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new year resolutions | Zikoko!
  • These 7 Things Should Be Afrobeats’ New Year Resolutions for 2024

    Afrobeats remains a global top boy with the closing of 2023. But as we head into 2024, it should take some things much more seriously if it wants to stay ahead. 

    Giving full credit

    Nobody will go hungry if everyone involved in creating a song is fully credited for their contribution. In fact, everyone eats — from producer to songwriter to graphic designer. Let’s take metadata seriously from now on, please.

    Owning our narrative

    Nigerians may love grass-to-grace stories, but for how long will afrobeats musicians from privileged backgrounds keep up that facade? There’s no shame in having a billionaire dad or respected family name, beloved, nor is there shame in being a trust fund kid. So own it.

    Leaving Amapiano for the owners

    Shout out to Nigerians for borrowing the beautiful South African sound and making memorable, chart-climbing hits out of it. But it’s time to focus on our many sons of Afrobeats. Because TBH, we’re tired of log drums.

    More unique looks

    Not everytime locs. Sometimes, Tuface or Portable style.

    Clear samples

    There’s no gain in waiting until lawyers write you, or your song is taken down from streaming platforms, to pay up for illegal sampling. Get permission and clear samples before using copyrighted material in your music.

    No to fake PR

    People need to stop fake dying or pulling other unnecessary promotional stunts. Maybe get a creative director to do organic, professional work with you instead.

    No more comparison

    Pitting artists against each other will never be cool, nor will disrespecting your colleague’s work. Artists should just stay away from fan drama. Or address them to kill the flames of stan wars.

    READ: 7 Ways to Make Your Office Secret Santa More Interesting… For You

  • Nigerian men are famous for these things, and as a Nigerian man myself, I’m here to help you break free from them. 2023 is a new year, so as men, we must adopt a “New Year, new me” mentality and avoid some of these weird habits. 

    Trying to connect your beard 

    If your beard didn’t connect last year, after gallons of beard growth oil, then there’s a high chance it won’t connect this year. Having faith is cute, but you’re a grown man, so please, move on. #MenWithPatchyBeardsMatter

    Wearing skinny jeans 

    Why are you wearing skinny jeans that aren’t allowing your crowned jewels to breathe in big 2023? We cancelled skinny jeans in 2022, so I’d appreciate it if men got the memo to avoid looking like Johnny Bravo in jeggings. 

    Saying things like “gender wars” and “agenda must agend” 

    The only people allowed to use phrases like “Gender wars” and “Agenda must agend” on social media are Andrew Tate and Kelvin Odanz’ disciples. Unless that’s the legacy you want to leave behind, I’d advise that you avoid chatting dust on the timeline in 2023. Tenks. 

    The fear of bright colours 

    Real men wear pink, red, yellow, orange and purple. As black men, our skin was made to wear colour, regardless of what colonisers might’ve made us believe. Wearing black all the time to look edgy and mysterious has casted. Please, step into the light and touch grass. 

    Gym content creator dreams 

    Nigerians and going to the gym go together like five and six. This is why that popular gym in Lagos has a branch at every junction. 

    But if there’s one thing I need men to drop in 2022, it’s the need to set up a tripod and record everything they’re doing in the gym. When did everyone become fitness content creators? We can’t walk freely in the gym now without getting into someone’s shot. Just work out and go home. 

    RECOMMENDED: Instead of Focusing on Yours, Here Are 6 Ways to Destroy Other People’s New Year Resolutions

    Flirting like a creep 

    You know that urge to say “Without me?” every time you chat with someone and they say they’re about to shower or eat? Very cringe. Please, don’t bring that razz behaviour into 2023. It might be hard, but have small shame. 

    Not using the “L” word with male friends 

    Tell your male friends you love them in 2023. Yes, you don’t have to say it for them to know you feel that way about them. But sometimes, verbal reassurance makes everyone feel so much better. Life is too short to allow patriarchy to build a wall between you and your mandem. 

    Driving like Vin Diesel 

    Just because you survived 2022 with your reckless driving doesn’t mean you’ll make it to the end of 2023 if you continue that way. Nigeria is not a film set, and you’re not part of the Fast and Furious Franchise, so learn to drive like a human being, not a cat with nine lives. 

    Not holding ourselves accountable for BS

    We often see men either defend their male friends for awful behaviour or sit in silence as bystanders while their friends harm people around them. Well, that needs to change. If you know or see something messed up, speak up. Staying silent or encouraging bad behaviour will bite you in the bum bum one day. 

    ALSO READ: 10 Things You Need to Do to Prove You’re a “Manly” Nigerian Man

  • QUIZ: Is It “New Year, New You”, or Are You Already Back to Your Old Ways?

    Do you still remember everything you said you’d stop doing in 2023, or should we mind our business?

    Let the quiz tell you:

    Select all you’ve done this year:

  • 7 New Year Resolutions for Bad Bitches

    2022 is here and you know what that means. New year, new us. Here’s a list of new year resolutions you, as a bad bitch should adopt this year. 

    1. Remain wicked 

    This should be the number one rule. Don’t let anybody take you for an idiot. When they say gbas, you say gbos. 

    2. Small girl, big money 

    Favour over labour. Go where the money is and own it. Ignore all the side talks and focus on the cash. 

    3. No more eggs in one basket 

    Talk to all the people trying to talk to you that you like. If it is your desire then this is the year you will post matching pyjamas pictures on the timeline. 

    10 Reasons You Need to Give Yourself More Credit this Year

    4. Keep being the bad girl you are

    I don’t need to tell you that the sun rises and set at your feet. This year I need you to behave like it. 

    5. Don’t let anybody tell you what to do 

    If you want to wear ashawo dress, then good for you. If it’s rich auntie vibes that’s your thing, please dear, feel free to express yourself. Don’t let anybody tell you what to do. 

    6. No splitting bills with men 

    Whether they like it or not, they still have higher earning power. If they want to do things like splitting the bill, they should join the rest of us to fight the patriarchy. 

    7. Anything wey go sup go sup

    No more being afraid of what’s going to happen next. You are a bad bitch who is capable of handling everything that comes your way with a little crying along the way but capable nonetheless. 

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  • 10 Struggles People Who Have Failed At Their New Year’s Resolution Can Relate To

    1. Realizing those bowls of eba and slices of pizza have started taking you away from the road to FitFam.

    This food will not eat itself please.

    2. Staying calm and minding your business until Lagos traffic made you insult everybody around you.

    Lagos traffic is not for the meek.

    3. Getting tired on the first day of work after resolving to be more diligent at the office.

    Can we have another public holiday next week please?

    4. Skipping the first Friday/Sunday service of the year even though you planned to be more religious throughout the year.

    Shebi God will understand now.

    5. Already getting curved by a potential bae and it’s not even February yet.

    Perhaps I will be alone forever?

    6. Getting too drunk on 1st of January after resolving to quit alcohol.

    This life is per head abeg.

    7. Resetting all the 5 alarms that woke you up every morning of the past year.

    5 more minutes of sleep please.

    8. When you have already given up on having a tidy room for the rest of the year.

    I can’t kill myself abeg.

    9. When fuel scarcity and inflation are already preventing you from that good life you planned on having.

    Hay God!

    10. When you’re already too broke to start meeting your savings goals.

    Cries in empty bank account.

    How many of your resolutions have you kept or failed at? Let us know.

  • 10 New Year’s Resolution Fails Nigerians Make

    At the end of the year, it is perfectly normal to take inventory and plan for a better year ahead.

    While some of these resolutions come to life, others just end up as classic fails.

    Here are 10 resolution fails that Nigerians make at the end of every year.

    1. Celibacy

    We’re not saying it’s impossible sha.

    2. Joining fit-fam.

    Eba and akpu will not let someone be great.

    3. Travelling the world.

    LOL! Can you hear your bank account laughing?

    4. Saving more money than before.

    All the bills of the next year are waiting in the corner like.

    5. Giving up on Yoruba Demons.

    Is that even possible?

    6. Paying tithe more regularly.

    Jesus is watching you sha.

    7. Going completely off Twitter and Instagram.

    Where are you going to do all that amebo?

    8. Changing your amebo ways and minding your business.

    That’s what you said last year.

    9. Staying calm and not insulting your fellow Nigerians.

    Keep calm in Nigeria? LOL!

    10. Quitting alcohol and your womanizing ways.

    What other resolutions do you have planned for the new year?