Whatever name you get on this quiz is what you have to call your first born.
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You can’t tell me that you haven’t once thought that some of the things I’ve listed below would’ve been great names for human beings.
Areola
A unisex Yoruba name. Kind of like Adeola, Areola would’ve been a name almost every Yourba parent gives their child, like the name Dami. At least five people in the office would’ve been named Areola.
Marijuana
You can call her MJ for short, kinda like the female Micahel Jackson. Marijuana sounds like someone who would’ve loved dancing. She’d be creating TikTok dances for every new Nigerian banger, and her legwork would be fire.
Chlamydia
Forget the fact that this is an STD that causes painful urination for a second. Don’t you think Chlamydia would’ve been a gorgeous gorgeous girl? She sounds like a girl that would thrive on the “clean girl aesthetic”, curate the perfect Instagram feed and make cute reels about how great her life is.
Ecstasy
You know those names that are normally given to Igbo girls, like Constance and Charity? Ecstasy would’ve been one of them. I even have a feeling that there’s an Igbo girl with this name already.
RELATED: A List of English Names That Are Now Igbo Names
Syphilis
Syphilis sounds like another way to say Philips, just like how Bob is another way to say Robert. Syphilis would’ve been a man who studied pharmacy in uni and decided to become a tech bro three years after. He’d go on and on about how much the Cobra programming language bothered him.
Konji
Konji would’ve been the perfect name for a sexy Yoruba man. The type to know about his handsomeness and take advantage of it. A Yoruba demon with two or three girlfriends from the same friend group. He’d have been the type to cheat with his full chest and blame you for it.
RELATED: 8 Male Yoruba Names Known for Heartbreak Fight to Defend Their Honour
Herpes
Hermes and Herpes, I don’t see the difference. This would’ve been the name of a gym bro — Someone who’d always work out his arms and chest, but forget that legs are also a part of the body.
Zanku
Zanku would’ve been a fine Hausa man who looked great in suits and trad. Everyone in the office would’ve loved him and his impeccable fashion sense.
Gonorrhoea
Gonorrhoea would’ve been a girl who got upset every time because people couldn’t spell her name, same as Diarrhoea.
Benz
Benz would’ve been an alpha male who constantly told men on Twitter that they’re the prize. All his social media platforms would’ve been dedicated to telling men how to be high-value men and alpha males.
If you thought this was funny, read about 10 Nigerian Names That Don’t Belong to Babies
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If you don’t ace this quiz, it means you don’t deal with naira. Which means you should do giveaway.
Oh, heads up — you have just two minutes.
Take the quiz:
Questions
This is a question
Who is on the ₦10 note?
Who is on the ₦100 note?
Who is on the ₦200 note?
Who is on the ₦500 note?
Who is on the ₦1000 note? (If you get one person, we’ll give you the answer)
Who is on the ₦5 note?
Who is on the ₦20 note?
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If you don’t remember the names of at least seven of these secondary school hairstyles, you’re either a man, or you were on low-cut in secondary school.
Let’s see how you do:
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Have you all noticed how Nigerian artists like to shout, “Folake!” unprovoked? Wizkid kept disturbing her to Pakurumo, Tekno kept begging her to love him like an annoying Old Nollywood campus pest and now, Pheelz and BNXN have turned her name into a national anthem in Finesse. Does every artist know a Folake or are they just on a mission to stress everyone with that name? We may never know. But so that this babe can rest and the lyrical breakfast can reach everyone, here’s an interesting list of names our favourite artists should explore.
Think outside the box for diversity sake.
1. Igboransanjueborurulo
This name means “Obedience is better than sacrifice”. While it sounds like the warning principals always give SS3 students after accusing them for being the worst senior set the school has ever seen, it could totally work in a love song as well. Our artists just need to think outside the box and experiment a little. Who’s going to go first? Davido? Wande Coal? Zinolesky? Let’s make it happen.
2. Kosisochukwumakasiweme
Nigerian artists, please, I dare you, do it! Lyricist up and down but you cannot find something that rhymes with Kosisochukwumakasiweme? Please, rise and don’t waste our money!
3. Zubaydah
This name is giving wealth, henna and Senator’s daughter. And to be honest, there isn’t a lot of Northern representation in mainstream Nigerian music. If musicians are not disturbing Folake, they’re shouting Amaka’s name and after that, they just jump to Vanessa. It’s time to switch it up.
4. Ramota
Have you met a Ramota that is less than 45? If you have, then, omo, you’ve come in contact with the Last Airbender. Ramota is always an aunty. So while young artists like Pheelz and BNXN can’t shout this name anyhow out of respect, I’d like to call our daddies in music: 2Baba and Pasuma to the high table to give these aunties the much-needed representation they deserve.
RELATED : 12 Ridiculous Names You Shouldn’t Give to Children in 2022
5. Enobong
In his original song, Gift, Iyanya sang “Gift, put off the light”, but imagine if he sang “Enobong, put off the light” instead. Now that sound like a banger I’d be into. If you don’t get the gist by now, Enobong means “God’s gift”, so basically, Iyanya would’ve been saying the same thing. So can we get a remix or something? Iyanya and Don Jazzy, what’s good?
6. Agamadotuigwekuwamaranamuagbaliala
No, I’m not even playing, this is a real name. According to Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, his law school classmate went by this name and it apparently loosely translates to: “I will pull down the heavens so the world will know I tried”. The meaning alone sounds like the story of a Nigerian love song. Inject it!
7. Esukpofo
Sounds like the name of someone who ties China white, puts some leaves in their mouths and goes to drop a calabash of boiled yam and red oil at the nearest junction. Don’t blame me; blame Yoruba films for giving me these scarry ass visuals. But does this mean ritualists don’t deserve love? Please and please, let’s fix this.
8. Odinaka
I sort of get why artists are afraid of shouting this name repeatedly. Folake sounds like a soft babe, while Odinaka sounds like a no-nonsense babe who consumes three bottles of stout with hot akpu in the morning. If you say one, she’d probably say two and beat you on top. Since Davido is now a gym bro, he should be the one to try this name first. Take risks and succeed sir.
9. Yebojinsoko
Adding my name to the mix because I, too, would like to shake my bumbum and do low-budget Dorime while my name is blasting in the club. What happened to the representation we’ve been fighting for?
10. Bisola
Bisola is simple and cute. She literally sounds like she could be Folake’s sister or roommate. With all the love and attention these artists have been pouring on Folake and she’s probably airing them, I’d advise that they refocus on Bisola abeg. One day, Folake might actually be jealous and look your way. Delay is not denial.
CONTINUE READING: 10 Nigerian Names That Don’t Belong to Babies
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Pick the odd names from the list to prove your eyes are working and not for fancy.
Go ahead:
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If you don’t want children to grow up wondering what the heck their parents were thinking, then let the following names die with 2021.
And if your name happens to be on this list, tie wrapper and fight your parents (or whoever gave it to you), because they clearly set you up for life-long ridicule.
1. English
Hello???? Why this!?
2. Thanks
Where do we even begin to understand the absurdity of this? You want them to be turning upandan when people randomly say, “Thanks”?
3. God Knows
God definitely knows he shouldn’t be the reason someone goes by “GK for short.”
4. Thank God
This name needs to go extinct with immediate effect.
5. Prayer
Prayer is the key, not a human being. A key.
6. Surprise
What exactly is surprising, and how can you expect someone to walk around as a permanent surprise?
7. Evidence
Some people should evidently not be parents.
8. Nice
Are they planning to work at Chicken Republic?
9. Endurance
The fact that a child is born in Nigeria already seals their fate of endurance. Don’t add salt to the injury biko.
10. I am blessed
Not with this name, you are not.
11. Wonder
If they’re such a wonder, why not take them to the museum, because we’re not understanding.
12. Saturday
Or any day of the week for that matter. Please and thanks.
Share with all the aunties, uncles, and soon-to-be parents you know.
[newsletter]
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Choosing the right names for twins can be a very difficult task, especially if you were expecting just one child. But don’t panic. That’s why we are here for you. Here’s a list of names you can consider giving your twins:
1. Goodness and Mercy
Don’t you want them to follow you all the days of your life?
2. Terms and Condition
This will make it easier for them to get jobs. How? Every where they go, they will certainly see this: “Terms and Condition apply.” Get it?
3. Praise and Worship
Give them a spiritual name, please.
4. Yes and Amen
You can even turn it to prayers. Yes? Amen.
5. Yesterday and Today.
This is for twins that were born on separate days. For example, if one was born by 11:59 the day before and the second was born by 12:10 the day after.
6. Tithe and Offering
In case you get fed up with them and want to return them back to God.
7. Front and Back
This is for parents who want their children to go into tech. One will go into frontend, the other will go into backend.
8. Pause and Play
Use the name to dictate which one will be serious and which one will be playful.
9. Victor and Victoria
Let it not be like we didn’t add the names you know.
10. Paul and Pauline
You know how this goes.
11. Aki and Paw-Paw
Are they really twins if they don’t answer the name of the OG twins? Think about it.
[donation]
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Do you ever feel things that you’re never able to tell anyone about, not that you don’t want to but because you can’t put those feelings into words? Well, you’re not the only one. We’re here today with 10 new words and phrases that’ll help expand your emotional literacy.
The false sensation of insects crawling all over your body.
That feeling of constantly thinking your phone is ringing or vibrating but it really isn’t.
That uncomfortable feeling you get in your stomach when you’re anxious.
The increasing urge to pee or poop the closer you get to a toilet.
You when someone holds a baby and goes, “Oh my God. He’s so cute. I could just eat him up!”? That’s what cute aggression is. The urge to squeeze, smoosh, or eat something you find ridiculously cute.
The psychological phenomenon of repeating a word over and over (in your mind or out loud) until it becomes meaningless.
The feeling of walking into a room and forgetting why you went in there.
Call of the Void is that thing that happens when you’re in a potentially dangerous situation and you suddenly get a weird mental prompt that pushes you to harm yourself. For example, you’re standing on the roof of a building or a bridge and you suddenly get the prompt to “JUMP!”.
The strange thing is that you don’t even have to be suicidal for this to happen.
This, in my opinion, is the best name for what you feel when you have goosebumps i.e waves of pleasure coursing over your skin. It’s an involuntary physical reaction that’s triggered by audio or visual stimuli.
A state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person. It usually includes obsessive thoughts, fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.
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Only the funniest people can come up with puns this good, so it didn’t come as a surprise to find out these viral pictures were created by Nigerian comedian and actor, Olu Salako. Here are some of the times he made puns with the names of famous people we all love.1. This one about Baba Fryo
2. This one about love and money
3. This one is pretty easy
4. Can you guess this one though?
5. This one about Dakore
6. This pun will make you smile
7. But really though, how many times did Jackie Appiah?
8. Only those who are fluent in pidgin will get this one
9. Only Yoruba people will get this one too.
10. This really hilarious one about Reminisce
11. This hit song of every church fellowship
12. This one about Lynxx.
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PS: If you cannot take a joke, STOP now.
PPS: Seriously!
1. The Tosin
Complete and utter flirt.
Has more shoes than he needs.
Dated every girl you know.
2. The Tolu
Kind and intelligent.
Very unlike other Yoruba demons.
Has a lot of female friends.
3. The Emeka
Very hardworking.
Probably has a wife in the village already.
Needs his woman to know how to cook.
4. The Tobi
Typical Yoruba Demon.
Draws you in with insightful arguments.
Never takes long to show true colors.
5. The Danjuma
Rich from oil or politics money.
Has every girl wanting him.
Always thinks he’s all that.
6. The Wale
Genuine nice and humble guy.
Probably a mama’s boy.
Has introduced half of Lagos girls to his mom.
7. The Ikenna
Buff ladies man.
Will exploit all your weaknesses.
Expects you to treat him like royalty.
8. The Tunji
Broke.
Always wants you to hold him down.
Great hairline though.
9. The Ibrahim
Richer than everyone you know.
Probably sleeping with everyone you know too.
Prefers hanging out with the guys than with you.
10. The Ayo
Beardgang.
Always wants to meet your friends.
Can turn anything into a party.
11. The Ebuka
Very fine boy.
Everyone has a crush on him.
He has a thing for mixed race girls.
12. The Bankole
Great sense of humour.
Prone to sarcastic tendencies.
Only likes Australian girls.
13. The Chuka
Everything is a joke to him.
Will not be serious till he’s 30.
Likes your best friend more than you.
14. The Tunde
His friends call you “our wife”.
He’s always cheating.
Very generous.
15. The Damini
Almost always tall.
Great dancer.
Can embarrass you in public.
16. The Timi
Gym monkey.
Likes taking pictures of himself.
There are no pictures of you on his Instagram.
17. The Obi
Mr Wandering Eyes.
He constantly needs your attention.
He’s a two-woman man.
18. The Temi
Usually short.
Cannot wait to boast about every girl he’s been with.
Communicates in a ‘
creepycaring’ manner.19. The Idris
Very dramatic.
Determined to be sinless.
If you’re Muslim, he’s in love.
20. The Femi
Geek Tendencies.
Loves him some big booty.
Will probably pick TV shows over you.
21. The Ifeanyi
Very very vain.
Lies compulsively.
Serial cheat.
22. The Ope
Very gentle and very sweet.
Could be broke but has potential.
Will work very hard.
23. The Nonso
Always listens to you.
Gets dumped a lot.
Rich AF.
24. The Dami
Very blunt.
Supports feminism, equality etc.
Cannot keep a secret.
If your name is not here, tweet it at us @zikokomag and we’ll add it!
