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Jaapa | Zikoko!
  • Quiz: How Desperate Are You To Japa?

    If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, how ready are you to leave the country?

    This quiz knows the answer:

  • A Week in the Life: The Nigerian Female Footballer Nursing Abroad Dreams

    “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is Anthonia,  an amateur footballer. Anthonia kicked a ball for the first time when she was 6 years old, and she’s never looked back. Through twists, turns and the Nigerian condition, she has pursued her football career. She talks about her plans to play football in colleges outside Nigeria while studying to be a sports nurse. She also talks about why all her plans are hedged on minimising regrets.

    MONDAY:

    My mornings are always different. Some days, I wake up and go for morning training, on other days, I wake up and do house chores. It all depends on how lucky and early I wake up that day. Today is one of the not-so-lucky days, so I’m going to stay back, do my chores and then start my day. 

    At least I’ll be able to play FIFA or watch a movie before evening training. 

    After my chores, I look through my movie and TV show selection — When They See Us, Nollywood movies, Korean action movies — and nothing catches my attention. I’m going to play FIFA instead. It turns out that my brothers and their friends have fired up the PS4 and are starting a FIFA tournament. And I must surely play. Because many people come to our house to play, tournament matches are very competitive, so you have to be very good. If you’re weak, you’ll get yabbed so much you’ll not like yourself. I’m not too worried because I think I can hold my ground. Let me tell you a secret: I’m the second-best player in this house, so I know I’ll be fine. [haha]

    TUESDAY:

    I started playing football when I was 6 years old. I remember people not wanting to choose me on their team for five-a-aside and my brother was the only person who believed in me. It’s that belief that still powers me. From that time, I’ve played football through nursery, primary and secondary school. Anytime I look back at my journey, I just smile. One of the highlights of my career was in 2019, when I went to play a competition in Ogun state. I’ll never forget that day because of how nervous I felt. It was my first time as part of the starting line up, and I was starting as a replacement to the number 9 who had fucked up. Omo, I was afraid. I was like, “How am I going to do this thing?” Then I entered the pitch and calmed myself down. By the time the match started, I was in my zone and I even scored that day. A midfielder gave me a through pass, I was one on one with the keeper, and I placed the ball to the sweet right side of the post. Anytime I remember that goal, even if I’m sleeping, I just start smiling. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    I was 17 the first time I left home to go to play football. I remember I was so scared that I cried when my mum dropped me at the park. But now I’m a strong lady [haha]. I’m 18 years old and I’ve experienced the good and bad side of football. The good side is that football has taken me to places outside of my hometown of Ekiti; I’ve gone to Lagos, Abuja, Ogun, Ibadan. All these are new experiences for me. I’ve also faced some bad sides like people underrating me because I’m a girl. I know it’s not easy for a lady footballer but I’ll make it. There’s also the fact that guys try to take advantage of me. Because of the scarcity of female teams at my level, I currently play with a boys team, so anytime we have a match, I see things. There was a match where I was subbed in from the bench, and as I entered the field, one guy said to another: “If she wants to dribble past you, just touch her breast.” I was like, “WTF?”. I blasted him that day and my teammates also joined me. I’ll not lie, I felt bad.  I later shrugged it off because it’s part of the experience. 

    THURSDAY:

    The female team where I live are not that reliable. Not to sound proud or anything, but I feel that I’m not on the same level with them. They are just learning the basics: how to control a ball, how to pass, and I’m past that stage. One of the reasons why I play with boys is that if I want to grow, I have to play with people bigger than me so I can learn. I use all my energy when playing with guys, which is different from how I play with girls. I’ll not even lie, the best part is when I dribble the guys. What makes it sweeter is that our supporters will just be shouting, “A girl dribbled you.” Anytime I disgrace those boys on the field, I’m happy.

    Someone I look up to is Asisat Oshoala. Her story is inspiring and I like the fact that despite the environment she grew up in, she still turned out amazing. Our stories aren’t similar because I live in Ekiti, which is calm, while she grew up in Lagos, which is rough. To be honest, Lagos is a ghetto because the wahala is too much. I met Asisat once when I was in Lagos, but we didn’t get to talk one-on-one because it was a group event. I was so happy and I even took a picture with her. Sometimes, when I get sad that the phone containing the picture was stolen, I remind myself that when I become a superstar I’ll take plenty of pictures with Asisat. 

    FRIDAY:

    People ask how I play football when I get cramps and the answer is that I don’t get serious cramps, so it doesn’t really affect me. Whenever I’m on my period, I either play my best or worst game. I can’t make any excuse because my period pain is manageable. Period or no period, I still dribble, give through passes, and body check these boys.

    SATURDAY:

    If I see an agent that is serious with securing my future, I’ll consider leaving Ekiti. The thing is that I’m not ready to play for Nigerian teams. I want to go to university and play football at the same time. And we both know that’s not possible in this country, so I’ve actively started looking for athlete’s scholarship outside Nigeria. I have to leave for the sake of my talent because this country kills talent.

    I want to study nursing while playing football so that when my time as a player is up, I’ll become a sports nurse. I want to see people get well, I want to help people, I want to put a smile on people’s faces whenever I treat them. All these can’t happen if I stay back. My worst fear is that if I stay back in Nigeria, I’ll stop playing football. Even if I eventually go on to be a  Nigerian nurse, I’ll still feel incomplete without exploring the football route. I don’t want a situation in the future where I’ll say that I once played football, but I never went anywhere with it. I never achieved anything. I’m not going to like that feeling. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

    [donation]

  • QUIZ: Pick Random Nigerian Meals And We’ll Give You A Country To Relocate To

    If you’ve been struggling to know what country to migrate to, we have good news. The scientists at Zikoko have discovered the country that suits your personality. All you have to do is pick random Nigerian foods and we’ll tell you what country to relocate to.

    Sounds easy?

    Try below:

    [donation]

  • QUIZ: If you Get 9/12 On This Quiz, You’re Ready To Leave Nigeria

    Get nine and above in this quiz to prove that you’re ready to leave Nigeria.

    Try below:


  • A Week In The Life: The Vet. Doctor Who’s Sick And Tired Of Human Beings

    “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject for today is Dr Asekun Ajibola, a veterinary doctor. He talks about being frustrated with the elders in his profession, the hidden dangers with the meat we consume, and his ticket out of all this mess.

    MONDAY:

    I wake up by 5:30 am on most days. Sometimes when I’m extremely tired, like today, I don’t stand up until 6 am. After leaving my bed, I do some house chores and then iron my shirt for the day. I’m lucky that I live only 30 minutes away from work, so, when I’m done having my bath and dressing up, I still have time. I resume work by 8 am and it’s just 7 am, so I decide to pass the time by reading.  As a veterinary doctor, it’s important to read every day if you want to avoid disgrace. Many people who bring their pets to the clinic have already googled their pets’ symptoms extensively and it’ll be embarrassing if you can’t answer their questions. Also, as a result of the ignorance surrounding this profession in Nigeria, we constantly have to prove ourselves.  

    You’ll hear people say that they’ve never been to a vet clinic before or that they didn’t know it existed. You’ll also hear people ask how can they keep pets or afford my services when they haven’t eaten well themselves? I’m used to these things so I just shrug it off. It doesn’t take away from the fact that I enjoy my job. For me, the best part of my job is trying to deduce what’s wrong with an animal.  Everyone knows that animals can’t speak so you just have to observe the animal and ask the owner questions. Sometimes, we discover that owners are not observant and they don’t know what’s going on. Figuring out what’s wrong with the animal with little or no help at all always makes me feel like a superstar. 

    I’ll never forget the day that they brought a monkey to the hospital. It had been stooling and vomiting and for a while. The little guy was weak and at some point, we lost him. I remember having to do chest compressions to manually pump his heart back to life. It was a big deal for me because, before that incident, I’d never treated a monkey. Obviously, we read about them and wrote exams on them, but I’d never had that practical feel. 

    I remind myself to stop daydreaming and focus on my reading. Because of the nature of my job, I can’t predict how my day will be. It’s better to read what I can now because once I’m done, my day officially begins.

    TUESDAY:

    When I tell people that I’m a vet, the first thing they want to know is if I’ve been chased by a dog before. I tell them that the answer is yes. And they always sound surprised. I don’t know if people think that because I’m a vet, the dog automatically knows so it won’t chase me. The dog thing is even a stereotype because we also treat birds, fishes, rabbits, all kinds of animals — how many people do I want to tell? I just indulge them and tell them my story of being chased by a dog.

    It was after my NYSC and I was trying to hustle some money. A friend reached out to me that someone needed to vaccinate her dog who had missed his routine vaccine. I agreed to go because I needed the cash. On getting to her house, the dog [caucasian breed] was already barking and wrangling the cage. I told the lady to hold her dog well and she agreed. She brought the dog out and hooked the chain to its collar. I don’t know what happened, maybe she wasn’t holding the dog well, but it slipped from her hand.

     Our senior colleagues had told us several times to ask for an escape route once we get to a client’s house. For some reason, that day, I totally forgot.

    As the dog charged towards me, adrenaline spiked in my body. There was a tree inside the house that till today, I don’t know how I jumped on. I can’t explain how I was able to jump that high. I stood on the branches looking down.

    The girl was like “are you not a veterinarian?” and I was very angry. Does the dog know that one?  If a dog is coming at you furiously, what kind of training do you expect them to give us in school to overcome that situation? I had to tell her to calm her dog down.

    I instructed her on how to wear a mouth guard for the dog and I didn’t approach until the dog was properly restrained. Since that time, it’s always at the back of my mind. Anytime I go to someone’s house, I’m always like “bro/lady, please leave the door open. Don’t lock it so that if anything happens, I can run.” You can lose your life because some dogs are wicked and they’ll go straight to your neck where your jugular vein is located. If they bite down, you’re dead. Assuming you’re in a country with good medical facilities, you can still survive. But in Nigeria? – There’s no reward for bravery. Your life’s on the line and you have to be careful.

    All these are not my problem for now. My problem today is getting to work because I am tired.

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’m working late today. Ideally, I get off work by 6 pm. But someone brought in their pet by 5:50 pm so we had to stay back to treat. It was an emergency where we had to perform surgery. It’s sad that even though I work 8 am – 6 pm from Monday to Saturday, and sometimes, even Sunday, my profession is not recognised in this country. The job takes so much of your time, and you sacrifice so much, but you get nothing in return.

    The case of veterinarians in this country is pathetic and discouraging. As a vet, how many youths know about us? How many people have visited the clinic? There are a lot of things we are lacking in this profession. When you finish school, the surest route is to become a lecturer because you know that you’d get paid reasonably well, or you go into private practice. Some people who run farms and big poultry farms will employ like three vets to monitor and diagnose diseases and even formulate feeds.

    Veterinary medicine is wide, but in Nigeria, the opportunities are limited. Vets are supposed to be a part of food safety – For example, in abattoirs where they kill cows for their meat, there are so many zoonotic diseases that can be gotten from animals. Vets ensure that meat not fit for human consumption is flagged. In this country, if they condemn your cattle because the animal is diseased (it has a communicable disease) the government is supposed to compensate the farmer at least 60% of the worth of the animal. But nobody will compensate you in this country. A lot of times when vets condemn the meat and bury it, the farmers will go to where it’s buried to fetch it so they can sell. In some cases, to prevent this from happening, the vet will compensate the farmer out of pocket. 

    If you’re working in a hospital or abattoir, you work every day. So, there’s literally no break and it’s just like human medics. You can’t plan your schedule because you can’t plan sickness. People can bring their pets anytime. 

    It’s very annoying because some of the older colleagues meant to be fighting for us are only fighting for their pockets. As long as they are getting paid higher than human medic[doctors], they are happy and they don’t care what’s going on. However, we still have some fighting for us despite everything. If you ask a young vet for their plan, you’ll hear that they either want to become lecturers or get employed by the Ministry. If none of this happens, there’s no future. Whenever I see human medics [medical doctors] who have a thousand times the opportunity we have leaving this country, I just shake my head for my profession. Thankfully, we have the japa route and that’s what people are now looking at.

    What me I’m looking at is time. I just want to finish documenting this treatment plan so I can go home, turn on Netflix and just chill with my Blacklist series.

    THURSDAY:

    Today, at work, I can’t help but think about Nigeria. I keep thinking about the fact we’re in trouble and many people don’t even realise it. For example, a high percentage of the meat we consume has antibiotic residue in it. This is because cattle are mostly reared by people who don’t understand the implication of things. What happens is that these people treat their animals with antibiotics like metronidazole [flagyl] which is banned in animals meant for consumption. The worst part now is that they treat animals with these drugs a day before they are meant for slaughter. There’s not enough withdrawal period for the drug to leave the animal’s body so the drug stays in the meat. This is where vets are supposed to come in because we have kits that can detect these residues in dead animals. But then, you’ll see that a state like Lagos which slaughters the most amount of cattle per day has like only 8 – 12 vets on its payroll. How do you now expect these people to monitor everywhere?  It’s even worse because poultry animals are also given these antibiotics and those ones can be slaughtered anywhere. At least cattles are still slaughtered at the abattoir. 

    Maybe when we say we’re not feeling fine and we need some antibiotics to help us feel better, they’ll say we are resistant to them. The sad part is that it’s as a result of what we are eating because people don’t value our services. But, will I now say that I won’t eat? 

    In fact, let me go and eat because it’s time for lunch. Thank God that the work is light today. 

    FRIDAY:

    Today, I wake up tired. I’m always tired but I still have to show up at work. I remind myself that it will get better and the situation won’t be like this forever. I am sure because I am hardworking and I don’t give up.

    It’s just sad that I spent 6 – 7 years in school [including strikes] alternating between clinics, class, internships, and studying. There was no time for anything else. Only to come out and realise that I don’t have any other skill outside of my certificate. In an ideal society, a certificate should be an optimal meal ticket until the day you die. You shouldn’t need to stress yourself about trying other things unless you want to. I believe that as a vet, your job should be able to afford you the basic needs in society. However, that’s not the case here: Many times, if you don’t have any other skill and you’ve expended all your energy getting the certificate, you just have to die on the line in this profession. 

    Another alternative for many of us is school admission so we can leave. With the way things are going in this country, it’s a surprise that vets still exist at all. Obviously, I’m not really surprised because we are trained to be versatile. That’s why we are all trying to learn new skills no matter how hard it is.

    Personally, the skill I’m learning is to japa; to get out. The hope that it’ll get better kills Nigerians faster than anything. On the one hand, a little part of me is hopeful that things will get better. On the other hand, I’ll also like to go somewhere where people know my worth, I’m comfortable, and they appreciate me. My work should speak for me and I shouldn’t have to struggle for recognition every time. I’m still looking forward to a Nigeria where people recognise vets and give us the respect we deserve. 

    All this won’t matter if I don’t get up from this bed. I have to rush because I’m running late for work.


    Editor’s note: Dr Ajibola says the 8-12 vets in Lagos is an estimate and may not necessarily be the reality.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • The Secret Horror Stories Of Young People Trying To Leave Nigeria

    Does it seem like every week someone you know is leaving the country? or everyone you know is making plans to leave?

    Well, for every successful person, there are ten other people whose tale did not have a happy ending. Here are some of the stories.

    Alex – 25.

    “I have taken the IELTS (test of English exam) almost seven times. I am tired because I keep getting 6.5 in writing and I just need 7.0 to go to Canada under express entry. I earn N120,000 per month and each month, for the past 7 months, I have had to remove almost N80,000 for the exam. As you see me, I don’t have savings and I don’t have IELTS.”

    Taiwo – 26.

    After getting a scholarship for my Masters in the U.S, those fuckers denied me visa. I have money in my account, stellar grades, and admission letter. So, what’s their problem? I tried to appeal three times last year and I wasted my time because no difference. The last appeal was in Abuja and I almost had an accident because I was rushing to the airport so I wouldn’t miss my flight from Lagos. In hindsight, it was probably a bad idea telling the bike man to “gbera”.

    It can pain sha. All the wasted time and effort with nothing to show for it.”

    Deola – 24.

    See, beware of who you call your friend. Not everyone that smiles with you wishes you well. I got a year-long loan from a friend but I didn’t tell him what it was for. I fixed it in my account to use as proof of funds for migration. Somehow, my friend found out that I wanted to leave the country and he called me saying I think I am better than him and is he the one that doesn’t need money to leave?

    He sha asked me to return his money in 24hours or risk police wahala. I have not been that confused in my life. My mum eventually had to take a loan for me to settle this matter. God bless that woman mehn.

    Razaq – 37.

    I lost my job in 2018. Losing your job is not the end of the world because you can bounce back, however, it is proving difficult. Everyone says that they can’t afford to pay me because I have experience. Even after requesting for a pay cut, no response still. It’s frustrating because I have a family to take care of.

    Since I lost my job, I have been considering leaving. If Nigeria is good, will I even think of leaving?

    See, I want my kids to play football and not have to struggle like this. I have been trying to get a work permit to even go first and then send for my family once I settle. Last year, someone on LinkedIn promised me a Dubai work visa and duped me of N1 million. I am trying the U.K now with another person and it seems legit. Only time will tell.