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They say that one of the strongest things in the world is the prayer of a mother. However, there are some things greater. Here are nine things the prayer of a mother can’t stop.
1) The wickedness of an Igbo woman
Come rain, come sun, an Igbo woman will always be wicked. If your mother likes, she should have God’s direct phone number, this phenomenon will never stop. You just have to learn to embrace it.
2) Surge
There are two things that you are 100% sure will happen. The first is that Nigeria will think of a new way to frustrate you, and the second is that there will be a surge when you want to order a ride. Mothers should not even bother praying for the surge to stop because it is one of the many principalities and powers we can never win against.
3) The rise of dollar
It seems as if whatever powers are working to keep the dollar rate very high is winning this spiritual battle against prayerful mothers. Every two to three business days there’s some increase in the exchange rate. At this point, maybe there is a sacrifice we are to make so it will stop.
4) The lies of a Yoruba man
Your mother might be praying for you in her house, but that Femi is on the phone whispering lies into your ear. Maybe it’s because mother’s are not specific enough with their prayers? Maybe next time they should call the men’s names and PRAY.
5) Lekki floods
Maybe because the marine spirits in Lekki are stronger than our mother’s prayers, that’s why. So long as rain falls, Lekki will flood. Why? Because praying mothers will not create a functional drainage system.
6) Lagos traffic
Another principality that praying mothers can never end is Lagos traffic. In fact, it seems as though some of them have their prayer sessions while stuck in traffic.
7) Getting your heart broken
All of us will chop this breakfast of heart break together, and nothing will stop it. No matter how many prayers are uttered on your behalf, your heart will be broken. The only thing your mother’s prayers can do is either delay it or soften the blow.
Nothing can stop IJGBs from coming back. Even in 2020 with Corona virus, they came back. What makes you then think that mother’s prayers can stop them? All you can do is just prepare yourself for their inevitable return.
Most young people want their parents to be proud of them, a lot of us appreciate validation when it comes from the people we love the most and look up to. For this piece, we asked a few young people to share different reasons why their parents are not proud of them.
Toun, 20
Image used for descriptive purpose.
I am the only child of a first son and I always feel like I am not doing enough. My parents don’t voice that they aren’t proud of me, but I know. My parents don’t know me and it feels like I am constantly hiding around them. They think I’m a straight Christian and that’s the part of me they like. It’s obvious that my parents are proud of the side of me that gets promoted at work and gets good grades, but they disregard the side of me that’s living with depression, anxiety and is gay.
I live in fear because I am always hiding even when I want them to see every side of me and be proud of me regardless I don’t know how long I am going to hide the side they are not happy with. It’s worse that I can’t talk to them about what I am going through because they’ll make it about themselves and not me.
Habibah, 25
I’ll share 2 instances.
I don’t have a 9-5 yet, so I run a business. My Mum doesn’t like that I run a business instead of working a 9-5, but I do it because I don’t want to be idle. She has also mentioned learning a skill, but I’m not interested in any of those things. She doesn’t hesitate to shade me with this from time to time about my unemployment. I’m trying to learn some non-coding ways of getting into tech.
One time, we were on our way to see my other Grandpa and she asked “What will I say you are doing if he asks what you’ve been up to since you graduated?”. I was shocked by her question because I don’t know if my business is a joke to her.
Another one, she went with her friend to her daughter’s convocation. She got back and didn’t stop talking about how the girl made her Mum proud and how their whole family attended. She said she was so impressed. Then she concluded it by saying I probably didn’t go for mine because I graduated with very bad grades.
PS: I didn’t attend my convocation because I was in Lagos then. I thought that it was unnecessary to travel to my school which was outside Lagos.
Jumoke, 25
My dad was very abusive to all of us and I got the brunt of the abuse. I was a very curious child and my dad hated it. I am plus size and it was obvious my dad hated that too. He’d go out with my brothers and show them off, but I didn’t let that get to me.
My parents split up when I got into university and my father immediately disowned me. I studied law in university, hoping that it would help me get his attention he didn’t reach out all through my time in university and had finished law school by the time he reached out trying to mend our relationship.
I haven’t gotten the great job he hoped I’ll get right out of law school and it’s quite obvious he isn’t proud of who I am right now. My dad is a boastful person and I have not yet given him a reason to fully boast yet.
Sade
I have a strong personality and a pretty face so although I have A sized boobs with a small bum(flat chest and flat ass), I still get a ton of attention from guys. My mum has a problem with my body though, one would think it should be the opposite, but I get a lot of demeaning looks from her. She hates that I’m flat-chested and not tall.
She always points it out when we are visiting people or when she sees other girls my age with big or medium breasts and she has gone as far as suggesting I buy breast enlargement products. We ended up buying it for 50k and it didn’t work at all. I told her before that those things don’t work but she didn’t listen but I’m happy she did it and would finally let the breast enlargement products rest.
I’m still not insecure about my body because I get attention from both guys and girls. In fact, I tend to shy away from attention.
I’m my own source of strength and so it drains me when people try to project.
The subject of this week’s What She Said is an 18-year-old girl who says her mother hates her. She talks about the death of her father, and the abuse she’s had to endure at the hands of her mother and ex-boyfriend.
What’s your earliest memory of your childhood?
When I was two years old, I wasn’t able to eat regular food. I only ate pap, which had to be in a feeding bottle. My nursery school teacher at the time thought it was because my parents couldn’t feed me, so she fed me noodles. After eating, I vomited.
When my daddy came to pick me up, I told him and he stormed into the school and reported the teacher to the owner. I didn’t mean to put the teacher in trouble, but I told my dad everything.
You and your dad must be close.
Yeah, we were. He was my hero.
Was? What happened?
He passed away when he was 86. I was 16. One morning after he woke up and we bathed him, he went back to bed because he was weak. We sat by him and soon after, he passed.
I miss him so much. Before he died, when he was about 80 years old, he couldn’t eat by himself so he needed to be fed. I was the one who fed him. After he died, it became difficult for me to eat alone.
He protected me from my mum for as long as he could.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Why was he protecting you from your mum?
My parents had different ways of raising and disciplining children.
If I was disobedient, she would flog me with a cane or use a water hose. Around the time I turned 11, she switched to hot water and pepper.
She would put pepper in my eyes, vagina and hands. Sometimes she mixed the pepper with hot water. The older I grew, the worse it got.
I’m so sorry that happened.
When I was 16, there was this girl on our street who always changed her phone. One day, my mum asked her how she changed her phone so often because she lived with her aunt and not her parents. The girl said she has numerous boyfriends who bought her these phones.
After she left, my mom said, “is that not your mate that has men who give her money and buy phones for her. All you know how to do is sleep with boys for free.” And from that day on, the torment got worse. She started expecting me to foot bills in the house.
I couldn’t because I had just gotten into uni. I didn’t have a job or anything. It was around this time I met my 25-year-old ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was smooth for sometime until he met my family and problems started.
When you say family…
My mother and my younger sister. My step-siblings are older, so they don’t live with us. They’re the children from my father’s first marriage.
My younger sister outgrew my mother’s treatment and started siding with her to hurt me. They frustrated me so much.
My sister tried breaking my then boyfriend and I up. She messaged him on Facebook and told him she saw me sending nudes to my male best friend. It was all a lie, but he didn’t believe me. When I reported her to my mother, she told me to forget about it.
My ex stopped trusting me. He would monitor my chats, calls, outings, and my mother allowed it.
I wasn’t allowed to have either male or female friends, and I was only allowed to go to his house. Anything he didn’t allow me to do that I did in the presence of my mum and sister, they’d tell him.
When the lockdown happened, I wanted him to end the relationship. He used to say horrible stuff to me. I was so tired. I kept cheating, but he wouldn’t leave.
My mother’s friend told her that he’s the only one that can control me, so the relationship can’t end. My mother told me I wasn’t allowed to end it.
There was a time he even flogged me with a cane.
He did what?
One time at home, he insulted my mother because of an incident with a missing card. When he left, I called him and insulted him as well.
The next day, he came to my house with four canes, left them in the garage of our house and came to meet me in my room. He told me to repeat what I said on the phone.
I knew he was angry, and I felt trapped. When I tried to leave, he pushed me and my phone fell. When I tried to pick up my phone, he started dragging it with me, then he slapped me, so I slapped him back. He went to the garage to bring the canes.
He flogged my back where my mum had given me a spinal injury before, so I was in so much pain. I’m also asthmatic. I fell down and was crying, but he just kept flogging me.
Was there nobody at home? Did nobody help you?
Initially, when he came, he met my sister and she saw the canes in his hand. He told her to call my mum, and she went. She told my mum, who was at her friend’s house, that he came with canes, but my mum didn’t take her seriously.
After he finished flogging me, he felt bad and went to call my mum from her friend’s house. She saw the cane in his hand, but didn’t know he had already flogged me.
When she came to the house, heard me screaming and ran to meet me. She boiled hot water to help me massage my wounds.
That evening, he started begging me. He said he didn’t know why he did it, and he was sorry. My mum talked to him and told him to go home.
A couple of days later, my mum told me I had to continue the relationship. That I shouldn’t take life too seriously. When I threatened to report the boy to the police, she said she’d disown me.
That must have been so traumatising. How were you able to cope with the lockdown?
It was terrible. When the lockdown intensified, my mum made me stop eating at home because I wasn’t dropping money for food. So, I would wake up in the morning and go to my friend’s house next door. We would work out, cook and eat. She fed me for about three months. Then, my ex complained I spent too much time there, so I wasn’t allowed to go there anymore.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I started using my dad’s money.
Before he died, he linked my sim card to his bank account so I could withdraw money when I needed it. I’d just transfer from his account to mine. The money was about ₦200,000 .
I started using some of the money to invest, but I wasn’t really great at it, so I kept losing money. Eventually, all of the money finished.
My mother was a signatory to the account, and one day she went to the bank and noticed that the money was gone.
By this time, the lockdown had eased so I went back to school in Ibadan. She tried calling me, but I blocked her number. She told my ex to tell me to return the money. My school fees were also due, so I was looking for about ₦300,000.
Doesn’t she pay your school fees?
No, she doesn’t. I’m basically sponsoring myself through school. I reach out to people and if they can, they help me out. If they can’t, I figure it out.
She still expects me to send money home for them to take care of some of their bills. She thinks I’m a prostitute.
My sister sent me a message a while ago, that they need a new freezer and she wants to register for GCSE and WAEC so she needs money.
This must be so much for you to deal with.
It’s a lot. At a point, I wanted to kill myself because of all of the stress. I developed high blood pressure, and I have headaches that never go away no matter how many painkillers I take.
With my school schedule now, I can’t work. The days I ask around and nobody has money to spare for me to get food, I just drink water and sleep.
My dad’s pension comes every month, but it’s not enough because I’m in my final year in a Polytechnic. I need money for my project. If the money for this month gets paid, it’ll finish that day.
If I’m not fast enough and my mother takes the cheque book to the bank to withdraw the money, I’d have to wait till next month.
Have you tried asking your step-siblings for help?
I did in 2019, and they said they weren’t banks. I never asked them for money again.
Do you think there’s a reason your mum does all of this?
When my sister was born, we had a maid that used to live with us. My mother believes that the maid was a witch who initiated us.
How do you feel about your mum?
She gave birth to me, so I don’t think I can hate her, no matter what she’s done.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 26-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about the trauma she faced growing up with her mum, her dad leaving and how therapy improved her relationship with her mum.
Tell me about your earliest memory.
Growing up, I was very stubborn. I used to get into a lot of trouble, and my mum would beat me. There was a phase I was convinced she hated me. I used to ask if she was really my mother.
Does any incident come to mind?
I wouldn’t do my chores, so I would chop beating for that. If she asked me to do anything, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t remember my siblings getting beaten as much as I was.
Tell me about a striking memory of your mum.
I remember three distinct memories. When I was in primary school, I was smart. First to third — that was usually my position. There was one term I came tenth; my mother wanted to kill me. We lived in a face-me-I-face-you compound. She pursued me around it. I had to run for cover to my neighbour’s because she was going to beat the living daylight out of me.
Omo.
Another memory was in secondary school. After school, I would wait with my friend for her parent’s car to come pick her; meanwhile, I’d take a bus home. School closed at 3 p.m., and I would wait till 6 p.m., so I usually got home late. My mother would warn me, but I ignored her. One day, she got home before me. When I did, the beating no get part two.
The last memory I have is traumatic for me. I think I’ve forgiven her now. When I was 13, my landlady’s son had an older friend or family living with them. I and the guy were close. It was nothing sexual, and I know that a lot of adults cannot fathom when the opposite sexes are chummy with each other — for good reason, with all sexual assault stories we hear. Anyway, someone told my mum that I said I wanted to have sex with him. According to this person, I said: “I’m going to be 13 soon, so he can disvirgin me.”
She believed this person over me. At night, she came to room and asked me if I planned to be anything in life. She said other mean things. It affected our relationship and how I saw her.
I’m sorry you experienced this.
It’s funny because I didn’t even have sex till I was 25.
What’s something that changes when you feel like you can’t trust your mum?
Our relationship was fraught. Since she didn’t trust me or believe me, I couldn’t confide in her. I confided in my sister or dad instead. My dad didn’t live with us — she did — so you’d expect she would know all my shit. But she didn’t have any idea, and it was largely because of that.
Where was your dad?
He was with his other family.
Oh?
He had two wives, and he lived with the other wife and kids. My mum is the second wife but she had the first child so she’s regarded as the first. My dad was really desperate for kids. People say the other wife jazzed him because he decided to stay with her. He used to visit occasionally.
I— Tell me about your relationship with your sister.
Haha. We used to fight a lot, but we were close. I’m outspoken and she’s calm. It made other people think I was rude. Though she’s secretive, we share things. I told her when I had sex for the first time. She knew when I had a sugar daddy. She knows everything about me.
A particular memory is when I was a teenager, there was an older guy asking her to meet him in a funny place. She was going to go, and I followed her and stayed around.
Love it. Walk me through how you landed a sugar daddy. I’m asking for a friend.
In 2015 my friend, who was a runs girl, introduced me, but it never really took off because I was not sexually active. He literally just kissed me out of the blue and I was like huh? Last year, he reached out again, and I told him his actions were rapey. He apologised and we hung out. People get cars and houses from their sugar runs, but I got mostly change.
How did your relationship with your mum affect you?
I only saw her as a provider. I loved her because she was my mum and she got me things.
How is your relationship with your mum now?
It’s better. I had to get therapy in 2018 because there was a period I resented her — everything she did irritated me. I see her as a person now. I’m more open with her though I didn’t tell her when I started having sex because I was trying to protect my good girl image that she had. We’re consciously building our relationship.
When you say we, did she get therapy too?
No. But she was willing to admit she’s not infallible. I berated her for a lot of the mistakes that she made, especially with my dad. We also have a lot of conversations. I was going to organise therapy for my mum, but she doesn’t believe in it. “I go just sidon dey tell person my life? I no fit.”
How did you decide on therapy?
I was working in a coaching organisation and I had free access to therapists. I’d used therapy for other issues and decided to try it with this.
Tell me your happiest memory of your dad.
I don’t remember. When I got older — 17 — we started fighting a lot because I realised his shortcomings. It wasn’t just my mum with issues; he had his faults too. He died when in 2015. Now that I think about it, I may have daddy issues.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
1. If a boy stands next to you, or holds your hands nothing major will happen.
2. There is a time of the month it’s easier to get pregnant, when you’re ovulating.
3. Have you ever heard “just the tip” before? It’s a scam and don’t try it.
4. What you decide to do with your body, especially sex, is primarily your decision, not anyone else’s.
5. It’s okay if you decide to be abstinent, but you still need to learn about contraception and your body.
6. Lying about your sexual activity to your doctor doesn’t help anybody, especially you.
7. There are many, many Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Sexually Transmitted Infections you need to learn about.
8. Having period irregularities is quite common, just make sure you go to see a doctor.
9. Sexual urges are very normal, and mean you are extremely healthy.
To get a lot more information about sex and sexual health, there is an amazing new app called “Frisky” to help you make better-informed decisions.
It’s easy and simple to use, with the added advantage of protecting your privacy if you’re a bit shy when it comes to speaking about these issues. You can download the app here!
1. When she calls you to assist her in the kitchen:
Hello ma there is no need to shout I’m here.
2. When she feels you aren’t eager enough to sweat and suffer in the kitchen
You better open those your teeth and be happy to be part f the process oh!
3. But when you are excited to learn, she’s like:
Let’s go!!
4. When she get’s angry with you for not being able to do something you’ve never done before.
But mummy I’ve never done this before how am I supposed to know how?
5. When you know how to do some things without tutoring, your mother is like:
Ehen! That’s my child!
6. How she looks at you when you forget to add MAGGI:
Mummy plis don’t kill me.
7. Her reaction when you add too much salt:
“And you know your father already has high blood pressure kuku kill all of us.”
8. When she starts gisting you about something random while you’re cutting pepper.
You have to be too careful not too laugh too much and cut yourself.
9. You cutting onions:
Tears everywhere!
10. Your mother cutting onions:
Always cool, calm and collected!
11. When she holds a hot cooking spoon barehanded like it’s nothing:
Is she superwoman? She must be superwoman!
12. When you try to do the same thing:
“It’s not that it’s paining me, water just likes coming out of my eyes.”
13. Your mother when you take the pot off the fire too early:
“So we should eat raw food because you want to finish on time abi?”
14. Her reaction when you forget the pot on the fire:
“Please explain to me where I got you from.”
15. When you follow all her instructions but the food is not sweet.
Which kind of problem is this?
16. How your mother watches your movements in the kitchen:
Please don’t kill yourself on my watch oh!
17. When you try to make a suggestion.
“Now you know more than me abi!”
18. When your suggestion works she’s like:
“Ahhhhh okay I see.”
19. When you misbehave after messing up in the kitchen your mother is like:
“You kuku don’t know how to do anything”
20. When you finally master something she taught you, you’re like:
I am now the master!
21. And she’s like:
But all jokes aside, Nigerian mothers are the best and as MAGGI turns 50, we want to celebrate the women who have been using MAGGI to create amazing meals for their loved ones.
The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead.
Clink the link below to learn more.
BattaBox took to the streets to ask Nigerians if they could slap their mothers for 20 million dollars. Nigerians were ever-dramatic with their responses.
A woman said she’ll rather slap her mother for money than do money ritual.
Na wa o! When did slapping someone have anything to do with money ritual?
Many said they could never slap their mothers because a mother is worth much more than money.
But 20 million dollars can pay for a year’s worth of cheek massages for mummy sha, just saying.
Some said they wouldn’t because they don’t want their mothers to curse them.
The fear of a Nigerian mother’s curses is the beginning of wisdom.
One said his mother would offer to be slapped willingly and he would celebrate Mother Slapping Day after collecting the money.
Na wa!
Others said they needed their mother’s permission before slapping them.
The Nigerian mother is seriously one of a kind. Her amazing ability to go from whooping your ass with an eba stick to lovingly rubbing your head really needs to be studied.
Although this may seem like a totally random generalization, it’s actually a very valid one. And these tweets and the amount of retweets they gathered in agreement, just further validate that point.
