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  • 7 Relationship People on the Dumbest Things They’ve Done for Love
    7 Relationship People on the Dumbest Things They’ve Done for Love

    We got seven relationship people to share the dumbest things they’ve done for love and their stories are the only proof you need to confirm that truly, “Na mumu dey fall in love.”

    But February is the only month in the year when we don’t judge people who have been, and are still, a fool for love.

    Funmi*, 30

    I went to undo my locs within 24 hours of getting it done because my guy at the time didn’t like it. My locs should be six years old now, but because of that stupid boy — whom I later found out had a series of ongoing relationships inside our relationship — they are now only three years old.

    Dotun*, 28

    I bought a dinner dress for my girlfriend with part of my school fees. Then I gave her my brand new phone and lied to my brother that it was stolen with my school fees. He gave me all his salary for the month and still got a new phone for me.  She was my second girlfriend, and I intended to marry her three years after school. That never happened.

    Feyi*,  31

    Because of love, I travelled from Porto Novo (the Capital of the Benin Republic) to Ile-Ife at about 5 p.m. We got to the Sagamu interchange at about 10 p.m., and there was an ongoing armed robbery on the road. Nobody knew I was in Nigeria. My parents thought I was in Porto Novo… na me still end the relationship las las.

    [ad]

    Barakat*, 28

    I borrowed ₦200k through a loan app for a guy I was dating. It ended in breakfast, and I never got my money back from him. It took me four months to repay the debt, and we had even stopped talking before I could complete it.

    Damola*, 33

    I travelled to Lagos from Ekiti to visit my man, but I didn’t get to see him until after three days. I was all alone in his house. When he finally came, he started ordering me around, and I obeyed every command. I cooked, cleaned, warmed water for his bath, and then he went out, saying he might not return that day. At no point did he ask how I was or how the trip to Lagos was. I always feel like slapping myself anytime I remember letting a man treat me like that.

    Fisayo*, 24

    I came to Lagos from Ife to visit a boy without informing my parents that I was back in town. My uncle saw me, but he wasn’t sure it was me after I denied him. He dialled my number on the spot, but thankfully, my phone wasn’t with me. I was holding a phone, so that was enough to convince him I was someone else. He went on and on about how God created people in twos. 

    John*, 48

    I left Lagos for Osogbo on a Friday evening after work to pay my girlfriend a surprise visit at her school. Got there and met another dude in her hostel room. From the looks of it, they were cohabiting and were an item. She said he was her cousin who was squatting till he got his own hostel apartment, but it was an obvious lie. We all slept on the same bed together, and I left the next morning feeling like a grade 1 mumu man.

    If you relate to this, you should read this story: 7 Things You Need if You Ever Want To Find True Love in Lagos

    Adeyinka Odutuyo

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  • QUIZ: Have You Met Your Soulmate Yet?

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • What to Do When You’ve Run Out of Things to Say to Your Partner 

    We don’t talk about this often, but one of the things that make relationships stressful is running out of things to say to your partner. When you speak to a particular person every day for many hours, there’s the tendency that you may run out of things to say. It’s even worse if you live together. 

    When that happens, this is what to do: 

    Talk about Mercury retrograde, and when it’s coming back

    Mercury is constantly moving around. If you’re looking for what to talk about, ask your partner when you think it’s coming back. And why it can’t seem to stay in one place. 

    Ask them what would happen if you became a cockroach 

    See, it’s essential to know these things before you turn into a cockroach one day and they dump you. Bring it up now and find out if the love is real. 

    Don’t talk 

    Just enjoy the silence. They say if you can’t sit with your partner in silence, the relationship won’t last (I don’t know who said it, don’t ask me). If you’ve run out of things to say to each other, just don’t talk for a few days. 

    ALSO READ: Is It Love If You Don’t Talk to Your Partner Every Day?

    Ghost 

    If you and your partner no longer have things to discuss, the relationship has expired; the battery has died. Ghost them and move on to the next one. There’s no time to waste time, please. 

    Ask for the password to their phone 

    This is a very interesting conversation starter. Because the next thing they’ll likely say after you ask is, “Why?” And that’s how argument will start. Except you have a normal trusting relationship where your partner has nothing to hide. Then you’re back to not having anything to talk about. 

    Take Zikoko quizzes together 

    In fact, this should have been number one because so many conversations can arise from taking Zikoko quizzes. Imagine taking a quiz about who cheats in the relationship. That’s bound to start an exciting discussion. 

    QUIZ: How Often Do You Cheat In Relationships?

    Ask them if they’ve eaten

    Apparently, “Have you eaten?” is a steady conversation saver. It’s the second to the last thing you bring up before you start talking about the weather. 

    Talk about other people’s relationships 

    If there’s one thing that brings friends and couples together, it’s gossip. Talk about other couples and maybe include how their relationship isn’t as good as yours. That may not be true, but at least it has gotten you and your partner talking. 

    ALSO READ:  The 9 Things We Don’t Like About Being in Relationships

    Dammy Eneli

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  • 7 People Tell Us the First Impression They Had of Their Partner’s Parents

    We know parents judge their children’s partners on the first meeting. We’re not trying to cause fights, but shouldn’t these partners get to judge their in-laws too? We asked seven people to tell us the first impression they had when they met their partner’s parents, and the responses were chaotic.

    Folake, female

    I was in my “party animal” phase when I first got introduced to my current mother-in-law. I could swear I’d seen her at one of the clubs I used to go to, but apparently, she’s a pastor so it wasn’t really adding up. I never said anything about it, but there was this air of awkwardness during that first meeting. Till today, I don’t know if my hunch was right or if too much alcohol was making me overthink things.

    David, male

    My father-in-law had once tried to trigger the release clause of my ex. Man kept asking her out on a date, and was sending her money to help her “think about it” . I know because she told me about it at the time. The man doesn’t know I have his gist sha. When we met, he asked me what my intentions were for his daughter. In my head, I thought “Sir, let’s not rain curses upon ourselves”. 

    Jeremiah, male

    Her family was so chilled. In fact, too chilled; I felt like Daniel Kaluuya in the first part of Get Out. I was legit worried something was going to happen and my family would have to run a GoFundMe campaign to search for me. It was later I softened up to the whole thing and realised I was just used to hard life.

    Ibrahim, male

    I met my girlfriend’s parents at a party. To be honest, I thought her mum was my girlfriend’s older sister. She looked really hot and was already entering my eye. I got snapped back to reality when I saw my girlfriend go to hug her and call her mummy.

    RELATED: The Zikoko Guide To Being The Perfect Nigerian Son-in-Law

    Jola, female

    My father-in-law had actually asked me out a few years back. It was funny in my head because I wasn’t sure if he remembered me or not. But he acted like he was meeting me for the first time. I did the same too sha before my relationship unfolds like a Yoruba movie plot.

    Naomi, female

    I thought my mother-in-law was evil because of the way she kept smiling at me. It creeped me out so I started smiling back. Let’s creep each other out, Ma. I’m not going anywhere.

    Zaynab, female

    My partner’s parents were really cool. My father-in-law was watching a football match the day we went to visit. It turned out he was a Chelsea fan like me, and we literally just connected over that. Nobody else in their house watches football, not even my husband. So, for him, it was like, “Ope o! I’ve finally found a gist partner”. My mother-in-law was super nice. She even refused when I tried to help her cook. She looked genuinely confused that I wanted to help out.

    NEXT READ: 11 Behaviours Of A Nigerian In-Law That Will Show You Pepper

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • 7 Nigerians Tell Us the Wildest Online Dating Conversation Starters They’ve Seen

    Maybe you’re supposed to meet the love of your life on the scary streets of the internet. If that’s you, you need to know how to hit them up online because, in this life, fortune favours the brave. 

    We spoke to seven Nigerians about the wildest online dating conversation starters they’ve seen to give you a sense of what you should and shouldn’t do.

    hit them up online

    Jane, 27

    I posted a picture on my Instagram story about people with compatible genotypes marrying each other. The next thing I know, this guy slid into my DMs and said, “My name is Ibraheem, and I’m AA”. I was confused at first, but then, he sent me the picture I put on my story. I actually laughed at it, and we started talking from there. Nothing romantic came out of it in the end sha, but we’re still good friends.

    Omotola, 25

    I get a lot of message requests on Instagram. The funniest I’ve seen to date was from a man who simply wrote, ‘Which bank?’ Obviously, I like money so I replied his message. I didn’t collect money from him, but that line was enough to get me interested. Everything scattered when I later found out he was married with two kids.

    Dayo, 31

    I started talking to my current girlfriend after she shaded Chelsea on Instagram when they lost a match. I thought it was a man because the shade was in pidgin. I was going to unleash frustration on the person when I checked the profile and saw it was a fine woman.

    I responded with a laughing emoji, and we hit it off from there. It was a lot of football banter at first, but then, our conversations grew deeper, till we decided to go on a date together.

    Diana, 29

    I was on my own when this man came into my DMs on Twitter with this line: “Word on the street is that you’re my girlfriend. Let’s not disappoint them. Let’s give them what they want?” To be honest, I was more shocked at the audacity than I was confused. 

    I laughed and told him he should go back and tell them to stop saying rubbish. He said he’s not going anywhere. More audacity. I sha surrendered, and we started talking. Soon, I was laughing away my WhatsApp phone number.

    Lolade, 24

    Someone once used a bible verse to slide into my DM. It was hilarious because I was a very religious person at the time. He literally said, “Hi, Genesis 2:24. I’ve only come to fulfill God’s wishes”. Immediately I saw the message, I started laughing out loud. As a sharp babe, I replied him with, “Father, let thy will be done”. We really hit it off and were dating after a month or so. He eventually served me breakfast, but I enjoyed the relationship sha.

    Tolu, 28

    The wildest episode for me was when someone liked my pictures on Instagram and followed me. Naturally, I was expecting him to send me a text, and he did. I was already eyeing him because I liked what I saw on his page. 

    We got to talking, and he started complimenting me with sweet words. At one point, I asked him to tell me more about himself. His response was, “I’m a doctor. I really love watching football, and I have two kids”. What blew my mind was he went on to ask me when we could go on a date. My guy snuck in the kids part like he was talking about chocolate.

    Emmanuel, 28

    I think this lady had watched all these ridiculous videos online on different pickup lines to use. Because why would she come to my DM and be saying, “Are you Okro? Because you draw me closer to you?” I wasn’t even in the mood for rubbish. I just replied the message with “Who be this one?” Then she sent, “Hi, my name is Tolu”. It’s been almost a year and I’ve still not opened that message till today.

    NEXT READ: Top Dating Sites in Nigeria

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • QUIZ: We Know How You Shoot Your Shot

    Do you call their name three times and blow dusting powder at their pictures, or do you stalk their entire family tree instead of just talking to them? Whichever one it is, we know how you shoot your shot.

    Take this quiz and see for yourself.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • QUIZ: Tell Us a Little About Yourself and We’ll Guess Your Favorite Ex

    Who’s that one ex you’d date again in another universe? The one that got away or the one you’re besties with now??

    Take this quiz and we’ll guess which of your exes is your favourite.

    Jojo

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  • I Found Love in the Middle of Getting Myself Out of a ₦7.9 Million Debt

    In a world where women are ordering ₦16k spaghetti, I couldn’t understand how Chidi* managed to get himself into debt and find love at the same time. Well, if pigs could fly, he would be one of them because the streets are tough. 

    As told to Steffi O.

    How the journey to debt began

    I would’ve never believed that at 21 I’d find my first love and be in the middle of crawling my way out of a debt of ₦7.9 million. But that was me in 2019; broke, failing at school and deeply in love.

    It all started when I got into university in 2014. I was 16 and studying a course I didn’t plan to. I didn’t want to be home for an extra year, so I decided to go in but focus on starting some kind of business. I read a lot of marketing and psychology books hoping to learn a few things about money. The main hurdle was raising the actual funds to begin. 

    RELATED: 8 Actions to Take When They Refuse to Increase Your Salary

    I didn’t want to ask my parents for help. They were giving me ₦20k every month, and I wanted to find a way to make it work. It helped that items like sardine weren’t priced like gold at the time. Then, there were a few months of getting free food from at least one girl every day. But that lover boy phase crashed when I had two women wanting a lot more than the occasional make-out after a meal.

    I was a church boy who’d never had sex. I just had a fine face and a deep voice. When it came down to offing pant, I was a clueless guy. So I fled.

    RELATED: Nigerian Men on the Times They Went Crazy for Food

    Getting into forex trading and slowly digging myself into a rabbit hole

    By my second year, my GP completely tanked. I was struggling with a second-class lower grade, and honestly, I was more interested in figuring out forex. I’d gotten into social media marketing and made some money after managing my church’s account. The little money I’d saved up from that and my allowance was decent enough to start trading forex with. 

    The exchange rate wasn’t bad. I earned $150 in four months from the initial ₦100k I put in. Compounding the interest took it to $1000 by the end of the year. I made enough money to rent an apartment close to uni by 2015. In my mind, I’d struck gold.

    The next year, I wanted to expand my capital by getting more people to invest. I had a friend who’d also been trading, so it made sense to work as partners to raise the cash. On a good day, we could both make at least 50% of our capital back. In a month, that stretched into 300% of whatever we put in to trade at the beginning of the month. But the illusion that we were making big money led us down a rabbit hole.

    RELATED: 8 Ways Money Habits Change For Nigerian Men at Ages 21, 25, and 30

    Expanding the business and doubling profits

    In our 19-year-old minds, we’d unlocked something major. We were sure we could get people to invest and guarantee a profit of 120% per year. Compared to bank rates, it was like striking a pot of gold. 

    In 10 weeks, we raised ₦4.7 million from 12 people. I got my dad to put in some money, and some clients from my social media management gigs. The rookie mistake? Thinking that more money meant more profit in such a volatile system. 

    At first, I was trading $50 a day to make 50% back. But with more money, I was putting in at least $1000 a day with a higher risk of losing money on a bad market day. I was doing that with too little time to recuperate because of the ridiculous profit margin I promised people. I practically built my own death trap.

    RELATED: “A Bit Of Luck and A Whole Lot Of Work” – Tips From A Master Forex Trader

    But things were going well before I caught on. In a little over a year, we made about ₦11 million and sorted out our investors with a million to spare. A couple of people wanted us to keep their capital and roll it over for the next year. 

    I decided to diversify the money into starting a logistics business while we traded on the side. I did a bit of angel investing in small start-ups and bargained for a profit. Life was pretty good in 2018.

    We had more people join the investment plan and that took the initial capital from ₦4.7 to ₦7.9 million. With everything going on, in my 20-year-old mind, I was balling. I’d even gotten into a relationship. But she was more of a trophy girlfriend because I’d call like once in three days. I felt the money was good enough to keep her happy. 

    RELATED: How To Make Money Online In Nigeria

    From grace to the absolute ghetto

    In a flash, 2018 moved from my best year to a nightmare. First, I found out my girlfriend had been cheating on me with one of my closest friends. Over the next six months, profits drastically dropped on forex. The logistics business was holding up until the biker had an accident and wrecked our bike. I didn’t even know where to start.

    The biggest blow was realising my partner had been gambling with the money. It made sense because every time our monthly profits dropped, he would have an excuse for why he couldn’t show me the books. And I was taking the lamba for six months. Eventually, he owned up to putting the money up for bets, hoping to make double for himself.

    That’s how I saw myself losing out on all the profit I’d anticipated. No business, my first serving of breakfast and a debt of ₦7.9 million to crawl my way out of.

    RELATED: The #Nairalife Of Crippling Debt

    Cutting my losses

    In 2019, I had to cut back on my big boy spending. I packed my bags back to my family’s house. My grades were completely messed up, so let’s not even talk about school. 

    All I had in savings was $1000. And since I’d personally brought in all the investors, I had to ask for a year to figure out how to pay back their capital. Everything was on me. At that point, I wasn’t even going to class anymore. I just wanted to write my exams and leave school. 

    RELATED: We Asked 5 Nigerian Students How They Dealt With Failing A Course

    My whole world was practically crumbling, with my integrity on the line. I didn’t want to make the money back through forex because I was traumatised by everything that had already gone down. The only thing I could do was ask my aunt for a job at a firm. But with those earnings, I was looking at paying them back in three years. I felt trapped.

    Then, in September, I met her.

    RELATED: “You Don’t Need a Lot of Money” — 7 Nigerian Men on the Cost of Finding Love

    In debt and in love

    Look, I knew I couldn’t be thinking about love at that point. But I can’t explain why I wanted to get close to her when we met at my faculty. I just did. I played it safe because I didn’t know how to handle being so broke and trying to get with a babe.

    The first thing I did was focus on being her friend. She was smart and probably top of her class. I on the other hand was praying I’d get to graduate and survive what I was going through. But when I finally got her number in December, I probably spoke to her every single day. She made everything better. The long days weren’t as overwhelming and she knew how to get me talking for a long time.

    RELATED: 5 Nigerians On How They Navigate Money In Their Relationships

    Broke and being a better lover

    The truth is, being so broke made me a better lover. In my previous relationship, I could afford a fancy date that I felt made up for my weeks of absence. But this time, it was down to who I was as a person. It was a lot of work, but with this girl, I didn’t have a choice.

    One thing’s for sure, I thank God for Chicken Republic in my life because that’s where I took her on what we could call our first date. To spice things up, I’d switch between places I could spend ₦5k at the most. And on the days I couldn’t afford anything, I’d cook for her — yes, she survived. 

    RELATED: 5 Dates For 5k: Ideas That Don’t Break The Bank

    Maybe that’s the simplicity of university love. Being broke and in love wasn’t impossible if I could balance it out with being present for her.

    The issue with this Nollywood spin-off of love in the trenches is I wasn’t willing to commit to the boyfriend tag. I knew she liked me. I mean, who sees a guy flying a bike to almost every date location and sticks around? I just couldn’t imagine dating someone as amazing as her without being able to take her to fast-food chain restaurants. I was too proud, and I knew at some point, she’d want more than I could offer.

    RELATED: 12 Signs A Woman Is Dating You Just For Your Money

    Our first kiss and miss

    I hadn’t told her I was in debt and flunking out of school at this point. But after our first kiss, I decided it was time to own up. It had been four weeks of seeing each other non-stop already. But before I could lay it all on the table, she cut in with the biggest blow I’d gotten in a while. It turned out that all the while we were together, this babe was in a relationship. And she was coming clean because of our kiss too.

    I’d never been so torn on what to do. But I didn’t want to give my emotions away. I think the dumbest part was that I didn’t actually care she had a boyfriend. Where was he in the last month of us seeing every day? Clearly, she was over the guy.

    RELATED: 7 Money Habits Of Nigerians You Should Never Date

    I gave her some space to figure things out. And I took the break to crawl my way out of half the money I owed. I was aggressively trading crypto and went ham on freelancing for the whole year. Nothing else mattered at that point. I was 21, barely making any money for myself and felt trapped in my life. If I could get a grip, then her boyfriend didn’t matter.

    By the end of 2020, her relationship ended. I wasn’t even applying pressure. Everything just scattered on its own. But I wanted to give her time to heal before jumping in to ask her out. I offered to drop her off at the airport when she needed to travel. I called occasionally but we texted almost every day. I didn’t give her too much space so she’d know I was serious about her.

    At this point, I owed my last ₦150k. And I told her about the debt. She didn’t seem unsettled by it, but we talked about how much the next year of my life would be focused on recovering from the loss.

    RELATED: Two Breadwinners, Two Incomes, One Dating Couple

    The uncertainty of loving in your 20s

    Honestly, I’m happy I found this woman at the lowest point of my 20s. I don’t know if she’d had any doubts along the way, but being able to gather the  ₦7.9 million in three years makes me trust that I can figure things out and make a life for us. 

    I can’t deny that it’s been easy because she’s out of school, and I’m taking one last course to wrap things up. She’s even off for her Master’s soon. It’s been nine months of officially dating and we’ve found some sort of balance. Of course, money is still an integral part of creating memories. But we’re also the type of people who are happy strolling down the crazy streets of Lagos to find perfectly fried yam and akara to pair with a wacky Youtube video.

    Can our love stand the test of being in very different phases of life? I’m only 23, so I’m mostly hoping. The only thing I know for now is that I found love when I didn’t think I was worth loving.

    ALSO READ: What’s Dating Like in Abuja on a ₦180k Monthly Salary?

    Ortega

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  • These Are the Obvious Signs You’re in Love With Your Boss

    Office romance is a thing in every workplace, whether HR likes it or not. It’s very normal to have one or three office crushes. But when the person you like is your boss, that’s a whole different conversation.

    Just in case you’re not sure, these are the signs that you’re in love with your boss.

    You’re always excited to be at work 

    When other people are grumbling and complaining about having to be at work, you’re excited. Only you will be smiling on a Monday morning at the office, and it’s definitely not because you love your job. 

    You’re always the first to arrive 

    Work resumes at 9 a.m., but you’re there by 6:30. What time do you even wake up? When do you leave the house? You’ll tell your colleagues it’s because you’re trying to avoid rush-hour traffic, but you and I know the actual truth. 

    You find yourself doing things outside of your job description 

    You’re in HR but doing sales work because your boss needs someone to attend to a client immediately, and for some reason, you thought you were that person. Better go back to facing the staff you’re supposed to be taking care of. 

    RELATED: All The Things That Happen When Your Girlfriend Is Your Boss

    You don’t mind working on weekends 

    Once it’s Friday, you’re sad because you have to spend two days away from your crush, and you’re not sure you can survive that. Working during the weekends isn’t a problem for you as long as your boss is also there.

    You almost die when you get compliments from your boss 

    Small “Well done, Samuel. You did a good job,” your chest is beating fast, and you’re smiling from one end of your face to the other. You’re very close to calling your family and friends to tell them what happened as if you just won an award. 

    Nothing is better than having them come over to explain things to you

    You didn’t really need help with how to create a folder on Google Docs. But anything to get your boss to come over and speak with you.

    Salary isn’t your favourite thing about work 

    Getting paid your salary isn’t the major thing you look forward to. Neither is it the work culture of the place. If they ask you, you’d say it’s the people at work. To be specific, one particular person, the person who pays your salary. 

    You laugh a little louder at your boss’s jokes 

    The joke they made wasn’t that funny. Even your boss is finding it weird that you’re laughing so much. Your thirst is showing, relax.

    You spend a lot more time getting ready for work

    It’s not because you genuinely care about your appearance or you’re trying to look good to feel good. You decide to get a nicer haircut or wear the longer bone straight because you’re hoping a certain someone will notice you at work. 

    What to do now that you’ve realised you’re in love with your boss:

    Give yourself a dirty slap

    That slap is to reset factory settings. You’ve clearly lost focus as to the reason why you’re working.

    Resign 

    If you truly cannot get over your oga, then resign. Because, whether you like it or not, nothing can happen between you and your boss. You can’t have any other relationship with them aside from a professional one (for many many reasons). So just do yourself a favour and leave that place. 

    ALSO READ: 9 Unmissable Signs That Your Nigerian Boss Is Clueless

    Dammy Eneli

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  • Do These 7 Things When You Run Out Of Things To Say On A First Date

    First dates can be super awkward. You’ve probably built a rapport with your date online, but now that they’re in front of you, it’s raining crickets. What happens when the list of things you rehearsed to say have been exhausted?

    What you need then will be activities. The following should work like a charm.

    1. Pick your nose

    Your date does it too, don’t be shy.

    2. Paint your nails

    By the time you’re done with all ten fingers, you’d have thought of something punchy to say.

    3. Order something you can lick or suck

    Think ice cream, soup with periwinkles in it, banana or draw soup. Anything that can demonstrate your err…skills.

    4. Spread mat and sleep

    If the words are not coming, don’t force it. When you sleep and wake up, your date would have taken their leave so you won’t have to talk. Problem solved.

    5. Break plate on their head

    Especially if they turned out to be totally different from what they projected online.

    6. Make out

    When words fail, let lips do the talking, mixed with saliva here and there.

    7. Stare into their eyes

    You’ve talked enough. Now, it’s time to let silence reign. While you look into their eyes, remember to watch out for traces of wickedness.

    Better still, you can sit in your house and avoid going on the said date instead of stressing over what to say laidis.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • 7 Ways To Consensually Join Other People’s Relationships

    Joining loving and functioning relationships takes the burden off you to build one by yourself. Here are a few ways to consensually join other people’s loving and functioning relationships.

    1. Become besties with one of them.

    Emphasis on besties and nothing more. The aim of becoming besties with one of them is so your name can come up in conversations a lot of times. That way, your name gets stuck in the consciousness of the other partner. Step 1 – done and dusted.

    2. Make a playlist for your bestie.

    Make sure your playlist taps enough for them to share it with their partner (your future second lover). Music apps always come through when making a playlist, all you need to do is start with one solid song.

    3. Buy some food for the male lover.

    Everyone knows that Nigerian men love food more than anything else in this life. Make sure you buy the food for him. Do not cook for any grown man so he won’t expect you to do the same when you eventually join their relationship.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Never come off too strong.

    You are trying to consensually join their relationship not appear like a desperado. Enjoy being friends with them, take it as the talking stage. Do not do more than yourself.

    5. Go to a fortuneteller’s place.

    Yes, fortune-teller, not babalawo. We are recommending a fortune-teller and not a babalawo so you won’t get carried away and ask the babalawo for jazz. Whatever the fortune teller says is what you should listen to.

    6. Pray about it.

    You can pray to whatever god you believe in. Making space for yourself in other people’s relationships require forces more than yourself. The only time joining other’s people’s relationships doesn’t require work is when a Nigerian man adds you to his marriage without letting his wife know.

    7. Tell them that you want to be part of their relationship.

    Summon courage and audacity from 20 Nigerian men, that should be enough to help you through this stage. Let them know the advantage of you joining their relationship. You guys won’t be the first throuple and won’t be the last either.

    Please note: If you take our advice, whatever your eyes see, just take it like that. Let it not be like we didn’t warn you.

    Ibukun

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  • Love Life: I Ran Away From Home To Be With Her

    Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Audio: I Ran Away From Home To Be With Her

    Ella, 23, and Adaora, 21 have been dating for eleven months. Today on Love Life, they talk about navigating a relationship after Adaora ran away from home, learning how to set boundaries and their future plans for each other.  

    Love life image with a lesbian couple

    What is your earliest memory of each other? 

    Adaora: My first memory was when we first met at her friend’s place. I came out of the car and saw her forming bad guy. 

    Ella: Mine was when I saw her on Instagram. I was just like, “This is my wife.” Her pictures were so pretty. That evening when my friend posted her picture, I followed her but was too shy to text her. This was July 2020.

    She posted a funny meme, and I responded with an emoji. She did the same but I didn’t reply. I kept on checking her stories for something new until the next day when she posted something about zodiac signs. I sent her a message saying, “Try dating a Sagittarius,” and that’s how we started talking.  

    Adaora: We were talking a lot. She lived in Abuja and had a job in Lagos so she came around often. The plan was that the next time she was in Lagos, we would meet at her friend’s party. 

    What happened at the party? 

    Ella: I got her chocolates and wine. It was our first time seeing each other physically. The party was at my friend’s house, so we had a room to ourselves. We were so shy, we kept talking throughout the night.  

    Adaora: We saw each other again before she left for Abuja. Three times actually. 

    Ella: Yeah, at that point, it was nothing serious. She had just left a relationship and wasn’t looking to rush into anything new. Plus this was her first same-sex relationship. She needed some time to get into it. 

    Oh wow. What does that feel for you, Adaora? 

    Adaora: I have been with girls, but I have never let myself get emotionally attached to any girl before Ella. It’s a big step for me, but it wasn’t scary. I wanted to try it out and see what it felt like. I remember being heartbroken, and I told myself I was done being with men. I asked myself why I had never fallen in love with a girl even though I like girls. I think I must have unknowingly manifested this relationship. 

    Being with her is so different — it’s like connecting with a soul rather than a body. She understands me in a way I don’t think any man ever has. We can relate to each other. We bounce ideas off each other all the time. It’s a sweet relationship, to be honest. 

    Nice! So what happened between when you both met and when you started dating? 

    Adaora: I used to stay with my parents, and I had always planned to run away.  Home was toxic for me and we talked about it. She had just gotten her own house in Abuja. She asked me to come to her house. This was in July 2020. 

    You ran away from home? 

    Adaora: Yes. My dad was physically abusive. It wasn’t healthy for me. I lied to him that I was graduating with a first class, but I had already dropped to a second class upper because I was scared of disappointing him. When I was about to graduate, I decided I wasn’t going to take any more abuse. I knew I had to leave. My mum wanted to leave him but that seemed like a long cruise, so I did what I had to do — I went to Ella’s house. At this point, we knew we liked each other and were on our way to a relationship. 

    Ella: I was surprised for a while when she came, though I already knew she was running away from home. I think her moving in with me is when we started dating. 

    Adaora: If we are being honest, we started dating from that first day we met. LOL. But during the first few weeks of living with her, it was awkward. She was a bit withdrawn. It felt like there were layers of her I hadn’t met. 

    As time passed, we got closer and I got to know her better. I don’t remember how long it was after I moved in when she asked me out on a date. She said, “Will you be my wife?”

    Ella: At the beginning, we were trying to understand each other. There were a lot of things she wanted when she first got to my house. For example, she had issues with me for not being able to set boundaries. 

    Adaora: Oh yes. I felt like the people around her were taking advantage of her — her cousins, ex, and people she worked closely with. They were controlling and always wanted to take them without giving anything to her in return. She was oblivious to all of it. They would hurt her and she would say it’s cool. I had to sit her down and tell her, “Babe, you need to start setting boundaries. You need to stand up for yourself.” Because when she doesn’t set boundaries, the consequences end up hurting me as well. I am the kind of person that will tell you when I don’t like something. So far, things have been good. 

    What is the best part of the relationship?

    Ella: I can’t choose, to be honest. I love everything and I know the best is yet to come.  

    Adaora: I love that we are both spiritual and can talk about anything. We are big on astrology. We talk often about how our thoughts are powerful and how we use our minds to manifest the kind of life we want. 

    What kind of life do you want? 

    Ella: We want to have businesses together. We want a queer country where queer people can be themselves. We want to have a family together too. 

    That’s sweet.  

    Adaora: Yeah. So we keep each other in check. When one person is down, the other person helps them out of it. We motivate each other to reach our goals. 

    I also like that we give each other space.  We can be in the same room and still give each other space. 

    What was your biggest fight about and how did you navigate?

    Ella: There was a time we actually fought and used our hands on each other. 

    Adaora: Babe, why are you saying it like this? We pushed each other. That’s about as physical as it got. 

    Ella: That’s what I mean. No matter what, we should never use our hands on each other. A lot was going on at that time. We were both broke and it was affecting us. I think we were supposed to go out together but couldn’t make it. 

    Adaora: You went out without me and came back late. I was angry. 

    Ella: Oh yes, and you had not eaten.

    How did you resolve it? 

    Adaora: We talked about everything. Ella is big on resolving conflict. 

    Ella: I know I apologised a lot. 

    Adaora: Apart from apologising, you are also consistent. You are like, whether I like it or not, we will settle. I can’t remember how that particular fight ended…

    Ella: Because fights that get physical are never happening again. 

    What is your favourite part of each other?

    Adaora: Ella is so thoughtful — she is always getting me things I want. She’s so sweet even when I am being mean. 

    Ella: She knows how to take care of me. I don’t feel like she wants to use me. She really loves and cares about me. 

    Rate the relationship on a scale of 1-10.

    Ella: 7. 

    Adaora: 7? 

    Ella: Yes. We are still working on the relationship. We are not where we want to be yet. I feel like when I say she’s my wife, people think I’m joking. Until we get to that secure point where it’s official, we are not at my ideal yet. 

    Adaora: 11 for me because even though we are still working on it, just knowing that she’s my person is already a 10. 

    Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

    If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.

    Mariam Sule

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  • Love Life: 5 Of The Most-Read Stories Of 2020

    Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Even though the series has only existed for a few months, writing Love Life has been one of the highlights of my year. From talking to couples to telling their stories, it has been nothing short of exciting.

    Every Love Life story has managed to spark conversations online and that, for me, is a win. As the year ends today, I’d like to share 5 of the most-read (and listened to) Love Life stories to date.

    1. I Still Can’t Believe He’s Gone

    derin and oke love

    Derin, 21, and Oke, 21, had been together for a little over a year before Oke’s tragic death cut their love story short. For this Love Life, Derin talks about how they went from best friends to lovers, and all the plans they had for their future together.

    Read it here.

    2. We Met On Twitter, But I Already Had A Boyfriend

    met on Twitter

    *Kola, 28, and *Cynthia, 27, have been dating for almost six years now. For this Love Life, they talk about finding each other on Twitter, navigating an already-existing relationship, and why they are still yet to have their first major fight.

    Read it here.

    3. How Another Woman Almost Ruined Us

    love life in Nigeria

    *Ginika, 25, and *Jude, 28, have known each other since 2017 and been in a relationship since 2018. For this Love Life, they talk about handling infidelity in their relationship and reaching a compromise in their disagreements.

    Read it here.

    4. His Ex-Fiancee Felt Like The Second Wife

    Love life in Nigeria

    *Yinka, 31, and *Kayode, 32, have known each other for 13 years and have been married for months. For this Love Life, they talk about moving on from an ex, setting boundaries and living in different timezones. 

    Read it here.

    5. We Were Scared Of Going From Best Friends To Lovers

    *Jemimah, 26, and *Nelson, 26, have known each other since 2017, but they only started dating in 2019. For this Love Life, they talk about loving each other while being platonic friends and how scared they were of becoming a couple.

    Read it here.

    Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

    If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.

    [donation]

    Eris Ekanem

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  • QUIZ: Are You Situationship Material?

    How often do you find yourself caught up in entanglements and shalaye? Well, this quiz has an idea if that life is for you or not.

    Try below:

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • Love Life: We Hate Having To Hide Our Love

    Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Audio: Love Life – We Hate Having To Hide Our Love

    *Dorcas, 22, and *Lara, 18, have been dating for 9 months now. For today’s Love Life, they talk about hiding their long-distance relationship from their religious families, all while trying to plan a future together.

    What’s your earliest memory of your partner?

    Dorcas: Swiping right on Tinder. She didn’t even have a profile picture, but I thought her name was interesting. We matched. . She wasn’t very active on Tinder, so we took things to WhatsApp. Then she asked me out. 

    Lara: Funny thing is, I remember her asking me out with a song. I think the song is “Suited” by Shekinah.

    Dorcas: I told her that I was done dating for the year and just wanted to have fun, but she kept shooting her shot. After a month of chatting, I realised that I actually loved her. 

    What do you love the most about her?

    Dorcas: Her smile. I had no idea that people with gap-tooth could be so beautiful when they smiled. Every single time she smiles, I’m like, ‘Oh my God. She is so beautiful’.

    Lara: Dorcas gives the best advice. I cannot make a decision without letting her know. She knows what to say at any given situation and she is so supportive. 

    Speaking of support, how is your family handling your relationship? 

     Lara: They are not aware. My parents are conservative and religious. They do not accept our kind of relationship, so, right now, only my close friends know. 

    Dorcas: Right now, only my brother is aware.  He found out because he kept probing, but he is super cool about it. I can’t tell my mum because I don’t think she’s ready. I have been dropping hints about not bringing home a husband. I’m always like, “Don’t be too disappointed if I don’t get married”.

    So, marriage is not in the plan?

    Dorcas: It is, but marriage isn’t an endpoint. Tags are not my thing, but I want us to always be together in a committed relationship. If that ends up being a marriage, then sure. 

    Lara: Dorcas and I have spoken about it and yes, it’s something we’d like to do. My biggest worry about marriage is disappointing my family, but I can’t help it. I am not going to live an unhappy life to make them feel better. If things get to a point where they cut me off, then I’ll learn to accept it. 

    Dorcas: I grew up in a very religious family. I think my mum might die if she finds out.  She’s slowly accepting the fact that I don’t have or want a boyfriend, but she made me promise not to join the ‘LGBT+ clique’. She said it like it was a cult or something. I have sha been preparing her for the worst. 

    Speaking of which, do you plan to have kids?

    Lara:  YES. I want children, so we are definitely having kids.

    Dorcas: I am not really a baby person. They are cute and I love my nieces and nephews, but I am not freaked out by the baby thing Lara wants them though, so, yes, we are having them.

    Nice. Do you feel heterosexual relationships are different in any way from what you share?

    Lara: I haven’t been in a heterosexual relationship so I’m not sure how it works, but I’ll say that in a lesbian relationship, both parties are getting more pleasure from the sex because they understand their bodies. 

    Dorcas: Yes. The sex is definitely longer and more thrilling. There are no defined roles, no head-neck thing here, just two women loving each other. Although, she tends to take the lead during sex, showing me what she wants me to do and I just follow through. She’s actually my first. 

    Awww, so cute. Asides homophobes and the Nigerian government, what has been the biggest threat to your relationship? 

    Dorcas: Like most relationships, we have misunderstandings. For me, it’s that Lara doesn’t like to step out of her comfort zone. I find myself making most of the moves to see her and I want her to do more. Another thing is having to hide.

    My love language is spending quality time, and I hate the fact that I can’t love her openly and freely. The other day, she came to see me and everyone kept calling her my friend. I introduced her as my baby and they said they know, but I don’t think they do. 

    Lara: It’s the distance for me — we hardly get to see each other. We once had this fight about this online couple contest. We were supposed to send our pictures in for the contest.

    I agreed at first but after asking a few questions, I wasn’t comfortable with it anymore. It caused a disagreement because Dorcas had already sent in the pictures and wasn’t sure how to tell them we weren’t participating anymore. Plus, Dorcas can get really mean, haha. 

    One thing you both have in common is coming from a religious family. How do you reconcile your faith with your sexuality?

    Dorcas: At first, I used to be very churchy. My relationship with God involved a lot of praying for answers about who I am, but I soon realised that God doesn’t make mistakes. I am a masterpiece.

    I know that God loves me and that’s enough for me. For people who like to threaten gay people with bible quotes, I’ll say this: there was a time when the bible was used to endorse slavery. Now, times have changed and a lot of things have to be revised. 

    Lara: It’s really difficult, but I still have to hold on to God. My parents are super religious and they carry all of us along so I’d say my faith is pretty strong. Although, I have found myself wondering what would happen if I wasn’t a lesbian. I didn’t choose to be like this. I like this life. I like loving my woman. 

    *Names have been changed for anonymity.

    Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.

    If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill this form.

    [donation]

    Eris Ekanem

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  • Quiz: When Will You Meet Your Soulmate?

    Everyone who believes in the concept of true love also believes in the existence of a soulmate. However, nobody really knows when they will find their soulmate, and that usually comes with some anxiety. Not to worry; Zikoko is here for you (as always) and we’re ready to tell you when you will meet yours, so you can start preparing for the moment of the magical connection.

    Let’s begin!

    Toheeb Lanlehin

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  • Breakups can be painful, messy or even easy. But nothing is funnier than when a  breakup is petty. We asked eight people what the pettiest reason they ever initiated a breakup up was and their answers left us in stitches.

    “He didn’t used to tamba after using the toilet, and he refused to do it even when I told him about it, abeg I couldn’t deal” – Funke

    “Every single time I sat down to play FIFA she’d interrupt me. I mean every single time. She clearly didn’t like me” – David

    “She had a hugeeee head. I had never seen that kind of head in my life before. Like it was fine until I started thinking of marriage, I couldn’t allow my kids have that kind of head” – Steve

    “She said Ghanian Jollof was better than Nigerian Jollof. I was already on my way out of the relationship but that was the breaking point” – Lanre

    “He looked almost exactly like one wicked teacher that tormented me in secondary school. I tried to ignore it at first but the relationship ended after 3 months” – Morayo

    “He ate too much. That one on its own wasn’t even a problem but everytime I was eating he’ll start begging for my food. Like he’ll finish his own and still beg for my own again. The thing used to frustrate me.” – Ope

    “I didn’t like his sister. She was my senior in secondary school and she used to punish me all the time. The day I found out, we broke up shortly after, I didn’t want anything to do with any family that can have that kind of wicked person(the sister).” – Faith

    “When we met he was team beard gang, on our third date he came to pick me up with a clean shave it was like I was looking at another person, I stopped picking his calls after that date.” – Anjola

    Have any petty breakup stories? Share!

    Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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  • Ladies, Here Are Some Of The Worst Relationship Advice Ever

    1. “Just manage him you will fall in love eventually”.

    Is he a plate?

    2. “Don’t let him know the real you, when you have now married you can show your true colours.”

    What kind of 419 is that?

    3. “Cheating is inevitable, just manage it!”

    It’s your own that is inevitable.

    4. “He doesn’t know what he wants but he will soon realise it’s you.”

    You people will put someone in trouble soon!

    5. “Men are a prize so you have to manage what you see.”

    See lies from the devil!

    6. “Men love stress, so make sure you do just that.”

    Can you imagine?

    7. “If he is not spending money on you, he is spending money on someone else so chop it all.”

    Human being or rat?

    8. “Your money is your money, his money is our money.”

    Get out please!

    Jola Ayeye