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  • 8 Nigerian Men On Surviving No Nut November… So Far

    8 Nigerian Men On Surviving No Nut November… So Far

    There’s a high chance you’ve heard about the #NoNutNovember challenge. The rules for the challenge are simple: step into November, and do your best not to cum for 30 days. 

    While I initially thought the #NoNutNovember challenge was just social media bants. I recently realised some people, mostly men, take it seriously. But why? And most importantly, does anyone really make it to the finish line? 

    I spoke to eight Nigerian men, and this is what they had to say about the #NoNutNovember challenge. 

    “Getting myself off is the only thing that can lift my mood free of charge.”

    — Tejiro, 30 

    Nigeria is already hard, and someone out there expects me to do the #NoNutNovember challenge? God forbid. The way prices are rising daily, doing fun things is becoming a luxury for me. I can’t say I want to go bowling or drinking anymore because it’ll shake my pocket. Even food, a bloody necessity, is expensive AF right now. Getting myself off is literally the only thing that can lift my mood without me having to answer, “Savings or current?” I’m not giving it up for some childish challenge. 

    “As a happily married man, #NoNutNovember is not for me.“

    — James, 28

    Are people really doing #NoNutNovember? As a happily married man, that can never be me. Even if I wanted to, I’d have to bring my wife on board because my thing is for both of us. Sex is a huge part of our relationship, and we didn’t get married in our 20s to not be having it up and down. Maybe the challenge is for single people, not people like me. 

    “It’s been very challenging, but I’ve stuck to it.”

    — Olawale, 33 

    I told myself I’d try the #NoNutNovember challenge in 2022, and I’ve stuck to it. I won’t say I was addicted to masturbating, but it became a daily shower ritual after I turned 17.

    Doing this challenge has been, no pun intended, very challenging. I’m not going to lie, it’s helped me focus more in the gym and at work. Plus, I save a lot of time in the mornings. I used to spend almost an hour on masturbation because picking the right video or picture was always a tough choice. I find one and keep thinking, “What if the next page or site has a better video?”

    “This is my fifth year trying and failing to complete the #NoNutNovember challenge.”

    — Uzoma, 25

    I don’t know how people pull off #NoNutNovember because this is my fifth year trying and failing to see it through till the end. The longest I’ve lasted was 12 days back in 2019. 

    The challenge started as a bet between my friends and me to see how long we could go. None of us has made it through the whole month, but it’s something that bonds us together, even though monitoring another man’s masturbation or sex schedule sounds really weird. 

    RECOMMENDED: 10 Trusted Ways to Make Your Lover Call You “Daddy”

    “I’ve been doing this for two years; one month doesn’t make a difference.” 

    — David, 38

    I’ve chosen to be celibate for 29 months now, and staying off masturbation is part of my plan.

    I was in a committed relationship until 2020 when my girlfriend caught me cheating. I realised my obsession with sex ruined our relationship, so I decided not to have sex again until I was in another committed relationship. This #NoNutNovember is a regular month for me. Imagine guys crying about one month when I’ve been on this journey since June 2020. 

    “I have zero motivation to subject myself to sexual torture.” 

    — Ayobami, 20

    I can’t do #NoNutNovember, so I don’t even try. I love sex, and it’s all around me, from the people I’m dating to my Twitter timeline, which always has porn one way or the other.
    More power to all the men doing it, but unless I missed the memo on the prize money involved, I have zero motivation to subject myself to sexual torture for bants. 

    “This challenge has saved me the stress of going through drama just to have sex.” 

    — Onome, 29 

    I decided to try the #NoNutNovember challenge unprovoked for the first time this year, and I’m crushing it. I’d always seen people talk about it on social media, but I didn’t really think anyone was doing it. Out of boredom, and because I’m a single pringle now, I decided to try it out this month, and it’s not been so bad.

    Yes, I miss sex a lot, but the whole drama of talking to someone and planning the sex has been a massive burden off my shoulders. I don’t know if I’d be this successful if I was still with my girlfriend sha. I’d have failed from day one. 

    “#NoNutNovember, to what end?” 

    — Hassan, 30 

    #NoNutNovember? Please and please, life is too short for me to play rough games like that. I’m sure I could pull it off if I really wanted to, but to what end? I can be disciplined when it comes to sex without starving myself of it completely. Good luck to all the guys doing it, but I’m way too hot to deprive the world of my sexual gifts. No, thank you. 

    ALSO READ: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • Sex Life: I’m Trying to Break My Masturbation Addiction

    Sex Life: I’m Trying to Break My Masturbation Addiction

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 31-year-old man battling a masturbation addiction. He talks about his journey from hating masturbation to doing it multiple times a day, discovering he had premature ejaculation and breaking his addiction. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

    Tell me about your first sexual experience

    When I was a child, I saw a lot of things I shouldn’t have seen on TV, a lot of 18+ sexual content. And I wanted to recreate those things I saw. There was a girl who lived close to my house, and one day, we snuck to the back of her house, kissed and touched each other. Luckily, we stood up just before some adults came to the back and could’ve caught us. 

    Did you like it? 

    Yes, I did. It was nice to replicate the things I saw on screen, like the kissing and breast grabbing. I liked it so much I continued doing it, although not as frequently as I’d like because, even though I was exploring my sexual desires, I was still a church boy who thought it was a sin. 

    But when I was 17, I had penetrative sex for the first time. However, it wasn’t a worthwhile experience. It didn’t last long, but I chalked it up to inexperience and anxiety. It wasn’t until we broke up and I tried foreplay with another girl I realised there might be a problem. 

    RELATED: Sex LIfe: I Do Push-ups to Get Rid of Erections

    What happened? 

    Well, she wasn’t interested in anything other than foreplay. She didn’t even let me touch her breasts because she said her biology teacher told her that touching breasts would make them fall, but I accepted anyway. So while we were making out, I realised I had cum. That was the beginning of a massive problem for me. 

    I realised I might suffer from premature ejaculation, so I started reading up on what it’s about. Then I stumbled on a section of the internet that said that a way to prevent premature ejaculation was to masturbate, and I decided to try it even though I was not too fond of masturbation. 

    Why did you hate masturbation?

    I attended a boys’ only secondary school, and in school, there was this guy who was more experienced than the rest of us and never shut up about how many girls he had slept with or how much he was masturbating. 

    I tried it because he talked about it, but nothing made sense. I felt it was a waste of time because why are you touching your penis to two people having sex. Why not just have sex too? But because I had heard it helped with premature ejaculation, I decided to try it again. It felt so good when I was cumming. So good that I wanted to try it again and again till I became addicted to masturbation. 

    From hating to addiction. How did that happen? 

    Well, the feeling was good, and I wanted to replicate it. Plus, since I was very picky with the women I had sex with, it was a good alternative. It became something I turned to whenever I felt a kind of way emotionally. I’d masturbate when I felt sad, stayed on my phone too long, or was about to sleep at night. I also had the websites I went to watch porn. 

    At some point, when I was at the university, I had to pray and fast against it because it was already becoming irritating to me. I was still heavily involved in church at the time, and when the drama unit I was a part of told me to act as the Messiah, I couldn’t do it. I knew I was struggling with something, and I felt too unclean to do the role, but I eventually did. 

    I’m so sorry. Did it at least help with the premature ejaculation? 

    Unfortunately, it didn’t.  The few times I had a chance to have sex with a woman, I was either cumming too early, or I was struggling to get hard. That’s how erectile dysfunction came in. 

    That’s why I don’t think I’ve ever had good sex. When I was 28, I had sex with this woman, and after about three to four strokes of penetration, I came. It’s embarrassing. I think there’s no lady I’ve had sex with that’ll want to try it again. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Use Sex Enhancers Even When I Don’t Need Them

    How do you know that? 

    They never say anything after it happens. It’s like they feel some shame. I’d have loved a conversation, but I don’t think many women think it’s something to talk about. 

    So you’ve never had good sex? 

    The closest thing I’ve had regarding good sex was when I was 29. It was with a babe I had known for ten years. Before she came over, I had told her about the premature ejaculation issue, but she made me feel comfortable. When we eventually got down to it, I could penetrate and last a bit longer than usual. 

    Why’d you thought so? 

    Maybe because I told her about it beforehand or perhaps because I’ve known her longer? I don’t know. The whole thing stumped me because I have even tried all these herbs and fruit combos people always say helps with erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, but they don’t work. That’s what led me to see a doctor. 

    How did that go? 

    Well, it’s actually two doctors I’m seeing. One said my problem could be as a result of anxiety while the other told me to start exercising and not do anything to stimulate me. Then, we’d see how it goes from there. I’ve been abstinent for two weeks and I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without masturbating. 

    What do you hope to gain from this process? 

    To finally enjoy sex and get totally free from this masturbation addiction. 

    Any regrets? 

    It might seem strange, but I don’t have any. I believe life is never a mistake and you just have to learn from the things that happen to you. It hurts that I got trapped by something I initially hate, but it’s all part of life. I believe that I’ve learnt a lesson that’ll be useful to some other people and maybe even my own children if I get to have them. 

    How’ll you rate your sex life on a scale of 0-10

    LMAO. A -2

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Don’t Enjoy Sex

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • Sex Life: Masturbation Came After Sex

    Sex Life: Masturbation Came After Sex

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who masturbated for the first time when he was 22. He talks about the transition from saving himself for marriage to just enjoying sex, and why he never considered masturbation till he started having sex.

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    I was 15 years old when I kissed someone for the first time. She was the second girlfriend I had ever had, and on my way to her house, I googled how to make out. I was very nervous and didn’t want to mess up. There were some very detailed explanations on the internet, but I eventually realised that nobody is really good at stuff like that from the beginning. You have to ease into it. 

    As time went on, I graduated from kissing to dry humping, and it became a defining part of my teenage years. 

    Why dry humping? 

    At a certain point in my life, I was very religious. I believed sex wasn’t something you had with someone you weren’t married to. A lot of the people I knew felt the same way but tried anal sex instead. I wasn’t too comfortable with that. With dry humping, you get some sort of action without actually having sex. It was a middle ground. 

    So, you dry humped your way into having sex? 

    Not really. I didn’t have sex for the first time until I was 20. Like I said, I spent the majority of my teenage years dry humping, but I was about to graduate from university, and I didn’t want to graduate without having sex for the first time.

    That year, I met a woman who was four years older than me, and she was intrigued that I was 20 and had never had sex . She said she was going to introduce me to her friends and try to set me up, but I told her she was the one I wanted, and that’s how it happened. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Religious Guilt Made Me Suppress My High Sex Drive

    I thought you wanted to wait till you were married. What changed? 

    I was born into a religious home, so most of the zeal of my youth was channeled into being the best religious version of myself. Churches, and other people in my religious circle, always made waiting till marriage a big deal, so it was something I held on to. 

    Then puberty happened, and I started making negotiations with God. Sure, I wanted to wait, but my body had other plans. That’s where dry humping came in. There was so much guilt the first few times I did it, but as time went on and I kept at it, the guilt reduced. I took the same approach with sex. 

    I had grown into a person who approached life differently, and I wanted to know why I shouldn’t do the things they told me not to do. When I started having sex, it was fun. The person I was having sex with was also having fun, so why would I feel bad about it? 

    When I asked these questions, the responses always came from addressing sex as taboo and a thing of disgust. Sexually transferred demons was not a valid argument, and I didn’t vibe with that. It was a gradual process of having conversations with myself until, eventually, I got over it. 

    I tried to suppress how my body felt until I just stopped. There was no defining moment, no big “aha”. Just questions and thoughts. 

    Well, how was your first time? 

    It was a very good first time. I was really careful because I was taking my time and didn’t want to mess up. There was a point where I got really terrified. She was on top and kind of clamped on my penis. It felt great, and I was about to cum, but she said I shouldn’t. I thought I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to do, and I got scared. Later, she told me it was because I was enjoying herself, and she wanted it to last longer. 

    I love that she knew what she was doing, and she also gave me a few pointers. It was interesting. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Was No Longer Scared of Being Sexual in God’s Presence

    So, how did the sex journey continue? 

    Well, I was having sex with different women and learning things, but the strangest thing was that I didn’t start masturbating until after I had started having sex. For a lot of people, masturbation is their introduction to sex. It was just different for me.

    While the message around sex was that it’s something you shouldn’t do until you were married, masturbation was something you shouldn’t do at all. Maybe that’s why it didn’t cross my mind until a woman I was talking to mentioned it. 

    We were having a random conversation, and I mentioned that I had never actually masturbated. She found it funny that a 22-year-old man who had been having sex with other people had actually never masturbated. Then I decided to just try it. 

    How would you describe your relationship with sex now? 

    Conversations around sex have changed for me, starting from the language I use. I grew up hearing people say things like, “I don knack that babe” and whatnot. These wordings give sex a wrong image and makes it seem taboo. Sex is something both people should enjoy, and if one person is not enjoying it, then there’s a problem. 

    I don’t believe in attaching negative things to sex. It doesn’t make sense to me, and if more Nigerians weren’t so closed off about sex, if we all just had enjoyable sex, we would be happier people. 

    What would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10? 

    7. It’s not like I’m having a ton of sex right now, but I’m spending a lot of time in my own space. I like it.

    READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: She Chose Jesus Over Me

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • Sex Life: “I Do Push-ups To Get Rid Of Erections”

    Sex Life: “I Do Push-ups To Get Rid Of Erections”

    Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual man who’s a sickle cell warrior. He tells us how exercise helps him deal with priapism, his journey with masturbation, and how romance novels kickstarted his sexual journey.

    What was your first sexual experience? 

    I was in Primary 6 when I first masturbated. The details are foggy but I remember that it all started with erotic scenes in books.

    I was a very shy child who really enjoyed reading. My mother bought me as many books as she could find. She is a very religious woman, so I don’t imagine she knew what she was buying when she got me all those James Hadley Chase and Harlequin books.

    I had a very active mind and could picture everything I read in detail. When I read these scenes, I would get an erection. So I read more books.

    One thing the books did was that they made me exclusively attracted to older women. I barely talked to girls my age. The women in the books were grown and curvy, and because there were always visiting aunties who fit this description, I started to fantasize about one of them.

    I thought of her as I moved my waist on the bed. This continued till I came, and it was an interesting thing finding out my body could do that.

    Oh wow. When did you start doing sexual things with other people?

    Not until a lot later, around 2012. I was in my second year in university and I had a girlfriend. We started dating in 2011 and agreed that we wouldn’t have sex or do anything at all actually. She was the first person I’d ever kissed.

    A year into our relationship, we decided that we would make out and try fingering and oral sex. In all this, we still never had sex.

    Why did you decide not to have sex?

    Sex had always been off the table for me. I read books with erotic scenes, watched porn, touched myself but the actual sex was where I drew the line.

    I grew up very religious and so the topic of sex was a non-starter. So in a weird twist, masturbation became this thing I’d found that I could do to prevent myself from “sinning” like the rest of my secondary school mates were doing. 

    They would tell me of the things they were doing with girls they liked, and I wouldn’t be moved because whatever pleasure they were getting, I could very easily sort myself out. 

    What else has been a significant part of your sex life so far?

    I live with sickle cell and as a man, this can come with a condition called priapism. Nobody had ever told me about it but I found out by myself when I was 20.

    I was back home from university. It was the early hours of the morning and I had just finished watching Spartacus and masturbating. After a while, I noticed my erection hadn’t gone down at all. I couldn’t call for help because what would I tell my mum?

    I panicked at first but then I tried cold water and it helped it calm down. I did some more googling and I found something that matched my symptoms. I read that adrenaline was something to take to fix it. Since I couldn’t buy adrenaline, I decided to substitute that with exercise.

    At this point, I was still dating my girlfriend in university. When we made out and I felt like it was happening I excused myself and went out to do push-ups for about 15 to 20 minutes. This always helped. 

    I always make sure to inform any sexual partners that I am a sickle cell warrior and that if we plan to be sexual in any way that this is a condition I have.

    These days when it happens with my current partner, I just do the push-ups right there in front of her.

    So how did sex finally happen for you?

    Ah yes. That was in 2018. I had a friend who I would make out with from time to time. Ours was a “friend with benefits” setup.

    She came into town to see me. I will start by telling you that the sex was not good. I wasn’t ready. Not just in a naive, not-knowing-anything way. That was a factor, but I genuinely wasn’t planning on having sex with her that day.

    Before then, all we did was make out and give each other head. That was the plan when she came visiting this time and she was visiting from another state. When she arrived she basically told me, “I didn’t come all this way to just make out. We’re going to fuck.”

    If we’d had a conversation about it prior to her getting there, I may have at least gotten my mind ready. At that moment though, I felt like I couldn’t say no. Then I believed that sex was not a thing I could turn down so as not to “fall my own hand.”

    We had sex and after I came, she said she wanted to go again. I was so out of it that I couldn’t penetrate her again. She had to masturbate to get herself off.

    I left the house for her after that night. What if she wanted sex that I didn’t want to give again? I spent a chunk of the time she was around in my neighbour’s house. 

    I’m so sorry about that. Did this affect how you perceived sex?

    It did. I was convinced that this first bad experience happened because I wasn’t prepared and I felt like I had to prove that it could be good if I tried again. So I called up another friend with benefits and she came over and the same thing happened. I could penetrate but my mind was still not in it. Even after planning and preparing myself for it.

    It wasn’t until later that it hit me that I may have just not wanted to have sex with these women. I was fine with making out and oral sex but nothing more.

    It’s just important to me that the partner I have sex with is someone I can be very vulnerable with and tell things to. With my current girlfriend, I’m ready to have sex but she’s not and that’s fine. 

    So have you had sex that you enjoyed?

    If you’re talking penetrative sex, I would say no. That last experience was the last time I had sex. But with other sexual activities, I can say that I’ve always enjoyed the thrill of discovering things about my partner’s body and mine.

    That’s great. So how would you rate your sex life over 10?

    8/10. I’ve had penetrative sex only twice and I’m not having sex right now, but I’m totally fine with it. I am making out and having oral sex with my girlfriend and as I ask my partner questions, I learn more ways to pleasure her.

    Also, I can go days now without any sexual activity. Not even masturbating. When I feel horny, I usually just dive into work until I have time to attend to the feeling. So I’d say I’m not doing too badly.

    Edwin Madu

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  • 6 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate

    6 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate

    Masturbation is the act of pleasuring yourself by stimulating your private parts. Like everything in life, masturbation should not be done excessively or done to a point of addiction. 

    There are a few advantages of masturbating, especially for women and here are a few of them.

    1. It helps reduce anxiety. 

    Orgasms are a good way to reduce anxiety and that’s due to the oxytocin hormones released when you cum. It is also proven that orgasms help balance your blood pressure. Masturbating can help you reach orgasm faster than any man you know. Many men don’t even know where your clitoris is.

    2. Helps you sleep a lot better.

    Oxytocin and vasopressin are hormones released when you reach orgasms and they are both associated with sleep. You get to sleep a lot better when you masturbate. The issues bothering your life won’t follow you into your dream when your sleep is orgasm induced.

    3. It helps you learn your pleasure point.

    No one is a better teacher than you are to your body. Masturbating helps you know how you like to be touched and where you want to be touched. It also makes you love your body a lot more when you know how to satisfy her.

    4.  Gives you the best post-nut clarity.

    Post nut clarity is a moment of sudden realization and some of that realization might include leaving the person who keeps leaving your messages on read. It’s a good way to realign your energy. The more intense the orgasm the more intense the clarity.

    5. It helps you enjoy sex more.

    Masturbating improves your sex life because you get to communicate the tips you learnt while pleasuring yourself to your sexual partner and you know where and how you want to be pleased.

    6. Your fingers and sex toys won’t disappoint you.

    Human beings can’t be trusted to help you achieve orgasm as much as your fingers or sex toys can. You are also not at the risk of being stood up by a person when all you need is yourself and a safe space. 

    Ibukun

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  • Sex Life: “I like to sleep with people in relationships”

    Sex Life: “I like to sleep with people in relationships”

    Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 20-year-old bisexual woman who talks about her initial struggle with the shame of masturbation, discovering her kinks and chasing sex fuelled by danger.

    What was your first sexual experience?

    When I was 14, Fergie’s “MILF” had just come out, and I was curious about what MILF meant so I went to watch the video and kept watching other suggested videos until I stumbled on one that had the word MILF in it. In it, an older woman was playing stepmother to a younger woman, and it was sexual. I continued down this rabbit hole until I got to a lesbian porn site. I was so intrigued. There was this particular video. Nothing has ever made me feel the way that video did. That was the first day I ever masturbated in my life.

    So you knew you were attracted to women.

    I didn’t know what I was then. I was in SS1 or SS2 at this point. I was still very religious — I was an usher in church. So you can imagine how the post-nut clarity hit me. I felt so much guilt. I deleted all the 15 videos I had downloaded that day alone. I just kept praying to God for forgiveness because they’d taught us in school that masturbation was a sin. I even took a chastity vow at some point.

    A what?

    A vow to remain pure for my husband, LOL. It was a whole production. They brought a guest speaker to talk to us about remaining virgins and how masturbation would make it hard for anything to satisfy us in our marriages.

    That’s a lot to take in.

    It fucked my brain up! They told us masturbators would become useless. Nobody wants to be useless.

    So that was the end of masturbation then…

    Not quite. After praying to God and crying about the sin I committed, it continued. I’d be going through my day and feel stressed. So it’s like, “Okay, I’m stressed. I know what relaxes me.” I ended up doing it two to three times a week.

    When did things change for you sexually?

    I was in an all-girls school battling with my attraction to women. You know how women can be very touchy-feely, so hugging and getting undressed in front of each other was not an issue. I was so stressed trying to hide how I felt. This continued till I was out of school, and I started to tell myself that I needed to start finding men attractive so that I could get married and make my parents happy.

    I wasn’t even having sex or thinking about sex because everything I’d heard about sex was boring. Guy, girl, penetration… like what else?

    Then the 50 Shades of Grey books dropped and curiosity would kill my cat again.

    Great pun

    You’re welcome.

    I was in uni now. I googled 50 Shades after reading the book and found a lot of people bashing it because it was abusive and didn’t represent the BDSM community well. I followed more links and read up on BDSM, and I discovered something about myself that day…

    What’s that?

    I like iranu. I genuinely like nonsense.

    LMFAO. So about this nonsense…

    I first discovered that I liked degradation. Being degraded and being the degrader.

    So like insort?

    Yes, but at the same time, I had a praise kink. One time this guy I was talking to told me I was being a “good little girl”, and I swear my body had never reacted as violently as it did that day. I encourage my partners to tell me how good I am.

    Keep in mind, all these were mild discoveries.

    They were?

    After degradation, I discovered I liked pain too. I linked with this babe once and while we were having sex she slapped me across the face. Hot slap. I was so turned on, I told her to do it again.

    Something tells me we’re not at the end of this list of events…

    I like danger. The more adrenaline a sexual situation gives me, the hotter the orgasm.
    I met my girlfriend on Twitter. It was the first time I was seeing someone proudly put “lesbian” in their bio, so I followed and we got talking. The first time she visited me, we kissed. I knew my mother was home and could walk in any minute, but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to see how far I could go.
    Once I know I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing, my body gets a thrill. This is why I like to sleep with people in relationships.

    Pardon?

    All that sneaking around, I love it. 

    Have you ever gotten caught?

    Well the last time, I wasn’t caught red-handed. In my defence, I met her when she was single. We used to vibe, she slapped me a couple of times, degraded me sometimes; it was fun. Then one day she springs on me that she has a girlfriend and asked if it would change things — it did not. If anything, it made me more interested. One day after I left her house she sends me a text and says her girlfriend passed me by the gate as I was leaving. This same girlfriend would catch us again with this babe’s hand under my dress.

    How did that go?

    She gave me the dirtiest look I’ve ever gotten in my life. But the story we told then was that her hand was under my dress because it was cold.

    Did you feel some type of way about being caught?

    Remember I enjoy being in these risky situations. There was even this one time I masturbated in front of a cross.

    I-

    I was staying with this Catholic aunt of mine, and I was alone at home. I wanted to masturbate on the balcony because I wanted people to see me — I discovered I liked being watched when I was at home, my windows were open and I got aroused from the thought of people watching me masturbate. 

    Anyway, as I was going to the balcony, I looked to the right and saw these pictures of Jesus. I asked myself, “Random strangers watching me, or our heavenly father watching.”

    Let me guess. No guilt this time?

    Nope! I was in such a good mood for rest of the day. I got such a high from doing it because it was something I wasn’t meant to be doing. But if myself of five years ago had seen me, she would have died.

    Understandably. I’m curious about how your kinks have affected your relationships.

    In my search for adrenaline-fuelled sex, I try to find the easiest ways to get it, and luckily for me, my first girlfriend was open to trying things. We did a lot of exploring without any judgement because we knew that even though I was being degraded or slapped, it didn’t extend beyond the realm of sex. All my initial sexual experiences were with women. 

    My current partner is a man, but it’s an open relationship. He’s on the asexual spectrum, so he’s not as open to trying things as I am.

    If you had to rate your sex life out of 10?

    Well, I did a threesome in May and had sex with someone’s partner last week. I’d say an 8.7 if we factor in the fact that I’m not having the sex I want to with my boyfriend. Exploring kinks with someone requires a level of trust I can’t share with someone I’m not in a relationship with. So this means that I don’t have sex as often as I want to in the way that I want to.

    Edwin Madu

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  • 6 Nigerian Women Talk About Discovering Masturbation

    6 Nigerian Women Talk About Discovering Masturbation

    A while ago, we asked 5 men to talk about discovering masturbation, and now, it is the women’s turn. With purity culture breathing down their neck, it seems like women are not allowed to enjoy sex at all, talk less on single player mode. That is why, we decided to ask six Nigerian women to talk about discovering masturbation.

    Mo’, 21

    When I was in SS1, I never really did more than rubbing my clit because it felt nice. I did not even let myself cum, or even finger myself till I was in 200 level or so. That was when I went all the way. Not only did I cum, but I squirted all over my bed. Behold, a tap was born.

    Cynthia, 18

    I have been masturbating since I was six, after I was assaulted by the boy that was living with us. I just used to touch myself. It did not feel good, but I just did. Then nine was the first time I had an orgasm. I thought my brain was going to explode and I would die, so I prayed for forgiveness and did not try again till I was eleven.

    Zainab, 23

    The year was 2016, and MILF$ by Fergie just came out. I went to watch it on YouTube and I found myself going down a rabbit hole of Milf videos. Next thing I knew, I was on a lesbian pornsite, and my body felt tingly. So, I decided to copy what one of the women did to herself, because she looked like she was enjoying what was happening to her. Five minutes later, I felt this rush all over my body. I was relaxed and tired. It became my sleeping pill. Every time I was bored, I would watch a video, nut and sleep.

    Annabelle, 21

    I was 13 and watching a movie called the 40 year old virgin. There was a scene where they went to a pawn shop, and there was this woman with huge breasts. I kept rewatching the scene just because of her and I felt very very turned on. I ended up putting a pillow between my legs and humped it till I came.

    Amanda, 20

    It was one night, no electricity and I was sleeping on my mother’s bed. We were talking and my hand found its way to my breasts. I squeezed and it felt so nice. So nice that I decided that if just breasts felt this good, why not try the vagina? I started rubbing through my underwear and just like I thought, it felt really really good. My mother was still in the room, but she was sleeping and I was very very quiet. Also, there being no light was to my advantage.

    Ada, 30

    I was 16 and in SS2 when I decided to read a romance novel for the first time. Exams were over, and I had nothing better to do. While I was reading, I kept crossing and uncrossing my legs because I felt tingly. Then I started rubbing my thighs together and that led to the first orgasm of my life.

    For more content on all things women, click here

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 16 Hilarious Slangs For Masturbation

    16 Hilarious Slangs For Masturbation

    Masturbation is actually good for you. For men, it helps protect you against prostate cancer. For everybody else, it’s a great way to improve your mood and help you sleep better. Unfortunately, the African society doesn’t seem to take too kindly to this hobby.

    For something people do so much, we find the wildest euphemisms for masturbation to allow us discuss it openly. I’m not sure why, but people would rather not call it what it is. I made a list of all the hilarious ways people refer to their favourite past time.

    We’ll start with the common ones

    1. Fapping

    We don’t know where this came from, but I’m guessing its from some secondary school somewhere.

    2. Wanking

    I’m not even going to try to decipher what this means

    3. Beating your meat

    Thoughts and prayers to your meat as we go into the weekend

    4. Rolling dice

    Obviously because of the hand motion men make when they nead to relax from Nigerian women’s stress.

    5. Turning on the sprinklers

    Sprinkling what????

    6. Polishing the bannister

    Omo.

    7. Downstairs DJ

    This one is for the women who partake in this famed extra curricular activity.

    8. Choking the chicken

    What did the chicken ever do to deserve this?

    Ines Vuckovic

    9. Tapping into your potential

    Now when next your pastor says this, it won’t be the same.

    10. Engaging in safe sex

    What sex is safer than the one you’re having with only yourself?

    11. Playing Five-on-one

    This does not seem like a fair game at all.

    12. Flicking your bean

    Yeah women know what I mean.

    Ines Vuckovic

    13. Celebrating Palm Sunday

    This one is self-explanatory. God forgive us.

    14. Petting the cat

    Another gentle euphemism for the women dem.

    15. Beating the bishop

    I’ll let this image explain:

    Ines Vuckovic

    16. Making the bald man cry

    I’m not making this up.

    Ines Vuckovic

    More on fapping: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

    Olufemi Fadahunsi

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  • 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

    5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

    Fapping. Beating your meat. Polishing the banister. Playing 5-on-1. Self-loving. Tapping into your potential. Finding Nemo. For something that has so many alternate names, masturbation remains a taboo topic in Nigeria, thanks to a society saturated with religion and purity culture.

    It’s a rite of passage virtually every man goes through at some point in their adolescent lives. Recognising the need to be more open about issues of sex and sexuality, we decided to talk to men about their first encounters with tugging the one-eyed snake. Here’s what they had to say:

    Folarin, 25, Gay

    It was AMAZING. I think I was 13 at the time. I had just bought one of those plenty-in-1 movie collections. It had one of the American Pie movies. In one of the scenes, a male character was jerking off and this woke something inside me. 

    Before then, I didn’t know what masturbation was, even though I had fondled a friend before. I decided to try what he was doing and voila. 

    Another notable incident was when I was in the market with my Mom for school supplies. I wanted to pee so she took me to a public bathroom. In there, I saw different types of dicks and that excited me. So I did it right there and then, in a public bathroom stall.

    Biggy, 28, Straight

    Back in secondary school, during the famous reproduction class, my biology teacher told the class that the easiest way to test for fertility in males was to ejaculate in a glass of water. If it sinks, it means you are fertile. If it doesn’t, then na God hand you dey.

    I should mention that I was already sexually active at this point. I had been having sex since I was 14. Conversations with my older cousins exposed me to the world of sex and I routinely slept with women aged 18-21.

    Out of curiosity, I did the glass-of-water test. Luckily for me, my spunk sank right to the bottom of the glass, meaning I was fertile. And that was how I discovered masturbation.

    Tobi, 26, Straight

    It was during mock WAEC exams in SS2. I was terrible at Math, so immediately I saw the exam questions, I knew I was in trouble. In the tension of the moment, I squeezed my thighs together. Immediately, I noticed my penis feeling nice in between my legs. I was like “Ahan, what is this sweet feeling?”

    I was at the back of the exam hall so I continued doing it until I shivered and came. I noticed that my thighs were wet and sticky; I didn’t know what cum was. I didn’t discover that I could masturbate with my hands until my first year in uni. Now, I’m an expert.

    Ebuka, 26, Straight

    So it was JS2. Everybody claimed that they had cum before, so I lied that I too had cum. So I needed to cum. At the time, I had never seen porn. 

    There was a popular Sharon Stone clip from the Basic Instinct trailer where she flashed her vagina under the guise of crossing her legs, to confuse investigators. So, one day I was home alone, I played the video on the big TV in the leaving room, paused on that Sharon Stone scene, and began to jerk off to that frame until small cream comot.

    I was more proud and relieved to feel any excitement. No guilt, no shame. Just pride.

    Oboyege, 26, Straight

    I never fapped until my NYSC year in 2016. During my teenage years, I only used to watch porn; I never touched myself. A girl I met during camp came over to stay at my crib for 3 days, after a lot of sexual tension and flirting. 

    She came over and we started watching movies. While we were watching 50 Shades of Grey, we started making out intensely for over an hour. When I tried to move on to sex, she held me tight and said, “Yes, but no.”  When she saw how confused I was, she said she wanted to have sex but she had a boyfriend and she’d feel guilty if she had sex with me.

    Meanwhile, I had already worn a condom. So I rolled over and fapped, right there and then, with the condom on. Before then, I used to look down on wankers. Then I became one and never looked back.

    Pretty sure you want to read this: All The Places You Can Find A Nigerian Sugar Mummy.

    Man Like. – A series about men, for men, by men. This Sunday, 12PM.

    Olufemi Fadahunsi

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  • Discovering My Body Through Sex And Masturbation

    Discovering My Body Through Sex And Masturbation

    Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old pansexual woman who went from trying to disvirgin herself and not knowing what masturbation meant to exploring her sexuality and learning about her body.

    When did you have sex for the first time?

    I was 20 and in my first year in university. I met this boy during university clearance, and we started talking, then we dated. I fell in love with him and it was beautiful. In the first year of our relationship, I told him I wasn’t ready to have sex, so we just used to make out — very intense making out sessions. Then one day, I was like, you know what? I’m going to have this sex. It was like a bomb went off in my head. I was 20 and my mates had been having sex since they were 14/15. 

    Wait, what?

    Hahaha, see you. 

    Wetin Ope no go see for gate. So what stopped you from having sex at that age?

    I guess it was purity culture. All I had heard about sex before that time was that it was bad, that you’ll get pregnant or get AIDs.

    Anyway, so I was 20 and curious. On this fateful day, we finished eating, saw a movie and started making out. Then I grabbed his dick and I was like, biko, put this thing inside me. He was like, are we really doing this? I was like, sure, why not? I mean, I had tried to disvirgin myself by myself… 

    Like masturbation?

    Not really, because I hadn’t discovered masturbation then, didn’t know what it was. I was just using my hand to do the thing and it was painful AF. 

    Why did you do that?

    Like I said, I was just curious and tired. Everyone — classmates etc. — assumed I was having sex because they thought I was a slut. Me that I wasn’t even getting any. I don’t believe in that term “slut”. But they were conflating being sexually liberated with having sex and having multiple sexual partners; I basically had no shame when talking about sex or other sexual activities, so they called me a slut. 

    People. 

    Yup. And even when I had sex for the first time, it was so painful. I kept telling him it was hurting, and he was like, Ah, I don’t want to hurt you…sorry… But I wasn’t going to let him stop, I couldn’t have waited all this time and gone through all that pain for him to stop. He better continue this thing so that we can be free to fuck anytime. At the point where he had completely entered, I was still in so much pain and it felt like the guy was in heaven because he kept saying, “Are we really doing this?” “We’re really fucking, we’re really having sex right now.” I was like yo, stop talking fam. And there was no blood.

    Wait, you thought…  

    Again, purity culture. People often said that the first time you have sex, there would be blood. I had already planned how I would dispose of the bedsheet. 

    So yeah, I didn’t enjoy sex the first four times. In fact in that relationship, I only enjoyed sex a few times. 

    Yikes. 

    I remember one experience I enjoyed though. It was this time in his sister’s bathroom, she’d gone to spread her clothes downstairs and she was literally about to walk in on us. The sex was literally just 20 seconds, but it was fucking amazing. It was the rush, the adrenaline. So there’s this thing my body almost always does: it chooses to orgasm in the midst of danger and it’s always fantastic. 

    Mad oh. 

    I just remembered this other time before we broke up. I had already mentally dissociated myself from him because I was falling in love with someone else, a girl. We had sex on the floor, I was on my period and I let him come inside me. While we were having sex, I was thinking of her. It was great. There were a few other times I enjoyed sex with him, but I feel like I willed myself to enoy the sex. I was madly in love with him, but I was not physically attracted to him. 

    Oh yeah, I also think I liked him because he was a bit effeminate, and I love effeminate men. We were together for three years, but the energy started dropping after the first year. 

    What happened next?

    I just realised that even before we broke up, in the second year of our relationship, I cheated on him with some guy I met who I was attracted to from the jump. Hahaha. Like when I saw him, I was like yep, I’m going to have sex with this guy. So I literally would go from having sex with this guy, to hang out and have unethusiastic sex with my boyfriend. And I didn’t care because I knew what I just got.  So yeah, we broke up and I moved to the babe I had fallen in love with. 

    Have you always known that you were not just attracted to men?

    I guess I had always known. When we were kids and we played mummy and daddy, I always liked to do it with a girl. I didn’t necessarily know that there was another way to be because heteronormativity is forced down your throat. But as an adult, having feelings for a woman was very weird. I always chase passion. So I told her I had feelings for her, and we got talking and she asked me to be her girlfriend and na so relationship start. 

    I have to quote Rihanna, sex with her so amazing. There is just something more close to home when you sleep with a woman as another woman. So the first time, the twenty fifth time, they were all so great. I mean the relationship did get bad. I feel like there were times we tolerated sex with each other. And that’s because I feel like we didn’t always like each other. This was 2017. There’s this thing that my body does when I don’t like the sex — the sex always hurts. 

    So what do you identify as?

    I’m pansexual. For me, this means that it’s the person I fall in love with. It’s not your genitals or identity. It’s you as a human being — the skin and the organs and the pulse in your veins. That’s why I can’t choose a side. It’s the connection for me. It’s not what you look like or what you identify as. 

    I love how well you know your body, how you can tell what you want and what you don’t want. Must you have some sort of connection with someone before you can have sex with them?

    Honestly, yes, but I’ve had some dead nacks in my life to know that that may not always be the case. There’s this guy that I used to like, we had sex and it was so good. Then in 2018, I contacted him again to have sex and it was rubbish because it hurt — clearly my body didn’t want to be there. So sometimes, you just want to fuck, and you’re too tired to fuck yourself. 

    This just made me a lot more curious about “fucking yourself” because when you started having sex in 2015, you hadn’t discovered masturbation. How did you get here?

    In the beginning, it was hard. Many times, I tried and failed to give myself pleasure. Up until 2018, I didn’t know how to masturbate. I hadn’t learned my body, so it just didn’t sit right. I would touch myself till it felt good and just stop there. I don’t know what I was afraid of. I guess I just wasn’t ready to take that power for myself. But one day I did. 

    Wiun. 

    It was amazing. I cried a bit, hahaha. Then I laughed hysterically after. I was sitting in my own cum and pee and just laughing because I knew that it was the beginning of self pleasure for me and I had been waiting for a long time to come into myself this way. 

    Sounds Amazing. 

    It really is. 

    So what’s sex for you these days?

    Me and my toys! 

    Don’t you ever feel like you need more?

    Oh I do. But I’m not sleeping with anybody I don’t want to sleep with again. Recently, I travelled to see someone I had known for three months. I had planned to have sex with him just because I wanted sex. He’s sweet, kind but I’m not attracted to him. Anyway, my period came and he did not touch me because men are afraid of a little blood. I was a tad disappointed because I don’t know when next I’ll have sex with another human being again, but I felt okay. It would have probably hurt sef. 

    What’s your opinion of sex now?

    I think sex is beautiful and hot. When you come, for those 2.5 seconds, it feels like everything is alright with the world. You get?

    Haha. I think so. After having to unlearn so much about purity culture, what will you tell your children about sex?

    I’ll tell them to enjoy sex. I’ll tell them my stories about masturbation and the times when sex hurt, so they won’t be afraid or ashamed to tell me anything. I’d really want them to learn about themselves and their bodies, so they know what they want with sex. I would hate to hear that my child was having sex just to fill a gaping hole in them — which I sometimes do — I only want them to have sex when they want. 

    How would you rate your sex life?

    A solid 7/10. 

    Ope

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