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Hello, guys. Welcome to my Youtube channel (I have always wanted to say that).
If you are anything like me, mathematics and anything financially inclined stresses you out.
Health insurance, Pension, Tax, Compound Interest, Black Tax.
But…This year we are being responsible.
So, I decided to find available investments and I stumbled upon a miracle – compound interest.
Don’t be deceived, I am an olodo too.
The greatest wonder of the world – compound Interest – well, after Canada that is.
So, basically it works by putting money away regularly for a long time and not touching it at all (lol).
So, let’s say you put N50,000 away every year (salary has finished) at a 10% interest rate per year.
That means you start with N50,000 and add in N50,000 every other year. You allow everything to roll over to the next year in addition to the interest on it and you don’t touch it at all.You do this year in and out
So, what happens is that you get this chart if you don’t touch the money:
And so on and so forth till year 30.
Kini big deal right?
It doesn’t look remarkable but if you do this every year for 30 years, a miracle then starts to occur after the 20th year.
How long is our life expectancy self?
The money starts to grow at an alarming rate.
From the 20th to the 30th year, boom! The money rises (unlike our economy) and you have this:
Suddenly, N50,000 per year will give you 9 million after 30 years. As long as you let the money and interest rollover without touching it.
While it sounds lit on paper, is it possible to put money away consistently for such a long period of time?
The truth is I don’t know but I am going to try.
Crying ahead of time.
If I am not alive before 30 years is over, I am going to be really angry with whoever came up with this concept.
Give me back my compound interest diamonds money.
Was this helpful? Let me know in the comments section. Here is a link to a compound interest calculator I found.
Lastly, leave your home training at the door and come in
So, the other day I was wondering (not so loudly) the cost of adult toys. With dwindling wages and increased unemployment, what’s the cost of a decent toy that will satisfy you and also not leave you bankrupt?
So, we decided to pick a price point (N10,000) and search for some of the items that can be purchased under this bracket. This is because our job at Zikoko is to make sure you enjoy your life…but on a budget. Chop life but track it on a spreadsheet
Apart from the fact that some toys are freakishly expensive, some are just plain scary. Not to bore you with the gory details of the dark web, let us begin.
1) Dear men, this is for you
After seeing this, the meaning of let’s grab a beer is no longer the same for me. At N10,000, this masturbator comes shaped like a beer bottle to deflect suspicions and it’s super easy to use (or so the manual says).
2) The home and away weapon of pleasure or pain
For N5,200, you can either employ this bad boy to spice up your sex life or use it in Lagos traffic when people are moving mad. It really just depends on your mood.
*Kinky*
3) Ladies get in here
This is the most expensive “lipstick” I have ever seen. For a vibrator, this is very convenient and discrete. In addition, it is rechargeable which makes the price of N9,500 fair enough. It also comes with 10 different speeds of vibration so you can enjoy yourself to the fullest.
4) Living in bondage
Featuring a mask, gag, handcuff, ankle cuff, whip, rope, neck collar, and a cross belt – I can’t tell if this is for law enforcers, armed robbers, or even lovers looking to settle a score with each other in the name of kinky. Anyhow, if you have N9,000 to spare, you too can carry out your first armed robbery operation today.
5) Banana
It beats me why Banana is such a sexualized fruit. In every form, this fruit has been scandalized. If you are looking to literally eat the work of your partner then this edible lubricant is for you. With N6,500 you can eat your “work” and still have it.
Take banana till you go yo?
6) Sweet-not-in-the-middle
A bra made out candy. Think about it. Just think about it, a sweet source of energy replenishment. You get to take in calories while simultaneously burning it. It’s simply brilliant and for N7,500 you can get all your calorie serving and burn in one place.
So, I was wondering. Everyone I know is broke, tired, and always complaining, yet many people seem to be able to make time for sex or some semblance of sex. Especially people that are in relationships or even married. This made me wonder: what are the financial implications of fornication on your wallet? We asked 5 people for how much it cost them and here is what they had to say:
If you are reading this, it’s too late. When will you marry? You are of marriageable age for starters. If you were born in the 90’s, chances are that you were privileged to witness some of the buying power of the naira. That is before the fire nation called recession attacked and our money lost value. Here are some of the things we remember being able to buy in the good old days.
1) Goody Goody Goodness – an all-time yummy favorite
2) Two wise men – Goldspot and Limca
They even brought along some friends
3) Five cones of this N10 ice cream
This walked so Coldstone could run.
4) The original actual beef containing N30 gala
Make Nigeria great again.
5) Books, well, exercise books.
I remember aunty asking me to write “I will never make noise again” inside the whole book. Dark times.
6) Proper Suya – N50 suya was enjoyment central. Chop life king/queen
All your life you have struggled with saving money and being financially independent? Every year, you make resolutions to improve but you give up midway and revert to your old ways. If this sounds like you worry no more, we have four not so difficult steps to guide you on the road to monetary freedom.
1. Learn to budget
If there is one thing you should include in your plans this year, it is tracking every single kobo you spend. Every single naira that goes in and out of your wallet should be audited and accounted for. No free money this year(wails in black tax). Anyone that needs money should call three months ahead so they can be included in your budget. Unplanned expenses are the single greatest source of financial disasters. Congregation, can I hear you say no impulse buying this year?
*Suddenly not so proficient in excel*
2. There is no passive income!
Any talent you can monetize, this is the year. From cooking to writing, and occasionally sleeping with other people – put a price tag on it! Seriously, think about any skill you currently offer for free and improve on it so you can make it a proper side hustle. One of the ways to achieve financial mobility is to increase your income.
*Addicted to cash*
3. Have an incase Nigeria goes to hell funds
If you can afford to (no responsibilities or absence of black tax), you should start to have a rainy day fund. If you earn enough to afford it, you should put away some percentage of your salary as an emergency fund because life is weird. Apart from your savings or investments, this is a good way to prevent unplanned expenses from resetting you back to brokeness land (I have been there and back I can show you vouchers).
4. There is always rice at home
The difference something as little as cooking your own food makes is enormous. Packing food to work can help you track your expenses and see what you spend money on outside of food. Also, learning to say no to the extra demands of owambe will greatly improve your financial outlook. Anything that is not important should be reviewed and immediately removed (Especially that gym subscription. We all know that summer body doesn’t count in heaven).
*Chicken Republic who?*
To make all of this work, a hack is to learn to forgive yourself. If you slip, take it as a bad day, and attack your goals with renewed vigor the next day.
Most of us have had debtors at some point in life. They show up, borrow money, and payback. No hassle. However, a simple debtor becomes an onigbese when they show up, borrow money, and then seemingly vanish into thin air when the time comes to payback. Their phone numbers are suddenly unreachable and they never read or return your messages, even though you can SEE their online activity.
Today, we’re here to help you with three ways you can get your money back (when you’re actually able to find and hold them down).
1) Sent straight to your bank account:
Because you still feel some pity for them and don’t expect them to walk about with large amounts of cash. The moment you find and hold them down, make them transfer the money to your account right then. Don’t let them leave until you’re sure you have it.
2) In cash:
Yes, they’ve proven to be less than reputable. But the fact is, you can’t hold them forever if the money doesn’t enter your account within the next 10 – 20 minutes. To avoid stories that touch (the money NEVER entering), tell them to pay their debt in cash. How they pull it off is not your concern.
3) In your Paga account:
You haven’t heard? Paga – Nigeria’s No 1 mobile money company – just launched their new mobile app, and one of the new features added is the ability to request money from anyone by giving them your customizable just-paga-me link.
A few other new features added to the mobile app are:
A user having the ability to transfer money to any phone number or email address for free.
Buy airtime and pay bills.
Deposit money in the bank.
The app is available for free in the Google and Apple play store.
In a land of dust, and time of ashy skin, the fate of your social clout rests on the type of presents you get your friends…the name: thoughtfulness. Here are five thoughtful gifts to make your friends go: “who send you message?”
Cold Medicine
With all the dust in the air, everyone is either sneezing or coughing. For friends experiencing allergies, you can offer to refill their prescriptions. In addition, you could also get Vitamin C tablets as they are very helpful during this period. They help to boost immunity and prevent breakdowns that are common during this season.
Lotion
If you are a good friend like me, you certainly do not want your friend setting off any bushfire from all that ashy skin. You can go the whole mile; from lip balm, to hand lotion, to body lotion. The goal is to let my people moisturize!
The difference your gift makes.
Water Bottle
I do not say this lightly, this the period to drink loads of water…and also mind your business. A whole lot. All that dry weather results in dehydration and you obviously do not want your friends to gas out on you. If you want them to be alive to witness you get married, give birth to little unemployed rascals, then buy them water bottles so they can drink water to their heart content and live long.
Not this size but you get the idea.
Canada-style Clothing
Seriously, what is the difference between Harmattan and Winter? See this as preparing your friends for greatness. This is the chance to gift them something multi-purpose – useful in their interim country (here) and also in their real country(abroad). Thick clothes are vital for surviving the intense cold during this season.
Money
Let us be serious for a minute, money can keep you warm, moisturize you, hydrate you, and even revitalize you. This is the gift to end all gifts. The best part? They won’t see it coming because they have been blindsided by all the Detty December they had to do. No need to thank us, we are here to serve you.
Did we miss any gift? let us know in the comment section.
2020 is almost here, and we know you already have big plans for the year. One of those plans has to include making more money, so we’ve created a quiz that lets you know when in the upcoming year you’ll make your first million naira.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
This week’s #NairaLife is made possible by Premium Pension. What’s their bragging right? They’re one of the first to be licensed in this Pension grind. Over 600,000 people trust them. And their assets under management have crossed 700 billion. Big deal.
The guy in this story is not only 33 years old, he’s also looking for the next big challenge life has to throw at him. Why? Because that’s where the growth happens.
What’s the first impressionable moment of money you remember?
I can’t remember how old I was, but was one of those times I was sick and at the doctor’s, he was so impressed by my English that he gave me a 50 kobo note.
Ahhhh, a 50 kobo note!
I was crying because of injection, but somehow he still managed to give me money. I gave my mum and she kept –
– Ohhh, I know how this ends.
Hahaha. She kept it for me, till this day. That’s the earliest memory I have of money that I owned. But a lot of my childhood is filled with memories of understanding what money meant in terms of the things I couldn’t have because we couldn’t afford them.
I grew up in that time and place where there was always that one house in the neighbourhood with the coloured TV.
Everyone would go and watch from the windows – I was one of the window kids. My deprivation at that early age made me, first of all, understand that; “it’s like we’re not on the same level as these coloured TV people o.”
That gave me a “this thing I can’t have, is because of the money we don’t have” awareness.
That’s heavy. Tell me about your first paying gig.
My first real income was NYSC. You know, I had all those lofty before-25 goals too. Things like “Oh I want to be an astronaut, so I’m going to study engineering” and all those dumb dreams. Well, not dumb, but then I’m in Nigeria. You can’t be dreaming of being an Astronaut in Nigeria.
There was this phase in school where everyone in my faculty wanted to work for the oil companies. Well, since we left school, only a tiny fraction work in oil companies. So imagine me in a class of over a hundred people, only 5 or 6 ended up working with oil companies.
Now, multiply this oil company dream by every engineering faculty in Nigeria. How many openings even exist for starters?
It’s hilarious now because boys then will be like “once I get this degree, na Oil company get me.”
“No be oil company, bro.”
Hahaha. Back to NYSC, I served somewhere in the South-south working in broadcasting. In fact, I had a TV and radio show at some point sef. I first had a segment reporting on technology. Then one day, someone was away and I had to fill in, and that was my first full one hour segment.
How much were they paying?
₦5k. I worked there from 2012 till 2013. I remember that last month in NYSC very well – a mix of restlessness and a need to rest. Most people just chilled during NYSC, but I actually worked a lot, and never got that post-school break. I felt tired.
When I finished serving in October, I had some money saved up – I went home with ₦60k saved.
When I got home in December – home was in the southeast by the way – everyone was like “ahhh congrats” but in my head, I was like “okay what’s next?”
I graduated with a 2-2 – I just knew I wasn’t going to end up in an oil company. So whenever I hear anyone say “2-1 is not important” I just say what an idiot.
So I started to optimise my life for industries that were not optimised for grades, but for skills instead.
Lucky for me, towards the end of December, a friend reached out telling me that someone needed people to start a radio show. By the 2nd of January, I packed my bags and was off to a new town in the South-south. No time.
But you needed to rest, still.
I also needed to make money, somehow. We ended up starting a show – I wasn’t paid in the first month because the owner of the radio show wanted traction first. Within a month, the reception was pretty good.
How did you know the reception was good?
I was in a cab one day and listening to a recording of the show. People in the cab were legit talking about it and had no idea it was me. It felt so good. I also started hearing it at some parks on loudspeakers.
Meanwhile, in all this time, I was still thinking of getting a job in engineering so I wouldn’t waste my engineering degree.
I did get an engineering gig though – it was the saddest job I ever did in my life.
Ouch.
Bruh. It was an oil servicing company. The gig paid me 48k net, and radio was giving me 15k – I was juggling both. I still couldn’t afford a house, so I was squatting with a married cousin who lived with his wife in a mini-flat – living room and one bedroom. This was 2014.
Then in October of that year, oil prices crashed.
Ah, I remember that.
Then the layoffs followed. I’d heard of people getting laid off from their jobs before and always thought of it as a super sad thing. But at that point in time when it happened to me, it was a relieving moment.
You got laid off.
Yep, February 2015. Everyone on my team. As HR was talking to us, I was just smiling. Why? I said I was relieved.
Relieved to be relieved. Don’t judge me, man.
Hahaha. Do you know what I did after I got my letter? I just called one of my friends, and we went to a restaurant. I bought Jollof Rice, Moi-Moi, Chicken. I just ate to relief.
Hahaha.
I told my cousin, and he started calling people he knew in oil servicing firms. The story was the same, layoffs everywhere.
Then I turned my sights to Lagos.
Ghen-ghen.
I started looking for jobs in media agencies, startups, anyone interested in hiring. I got an interview at a startup in Lagos, they told me to show up the next Monday for an interview. Meanwhile, I’d travelled somewhere for a wedding for the weekend. I just showed up with my backpack, and suits, and left all my things in my cousin’s house.
I never went back there again.
That is wild.
I got the job, it was a startup. Also, the job paid 80k. It was a sort of admin role as an assistant, but I really needed that foot in the door. I got my KPIs and smashed all of them from my probation-ish period.
Energy.
Then it was time to renegotiate the salary after a few months. I got moved to another team, marketing. I asked for double. To be honest, the only reason I could afford the commute and life on that salary, compared to where I was staying, was because I was sleeping at the office sometimes.
We did the back and forth, and I got the 160k.
It was the first time in my life that I wasn’t living from salary to salary, ever. I took a loan and rented a room close to work. I bought a fridge – it cost 51k – and I felt the quality of my life improve drastically.
How?
I grew up in a house with a fridge, but I think I took it for granted. This was the first time since I moved to Lagos that I didn’t have to go out to buy cold water, I could also preserve things. At work, 2016 was also a lot of growth for me. But by the end of the year, some layoffs were happening, and it was one of those “leave or get laid off” scenarios.
I didn’t see that coming.
Roles evolve in startups. A role might exist now, and become redundant later. Mine got redundant. Also, they were trying to cut costs. I got a severance, which was basically about my salary. I spent that December 2016 just sleeping, fuelling my generator and watching shows and movies.
Towards the end of the month is when I was like, okay, I need to get a job. It was like that subtle panic I had after NYSC. The difference this time was that I wasn’t at home, so I had no safety net and free food.
By January, I was flat broke. My folks at home didn’t even know I had lost a job, and I couldn’t ask them to send me money or anything. My parents are retired, and they’re too old for me to be a burden on them. So I just had to wing it by myself.
By February though, I was back at a new job, except I actually took a pay cut.
How?
When I was leaving my last job, my last monthly salary was ₦200k, but now I was at ₦120k. I needed the money badly. Anyway, the new job was at an advertising agency. I gave myself 6 months, but then an exciting project came. That kept me for longer.
The best part of that year was that I was the one who got thrown to the difficult projects. That felt good. That year pushed me more than ever, I even started a side project. It all started to pay off in 2018.
How did it pay off?
People started calling me in 2018 for work, and for the first time, I realised I’d been taking for granted all the things I knew. People had actually been paying attention. I started to feel desired, and that felt so good.
I could have a decent conversation about salaries for the first time. The gig I finally settled for tripled my salary.
₦360k?
Yeah, at the time. It also came with Health Insurance and a Pension. Office goodies helped shrink my feeding budget. You know, it’s incredible how much has changed between that first ₦15k and now. I also moved to a more spacious place, a 2-bedroom apartment.
Man. Money gives you the freedom to do things, and freedom to not do the things you don’t want. Money gives you agency. The pay cut I took when I was moving to my previous job was because I couldn’t afford to reject it. Scarcity taught me the value of money, relative abundance taught me the value of agency.
Let’s talk about your monthly spending.
First of all, I try to keep my expenses below ₦100k. I’m mostly indoors. Food doesn’t cost so much. There’s the occasional movie with the babe. My routine is work, occasional relationship outings, church. My goal last year was to not live above ₦100k, and I succeeded mostly. This year though, most of it went kaput.
What changed?
I had to make a choice about wanting money in the bank or wanting to own things. I chose the latter. This year, I bought land. My folks found one at a very good deal.
Another thing is that, because my spending power has increased, I can pay for things even when I don’t have the money immediately. People are more willing to even give you loans because they know you can pay back.
The more money you have, the more people are likely to give you money?
Yes, that’s what I think. It cost me about 900k. The value, based on the area it was, actually means it should have been up to 1.5 million ideally. As I was done paying for the land, I bought a car – that cost 1.6 million. I have a few months left on the car payment. The thing is, if I was going to save to buy these things, they’d probably be useless by the time I can afford them.
Back to monthly spending.
I’m a little over 100k these days. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to worry too much about black tax, even though I send some money home to my mum, mostly upkeeps. Although, I’ve had to pay for life-threatening illness in the past before. The rest of my money goes into paying for the car.
How much do you honestly feel like you should be earning, and why?
The next gig I take should not offer me less than 800k. I actually believe I deserve more with the experience I have. But if I’m being realistic, coupled with the realities of being in Lagos, 800k net is good enough to live comfortably in most of Lagos.
In the context of forex, that’d be $4k per month. I’m thinking about what someone like me would be earning outside Nigeria. We’re doing a lot of the same things in different markets.
Anyway, I need to unlock the level of spending power where you can afford to own things and still have money left to save or invest. Not like I’ll buy a car and suddenly be unable to save.
What’s something you really want but can’t afford right now?
A decent house in a good and much safer neighbourhood. To be upwardly mobile in Nigeria is to be at risk. On one hand, the guys in the neighbourhood suddenly see you as fruit ripe for plucking. On the other hand, you’re not earning enough to be able to afford to leave that neighbourhood.
I was robbed this year.
Woah.
Petty crime, mostly. They broke in, stole my laptop, phone, and some pocket change. My house is decent, but if I could afford to after that incident, I’d have moved. I know I stick out in the neighbourhood as the guy who lives in a 2-bed flat all by himself and owns a nice car.
There’s also the police to worry about because you’re suddenly suspect because you have a car.
Sorry about that man. Thought about retirement?
I don’t really believe in the concept of “oh stop working at sixty”. I’m more interested in Financial Freedom when I can reach the point of making work an option.
Life expectancy is changing across the world, so I think what people call retirement age is not retirement age anymore.
Eventually, retirement for me will be when I have financial freedom and access to places and people that money won’t fetch me.
So where does this leave pensions for you?
Rainy day money. If all of this goes wrong, there’s this kpim kpim entering your pension account every month that you know will potentially cover you in the future.
As an end-of-year question, what’s 2020 looking like for you?
I need to move houses next year, for starters. Again, it’s mostly because I want to get married next year.
Hmmnnnn. Marriage.
Hahaha. I’d love a simple wedding, but those things are super expensive here in Nigeria. Back to the house part, my house is mostly at the bare minimum now, and I know setting it up to be able to live with a partner is going to cost money.
Also, next year, I’m looking for projects or challenges that will trigger my next level, just like it happened in 2017.
What’s something you wish you were good at?
Investing. I have friends who know how money works. I think we generally have a basic understanding of how money works. But there are people who know trends and how money moves around the world, they know when to take advantage of these things. Earning well is good, but knowing how to maximise it is even better.
Random, but when was the last time you felt really broke?
Remember that January 2017 when I was so broke? My last money was spent on transport money back from a job interview. I don’t even know how, but one of my friends sensed that I needed money. He just called me, asked for my account number, and sent 10k. That was priceless.
On a scale of 1-10, let’s rate your financial happiness.
With the level of agency money gives me now, I’ll say a 6. I’m not rich, but when I think of where I’m coming from, I’m not doing badly. But with this 6, I’ve reached the point where I need to take on new challenges again and scale up fast.
It’s been an interesting decade for you.
Yeah, I think it has been. It’s the decade I’m learning to hold my own in the world. Moved out of my parents’ house, and it’s been a long, winding journey in self-discovery and generally trying to be my own person. I think I’ve gotten much better at navigating life at the end of the decade now than I was at the beginning of it. I’m also just older now and have clocked in the hours so that one sef dey.
Check back every Monday at 9 am (WAT) for a peek into the Naira Life of everyday people. But, if you want to get the next story before everyone else, with extra sauce and ‘deleted scenes’, subscribe below. It only takes a minute.
Trying to find a job in Nigeria that brings you joy can feel like you’re looking for a microscopic needle in a very messy haystack. So, we’ve created a quiz that will try its very best to guess when exactly you’ll luck out and finally land that dream job.
We already tried to guess how much you have in your account and your current net worth, and we think we did a pretty great job (keep any complaints to yourself). Now, we’re going to try and guess your monthly salary based on your relationship with money.
Unlike how much you have sitting in your account, your net worth is the total measure of your wealth — the difference between your assets and your liabilities. So, based on your lifestyle choices, we will try to guess what your current net worth is.
It’s good to save; you know that, we know that, everyone knows that. But, sometimes your bank account and financial needs are in a constant feud and you’re always in the middle. You want to save, but you also want to spend and chill, because you really didn’t come to this world to suffer.
Here are seven things you’ll relate to if this is always happening to you:
1. Calculating every kobo in tears because you know an emergency will always come up and you’ll need to spend it.
The emergency comes in many forms; buying that bag you’ve been eyeing for weeks, repairing a bad charger, buying aso-ebi for a best friend’s wedding, buying that new phone that just came out because it’s more superior to the one you got a month ago, etc.
2. TGIF And The Ministry Of Enjoyment
Sometimes, you’re disciplined enough to hold yourself from doing too much. Other times, you’re home on a Friday night, on your own browsing through Instagram. That’s when you see your mates are doing TGIF and chopping the life of their head — essentially tensioning you. It’s in that moment you’ll remember the small savings you have stashed away in the kolo under your bed, and how the money will not spend itself. So, you finally say yes to going out with your friends for the weekend after they’ve been hounding you for the past two weeks.
3. You think of saving, but end up chanting “I can’t come and kill myself” as you eat the last meat in the pot
No lean diet for a rainy tomorrow. You want instant gratification NOW and you’ve got to put your money where your mouth is.
4. Buying food instead of cooking, despite the promises you made to yourself
You told yourself you’d only eat the food you cook, why waste money buying lunch when there are groceries at home? When you’re an excellent chef and can whip a better Jollof rice than any buka or restaurant. That was a week ago. Now, you’re looking at the remaining chicken bone in the plate of food you ordered while crying on the inside. Well, at least, you won’t have to wash the disposable plates; at least, you saved up on soap
5. When you read all the articles about saving but still can’t get yourself to do so
It’s just so much work: you work hard to make money, why not spend it anyhow you want?
6. All THOSE Bills.
Because, this is Nigeria, look how we living now. The prices of things go up astronomically, inexplicably and without adequate warning. NEPA will bring their own, LAWMA will bring their own, your service provider will bring their own and so on, so why are you bothering to save sef?
7. Can’t stick to a budget, can’t stick to a savings goal, can’t stick to anything…
It was your New Year’s resolution to save more. But you’ve long forgotten that now. You really tried to be good and improve your saving culture but everything keeps working against you.
Still having issues trying to save but want to achieve your resolution before 2019 ends? Tired of all your excuses, and all your unrealistic budget/savings goals? We’ve got a plug for you.
Join the Backup Cash 21 days savings challenge. By saving as little as N500 daily for 21 days on the online savings platform via WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger or the app, you can gain up to 13 percent interest rate on your savings.
Oh, and if you’re the kind to start and not finish–because you can’t help yourself–you can open a Steady Save account that automatically saves for you on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.”
Yeah, we know, you get rewarded for saving–AWESOME.
So the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) recently mandated a charge (or fine) on any amount above a cash deposit of over 500k. It might sound like a big deal, and there was a social media outrage, but many people remain unlooking. The truth is most people are broke, so the issue doesn’t concern them at all. In fact they wish this was their only problem.
Here are five reasons why you and most people don’t care about the CBN cashless policy:
1. Your account balance is not even up to 500k; the N52 and other charges deducted by your bank is still paining your soul. You cannot come and carry another cross on your head.
2. The noise and complaints are not putting money in your pocket. What do these people know about cashless? They should come for a masterclass; you are a master at being cashless!
4. You’ve not been in the banking hall for months to collect one kobo, not to mention depositing over 500k…
5. If you get 500k today, you won’t put it in a bank. You don’t want to hear stories that touch; it’s someone’s 800k one bank swallowed like that o.
Well, until the champagne problems comes your way, you’d rather just stay in your lane and calculate how much food you’ll buy today based on your lean budget.
Every week, Zikoko asks anonymous people to give us a window into their relationship with the Naira. Some will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie–but all the time, it’ll be revealing.
This episode was pulled off in partnership with ARM Life. They’re making it easy to get started with insurance. So make the first move and start here.
Today’s story is about a Septuagenarian. She’s done everything from secretarial work to hospitality, and trade. All of this with one goal; to give the best life possible for her kids. This conversation happened in Yoruba, and this is an attempt at translating it to English, all without losing the yorubaness.
Tell me about your first job.
I worked at the Health Department of the Lagos City Council. I started working there in 1969, and I was 20 at the time – that’s when I got married. My salary was £16 and we used to get a Danger Allowance, because of the department we worked in – another £2.
Ah, Pounds.
Yes, Nigeria still used the pounds back then, and it was the same value as the British pound. I worked there till 1971, and then I travelled to go and join my husband, who was in the UK at the time. In Britain, I got a secretarial job that I didn’t like very much. It kept me seated too much. So I took the City and Guilds Certificate, 1 and 2, in catering. A few years later, we returned to Nigeria in 1975, and it was a different country.
The Naira?
Yes. At this time, I already had three kids. Even the hand drive changed. I got a job as a Restaurant Supervisor at Eko Holiday Inn in 1975 – I was 26. You people now know it as Eko Hotel. I was expecting my 4th child at the time.
Interesting.
Yes. It was a joint venture by the government and some Americans. But we mostly worked with the Americans. My first salary was ₦375. To be honest, Jakande didn’t really care about the hotel business. A lot of his attention was on education and housing.
I had to be at Eko Hotel before 6 am. We were living on the Mainland but good thing was, in those days we had staff buses to pick us up and drop us off at our stops.
One funny thing that happened a lot in those days is this. My husband worked somewhere not too far from me. And he always wanted to come to pick me up, but then, sometimes, he’d have come and I’d have left with the staff bus. Can you imagine all that frustration was because we didn’t have phones that everyone has now?
By the time I resigned in 1981, my last salary was a little over ₦700.
Why did you resign?
My child was born prematurely. And there was the fear that if there wasn’t enough care, the child won’t survive. My husband used to say “If this child dies, it’s on you.”
You know, when I was leaving, the personnel manager did everything to keep me. In fact, they came to the house officially asking that I return. I didn’t.
But at the time, I’d already started doing some business on the side. I had a friend who travelled a lot, so she helped me buy things I could sell while I still worked at the Hotel restaurant. She had a shop at Tejuoso Market then, and she encouraged me to open one too.
So I opened my shop in Tejuoso Market in 1981.
How much did a shop cost at the time?
It cost less than ₦5,000 to set up. About ₦120 per month. Restocking used to cost me about ₦2,000, and how did I restock? Only from buying from abroad.
Setting up wasn’t difficult at the time. I remember I even got a car loan while I was still at that job – ₦1700. Ah, Nigeria ti bàjẹ́.
Back then, when you get the car loan, you could buy a Volks. A Volks didn’t even cost up to ₦1,000. A Toyota Corolla cost under ₦2,000 – my husband bought this one. It was pretty and had so much room.
Toyota Corolla: Helping Baby Boys since (before) 1979
I used my car loan to buy a pick-up truck. I was using it to carry canned drinks for supply. I’d go pick them up at Ota, and then deliver at Apongbon.
So you could even buy a car on your salary of two months?
Daada! Even all the gold we used to buy in those days, how much did they cost? Fashion wasn’t hard at the time. Gold bangles were going for ₦120.
What did you sell in your shop?
Baby wares. Children’s clothes. Those days, if you haven’t bought Mothercare products for your child, it’s like you haven’t given birth. There weren’t any diapers, only napkins.
But around the time I started, there was one Igbo man in my neighbourhood. He used to go to Brazil to get car spare parts. He was the first person that made me start selling Johnson and Johnson diapers. He’d stock up his own container with my goods, and bring them to my shop.
The blessing was that my children also wore good clothes – the boys wore suits, the girls wore the best dresses. My last child at the time would come to the shop, and once he saw a toy, he’d cry till he got it hahaha.
Business was really booming in those days.
What changed?
It started with a house fire in 1983. The things we lost, I can’t even begin to value. The shop was something I started to fill up the time while I was planning to start my catering business. Part of my profits from running the shop went into buying things I needed when I was ready. I didn’t have a warehouse, so things I couldn’t keep in my shop, I stored at the house. Cartons on cartons on cartons.
They all got burnt.
Wow.
We moved into a new place, and that cost ₦250/month in rent. It was a three-bedroom flat. Towards the end of the year, someone wanted to help me get a ₦25,000 loan that same year. That money was going to cover the capital to set up my catering business and pay two years rent. I was going to use my father’s properties as collateral, but my mother didn’t think it was a good idea. So I didn’t take the loan.
The drought hit us proper in 1985. My husband also didn’t pick a better time to marry a second wife. Before then, our kids’ school fees were paid by whoever had money first. I paid, he paid.
When the second wife came, everything thinned out. We barely saw him. Sometimes, we didn’t even see him for weeks. Before this period, work made him go away for months at a time, so I was already used to not having him around in a sense.
How did you cope?
Business never really went back to how it was before that fire, but we managed. That shop was literally how our family survived. My baby sister lived with me too at the time. We’d sell what we could sell, and buy food for the house for that day. The bulk shopping I used to do before became buy-as-you-have.
What was bulk shopping like in the good days?
I had another sister who was the Oga of bulk shopping, bless her soul. Once I gave her ₦200 in the early 80s, we were sorted. Do you know how many people were living with me? Three of my siblings and my own six children. My daily sales in those bulk shopping days used to be over ₦1000 on good days. In fact, I used to be part of a club. You people only talk about Aṣo Ẹbí, but we used to buy a lot of Aso Egbe.
Squad goals.
Illustration by Oshomah.
Kini yen?
Nothing ma. So, back to Aso Egbe.
We called ourselves Club 8. We partied together and bought our clothes together. But by the mid to late 80s, I couldn’t keep up. I had kids to feed, and their suffering was too difficult for me to bear. My baby sister and first daughter got into tertiary school. You had to pay for their hostel rent, school fees, and you had to buy their hand-outs.
Whenever my daughter and baby sister came home and there wasn’t money, they’d take a few things from the shop and go sell in school to lecturers. That was how they survived. It got to a point, by the late 80s, where I could no longer continue selling baby wares. I had friends travelling, who’d help me buy shoes for adults, male and female, and I started going from office to office, selling them.
How did you pull off the school fees struggle?
At the biggest school fees stretch, I was paying the school fees of 7 people, my kids and my baby sister’s. When my last born came, I couldn’t afford private school for her, so she went to one of these under-the-tree schools in the neighbourhood.
At some point, I could no longer afford private school for two of my older boys too, so I moved two of the kids out of private school, and took them to public school – Jakande made those free and that saved our lives.
All you had to do was buy books, uniform, and give them attention.
Where was he – your husband – all this while?
Oh, he said he was raised by his mother too. And so, I should raise my kids too. And it wasn’t just me. He did it to his second wife. If she wasn’t fortunate enough to be able to send her children abroad, she wouldn’t have survived. She faced the same struggles too. She was hustling to pay ₦150 school fees too.
So, all he was doing was having children. What was he using his money for?
I dunno for him o. To be honest, there was a time he quit the safety of a job and tried to start a company, and that was a tough period for him. In fact, it’s in between all of this he married his second wife, and everything just crumbled for him. He sold his two vehicles, a bus and a car.
Was this how they used to do, these men?
Most of them were like that. But there were some who were good homebuilders, despite being polygamous in some cases. They were present for their families. All the while, he blamed me for having all the kids.
Why didn’t your husband use birth control?
I even used at some point, but I’m just unfortunate with birth control. I used the coil but somehow got pregnant. When my child was born, he was holding the coil in his hand. The doctors at that time said I was 1 out of 100, and I was like, why me?
The IUD (coil) is a small, T-shaped contraceptive device inserted into the womb to prevent pregnancy.
Why…why didn’t you leave?
The kids. I kept wanting them to be present in his life. And him in theirs.
The times are changing though.
Do women these days have time for nonsense? They would have flung the man away since. Nobody is waiting around for someone who won’t give them love and give the kids attention.
Okay, back to work.
I kept trying out things to sell and make a living, and by 1988, I started travelling to Aba.
Ariara Market?
Haha. Ariyariya. I used to go and buy cut-and-sew. We walked the length and breadth of the market in those days. The roads were good, and. How much did it cost from Lagos to Aba by bus? ₦120.
Hayyy
Bẹ̀ẹni! We didn’t have to worry about anything on the road. I used to travel with Emerald Motors at Jibowu. Then there was Young Shall Grow. Okechukwu.
The Young Really Grew.
Yes o. They didn’t have enough vehicles then. Emerald was the reigning one, but when the owner died, the business died too. Even Ojukwu had his own bus line then.
Aba was really pleasant. When I wanted to start that business, I didn’t even have up to ₦10,000.
Again, my husband was saying “Why are you risking your life and leaving these children at home.” As if we were even seeing him at home. Hahaha.
He was giving you trouble at the time?
You see, the way he switched when he married a second wife ehn? He just became bitter. So, I just focused on making sure that I could give the kids the best things possible.
What was the most popular order in Eko Hotel?
Jollof Rice and Chicken Peri-Peri. A plate went for ₦180. There were different restaurants – Kuramo, Summit Restaurant at the rooftop. We moved from restaurant to restaurant, but I worked at Kuramo as a Supervisor.
How stressful must it have been?
It was stressful, but it was good work. My health started to deteriorate shortly after I left. I started treating hypertension in 1983 at the age of 34. When I eventually got rushed to the hospital a few years later, the doctors said I was “very lucky”, because if I had delayed treatment, it would have killed me.
Something else came in 1996. One of the kids fell ill, so we went to the hospital. I was just lying down on a bench, exhausted, when this doctor came in and asked if I was okay. He randomly observed me for a few minutes. Then he asked me if I was hypertensive. I told him I was.
I think it was his instinct, but he asked to run some tests on me, and when it was done, he screamed.
What was it?
Diabetes. The doctor said ‘ah! 400!’ I didn’t even know what diabetes meant: there wasn’t that much awareness about diabetes at the time.
I told the doctor that the child I brought, I hadn’t even paid money. Where was I going to get money to pay for mine? Hahaha.
Wow.
I was still travelling to Aba in all this time, while at the same time trying to arrange flight tickets for my son, who was going to the UK. I paid for all of it without his father. I think it was about ₦25,000 in the mid-90s. It could have been easier for us to arrange that travel because he was a British citizen.
What made it hard?
Abacha. There was some embargo on the Nigerian government, and British citizens could only fly from Ghana. That would have cost more money.
All that travelling and stress must have taken its toll on your health. When did you eventually stop working?
I stopped going to Aba in 1998. Do you know what I loved about Aba? Many of them were kind. When you become a regular customer, you can show up with the money for 5k worth of goods, and they’d tell you to take 10k’s worth. Because they knew you’d come back, and pay up. That helped a lot. I dunno if it’s still possible today, but I hope your generation eventually gets it easy.
I travelled in 2002. At this time, two of my children were now in the UK. I really just wanted to go take a break, and see my daughter – I hadn’t seen her in four years. I needed to see how comfortable she was. She was still a teenager when she left. That was also tough for her.
I spent almost a year there, and when I came back, I was still trying to buy and sell things and chasing debtors.
Looks like debtors were stressful.
Yes, they were. People in offices, for example, would take things on credit and pay at the end of the month. And I don’t blame them because they also couldn’t afford to pay till the end of the month, but my children had to eat.
The food sellers in our neighbourhood were really understanding. They let the kids come and buy food and kept a tab open for me. So I paid when I had money.
That year, we moved into our own house. My husband had been building one. By the time we were moving out of the house we lived in, it cost ₦5,500 per month. A lot of it was still incomplete.
Do you want to know how much we bought the land? ₦25,000 in 1992. I contributed ₦8000.
With all of what you know and have experienced now, what would you do if you could travel back in time?
Hahaha. Let’s just be glad I survived. You know, when things happen, it’s impossible to tell outcomes. If I died, my children’s lives would have still continued somehow. They were courageous.
I’m really grateful.
How is old age?
Boring. I’m grateful that I have children who send me money for my welfare. I never have to worry about medicine. But the hardest part about being old for me is that all the places I could go, You can’t move around as much because your body is weak. Some of the things you did with ease when you were younger, now need an extra hand.
I’m treating Diabetes, hypertension, and osteoporosis. My meds are taken care of by my kids. I have no pension. No insurance.
Investments?
My kids hahaha. They’re my pension and my insurance.
They send money, but, even that no longer feels enough. I’d love to talk to them. And my grandchildren. I can’t always do that now, and those times when I can’t hear from anyone, I feel lonely. It used to make me very bitter – the loneliness – but not anymore.
Their father talks about it now, about how much of a lucky man he is. And despite the fact that they remember everything, the children don’t hate him.
Are you happy now?
I used to be bitter a lot. All that suffering alone. Now I’m just thankful, the kids are doing fine.
Thank you for making me remember all of this. It’s so easy to forget.
When life throws things at us, the greatest help we need in those times is a strong safety net, like insurance. Whether it’s a fire or a school fees, the right insurance policy will make life easy to face. Find out how to get started here.
Check back every Monday at 9 am (WAT) for a peek into the Naira Life of everyday people. But, if you want to get the next story before everyone else, with extra sauce and ‘deleted scenes’, subscribe below. It only takes a minute.
The concept behind Aso-Ebi is great. Get all of your friends and family to show up and show out decked in the same ‘fit. But here’s a fun fact about buying Aso-Ebi, it’s cost. And you know what’s even worse? Most of the time you can’t say no to it.
Still, you don’t have to buy every Amaka, Dami and Hauwa’s Aso-Ebi. Deciding whose to buy and who to say ‘thank you next’ to can be tricky, but I’m here to help.
Have you spoken to the person in the last year?
You might have been BFFs in primary school or secondary school, but if you haven’t spoken to the person in at least a year, you have no business buying their Aso-Ebi. You might have known what their favourite food, colour and musician were when you guys were 13, but you don’t even know their husband’s first name now and you want to spend your hard earned coins to buy their Aso-Ebi.
How close are you?
Do you know when’s a great time to assess just how important a friend is to you? When they ask you to buy their Aso-Ebi. Yes, you guys have gone for a couple of lunches together and are in one or two Whatsapp groups. But do you even know her middle name or where she works?
How many friends do you have?
Having a lot of friends is great. Especially during events like your birthday or your wedding. It’s not as great when ten of them decide to marry in two months and they all have Aso-Ebi for you to buy. It’s at that point you need to prioritize your friendships. Who forgot to call you on your last birthday? Who did you get into a fight with recently? It’s not like you are petty or you like to hold on to grudges, you just have to do what you need to do.
Is it family?
It’s easy to come up with excuses to not buy your friend’s Aso-Ebi, but it’s a whole lot harder with family. If it’s family you might just have no option but to buy it.
If it’s family, how close are you?
There’s family and there’s ‘family sha’. If the Aso-Ebi is for a first cousin you grew up seeing almost every holiday then, of course, you should buy it. If it’s for a fourth cousin removed, who you met once when you were ten years old and don’t even know what she currently looks like, save your money for the next Aso-Ebi gbese.
Do you have the colour at home?
If you are a veteran in this Aso-Ebi buying business, odds are you already have something like the fuchsia green and purple Aso-Ebi someone is trying to get you to buy. So if you have something that’s remotely close to the colour in your closet, you know what needs to be done. Save your coins.
Do you have someone to share with?
Let’s be honest if you are not the bride or the bride’s mother, nothing you are making out of the Aso-Ebi should need 6 yards. Find a mutual friend to split the cost with. Worst case scenario, if the material isn’t enough for what you want to sew, your tailor will help you add crepe to it.
Do you have shame?
Shamelessness is a powerful tool we should all have in our arsenal of emotions. Once you can’t be shamed the only times you’ll ever need to buy Aso-Ebi is when you really want to. When you are shameless no social media post subbing you or side eye for wearing something different to the wedding can move you.
Are you going to have to borrow money to buy it?
You’d think this would go without saying, but if you need to borrow money to buy anybody’s Aso-Ebi, including your best friend since you were a toddler. Don’t. Buy. It. Don’t offer to pay in instalments, don’t offer to pick it up on credit, just don’t buy it.
Most importantly, how much is it?
When it comes down to it, the most important determinant of whether or not you are going to buy that Aso-Ebi is how much it costs. Does it cost more than your monthly food and transport budget combined? Then nope. Does it cost more than the last really nice thing you bought for yourself? Then tell the bride no thank you.
See I know Nigerians don’t know how to take no for an answer, especially when there’s no good reason behind it. So here are 15 excuses you can use to avoid buying Aso-Ebi, when you really don’t want to.
You see this life ehn, the thing can be unpredictable sometimes.
One moment you’re financially stable, with a lot of disposable income. The next moment, circumstances spiral out of your control and unplanned expenses appear out of thin air, leaving you wondering why your village people suddenly have your time.
And then you’re left unable to do the things you genuinely need to do. Things like:
Pay Bills
Electricity, water, phone, data, gas etc. All essentials you need to properly function.
Secure new equipment for your business.
Whatever equipment your business might need e.g. computers, grinders, tractors etc.
Getting a car to finally start that cab service hustle.
Because a little extra money every month never hurt anyone.
Make repairs around your house.
Because you’re tired of setting a bucket under that patch of leaky roof in your apartment and then having to frantically rush back home every few hours so the bucket doesn’t overflow and flood your room.
Go to the hospital
Your biggest prayer now is to not fall ill. Because if you do, you have no choice but to wait the illness out while hoping to God it’s not something serious.
Pay school fees
School fees are pretty pricey these days and they have to be paid on time to avoid embarrassment.
Pay rent
Rent is due and your landlord has given you so many warnings (you’ve ignored) that you wouldn’t be surprised if the next one comes via aeroplane banner.
Now that we’ve gone over all the things you desperately need money for, let’s talk about a way you can solve your problems.
You could get a loan.
I know. You’ve heard that loans are difficult to get. But with Renmoney, you get to avoid all that stress.
Renmoney is a fintech lending company that operates under a microfinance banking license in Lagos and provides loans to individuals and small businesses. They offer loans of up to N4,000,000 with a flexible repayment pattern for new and existing customers.
And the best part? Getting loans from them is super easy because collateral isn’t required!
Nigerians treat money like knacks; they want a lot of it, but won’t be caught talking about it. Every week, we ask anonymous Nigerians to show us their Naira Life – some will be struggle-ish, others boujee–but all the time, it’ll be revealing.
(Shout out to Refinery29’s Money Diaries for the inspiration.)
First in line is a family man who believes he’s a diehard team player.
Age: 37
Occupation: Financial Analyst
Location: Lagos
Relationship Status: Married (with two kids)
Salary: ₦700,000 (net)
Household income: ₦700,000
Rent: ₦750,000/year
What was the first salary like?
I mostly spent on people; family for the most part. I was quite traditional about it. I remember sending all of it to my mum as a gesture, and her sending it back to me. My net income at the time was ₦182k, and my annual package was ₦2.8 million. That, of course, includes bonuses and all of that. Also, this was 2010.
Less than 2% of your income goes into savings?
Yes, and that’s because the rest of my income goes into settling debts and other recurring commitments and liabilities. Also, I have this indiscipline of people asking for money and me not turning them down. Those 20 and 30k’s add up.
Investments?
None. I currently have no financial investments. I made some investments two years ago; they went bad, and I’m still paying for it. That’s where the debt came from. It’ll be completely paid in about six months though. For now, over 50% of my income goes into settling that debt.
What’s going to change about your spending when the debts are paid?
A lot more of it can now go to my family. Need to push up that family budget.
2019, almost 9 years since your first salary. What’s the annual package now?
My annual package is currently at ₦9.4 million.
How much do you feel like you should be earning now?
₦1 million. Net. I didn’t make some important switches in my career at the right time. Now, I believe you should move every 4 years max. I spent 7 years at my first job.
How much do you think you’d be earning in five years?
Using industry average, and where I currently am, I’d say somewhere between 1.5 and ₦1.8 million, net.
What do you feel like you should have had, but don’t have now?
Land. It’s just one type of investment I never really paid attention to. I just had a “never tie down capital” mentality. Most of my investments have actually brought me loss. Still, I’m not scared to take another risk.
Despite your bad investments, what are your best investments?
Definitely my certifications; the ICANs, ACAs, ACSes etc. When you work in an industry as structured as the financial industry, certifications help you stay competitive and valuable. Also, I’m kinda glad I got most of those certifications before I got married.
When do you want to retire?
You know, I used to think I’d retire at 45, but I realise now that I’m not a great businessman. It took a while to realise this, but I’m going to be working till the end, maybe 60. I’m the perfect company man; great energy, always representing, putting in the work for the team. I’m usually the person sharing impactful insights, and driving execution.
What’s your pension plan?
I don’t pay too much mind to it, but about 50-something-k goes into the pension account monthly. Currently, it holds no less than ₦4 million. It doesn’t make sense to me that I have that much somewhere–that is giving me about 7% annually but still–I can’t afford a house. I’ve done the math, and my pension is going to work best for me if I already own a house.
I imagine that the best use of my pension will be one where it helps me get a mortgage. I imagine a future where Pension Fund Managers in Nigeria create housing packages for consumers. If I have a ₦20 million pension and don’t own my house, I’m still screwed.
I inherited a mindset from my mum where I always imagined that I’d buy a house, instead of going through the trouble of building one. I was much younger, and that doesn’t seem so realistic now.
What are you long term plans at the moment?
I’ve been in debt for too long that it’s hard to see beyond it. At ₦700k, I can build a house in 3 years, because I really don’t have huge personal expenses. I’m just caught in the debt trap. At ₦700k, and with the responsibilities of family, I’d still be able to save ₦150k at least. In fact, 40% of my entire income can go into saving and investing.
What do you wish you paid attention to in 2010?
Discipline. I wish I’d began saving and investing early.
How would you rate your happiness on a scale of 0-10?
I’m really glad a lot of my happiness isn’t tied to my finances because I’d probably have high BP now. I’m totally fine. And while this might sound cliche, I have a family. I invest a lot of time in them, and it’s easy to underestimate how important this is for our future and mental wellbeing.
My head is still above water, and for that, I’m grateful.
Check back every Monday at 9 am for peeks into the Naira Life of everyday people.
If you’d love to share your Naira Life with us, tell us here. You’ll be anon, of course 🙂
Due to what is probably a fear of risk, a lot of Nigerians would rather let their money sit in a savings account than invest. Because of that, we compiled a list of the best investment options in Nigeria right now along with explanations.
1. Mutual Funds
A mutual fund is a pool of investments made by different investors for the purpose of investing in a wide array of securities (real estate, equity, bonds etc) in an attempt to avoid major risk. Basically, it’s a company that brings a group of people looking to invest money and does that on their behalf.
Mutual funds are managed by professional money managers who allocate the fund’s investments and try to produce capital gains and/or income for the fund’s investors (depending on the investment objectives outlined in its brochure). Each investor owns shares of the mutual funds and these represent a share of the fund’s holdings.
2. Stock Market
A stock is a financial instrument sold by companies as a means to raise capital that represents ownership in a company and proportionate claim on its assets and earnings. When a person owns shares in a company, it means that the shareholder owns a slice of the business equal to the number of shares held (out of the total number of the company’s outstanding shares). E.g. If a company has 1 million shares and an individual possesses 100,000 shares, that person owns 10% of the company.
3. Bonds
A bond is a long-term agreement between a borrower (usually corporate or governmental) and a lender (investor) that contains the details of a loan and its payments. A bond has an end date when the principal of the loan is due to be paid to the bond owner (investor) and usually includes the terms for variable or fixed interest payments that will be made by the borrower.
Bonds are used by companies, municipalities, states, and governments to finance projects and operations.
4. Real Estate
Investing in real estate is one of the safest ways to invest money. Build/buy a house or land and rent or lease it out for a regular montly or yearly income. As long you don’t do it in a war torn area, you should be good.
On the ‘Save dat money’ episode of our awesome show- Nigerians Talk -which you can catch below (you’re welcome), we asked the crew how much money they needed for ultimate flex-ation and how they could make said amount.
A cast member, who you’ll find out if you haven’t seen it, joked that money ritual might be the only way to make the kind of money they’re looking for. And if Instablog is anything to go by, blood money has been looking like the way to go for a little bit now.
As it is now, it looks like Magas are taking too long to pay. So Nigerians, completely forgetting about these little things called jobs, are looking for the next best way to stunt on Instagram and caption hashtag blessed on their pictures. To do this, they’re resorting to yahoo plus, aka blood money, aka money ritual.
We don’t exactly know the specifics of how these things work, and nobody should ask us pls, pls. But we’re just wondering why money rituals are so hot right now? Why are grown men taking their baths on Lekki-expressway like they’re back in boarding school, avoiding the regular toilets? We decided to investigate the pros and cons of these here rituals.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BiTuXRug4jO/
The Pros of Doing Money Rituals
To get this, we factored in the ease of doing business — like the difficulties of maneuvering buses filled with sleeping people around busy streets, the returns on investments amongst other things. And try as we did, we just couldn’t find a single justification. Why on earth would you think turning a human being, who like you — wants to flex and enjoy this life, into a Ghana-must-go of dollars is a good idea? Daz not good dear, stop it.
The Cons of Doing Money Rituals
These ones full ground.
For one thing, you people are stressing my life. At my big age, I now have to inform my parents at least 4 business days before any outing, because they have to vet if my destination is money ritual prone or no. Do you see how you’re affecting my baby girl lifestyle? Please let’s not!
People need their destinies too, okay?
No be only you wan blow. If everyone decided ‘Get Rich or Kill Everybody Trying’ was their motto in life as well, we really wouldn’t have anyone alive to witness all the Instagram stunting. Plus, can somebody show workings as to how destinies translate to actual money with CBN numbers? I’m actually intrigued.
Forget any surprise deliveries from your girlfriend.
Just cancel Valentine’s Day gifts at the office from your wishlist. Your girlfriend definitely won’t know what part of the bush you carry out your transactions, and good luck directing any delivery guy to the third bush-path from the left, with the red blood and five skulls on the ground.
All That Traffic!
You think mainland to island traffic is stress? Getting to work will be a real bitch. Try remembering the right way to the secret meeting bushpath, that’s constantly changing because you’re trying to keep the chase nice and spicy for the police.
Plus, They’re Still Working Out The Kinks
So we don’t know the full gist on this one, but it’s like some Babas don’t give out the full manual or guys just aren’t hearing word. There have been one or 2 instances of people running mad, stabbing themselves or doing other crazy shit because of rituals backfiring. But if you have the mind for it, do you boo. (But really, don’t)
Think About Your Mommy.
Imagine her surprise when you get caught and she finds out the reason you get home late or are always gone weekends isn’t because your boss from the bank is working you too hard. Instead, she’ll be exposed to the fact that you preferred making pimp-cups out of human heads when you could have gotten a regular job like everyone else. Don’t break her heart, okay?
Anyway, we’ve said our own. You decide what path you want to take. We just want you to know, if you think Lagos’ sun is hot, how hell fire go be?
Saving money is hard, you guys. You tell yourself that you’ll save more when you start earning more but you never do. Because in the immortal words of Notorious B.I.G:
It’s not even just that. You slowly (and subconsciously) upgrade your standard of living the second you start earning more. This isn’t a bad thing, but a lot of people overdo it to the point where it feels like the salary increase didn’t make a difference.
Saving is important and I care about your wellbeing. This is why I’m here with this step-by-step guide about saving money in 8 steps. Thank me later.
1. Track your expenses.
If you want to start saving, you have to figure out how much you spend. Track every single expense (the bottled water you bought in traffic, the 50 naira you paid the cobbler that fixed your shoe etc) because it’s those miscellaneous expenses you don’t give a second thought to that really hurt your bank account. When you have this info, put them in categories. E.g food, bills etc.
2. Organize your recorded expenses into a budget.
Your budget should show how your expenses measure up against your income so it’ll enable you to avoid overspending. Along with your monthly expenses, remember to include those expenses that are constants but don’t happen every month. E.g. car maintenance fees, etc.
3. Create a savings category in your budget.
Experts say to save 20% of your income every month. A higher percentage is fine but less is not advised. However, if you’re new to the concept of saving or 20% is too high, start small with 10% or 15% while you cut back on nonessentials (and some essentials you can afford to spend less on). The key is to consider the money you put in savings as a regular expense similar to other important expenses.
4. Decide on something to save for.
One of the best ways to save money is to set a goal. Start by thinking of what you might want to save for (marriage, vacation, retirement etc), then figure out how much money you’ll need and how long it might take you to save it.
5. Prioritize your saving goals.
Your goals (after your income and expenses) have the biggest impact on how your savings are allocated. Learn to prioritize saving goals so you know which to start with. For example, if you’ll need to change your wardrobe soon, you might want to start saving for that now.
It’s also important to remember that long-term goals shouldn’t be neglected in favour of short-term goals.
6. Pick the right tools for your saving goals.
For short-term saving goals, take one of these into consideration:
– Savings account
– Certificate of Deposit & Short Term Investment Fund (locks in your money for a fixed period of time with an interest rate much higher than a savings account).
For long-term saving goals, consider:
– Retirement Savings Account (RSA)
– Individual Retirement Account (IRA)
– Securities, such as Mutual Funds or Stocks. Know that these securities are subject to investment risks and possible loss of your principal.
7. Automate your saving
Setting automated transfers to your savings account the moment your salary enters is great because you don’t have to think about it, and it greatly reduces the temptation to spend.
8. Track your progress
At the end of every month, review your budget and check your progress. Doing this will help in identifying and fixing problems, while also gingering you to stay on your savings plan and hit your goals faster.
I hope this helps you on your journey to saving. For what it’s worth, you’re not alone in this. We asked the cast of the new season of our show, Nigerians Talk, about their saving habits and the responses we got were pretty hilarious. Check it out below:
For some reason–probably because it’s the food of gods and not men–Amala’s popularity is at an all-time high in popular culture. So much so that it has become a staple menu addition to several fine dining restaurants. The only difference between Amala served at these restaurants and Buka Amala? It comes with a much higher price tag than your standard Buka. Sometimes ten times more.
People have also argued that Amala loses its magic and just doesn’t taste as good when consumed anywhere else but your mum’s kitchen or in a sweltering Buka served by a rude and overweight middle-aged woman. I decided to find out for myself.
Amala at Olaiya
If you ask Lagosians where to get the best amala, 3 out of 5 will point you to Olaiya. Naturally, that was my first stop. For those who have known Olaiya since its inception, the first thing you’d notice is that it looks nothing like it used to when it opened.
The old Olaiya looked like this.
But now,
Glow up, complete.
I walked in at noon, just in time to meet the beginnings of the lunch crowd. But even without the lunch crowd, anyone familiar with Olaiya knows they maintain a steady stream of customers from the time their doors open at 10 am till they close at 11 pm.
I got on the food queue and to my surprise, the line for amala was almost non-existent. Great for me, because I got to be served from the top of the pot, where the Amala is at finest. I should point out that any Amala place that wraps its Amala instead of serving it straight from the pot, isn’t worth your time. The Amala is to be scooped out of the pot and spread out with a spoon in the middle for your soup to sit pretty.
I ordered ₦150 worth of Amala and made my way to the soup place. Gbegiri and Ewedu with Shaki and beef brought my bill to a total amount of 350. I noticed there was barely any Gbegiri in my plate which in my opinion goes with Ewedu like bread and butter.
So I asked for more.
The woman serving gave me a once-over, then shoved my plate at me and screamed ‘nezz pesson’.
I couldn’t even be upset because no one goes to Olaiya for their stellar customer service, you only go for the food and because their jazz is still working.
The theory is; the more horrible the customer service at a Buka, the better the food.
The Amala was hot and fresh as expected but could have been softer and fluffier. I also couldn’t get over the fact that there was more stew in my plate than either Gbegiri or Ewedu. Out of curiosity, I ran a quick poll on our Instagram to find out if there were people out there who thought Ewedu and Stew was a better pair than Ewedu and Gbegiri. To my surprise, 50% of people went with stew.
To those people, I say you need the Lord in your lives.
A couple of forkfuls in and I soon forgot that my plate was considerably lacking in Gbegiri and my Amala wasn’t as soft as a baby’s bottom. The stew I was sulking over was savoury and I might have enjoyed it more paired with white rice. I also didn’t need to chew the Shaki until I lost feeling in my jaw. And the beef was actual beef, not some mysterious cow part that Bukas usually try to pass as beef.
The pepper was a little overpowering but I’m from Delta so I guess what might be overpowering for me must be just right to people who love their pepper. For all my complaints I still managed to clean my plate out which says all you need to know about the Amala at Olaiya.
Abula at NOK
The first thing I noticed about the Amala at Nok is that it’s not even referred to as Amala on the menu, but Abula. As if to immediately remind you that you are not eating just any other Amala, but Amala that went to school abroad. And at 3500 for a plate, it had better have gone to school at Harvard and gotten a Masters from Yale.
Quick fun fact: Abula is actually the scientific name for the soul-snatching combo of Amala, Gbegiri and Ewedu.
If you are about to shell out ₦3500 on a plate of Amala, your first thought is ‘well it better be mind-blowing’. And once you get over the fact that you are paying at least ten times more than you’d pay for a plate of amala at a standard Buka, you’ll realize that the Amala at Nok is actually amazing.
Asides from the fact that the Amala feels like it might have been made in a cotton candy machine, the space at Nok makes you feel less guilty about the fact that you are probably disappointing your mother by paying 3500 naira for Amala.
Nok describes itself as a contemporary, pan-african restaurant, and you can tell that the decor is heavily influenced by this. Especially with the outdoor space. Even the waitresses are dressed in funky looking Olekus. The best part of the decor for me is the barstools which look like interesting wooden drums.
Abula Island
Once again I found my plate to be lacking in Gbegiri but it was cram full of assorted meat which made up for that and the fact that I got less Amala than I thought I was going to.
That being said there is a very distinguishable difference in taste between the Amala at Nok and the one at Olaiya.
If I were to conduct a taste test I would also bet that 9 out of ten people will immediately be able to distinguish between both plates of amala. At the risk of angering several Olaiya loyalists, I’m going to come right out and say I preferred the Amala at Nok.
3500 for Amala, worth it?
So I asked the exact same question on Instagram and got the most hilarious answers.
Even though the general consensus from most people was that they’d rather die than pay a whole 3500 for ordinary Amala, we got a couple of people who actually thought it might be worth it.
As for me? I’d say hell yes. I’m not sure what exactly did it for me. Whether it was the fact that the waitress attending to me asked me 5 times whether everything was fine while the mummy in Olaiya refused to give me extra Gbegiri. It could also be the fact that the beef, Ponmo and Shaki were cooked to perfection. The kind of Shaki that won’t splash stew in your eye because it’s not fighting you back when you are trying to eat it. Could also be that the amala was actually just really great. Asides from the fact that the plate was cram full with assorted meat which already won my heart, the consistency of the amala was pretty great. It was fluffy and soft, just the way the Lord intended. As to whether or not it’s overpriced, that remains moot. But by ‘fine dining’ standards in Lagos, I’d say it was well worth the price.
If you want to try the Amala at Nok, you have a three-hour window between 12 and 3 pm on Thursdays.
Would you pay 3500 for a plate of Amala? Well, you tell me.
If you are a part of the very small percentage of Nigerian adults who have their lives put together enough to make budgets, we have a thing or two to tell you. While you might think that you’ve covered all your bases. You’ve made a budget for food, transport even Friday night faji, there are a couple of key things you are leaving out of your budget that could ruin your finances.
The second cloth you have to buy after your tailor takes the aso-ebi you bought for a wedding and travelled with it.
Please, when are we going to come together as a people and boycott Nigerian tailors?
The extra tyre you need to buy after that deep pothole on your street finally tears your tyre.
And the second one you’ll buy after the same pothole tears the new one.
If you thought you’ll need only 10k fuel for the month double it, because the transformer on your street will blow and you won’t have light for three months.
And you’ll still contribute for NEPA people to come and fix the transformer.
Drugs for malaria you only got because your street has been flooded for the past two weeks.
By the time you get your hospital bill, you’ll wish you just stayed home and prayed the malaria away.
The third and fourth internet subscriptions you have to pay for because the first two start moving mad.
Then you go back to the first two when the third and fourth one starts misbehaving too.
The funny sound your generator starts making even though you only serviced it last week.
You’ll think it just needs to be serviced again until your gen guy tells you, you need to replace the carburetor.
When someone steals wires from the NEPA pole on your street and you have to contribute to pay for it.
You also have to settle the NEPA guys who will come and fix it.
The new phone you have to buy because they obtained your old one in traffic.
Shebi if the traffic was moving the thief won’t have seen road to collect your phone.
When your rent is due on January 1st and your landlord tells you on the 31st that he’s increasing the rent.
After you’ve used all your extra money for December rocks.
Getting that message from your younger brother, sister asking for money.
Me sef I need epp.
The borehole in your compound just suddenly stops working because the last plumber to fix it used fake parts.
And you just fixed it last month,
All the people you have to settle just so you don’t die on the line collecting things like your driver’s license or passport.
And they’ll still ask anything for the boys after you’ve settled them.
Settling police so they can release your friend they carried for no reason.
They said because he was using an iPhone he must be a yahoo boy.
The side mirror of your car you have to replace because one danfo guy trying to overtake you hit it.
After hitting it he started rolling on the floor using God to beg you.
Having to replace the compressor of your freezer because NEPA blew it.
And the surge protector you bought was fake.
NEPA bringing a 90k bill for you even though they only gave you light twice that month.
If you don’t have a prepaid meter go and get one now.
As much as Nigerians love money, they can be very clueless about it. Things like how to invest and grow your savings or manage your money efficiently can be confusing for the average Nigerian. Like how many of us even know what mutual funds means? So if you are confused about money as we are then you need to be following these social media accounts ASAP.
Tunji Andrews
@TunjiAndrews is the Lead Economist at Time, Trade and Commodities (TTAC) and a media personality. Asides his Twitter page, his show ‘The Money Business and Economy Show’ on Nigeria Info FM offers a treasure trove of financial tips.
Nairametrics
@Nairametrics is a financial literacy and business new site. Beyond the site, their Twitter page is packed full with financial advice and tips that are updated pretty regularly.
Ugo Obi-Chukwu
@Ugodre is the team lead at Nairametrics. He is also a chartered accountant with over 16 years of experience in financial management and corporate finance. So you already know he knows his shit.
Arese Ugwu
@smartmoneyarese is the author of the best selling book ‘The Smart Money Woman’. She is also the founder of Smart Money Africa, a personal finance blog that will offer you better financial advice than just there’s rice at home.
Nimi Akinkugbe
@MMWithNimi has a Bachelor’s degree from the London School of Economics and was once General Manager and Head, Private Banking and Director of Stanbic Bank. She also runs a personal finance site called ‘Money Matters with Nimi’
Moe Odele
@Mochievous is an experienced finance attorney and startup advisor. She runs a social enterprise called ‘Scale my hustle’ which helps new entrepreneurs launch and grow successful businesses.
Oluwatosin Olaseinde
@tosinolaseinde is the founder of ‘The Money Africa’. She’s a chartered account with over 8 years of experience in finance.
The Money Africa
@themoneyafrica offers insight into everything money. From financial literacy, to how to grow your money in ways that don’t involve MMM type of schemes they’ve got you covered.
Tomie Balogun
@tomiebalogun refers to herself as a millennial investment expert. And if you scroll through her Instagram page you’ll find that she lives up to her promise.
If you know any other great accounts, please share!
Nobody ever knows how they get broke. One minute, you’re gallant, then you sneeze and you have only one thousand naira left in your account.
Just because we care, we’re here to help you figure how to stay alive in those trying times.
Plan your spending to the last dime
200 naira worth of garri. Four bags of pure water. 100 naira airtime for your phone. 100 naira for transport. 200 naira for contingencies.
Should keep you alive for a week or two.
Lock yourself inside.
Do you know what’s waiting outside? Bills. Invoices. And that woman on your street that suddenly remembers you took a crate of eggs from her on your way home from work last week.
Develop a sickness
If there’s ever been a time to be ill, it’s now. Except this is an illness that is completely within your control. It will help you avoid spending money on transport to work, and depending on how serious your matter is, you can use it to crowdfund yourself out of poverty.
Create a ‘Songs for the Broke’ playlist
Featuring everything that Brymo and Ade Bantu have ever made. Why? Because Wizkid and Davido will remind you of all the money you don’t have.
Do as little as possible
Think of it as putting your phone on airplane mode to conserve your battery. Be guided. Broke people don’t have any right to be energetic.
Please remain guided because some people are funny and that’s when they start doing somersault in their living room.
Do not eat when you feel like
Eat when real hunger is actually finishing you.
Pray.
Because at this point, only your God can help you.
Lastly, use your head properly.
Track where your money is going, so you can plan more effectively. That way, you know how to prepare better.
You know the feeling of setting a savings goal and with ginger you actually start to save, only for you to somehow sha break into it before you even reach halfway through your goal timeline? We can totally relate, so we’ve decided to create a list of some of our saving struggles.
Money? What’s that?
How do you take something out of nothing? Don’t angry me, please! *crying in unemployment*
How much am I even earning?
Man never chop finish, you’re talking about saving. I can see you don’t have my best interests at heart.
Automated payments
“Baba God, tell me I’m dreaming. These people have removed my last change. Who sent you? Who sent you?!”
Have you seen the price of garri in the market?
It’s like you don’t know what is happening in the country. You can’t even price anyhow anymore. Just leave me to be managing my life.
Food
How will I buy food if I keep saving? Please let me enjoy; life is one.
Internet
Ordinary small breeze will blow and all your data will finish. Oh, well. *buys more data*
I got 99 problems but saving ain’t one
And on the other end of the spectrum, we have the non-savers. “What is saving, please? Don’t insult my personality. I just keep making this schmoney! Call me OBO.”
What do y’all spend money on that you wish you didn’t have to? Tweet us @zikokomag!
If you have Nigerian parents like mine, asking for money was most likely a grueling and almost terrifying task. You try to prepare and brace yourself ahead of time, but the where, when, why and how combo will always leave you stunned. Here’s a few of their excuses!
As you’re there shivering, they’ll just be looking at you like…
You think I have money growing in the backyard?
Ah ahn, mummy. Only sometimes, now…
What happened to the money I just gave you?
When you’re hit with this question, confusion just sets in! Even if it has been three months since and they ask you, just pull out a pen and get ready to do some accounting. You’ve entered it.
Eh ehn… With your grades?
“Is it with D- in mathematics that you want to collect money? You can calculate money but not ordinary simple algebra??? My friend clear off!”
“When you’re always pressing phone.”
“Why won’t you need money when you are always pressing your phone?” Everything bad in life is because of the phone they bought for you, anyway.
Haven’t you been eating in this house?
But when did I start paying for food nah??? Even when asking for your own money, you have to be careful if you want to keep eating. Issa scam.
What are you even using money for?
Na wah o… Where do I even start?
Go and meet your mother/father.
Even when they know the other person isn’t around. Ugh!
Why didn’t you tell me since?
“And I just finished spending all the money I had o. Sorry.” Chei! But why?
Come and sell me/turn me to money.
Caution! Do not proceed!! Retreat!!!
I don’t have.
Cheee! This is the answer you meet at the final level. The painful boss. No chance to beg further, no progress, no explanation, just… no. You cannot argue with this, even if you see them with tons of money. Just accept your fate and go away. Slap is real.
But last last sha, all is for home training and in good faith, because they struggle too. Shout out to our amazing folks!
Imagine you picked up your phone right now and saw a credit alert – 1 million naira. What will you do with it?
We asked these 10 Nigerians what 1 million Naira will do in their lives right now and their answers were very interesting.
“1 million naira would help me jumpstart a side hustle or get a car for uber or land for agriculture. Nobody would know I have the 1 million abi?” – Ayoola
Because financial freedom is bae.
“Hayyy. I’ll use it for rent and to get a Macbook. Oh and to fix my car too” – Folarin
One million can help you fix up your life.
“Omo nothing actually apart from saving for a new car” – Pepo
How long do you want to be about that bus life?
“Mennn…I will first of all go somewhere like Hard Rock and get drunk to calm my navs. Then I’ll buy car.” – Sade
Because you just can’t come and die.
“I’ll buy music equipment and become a DJ on weekends sha because I have a full time job please” – Bankole
Just see the way DJ Cuppy is flourishing.
“I’ll use it to pay for an MBA, straight up” – Biodun
School fees is expensive please.
“Travel as far as it’ll take me” – Toke
Have you seen the price of tickets?
“Ermm…not much, but it will be good cash to invest” – Dayo
Shey Dangote started from somewhere too.
“Bills, bills, bills” – Sudeen
Can’t let Nigeria come and kill you.
“Resign from my job first and foremost, then maybe invest some of it” – Eniola
Who has time for a 9-5 when you are a millionaire.
“I’ll use it to start processing relocation papers immediately” – Olanrewaju
Canada loading.
“Plenty! Where do I collect this money please?” – Tomiwa
Well, we have good news. STAR is sharing money and there is actually a way you can get this million or even millions by August.
Go to your nearest bar or supermarket. Ask for STAR Lager Beer Limited Edition Bottle.
Make sure it’s the Limited Edition Bottle.
Open the bottle and hold on to the crown cork.
You’ll see a code on the crown cork. Now dial *566*20# and enter the code you see. Follow the prompts until you redeem your prize.
Just look at all these people that have already won their own one million.
Do any of them have two heads? So go grab a bottle, and stand a chance to win.
Don’t forget, you also stand a chance of winning thousands of naira in airtime.
So whatever you do, don’t carry last.
Destiny awaits, the question now is, are you ready?
If you are anything like us and you lack self-control and home training then your June salary has probably finished and you are currently going through these struggles with us.
They just paid salary last week but your account balance is confusing you.
Wait but did someone rob me?
This is you trying to calculate how you are going to feed for the month of July after looking at your account balance.
This is the perfect month to start 30 days dry fast.
You start thinking back to how you were flexing like there was no tomorrow during salary week.
Yours is now a case of had I known.
As you are trying to calculate how you’ll find money to pay your NEPA bill one family member calls you to remind you to send something for the month.
It’s a little too late for that.
You start to notice that any small thing suddenly makes you unnecessarily angry.
Your colleague will tell you good morning and you’ll ask them what’s good about the morning.
You start counting down again to salary week and wonder why the days are going by so slow.
Time moves slower when you are broke – Albert Einstein
Your taste in things will suddenly drop. You’ll start buying puff puff instead of pancakes.
You’ll start to realize that you actually like cooking and you don’t even like eating out like that. Who knew.
You’ll suddenly remember all the people that are owing you money and start hitting them up.
It’s time to collect your money back from that your colleague that needed 200 naira change for bus. Abi did he think it was dash?
You’ll start appreciating the little things like the fact there’s water dispenser in your office or your parents live an hour away so you can go and beg for food.
Isn’t the Lord good?
You also start to seriously rethink your priorities in life.
Do you really need to pay for internet this month? Shebi office WiFi is there?
Long story short, July is about to be a very difficult month but we are here to tell you that last last you won’t sha die before they pay your July salary.
Before I begin, if you’re a Nigerian who doesn’t know what an ATM is, please raise your hand.
Sigh, everyone, as expected.
A few days ago, someone asked a very crucial question on Quora.
We can all see that right? Okay.
Are there any ATMs in Nigeria? This question had a lot of us confused.
ATMs? What are those?
For Nigerians who might still not be aware what we’re talking about, the ATM stands for Automated Teller Machine. It’s a machine used to perform cash transactions.
Yup, those actually exist in some parts of the world.
Even though the question got a few accurate answers like this one, I’d like to really break it down to your full understanding.
This is going to be very educative, trust me.
In Nigeria, we communicate with birds. Everyone has a bird assigned to them, you train and guard your own bird.
Animals and humans are like siblings in this part of the word. No big deal.
As soon as we receive money, we give our birds to fly the money to a land called Naira Treasure Land.
This is where the bird drops the money.
Now, they don’t just dump the money there. Everyone is allowed into that land at least twice a year.
We dig up holes for our money to be stored.
So your bird has already been trained to know your money hole. It’ll now help you drop it, cover the hole, and then return back to you.
We spend many years training these our super smart birds.
So thats were we keep large amounts of money. For smaller amounts for everyday expenses we dig holes around the huts that we live in.
Smart right?
But we usually have to make sure our birds are properly skilled, so they leave no traces of our hole.
When it comes to saving money, Nigerian mothers are the bosses of that! So when Nigerians started sharing the hilarious ways their mothers saved money using #SaveLikeMum on Twitter, we decided to jump on it, as per, carrying last is not our portion.
1. When the school bus becomes expensive, your Nigerian mum be like:
Lap yourselves o!
2. How the toothpaste in your house looks like:
As per, nothing must waste.
3. When you tell your mum you want ice-cream.
Choose one.
4. You, when she effortlessly prices something from N3,000 to N200.
Na jazz?
5. When she cuts your pocket money by half and asks you to share that half with your siblings.
Na wa o!
6. When she turns your old bedsheets into curtains.
Ahn ahn! Mummy sharp guy!
7. Her idea of ‘turning up on a budget’:
There is always rice at home.
8. When you realize you can win 20k for your mom with the #SaveLikeMum Meme Contest on Twitter.
Yasss!
This is not a joke! I repeat, this is not banter!
For a chance to win N20K, follow @myaccessbank on Twitter and share a hilarious#SaveLikeMum caption and meme!
1. So your new year resolution was to save plenty money in 2017 so you can turn up in December.
2. And that means you have to open a new bank account that you can’t touch anyhow.
3. Then you get to the bank and the machine at the door keeps sending you back.
4. Now you have to start saying ‘Amatyourback’ because the queue at the bank looks like this:
5. Next thing, the teller asks you to bring N500,000, one fat red goat, and the blood of a 7-year-old crocodile to open a savings account.
6. So you have to borrow a pen to fill the request forms about all your family members.
7. After all the wahala, the banker says you have to wait for two weeks before your account gets activated.
8. On top of it, they kuku remove N500 service charge from the account you just opened.
9. That’s not all o, you still have to wait for one whole month to get your ATM card:
10. When you finally realise you don’t have to go through all that wahala on Alat.ng.
11. You, when you get that 10% interest on your Alat.ng savings at the end of the year!
Really and truly! All you need to open a bank account on Alat.ng – Nigeria’s first digital bank- is a smart-phone and internet! No wuru-wuru service charges and queuing wahala. Head to Alat.ng to learn more!
1. You finally got that job, one million years after graduation.
Ope o!
2. You, when you see your mates still seeking employment.
I have arrived!
3. How you feel, when you get your first salary:
Rich gang!
4. When the oversabi 23-year-old girl in your office starts talking about pension.
Oversabi!
5. How you ball, as per, you’re not about that struggle pension life.
Pension ko, pension ni.
6. Until you visit the village and see your cash money uncle looking all broke and miserable like:
Wawu!
7. You, when you realize your uncle’s wahala is that he blew all his money without a retirement plan:
Hay God!
8. So you decide to be sharp and not play yourself because suffer-head is not your portion.
Before!
9. So you kuku start searching for correct PFAs online.
No time!
10. You, when your ARM Pension Funds start to look all nice and good.
YASSS!
11. How you sleep at night, knowing you won’t retire broke and miserable thanks to ARM pensions.
My future is safe!
Are you still wasting time? Don’t sleep in a keke, contact ARM Pensions to secure your future today. Click here to begin.You can also hit them up on Facebook and Twitter.
You see, Twitter is one of the best things about the internet, simply because you don’t need to search for amebo, it comes right to your doorstep.
As usual, we were minding our business and impatiently counting down to the weekend, when Ayodeji, an entitled guy from Ibadan came to rant about his date on Twitter.
According to his tweet, he was furious his date had the nerve to turn down a relationship with him after taking her out – calling her broke.
And in the mother of all clap backs that snatched wigs and edges off, the date in question, Ore, also known as Miss Moshiku, shared screenshots of her refunding the money he spent, and even asked him to keep the change.
When you realise he came to cry on Twitter after spending only 1900.
When you realise some men actually feel entitled to relationships/sex for indicating interest in women.
When men expect something in return for doing the barest minimum for women.
If we’re being honest, Miss Moshiku is THAT GIRL!
When you realise she paid for the entire date and dashed him extra money too.
Although Ibadan Twitter is being effortlessly trolled for this gist…
We've been seeing our movies for N600 peacefully in Ibadan, nobody knew. But this boda ode had to rub shit on us.