If you use LinkedIn, you’ll understand that Nigerians on that space are another a different breed entirely. And trust us to tell things as they are. Here’s a list of Nigerians you’re likely to encounter on LinkedIn. Which one have you come across? More importantly, which one are you?

1. The professional ones.

Yes, everyone on LinkedIn is professional in their own little way, it’s just that the aspect they are ‘professing’ in differs a lot. But you see these professional ones eh, they are the Nigerians who use LinkedIn the way the creators of LinkedIn designed for it to be used. They post job offers, tips to help you get a job, ways to get ahead in your career, etc.

2. The fashionistas with a lirru bit of motivational quotes.

I honestly want these people to pick one struggle and stand by it. If you want to slay, slay with your chest and leave motivational quotes alone. Don’t post a studio picture where you look like Naomi Campbell from Obalende and start telling us that success is a combination of hard work and dedication and whatnot. Slay your slay, nobody will beat you.

3. The motivational speakers.

If you throw a stone into LinkedIn, you’re likely to hit a motivational speaker. Omo, those people are everywhere. Stories of how somebody wanted to give up after 800 applications and they finally got a callback. Stories of how Jeff Bezos kinikan. Please dear, leave matter for Matthias. How your tory fit gimme job, na im I dey find.

4. The magnifiers.

Honestly, LinkedIn is full of people who magnify their accomplishments. And I really don’t have a problem with that. After all, we are all hustlers trying to sell market. What me I don’t like is when you buy N20 biscuit for your neighbour’s child and you add to your bio that you “Sated the congenital hunger of a toddler and helped to strengthen the potential of a future generation.” Abeg. LinkedIn is professional make-up, yes, but sometimes the lipstick is too much. Clean it small.

5. And finally, those who came to date.

“Date” is to put it mildly, sef. Because while you are on LinkedIn trying to find a job for your idle hands, some people are seeking active employment for their genitalia. They DM you, not with job offers, but with the prospect of your private parts colluding in even more private places. Like I said, I don’t blame them. I only just wish Jeff Bezos would DM me with that offer everyone would mind the business that pays them.

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