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  • 11 Ways To Know Your Boyfriend Is An Unserious Person

    Too many unserious men are on this earth and the greatest mistake a person can make is to encounter one of them. You might have encountered one, but don’t panic. Go through this list and see if your boyfriend manifests any of the signs.

    We are rooting for you.

    1. He cannot die for you.

    What is now the point of the love? Abeg oh, this is 2021. Any guy who is not willing to literally die for you, let him go. Can he not use Romeo as his role model?

    2. He does not promise you the whole world.

    The one true mark of a serious boyfriend is that he promises you the world and he actually gives it to you. How will he do it? Frankly, we don’t care. Let him tell everybody on planet earth to relocate so it will remain both of you. Planetary romance>>>

    3. He calls you his one and only but he worships God.

    Clearly, that one is not serious. Why must he worship any divine being when you are right there? Why is he cheating on you with a spiritual being??

    4. He is not tall, dark and handsome.

    The audacity! Can’t he get surgery to match the look? How else can you relive the fantasy of the Harlequin romance novels you have read?

    5. He does not have 3 bank accounts.

    God abeg oh.

    6. He cannot rent out the whole cinema so the both of you can watch Yoruba film in peace.

    IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS! WHY IS HE NOT UNDERSTANDING THIS??

    7. He did not finish with a first class.

    Of course he is not serious and that is a clear proof.

    8. He calls you Mummy but does not celebrate you on Mother’s Day.

    Why is he still rolling with his mother when you are right there? Omo, any man that cannot abandon his mother for you is an unserious person. Abeg break up.

    9. He cannot read your mind.

    Hian oh. So he expects you to be in a relationship and be comunicating effectively? Never. If he cannot say what you are thinking, then he is not putting in the efforts. Such blatant unseriousness.

    10. He cannot go 7 rounds in bed.

    Seven is the number of perfection. If he cannot give you that perfection in bed, surely you must know that he is not serious enough to keep you.

    11. He is still alive.

    Clearly, that guy has no element of seriousness in him. Why is he alive while others are in the great beyond running things with Baba God? You better break up with him today and find a guy who will be serious with you.

    When you do find that serious guy, here’s how to make him fall in love with you:

    How To Make A Guy Fall In Love With You

    Kunle Ologunro

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  • 13 Signs You Are Dating An Evil Spirit

    If you are in a relationship and you’d like to know if you are dating an evil spirit, here are clear signs. If your boyfriend or girlfriend does at least five things on this list, you better pack your load and run.

    1. They kiss with their eyes open.

    Normal people kiss with their eyes closed. If your own partner does it with their eyes wide open, they are probably gauging the best way to donate you at their monthly meeting.

    2. They prefer injection to pills.

    You too, think about it. This kind of person will feel no pain when it’s time to use you for sacrifice.

    3. They swallow their pills without water.

    Ah. Run ohhh.

    4. They sleep with their legs on the wall.

    They will probably call it a good way to get blood flowing, but hmmm. Nigerian Airways, evil spirit edition. Flee that relationship NOW!

    5. They chew their medication.

    What’s the assurance that they won’t chew your flesh when the time comes?

    6. They sleep with their eyes open.

    Even when they are asleep, they are still monitoring you. God abeg oh.

    7. They eat Semo.

    You sef. Is this flag not red enough? Is it until you see 666 on their head???

    8. They enjoy avocado.

    You still want to remain in that relationship, abi? Okay oh. Maybe they have initiated you without your knowledge sef.

    9. They eat before brushing.

    Isn’t this premium evil spirit behaviour?! How can you eat before you brush your teeth?

    10. They do asfdjhjs when eating hot food.

    If hot food does not faze them, don’t think your tears will faze them when it’s time to drag you to the midnight meeting.

    11. They chew their swallows.

    Someone chews eba and you don’t think they are from the marine kingdom?? Okay nau.

    12. They snore.

    They are communicating with their fellow evil spirits. BRING OUT THE HOLY WATER!

    13. They don’t snore.

    This one has upgraded to premium evil spirit plan. Till they will finish you, you will not know.

    You better run.

    Kunle Ologunro

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  • How To Be Gently Passive-Aggressive On Google Docs

    This is based on a true-life story and a bit of paranoia. Recently, I’ve had to share a couple of Google doc links with my colleagues at work, and I couldn’t help but notice many opportunities to be passive-aggressive and annoying.

    So, here I am with tea on how to intentionally do it to your own colleagues at work.

    1) Ignore all their suggestions.

    And restore the version before they ever edited it.

    2) Reject all their suggestions.

    And let their phone blow up with “(insert name) rejected 82 suggestions.” That’ll teach them not to mess with you.

    3) Revoke edit access.

    Then follow with revoking comment access. Especially if they are saying things you don’t like about whatever is in the document. Do it while you can see them making the suggestions so it’s like rapture.

    4) Switch accounts.

    Access the document link with your other email account so it shows up as “anonymous otter” or “anonymous pigeon” is viewing this document. That thing will drive them crazy. Especially if it’s a super confidential document.

    5) Ignore all their comments.

    If someone has been commenting, ignore it and start a conversation with another person entirely in the document. Pepper them!

    6) Comment on irrelevant things.

    Highlight a full stop or comma. Then click on add comment and type the second stanza of the Nigerian anthem there. Then close it with “treat as urgent.” That should surely leave them confused.

    7) Delete your suggestions.

    When you comment on a document, it draws a line on the corrected sentence. Now, go and edit your edit so that the whole document looks like the coloring book of a kindergaten student. Everything jaga jaga.

    8) Always leave the document open.

    Don’t shut down your laptop, even on weekends. Even when you eventually leave the company, keep it open. The ultimate big brother is watching. This is useful especially for junior colleagues so that it looks like you’re monitoring their every progress in the document.

    Good luck to them! Now go forth and froth.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • 19 Pictures Guaranteed To Make Any Nigerian Laugh Out Loud

    1. The one about Nigerian fathers

    Every. Nigerian. Father.

    2. The one about Nigerian mothers

    Sorry ma!

    3. The one about watching TV with your parents

    Hay God!

    4. This picture of fear

    Just disappear.

    5. This catering menu

    They did not born you well to misspell Jollof rice.

    6. The one about side chicks

    Real friends.

    7. The one about Buhari

    Well…

    8. The one about GEJ

    At least he is trying.

    9. The one about our exchange rate

    The pain.

    10. The one about a child’s ticket

    You can’t argue with that.

    11. This gym

    This is the most Nigerian thing ever.

    12. The one about church

    Every Nigerian mother.

    13. The typical Nigerian aunty

    Amebo is in their blood.

    14. This architect that has a lot of explaining to do

    Maybe they did not pay him his balance.

    15. The one about washing dishes

    Unless you will help me wash it just save it, biko.

    16. The real use of the head

    Is it a lie though?

    17. The one about finding love

    You want to kill your mother?

    18. This unofficial reason all Nigerian parents have children

    The worst.

    19. This serious prayer point

    Oya, start praying.

    Daniel Orubo

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  • 27 Times Nigerians Were The Funniest People On The Internet

    1. This tweet about paternity

    https://twitter.com/Punthief/status/600575081316757504

    2. This tweet about fainting

    3. This tweet about the tomato

    4. This tweet about hiding your girlfriend

    5. This tweet about Olajumoke’s husband

    https://twitter.com/MrOkeke_/status/699365924588142594

    6. This tweet about MTN

    7. This tweet about shopping

    Nigerian: How much is this black Cartier watch?

    Cashier: N850k sir. N: Hmmn. C: Do I bring it? N: Don’t you have it in reddish gold? — Chef-D’oeuvre (@TemiMartin) June 22, 2015

    8. This tweet about Nigerian parents

    9. This tweet about Netflix and chill

    10. This tweet about sheep and rams

    https://twitter.com/IsabellahXOX/status/636100628775833600

    11. This tweet about Shakiti bobo

    Shakiti bobo will be playing and one babe will still be bringing yansh. Aunty pls give me space, I need to hang one leg in the air

    — Uncle Choco (@TheLekan) September 19, 2015

    12. This tweet about breastfeeding

    https://twitter.com/HisRoyalDopenez/status/671315155238658049

    13. This tweet about Law students

    https://twitter.com/Jidee_/status/701670372266143746

    14. This tweet about names

    https://twitter.com/Sir_Scribbles/status/696313562831187968

    15. This tweet about African mothers

    https://twitter.com/chuuzzy/status/582676630369337344

    16. This tweet about job interviews

    17. This tweet about CVs

    18. This tweet about karaoke

    19. This tweet about your mother’s name

    20. This tweet about Nigerians and questions

    21. This tweet about Nigerian mothers and answering calls

    22. This tweet about pigs

    23. This tweet about being petty

    https://twitter.com/Thelmzkitchen_/status/704694298625888257

    24. This tweet about an Igbo song

    25. This tweet about the army of The Lord

    https://twitter.com/OswaldAW/status/557668670881939456

    26. This tweet about JAMB

    https://twitter.com/Chris_Obi_Goth/status/704613340572733440

    27. This tweet about HR

    Daniel Orubo

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  • There is only one correct response to ‘I love you‘ and that’s ‘I love you too.‘ Please stop with all those other arguments.

    So don’t say it too soon, people. Or you start getting replies like:  ‘That’s nice. Anyway, as I was saying . . .‘ Or they’d look at you with pity and say, ‘Listen, you’re awfully sweet but . . .‘

    think about it

    Everyone should have the justifiable phobia about being the first to say the ‘L’ word. Because what the hell will you do if he/she doesn’t say it back. Say them out at the wrong time to the wrong Yoruba demon boy and you will need a stiff drink for a totally different reason. It’s the ultimate embarrassment.

    So absolutely do NOT say ‘I Love you’…

    If you’re not on the same page.

    Your ‘I love you,’ might mean, ‘I think this is special, let’s give this a try.’

    Her interpretation might be, ‘When’s the wedding?’

    If you don’t speak the same language.

    You speak English and he speaks incoherent.

    You: I love you

    He: Uhm..err…ahh

     

    If you have to ask.

    No seriously, if you have to ask though…

     

    …don’t!

    In the middle of sex.

    Nigerian boys will probably say ‘I do too,’ because they’ve just had sex with you, for God’s sake.

     

    Also you do NOT love someone..

    After they just dm’ed you.

    If they liked all your Instagram photos.

    Or you liked all of theirs.

    no

    After three dates.

    You’re not 12.

    Telling someone you love them on the second date or second week is ridiculous, borderline daft – and that’s probably what they’ll think you are if you do it.

     

    Just wait. Wait until you’re totally about to burst. Till when you feel you will spontaneously combust if you don’t say it. Have some sense of self preservation!

     love

    But if you have to please find sneaky ways to do it, like:

    Say ‘I think I’m falling in love with you.’

    Or pop it at the very, very end of a conversation when you can disappear immediately after saying it

    Or say things like  ‘I love it when you do that’, ‘I love it when we spend time together.’

    Disclaimer: I am NOT a relationship expert. Why did you even read this?

    Odunayo

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