Last Born | Zikoko!

What She Said: I’m Looking Forward To A Hysterectomy

Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.

The subject of today’s What She Said is a 26-year-old woman. She talks about not really having a childhood, not wanting children, living with PCOS, wanting a hysterectomy, and wanting more money.

Tell me something about your childhood.

Growing up was fun. I’m the last born and even though my parents didn’t have much, it never really bothered me. I was somehow still very spoiled and protected.

I didn’t have toys or watch cartoons because we didn’t have cable and I was growing up with people 5-11 years older than me.

That’s a huge age difference.

My siblings are all way older than me. I am 26 now and my parents still ask for their approval about things I want to do with my life. It’s like my siblings are my parents and my parents are higher authorities.

How does that make you feel?

It doesn’t bother me much. I just wish my parents would take me more seriously, but I don’t see that happening. I know my siblings always have my best interest at heart and it’s a lot easier to go through them till I no longer have to.

They’re also very close and that’s what I knew. I learned friendship from my siblings. We are friends with each other and always have each other’s backs. It’s nice and warm.

They have been very big influences on my life. From listening to rappers like DMX, Ja-Rule, Snoop Dogg and a lot of artists from the early 2000s because of my older brother, to getting a PCOS diagnosis with the help of my sister.

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Why did you think you had PCOS?

I’d never had regular periods. I started seeing my period in 2006 and even then they weren’t regular. I told my mum about it, but it wasn’t a big deal until I didn’t get my period for 5 months at a stretch in 2012. We went to the doctor and he said it was stress from writing WAEC. The period eventually came in October and came for a while. It was on and off.

I started having sex in 2016 and didn’t get my period for months. I took multiple pregnancy tests and they kept coming back negative, so I eventually told my mum about the delayed period and she insisted we go to a gynaecologist to get me checked.

Before that, I’d done some hormone tests, so I already knew I had a hormonal imbalance. I just didn’t know it was PCOS. My sister has PCOS and my mum is a retired nurse, so she put two and two together and she said I probably had PCOS too but wanted a proper diagnosis. I went to two different gynaecologists, and I got the diagnosis.

I went to a government hospital and then I went to a fertility hospital. I got a scan to check the size of the cysts and my female gynaecologist told me not to bother so much about it till I’m ready to have kids, but I don’t even want to have children. Not for any particular reason, I just don’t care much for them. I have two nephews and a niece I love very much but I’m not keen on having any of my own.

What happened after the diagnosis?

I got medication and I’m very nonchalant about it. I didn’t really start paying attention to my PCOS until this year when it felt like it was going to kill me. It was like every single symptom hit me at once. It was insane and drove me to read a lot about PCOS. The more I read, the more sense things made.

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What were these symptoms?

I got period pain so intense, I couldn’t sleep. I was taking medication, but it wasn’t working. I was even having hot flashes.

I’ve only had two periods this year and they’ve both come with different madnesses. I had to induce the first one by taking the medication my doctor prescribed and the period lasted for 16 days and left me depressed and ill for the whole month. The second period I had this year came on its own but it felt like all the blood in my body was going to drain out and it lasted five days. Honestly, I’m really looking forward to a hysterectomy.

That’s very intense. Why a hysterectomy?

I don’t want a uterus anymore, and I want to live a life free from PCOS even if it’s just for my mental health. I went from a size 12 to a size 18, and I’ve had bouts of severe anxiety. It’s also worse when I’m on any form of medication for PCOS. September was an awful month but I’m a lot happier in October. No more medication, plus I was a lot more intentional about my happiness.

I thought medication made things better?

Better ke!? All the medication did for me was make my period come. It left me miserable. Letrozol, the medication my doctor prescribed for when I hadn’t seen my period, showed me pepper. I would have joint pain and be unable to sleep. I was crying and had to throw it out even though I’d used it for just two days. I’d rather not get a period than be in so much pain.

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Honestly, what’s the point of periods anyway?

I don’t know. Nothing happens when I don’t get my period for months. If anything, I’m always so happy. I just want the period because I like to feel like a woman, but it’s like being a woman comes with hardship because why should I be crying for days because I didn’t get pregnant?

There were some times I even tried getting pregnant just for fun, but that didn’t work. No periods mean no ovulation. I’m not so bothered because like I said, I don’t want children. I consider that symptom of PCOS a blessing in disguise.

Since you don’t want children and your uterus is stressing you, why haven’t you done the hysterectomy?

I don’t know how much it costs, but I really don’t think I’d be able to afford it. Also, it’s a really big step and I haven’t given it much thought. I fancy the idea of not having a uterus, but am I ready to give it up? I need to think it through a lot more.

What’ll make life easier for you?

Money. I don’t think about PCOS when I’m enjoying my life. I want to earn enough to survive on my own and that’s one of the reasons I really want to leave the country. I’m only earning enough to make it through a few days post salary day. Money gives you a lot of options, and I don’t have that yet.

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Itohan Esekheigbe

October 27, 2021

Her, What She Said

hysterectomy, Last Born, PCOS
11 Secret Ways To Punish The Last Born In Your Family

Look, last born children are the devil’s incarnate. They talk too much, are often favoured by the parents and they almost always seem to get the best things. The worst part is that you can’t punish them. But all that is about to end today. We have devised 7 secret ways to do them dirty.

NB: Know the kind of last born you will try these things with o. Some last borns get crase for head. Dem dey beat their elderly ones.

A. THE FOOD PUNISHMENT: For adolescents, teenagers, and some adults who cannot joke with their stomachs.

1. Buy something you know they like and make as if you’ll be sharing it with them or keeping left overs for them. Raise their hopes and expectations, but at the last minute, eat what you kept for them or give it to a total stranger.

2. If they can’t cook, you’re in luck. You’ll force them to make their own food and if they try to report you to your parents, hurry to cook the food and then oversalt it. But pretend like it’s a honest mistake. You can repeat this several times with different level of wickedness. This week, add too much salt. Next week, too much pepper. Upper week, make it watery. They’ll get the memo.

B. THE CLOTHES PUNISHMENT: For all ages.

3. Soak their whites with coloured clothes and ruin their slay.

4. Offer to iron it and maybe scorch the edges a little. Claim that it’s a honest mistake.

5. Accidentally spill drinks or soup on them when they’re all peng and good looking. You get extra points if this happens in a public gathering. Don’t give me that look, please. We are both evil.

C. THE ACCESS PUNISHMENT: For siblings of all ages.

6. Simple as ABC: get access to their own key, misplace it by error so they are forced to depend on you. Now go out, lock the door and don’t return until nighttime. When they call you, don’t pick up.

7. Another way: Keep the key in an agreed spot. When you’re sure that they’ve gone out, go back and remove it. Drive them a little crazy when they return and start looking for key.

D. THE DIVINE TURNAROUND: For gullible last born children of any age.

Forget the fancy name, this is complete emotional manipulation. Here’s how you can deploy it:

8. Convince them to do something bad like take meat from the pot of stew or turn on the gen. You can even be the one to do these things, but you’ll make it look like you did it for them. When your parents start to complain, just remove yourself and offer them their favourite last born to beat. C’est finis.

E. OTHER RANDOM METHODS.

9. Delay their pocket money.

10. Take them shopping and don’t buy a single thing for them.

11. When their friends visit, find something you can use to disgrace them.

It is what it is.

How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian First Born Child

Kunle Ologunro

July 4, 2020

Inside Life

Children, Last Born, Nigerian family
6 Lies People Tell About Last Borns

There’s something last borns that gets Nigerians talking. But then again, Nigerians are the king of forming wrong impressions about everything, so but sometimes it can get to you. Especially when everything being said is false. Here is a list of wrong things Nigerians say about every last born. We think it’s time to stop.

1. “All last borns are weaklings.”

Says which medical doctor, please?

2. “If you’re a last born, then you’re the parent’s favourite.”

Actually, no. Some parents prefer the first or second child. Sometimes, the last child can even be the one that will receive plenty beating, so what are you saying?

3. “Last borns are the worst cooks. They can’t cook to save their own lives.”

Oh you think because we’re last borns, they won’t allow uS into the kitchen? Haq, you joke. We cook like every other child. We learned everything.

4. “Last borns are always rude, they don’t have respect at all.”

Abeg explain what you mean because we don’t seem to understand.

5. “Last borns don’t have to worry about clothes; their elder ones will dash them.”

But what if we don’t like wearing other people’s clothes? Or what if our elder sibling is a different gender? What if we’re bigger than them? This logic is faulty on many grounds, to be honest.

6. “Last borns are always stubborn.”

First you say last borns are crybabies. Now you say they are stubborn. You see why we can’t take you serious?

Here’s another thing we think you’ll love: Annoying Things People Say About Law Students

Kunle Ologunro

February 1, 2020

Oldies

Last Born
9 Things Every Nigerian Last Born Will Relate To

Being the last child in a family comes with its perks and frustrations. And it also comes with a lot of condescending statements from people who try to define the life of the last child even though they have no idea how it is.

Here are some of the things every last born in the family has heard more times than they can count and they are sick of hearing:

People believing that everything you own are hand-me-downs:

From your baby crib to your last phone and even your university admission

Being compared to older siblings if you attend the same school:

You’re likely to hear that they were smarter and better behaved than you. A teacher would surely say, “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?’

Everyone calling you ‘smallie’:

Even when you turn 70 and have grandkids, your older relations will always regard you as the baby of the house.

When people tell you that you have no problems because your older siblings solve them before they occur:

The belief that you’re always needy and subservient to your siblings, financially, is so inherent in Nigeria it’s a wonder that last borns are yet to hold a mass protest against it.

Being told that your opinion doesn’t count or you don’t know what you’re saying because you’re the last born:

This usually happens in families where there’s a huge age gap between siblings. Everyone feels they know more about your life than you because they’ve lived longer.

Being told that you are mummy’s pet and daddy’s padi:

And then you’re considered weak and soft because of this.

“Let your mummy give birth to another baby now, are you not tired of being a last born?”

Every last child heard this statement at least once in their life when they were a kid.

The endless memes that declare you as an amebo that can be bribed to disclose any secret:

Because you have nothing better to do with your life than to be a tattletale and all you really care about is becoming a monitoring spirit.

Everybody regards whatever you do as “last born syndrome.”

This is the ‘get out of jail free’ card that society has given to you. It excuses all your wrongdoings in their eyes.

Gabriella Opara

December 10, 2019

General, Inside Life

Last Born, Siblings
10 Things Only Last Born Children Will Be Able To Understand

1. When you get old enough, all the housework falls on you.

Ah. Is that how it is?
2. No matter how old you get, you will always be seen as the baby of the house.

Even when you’re 60.
3. When you collect bribes from your elder ones so you don’t snitch on them for breaking their curfew.

You better pay if you want your secret kept.
4. But your parents offer you more bribes so you end up still snitching on your siblings.

I didn’t come to this world to suffer.
5. If your elder one talks to you in a rude way and you reply the same way, they will start shouting “DISRESPECT”.

But respect is reciprocal na.
6. When your elder sibling’s boyfriend/girlfriend comes to visit and they try to turn you to their personal servant.

It’s like this one is mad sha.
7. When you were a kid and all you had to do to get what you wanted was cry.

Master Manipulator!
8. This is how your elder ones look at you when your relatives visit from abroad and bring presents for only you.

Haters are gonna hate.
9. When all your elder siblings start working and earning salaries so you tax them mercilessly.

Give your baby brother something na.
10. When someone bullies you at school so you show up the next day with your elder siblings to fight for you.

Show us the person that beat you.
If you liked this article about last born kids, then you’ll love this article about the benefits of living with your parents.

5 Things We Love About Living With Our Parents

Astor George

April 20, 2017

Oldies

Children, Family, Funny, Last Born, Nigerian

What She Said: I’m Looking Forward To A Hysterectomy

Tell me something about your childhood.

That’s a huge age difference.

How does that make you feel?

Why did you think you had PCOS?

What happened after the diagnosis?

What were these symptoms?

That’s very intense. Why a hysterectomy?

I thought medication made things better?

Honestly, what’s the point of periods anyway?

Since you don’t want children and your uterus is stressing you, why haven’t you done the hysterectomy?

What’ll make life easier for you?

11 Secret Ways To Punish The Last Born In Your Family

A. THE FOOD PUNISHMENT: For adolescents, teenagers, and some adults who cannot joke with their stomachs.

B. THE CLOTHES PUNISHMENT: For all ages.

C. THE ACCESS PUNISHMENT: For siblings of all ages.

D. THE DIVINE TURNAROUND: For gullible last born children of any age.

E. OTHER RANDOM METHODS.

6 Lies People Tell About Last Borns

1. “All last borns are weaklings.”

2. “If you’re a last born, then you’re the parent’s favourite.”

3. “Last borns are the worst cooks. They can’t cook to save their own lives.”

4. “Last borns are always rude, they don’t have respect at all.”

5. “Last borns don’t have to worry about clothes; their elder ones will dash them.”

6. “Last borns are always stubborn.”

9 Things Every Nigerian Last Born Will Relate To

People believing that everything you own are hand-me-downs:

Being compared to older siblings if you attend the same school:

Everyone calling you ‘smallie’:

When people tell you that you have no problems because your older siblings solve them before they occur:

Being told that your opinion doesn’t count or you don’t know what you’re saying because you’re the last born:

Being told that you are mummy’s pet and daddy’s padi:

“Let your mummy give birth to another baby now, are you not tired of being a last born?”

The endless memes that declare you as an amebo that can be bribed to disclose any secret:

Everybody regards whatever you do as “last born syndrome.”

10 Things Only Last Born Children Will Be Able To Understand

1. When you get old enough, all the housework falls on you.

2. No matter how old you get, you will always be seen as the baby of the house.

3. When you collect bribes from your elder ones so you don’t snitch on them for breaking their curfew.

4. But your parents offer you more bribes so you end up still snitching on your siblings.

5. If your elder one talks to you in a rude way and you reply the same way, they will start shouting “DISRESPECT”.

6. When your elder sibling’s boyfriend/girlfriend comes to visit and they try to turn you to their personal servant.

7. When you were a kid and all you had to do to get what you wanted was cry.

8. This is how your elder ones look at you when your relatives visit from abroad and bring presents for only you.

9. When all your elder siblings start working and earning salaries so you tax them mercilessly.

10. When someone bullies you at school so you show up the next day with your elder siblings to fight for you.

If you liked this article about last born kids, then you’ll love this article about the benefits of living with your parents.