The Broke Babe’s Guide to Skincare

    The Broke Babe’s Guide to Skincare

    Skincare is expensive as hell. I don’t know how the high-maintenance babes do it, because why would you tell me a 20ml bottle of eye serum costs ₦30k? For how many eyes? Shebi it’s to prevent dark circles? They should leave it. My dark circles give my face character.

    There really should be cheaper alternatives for babes who want to look good on a budget, and luckily for you, I have just the thing.

    Bathing sponge

    Everyone knows this sponge can scrub off the top layer of your skin. Who needs a facial scrub or exfoliating serum when you can just use this?

    Fall in love with DIY

    There’s fulfilment in doing things yourself, or how do the motivational speakers say it sef? Instead of buying Vitamin C serum for ₦20k, just become a woman of science. Buy ₦200 worth of oranges and squeeze out the water. Shebi Vitamin C will be inside? 

    Staying indoors > sunscreen

    If you want good sunscreen that wouldn’t leave a white cast on your skin and have you looking like Liz Benson from Diamond Ring, you have to drop quality cash.

    Or you can stay indoors and leave the outside for the rich people. Sure, you’ll miss normal human interaction, but it’s a small price to pay for affordable beauty.

    Vegetable oil is the original glow oil

    Hear me out. Vegetable oil is cheaper than every glow oil known to humans, plus your skin will literally shine all day. For best results, start staying indoors before going this route. You know what heat does to cooking oil…

    Make friends with bad bitches

    Maybe if they like you, they’ll dash you their skincare products or want to film night-time skincare routines for TikTok with you.

    Use your man’s vaseline

    There has to be juju inside that thing, because how do men get away with using only vaseline and still having perfect skin? 

    Concentrate on making money

    So you won’t be spending your time reading how to avoid skincare products and just do the right thing.

    NEW SITE LOADING IN…

    [countdown date=”March 9, 2023 9:00:00″]

    NEXT READ: What Babes Say During Arguments vs What They Actually Mean

    Tife Oni

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  • What Babes Say During Arguments vs What They Actually Mean

    What Babes Say During Arguments vs What They Actually Mean

    Nigerian babes are always right. Period. If you don’t agree with me, take it up with your neighbours.

    But if you ever find yourself in an argument with a Nigerian babe, and she says any of these eight things, here’s what she actually means.

    “It’s fine”

    No, dear. It’s very not fine. TBH, the only reason she’d say this is so no one suspects her when she eventually unalives you.

    “Wow”

    She’s simply marvelling at just how dumb you are. Think, “Wow. Na God create this one too?”

    “I just think it’s funny how…”

    Her next words will definitely NOT be funny. She’s really saying, “How could you even think this was okay, you peasant?”

    “Hmm. Okay”

    She doesn’t want to waste brain time on your sorry ass anymore. Carry your wahala and go.

    “I’m not angry”

    Spoiler alert, she’s furious.

    “Whatever”

    It looks like she might be losing the argument, but a babe never admits to failure. “Whatever” means “Na you sabi”.

    “Don’t worry about it”

    Please, be worried. She said this so you’d think everything is fine then lay down your guard while she reloads. Again, be worried.

    “Is that why you’re shouting?”

    You’re not actually shouting. She just wants to dead the issue because it occurred to her that she might be wrong. If she says this, just apologise and hug her. Don’t make the mistake of telling her you’ve won the argument because it won’t be pretty for you.

    NEXT READ: Tried and Tested Ways to Win EVERY Argument Against Your Nigerian Girlfriend

    Brought to you by LOVE LIFE

    Tife Oni

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  • Your Bad Bitch Days May Be Behind You

    Your Bad Bitch Days May Be Behind You

    Life comes at you fast. You think you’re living your best baddie life until you’re packing flat slippers in your bag every time you go out in heels. If there’s one thing more difficult than being a bad bitch, it’s making sure the title sticks, even when everything around you is moving mad.

    But bad bitches have to retire at some point — and maybe even go on to become rich aunties — and it’s okay. So if any of these eight things start happening to you, just know retirement is knocking.

    Your uniform game becomes mid

    Everyone knows the baddie uniform is ashawo clothes. It’s the constitution. Once you find yourself considering the pros and cons because of a tiny reason like cold weather, it’s all over.

    You start catching feelings

    So you’re now thinking of someone and smiling to yourself? You now re-read chats and giggle like a hopeless romantic? What happened to “Catch flights, not feelings”?

    You become prone to body aches

    What’s a bad bitch doing with back pain? Once you can no longer twerk for five minutes in peace without putting out your back and knees, know the end is near.

    You start carrying big bags

    The pillar of bad bitchery is carrying bags that’ll only fit a tube of lipgloss and a phone. Anything bigger is a sign of basicness.

    You’re queuing to buy fuel

    How many baddies do you see queueing at filling stations? None. Who cares if fuel is scarce? Baddies don’t queue. Period.

    Broke people approach you now

    As a baddie, your entire existence should tell broke people, “I’m not in your league”. Once they start having the confidence to approach you, something is wrong somewhere.

    You start to think creamy pasta is overpriced

    Sure, the economy is economying, but even though. Pasta is your identity. Sticking to it is the price to pay for bad bitchery. Once you start considering the price, you might as well throw yourself a bad bitch retirement party.

    You have more than one child

    One child, we can excuse. But two or more? How do you want to be a baddie when you’re prepping meals and solving quantitative reasoning? Just retire peacefully, dear. You’ve had a good run.

    NEXT READ: Before You Date a Bad Bitch, You Should Be Aware of These 8 Things

    Tife Oni

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  • 12 Ways To Love A Nigerian Babe ‘Intentionally’

    12 Ways To Love A Nigerian Babe ‘Intentionally’

    Loving a Nigerian babe can be hard if you don’t do it intentionally. But we have cracked that code. In this article, we provide you 12 solid points on intentional loving. Listen to us, and you’ll see how your love life will progress.

    1. Buy her gifts.

    It doesn’t matter if you go broke doing it. You are being intentional, and that intentionality will replenish your pockets.

    2. Don’t buy her gifts.

    Being intentional is not always about the gifts. Never forget that.

    3. Give her attention.

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    Intentional loving is about paying attention to her. Even Tiwa Savage sang it. Who are you to disobey?

    4. Focus on yourself.

    Honestly, you can give her too much attention and she will accuse you of being insecure.

    5. When she tweets about craving something, even as bants, step up and do the needful.

    That shows you are taking note of her desires and you are intentional about seeing them satisfied.

    6. When she tweets about craving something, even as bants, look away.

    After all, it’s bants. Besides you can get them for her and she’ll say you are insinuating that she is materialistic.

    7. When she is complaining about something, listen to her and ask questions.

    Ask her to spill it all. Was she silent or was she silenced?

    8. When she is complaining about something, just kiss her and say it’s okay.

    Don’t ask questions. Don’t say anything except ehya. She probably just needs to rant.

    9. Send her long epistles and fervent declarations of love.

    All day, all night, remind her of your presence. Get your inner Shakespeare out and speak the language of love to her.

    10. Don’t send her any epistles, please.

    You better respect yourself. Who wants to date a sentimental man?

    11. Give her space.

    Learn to play hard to get. Women love a man who can keep them on their toes.

    12. Don’t give her space.

    Honestly, loving women intentionally is the simplest thing to do. Just know that it’s the little things. That’s what matters.

    Kunle Ologunro

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  • 13 Sentences You’ll Hear If You Compliment A Nigerian Girl

    13 Sentences You’ll Hear If You Compliment A Nigerian Girl

    1. “WASH!”

    Everything is wash!

    2. “How many girls have you told this one?”

    Did you give me girls?

    3. “Na so.”

    Bye!

    4. “Stop whining me.”

    Oh God!

    5. “I’m learning from you.”

    Be going.

    6. “I wish.”

    Ugh!

    7. “It’s God.”

    Leave God alone.

    8. “I pray oh!”

    Praying for what again?

    9. “Just trying to be like you.”

    Jisos!

    10. “It’s a lie jor.”

    Na wa for you.

    11. “Ah! Me?”

    No! Me?

    12. “Be insulting me.”

    From where to where?

    13. “Let me hear word.”

    Oya free.

    Daniel Orubo

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