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Lagos life | Zikoko!
  • I Slept Under the Bridge for A Night and Discovered a New World in Lagos

    On Wednesday, May 1, Lagos state’s Commissioner for Environment and Water Resources, Tokunbo Wahab, shared a post on X revealing the government’s discovery of 86 partitioned rooms under the Dolphin Estate Bridge, Ikoyi, on Lagos Island.

    The revelation sparked mixed reactions among Nigerians, and a recurring question everyone asked was “Who is the landlord? How do people live under the bridge, and what’s life like for these residents?”.

    While my journo request seeking out “underbridge” residents to share their experience didn’t generate a strong lead, I found Oladimeji*, who moved from Osun State to Lagos in 2020. He talks about spending his first night in Lagos under a bridge and how it’s an entirely different world.

    As Told To Adeyinka

    In 2020, my workplace in Ijebu placed me on a temporary assignment, which required me to work with another company in Lagos for a few weeks. On the day of my trip, I worked normal office hours before setting out for Lagos around 4 p.m. Unfortunately, I missed the last vehicle heading for Lagos. It was getting late and the garage didn’t seem like they had arrangements for another bus, so I made for the roadside in hopes of finding “sole”(roadside pickups).

    Luckily, a Sienna heading to Lagos turned up some minutes later, and I hitched a ride with the car. Now, the instruction from my boss was to resume at the company in Ogba on the same day, but there was traffic and we got to Lagos late.

    I should have lodged at a hotel but I was broke AF because I’d not been paid for the month. Also, I didn’t know anyone in Lagos,  so I explained my condition to the driver. I told him I was supposed to resume at Ogba for a new job but it was late. Surprisingly, he was sympathetic to my plight. He said he was spending the night in his car at Ojota, and I could join him. He also offered to drop me off at my destination the next morning. It wasn’t the most ideal condition but it was better than getting stranded.

    We got to Ojota around 10:30 p.m. and the driver found a parking spot under the bridge. The driver asked if I wanted something to eat, but I told him I was fine. He, on the other hand, was starved and needed to find food. He also said he’d stop at his babe’s place so he might return a little late. In my head, I wondered why we couldn’t spend the night with his babe if she had a place in Lagos. Before he left, he gave me his phone number and asked me to call him if I had any issues.

    Get a free ticket to Strings Attached and enjoy a feel-good evening of music, dancing and games at Muri Okunola Park, Lagos on May 11, 2024.

    I got hungry after he left but I decided to wait it out till the next morning It didn’t seem safe to wander by that time.  However, at some point, it felt like I was going to die if I didn’t find something to eat. 

    So, I stepped out of the car to look for food. It was now 11 p.m. but people were still around. Hawkers, traders, conductors and other people who were probably wrapping up for the day. 

    Soon, I found a Hausa man selling fried yam and suya ahead and started walking towards him. I was almost at his place when I heard screams of “won ti n bo” “won ti n bo” (They’re coming) and saw people running towards my direction. I didn’t bother to find out what was chasing them, I just joined them. 

    Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like I’d make it to the car in time, so I found a spot to hide like the other area boys. It turned out it was a midnight police raid and the officers came or people selling drugs under the bridge.

    While in hiding, some of the area boys noticed I wasn’t one of them and attacked me. I got a couple of slaps and they wanted to know what I was looking for and why I was out that late before they collected my phone and the little cash I had on me. 

    Luckily, I’d left my smartphone inside my travelling bag in the car.  Whrn I got back to the car, the driver wasn’t back. I called but he didn’t pick up and I knew I had to spend the night alone. It was a scary thought, but at least I was back in the safety of the car. I rested my head for a bit and drifted off.

    I don’t know how long I was out for, but the sound of people grinding against the car soon jolted me out of my sleep. I looked around and a window at the back of the Sienna was wide open, and my travelling bag was gone. 

    I was still trying to reconcile what had happened when someone banged at the door and was like “So you’re sleeping. Can’t you hear the sound of people fighting?” 

    I’m not sure if it was the confusion of my missing bag or the fear that gripped me, but I stupidly opened the door and stepped out. Before I could figure out what was happening, these boys rushed out of nowhere and occupied the Sienna. I tried to put up a fight but they all looked dangerous and I was certain they’d have gotten away with killing me if they felt up to it.

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    So, beaten into defeat, I let them have the car and found somewhere to sit. It was around 3:30 a.m. by this time. 

    A woman who sold agege bread watched it all play out, called out to me and was like “Arakunrin, kilo nse nibi? Fi awon omo yen sile o, won kin seyan gidi”. (Young man, what are you doing here? You better leave those boys, they’re dangerous people). 

    She gave me a big polythene bag to wrap myself up but at that point, it was hard to find any sleep. The heat from the nylon made me uncomfortable, the mosquitoes were unforgiving and it was just a completely fucked up situation.

    Around 4:30 a.m. the driver returned and he casually asked the boys to leave his car. I’d expected him to shout or do something rash but they had such a smooth exchange that made me think it was all planned. But what would have been the point? It wasn’t like I had money or looked like a rich kid. 

    So many other things happened during that night I spent under the bridge but I can’t remember now because I’ve pushed the memories away. I just know it was a whole different world.

    READ NEXT: Which Popular Lagos Bridge Are You?

  • 7 Nigerians on the Craziest Things They’ve Seen in Lagos

    An X user recently asked people to share the craziest things they’ve seen in Lagos, and the video quotes had me in complete stitches. There was one driver who attempted to take a shit and throw it at LASTMA officials. And there was the road rage video that showed two drivers completely destroying their vehicles. 

    I decided to find individuals who could share narrated versions of the craziest things they’ve witnessed in the Centre of Excellence

    Jide*, 25

    I saw one of those viral videos of a LASTMA driver on the bonnet of a speeding car in real life. And it’s the craziest thing my eyes have seen since I relocated to Lagos from Osogbo. I was waiting for a bus, and a car zoomed by with a human being on the bonnet. I was too stunned for words. Thank God some people recorded because I just kept wondering who’d believe me if I gave them the gist without evidence.

    Balikis*, Late 30s

    On my way back home from work, I took a bus from Oshodi underbridge. Everything seemed normal until I noticed the conductor’s waist. This guy had several waist beads on. An old woman beside me saw it, but instead of ignoring it, she reached for his waist and tried to yank them off. The conductor didn’t appreciate the woman invading his privacy like that, so chaos ensued. There was a shouting match with a lot of cursing. The whole thing was like a movie — the male conductor who wore beads, and the overreaching granny who tried to remove them.

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    Deji*, 30

    One day in Mushin, I heard people chanting outside my house, and it was giving strong Koto-Aiye vibes. I know traditionalists carry out oro festivals in Lagos, but I’d never heard of them doing it in broad daylight. I went to the window to see what the drama was all about and nothing could’ve prepared me for what I saw: a long queue of old men and women in white wrapper, and nothing covering their chest region. Some had wooden staffs, calabash with fire, live chickens and birds, and so many other weird things. But they also had proper “rich people” vibes. They wore expensive-looking rings and necklaces. They walked on in a single file, chanting their thing. It gave me the chills.

    Ibrahim*, 35

    I visited a friend in one of these expensive estates on the island. The buildings looked nice, and my inner spirit was just screaming, “God, when?” But that was all short-lived because I got to a T-junction, and what I saw scarred me for a while: calabashes in different sizes filled with weird food combinations. It looked like a scene from a Nollywood movie. I quickly faced front and raced to my friend’s place. He laughed at me when I told him about it. Apparently, some traditionalists live in the estate.

    Bolu*, 32

    I was at a BRT bus stop when I saw this young man fall to the ground in a seizure. He looked well dressed, and I assumed he was coming from work. To my complete shock and surprise, nobody tried to approach him. Everyone just moved back and watched as the poor man writhed on the floor. I felt awful, but seeing everyone stay put forced me to do the same. This is Lagos, you might end up offering to help not knowing you’re setting yourself up for trouble. Some minutes later, the BRT bus arrived and everyone entered without tending to him. I watched from the window as the guy stood up and cleaned himself up. On the bus ride, the passengers talked about how they’d watched people scam unsuspecting victims with fake epilepsy episodes. In my head, I was just thinking, “What if it wasn’t fake?” “What if he really needed help?” “What if he died?” Lagos is the ghetto. 

    Segun*, 29

    My office was on Allen Avenue, and during the day, everywhere always looked normal. I couldn’t relate to some of the stories of sex workers I’d heard in the past. But on this fateful day, we’d closed super late because it was the last day of work for the year. I left the office around 9:30 p.m., and on my way to the bus stop, I got to this hotel and saw some ladies outside looking for customers. My first instinct was to cross to the other side of the road, but I thought, “What’s the worst that could happen?” So I just kept a straight face and walked past. I got to their midst, and they started saying, “Fine boy, you won do?” “Come chop your mama ponmo,” “You won fuck toto?” some of them even tried to pull me. It was too much. I couldn’t believe I was witnessing the Nollywood portrayals in real life.

    Hassan*, 40

    A brand was doing product activation at the market in Ojuwoye, Mushin, and they had a dance competition. This weirdly dressed person showed up out of nowhere to scare people away. Turned out he had mental illness. The market women started making a case that the brand should just allow him to participate in the dance competition. Obviously, the brand didn’t want that, and even the other contestants weren’t comfortable. But the guy refused to leave. Eventually, they made space for him, and he started dancing. He had mad moves that made it less clear he was unwell. The market people started clapping and hailing him. It was such a weird and interesting day.

  • The Lagos Guide to Weekending the Proper Way

    There’s always something fun to do in Lagos, especially on weekends–no wonder Lagosians choose the traffic, heat, and general madness of Lagos over the peace and quiet of literally any other city in the country. 

    If you’re looking to get the most out of your weekend, and you have the money, you should adopt me read this.

    First, your weekend will start Friday

    Tbh if you’re reading this for this weekend, you’re already late. Fridays are for pre-gaming. This is when you’ll go to restaurants/bars to get ready for the main event —a night of dancing, wooing and doing an unhealthy amount of shots.

    Saturdays are reserved for owanbes 

    Jollof rice, asun, pounded yam and efo riro…Lagosians are famous for their parties for a reason. So how can you claim to have a fun weekend in Lagos if you don’t attend any owanbe?

    RELATED: How To Attend And Enjoy An Owanbe Party

    Then on Sunday, you rest

    JK. What is rest? To survive Lagos, you have to be wicked and there’s no rest for the wicked. Sunday afternoons are specially reserved for brunch dates — all Lagos babes know this. Start with something light before spending the rest of the day at Ilashe.

    We know you’re probably thinking of how you’d go back to work on Monday after such a busy weekend but think about it for a second, the people who do it, do they have two heads? 

    Man shaming you for refusing to have a fun weekend
    Go forth and dominate your weekend.

    A MUST READ 7 Things You Must Always Carry With You In Lagos  

  • Lagos Babe vs. Babe Living in Lagos

    If you’ve ever wondered whether you are a Lagos babe or a babe that lives in Lagos, we’ve written this article to help you understand the difference.

     

    Definition

    Lagos babe: A woman living in Lagos who understands the intricacies of the city and knows how to live lavish in Lagos.

    10 Reasons You Need to Give Yourself More Credit this Year
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    Babe that lives in Lagos: As the name implies, a woman whose house is in Lagos. 

    Characteristics of a Lagos babe 

    1. A Lagos babe doesn’t have to have a house in Lagos to be a Lagos babe

    What defines a Lagos babe is not a house in Lagos but her deep understanding of how Lagos works. A Lagos babe knows her way around Lagos like the back of her palm. 

    2. A Lagos babe runs things, things don’t run her

    A Lagos babe is undeterred by the chaos that is Lagos. She knows plans shouldn’t be set in stone so she is ever ready to adapt when Lagos changes her plans. 

    3. A Lagos babe can change it for you anytime. 

    She doesn’t care whether she is in a 3-star restaurant masking as a 5-star restaurant, she will treat your fuck up in her rich aunty boubou. She no send your papa. 

    4. Lagos babes belong to the streets 

    Lagos babes know all there is to know about the streets. People on the streets know her and she knows them. On the other hand, when a babe who lives in Lagos finds herself on the streets, all she wants to do is go home. 

    5. Lagos babes struggle to settle in places that are not Lagos

    If she travels to a chill place like Abuja, she might complain that it’s too slow for her. She needs the Lagos rush to stay alive. 

    6. Lagos babes don’t have curfew 

    Forget what Bubu and his people said about COVID. Lagos babes don’t have a curfew but babes living in Lagos do. Make of this what you will.

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  • QUIZ: What Is Living In Lagos Doing To You?

    Practically everything about the “Lagos experience” is hard. If you can survive the hectic traffic, there must be a special place for you in paradise. In the meantime, let us help you uncover what living in this ghetto city is seriously doing to you.

    Dive innn.

    QUIZ: How Will You Blow?

    You can’t comman suffer in this Lagos for nothing. Take this quiz to find out how or when you will blow.

  • 7 Things Ibadan People Enjoy That Lagosians Don’t

    Life in Ibadan needs more hype. By the time you are done reading this post, you will understand that true-true, Lagosians are suffering.

    1. Cheaper house rent.

    In Lagos? God help you oh.

    2. Cheaper transport fare.

    Do you want to be shocked? Ibadan people pay as low as N20/N30 for taxis. Even okada is cheap. It’s unlike Lagos where the price of taxi and okada will make you think twice before going out.

    3. Sanity and peace of mind.

    Ibadan on a normal day.
    Lagos on a normal day.

    Put two and two together.

    4. Cheaper food.

    It’s not a reach to say that N300 can feed you satisfactorily in Ibadan. And this is quality food. But in Lagos? Hmm. God is in control.

    5. Trees.

    Amusement park in Ibadan city, Nigeria - YouTube

    This doesn’t do it enough justice, but honestly, if this tree were to be in Lagos, they would have cut it down and build a face-me-I-slap-you with 8 rooms and 6 shops in its place. By the way, the rooms and shops will share one toilet.

    6. In Ibadan, hard working people don’t have to pay tax do giveaway for their state government.

    Are you confused about this tax? We broke it down for you here: Lagos’ New Taxes Will Send Everyone Back To Their Village

    7. And yes, dating in Ibadan is not so chaotic.

    If you are not the couple, you could end up as the man with the “God when” face.

  • Almost Had My Phone Stolen By A Pickpocket in Lagos, Here’s What I Did

    I have always heard stories about how one has got to be sharp if you are walking on the streets of Lagos so you don’t end up saying, “Had I known,” to your friends and family while crying tears of blood.

    Oftentimes, I laughed it off, because who could be sharper than someone born in Lagos? But, I was about to find out that there are different levels to this astuteness.

    As a frequent user of danfo buses, warnings of keeping one’s devices secure while in a moving bus, especially during traffic always rings in my ear. “Keep your phone inside your bag o, don’t use it so close to the window,” is the most popular warning.

    I usually pay heed to it, because of the countless horror stories I have heard, but always with the believe that no one could ever steal my phone. Remember, sharp girl?

    I knew the right spot in the bus to sit, so nothing like that could happen to me; in the middle seat of the middle row in the bus. Just perfect.

    And if I had to sit somewhere else, I’d look for a seat partner with great body bulk, to shield me from any thieving hands that might come my way. But, that night was a lucky day for the pickpocket who would have been The Flash in an alternate universe. I wasn’t sitting in the middle and my seat partner was thin and asleep, leaving the window wide open.

    Then I saw the pickpocket, felt his arm against my hands.

    My sixth sense had alerted me to the pickpocket who had been speaking with a friend of his, walking down the busy Oshodi road nonchalantly. All I remember thinking at the time was that he looked odd, kind of like he was lounging, which didn’t fit the night scenery of such a major bus-stop in Lagos.

    But, I forgot all about the thief when my bus zoomed pass him, after being in standstill traffic for 15 minutes. Until–I saw his hands grab the phone I was holding onto. My reflex action and earpiece were the only thing that saved my phone, I didn’t even have the time to bite him like I wanted to in my rage, I was so shocked and confused.

    Like, what the hell just happened right now?

    While I looked at the phone still in my hands, I couldn’t help but wonder how the pickpocket’s Usian Bolt legs were able to get him so close to the bus and away, just as fast as he came. Well, he tried the wrong sistah, I had been practicing my uppercut for just that moment, so even though my hoop earrings flew off my ears during the incident, it was a small price to pay for my phone.

    I didn’t even respond to other passengers asking me what happened, then sharing similar experiences, all I could think of was; “This is a Lagos experience I would gladly not have again”.

  • Quiz: How Lagosian are You?

    I am something, I leave my house at 5am to get to work at 9am but don’t get there till 11am, who am I? A Lagosian, that’s who!

    Are you really a Lagosian? Take this quiz to find out.