Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Movies | Zikoko!Movies | Zikoko!
Before someone picks up koboko to remind me that Nigeria is already hell and nothing concerns us with Halloween, I get it. But, I still think we can enjoy things without being too deep or critical of them.
That’s why I have this list of scary Nigerian movies to watch here while they trick-and-treat abroad. Are you sat? Let’s dig.
Koto Aiye (1989)
This movie by late film producer Yekini Ajileye was released in 1989, and it’s hands down one of the scariest occult titles in Nigeria. Evil witches terrorised a village so much that there was little the good witches could do.
When a prophecy came about a saviour coming in the form of a baby, the evil witches — including the king’s first wife— devised plans to scatter everything. Even the king, Oba Adedapo, wasn’t spared — man carried a protruding stomach for a long time because the witches housed their birds inside him. Mad.
The movie is in two parts. You have a long, thrilling night ahead of you.
https://youtu.be/r4CBIRnUzvs?feature=shared
Ologbo Iya Agba
This title in English translates to “grandma’s cat.” This film was once the hottest thing on the street, and it was hard to find a copy at film rentals because people had rented it out. I remember how we all became scared of older women who kept cats as pets.
You should see this.
Nneka the Pretty Serpent (1994)
This film came out when VHS was still the reigning champ. Although the title called Nneka a serpent, she could also turn into a cat. Nneka is a spirit-possessed lady who goes around town tormenting promiscuous married men and their families— total menace; even prayers hardly worked against her.
I recommend that the relationship people watch this with their partner to subtly let them know the consequences of cheating on the loves of their lives.
Living in Bondage (1992)
Before you press play on this film, its title makes you whisper that bondage isn’t your portion. Living In Bondage, the OG version, follows the story of a money-ritual cult that demands the loved ones of its members as sacrifices to keep their wealth flowing. Andy, the main character, was even told to blind and castrate himself to appease his wife’s ghost that’s haunting him up and down.
Did this man receive help or partially kill himself to escape his ghost-wife? Find out in this and part 2.
Hex (2015)
This Clarence Peters’ film, divided into four episodes, follows the story of five young Nigerians who accidentally hit a drunken man on the road, finished him off with a car jack and dumped him in the lagoon.
None of these guys had rest of mind since the incident, but that was nothing compared to the fright their victim’s ghost gave them before finally killing them gruesomely. Play Hex and watch it pull your wig back, leaving you on the edge of your seat.
I don’t know why Nollywood makes humans possess animals and vice versa in its horror flicks. Still, this movie, Eran Iya Osogbo (the goat of the woman from Osogbo), isn’t an exception. In it, you’ll see how a woman loved her goat more than her neighbours and everyone else.
This goat of hers was a riot in the whole town. It was so powerful you could take a bite of your shawarma, and it’d land in the goat’s mouth. Eran Iya Oshogbo is also in two parts and will leave your mouth wide open after you’ve exclaimed “omo” like 100 times.
Before I heard that people could turn into an orange or a Health 5 football, I saw a woman give birth to a yam tuber in Karishika. Straight out of the household of Lucifer, Karishika and her demonic colleagues went on a rampage to cause people to sin and lead them to the kingdom of hell. This film has the right amount of Nigerian spookiness.
Karishika was so powerful that Falz made a song and remix, begging God to protect him from her.
After Halloween, come hang out at the biggest meat and grill festival in Lagos on November 11th. Cop your ticket asap.
Growing up in a Nigerian household in the 2000s, one could hardly miss or be oblivious of Nollywood comedy films that had Mr Ibu, born John Okafor, in it.
Mr Ibu, known for immersing in rib-bending and over-exaggerated movie roles and characters, has established himself as one of the funniest men in Nollywood. His four decades career have brought some of the funniest local films and moments which have even influenced the Nigerian meme culture.
The celebrated thespian turned 62 on October 17th, and it was mixed feelings to see him celebrate the special occasion in the hospital. It was hearty to see his family members surround him though. While I wish him a quick recovery, these moments he delighted me on the TV crossed my mind.
Mr. Ibu (2004)
It’s funny scenes from the beginning of this film till its end.
The father-son relationship between Mr Ibu and Paw Paw (Osita Iheme) are memorable. They lived like cat and mouse on most days. It was so intense that MrIbu wrapped his son up and presented him as a wedding gift to a relative.
This film also gave us the popular Paw Paw’s “Biggie, biggie” rap lines. In my opinion, this film is a Nollywood classic.
Mr. Ibu In London (2004)
Mr Ibu entered the UK, ignorant AF. After roaming London without bearing and sleeping on the streets for five days, he came across an old friend who housed him for months.
In his naivety, Mr Ibu saw an aquarium and called the Oscar albino inside it a shark. He saw a house furnace and almost poured a bucket of water inside it due to his fear that it’d burn down the house. One time MrIbu was on a rotating bed, he thought his village people were operating it from under. LMAO. Every time Mr Ibu experienced something for the first time, it was an unforgettable, funny moment.
Parish Priest (2006)
In this movie, Mr Ibu plays the troublesome and drunkard son of Sam Loco Efe. The film became funnier when Mr Ibu insisted he should be the one to attend the seminary and become a Reverend Father, instead of his younger brother who actually showed interest.
He was unhinged when he eventually got admission into the seminary. There’s no single rule in the parish he didn’t break. The memorable one was surrendering to konji.
A Fool at 40 (2006)
Kulikuli (Mr Ibu) and his friend, Hygenius (Nkem Owoh) are men in their late 30s parading themselves as the village youths. Without any good thing to contribute to themselves or their community, they peaked into their forties, fooling around the village.
Mr. Ibu Goes to School (2005)
Instead of attending an adult school, a village “egbon adugbo” named John Bull decided to go back to secondary school. Despite being the biggest dullard in class, John Bull was made a school prefect. You too see for yourself.
https://youtu.be/GShyw-G6IYA?feature=shared
The Great Servant (2007)
After causing the biggest nuisance with his friends in their village, Omalu (Mr Ibu), on a paper chase, went to Lagos to be a house help. But he didn’t last long there. He went back to his village to become a fake prophet and duped unsuspecting people.
Maybe the victims deserve it too, since everyone knew he was only a troublemaker.
Overheat (2006)
Mr Ibu shined alongside Charles Inojie in this film that explored family issues and poverty. Mr Ibu left his wife in the village to find a job in Lagos. But he got there, no job. Eventually his problems got bigger when he impregnated his city mistress.
Police Recruit (2003)
After joining the Nigerian Police Force as a recruit and becoming an officer, Mr Ibu was stationed at the checkpoints.
With funny actors like Sam Loco and Charles Inojie as his colleagues, it was a pleasure, drinking around and going on an extortion spree.
You haven’t seen the most ridiculous police officers until you see Police Recruit.
Nicodemus (2003)
Ibu is an electric repairer who knew nothing more than unbolting and bolting screws in appliances. No care for his family, no discipline, no work efficiency, or love at home. Nicodemus was just running on vibes.
Bafana Bafana (2007)
Aside from the theme of tribal marriage, this film showed parent rivalry at its peak. At any slight chance, Mr Ibu attacked his son’s father-in-law. One funny scene that’s hard to forget is the one where the two elderly men fought over food and threw morsels at each other. Smh.
https://youtu.be/nWzRSpVJayE?si=ykBVA6WxhAH5yMX9
Hey, hollup.
Come and have the time of your life on November 11th, at the Burning Ram Meat Festival in Lagos. Tickets already on sale. Don’t sleep.
It’s giving single stupor. If you’ve never made time to watch these films, how would you have time for a full relationship. Do better and maybe they’ll take you to the next Losing Daylight exhibition so you can see Nollywood’s history on full display.
You got #{score}/#{total}
It’s complicated. In the sense that, you love them, but it’s not looking like they love you back. It’s okay though, maybe if you take them to the next Losing Daylight exhibition they’ll see Nollywood’s history and all the old romance films and realize that they love you.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Look at you!! You’re in love and in a good, healthy relationship. You should definitely celebrate your love at the next Losing Daylight exhibition, you’ll get to walk hand in hand and take in Nollywood’s rich history.
On August 15, 2023, Netflix Nigeria announced on its socials that new Nollywood films and shows will drop in the last quarter of the year.
The new releases are films and shows adapted from other original movies. Although they’re still in different production stages, we can start to anticipate these titles.
The Black Book
The Editi Effiong-directed crime thriller follows the story of a man who seeks justice after a corrupt racket of policemen murdered his only child. The movie features OG Nollywood actors like Sam Dede, Taiwo Ajayi Lycett, Richard Mofe-Damijo, and new school guys like Olumide Owuru and Denola Grey.
Anikulapo: The Series
A follow-up to the acclaimed Nollywood epic, Anikulapo, released in 2022. It’s coming in four episodes with actors Kunle Remi and Sola Sobowale reprising their roles. New cast members include Gabriel Afolayan and Layi Wasabi.
Ijogbon
Ijogbon is also coming from the stables of Kunle Afolayan via his production company, The Golden Effects Pictures. It’s a tale of four teens who saw a pouch of diamond and kept it. But they had to deal with the severe consequences that followed.
As Nigerians living in Nigeria right now, we doubt anyone who stumbles on diamonds would leave them and face their front either. Anyway, we look forward to what Gabriel Afolayan, Ruby Akubeueze, Fawa Aina (Ikorodu Boiz) have for us in Ijogbon.
Blood Vessel
Six friends attempt to escape a major coup and pandemonium in Niger Delta as stowaways on a ship sailing to South America.
Blood Vessel is directed by Moses Inwang (Merry Men 2, American Driver) and stars Jideofor Kene Achufusi (Living In Bondage: Breaking Free, Black Rose) Adaobi Dibor (The Stand Up, Purple Story), David Ezekiel (Maia).
WAR: Wrath and Revenge
War and Revenge is a show and spin-off from Sons of the Caliphate movie. This drama follows Binta, a governor’s wife, who would spill blood to see her husband succeed and climb to the top ranks of power. Now the husband is about to take a second wife. What the hell do you think she’ll do to protect her marriage? We’ll find out.
Oloture: The Series
This follow up to the Oloture movie will see the young and traumatized journalist Oloture continue her undercover journalist role across African countries like Niger and Libya. It is set to premiere in the last quarter of 2023 and early 2024.
To Kill A Monkey
This is a crime-thriller series written and directed by Kemi Adetiba (King of Boys, King of Boys: The Return). To Kill A Monkey (TKAM) is, according to Kemi, “a crazy story” that came to her on the morning of her wedding engagement. The show is produced by Kemi Adetiba and features actors like William Benson, Bimbo Akintola, Bucci Franklin and Chidi Mokeme. TKAM just kicked off production, but we can’t wait to grab a seat and sit with it when it comes out.
Nollywood actor and screenwriter Lateef Adedimeji is by far one of the most versatile acts among his peers. With roles across several pictures as a musician to a faithful husband to a monarch, he’s brought gusto to our screens.
Lovers of Nollywood can’t get enough of his stellar performance in the latest Nollywood movie Jagun Jagun, but this isn’t the first time he killed his movie roles. This list bears witness.
Lateef Adedimeji deserves an award for this one. I enjoyed every scene ; Kept me glued on for over 2 hrs…Jagun Jagun! 🔥
Directed by Tunde Kelani, this movie explores the life and death of late Apala musician Ayinla Omowura. From his Egba accent to his imitation of Ayinla mannerisms and bad pronunciation of English words, Lateef Adedimeji ate and left no crumbs.
Madami 1 – 3 (2022)
Released in 2022, the Seun Olaiya-directed movie tells the Nollywood-esque tale of a blind man who becomes romantically involved with his housemaid. The movie gives unique insight into the world of visually impaired and physically challenged people. Lateef played this role so convincingly, I started praying for his health during the movie. He stars alongside Idowu Philips (Iya Rainbow), Bimpe Oyebade Adedimeji and Aderemi Adedeji.
https://youtu.be/_VhlPeYNyOM
Olokiki Oru: The Midnight Sensation (2019)
Lateef Adedimeji shines as Olalere, a flirty guy in love with the princess of his town. But will the rucus two armed robbers are causing in their town let their love breathe? Go watch him star beside late Murphy Afolabi, Ibrahim Chatta and Saheed Osupa.
That One Time (2022)
Who would Lateef Adedimeji look like if he had a full beard? This movie has that answer. That One Time, directed by Biodun Jimoh, has only two cast members: Lateef Adedimeji and Bimpe Oyebade Adedimeji. He plays double roles of a newly-wed husband madly in love with his wife (Bimpe Oyebade) and a photographer who came to scatter his love life. Both cast members shine together, but Lateef showed versatility.
Yeye Oge Onitan (2016)
Lateef features in this movie alongside Mide Martins and Jaiye Kuti. Although the movie is about survival and desperation, it also touches on cultism.
Bipolar (Amodi) (2018)
In this film that explores distant relationships and advocates for people living with bipolar disorder, Lateef Adedimeji acts as John, a typical village boy— restless and intrusive.
King of Thieves (Agesinkole) (2022)
In this Femi Adebayo-produced epic, Lateef Adedimeji is full of action. Dripped in red and black attire designed with cowries as his fingers itch to fire his dane gun at any sign of enemy. This blockbuster features Odunlade Adekola, Toyin Abraham, Aisha Lawal and Mr Macaroni.
Jagun Jagun (2023)
This is one of the most anticipated Nollywood movies of 2023 and it matches right up to expectation. Lateef Adedimeji outdid himself in this epic as a powerful warrior who can speak to wood. It’s been said that he even spent a month in the gym just because of the picture.
There’s no Nollywood without Stanley Okorie. Whether or not that name rings a bell, you can bet you’ve heard his voice before — especially if you grew up watching Old Nollywood movies.
With soundtrack credits on over 1,000 Nollywood films, Stanley Okorie is the singer and composer behind songs like Karishika (Queen of Demons) from the 1996 film of the same name, the popular Nkem Owoh song, I Go Chop Your Dollar (Stanley sang the song while Nkem Owoh lip synced Drag-race style) from the 2004 film, The Master,and the recently viral Billionaire (Onye Ji Cash) from 2019’s Return of the Billionaire that seems to be setting the streets of TikTok on fire.
Catching up with the singer in May 2023, he talks about his entry into Nollywood at a time when the industry depended on soundtracks to push storytelling, the struggles of navigating Nollywood in the 1990s and early 2000s and the hilarious story of how he got paid with a bottle of Sprite for his first soundtrack.
Source: Provided by subject
Let’s talk about what I like to call the Stanley Okorie Renaissance.
It’s been amazing and pleasantly surprising that the music I made in the 1990s and early 2000s is getting attention these many years later, on platforms I’m still learning about. It makes me feel like I didn’t waste my time back then because I made music I liked, not necessarily for anyone in particular. But there’s also a sense of feeling challenged by it all. If the work I did back then can hold its own decades later, I need to make new music that can have the same value years from now.
Fun fact: the people who were ten years old at the start of my career are now parents in their 30s and early 40s. How time flies.
I’m one of them. LOL. How did you discover that you and your music had become viral sensations?
Someone called me a while ago, singing Happy Mumu, and I wondered why this young guy was singing a song I released almost ten years ago. He explained that everyone online was making videos of that song and Billionaire (Onye Ji Cash), but I didn’t understand until he started sending me videos. It was like people had recorded hundreds of videos with my songs.
I’m not on social media, so I didn’t get the gist on time. But I now realise a lot is happening online, and I need to find a way to create some presence there.
I’m curious about your Nollywood journey. What inspired your decision to enter the then-unconventional industry?
When I showed my grandmother my first car, she asked what I did for a living, and I told her I produced music. She was shocked. I remember her saying she’d never seen any newspaper job advert calling for a “Music Producer”. To them, music was a reckless career.
Every one who got into Nollywood at the time I did in the late 1990s did so with a lot of passion but little to no money or experience. I moved to Lagos after university to pursue a master’s in mass communication, and it was during this time I met my friend, the late Sammie Okposo. I’d hoped to become a gospel singer, but Sammie was into the soundtrack business, so I got introduced to that part of Nollywood when I lived with him for about six months.
Making soundtracks was purely by accident. Sammie and I learnt on the job and did it because we loved music. There was no money in it when we started. My first soundtrack was in 1995, and they paid me with a bottle of Sprite.
It’s a lie. What?
Yes o. And the guy was even saying he overpaid me. This is what it was like back then when we struggled and didn’t have a name in the industry. This guy had come to me with the script and idea, I recorded a song, and he told me he wouldn’t use it because he didn’t like it. I’d moved on until I heard my song on the film two weeks later. I called him, and he was like, “I paid you. That bottle of Sprite I bought for you when we were recording was your payment.”
And you took it like that?
I mean, from that soundtrack, I booked my next job, Compromise, in 1996, which I actually got money for. Then there was Atrocity and Karashika that same year. That first film, I can’t remember the title now, set the ball rolling, so I can’t say I regret working on it.
You mentioned the legendary Sammie Okposo’s role in your journey. As an artiste who’s left an indelible mark on both Nollywood and the gospel music scene, I’d like to know more about your experience with him.
Sammie was my guy, and I miss him very much. He taught me how to compose chords. The man had a great ear. When Sammie knew what he wanted, he was impatient in getting that sound, but when unsure, he’d take as long as he needed to figure it out. He always worked towards perfection.
I actually encouraged Sammie to go into gospel music. I’d just released my album, Jesus, I Love You, but I realised live performances weren’t my thing. I wanted to be behind the scenes, but Sammie was someone who could handle the fame, so we switched. You cannot do gospel music without performing and shouting “Praise the Lord” on stage. I don’t have that energy. I want to compose music in a closed space with air conditioning. LOL.
I was supposed to work with Sammie on an album this year [2023].
I’d like to know how you guys made soundtracks back then. Did the script come first, or did you watch the movie then record a song?
When we first started, the producers and directors would call us, sit us down and narrate the film’s plot in two minutes. After that, they’d say, “We need music for when the girl runs mad” or “when the woman is crying after her husband dies”. The funny thing is, they’d then ask if we could get the music ready by the next day. Can you imagine?
We started asking for scripts down the line when our role as soundtrackers began to have weight in the industry. When the scripts were being changed on location or the film ended up taking a different direction from the scripts, we started asking for rough cuts of the scene our music would be used for.
The final process was we’d get the rough cut, compose our music, book a studio to record, pay instrumentalists and backup singers, and then, submit the song to the person in charge. They’d pay us our balance if they liked it, and everyone would live happily ever after.
Source: Provided by subject
Soundtracks back then ended up giving away the film’s plot most of the time. Was this intentional?
No. We made soundtracks to heighten the emotions of a scene, not give away that scene before it happened. But the issue was editors placed these songs before the scenes they were created for, messing up the flow of the soundtrack and story. I noticed it and started asking producers to allow me to place my songs myself, but they refused to pay me for that, so I just let them do whatever they wanted. It was a dog-eat-dog industry, and I wouldn’t kill myself because of it.
In the 2010s era of Nollywood, films stopped focusing on narrative storytelling through music. What was it like for you as a creative who made a living making soundtracks?
Nigeria’s relationship with music is cyclical. The 1960s and 1970s were all about Nigerian music, with artistes like Fela and Bobby Benson. When we stepped into the 1980s and 1990s, we’d become obsessed with foreign artistes like Michael Jackson and Biggie. The wheels have turned again, and everyone is on a Tiwa Savage and Davido vibe. Music is constantly evolving.
There was a time when I made almost 98% of the soundtracks out of Nollywood. So I’ve actually struggled to get out of the industry.
You wanted to leave Nollywood?
Yes, several times. Working in the industry took all my time and concentration. It cost me my marriage and many other relationships. I missed important moments like my children’s birthdays and my friend’s weddings, all because I was working on one project or the other. There was always the next job. I wanted to leave, but Nollywood didn’t want to let me go.
How?
Every time I said I would retire, I’d get an offer I couldn’t resist. Producers started paying me my fee before I even submitted a song, so I’d be committed to making it. I kept saying the next one would be my last, but here we are today.
The power of capitalism, for real. What’s the next move now that everyone is back on the Stanley Okorie train, thanks to social media?
I’m working on a Best of Stanley Okorie compilation of my soundtracks, so you’ll get to listen to popular songs like Billionaire (Onye Ji Cash) and Happy Mumu, as well as songs people probably didn’t know I wrote or performed. I’ll also throw in three or four new tracks I’m working on. I’m looking to work with Flavour, Davido and Don Jazzy for the new tracks. Since I’m making new music, it might as well be big-time projects.
I’m also getting into filmmaking soon. After all these years working on other people’s films, it’ll be fun to make my own.
Have you seen some of the films coming out of Nollywood these days?
I’m excited to see Gangs of Lagos. I like movies that tell our stories, not those ones where Nigerians are acting white. I want to see films that are true to the authentic Nigerian experience. As long as the hunter tells the story of the hunt, it’ll never favour the dog.
Damn, is that a parable? You’re giving Old Nollywood energy, and I love it.
LOL. That saying means if we continue to allowforeigners to control our narrative, we’ll never get reflected positively. I’m a disciple of Fela; he was all about African consciousness. No matter how we try to be Western, we’ll always be Nigerian. These Nigerian stories are what I’d like to see on my screen — whether or not I’m the one behind them.
Vin Diesel, the evil you have done with Fast and Furious is enough. Please, rest.
Source: Giphy
You have to be living under a rock if you haven’t heard about Fast and Furious at this point. Returning for its tenth installment, the car racing film turned action/heist/thriller franchise has become famous for two things: having Vin Diesel say ”family” at least 1000 times per film and its impossible stunt scenes that defy physics and every other scientific law.
Source: Giphy
With each installment of the franchise crazier than the last, we’re looking at some of the most unhinged and unrealistic stunts Dom (Vin Diesel) and his gang have pulled over the years and whether or not they’d work in Nigeria.
Source: Giphy
12. Driving a car into a yacht (2 Fast 2 Furious, 2003)
Looking at the ridiculous accidents in Abuja with cars ending up on statues, I think crashing a car into a yacht is child’s play. This is literally the easiest stunt they’ve pulled in the Fast and Furious franchise. All you need to do is find a yacht, not a flying boat.
11. Dom destroys the street with his feet (Furious 7, 2015)
Considering all the roads that spoil every week and the buildings that collapse every three market days, Dom causing an earthquake with his feet is very possible. You might have to stomp more than once, but remain resilient and watch the ground open and swallow your enemies.
10. Stretching Dom’s car with ropes (The Fate of the Furious, 2017)
Another easy stunt. It doesn’t take much to use ropes to drag someone’s car. The somersaulting is another story sha. But the rope thing? Very possible.
9. The final race on a train track (The Fast and the Furious, 2001)
This stunt is only dangerous when trains actually work. Most of the government trains in Nigeria are part-time workers doing remote work, so they’re on like twice a month. Just ensure you’re not pulling a Vin Diesel on the day they have trips to make. If not, you’re on your own.
8. Hobbs holding a helicopter with his bare hands (Hobbs and Shaw, 2018)
I know it looks impossible, but dear, have you seen the men and women at iFitness or Fitness Central? Those people are obviously on crack based on the weights they lift daily. How many kilograms does a helicopter weigh? I’m sure it’s lightweight for my Nigerian gym bros.
7. Dropping cars from planes (Furious 7, 2015 and Fast X, 2023)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDTO2TDTz5E
Is it the same Nigeria where you have to pay thousands for extra luggage? Imagine paying to fly a car, only to tell the pilot to drop the car mid-flight with you in it. After asking if their village people sent you to them, there’s a high chance the pilot will swear for you and all your family members.
6. Remote controlling all the cars on the street (Furious 7, 2015)
Charlize Theron’s Cypher may have created the coolest device to control cars within a three mile radius. But I can bet it won’t work in Nigeria. Imagine trying to control all the cars on the third mainland bridge, and PHCN takes power? What will happen while you wait for them to turn on the gen? The wahala is not worth it.
5. Dragging a bank vault across the street (Fast Five, 2011)
This stunt is only possible in places with free roads, like Uyo or Kaduna. These days, even Abuja has traffic. How do you expect to speed away with a vault when facing bumper-to-bumper traffic almost every day?
4. Dom flying his cars between two skyscrapers (Furious 7, 2015)
This stunt “worked” because it was Dubai, and almost every building there is a skyscraper, so it was easy for Dom and his people to drive from one to the other. The distance wasn’t a lot. Skyscrapers are scarce in Nigeria, boo. You can fly out of a skyscraper and crash into a bungalow here. Please do this at your own risk because while cars might fly in Dubai, they obey the laws of gravity here.
3. The gang battling a tank and Dom catching Letty like Superman (Fast and Furious 6, 2013)
No, in what world is this even possible? I need Vin Diesel and his people to be for real. Unless your middle name is Kal-El or Thor, I’ll advise you to steer clear of this unhinged jump. Once again, who are we deceiving here, Vinny boy?
2. Driving and fighting beside a plane that’s on fire (Fast and Furious 6, 2013)
This stunt is only possible in the Fast and Furious multiverse of craze. There’s no way you believe this is actually possible.
1. Driving into space. Yes, space (Fast 9, 2021)
Getting to drive your car from one state to another in Nigeria is a journey that requires the blood of Jesus and a couple of other spiritual reinforcements. So can you now imagine driving a car into space from Nigeria? Let’s forget that it’s not possible, even in America. But in Nigeria? Chelsea, come on now? Maybe you can try again in 2030, the year Nigeria has projected it’ll send someone into space.
Keeping up with Nigerian pop culture is hard, no matter how old you are. But for the 30+ community trying to blend in with the youngins, all the new slang, artistes, and concepts can be stressful to navigate.
Source: Zikoko Memes
If you’re 30+ and ready to finesse kids on Blue Ivy’s internet (Blue Ivy is Beyonce’s daughter, by the way), this article is for you.
Fireboy and Joeboy are two different boys
Source: Zikoko
These two blew up the same year, have dreadlocks and similar names, so I can’t blame you for the confusion. Why didn’t one of them change the “Boy” in their name to “Man”?
Fireboy, Source: Instagram/FireboyDML
This is Fireboy (DML, if you’re feeling extra spicy), and he’s responsible for hits like Jealous, Champion andBandana with Asake.
Joeboy, Source: Okay Africa
Meanwhile, Joeboy is responsible for Nobody with Deejay Neptunes and Mr Eazi, Baby and Sip (Alcohol).
Music videos don’t always have to match their songs
Remember when P-Square sang Busy Body, a club song, in an actual club?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqdiULiEJG8
Or the time Styl Plus sang about a buka and created an animated one because the real Iya Basira was still looking for them?
Things have changed for the new generation because music videos these days rarely match the song they’ve been shot for. A forest, masquerades and floral canoes don’t exactly come to mind when you hear a song called Party No Dey Stop. But here we are.
Let’s explain what it means to be a baddie, simp or toxic
Keeping up with internet lingo is so hard we had to create a Twitter dictionary for the masses. But since we didn’t cover “Baddie”, “Simp” or “Toxic”, I’m here to give a quick extramural class.
Source: Zikoko Memes
Baddie is derived from “Bad bitch”. It describes anyone whose fashion, looks, and energy is always on point. Like the legendary philosopher Ice Spice once said, “She a baddie, she know she a ten”. But while baddie is mostly used for women, it’s totally gender-neutral. Men can be baddies too. Ask Drake.
Source: Instagram/ChampagnePapi
You know when you like someone and all rational thoughts exit your brain and you start acting like a mumu? Yes, that’s what it means to be a simp. Simp is a noun and a verb (I stan a multipurpose queen), so you could be a simp or be caught simping over someone who probably saved your number as “Don’t answer, Ikeja.”
Source: Zikoko Memes
Finally, toxic on the internet and in real life aren’t that different. People could either be toxic or have toxic energy, meaning they have bad vibes through and through. These people are usually on the wrong side of every conversation or wicked for no good reason. Avoid toxic people like Nigerian politicians avoid EFCC.
Alté isn’t just a genre of music, it’s a lifestyle
Source: Mikey Oshai
I know the last time you attended an alté class in 2018, they told you it was a new genre of music coined from the word “Alternative”. Well, things have changed because alté is pretty much a lifestyle now. From how people dress (very individualistic and Y2K-inspired) to how they pose for pictures. You could literally look at someone and say, “This person is very alté”, and it doesn’t always mean they’re making alté music.
These are the correct lyrics to that “Jonah Paran Ran” song
This tweet lives rent-free in my head, and honestly, I can’t blame the person — Nigerian lyrics are getting more complicated by the day. Do you know how many words Rema has made up between 2019 and 2023?
Anyway, the song’s title is Ijo (Laba Laba), and it’s by Mavin Records singer, Crayon.
You see the patience the older generation had when they listened to six-minute songs? This new TikTok generation doesn’t have that time.
Our songs are always around the two-minute mark, and even that’s too long, hence the creation of 30-second sped-up songs. Our attention span has reached an all-time low, and with millions of videos uploaded daily on TikTok, no one has time for songs at their original tempo. Keep it moving.
This is not a belt, it’s a skirt, and we have proof
Source: Zikoko
I know what you’re thinking: How does this work as a skirt? I’ll leave this part to Ayra Starr because if there’s one thing sabi girl has taught us, it’s that length is a function of your mind.
These are the faces that’ll determine if a Nollywood movie will slap or not
Source: Nolly Babes
Seeing Genevieve Nnaji and Emeka Ike on a Nollywood poster back in the day meant one of two things: It’s either Genevieve was the bad campus girl Emeka was trying to tame or she was the girl Emeka was willing to fight Ernest Obi for. But one thing was certain, these faces meant the film would bang.
So who should you look out for now that all your fave old Nollywood actors have become directors, producers and influencers? Let me help you.
Source: IMDB
Tobi Bakre — Gangs of Lagos and Brotherhood
Source: Instagram/GenovevaUmeh
Genovevah Umeh — Blood Sisters and Far From Home
Source: Instagram/BimboAdemoye
Bimbo Ademoye — Anikulapo and Sugar Rush
Source: Tech Cabal
Efa Iwara — This Lady Called Life and King of Boys: Return of the King
Baggy jeans are back—in fact, we’re just copying and pasting looks from the 1990s and 2000s
Source: RollingstoneUK
I hope you didn’t throw all your Phat Farm and FUBU jeans away because trust me when I tell you they’re now hot cake on the fashion scene. The new generation of street-style lovers are simply adding a little razzle dazzle to the looks you grew up seeing in music videos on Channel O back in the day. Fashion is more or less a remix at this point with a new rap verse.
Vic O and Speed Darlington are not the same, please
Wait, these are two different people? Like, Vic O is not an alias for Speed Darlington? https://t.co/BmID3rLDMt
I will not stand for anyone comparing or mistaking two legends for one another. Vic O walked so that Speed Darlington could run. He’s the rapper responsible for ending Drake and Meek Mill’s beef in 2018 with this banger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7gwo6ktD7Y
Meanwhile, Speed Darlington is more famous for his online videos that blur the line between skit and reality. He’s also a rapper in his spare time.
It’s hard to see Jade Osiberu’s Gangs of Lagos and not gush about how incredible Chioma Akpotha was in it.
Rent was due. Her landlord was knocking on her door, and all she had was an all black outfit and a pulpit. pic.twitter.com/6wdwiiEEfb
— Harper Stern’s Pixie Cut (@TheConradJay) April 9, 2023
In an ensemble cast that combined some of the best from new and old Nollywood, Chioma’s performance was one of the film’s highlights, and the rest of the internet agrees.
Chioma Akpotha’s performance in this scene in “Gangs of Lagos” is amazing, she carried 🔥 pic.twitter.com/9DCNEM7pM8
✯ One of My best scenes from Gangs of Lagos was definitely the church scene with Chioma. The emotions, the switch from Igbo to English, everything. Too real. 10/10 performance. She’s incredible.
While Gangs of Lagos may have started a conversation about how great Chioma is, I’m here to remind everyone that she’s always been an icon.
Source: Giphy
Chioma was in the first and second highest-grossing Nollywood films of all time
Source: Omo Ghetto, SceneOne Productions
Chioma is one of the highest-grossing Nollywood actresses, with over five films on the top-grossing films of all-time list. While being on the list is a feat in itself, she’s taken it a step further by being in both the first and second highest-grossing films of all time: Battle on Buka Street and Omo Ghetto.
There are levels to this Nollywood thing, and Chioma is at the top after over 20 years in the game.
Who do we have to beg to join Chioma’s iconic friendship group?
Source: KemiFilani.comSource: Instagram/UcheJombo
Imagine being in the same squad as Rita Dominic, Omoni Oboli, Kate Henshaw, Uche Jumbo, Ini Edo and Ufuoma McDermott? These Nollywood baddies are always making fun of each other, going out for dinners and living their best lives together. I’m sorry, but Taylor Swift’s girl squad of 2014 has nothing on Chioma’s elite Nollywood posse.
No one plays the naive good girl like Chioma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g30XWcGEvng
Chioma Akpotha’s Sister Rose character from The Handkerchief is why I’d rather sweat like a goat than let anyone use their handkerchief to clean my face. What if they use juju on me?
Source: Sins of the Flesh, YouTube
Her characters in The Apple and Sins of the Flesh are also cautionary tales that fornication is bad and we should all superglue our legs until marriage. No one carried the “good girl who ends up in a bad situation” trope like Chioma did back in the day.
But she still has range for days
Source: Nneka the Pretty Serpent, Zikoko Memes
While Chioma might be known for her good girl roles, the actress has incredible range and can be a badass anytime she wants to. She was Bianca the diva actress in Traumatized; area queen, Chummy Choko, in Omo Ghetto; and a villain in the remake of Nneka the Pretty Serpent.
She’s also not afraid to tell the real-life Nigerian government to soro soke
Source: ReportMinds.com
2020 was an insane year for Nigerians, and just like most of us, Chioma was on the streets, demanding justice and more from the Nigerian government during the #EndSARS protests. At a time when it would’ve been easy to maintain silence and ignore all the chaos, the actress was an active part of the movement. Love to see it.
I dare you to keep a straight face while scrolling through Chioma’s TikTok page. From collaborations with skit makers to random rants and commentaries, Chioma isn’t afraid to go there when it comes to making her fans laugh. We need a good writer to cook up an epic comedic role for her to sink her teeth into. Nollywood, make this happen, please.
P-Square is shaking. Kaffy is vibrating. This iconic scene featuring her with Kate Henshaw, Dakore Akande, Ini Edo, Jim Iyke, Mike Ezuruonye, Monalisa Chinda and Uche Jombo, dancing in all white at the end of Games Men Play lives rent-free in my head. We need a reunion, ASAP.
Unsurprisingly, she wears many hats
Source: On Bended Knees, IrokoTV
Chioma is also a producer and singer. It’s giving talented multi-hyphenate, and I’m here for it.
Once again, Gangs of Lagos
Source: Gangs of Lagos, Prime Video
I hope Chioma’s mouth is doing okay after eating up all her scenes in Gangs of Lagos? Because I’ve checked, and nary a crumb is in sight.
Chike is booked and very very busy. Since the release of his 2020 debut album, Boo of the Booless, the singer has kept the engine running with video after video, a surprise EDM remix album, massive hit singles, the release of his 2022 sophomore album, The Brother’s Keeper,and appearances at almost every wedding in the country. But with Jade Osiberu’s Gangs of Lagos, Chike is set to make his feature film debut, making the already busy singer an even busier actor.
Gangs of Lagos, Amazon Prime’s first Nollywood feature, follows three friends played by Tobi Bakre, Adesua Etomi-Wellington and Chike, as they navigate life, and well, gangs in Lagos’ notorious Isale Eko. With political elements playing a strong factor in the film, it seems like kismet when I chat with Chike mere days after the disappointing elections in Lagos state saw thousands of people disenfranchised and hurt.
“You can’t preach democracy and force at the same time,” Chike explained when the topic of the elections came up. “I kept hoping that maybe this time we’d get it right, but there are still a lot of people who don’t want the betterment of the country.”
But elections can’t dampen the feeling of being a leading man as Chike gets into the process behind his big screen transition, the pressure to match the genius of Boo of the Booless and why he named his latest album, The Brother’s Keeper.
Source: Chike
Tell me everything you can about Gangs of Lagos and what you thought when Jade hit you up to join the project
If Jade calls you for a project, you jump on it because you know it’ll be good. I’d already worked with her on a project I can’t talk about before she asked me to do Gangs of Lagos. I guess I delivered on that one, so she decided to give me something more challenging. I remember being impressed by the script and having questions about how we’d pull off such a large scale production, but then I remembered it’s Jade, and she always puts out the best projects.
I play Ify, a carefree guy who’s kind of naive…I’m trying to tell you what I can without giving away too much. He’s surrounded by love from his family and friends in Isale Eko, but bad things happen to him as a result of his naivety. He’s just a guy trying to navigate life on the streets.
What was the most challenging part of shooting the film?
I won’t spoil it for anyone, but a very emotional scene in the movie really got to me. I didn’t have any lines or anything, so I just had to be present and listen to all the other actors perform. They were saying these really heavy things and giving striking performances that I didn’t know when I started getting emotional.
You’ll know this scene as soon as it comes up in the movie, but omo, it was the toughest scene for me to shoot throughout our production.
Making music is one thing, but I’m curious about what you learn about yourself when you attempt to become someone else as an actor
So one of the major personality traits I realised I shared with my character was that we’re both carefree. Outside of that, acting in Gangs of Lagos allowed me to do things I wouldn’t do as Chike and understand how life would be different if they were my choices.
Source: Greoh Studios
I got to see different parts of myself as a person. Could my life have gone differently, or could I have ended up as the guy I’m playing if my choices were different? But the most exciting thing about acting is I can do the wildest things and not get judged for it because it’s not real life. It’s not every job that gives you the freedom to be someone completely different every time.
Talking about music, what was going through your mind when you made your 2022 album, The Brother’s Keeper, especially after the success of 2020’s Boo of the Booless
I was a completely different artiste when I made Boo of the Booless. I know a couple of people knew me before the album, but it’s not like I had an existing fanbase or anything like that. But then the album came out, and things changed. Making a new album, I knew millions of people would be listening, and it could’ve either made me bold or scared. But all I knew was I couldn’t stop. I needed to make music.
I didn’t consciously try for The Brother’s Keeper to be different. It was just a more confident album because I became a more confident artiste making it. People knew my music now. It wasn’t just friends and family telling me, “You’re a good singer. One day, you go make am.”
Nigerians love music that’ll make us dance even when it’s sad — look at Burna Boy’s Last Last and Omah Lay’s Soso. But you tend to make stripped-down emotional songs about hurt, love and fame. Why do you gravitate towards songs like that?
I read somewhere that it’s important to write what’s true to you, and that’s what I try to do as an artiste. I make sure I write down experiences and situations peculiar to me. I call my music “afro-stories” because my songs are my stories. For example, Please is about the fear that not all good things last. I could have a good run right now as a performer, but who knows how long it’ll last? So Please is just me praying, “Make my own no spoil”.
If my song is not about how I’m feeling now, it’s about what I felt before or how I’d react to a situation I’ve heard of. I don’t doubt that the music I’m making will find an audience. I’d have quit by now if I had doubts. My ultimate goal is to make music that’s realistic to me.
Help me understand why this album is called The Brother’s Keeper. Who is this brother? What is he keeping? And where can I find it? Three questions, but you get my gist.
Source: Chike
People think it’s the album’s theme, but it’s not. The title was more of a representation of who I’d become as a person, not necessarily about the songs on the album. I’m my brother’s keeper, so the album is a: “The Brother’s Keeper presents you with these songs”, not “These songs are about being your brother’s keeper”.
The remix of Spell with Oxlade is out right now. What inspires your collaborations?
Collaborations are always about the music for me. What can I do to make this song better? If I can hear someone on a song in my head, I’ll reach out and try to get them to jump on it. Going with an artiste who elevates my song is the first and last step in deciding on a collaboration for me.
Interestingly, I didn’t go after Oxlade for the remix of Spell. Oxlade is my guy, and we share the same producer. He heard the song at our producer’s place and decided to do something on it. He called me after and told me about it. My team and I loved his input. This was before the album even dropped. But we held on to the remix because I wanted to release it later. I have a thing for extending the lifespan of my work. LOL.
What’s next for our brother’s keeper?
I’m still determining, but we might make a video for Enough and put that out soon. I’ll put out new music if we don’t do that.
Another album?
Abeg o. I said I’ll put out new music. I didn’t say “album”. New music could be a single. Last last, everyone will get new music.
Yes, Vin Diesel is great at lying to us that cars can fly in the Fast and the Furious movie series, but has he ever had to challenge spirits in the evil forest like Gentle Jack?
We all know The Rock kills it playing the same character lost in a bush over and over again in Jurassic World, Jungle Cruise and Journey 2: The Mysterious Island, but can he fight while speaking in an untraceable accent like Hanks Anuku? The answer is “No”.
Here are some of Old Nollywood’s finest action stars I believe would give Vin and Dwayne a run for their money.
Gentle Jack
Before all the men in Lagos started to look like bouncers because of iFitness, Gentle Jack was the biggest guy I’d ever seen. This man looked like a pro WWE wrestler with arms the size of an average person’s head. Don’t believe me? See it for yourself:
Gentle Jack was one of Nollywood’s biggest action stars based on movies like Vuga and Rescue Mission that showed his ability to switch from village hero to modern gang leader with ease.
Sam Dede
We can’t talk about Nollywood without mentioning the anti-robbery film, Isakaba. It’s also impossible to talk about Isakaba without stanning the film’s leading man, Sam Dede. This man invented the word, “Zaddy” — please, argue with yourself.
Over two decades later, Sam Dede is still fighting criminals and kicking ass in Jadesola Osiberu’s Brotherhood. A forever fave.
Saint Obi
If Old Nollywood ever made a Bond movie, Saint Obi would’ve been James. Saint Obi was one of those actors who could beat your ass in one minute wearing this fit:
Then, show up the next minute dressed like one of those “aspire to perspire” motivational speakers:
This is the versatility I stan. When last did you see Vin Diesel in a suit?
You know a character is up to no good when he’s played by Hanks Anuku. Fear the character some more when you hear he just got back from the “states” but has an untraceable Ameringlish accent.
Even though he was terrifying AF, something about his acting (and accent) made even the most serious scenes feel comedic. He was like, “I’ll blow your brains out, but at least, you’ll die laughing.”
JT Tom West
JT Tom West was the ultimate villain in the Nollywood hostage film, State of Emergency. Not only did JT’s looks and acting embody his characters, his name literally sounds like it belongs to a random CIA agent on 24 or Quantico.
JT was a no-nonsense action star ready to waste anyone who wasted his time. No forgiveness or mercy unlike the guys in Fast and Furious.
Chidi Mokeme
Nothing is more satisfying than when one of your faves finally gets the flowers they deserve by entering the Gen Z cool book. Chidi Mokeme recently had that moment after playing Scar on Netflix’s Shanty Town.
But before he played the gang leader and human organ trafficker who also happens to be a polyglot, Chidi Mokeme was a renowned action star in Old Nollywood thanks to films like Bad Boys with Saint Obi and His Majesty with Kanayo O. Kanayo. Action star or not, Chidi was also a big time Nollywood lover boy:
McMaurice Ndubueze
Is it really a campus cult movie if McMaurice Ndubueze isn’t roaming up and down, terrorising everybody in sight?
While all the other action stars on this list intimidated people by throwing hands or shooting guns, McMaurice’s power is in his ability to threaten his victims until they piss themselves. His facial reactions to his gang members’ or victim’s stupidity also live rent free in my head.
Sometimes, you don’t know how special a movie is until you look back at it 20 years later, and go, “Omo, this film is a classic.”
While it’s easy to talk about the best films of the year, this article is about the movies we’ll look back at a decade from now with a newfound appreciation for just how iconic they are.
Eyimofe
Eyimofe is about life in Lagos, and it doesn’t glamorise or gloss over the realities of the average Lagosian (who doesn’t have an influential last name, access to funds or connections in the city). It’s the poignant story of two Nigerians and their very different journeys to japa from Nigeria and escape its wahala. I can already picture students studying and writing about this movie when millennials start using walking sticks.
The Lost Okoroshi
A man wakes up and realises he’s now a masquerade. This is the insane plot that drives Abba T Makama’s The Lost Okoroshi, and as ridiculous as it sounds, he manages to make it work. I refuse to spoil the movie, but watch it with an open mind and you’ll get why generations to come will look back and say, “WTF?” but in a good way.
The Wedding Party
The film that started Nollywood’s obsession with ensemble comedies. A hilarious cast of old and new Nollywood players? Check. Two leads with chemistry so hot they actually married in real life? Check. Sola Sobowale and Ireti Doyle dragging each other? Double check. The Wedding Party was, and still is, THAT GIRL.
Lionheart
Lionheart, Genevieve Nnaji’s love letter to Enugu, is one of the most beautifully shot Nollywood films ever. Genevieve replaces overcomplicated storylines and unnecessary characters with a simple story about a woman willing to do anything (including work with her hilarious but annoying uncle) to ensure her family’s legacy is protected. Lionheart was everything and more.
King of Boys
A film about a female mob boss who has all the male politicians shook and panicking? Eniola Salami of King of Boys was girl-bossing, gate-keeping and gal-gadot-ing all over a fictional Lagos, and the audience rooted for her all the way. Until someone does a better crime mob project, King of Boys will go down as Nollywood’s The Godfather, and that’s on period.
Juju Stories
Juju Stories isn’t just a movie but a full-on experience. Divided into three parts, it covers three different scary AF stories that’ll shake you to your core and make you second guess eating yam ever again. A nod to Nollywood’s unhinged juju-inspired films era, this is one horror project people will still talk about years from now.
You can be a successful woman killing it in all aspects of your life, and everyone will still focus on whether or not you have a marital home to return to. This is the story of Dakore Egbuson’s Isoken. Before Jadesola Osiberu started producing films with bombs and car chase scenes, she made this cute-ass romcom. And it worked so well, it’s still the standard six years later.
Up North
If you’ve endured life in an NYSC camp in a remote town, then you’d relate to the struggles of Banky W’s Bassey in Up North. Bassey, a proper ajebo, experiences the culture shock of a lifetime when he’s posted to Bauchi and has to get used to life there. Up North shows a different side of northern Nigeria the media has drowned out with negative coverage.
The Delivery Boy
A suicide bomber has a chance encounter with a prostitute trying to raise money for her brother’s surgery. What could go wrong? The Delivery Boy was one of the best films of 2018, anchored by Jammal Ibrahim’s brilliant performance. His breakout role as Amir makes me wonder why he isn’t in more films. Also, Nollywood needs to make more thrillers about actual social issues.
Fifty
Before The Wedding Party or Chief Daddy, there was Fifty, EbonyLife’s first foray into films. It follows the complicated lives of four women turning 50. From infidelity and abuse to having sugar babies, this film was nuanced and intentional, covering many relatable topics. The only issue is they hoped to convince us Dakore Egbuson, Nse Ikpe Etim, Omoni Oboli and Iretiola Doyle were in their 50s back in 2015. How?
The Meeting
Rita Dominic as an Abuja secretary who’s the author and finisher of everyone’s contract-chasing dreams? Inject it. Even though the central love story between Linda Ejiofor and Femi Jacob’s characters dragged out for too long, Rita Dominic’s performance carries the film like Agege bread from start to finish making it one of Nollywood’s funniest movies of all time.
For Maria: Ebun Pataki
For Maria: Ebun Pataki saved Nollywood in 2022, when everyone was dragging the industry for another disastrous ensemble comedy. Delving into the rarely spoken about subject of postpartum depression, the film started a serious conversation on and offline.
Are you the type that stands in front of the TV while screaming frantically? Or do you only watch shows long after everyone has slept? This quiz knows the answer.
If there’s one thing men will do, it’s stain your white. While real-life Nigerian men get dragged all the time, I think the worst type are the ones we’ve seen in Netflix Nollywood movies. For anyone who thinks I’m exaggerating, let’s do a quick rundown of some of these men to educate you.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: This man couldn’t stand up to his mother to protect the woman he loves. Does Prince Harry have two heads? It’s hard to fall for a mama’s boy, so Raj’s game is non-existent.
Timini Egbuson as Nonso in Dinner At My Place
Crime: He was stupid enough to allow his ex-girlfriend to crash the proposal he planned for his new girlfriend. I’d understand if the proposal was in a public place. But, sir, in your house? And she even swallowed the engagement ring.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: Yeah, it’s clear Nonso can’t keep a home. I don’t see a man who puts an engagement ring in food having enough game to seduce anyone. I just don’t see it.
Tobi Bakre as Andy in Sugar Rush
Crime: Stealing money from his ex and making her chase him around Lagos for it. Yes, I know she stole the money too, but I’ll always support women’s rights and wrongs, so let’s focus on Andy.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: He looks like he’s just good for fornication, so as long as your legs are closed, you’ll be safe.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: This man rebranded from discount Fela Kuti to discount Chris Okotie with nary a game in sight. We’ll be fine.
Kenneth Okolie as Deji in The Royal Hibiscus Hotel
Crime: Making the daughter of the owner of the hotel he’s about to buy and destroy fall in love with him. And yes, he made her fall in love with him by answering the door shirtless and being super tall. Why couldn’t he throw on a shirt or something? Very whorish behaviour if you ask me.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: Hmmm. Anyone who’s seen that shirtless scene knows that the mind might be strong, but the flesh is weak.
Swanky JKA as Nnamdi in Living in Bondage: Breaking Free
Crime: Dating when he knows he owes his cult a human head. Why couldn’t he remain single? This man dragged an innocent babe into his Tony Umez mess because of love. Eww.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: An Igbo man with a sweet mouth? RIP to whoever falls victim.
Crime: Being a self-absorbed boyfriend who tries to change his girlfriend, knowing full well she’s a grown woman with agency over her life. That’s just douchebag behaviour.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: Osaze might be a trash boyfriend, but he’s sleek, fine and has connections. Yes, we might lose small focus. Just small sha.
Chris Attoh as Umar in Flower Girl
Crime: Breaking up with his girlfriend after promising to propose to her as soon as he gets promoted. This babe was already planning their wedding, and he just said, “Aired DFKM.”
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: It’s Chris Attoh. I’m sorry, there’s nothing else to say. It’s Chris Attoh *insert heart eye emoji x 100*
Wale Ojo as Kunle in Fifty
Crime: Cheating on your wife is wrong, but cheating on your wife with someone she already has beef with? Kunle in Fifty was a trash husband, but the writers tried to make us root for him because his wife was self-absorbed, and he was cheating for love. Sir, with all due respect, geddifok.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: He’s a middle-aged Yoruba man with Wale Ojo’s face and a ton of money. My dear, how does that song go again? O ti lo.
Stan Nze as Ahanna in Rattlesnake: The Ahanna Story
Crime: Abandoning his girlfriend for another woman and the soft life in Abuja. This man started a robbery gang, set them up then moved to Buhari’s backyard for a good time. That’s savage AF.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: If he could convince those grown-ass men to give armed robbery a chance, there’s a high chance he could convince us to take off our underwear. Just saying.
Oris Erhuero as Sunday in A Sunday Affair
Crime: How can you cheat on your wife at your brother’s wedding then sleep with the best friend of the woman (your brother’s sister-in-law, by the way) you cheated on your wife with? We need to bring back shame because it’s clear Sunday, AKA Community D, had none of it. Nothing in his head, just fornication and vibes.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: The man drives a Porsche, has a seductive Christian Grey accent and uses words like “Consortium”. No wonder Uche, Toyin and their sponge wigs fell on the floor for him. Ladies, you deserved better, but honestly, I get it.
Taiwo Obileye as Chief Daddy in Chief Daddy
Crime: This man cheated on his wife with multiple women then forced her to live with them and their children using financial manipulation. Nah, Chief Daddy was evil if we’re keeping it 100. It’s one thing to cheat on your wife, but to score away goals from Lagos to London? Even Abraham in the bible didn’t take his “Father of all Nations” title this seriously.
Chances of us falling for his bullshit: It’s clear Chief had game. It can just be his money that pulled baddies across different age groups to him. He was a pure manifestation of Yoruba demonry, so no one stood a chance.
You’re in love and in a happy relationship? How does it feel to be God’s favourite? As if you didn’t already have the gift of someone who’ll listen to you talk about how you want to deck your manager, we’ve decided to give you a list of K-dramas you should watch when you remember just how much you love your significant other.
Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha
Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha is one of those cute love stories that has the main characters falling in love in like the first two episodes, so you know it’s real. It’s 16 episodes short, and every time Hye in and Du Sik smile at each other, you can turn it into a game and kiss your partner.
I won’t lie this is a heavy watch, but at least, you won’t have to watch it alone. It’s Okay to Not Be Okay goes deep into what dating with mental illnesses is like and how love doesn’t work without trust and connection. Starring Kim Soo-hyun, Seo Ye-ji and Oh Jung-se, this drama follows the life of an antisocial writer and a psych ward caretaker whose lives intertwine. It’s also 16 episodes too short.
What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim
In this movie, a capable personal assistant decides to quit her job. But instead of her self-centred and childish boss to let her go, he falls in love with her. Add the rich boy trope, a cute backstory of them meeting as kids and some extremely cliche love scenes, and this is a recipe for the perfect movie night with your SO.
Twenty-Five Twenty-One
Love is love, even if it’s from the point of view of teenagers who didn’t even end up together. This series beautifully depicts the life of Baek Yi-jin and Na Hee Do, a fencer and a reporter who fall in love at 18 and 21. It’ll help you reminisce young love and you might cry a lot because of how wholesome both characters are, but it’ll be worth it.
Love in the Moonlight
Personally, I watched this series for Park Bo-gum’s smile, but don’t be like me. It follows a troublemaking prince and his eunuch/political counsellor, who unknown to him, is a woman dressed as a man. Of course, they fell in love, and it’s too cute, so have your tissues on standby.
Business Proposal
At least once in your lifetime, a friend must’ve set you up with a rich romantic interest. No? Well, we can’t all be Meghan Markle. Ha-ri’s friend did it differently though; she used her to trick her prospective groom into ending their engagement, but the man fell in love. Then he turned out to be her CEO of the company. Expect cliche scenes en masse but stay for the humour.
Our Beloved Summer
You can just tell when a woman wrote a romantic drama for women. Our Beloved Summer meets and exceeds all expectations. Sometimes, you love someone, but love is not enough, so you must take a step back and grow as an individual before reconnecting again; Choi Woo-sik and Kim Da-Mi’s characters understood that. They filmed a documentary together in high school, which was how they fell in love, but they had to wait ten years for the love to take off. It’s cute, the characters are adorably awkward, and all the longing might make you faint.
Crash Landing on You
No romantic K-drama list can be complete without this series. It revolves around a South Korean heiress who accidentally lands in North Korea and is rescued by a North Korean soldier. Naturally, they fell in love, then the actors fell in love off-screen, and then, we fell in love with them.
Tanzania’s rapidly growing ‘Bongo’ film industry is going full steam ahead, with British actor, Idris Elba, planning a major studio in the country.
British actor Idris Elba plans to open a major film studio in Tanzania after holding initial talks with President Samia Suluhu Hassan.
Tanzanian’s Director of Presidential Communications, Zuhura Yunus, recently made this announcement during a media briefing session on the outcome of President Hassan’s trip to the 53rd World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.
“The president met with Idris Elba and his wife Sabrina, and they are keen to invest in a film studio in Tanzania,” said Yunus.
“Discussions on the project have just begun, and if successful, the project will help not only Tanzania but also Eastern and Central Africa,” she added.
Elba, who was born in Britain to a Ghanaian mother and a Sierra Leonean father, has previously spoken about his plans to help develop the film industry on the continent.
“Young Africans view me as a leader or a beacon. And I feel like I could bring something. So I’m keen to bring what I’ve learned in media and amplify it in Africa,” he told South Africa’s SA People in August last year.
And while this recent news is a shot in the arm for the country, Tanzania has worked hard over the years to package and position its film industry for international success.
Despite having low budgets and limited production skills and equipment, the country’s filmmakers have matured the local ‘bongo’ films to rival Nigeria’s Nollywood and Kenya’s Riverwood.
In September 2021, Vuta N’kuvute made history by becoming the first Tanzanian feature film to screen at the Toronto International Film Festival. It has also been screened at various festivals in Germany, South Africa, the USA, Brazil, Switzerland and Tanzania.
The Swahili film, which tells the story of a young woman whose romance blossoms on the back of a political revolt woman during the final years of British colonial Zanzibar, won the Tanit d’Or at the prestigious Carthage Film Festival in Tunis.
It also took home four awards at the 18th edition of the Africa Movie Academy Awards, held in October 2022 in Lagos. It won the Oumarou Ganda Prize for Best Fiction at FESPACO 2021 and the Special Jury Prize at the Seattle International Film Festival 2022.
The most significant success for the film, however, came in September 2022, when it became Tanzania’s official entry for the Oscars 2023 Academy Awards under the Best International Feature Film category.
“The future of Tanzanian cinema is finally in our hands. A wave of Swahili filmmakers is growing every day with pride, intelligence and boldness,” said Amil Shivji, the film’s co-producer.
Tanzania also saw three of its films streamed on Netflix in 2022, marking a great start in the international market. Binti, produced by Angela Ruhinda, became the first Swahili movie streamed on Netflix, followed by Bahasha and Nyara: The Kidnapping (2020), respectively.
But Tanzania’s prolific film industry did not start with the Bongo films and movies in the early 2000s.
The industry dates back to 1961 when the government of the new nation of Tanzania established the Government Film Unit in 1963, the Tanzania Film Company in 1968, and the Audio Visual Institute in 1974.
These institutions produced, distributed, and exhibited films, albeit films that propagated the Ujamaa socialist policies of president Julius Nyerere’s government.
Over the years, the government has continued to support the film industry with incentives and new regulations.
The Tanzania Film Board, in October 2022, embarked on a programme to coordinate the production of films with local strategic content featuring the country’s richness in several avenues to market the country’s attraction.
“We want a vibrant and aggressive film industry,…we are training the local producers to enhance quality, competitiveness and national identity films,” said the film board’s executive secretary, Kiagho Kilonzo.
The government also reduced filming permit fees to help filmmakers produce high-quality movies. According to the new regulations, filmmakers pay US$21 to get a filming permit, down from the previous US$215.
Non-profits like the Zanzibar International Film Festival, established in 1997, have also continued promoting Tanzania’s film industry.
The annual festival screens approximately 70 domestic and foreign productions and hosts capacity-building sessions for upcoming filmmakers, including workshops, masterclasses, debates and network events.
In a 2021 report, the UN cultural agency, UNESCO, revealed that Africa’s film and audio-visual industries could create over 20 million jobs and contribute US$20 billion to the continent’s combined Gross Domestic Product (GDP).
Market and consumer data company Statista says that Africa produces about 5,500 films per year, of which Tanzania manages around 500 yearly.
According to the Tanzanian Minister of Culture, Arts and Sports, Mohamed Mchengerwa, the country has at least 30,000 people employed in the filmmaking business, and the entertainment and arts industry contributes at least 19.4 per cent to the economy.
Have you ever watched a Nollywood film or show and thought: “Why is this character so familiar?” You’re not alone.
From men who can’t handle the consequences of their blood money rituals to marine spirits who trap and steal men’s destinies after sex, these Nollywood characters are practically the same, but in different fonts. Fun fact: some are played by the same actors.
Ini Edo in Shanty Town and Sharon Ooja in Oloture
Description: The “employee of the year” candidate who’s willing to risk their life by going undercover to expose a dangerous underground crime syndicate. She can flawlessly switch from queen’s English to South-South pidgin without breaking a sweat. She may or may not know how to fight; you’ll just have to find out.
Dakore Egbuson in Isoken and Damilola Adegbite in Before 30
Description: The posh Lagos babe who’s highly successful, but no one cares because she doesn’t have a man yet. Her fashion game is on point, and she probably went to Queen’s College, but her mother only sees her as a miserable spinster.
Nadia Buari in Beyonce vs Rihanna and Genevieve Nnaji in Games Women Play
Description:The delusional girl who thinks the world revolves around her but ends up losing her man in a bet to a babe she thought was beneath her.
RMD in Shanty Town and Banky W in Sugar Rush
Description: The scary mob boss who can catch a bullet with his bare hands. He bathes in a pool of blood, but since I don’t have evidence, I’ll add “allegedly” so they don’t come for me.
Kate Henshaw in Blood Sisters and Patience Ozokwor in everything before she gave her life to Christ
Denola Grey in The Bling Lagosians and Zainab Balogun in The Wedding Party
Description: The party planner with the thick British accent whose razzness only comes out to play when they’re desperate. They’ve packaged themselves to the point that it’s hard to tell if even their name is real or made up.
Scar in Shanty Town and Makanaki in King of Boys
Description: The tatted-up bad guy we find sexy and terrifying at the same time. You want him to choke you sexually, but you’re scared he might take it too far. He’s also ready to betray anyone to get what he wants. No hard feelings.
Bimbo Ademoye in Breaded Life and Bimbo Ademoye in Back Up Wife
Description: The funny village girl who can’t really speak English but ends up winning over the male lead with her charm and unassuming personality.
Regina Askia in Highway to the Grave and Ndidi Obi in Nneka the Pretty Serpent (Original)
Description: The marine spirit turned high-class babe who traps and torments men with her pumpum. Please, don’t play with her because she’s always down to put someone’s destiny inside a groundnut bottle.
Ini Dima-Okojie in Namaste Wahala and Ini Dima-Okojie in North East
Description: The girl who doesn’t see race, religion or ethnicity; all she sees is love. Her family will yell and shout, but this babe will always pick her man over anything and anyone. If love nwantiti was a person.
Iretiola Doyle in Fifty and Eucharia Anunobi in every sugar mummy role
Description: The sugar mummy who’ll spoil you silly. But don’t get it twisted; she’ll mess you up the moment she sees you spending her money on small girls. Try her at your own risk because her sugar can turn to agbo-jedi at any time.
Enyinna Nwigwe in Living in Bondage and Tony Umez in Billionaire’s Club
Description: The innocent-looking guy who did blood money rituals but can’t seem to face the consequences of his actions. You can’t turn your family into asun and think they won’t haunt you from the great beyond. It’s just one of the hazards of this life you chose, sir.
If there’s one Nollywood movie that had everyone talking in 2022, it’s Brotherhood. The action thriller, which follows twin brothers (played by Falz and Tobi Bakre) on different sides of a massive heist, took over the cinemas in 2022, reminding us that Nollywood doesn’t have to make a rom-com to grab the audience’s attention.
With Brotherhood coming to Amazon Prime in 2023, I went digging for some cool random facts you probably don’t know about this banger of a film.
Brotherhood was the highest-grossing Nollywood film of 2022
In a year that big Hollywood movies like Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, The Woman King and Avatar: The Way of Water occupied Nigerian cinemas, Brotherhood still came out strong as the highest-grossing Nollywood film with ₦328.9M. As a loyal fan, is there anything for the boys? Just asking.
Brotherhood has the largest ensemble of BBNaija housemates in one film
Show me which other Nollywood film has five ex-Big Brother Naija housemates playing serious roles, not waka pass or cameos? From Brotherhood’s leading man, Tobi Bakre, to Dorathy Bachor, Dianne Russet, Boma Akpore and Seyi Awolowo, the film was packed with BBNaija star power. Ebuka should be proud of his people.
The writers of Brotherhood knew it was almost impossible to film in Nigeria
According to Abdul Tijani-Ahmed, who wrote the TV show Ricordi and co-wrote Brotherhood, he had a running joke with his co-writer, Jade Osiberu, that they’d write whatever worked for the story no matter how outrageous it sounded, and leave production to figure out how to shoot them. Fun fact: Jade was the film’s producer, so she was setting herself up. Luckily for the audience, they made that magic happen.
Brotherhood’s director is Ugandan
While many people assumed Jade Osiberu directed Brotherhood, the film was actually directed by a Ugandan filmmaker, Loukman Ali. Loukman is also responsible for The Girl in the Yellow Jumper, a gripping thriller anyone who liked Brotherhood should see ASAP.
This is the first time Falz is playing a non-comedic role
Falz speaking regular English without an exaggerated Yoruba accent? I’m here for it. While the rapper has proven himself as one of the funniest comedic actors of the moment with Jenifa’s Diaries, Quam’s Money and Chief Daddy, taking on Wale Adetula in Brotherhood marked the first time we’ve seen him play a serious role, no jokes. Hopefully, he takes on more roles like this for the culture.
Brotherhood is Jade Osiberu and Tobi Bakre’s second film together
Are Jade Osiberu and Tobi Bakre the Nigerian version of Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese? This and whether or not my soulmate has already married someone else are the two questions that keep me up at night. Before Brotherhood, Tobi and Jade worked on the 2019 action comedy Sugar Rush. They also have a third film,Gangs of Lagos, coming later in 2023.
OC Ukeje, is that you with dreadlocks?
We’ve seen OC Ukeje rock different looks and play complex roles before, but something about his character, Izra, stands out. Yes, it’s the dreadlocks (and maybe all the times I wanted to kill him myself while watching the film). This hair on OC is a major slay, and I’m here for it.
Brotherhood is the highest-grossing Nollywood action film of all time
Move over romantic comedies because action films might be coming for the Nollywood crown. Brotherhood currently occupies the sixth spot on the list of highest-grossing Nollywood films of all time, including The Wedding Party, Omo Ghetto: The Saga and Chief Daddy in the top five. Remember, this film literally came out months ago and is already this high up the list.
Brotherhood started showing in 14 African countries at the same time
It’s one thing to open your film in Nigerian cinemas, gauge the response and then start showing in Ghana or something. But when you’re big, you’re big — and Brotherhood was big. The film opened in 14 countries, a ballsy move mostly associated with big Hollywood franchises like the Marvel Cinematic Universe or Twilight.
After making audiences wait 13 whole years, James Cameron has finally graced cinemas with his presence with the sequel to his 2009 hit, Avatar.
Avatar: The Way of Water picks up over a decade after the events of the first film as we head back to the alien planet of Pandora to catch up with Jake Sully (Sam Worthington), Neytiri (Zoe Saldana) and their children, Kiri, Neteyam, Lo’ak, Tuk and Spider.
While Avatar: The Way of Water was incredible to see, you can’t help but have some deep thoughts while watching it in glorious 3D.
The moment you realise the film is over three hours long
Why is anyone making a film over three hours long in the year of our lord 2023? Bollywood is the only industry granted this right, and even Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was shorter than Avatar: The Way of Water.
Time is money, James Cameron. Don’t try this again.
The moment you realise you really should’ve rewatched part one first
Yes, I made the same mistake of thinking I’d remember everything that happened in a film I saw only once, way back in 2009. I was wrong. While it’s possible to watch Avatar: The Way of Water without seeing the original blockbuster, having a refreshed memory of what happened on Pandora before makes the entire movie experience so much better. Trust me.
The moment you realise it’s about what it’s makers did to Nigerians
White men killing natives and mining their resources for selfish reasons — can somebody grab the mic and shout “colonisation”? While the first Avatar disguised itself as a film about environmentalism, a large part of Avatar: The Way of Water’s story actually focuses on colonialism. It’s hard to watch the film and not feel a certain way about the evil white men perpetrate daily. We see you, colonisers.
The moment you realise this isn’t the Avatar: The Last Airbender remake we’ve been praying for
I believe everyone who went in expecting to see a bald boy with an arrow on his head was grossly disappointed. Next time, watch the trailer or read about a movie before you buy tickets and end up confused.
The moment you realise Avatar: The Way of Water is just Wakanda Forever but with taller blue people
Blue people who can breathe underwater, colonisers trying to mine a sacred substance for capitalism and a tribe hidden from the rest of the world. Please, tell me it doesn’t sound a lot like the premise of Black Panther: Wakanda Foreverwith Namor, the Talocans and vibranium? The big whale-like animals in Avatar: The Way of Water are called Tulkuns. Fascinating coincidence if you ask me.
The moment you realise Avatar: The Way of Water is just Titanic,but with blue people
Am I the only one who felt a weird sense of déja vu when the ship started to sink in Avatar: The Way of Water? That entire sequence, and the Sully family trying to escape, gave serious Jack and Rose vibes. Maybe I’m reading into it too much because it’s the same director, but oh well.
The moment you realise there’ll be a third Avatar film
It seems affliction will rise again next year with another possibly three-hour-long Avatar film. As a matter of fact, we still have three more Avatar movies on the way, so we’ll be visiting Pandora until the fifth one, scheduled to drop in December 2028.
The moment you realise unlike Marvel, Avatar doesn’t have an end credits scene
Did you sit through the end credits hoping another scene would pop up? Well, you’re not alone. I sat there like a fool, and honestly, I blame Marvel for spoiling us with end-credit scenes so much that we now expect them from every franchise.
The moment you realise Zoe Saldana has spent the whole of 2022 crying hot tears
After crying over her husband in From Scratch, Zoe Saldana painted herself blue and flew into the Avatar: The Way of Water world to continue wailing. When will my good sis catch a break? I’m worried.
The moment you realise maybe you don’t want kids anymore
The entire plot of Avatar: The Way of Water revolves around Jake and Neyteri’s quest to save their children from all the wahala they willingly strolled into. I couldn’t help but think of how much simpler our faves’ lives would’ve been if they had chosen to use birth control and avoid tiny blue alien babies.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is out, and I can’t keep calm about it. One of the most anticipated films of 2022, this sequel manages to be action-packed and grounded in emotion at the same time. Between the drama and fight scenes, here are some moments you might’ve missed watching Black Panther: Wakanda Forever.
Shuri and Killmonger have similar Black Panther suits
Shuri and Killmonger have a lot in common, being two people who became Black Panthers out of a desire to avenge the deaths of their loved ones. A cool move the film made to point to this similarity is seen in the design of Shuri’s suit. Just like Killmonger’s, hers has gold details, while her brother, T’Challa’s suit had silver details.
The film’s reference to Chadwick’s actual death
Chadwick Boseman’s death in 2020 was a massive surprise to his fans and most of the Black Panther cast. The actor allegedly hid his colon cancer diagnosis from everyone on set and worked through the pain. Referencing this silence in a scene between Shuri and Namor, Shuri mentions her brother “suffered in silence” and didn’t reach out to her for help until it was too late.
Ironheart and Iron Man have more in common than you think
Yes, Riri Williams is set to replace the massive iron-sized hole in our hearts after Tony Stark, a.k.a Iron Man, died in Avengers: Endgame. But did you also notice she’s a Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) student, just like Stark was, as revealed in Captain America: Civil War? Fun educational fact.
Chadwick Boseman’s real birthday makes an appearance
In a blink-and-you-’ll-miss-it moment, Wakanda Forever references Chadwick Boseman’s birthday towards the end of the film, when Okoye rescues Agent Ross. If you look closely at the plate number of the car he’s locked in, you’ll see the plate number “CB112976”, a direct reference to Chadwick’s birthday — November 19, 1976.
If your money was on The Daily Show Host, Trevor Noah, you’re absolutely correct.
Namor might signal the arrival of the X-Men
While sharing the backstory of how he became the Serpent King, Namor refers to himself as a mutant, a term that isn’t common in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But with X-Men moving into the MCU space just like Spiderman did, Namor’s statement might imply that Marvel Studios is ready to fully explore their mutant characters moving forward.
Is M’Baku a vegetarian for real?
One funny scene from the first Black Panther was when M’Baku threatened to feed Agent Ross to his children before revealing he was joking because his family are vegetarians. In Wakanda Forever, we see M’Baku eating carrots at least twice during the film, which might hint he’s actually vegetarian.
References to the upcoming Antman film
While it was cool to have actual CNN anchorman Anderson Cooper break most of the fictional news on TV in Wakanda Forever, his presence might’’ve distracted you from reading the headlines on the screen. In one scene, while announcing Queen Ramonda’s death, we can see a headline that references Scott Lang, AKA Antman, stating that the superhero is now a celebrity based on his memoir. This seems random, but since the next Marvel film is Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantomania, I doubt it’s a coincidence.
Shuri remembers M’Baku’s diss
Shuri never forgets. In a tender scene between the new Black Panther and M’Baku after her mother’s burial, Shuri reminds the towering M’Baku of the time he referred to her as a “child who scoffs at tradition”. However, things are good between them, as M’Baku advises Shuri against succumbing to her grief and thirst for revenge.
When Marvel‘s Black Panther premiered in February 2018, it was more than just a superhero movie; it was a cultural movement. In a time when audiences were getting tired of the Marvel formula of replacing creative risks with unnecessary jokes (and let’s not forget the lineup of superheroes that looked like the cast of Friends), Black Panther was visually vibrant, epic and far removed from the overly manufactured stories we’d come to know Marvel for.
Making over $1 billion worldwide, and almost ₦1 billion in Nigeria, Black Panther was a massive success. And just like everyone else, I was excited about a sequel. Then the film’s lead actor, Chadwick Boseman, passed away in 2020, leaving a massive void in the Black Panther world, and honestly, in the real world as well.
Arriving as one of the year’s most anticipated films, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever had huge shoes to fill. It had to deal with the passing of its lead character on screen, follow the Marvel formula of being bigger than its predecessor in every way possible, meet the expectation of Black people, who have placed the first one on a pedestal, and still lay the groundwork for at least two or three upcoming Marvel films/TV shows.
That’s too much for one film.
In Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, we meet the women T’challa, aka Black Panther, left behind. His sister, Shuri (Letitia Wright) is dealing with her inability to save her brother despite being one of the brightest minds in the Marvel universe. Okoye (Danai Gurirra), the ever-loyal Dora Milaje leader (who M’baku calls a “bald demon” in one hilarious scene), is focused on physically protecting her country. While Queen Ramonda (Angela Bassett), T’Challa’s mother, is forced to quickly deal with her grief, assume the throne and protect Wakanda from colonisers trying to steal vibranium.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever also introduces Namor (Tenoch Huerta), the king of Talokan, an underwater city rich in, wait for it, vibranium. After the US develops a vibranium-detecting machine that brings them close to his people, Talokan gets pissed and kills them. But that’s not enough for this demi-god who can swim and fly. He also makes his way to Wakanda and demands that Queen Ramonda bring the scientist who made this vibranium machine to him. If not, he’d be more than happy to deal with Wakanda and its people.
Namor’s introduction into the story is great, but it also sends it down a path that’s all too familiar for Marvel fans. While the first Black Panther was contained and dealt with the story of it’s main characters without the interference of the outside Marvel world, the mission to find this scientist pushes the story into the regular “we must introduce a character from our upcoming film/ TV show” pattern. In comes Riri Williams (Dominique Thorne), aka Ironheart (from the upcoming Ironheart TV show, duh).
Don’t get me wrong, I love all the Riris in Wakanda’s world, including Rihanna, but Riri Williams is introduced as the new teenage comic relief now that Shuri is too busy dealing with grief to be funny. We also spend too much time with CIA agent, Everett Ross (Martin Freeman), and his ex-wife/CIA boss, Valentina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus). Their dispute is cute but does nothing to push the story along. Also, the fewer colonisers I see on my screen, the better. The unnecessary funny scenes with these characters take away from time that could’ve been spent focusing on building Namor’s world a bit more.
We’re introduced to the Talokan city after Shuri offers herself as a living sacrifice to Namor (a guy who looks like that, I’d be a sacrifice too, for sure), but it feels brief. Outside of Namor, the other Talokans don’t feel fully developed beyond being just an army.
Another underutilised character is Aneka (Michaela Coel), who plays one of the Dora Milaje turned Midnight Angels. In interviews leading up to the film’s release, Michaela spoke about accepting the role because it helped portray a queer couple in the Marvel Universe. Outside of these interviews (which I’m sure the average audience doesn’t know about), nothing hints at Aneka and Ayo, another Dora Milaje soldier, being in a relationship. Aneka gives Ayo a peck on the head in the closing scene, but it’s a “blink, and you’ll miss it” moment. I get the “show, don’t tell” filmmaking technique, but nothing was shown here.
Compared to Black Panther, this sequel also falls short in its action sequences. While the bridge car chase scene and Okoye’s fight with the Talokans in Boston are major highs, the final fight scene feels crowded and rushed. An oversaturated fight scene is nothing new in Marvel (people of God, Endgame), but it’s almost uncoordinated here. None of the sequences blew my mind or sent a shockwave of adrenaline into my body.
That being said, my biggest gripe with Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is its failure to submit to the grief side of the story it was trying to tell. After Namor attacks Wakanda and kills Queen Ramonda in the film’s second act, Shuri is ultimately left with no one. She recreates the purple heart-shaped herb and drinks its nectar to become the new Black Panther and avenge her mother. Then she goes into the spirit world where she meets none other than Eric “Killmonger” (Michael B. Jordan), her cousin, and the villain from the first film.
Shuri being greeted in the spirit realm by Killmonger, instead of her father or mother, signals her full descent into revenge mode, the same emotion that fuelled Killmonger’s actions. Another scene that solidifies this is her decision to go with the gold-lined Black Panther suit similar to Killmonger’s, as opposed to the silver-lined T’challa-inspired suit. Despite all of this, the script refuses to let Shuri go all the way.
For someone hellbent on avenging her mother’s death, doing a full 180 degrees and dropping her spear just because she saw her mother’s ghost feels insincere. She should’ve taken more time to contemplate which part she’d take — murderer or peacemaker — especially after all the lives she risked (and lost) to get there.
Rushing Shuri’s grieving process to wrap the film up in a lovely peaceful bow doesn’t sit right with my spirit.
Minor hiccups aside, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is a brilliant film that does its best to honour the legacy of the man whose back it was built on, appease the fans and still make sure the Marvel monster machine is well fed. Major props to Angela Basset for commanding every scene she was in, Danai Gurirra for the action sequences and comedic timing, Lupita Nyong’O and Winston Duke for eating up their roles, and finally, Letitia Wright for being the new back that carries the film.
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever isn’t perfect, but then again, can any film about grief be? I don’t think so.
We all love watching Nollywood movies, but they need to retire from using some of their plots. Here are some plots that we think they should break up with.
The one where a guy bumps into a lady and she drops her bag
Then they both try to pick it up but instead of picking it up, they look into each other’s eyes for like 30 seconds, and of course, it’s love at first sight. Please, nobody has time for that in real life. Imagine this happened to you in Yaba market, will you have time to start doing “love at first sight”?
The one where the mother-in-law hates her son’s wife for no reason
This will always be ghetto behaviour. The annoying part is most of the time, she’s also a witch. Nollywood, we are on our knees. Please, let go of this plot. I’m sure everyone remembers who used to play this role.
The one where the person is barely in front of the car but the car hits them
If you don’t find this plot annoying, I don’t know what to say to you. What is that annoying sound effect they always add?
The one where the maid is having an affair with her madam’s husband
Half of the movies on Africa Magic are about how the madam was too busy with work, so her husband started having an affair with their maid who takes care of him.
The one where the prince falls in love with the poor village girl
This plot is giving Cinderella. We all know how it will end: the prince breaks up with his rich girlfriend, his family members like and marry the poor village girl, and they’ll live happily ever after.
The one where the step-mother is extremely wicked
Just like the one with the wicked in-law, this plot is old and stale.
The one where the gateman and the house girl are messing around
It’s a funny plot but it has become basic, and I think I speak for everybody when I say, WE ARE TIRED.
The one where the mothers and aunties keep disturbing their daughters and nieces to get married
We know it’s like that in real life, but Nollywood, we’re tired of watching it. Give us something different, like a plot where Nigerians start showing their politicians pepper.
Imagine your favourite shows and all the food you’ll never get to eat. I’ve compiled some amazing foods from seven shows I bet you were obsessed with at some point.
Willy Wonka’s chocolate
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was a legendary movie and if you haven’t watched it, then at least you must have heard the cool millennials talk about it. Yeah, I’m one of the cool kids and the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory is the Heaven I once wanted to go to when I die. A part of me still hopes that there’s a chance.
Scooby Snacks
Scooby-Doo and Shaggy were the OG foodies of all time. They ate a bunch of food, but the one thing I wished I could jump into the TV to taste was the Scooby snack. Didn’t you also want to know why Shaggy was so crazy about dog treats?
Seeing a talking lion from a mystical closet play a father figure was one of the high points of my childhood. I really want to know what made Edmund Pevensie ready to sell his birthright for white-coated sweets from a white witch.
Direwolf bread from Game of Thrones
There wasn’t much to see about Hot Pie, the baker at the inn. But that bread? How did it make it look so perfect when I can barely draw straight lines with a ruler?
You can’t tell me you watched SpongeBob without wondering what a krabby patty tasted like. It should be everyone’s dream to live in a pineapple under the sea eating burgers made by a cranky crab.
Donkey’s famous waffles from Shrek
Imagine a talking donkey making you fluffy waffles when you’re having a bad day.
Pizza balls from Dr Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Beyond wanting to hitch a ride to any world where I’m definitely not Nigerian, I’d like to get a taste of the pizza balls America Chavez ate while she was trying to escape impending doom. Clearly, she had misplaced priorities but I would too if I saw tiny cheesy pepperoni pizza balls.
Eggos from Stranger Things
Eggos are basically frozen waffles from the 1980s. And for someone who knew very little about the real world before escaping her psycho father, El has been obsessed with eggos since season one of Stranger Thingsand I need to understand why.
You can tell a lot about a queer person based on their favourite movies about women loving women. To save yourself from stress and eventual heartbreak, this should be on the list of first date questions. Keep reading to find out why.
D.E.B.S. (2004)
If you’ve seen and liked D.E.B.S, you’re usually the most interesting person in the room, and you know it.You mistakenly watched it as a child, thinking it was a spy movie and it guided you to the early realisation that you like women. You’re confident in a way that isn’t intimidating. Everyone thinks you’re a whore, but you’re actually in a committed relationship.
You’re that person in the community that has dated everyone’s ex. You grew up watching The L-Word and were either obsessed with Shane and grew up to be a serial heartbreaker, or you liked Jenny and write poetry for fun now. The most problematic thing about you is that you keep falling in love with straight women.
Rafiki
If you like Rafiki, you have the best taste in music, which has made you the supreme handler of the aux cord during hangouts. You believe in astrology don’t date certain star signs. You claim to hate drama, but you’re constantly at its centre. You’re willing to swim through the kiddie pool full of urine (the dating pool) as many times as it’ll take to find the one. Never change.
Handmaiden
You’re super intelligent and super intelligent and incredibly patient, which is understandable because you sat through the whole movie and had to read subtitles. You’re probably in therapy, which is good because you’re clearly going through a lot if you like Handmaiden. You’re adventurous and into kinky shit. You also lie a lot because you keep saying you watched Handmaiden for the plot. when we all know it has no plot and is basically high budget softcore porn.
But I’m a Cheerleader
You are outgoing with a good sense of humour. You make friends effortlessly, and you love a good enemy-to-lovers story. You also love drag race, but you haven’t gotten into it properly.
Carol
If your favourite lesbian movie is Carol, you only date older women for sport or as a form of self-harm. You still text your ex often and lie about it. You’ve also slept with half of your friends. These people are usually creative and can be a little eccentric, which is why people keep falling for them. You also have a wine addiction.
I am not saying you are a red flag if you like this movie, but the colour of your flag is not green. You’re all about the yearning and longing for love. You keep getting heartbroken by people who aren’t dating you. If there were an award for getting into situationships, you’d win it.
Elisa & Marcela
You say you like Elisa and Marcela because you are pretentious, and you like being the only one in the room that wants something “different” even though the only thing different about it is that it’s in black and white. You’ve also never been able to finish this movie because you only watched the sex scenes and avoided the trauma, and I stan.
The Happiest Season
The only reason anyone would like this movie is that they had a Twilight phase and are now obsessed with Kristen Stewart. Either that or you just really enjoy celebrating Christmas. You are super cute and want to do adorable things like wearing matching sweaters or making TikToks with your partner.
Prom
You don’t tell anyone you like this movie because everyone hates it, and you don’t like petty arguments. You watched this specifically for Meryl Streep because you want to date older women, but you’d never actively pursue one. You are also very romantic, and you still believe in fairytale types of love, which is precious.
Below Her Mouth
You are a baby gay. You don’t do relationships and just like to vibe, which is interesting because you also catch feelings quick. Below Her Mouth was probably your first lesbian film, and even though you’ve seen better, you’re still holding on to it. You thrive in toxic situations, and you like Blue is the Warmest Colour.
Although Hollywood-Nollywood crossovers has often seen D-list Hollywood actors playing random white people roles in Nollywood films, some Nollywood stars have actually featured in foreign productions as well.
With the internet still buzzing over the vintage Genevieve Nnaji cameo on FX’s Atlanta with Lakeith Stanfield, I thought it’d make sense to rank all the times our Nollywood faves appeared in Hollywood projects. Let’s go!
6. Omotola Jalade Ekeinde doing waka pass in Hit The Floor
I love me some Omotola, but even I was shocked by this cameo, especially after how it was hyped on social media. Back in 2013, Omotola appeared on the VH1 dance-drama, Hit the Floor alongside Akon. When I say waka pass, I mean it. She literally walked into the scene, smiled and then left like someone was chasing her. Why, sis? It’s been 10 years, but I still need answers.
5. Davido giving them vibes on Coming 2 America
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iCPo5jKuhs
I know you’re thinking, “Davido isn’t an actor.” Even though! It’s not easy to snag a spot in the highly anticipated sequel to a classic like Coming to America. Performing his hit song, Assurance, Davido was the major selling point of the film. I can categorically put it to you that Davido is the one that helped Eddie Murphy. Quote me anywhere.
4. Olu Jacobs is a young legend in The Dogs of War
I’ll say the truth and shame the devil, The Dogs of War came out in the 1980s which makes it old AF and I haven’t seen it. Either way, it’s Olu Jacobs and he’s a legend so I’m sure he killed it. The man’s diction and carriage alone are enough to make me biased. Leave matter.
3. Osas Ighodaro almost hung out with Beyoncé in Cadillac Records
Believe it or not, Osas Ighodaro and Beyoncé are best friends. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. Before moving back to Nigeria to steal our hearts on Tinsel and confuse our brains with projects like Assistant Madamand Man of God, Osas was a beauty queen trying to make it in Hollywood. She eventually appeared in 2009’s Cadillac Records alongside The Beyoncé and Gabrielle Union. It wasn’t a big role, but it’s Beyoncé, so nothing else matters and that’s on periodt.
2. Joseph Benjamin and Oprah are co-workers because of Greenleaf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeeGFUa4Bmk
Joseph Benjamin is not our mate. This man moved from hosting Project Fame to appearing on a show produced by Oprah Winfrey. He’s basically a billionaire by employment. His role as Mr. Joseph Obi on Greenleaf may have lasted for just one episode, but at least Oprah knows who he is now and homeboy has appeared on a show that airs on Netflix and Oprah Winfrey Network. Beat that!
1. Genevieve Nnaji almost steals the show in Farming
It’s Genevieve Nnaji. I don’t understand, what number did you think she’d occupy here? Even if she appeared for 00.01 seconds, she’s still getting all my attention. Luckily for me, because my queen never puts me to shame, her role in Farming carried weight. Playing the lead character’s mother opposite director Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, she had enough screen time to make a mark. Love to see it.
Watching (or getting caught watching) a sex scene with your parents is by far one of the most embarrassing things that can ever happen to anyone — regardless of your age . Most of us have been there, but sometimes it’s not our fault. We either pick a film thinking it’s wholesome or the adults themselves select a film that just leaves everyone feeling awkward when people start getting naked.
We asked these Nigerians if they could remember the first sex scene their parents saw them watching and what happened next. This is what they told us.
Titanic
— Tochukwu, 34
I was about 7 or 8 when I saw Titanic with my entire family. Titanic had just come out, and my cousin who lived in the U.K brought a videocassette of it. Everything was cool until this babe took off her jalabiya so Leonardo DiCaprio could draw her… naked! Why? What was the reason? I didn’t understand what was happening, but my mum bounced me and my siblings to our room. That was also the day I learnt the word “sex”, because when I asked my older brother what was happening, he told me that’s what the boy and girl were doing. I thought it was disgusting.
American Pie
— Amaka, 28
Remember those pirated DVDs that had like twenty films in one CD? Mehn, I was about 13 when I borrowed one that included American Pie from my classmate. He didn’t tell me what American Pie was about and honestly, I didn’t bother to ask because I just wanted to watch The Princess Diaries which was also on the CD. My mum joined me towards the end of The Princess Diaries, so when American Pie started playing next, she was seated there. The first thing you hear in that film is a girl moaning. If you see the way I jumped up and started explaining myself. LOL. I thought she would break my head, but instead, she broke the CD and followed me to school the next day to report my classmate. Honestly, she should’ve just broken my head.
365 Days
— Sandra, 22
This was a classic case of “na me fuck up”because truly, na me fuck up. My dad and I love action films, so when 365 Days showed up on our Netflix during the 2020 pandemic lockdown, we were hyped. I was 20 at the time. And In my head, I thought the girl would get kidnapped and her man would go fighting for her but alas it was “lashing” up and down. Someone was giving head in the first scene and I wanted to die on the spot. My dad just stood up and went to his room.
The guy was traumatised. Omo, me too I stood up like a good girl and went to watch the film on the laptop in my room. Both of us pretended like it never happened.
I understood what trauma meant the day my dad caught me watching Brokeback Mountain in the middle of the night when I was 16. For context, this film is about two cowboys who fall in love with each other and do the do along the way. My room didn’t have a lock and my dad didn’t knock. This man barged into my room at about 11 p.m and it’s at the exact moment the guys were about to have sex after eating hot beans (the girls that get it, get it). This was also the night I got outed because my dad refused to believe that it was just a film for me. He still thinks I’m gay, but I’ve continued to deny it.
Girls Trip
— Aduke, 27
When I asked my mum to watch Girls Trip with me, I thought cussing was the worst that could happen. I was 22 at the time. To be honest, there isn’t any graphic sex scene and it’s funny as hell, but there’s this popular Tifanny Haddish grapefruit scene that just changed everything. My mum is usually very chill with these raunchy films, but Tiffany Haddish has ruined the poor woman and I can’t blame her. I knew she was uncomfortable, but we were already invested. We finished it and she asked me if that’s what we do these days. Eww.
Basic Instinct
— Mike, 31
There was no mistake here, I knew exactly what I wanted to watch when I bought Basic Instinct at 14. My classmates were talking about it, and I wanted to feel among. I decided to watch it during my midterm break when I knew no one would be at home. Little did I know my mum had come back home to pick up something. This woman caught me and gave me the beating of the century. Even though she promised not to tell my dad, as soon as he came back, she reported like NTA news. That was the day I learnt I couldn’t trust my mum with anything. I was very disappointed.
Terminator
— Effiong, 30
I watched Terminator with my aunt and uncle sometime in the 1990s and it was just weird AF. First off, this film was marketed as an action film about a robot thingy trying to murd this babe so please tell me why people were fornicating in it? I doubt that if my aunt and uncle knew, they’d have allowed me to join them. It wasn’t a big deal, but it was just awkward and I could tell everyone just couldn’t wait for the film to be over. Oh, the torturous silence.
African authors have been in their bags with a lot of books that have been written and published in recent years. In fact, many of these books are great enough to be adapted into films, and I need the top guys to get to work before I open my eyes and count to three.
These are some books that’d make for perfect TV adaptations.
1. The Girl With The Louding Voice – Abi Dare
Adunni wants an education and a life totally different from the one she has, but her father isn’t having it. In fact, he thinks education is evil. She leaves her home, makes her way to the city, and lives in terrible conditions, until one day, her life changes in the most unexpected way. Please, the people need a film.
2. His Only Wife – Peace Adzo Medie
A cheating man isn’t a rarity in the world, but in Elikem Ganyo’s case, he’s only cheating because his mother is making him. He’s already married to the woman he loves, but his mother doesn’t like her because she wanted to have the power to control his wife. His mother picked out a wife for him, married her in the village and sent her to Accra to live with him. Now he’s torn between two very beautiful women who love him. Yes, we know it’s giving Telemundo, which is why it needs to be made into a film or TV series.
3. The Secret Lives Of Baba Segi’s Wives – Lola Shoneyin
Baba Segi’s household quickly becomes a spin-off of Fuji House Of Commotion when he marries Bolanle. He really thought he could marry a new, educated wife and his three other wives won’t show her pepper? Anyway, Bolanle’s arrival makes Baba Segi realise he’s been shooting blanks. None of the children in his household are biologically his. Also, Mama Segi is probably queer, she just never explored her sexuality.
4. My Sister The Serial Killer – Oyinkan Braithwaite
Nneka the pretty serpent has nothing on the babe in this book, and besides, Nneka needs some competition for the best killer. I support women’s rights and women’s wrongs, which is why I want to see this book made into a movie. Ayoola likes to kill her boyfriends because they’re annoying. One thing she’ll always have is her little sisters, Korede’s support. One time for female villains.
5. Stay With Me – Ayobami Adebayo
One moment, you’re living with your husband of four years, the next, someone has brought a new wife for him because you’re yet to have any kids. How far is Yejide willing to go to get pregnant and fight for her rightful spot in her husband’s house?
6. Nearly All The Men In Lagos Are Mad – Damilare Kuku
If someone said, “All the people in Lagos are kind of mad”, it won’t be a far fetched statement. Anyway, nearly all the men in Lagos are actually mad, because why would anyone keep getting married to different women in a bid to use them to make his life better. He even used one of the women to secure American citizenship. Sounds like a smart person to me, but he’s still mad.
7. A Broken People’s Playlist – Chimeka Garricks
Getting killed by a homophobic police officer for a crime you didn’t commit, only for the police officer to also be a closeted queer person sounds crazy right? It’s heavy and extremely unfair and touches on the violence queer people face in Nigeria. This book also explores love and loss. Please, we’re begging for a limited series.
HBO and co, we’ve already given you the material, it’s time for you to get to work.
Finding success in Nollywood is not beans. With the industry growing into one of the biggest in the world, almost everyone wants a taste of the lights, camera, action. But do you know what it takes to make a Nollywood romcom? Well, luckily for you, we do. To help our aspiring filmmakers, we compiled a list of things you need to make a successful Nigerian romcom. Are you taking notes?
1. Your female lead must be an IJGB with a quirky job
This is the foundation of your film. You mess this up, and your film won’t last two weekends in the cinema. What you need is a female lead who just moved back to Nigeria and has a successful career as a Sh-E-O working as an art dealer, florist or ballerina — the more unrelatable she is, the better. These jobs will also explain why she’s always at a cute café, restaurant, premiere or fashion show, as opposed to dancing to the drums of capitalism like the rest of us.
2. You’re nothing without your accents
It has to be a war of the accents. Everyone needs to be doing gbas gbos when they open their mouths. You give me American-Russian and I’ll give you Lekki-British. The only people allowed to speak like normal Nigerians are the security guards and maids — make sure their “local” accents are exaggerated and silly just so the audience can laugh at them.
3. Everybody has to be rich AF
Poverty is cute, but not for romcoms. What’s not clicking here? Even world-renowned poet, David Adeleke, once said, “Love is sweet o, but when money enter, love is sweeter.” In Nigeria, we don’t believe in poor or middle-class romance dear. How do you hope to capture all the pretty nightclubs and restaurants if your main characters don’t have excess funds to go there?
4. If your male lead doesn’t have a six-pack, cancel the film
You need a shirtless scene that’ll cause commotion in the cinema, and for this to work, your male lead must have ridges on his stomach. Please count them o! He must have a minimum of six packs because anything less than that doesn’t work. God forbid you have a regular-looking man who eats carbs after 7 p.m as your lead actor. What will people say?
5. Make sure it’s an ensemble
Romcom that’s not an ensemble in big 2022? You must be a joker. Pack as many stars as your budget can allow. Mix it up: Asaba Nollywood, New Nollywood, BBNaija alumni and Instagram skit makers. Mix all of them and put them into one pot — it doesn’t matter whether they can act or not, just put them in it. Get that bag.
6. Your love interests have to hate each other at first
He must think she’s too opinionated and full of herself, and she must think he’s a player and pretty boy with nothing in his brain. This hatred is fake though, because deep down he admires her independence, while she admires the fact that he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. Last last, all this initial gragra will end in hot fo—romance.
7. A female best friend co-worker or mother dedicated to finding the female lead some good penising
Your female lead needs ginger to go out there and find a man. Who better to provide this push than her mum or best friend. These characters must be nosy and tread the thin line between cute and annoying. They must also remind your female lead that, “A woman is like a flower,” and that she may soon have cobwebs between her legs.
8. The one dimensional male best friend
This guy’s role goes in one of two ways: it’s either he has small sense or he’s just a clown. This is where your influencer or BBNaija alumnus comes in. He exists solely to give the male lead really good or really fucking awful advice. There’s no in-between here.
9. Something must try to put sand in their love garri
Love in Nigeria is a battlefield, and to properly depict this, you have to test the love of your lead characters. Show us why they’re meant to be together, even though their chemistry is as bad as yesterday’s fried rice. Throw in family disapproval, busy careers or a wicked ex that is against their progress, and you have a great story on your hands.
10. You have to give us fashunzzz and aesthetics
Can your lead actors act? Not really, but who cares when they’re serving us back to back lewkks. Make sure your female lead never wears flats, and make sure your male lead is always in a suit even though his only destination for that day is shoprite. Distract us from the chaotic and unrealistic plot with high fashion and we’ll be okay. T for Tenks.
Encanto is the latest Disney animation to have the world in a massive chokehold. If you thought Let it Go from Frozen was inescapable in 2013, wait until you hear and become completely obsessed with We Don’t Talk About Bruno (ooooo). Centered around a family — The Madrigals — that use their magical powers to manipulate an entire village into worshipping them, it’s hard to watch Encanto and not immediately see how it could easily pass for a Nigerian story. Let’s get into it.
1. Abuela is very much a Nigerian politician
Encanto introduces us to the most problematic Disney grandma ever! Not only does Abuela gaslight her family into following her blindly, but she also puts so much pressure on them that even when she messes up, they sort of feel it’s their fault. Sounds familiar? Nigerian politicians tend to feed us their “I never had shoes” stories during elections but the moment they taste power, omo, serious one chance. They become inaccessible and untouchable. When elections come around again, they use the same power we gave them to rig and maintain the status quo. What happens during all of this? Well, Nigerians spend a lot of time blaming each other for not reading the signs. Yes, I know this is dark AF, but you can see it too, right?
2. Louisa and Nigerian first daughters are in the same WhatsApp group
This babe was literally building bridges like Bob the Builder and carrying eight donkeys on her back for random villagers just because she was the strongest daughter. It’s giving Nigerian first daughter with a dash of slavery. In Surface Pressure, one of the catchy songs on Encanto, Louisa sings about being under so much pressure, she’s literally about to explode. Girl, we get it. You need to pack your bags and escape before they make you turn semo at 2 a.m.
3. That magical candle is giving babalawo jazz
The Madrigals all get their powers from a magical candle? Haba. This one doesn’t need too much explanation and if you look at Abuela’s wickedness, the whole thing reads like a Nollywood film starring Patience Ozorkwor. The candle could easily have been chicken feathers wrapped in red satin and dipped in red oil. We’re surprised the whole village didn’t call a pastor to run a deliverance service or just pour a bottle of Ragolis on that bloody candle. It’s giving juju that went to Harvard.
4. House is in shambles, but let’s force our daughter into marriage
In Encanto, the biggest problem the family has — apart from that witch, Abuela — is the fact that their powers are dying and their house is literally falling apart. You would expect Abuela to ask the family to gather round to pray or mix cement, but, no, she’s trying to force her granddaughter into marriage. Sounds familiar? No matter the situation or trauma, one thing about Nigerians is that we must jaiye. Yes, our lives might be in shambles, but that doesn’t mean we’ll not enjoy ourselves and throw a party, abeg. Then there’s the pressure to get married part, but unpacking that trauma will require a bottle of wine and it’s too early for that.
5. Every Nigerian family has a Bruno, think about it
First off, we’re sure they put crack in that We Don’t Talk About Bruno song, because what? Music apart, the Bruno plotline is very familiar to us. Every Nigerian family has that one rebellious family member no one wants to talk about. The aunty that got divorced and refused to remarry, the cousin that dropped out of school and pierced his nose, the uncle that married someone everyone warned him not to marry, the list is endless. The weird part is, if you check on these people, they’re having a swell time, living their best life away from family expectations and pressures, so what’s the tea?
6. What will people say?
As young Nigerians, this is one question we’re used to. All you could do is breathe and a random family member is asking if you want everyone to look at you differently. This is the major driving force in Encanto — perception. Abuela doesn’t want the village to know the family isn’t perfect and that worse, they’re losing their power. Instead of addressing the problem, she places her focus on making sure everyone puts their best foot forward, publicly. Nigerian parents and Abuela are alike in this way. A majority of the issues a Nigerian parent will have with you are not based on their perception of the situation, rather, it tends to be built around what people might say about you.
2022 has been a weird year for Nollywood and we haven’t even celebrated valentines yet. Kicking things off with Chief Daddy 2, a lot has been said about the industry and the type of stories filmmakers are choosing to tell these days. Breaking out from the mold and creating a path that is uniquely theirs, female directors in Nollywood have been killing the game in an industry and country with odds stacked against them. Set to tell a wide range of stories from hustling gangs on the streets to groundbreaking remakes sure to light up the big screen, these are the female directors to watch out for this year.
Jadesola Osiberu
Since popping up on the scene, Jade has served as the brains behind one of Ndani TV’s biggest hits, Gidi Up, directed one of the few solid rom-coms Nollywood has put out in a long time, Isoken and also worn the producer hat for the 2019’s blockbuster hit, Sugar Rush and last year’s biographical drama, Ayinla.
This year, Jade is set to return back to the director’s chair with the gritty Gangs of Lagos. Starring Adesua Etomi, Tobi Bakare, Chike, Yvonne Jegede, Pasuma and the Ikorodu Boiz, this project is a complete 180 from her previous works as she delves into the dangerous lives of the gangs of Isale Eko, Lagos.
Blessing Uzzi
After many years working as a producer and directing music videos for everyone from Waje to Cobhams Asuquo, Blessing is set to make her full-length directorial debut with No Man’s Land. Shot late last year with a star-studded cast that includes Sola Sobowale, Omawunmi Dada and Seun Kuti making his acting debut, this film features a shit load of violence and guns and we’re all here for it.
Bunmi Akajaiye
You not know her name (yet), but Bunmi Akajaiye is the director behind some of our favourite projects including: Ndani TV’s Skinny Girl in Transit, Toke Makinwa and Falz’ Therapy and last year’s ad-heavy The Smart Money Woman Series. Having transitioned to film with My Wife & I starring Ramsey Noah and Omoni Oboli, Bunmi is set to take on her biggest project yet, the highly anticipated remake of Glamour Girls for Play Network and Netflix. While details surrounding the film are still under wraps, we know it’ll feature the ensemble cast of Toke Makinwa, Nse Ikpe Etim, Sharon Ooja, Joselyn Dumas and Lily Afe.
While Play Network’s remakes have been more misses than hits lately, there’s just something about this project that lifts our hopes.
Ema Edosio
Ema Edosio started out making music videos under the direction of Clarence Peters, but it wasn’t until she dropped her debut film, Kasala in 2018, that she officially caught our attention. The coming of age film followed a group of teenage boys on a chaotic trip to fix a car they “borrowed” and bashed on the way to a party. Making a comeback nearly four years later, we’re expecting to see Emma’s new film, Umuemu Eseme: The Sins of My Father, which features Gina Castel, Charles Etubiebi and Chimezie Imo some time this year.
Kemi Adetiba
This is Kemi Adetiba’s world and we’re all just living in it. She started the owambe movie trend with 2016’s The Wedding Party and as if that wasn’t enough, in 2018, she shook up the industry, introducing us to Eniola Salami in King of Boys (long as hell, but we’re used to it now). Even though she made history as the first Nigerian director with an original series for Netflix with King of Boys: The Return of the King, Kemi is currently working on a secret project. No information on when it’s coming out or what it’s about, but for now, we’ll hold on to this tweet which confirms our gut feeling that something huge is coming
After a pretty dim 2020 caused by the arrival of a global panini and a general lockdown, Nollywood seems to be getting back on its feet.
This year marked the return of massive cinema blockbusters, interesting streaming options that stole our weekends and subtle indie underdogs that might have gone unnoticed by the public. Carrying these films are actors whose performances either moved us deeply or left us unconvinced by their character’s actions, motivations and sometimes, accent.
To wrap up the year, we spoke to five Nollywood critics and enthusiasts on the acting performances that defined Nollywood in 2021.
Daniel Okechukwu, Inside Nollywood – Nonso Bassey in La Femme Anjola
Nonso Bassey’s turn in La Femme Anjola is proof that singers can be excellent actors too — after all, singing is performing. As the antihero in this Nollywood Noir, he’s both tender and lethal. He gives a thorough leading performance, made more remarkable by the fact that he was going toe to toe with an icon like Rita Dominic.
Bassey’s performance doesn’t succumb to Dominic’s, it compliments it. His performance shows an actor who can do it all if he’s pushed — he can be charming, ferocious, naughty and intense. Give him more leading roles.
Anita Eboigbe,NollywoodAnd – Ijeoma Grace Agu in Swallow
The one good thing that made Kunle Afolayan’s Swallow bearable enough to watch was Ifeoma Grace Agu’s obvious commitment to the role. Agu is not a flashy actress but she transforms into the characters she plays from Taxi Driver to Sylvia and now, Swallow. Her performance helps you get over your disappointment in the way the film turns out.
Dika Ofoma, Freelance Writer – Nengi Adoki in Juju Stories
As Joy, Nengi Adoki is as sultry as she is menacing (while looking like a deeper life babe). How did she achieve this? In the hands of a different actor, Joy could’ve been over the top, theatrical, but Adoki stays in control and keeps her restrained. Her performance helps with the mystery surrounding the character and there’s something about her eyes that just terrifies you.
Adoki’s turn as Joy is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen from Nollywood.
Ikeade Oriade, What Kept Me Up – Adedimeji Lateef in Ayinla
We can visit any Nollywood set tomorrow to hand this actor his award because I’m sure we’ll find him on every film set. Not a cloned actor, not a double, it’s just Adedimeji Lateef. He is probably the hardest working actor in Nollywood, appearing in at least five major releases of 2021.
His performance as the titular character in the critically and commercially successful Ayinla is worthy of being highlighted.
Wilfred Okiche, Freelance Writer – Jude Akuwudike in Eyimofe
It’s easy to be skeptical about Jude Akuwudike’s casting as an average low-income Nigerian in Eyimofe (This is My Desire), after all, this is an actor who has an English accent after living and working in the UK for years. However, when you meet his character, your doubts settle over time because he does a wonderful job in the role.
The way Akuwudike works with his face and body, you get to see and feel every emotion his character is navigating on-screen. The best part, his performance is very subtle and non-showy. It’s all very introspective.
Adapting a book and transferring it to the screen is no easy task. While Hollywood is known for churning out like 80 adaptations a year, Nigerian novels rarely get adapted, and even when they do, some of them make us wish the source material had been left alone. Following the success of Kunle Afolayan’s Swallow (and its many wigs) and HBO’s current adaptation of Chimamanda Adichie’s Americannah starring Lupita Nyong’o, we decided to list out some of the other adaptations we’re excited to see in the coming years.
1. The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives – Lola Soneyin
While Lola Soneyin’s debut novel has already been adapted into a critically acclaimed play starring Bimbo Akintola and Uzor Asimkpa, in 2020, EbonyLife Studio’s Mo Abudu announced that she was adapting the award-winning book in a collaboration with Netflix.
The book, which can be described as Fuji House of Commotion on steroids follows a polygamist, Baba Segi, and the chaos that unfolds when he decides to bring in a younger, more exposed woman into the family as his fourth wife. Although we don’t have a date yet, let’s just say we are super excited to see this one when it hits the screen.
Freshwater – Akwaeke Emezi
A controversial story and a pretty interesting read, Akwaeke Emezi’s Freshwater is the autobiography of an Ogbanje. Yes, you read that right. Its lead character Ada begins to manifest different alter egos and down the line, shit blows up fast (read it for the full gist). An adaptation was announced back in 2019 by FX, the American channel known for another creepy show, American Horror Story. We’re still waiting to see it, so fingers crossed.
Children of Blood and Bone – Tomi Adeyemi
There was a time when almost everybody had a copy of this book either in their hands or somewhere in their house like a piece of decoration. While the author has been known to get into a little bit of drama here and there, we’re still gassed to see the adaptation of this award-winning book. The book follows its protagonist, Zellie as she fights to restore magic to the Orisha Kingdom. Currently in development at LucasFilms—the brains behind Star Wars, this is one book that seems to be in long development hell. Anyway, we’re willing to wait.
Who Fears Death – Nnedi Okoroafor
For a country that understands the intricacies of juju, it’s funny that we don’t have a lot of books that focus on magic. Chronicling the magical journey of its protagonist, Onyesonwu, Who Fears Death is one of Nnedi Okoroafor’s best works. The science fantasy novel is set to be adapted by HBO into a television series. Why are we itching to see this? Bruh, HBO gave us Game of Thrones, so we already know this adaptation is going to be fire.
Death and the King’s Horseman – Wole Soyinka
Although Chimamanda Adichie’s Half of a Yellow Sun gave us a fictional glimpse into Nigeria’s political history, not a lot of Nigerian adaptations have touched on this. Based on a true story about the horseman of a Yoruba King who is prevented from committing ritual suicide by colonial authorities, this play has all the makings of a quality drama. Currently being shot by EbonyLife in collaboration with Netflix, this is one project we’re looking forward to, most especially because it’s one of the few being adapted by Nigerians.
Old Nollywood has given us many gems. From bird nest wigs to the bat shit violence of husband snatchers, the industry has us in a major chokehold. But if there’s one thing (honestly, there’s a lot) that stresses us about old Nollywood, it’s the way they portrayed different jobs. Here are some professions Nollywood constantly portrays in terrible or unrealistic ways:
1.Doctors:
In old Nollywood, this loosely translates to the bearer of bad news. We dare you to count the number of times you’ve seen a doctor in a Nollywood film share good news. Most of the time, they stroll into the waiting room to casually announce that they’ve “lost” the patient. Where sir? Then there’s the part where doctors suggest spiritual help, be it a pastor or an actual babalawo. How wild is that?
2. Lawyers:
If your dream of becoming a lawyer is based on a Nollywood film, then omo, you’re in serious wahaleux. Real lawyers will admit that the way it’s shown in films is nothing like it is in reality. All lawyers in Nollywood know how to do is shout “My Lord” and “Your Highness” up and down. It’s actually hilarious to watch as long as you don’t take it seriously.
3. “Into Business”
Almost every old Nollywood actor has used this line before, followed by a conversation about “containers on the high sea”. This vague ass job description is the most common role in Nollywood films. Okay, you’re into business. What type of business, dear? Are you into poultry or are you selling lace? You have to be specific. It’s almost like the writers wrote a whole story and forgot to give their lead character a job until the last minute. You and your business can geddifok!
4. Campus Slay Queen
You might not think this is a job, but to the rest of us who understand bad bitchery, this is a full-time job. Nollywood flogged this trope like it stole money from the Actors Guild of Nigeria (AGN). Old Nollywood movies made us believe the minute you enter a university in your heels and spaghetti straps, the whole campus will stop. Lies! First off, who is wearing heels to class every day? Is Nigeria not hard enough? Secondly, finding one man is a struggle, imagine finding two men who look like Emeka Ike and Ramsey Noah to fight over your heart.
5. Witches
The day the Nigerian Association of Witches (NAW) will decide to visit Nollywood, we will just sit back and laugh. While Hollywood was showing us witches reading and fighting with toothpicks, Nollywood always made its witches old and haggard. Why? Witches can be sexy too. Also, the part where all witches only worry about trapping men feels like a false narrative. We don’t have experience here at Zikoko, but something tells us Nigerian witches have bigger fishes to fry.
Netflix’ Red Notice is the long-delayed collaboration between Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Gal Gadot, and Ryan Reynolds. Since it came out, the interwebs have been buzzing with different takes on the $200million blockbuster. For the first episode of Love It/Hate It, we decided to ask Nigerians what they thought about the film.
Mirabelle
The acting was garbage. Ryan Reynolds played the role he always plays (himself) but was nowhere near convincing as a high-class thief. Gal Gadot is stunning but, MY GOD, she can’t act for shit. Then there’s Dwayne Johnson who has the acting range of an actual rock. How is it that two people who are hot as hell filmed a sexy dance scene and the scene itself ended up having the sex appeal of a Redeemed pastor in a short-sleeved suit? I loved it and hated it at the same time. It’s pretty entertaining nonsense.
Blessing
I hated it! I mean, some scenes were funny but it just didn’t give anything. It’s a movie you watch when you have nothing to do and want to kill time. I just feel bad that Wonder Woman was cast in this.
Wale
What was everyone expecting? I loved it! You saw The Rock and Gal Gadot and thought you were going to get Oscar-level acting? Abeg. I knew it wasn’t going to give, so I watched it with my bar under the third mainland bridge. It reminded me of all the worst parts of Indiana Jones but I couldn’t stop watching. Gal Gadot is fine sha!
Bukola
I can’t be the only one who was thinking “Kal El, nooooo” every time Gal Gadot appeared on-screen? Justice League ruined her for me and now that scene plays in my head every time I see her. I laughed throughout the movie but not at the jokes. The film itself was a chaotic mess and I loved it. Quick question, is Netflix doing jazz? Where are they getting the money to pay all these stars?
Sope
Would I pay to watch this attractive cast have sex? Yes. Do I regret watching them pretend to be savvy thieves? No. This felt like all the films we’ve seen before. It’s like they put The Hitman’s Bodyguard, Fast and Furious, and Keeping Up With The Joneses into one pot and forgot to add salt. I hated it!
Ekene
I am tired of seeing Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool as Ryan Reynolds as someone else. It’s exhausting! That man plays the same role over and over again. Is he not tired? Because I am.. And then there’s The Rock, In yet another film playing a police man working with one criminal to catch another criminal. What in the fast and not so furious is this film? By the way, we need to defund Gal Gadot. This affliction she calls acting keeps rising and we have to stop the evil once and for all.
Uche
The CGI in this film was so bad, it reminded me of Spy Kids. Why did they promote this film like it was going to blow our minds? I wasted time I should’ve used to fornicate or make soup on this stupid film. Do I like it? Of course not!
Austin
First of all, I know this film will have a sequel. You people have hate-watched it to the point that it broke a record. I know, I watched it too. Netflix has too much money because tell me why they hired three actors who can’t even act? Do they think we’re mugs? I wouldn’t even recommend this to my worst enemy.