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Lagos was a getaway, somewhere to visit during school breaks. And because I lived and schooled in the south, I found the buzz of the city exciting. So, of course, it was my first option when I had to choose a place for my internship.
I arrived in Lagos in 2017, bright-eyed and excited; ready to make money, meet new people and flex — all the things Lagos is known for. Even though I had no idea where I’d do my internship, I was in Lagos — they’re opportunities everywhere, right?
I didn’t realise people were twice the number of opportunities here. So two months into my search, I still hadn’t gotten a place. The only options I had so far were deep within the mainland while I was living with my uncle in Ajah. I was screwed.
So although I had no prior work experience, I got a friend to write my CV, and I started to cold-email people. My uncle’s wife linked me with someone at a media company in Lekki, but the man said he wouldn’t pay an intern.
After entering Ajah to Lekki traffic for a week, I had to reset my brain and tell him I couldn’t continue. It didn’t make any sense to spend over three hours in traffic. Three hours was the time it took to travel from my school in Benin back home to Warri.
After that, I was more particular about finding a place in Ajah or at least one willing to pay me for that traffic stress. When I got an offer to be an admin officer/personal assistant to the CEO of an engineering firm in Lekki, requiring me to come in only three times a week for a pay of ₦30k monthly, I grabbed it.
I didn’t care that I was a Mass Communication student who had no business in engineering. I just wanted an internship placement.
My boss was amiable, and honestly, I didn’t really do anything. Still, it was one of the saddest periods of my life. I had to balance waking up by 5 a.m. to be at the office by 9 a.m., my uncle’s passive aggression, and barely having any friends; it was exhausting.
Then I noticed how noisy and crowded Lagos was. Surrounded by robots people in a hurry to get somewhere, I felt so alone. I missed my home, the “dryness” of Warri, the simplicity of Benin. So a few weeks after my school’s supervisor came to evaluate my work, I packed my bags and ran from Lagos.
I returned to school in Benin, where I didn’t have to struggle with leg-numbing traffic or exorbitant Bolt fares. Even though the bus drivers were also crazy, they didn’t pretend to have car trouble when they saw traffic.
The first time I experienced this was so wild. Ojota was the final stop, but this bus driver stopped at Maryland and did a whole act of trying to fix his broken car. He waited till we had all gotten down before he zoomed off. I didn’t even get it till the other passengers pointed it out. And, of course, I went on to experience this a couple more times.
After I’d convinced myself staying in Lagos for an extended period wasn’t for me, I got a job offer at an art gallery in November 2019 and started to flirt with the idea of returning. But unfortunately, I wasn’t done with my final year project.
A few months after COVID hit in 2020, there was a nationwide lockdown. I love my parents, but I don’t think I’d ever want to be stuck with them for that long again. So when my sister visited in July, I didn’t even remember anything I said about Lagos. I was ready to leave with her. She’d gotten a place in Ikoyi — against most of the traffic — so she assured me this experience would be different.
And it was different. This time, I was in Lagos to wait for my NYSC, which would be in Abuja. I’d been to Abuja a couple of times. It was as colourful as Lagos, only quieter, so it was perfect. But when my call-up letter came out in November 2021, I was posted to Lagos. I wasn’t too disappointed, though. At least I wasn’t posted far North or to any state that’d take me two nights to reach.
I strapped up for the journey. And that was when I really started my life in Lagos. I had new friends from camp, I lived on the other side of traffic, and I was with my sister. Life was good, cosplaying as a Lagosian.
Two years later, there are still some things I can never get used to. You know the running joke about how Lagosians would throw a party to celebrate the success of a party. Well, it’s not a joke. While it’s become routine for weddings to have “after” parties, having one for a baby’s dedication or a one-year-old’s birthday is ridiculous. Because we all know it’s not really for the celebrant.
My sister and I live in Lekki now, and it’s not all that. Asides from the flood and exorbitant prices of everything, the tap water is also dirty. Imagine using sachet water to cook because the tap water looks grainy. In my father’s house, the tap water is good enough to drink.
Is it just me, or is it giving prodigal daughter?
I also find it amusing how people automatically assume you have money because you live on the island. Yes, I’m side-eyeing all the artisans who’ve ever worked in our place.
But even though I’m plotting my escape every other day, I really enjoy the Lagos nightlife. Back in Warri, 8 p.m. was the latest I could be out, and it’s not just because I had a curfew or was scared of area boys. I just wasn’t used to it. Even in Benin, most shops closed around 10 p.m.
In Lagos? People are out 24/7. Out at the crack of dawn, back home in the early hours of the morning.
When my mum was around in May, I’d gone out with a friend by 6 p.m., and she started to call me when I wasn’t back by 10 p.m. If only she knew last December, I’d gotten home alone at 2 a.m. because I attended a Wurld concert and wasn’t going to leave till he performed MAD. Sure, I was covering myself with the blood throughout the trip home, but I think I’ve come a long way.
Now, I have a different destination in mind. I hope to come back in a few years with updates on my abroad life.
Everything about living in Lagos is an extreme sport.
But if you think you’ve seen the worst of Lagos, I’m here to tell you that you haven’t if you’ve never gone house hunting in Lagos.
Asides finding a place that’s close to work, or has small light, we’ve figured out what the hardest things about house hunting in Lagos are and how to hack them.
We’ve got you.
Everyone starts house hunting in Lagos with a ‘strict’ budget and lofty expectations.
At the end of the day, one must give way for the other.
So brace yourself. House hunting in Lagos doesn’t respect your pocket or feelings. If you’re still in the comfort of your parents’ house, now might be the time to reconsider this your move. If you have strong head, carry on.
First hack is to lower your expectations.
You might think if you are patient and thorough enough, you might find the place of your dreams. You won’t.
You’re only going to end up getting the least horrible of the thousand and one listings you’ll check out.
Any agent that wants to collect money from you per house you view is a scammer.
Find one or two reliable agents, preferably agents who come with a referral from someone you know and pay a one time fee.
Because all agents do is lie and waste your time, also look through property listing sites.
Pick out the least disgusting looking houses and set up viewings with the agents.
Remember I told you to lower your expectations? Oya take them even lower because those listings you found on tolet.ng and co are going to look nothing like the pictures you saw on the website.
If this house looks like this on the website…
…this is probably what it really looks like.
If you find a place that isn’t a hundred percent complete, please don’t drop any money.
You’d think this would go without saying but these Lagos landlords lie more than the devil himself and they’ll try and deceive you. Maybe they haven’t connected the light or they’ve been meaning to put a borehole or they haven’t painted. Once you pay, daizzit. Two months on and you’ll be there begging the landlord to put toilet in your bathroom.
You know the only other person on earth who lies more than landlords? Agents.
They’ll say whatever it takes to get you to pay for that house. If the road is bad, Ambode is coming to fix it next week. No light in the area? They’ve already bought new transformer your agent saw it with his own two eyes.
Before you pay your rent, you should try and meet the landlord, especially if you’ve been dealing exclusively with the agent.
Don’t let anyone come and wake you up in the middle of the night with eviction notice, after you’ve supposedly paid rent.
Don’t move into a house without a borehole.
They’ll tell you that Lagos state supplies the house with water and its reliable. Don’t be deceived, you’ll only end up buying water from mallams until you leave that house.
Ask about the old tenants.
Nothing beats getting to rent a brand new house in Lagos but the odds are slim. So if you get a house that has been lived in, first thing to do is ask about the tenants who lived in the house before. If there is no prepaid meter, make sure they’ve not left NEPA bill gbese for you to pay.
If you survive house hunting in Lagos, you can survive it anywhere really. And also, what tips have we left out?
Lagos has been rated the third most stressful city in the entire world.
So if you live in Lagos and can still take out time to read this, you deserve a lot of accolades.
Lagos has pushed a lot of us to the edge at one point or another. We might have adapted or in the process of adaptation.
Whichever it is, here are some ways to know you have really had enough of this city.
If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic that was literally on hold for hours, you would understand that patience is very important to maintain your sanity sometimes.
See, there’s levels to traffic in Lagos.
While you’re stuck in traffic, you turn on the radio just to hear some “wanna gonna”, while you strain your ears to catch up.
Accents are the only things distributed free of charge in this city.
But eating fantastic food at a low cost is an extreme sport in Lagos.
In summary, overpriced food is a trademark
If you happen to live on the island, rain is probably not your best friend. When it rains, it pours, and floods.
Even you will be flooded. This is when Lagos island turns into an actual island
Let’s focus on rent for a minute, from finding the house, to affording the bills, all I have to say is..
..In this Lagos if you want to enjoy, you just have to blow o
And then if you don’t own a car, transportation is an extreme sport in Lagos. I want to talk about the cost but I also want to talk about the stress of even getting buses itself.
Let’s just thank God we are alive
If you have not had an encounter or know someone that has had an encounter or heard stories about Sarz officials, do you even leave in Lagos?
If you see them, Just run.
We always wonder why there are so many people in Lagos or why so many plan to move here? Like why is Lagos so overpopulated?
But the real question is, why are you in Lagos? Just take a moment and ask yourself why you choose to continue suffering?
