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  • Naira Life: From Internships at 14 to $93K a Year at 24

    Naira Life: From Internships at 14 to $93K a Year at 24

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    After today’s subject on #NairaLife was fired from her ₦200k/month job in 2020, she found remote work and hasn’t looked back since. Since then, she’s gone from $50k to $93k a year, and she’s only 24.

    What’s your earliest memory of money?

    As a child, I was hell-bent on making my own money. Even today, my dad talks about how much I loved money. I never had a “baby of the house” phase. I’m the firstborn, and my brother was born shortly after me. I had to learn to share from a young age, so it was just natural to want my own stuff. 

    From my pocket money in primary school, I bought soft drinks and sold them to my parents and neighbours for twice the price. They patronised me because I was a child. My dad was always excited to see me try to make money. He encouraged me by having conversations about career with me and giving me books to read. I read Rich Dad, Poor Dad when I was nine. 

    But were things good at home?

    I’d say we were a lower-middle-class family for the early stages of my life. My dad was a government contractor and my mum was a civil servant. In 2008, when I was 10, our luck changed. My dad got a super contract that single-handedly moved us to being rich rich. We started travelling abroad for holidays, shopping in malls, getting cars, drivers, etc. 

    This continued until 2015 when my dad invested a ton of money in an infrastructure-based contract that turned bad. Because it was a government contract, people advised him to withdraw and just leave his money if he didn’t want to risk his life.  

    Ah.

    By this time, I was in my second year in university, getting a ₦50k allowance monthly. Thankfully, I saved about ₦30k of it because I didn’t need to spend so much. As things got worse, my dad had to sell assets and borrow money to pay our school fees. On some months, he couldn’t give us allowances, so I had to survive on my savings from both my allowance and the internships I was doing since I was 14. 

    You were doing internships at 14? 

    People have always told me I’m ambitious, but really, I just hate being idle. Internships, when I was younger, were just me trying to figure out what I wanted to do in the future. 

    I wanted to become a journalist, so I worked at a magazine publishing company owned by my dad’s friend. This was in 2012. It paid ₦5k per week for the four weeks I worked there. I basically sat and watched movies all day every day, except the one time I followed the crew out to take celebrity pictures. It was too stressful running around trying to get pictures. That experience and someone telling me journalists didn’t make much money made me cross journalism off my career to-do list. 

    In 2013, I got an internship at an airline through another of my dad’s friends. It paid ₦10k for the one month I was there. I got to the office and read a book every day. On some days, I was sent on errands. But in that period, I learnt how organisations work and how people communicate in workplaces.

    Then you started university in 2014.

    And I was still doing internships. This time, it was with an advertising agency. I picked calls and sat in on different teams’ meetings. That’s where I first learnt about content marketing and strategy. In 2015, I went back to intern there again.

    So, back to my family wahala. I didn’t notice the shift from being lower-middle-class to being rich like I noticed the shift from being rich back to being lower-middle-class. I was older and much more aware, and seeing my family suffer made me desire to have money even more. 

    You’ve been working since you were 14. How are you not burnt out?

    Oh, I’ve burnt out a few times. The first time was in 2017. A friend passed away towards the end of my internship and all the work stress I’d been carrying just broke like a dam, so I wasn’t focusing during those last few weeks. I also burnt out quite a bit as time went on. Even last year. 

    Interesting. Let’s go back to your many jobs. 

    In 2016/2017, I worked at an experiential marketing agency for my school IT. I absolutely hated it. The stress was too much. Experiential marketing means you have to run around  to make the campaign work out. Thankfully, my allowance was still coming in trickles, so I could survive. 

    Before I graduated in 2018, I spoke at a school career fair, and a man from some big company approached me to hire me. He liked my speech and they were looking for an intern. It was April, and I thought it was going to be a summer internship, so I said I was interested. A few days later, some people from the company called me to interview me and ask when I could resume. That’s how I started working while I was in my final year. I went to the office only on Fridays and my salary was ₦20k.

    Let me guess, it was stressful. 

    Stressful as hell. The salary was only enough for transportation and maybe some food. Many times, I got back to school after they’d locked the school gates because of traffic. I had to make friends with the security guards so I wouldn’t get in trouble. 

    I eventually stopped working there in October. I went for NYSC camp in November, and a content agency that had also heard me speak at the career fair reached out to hire me for the year of NYSC. I accepted the job and started working there in December, two days after my convocation. 

    Best in working.

    LMAO! By January 2019, my monthly income became at least ₦69,800 per month. NYSC paid ₦19,800, and the job paid ₦50k. My lecturers from my old school also started recommending me to final year and master’s students to proofread their projects. This didn’t happen every month, but I charged ₦25k whenever I got a gig. Sometimes, I got three gigs in a month. Other times, people didn’t pay up. I still have like three people owing me from freelance jobs. 

    I also moved out of my parents’ house in 2019 because work was far from home. I lived with family. The summary of my 2019 until September was that I was broke. My monthly earnings couldn’t sustain me. 

    What happened in September 2019?

    I finished NYSC and got a raise to ₦200k for the same role. Omo, it was amazing. I started taking Ubers to work and was able to save small amounts from time to time. Things were looking good until March 2020 when I was laid off. 

    Ouch. COVID?

    COVID. The company was losing money, so they laid a bunch of us off. That period was extra depressing for me because I had another job offer from a bank that was going to pay ₦300k. When COVID hit, they stopped replying. I got a ₦300k severance package from my job, and my dad asked me to save it in dollars since I wasn’t doing anything with the money. 

    I moved back home and moped around for a bit. I had zero savings except for the dollars, no job, and nobody was hiring. By June, I decided to go online to look for freelance work.

    What did you find?

    Between June and August, I helped a couple of people revamp their LinkedIn pages. I made about $250 in total from all my jobs. But freelance was stressful. I had to pander to impress people and didn’t like it. I wanted an actual job, so I started researching how I could find one. 

    My goal was to find a content marketing job, but I didn’t even know so much about content marketing. I knew more about content strategy. All the jobs I applied for rejected me. By August, I joined online communities of content marketers through LinkedIn and Slack and took it as a job to participate in conversations very actively. What this helped me do was understand better how to present myself as a content marketer. 

    Another key thing I learned in this period — which I think anyone looking for remote work should learn — was how to present myself as someone looking for a job, and not as a Nigerian looking for a remote job. All those fancy Canva CVs were thrown out of the window. I focused instead on making my LinkedIn look as professional as possible. 

    When did you find your first remote job?

    September 2020. It paid $400 a week. It was a content marketing role for the sister company of a company that didn’t hire me because they suddenly didn’t have a budget for my role. I was in a one-man team writing, creating images, doing social media, and everything else content-related. It wasn’t ideal, but at least it helped me build a strong portfolio in content marketing. 

    By November, a content marketing agency reached out to me via LinkedIn. They were looking for a content marketing manager. Their offer was $50k a year. That’s $4,187 a month. 

    ALSO READ: “I’m Losing Friends as I Earn More” — What’s Your Biggest Fear About Money?

    Whoa.

    I couldn’t sleep the day the offer came. I’d just gone from earning nothing to earning millions in naira. I hadn’t just secured my first million, I was going to be getting millions every month. I had to adjust my thinking to accommodate the fact that I was making that much money. When I got my first salary, I didn’t even spend from it at first. I was just looking at it in my account. 

    I left the other company in January 2021 because the stress of working two jobs was too much for me. 

    Did your parents know how much you were earning?

    They’ve known all my salaries. They’d always been there, so there’s no point hiding it from them now that it had increased. Thankfully, they’re not the type of people to overburden me with requests. By 2020, my dad had gotten another nice contract that was steadying the family, and my mum had gotten a promotion and a raise too. So things were good.

    Back to your plenty money. 

    By August, I got a promotion that increased my salary to $55k a year. That’s $4,583 monthly. It wasn’t too much of an increase, but it was something. At this point, I’d gotten used to the money, so I decided to spend it. I converted a part of my parents’ house into a mini apartment for myself. I bought everything — new furniture, a new laptop, a desktop, a new phone, fridge, freezer, everything. By the time I was done, I’d spent about ₦10m. I have zero regrets. It’s super comfortable for me. 

    My taste also went up. I bought only expensive things — plates, furniture, high-end clothing, etc. 

    By October, I got another promotion and raise. This time, to $60k a year. $5k a month. When I got that raise, I started feeling super dissatisfied. I knew I could earn so much more elsewhere. These raises were too small to keep me in one place. 

    Back to LinkedIn?

    The next thing was to find a job at an organisation that did their content marketing in-house and not work with an agency. At agencies, you have to work with different clients who have different needs. But on an in-house marketing team, you can focus on the company and avoid the stress of talking to too many people. That same October, I started applying for in-house agency jobs. 

    One that I applied to got back to me, and by February 2022, I started working with them. 

    How much do they pay?

    $93k a year. 

    Interesting.

    I’m not used to the massive jump yet. In three months, I went from earning $5,000 a month to saving $5,000 a month. Right now, my monthly income is $7,746. $5k goes into investments and savings, and the other $2,746 is spent. 

    What do you spend your money on?

    Let’s also look at your investment portfolio.

    I’ve always gravitated towards non-traditional investments like crypto, so I have a lot of that. However, the downturn in the crypto markets made me reevaluate my investment strategy and redirect to more traditional instruments like property and mutual funds. Right now, I have $26,000 in crypto assets, $4,500 in an investment account I’ve just opened, $5,000 in my savings and emergency funds, and land worth ₦2 million. I also now use a financial management company to manage my finances better. 

    Where do you see yourself in the near future?

    My immediate goal is to be making $10k per month in the next year. As I climb higher up the ladder, it’s going to be more difficult to make massive jumps. My dream is to make $150k a year by the time I’m 30, but I’ve realised I dream too small, and my reality always blows my expectations out of the park. So let me keep my hopes at $150k, maybe I’ll be making more than that soon. 

    What do you want right now but can’t afford? 

    Hmmm. Nothing. Wait, maybe citizenship to a different country. Maybe my own house. Maybe to move to a better, bigger rented apartment. I’ve seen one in Lagos that I like that’s ₦10m a year, but I don’t want to take it yet. I want to focus on investing and building wealth. 

    And your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    8.5. It could be a 9. It can’t be a 10 because there’s always room to earn more. 

    ALSO READ: #NairaLife: How Did This Agric Economist Go from Earning ₦40k to $5,500 in Four Years?

    David Odunlami

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  • QUIZ: Will Money Fit You?

    QUIZ: Will Money Fit You?

    You keep praying for God to bless you with money. But do you know if money will actually fit you? This quiz will tell you.

    Take the quiz:


    Prisca

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  • “When I Checked the Phone Pack, It Was Filled With Dirt” — Nigerians Share Their Scam Stories

    “When I Checked the Phone Pack, It Was Filled With Dirt” — Nigerians Share Their Scam Stories

    The Tinder Swindlers and Anns of the world are scattered amongst us. Sometimes they’re disguised as Instagram vendors, other times as friends we’ve known for a long time. In this article, eight Nigerians shared their stories of being scammed. Trust Nigerians to bring their own werey to the mix. 

    1. “It could have been jazz, but I’ll never know”

    — Ben, 28

    In  2005, I was 10 and living in Mushin. My grandmother sent me on an errand. She used to sell provisions and wanted me to go buy coconut snacks we used to eat back then — I’ve forgotten what it’s called. She gave me ₦1k and I was off. The whole day started on a bad note: first, an okada hit me while I tried to cross the road from my house. It wasn’t serious, so I kept going. At the next junction, the same thing almost happened again. I was already stressed. 

    As I got to the market, an elderly woman stopped me. She asked me to help her buy groundnuts while she held my money for me. I didn’t want to be disrespectful, so I obliged. By the time I came back, the woman had gone. I didn’t even know what to do. When I went back home, grandma just told me it was jazz. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t, but it was my first taste of the lies Nigerians tell.

    RELATED: 4 Nigerians Talk About Their Experiences With Juju

    2. “I searched for the store for hours and never found it”

    — Annie, 25

    In 2016, I suffered because of an Instagram page. I was in 300 level and there was a promo for wigs happening. It was a buy one, get one free promo. The wigs cost ₦20k each, so getting two for ₦20k didn’t seem like a bad deal. I got four of my friends to join me so we could rock the new wigs together. So as a group, we paid ₦100k. The vendor told me the package would arrive in three weeks max. It never did. I had four girls on my neck and it wasn’t funny. I kept calling and sending the vendors texts. 

    When she finally responded, she told me to come to the address on her page. She mentioned losing someone in her family and struggling to stay focused. I understood. Next thing, I was on my way to Lagos Island. I got to the address and the building was just a warehouse. I trekked around for at least an hour hoping to find a building with her store name. Nothing. I kept calling the number and it wasn’t reachable. That’s how I had ₦80k gbese to cover.

    3. “She tried to frame me for fraud”

    — Yetunde, 53

    In 1999, I worked at the bank. I was 26 and quite naive at the time. As one of the youngest people at my bank, it was easy for me to make friends. I got closer to one of the older women. She seemed very interested in my life and gave me tips on getting through hectic days at the bank. Sometimes, we’d end up hanging out on the weekends. She seemed pretty harmless. 

    Who would have thought she’d try to frame me for fraud? She felt I was getting too close to one of the customers. But rather than talking to me about it, she went straight to the branch manager and told him I had plans to defraud the bank with my lover. She claimed I had been signing off on unauthorised cheques to grant him access to more money than he had. Why did she do this? I have no clue. I only got out of the situation because of a co-worker that knew the customer personally. When he heard the matter, he spoke up for me. If that didn’t happen, I would have lost my job.

    RELATED: “If You’re Not A Fraudster In Cyprus, You’re A Nobody”- Abroad Life

    4. “I can’t tell my kids I lost ₦3 million to crypto”

    — Lucy, 46

    My kids had been telling me about crypto and I decided to try it in 2021. I didn’t want to ask them for help though. I felt I could figure it out on my own. A friend had gifted me ₦3 million, so I decided to give it to a guy that always talked about crypto. A month went by and there was no feedback from the guy. I asked him what was going on and he just kept putting me off, saying something about the dip. It’s been a year and I haven’t heard from him. He conveniently resigned while I went on leave. I didn’t make too much noise because it wasn’t the money I worked for. I didn’t tell even told my kids because I’d never hear the last of it.

    5. “Instagram hackers fooled us”

    — Sandra, 24

    My mum and I knew someone on Instagram. He was a direct friend and randomly posted about getting ₦20k for ₦5k. He wasn’t into money doubling, he just claimed he had done it with some guy. I sent a dm and he told me it was legit. Since we knew him, it was easy to trust. When I sent the money, he also asked for ₦5k bank charges to send the money. At this point, we should have noticed the red flags, but we didn’t. We sent the money. After a few minutes of texting back and forth on when the money would be sent, he blocked me. Turned out that the guy we knew had been hacked. 

    6. “I thought he was in danger, so I sent the money”

    — Daniel, 30

    A friend called claiming to be at the police station. He sounded disoriented and needed ₦15k to settle the officers with credit or cash. The number didn’t have a name, but I felt the voice was familiar. I didn’t even think twice. I bought the airtime and sent it straight to the phone. About a week later, I saw the friend I assumed was at the other side of the call and asked him if he was okay after the “incident”. He was confused.

    7. “Computer Village has always been a mad place”

    — Daniel, 37

    10 years ago, I went to Computer Village to buy a phone. I met a guy on the street and we settled for ₦38k. He handed me the phone. When the guy counted the money, he was claiming it wasn’t complete. So he asked me to hand him the phone while I re-counted to confirm. I did and as expected, it was complete. When I told him, he said it was a mistake on his part. He handed me back the phone and disappeared into the crowd. When I finally checked the phone as I walked back to take a bus, the phone pack was loaded with dirt. I still don’t understand how he switched phones so quickly. I couldn’t even shout. The whole place was crowded.

    RELATED: The Zikoko Guide To Surviving Computer Village

    8. “The bus driver took off with my change”

    — Yusuf, 28

    Just this Tuesday, I was on my way to work. The bus fare from my house is ₦100 and I had ₦700 on me. I wanted more change so I gave the driver the ₦500 rather than the ₦200 note. When I handed him the money, I was focused on my phone, chatting away. I absent-mindedly asked for my change, but the driver didn’t answer. I wasn’t close to my bus stop yet, so I didn’t stress. I went back to chatting. When I got to my bus stop, I didn’t remember about the change until he was driving off. The one time I needed Lagos traffic, the whole roads were free. That’s how I ended up leaving ₦400 with the man — money that was meant to be for lunch. I’m still so angry.

    ALSO READ: If You Played These 6 Street Football Games as a Kid, You Should Be Married Now

    Ortega

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  • “Nigerian Business Owners Are Going Through Another Pandemic” — Let’s Talk About Inflation in Nigeria

    “Nigerian Business Owners Are Going Through Another Pandemic” — Let’s Talk About Inflation in Nigeria

    After the Nigerian government and people who eat semo, inflation is up there among the reasons living in Nigeria is a struggle. The others are heat, fuel scarcity or the fact that you don’t own a pet goat. 

    If you’re unfamiliar with the term, inflation describes the increasing price of goods and services. When people’s salaries aren’t increasing, that’s where the real problem is. In more Nigerian terms, inflation is the reason sardine is gold. In the past three years, the price of sardine has moved from ₦180 to ₦600. In the middle of all this, ₦10k in 2019 feels like ₦1k in 2022. Do you get the flow? Whenever prices skyrocket, that surge is an increase in inflation. 

    Leo Dasilva on Twitter: "Every time I turn on the news to see what's happening in my country https://t.co/ufXAXsb9FB" / Twitter

    RELATED: 5 Nigerians Talk About Navigating Inflation

    So, how are business owners managing the ever-increasing cost of goods? In this article, eight small-business owners talk about navigating inflation.

    1. “Shipping and clearing fees are the absolute ghetto”

    — Wigmaker

    I’ve been running my wig business since 2017. Typically, I order hair from Vietnam, so the value of Naira affects me badly. Since 2017, the exchange rate has moved from ₦300 to $1 to about ₦360 to $1 in 2019 and now, we’re trading at ₦450-₦500 to $1. 

    In 2019, when I shipped goods worth 10kg, I was charged $5-$7 per kg. It wasn’t cheap, but at least it was easier to cover the cost than it is now. I could buy the weaves at ₦40k and add in ₦30k-₦40k to sell at profit to also cover my shipping and clearing cost. Now, I can barely do that. 

    RELATED: Nigeria’s Inflation Rate Has Hit A New High. Here’s What That Could Mean For Everyone

    In 2021, my shipping cost moved from a maximum of $7 to $12 for the same 10kg of hair. There were times I had to work at an exchange rate of $570-$620. That’s almost double my initial cost for shipping and clearing goods in 2019. I struggled to cover the cost and, my profit margin plummeted. From buying weaves at ₦40k in 2019, it’s doubled to ₦90k by the middle of 2021. Now, I sell based on pre-orders. It’s the only way to avoid buying so many weaves and selling very few in a matter of months. Honestly, the situation is tough.

    2. “I’ve gone from buying butter at ₦8k to ₦ 18k”

    — Baker

    Right now, raw materials have doubled or tripled in price. For instance, in 2018 I used to buy a tub of butter for ₦8k- ₦ ₦10k. Now, I buy the tub for ₦18-₦20k. Raw materials are also scarce because brands can’t afford to manufacture at the same rate. People now produce counterfeit or low-quality products to maintain customers. In 2022, it takes a good baker to identify the fake products in the market.

    I’ve lost customers because of the review in my price, and getting more has been so difficult. In 2018, people typically ordered cakes and small chops for fun. Now? No one orders a cake or box of small chops for leisure. If it’s not an important event like a birthday or anniversary, demand is quite low. 

    My profit margin has significantly decreased. It’s either I’m covering the cost on my end, or not getting customers at all. Even when Nigerians order, it’s budget cakes — ₦10k, ₦12k — anything more doesn’t happen as much. I can’t even think of expanding as a business. Beyond the poor market, I can’t think of buying an industrial oven with my account balance. The business will suffer.

    Chidubem on Twitter: "He is what you call best friend goals! Even in chaos he dey your back 😂❤️ https://t.co/czAQMYs8AW" / Twitter

    3. “There are no customers for us to cover the cost of rent”

    — Salon owner

    Two years after losing my bank job, I decided to open up a saloon in 2013. I wasn’t interested in making hair, I only wanted to sub-let to hairdressers and barbers. The rent was about ₦600k, and I was sub-letting for ₦20k per month. People flocked at the offer — I got six hairdressers, a nail technician and two barbers. As the years went by, the rent increase. I moved from paying ₦600k to ₦800k in five years. 

    By then, the price for each space gradually increase. 2018, half of the hairdressers couldn’t cover the cost and left. We went from busy weekdays and weekends to barely any customers during peak hours on a Saturday. Eventually, we were down to three people. Currently, my rent is ₦800k. My profit margin moved from nearly ₦150k in 2013 to barely ₦100k between the three people currently in the saloon. Some months I have to overlook the payment because honestly, there are no customers for them. 

    RELATED: #NairaLife: She’s 22, and She’s Changing Careers for the Third Time

    4. “To keep my customers, I sell cooking gas based on how buoyant a person looks”

    — Gas retailer

    In 2009, I started selling cooking gas. When I started, gas was selling at ₦2k for 12.5kg and ₦9k-₦10k for the 50kg. Now, 12.5kg is going at ₦7950 and the 50kg is ₦31,800. That’s even when the gas is filled. For the empty cylinders, the 12.5kg was ₦6k-₦8k, while the 50kg cylinder was ₦26k-28k. Now, those 50kg cylinders are sold from ₦40k upwards. How do the retailers gain any profit? My profit margin was at least ₦1k in 2009 and relatively stayed the same because customers won’t buy if the gas is too expensive. So I’m earning the same thing in an economy where ₦1k is like ₦100. 

    To push it up a bit, I started selling based on how buoyant a customer looked. If you’re a rich man or woman, I’ll add the ₦500 another person can’t pay inside your cost. Since the economy doesn’t favour me, I have to find a way to keep customers.

    5. “Fruits are like gold in the market”

    — Juice seller

    When I started selling fresh juice with my mum, we were selling a bottle for as low as ₦350-400. That was 2020. While we were using recycled bottles, we were making a profit of ₦200 per bottle. Then we began to make branded bottles and it dropped to about ₦120-₦150. It’s been two years since we started and we had to review our prices in January 2020. Between the fire incident at the store and the cost of fruits like pineapples and oranges, it was inevitable. The plan was to always maintain our price at ₦500 per bottle now, it’s going from ₦1k-₦2k. With the cost of production, it’s impossible.

    6. “Stop swearing for tailors”

    — Fashion designer

    I’ve been a fashion designer since 2013. Although I took breaks in between to focus on my family, I ran my business on the side. The cost of production has continuously, but this fuel scarcity has made my life miserable. My transformer blew and now I’m at the mercy of NEPA. When there’s no light, I still need to run my light machines, so buying fuel is inevitable. 

    Now, I’m buying fuel at ₦400 per litre and my earnings from the clothes I’m currently sewing, won’t cover that cost. Logistics is also expensive and customers aren’t patient enough to understand. In a matter of months, I’ve had to review my prices. I can’t even afford to buy an industrial machine I was able to afford in 2018. Now, it’s ₦140k — double the initial price. 

    Naija on Twitter: "Thread of old Nollywood memes🙂. Drop yours and check the thread to cop some. https://t.co/3verOpJ7a9" / Twitter

    7. “Customers need to understand, we’re in a pandemic of our own”

    — Restaurant owner

    In 2019, I started my restaurant business in university. By March 2020, I was able to expand into a bigger space in uni, but the pandemic shut us down within weeks. Deliveries were the only way to keep running. At that point, prices of foodstuffs were already going up, but I didn’t want to review my prices. Students were our main customers, so increasing prices would have been detrimental. 2021 was a whole other level for us. We went from paying about ₦300 per litre for diesel in 2020 to about ₦400 in 2021. Last week it was ₦510. Now, it’s ₦555. That’s more than a 50% increase on diesel alone. Imagine the cost of electricity bill or foodstuff?

    While the prices go up, we still have the government coming down our throats with tax. The situation is appalling. It feels like business owners are going through another pandemic on their own. 

    8. “I have to pay my staff out of pocket”

    — Hairdresser

    I’ve had a shop at Garki market, Abuja, for ten years. The service charge used to be ₦15k per year in 2012 and now, it’s ₦30k. The saving has been my landlord not increasing rent. However, keeping up with my staff’s salary is difficult. When I got my first set of staff in 2015, I was paying them ₦12k- ₦19k depending on their location. Now, it’s not even significant to how much they spend on transport. I’ve had to review their salary to ₦20k- ₦25k. In the bad months, it’s out of my pocket.

    ALSO READ: NaireLife: This 36-Year-Old Lecturer Is Also a Photographer, Marketer And Full-Time Husband

    Ortega

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  • If You’re Tired of Work, Follow These Steps to Grow a Money Tree

    If You’re Tired of Work, Follow These Steps to Grow a Money Tree

    They say two heads are better than one, and this article proves that Zikoko is the only head you need to be great. In this article, we’re giving you the inside gist on growing a money tree. Forget capitalism. Follow these seven steps and you’ll hit the jackpot.

    1. Find a seed, obviously

    It can be the seed of the womb, an agbalumo seed; just find a seed to plant.

    RELATED: If They Do These 6 Things When Eating Agbalumo, Hide From Them

    2. Borrow holy water from your local church or find your ancestors

    If you know anything about agriculture, a seed needs water to grow. For a money tree? The water has to be the ones purified by your either your village people or your local church. Whichever works for you.

    3. Eat egbo (sacrifice)

    This isn’t Nollywood, so we’re not asking for a blood sacrifice. Just go under the bridge or inside a bush, and look very well. Anything you see wrapped in a calabash is with food is egbo. Eat it. That’s how you’ll access your village people to bless the water.

    4. Eat the rich

    This isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a necessity. Money only comes to those who have it. So why not eat the ones that already do? Start with the people buying sardine. They’re all criminals.

    RELATED: “I Now Outsource Things I Once Did With My Friends” — 5 Nigerians on Being the Rich Friend

    5. Wear a “My money grows like grass” t-shirt to sleep every night

    We’re going for affirmations — speak it, think it, wear it. If you don’t have, attend our events and collect Zikoko merch. No need to thank us, it’s for the cause.

    6. Talk to the trees

    Go into the forest and spend the night lamenting about everything going on in Nigeria. From fuel scarcity to the heatwave, some of the trees might just pity you and grow money.

    Now for the final step…

    7. Use the last money in your account to eat

    Farming is a lot of work. That’s why Uncle Bubu wanted to send us there as lazy youths. For this tree to grow, you need strength. A hungry man cannot plant or grow anything. So my dear, eat.

    Please note, these seven steps should be done within three to five working days.

    ALSO READ: #NairaLife: She’s 22, and She’s Changing Careers for the Third Time

    Ortega

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  • “I Was Aiming for at Least ₦1.2m a Year” — Nigerian Women on Different Salaries Talk About Saving Money

    “I Was Aiming for at Least ₦1.2m a Year” — Nigerian Women on Different Salaries Talk About Saving Money

    Men are always claiming women are rich but never spend their own money. Let’s put it to the test, In this article, six women share their savings journey with us and their money plans for 2022.

    1. Ifechi, 25

    When I was four, whenever visitors gave me money, I was allowed to keep it for myself. There was no “let me hold it for you” from my mother. I’d save up the ₦10 or ₦20 from visitors and blow it on condensed milk at the school canteen. 

    As I got older, the habit of saving money stuck, but my motivation changed. It started with my parents’ accident in JSS 3. For some reason, the incident sent me into a state of panic. Seeing my parents spend so much money made me worried about blowing my money on random desires like condensed milk. My parents got better and our finances went back to normal, but I was paranoid about the possibility of an accident happening again. At that point, I began saving to never spend. Call it paranoia, but I was always fearing the worst.

    I didn’t feel financially secure until I got my first job in 2020.  earned enough to start saving ₦100k every month. The paranoia was still there, but at least my bank account moved up, so I stopped saving solely for unplanned emergencies. The first expensive thing I saved up to get was a Macbook. Later, I started a savings plan for a car. The target for my car was 2022 and I was putting away at least ₦1.2 million each year. It’s 2020 now, but I don’t really need to get the car immediately. A friend has been driving me around town, so why stress? 

    Now, I’m focused on saving in dollars. My next goal is to double my ₦100k savings per month by 2023.

    2. Hauwa, 41

    I was late on the savings culture because of the strikes that held me back in school and the difficult job market in the early 2000s. The most I had done was ₦5k per month from my NYSC allowee in 2002. I was saving up for a Nokia flip phone.

    After that, I didn’t get a job that paid well enough until 2007. I was 26 and started earning about ₦208k per annum as a trainee in the bank. Three years later, I was promoted and my salary moved to about ₦400k per month. The growth was great, but I felt like age wasn’t on my side anymore. I was putting money away to have enough money to assist whatever man I finally married with wedding bills. Honestly, at the time, it made sense. But while I was waiting for someone’s son to find me, I also put money away for a degree in the UK.

    In my 30s, I was focused on saving to invest my earnings and it’s something I’m proud of. Now, I earn interest rates from treasury bills, stocks and my fixed deposit account. I believe it’s way better than leaving the money idle at the bank. In 2018, I moved into cryptocurrency with the money I had saved up from my bank job. Crypto is now the percentage of my income that covers my rent.

    3. Hannah, 23

    In January 2020, I wanted to start a fixed deposit account to save my allowee. The whole process was confusing. My friends had been raving about saving with a group through ajo. I didn’t have anything to lose so I joined them in February. We were 12 in the group and each person contributed ₦20k per month. By December, I got my  ₦120k  and started another round in 2021.

    Right now, I’m still saving up money on the group to rent an apartment. If I get it right this year, I’d like to visit Kenya for Christmas. To make that happen, I’ve moved my Ajo contribution to ₦100k per month.

    RELATED: Live Vicariously Through These 5 Nigerian Women Exploring Africa

    4. Kemi, 27

    I didn’t have any savings until 2021. Before, I wasn’t as committed to keeping to a yearly target — please don’t stress me. I’d put money away in a savings app, but it was easy to transfer the money back to my main account when I had any issues. I really didn’t take my finances seriously until I had to grow my nail tech business after university. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the capital. I was collecting only ₦12k from my parents and that barely covered the cost of feeding in a private university. I got a few bottles of nail polishes, but I needed more.

    When NYSC started, I was able to save ₦21k per month from my allowance. By the end of the year, I got a ring light and bought a phone for better pictures. In 2022, my nail business has grown enough to save ₦30k per month. Right now, I just want to be able to afford gifts for my friends. 

    RELATED: “I’m a Firefighter At My Job” — A Week in the Life of a Fintech Marketer

    5. Tina, 24

    In 2020Imy colleagues and I were saving part of our salary with an ajo that summed up to about ₦200k for each person. With ajo, each person collects the bulk money that is saved per month. So in a group of 10, each member was saving ₦20k to meet up with the ₦200k. In December, I got my share of the money. I used it to settle my bills and start a fruit juice business. So that took all the money I had until 2021. I was saving for a phone for the end of the year, but I didn’t make it. I also needed to change my clothes and get better bags — I wanted to look more like a lady. So once my savings reached ₦70k, I gave up and took out the money to buy the clothes and bags I needed. This year, I plan to make it through the year with savings. I don’t have a specific goal yet but I’m working on it.

    6. Amara, 27

    I’m just taking it one step at a time and trying to survive. I didn’t get a job until 2019 — I was earning ₦50k and saving ₦30k. I was living with my uncle at the time and focused on saving up for my own space. Along the way, I spent from the savings to sort out family needs and cover transportation costs in Lagos. By 2020, I was able to get a shared apartment in Orile for ₦100k. I’ve gotten a better job, so my “big mummy goal” now is to be able to afford a place where I won’t have to share the kitchen or toilet with other people. 

    Ortega

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  • I Got Tired of Carrying My Family’s Financial Burden, So I Cut Them Off

    I Got Tired of Carrying My Family’s Financial Burden, So I Cut Them Off

    As told to Conrad

    Growing up, I always felt a deep sense of responsibility for my family. For as long as I can remember, my extended family never stopped reminding me that my birth wasn’t easy on my mother. Despite being the second of four children, my birth had become a cautionary tale in my family, detailing how I almost killed my mother, made my father a widower and left my older sister motherless. When that’s all you hear as a child, it’s hard not to feel indebted to your parents. After all, you owe them your life. 

    The first time I realised I was sacrificing my happiness to please my family was when I had to choose between science and arts in SS1. I wanted to study Law, but my family insisted I pick a science course instead. That’s how I started my journey towards becoming a pharmacist. I’m smart, so no matter what I chose, I knew I wouldn’t struggle, but this didn’t stop me from being really disappointed with the choice. I tried to voice my concern to my mum, but she reminded me that I was the smartest of my siblings, and the one who’d take care of her when she grew old. How do you argue with a statement like that? I played my part as the good kid, selected science classes and did what I believed was the best thing for my family. 

    After all, I owed my parents my life.

    My mum turned out to be right though. Now at 36, I’m the most successful of all my siblings. But it came at great personal costs. While my mates and siblings were enjoying their youth, I was drowning myself in my books and taking internship opportunities every time I had a school break. 

    Every time I tried to come up for air, I’d remember I was my parents’ retirement plan and dived back into studying. I never dated in university, never went to the club or skipped classes. 

    You’d think that after all of this, I’d have my life back post-university, but it only got worse. I earned more money than every other one of my siblings so the responsibility of everything that had to do with my parents fell on my shoulders. From big things like my dad’s battle with glaucoma and all the surgeries, to the little things like paying the cleaning lady, my siblings just left everything to me. Whenever I tried to bring it up or at least delegate a small portion of the bills, they all ignored me. So I kept coughing out money without any sort of assistance 

    RELATED: 8 Nigerians Share Their Black Tax Stories

    When my mum got diagnosed with cancer, she needed all the help she could get. I pleaded with my younger brother who lived in the same city with her to at least move in with her so he could monitor the caregivers I had hired. Big mistake on my part. This guy, a full-grown adult at 28, decided to “take care” of our mum by spending all the money I sent to her through him. 

    I had to leave a work conference and fly back to the East after my mum collapsed because she hadn’t been taking her medication — something I’d paid for. I was livid. The worst part was, my mum kept defending him, and somehow I became the villain. 

    I paid for my parents’ medical bills, I covered tuition for some of my nieces and nephews. And let’s not get started on the uncles and aunties I had to “settle” once in a while. I was a walking NGO with my family as the ungrateful beneficiaries. The most annoying thing is that with all I spent on them, I barely spent on myself. I still use the same car I was using four years ago, while my siblings change cars all the time — and yet, they somehow always manage to be broke. I can’t remember the last time I travelled abroad for something other than work or my parents’ medical trips.

    In my romantic relationships, I found it difficult to go all out and spend money on my partners or fun experiences with them. In the back of my head, there was always this nagging voice that I needed to save all my money in case my family came to me with one emergency or the other.  I became a slave to their expenses. It had to stop. 

    I cut my family off last year. My mum passed away — I paid for the funeral — and since my dad was already deceased, it just felt like the right time to finally step back. The people that brought me to this world are gone and now, I can show everyone my true colour. 

    I gave my siblings one month more of enjoyment and then I started airing them. The school fees for my nieces and nephews? Aired — don’t take your kids to schools you can’t afford. Random calls asking for this or that? Aired. I told them to fuck off and support themselves. 

    My extended family has been calling to tell me that I’m wicked for abandoning my siblings, and it’s wild to me because they aren’t children. I finally have peace, but I regret not telling my parents how frustrating it felt having the entire family’s weight on my back, while they were still alive. They died thinking I enjoyed it, and I blame them for it, as my suffering was all their fault.

    Anyway, it’s time for me to finally live my life and enjoy my money. Where’s everyone going this summer? I have money to blow. 

    CONTINUE READING: 8 Annoying Things Every Nigerian Adult Struggling With Black Tax Can Relate To

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • “I’m Losing Friends as I Earn More” — What’s Your Biggest Fear About Money?

    “I’m Losing Friends as I Earn More” — What’s Your Biggest Fear About Money?

    One thing I can assure you that most humans think is money. Whether its the joy of getting it or the fear losing/not making enough of it, we’re all thinking of money. Today, we’ve going to talk about the fears people have about money.. In this article, 10 Nigerians, on different pay grades, talk about their anxieties with money. 

    1. “Absolutely nothing”

    — Gbenga, 45

    I work as a development consultant, and beyond my salary, I have slowly invested in equity and stocks. I’ve come a long way from earning in Naira. In my 20s, I understood that money comes and goes. Maybe the open relationship with my father about money helped. He earned good money as a pilot but never shied away from saying “No Gbenga, we can’t afford that.” Now that I earn $250,000 per month, nothing scares me about money. I could wake up broke tomorrow, and I’d start all over again with no worries. I have the network, so why fear?

    2. “Impromptu emergencies”

    — Fisayo, 26

    As the breadwinner of my family, I’m scared of the uncertainty of each month. When my salary drops, I save over half of it. Not because I want to, but because I’m scared of the billings. Like the month I had to spend my entire ₦800k on my father’s dialysis.  I feel like I’m in a rat race that’ll never end, and that terrifies me.

    3. “I’m losing old friends as I earn more”

    — Chiamaka, 31

    I grew up in a village in Enugu, and the biggest fear I have about money is leaving the people I started with behind. My friends and I moved to Lagos and in seven years, I’m the only one that has consistently grown. Earning ₦1.5 million monthly doesn’t feel as great because I have to hold back on the balling I want to do.

    4. “I’ll never be more”

    — Sandra, 28

    I worry that I’ll feel too comfortable and never make it past where I am. I’ve been earning ₦600k a month for four years and haven’t been able to move up. ₦600k isn’t even worth what it was in 2018 so it feels like I’m earning ₦200k. As the years go by, it feels like I’m regressing because Nigeria will always mess up the purchasing power of whatever I’m earning..

    5. “Never making more of it”

    — Paul, 30

    I’m scared I’ll never make it in life. I’m earning ₦80k month at 30, and It’s hard to keep trusting I can move up the ladder.

    6. “Affording luxury”

    — Patricia, 27

    This may seem shallow, but I’m scared of spending my whole life working without living life. I want to be able to afford designer bags, clothes, take a vacation — the fine things of life. With my ₦200k monthly salary, I’m scared it will never happen. There’s some progress in life, but I’m scared of spending my whole life working and never actually living.

    7. “Finding who to spend it with”

    — Fred, 38

    When it comes to money, I’m worried about not finding someone to match my energy. I don’t want an entitled partner. I want someone who has big money goals and a saving culture — it’s tough on these streets. ₦5 million a month is great, but with the way the economy is, it’s also nothing. 

    8. “Spending all of it on my kids”

    — Aisha, 45

    I love them to death, but my kids are so entitled and lackadaisical with life. I have a son who’s 25 years old and has refuses to either go to college or get a job. I know it’s not helping, but I also can’t say no. As a single mother, I’m scared he’ll find a less than reputable way to get the money. I earn at least $100,000 per annum and most of it goes into indulging my kids. I really don’t know how to hold back at this point.

    9. “That one day, the POS will reject my card”

    — Irene, 26

    ₦100k a month isn’t enough money, but I’ll never hold back from a good time. How can I live a life without Alfredo pasta? For me, I just hope my card doesn’t get declined at  a restaurant. I’m really not bothered about anything concerning money besides that. Overthinking how much I make won’t change anything. After all, YOLO.

    10. “I think about my pension a lot”

    — Ben, 77

    I’m an old man, so money doesn’t mean as much to me. The only thing I think about is whether I worked enough to live on my pension. I gave 40 years to the police force and it wasn’t great money because moving up the rank was difficult. My children are there to help me, but I don’t want to be a burden. I’m not sure about how much I have left, but I hope my pension lasts until my final day my final day. 

    Ortega

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  • Spend Your Last ₦1k on These Very Important Things

    Spend Your Last ₦1k on These Very Important Things

    We know how anxious people get when they’re down to their last ₦1k. You won’t be like them when you’re done reading this article because we’ve come up with a list of important things you can do with your last ₦1k.

    1. Plastic surgery

    Preferably a BBL so they’ll be a jiggle when you walk. You can also get a facial reconstruction surgery so no one will recognize you when you rob a bank to pay the surgeon. 

    2. A plane ticket

    Maybe you should call Aladdin to borrow his carpet sha. Or better still, use some of the 1k to buy anointing oil to pour on your passport. All that matters is getting out of the country to enjoy your life in an exotic faraway land. Infact, you can also buy a plane.

    3. Hotel reservation

    Of course, you need somewhere to stay when you leave the country. Use the remaining change to pay for hotel reservations. Ensure you book the best hotel in the city you land in. Request for a bar and room service too. 

    4. Cryptocurrency 

    Dip your ₦1k into the dip. Sprinkle some yeast on the ₦1k before investing it into crypto because you need the money to rise to the moon. We’re all gonna make it anyway and you’re going to be one of us. 

    You, counting your profit after buying the dip.

    RELATED: 10 Trusted Ways To Ensure Your Salary Lasts Till Next Month

    5. A time machine

    Trust me, you’ll surely find a ₦1k time machine in the black market. Someone’s grandpa definitely knows a guy who knows a guy. We didn’t say you should buy someone’s babalawo and turn him into a time machine, no. Buy an actual time machine that’ll help you make your ₦1k last as long as you need it to. 

    He knows where you can buy a time machine.

    6. A plot of land in Abuja 

    You can either buy a plot of land or some already existing property. Just make sure it’s close to Aso Rock. See it as an investment into your future and the ones that are going to come after you. Use the time machine you bought to go back in time so you can know the property most likely to yield the highest value in future. 

    7. Shawarma 

    Specifically double sausage shawarma, with chicken and some cheese sef. Enjoy the life of your head because you only live once and you can’t come and die because you had only ₦1k in your account. 

    HOW TO MAKE PERFECT SHAWARMA | CHICKEN SHAWARMA - SISI JEMIMAH - YouTube

    8. Delivery

    Paying for delivery is a good thing to do for yourself and your mental health. Atleast, you’ll have something other than your brokeness to look forward to. 

    Wisdom no go kill us.

    Ibukun

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  • Dear Millennials, for Your Own Sake, Don’t Date People With These Jobs

    Dear Millennials, for Your Own Sake, Don’t Date People With These Jobs

    With the sad state of the Nigerian dating scene, you may simply just be grateful to find a partner who has a job. But as a fellow millennial who’s been there, done that and has dated all sorts of people in different professions, I’m here to save you stress and alert you to the red flags. No need to thank me; it’s for the culture

    1. TikTok Creators 

    TikTok content creators will just frustrate your life, either by playing useless pranks on you for the sake of content or making you do annoying challenges. The country is already stressful enough please. 

    2. Tech People

    Do you want to be with someone that is emotionally unavailable? Tech people only have enough emotional availability for all of their codes and software; anything more is excessive. And at your big age, you can’t be fighting for love and attention.

    3. Bloggers 

    Bloggers will use any chance they get to create content for their page. Imagine going on a date with a food blogger and they bring out a mini ring light at a restaurant just to create food content. No please. 

    4. Architects

    You want to date an architect in this country? Who doesn’t know that Nigerian architects don’t have money? The last thing you want as a millennial is to be with somebody whose career hasn’t taken off yet. If you want to date an architect, be sure that they are retired and in their 60s. 

    5. Writers 

    You wake up one day to find out your whole life has been turned into a novel simply because your partner found your story as interesting material. You can’t just gist your partner about things happening in your life because they’ll use it as material. God please abeg. 

    6. Musicians 

    This will be a big problem if you end up dating someone who makes trash music. Because you’ll have to pretend to like it and even promote it. God forbid.

    7. Police 

    Do we really need to explain this one? Nobody should date any member of the Nigerian police force. It’s not even about the fact that their job is dangerous. It’s about the fact that you’d likely be dating someone who is involved in daily bribery and corruption.  Everyday they’ll be dragging your partner’s profession on the internet for one atrocious act or the other.

    8. Therapists

     If you date a therapist, you’re using your own eyes and legs to look for stress. Therapists will psychoanalyse everything you do and say. You can’t just be sad or upset around your partner without them naming several disorders according to your symptoms. Which kind wahala be that? 

    5 Careers Old Nollywood Always Got Wrong

    Dammy Eneli

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  • Why Are These Businesses Still Running if Nigerian Youths Are Truly Broke?

    Why Are These Businesses Still Running if Nigerian Youths Are Truly Broke?

    If Nigerians are as broke as we say on Mark Zuckerberg’s internet, then these businesses should have collapsed by now.

    1. Shawarma Stands

    Everyone keeps complaining about inflation, but who are the people buying shawarma? Why are shawarma stands opening up ‘ere and there if we’re broke? These are the questions we need answers to.

    2. Transportation

    Nigerians say they’re broke but we all know one person jumping cities for knacks. Kudos to them for keeping God is Good transport running.

    3. Petrol 

    Fuel went from ₦65 per litre in 2009 to ₦165 per litre in 2022, and Nigerians are still turning on generators and fuel-guzzling cars like range rovers, land cruisers and benz (criminals) every day. We should consider trekking as a protest, so the government can take our brokeness seriously. 

    4. Data

    MTN wouldn’t have the mind to say “everywhere you go” if Nigerians were truly broke. This one has Nigerians on a chokehold. If you don’t convince yourself to buy at least ₦1k data every two days so you can read Naira Life, then you’re not a Nigerian. We won’t say you should stop sha. Keep being the bad girl that you are.

    5. Hair

    This hair vendor is making ₦850k on the head of Nigerians, and we’re supposed to believe you people are broke? Come off it. There’s no amount of inflation that will make a Nigerian man break up with his barber or stop Nigerian women from using land money to buy human hair. 

    6. Apple Inc.

    The dollar is rising, the dollar is rising, but half of the country owns either an iPhone or MacBook pro. Are these people Ghanaians and South Africans? Stop telling lies.

    7. Noodles

    Where are y’all finding money to eat indomie in the morning, afternoon, and night? Or seeing the money to add sardine and eggs as garnish? You people need to say the truth. Bring out that ghana must go under your bed that’ll make Dangote look like a small boy.

    Ortega

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  • 7 Practical Things You Can Use $1000 to Do

    7 Practical Things You Can Use $1000 to Do

    If you have $1000 and don’t know what to use it to do, we have a few practical ideas you can try. If you don’t have the $1000, fear not, you’re still our target market. We’re just preparing for when your money comes. 

    1) Buy crypto

    So that when your mates are talking about buying the dip, you too can add your mouth to the conversation. You can’t spell drip without dip, so buy today and get ready to drip forever more. It’s not financial advice; it’s Zikoko advice. 

    2) Marry 

    If you’re already married, then marry again. It’s a very Nigerian thing to do that when you get some money, you marry. Please invite us and don’t forget that we’d like the Amala hot hot. 

    3) Buy a Macbook

    Don’t you want to be earning 23x your current income? Then you better get ready to pivot into tech and the first step is to own a Macbook. Put your dollars to good use and get ready to Python and Java your way into success. 

    4) Become a demon investor 

    Angel investors are completely overrated. Be different, set yourself apart and drop the $1000 in a startup as ask for 90% equity. They might curse you, but that’s why you’re a demon investor. You don’t do things the normal way, you’re built different. 

    5) Dinner with Jay-Z

    If you’re going to spend $1000 on a dinner, at least let it be a dinner with someone that has been the object of a lot of Twitter debates. Make your money work for you. 

    6) Start a business

    In the era of akara sellers making over ₦30k in profit a day, you need to consider tapping into uncommon business ideas. How about a million-dollar beans business? A roasted corn startup? Think outside the box: Puff-puffing the unpuffed or decentralizing access to bole. 

    7) Do giveaway 

    There are a lot of people whose lives can change with just a bit of that money. You can start with us at Zikoko, it’s not like we’re begging. If the Lord puts it in your heart to bless us, who are we to say no? 

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • Nigerians Will Never Be Too Broke to Buy These 7 Things

    Nigerians Will Never Be Too Broke to Buy These 7 Things

    No matter how tough things are, Nigerians can never be too broke to afford these seven things. We can talk about inflation from now till next year, but nothing can stop us from spending money on these seven things.

    1. Sharwama

    Everyone keeps complaining about inflation, but who are the people buying shawarma? Why are there more sharwama stands opening up if we’re too broke? These are the questions we need answers to.

    2. Transport for knacks

    Nigerians and fornication are like 5 & 6, so being too broke for knacks is an unimaginable reality. The money will come out, especially for the side dicks and chicks — they will find a way.

    3. Petrol 

    Fuel went from ₦65 per litre in 2009 to ₦165 per litre in 2022 and Nigerians are still turning on generators and driving fuel-sucking cars every day. If it were really an issue we should have resorted to trekking by now.

    4. Data

    This one has Nigerians on a chokehold. If you don’t convince yourself to buy at least ₦1k data every two days, then you’re not a Nigerian.

    5. Hair

    Nigerians won’t compromise on beauty. There’s no amount of inflation that will make a Nigerian man break up with his barber or stop Nigerian women from using land money to buy human hair. 

    6. Apple products

    The dollar is rising, the dollar is rising, but half the country owns either an iPhone or MacBook pro. Who are the people patronising Apple? Stop telling lies.

    7. Indomie

    Indomie will always be a lifesaver on rainy days. No matter how expensive it gets, onion flavoured will forever be the king of noodles and we’ll keep buying it.

    Ortega

    ,

  • “It’s Not Just to Mix Coke and Jack Daniels” — A Week in the Life of a Bartender

    “It’s Not Just to Mix Coke and Jack Daniels” — A Week in the Life of a Bartender

    A Week in the Life is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

    The subject of today’s “A Week In the Life” mixes drinks for a living. He tells us about quitting his full-time bartending job to start his business, how his biochemistry degree makes him a better bartender and why Lagos restaurants sell shit cocktails.

    Life of a Bartender

    Thursday

    My week begins on weekends when Lagos fires up with parties and events, so I must prepare. Every week is different for me, depending on whether or not I have a bartending gig. When I do — like this week — I spend a few days preparing. If I don’t, I experiment with new recipes and do some consulting for restaurants and bars. 

    This week, I have a gig on Saturday at an owambe-themed party in Ikeja. It’s supposed to be big. I’ll spend today sourcing supplies, finalising my signature recipes and testing them to make sure that they taste great and that I can produce them at scale.   

    Asides from mixing drinks, I also have to make sure the distribution of drinks goes smoothly, which is the most technical aspect of my business. It involves a lot of math and data analysis, especially for large events like this. I have to be sure that the ingredients are enough for as many estimated guests and any unexpected surge in demand. The worst thing that could happen to a bartender is a shortage of drinks or ingredients; that’s why I plan and calculate so much before an event. I’ll need to hire a bar assistant for the day, make a ton of calls to my suppliers, create a budget, etc. I have to make sure everything is in place by the end of tomorrow.

    Friday

    I woke up at 9 a.m. today with a heavy heart. It seems drinks get more expensive week after week. I have to go to the wholesale market at Apongbon because I still can’t believe the price quotes I got yesterday from my drinks suppliers.  Absolut vodka was ₦5k just last week; today, it’s ₦6k — and that’s even a cheap drink. More expensive drinks like Ciroc added ₦3k overnight. Inflation is a bastard.

    I’m just thankful I no longer depend on only bartending at events for a living. It’d be crazy. Thank God for my consulting which brings in the occasional lump sum on the side. Late last year, a businessman was opening a restaurant in Lekki. He had posted on Facebook that he needed an expert to create unique signature drinks to make his restaurant stand out. Over 40 people commented, tagging my name, so he reached out to me. I designed the restaurant’s bar, set up a custom signature cocktail menu and trained the current bartender. That was my first paid consulting gig, which broadened my opportunities. These days, when consulting, I make at least double of what I earn from bartending at events, but consulting opportunities aren’t as regular. 

    By 2 p.m., I’ve bought everything I need. I won’t buy fruits until the day of the event, so they’ll still be fresh.

    The “Yoruba Demon” – one of the signature cocktails

    Saturday

    Today, I am once again thankful. This time last year, I was working full-time at a bar in Lekki which made me hate my life. My shift was meant to be 2 p.m. to 10 p.m., Wednesday to Monday, with shared accommodation in a room near the bar. This setup made sense because I lived on the mainland. Imagine going to Orile from Lekki at 10 p.m.

    One month after I started, though, they made us vacate the room. For the next few months, I squatted in the bar’s lounge, sleeping on a couch five days a week. They also made me work overtime as I was the only bartender and I was always around. 

    This bar paid me only ₦60k monthly for all my effort, and I didn’t even have time for side gigs to fetch me extra money. One day, I just vexed and told them I wasn’t doing again. I left and started my own brand.

    Nowadays, I love the flexibility of being my own boss, even though it has its downsides. For example, this business is seasonal — there are times when bartenders are in high demand, like during holidays. Then there are downtimes where you barely see any gigs. But freelancing puts me in the driving seat and has improved the quality of my life.

    Sunday

    Today was one hell of a day. The event went well above my expectations. My new signature palm wine cocktails were an instant hit. I sold out and got an outpouring of positive feedback, and so many people shouted me out on Facebook. That’s always good for business. 

    I was nervous before the party because I’m usually afraid of large events. And this started after my experience one day in 2020. 

    That day, I served drinks at the Lagos Social Hangout — an end-of-year party in Ikeja, Lagos. Guests loved the drinks so much that I made back my capital after just two hours. At around 7 p.m., when the party was in full swing and orders were pouring in, something unfortunate happened that ended the party abruptly. Seun Kuti, who lives on the street, got into a scuffle with some car owners at the event and fired gunshots. And the party scattered. The crowd dispersed and everybody scrambled.

    By that time, I’d only made about 20% profit. This was supposed to be my largest party in a long time, and I was high on hope. I’d borrowed money to set up for the event and had to watch my potential earnings vanish in seconds. 

    I’ve since moved on from the incident, but I still panic when I’m bartending at large events, which is why I’m glad I don’t have any other events until next weekend. I’ll spend the rest of the week relaxing with my family and looking back on today’s success.

    Monday

    As a first child to Igbo parents, it once seemed like an absurd decision to mix drinks for a living, but that’s the life I’m living now. 

    People like to downplay this job. They say: “Is it not just to mix Coke and Jack Daniels?” I also used to think bartending was only about combining drinks. But there’s a science to it. I realised this when I started reading books on mixology. I saw references to entropy, enthalpy, thermodynamics and other things I’d learned studying biochemistry in school. Even the simplest things like why certain drinks are served in certain types of glasses and in specific quantities have scientific reasons. It all made sense.

    I dived into the rabbit hole of mixology, exploring the science and art of it all. I even took a course. Those months I spent studying was the game-changer. To my parents, it didn’t make sense at all, because they expected me to graduate get a standard 9-5 job. But when they saw that I could make more than the average 9-5 wage from one bartending gig, it became easier to convince them.

    My chemistry background applies to my job every day and informs the decisions behind each new signature I make. It’s very technical, and that’s what many Lagos restaurants get wrong. Only very few places bother to study how to mix drinks.

    The path I have taken is somewhat unconventional — a long winding road, but I’m learning through every turn and becoming a better person with every step. My wrists hurt today. I must have made over 500 drinks last night, but I’m pleased.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 a.m. for more “A Week in the Life” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill out this form.

    Yes, I want to be featured

    Ama Udofa

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  • QUIZ: What’s Chopping All Your Money?

    QUIZ: What’s Chopping All Your Money?

    Every time you’re broke. Five minutes after your salary comes in, you’re already broke. We are here to help you find out what exactly is chopping all your money.

    Take the quiz:

    Prisca

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  • Nigerian Parents Will Never Spend Their Money on These 7 Items

    Nigerian Parents Will Never Spend Their Money on These 7 Items

    Nigerian parents can sell everything they own to send us to school, but you see these seven items? They would rather jump into a lagoon than buy them.

    1. Premium enjoyment

    From the early days of hearing, “There’s rice at home to eat,” to, “Let me hold your money for you.,” it’s evident that Nigerian parents have made a covenant against using their money for premium enjoyment. Why?

    2. Your happiness

    Happiness to a Nigerian parent are the clothes on your back, roof over your  and food on the table. Any other thing is your business. Go and find money for it because they’re not paying for that dear. 

    3. Therapy

    They will never even admit that they need it in the first place, so spending their money on it is asking a bit much. The best you can do is secretly pay for a session and tell them it’s a prayer meeting. 

    4. Data

    Anything concerning data is too stressful and technical. They’ll guilt trip you into buying data for them only to end up rewarding you by spamming you with daily Whatsapp BCs. 

    5. Chargers

    A Nigerian parent will misplace their charger and never think of how to replace it. All they do is show up at the house, shout your name like a criminal and ask you to bring your own charger for them. That’s pretty much the end of owning a charger until you spend your money to get them another one.

    6. Skin care products

    A Nigerian mother will tell you how she can never waste her money on “those unnecessary  things” you rub on your face. Then watch her stroll into your room to casually to let her even see the “thing” that you are using sef. Next thing, she’s coming every morning to wash her face with the same products she insulted you for. Don’t even suggest it to her to buy it; just buy your own so you can have peace.

    7. Phones

    Are your parents even Nigerian if they haven’t told you, “A phone is only for texting and calling?” Any phone more than 20k is a taboo in the How to Be a Nigerian Parent handbook. Trust me, your parents aren’t Nigerians if they don’t remind you about how you just waste money on gadgets. But once you buy it for them, the family group chat will be on fire.

    Ortega

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  • 10 Trusted Ways to Ensure Your Salary Lasts Till Next Month

    10 Trusted Ways to Ensure Your Salary Lasts Till Next Month

    It’s officially salary week. After waiting for January to hurry its ass up, we can finally see the finish line and we’re sure most of you have gotten the long-awaited credit alert. While you may be tempted to blow all this money on or before February 14, we’d like to remind you that sapa is still real and it’s always on the prowl . To avoid stories that touch, we listed a couple of preventive measures you can take to safeguard your salary until next month. 

    [newsletter]

    1. Withdraw everything and bury it in the ground 

    Out of sight, out of mind. The reason you keep spending your money like your father is Otedola is because you can see it in your account every day. If you want your money to last till next month, withdraw everything from your account, pick a random plot of land and bury it there. Make sure you don’t mark the spot. Every time you feel like going back, remember you have to dig up the whole plot of land before you find it. But don’t call us if someone else finds your money sha; all monies buried at owner’s risk. 

    2. Take it to Shiloh so they can double it

    Remember when we told you to take your account number to Shiloh? Well, the eagle has landed. But we’ll need you to go back with the money so they can run you another miracle. Hold on to the hem of your pastor’s garment and don’t let go until they at least 2x your salary. If you have coconut head, they might quadruple it. Amen? 

    3. Give your mother to keep it for you

    If you think about it, she’s been saving money for you since you were a child. Have you ever seen the money? No. But every time someone gave you money growing up, she collected it and told you she’s “keeping” it for you. Who knows, maybe when she finally gives you all that money, you can buy a house in Banana Island. 

    4. Delete all your social media apps and run 

    If you’re smart, this should be a no-brainer. One of the reasons your salary doesn’t last is because you’re always buying unnecessary shit from Instagram vendors and going to the fancy restaurants you see on people’s stories. To dodge the trap of incoming poverty, delete all the social media apps on your phone. The only social media app you should have is LinkedIn, plus calendar, clock and calculator to keep track of all your expenses. 

    5. Break up with your partner and avoid relationships

    You want to save money but you’re out here doing love and spending money on dates? You must be a joker. In fact, look for a red marker and start painting your face like a clown. One of the easiest ways to save your money is by avoiding relationships like coronavirus 3.0. If anyone tells you, “Hi,” tell them to go and greet their daddy because you’re not doing. Stay focused. 

    6. Buy a bag of garri and drink it every day for 30 days

    Someone in the Bible fasted for 40 days and 40 nights; surely you can survive on soaking garri for only four weeks. Think of the greater good here: suffering builds character. 

    7. Find the person that multiplied his salary 23x 

    We still feel like this story has long legs. But then again, maybe we’re just jealous because we can’t even manage to double our salaries. If you can find him and learn from him, then good for you. If his method works, dear, please don’t be selfish, send us a DM so we can jot one or two fings down.

    8. Avoid broke people 

    Please and please, shey you know that broke people can’t help each other? How do we know you’re broke? My dear, you’re reading this post. If any of your broke friends asks you to come out, reject their offer with vim because you’ll end up spending money you don’t have. To make sure you don’t go broke before next month, we’ll advise that you only roll with the rich. But don’t be doing anyhow o, be a classy parasite. 

    9. Tell your family members you’re dead 

    It’s crazy how certain family members can smell your salary all the way from the village. It’s almost like they’re in the same WhatsApp group with your boss. The money lands like this and the next thing, one uncle that bathed you when you were three years old is calling you to help a cousin you didn’t even know existed. Best solution? Fake your death. Make a Facebook post and WhatsApp broadcast that you’ve passed away. They don’t have Instagram or Twitter, so you’ll be fine. 

    10. Sit at home 

    People who sit at home save more. It’s simple mathematics. If you stay home and eat the garri we asked you to buy, you’ll be fighting with Dangote over who’s richer in like two years. We know what we’re saying. 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • 6 Nigerian Doctors Share the Best and Worst Parts of Their Jobs

    6 Nigerian Doctors Share the Best and Worst Parts of Their Jobs

    Nigerian parents and “Go to school to study medicine” are like five and six. But what’s the reality of life as a doctor? We already know they spend like ten years in school, but these six doctors tell us more about their love-hate relationship with their jobs.

    n

    1. Temi 

    I’d describe it as a perfect oxymoron because it’s been a bitter-sweet experience for me. I have worked as a doctor for 11 years and I am currently training to become a Psychiatrist. I love being a doctor because of how noble it is as a profession. I love that my job exposes me to the frailty of mankind and diverse situations that need solutions. I also get to brag a bit, like, “Hellooo, I save lives for a living.” 

    On the other hand, my job is so tedious and demanding. I hate the sleepless nights when I have to be on call at the hospital for more than 24 hours. The hardest part is going through constant training  — it’s a whole lifetime of reading and constante burnouts. If I had a chance to rewrite my story, I’m not quite sure I’d study medicine again — there’s no balance between the job and my personal life. Something always suffers.

    2. Elizabeth

    I didn’t choose to be a doctor. My father forced me into studying it at school, so I just got stuck with the career. I’ve grown to love the satisfaction of treating people, but I still dislike my job. The driving force to be in this field is the relief you see on a patient’s face after confirming their “diagnosis” from Google was wrong. It gets me everytime. I hate that the reading never stops. There’s always an exam to get through and it only gets worse at the top — I’ve given up on the hope that I’ll be done with it. The pay isn’t great [in Nigeria], so that’s a downside to the glory of saving lives. There are opportunities in the UK, but you spend half of the money taking exams to compete with your peers.

    3. Mike

    I’m currently doing my housemanship as a dentist. I love my job because there’s a form of artistry that comes with handling a person’s teeth. People think it’s an insignificant part of medicine, but there’s a lot of damage that can happen from a tiny toothache. As a dentist, being in Nigeria makes it tough. There’s money in it, but it takes years to really cash out. The hazard allowance for us is also really horrible. The government just reviewed it from 5k to 32k — what does that cover in comparison to the kind of diseases we are exposed to daily? The structures in the clinics make the job more exhausting — dentists have to do everything alone. Simple things like scaling and polishing that should take me ten minutes can take two hours because I don’t have an assistant. My patient has to keep getting up to spit out rather than having a suction in place — it’s annoying. I’ve been so impatient with my patients because of how exhausted I am.

    4. Mildred

    I decided to leave America and come to Nigeria for my housemanship after graduation from school.  Regardless of where you practice, the feeling of fulfillment as a doctor is next to none. Paediatrics has been my favourite department so far — helping a woman give life is so beautiful. I don’t entirely regret coming back to Nigeria, but some days make me wonder why I didn’t just stay back. The insults from superiors or angry patients can make it horrible sometimes. Don’t even get me started on the long hours on call for horrible pay — government hospitals are the worst. I’ve had to spend holidays without my family, go hours without food, miss celebrations with friends, and why do doctors have to go on strike just to get paid for the work we do? 

    5. Roselyn

    I’m currently working as a non-training doctor in the UK — Nigeria had too many obstacles keeping me from becoming a consultant, so I had to japa. 

    As a doctor, I love driving home knowing I saved a family’s loved one from dying. Knowing that there’s someone who has an extra day to live makes me feel good, so losing a patient is tough for me. There are days I cried from losing a patient right before a surgery.  As an empath, the down-side for me is the unconscious attachment that happens when I’m on a journey with a patient. Sometimes I find myself paying for tests or medical procedures because my patients can’t afford to. So finding the balance between being compassionate and professional was difficult for me in the first few years of practicing. 

    6. Nick

    I am a General Practitioner (GP) in training. I knew working as a hospital doctor would not give me the desired time to pursue other personal interests outside of medicine. As a GP, I love caring for patients through their recovery. I enjoy seeing them move from painful stitches to living full and healthy lives. Then there are patients who are self-proclaimed doctors and try to do my job — sometimes I just want to yank them out of my office, but I’m there to save them from themselves.

    Ortega

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  • QUIZ: Only Nigerians Who Love Money Can Get 9/13 on This Lyrics Quiz

    QUIZ: Only Nigerians Who Love Money Can Get 9/13 on This Lyrics Quiz

    If you get more than 9 lyrics correctly on this list, you love money too much. You’re either on your way to do ritualism or you;ve already done it.

    Prisca

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  • These 5 Nigerians Were Wrongly Broke-Shamed. How Did They Feel?

    These 5 Nigerians Were Wrongly Broke-Shamed. How Did They Feel?

    It’s one thing to be broke and you know you’re actually broke with nothing to your name. But then imagine being broke-shamed when there’s money in your account. Where should the fight begin? Even if it’s only ₦5k in your account, as long as you can buy sardine, you’re rich. So how would you feel if someone wrongly broke-shamed you?  These five Nigerians shared their hilarious stories with us.

    1. “Just because I wore shorts? I hope they close down.”

    My guy invited me to go clubbing at Ikeja on a Friday night. I was still a bloody Corper, so I had to turn up after CDS and I couldn’t go home to change. I was driving a tiny silver Matrix then — loved the car, but it was not the best look. I didn’t have time to change before heading to the club, so I had to park in front of the club and change at the back seat of my car. I didn’t have anything else in the car besides a pair of shorts and leather slippers. As I came down from the car, a bouncer at the door was already looking straight at me. I was still walking down with confidence and before I even got to the step, he started shooing me away. Literally giving me this “Bros if you come here” look. LOL. I sha had to turn back so the disgrace wouldn’t be too loud. I went back to my Matrix in shame sha. Just because I wore shorts? I hope they close down.

    2. “She told me to think about the fact that I came trekking”

    I was at Lekki and saw a necklace in a jewelry store. I didn’t drive that day as I’d decided to take a bus to run errands around. When I entered the store, I asked the attendant about the necklace and she gave me a funny stare. I didn’t care so I picked it up to get a closer look. Next thing, she grabbed it from me and asked if I could afford anything in the store. I couldn’t believe it. She told me to look at the price of the necklace and think about the fact that I came to the store trekking. Omo. There was no one else in the store, but I was so embarrassed. There was no one to complain to at the store that day. I just had to leave — making a scene would have been worse. Luckily, when I went home to complain to one of my girlfriend’s, she was familiar with the store and knew the owner. We complained to  the silly girl’s madam who fired her. I got the necklace later that week sha. The woman ended up offering a discount, but I had to pay full price for the sake of my pride.  

    3. “I just wanted to dance with strippers bro”

    “Hennessy 250” is what they used to disgrace me and my ancestors inside the club. I was in my second year in Uni and went out to Club Vegas with a friend. For some reason, we wanted to get in with the strippers at the VIP section. When we got to the door, the bouncer asked us to go back. My guy and I were confused. He just sized up and asked us if we were not secondary school pikins. Baba looked at my original G-shock and actually said “One Hennessy in this place costs more than your plastic G-shock.” Wristwatch that cost me ₦150k? Hm.

    4. “Is it because you know we’re going to pay for the food? I was so upset.”

    A new restaurant called Four Guys opened up in Abuja, so I decided to go there with my babe. I was bringing my boyfriend and she was bringing her boyfriend as well — never liked him and this double date just broke the camel’s back. We all showed up dressed like the baby boys and girls we are. We got into some light chit chat and the waiter brought the menu. So I ordered a large platter of small chops for us and some tender baby back ribs to kick off the feast I was hoping to get into that evening. As the waiter left, my friend’s boyfriend made a snarky comment, “Is it because you know we’re going to pay for the food?” I was so upset. We laughed it off but It was so insulting for me. After dessert, the waiter brought the bill and I snatched the bill before he handed it to the silly guy. It was ₦130k. Mtshw. I swiped my Gtbank platinum membership card as the sugar mummy that I truly am. Broke babe where? 

    5. “What is it with Nigerians and looking down on people that want a cheaper option?”

    Maybe it was the Nigerian mum in me jumping out, but I had to yell at that sales girl. I walked into a store to buy my son a belt. The sales attendant came in with some options but they were a bit expensive for me at ₦30k each. So I told her to please get me cheaper options so I could buy more than one. She brought some options that were going for ₦9k, but were too big for his waist. I told her to please make more holes so I could go to the cashier to pay. But she just stood there without attending to my request. I asked why she was waiting, and she told me she didn’t think I was a serious customer. I was like, “Pardon?” What is it with Nigerian service people and looking down on people that want a cheaper option? As if  they can afford what they’re helping their madams sell.

    Ortega

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  • QUIZ: How Desperate Are You for Money?

    QUIZ: How Desperate Are You for Money?

    We all know money makes the world go round. Take this quiz and we’ll guess what lengths are you’d go to get money.

    Ifeoluwa Apantaku

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  • The First Time I Borrowed Money as an Adult — 5 Nigerians Share Their Stories

    The First Time I Borrowed Money as an Adult — 5 Nigerians Share Their Stories

    Do you remember the first time you had to borrow money? We’re not talking about urgent ₦2k o. Adulthood has a way of putting you in those tight corners that require hundreds of thousands. Borrowing money is the ghetto, and these 5 millennials share the first time adulthood had them on the streets asking for help.

    1. Chike, 25

    A tanked business

    I was 21 when a friend and I started a business for people to invest in buying plots of farmlands in Ogun state for an interest rate at the end of the year. Six months in and I had people bringing in millions of  naira to buy into the plan. It was a pretty sweet deal back in 2017. My clients cashed out on all their investments, so 2018 was even bigger for us. I even had aunties and uncles putting in money for me to grow the business.  I had about  ₦15 million in capital by the second quarter and I was sure I’d be making nothing less than ₦2 million by the end of the year as profit. That ₦2 million became a dream when my partner made a horrible decision that made us lose all the money. That’s how I found myself in debt for ₦15 million naira at 21. We both had to come up with half of it by December to pay people back and it was the worst experience of my life struggling through it.

    2. Stephanie, 28

    Hospital Bills

    The first time I had to borrow a huge amount of money was in 2018 — I was 25. My parents had travelled to the US for a wedding and decided to stay back and work towards becoming citizens from the backend of things. Since the move wasn’t entirely legal, they couldn’t send money back to us in Nigeria immediately. So I had the responsibility of taking care of myself, my two brothers and my cousin. To survive, I sold everything, from shoes to electronic doors for banks to spaghetti and turkey on Saturdays, but I couldn’t save any of the money I was earning. A year later, my cousin got pregnant and had complications that required surgery.  Everything cost  ₦150k and I couldn’t afford that. The doctors weren’t going to operate until I made a transfer, so I had to borrow the money from Etisalat 9-credit. That was the first time I was really pressed into a corner to borrow money as an adult.

    3. Sandra, 29

    Abacha

    It was 2020 and Valentine’s day — I didn’t expect the gbas gbos that happened that day. I went to visit my boyfriend and  decided to buy a plate of Abacha from a woman across the street.  The Abacha was so good, I went back for a second plate. I slept off after the second plate and woke up vomiting and stooling until my body was too weak and I passed out. I only remember waking up two days later with a bill of ₦400k for just treating food poisoning. I don’t know who sent my boyfriend to take me to a private hospital. We didn’t even have up to  ₦20k to cover the bill, so I had to call some of my friends to help me. People sent me as little as they could afford at the time to meet up so I was able to sort it out. I believe that Abacha woman was a witch sha. 

    4. Sere, 26

    Knacks and Love

    I was 20, and the first time I had to borrow money was for knacks. My boyfriend asked me to take out ₦30k from a loan app to get a hotel room for us. He promised to pay back, so I didn’t mind — the knacks were too good to be bothered at the time. The next time, he asked me to lend him ₦300k to start a business while we were still in school. I loved him, so I didn’t really overthink helping him by asking around for the money. Three months later, there was no business in sight and people were on my neck to pay back. I had to beg for help to pay people back. It was so embarrassing to go through that. Never again.

    5. Timmy, 31

    My first apartment that never happened

    I was 29 and tired of living with my friend, so I saved up ₦450k to move out after the pandemic. When I hit the streets to search for a house, the fees for agency and agreement wanted to kill me. I had to beg a friend to loan me ₦300k to cover the rest of the bill. I finally found a place, but before I paid, my friend invited me for a wedding in the US and advised me to use it as a japa plan. That’s how I used the ₦750k to get a travel agent and process my visa — everything was about ₦500k. Then I used the remaining ₦250k to buy my ticket in faith. Last last, nothing worked for me and I was denied the visa. I spent the rest of the year trying to re-sell the ticket so I could pay my guy back, but nobody was willing to buy. I ended up getting so broke, I had to move back in with my friend. 

    Ortega

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  • Why Don’t Nigerians Talk About Their Personal Income? — 7 Nigerians Tell Zikoko

    Why Don’t Nigerians Talk About Their Personal Income? — 7 Nigerians Tell Zikoko
    Talk About Income

    Why is personal income such a taboo topic to Nigerians? Is it due to classism or feelings of inadequacy? Or have we been conditioned to think talking about money is boastful or tacky?

    We asked seven Nigerians why they don’t talk about money, and here’s what they said:

    Precious, 27

    Shame, dear. How do you tell your friends and classmates who expect big things from you that you’re earning ₦30k a month? Thankfully sha, Jesus died and took my shame away. Now, I can freely talk about it while searching for a better job.

    Victor*, 28

    People suddenly turn to personal accountants, calculating your salary and how much you should be able to give them. One time I was talking with a classmate about needing to get to sabo that evening and change money. He asked, “You get paid in dollars?” I said yes. He asked, “How much?” and without thinking, I mentioned it. After five minutes of whyning me, we switched topics, and I thought that was the end of it. 

    He later called to ask if I could help him with ₦30k. I explained why I couldn’t give him. I had been robbed and was trying to replace my gadgets and pay outstanding bills. Then the dude went, “If you give me 30k, you will have so and so left. You can buy a laptop for this amount, use this to do this and that and still have so and so left. I just hung up.

    Oluchi*, 24

    Once people realise how much they earn, it affects how we relate. On the one hand, I feel entitled to their wealth if I know they earn a lot. I have tech bro friends who I occasionally try to bill because they make a lot of money — sometimes I have to check myself from going overboard. On the other hand, for people who don’t earn much, I find myself excusing them from responsibility or overcompensating by being overly pitiful. In my experience, no decent person likes to be pitied as it makes them feel small. 

    Arit*, 35

    Many people believe in jazz. I don’t know that I do, but I’m nervous about discussing my salary because you never know who is who. Just to be on the same side, I don’t talk about my salary. Village people are active o and me I don’t want to jinx anything. It’s also a similar reason why people don’t talk about their japa plans until they have settled in the abroad.

    Muyiwa*, 20

    I’m a software engineer employed at an abroad company, and I’m yet to graduate from university. Initially, I didn’t have problems disclosing my salary. However, I noticed that relatives thought it was too much money for a “small boy”. According to them — especially the boomers — I had no responsibilities. Someone even wanted my mother to be keeping money for me as if I’m ten years old. At some point, I stopped spending my own money because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. Funny enough, I don’t think it’s a lot, and I hope to 3X my salary this year.

    Femi, 23

    While I’m not particularly secretive about my earnings, I don’t go into the details. Instead of disclosing figures, I keep my income vague because people do usually ment. I’d hate to wake up to texts from people precisely breaking down my earnings and trying to show me how my giving them a part of it won’t bother my life. 

    Farida*, 32

    I don’t want people to rate my lifestyle based on how they think I spend. Somebody can start judging you for things you buy or don’t buy because they think you’re living above your means. Also, sometimes it’s to keep families from inviting unnecessary wahala. So I’d rather remain silent.

    But many people get underpaid because they don’t discuss how much they earn. It’s crazy.

    Ama Udofa

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  • Sapa Is Real and These Are the 7 Signs You’re About to Be in Debt

    Sapa Is Real and These Are the 7 Signs You’re About to Be in Debt

    If you find yourself in any of these seven categories, just know that you’re one step away from doing bambiala on the streets with a bucket.

    1. You’re always outside

    This is a safe space, so be honest. Are you really outside for premium enjoyment or did your landlord send you packing?

    2. You’re not paying tithe

    Don’t allow Mummy G.O catch you. Better pack the money to her church on Sunday so it can increase. By now, if you check the list of people already going to hell, you’re already there. But at least try and make sure you’re not going to suffer here too before you enter  hell fire.

    3. You’ve not done your 2021 appraisals yet

    If you’re a slave to capitalism, are you sure you’re safe this year? If things go south, do you have any savings or will you be spending 2022 under a bridge?

    4. You’re dating an Abuja big boy/girl

    You’re just one phone call away from lending them the money to lock down a hooge deal. Just make sure they’re not living in a borrowed car first because nobody will put money in your Gofundme.  

    5. Your read receipts are off

    If you can’t use your full chest to turn on your blue ticks, then you’re probably owing money you can’t return without suffering.

    .

    6. You dine in Lagos restaurants

    If you’re out on the streets of Lagos enjoying spaghetti bolognese and creamy pasta every week, you’re only one step away from packing your bags to the village.

    7. You can only imagine enjoyment

    In December you were shouting, ”Don’t worry about my destiny,” now, you can only afford memories of enjoyment. It is well.

    Ortega

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  • 8 Things Women Would Buy in Their Homes as Sugar Mummies

    8 Things Women Would Buy in Their Homes as Sugar Mummies

    Every woman pictures her dream home at least once. So let’s just imagine you had that Folorunsho Alakija and Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala type of money is sitting in your bank account. What’s the first ridiculous thing you’re buying in your dream home? These are the 8 items women shared with us from their own ultimate rich girl fantasies.

    8 Things Women Would Buy in their Homes as Sugar Mummies

    1. Nkem, 24

    An indoor waterfall

    I have a lot of anxiety so once I hit that kind of money, I will take my self-care to another level and build an indoor waterfall. My money is clearly too big for just a water fountain. 

    8 Things Women Would Buy in their Homes as Sugar Mummies

    2. Deborah, 26

    An aquarium

    I’m definitely fulfilling my dream of having an aquarium. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to live under the sea like ariel. So the next best thing with my new bank account is a mini-ocean in my living room.

    8 Things Women Would Buy in their Homes as Sugar Mummies

    3. Pearl, 25

    An Amazonian themed backyard 

    Don’t judge me, I’m a plant mum and I need to experience the life of having a jungle at the back of my house. I just want to give off billionaire boogie but fiesty vibes in my Qualms money dream.

    8 Things Women Would Buy in their Homes as Sugar Mummies

    4. Akpos, 28

    A grand library

    I want my kids to love reading as much as I do, so I’d go for a customised library with only first edition books. I just want a safe space to get lost in. You know a woman has money when you see rows of limited edition books lined up on her shelf. 

    5. Blessing, 24

    A gun collection 

    As crazy as it sounds, all I want is a gun collection next to a wine cellar. I want to be able to casually drink red wine while I’m preparing to assassinate my village people.

    6. Temi, 23

    An underground bakery

    Waking up to a whole staff dedicated to making me bread is my dream. I just want to be able to place an order for any kind of pastry in the world and get it immediately.

    7. Kamsi, 26

    An indoor pool 

    I want the one in movies that I can regulate. So after a long day at the office I can just come home and set the mood and slip into the pool naked. If it’s too cold I can just make it warm, and vice versa.

    8. Paula, 48

    An airport

    If I had that kind of money you’re describing, my backyard would be a runway for my own planes. I couldn’t afford a plane ride to see my father in Delta State last year. I had to take the train from Abuja to Lokoja and then a bus down to Delta— never again. At my age, I don’t want to have to go through that kind of stress just to see my family.  

    Ortega

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  • 5 Ways to Hide Your Wealth from Family and Friends

    5 Ways to Hide Your Wealth from Family and Friends

    Are you scared of family and friends blowing up your phone with calls and billing you for every little thing? What you need is a way to keep knowledge of your wealth away from them.

    These five tips should do the trick.

    1. Make “God when” your motto

    If you see anything like an expensive car, don’t make the mistake of opening your mouth to say you can afford it. Simply shout “God when” in your most pitiable voice.

    2. Disown them

    You might not be able to hide the fact that you have money from all your family and friends, so just disown them. It’s not by force to have friends in this life. You’ll be fine.

    3. Don’t tell them the exact price of things you buy

    If you buy a wig of 85k, tell them you bought it 10k, because next thing you know, you’re buying bags of rice and paying the school fees of five extended relatives.

    4. Ask them for urgent 2k

    How can they have the heart to ask you for money when you yourself are in need of urgent 2k? Asides urgent 2k, ask them to send airtime and data to complete the help-my-life act.

    5. Ship directly to your doorstep when you shop online

    Do this only if you stay alone. The minute your package arrives, grab it and shut your door. That way, snoopy family members, neighbours or friends won’t have their face in your business.

    Shop & Ship can make your coded life easier.

    It’s a global shipping service that delivers your online shopping from anywhere in the world right up to your doorstep. Discover the joy of shopping in the US, China, UK and Turkey amongst other countries with 32 S&S addresses worldwide. Why wait? Sign up today.

    For more information, visit ShopandShip.com.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • 6 Nigerian Men Recall the Times they Didn’t Really Feel Like Men

    6 Nigerian Men Recall the Times they Didn’t Really Feel Like Men

    Growing up as men, the world has continued to hammer on things we should or shouldn’t do as we try to “protect” our masculinity. As the world continues to change around us, we are beginning to understand what’s toxic and what isn’t. Despite these changes, some men still struggle to shake off societal standards and beliefs on masculinity. These six Nigerian men spoke to Zikoko about the times they didn’t feel like men. 

    Donatus, 41

    I hit a rough patch financially when my daughter was just starting primary school. Before this happened, we’d had a deal where my wife took care of little things in the house, while I paid the main bills like rent and school fees. But things got  so bad my daughter was refused entry into school.   So, my wife had to gather the money herself and pay. My wife has probably forgotten about it now, but the fact that I’d failed at my responsibility to my family broke me. There are a lot of things I’ve connected and disconnected from manhood over the years. However, the one thing that still makes me feel less of a man is not being able to provide. 

    Ishaya, 30 

    I was super religious in university and remained  a virgin up until my third year, even though I  drank alcohol. After our final paper, my friends and I went out for drinks. We all picked up girls from the club and took them home. I lost my virginity that night. I regret having to pay for the sex   I felt (and still feel like) shit every time I think about it. I haven’t paid for sex since then and I’ll never do it again. I don’t believe in having to pay for sex, as it makes me feel like I’ve failed as a man. 

    Aliyu, 33

    The day I felt less like a man was the day I realised that my ex had been cheating on me with some other guy in our social circle. The cheating part hurt because I loved her, but the part where everybody knew and I was just the mumu playing love? That part messed with my head. I couldn’t go out for months and I cut everyone off. People still think it was the pain from the break-up, but for me, it was the embarrassment that stuck. I had become a joke in Lagos. Anyway, that’s why I keep serving breakfast left, right and centre. It will reach all of us. 

    Jeremiah, 29

    Do you know how after break-ups we all assume women gather with their friends, hold hands and recite words of affirmation? Well, this was me when I went through a bad break-up in 2016. I was crying every day like somebody died and I couldn’t call my friends to join me because they would’ve slapped some sense into me. I didn’t even think it was a big deal until I came online and saw that this babe had gone to Dubai with another man while I was in Surulere weeping. It was serious first-hand embarrassment for me. People say she might’ve been sad too, but it’s my own I know. Men can cry, but crying over someone that doesn’t want you is just pathetic please. Never again. 

    Uzoma, 24

    So I was hooking up with this girl one time and she tried to peg me. We were having missionary sex as the Lord intended, and this babe just started sliding her finger towards my butt. The next thing I knew, it was in and I liked the feeling. She continued for a bit and then asked if she could use her strap. Now, hollup! The West African in me took back control and I was like “Hell, no!” I said it in a jocular manner sha, even though I was firm, so I wouldn’t ruin the vibe. The crazy thing is that I liked it, but the toxic part of me was like, “We don’t do that ere! ” God abeg! 

    Tonye, 30 

    If you can believe it, I’m a 30-year-old closeted bisexual who still believes sleeping with other men makes him less of a man. While I had always liked women, I hooked up with this guy once after our office’s Christmas party. He was someone’s plus one that night, but went home with me. It was great and everything, but I woke up the next morning feeling like shit — it’s not like I’m religious or anything. I think it goes back to my uncle always telling me not to behave like a girl when I was a child, which is something I struggled with growing up. I rarely hook up with guys because that feeling keeps coming up. I’m seeing a queer-friendly therapist now and hopefully, I get over it and enjoy my life. 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • 5 Healthy Money Habits Women Should Have, According to Oluwatosin

    5 Healthy Money Habits Women Should Have, According to Oluwatosin

    Money is hard to come by but easy to lose. Here are five healthy money habits women should have to keep the money coming, according to Oluwatosin, founder of Money Africa, an ed-tech platform that enhances financial literacy. 

    Oluwatosin

    1. Commit to changing your mindset about money

    Did you know that by the age of seven, many of your money habits are already set? The first step is to understand your relationship with money and if that relationship is unhealthy, you have to be deliberate about changing it. Figure out your budget and maintain it. Cultivate a mindset of abundance. Personal finance is 80% mindset and 20% knowledge. You need the right mind to sustainably build wealth in the long run. 

    2. Track your spendings as much as you can

    Many people see this as a hard nut to crack but you can start with something simple like drawing up a budget. Try to maintain the budget. When you fail, go back to it. This way, it’s easy to see where your money goes when it comes in and you can make room for more. You can’t spend measure what you don’t track.

    3. Learn to take risks 

    The truth is nobody can get rich just by saving. Inflation is a thief and if you’re only saving, inflation will strip you of value. Investment is what you need to be financially independent. Take risks and succeed, albeit calculated. 

    4. Negotiate every deal 

    Remember that nothing is final until you have negotiated. Ask for a deduction on your insurance premium or your flight tickets. Ask for a raise on your salary, side hustle income or your project. You don’t know what will change when you ask so try. Do your research and negotiate to your advantage. 

    5. Resist instant gratification

    The big money win comes from the long wait. As Bill Gates said, “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” Start planning for ten years from now. Learn patience and play the long term game. 

    Subscribe to our newsletter here.

    Mariam Sule

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  • QUIZ: What Will Finish Your Money This December?

    QUIZ: What Will Finish Your Money This December?

    Is it enjoyment or gbese that will finish your money this December? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.


    Tuntamilore

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  • QUIZ: How Rich Do You Smell?

    QUIZ: How Rich Do You Smell?

    Does the stink of poverty follow you about or do you smell like a million bucks?

    Take this quiz to find out.

    QUIZ: How Rich Is Your Soulmate?

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • Are Unpaid Internships The New Form Of Exploitation?

    Are Unpaid Internships The New Form Of Exploitation?

    In May 2021, just as the world was getting out of the funk caused by months of lockdown and inactivity, Seyi Akomolafe found herself in an interesting position. After sitting at home for months and applying for fashion internship roles around Lagos, the 18-year-old finally got an offer, the problem was, she needed to work for free. “Job hunting in Nigeria is an extreme sport and I was excited to finally get one,” she tells Zikoko. “Did my heart sink when I saw it was an unpaid internship role? Yes. But it was from a designer I admired, so I took it.”

    Following two “grueling” months at her job, Seyi eventually quit. Why did she leave such an incredible work opportunity? “Well, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was a slave. I thought passion was enough, but I was tapping into my savings and getting very little [knowledge] in return.” 

    Unpaid internships in the creative sector are as common as the shade and drama the sector constantly feeds the internet. We’ve all seen it in play out before, either in real life or in the movies; A young, passionate intern runs errands and performs tasks for their boss in exchange for lucrative knowledge and exposure in a glamorous field, such as filmmaking, fashion, public relations, or the magazine industry. Through all of this, the intern is not given actual financial remuneration, just experience, a couple of celebrity sightings (if they’re lucky), and vibes. The employer, on the other hand, gets the benefit of services while minimizing costs. 

    According to the World Bank, Nigeria’s population stands at over 200million with its youth claiming over 40% of this figure. The recent success of Nigeria’s creative scene ranging from music to film production and fashion have led to a proliferation of job seekers looking to break into the sector. As of today, the entertainment sector is the second highest employer of labour in Nigeria after agriculture. In this day and age of social media, everyone knows someone who’s either already a creative or working towards becoming one. The numbers are insane. 

    As interest continues to grow, structured job and internship opportunities are struggling to meet up. But why do we even need internships in the first place? Why not start something small on your own and work your way up? While internships are an imperative part of the industry, there are thousands of Nigerians creating art on their own without training from experienced people in the industry. However, according to Hassan, a Lagos-based editor who preferred to remain anonymous, “It’s easier said than done.” 

    Hassan’s entry into Nollywood wasn’t easy. He remembers having to juggle two lives at the beginning, one as an unpaid editing assistant and the other as a digital marketer. After years of working his way up, Hassan has become one of the most in-demand editors in Lagos, a feat he attributes to his early unpaid days. “Just like most things in Nigeria, Nollywood is about connection,” he explains. “I knew how to edit from watching tutorials online, but I needed a way to get myself through the door and being an ‘assistant’ provided that opportunity. What’s the point of having a skill if you can’t use it? I had to find a way to hack it because my passion came first.” 

    Although most of these internships are unpaid, they still demand just as much as full-time paying jobs. Due to the time-consuming tasks, most interns find it hard to take up other paying side-gigs that could actually fund their lives. Young Nigerians these days have to weigh their options carefully, choosing between their dreams and a job that foots the bill. More often than not, they are forced to walk away, just like Seyi. Because of this, internship opportunities tend to be limited to those who come from privileged backgrounds and are willing to work for free.  

    Pat Ada Eze is a popular image consultant and stylist to stars like Ayra Starr, Ladipoe, and Johnny Drille. Starting as an intern herself, Pat tells Zikoko, “I think unpaid internships are the worst. I have never done it and I don’t think anyone should do it.” With a successful business of her own, she reveals that she pays all her interns no matter how small the budget is. When the budget is too limited to pay, she does all the work herself. On how unpaid internships affect the industry, she explains that while she’s never really thought about it, she can imagine it “blocking the dreams of people who come from less-privileged backgrounds.”

    Times are changing in countries like America. Over the past few years, unpaid interns from different projects have held the country’s creative scene under siege. Lawsuits demanding minimum wage and overtime have been filed against Fox Searchlight, Bad Boy Entertainment, publications like Vogue, the New Yorker, and Vanity Fair. But with Nigeria lacking structure legally and creatively, is this even a possibility? “We haven’t gotten justice for cases of misappropriated funds, election fraud, or even sexual assault,” Seyi explains. “There’s no way it’ll work for interns? We are all hustling and we’ll continue to hustle.” 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • 5 Coins That Could Pay For Your Detty December

    5 Coins That Could Pay For Your Detty December

    Guys, get in here. We’ve got something to talk about. Believe it or not, December has come. And you know what that means – it’s time to detty everywhere again.

    This year, things will be even dettier. COVID did us dirty last December, so there were no shows or events for us to attend. Now that we’re popping again, it’s events back to back. Biz Wiz already announced. Burna Boy already announced. And we’re still waiting for several other A-listers to drop dates – Olamide, Tiwa Savage, Davido, Teni, Rema, Ayra Starr. Omo, KPK!

    If you’re out here thinking about how to get the funds you need to attend shows, trust us; you’re not alone. Burna himself said it best – “Dangote still dey find money.”

    This year, everyone has been talking mad about crypto. “Buy this coin, buy that coin.” Remember back in April when everything dipped and we were all dragging crypto people on Twitter? Well, the joke’s on everyone else right now. Crypto is back up and all the sinzus are now popping their collars again.

    If you’re still new to the whole crypto thing, you don’t have to be afraid. Several coins could easily jump in the next month or two, and you could invest in them right now to get money for your Detty December.

    We decided to do some of the research work for you, and we’ve got some interesting coins for you to consider right now:

    1. Wakanda Inu (WKD)

    So, this first one is a bit of a newbie. But hey, if everyone can have a meme coin, Africans can get one too!Wakanda Inu is a cryptocurrency that launched a few weeks ago. Even at that, at some point last week its price increased by over 700%. If you missed the gains that DOGE and Shiba Inu (SHIB) gave investors, then you would want to get in on this one.

    Cryptocurrency exchange Quidax is currently giving out 200 Billion Wakanda Inu. You can get info about the airdrop here.

    2. Bitcoin (BTC)

    Bitcoin is the daddy of cryptocurrencies. It was the first coin to be launched, and it’s still the most popular today. This year alone, Bitcoin’s price has grown by 109.4%. So, if you had put some cash into Bitcoin at the start of the year and chilled till now, you’d be sitting on a big stack of cash.

    Bitcoin has been doing some big numbers lately too. Plus, the fact that it’s the most popular cryptocurrency means that it offers the most safety. Bitcoin has a history of making big moves towards the end of the year, so we’re expecting something hooge soon.

    3. Dogecoin (DOGE)

    DOGE is what we call a meme coin. It doesn’t really have a use, but a lot of people on social media love it. And it has caught on since then. This year, DOGE’s price has increased by over 4,000%.

    It’s still making a lot of people rich, and you could invest in it to get some gains in December.

    4. Shiba Inu (SHIB)

    If you’ve got your ears to the ground recently, you must have heard of SHIB. Crypto people have been shouting about it like it’s the best thing since sliced bread. But what if it actually is?

    This year, SHIB’s price has increased by over 10,000%. So if you put just #10,000 into SHIB at the start of the year, you’d probably be rubbing shoulders with Tony Elumelu right now. But, it’s not too late. SHIB may still have a long way to go.

    5. Binance Coin (BNB)

    BNB is a cryptocurrency launched by Binance. We’re especially big on BNB because of how well it has performed this year. BNB’s price has jumped by 1,435% this year, meaning that it has made a lot of people rich for sure. Watch out for this one.

    So, Where Do I Buy These Coins?

    If you’d like to get your Detty December funds sorted, we recommend choosing a trusted exchange that won’t give you any problems. Like Wizkid said, we all want No Stress.

    You can check out a cryptocurrency exchange like Quidax. You can buy all the cryptos we have mentioned in this article on Quidax.

    Disclaimer: The information in this post shouldn’t be taken as investment advice. Cryptocurrencies are great investments, but we recommend that you do your research before buying any crypto.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • How This Nigerian Tech Bro Was Used and Dumped By a US Startup

    How This Nigerian Tech Bro Was Used and Dumped By a US Startup

    Jeremiah*, 30, worked non-stop 18 hours a day for 18 months until his health forced him to take a break, but his boss had other plans. From earning in dollars to living on vibes, read how the ting go.

    I spent my NYSC in Abia State serving as a teacher in a public school. During that time, I saved up my monthly allowances to buy a laptop and learnt how to build websites through tutorials. In 2018, after my youth service, I saw an internship opportunity online. The company promised that after the internship, I would be offered employment. I took a leap of faith and left for Lagos.

    The internship was a breeze because I already knew most of the things they taught. I was just there for networking and making connections. I was the first person to get a job from my set — I was hired even before the end of the internship. I’m still at that job to date. The company works with the government, so there are usually lengthy intervals (about four months) between projects where there is no work. I had to find a way to fill in those downtimes. Early 2019, I found an online software engineering peer-review cohort, applied and got accepted.

    How I became a workaholic

    I was the least experienced during the cohort, but I made the extra effort to upskill. I would spend up to 12 hours writing code. I desperately wanted to level up, and so I gave it my all and some extra. At the end of the cohort, I interviewed with a US-based startup and got a three-month internship contract.

    The cohort facilitators would supervise the contract. The initial pay was $400 monthly. If I performed well after the internship, I would be offered a full-time position and my compensation, doubled. I couldn’t believe my luck.

    I resumed my internship and found out that I was the only other person in the startup. The founder was a back-end engineer; I’m a front-end developer. 

    My internship contract stated that I was only meant to work a maximum of six hours daily, but I wanted to prove my worth and get more dollars at the end of the internship period. I ended up working twice longer than required. I built the whole front-end of the application from the ground up. 

    At the end of the internship, the founder refused to offer me a contract, but he did not let me go. He claimed he was still testing me and asked me to intern for another two months. 

    After the two months had elapsed, he wanted to extend the internship yet again. The cohort facilitators had to intervene. They demanded that he sign me on full-time and update my monthly payment or let me go. He eventually conceded. He was supposed to double my pay, but he only increased it by $200. He also delayed payments by weeks. 

    The situation wasn’t ideal, but I needed the money. I am the firstborn, and my family depends on me for finances. $600 a month wasn’t nearly enough for the amount and value of my work, but when converted to naira, it wasn’t so bad.

    Here’s what my typical workday looked like:

    Remember that I took this job to supplement my other job. 

    I would wake by 7 a.m. and go to my day job by 9 a.m., working till 5 pm. Then I would rush back home to resume the remote job. Ideally, I was supposed to close for the day at 1 a.m., California time, but I often found myself working until 6 a.m. the next day. 

    I worked like this for another year. During that time, the startup launched and started getting customers and revenue. My workload quadrupled, but the founder refused to hire new hands. I’m a front-end developer, but he forced me into doing backend work as well. I wouldn’t have minded, but it was how he went about it. He never acknowledged his faults, always looking to blame me even when he was wrong. He also refused to hire a designer, so I was ideating designs as well as implementing them. 

    I worked like this until my body shut down

    I didn’t get any paid leave; I worked during Christmas and the New Year. I was on my laptop 18 hours a day with no breaks and no time off. 

    Last year, when my father fell sick, I took a break from my Nigerian job and travelled to visit my family in the village, but I still had to work at the remote startup. The power supply is poor where my parents live, so I would go to a late-night restaurant to work and sometimes stay there till dawn.

    There were days when I would break down in the middle of a workday (night) and weep. My physical and mental health fell off, and my productivity nosedived.

    It was brutal.

    One day, I explained to the founder that I needed a break. The work was taking its toll on me, and I feared I could fall sick or slump at any time. He refused. I begged and begged until he reluctantly agreed, but there was a catch: I had to complete a few more tasks before I went on leave.

    I told him I could not handle anything new. At that point, my hands were trembling from stress and lack of sleep, and I couldn’t focus on anything.

    [newsletter]

    I got the sack on my second day of leave

    Any developer who has ever worked at a startup knows that things need to move fast. Founders want to ship products and updates, and they typically don’t care about code quality. Many times, developers have to do lots of patchwork and sellotaping to keep up with demand. 

    I’m a workaholic, so I blocked out some time to clean up the codebase and make it more readable even while on leave. I also wanted the codebase to be easy to read for future hires as the company was expanding.

    On the second day, I went to GitHub and discovered that the founder had removed me. He also deleted me from Slack and revoked my access to every other company channel.

    I didn’t receive a termination notice or anything — I didn’t even get fired. I got dumped.

    The aftermath

    After the initial shock, I just went to sleep. I slept like my life depended on it (honestly, it did). For two weeks, I slept like it was the only thing I was born to do. 

    Two weeks later, I hadn’t heard from the founder. He fired me but was stalling on paying me. I reached out to the cohort facilitators to help demand my outstanding remuneration. He resisted at first but eventually paid up.

    A month later, I got a recommendation to work for a startup in Nigeria. I’m also building this one from the ground up, but I like this one so far. My CTO is a designer, and his designs are delightful to implement. 

    What I learned

    I now value my mental health more than anything else. I take care of myself and make efforts to be at peace. It’s a long, winding road, but I have made progress. My current income is not great, but I now have the semblance of a healthy work-life balance. 

    But it’s not been smooth at all

    While I’m consciously rebuilding my life (and mental health), I’m not happy. As the first child, I’m the primary breadwinner. The startup I currently work at has run out of money, and I’m being owed for two months. I’m only staying put because I believe in the business, and I have stock options. They also rate me highly. However, I need money to sustain myself.

    When I got fired, my father got into trouble. He lost a huge amount of money from the community esusu; I had to pull every last penny of my savings to get him out of trouble. Right now, I’m pretty much rebuilding my life from scratch.

    Looking forward to something hooge

    I‘m actively looking for a well-paying job. I constantly second-guessed myself at my previous job, but I’m great at what I do — I have built functional software from scratch at two startups. One year later, my code still powers the company whose founder dumped me; it is my work bringing them revenue, and I have nothing to show for it. I will not let another person make me feel small. 

    I hope to get a big break soon.

    Ama Udofa

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  • 11 Signs to Know a Young Nigerian Man Who Has Come Into Money

    11 Signs to Know a Young Nigerian Man Who Has Come Into Money

    When a young Nigerian man has just come into money, he is easy to know. You have to look out for the signs so you can know how to make your move. Here is a list of eleven signs you should watch out for. Don’t say Zikoko did not do anything for you.

    1. He’s starting to grow a potbelly.

    The potbelly of a young Nigerian man who has just come into money is certainly not as big as this. It’s a small, blossoming thing, just to show that he has started eating a little too well and does not really have time for the gym because he is too busy counting his new money. Look around, ladies and gentlemen, these men are everywhere.

    2. He wears Sauvage by Dior or Club De Nuit Intense.

    This is the signature scent. You better get familiar with it. It is the smell of money.

    3. He visits Unilag In the evening.

    We are not going to speak much on this. But if you know, you know.

    4. He has white native, both up and down and Agbada.

    You will probably call him a demon, but he knows he is an angel and doesn’t want you to stain his white. White wey don stain.

    5. With Man purse

    Zipper Men Clutch Bags PU Men's Leather Wallet Men Handy Bag Male Long Wallets Man Purses Brown One size price from kilimall in Kenya - Yaoota!

    This is a necessary piece.

    6. He’s always tweeting about how his parents now ask him for advice.

    It’s because he has money, my dears. Who sabi the poor pikin?

    7. He says things like “I will marry this woman.”

    Zikoko Memes on Twitter: "Which Odunlade Adekola are you today? A, B, C or D #zikokomemes… "

    He’s an intentional man, please. No time for back and forth, he is a talk-and-do.

    8. He cheats only once a week

    Because he’s busy making money the rest of the week. Can’t fumble the bag because of mekwe.

    9. He either drives a Corolla or a Lexus or he’s driving a Toyota and aiming for Lexus.

    Lexus RX 350 Price in Nigeria (2021)

    By their cars, you shall know them. Better watch out so you can catch the latest fresh fish.

    10. He’s working Canadian PR.

    Japa | Zikoko!

    What’s the point of being a rich young man who has just come into money, if not to japa? #OperationCanda #JapaSZN

    11. He doesn’t have time for foreplay

    He’s too busy trying to get back to work. Can’t be spending time caressing places that won’t yield cash. If anyone says we are lying, let them come out and deny it.

    [donation]

    Kunle Ologunro

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  • 8 Things We Secretly Wish Nigerian Banks Would Do

    8 Things We Secretly Wish Nigerian Banks Would Do

    Many Nigerians are in a complicated relationship with their banks. This wouldn’t be the case if they’d just do some things we secretly wish for. But they’re not ready for this conversation.

    Maybe in the afterlife.

    1. Put beds at ATM stands

    Yes. To recover from those never-moving queues and reduce all the “I’m behind” you wahala.

    2. Share food when we
    open new accounts

    It’s not only in church that they should be doing first timer nau. Is it not when you eat well, you can work to save money? Biko, a plate of Jollof isn’t too much to ask for.

    3. Send funds

    See ehn, this one will slap. Especially in those times when your account is already glowing red and your enemies are waiting to laugh at you.

    4. Send us gifts on our birthdays

    Instead of SMSes, we could really do with some customer appreciation gift. If delivery is too much of a bother, we can do pick-up, no problem.

    5. Giveaways

    Christmas, giveaway. New Year, giveaway. Valentine’s Day nko? Giveaway to profess their love. This is how to make sure you ride with them for life.

    6. Deduct SMS charges only once a year

    On top of all the debit alerts you have to deal with, at the end of the month you’ll still see SMS charges. E choke oh. Once a year will do, or eliminate it, pata-pata. T for tenks.

    7. Come to our houses

    The motto is simple: If the customer won’t come to the bank, let the bank go to the customer. Why should you allow sun to play dangerous games with your forehead, when you can simply be attended to from the comfort of your house?

    8. Automate more processes

    In this time and Age, we shouldn’t be queuing physically at the bank to get basic things like changing phone numbers or opening a new account done. *Screams silently at the absurdity.*

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • How To Make Money Online In Nigeria

    How To Make Money Online In Nigeria

    Are you looking for the best way to make money online? Are you a student who could use some money or do you have a full-time job but won’t mind an extra source of income? Maybe the plan is to even turn your online business into a full-time job. The point is, whatever your needs are, there are multiple ways to make money online. 

     The popularity of the internet in the past two decades has transformed every form of our lives, including the way we conduct business. The internet is now a platform connecting people who require some service and are willing to pay for it with people who can provide the service. 

    How to make money online zikoko

    Needless to say, the concept of online marketplaces is becoming increasingly popular, and everyone wants a piece. Millions of people across the globe make their money from businesses they build online. With a phone/laptop and internet connection, you can join in the fun too.

    Let’s dive in.  

    Top 10 Ways To Make Money Online In 2021

    1. Freelancing

    freelancer illustration

    Do you have a skill or service you feel like exchanging for money, a laptop, and an internet connection?  If yes, then you should consider freelancing.

    The best thing about the freelancing industry is that there is a market for every skill you can think of, although there may be some disparity in demand. Are you good at writing? There are tons of content writing gigs online. What about programming, graphic design or translating or transcribing? Nothing is off-limits, really. 

    A good way to start freelancing is to register on freelance platforms: they match clients with talent all over the world. Create your profile, apply to jobs and get to work. 

    Some of the top freelance marketplaces include  Upwork, Fiverr, PeoplePerHour , Freelancer, and local platforms like Kula.

    To get started, you should check out this resource. 

    2. Affiliate Marketing

    affiliate marketing illustration

    If you have a blog, a website or even a YouTube channel, and people buy a product from a third party via your platform because you talked about it, that’s affiliate marketing. And you can make money from it. 

    Affiliate marketing has a low barrier to entry but can be a reliable source of income.

    Here’s how it work:  You apply for the affiliate program where it is available. If you’re accepted, you get a custom link to the product you’re looking to promote. When your link successfully converts a customer— i.e. they make a purchase via the same link, you earn a commission. 

    Affiliate marketing is designed to increase sales and a good strategy to use is content creation. 

    If this sounds good to you, here are some affiliate programs in Nigeria you might be interested in.

    3. Influencer Marketing

    social media marketer illustration

    A couple of years ago, celebrities were the only sets of people considered as influencers. But that’s no longer the case — anyone with a strong online presence and engagement can sign up to become an influencer. 

    This gig is for you if you have a following on any of your social media accounts, such as X (formerly known as) Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or even WhatsApp, and you are looking for a way to monetize it. 

    Influencer marketing is a type of word-of-mouth marketing strategy that relies on recommendations and endorsement from “influencers” — a term for people who have built a strong presence online and engage their followers. Influencer marketing is one of the organic ways brands promote their products and services, so they don’t hesitate to earmark some of their advertising budgets into this. 

    How does this work? Influencers partner with brands and  “sell” the products to the target audience by posting “sponsored posts” on their social media platforms.

    While reach is important in influencer marketing and brands look for people with a massive following, they also look at engagement. Not much might happen if you have 10k followers on Instagram but struggle to get five comments on your posts. Quality and relatable content, for the most part, is the best way to increase audience reach and engagement. 

    If this sounds like you, you will find this guide to becoming an influencer marketer useful.

    4. Dropshipping 

    dropshipping illustration

    Dropshipping is a retail business model where the seller doesn’t have to stock the products they sell. This is how it works: when a customer makes an order from you, you purchase the product from a third-party merchant — usually a wholesaler or the manufacturer —  and have them ship it directly to the customer in your name. 

    Many people will argue that the best thing about dropshipping is that it’s not as capital intensive as the standard retail model. For starters, you won’t have to worry about the cost of setting up a physical store to keep your inventory. And since you aren’t required to buy the products before you find a buyer, you won’t have to lose sleep over recouping your investment. What’s more? You still get to buy the products at wholesale prices and sell them to the customer at retail.

    Read more about dropshipping in this article here. 

    5. Social Media Marketing

    social media marketer illustration

    Social media marketing helps brands and businesses find and connect with their target audience on social media. As people spend long hours online, brands are also looking for ways to leverage this to reach more people and promote their products. This is where social media marketers come in. 

    A social media marketer’s job is pretty much using social media to promote products and services. So, if you know how algorithms work and how you can use them to boost audience reach or how to use paid advertising to hack growth, you should strongly consider finding work in social media marketing. But remember, the end goal here is also conversion. 

    This guide contains all the basics of social media marketing.

     6. Setting Up A Virtual Store

    The internet has transformed people’s buying behaviour and how they shop for things. With the rise of e-commerce stores, more people are open to buying things online. 

    Jumia and Konga are two of the biggest e-commerce platforms in Nigeria. While they sell products from their warehouses, they also allow other vendors and merchants to set up stores to sell and market their own products. You should consider tapping into this. If you have a product to exchange for money, you can leverage these marketplaces to reach more people and subsequently make more sales. 

    All you have to do is sign up to become a vendor and you can put up your products on the sites and start selling once you get approved. However, you should know that these platforms will charge a commission on every sale you make off their platform. 

    There’s another way to do this: you can easily create a custom online store on e-commerce platforms like Shopify and direct your customers there. Shopify has this detailed article on how to do this, and you can find it here.

    Alternatively, you can set up your store on popular social media websites. Facebook, Twitter and Instagram have opened up a new revenue stream for business owners, and they should be part of your marketing and sales strategy. It’s also easy to set up a store on these websites — sign up, post your products and create content around them, receive orders and fulfil. 

    If you’re looking for more information about how to use social media websites for e-commerce, this article is a good place to start.

    7. Selling Online Courses

    If you’re an expert at something and are looking to share the knowledge with others for a fee, creating an online course might be the way to go. You also have the freedom to choose whichever format works best for you — text or video. 

    Work on your online course, make sure it’s packed with value, put it on online marketplaces — it could be your custom website or an educational marketplace like Udemy —  and start selling. 

    8. Starting A YouTube Channel 

    There are about 122 million active daily users on YouTube. In the past few years, there has been an increase in video monetisation attempts by individual content creators and vloggers. With a YouTube channel, you also can make money online. Some of the most popular ways to make money on YouTube include sponsored videos, monetising ad views and joining the YouTube Partner Program

    9. Becoming A Virtual Assistant 

    Virtual assistants work remotely and help clients, which could be individuals or companies with their administrative tasks.  As a virtual assistant, you’re making someone’s job easier and getting paid for it. 

    To find clients, you can use social media sites like Linkedin and Facebook to your advantage in addition to good ol’ word of mouth marketing. Freelancing platforms like Upwork and Fiverr are also effective places to scout for your clients. 

    10. Investing In Stocks 

    This is not exactly an online business, but it can be a good way to make money on the side. Also, it requires some capital, some level of financial education, and an appetite for risks. Financial services like Rise and Bamboo provide a range of foreign stock options you can research and put some money into. Now, sit back and watch your money grow. 

    5 Things To Do Before You Start Your Online Business

    1. Research like your life depends on it… it kinda does:

    Research doesn’t solve all of your problems, but it fixes most of them. The thing about making money online is that there are limitless options, and that can be overwhelming. 

    Internship Opportunities for Students of Color

    To get past that overwhelming phase, you must answer the question: will people pay for this service? A business that solves a problem will most definitely get paying clients, so it’s important to scour the internet for the necessary information before making a decision. Also, find out what the other players in the space are doing to secure the bag and see if there’s anything to emulate or tweak to make it better. 

    2. Equip yourself with the necessary skills or tools:

    A lot of money-making options on the internet require a set of skills and abilities or tools to work with. For example, you can’t make money online off freelance content writing if you don’t build your writing skills. In the same vein, if you hope to make money from photo editing, you need editing skills and photo editing software. 

    It’s important to give your skills an honest evaluation and figure out what areas you need to develop. This will help you as you go. 

    3. Find out your target market:

    This should be something you consider when conducting your research. It’s one thing to know that the service you’re looking to sell is in hot demand — it’s another thing to identify the people who are willing to pay for it. 

    Also, the market shifts all the time, and a widely-sought after service at a time might see a sharp drop in demand after a few months. Think about the long-term sustainability and market share before you commit to the business. 

    4. Prepare for the long haul:

    It’s hard to build a business. Some sources claim that 90% of online businesses fail in the first four months of operation. This is scary, isn’t it?

    There’s no guarantee that your business will become an instant hit. So, it just pays to be prepared to hang in there and consistently make moves to turn it into a reliable source of income. 

    5. Have a concrete marketing strategy:

    A good advertising and marketing plan, in many cases, is a prerequisite to how much you can make. Promotion matters a lot, and it might be what you need to kick start your business and build it to scale. 

    Toheeb Lanlehin

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  • Nigeria’s 2022 Budget Is Debt and Vibes

    Nigeria’s 2022 Budget Is Debt and Vibes

    Running a country, like most things in life, requires a budget. On Thursday, October 7, 2021, the country got a presentation from Buhari on what it would cost to keep Nigeria ‘working’ in 2022. 

    The presentation was tagged a “Budget of Economic Growth and Sustainability.” According to the president, this budget is meant to diversify Nigeria’s economy, develop infrastructure, improve security and do so many other great things you’ve probably heard before.

    But something you’ve definitely not heard is the content of this particular budget. In 2022, Nigeria plans to spend ₦16.3 trillion naira, even though it plans to make only ₦10.1 trillion. 

    To achieve this already suspect plan, the government will have to borrow about ₦5 trillion. Nigeria currently has a public debt of over ₦33.1 trillion. 

    There are so many other things in the 2022 budget, but all we’re thinking of now is how much each of us will have to pay when our debtors come to collect.

    Budget breakdown

    A budget usually contains how much you make and how much you plan to spend. In Nigeria’s budget, our earnings are classified as “revenue” while our spendings is called”expenditure”. The difference between how much we make and how much we earn is the “budget deficit”.

    This is what Nigeria’s 2022 budget looks like:

    Revenue – 

    In 2022, Nigeria plans to make ₦10.1 trillion. 

    The federal government wants to make ₦5.3 trillion from oil sales and value added tax, while government enterprises like the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC) are supposed to make ₦1.7 trillion. 

    The government wants to make ₦1.8 trillion from other taxes. Dividends from the Bank of Industry (BOI) should come from ₦195 billion and ₦300 billion should come from special funds. 

    The government also wants to earn ₦63 billion from foreign aid and ₦710 billion will come from other sources.

    Expenditure –

    In 2022, Nigeria wants to spend ₦16.3 trillion. ₦6.8 trillion will be to pay for expenses like salaries while ₦4.8 trillion will be to build roads and other infrastructure. Nigeria will use ₦3.9 trillion to pay back debts while ₦768.2 billion will be used to pay for some very important things like pensions.

    Deficit – 

    Nigeria needs ₦6.2 trillion to complete its budget. The government will borrow ₦5 trillion. ₦1.1 trillion will come from loans tied to projects and ₦90 billion will come from the sale of some assets.

    Remember, this is a budget, and it is only a plan. Nigeria may not make or spend up to the amount in this budget. But anything you see, just try to take it like that. 

    Doyin Olagunju

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  • “My Life Ended When I started NYSC” — A Week In The Life Of A Tired Youth Corps Member

    “My Life Ended When I started NYSC” — A Week In The Life Of A Tired Youth Corps Member

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a youth corps member currently without a place of primary assignment. She talks about the bleakness of her days, being frustrated by the NYSC scheme and the ways she sparks joy in her life.

    NYSC

    MONDAY:

    I feel like my life ended when I started NYSC. First of all, I didn’t get mobilised with my mates because my university was playing with my certificate.  I had to wait for the second stream. 

    When my posting came out, I ended up being posted to the north. As if that wasn’t bad enough, my redeployment to Lagos failed. After camp, I spent two months in a totally different state with no housing or family members. When I finally redeployed to Lagos, no PPA. And thus began the next two months of my life hanging in limbo doing nothing, waiting in uncertainty and listening to NYSC officials say the infamous, “just keep checking your NYSC dashboard for your new posting.” 

    The first thing I do when I wake up this morning is to open my NYSC dashboard to check my PPA portal. I’m met with the familiar disappointment of a blank page, so I log out. 

    It has been five months from mobilisation to redeployment, and I’ve not done anything significant. But that’s not the most annoying part. The worst part is that other people wake up with a clear idea of how their day will go and then there’s me who just, well… wakes up.  A large part of my day involves figuring out how to occupy myself until everyone returns from work at 4:00 p.m.

    Sometimes, I sleep or read a book, or just stare out into space. Nobody tells you how slow time moves when you have nothing planned for the day. 

    Another thing that frustrates me about the uncertainty of my situation is that I can’t get a side job. Every company I’ve interviewed with wants some measure of commitment, but I’m scared of taking a job, getting a PPA the next day and having to deal with clashing schedules. So I find myself declining jobs and waiting for NYSC to sort me.

    Today is gearing up to be a long-ass day. I can’t believe it’s just 10 a.m. My initial plan was to scroll mindlessly through social media, but everyone online looks like they have their life together — and that’s just going to make me feel bad. 

    I can’t do NYSC, can’t do a side job, can’t scroll through Instagram. All I can do is wait for 4 p.m.

    TUESDAY:

    I find it ironic that I had more fun outside Lagos than I’m having in Lagos. Although NYSC chopped my eye for redeployment on the last day; I still had a swell time in the north. The camp was fun and I got to meet interesting people.

    Now, my life is far from fun. My days are monotonous, and they repeat themselves. The only reason I remember that today is Tuesday is that I’m receiving a delivery for my sister whom I live with. Another aspect of not having a job is that I’m the designated “always-at-home-to-receive-a-package-person.” Sometimes, I feel like I’m part of the house and will soon merge with the furniture or the house itself.

    By mid-afternoon today, tired of sleeping, I call my contact at the NYSC office for an update and he goes, “Why are you complaining? Are you not just sleeping and waking up?”

    I’m speechless. 

    In terms of how great my life could have gone, things haven’t gone according to my plan. I’m not only humble, but I believe that I’m now a cautionary tale. People are now like “If NYSC posts you outside Lagos, don’t redeploy. *Yinka redeployed and now look at her life.”

    At this point, I don’t mind working for free; as long as I can just start working. 

    Wait, I mind working for free. Lagos is too expensive for that behaviour pls. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    En route to the Secretariat for monthly clearance today, one policeman shouted “corper wee” at me. I felt like coming down from my bike to punch his silly mouth because who is smiling with him. 

    This NYSC period has been full of only stress and frustration for my life. If not that allawee is tied to monthly clearance and monthly clearance is tied to wearing the NYSC uniform, where will people see me to be shouting “corper wee”.

    In all honesty, even the ₦33,000 allawee is not enough to survive on. Before NYSC, I used to comfortably buy Chicken Republic Refuel Max, but now, my motto is that there is rice at home. I can’t believe part of the reason I left the north was because they didn’t have Refuel Max, and now, I can’t afford to buy it in Lagos. 

    Today, I find myself very grateful for my benefactor aka my older sister. If not for her financial support, I’d probably have died of starvation. As a way of extending my stay in the house, I make up for my lack of earnings by doing domestic work.  

    I clean, cook and do everything in between. 

    If my sister asks me to run an errand, I do it with no questions asked. How can I protest when a carton of Indomie is now ₦3800? 

    Once I remove money for data, transport money from running around to sort NYSC runs, there’s almost nothing left to spend from the allawee. 

    My mentality now is that if any activity is going to remove from my ₦33,000, I’m not doing it. I’m going to politely decline, stay home, eat rice and do the dishes after. 

    THURSDAY:

    I wake up with this bout of sadness and an impending sense of gloom. I don’t want to talk to anyone around me; at least, not for a few hours. 

    I feel like the last five months has made NYSC a core part of my identity, and I’ve given it more power than I’d like. It has become an integral part of my conversations with people. 

    Friend 1: “How far your PPA?”

    Friend 2: “Can’t you do the NYSC without PPA?”

    Family and friends: “Why is this happening to you?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    I miss the old me. The fun me. I remember enjoying things like musical concerts, book shopping and watching plays. I’ve allowed life and NYSC take those away from me. But I can’t continue like this. 

    Today’s operation is to spark joy in my life. I’ll kick off the day by watching season 2 of the series, Ted Lasso. Then, I’ll listen to the Hamilton soundtrack and scream along when they say “how do we emerge victorious from the quagmire”. After that, the soundtrack is over. 

    By then, the day would be perfect for taking both Zikoko quizzes of the day. Finally, I’ll end the day by listening to Zikoko’s Love Life and that one will spark endorphins that’ll carry me for at least 30 seconds. 

    Less worrying and more enjoying. 

    FRIDAY: 

    If there’s any lesson from this period, I’m struggling to see it. But today is not the time for plenty of questions. I’m packing a bag to one of my friends’ houses where I can binge TV and let someone else worry about feeding me. 

    I could do with the company and distraction.

    When my NYSC service is over, I’ll throw a party. Then I’ll tear my uniform. After, I’ll frame and hang my NYSC certificate because I’ve suffered for it. 

    I lied when I said I didn’t have any lesson from this experience. I do, and it’s that life doesn’t always go as planned. If you had given me a thousand guesses, I don’t think I’d have guessed that five months into NYSC I’d still be struggling to be posted.  In my head, I thought that I’d be saving money from PPA [the subject has paying PPA options] alongside my allawee for jaapa. Then I’d also use the opportunity to build up hours for my minimum work experience. 

    All my planning is in the mud. 

    My prayer now is that when I wake up on Monday morning my PPA has changed.  God pls. 

    Editor’s note: The subject in no way seeks to tarnish the image of the NYSC scheme. She simply wishes to share her experience of/with the scheme. 

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • #NairaLife: This Product Manager Was Down Zero In 2019. How Did He Turn It Around?

    #NairaLife: This Product Manager Was Down Zero In 2019. How Did He Turn It Around?

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    This week’s Naira Life is brought to you by QuickCredit. With QuickCredit, you not only get the funds you need instantly, but you also get to pay back at the lowest interest rate in Nigeria.

    The first time the guy in this story tried to make money, he was beaten for it. Years later, he became a product manager and was slowly building up his wealth until a work mishap sent him out of a job and wiped out his life savings. Two years later, he’s building it back up and at $9800/month; it’s never been easier. 

    What’s your oldest memory of money?

    It dates back to 1994 when I was in primary three or four,  I stole ₦20 from my mum to buy some biscuits and sweets for a teacher so I could become their favourite student. I said it was from my mum. Unfortunately for me, the following week was Open Day and the teacher thanked my mum for the gifts. When we got home, she asked me to explain and I came clean. I got the beating of my life. 

    Wiun. Could you paint a picture of what it was like growing up?

    My mum was a teacher in the civil service and my dad was a jack of all trades. What both of them made wasn’t always enough for a family of eight. Things were especially tough during periods when the government owed my mum salaries or times when my dad’s businesses didn’t do so well. We were pretty much alternating between plenty and lack for the longest time.

    Do you remember the first time you made money?

    1997, and I was about 10 years old. I had friends who worked at the local market. They helped people carry their goods for a fee. I asked to follow them one day to observe how they worked. After watching for a while, I joined them. I made ₦16 on that evening and was so proud of myself. Unfortunately, one of my church members saw me and reported to my mum. I got another round of beating for “embarrassing the family and making people think we were hungry.”

    I don’t even remember what I used the money for anymore. But I stayed off trying to do anything for money until I got into university to study computer science. This was in 2005.

    What was the next thing you did for money?

    I helped someone write a math exam in the second semester of my first year, and I got ₦2k for it. I got over the guilt of what I had done when I got the money. For context, my allowance from home was ₦1k/month. 

    When I got to my second year, he introduced me to another guy who had missed out on school for the entire semester due to a personal tragedy. He was going to write six exams that semester, and I agreed to do it for ₦6k per course. That brought in ₦36k.

    I knew it was illegal and could get into a lot of trouble, so I pivoted into something different in my third year.

    What was this?

    I started a tutorial centre to teach students in the lower levels. The centre caught on, and I was always booked and busy during the exam periods. On the side, I was writing final year projects and seminar papers for final year students. On average, I was making more than ₦150k per semester. I did these things until I left university in 2011. By that time, I had about ₦1m in savings. 

    Hmm.

    One of my cousins was going to a university in the UK that year, and I started thinking about the possibility of going abroad for my master’s degree. He directed me to the affiliate centre that helped him with the whole process, and I went there to make enquiries. But I missed the floor and found myself at an I.T training centre. Somehow, the facilitator of the centre convinced me to get some certifications with them instead and showed me a pathway of how I could use this to get into tech. I thought it sounded good, so I paid for six certifications in software development and network engineering. It cost me ₦600k.

    The courses lasted for six months. The centre retained me as a facilitator after I finished my programme and paid me ₦15k/month. On the side, I was also looking for a better paying job, but nothing came until NYSC in 2012. 

    Two weeks before my service year ended, I got a job as a systems and server admin with a contractor doing some IT work for the government.

    How much was the pay?

    ₦90k. But I also had to be transferred to a state in the south-south. However, I was at the job for only three months. I resigned in May 2013. 

    Ah, why?

    I found out that my chances of growth were low. On my team, there were people who had been working there for two to three years and were still at the same income level they were when they joined. I didn’t want that for myself. I’ll admit that I made the decision because I had a bit of savings. ₦450k. 

    Fair enough. What came after?

    Unemployment. I was at home for five months. 

    Uh-oh.

    I was getting interviews but I either didn’t think the companies I was interviewing with were the right fit for me or they were offering me ridiculous salaries. I was bent on not accepting any offer below ₦100k and these companies were offering me ₦40k or ₦50k. 

    By the fifth month, I had burnt through my savings and had ₦70k left. I was beginning to realise that saving money only works if you’re earning. 

    Thankfully, a company reached out to me in October 2013. Someone at my last job had referred me to them. I got an offer almost immediately after I did my interview. They wanted me to come join them as IT support staff and my starting salary was ₦90k. Not the ₦100k I was looking for, but it was close. 

    I get that. How long did you spend there?

    Six months. I left in March 2014 after I got a better offer from an FMCG company. They brought me on as an IT lead and my salary was ₦150k. This was probably one of the most toxic places I’ve worked at. 

    Why, what happened?

    First, an IT lead was the highest role for the Nigerians who worked there. The supervisor positions and other superior roles went to foreigners. So, there was no opportunity for growth for me. I spent six months there and left in August 2014 after an argument with one of the supervisors. 

    Here’s where it got interesting: they didn’t accept my resignation. 

    Why not?

    A lot of the foreigners on the team were in violation of their visas, and they feared I would report them to immigration if I left like that. They gave me an offer instead: they would pay my salary for six months if I didn’t get another job within that time frame. I accepted it. 

    Sweet. 

    I got a new job lead at a fintech company about two weeks after I left. Two months and a series of interviews later, they offered me a senior IT role. My basic salary was ₦250k, but there was an extra ₦30k transport allowance, which brought my total monthly earnings to ₦280k. Another ₦150k was coming in from my last job. In total, I was earning ₦430k until November 2014. Somehow, my former workplace found out that I had gotten another job and stopped the payments. 

    Hehe. How did it go at the fintech company?

    Oh, it was great. I spent three years there. A lot of growth and learning happened there, so I wasn’t in a rush to leave. However, I never got a salary raise even once. It probably wouldn’t have mattered much, but I got married in 2015, so I had to earn more. Ultimately, it was one of the reasons I left. 

    Another fintech company had been trying to bring me on board, but I didn’t give them a lot of attention. I accepted their invitation to interview when I made a decision to leave the company I was with at the time. They liked me, and I got the job. Like that, my salary grew from ₦280k to ₦650k. It was a massive move I should have made earlier. 

    It does seem that way. 

    Haha. Apart from my salary, there was at least one bulk payout in every quarter of the year: leave allowance in March, performance bonus in June, Profit from the previous business year in September, and end of the year bonus in December. 

    Could you tell me a bit about how you navigated money at the time?

    I was saving 40% of my monthly salary. The remaining 60% was spread across other expenses, mostly household expenses and black tax. At the end of everything, my core savings was enough to cover house rent, which was ₦1.8m.

    The bonuses I got on the job went into investments. 

    What kind of investments?

    Bank investments. Treasury bills were hot and at an all-time high, bringing in 13% – 14% per year. I also had a fixed deposit account I was putting money into. By 2018, I had gathered ₦6m in core savings and investments. 

    Then something happened. 

    Uh-oh. 

    At the fintech where I worked, I was on a product team where we managed high network individuals. We helped them buy international portfolios and investments to reduce tax.

    Everything ran smoothly until December 2018. I got a call from work and was notified that the infrastructure we used to facilitate these transactions had been exposed. What had happened was that the systems could not verify if the transactions we had made on that day to the BDCs — who were the middlemen — were successful, so we ended sending money to these people more than twice. And these were large volumes of money — $30k here, $20k there, some were more than that. 

    By January 2019, we had recovered most of it. But the other BDC agents went underground with the money. The total debt that was on our head was $2m. 

    Ehn? This sounds like a nightmare. 

    It was. The affected  High Net Worth Individuals were on the company’s neck. Before long, the regulators got wind of it and everything spiralled out of control. My line manager resigned. I was next in line, so I had to be the fall guy. 

    When the regulators came knocking, they seized the assets of everyone on my team to recover the money. All the money I thought I had went up in smoke. 

    How much?

    About ₦8.2m. They also took two cars belonging to me and my wife and some pieces of land I had bought. I was at level 0.

    Damn. 

    The company asked me to resign, so I was without a job for the most part of 2019. Marrying my best friend saved me. My wife took over providing for the family on her ₦200k salary. 

    Seven other people were affected by the asset freezes, and we were fighting it in court. But I pulled out in 2019 because I realised how long court cases in Nigeria can drag on. I had to move on. 

    What did moving on look like for you?

    For starters, I had to figure out how to make rent in October. Thankfully, there was something to look forward to. 

    What was that?

    Before the whole situation started, I had been talking with some Chinese acquaintances about the possibility of bringing in Android POS machines into the country, and I had paid ₦700k for it. In March 2019, 10 POS machines were delivered to me. I had the infrastructure and configuration skills, but zero coding skills to integrate the POS into the Nigerian payment gateways and teach them how to read ATM cards. I went back to the same fintech company I worked at the previous year and convinced two friends to work on it with me, promising them 15% equity each. After five months, we figured it out. 

    Agent banking was already becoming popular in the country, so it wasn’t hard to find 10 agents. I got ₦120k in revenue from the 10 machines in the first month. It increased to ₦300k in the second month. 

    Then I ran into another problem.

    What was it this time?

    Regulators again. I got an email and they informed me that I was running the operation without a license. That’s how I was back to fighting for my life. I still had a relationship with the MD of the last fintech company I worked with, so I thought I could leverage it. After a series of back and forth, the company bought me out and paid me ₦10m for the POS machines and the solution I had built.

    Whew.

    I paid my guys ₦1.5m each per our equity agreement, ₦2m fine to the regulators and paid my rent, which had been due for a month. At the end of everything, I had ₦3m left. Things were beginning to look up again. 

    Did you ever get another job?

    I did in the same month. My former boss came through again and referred me to a company that needed somebody to manage their payment gateway. The salary was ₦350k. 

    It was less than what I earned at my last 9-5, but it was either that or rely on the ₦3m I had left. I spent only three months there and left in January 2020. The people there weren’t open to change and preferred to stick with their old ways of doing things. 

    The same week I left, I got a call from an oil and gas company. They were looking to build a product for efficient fuelling for their fleet offshore and someone had referred me to them. I got a six-month contract as senior product manager for the product. ₦750k per month. When I left, I had built my savings to about ₦5m. 

    Then I got another job. 

    Tell me about it. 

    I wasn’t even keen on another 9-5, but it was a digital bank and the offer was good. ₦1.3m. It’s funny when I think about it now, but it took me about eight years to hit ₦1m every month. 

    Inside life. 

    The product I was building went live in December, but I stayed two extra months before I left in February 2021. The plan was to take some time off, build and ship my own product. But I couldn’t refuse the next offer I got. 

    Ghen Ghen. 

    One of the VPs of a digital bank in South America DMed on Twitter and asked if I was interested in a senior product manager role at the bank. I got an offer from them in April 2021.

    How much?

    $11k gross. $9800 net. That’s about ₦4.9m per month. 

    Omo.  How do you move money in and out now?

    Every month, I take $2k out for my monthly running costs, $2900 for short term investments, and I leave the rest in my international bank account. My wife and I should leave the country before the end of the year because of my new job, so I’m saving for when the time comes. 

    Let’s start with a breakdown of your running costs. 

    This is not an exhaustive list, but I imagine it looks something like this. 

    What about your short term investments?

    Every month, $900 is spread across different crypto investments. $400 goes into my PiggyVest for any emergency expenses. I put $1k in mutual funds, and this is to raise the tuition for my two kids when it’s time every three months. I also put $600 across a couple of agritech investments. 

    What has all of this done to your perspective about money?

    First, your risk appetite is directly proportional to how much you’re earning. I’ve realised that the more I earn, the more my interest in investments grows. A couple of years ago, I wouldn’t have considered investing in crypto. 

    Also, whoever says money doesn’t give happiness isn’t being fair. I would know because I was at my lowest point in 2019, and I know what that did to me. I developed high blood pressure during those months that I now have to manage for the rest of my life. 

    I’m sorry about that. 

    Thank you. I’m fine. But perhaps the most important shift is realising that people who depend on you will manage without you if you don’t have money. For the entire time I was down to zero, calls from members of my extended family were non-existent. The good thing about that is it’s now easier to say no to them when they come knocking. So, maybe don’t kill yourself so others could live. 

    How much do you think you should be earning now?

    I don’t think I should be earning a salary at this stage. I feel like I should have launched a couple of products in the market and earn money based on their market valuations. That’s one of the things I’m looking to do in the next five years. 

    Let’s come back to the present for a bit. Is there anything you want but can’t afford?

    I’m big on family houses. I’ve been thinking about a building that would accommodate my family, my parents, and my siblings and their families. I know the location I want for this project, but I’d have to buy old properties from the current owners and tear them down, and that alone will cost about ₦90m. It’s a huge investment I can’t take on yet. 

    That’s an ambitious project. Is there anything you’ve bought recently that’s improved the quality of your life?

    An air fryer. I bought it for health reasons, and it’s been absolutely worth it. It cost only ₦120k. 

    Ah, nice. Is there a question you think I should have asked but didn’t?

    My financial happiness. 

    I was coming to that, but let’s hear it. 

    It’s a six. 2019 was tough, but it could have been worse. I’m also glad that I’m bouncing back. I’m not 100% fulfilled yet because I haven’t built and shipped a product for myself — all the ones I’ve worked on have been for companies I’ve worked with. When this finally happens, I’m moving up to an eight or nine. 

    Great! You got to the end of this article. Know what’s even better? You can get QuickCredit faster than the time it took you to read this article. With Quickcredit, GTBank customers can get N2million in less than 2 minutes and pay back over 12 months at an interest rate of 1.5%. No forms. No collateral. No hidden charges. Get Your Quick Credit on GTWorld

    Toheeb Lanlehin

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