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Nigerians are pros when it comes to dodging paying people back their money. They’ll give you any excuse on God’s green earth to avoid repaying you your money.
People owing you money are some of the hardest people to catch in this life, right after the people on FBI’s most-wanted list. These people can dodge so hard, even you will start to doubt if they truly exist.
If you’re sharp, there are ways you can catch them.
1. Show up at their house by 4 am
They can’t escape anywhere.
2. Hide in the boot of their car
Let them take you to their office so that you can collect your money directly from their salary.
3. Stalk them when they are going to the ATM
Just collect all the money they withdraw.
4. Steal all their clothes from the washing line
If they want their clothes back, they should pay you your money
5. Catfish them
Then catch them on the first date. Money at first sight.
6. Call them with a different number to tell them they’ve won promo
Then hold their trouser when they come to redeem the prize.
After reading this, make sure you share with any young person you care deeply about.
Here you go:
1) You’ll have energy to work forever.
Alexa, play Young Forever by Jay-z.
2) The world is ending because of Miss Rona.
Enjoy your life, young king and queen.
3) The Naira is getting stronger.
Thank God it’s only ₦475 to a dollar and not even ₦500. Whew.
4) You’ll see 1 million Naira on the floor and it’ll solve all your problems.
Just keep searching. One day, you’ll find it.
5) A rich person will marry you and solve all your problems.
Just exercise small patience.
6) A fortune teller told you that you’ll be rich.
All is well.
7) You’re too young to think about savings.
Okay, but how is your back ache?
8) One day, you’ll become a Nigerian politician.
And you’ll live happily ever after.
My brother and sister, jazz up and don’t lose concentration. You’re never too young to be financially literate. The earlier the better. Here’s a good place to start.
Every now and then, your phone buzzes and you see a bank alert. In this moment, your mind races through a ton of possibilities. Is it credit alert? Debit? What do they want? Why are they messaging me if its not credit alert?
Here are 5 stages your mind runs through when you receive messages from your bank.
Credit alert
Unarguably, this is the king of all alerts. Nothing in this life beats a credit alert notification. You watch as your account balance has swollen and you start budgeting which food platter you’re going to buy because you’re forever a foodie (no need to be ashamed. This is a safe space).
Debit alert
The instant you receive a debit alert, your heart starts to race. You start thinking about your weekend and all the things you spent money on. This is where the regret starts to set in as you wonder whether that tray of small chops is really worth the heartbreak your account is going through.
Monthly account statement
I’m sure banks send this to you so that all your reckless spending in the month is laid bare to you. Cast your eyes upon your spending habits and be ashamed. You bought that mad shoe that you’ve always wanted, but at what cost? Your monthly statement will show you the cost.
Card maintenance fee
First of all, why does my card need maintenance? What exactly is the maintenance? Are they changing the engine oil in the card or what? Card that is in my wallet all month? What is the meaning of this?
SMS Notification Charge
If there’s an award for the most annoying charge, this would take the price. Because can anybody explain why your bank is charging YOU because THEY sent YOU a credit/debit alert? Lord make it make sense.
Birthday/Holiday Messages
When you realise that your bank is going to charge you an SMS notification fee for the birthday and public holiday messages nobody asked them for, your blood starts to boil. Who asked them for birthday wishes? Instead of them to send you money for your birthday.
For many young Nigerians, investing is a very treacherous undertaking. Between the tanking economy and growing responsibilities, you might find it nearly impossible to set money aside for investing. I mean, things are so bad, Shoprite is shuttering operations after 15 years. No, I’m not crying.
Back to the topic. Investing is certainly a great way to grow your finances. While saving money is nice and all, investing is a much better way to increase your wealth. One of the reasons for this is compounding.
Compound That Monayyy
Compounding interest basically means earning interest on your interest. Let’s say you invest N50,000 in government treasury bills with an interest rate of 18% per year. If you decide to reinvest your original investment and all the interest you acquire, you will receive N114,387 at the end of 5 years.
Let’s assume you decide to be disciplined and continue reinvesting your principal and interest. At the end of 10 years, you will have earned 261,691.78. While this might not seem like a lot of money, it is a great way to let your money make money for you. If you add this to the fact that investing in government treasury bills is one of the safest ways to secure your funds, you really have nothing to lose.
If you’re like the average Nigerian, you probably just set aside money for saving rather than investing. The rest is for balling. However, investing should be separate from saving. Saving is great so that you have a stash of cash for emergencies and other expenses. However, you should invest to grow your entire financial profile.
No, Seriously, You Should Invest
You should keep in mind that the reason for investing isn’t necessarily to become rich but to create a financial safety net for yourself. At some point, due to any reason, you might/will stop working. Having an investment portfolio is a great way to secure your future against what Nigeria tends to do to your personal finances.
Welcome to my TED talk. Today, I’m going to be talking about money etiquette young people should know. Because money is at the centre of our activities as human beings.
I hope you find this useful:
1) If you borrow money from someone, ensure you pay back.
If for some reason you can’t pay back, communicate with them. Silence can easily be misconstrued.
2) Don’t force your frugality on another person.
People approach money differently based on their experience. Tell them about an alternative option, but don’t force anything on them.
3) Always consider other people’s finances before suggesting an outing.
Some people who are struggling can’t decline out of shame.
4) If someone is paying for an outing, order in moderation.
In the words of philospher K. Daniels – “No go dey do pass yourself.”
5) Don’t judge people for what they spend their money on.
Dead all those Jeff Bezos can end world hunger if he gives his wealth away conversations. Dead all that my rich uncle doesn’t send us money bants. At the end of the day, it’s their money.
6) Pay your professional friends for their services.
As long as they are providing you a service, pls don’t take advantage of them. Payment can be whatever is agreed upon by both parties.
7) Don’t complain about finances to someone that doesn’t earn as much as you do.
They will feel like shit. Many times.
8) Save a part of your money in dollars if you can.
E get why.
9) Practice kindness when talking about money.
Some people feel bad for not having money, while some people feel guilty [and sometimes] ashamed because they think they earn too much. In all situations, kindness always wins.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
The Nairalife was pulled off in partnership with FCMB. Get started with a Personal Business Account for as low as ₦5,000 here!
When did life first show you the importance of money?
I think I’m on that journey. I try to resist the urge to believe money is more than what it is: an exchange for value, but the world keeps showing me that all that one na okoto meow meow skrrr.
Money is literally what makes the world go round. So I think (I learned the importance) in university when I had to beg a flatmate I hated for money.
Hahaha. What did you need money for?
Food. Dinner. Bread and fried eggs. It tasted like humility. I thanked God for his existence in my life that night.
There was also that time in 2017 when I sold shirts I’d just gotten the day before. I was broke, but I used all my last money like (₦7k) to buy t-shirts. My eyes cleared the next day. I needed money, so I went around the hostel selling the shirts. I made ₦5k back. I’m a sucker for thrift clothing. If there’s a support group for something like that, I would go.
So, what’s the first thing you ever did to earn?
I used to wash my parents’ car for ₦500 back in the day. I was about 11. It was fun. Outside family stuff, the first time was inputting the results of a questionnaire digitally into an excel sheet. I was 12, it was 2011. It paid ₦15k.
Excel at 12? Were you also paying rent?
It’s funny because I don’t know how to use sheets for anything more than data inputting till now. I hate the concept of sheets. If I need to do some other action, I google it and then forget later.
What else did you do, between then and now?
Mostly freelance writing. I haven’t made a lot of money TBH. I’ll write advert scripts here and there, charge ₦25k-₦30k. Write greeting card captions.
Then there was social media management for about two different pages. I hated it. Maybe the longest I was at one was for three months. They didn’t pay well. One paid ₦25k a month for one post everyday.
Another gig paid the same ₦30k for about 10 posts a day. Now that I think about it, it was slavery. It was a friend who got the job. He was engaged with so much, he couldn’t handle that one, so he gave me. They were paying him ₦90k. I knew we were splitting the money but I didn’t know it was that bad.
Woahh.
Then there were content creator jobs at advertising firms. I’m very interested and proficient in marketing strategy and advertising, and ideation and the creative writing part. Not “creating influencer tweets and handling social media” aspects. So I didn’t stay too long at any of the two places where I worked because that’s what they were making me do and I take job satisfaction very seriously. Besides, they both paid ₦40k.
Interesting.
Also, I do bulk printing on every type of material. Shirts, umbrellas, cups, bags, pens. everything. Alongside making my own custom merch. I started that in 2019, registered my business, and it’s not gone too bad. I have a merch story from that that you’d probably love to hear as well.
Intere –
Oh, and I have also photographed. ₦25k in 2016. Model shoots for some Instagram clothes vendor. I decided I didn’t want to take pictures primarily for money anymore. I could do my street and life photography and frame and sell some mad pictures. But not active shoots. It was stressful. I used one of those apps that mass edits pictures and sent them back to the person. I am not proud of it.
When did writing first pay you money?
Sometime in 2017 when someone who knew I could write subcontracted a script to me and gave me ₦15k.
You know, I think the proudest money I probably made was ₦5k for playing for a company who needed footballers to play in their inter-organization games. I posed as an intern. We won the competition. I didn’t score but I was like “I earned from football, how many people can say that?”
Hahaha. Tell me about your first structured job.
Internship. 2018. Content at an agency. I loved it, I think I did good work, and I loved the people I worked with. It paid ₦25k at my first stint from November 2018 – February 2019. The second stint was September 2019 – November 2019. ₦40k. This was around the time I graduated from University.
Ah, interesting. What came next?
Internship. March and April 2020. A content gig at an agency. I didn’t love it. So I quit after two months. It paid ₦40k. I also felt very underpaid.
I compared it with my 2019 job where I was coming in only once a week and doing much less because I was a student. And they paid the same thing. Also, the salary negotiations were based on having not done NYSC, and that was why they had to pay me so little. I accepted the job because of the person that linked me to it, but the working environment was toxic so that was a dealbreaker. I can’t be sad and poor.
Hahaha. Dude, you’re killing me. What did you do next?
Freelance writing for a company. ₦140k salary. Highest salary ever. But not the most money made ever.
What’s the highest?
Maybe almost ₦400k from printing branded items for a company. February 2020.
Wait, tell me all the things you can do.
I can write anything. I find ways to solve problems I’m interested in.
And I have good eyes for quality. I learnt some code as well but I never code. I tried to go into fish farming this year and started with 50 fish. They all died. The water was contaminated.
Ouch. Okay, How much do you currently earn?
₦150k plus ₦140k. 9 – 5 content creation job and freelance writing for another company.
What do your monthly expenses look like?
Hm, it’s hard. Data is ₦10k. My savings depend on how much I make that month, but I save ₦100k each from both salaries. Miscellaneous is like ₦20k… or ₦15k. I never budget or track my spendings. I spend on food and stuff, but some of the other money just stays in my account.
So, what happens to all the remaining money?
I have no idea. I’m on a course to change. Right now, I have about ₦400k altogether.
Lit.
Is it really?
You don’t think it is?
I didn’t really start thinking about money until a recent conversation I had. I was talking with a friend about my spending and saving habits and I was complaining about how I never really save. She asked what the most money I ever had stacked up was. I lied. I said ₦100k to cover my shame when it really was about ₦50k at the highest. Her reaction shook me: she was like “₦100k??? God that’s bad o, get your money up and save better. You should also invest.”
I was so sad. That was when I started trying to have money and “hoping” for money. It’s not like I hustled for any of the money I have now. The jobs I got after that time were from referrals, and that’s how I’m able to save this much in a few months. I’m looking to start investing soon, but I have no knowledge about finances. I’ll have to start learning about all of that soon.
What’s something you want right now but can’t afford?
Going into the streets, picking up hawker kids and sending them to school. 1 out of every 5 out-of-school children in the world is Nigerian. Nah. Seeing children hawk breaks me so bad. I just want them to have the same opportunity I did. It’s not like I’m great or anything. Everyone just needs basic education.
I’m curious about what you think you’ll be doing in five years.
I honestly have no clue and I try not to think about it. I have been talking to God a lot and at the beginning of this year. He told me to just chill out and take things step by step through Him, that He’s got me. But in 5 years, I just hope I’ve travelled a lot and written some stuff that the whole world marvels at. Some ads, a movie, something. Married. With a kid. Maybe.
How would you rate your current happiness levels? 1-10?
I’ve always been a happy person for some reason. I’d say 8. Many times I just open plenty of doors in my head. Something always comes.
You didn’t hear of how I got in almost a million naira in debt last year though.
WHAT?
So I got a big printing gig. Big client, plenty of things to print. I would have made about ₦500k-₦600k from the deal if I knew what I was doing. I had a business partner. He was in the printing business long before me. So the business model was he was the production head and I was everything else. We got the deal, presented a sample, it was approved. Because I was the administrative head, I only briefly saw the sample, I knew what it looked like, but I didn’t ask for my own copy. The printer scammed my business partner. The guy presented a high-quality sample and printed nonsense.
I never bothered to go and inspect because my business partner was inspecting. I would call him every day and he would say everything was going smoothly. He wasn’t inspecting though: he was also calling that his guy to ask if everything was going good and that one told him yes. When it was time to deliver and I saw the stuff, I almost fainted. I knew nobody was going to collect that nonsense. The guy convinced my partner it was the same thing as the sample and we couldn’t do anything but deliver because it was the delivery date.
They rejected the stuff. I was going to die. They brought out their sample and put them side by side with the new stuff we just brought and it was like comparing light to the darkness. Luckily after plenty begging, they asked us to re-print just a fraction of the original number of stuff we printed and since we had not paid the guy for the printing, we just used the money. Part of our profits went to reprint. The worst period of my life.
Interesting. What about your merch?
I love t-shirts. I ingrain myself in series and movies and music I love. A type of ingraining is getting merch like t-shirts and caps about them. Also witty quotes and stuff. I tried to get a few of those made by merch makers in uni and they all messed up, bringing nonsense quality and poor execution.
That’s what made me start making my shirts myself.
After a few of those, I realised I could create great stuff by putting my wit and my eye for fashion and (not so great) sensitivity for ‘trends’ into life, and start making my own merch that was both fashionable and unique. That’s what I’m doing.
What are the numbers like?
Bad. I have only one release from my personal merch, and it has only one purchase. But I shared another design and people are pre-ordering.
For custom orders, I still get a fair amount of orders, which I turn down if it’s not a bulk order.
How do you manage your business funds?
I haven’t done business since that February deal, so I carelessly ate into that money for some time. Going forward, I want to be more intentional with what I do with it though. Put it back in the business, etc. I feel like I’m just actually starting my financial journey.
You should op –
Also, another thing I want but can’t afford is a Mac. Please God, hear me. That’s it.
For most young millennials, their biggest expense in the year is having to pay for rent. Taking out that lump sum of account in one scoop can make you weak for the rest of the month, particularly in Nigeria where you usually have to pay that amount yearly.
Different people handle large expenses differently. We were curious about how people handled paying rent whenever the landlord came knocking, so we asked 5 people about how they came up with rent.
Mayowa
I pay for rent yearly. I usually save 30k from my monthly salary for this. My yearly rent is 650k a month. My share of the rent is 350,000 while my flatmate pays 300,000, so I try to put aside about 30k or so monthly. But times when my saving habit was terrible, I’d just wait for my end-of-year bonus and deduct the bulk from it. I’ve done that for the last two years because I didn’t save that well during those years.
Timi
Every January, the organisation I work with pays us a housing allowance. So automatically, rent is covered for me. But before this year, the allowance wasn’t enough to cover it, so I’d make it up with funds from my regular savings. The organisation deliberately pays it on January 2nd, far from the salary payday so that you won’t spend it together with your salary. It’s the most convenient thing ever.
Tayo
You know that rent in Lagos no be child’s play. You always have to cacu and be on your toes. For me, I save up as much as I can. If it’s not enough, I call my folks at home that it’s either you help your boy or I sleep under the bridge; the choice is theirs. If they want me to get lost in the wilderness, they can ignore me. Before I know it, I receive credit alert.
Muyiwa
Personally. I split the rent into 12 parts and save that amount monthly. I am very consistent with saving amount, no matter what happens. Once I receive my paycheck from work, I immediately deduct the rent amount.
Peter
Theoretically, I don’t pay for my rent from my salary. I let my alternative income generate the amount needed. Previously, my alternative income streams were enough to cover the amount. I used to pay about 1m less than what I’m paying now so it easily covered it. However, my alternative income streams are not always guaranteed. My alternative income is mostly freelancing and contract jobs that pop up randomly.
If your office has sense, your salary was probably paid last week or should be paid this week. No doubt, you’re all already calculating how much flexing you’re going to do once the salary enters.
Sorry for you, but some expenses are coming to hook your neck before you get a chance to flex your hard-earned coin. To help you understand better, I’ve made this list of things that are coming for your salary.
Tithe
If you’re one of those Christians who tithe, this you putting aside your 10% for the house of God.
Savings
Then you’ll force your own hand to remove your regular savings deduction, if your savings platform doesn’t already rake your money at 00:01 am on a Monday.
Next, rent deduction.
You know rent szn is going to be upon you soon, so it might be advisable to squirrel away something for your oppressor, the landlord.
Call from home
Time to enjoy your remaining salary, right? Wrong. Momsy needs to buy food for the house and fuel for the gen. Guess who that’s on? You.
Birthdays
Alas, it’s your best friend’s birthday that month, and no how you won’t buy at least perfume, because they got you those shoes you love for your birthday. That one sef dey.
Unforseen expenses
You’re on your own, going to work o. Next thing, you bash somebody’s headlamp and they don’t look like the kind of person to collect “Sorry.”
I know what you’re thinking. “I don’t drive, so I’m good.” Well, that’s what you think. You’re trekking on your own, pressing phone and just enjoying your broke vibes. Unfortunately for you, you bump into the egg hawker, spilling their tray. Again, “sorry” isn’t a known currency, so pay up.
Food and clothing
Time to enter market. But all the price tags you’re seeing are looking very unfamiliar. It’s not resembling the one you saw the last time you were here. Thanks to Sai Baba, inflation has remained a steady 12% and prices have gone up.
Skincare
Your skin is the type wey get strong head, wey no dey hear word. You cannot go near groundnut, dairy or beef without your face erupting in acne like hundred mini-volcanoes. Your skincare plug sef go collect cut. No pressure though.
Airtime and Data
You’re laughing and kikiking at this post but up next, Spectranet is telling you that you’re on very thin nice. Of course, the internet is like crack. You don’t care if you starve. That subscription money must come forth.
Recreation
You look at your account balance and it causes serious pain in your soul. You need something to numb the pain so you turn to your best friend, alcohol. Unfortunately (for you), nothing is free so you have to shell out for this one. Gives you something to think about till your next paycheck. Inside life.
“A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.
The subject for today’s “A Week In The Life” is Olubiyi Oluwatobiloba, an entertainer popularly known as ‘Agba’ of Konibaje baby fame. He tells us about the good and bad side of fame, his creative process, and his exit plan when skits are no longer sustainable.
I repeat the same pattern when I wake up every morning – I say a prayer. Then, I play old school highlife music or The Weeknd. I allow the music to set my mood for the day. After that, I watch TV for a bit, then I look for something to eat. After eating, I sleep like a mad person.
The only difference in my routine today is that I have to create video content for some brands. Some people call it influencing, but the term “influencer” makes me feel somehow because I’m just having fun. I do this to make people happy and to make them smile. My brand started off the back of a video I made on Twitter. It was in the comments section someone advised me to take the character to Instagram and that’s how I started. In addition to that comment, seeing people’s review of that particular video just made me do more. It all started with just making videos for fun.
However, what started out as fun and cruise caught the attention of big people and companies, so there’s now a serious part. At the end of the day, I make sure that I don’t put pressure on myself. The only time I feel the pressure is if I drop content back to back for like two weeks and I have writer’s block the next week or two. That’s only when I get bothered. Anyway, it’s all cruise. I enter anywhere and just try to have fun.
I’m going to alternate the rest of my day between sleeping and making videos.
TUESDAY:
People are always surprised when they meet me outside of character – Tobi, not Agba – I think what shocks them is how chill I am. When I’m out with my friends, I take the back seat and allow them to tell all the jokes while I just observe. From watching them, I even get some material for my skits. As much as people think I am outgoing, I actually enjoy spending time with myself.
When I want to be by myself, I read and watch the biographies of famous people. Their rise and fall, what they did wrong or right, what happened to them. I find it fascinating learning about people I loved growing up, and it also serves as a guide for me. As an entertainer, the same people who praise you today will attack you tomorrow. There was a time I posted a video on Twitter and someone came into my Dm’s saying I wasn’t funny and I was doing too much. The next week, this same person was on the timeline talking about how funny I was. That incident made me realize that people are wired funny. On one hand, I now understand that these people are not really my friends. We are just cosy over the internet. On the other hand, I have met some of the best people in my life through the internet: people that I never thought we’d talk. Finding that balance between being a person[your true friends] and an entertainer[internet friends] is important.
Today, I’m watching a documentary on Nina Simone to understand her life and actions. It’s better to learn from other people than from real life.
WEDNESDAY:
I was telling my friends today that I’ll rather be rich than be famous. I am not anywhere yet but I appreciate the love I get. The other day, I went to buy bread and someone was shouting that I should have worn Agbada to buy bread. Are they telling me that I can’t just come out to buy bread and Akara again?
I also can’t contribute to certain topics on Twitter, and this was not my reality two years ago. These days, I have to consider my brand and future deals before saying anything.
At the stage I’m at, I’d rather have money so that I can gather my life because I can’t do skits forever. A time will come when it’s no longer viable and I must evolve if I want to remain relevant. I don’t want much: I’m okay as long as I am living fine and my family is doing well. I am doing this to lay the foundation for the future. Very soon, I’ll jaapa to Finland or Denmark so I won’t have any pressure to create content.
There’s no use thinking about these things, I’m going to play FIFA to distract myself.
THURSDAY:
If you ask me about my creative process, it’s like this: I get inspiration from looking at Twitter and based on the mood there, I make content. Also, I could be watching Big Brother Naija and I’ll just see something funny no one else is seeing and crack a joke out of it. Sometimes, I’m watching CNN and Trump says something ridiculous, I’ll be baffled that how can he say this? Then I’ll make satire out of it.
Another underrated source for me is BISCON TV – Bisi Olatilo show. That’s where I draw inspiration about Yoruba culture from. It’s fun just watching dignitaries singing, dancing and having fun. It even inspired my joke about going to a wedding and no one ever listening to the father of the groom addressing pẹople. If you watch BISCON TV, you’ll see shit like that.
Nobody dey ever listen to speech at Naija reception.
Nowadays, I try to make my content less sexual because my parents watch my skits. The reason I can even make skits is that they gave me the grace to be outspoken; they allowed me to express myself. I talk about sex in my videos because I find the Yoruba terms for sex to be hilarious, however, my parents advised me to focus more on the funny side. So, that’s what I try to do now.
At the end of the day, it’s still a win for me because it helps with the brand. The best part of all this is being able to use all of this to bamboozle and befuddle my girlfriend[haha]. Sometimes, she’s my muse. For example, if she sends pictures, I can just enter Agba mode to gas her and show her one or two. O ti ye eh. It’s one of those things.
I was asleep and people kept calling me. I remember my friend called me twice and I grudgingly picked on his second try. He started shouting that John Boyega was calling me on Twitter to make a video in Yoruba for him.
I jumped up immediately. Ji! ma sun.
The thing is that when famous people reach out, it’s always for work. So, I don’t get time to be starstruck. I don’t have that luxury. Even when I get to meet them in person and I sometimes get to play FIFA with them, I always have it at the back of my mind that it’s work.
In this case, I had just seen Star Wars the week before and this same guy was messaging me to come to do stuff with him. It was crazy. I quickly logged into Twitter and I told him it’d take a while for the video to be ready and he should give me time. After that, I put my phone on airplane mode and went to work.
So, there I was, transcribing and translating to Yoruba for 2-3 hours. I made sure my pronunciation was tight and everything. When I was done and satisfied with my work, I put my phone on network mode, and saw messages – “Don’t you know what’s happening on Twitter?” “Have you seen Twitter.”
In my head, I was like what’s going on? Shebi John said I should do the video. Oluwa, what’s happening? That’s how I logged into Twitter and saw that someone else had made a video. I was like “Father Lord, this was not part of the will.”
I am not a controversial person and I believe that the sky is big enough for everyone so I didn’t say anything. People had different opinions about who should have done the video, and both camps had valid points. Someone even dissed me that it’s because we don’t have light in Nigeria that I didn’t do the video in time. That the person who made the video before me is based in South Africa and has constant power while I had to battle with generator rope. That was the funniest thing I heard that day.
In all of this, I couldn’t drop the video without John’s knowledge as he was not online. Instead of allowing the external pressure to get to me while waiting, I caught cruise instead. People on Twitter were expecting me to say something or react, instead, I tweeted a full stop. See RT’s. I tweeted rose emoji, eagle emoji, the same number of insane RT’s. I tweeted starboy elepon malu just to see how far I could take it, and still the same insane RT’s. I was having so much fun that day while some people thought I was worried sick.
John eventually came online and I sent the video to him. He acknowledged both our videos and posted mine on his page. I even reached out to the other guy [Lekan Kingkong] that it’d be beneficial to work together. After that incident, we did videos together and now, we are really close; his followers have even helped my brand.
I learned two things from that incident, firstly, the power of social media when mixed with controversy. From that incident, I gained 12,000 followers. I got so many notifications that my phone started to hang. The phone that was not complete before and I was managing the O.S, they wanted to finish it for me. Secondly, I processed that this was John Boyega. I did work for actual John Boyega and I was proud of myself because I didn’t wake up thinking I’d do stuff with him that day. At the end of the day, it’s just the grace of God. And my prayer is that it continues to cover all of us.
I have work in the pipeline, I’m working on a few things with some big companies and people. I have plans to start doing 30 mins skits of pure audio comedy. I’m looking forward to being signed by one of the biggest talent management companies in Nigeria, the future looks bright.
Today, which is the only thing I have control over, I’m going down to the bar to share laughs and drink a bottle of Guinness with friends.
Glossary:
O ti ye eh – You understand me, right?
Ji! ma sun – Wake up and smell the coffee [be alert]
Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
For some young Nigerians, a savings culture is a mindset instilled at a young age, with many parents encouraging their children to put money aside for rainy days. Others weren’t so lucky, having to learn about saving alongside every other thing adulting throws at you.
I was curious about the saving culture among young people so I asked 7 people about their relationship with savings. Here’s what they had to say. Read below:
Shox, 24 – Saving isn’t the problem, rent is.
Personally, I think I save enough money. Usually, I save about 70% of my income so I don’t think I struggle on that end. The problem is depletion. I spend most of my savings on rent. Finding an apartment that isn’t an embarrassment to humanity and is within my salary range is nearly impossible. In all, I just think I have to earn more.
Mimi, 26 – I save alright, but black tax wants to finish me.
Saving isn’t really the issue. I just think I don’t earn enough money. I certainly used to earn a lot less when I was in Nigeria, but I had fewer responsibilities. Here, I have to think about rent, food and the almighty black tax.
I had a good savings streak until my brother died. I had booked a flight to Nigeria to see him when he was ill, but he died before my travel date. I spent more money to reschedule the flight for his funeral, but I missed that as well. Then my father needed money for his business and I had to take a loan for that too. I’m hoping my finances stabilise in the coming months.
Enejo, 21 – I don’t know how to save
When we were younger, my mother used to collect any money we got and saved it for us. It was done with our knowledge but we never actively participated in saving. Now, I’m not very good at saving money by myself. The money my mother saved for us is still in a trust fund and she occasionally deposits more money in it. Still, my saving skills suck.
Mo, 29 – I have three different saving portfolios
Personally, I don’t think it’s hard to save. I started saving when I was in secondary school, at the age of 15. It’s not like I was earning a lot then. It stemmed from wanting to be able to buy stuff without relying on my dad or my sisters and after that, it became a hobby.
Now, I have three different saving portfolios. I’ve been slacking though. I stopped working since I had my baby last year and my side business isn’t moving much. I strongly believe in saving because having an emergency stash is highly invaluable.
Molly, 29 – I haven’t touched my salary in almost 3 years
Me that I save anyhow? I haven’t touched my salary in about 3 years and I have N5.7m saved. I’m a lawyer, so I survive mostly on money from my private practice. I also get money from different sources, like my Dad. Generally, I don’t touch my savings for just any reason. I just save towards a target, like buying a piece of land or a car.
Tswaggs, 24 – I’m learning how to save
Omo, on God, I save as often as possible, although that’s a recent development. An emergency made me realise the need to start saving for rainy days. If I receive 10k, my brain automatically deducts 2k for savings and the rest is for balling. To be honest, it hasn’t been easy. Sometimes, you think you could use the money you’re saving for something else, but you really need to be disciplined.
Deola, 24 – My Mom does my saving for me
I’m not really a savings person like that because I always have my mom if I need emergency cash. Last last, she gives me the money and I repay her in instalments.
When I started working, my mom ensured she collected a percentage of my salary at the end of every month. When I was earning 45k, she would collect 10k. Now she has made me join an ajo (cooperative society)and I remit 20k monthly to it while I save 10k with her monthly.
The bad part is that always end up spending the money on other people, on emergencies or give it to my family whenever they need it.
Money is a universal thing binding all of us. Whether young or old. Just how different is our outlook towards money the older we get? Especially as men.
Let’s get into it:
1) Attitude towards savings:
20s: I’ll save when I have money.
30s: I’ll save when I have more money.
2) Retirement:
20s: I’ll worry about retirement later.
30s: Why didn’t I worry about retirement earlier?
3) Dreams:
20s: If I can buy a big ass house in Banana Island, I’ll die satisfied.
30s: Sweet daddy in heaven, please, let me just buy 2 bed room apartment in Ilupeju. As long as it’s my own.
4) Attitude towards spending:
20s: Latest gear – phones et al.
30s: My trusty Iphone6 still works fine. #Schoolfeesonmymind.
5) Wealth gauge:
20S: Latest cars.
30s: Do you have stocks? Do you have retirement funds?
6) Attitude towards shame:
20s: Spend money to save face.
30s: I can’t afford it. Na broke I broke, I no kill person.
7) Financial literacy:
20s: I don’t understand stock and investment options. How much do I even earn?
30s: Guys! Google is selling stocks with 0.0013 % returns under 5 years. If you buy now, you can retire at 40.
8) Budget:
20s: Food, miscellaneous, small turn up.
30s: Retirement funds. Money for doctor in case my back acts up…again. Money for the kids education. Money for midlife crisis.
9) Attitude towards gifts:
20s: Thanks for the watch, I love it.
30s: Thanks for the stocks, I love you.
10) Financial advisor:
20s: Your parents are always telling you to save money.
30s – You: Listen up, kids. Save your money now that you are young. Trust me, I know what I am saying. You’ll never have almost no responsibilities like this again. Everything is vanity.
At some point in every Nigerian’s life, money-related issues have been a primary source of premium stress. Since this usually unfolds in different ways, we decided to do a post about these experiences:
1. When it’s Monday morning and you have only #1000 notes on you
It hits harder when you’re too broke to order a ride and the bus conductors explicitly said they have no change.
2. When your bank debits you for some strange charge and you can’t withdraw the last 1k in your account
You will curse your bank, but eventually you will use what’s left to buy airtime.
3. When you finish eating at a restaurant and you find out that their POS machine is not working
What’s all this?
4. When you transfer money to someone but they haven’t gotten it after 3 hours
Let’s be guided, abeg.
5. When you find torn notes inside the change a conductor gave you
I hate my life!
6. When you can’t reach your onigbese on the day they promise to return your money
Wait, what’s happening? Did they get in an accident?
7. When your parents decide that you’re now an adult and cut you off totally
I didn’t ask to be born oh!
8. When Naira falls against Dollars and you have to pay more on your monthly subscriptions
I was born in the wrong country. But will I die if I stop paying for Spotify and Netflix?
Oh, wait a minute. Every week, someone at Zikoko talks to anonymous people, asks them questions about their relationship with the Naira and writes about them. It’s called Naira Life and you will find all the stories here.
Never lend a Nigerian an amount that would kill you to part with, because no one has ‘Onigbese’ written on their head. So, to help you move on, here are 15 signs that you are never seeing that money again.
1. When you call to ask for your money and they’re like:
Hay God! On top my own money?
2. When they completely stop updating on social media.
If you like delete all your accounts.
3. When they start using God to swear.
Don’t let God punish you.
4. Onigbeses and “I didn’t see your missed call”
Ode, how will you see?
5. When they start acting brand new.
You call them and they’ll be like, “Is there a problem?”
6. When they always find a way to imply that they’re broke when they see you.
Na so.
7. When they ask if they can pay you in installments.
5k now, 3k later, 2k on your death bed.
8. When you message them on WhatsApp and they leave you on:
See my life.
9. When you ask them if they saw your message.
Don’t let me swear for you.
10. When they start telling you about money that will soon enter their account.
I’ve heard you.
11. Whenever they see you in public.
See this one.
12. When they start telling you about their family problems.
Is that what I asked you?
13. When they text you an epistle everytime you remind them about the money.
Is this one mad?
14. When they start reminding you of all the things they’ve done for you in the past.
“Remember that time I bought you Tampico in JSS 2.”
“Money is not peace of mind. Money is not happiness. Money is, at its essence that measure of a man’s choices.” – Marty Byrde.
There are no statistics to back this, but I think every Nigerian knows at least one person who has done a pyramid scheme. Whether directly or indirectly. These schemes have existed for the longest time and they just revamp under new names: Loom, Ultimate Cycler, MMM, Product marketing. Etc.
Curious about people’s direct or second hand experience with these schemes, I asked people to share their stories.
Tola/Female.
“Loom lu mi ni jibiti. I remember I saw it trending and my husband warned me not to do it. He said people hardly call you to make money unless you are the source of that money. So, I wasn’t really that interested. However, I saw a friend talk about it on her status and I was curious. I asked her and she said it was legit and she was next in line to cash out.
She didn’t give me any reasonable explanation but she just kept saying I should join first. That when I join, I would understand.
So, I paid and joined the group. Only for me to see people writing “you guys need to bring people o.” I didn’t even spend up to one hour before I knew it’d be difficult to cash out. That my friend was now saying I should bring at least one person. I didn’t even have strength to drag anything.
For me, it was very painful because I trusted my friend. I thought she’d have opened up to me if it wasn’t legit.
I just summoned the courage to tell my husband because he warned me.”
Mark/ Male.
“Hmmm. On the blessed day I knew Mavrodi, I knew he was an oloriburuku.
I got a call from Abuja that we made a profit of N900,000 from a car we pimped and sold. One of us said he knows MMM and we should do it for a month before inserting the cash into our account to pay school fees.
I no gree but 4 against 1. They did it, it worked. People started paying us o, I was happy. Oya, let’s not do again…
They said lailai. Me I cashed out and paid school fees but those ones went on and on. They were constantly dissing me.
One day, Mavrodi got stuck. My guys went mad. All their investment went down the drain – Almost 4.2 Million naira.
Do you know the funny thing? – They still had school fees of almost 1.2 Million naira to pay. That day, see MMM induced diarrhea. Diarrhea drugs stopped working for my guys; they were just shitting anyhow.
If not for God and my small sense in helping them pay the fees, my guys wouldn’t have written exam. To date, I am their benchmark for doing any business.”
Frank/ Male.
‘M.M.M was reigning in my school at that time. My friends were guiders and they were making money. I couldn’t be looking at my friends making money so I had to join.
I collected my school fees three months ahead of time so we could make enough for flexing – my school fees that time was N450,000 – it was a private school. I did the first month, money came and I was happy.
I put all of it back so I could make it bigger. The aim was to remove my capital after the second round. Some days later, the story started that they are doing system maintenance, and that’s how till today, they are still doing system maintenance with my school fees.
I couldn’t even call home for another school fees and semester exam was near. It was two days to the exam that two of my girlfriends in my class gave me money to pay the fees. Some girls are God sent sha.”
Anu/Female.
“Well, my dad did one of these product marketing schemes. He spent a good portion of his gratuity buying the products. He sold few and definitely didn’t convert anyone into a seller. He ended up using all the products by himself.”
Adeola/Female.
“I did the ultimate cycler. Put 12,500 and get N50,000. So, I did it once and I got my money. I then introduced my mum and cousin to it and they never got their own. That’s how ultimate cycler died. I felt bad about it. Out of guilt, I returned my mummy’s money.”
Jola/Female.
“I did it ohh. Then, I tried as much as possible to resist the urge to join but one spirit eventually pushed me. Let’s say I joined today, it crashed three days after. I couldn’t cry. It was the small money I managed to save that I put into it.
I did it because my friends were all doing it. They had already cashed out like three times – All those times I refused to join because I was scared. After so much persuasion from them, I felt I should do it once and back out. Not knowing it was going to crash eventually.”
This story was edited for clarity. Some details have been changed to protect the identity of the subject.
Glossary:
Loom lu mi ni jibiti – Loom defrauded me.
Oloriburuku – an unfortunate person/person with bad luck.
How well do you actually know the Naira? If you’ve ever paid attention to the notes you spend every other day, this quiz shouldn’t be too hard for you. So, prove you actually have money by getting more than 7/11.
I think the quote “money answereth all things” should come with a caveat that says it is Geo specific. For example, money can answer like only 30 things on your list in Nigeria while in Canada, it can answer 60. That way, our disappointment with many things will be reduced.
As a Nigerian living in Nigeria, good luck with money answering some of the things on this list:
1) Good roads.
Good luck with that.
2) Constant electricity.
Rainy season left the chat.
3) Efficient tailors.
Jesus: One of you will betray me today.
Tailor: Is it me Jesus?
Jesus: iS iT mE jEsUs? Yen yen.
4) Emotionally intelligent leaders.
I tried to type this without crying. Did it work?
5) Honest banks that won’t remove card maintenance fee for doing nothing.
If I speak about one bank like this, I will be in big trouble.
6) A 9 – 5 that is actually 9 – 5.
Lmaoooooooooooo.
7) Courteous and helpful Civil servants.
This is an oxymoron.
8) Nigerian parents that aren’t constantly asking “when will you marry?”
God, please.
9) Toasters that don’t send messages with “may I know you?”/ tell me about yourself.”
“Money slow to enter, but money quick to go” – M.I
These are the lyrics to one of the greatest songs to grace the Nigerian airways. It’s apt because everyone on some level can relate to a money struggle. Whether directly or indirectly.
According to Marty Byrde – Money at its essence is a measure of a man’s choices. So, what choices have you had to make because of a money issue?
We asked people to tell us the biggest lies they have had to tell because of money.
The undercover millionaire.
I recently got a new job that pays me 1 million Naira a month. However, I told my family members that I took a salary cut to join this company. I am trying to complete a project and I don’t want black tax to finish me. It was easy to sell this lie because the company is low-key and unpopular unlike my old one. The reason I even earn well is because the head quarters is not based in Nigeria. My mum has been sending me “something to manage” every month and I feel bad. But I can’t tell her. At least, not yet.
The playbook scammer.
I met this guy that used to shower me with expensive gifts. Then suddenly he started needing little sums because of “bank issues” and he’s expecting some money. I sha made sure I borrowed him the equivalent of the cost of gifts he had bought for me. When I got to the mark, I cut him off. It’s not me he will finish. I have seen plenty of his type in this Abuja.
Landlord posing as tenant.
The house I live in is part of my inheritance. But my friends are always complaining about paying rent and how tough it is. So, to not stand out, I pretend to have rent money issues. I don’t want them to think I have arrived or something. I was just lucky to have inherited a house early.
The hustler.
I lied to my friends about how much I earn monthly. I inflated it to two times the actual amount. My friends are rich and nice people and I don’t want to look like a charity case to them. They are already wary that people only befriend them because they have money. So, I don’t want to prove them right. They are the kind of people to casually set me up on a monthly salary to supplement my income. If I allow that, it’s only a matter of time before resentment kicks in.
I will keep pushing until one day I don’t have to lie about how much I earn.
A finesser.
I was at a job interview. They asked me how much I was earning at my last place, I told them N170,000 and I was hoping to move to N250,000 gross. That was a big lie. I was earning N70,000 but doing the work of N170,000. So, I only pegged it at the volume of work I was doing. After a series of back and forth, I ended up collecting three times my old salary.
You know what? I’d gladly do it again.
The childhood fraudster.
My grandmother used to save money with me. Money from visitors and her children. Then, she died suddenly. My dad who knew about this money came to ask for it but I told him that she collected it a few weeks before she died. I don’t know if it was because of grief, but I somehow got away with it. The sad part was that we moved houses and I forgot the money in my hiding place. Till today, it still pains me.
If you enjoyed reading this, here are happy thoughts to keep you company.
This question helps guide whether to throw a big wedding or pay off debts and have a quiet wedding instead.
2) How are we handling the payment of bills when we get married?
Let’s be guided. Who handles what and what bill. I pay for light and water, you pay for waste and cleaning. That way everyone budgets appropriately.
3) How much money should we spend on vacations?
Are we going to Obudu cattle ranch or Santorini for honeymoon? Babe, talk to me.
4) Are we open to receiving external help from parents?
Let’s say hypothetically, daddy wants to buy us car because the old one is faulty, what’s the protocol for that? Just thinking out loud babe.
5) Do you have an emergency fund?
I know we are covered by “God forbid” and whatnot, but if shit hits the fan, is there a buffer for that?
6) Kids, how many?
Cut your kids according to your pocket size or some shit like that. We need to sit and break down the financial implications of raising one child, two children, three. etc.
7) What’s the policy with helping siblings financially?
If you help siblings, do you expect them to pay back? or is it dash? and am I supposed to chip in?
8) Named brands vs Generic brands?
I am just asking so I can know how we will be planning salary expenditure. So, I can plan accordingly.
9) If we have fertility issues, how much money are you open to spending?
I know it’s not our portion but it’s good to consider this, please.
10) Public school or private schools for our children?
This question is important because it will affect our cash flow in the future so it’s better we plan for it from now.
There are years you ask questions and years you answer them. Well, 2020 is the year of asking, and the major question I have is – How do I start a side hustle?
See, if you are like me, chances are that before payday you are already so low on cash that if you forget your change with the bus conductor you have to trek to the office.
Is this lifestyle sustainable? No. Am I willing to do something about it? Yes.
So, I have decided to seek out alternative sources of income outside of my 9-5 because nonsense must stop this year. Poverty leave my trouser 2020.
These are some of the things to consider if you are with me on this journey
Who send me message?
This seems like a captain obvious moment but it isn’t. For me, the major driver for considering a side hustle is money because let’s be serious. Deciding your drive for starting will determine how much effort and time you should put into it.
If the hustle is supposed to replace your 9-5, you would put more effort into it than someone who is doing it to find meaning and purpose.
Passion may not feed you ohhh.
Forget all these pursue your passion and aspire to perspire people. Is your passion viable? Can it bring money? I won’t do anything people aren’t willing to pay for because it will end in what? Passionate tears.
Research before you leap. Passion can’t pay bills.
Money is a validator.
If you are in it for money, the easiest test of viability is how quickly people are willing to pay for your services. Once you have something people are willing to buy, a buyer, a means of collecting money, you are ready to go.
The amount of money you make in as short a time as possible should make you know whether to call it a side hustle or passion.
Patience is a virtue.
If you are as impatient as I am, you want instant gratification. Start today, bloom tomorrow, and quit your day job the day after. Laughs in reality.
We waiting good this year and giving our babies time to grow. This means long hours and patience with the process. Can I hear someone say amen?
Don’t get fired at your 9-5.
May our village people not finally get us. Because side hustles require a lot of time and effort, it’s very tempting to neglect the employer’s work to focus on building your own thing. This always ends in unemployed tears. Imagine no more day job to finance pursuing your extracurricular hustle. Tragic.
I have decided that in my spare time after work and on the weekends are when I will pursue my side gig to prevent “I thy known.”
Was this helpful? Let me know in the comments section. Also, incase you missed the epic story on resigning, you should read this. You either resign a hero or drag it out long enough to see your oga become the villain.
Dear Zikoko fam, watch this space. Zikoko is starting stories on personal finance like this and a series on hustling and what it means to earn a living in Nigeria. Tell a friend to tell two other friends.
How do banks make money in Nigeria? Have you ever wondered?
Bankers are allegedly some of the most well-paid people for entry-level positions but it’s not pretty clear where the income comes from.
So, how do financial institutions earn this money?
Fees, fees, everyone gets a fee.
This is one of the easiest ways banks make a tonne of money from people. Imagine card maintenance fee, SMS charges, Atm fees for withdrawing from other banks, being collected from a large number of people. In the battle of banks vs customers, banks always walk away with a neat sum. Something light.
From Deposits.
It’s like this, your bank says take this interest for saving your money with us, and they, in turn, loan out your money to other customers at a high-interest rate and make more money than whatever you are getting as interest returns.
The game is the game.
Don’t panic about the lending, your money is insured against loss by the Nigeria Deposit Insurance Commission.
Income from investments.
This ranges from Treasury bills to Bonds to Real estate. Essentially, longterm assets that can be profitable to them is what they invest in. Some with a lot of money go as far as investing in big building projects either to resell or to rent out.
So, there you have it. A summary of how banks in Nigeria make money. Did I miss any? Let’s have a conversation in the comment section.
How long will it take for you account balance to finally catch up with your expensive tastes? Well, this quiz is here to tell you when exactly you’ll become the filthy person you were always destined to be.
When is it time to break up with your Nigerian bank?
When you think of how you want to spend a typical day, switching to another not so annoying bank is not top of the list. It’s stressful and can be tiring. However, banks are important to your survival and getting it right is important for your wellbeing.
So, what are the signs that you need to break up with your financial provider?
Fees.
Card maintenance fees, outrageous SMS alerts shouldn’t be working to empty your bank account. If the interest rates are low and bank charges are high, then you know it’s time to leave them on read.
You want higher savings account returns.
If you are earning close to zero interest rates on your savings account, this is a sign to consider other alternatives. However, once you see an institution offering better returns, you should move.
Modern features.
Internet banking, USSD, E-statement of accounts are more than enough reasons to jump ship. Once there is a better alternative to what you are currently offered, kindly leave for better.
Putting all the money in one place.
Maybe you are like me and you have 7 accounts, it makes sense to close some of them and consolidate them in two or three places. You need two or three accounts because Nigerian banks can move mad at any time.
You want a bank you can be proud of.
At the end of the day, you want a bank that will not disappoint you in the dead of night and is also dependable. Good luck with that.
Thank God Valentine has come and gone and we can finally hear word and see road again.
With all the hype and social pressure, some of us may have overspent and are now fervently looking to our Accounts department at work for help.
If this sounds like you fear not, I have some tips (that have worked for me in the past) to ensure you survive the rest of the month because I care about you.
1) Pack lunch to work:
I have noticed that when I don’t eat out, I save more money. Depending on how convenient it is to get to work, this is a proven and tested method that has worked for me over and over again and saved me after a spending spree.
Easy to carry your food.
2) Cut off luxuries:
It’s funny how when I am broke, yellow buses don’t seem that bad. N1,200 Uber vs N200 Yellow bus. N200 bus wins every time until my next payday then I get to misbehave again.
3) Soft interest-free loan:
When all fails and I remember I didn’t partake in the crime of killing our Lord and personal savior, I just reach out to family and friends that can float me until payday. Whatever I do, payday loans with interests are a red flag because imagine paying interest on top of borrowed money that may scatter finances for the coming month.
4) Track every Naira:
I enter frugal mode meaning every single note is accounted for. No dashing money to people, no impulse buying. Just accounting and prioritizing all the cash on me until salary comes.
5) Consider a side hustle:
Continuously growing broke is a driver that has motivated me to not be dependent on a single source of income. It is always an eye-opener that it’s time to double the hustle.
Valentine’s day is coming and Nigerian men are tired of the boxers agenda that has been making the rounds since 90B.C
As part of our C.S.R, we have curated a list of affordable yet sweet gifts for the sweet man in your life.
1) Sandals:
You definitely do not need to break the bank to make your Nigerian man look as sweet as he has the potential to be. Imagine this paired with freshly laundered native, he will forever thank and love you.
For less than N10,000, your man can be the sweetest today.
2) Native attire:
Your Nigerian king deserves only the best and you should treat him as such.
3) Perfume:
You can never go wrong with perfumes, and you don’t have to go over N10,000 before you find something that makes him smell like a million bucks.
4) Bracelets:
One of the best-kept secrets is by how much a man’s appeal is boosted by bracelets and other essentials. The beautiful part is they don’t cost too much.
5) Sunshades:
“See my dark shades on like I can’t see you but you know say me fancy you.” – Oluwaburna.
Everybody has pictured how badass they look in a pair of sunshades walking down the road. The beauty is that there are relatively affordable sunshades out there that will do the trick.
If he uses prescription lenses, you can throw in cool frames as a gift.
6) Shoes:
From sneakers to corporate shoes, the list is unending, The options are limitless.
7) Shirts:
Casual clothing, formal wear, pls. The list is too much and many are not overly expensive.
8) Gadgets:
Earphones, headset, new charger, new USB cord, new laptop battery, new fitness watch. Again? Not too expensive gifts.
9) Skincare products:
A couple that moisturizes together glows together. From lip balm for harmattan, to hand lotion, to body lotion to even shampoo. Depending on how willing he is, you can even throw in face cleanser and a face mask.
10) Pay for his DSTV subscription:
Don’t let him miss his favorite football matches or shows. Subscribe for either his DSTV, Netflix, or GoTv.
In the spirit of love, we present Zikoko’s blind dating where we link up strangers and send them on an all-expense-paid date with the hope that something kicks off from there.
Why isn’t Valentine’s day a public holiday? It makes you wonder why Capitalists want to take our hard-earned funds without giving us time off from the grind.
Well, jokes on them because I don’t even have money like that. I was wondering, can you celebrate Valentine’s day without spending a lot of cash?
Well, the answer is yes. At least, I believe you can. It just depends on how you look at things. So, I came up with ways to ensure you celebrate on a budget yet still give your partner an unforgettable experience.
Let’s start:
1) Create a playlist for them:
Am I the only one that associates music with certain periods of my life? When I listen to some songs, I am transported back in time to specific moments in my life. What better way to imprint yourself on your partner by curating and sharing a playlist that tells them exactly how you feel about them? The best part is that it is relatively affordable.
2) Home-cooked meals:
“There’s rice at home” – Nigerian proverb.
The aim is to show love and you can have a cook in session together. Nothing screams romance like trying and failing at new exotic recipes together and then finally settling on eating indomie with egg. In addition, you can add a bottle of wine to step it down.
3) Bond in Lagos traffic:
Since conflicting schedules make it difficult to have heart to heart sessions, I recommend that you guys go home together on Valentine’s day. Use the terrible holdup to have that much-needed conversation and also make plans moving forward. It costs you nothing.
4) Hand-made gifts:
Nothing screams “I love you” like hand made anything. From cards to sewing clothes to even baking. Any gift that shows that you put in labour can melt even the coldest person.
5) E-books:
If the person loves to read, try to ask for a list of titles they have wanted to read for a long time. Should you choose to accept this mission, there are two ways to go about it:
Use sites like Okada books and Goodreads to buy the books at affordable rates and send to them.
*Looks left and right* use the backdoor like…
6) Games night:
If both of you agree to a quiet evening, then you could play cards, Karaoke, drinking games, PlayStation. Nothing too fancy or over the top. Anything that encourages bonding is good to go.
7) Quality time:
The main aim of this holiday is to spread love and many times this just means being there for the person. It could be simple as showing up for them at a work presentation, a hospital visit, a bad mental health day or just staying up at night over the phone to assure them that things will work out.
Giving someone the gift of time is invaluable and hardly any gift can top it because we all need love.
According to car salesmen, first-time buyers usually do not anticipate the hidden costs that come along with owning a car. They think it’s just enough to buy, not understanding that the journey is just starting.
The general wisdom around for people seeking to buy a car is that the buying is not the issue and that maintenance is where the frustration resides.
So, being curious about how much money it really does cost, I spoke to a relatively young car owner and here’s what he said:
1) Insurance: N3000.
Insurance is important especially in this country where people are moving anyhow. You can just be on your own and someone will hit you out of nowhere. There are two types of insurance – comprehensive and third party insurance so I am on the cheaper one. Which is a third party and that costs N3,000.
2) Fuel: N5,000 per week.
This is even because my car is fuel economic and I don’t go out too much. Some people that have to go long distances spend twice that amount every week. So, mine is like N20,000 on fuel a month.
3) Servicing: N8,500 every other month.
Well, my car is old, the roads are bad. That means I have to service my car regularly if I don’t want it to die on me. The mechanic changes the oil, checks the brakes and makes sure there are no weird sounds. If it’s just basic maintenance and no other fault, N8,500 does the job. But if there are other issues, stress begins.
4) Papers: Not too sure. Around N10,000.
If you have connect, you can do this for a year but I don’t know anyone so I do mine every 6 months. I think my road worthiness costs N4,500. The whole thing plus money for boys I think costs about N10,000.
5) Miscellaneous: Any amount.
See, I have had to change my horn twice and it cost me N9,500 on both occasions. I mean it was different issues but still the same horn. So, you can just wake up and the car is making a strange noise. I have also had to spend N27,000 remodeling the front part of the car.
6) Sorting people because you have a car: Any amount.
Someone tells you how to park, they want money. Someone opens the gate, they want money. All these things add up over time. There is the assumption that once you have a ride, you have arrived.
Total:
When you do the total, that’s like N360,000 at the end of the year and this is a conservative estimate with the hope that nothing dramatic happens.
Let’s face it, finances are tricky. It can ruin relationships and it, in fact, has done so in the past. So, what happens when you lend cash to someone you regarded as your significant other but it doesn‘t work out?
What do you do then? Do you let it go? Break their heads out of transferred aggression? or do you call the authorities on them?
Well, seeing as we enjoy bringing you tea, we asked 5 people for what they would do/what they have done in the past.
Zikoko presents – The good, the bad, the hmmm.
No time to cry
If the breakup was amicable, I will give it some time because we are still friends I believe. However, if it’s a situation where I caught the bastard cheating or something, it’s on the spot oh. In fact, mid-thrust. I can’t be patient with that kind of person.Run me my kudi or I am taking legal actions.
Stockholm syndrome
I once dated one white boy that things didn’t work out with. After the break up he’d always be crying and all. To the extent of missing work and whatnot. Uncle, I understand that you are sad and all but I need my money. It was the weirdest couple of months because I needed cash for rent and other things and I had taken a loan from my siblings. That period made me miss the audacity of Nigerian men. At least Nigerian man will still be actively wicked after everything so I can collect my funds without feeling guilty.
Ole ni everybody
I am a man of peace so I let it go. Actually, to be honest, I cheated and I could not just bring myself to ask for anything. I mean my bank account is not the greatest but I see it as cheating tax. E dey happen. Don’t get me wrong, If she texts me to come to collect it today, I will run but I can’t be the one to ask or make the first move.
Oga police, wetin be dis?
There was this guy I was dating. Well, not really dating but we were talking a lot. I loaned him some millions for his “business” as per sister of good ladies unit in the church. That’s how I moved on to another serious bobo because he was dulling. Oyar, return my money. The first month, excuse. The second month, excuse. I just stopped replying his messages. One early Monday morning, I sent police to his house to pay him a friendly visit for old times’ sake. I don’t know who was more shook, me that I could do such a thing, or him that I could do such a thing.
Periodt.
Relationship, marriage, burial, end of the world. If we agree to a loan and not dash, you must return it. I don’t care what the circumstances are or what has changed. A deal is a deal. I feel the reason why many marriages/relationships have problems is that people do not keep to agreements. Most especially when the mood/emotion/moment has passed. You must grow up and be responsible for an agreement. Ahan.
People treat perfumes and scents like some secret society and on a members-only basis. People who smell nice don’t like to reveal the price or name of their fragrances. This is because they want the monopoly of best smelling or they don’t want to share the budget. With this limitation in mind, we discussed with a perfume expert and we present to you some of the most affordable ways to smell nice without hurting your purse. It’s time to give your employer/immediate surrounding a run for their money.
Ladies and Gentlemen, shall we?
NB: Affordable is relative but we picked the price point of between N7,500 – N23,500. This is because many times, the fragrances that pack a punch start from this range.
1) Opulent Musk and Oud – N7,500 each.
Expert: The musk smells like middle eastern royalty, it is rich and warm while the oud is a more masculine version. It is also stronger. They both last 6-8 hours on skin and their projection is 7.5/10. You can choose to either wear it alone or layer them with each other depending on you.
What I heard: This is the perfume you get when you start your first job. To show your parents that you have arrived and they can’t be expecting you to wash their car again. Levels don change pls.
2) Abraaj Oud and Abraaj Valour – N10,500 each.
Expert: The valour is a clone of the Amouage Interlude and it is a budget version for people who can’t afford to buy the highly-priced Amouage Interlude. These perfumes are spicy, woody, fresh with the longevity of 7-9 hours on the skin. The projection is 8.5/10 and it is also long-lasting on clothes so you can never be caught unfresh.
What I heard: Once you start wearing this cologne, your people at home start to serve you extra pieces of beef with food. Your parents seek your opinion in family discussions and they start to respect boundaries.
3) Monte Cameron collection – N14,500 each.
Expert: They smell rich because they are clones of Maison Francis Kurkdjian. The Dark rose, for instance, smells like really dark and woody oud, you get middle eastern vibes when you perceive it. The Gold oud is also an Interlude clone so you understand that you are getting the top smelling scents at an affordable price. it lasts 7-8 hours on skin and projection is 7.5-8/10.
What I heard: You can’t be smelling like this and living with your parents. Once you start using this, you should start to budget for house rent and If you don’t willingly move out, your parents will chase you out. This is because the perfumes smell rich-rich.
4) Cassius Oud – N14,500.
Expert: It’s a clone of the Gucci Oud intense and has that smokey yet mysterious oud smell. If you want to make a mark then you should consider this. It lasts as long as 7-8 hours on the skin so the performance is not an issue. Also, if you want to layer and show yourself, combine it with the Abraaj valour and that is the end. Game over.
What I heard: If you are going for a job interview and you want to ask for a lot of money, you should wear this. After all, smell the way you want your bank account to be addressed.
5) Club de Nuit Intense – N16,500.
Expert: One of the best clones of Creed Aventus. It is woody, floral, and it gives a solid 8 hours on the skin. The projection is more than decent and it’s a compliment getter all round. If you mix it with the Abraaj oud, party scatter ohh.
What I heard: Don’t jump bus smelling like this because the conductor might just ask you to pay for everyone.
6) Bvlgari Man In Black – N23,500.
Expert: Leather, rum, honey = aphrodisiac. It has 8 hours of skin performance, beast projection of 8.5/10 and is a head-turner. According to undisclosed sources, this perfume will “have people wanting to chow you rapidly.”
What I heard: H.R!!
Did we miss any? What are some of your favourites? let us know. Shout out to ‘Daddy Code for walking us through the process and providing photos.
For more info on how to select, mix, play around you should reach out to him. Oh, and the best part is that you just have to state your budget and ye shall be given. There is something for everyone and you can still smell nice.
See, let’s face it, Nigeria is tough and being the first child in Nigeria is even tougher. A major source of this stress is money. Growing up, many of us watched our parents shoulder the responsibilities of extended family and we saw what the stress did to them.
Finances can build a family or tear it apart. No matter how many times you give, the one time you can’t, you are seen as the devil.
So, what are the money situations where it’s difficult to say no? especially as the first child.
1) Burials:
When an older person dies, it’s a celebration of life and not a sober affair. As the first child, there are expectations that the bulk of the expense falls in your laps. When the family tries to guilt you for not throwing a big party in honor of recently deceased Grandma in Osogbo, there’s very little you can do.
2) Rent:
Whether your younger sibling needs to rent an apartment for school or someone needs a place to stay, you are the first point of call. How can you explain to family members that taking in your extra sibling will stress your already struggling finances?
3) Marriage:
Good luck trying to explain why you can’t contribute to a wedding you have no idea of or don’t even agree with. However, it’s a rite of passage for you to shoulder a huge part of the running expenses.
4) School fees:
“It takes a community to raise a child.” It also takes a lifetime for the child to repay the community for their efforts and sometimes this means shouldering responsibilities like tuition for people coming behind.
5) Hospital bills:
Everyone assumes you are rich because you wear a shirt and tie to work but we are all one sickness away from poverty. No matter how much you budget and plan, you can’t factor in your family members falling sick. You also can’t watch them suffer because you are saving money.
6) Dash-money:
You don’t want to be the older sibling that doesn’t give the younger one’s money to go home after they come to visit or run menial tasks. It’s bad P.R.
I spent the last two days reading about how online payment platforms work in Nigeria. Why am I so jobless you ask? I’ll explain later.
But first, if you don’t already know how card payments work, here’s the gist:
Disclaimer: This is not meant to be an authoritative guide. It’s a framework to understand what happens.
Every time “enter your card details”, how does it even work self?
First three things to know: Your bank, online payment service provider, and the financial institution of the company you are patronizing.
So, you decide to buy your power bank from Big Cabal electronics. They also don’t like stress and they want you to pay from the comfort of your singlet and boxers. To make both your lives stress-free, they employ the service of a payment service provider to collect the money online.
Payment service providers are like the guys who collect money from yellow buses for the NURTW but without the violence. They help businesses safely receive online payments.
Payment service providers are circled.
So, when it’s time to pay, you fill in your card details in the payment service provider’s form which is located on the seller’s check out page.
Ahan. Just like that. Is it safe?
Immediately after you fill the form, the service provider encrypts your details. Encryption is like when the smart student covers her work so we can’t copy from her in the exam. So, no one can see your details. It’s safe.
What next?
Remember when your bank people were pursuing you to collect visa or master card? or in some cases, verve card? Well, these people(master card, visa) work in partnership with banks and are in charge of issuing payment/A.T.M cards to us. So, the online payment provider sends in the covered details to these card issuers.
Because these issuers are besties with banks, they then forward the covered details to your bank for authorization. Your bank will tell them whether you can afford to pay for it or not.
How much are you having in your account?
For subsequent transactions, this whole process will be restarted from scratch as this covers only one transaction.
But…but…how does Big Cabal electronics get their own money?
After your bank says “let my people go”, Big Cabal delivers your power bank to you. You no longer miss any gist and your devices are always charged.
Your own bank then deducts the money for the power bank from your account. Pay the deducted sum into the bank of the online payment provider and they, in turn, pay into Big Cabal’s bank. All this takes a total of 24 hours to be completed.
And they transacted happily ever after…
If you enjoyed reading this, click here to learn more.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but investment excites me.”
Those are the opening lines to a song I completely made up. But it’s also how I want my ideal relationship with money to look like. Each payday, I keep wondering “What are the investment opportunities for me?” “When will my enjoyment return from war?”
Maybe it’s the new year, maybe it’s my new age, but I decided to talk with someone more financially sound than I am about money and investment opportunities. Here’s what I learned:
Disclaimer: This is not to serve as a religious text but more to provide a way to look at approaching this issue one God-when at a time.
Charity begins at home.
The first takeaway from the conversation is that you should invest in yourself.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you should take a course or get an additional degree. The investment can be as little as reading a book on a regular basis, networking (Detty December) more to increase your social capital, or simply putting yourself in spaces that encourage growth.
Start where you are.
The second takeaway, although unpopular is that you should develop a savings habit. No matter how little.
Mad oohh Sorry, preposterously bonkers, but there’s inflation. How we go take do am?
After the discussion, there are three ways I have decided to think about this:
1)An investment that isn’t affected by inflation.
Think of foreign currency: “*One million dollars, elo lo ma je ti ba se si Naira?” whether you buy dollars from mallam and put under your bed or you use Piggyvest or Cowrywise, it is a good place to start.
To learn more about this, this is a good place to start.
2)Put money in something that gives returns above inflationand Nigerian anyhowness.
Things like government bonds, treasury bills used to be the preferred tool. Although the return rate is currently below inflation, a six percent return from treasury bills is better than a zero percent return from leaving money in the bank. T-Bills and government bonds are also relatively easy to learn about.
3) Try to learn about the stock market.
While this is also uncommon advice, it helps to think about this long term. This is more difficult to understand, riskier, and gives higher returns long term. So, learning and testing the waters with little sums can prepare you for higher stakes. You should only consider this as an extremely long term project and not short term in any way.
Ahan. Is that all?
Also, alternative investments should be considered. Depending on where you fall, this includes anything from bet9ja to agriculture and even transportation.
You should only invest your money in anything you can verify. If it sounds too good to be true, then it isn’t.
For an extra source of investment in Nigeria, make sure you verify the background of the people, where your money is going to, and how your money will work for you. If you can’t verify these things, take a step back and regroup.
Wow. This was long, abeg summarize
Invest in yourself as this is the fastest way to increase your earning power.
Develop a savings habit because learning to pile money increases how much you can invest with and thus increases your returns.
Invest in things above inflation, not affected by inflation, and learn how stock works. The last part is important for long term planning.
Mahn, this was long and I don’t know if anyone got here. If you did, don’t forget to show off some of your newfound knowledge to your friends.
If you are employed in Nigeria and your employer is reasonable, chances are this is salary week. This week always reveals the different types of workers in any organization. From the employees who beg and cry, to the silently distressed, to the calm ones. Before we start on the different types of workers, let’s take a quote from our sponsors:
“Long work hours may break my bone but salary week excites me.” – Anonymous, 2020.
1) Can you borrow me money:
They always need to borrow N2,800 until Friday when they get paid. This never changes month in and out. If there is one thing they are consistent with, it’s not learning how to properly manage their money.
2) The calm/indifferent employees:
Chances are high that they are number one on this list. They are wildly responsible with their finances and life in general. Never to be caught un-rich. They probably have 5 years of salary saved up so they are never worried about getting paid or not.
3) Grace to grass employees:
Their major tell-tale sign is they stop ordering expensive food. These sets of people start to eat only one gala and small coke for lunch which is a step down from their usual expensive meals and lavish living. This is a perfect example of what their struggle looks like.
4) Already broke crew:
Their motto before payday is “I am already broke”, their running expense is two times their income. These workers never seem to have money at any point in time. Like never!
5) Constantly checking for alert gang:
On the agreed salary day, you can catch them constantly checking their phone every 5 minutes. At every interval, they are logging in to their bank app, calling their banks customer care or running to the atm to check their balance. Our theory is they used their last cash to come to work that day and if no show, they have to trek home.
6) Rumor has it:
“I heard Gtbank has network issues so we can’t get paid today.” “They want to pay us minimum wage so there will be a delay.” Any kind of speculation surrounding payment, they are behind it. They are prophets of salary doom.
7) You must save ministry:
They always remind everyone about the office contributory scheme or ajo. They send not so subtle reminders like ” Hello everyone. This is salary week. Make sure you pay your own contribution. 🙂” The passive-aggressive smiley is a subtle way of telling you that they will and can cut you if you don’t pay up. You definitely don’t want to mess with them.
8) Marketers:
Always encouraging you to buy multiple items on credit because they will soon pay you. They literally force some of their goods into your face and if that doesn’t work, they employ guilt to serve their agenda. They are the enemies of progress where progress = savings goal.
9) Business people:
They always have a business that can give you three times your income around when you get paid. From MMM to GNLD to bringing three people, that’s their specialty. They are actually agents of the devil sent to suck your hard-earned naira.
10) Complainers:
They complain about why the salary isn’t paid per week instead. How the work doesn’t even tally with the salary. They also complain about how they can’t come to work tomorrow if they don’t get alert today.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
Our subject this week is a 22-year old engineer. If you called him a genius, you won’t be lying. But sometimes, even that might not be enough. This is his #NairaLife.
How’s Lagos treating you?
Except for my rough transition from ₦109k per day to ₦109k per month, I’m mostly good.
Slow down, you say what?
Bro. Right after my Masters in Engineering – 1st class by the way – I got an internship in the San Francisco Bay area.
Silicon Valley.
Yep. When the recruiter told me, I thought I heard $30 per hour, I already called my mum to tell her “Mama I made it!” Then I did the math and well, it was actually $38 hahaha. At the time, I was dead broke actually. Had to borrow money to fix up my residence for the internship as per pay rent, buy a new laptop. Borrowed $2k. Paid back after two weeks.
Mad oh! But, how does one end up at an internship that pays $38 per hour?
Engineers are actually valued in America. Probably helped that I was in line for my 2nd first-class degree. Still, the biggest factor though is that the cost of living in the Silicon Valley area is insanely high. I knew undergrads in Facebook, Google and the likes making up to $50 an hour. To be fair though, I interned in the engineering team of one of the biggest companies in the world. That’s far from minimum wage jobs.
What type of engineering makes a person end up interning where you did?
Any type you can think of, to be honest – mechanical, computer, chemical – you name it. I’m an electrical engineer.
Insane. So, one BSc and one Masters degree?
Yup.
What type of financial stamina do you need to grab two degrees in the US where education is super expensive?
I got my first degree in Turkey actually. I had a scholarship all through my time there. Full ride scholarship in Nigeria for secondary school too.
I sabi book.
Henceforth, this is the flex that I will stan.
My father had to pay for my masters up to a point. There was the final $10k that I paid myself. Internship money.
How much did the entire program cost?
That guy tried for me oo, I just dey gauge am.
Over-try. So back to the internship. How long were you there for?
About seven months. I was working at least 40 hours a week. If you break that down to hours per day, how much does that give you?
$38 per hour multiplied by 8 hours a day. That’s 109,440 in naira. Per day.
Then when you work overtime you get paid 1.5x so $56 an hour for every hour after 40 hours. I was around $5.5k after tax.
I’m assuming they were chasing you home because overtime money is sweet.
Hahaha, when I was there, my company was trying to cut costs, so they limited overtime. My managers made me comply so I did an average maybe 44 hours a week.
I had a friend who did 80-hour weeks regularly though. Get this, from your 40th – 60th hour, you get 1.5x. After the 60th hour, you get paid 2x your base. After that internship, that guy fit buy house for Lekki.
This is the part where I ask what happened when the internship ended?
Bruh, a series of unfortunate events. The U.S. gives you three months after you graduate to find a job to secure a 3-year temporary stay, but I couldn’t find one.
Na where my screw up start.
Ugh.
Trump. It’s expensive filing papers for international workers by companies – Trump. Also, not having a strong network all played a part in not securing a job. There’s the part where I was picky about the kind of industry I wanted to work in.
But the biggest factor was time – three months is not a lot of time.
Anyway after about 150 applications, 20+ interviews I had to leave and come back home.
150 applications in 3 months?
Job application sef was a full-time job that time o.
Tell me about the day you knew you were coming home.
The final week in that three months window, I was in a state of despair. I’d done many things right you know: two first-class degrees, experience in one of the most important companies in the world but still.
The days of that week kept passing, no congratulatory emails. So I just gave up, took my card like three days before the three months elapsed and registered for NYSC.
When was this?
February 2019. I was in camp less than five days after I landed haha.
Mad oh. From one of the most advanced companies in the world to a Bootcamp. Inside life.
The theme song to my life that time was; “This is Super Story, a life of strife and sorrows”.
E be tings kraaa.
Chale!
When I came back and started preparing for camp, I fell sick, maybe the sickest I’ve ever been, yet the tests showed nothing.
It be your own village people.
I went to the camp and got an exeat the same day. Maybe my village people are welcoming. Or maybe moving from winter to classic dry season Nigerian weather.
Still, I was too Ajebo for camp abeg, and I’m not even ashamed to say it.
After camp?
I had a bunch of options, but I chose a particular energy investment company, and now I work there as their technical advisor.
So, I’m assuming these are the ₦109k/month people.
Yes. Which, in corper terms, could be a lot worse.
I’ve done a bit of everything since I’ve joined. I worked on getting my office completely solar in my first 3 months, designed systems and awarded the contracts. Fundamentally, I’ve made sure every opportunity my company pursued since I joined is technically sound. Basically, that’s technical due diligence in the investment process. I give them monthly lectures on the engineering aspects of the industry.
I have also – as it is tradition – ordered a lot of lunch.
Hahaha. Whose money?
My CEOs – I basically order food for the entire company. I’ve ordered at least ₦200k worth of lunch since I joined.
It’s a pretty good place though, and getting retained there would be ideal.
Qui –
I dunno why Nigerians treat interns anyhow compared to where I’m coming from. There, you are treated as an equal, makes sense because you are paid close to what the entry-level engineer makes.
Talking about internships. Tell me about the stark differences between a Nigerian Intern and an SF intern?
1. You don’t have to buy food as an SF intern. 2. More money. 3. In the Bay Area, people treat you like your equals. 4. Disposable income.
I know I have it good, I’m basically working at a place with good company culture. Still, Nigerians have this way of treating people who are beneath them anyhow and that translates in my office. The lack of workload and responsibility would have been a thing, but I have a lot of workload in my current place.
I would say this though, Silicon Valley was nice, good people, fast-paced, outdoors, hikes, a large variety of food. Good party scene too.
Now you know what city doesn’t have nice people, has no outdoors to speak of, and food is mostly 1 of 4 dishes?
I want to fight about the food, but that’s not why I’m here.
I mean, Lagos has a club scene, but you no fit club on ₦109k per month.
What does a drop from ₦109k per day to ₦109k per month do to a person’s mind?
I was prepared for it though so it wasn’t sudden. I know what other corpers earn. I’ve always been responsible when it comes to finances too, so now I budget hard and I stick to it. If I were making 3 million a month today I know exactly how I would spend it on because I have already lived that life.
But yes, once you’ve earned what I earned, you spend all your time constantly thinking of how long it would take you to earn that level again.
What are your expenses like these days?
NYSC finishes soon. What’s it looking like as per retention? How much is it looking like you’ll start with?
I know how much I would ask anybody for though. ₦500k for a local company, $60k per annum if it’s a foreign company, as per this life you gotta shoot for the stars.
Currently speaking to a couple of people, nothing is sure yet. I recently snagged a side hustle teaching, but it’s not consistent. ₦10k per session/day so whatever happens I would fall back on that.
What. Are. You. Teaching?
Maths. GRE/GMAT as per Japa season, me too I dey gain from am. Thank God for the useless economy making everybody want to Japa. And of course Trudeau, a good man.
You know, it would be nice to know what the going rate for tutoring GRE/GMAT is so I know whether or not to up my price. Please sneak it inside the post so I go read the replies.
What’s the future looking like though, say within the next 3-5 years?
Bro, one thing is I need to make money somehow. I’m pretty high performing, I get good feedback from people I work with, I just need that to reflect in my earnings.
I’m also passionate about the industry I’m currently working in so I hope to stick to it. Still, the industry is not as lucrative and I need it to be so I may have to change career path.
At the end of the day, I need at least a ₦500k per month pay by 2022. If not I’m off to Canada or wherever else. I learnt from my USA mistakes — my Japa will be final this time.
What you’re saying is, there are circumstances that can keep you here. By choice.
Yeah for sure. I want to be here. I am oddly patriotic. “Part of the change you want to see” kind of person. But, just what kind of change can you make if you’re hungry?
I work in the off-grid industry, providing electricity to the unelectrified. You can only do that in Africa and Nigeria has one the largest unelectrified population in the world.
Random – well, not really – but when was the last time you felt really broke?
I’m never actually that broke in that sense. I stick to my budget, I have savings. Maybe when I was at this Detty December event and it was so hard making a decision to get a 4k cocktail and I felt like, how I can be agonizing so much over what $12. I just felt bad, man.
That tradeoff goes through my head all the time – if I spend this X naira, what would I not be able to spend this X naira on, is that alternative not more valuable to me.
What’s something you honestly wish you were better at?
I’d say investing I guess. I’m currently in a money market fund but that’s about it. 10% returns. Most of my money just lies in a bank somewhere and I need to fix that.
Do you have an emergency plan for if anything goes south?
My father. Haha.
I have a solid amount in savings from my internship shortfall. About $7k only to be touched in emergencies but we pray against them sha.
Do you honestly have any financial regrets?
Other than knowing that I’d be making $80k+ a year in the USA if I’d stayed? None.
Let’s paint a picture of what this life would have looked like if you stayed.
Let’s see. Winter, so I’d be wearing a Patagonia $400 dollar jacket. Young man, 22 so no responsibilities.
Go to work – nine hours maybe. Leave work at 5pm, get home at 5.25pm – no traffic.
Have Thai for dinner because it costs about $13. Probably would be less financially responsible. Go for Happy Hour with my friends after work, buy 1 or 2 rounds – maybe $100. Buy 1 or 2 drinks for a cute girl, $50.
Go clubbing every other weekend cause I can afford it. Travel a lot. You only start to stress as a young guy in the USA once you have dependents, or paying off a mortgage or maybe paying off loans.
And you have none of those.
I’m just a 22-year-old baby boy.
How would you rate your happiness levels though, on a scale of 1-10?
5, man. A meagre 5. Someone once told me that contentment is never experiencing better. I felt that in my soul.
That’s one way to look at it. Is there something you think I should have asked you but didn’t?
There’s this “how did you make money the first time” question I see on the series.
Go for it.
Not really relevant, but I used to be a day student where most of my classmates were boarders.
I was moving stuff – contrabands like chewing gum, Agbalumo – at insane margins, as per entrepreneur.
I’d make ₦500 from a ₦100 stash, then I started making friends, giving out stuff for free till my margins were wiped out.
And so, I learned at a young age that there is no friendship in business.
Please, I am begging you. This is more important than anything in the world. Stop causing attempted olfactory murder every time you pass by. There are affordable ones ranging from N600 – N1,000.
2) Cardholder.
This is a multipurpose store for your Atm cards, business cards, e.t.c. It is one of the best ways to prevent the loss of cards. Also, it looks very adulty when you pull out a cardholder to pay for stuff. People go “oooh, a proper adult.” N800 is a small price to pay for adult privileges.
3) Nail cutter.
It’s a no brainer why this is important. Cleanliness is next to godliness dears and it begins with your nails and for less than N500, you can easily start your own journey.
“Razors are mean, be nice to your skin.” – For N850, you can kickstart your self-love journey today. Also, being hair-free in certain body regions is a good aesthetic for when you have to…oh look, a bird.
6) Hangers.
Nothing screams I am grown-grown like properly laundered clothes on a hanger. The best part is that for N850, you too can start your adulting journey today.
7) Condoms.
“Better wear a latex because you don’t want that late text. That “I think I am late text.” – Lil Aristotle Wayne, 19B.C. Adult boys and girls this is a requirement that can’t be compromised. This is if you are sexually active. Stay strapped out there because safety and enjoyment start from the N100 price point.
8) Pain medication.
Disclaimer: Before using any medication always consult your appropriate and qualified healthcare provider.
Lie that since you turned 21 you don’t have regular back pain. That sharp pain in your lower back constantly reminds you that you are no longer a youth and even though you deny it, we know and you know it too. Having a mild pain killer within reach can help soothe the occasional midnight ache. Also, having minor first aid essentials like methylated spirit and cotton wool is a plus because of minor home accidents.
If you enjoyed this, read this for more adulting content.
This is a line from Teni’s hit song titled Billionaire. This describes my mood every day. Every month I ask myself “How can I make more money?” “What must I do to eventually blow?” “Am I destined to forever be broke?”
There’s a quote that goes:
“There is a time to be born, to die, to plant, to harvest, to find money in the unexpected of places.” If you can tell, I added the last part to make a point. The point is that sometimes you find things, especially where you are not looking.
So, I decided to share some of the things I have found. What have I discovered exactly?
Brokeness is a great lesson teacher.
I graduated from university in 2016. I got a job some months after graduation that required me to have a camera or a phone with a good camera. My biggest dilemma was that I was broke as I had been cut off allowance some months prior. So, I could not afford one even though my new job which was going to make me stop being broke required it.
There are times in life where you are ranting and someone casually mentions the solution to your problem. This was one of them. After narrating my dilemma to a friend, he raised up the option of selling off old laptops for a small fee to raise money.
He then linked me with his plug who arranged for a meeting the next day. I found the biggest bag available in the house and hauled as many old laptops as I could in a single trip.
For me, this was an eye-opening moment as I never realized you could get cash from selling practically dead devices. Needless to say, there are no dead computers lying around my house any longer.
Old Yoruba women see and know things.
It’s easy to write off the old woman that comes around the house every day asking for empty bottles that once contained water. Month in and out you hand it over diligently until one day you ask (in Yoruba): “What do you do with these empty containers?” when she breaks down the maths behind it and how much she earns per full bag, you understand how it makes her life a whole lot easier.
Sprinkle some “Yaya Aiki” when buying suya and you just might get a business deal.
So, here I am. After a long day of fighting Lagos traffic, flexing my small Hausa in hopes of getting extra suya. Just because a sweet boy deserves sweet things. The suya man beams up, impressed by my effort. Adds extra pieces of meat.
I return another time. He beams “customer”. It becomes our routine. He speaks his small English, I speak my abysmal Hausa – communication ensues. At least supported by gesticulations.
One random conversation touches upon the fact that he has been struggling to get newspapers and he is worried. I tell him (with my bad Hausa and gesticulations) that my father has a tonne of newspaper stored away with no use for it. He beams up and goes “customer.”
He offers me some money as payment, I refuse. After much deliberation, we settle upon regular extra pieces of meat as payment. I eat happily ever after.
I am man of steel.
One Sunday afternoon as idle as a painted ship on a painted sea, someone convinces my dad to sell off the old run-down generators at home. My dad not interested puts me in charge. The guy then brings along a guy who values the items and hands me more money than I was hoping to get. At least for run-down generators older than me.
Ever since that experience, no single piece of unused steel in the house has been safe from me. From worn-down appliances to old televisions to curtain rods, I collect them all. This is to be resold.
In case of financial emergency, sell off rods.
Not all heroes wear capes. Obviously.
Don’t judge a book by the cover…unless you plan to resell.
If you have a rare book, signed, and in good health, it’s surprising how much people are willing to pay for it. I have had a couple of people offer to pay me a large amount of money for my books. Also, I found a site that offers to buy lovingly used professional textbooks for a small fee.
The lesson I have learned in all of this is that if there are many undiscovered sources of passive income. I think the trick is to keep an open mind and obviously not be broke like me but that’s by the way.
These days, you can find me always on the lookout for how to increase my money.
If you have any idea, as you can see from my post that I am very open-minded, holla at me. As long as it legal.
Many young Nigerians don’t know how to talk about money or bring up conversations about finance. There are varying reasons for this trend that are too numerous to go into. Because we like you, we created a list of ways to know when it’s time to ask for a salary increase.
1) Fatigue:
If one day you suddenly realize that you haven’t been promoted at work yet you do the job of ten and a half people and you also spend more time (including weekends) in the office than the house you rented. This is a sign that it is time for your salary to match your stress levels. Make sure you only do this if you have been visibly performing and contributing to your company. Also, do proper research on salary range across the industry before asking for a raise to prevent “I thy know.”
2) A crippling absence of enjoyment:
When was the last time you traveled? Me too, I can’t remember. Well, this is about you and not me. So, if you realize that the job depends on you so much that you barely have extended free periods for yourself. You can’t worship God, can’t even slightly fornicate. Then you are in a prime position to negotiate an increase in wages.
3) If your boss buys a new car:
See, don’t ask us how we know. There’s money available. Quickly collect your share before the money finishes.
4) If you have another job offer:
If you have an alternative job offer but for some reason, you prefer your current company. You can just bring it up casually in a conversation if you are to shy to call a meeting: ‘There is serious traffic these days, speaking of traffic, that’s how XYZ company gave me a green light the other day. They offered me the XYZ amount to join them. Can you imagine?”
5) The company has recently “gbe bodied” and you are their Zlatan:
This is the best time to ask for an increase. If the company performed well in the last year and you contributed greatly to the success, you have the leverage to negotiate for a rise in your earnings. This is priceless if you created a process or product that saves the company time and a lot of money.
6) Expertise:
If you are the only person that is really and truthfully and honestly proficient in excel at your office, you can consider bringing up the conversation about money increase. Once you have an invaluable skill, your value automatically goes up. This is because it would cost more for the company to train someone new to do your job. Also, the person may not stick around as long as you have. However, make your research well before bringing it up. This is because asking for too much can make it backfire.
7) Your salary hasn’t increased 14 years after joining the company:
If you have been adding relevant certifications, consistently been doing good work and there is no noticeable increase in salary since joining the company. You should quantify all these and present your case to your boss so there can be a review.
8) You want to go to Canada:
Once I start my own company, anyone that tells me they want to relocate automatically gets a raise. Until then, God will fight our battles.
“O Canada”
“our home and native land”
Beyond the jokes, I hope you found some parts useful. If you did, let us know in the comments!
No matter how prudent we try to be with our money, we all have that one thing that always finds a way to drain our account — from our love of food to our obsession with fashion. So, we created a quiz that tells you exactly what your financial Achilles heel is.
