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No one gives us as much drama as Nigerian artistes and university lecturers. But what would it be like if they switched places and your favourite artists became university lecturers?
Wizkid
TThe dean of the faculty. You only get to see him him once in a while, and when you do, he won’t stop raving about how he taught your favourite lecturers when they were in school.
Image credit: Premium Times
Burna Boy
If you’re an olodo, just avoid his class. If you must attend, you better not sit in front. Just make sure you study the course months in advance first. Because if he calls on you and you can’t answer, he’ll return your school fees and send you away.
Image credit: PM News
Teni
The former student activist who got tired of shouting “Solidarity forever!” all the time. Now, she just wants to collect her salary and be left alone.
Image credit: Vogue
Asake
You’re not actually sure if he’s a lecturer or a student disguising because he gets along with everybody, and his classes are always full. He’ll probably charge you money to attend sha. Nothing concerns him with your school fees.
Image credit: The Guardian
Tiwa Savage
You can tell she’s not living on her lecturer salary because she’s so unbothered. In fact, she’ll probably just be waiting for the next strike to happen so she can go on another vacation.
Image credit: Glamour South Africa
Simi
She’s simply everyone’s sweetheart, lecturers and students alike. Her only problem is that we don’t get to see enough of her.
Image credit: TrendyBeatz
Davido
He gives off student union president vibes. The kind you can rely on to show up when students need to fight the school authorities.
Image credit: The Guardian
Fireboy
He’s the oversabi professor who’ll ask you what he didn’t teach you in an exam.
Image credit: Billboard
CKay
He won a huge award decades ago and still scores points for it even though nobody attends his class anymore.
When your lecturer says, “A is for God, B is for me,” you already know you’re in trouble and you have to put in extra effort to pass the course. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t. And here are some telltale signs you’re going to carry over a course.
You go blank in the hall
This is the first sign of doom. And if you’ve ever been in this situation, you know just how frustrating it is, especially if you actually tried your best to prepare. But at the sight of the first question, your brain decides to go completely go blank and the only thing you can think of is “God abeg o, who go help oh”.
You have no idea what the compulsory question is saying
The moment you check your question paper and realize the one topic you decided to skip came out as the compulsory question and two follow-up questions. So now you’re stuck in the hall calculating how many marks you need to pass.
After the exam, you can’t relate to other people’s answers
Immediately after the exam, you see people discussing and you decide to join in. But while the argument is whether the correct answer is east or west, your own was semo.
When you can’t even remember writing the exam
The exam was so traumatizing, you completely blocked it out of your memory. In your mind, you know you already failed, so you’re mentally preparing for the next time you have to retake it.
When you refused to buy the lecturer’s textbook
You decided to call his bluff even after his numerous threats and warnings. But on the exam day, he shows up in the hall and separates those who have the book from those who don’t, right before he announces an open book exam.
You get to the hall and your formation gets scattered
They don’t just separate you from your friends, but they put you in the front row with your ex’s new partner, and now you’re trying to figure everything out on your own.
When you miss the most important class
The one day you decide to stab a class is the same day the lecturer arrives early to class, takes attendance, shares his area of concentration, gives assignments, and even has a pop quiz — all of which constitute 60% of your total grade.
You feel the sudden inclination to learn a trade
You already knew that school na scam. But after the particular exam, you find yourself checking out skills and job opportunities for people that don’t require education. You realize that your grades don’t define you, and you were always better with your hands anyway.
Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
University life comes with a lot of pressure. At the top of it is the pressure to stay in school until it’s time to graduate. To make this happen, you need to pass your courses. It’s not a big deal until you remember that some courses, for myriad reasons, are designed to give even the brightest students a tough time. This is something I thought I should explore this week. So, I spoke to some students at University of Uyo and asked them to talk about the toughest course they’ve dealt with. This is what they said;
Unyimeobong – I had three lectures at the same time
I took this Biochemistry course when I was in 200 level. I’m not even studying Biochemistry, but my department said we had to register for the course. I knew something was brewing when I saw the performances of the previous set and found out that a sizable chunk of the class failed.
The problem started with the timetable. I had three classes scheduled for the same time. The university has three campuses and each of these courses had their venues on a different campus. I’m still not sure how they expected me to wing that. It was hard to keep up with all the classes, so I missed out on most of what they did.
The few times I made the Biochemistry class, the lecturer just came in, said a few things, and dropped a material for us. Unfortunately, I could never understand the content of the materials. When it was time to write the exam, I went into the hall knowing that I was essentially unprepared.
I hoped that I would get a D, but that didn’t happen. I failed the course and had to register for it again the following year. Luckily, the arrangement was better the second time — different lecturers took the course and that proved to be what I needed. I wrote the exam again and that was the last time I had to worry about this course.
Ima – I couldn’t keep up with the lectures
This happened with a prerequisite course, which was also a non-departmental course. I’m studying Food Science and Technology and the course was in the Faculty of Engineering. I lost interest in the course from the first day I attended the class. The lecturer came in and assumed that everyone in the class was well-grounded in engineering basics. It went downhill from there.
For the entire time the class ran, I could hardly relate to anything. I didn’t understand why I had to register for it in the first place. So, I practically couldn’t care less about the course. I couldn’t push myself to learn anything from the classes. That definitely didn’t end well.
I wrote the exam the first time and failed it. I can’t say that I was surprised that it happened. When I had to re-register the following year, I knew that I had to figure out a way to wing it — not that I was interested in it, but I didn’t think I would survive it if I had to go to the classes in my third year. So, I turned to tutorials and attended as many as I could. It was a lot of stress and mental torture. I wrote the exam again and I passed this time. I wasn’t ecstatic, I was just relieved that it was over.
Mary — I had a weird lecturer
This story happened in my third year. The course was somewhat odd — you either pass brilliantly or fail woefully. I didn’t understand why this happened until I started attending the classes. The lecturer is from Akwa Ibom state and had something against “foreigners”. He taught all his classes in Ibibio and he knew that not every student in the class understood the language.
That wasn’t even the weirdest part. This man liked to make unnecessary jokes all the time. He could spend the whole lecture commenting on how a girl dressed and whatnot. It didn’t help that some students encouraged this behaviour.
If anyone complained about his teaching, he would ask them to tell him the state they came from and if the answer was not Akwa Ibom, he would ask them why they couldn’t go to a university in their state.
I understood Ibibio, but that did little to help me. He hardly taught us anything related to the course. His lectures were consistently a waste of time. To make things worse for everyone, he didn’t give any material out, even though he always brought a textbook to class.
I was the assistant course rep and my classmates thought he liked me, so they asked me to get close to him and get the material by any means possible. They wanted me to be the sacrificial lamb and that didn’t sit well with me.
So yes, the course was very difficult to deal with. It didn’t help that a lot of people who had carried the course over were attending classes with us. However, I always knew that I couldn’t fail the course. Luckily, I had a window to take pictures of topics from the textbook he brought to class and I took the opportunity. I added that to the breadcrumbs he’d given us in class and that did the trick. I wrote the exam and got an A.
Zamani — The lecturer expected us to figure everything out
I’m very proactive and I ask for help when I need it. So, when I went to some of my senior colleagues and they didn’t have good news for me about a course I had to take in my third year, I understood that I was in a mess. Unfortunately, it was a compulsory course and I couldn’t drop it and take another. I knew it was going to be near impossible to ace the exams, but I braced myself and gave it everything I had.
The course wasn’t exactly difficult, but the lecturer’s approach to teaching was a big disservice to every student in the class. The course involved a lot of calculations and the lecturer skipped everything that remotely looked like that. Apparently, he expected us to figure those bits out.
We were in for a rude shock on the day we wrote the exams. All 6 questions required us to make extensive calculations. Man, it was a sad day. I decided that I couldn’t kill myself and just did the little I could. It was certain that I was going to carry over the course but something happened and I got a D. Normally, that wasn’t something I would be proud of, but it was enough for me to move on totally from the course. And that’s all I wanted.
Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
This week’s subject is a second-year female student at University of Benin. She narrates how two unpleasant experiences with lecturers have changed what she thought about the university and its lecturers.
Could you tell me how you got into university?
I wrote JAMB in 2018 and applied for a course I really liked. Choosing UNIBEN was a no-brainer because a lot of my relatives had gone there, so it is like a family school. Also, the course is not offered in a lot of Nigerian universities. My options were limited.
What drew you to the course?
I saw it in a social studies textbook when I was in JSS 3, and I’d wanted it since that time. However, I didn’t get the course. Instead, I was offered another one, which I didn’t even know existed until I saw it in my admission letter.
Anyway, I wasn’t going to wait a year at home. I decided to cut my losses and take the course. I planned to transfer to the department I wanted after I’d spent some time in school. However, academic activities didn’t start until March 2019 because of an ASUU strike.
Did you eventually transfer to the department you wanted?
Oh yes, it did. I didn’t even spend a session before I facilitated the switch. I knew the right person, and that was all that mattered.
How excited were you about UNIBEN?
My relatives who had gone there only had good things to say about it, so I was definitely pumped. I took their word for it. Now that I’m here, I don’t see what the fuss was about. The expectation didn’t match reality.
What changed?
A lot of things, but the ones that have affected me the most is how the lecturers have been a pain in my ass in the little time I’ve spent here.
Wow. What happened?
I went to see a lecturer because I needed information about the courses to register for and how to switch departments. I had no idea something funny was going to happen. The moment I entered his office, he locked the door behind us. That was mildly uncomfortable, but I thought he didn’t want to be disturbed. Then I felt his eyes on me, checking me out and sizing me up. I didn’t know what it was about but I kept my cool.
What happened after?
He asked me if I had started having sex.
OMG, What?!
Yep. That happened. I was obviously taken aback, but I wasn’t sure what to say. Now, I was really uncomfortable but if he noticed, he didn’t care. The next question he asked was if I had a boyfriend. Then he asked if I was a lesbian and if I had noticed any lesbians around the department.
I laughed it off and told him it was none of his business. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have laughed. He thought it was funny, but it wasn’t. Fortunately, he didn’t dig deeper. It was really unnerving. I mean, I had only spent a few weeks in university.
What did you think that did to you?
I was disgusted, to begin with. And I began to see the school and its lecturers in a new light. Thankfully, I switched departments not long after and I didn’t have to deal with seeing him anymore. However, It dawned on me that these lecturers see themselves as gods, and they could do whatever they wanted. The second experience proved that.
Man. What happened?
Sure. I’d transferred departments now and was in the second semester of my first year. I was inside a lecture hall. My class was a large one — about 350 students — and there were no PA systems so the lecturer had to walk around the class to make sure everyone heard him. He got to where I sat, regarded me for a moment and asked me to see him after the class.
Did you know why he wanted to see you?
I had just gotten an artificial septum ring that I wore to school. It was a nose ring, so I didn’t think there was anything to it. But when he asked to see me, I suspected it was because of the ring. He had a reputation for being strict, so I went to his office immediately after the class ended. I got to his office and everything took an ugly turn.
What happened?
He shared his office with two other lecturers that were teaching me different courses at the time. One of them was at the door when I got there. He saw me, saw the nose ring and started yelling at me.
Now, his words wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but he was throwing words like “harlot” and “prostitute” into the mix. I’d never been that embarrassed.
That’s not cool. Did you react to the outburst?
I did. I couldn’t reel everything in, so I retorted and asked him not to call me those names. He didn’t take kindly to this. Even then, I could see that he was offended, but I couldn’t care less. I dashed past him and went in to see the lecturer I actually came to see.
What did your lecturer say?
He asked me to sit down and gently told me that I was allowed to wear whatever I wanted, but I shouldn’t wear the ring to his class anymore.
I have a feeling that wasn’t the end of it
It wasn’t. The lecturer I had the run-in with was taking two compulsory courses at the time, so I couldn’t avoid him. Every time I ran into him, he looked at me in a weird way. He made it pretty clear that he had it for me.
I was writing a test for one of his courses one time when he came to my seat. He took the sheet I was writing in and waved it in the air for everyone to see. Then he started with the name-calling again — it was “fool” and “dunce” this time. It irked me, but I didn’t say anything.
Did you think he wanted something?
Yes, he wanted an apology, I guess. He asked me to his office twice, but I didn’t go. On the day I wrote one of his exams, he asked me to come to his office again, but I didn’t go. I wasn’t going to deal with him unless I had to.
What happened after?
We don’t see our results until the beginning of a new session. When I eventually got my 100 level results, I saw that I got F in both courses he took.
Whoa!
It took a lot to process that. I knew how much work I put into studying for those courses. I actually loved them and studied hard for them. Besides, his courses were the only ones I failed.
I’m really sorry about that. What did you do when you saw your grades?
There was nothing I could do. I had to let it go. Now, he’s my course adviser and I have to sit for the exams again. I could use a break from him. He probably still wants me to apologise, but I have nothing to apologise for.
Ha, he’s your course adviser now! How badly did the two Fs affect your CGPA?
My CGPA took a big hit. No student should have two Fs in their first year. Besides, both courses are compulsory. Right now, my CGPA is struggling a bit. I shouldn’t be dealing with this, but it is what it is. I’m trying to see the bright side, though — I’m in my second year, so I believe that I have time to make up what I’d lost.
How confident are you that you will pass his courses this time?
Man, I’m confident about what I wrote in the previous exams. However, if it doesn’t happen, I have to take it to department management. I know the HOD, so that could work to my advantage. I hope it doesn’t get there, though — these lecturers can be vindictive and I don’t want this to become me vs the department thing.
Have these experiences affected your relationships with other lecturers?
I like to keep my distance from all of them. I don’t care to nurture a student-lecturer relationship. From my experience, nothing good comes out of that. Of course, I’m never comfortable in classes. I always feel like they are watching me. All I can do to be in control is to take it easy and mind my business.
Do you think you might still get in a run-in with him?
Yes. It doesn’t scare me, though. There’s only so much he or any lecturer can do. I still have the nose ring, but I don’t wear it to school anymore. It makes me really sad that I can’t wear what I want when I want to, but I will live. The idea is to lay low, and I’m sticking with that.
If you could go back to 2018, would you still go for UNIBEN?
Nah, I wouldn’t even choose a public university. I would find a private university where the only thing I’d have to do is study without worrying about a lecturer leering at me or another one failing me in two important courses because he didn’t like what I wore.
*The subject asked to be anonymous.
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Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
This week’s story pulled off in collaboration with Payday Investor. Before you start to make plans about your next salary, click here.
First money you earned ever?
I think it was in secondary school. We made earrings in school with beads, and then we sold it on Open Day, that felt nice.
Also, my mum owned a restaurant, and I’d help her with work. But my first proper earning was in 2012 when my mum hired me for a catering job – she got a gig and made me the Project Manager. It was less than two weeks, and she paid me ₦50k.
How old were you then?
19. Next was NYSC, I started serving in March 2013. The state I served, you were paid ₦20k per quarter, but you had to travel to the capital to get that money. I didn’t think it was worth it, so I never went to get it. By the way, I was also an apprentice at a tailor’s shop. In fact, I paid them to learn at the time. Add to that, I attended a fashion design school while I was in Uni.
So it’s something you care about a lot.
Yes. When I finished serving in 2014, my parents set up a tailoring business for me. My mum had the equipment, and we had space, so it was easy to carve out an office. While that was kicking off, I applied for a teaching job, because I wanted to do something else that I cared about.
I started in May 2014 part-time. It paid ₦14,500. I really wasn’t doing it for the money, I just wanted to do it. So I was teaching and doing the tailoring business at the time.
How much was tailoring giving you?
I really can’t remember, but I know it fetched enough money for me to buy two phones that year. I didn’t have to ask my parents for money, and I could even chip in with house stuff.
Anyway, I dropped my teaching in January 2015, after about nine months, so I focused on tailoring. Then in August that year, I had to quit tailoring too, because I was travelling away from home for my Masters. September that year, my mum got a catering job in another state, and I had to travel ahead to go sort everything and make sure everything was in place. In the end, she paid me ₦200k.
I didn’t get any income for the rest of the year.
What came next?
I got married in 2016 and had to move to a different city, North-Central. It was hard to be idle – I’d never been idle for as long as I could remember – so I taught myself how to make pastries. Then I started selling. I went to fairs, trying to get the product out. The first fair was a disaster. I paid ₦12k for the stall and made only ₦6k – this was November 2016.
In January 2017, I went for another fair, and I sold out completely – I can’t remember, but I made about ₦50-something-k.
I was taking orders from home, and that felt steady. I went for another fair in March, and it was around that time I stopped because I suddenly couldn’t stand the smell of my kitchen.
Uhm, pregnancy?
Yep. I had my baby in November 2017. But at this time, I was already looking for a space to rent for my tailoring business. Eventually, I found one, and renovations and all that lasted into January.
But in February 2018, my marriage ended – I got a divorce and took my baby with me. He’d rented the house, I furnished it. So I packed all my stuff and returned to my family – my parents took full responsibility of and for me.
Woah.
I already had orders from my tailoring, but because I couldn’t deliver on time – the whole divorce thing – I didn’t charge them. I tried my hands at tailoring again, in June 2018 – I rented space in someone’s shop. But, I’d just gone back to school, and I had a kid, so I had to stop again. Stress.
All this while, I’d been applying for jobs, and then in September, I got called for an interview. Barely two weeks later, I started at the job – a lecturing job – for ₦171k.
It was also around this time I got my own place. It took a lot of convincing my parents to let me get a place of my own. I needed my own space, for my baby, for my Maid. My parents paid for my rent, and it cost ₦1.3 million.
They’re the MVPs.
They’re basically taking care of me. Entirely.
In all this time, what’s your perspective about money?
It’s funny how people say money is not everything when it really is everything. My salary isn’t enough for me to do anything at all. It doesn’t cover my rent, or feeding, or child.
I’m a wanderer at heart, but my salary won’t let me travel anywhere.
So how do you cover your other expenses?
My father. Every month, he sends money for everything – my feeding, child’s feeding, bills, etc. I’ve only ever bought pieces of clothing for my child, my parents always buy clothes, especially when they travel.
My biggest fear is always when my child falls sick. It happened a few months ago, and if my parents weren’t there, how would I have been able to afford to pay the ₦40k that we spent that day?
What’s an average month like, caring for your little one?
Let’s look at your full expense breakdown
A lot of my savings is really so that I can afford to travel for conferences and the likes. Then my emergency fund is me saving up for horrible case scenarios when I can’t get money from my dad.
Looking at your career, how much do you think you should be earning?
Somehow, I feel like this is fair, by Nigerian standards. Every day, I ask myself how long I’d have to work to be able to earn ₦500k per month at a teaching job. How much do you think you’ll be earning in 5 years?
If I stay in academia, it’ll most likely be about ₦250k. But if it’s not in academia, good money, whatever that means then.
My good money is not stressing, not depending on my parents, while also having enough for one vacation a year. Being able to fully support my needs and my kid’s. Like, I stress about not being able to pay for her school fees.
Right now, my good money would be ₦700k.
What do you do when you’re sick?
I personally refuse to acknowledge I’m sick. So I eat and sleep my way through any signs or illness/discomfort. And I am sick a lot. All the time. Plus I hate medication. So I don’t even mention it or I keep saying oh I’m sick but never do anything about it. At most, I take panadol hahaha.
When was the last time you felt really broke?
So it’s either between one of these two times.
First was in 2016. I was still married and I wasn’t working. We got into a huge fight – continuing from where we left off a few days before. I was so pissed because I’d grudgingly agreed to let it go. And he brought it up. I was certain I was done. I packed a bag. And I realised I had less than ₦2k in my account. That wasn’t going to take me anywhere. I was so frustrated. That hurt me more than the problem that was making me leave to begin with.
I was so helpless and didn’t want to ask anyone. It was one of my lowest points in life. If I just had some vex money, I’d have left. No hassle. Nothing.
There was also that other time in 2018 – where all of a sudden – my kid got sick. Her eyes started watering. And it felt like her temperature started spiking. I don’t think I had up to ₦5k with me. There was no way that was going to cover consultation and medication. I was panicking. My heart hurt. I didn’t want to call anyone. So I took her to a 24hrs pharmacy. At 10 pm ish. Came back with less than ₦1k.
I never want to be in that position ever again. I never want to feel so helpless.
Is investment something you’ve ever really considered?
Nope. Well, kinda. I put ₦40k from my first salary into some investment scheme. Mostly because my mum insisted and I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I was supposed to get credited monthly, but I haven’t received anything. I hear the thing collapsed or something.
The only thing I think about using my savings for is travel, which doesn’t make sense, because I can’t afford it. But then I think about it as an investment – investing in myself, hahaha.
Seriously though, I think about it, I want to invest, I just don’t know what to invest in, or how to go about it. Not sure who to talk to.
Happiness levels, 1-10?
4. No, 3. Because my salary isn’t enough to take care of me and my kid. In any way at all. If my parents weren’t taking care of me, I’d not be able to hold things up.
I believe in doing and investing in things you genuinely love doing. That way, you put in everything and are hopeful that it translates into results. So I have an opportunity to start a food business. Once I raise funds to start up, I’m good. So yes, getting funds will be a good starting point to raise that happiness level.
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Thinking you can get an A in his course when you know fully well: “A is for the gods.”
If you never had a lecturer tell you, you couldn’t get an A in his course, you definitely needed a visa to get to your Uni.
When a student on a 4.5 CGPA in his final year and semester, dares to dream he can finish with a first class.
We don’t do that in Nigerian Unis, please dear.
Suggesting to a lecturer that has been using the same handwritten notes from 1988, to update his notes or send lectures via email.
What exactly do you think you’re doing?
When students try to ask for area of concentration, after the lecturer has broken the scheme into 22 topics and 250 pages of notes.
“So I haven’t made work easy enough for you?”
When they say a hand out they’re selling is not by force to buy, and no student actually buys it.
“Like these students actually don’t want to graduate sha”
If the class is too full and rowdy for his liking.
I lost count of how many lecturers walked out of class because students were too busy being students for their liking.
When the class isn’t as full or as rowdy as he would like.
That’s when you’ll hear: “tear a sheet of paper, if your friends like; they shouldn’t come back to class”.
When you dare to think it’s his class you’ll be attending with that big afro on your head.
When you know fully well Nigerian lecturers and afros are sworn enemies.
Attempting to ask a question while class is going on.
How dare you ask questions, when they’re trying to teach you what they probably don’t know like that.
Not asking questions while class is going on.
See, with Nigerian lecturers, you can’t win.
When girls attend classes wearing sleeveless shirts.
“How dare you expose your moisturised elbows and shoulders in this class with no AC or fan?” What a wow.
And let’s not forget the biggest sin for female students. When your lecturer wants you and you think you can do something about it.
But every day for the thief, one day for the owner. If you see Richard Akindele, the OAU lecturer that tried this nonsense, help us ask him how unemployment is looking.
