Interview | Zikoko!

Zoro’s 042 music video was playing on Soundcity. I watched him rap across Coal City, recreating rapper gestures to match his rhymes. It wasn’t the most captivating music video, but I admired his swag. It was 2014, and I was an SS3 student trying to rap and look fly like Zoro appeared back then.

Zoro’s entry into the popular Nigerian music scene was promising. Not only did I find his music accessible, but I also believed he was primed to be South East’s next rap superstar after N.I.G.G.A. Raw, ILLBliss, Phyno. He dropped a series of notable singles, like Ogene featuring Flavour (2016), and received a Next Rated nomination at the 2018 Headies Awards. A debut album seemed the natural progression. But we got more singles instead.

I talked to Zoro, born Owoh Chimaobi Chrismathner, about getting into music as a teenager, his admiration for local culture and all the hard lessons his experience in the music industry has taught him.

First, I have to ask. Why “Zoro”?

Around 2007, I rapped for vibes and went by Zoro Machine Gun Perenre. I got Zoro from the popular “Zorro” movie franchise. The “Machine Gun” part was me just being quirky. I wasn’t sure music would be a full-blown thing for me, but my friends encouraged me to write more rhymes.

When did it become a full-blown thing for you?

The first time I recorded a rap. I went from Onitsha to Enugu to record two verses, one in Igbo, the other in English. My friends liked both, but particularly the Igbo version.

Three months later, the late DJ Real, the engineer who recorded that studio session, told me he played the song for Wizboyy, and the man wanted to work with me. His song was supposed to feature N.I.G.G.A. Raw, but he wasn’t around, and Wizboyy needed to submit it to his management ASAP. I wasted no time and travelled to Enugu to record a feature on Owu Sa Gi off his 2008 “New Face of My Story” album.

I was 16 years old, and that was my second time in a recording studio. It’s a special moment I look back on whenever I second guess whether I’m in the right profession.

What was it like in the studio with Wizboyy?

I was nervous, but he acknowledged my recording was nice and kept it moving. He already had hits like Screensaver, but our jam did better and sealed his street credibility. After that, I became his backup artist and hype man.

Owu Sa Gi gave me a soft landing in the music industry. Without it, it’d have been more challenging.

How soft?

Well, I moved to Lagos in 2014 to live with Wizboyy and get closer to the music industry. Then a guy signed me on a five-year record deal, and I moved in with him. My focus shifted from balancing music with everything from marketing to content creation to fully recording music. He and the rest of the team handled the business side.

My name and music entered the mainstream through cosigns from Flavour and Phyno. That would’ve been the best time to make a debut album. But I parted ways with the label after a year and went back to dropping songs on my own.

What happened?

Some people wanted to invest in my music, but the founder/CEO who signed me didn’t like the deal. I didn’t present us as a team to the investors. Later, I realised I should’ve made it clear I was already signed. But I was young, impatient and carried away by the sway of the investors.

The problem I had with the label guy was he never shared his plans with me. I couldn’t sign with the investors because the label’s lawyers were after me. For the next three years, I fought the situation with the Holy Spirit, fasting and prayers, while my manager handled all future contracts. The whole thing gave me anxiety and PTSD.

What did you do after?

I dropped Ogene featuring Flavour (2016), and it became my first big song. Then I contacted the former label to see if we could take it from where we left off, but that conversation didn’t go far. He wanted a cut of my royalties for the rest of my career. I got the vibe that working with him again would be stressful, so I let it go.

Photo by @samuelnnaji_ (IG)

Did you consider making an album after the success of “Ogene”?

No. I focused on putting out more singles to keep up the momentum. The second time I tried to make an album was in 2019, but I had another blocker. I started smoking, and it affected my vocals. When it was time to record, I had to do multiple takes. I went to an ENT (Ears, Nose & Throat) hospital, but the doctor said nothing was wrong. I went to see another health professional and paid for treatment but didn’t get better.

Ahh. What did you do in the end?

I had to be patient with my voice. I’d take a verse a couple of times, and if it wasn’t giving me what I wanted, I left it and did something else.

I’m curious how you became a smoker

One of my friends always wanted me to smoke with him, but I declined until one day in 2018. I had a flight to catch and needed to quickly figure out the intro for Stainless before heading to the airport. Nothing hit. The friend was there, and he persuaded me to smoke first. I took two puffs and recorded the thing sharply. It became a thing I did whenever I wanted to record.

But now, it’s a once-in-a-while recreational thing.

When were you able to get back on track?

By 2022, it hit me that I still didn’t have an album. I looked back at all my years in the game. No body of work, just singles.

I had to make an album, and it had to be something different. Most of my early songs are up-tempo and fast-paced. I decided to make calmer songs to show another part of myself, and the producers were in sync. Features from Mayorkun, Chike and Mohbad came easily, so it took two months to get the album ready.

My first album, Sound Check, dropped in 2023, 17 years after I entered the music scene. But I’m proud I could finally pull it off.

Photo: @waleadebisiphotography

Then you dropped an EP right after

A few weeks after the album came out in 2023, someone heard Medicine After Death, which featured Mohbad, and commented that it was the last time we’d hear Mohbad. It was a sad and painful comment that hit me hard. So I announced a challenge to get music producers to drop their remixes. We compiled the best entries into an EP and released it in December.

A new listener may find the title intriguing, but it’s a love song. I wrote and recorded the hook first but didn’t like how it sounded, so I sent it to Mohbad. We’d been talking about creating together for a while. He liked it, and we recorded the song the same way I wrote it.

What’s happening in Ibadan? You’ve shot a lot of content there recently

Ibadan is one of the most respected cities in the Southwest. But I hadn’t been there before. I visited to connect with its people and get familiar with the city. And I realised I could be myself there the same way I’d be in the East. I was able to make content for a song called Gangan, a fusion of talking drum beats and amapiano. It’s coming soon.

You have an open closeness with fellow artists — Falz, Mayorkun — that’s rare among Nigerian musicians

I pay attention to personality. It’s easier to connect with genuine people that way. Getting close to Mayorkun took a while. He’s the type to take his time, but once he connects with you, he’s your guy 100%. I like Falz because he tries to be on the side of what’s right. Ephemerals like money and clout don’t have a hold on him. That’s a great thing.

When should we expect the next album?

My sophomore album is ready. I have three projects coming out this year: Pressure, Black Pink and Six Pack.

After that, I want to work on something more detailed and personal: a story about my origin and journey. I want to channel the same energy into my stagecraft. I want it to be as great as my songs, powerfully capturing their essence. I also plan to explore my fashion side with some merch in the works.

Which artists are you feeling right now?

Ratty, Kolaboy, Laxxy, Hugo P, Ugoccie, Paragon Qtm, BeePee and Bkay! I like Jeriq too. He makes himself available for meaningful collaborations and is always on the move. I respect that.

These guys have enjoyable flow and delivery. These are qualities those on the come-up can emulate. Not every listener understands your language, but they’ll connect to it based on how you present it. You have to be intentional.

Read Next: “People Still Like Me This Much?” — Reminisce Celebrates Fan Response to “Alaye Toh Se Gogo”

Tomide Marv

March 30, 2024

Music, Pop

Interview, music, Nigerian artist, Rapper, Zoro, Zoro Swagbag
Celebrity interviews are interesting for many reasons. You get a glimpse of their personal lives, and sometimes, they get to do the most ridiculous things on camera—like Skales answering JAMB questions on Zikoko Pop. But things can spiral really quickly when the interviewer crosses lines. Remember Omawumi’s legendary mic drop on live TV in 2016? Yeah, that’s the kind of unscripted drama we live for.

The music powerhouse isn’t the only celeb who’s had jaws on the floor because of her reaction to an interview not going her way. We looked and found other celebrity interviews that went from “Tell us about your new album” to “Did you just?”

Davido and the BBC

Baba Imade is a celebrity favourite among many media houses. Interviewers don’t need to do too much to get him divulging industry inside gist. He’s also the only one among the big three (Davido, Wizkid and Burna Boy) who consistently addresses the friction between them. However, even OBO has his limits. In 2022, a BBC journalist posed the question, “Do you ever see a record happening with Burna, Wiz and Davido?” His response? “Ask them when you see them.” Man was tired.

Omawumi and HFtv

Interviewers know to tread carefully with Omawumi all thanks to her epic moment with HFtv Africa in 2016. During a sit-down, a journalist from the media house asked the singer to address rumours about her smoking and drinking habits as a mother. Visibly irritated by the question, Omawumi gave the journalist a good dressing down before she walked out of the interview set.

Sean Tizzle and TheNetng

Imagine asking a music star at the peak of his career about using Carowhite or Miss Fair and White. God, abeg. This was the case with Sean Tizzle and a presenter from TheNETng in 2016. The interview seemed to be going well until the presenter asked if Sean Tizzle could confirm or deny rumours that he had a thing for lightening his skin colour. He wasn’t having it: “Do you think it makes sense that you’re asking me if I bleach my skin?” Sean Tizzle asked the host. A few more words were exchanged, then Sean put up the middle finger and stormed out of the interview.

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Skales and TheNetng

During a studio sit-down interview with TheNetng, the host expressed his unfettered opinion about Skales’ 2017 single, Body Language. He told the singer to his face that the track wasn’t a “genius song”. Skales maintained that it was fine for both individuals to hold their opinions of the song. However, things got heated and Skales said that the host had no right to make a statement like that in the first place. He walked out of the interview, stating that he didn’t consent to the episode being released.

Burna Boy and Vice

The Grammy-winning singer isn’t a big fan of interviews — even one with his mum and grandfather. Burna had X on fire in 2020 after a clip from his interview with Vice for a documentary series surfaced online. The Vice journalist asked his mum and grandpa questions about their time with the late Fela Kuti, but Odogwu wasn’t having any of that. Burna stood up mid-interview, saying, “This interview is too boring,” an action that gagged the journalist and his family members so bad.

Burna Boy at the 2023 Met Gala

The self-styled African Giant had one of the most talked-about red carpet moments at the 2023 Met Gala. Burna had all the time to grant interviews to foreign press, but when Kachi Offiah, the only Nigerian journalist who made it to the event, called out to him, he politely declined with a widespread smile on his face. “Sorry, I have to go,” Burna said, even though the journalist had screamed “Odogwu” at the top of her voice.

Ilebaye and Charles Born

The Gen Z baddie got tongues rolling weeks after she emerged as winner of the BBN Naija All-Stars season. Ilebaye was billed for an interview with Glitch Africa’s presenter, Charles Born, but she took off after he kept her waiting. “Gen Z baddie waited for few minutes whilst we were filming with Pere and Adekunle, and drove off, saying we kept her waiting. In her words, “How dare you keep me waiting?” Celebrity of yesterday? LOL. Truly Money doesn’t buy class. Yuck!” Born wrote on IG. Ilebaye returned to state that she was hungry and had other appointments.

Meanwhile, we caught up with Reminisce some weeks ago and he talked about everything from his music to what keeps him going.

Read here: “People Still Like Me This Much?” — Reminisce Celebrates Fan Response to “Alaye Toh Se Gogo”

Adeyinka Odutuyo

January 12, 2024

Pop

Funny, Interview, Nigerians
If you asked teenage me who Reminisce was, he’d recite: “How far, how far? 1827765. Report your location. Sarz on the beat, AKA Knackdemus. O ja?!” — Reminisce, Kako bi Chicken (2012).

I got into the veteran rapper’s music in 2013, and he’s never let me run out of cool slang to recite with my friends. First, it was Hurricane, a song he dropped as a warm-up to his sophomore album, Alaga Ibile. Beyond the unmatched thrill of bursting out “bai” at the end of each bar, Hurricane introduced me to my current favourite rapper, PayBac iBoro, who Reminisce met at music producer, Sossick’s studio and gave a chance to take the second verse.

A decade later, Alaye To Se Gogo (ATSG), Reminisce’s latest body of work, shows remarkable evolution — his testimony as a street conqueror. With this album, he’s pushed through the ranks and sits in the upper echelon of the game. I sat down with the 42-year-old rapper and had him share the inspiration behind Alaye To Se Gogo, its significance and what he’s learned in his 20-year career.

What inspired Alaye Toh Se Gogo Volume 1?

Reminisce: The will to make music for people who still want to listen to me.

Before I returned to the studio, I asked my team if people genuinely wanted my new album; making music is expensive. I wasn’t sure I cared about making an album, but they convinced me that the request was high and we put it out. Since then, I’ve been extremely surprised. A lot of folks are listening to the album and talking about it. I actually have a huge, loyal following.

People still like me this much? It’s great. I appreciate it. This album came from a place of love and passion.

What was the creation process like?

Reminisce: I like to sit in my home studio, listen to music and do my thing. I prefer to write to the beat. It’s easier because I don’t have to adjust anything after. It’s plug-and-play; I load the beat and write on my phone.

What’s a day in your life like?

Reminisce: I typically wake up around 12 p.m. or 1 p.m., brush my teeth and sneak in one or two smokes to start my day. I go through my emails and digital numbers on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube, etc. I check my socials to see who’s banting who — I love Twitter so much.

If I have work to do, I get to it. If travelling is involved, I’m up in the morning and on my journey. Whether by road or plane, I try to make it early and get to wherever I’m going by 4 p.m. at most. On days I have music to make, I get in my home booth and record. Or play my video games, if I’m less busy.

Around mid-afternoon, my daughters are back from school, so I spend an hour or two with them, go back to my studio to watch evening football matches, listen to music, watch podcasts, whatever. My day is basically about me, my work, my kids and my family.

Are you ever worried about ageism in the Nigerian hip-hop industry?

Reminisce: No. It’s almost as if people don’t want to see older artists who’ve donned stages and mics for years keep going. But everyone has their audience. People who grew up listening to my music and are still alive, so I have to serve them.

All the online reaction to Alaye Toh See Gogo has been from a certain demographic: people who’ve listened to my music since secondary school or uni and have grown up. They feel like they grew up with me and my music.

Who influenced your music growing up?

Reminisce: Snoop Dogg, Tha Dogg Pound crew and Dr. Dre were huge influences. But the overall impact was Michael Jackson. I can sing 20 Michael Jackson songs right now. My favourite is Billie Jean. MJ was my eldest brother’s age-mate, and they shared the same birthday. So, my admiration is also a bit personal. I was sad when he passed away.

MJ was the first celebrity I recognised before falling in love with hip-hop. Then in secondary school, there was the Snoop Dogg and Juice and Gin period, and there was Biggie and 2Pac. I used to mime all their lyrics. Nas and Jay-Z came into the picture, and their music finished work on me. I preferred Nas; I respect money-making talk and all, but I’m for lyricism.

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But everything you’ve heard in my music so far is about my own life. I lived with my mum growing up. After she passed, I shuffled between my step-mum and grandmother. This was a bit of an eye-opener for me: understanding different people, perspectives and polygamy.

I grew up in a liberal Islamic home. We performed duties and rites as Muslims, but my dad never pressed us to be religious. When success came, and my life changed, I started trying to be a proper Muslim. I make more time for my children and my relationship with my creator. I don’t want my kids to see me as a pagan. I want them to identify me as Muslim. I’m still liberal, but I practise Islam as a way of life beyond prayers and fasting.

What’s one thing you still aspire towards?

Reminisce: Nothing. All I’ll ask for is a long life. Anything material or career-related? No. I don’t make demands on myself because I understand what will be will be. I only need the will to do things I want to do. Suppose I want to put out an album. I’ll ensure the standard is good enough for anything that wants to happen from there. Anything besides that is pressure, and I’m done with that.

I once saw a photo of you with your head buried in a book, and my takeaway was you’re a book lover. Am I right?

Reminisce: Yes.

My favourite book is Sir Alex Ferguson’s “Just Champion!” Growing up, we watched Manchester United all the time. Sir Alex was Michael Jackson standard to me — untouchable. His first book came, and I had access to his life story, dressing room issues and many backstories. The book touched me. I read it five times. It was emotional, and it’s still on my shelf.

It could’ve been football over music?

Reminisce: I no too sabi like that. I played for my secondary school twice. The two times, they fired me. I have friends who forced themselves to play but didn’t make it. I knew football wouldn’t work for me; I was honest with myself. But rap? There was no doubt it was my thing.

How did you know you were a good enough rapper?

Reminisce: As a teenager, I was doing it for fun, but people listened and showed support every time. When I asked my sister if I was excellent, she’d acknowledge me and boost my confidence. So I was sure about it. But for football, I was like Wan-Bissaka or Harry Maguire — average. If you put me inside a team, nothing would show. Football fans would liken me to Kalvin Phillips — nothing exceptional on the pitch.

What was your early experience as a rapper?

Reminisce: I had the worst experience with rejection.

In the early days, I was the radio station DJs’ joke material. They used to call me “The King of Promo CDs” because I printed a lot of them. I used to print a thousand copies of three to four singles a year. Everybody knew me; everybody had my CDs. But I’d go to radio and TV stations, and I’d see them in the dustbin because people didn’t care. I was that guy. But I’ve never let that weigh me down or make me look at people who didn’t help differently.

It’s part of my journey. Specific incidents happen to me so I can remember where I come from and where I’m headed. I don’t dwell too much on them, whether positive or negative. No matter how much good or bad happens to me, nothing stops my movement. That’s why when people say I’m a good storyteller, I refute it. I have many stories to tell because I’ve been through a lot. I don’t have any regrets about my life and decisions.

This reflects in your stage name, Reminisce

Reminisce: Reminisce came up because of the first four letters of my name, Remilekun. I went with the flow because it sounded nice. I actually wanted to use MC Khalid, but no one used Muslim names back then, except maybe Rakim, and he was older.

Each of your projects seems curated to take listeners through the significant phases of your life. Is that intentional?

Reminisce: I’m intentional about my art and its perception. I have to grow, and I want anyone who listens from the start to grow with me. As the listener evolves with Reminisce, the music must level up. If you listen to Alaye Toh Se Gogo and you heard shit I already said on Alaga Ibile, there’s a disconnect.

My albums are portraits. See it as a young guy who once didn’t have a beard growing a goatee. Soon, the beard will connect, and you’ll see that “Alaga is getting older.”

I don’t want to force anything. I evolve, and so do the people I serve my music. I carry them along and make it fun.

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learnt so far?

Reminisce: Zero expectations.

People will always be people. Know this, and you won’t be disappointed. My dad told me I shouldn’t pressure myself. I have to make it, but I also have to ask myself what I want. He told me to have it at the back of my head that the fruit of any decision I make will affect my family. Whether for good or bad, I have the option to choose.

What does success mean to you?

Reminisce: Success is relative in the Ibile Movement. It’s why Olamide’s Grammy nomination means the shit to us. We can’t compare ourselves to new kids who have the springboard or backing, doing genres way more popular than we do. People’s journeys and stories are different. To me, whatever makes anyone feel like they’re made or fulfilled is a success. Some people will never win a Grammy. Some people have been nominated for the award but will never win. Whether a Grammy is your metric for success or not, it’s all about perspective.

You just have to figure out what audience you want to reach because there’ll only be a few global talents every year. You need to focus on your audience, serve them what they want and milk it. Everyone can’t be Drake; he’s a rare phenomenon. Stick to your thing. There’s money to make everywhere.

As a rapper in Nigeria, understand that you represent a disadvantaged genre right now. Even the numbers and metrics overseas are saying the same thing. You must be extremely smart about your music and business.

Tomide Marv

December 8, 2023

Music, Pop

Alaye Toh Se Gogo, ATSG, Hip hop, Interview, Nigerian artist, Nigerian rapper, Pop, Reminisce
Psycho YP isn’t exactly sure where he stands on the “rap music is dead in Nigeria” conversation. On the one hand, the 24-year-old rapper is proud of his healthy catalogue — YP has released EPs back-to-back since he debuted in 2018 with Ypszn. But on the other hand, he doesn’t really fuck with the industry.

“I know my music will always slap,” he tells me with an air of confidence that’s almost intimidating. “But the industry is fucked. If I dropped A-Q’s last album as YPSZN3, boys would’ve dragged me on social media for putting out something mid. But that same album might win the Headies for Best Rap album next year. Rap music is moving at the same pace as Nigeria right now. You have to accept the fact and try to kill it in your own lane.”

YPSZN3, YP’s 2022 EP and the final chapter in his YPSZN series, is a hard-hitting project chronicling his experiences navigating life between Abuja and London. Cutting across multiple hip-hop subgenres like drill, grime and trap, YP paints a vivid picture of internal battles with self-doubt (Sinner), encounters with the Nigerian Police (Silent Mode) and the conflict of juggling multiple relationships (Commitment Issues).

The project is unapologetic, emotional and loud AF, with guest appearances from Zlatan, Odumodublvck, Ycee, Reeplay, Backroad Gee and more.

RECOMMENDED: We’re Judging Anyone Who Didn’t Listen to These 10 Albums in 2022

When we talk about the story behind Silent Mode, one of my favourite tracks on the EP, YP laughs as we swap stories about the different times we’ve either been arrested or harassed by the Nigerian Police for simply existing. Even though humour is a recognisable Nigerian trait used to disguise trauma, YP’s story about sleeping in jail and mastering alternative routes to avoid the police is, unfortunately, the reality of most young Nigerians.

“I don’t really talk about my life experiences on social media or in person,” he explains. “I pour everything into my recording sessions. Rap is all I know.”

YP grew up listening to a combination of Young Money and P-Square, although he identified more closely with the former. Despite citing the works of Chocolate City rappers, M.I, Jesse Jagz and Ice Prince as early Nigerian rap influences, it was until Blaqbonez’ dropped Mr Boombastic in 2019 that something changed for YP. “That album made me realise rap could actually cause a wave on the Nigerian music scene,” he tells me, taking a deep pause before adding, “But Blaqbonez doesn’t even rap anymore. Everyone is singing now. I still haven’t listened to his new album, Young Preacher.”

This pressure to sing like everyone else is something YP is all too familiar with. Afropop seems to be the major genre selling out shows and climbing the charts in Nigeria. “There’s a sense of self-doubt that comes with being a Nigerian rapper,” he says. “Everyone keeps asking when I’m jumping on the amapiano sound. Then I go home and still get questions about why I’m not singing like Buju (BNXN). I have to keep grinding until they see that my grind is paying off.”

With five well-received EPs, a 2020 Headies nomination for Best Rap Album, a North American tour opening for Rema and his title as the Best Rapper of 2021 from Native Magazine, I put it forward to YP that his grind is actually paying off. He agrees to an extent, but he’s also conscious of the pressure that comes with people projecting this rap saviour identity on his image and music. After all, look what happened to former rap saviour, Kanye West.

“I can’t make an album that’s mid or full of skips,” he admits. “People aren’t rapping like they used to. So, one slip up and everyone starts saying, ‘Rap is dead’ again. I have to keep pushing myself.”

What’s next for a rapper who’s more consistent than the naira? Well, more music.

Although he’s a bit tight-lipped about what he’s currently working on, YP assures me his debut album will soon make its way to the public. But for now, he’s picking up the flowers being thrown at him for YPSZN3. “Everyone is happy I didn’t fuck up,” he says. “I can’t have anything less than greatness right now.”

Consistently shooting for greatness sounds like a lot of pressure. But something tells me YP will be just fine.

ALSO READ: Seyi Vibez Misses the Trenches But Doesn’t Regret Leaving

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

December 10, 2022

Music, Pop

Interview, nigerian music, Psycho YP, rap
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

(Zikoko arrives at the interview location. When Naira told Zikoko he’ll choose the location, a bakery was the last place Zikoko saw the interview happening.)

Zikoko: What will my eyes not see because of this job, bayi?

(Zikoko takes a deep breath and walks into the deserted bakery.)

Zikoko: Hello, is anyone here? I have an interview with Naira

Naira: Yes, yes. Welcome!

(Naira comes out in a chef’s hat and apron, covered in flour and smelling of vanilla. Zikoko has never been more confused.)

Naira: Sorry for being late. I was in the kitchen, trying out a new recipe.

Zikoko: You bake?

Naira: Well, I’ve been trying my hands at different things since it looks like this whole currency business isn’t working out well for me.

Zikoko: And you chose baking? (Zikoko mutters under their breath) See me thinking we’ll do this thing in CBN office, and I can take some ghana must gos on my way out.

Naira: Did you say something?

Zikoko: Just asking why you chose baking

Naira: Oh, yes. It’s actually a brilliant idea. You see, in baking, yeast makes things to rise. I was thinking if I spend enough time baking, my body would absorb some of that yeast and I’ll swell in value.

Zikoko: (Looks around for a camera because this can’t be real life.) And how’s that working out for you?

Naira: Well, the dollar was ₦890 black market rate before. Now, it’s seven hundred and something. The bakery thing is working! A little bit of yeast is all I need, and we’ll be good to go.

RELATED: Interview With Dollars: “I’m Too Sexy for This World“

Zikoko: Have you ever heard of a currency using yeast to rise?

Naira: Well, no, but there’s a first time for everything. Is there not? Plus, our case is a peculiar one. I’m a bit desperate and trying my best here.

I’m the butt of jokes at all the currency meetings. Do you know dollar and pounds used to be my best friends? They used to call me, “Mr Naira” and I was once respected on a global scale. Now, I’m just here.

Zikoko: And you think baking will fix that?

Naira: It’s fixing it already. The proof is in the pudding. Speaking of pudding, I have something in the oven. I’ll be back.

(Naira rushes into the kitchen. Zikoko is still confused because, what the actual fuck is going on?)

Naira (returns with a tray of cookies): Sorry for the delay. You want a cookie?

(Zikoko picks one up to taste, and honestly, it’s the best cookie ever)

Zikoko: Truly, if this currency thing doesn’t w

ork out, open your own bakery. But first, we need you. Yeast can’t be your only plan.

Naira: It isn’t! I assure you. Meffy came up with something recently and who knows where that’ll go.

Zikoko: You can’t mean…

Naira: The naira redesign. First of all, I love a good makeover. The last time I had one was when they did the ₦100 notes in 2014. Look at how cute they look now. I think they should redesign all the notes so they’d match. We’d have this cute and colourful aesthetic going on.

RELATED: Interview With Naira Notes: “Everything Is Packaging”

Zikoko: Aesthetic?

Naira: Yes! Look at the pounds and the Canadian dollar. Can’t you see how great they look and how much value they have?

Because my value is depreciating doesn’t mean I should look scrappy. Must I look like what I’m going through?

Zikoko: But the rest of us who depend on you look like what we’re going through.

Naira: Well, you can ask for your own makeover, I guess. Maybe it’ll cheer you all up.

Zikoko: Do you have another plan?

Naira: Well, we can try to bring our kobo out of retirement.

Zikoko: When even ₦50 is going into retirement, you want to bring back the kobo?

Naira: I’m trying my best here. Nobody checks in on me these days. What about how I’m doing mentally? Always, “Why is the Naira like this?” not “How is the Naira?”

You didn’t even know I picked up a hobby until you needed me for something. When you were little, you always hated it when people compare you to others. Yet every day, you compare me to other currencies. Do you know what that does for my mental health?

Zikoko: We’re sorry. We promise to do better.

Naira: Plus, why are you stressing me about it? Why not take it up with Meffy? It’s his job to make sure I perform great.

Zikoko: Meffy won’t answer us.

Naira: He’s being such a naughty boy. I’ll talk to him later after my meeting with inflation.

Zikoko: So you plan on doing something about inflation?

Naira: I’m going to give her some cookies. She’s one of my oldest friends, and we’ve been hanging out together a lot more. I think we might have something special going on.

Zikoko: But can’t you see the adverse effects of hanging around inflation all the time?

Naira: You can’t tell me who to love.

Zikoko: (Getting angry) You have to be joking.

Naira: I’m sensing that this environment has turned hostile and would like to end this interview. The bad vibes won’t be good for the cookies and cream cake I want to bake next.

Zikoko: (Sighs in defeat) Okay, I’ll be on my way now.

Naira: Before you go, you owe me ₦5k for that cookie.

Zikoko: ₦5k keh? It’s just one cookie FGS. I even thought it was free.

Naira: Free? In this economy? Yesterday’s price isn’t today’s price, dear. Inflation is expensive to maintain, and I like to keep my baby happy.

Zikoko: But ₦5k for a singular cookie is too much.

Naira: Eyah, but that’s not my business.

RELATED: Interview With Nigerian Internet Service Providers: “Let Us Explain”

Click here to buy your Z! Fest tickets

Itohan Esekheigbe

November 18, 2022

Inside Life, Interview With…

Funny, Inside life, Interview, interview with, satire
Everybody knows how to answer “Tell me about yourself” already. As a recruiter, ask these questions at an interview instead and watch the madness unfold.

“Would you eat garri without sugar?”

Sometimes, you just need to gauge the level of suffer-head the person you’re employing has faced. They may be coming from traumatic sapa. You don’t want to do them anyhow.

“Are you a Man Utd fan?”

You don’t want to employ someone who’ll be taking Ls for your business every weekday. No, they already get enough on weekends. For the sake of your mental health and theirs, leave them alone, abeg.

“Do you usually lost?”

You need to know you won’t have to randomly start looking for them in the middle of a busy workday.

“Do you use MTN?”

Do this especially if they’ll be working remotely. You don’t want to joke with someone who’s frustrated after dealing with MTN the whole day.

RELATED: Kill It at Any Job Interview With These 8 Hacks

“Do you have Japa plans?”

If they don’t have Japa plans, don’t hire them. They obviously like pain, so they need to go somewhere else. Maybe work for the government?

“Who’s your daddy?”

If they don’t have Japa plans, it could also be that they have bastard money in their family. That’s why you need to ask this question as a follow-up. You never know, your employee may become a by-force investor.

“How many bottles of beer before you start sharing office secrets?”

You need to know ahead of time if you’re hiring an opp or a weak link. Stay woke, please.

“Are you lactose intolerant?”

This one has two parts. If they answer yes, just know they’re a stubborn person and won’t stop taking milk. Second, you’ll need a face mask in the office every day for all the farting. Just save yourself from stress.

“Will anybody come and do paranran for you at the office?”

This one is important if you don’t like noise. Just imagine having a bad day already, and trumpeters start singing “happy birthday” for somebody, unprovoked.

“Do you eat semo?”

Make sure to promise that this question doesn’t matter to your hiring decision. But if they answer “yes”, break that promise and move on. You can’t be hiring someone who likes pain (or maybe you can if you plan to offload five people’s JDs on them).

“Do you read Money by Zikoko?”

If they answer yes, just know they’re fun and they know what’s up. If you yourself don’t know what Money by Zikoko is, subscribe to it so you don’t expose yourself in an interview.

NEXT READ: How to Write a Nigerian Job Description in 7 Steps

Sheriff Alimi

October 24, 2022

Money

Interview, job interview questions, money
Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.

Hi! I’m Sigil. I use they/them pronouns, and I’m a Virgo. I host rock music meetups for Nigerians who love the movement to break down oppressive systems. I’m pretty much interested in everything creative. I make digital art. I draw, paint and crochet. I basically don’t know where to quit.

Rock music meetups sound interesting, but what made you fall in love with rock in this way?

Growing up, my brother had Greenday’s American Idiot and Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance on CD. I burnt them on my laptop and listened to them all the time. Eventually, I started collecting rock CDs. I’d go on YouTube and different podcasts for recommendations. If a band was interviewed and spoke about another band, I’d go listen.

How did you go from coming up with the idea of a meetup to actually hosting it?

I’ve had the idea to start a queer rock scene in Nigeria for a while. And I knew hFACTOR was a good space for an event, since their venue was now smaller. I thought the appropriate type of event for that space was a listening party because it seemed easiest to put together.

How did the planning go?

I reached out to hFACTOR about two months ago. From then, I played out what I wanted to do in my mind, but it was a mad scramble within the last week of the event to actually make the calls that put everything together

What did you have to do to execute it?

I did a lot of research into music created by black people, queer people and women, and edited the playlist in a semi-chronological, semi-narrative fashion with some old Nollywood clips for humour sprinkled throughout. I knew I could use the speaker and projector in the space so people could discover the artists and music.

How did you get people to attend?

I pretty much just posted on mine and hFACTOR’s Instagram page.

How old were you when you decided “rock music is my life now”?

I don’t know if it was a conscious decision, but those two albums I mentioned had a big influence on me and pushed me to find more albums. I was 13 back then. It’s why I decided, earlier in the year [2022], to create a space for people who like rock music to meet. More communities have been formed, but I thought to create one for queer people since those spaces aren’t always the safest. I wanted to be in a space with people who were disenfranchised but also politically engaged, could talk about, make and enjoy rock music together.

Songs played at the event

How did it turn out?

I thought it was really fun. I learnt a lot about dos and don’ts. Holding a physical meeting for the first time is always rough, so it was entirely expected. The people who showed up made it worthwhile, and I want this to become a small ecosystem of like minds. Everyone was open and interested in the music.

The enthusiasm to gather in great company was everything. It’ll be a regular thing. This first time, I did it because I had a bit of extra money, but going forward, I’d have to figure out the finances to make it work. Maybe I’d expand to selling some art and building a community of people who make art and grow together — a creative renaissance, in a way.

You make that sound so good. Do you make music too?

Right now, I’m just writing songs and figuring out how to record. I write alternative rock and pop; overt, sarcastic songs that make fun of things. Part of the reason I wanted to host the event was to mingle with people who make music. I didn’t get to do that, but I’m not too worried about it.

That sounds like fun. What song, in particular, should we look out for when it’s released?

I have a song without much of a title, but let’s call it “Moon Cycle”. It’s a bit controversial, and I have an insane video planned. I’m pretty excited for it to be released. I can’t wait to share it alongside the album.

Who would you recommend if you had to introduce someone to rock, and they aren’t into hearing white people sing?

Cicada and The Thermometers. They show up in an afro rock and psychedelic compilation of songs called “The World Ends”, made in Nigeria in the 70’s. Clay has one song that’s pop rock mixed with afrobeat, in terms of modern-day Nigerian artists. But hopefully, people will pay to go to her shows so she can produce more. If someone was into r&b, I’d recommend more fine rock music like Betty Davis, who influenced rap music. There’s also Meet Me At The Altar, a new pop punk band fuelled by ramen.

Who are your musical influences?

Fall Out Boy, The Runaways and My Chemical Romance. I like Max Martin, who’s one of the greatest producers of all time. He made almost every hit of the ’90s and early 2000s. I like Fun and Paramore too.

There’s an ongoing theme of you liking bands. Ever been in one?

No, but I want to. I think it’ll be so fun to work with other people. If anyone is queer, genderqueer or a good ally, I want to be in a band with you. I don’t play an instrument, but I sing and write. I’ve been writing since I was a teenager and I’m 27 now.

What would you name your band?

I like the name “AJE”. It’s Yoruba for “witch”.

Does rock influence your style, or something else?

I was really into emo and scene fashion in secondary school. And I was influenced by how people dressed on Myspace; I only wear dark colours.

Myspace? I just know you used to blog on Tumblr

LOL. Yes, obviously.

I knew it! What was your blog about, and do you still use it?

Oh no. I stopped blogging there in 2017. I wasn’t even talking about music back then. I was just into fandoms of movies and TV shows I liked.

What fandom were you in?

Don’t judge me for my past mistakes, but I was in the supernatural fandom. I liked Sherlock and Doctor Who. I watched eight seasons of Supernatural, since everyone else was watching it, and was like, “Why the fuck am I watching this?” So I stopped. I kept waiting for something to happen, and it just didn’t. Nothing ever happened.

It took you eight seasons? You’re patient. What do you do when you’re not writing songs or organising events?

I make beads and visual art to sell. I’m always trying new things out of beads and the planning takes a while. I also collect rocks and forage for them in my grandma’s garden. I’ve found 30 rocks so far. I’m an outdoor person, but I don’t push my limits. Which is why I just forage at my grandma’s.

What do you think Nigerian creators could do in the rock/alternative scene?

I think everyone is doing what they want to do creatively, and I admire that. I’ll say, though, that there’s a space that needs to be filled with rebellious and irreverent things, not just the status quo. Rock’s subject matter is taking down the system, and I like that there’s room for pop punk which I love. We need more songs that question the way things are.

What do you plan to do differently?

Lyrically, I want to represent something that hasn’t been represented before, a narrative that’s unusual but breaks norms. I want visuals that might be upsetting to some but necessary to allow the next generation to understand that there’s no limit to how they can express themselves.

I’ve always been influenced by pop surrealism so I want to make art that inspires people to stand out. In terms of visuals, I make things that you could find both on Tumblr and adult swim. Think colorful, campy sci-fi soundtracked by multiple genres of rock music.

What do you want the next couple of years to look like?

I’d like to have a balance between the music I’m making and my visual art. I’d like to not only lift myself up with my music but have an ecosystem of people who are interested in the same thing — to create a movement to break the system, that lasts throughout the ages.

RELATED: Creator Spotlight: Zonna on Creating Sustainable Art Through Tuft

Malakai Bassey

October 13, 2022

Creators, Inside Life

creators, Inside life, Interview, musicians, Nigerian creatives
Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.

Hi, I’m Zonna. I’m a creative director, content creator, Interior artist, and photographer sometimes. I create tufted wall and rug art. I watch videos of puppies before I go to bed because it calms me and helps me sleep well. I can dance, but people think I can’t for some reason.

Wow, you do a lot. How did it all begin? Did you just start doing everything at once?

I started fashion blogging in 2017 but stopped blogging around 2019 and focused on content creation.

I got into creative directing two years ago when my previous boss saw my Instagram page, liked what I was doing and asked me to be the creative director for his agency. Now, I have my own with my clients I work with and I don’t work at the agency anymore.

My interest in interior design is relatively new, and the comments I receive whenever people come to my house inspired it. They’d mention that my space was aesthetic and ask me to help them recreate it in theirs. Eventually, I decided to start a career creating furniture or anything you’d need for interior decorating.

How do you find the time to pursue these many interests?

I won’t lie, it’s tasking. I just organise everything I do so it doesn’t feel overwhelming. I have an account for my fashion influencing, one for my studio and another for my interior design. It helps me focus on each of them. I also have a journal where I plan out my day, so I don’t lose track.

It’s hard, but I’m passionate about these things, and when I like something, I give it my all and just get it done.

Did you get professional discipline in any of these?

No, I didn’t. Even with photography, I sit with my camera until I get what I want, I didn’t study photography professionally either. I studied marketing in school, and after school, I wanted to work in an ad agency, but fashion in all its forms took over my life, and I can never go back to that depressing corporate world. I had to work at an office once, and being in a confined space with office chairs made me depressed. It was my first day.

As a creative person, I enjoy my freedom.

So how did you get into tufting? Where does it come in with all your passions?

That will be interior design. I make tufted rugs by myself from scratch.

How did you even decide that it’s something you’d like to do? I’ve only ever seen it on TikTok

Exactly, I saw a video randomly on Instagram, and it just looked so unique and exciting, so I watched thousands of YouTube videos and I was obsessed. I started searching for where I could get the equipment and materials too. I saw it as a unique addition to my interior brand because I can count the number of people in Nigeria that do what I do.

It’s an untapped opportunity to have the first creator advantage because even the few people I know that tuft just use it to make traditional rugs. I make art. I’ve always admired artists, but I didn’t know how to paint or draw, so tufting was my opportunity to be an artist. I didn’t even think twice. For me, it’s not about making rugs. It’s touchable art that can be in an exhibition someday.

How easy was it to get the material you needed?

Sourcing my materials was a struggle. Because very few people do it here, I only had one person I could ask for help or advice. But everything is fine now.

I like that you don’t second guess anything you want to do

I don’t waste time. I’m staring at my tufting canvas because it’s just beside my bed since I don’t have a workshop yet. In the morning, I just shift my bed aside and start working. When I first got my tufting gun and just got fabric to practise, I was like, “What is this?” The gun is very heavy. Your hand will be weak, but I can tuft for hours straight now.

What’s the longest time it has taken you to finish a rug

Four days. I took time because I was feeling lazy. I haven’t had as many tasking design requests as I’d like yet.

So do you draw the pattern or just use a projector?

Since I started, I’ve been drawing by myself, but then I realised that I’m not an artist, so I caved and got a projector. So far, the most unique thing I’ve done is a CD rug inspired by the work of an interior designer, Sean Brown. For the CD rug I started off using my hand, but I realised I needed to use a projector so it could be much neater.

So is it paying off? What’s been your most expensive and least expensive order?

Because it’s a business where you can customise anything. Prices differ based on the design, size and how detailed it is. So far, I’ve only made custom rugs. I haven’t made the actual art I want to do. I’m still treading slowly, and people are still trying to understand what I do but, it’s been a decent start. I plan to introduce more unique designs, so they just don’t think it’s customised rugs or mirrors.

What about the tuft mirrors? Ever broken any?

I haven’t. The challenge with the mirror tuft is that I don’t have enough equipment to carve hardwood yet, so I use ply boards and use scissors to cut it. The wood is just supposed to back it up, so it works. To be honest, the mirror is easier to make since it takes up all the space, but rugs sometimes have complicated designs and can be more challenging.

What’s your favourite design so far?

The CD rug for sure, but I also have this “Stay weird” wall hanging art, and I love the colour plus, it was freehanded and look how good it came out!

Speaking of the CD rug, are you a big Michael Jackson fan?

I am obsessed. I listen to MJ every day. My YouTube is just full of him.

It’s cool that he inspired that rug. Who inspires everything you do?

The answer is me. I was trying not to be proud. I never need a push to do anything. I go for everything I want. I inspire myself.

Bold, I love it! What do you do when you’re not busy creating art?

I love watching movies. I’m a big movie person, and it helps me zone out. I’m obsessed with horror movies, and they make me laugh. It’s not real, so it‘s hard to take it serious. I like mystery and suspense, and horror movies always have that.

What goes in your head when you’re creating content outside? Do you get shy?

I don’t. It doesn’t bother me. I’m very shameless when I need to create content. When you can tell that you’re about to create magic, you have to drop your shame. Just try not to care about who is watching you and take advantage of those precious moments.

As someone that gets shy taking pictures or documenting memories, I need your tips for more confidence

For me, I don’t care; I just do what I have to do. If I had to give someone advice, I’d say no one is really looking at you. Just pretend they are admiring you, and you’ll get all the confidence you need.

Do you have a favourite career moment so far?

No, I don’t. But, I’m proud of myself for what I’m currently doing. I do so much at once, and I’m happy with how much I’ve improved my skills. I take myself seriously and always follow through when I set my heart on a project. I don’t have a favourite career moment yet, but I hope I get it soon.

Where do you not want to be in the next five years?

I don’t want to send email pitches about my work. I want to be requested. It’s normal to always sell yourself in life, but I don’t want to keep introducing myself. I want to be big enough by then. I’m doing what I can to ensure that happens—seizing opportunities and doing more than my best.

READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Sandra Discusses Using K-drama to Help Navigate Her Feelings

Malakai Bassey

October 6, 2022

Creators, Inside Life

creators, Inside life, Interview, Tuft
Creator Spotlight is a fun weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.

Today’s subject is a podcaster who, after graduating from university and frustrated with everything, decided to navigate her feelings and struggles through the lens of K-drama.

Hi, I’m Sandra. I love and enjoy watching K-dramas, listening to K-pop, and spending all my time crushing On BTS members. People who see me outside won’t know that I’m constantly blasting K-pop on the highest volume while singing and dancing like I’m in a concert inside my room.

I mean, if BTS would just come here, you wouldn’t have to do that

Exactly! I have to keep giving myself my concert, please.

So, you’re an ARMY, right?

Of course, I am. My bias is Taehyung. He was the first person I saw when I decided to get into BTS’s music. My bias wrecker is J-Hope. At first, I used to just listen to K-drama OST, but after I got into BTS, I couldn’t stan any other group. I listen to SEVENTEEN and The Rose, but it’s not the same.

Her favorite picture of Taehyung

The Rose? That’s good taste. What was the K-drama that made you obsessed?

My first ever K-drama was City Hunter. The story behind it is even ridiculous. I was in SS1 and staying with my cousin and grandma. I saw a movie called Spartacus lying around the house and started watching it. My cousin caught me watching Spartacus and he scolded me. Then he gave me the City Hunter DVD to watch instead. The first scene was filled with older men and a woman giving birth, and then the next thing they showed Lee Min Ho, and I was sold. I’d never heard of Korea or the language before then. I started watching all of Lee Min Ho’s films and never returned.

Screaming! I loved that movie too, but I’d love to see the actor play more mature roles. He did a great job with Pachinko.

What did he do? I want to defend him so bad. He did try with Pachinko. It was a different character from what I was used to seeing him act; maybe that’s why I didn’t even enjoy it. Some actors are talented enough to play different roles, but some have that one role where they’d always shine. Lee Min Ho shines when he plays that romantic drama lead. Drag him, but he’s still my fave.

Her favorite picture of Lee Min Ho

Gotcha. Where did the depression that made you start a podcast come from?

To be fair, I started my podcast this year. My plans crumbled. I thought I could just go back to school for my master’s program, and from there, I’d figure out what to do with my life. But that didn’t work, so my dad started suggesting that I follow him to his shop. I don’t even blame him because I’d do the same in his position.

I don’t even know if it’s depression. I’d feel down today and better the next day, and starting my podcast helped me understand how I was feeling.

What happened next?

I saw someone on Instagram talk about her podcast journey, and I’d just watched this K-drama called Today’s Webtoon. The main character’s dad was helping her make big decisions in her life, unwilling to listen to what she wanted, and I could relate to that struggle. I decided that talking about those feelings in relation to K-drama would be my thing. I started listening to other people’s podcasts to get a feel of what I wanted mine to sound like.

So, your plan for your podcast was to help people feel seen?

Yes, but not just for other people. I do it for myself first. I was in a K-drama slump last week, which was odd because I watch K-drama every day. It might seem silly, but people struggle with that and me talking about it might make someone out there feel seen. And for me, when I talk about my struggles, I feel relieved and lighter. I remember when I was listening to other people’s podcasts and kept going, “Wow, I’ve been in that same situation, and this is how I felt too.” I wanted to recreate that.

Do you use special types of equipment, and where do you record?

For now, I use my phone, close my door, lie on my bed and talk. There’s nothing special that I use right now.

At first, I thought I had to get professional gear to record my podcast, but my sister just told me to download the anchor app, and that was it. I type my script— it’s more of an outline — on my second phone.

With editing, sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing, but I keep trying until I get it right.

Why did it specifically have to be about K-drama?

I kept getting ideas when I watched K-dramas, so it made sense. Around the same time Alchemy of Souls was airing, I made a link and asked people to share their thoughts in a voice recording. I won’t lie; I wasn’t expecting people to answer me, but they did, especially people from TikTok, so I made that my first ever episode.

I made so many mistakes, I paused a lot, and it felt unnatural, and I wanted it to flow. Now I record without pausing, anything that happens happens. I mean, I was listening to a podcast where the host farted and kept going. I wouldn’t do that, I think, but that’s me. I want that easy flow to be there. Plus, I don’t have a life outside K-drama, so that’s that.

To be honest, K-drama is enough life.

Hahaha. Exactly! It’s enough. There’s so much to watch and enjoy.

How do you get over the sound of your voice?

I’m a very shy person, but when I’m recording, it’s a different situation entirely. I kind of like listening to myself talk now.

What’s the best thing that has happened to you since you started your podcast?

Someone once commented on my TikTok page about how much she loved my podcast. She said it helped her get through the night.

I finally felt like I was doing something good. I also posted the link to a random episode on my WhatsApp status, not expecting my friends to click, and a friend texted me and said I mentioned some books in my last episode and she’d like to read them. I was so excited that she listened.

Do you think you’ll still be talking about K-dramas in the next five years?

I don’t know where I’d be, but I’ll always watch K-drama. My kids and husband will watch it with me, and I’ll create content about things I love that resonates with me in the K-world. Maybe by then, I’d have even attended a concert.

Right now, I’m not focusing on blowing or getting many followers. I want to build a great community and take it one step at a time. So I can’t say what the next five years will look like. I’ll work on any opportunity that comes my way but only if I enjoy it. I have to enjoy what I’m doing.

I hope you get to do all that. Can you recommend the best K-dramas you’ve seen?

If you don’t see any K-drama, you must watch Alchemy of Souls because it’s such great storytelling. Then there’s Our Beloved Summer; that drama is perfect. Another one I like is Today’s Webtoon. It’s slow-paced and so good. Then an old-ish one is Mr Queen. Don’t be like me, watch it early, also Master of the Mask no it’s incredible. Then finally, The Heirs, I watch it every year, and it still makes me cry even though I know how it ends. K-drama directors are trying, so you too, try to enjoy these dramas.

READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Meet Shelah, the Gordon Ramsay of Book Reviews

Malakai Bassey

September 29, 2022

Creators, Inside Life

creators, Inside life, Interview, podcast
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.

Dearest Odubu has made a name for himself as a menswear connoisseur, but before he started creating content, attending exclusive events and influencing fashion, he struggled to find his place in the world. “I felt like my existence meant nothing,” he says. “If I died, it wouldn’t really matter.”

While our conversation eventually helps me understand how Dearest got to this point, the pertinent question on my mind is whether or not he has successfully pulled himself out of it — he remains confident that he has.

In this episode of Man Like, Dearest talks about shrinking his personality to avoid bullies, the stressful misconception about masculinity he recently had to unlearn, his parents’ reaction to his mental health struggles and why most Nigerian men would rather die than call him by his name.

Before I raid your wardrobe, I’d like to know how you got into fashion?

I was a very shy kid who always looked for ways to put myself out there without having to actually talk to anyone. Luckily for me, my dad was the real fashion OG and the blueprint for my style today. He taught me a lot about collecting watches, leather goods and just how to make sure my clothes lasted longer. Both of my parents are stylish. I always looked up to them, wanting to express myself through clothes.

As the shy kid in the corner wanting to show himself to the world, fashion was the only tool I could use at the time. I let my clothes speak for me.

Can you tell me a little bit about this shyness thing?

It started in secondary school, where I was bullied a lot. The bullying turned me into a recluse. All I wanted to do was shrink myself and avoid being the centre of attention. I was about 9 or 10 at the time, and I was so scared that I just shut myself off from the world mentally and physically. I didn’t want to be seen.

I’m so sorry bro. Do you want to talk about some of these experiences?

I don’t think I can. I’ve moved on and healed to an extent, but what I went through in secondary school really hurt me and made me small. I don’t know if I can revisit it.

Does your family know about this?

I couldn’t report or tell anyone at the time. Bullying in boarding schools is weird because reporting the case might only make it worse. I didn’t think talking to my parents about it would help, so I stomached everything and hoped it would go away. But, I recently had a casual conversation with them, and it came up. My mum and dad were shocked and disturbed by what I’d been through. I had to explain to them that reporting would’ve just made matters worse.

Wow. How did this experience impact your life after secondary school?

Being on the receiving end of bullying has made me a more empathetic and compassionate person, but getting to this place of healing wasn’t easy. When I was about 19, I spent a lot of time pretending to be someone I was not, just so I wouldn’t get hurt again. I was projecting the image of this nonchalant guy who didn’t care how people saw him. I wanted to be this cool kid, but that’s not who I am. I’m a guy who feels all of his emotions.

Damn. That’s sad.

I was in Ghana for school, so it was easier to rebrand with a new identity. I eventually found this small community of Christians who helped me shed that fake exterior and accept myself. They didn’t judge me. I finally met people my age who loved God and accepted one another. I didn’t know a community like that existed. I felt accepted there.

It was also reassuring to hear other people in the fellowship share their trauma. It made me realise that if they could overcome whatever they went through, I could too. I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t had that interaction in my life.

Was faith the only thing that helped you heal?

Have I fully healed? I just know I’m here today. When it comes to my support system, I had my friends, and most importantly, my family. Shoutout to my parents, mehn. They’ve never dismissed my feelings, especially my mum. I needed people who loved me, and they showed up for me.

How?

I have to add that the bullying in secondary school was something I internalised to the point when I believed I was insignificant. To me, if these people who didn’t really know me could treat me like this, then maybe my life had no value. Even when I left secondary school, I found myself feeling suicidal. One day, when I was about to end things, something told me to talk to my mum about it. I did, and even though she was alarmed, she made sure to remind me that I was loved and appreciated. Just having her acknowledge my feelings went a long way in helping me deal with them. She knows about my struggle with depression, and in some ways, she can sense when I’m really struggling.

That’s good to know. What’s your relationship with your dad like?

My dad knows as well. Not as much as my mum, but he’s well aware of my struggles. He schooled and lived in the US. He was the first and only black man to do a lot of things in the 1980s, so it’s safe to say he experienced his fair share of resistance. He has supported me and lets me know he’s here whenever I need him, which is nice. Just knowing that I have support like this takes a heavy weight off my shoulders. I know that even if the world judges me or disapproves of me, I have a family that listens to and understands me.

I’m curious about your relationship with other people in your life.

Even after finding my Christian community in Ghana, I’ll admit that I was still guarded. I finally opened up at 22 when a friend of mine asked, “How come I’ve never met anyone who can say they really know you as a person?” That question hit me, and I knew I had to be more open to receiving people in my life. There were people who loved and cared for me, but I wasn’t letting them in.

Another issue was I wasn’t used to being helped. I come from a privileged background, so I’m used to helping the people in my life. I didn’t think I needed help — especially since I was okay financially — but now, I have friends who “do life” with me. They get me, and I value our friendship. The love and support people look for in romantic relationships; I get that from my platonic friends. This is why I’m not keen on romantic relationships. It’s not something I actively search for.

In all of these experiences, did you ever have an “I’m a man now” moment?

I don’t think I’ve had a “man now” moment, but in 2021, I realised that to get to my goals, I needed to let go of the way I viewed masculinity. Prior to that year, I saw masculinity as hustling and strictly shouldering responsibilities. I put a lot of pressure on myself to the point that I suffered burnout several times. Why was I sleeping at 11 p.m. and waking up at 3 a.m.? Because I thought it was what real men did to make it in life. LOL.

Not you doing aspire to perspire. LOL. But what would you say is the hardest part about being a man in Nigeria?

The hardest part of being a man in this country is breaking away from societal and traditional norms. Once you try to do things your way, people will push back. There are weird expectations placed on us as Nigerian men. I was talking to an older Nigerian woman about a friend of mine who lost his dad three days after the birth of his first child. I couldn’t imagine how devastated he must’ve been, and all she said was, “Tell him to be a man and move on.” How would that help him? She also went on about how he needed to be strong for his family. This is part of the problem. People expect men to have zero emotions. It’s hard.

Speak on it! Have you experienced pushbacks of your own?

I’m a Nigerian man called Dearest. I’ve been against the norm since I was born, and Nigerians don’t find it funny. LOL. I’ve met men who’ve said they’re not comfortable with calling me by my name because it’s a term of endearment. It’s so silly. So you mean your sexuality will change, and your masculinity will shatter, the moment you say my name? We align terms of endearment with femininity, and femininity with weakness, and that’s very problematic. This is why most men struggle with telling their male friends that they love them.

Scrim. I’d like to know if you’ve always felt comfortable with your name.

The only time I wasn’t comfortable with my name was when I was a kid and people teased me about it. When I turned nine, my parents told me that my name was important and symbolic of their love for each other, and that made me fall in love with it.

For someone named Dearest, has anything ever threatened your masculinity?

Not being able to give. When I was younger, my brain was wired to believe that I needed to provide for any and everybody who asked, especially my female friends. Whenever girls asked for money, I felt less of a man if I couldn’t provide it. I’ve overcome that now. These days, if I want to, I’ll give, if I don’t feel like it, I won’t inconvenience myself anymore just to prove that I’m a man.

Wish I could go back in time as a babe and collect your money. So what gives you joy these days?

I’m all about having childlike fun with the people in my life. I don’t have the energy for Dorime again. I just want to chill with my people.

I love that!

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

May 1, 2022

Man Dem, Man Like

Fashion, Interview, Man dem, Man like
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.

If there’s one thing Folu Oyefeso will do, it’s remind you that he’s living life on his terms. “I don’t care about people’s opinions,” he says at the beginning of our hour-long call. But the more Folu talks about navigating masculinity as a young man living in Nigeria, the more I realise his initial statement stands true only to an extent.

While the photographer and blogger might flip the middle finger to the rest of the world, at his core, he’s constantly searching for a way to do right by the people in his life — his friends and family.

In this episode of Man Like, he talks about the last time he cried, the toxic trait he’s had to unlearn over the years and why most of the gist people have about Nigerian men are true.

Folu, you’ve done this interview thing before. What’s a good icebreaker you use with your subjects?

Hmm. I do my best to make sure they’re in their comfort zone when I’m speaking to them. Get them to be at home or a nice spot they like to hang out and watch all the anxiety disappear.

Ah! So where are you now?

I’m out with my friends in Ibadan. Everywhere is home here.

Whew. So have you always lived in Ibadan?

I grew up here. I only moved away for school and then there was the time I tried to stick it out in Lagos for a bit. These days, I only go to Lagos once in a while to say hi to my people. Ibadan is my original life. Lagos is too stressful for me.

That, we can agree on. So as the thing goes, I have to ask you about the first time you realised you were a man.

When I moved back to Nigeria after university and started living in Lagos. I didn’t realise how expensive Lagos was until I had to start paying for things. I had friends, so there was always one outing or the other, and it was money-consuming. And the truth is, I like expensive things — I don’t want to have to manage, so to afford the lifestyle I wanted, I knew I needed to step up my hustle.

So how did you hack it?

Omo, I don’t think I’ve hacked anything o! I reach my goal, and the next thing, there’s another goal ahead. As my goals change, I have to keep working harder, so I can’t confidently say that I’ve hacked anything.

Outside of money, what was another adjustment you made when you moved back to Nigeria?

In the first few months after university, I took out time to adjust to the mentality here. I was a soft guy who didn’t argue in traffic or queues. But these days, anybody fit collect. Nigeria teaches you not to let people walk over you. I have to always be on my toes so no one takes advantage of me.

I love Nigeria, but not from an “everything is rosy” lens. It’s home for me and has its charm. I’ve lived in Ghana, Canada and America because of school, and I still came back and settled in Ibadan, which most of my friends find hilarious. I want to build my career from here.

Why Nigeria?

As a photo-journalist and entrepreneur, I look at Nigeria as untapped land with a lot of resources and potential to capture. Work aside, it also didn’t make sense to take all the investment my family has poured into my education and offer up to develop another man’s country. If I want to tell authentic stories with my work, it just makes more sense to start from home.

Interesting. As someone who’s lived all over the world, I’m curious about how you view masculinity.

I’d say it’s being confident in whatever kind of man I choose to be and sticking by what I believe to be important to me. I want to own my shit, take care of what and who I’m responsible for, and do right by myself. That’s masculinity for me. It’s not the trivial things like people who say men can’t wear pink or something like that. If somebody feels wearing pink makes me less masculine, then it doesn’t matter to me.

You said “being confident in the man that you choose to be”. What type of man are you?

I have chosen to be a support system for people. I’m the first child of my parents and the oldest cousin in one arm of my family, so I kind of grew up with people always coming to me with their problems. The same thing applies to my friends. I don’t always have a solution, but I make sure I’m there for them in whatever way I can. When my friends talk about Folu, I want them to say, “Folu has our back”. I want to be there for my people.

Doesn’t this get exhausting?

It does get exhausting being everyone’s shoulder to cry on. And one thing I’m trying to learn is that I too can go to these people for support. It’s something I haven’t perfected, but I am working on it. It does get tiring being the only one carrying everyone else’s problem; meanwhile, you have a whole cabinet of problems that need solving. I’m learning that these people are also here for me.

Why do you keep your problems to yourself?

In my case, I can trace it back to social conditioning. I grew up playing a supportive role, so it’s all I’m used to — never to break down or reach out to people with my problems. I’m not even supposed to have problems.

But as I grew older, I realised that everybody goes through some shit, and we can’t go through this life alone. It’s not healthy being my own rock.

Can you tell me about a time you shared your struggles with someone?

I can’t pinpoint one event. I know it’s been helpful for me in the past. They don’t even need to have the solution to my problem. Sometimes, all I need is some advice, a different context or just someone to cry with, who’ll say, ”Man, that shit is fucked up.”

You do usually cry?

I don’t cry often. The last time I cried was when my cat died after a botched surgery. I understand that crying helps other people and it’s healthy, but for me, it doesn’t do much.

So what helps you process your emotions?

Do I process my emotions? That’s the real question. I understand that I should and can be more open, but most times I rely on humour as a coping mechanism. I went on Twitter recently and joked about “It’s almost time for my daily midlife crises”. It comes off as a joke, but I was really going through it. I do that a lot where I decide to laugh about it and hope I’ll be fine. I don’t think it just helps me escape the situation for a while, it doesn’t make it go away.

But what happened to being your own rock?

I know I can’t be my own rock, but like I said, there’s been a lot of social conditioning where I feel, “Oh well, I’m a man”, I’m just supposed to soak this up and move on. A lot of my feelings get shrugged off and it’s not because I don’t have people in my life to talk to, I just don’t want to feel like I’m a burden.

Do you feel like you’re a burden?

I feel it all the time. Luckily, some of the people I do share my problems show they don’t see me as a burden. Maybe because I don’t talk about myself very often. Vulnerability is a side of me that they don’t typically see, so they’re usually quite supportive and appreciative of my honesty.

How has your approach to vulnerability changed over the years?

I’ve had to unlearn some of the ideals I was raised on. I’ve had to let go of homophobia and understand that reacting negatively because someone doesn’t like what you like is stupid.

Why should somebody’s sexuality seem like a threat to you?

How did you move past your prejudice?

I cut off organised religion from my life. When we were young, we used to go to church frequently. But one Sunday, while I was still in secondary school, I just told my mum I felt the whole church thing was a waste of my time. It wasn’t a hard conversation because even though we all went to church, my parents weren’t really religious. These days, they don’t even go like they used to.

I realised that the world is more complex than what some pastor or 3,000-year-old book is telling me. I try to process things, ask questions, and dig deeper. Religion and spirituality are personal to me. And what this means is I have to find my path on my own, without anyone’s agenda. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m very inquisitive. I don’t want to simply take whatever some pastor tells me and dictate my life around that.

It also helped that I lived in other countries and saw that there were people of different sexualities everywhere and the world had progressed beyond what I was used to in Nigeria. Those different factors all came together to affect the way I perceive things.

What would you say is the hardest part about being a man in Nigeria?

There’s a societal burden. A lot of people still believe in gender roles, but I don’t think it’s so black and white where a man is supposed to be one way and a woman is supposed to be another way. It’s 2022 and there are grey areas. No one is born to be the sole provider or stay at home parent. It’s all bullshit. Like I said earlier, I’m also unlearning that mindset about being a man who’s strong for everybody else even when I’m dying inside. Fuck that!

Are there misconceptions Nigerian men that you’d like to dead today?

I don’t think there is any misconception that is not there for a reason. I think everything people are saying about Nigerian men is true on some level. So when they say men are trash, there are definitely some men who are flying the trash flag. Everybody can just be a better person to the next man, and we would be in a better place. As far as misconceptions go, I don’t think there’s any I would change.

A drag. I’m curious about who you look up to on being a man.

A lot of men in my social circle inspire me every day. My dad, my uncle, my grandfather, and a couple of my best friends who are my guys. I’m inspired by how present the men in my family are. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, once you reach out to my dad, uncles or grandfather, they’ll drop whatever it is they’re doing to be there for you. Even if it’s just to give you urgent ₦2K.

I’m constantly learning from them. I soak up their good qualities and also learn from their mistakes.

What would you say brings you joy these days?

Credit alert. Just having money in my bank account keeps me happy because when I don’t have money, I am really sad. As I grow old and start asking questions like “When am I going to start a family?” or “Can I afford a family?” Those thoughts creep into my mind, but I’m like, “Fuck it. Let me just make my money for myself and enjoy it.”

Money apart, what else do you need to live a happy life in the face of Nigeria’s chaos?

One thing that’s helped me be a balanced individual is the kind of friends I have. I don’t know if I am lucky or attract good people, but I am surrounded by some of the most amazing people on earth. I think that’s the key for me, because there is nothing I’m doing that means anything if I am not surrounded by people I love and who love me. You have to find your support system.

My chest. So what are you looking forward to in life?

This year is shaping up to be interesting. I’m seeing quite a lot of growth in my work. More people are noticing my pictures, so I’m making sales of my pictures and receiving invitations to exhibit at galleries. So I’ll say I’m excited because this year is the next step of my career, which will come with bigger bags and bigger checks. I’m excited about all-around growth.

Don’t forget me o!

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

April 17, 2022

Man Dem, Man Like

Interview, Man dem, Man like, Nigerian Men
The seed of the idea that would become For Maria: Ebun Pataki first lodged itself in Damilola Orimogunje’s mind during a conversation with a friend about postpartum depression (PPD). He’d heard of it , but like most Nigerians, he knew it wasn’t a topic people liked to talk about. A couple of days later, in a haunted ghost-like manner, the topic popped up on Damilola’s radar again, this time, via a Twitter thread that saw women of different ages narrating their different experiences with PPD. Calling up writer, Tunray Femi, Damilola knew he’d found his latest film.

“As a filmmaker, you have to ask yourself ‘what type of stories am I trying to tell?’, and for me, making a film is a spiritual thing. It’s sacred. I’d like to believe that I’m a conscious storyteller who’s drawn to relatable issues that people are scared to talk about,” Damilola told me when I called him to talk about For Maria: Ebun Pataki, the film that had seemingly put Nollywood back in everyone’s good graces after a certain sequel got the industry off to a rough start in 2022.

Capturing the struggles of a new mother, suffering from postpartum depression, For Maria: Ebun Pataki is Damilola’s first feature film since he started putting out short films in 2017. The film follows Derin (Meg Otanwa) as she struggles to connect with her baby, and how her suffering also affects the people around her. By pure word of mouth, the film shot to the top of the Netflix chart in Nigeria and started a major conversation on social media. But in a time where Nollywood seems to be focused on light comedies, how did a film tackling such heavy material get made? Well, Damilola and his leading lady, Meg Otanwa break it down for Zikoko.

Finding Maria

What went into creating this story?

Damilola: After I reached out to Tunray, we both sat down to discuss the possible ways we could approach the story. I had an idea of what I wanted, but I also knew that I needed time to research and a female perspective. Tunray offered the latter and together, we did extensive research on PPD before creating our characters and deciding on how we wanted their stories to unfold. The research alone took about three months before we started writing a script. We settled on a final version after four drafts..

Wow. Getting the right actors to play these complex characters can be tricky. What inspired your decision to go with Meg Otanwa and Gabriel Afolayan?

Damilola: I had wanted to work with Meg for a long time starting with one of my short films, but our schedules didn’t click. Over time, we became film buddies who would recommend films to each other and talk about them after watching. Meg is very intentional and passionate about her craft and the stories she wants to tell as an actress, so when this story came to me, I knew she would be the right choice. Gabriel’s character was supposed to be played by a different actor because we initially wanted an Igbo-speaking actor. When scheduling conflicts stopped us from working with the actor we wanted, the character was changed to a Yoruba guy, and Gabriel was the actor at the top of my list.

Becoming Derin

Meg, I’m curious to know your initial reaction to getting the script from Damilola?

Meg: I told him I needed to sleep on it. I needed time to convince myself that I could give it my all. This was a period where I was super fit and knowing I was going to lose myself physically and mentally, I needed to be sure. This film isn’t dialogue-heavy, especially for my character, so I knew that to internalise the character and her emotions, I needed to give a lot of myself. But honestly, I love a good challenge, and these are the types of stories that interest me as an actor.

What drew you to the story?

Meg: It’s compelling and different. I knew I had to take it on when I tried to talk to two friends about the film’s subject matter and they were hesitant about opening up. It made me realise that PPD is common, but women weren’t talking about it. So I had to do this project.

How did you become Derin?

Meg: It took a lot from me. Damilola was particular about not wanting to use prosthetics for Derin’s belly or weight gain, so I had to gain weight and let my hair shrink. He expected me to just be a little bit chubby, but I went all the way with one whole month of junk food. We all know putting on weight is the easy part.

Girl…….

Meg: And these were just the physical changes. Another part of my process is creating backstories for my characters so I can embody them better. What was her childhood like? Did her family go to church? How did he propose to her? Etc. These things are not part of the script, but they’re important to me. Once I answer all of this, I have a fully fleshed-out character whose choices in the film I can justify.

Since I haven’t had children before, I had to do a lot of research to understand the subject matter. My research led me to a man in Abuja whose wife had committed suicide as a result of PPD two years before this story came to me, and he was generous enough to share his experience. Derin spacing out a lot mid-conversations came from our talks because he mentioned that his wife did that a lot. Good acting is not just coming to set with your talent, it’s also about the work you do before you get to set that will help inform your choices as an actor.

Everything has to feel real

Can we talk about how relatable your characters are? They are a middle-class family, their house feels lived in and they speak a lot of their native tongue. What inspired this creative decision?

Damilola: I think it’s more natural when characters converse in their native language, and I think the audience would agree with me as well. For example, you expect a Nigerian mother-in-law to speak in her native language. I also see it as a way of cultural representation. Most times, we only portray two extremes: rich and poor. But I don’t think representation should be limited to those two. I wanted to depict regular people in society as naturally as possible. For instance, the house we used took a while to scout. I had to get out of my shell and visit friends and family just so I could see where they lived to find a fit for my story. Derin is a small-scale designer and Fola, her husband, is in advertising. I thought it would be pretentious to have them in an upscale Lagos apartment.

Why was it important to also show how Derin’s suffering affected Fola and his reaction to it?

Damilola: When you meet Fola, he’s supportive and understanding, but down the line, has to step up to become the sole caregiver of this child, which takes a lot from him.. Add to the fact that he’s also losing his wife because she’s no longer connecting to him. PPD affects the people around as well. Look at Maria! No one is talking about her. Imagine not getting love from your mum. Fola is a good guy, but he didn’t understand the intensity of PPD and how it was affecting Derin. He tried to save her in his way. He felt he was doing the right thing by loving and supporting her, but the right thing would’ve been taking her to see a therapist.

I wanted to show how it affected her husband, family members, friends and outsiders. You have people who don’t know you at all, like in the supermarket scene, giving you unsolicited advice on how best to be a mother.

What happened on set?

What was the energy on set like?

Damilola: Weirdly enough, it wasn’t as tedious as the final work. Writing the script was emotionally draining, but by the time I got on set, I knew what I wanted. The cast and crew had a great time, and I remember Gabriel would crack jokes but immediately switch to serious mode once the cameras started to roll. Tina Mba was also the queen of improvisation. The “hard maths’’ line wasn’t in the script, neither was the holy water on Derin’s breast. We were all chuckling behind the monitor. The only person who was really going through it was Meg. She was deep in Derin’s pain, and I told her to be in her zone and space. There were scenes where Meg would finish a performance in tears and we’d all just have to be quiet.

Meg: It was intense. I’m a petite woman, so having that much weight just made me physically uncomfortable. I wasn’t Meg anymore, I could feel Derin’s heaviness. I remember Dami telling me that our editor was concerned because he had only seen me smile once, off-screen. Even between takes, I wasn’t smiling at all. There were no breaks for me, and even after we wrapped, it took a while to get myself back.

And it paid off onscreen. How did you get the baby to cry on cue? I’m convinced there was some pinching involved.

Damilola: She read the script too. She’s a brilliant actress.

Liar!

Damilola: Okay, I’ll tell you the truth. So I had a rule where Meg wasn’t allowed to go near the baby throughout the shoot unless she had a scene with her. On the other hand, Gabriel and Tina Mba were allowed to play with the baby and get her to like them. That’s why anytime Derin touches the baby, she starts to cry. Derin is a stranger to her and when Gabriel takes her, she sees a familiar face and calms down. There were times, though, when she didn’t cry so we’d just do other things and the minute she starts to cry, we’re like “Oya, everybody, roll camera, action!”

Meg: Personally, Damilola’s rule affected me because I love babies and was tempted to play with her all the time. She didn’t like me at all, so when I touched her, she would start kicking and crying. Brilliant directing on his part.

Let’s talk about Nollywood

Why do you think people connected with this film the way they did and what makes it different from what’s out there in Nollywood right now?

Damilola: People connected to the film because it tackles a previously unexplored subject. It’s heavy, but it’s something people, deep down, want to learn and talk about. I also think there’s the relatability of the characters. Derin and Fola feel like people you know. For a while now, audiences have been complaining about not being able to connect to the stories being told these days, and that’s because we’re making films where the stories don’t match real life, and the audience can see through it. Relating doesn’t mean you’ve lived that life, but at least, it has to look like someone else’s possible reality. I’m not trying to be different for different sake. I could make a cinema blockbuster comedy, but I want to tell simple stories in a dynamic way that is authentic to me. I feel like we need different styles of storytelling in our industry, so that audiences can have access to variety.

Why do you think there’s a current disconnect between the audience and Nollywood?

Meg: This is a loaded question. As an industry, we’re still trying to figure out who we are while evolving with our audiences’ changing demands. It’s a process. Home videos were a thing once and people loved them. Then we moved to cinema comedies, and for a while, everyone loved those as well. But now, things are changing and they want variety. It’s great that we have avenues to hear directly from them, but the audience needs to be patient with us as well. While we can’t please everyone, filmmakers must consider criticism. That being said, not everyone should make For Maria-type movies, we still need diversity.

The Future

What are you working on now?

Meg: I just wrapped a series with Clarence Peters that I’m excited about and there are a couple more projects lined up.

Damilola: I’m planning to shoot my next film. It was supposed to be my first feature, but I abandoned it to work on For Maria because it was expensive.

So, long story short, you’re rich now?

Damilola: Ahh! I’m not. If you want to invest, I’m open. It’s called Dear Ajayi and I’m excited about it. I also produced a beautiful film titled, All the Colours are Between Black and White, which should be out soon.

Can’t wait to see them! Before we go, Meg, I heard you’re a polyglot that can speak like 100 languages.

Meg: They lied. But I can speak Spanish, French, Idoma, Yoruba, Hausa and English.

Na wa o. Excuse me while I go learn some more languages.

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

February 8, 2022

Pop

For Maria, Interview, Nigerian films, Nollywood
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

December 2021 is here, planning to go outside and get Detty. But COVID is outside, and Constable Sapa is patrolling the streets too. What then happens to Detty December?

Today on Interview With, Detty December tells us why it will go outside regardless.

[Detty December walks in and looks around]

Zikoko: Hello December! Welcome to—

Detty December: Excuse me? Who is December?

Zikoko: Haha. You nau. Do you have another name?

Detty December: The name is Detty. Detty December. Get it right before we start anything.

Zikoko: Dirty?

Detty December: From the way I look, do I appear dirty?

Zikoko: Not at all.

Detty December: Good. So, don’t roll your tongue around it. Just pronounce it right. D-E-T-T-Y, you know. Detty. Detty.

[Detty December smacks lips]

Zikoko: Sorry oh, but did your parents name you “Detty”?

Detty December: Did your parents name you Zikoko?

Zikoko: Ahan, small play. Let’s be calming down oh. Welcome to Interview With. We are pleased to have you here.

Detty December: Well, I am not pleased to be here. I should be out there, popping and happening, and this interview is cutting my time short. But hurry up so I can return outside. Also, why is your office looking so dead? No decorations whatsoever. Didn’t you get the memo that Detty December is in town?

Zikoko: We thought that the Omicron variant would have stopped you from coming out.

Detty December: What is Omarion in the face of Detty December? Girl, please. [Detty December flips bone straight].

Listen, even if they discover their long lost sibling and name it the Osanobua variant, none of them is big enough to stop me. Them and their daddy’s daddy, them no reach. You think I got this name by being afraid of anything? Please. Come rain, come shine, we outside.

Zikoko: Ahan, signboard. Take it easy oh. Does it mean you’re vaccinated?

Detty December: Yes of course. If you want to beat them, you have to collect the injection. I’m too Detty to fall sick. But let me tell you something. It’s jealousy that is worrying Miss ‘Rona. And she chose the wrong target to mess with.

Zikoko: Jealousy? Now why would COVID-19 be jealous of you?

Detty December: Oh no, not COVID. That one is just an agent.

Zikoko: Agent of darkness or MI6 or CIA?

Detty December: You want a story? I’ll give it to you. [Detty December flips bone straight and adjusts on its seat]. So, in 2019, when I decided to become really detty, I went all out. I’m sure you must have seen how Detty December was in 2019. From December 1st to 31st, it was parte after parte after parte. There was no sleep. Bus, another club, another club, plane, next place. The turn up was mad. Artistes were balling, alcohol was flowing, my fellow happening babes were popping.

And there was the universe, taking note of it all and getting jealous. 2020 came, and before I could start putting myself together, the universe sent COVID-19. From March oh, me I even thought it would be gone before I showed up in December. Only for them to ask me and my people to stay indoors. I agreed, but this time, indoors cannot contain me again. This 2021, WE FUCKING OUTSIDE!

Zikoko: Please don’t shout, they are filming Nigerians Talk downstairs.

Detty December: Alright. This 2021, we outside.

Zikoko: But with which money? Because some people have said their budget for Detty December is just ₦1,985.

Detty December: And some people also said their budget is ₦350k. This is why I miss the IJGBs. If you don’t have up to that, outside is not for you.

Zikoko: Ah! Is that not somebody’s salary?

Detty December: That one no concern me. Let them spend their life savings on me sef, I’m worth it and more. When my wicked brother January shows up with its 7 weeks disguised as 4 weeks, they will drink garri and be sober. But now, let them spend.

Zikoko: But who will be doing the spending?

Detty December: As how?

Zikoko: You know Nigeria is now on the Red List.

Detty December: Lizzie better remain in hiding, cause if I see her on the street, we’re definitely throwing hands.

Zikoko: Who is Lizzie?

Detty December: Mama Charlie. Queen Elizabeth.

Detty December and Queen Elizabeth when they jam at Murtala Muhammed Airport.

Zikoko: Ah, please oh. Lower your voice before they put Zikoko on the red list too.

Detty December: WE OUTSIDE!

Zikoko: So, what do you think this year’s Detty December is going to look like, now that IJGBs are out of the equation? Are you worried?

Detty December: I’m disappointed, but I’m not worried. It’s Chinaza from Peckham that missed out; there is still Femi from KPMG. The people I have on ground are sufficient. Besides, with the IJGBs gone, people’s spouses and significant others will be safe because nobody will come and steal them with foreign passport. You know what I’m saying?

Zikoko: Yes, yes, I do. So, now—

[Detty December’s phone rings]

Detty December: Hey babes! OMG, you guys are already at the house party? I AM ON MY WAY!

[Detty December picks up its designer handbag]

Zikoko: Please oh, you people should wear a mask and stay indoors.

Detty December: Indoors? I’m not familiar with that emotion.

[Detty December walks out]

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

READ NEXT: Interview With Lukman, The Lagos Long Island Iced Tea

[donation]

Kunle Ologunro

December 10, 2021

Inside Life, Interview With…

Detty December, Humour, Interview, Sarcasm
What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. Man Like is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.

Today’s Man Like is Uche Uba aka Vcheba, a designer, stylist and fashion illustrator. He talks about growing up the youngest of six children, how he deals with the different reactions to his style and his two cents on how to be a man.

Tell me about your childhood?

I am the last child in a family of six; however, I grew up a bit lonely because there was a massive age gap between myself and my siblings. I was way too young to offer them anything. Either way, I enjoyed my own company and was super close to my mum. She wasn’t super strict, and I could talk to her about some things. She was still traditional though, and sometimes it was difficult to discuss certain issues with her. Like the time I was molested in boarding school, it wasn’t something I could run and talk to her about. She’s still everything to me even though our relationship has gotten a little distant since I became an adult.

Do you want to talk about boarding school?

Sure. I was really small and fragile which made me an easy target back then. Physical abuse made up the bulk of my experience. There was sexual abuse too. Everyone had some story about a senior calling them to a corner and touching them inappropriately. We didn’t know what to call it because it didn’t feel aggressive. There was something about knowing you were not the only one that made it a little bit bearable. I didn’t know how much damage it caused until I started experiencing certain trauma responses down the line.

Want to talk about that?

I’ve had issues with trust and anxiety. After school, I found it hard to be in a space with more than five grown men I wasn’t familiar with. And it’s wild because you don’t immediately link it to your past, but your body just subconsciously knows that this could end badly, so just avoid it. I try to be attentive to myself, so when these things happen, I try to trace them back to their roots.

How do you deal with this trauma?

You never get over it. I don’t dwell on it anymore, but I still remember it. I’m glad that I worked through mine in a way I can finally have open conversations about it.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. So, in this day and age, what does being a man mean to you?

I don’t think there’s one way to be a man. If you identify as a man, you’re a man. Society tries to pressure us to present ourselves in a very rigid way, but the beauty of humanity lies in our differences. I’ve had people ask me I’m non-binary because of my style, but I’m not. These questions tend to pop up the moment you dress or act differently. There is space for everyone to show their versions of manhood. For me, being a man is living in truth and owning my decisions. But deviating from the norm in a place like Nigeria can be dangerous.

Dangerous?

I’ve been attacked by police and touts several times. I once took a Bolt ride and the driver asked me to come down when he saw my acrylic nails. At this point, I don’t think anyone’s opinion of me threatens the essence of who I am.

Does your family have any issues with how you present yourself?

I make compromises when I’m visiting my family. It’s not like I wear acrylic nails 365 days in a year. There are days when I’m at home and there’s nothing on, so if I can do that in my house, then it shouldn’t be an issue taking them off when I visit them. But they know the way I dress and there are times when they have expressed their reservations, but it has never really been a big deal. Also, they are from a different generation so the way we dress as young adults will always be strange to them.

We’ve touched on the negatives. Have there been positive reactions to your style?

Yes! People come up to me to tell me that they’re really shy and scared, but seeing me inspires them to fully be themselves. It’s wild when I think about it. I’m just me. Despite everything happening in this country, I don’t know how to be anyone else but me.

[newsletter]

I’m curious. How do you manage your mental health?

This is a constant journey. There’s a stigma surrounding mental health, so I’ve found a way to talk to people about what I’m going through without being direct. Therapy is not cheap! I know it’s not the healthiest way because I need to be honest about my struggles, but as I said, I’m working on it.

Do you think men get the short end of the stick when it comes to mental health conversations?

Yes. As men there’s a perception of us where we’re supposed to be strong “alpha” males. And this is a perception that we continue to feed. While we ask society to be more open to these conversations about men and mental health, we also need to cultivate a habit of communicating how we feel. We need to make the first step.

What’s one misconception people have about men that needs fixing?

I would say the idea that men should be strong. I don’t think there should be any shame in being a softer person. There should be space for everybody. Men don’t have to be anything.

As we continue to evolve, what’s one thing we should leave behind?

I want us to move past thinking that equality is a threat to who we are or our livelihood.

What would you say is your biggest fear?

My biggest fear is somewhere in between not reaching my goals and being left behind. I want to be successful and renowned in my field. I’m also scared of dying unexpectedly because it’s the one aspect of my life I can’t control. I once saw a truck run into a man’s car and I’m sure he didn’t wake up thinking he’d die that day. If I’m dying, I want to know I’m dying.

What motto do you live by?

There’s no time for regret. If it has happened, it has happened. Regret is not the same thing as reflecting.

What does happiness look like to you?

A safe space. I feel like I have this sometimes, but there are days where I don’t feel that way. It’s definitely a work in progress.

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

November 21, 2021

Man Dem, Man Like

Interview, Man like, Mandem, Men
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

During this season’s BBNaija show, many people focused on the housemates, while the housemates were focused on their tasks. But even with all this focusing, no one was prepared for the new superstar that emerged on the scene. That superstar is the BBNaija Emblem. It was worn by Pere during his week as the Head of House ,and it changed everything for the housemates.

Today on Interview With, we sat down with the Emblem to get the gist of its experience in the hands of Pere and other Heads of House. Especially Pere.

Zikoko: Hello, superstar! It’s great to have you here.

BBNaija Emblem: Thank you for having me.

See how you are glowing! What’s the secret?

Emblem: Rest. That’s the secret: rest.

What do you mean “rest”?

Emblem: Since the show ended, I have had more time to rest. It’s why I am glowing.

Does this mean you did not have any rest while the show was on?

Emblem: Shebi you watched it? What did you think? From the moment I entered Pere’s hands, how could I have found rest?

Okay, let’s backtrack a bit. Can you tell me what your life was like before you got into Pere’s hands?

Emblem: If you remember, Peace was the first Head of House.

Yes…

Emblem: Ah! That babe was my favourite. Peace of Jesus. She didn’t stress me. I just sat on her neck and followed her about. There was really nothing to stress about. She was just concerned about how some of the housemates did not take proper care of the toilets.

And how did you feel about that?

Emblem: Am I the toilets?

No, I—

Emblem: Please interview the BBNaija toilets if you want to hear their side. You called me in to discuss life as an emblem, and that’s what I came here for.

Sorry. Please continue your story.

Emblem: Like I said, Peace’s reign as Head of House was peaceful, and I thought things would continue that way. Until Pere came in.

General Pere.

Emblem: It was a military regime. During Peace’s time, I thought I was a simple piece of jewellery. You know, an ornament to tell the Head of House apart. I didn’t even think I had real power. But Pere became head of state, and—

Head of state?

Emblem: Oh, sorry. Head of House. Pere became the head of house and the next thing I was hearing was, “If you don’t respect me, at least respect the emblem on my neck.”

Me, a gold chain, is what they should respect? I had to sit up.

And what was it like?

Emblem: To be honest, it felt strange. I would enter a place with Pere and everybody would start forming serious. The whole thing was funny, but I had to play along. And then Pere started causing trouble, and I entered serious hard labour.

What trouble did Pere cause?

Emblem: Oh, please don’t act like you don’t know. You yourself referred to him as General Pere some minutes ago. Don’t irritate me.

No, no. Don’t get me wrong. You know we watched from outside. I just want to know what it was like in the house…

Emblem: It was tough oh. Pere rationed noodles. Only him, he banned WhiteMoney from the kitchen. And it was all on me because, “Respect the emblem on my neck.” At some point, I wanted to shout and say, “Pere, do your evil acts with your chest. Don’t use the emblem as a cover.” But I kept quiet. Imagine if I had spoken and everyone fled because an ordinary neck chain dared to open its mouth and speak.

Wahala.

Emblem: Now you see my dilemma.

But was it only Pere that stressed you? What about the other Heads of House?

Emblem: I didn’t say it was only Pere. I said Pere made me sit up, and he brought attention to me. That’s all. The other housemates stressed me when they became Heads of House too. I can name them if—

Liquorose?

Emblem: Ah, Liqourose was a sweet babe through and through. I won’t even lie.

Cool. What about—

Emblem: It was the unexpected movements that nearly killed me.

What unexpected movements?

Emblem: I’m sure you know Liqurose is a dancer.

Yes. She’s a member of the—

Emblem: GGB dance crew. Sometimes, it’s like she forgets that she is already in the house and that she is wearing something on her neck. I could be sleeping, and suddenly, the whole place will just shake. Once, I thought an earthquake was happening in the Big Brother House. When I opened my eyes, I saw it was just Liquorose practicing her legwork for the Saturday Night Party. I wanted to cry. This babe did not care about my blood pressure one bit.

But how was WhiteMoney’s reign as Head of House?

Emblem: [Hisses] That one spent more time with the pots than he did with me. He should have just worn a pot or a cooking spoon around his neck. Yes, I enjoyed the aroma of his food, but he could have had more time for me.

Aww.

Emblem: Anyway, I’m glad it’s all over. I’m happy that he won. I hope he invests in a kitchen or something.

Is that jealousy I detect in your tone?

Emblem: Please dear. Why should I be jealous? I have become famous, and I am happy. Which of the winners have secured this interview with Zikoko Magazine?

None, if we are being honest. You are the first.

Emblem: Very good. When one of them lands on Zikoko frontpage, we can revisit this discussion again.

[BBNaija Emblem sashays out]

So we know BBNaija is over but your entertainment doesn’t have to be. Catch BBNaija Season 4 winner, Mercy Eke as she makes a return on TV this October with her reality show, ‘Mercy: What’s Next’ which premieres Sunday, 10 October at 6 PM on Africa Magic Showcase.

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

Read next:

Interview With Toothbrush: “Please Let Me Rest”

[donation]

Kunle Ologunro

October 8, 2021

Inside Life, Interview With…

bbnaija emblem, Interview, interview with, liquorose, Pere, whitemoney
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

You have always seen the broom in the flag of the All Progressives Party (APC) political party. Have you ever wondered what it means, or more importantly, why the party chose a broom?

Also, how does the broom on the flag feel about being the number one broom in the Federal Republic of Nigeria? What are the implications of this great responsibility? Today on Interview With, we sat with the APC Broom to discuss its grace to grass story.

Zikoko: Hello and welcome to Interview With. We are pleased to have you.

APC Broom: Thank you, Mr. Interviewer. Me too, I am pleased to be had.

Can you please introduce yourself to the audience?

APC Broom: As how?

Just tell the readers a bit about yourself. You know, who you are, what you do, etc.

APC Broom: Oh, okay. [Balances well]. I am the First broom of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

As in, you and Aishat Buhari are sharing husband?

APC Broom: No, no. What I am saying is that I hold a position that no broom has ever held before. I am the broom on the APC flag, and I don’t need to tell you that APC is the ruling party in Nigeria at the moment. So, if I am the broom on the flag of the ruling party, what does that make me?

A ruling broom?

APC Broom: Yes. Just like Buhari is the ruling man and he is the first citizen of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Oh, I see. So, following that logic…

APC Broom: That means when you count the brooms in this country, I come first. In that case, I am the ruling broom. In other words, the First Broom of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Rulers of this country have always had inspiring backstories. So, First Broom of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, what is your backstory?

APC Broom: [Takes a deep breath] You have asked an important question, and I too will give you an important answer. See, I am a broom of humble beginnings. My parents were poor palm fronds who struggled to make us their children happy. They allowed themselves to be cut down so broomsticks could be extracted from them. And even when we were spread in the sun for days, they made us understand that it was a necessary pain to go through. Before any broom can become valuable enough, they always said, it must first pass through harsh sunlight. See me today.

Wow. Did your parents attend any school?

APC Broom: My mother did not, but my father has a diploma in ATP from Dela Furotoye’s School of Motivational Quotes.

What is ATP?

APC Broom: Aspire To Papaya.

Oh, nice.

APC Broom: Nobody in my family thought I could get to this position. Even me, I never imagined I would be where I am today, but not once did I ever give up. I mean, look at my mates. Many of them have been cut short and are being used to wash toilets or mash ewedu leaves. Many of them are being used to sweep compounds, and many more are being used to wash gutters in Orile Agege, but here I am, living like a king on the APC flag.

Small broom, big God.

APC Broom: My brother, when God says it is your time, it is your time.

How did your time come? I mean, how did you end up on the flag?

APC Broom: Mr. Interviewer, thank you for that question. Many have said that I used bottom power, that I slept my way to the top. But I am a broom, where is the bottom? Even if I have bottom sef, who will insert something inside it?

Ah, don’t say that oh. Is this not Nigeria where a man was caught sleeping with a goat?

APC Broom: But am I a goat?

No, I—

APC Broom: Anyway, I was on my own that day, trying to rest and recover. People had cut parts of my body to pick their teeth and I was just looking scatter-scatter. By the way, we should talk about that. Why do Nigerians leave toothpicks alone and instead, go ahead to break off a piece of broom and stick it inside their teeth? Did I follow you to eat the meat that is stuck in your teeth?

Some people are even worse. They will break off a piece of broomstick and use it to clean their ears. Keep at it, you hear. Just keep at it. One day, a piece of broomstick will pierce your eardrum and you will learn.

Ah, please temper mercy with johnson.

APC Broom: Mercy Johnson is in her husband’s house. Me, I will not temper any mercy with justice.

So, back to our story. You were on your own, looking scatter-scatter.

APC Broom: Yes, as I was saying. I was on my own, looking scatter-scatter and trying to see if anyone would buy me and take me home so I could at least leave the market. That was how this black car with tinted windows stopped and the driver rushed out to come and buy me. I was so excited. I thought I was at least going to enter someone’s house at last. And that was the plan.

But the person who bought me was on his way to an APC meeting, and as it turned out, they were busy redesigning the flag that time and the only thing remaining was a symbol. Sha, the meeting started. According to what I heard, they saw a cockroach flying around, and they wanted to kill it. Next thing, the driver was asked to bring me out of the car.

And you killed the cockroach…

APC Broom: Not only did I kill it. I also swept it away and kept that floor clean. That was how the leader said, “We have found our logo.”

One minute they’re lifting me in the air and hailing me, the next they are retying me and arranging my loose ends. Afterwards, they took my photos and sent them to a flag designer. All this in one day.

Wonderful.

APC Broom: It can only be God.

Why do you think APC chose a broom as their symbol? They are a political party, couldn’t they have chosen something more… significant?

APC Broom: You want the answer to that question?

Yes, please.

APC Broom: Then go to Aso Rock. It’s not me you will ask foolish questions.

No, I didn’t mean it that way oh.

APC Broom: Why do you Nigerians like to hate? You are asking why they chose a broom. PDP that used umbrella as their logo, why didn’t you go and drag them? APGA that used fowl as their own logo, shey you will go and fight them? This is Nigeria, Mr. Interviewer. Nobody knows why things happen. Anything your eyes see, take it like that and be going. It can be either good or bad, e no sure for anybody, na grace.

As for me, they saw the work I did and they realised that I would be a good symbol to show Nigerians that APC is a party that has come to sweep out corruption and every wrong thing happening in this country. Like I said, who soak garri for morning fit chop jollof rice for night. Everything na grace.

So, would you say you have achieved that?

APC Broom: Achieved what?

Swept corruption out of the country and all…

APC Broom: Shey this one dey whine me ni? Oga, I am just an ordinary broom oh. The people you should ask are your leaders in power. Besides, I want you to take a good look at me. Can you see my size?

Yes.

APC Broom: Now imagine the size of the corruption in this country. Do you think I have the capacity to sweep it away?

I—

APC Broom: Even if they bring vacuum cleaner, the level of to be cleaned will make it start to malfunction. But Nigerians love lies. And I cannot even blame them. When you have suffered for more than 19 years, even keke maruwa will look like a yacht. That’s why, when APC debuted me as their symbol, everyone was rejoicing. The price of broom went up, and at every political rally, people would carry brooms and shake in the air.

Me I was happy for my siblings, sha. At least they finally got to take a break from hard labour. They are back at it now sha, but that year, brooms were the happening babes.

Hmm. This is such an eye-opener.

APC Broom: I know what people are saying on the streets: that the APC Broom is doing the opposite of what they asked it to do; that I am sweeping corruption into the country and sweeping away the value of the Naira.

Okay oh, I agree. But can we also agree that I am sweeping Nigerians out of the country and sweeping them into better countries?

So you are responsible for the japa?

APC Broom: If you will blame me, you might as well tell the complete truth.

People have been clamouring that the APC logo be changed from Broom to Cutlass. What do you have to say about this?

APC Broom: Ordinary broom that is the party logo, the country is like this. Imagine if they change it to cutlass. What do you think will happen?

Ah.

APC Broom: Good.

Thank you so much for honouring us. Any last words?

APC Broom: People have said I do not deserve this position. I want them to know that who God has blessed, no man can curse. Also, they should know that I am just out here living my life. You dey use envy look am, na why e be like show off. But take note of this: Battery wey low go still full, and battery wey full go still low. Our prayer be say make charger no spoil.

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

READ NEXT: Interview With Nigeria’s Coat of Arms

Kunle Ologunro

September 10, 2021

Inside Life, Interview With…

APC Broom, Humour, Interview, Interview With APC Broom
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

Last year, one of the most divisive swallows, Semo, sat down with us in a bid to try and clear its tainted name. It didn’t go well. Now, with Fufu’s ongoing PR nightmare, the unassuming swallow is trying to do the same.

In this interview, Fufu shares how it feels about being relentlessly dragged by African-Americans, being defended by only a few Nigerians and how it wants more people to be Fufu advocates.

Zikoko: Thank you so much for coming in today. We know how tight your schedule is.

Fufu: Well, when the reputation you have spent countless years diligently building is about to destroyed for cheap laughs, you have to put everything else on hold.

I agree. Who are the people trying to tarnish your name?

At this point, who isn’t? Every day, someone will just wake up and think, “Let me tweet hateful lies about Fufu.” Is it that you people don’t have work? Is Nigeria not stressing you enough, abi what?

Then, to add insult to injury, African-Americans have now joined in on the slander. Those ones are making videos and doing their mouth anyhow when they taste me.

We are in the middle of three pandemics — coronavirus, Buhari and Trump’s last days in office — and people still have time to be making fun of how I taste. Have we forgotten that a symptom of corona is a lack of taste.

https://twitter.com/Oh_Bunn/status/1348032718945345537?s=09

You—

Listen, you do not get to where I am today by tasting mediocre. I am enjoyed in many African countries, from Ghana to Liberia. If you think it’s easy, how come Semo has not achieved that level of success?

Semo in the mud, again.

All the swallows know Semo is trash. That one is not a secret.

Wow.

Name any soup and see if I don’t work well with it. Is it Egusi? We make a great team. Okro? Buddies for life. Efo riro? My ride or die. I don’t choke people, I don’t stick to fingers. What else do you people want?

You are all so ungrateful.

Honestly, I think you’re doing great. But…

But what?

I… I think you would do a lot better if you did not have such a… um, a distinct smell.

Shrinkage.

Excuse me?

You want me to shrink myself.

No, I—

We teach Fufu to shrink itself, to make itself small. We say to Fufu, you can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be white but not too white, so you don’t threaten Pounded Yam.

Because I am Fufu, I am expected to aspire to public perfection. And yet, I am not recognised enough. Nigerians don’t even serve me at parties. What manner of disrespect is that?

But you are recognised. In fact—

You call international dragging recognition? African-Americans talking about me and making videos, not for enjoyment but for laughs, is that recognition?

There have been people coming to your defence though.

I know and I’m grateful, but they are not nearly enough.

To be honest, I’m more focused on the sheep — the people who hate on me because of peer pressure. People who have never tasted me, but swear I am trash. People who can’t look beyond my smell.

How do you think we can fix this?

Well, we can all start by becoming Fufu advocates.

Who or what is a Fufu advocate?

My own definition of a Fufu advocate is simple. A Fufu advocate is any person who says, yes, there is a problem with how Fufu is being represented these days and we must fix it. We must do better.

Even if you don’t like me, you shouldn’t just sit by and watch people from other parts of the world drag me. You’re the only one that should be allowed to drag me. Honestly, you should all do better.

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

Kunle Ologunro

January 13, 2021

Interview With…

fufu, Interview
The Nigerian Police is currently recruiting, and we want a clean slate from the past. These questions must be asked if we are serious about integrity and professionalism in the force.

1. “Are you hopelessly addicted to 50 Naira?”
Obviously, he won’t say he is. But check his eyes, if he describes 50 Naira with so much passion and gusto, and his eyes light up with lust, that’s an incoming thief. He is high on mutilated N50 Naira. Boot him out!

2. “Who Is Kcee? Do you know his brother E-money?“
He will try to hide his admiration for Kcee (“Alhaji Bureau de Changer”) and his elder brother E-money. But pay attention to his lips, if he smirks it any suggestively then he’s somebody who will leave the force to open doors for rich people. He’s a door opener, not a police. Get that man out!

3. “Are tattoos from the Devil?”
If he says no earrings, no tattoos and no dreadlocks and anyone who has them on is suspect, that’s a SARS material. He will be a menace on the streets. Sack that man before you’ve even given him a job!

4. “Is virginity Important?”

If he says virginity is a material fact, and that he has to ask about virginity once he questions any girl, that man is going to be a benefit policeman, and a terror to our girls. Sweep him out!
5. Tell him to say “Park”
If he shouts “Parrrrrrrk!”, and the veins in his head is bulging out and his eyes are almost coming out of their socket, that’s a baby tyrant. He will stop every car and tax every driver, even more than Sanwo-Olu. Show that man the exit!

6. “Road or air travel, which do you prefer?”
If he says he “so much” likes road travel and that he likes Nigeria’s rough and rugged inter-state roads, he’s going to be an inter-state extortionist. Decline his application before he extorts all the drivers on Nigerian roads.

7. “Oga or Boss, which is correct?”
If he says he likes calling his superiors “Oga”, you’re looking at a Makanaki. He will start a bribery ring with his “Oga”, and they’ll share it 70-30. He understands how to pay tithe in the Devil’s kingdom. Sack than man, now!

Jara
Check his wrist and see if he’s wearing a wrist watch. If he’s not, he will run away from the crime scene and come back hours after the criminals have gone. He’s a scammer, that one.

But we know the Nigerian Police Force won’t ask these tough questions. That means, God safe us from this incoming batch of members of the police force who will certainly not be our friends, as always.
Doyin Olagunju

August 25, 2020

Citizen, General

Interview, Nigeria, Nigerian police, Police
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

Two weeks ago, I spoke to the overworked and underappreciated Dishwashing Liquid, and during that eye-opening interview, it name-dropped a very polarising figure in the Nigerian food scene, Semo.

A few days after that interview, Semo’s manager reached out to me, asking that I sit down with his client and give it a chance to clear the air. I begrudgingly agreed, and the interview got understandably tense.

Zikoko: It’s nice to have you here.

Semo: Is it? Is it really?

No. I was actually just being polite.

That’s much better. I’ve seen every jab your insignificant little blog has thrown my way, from the articles to the comics. No need to start forming nice because I’m finally in front of you.

That’s fine by me. Is there anything you’d like to get off your chest before we start?

I just have some constructive criticism. I think you, in particular, should just stick to writing those horny little articles and leave the food reviews to people who know what they are talking about.

I’m assuming there is someone else in your company that understands my value, or did every single one of the writers get hired specifically for having shit taste?

LMAO. You would know about “shit taste”.

You’ve never eaten me with Ogbono soup and it shows. I dare you to find another one of my counterparts that complements that top-tier soup as flawlessly as I do.

Is it Pounded Yam that wants to compete? That one is too busy kissing Egusi’s ass.

That’s confident.

Look, I’m not saying I’m the best swallow out there, but my slander is so obviously forced. I remember when it was cool to hate on Amala for no reason, and when that got boring, I became the next target.

Semo is the worst swallow in this life and the next.
— Princess ✨ (@TheItunuOye) February 3, 2018

So, people who say they don’t like you are faking it?

That’s not what I’m saying. I believe some people genuinely don’t like me, and that’s fine. I can’t be mad at them for being born with faulty tastebuds. I actually feel sorry for them.

My issue is when they start saying nonsense like, “Only cultists eat semo.” I mean, it’s already bad enough that they have subpar taste, but to now be shading people who don’t? That’s just embarrassing.

What about the people that genuinely have an issue with your texture?

If you don’t like my texture, then you made me wrong. It’s that simple. When Pounded Yam comes out lumpy, they blame the person who made it, but when my texture is off, they blame me. That’s unfair.

What about reports that you were fed to six geese and three died?

My manager told you not to bring that up. I knew I shouldn’t have wasted my time coming here. Keep pushing your hateful, anti-Semo agenda for the clicks. The clout you’re chasing will hook your throat.

Like you hook the throats of people who eat you?

*Semo storms off*

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

NerdEfiko

August 21, 2020

Interview With…

Interview, semo
Cobhams Asuquo is easily one of the most talented Nigerians alive. While he is more renowned for his work as a producer and songwriter, specifically his contribution to Asa’s eponymous debut, he is also an outstanding performer in his own right.

For those who might have forgotten, his viral cover of DJ Neptune, Mr Eazi and JoeBoy’s “Nobody” was a welcome reminder. Prior to that, he teamed up with Simi for the thought-provoking “We Plenti” — an impressive single off his upcoming sophomore album.

Bruhh. pic.twitter.com/7IlLw1k6eS
— Taiwo (@OgaBoxx) June 14, 2020

So, we decided to talk to the exceptional multihyphenate, discussing his past and his plans for the future.

What was your first proper introduction to music?

My first major memory is playing the twelve-bar blues (one of the most prominent chord progressions in popular music) as a kid. Then I began working with my church choir when I was just 9 years old.

Wow. Is there a reason you decided to kick off your career with producing instead of singing?

I don’t know if I actively picked producing over singing. For me, it was a matter of necessity at the time. Growing up, I used to constantly deconstruct music in my head, so discovering Musical Instrument Digital Interface (MIDI), which allowed me to recreate music in different ways, was really exciting for me. I immediately started to experiment.

So, I don’t think I was deliberate about picking production. It just kind of happened.

How did you feel about singing at the time?

I always wanted to be a singer. I always thought I’d make a career out of it actually, but I just didn’t like my voice as much as the voices of the people that inspired me. I wanted to sound like Michael Jackson, Bob Marley, Elvis Presley, Nat King Cole and a few others.

The fact that I didn’t is just one of the things that pushed me in the direction of production.

What was it like working on Asa’s debut album, Asa?

That collaboration was very organic. We started off as friends and we’d always made music together. We’d essentially done life together, and for me, that’s an essential part of collaborating. It’s always different when there’s a connection and a bunch of memories to pull from.

We’d done this for about 3 years and we’d worked on a lot of material. We actually had a whole other body of work that we created, but we never put that out. So, when the opportunity to create Asa came, we had a lot to pull from. We were in a tiny little suburb somewhere outside of Paris and we’d just go from our apartment to the studio. It was a great time.

One of the most remarkable things about that album is that a lot of the takes we ended up using were actually demo takes. They were just so soulful that by the time we got to actually recording them, we agreed that those versions were better. It was just an interesting period of writing and creating great music.

Following the success of that album, why did it take you so long to put out your own music?

Between 2007 and 2014, when I released my first single, “Ordinary People”, I worked with Omawumi and we put out some of her most acclaimed work, from “If You Ask Me” to “In The Music”. Around that time, I also worked with Timi Dakolo on his first album, Beautiful Noise. Then I collaborated with Banky W on songs like “Strong Ting”, “Yes/No” and a few others.

So, yeah, it was a period I spent stretching myself as a producer. It’s around this time I also started building confidence in my own voice. The experience helped me understand the importance of delivering my own message in my own way. I think that whole process actually took some time.

So what is your message?

I think mine is a message of hope. I started life out with the odds stacked against me — I was born blind in Nigeria in the ‘80s, and I didn’t have the requisite infrastructure to function in the space. My story could have turned out a lot differently. So, the message I chose to spread with my music and my life is that of possibility. It might not always seem that way, but it’s possible.

What’s it like helping others achieve their artistic vision?

It’s exciting for me. I feel a sense of responsibility to help uplift the standard of music in Nigeria and the world over, and I think that’s what working with other artists does. It also gives me the experience to help develop my own sound. I’ve been a part of a lot of artists’ journeys and that’s helped me define my own path more clearly.

I’m a producer transitioning into the artist space, and I’ve worked on a lot of different genres, so it was initially a bit difficult trying to find my own path. Over time, however, I’ve grown to understand the commercial value of music versus its artistic value. That’s helped me make more informed decisions as I craft my own specific sound.

What does transitioning into the artist space mean to you:

Primarily, it means I’m going to perform and sing more. I’m going to be sharing my story through great music. Whether or not I produce less, remains to be seen. That will be a matter of how I manage my schedule.

The most important thing is that people get to enjoy the goodness of Cobhams the artist, not just Cobhams the producer. I think people deserve that.

About your debut album, For You, that also took a bit of time to come out. Why?

I spent about 5 years working on that album. I was juggling that while working on projects with other artists. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to release it because, as a 100% Christain album, it was a departure from some of the stuff I was putting out around that time, like “Boosit” with Falz and “Do The Right Thing” with Bez.

I eventually got to a point where I decided it was divine design and it needed to come out. So, when I felt convinced and confident enough to share it with the world, I did. Another reason it took so long was because of how much went into it, from working with an orchestra to collaborating with musicians from different countries.

How do you feel about the project now, 3 years after its release?

I feel like it has done and continues to do what it was meant to do. In my opinion, music is a gift that you share with other people. I think the album was meant to come out and bless people, and I believe that it did. Now, I’m just excited about moving on to the next thing, and for me, that’s working on my sophomore album.

Due to its faith-based themes, For You was skewed towards a specific audience. With this new album, I’m broadening my sound and my perspective. I’m really reaching for the stars with this one and feeling very excited about it.

How would you describe your sound at this moment?

I feel like my sound is growing. I think that as a musician, you need to allow yourself to evolve and create music that is relevant to the times. You need to keep growing to get better. For me, “We Plenti” is stylistically very African. Our sound is taking centre stage in the world right now, and there hasn’t been a better time to be an African in music.

I’m really excited about that and I’m expressing it in my music. It’s authentically African. There are a lot of people who can create this type of music, but I feel like, as an African, it’s my heritage. I have the right and I can do it well. I think “We Plenti” is a testament to that. I can create African music just as well as I create music with any other kind of influence.

Who else would you like to collaborate with?

I’m collaborating with a number of artists in the afrobeats space. I really can’t say who yet, but the direction we are going with the album is really exciting.

How has the pandemic affected the way you make music?

I’ve had to learn new ways to function. I’m now collaborating with people without having them come to my studio, and it’s pretty exciting. Granted, I’m a big studio guy, but I’m not mad at remote work becoming the new normal. I’m currently collaborating with artists across 6 African countries.

Has it had a more cerebral effect on your approach?

The lockdown gave me a bit more time to be introspective, and when I’m in that headspace, I tend to create more. So, I’ve been able to create some things that I’m very proud of. I think I’ve also decided to approach music from a slightly more spiritual angle, in terms of just being quiet and listening. Listening for the sound and listening for inspiration.

You made a song about the pandemic. Why did you feel compelled to?

I’ve always talked about music as a tool for social influence; for sensitising people and spreading information. That’s part of what I like to do with my music and with “We Go Win”, that was the idea. It was a way to tell people how to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.

Is there a reason you haven’t done one of the lockdown’s biggest pastimes: a versus challenge?

I really don’t know why I haven’t done one. I’ve given it some thought, but I like things to happen organically. We never know. The period isn’t over, so something might come up. If it does happen, it’s going to be organic.

Who would you like to go up against?

I’d have to really think about my catalogue, but there are a few people, like Don Jazzy and TY Mix. I wouldn’t want to go up against people like Sarz or Masterkraft. Their production catalogues are just wild.

Let’s talk about your viral “Nobody” cover. What inspired that?

It’s a great song and people around the world have been rocking out to it, so I decided to join in on the fun. It was also an opportunity for me to show what I do when I’m in the studio: How ideas come to my head and how I flesh them out. “Nobody” was just the perfect canvas for me. It was fun to give a primarily afropop song a different perspective.

So, when can fans expect new singles from your sophomore album?

Expect songs to start coming out within the next couple of months. Obviously, the pandemic has taken a toll on the world, but we are resilient people. So, while I can’t give you a specific time, I can say that over the next couple of months, you’ll be hearing a lot more from me. Then at the most opportune time, the album will drop. I am really excited about it.

NerdEfiko

June 29, 2020

Pop

Cobhams, Interview
Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

The rise of new Nollywood has brought with it a host of exciting new stars like Adesua Etomi, Enyinna Nwigwe and many more. However, one star who never seems to get the due they deserve is the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge.

Vey few Nollywood performers are as relentless and as hard-working as the bridge, who, without any formal training, has appeared in just about every hit Nollywood movie since coming onto the scene in 2013.

So, we sat with the bridge to discuss its rise to prominence:

Zikoko: When did you know you wanted to be an actor?

Lekki-Ikoyi Bridge: I actually never planned to become an actor. I thought I was only ever going to be a link between Lekki and Ikoyi, but a few Nollywood directors noticed my potential, especially when shot at night, and my life has never remained the same.

Amazing. When did you get your big break?

I think my big break came in 2015, when I starred in Biyi Bandele’s Fifty. Getting to act alongside talented actresses like Ireti Doyle and Dakore Akande was a dream come true. I think I had about the same amount of screen time as all four leads.

So, what kind of genres do you prefer?

I’ve appeared in just about every genre Nollywood has tried, so it’s hard to pick a favourite. Whether it’s a rom-com, a thriller or a drama, as long as it takes place in Lagos, I’m yet to meet a director who isn’t willing to put me in their film. I feel very blessed and fortunate.

What do you think you bring to your roles?

It really depends on the film. Sometimes, I’m used to distract from a mediocre story. Other times, I’m used to show that Lagos can be really beautiful at night. On a few occasions, random clips of me have been used to help a movie reach its mandated 2-hour runtime.

What would you like to do next?

I love being a supporting actor, but I would really like to lead a movie soon. Kunle Afolayan already made a film called The Bridge in 2017, but I didn’t get the role. I was heartbroken. Hopefully, Kemi Adetiba hits me up to be the star of her next film.

What should fans expect to see you in next?

I’m set to appear in just about every Nollywood movie that drops this year. So, if you go to the cinema and pick a random movie, you’ll most likely see me. It just feels great to keep getting work, even though I’m yet to receive an AMVCA nomination. I pray that changes soon.

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

NerdEfiko

April 24, 2020

Interview With…, Pop

Interview, lekki-ikoyi bridge, Nollywood
At a job interview, how you say something matters as much as what you say. The most effective way to convey your passion and excitement is through action and behavior. Unfortunately, most people don’t pay attention to these things so they end up ruining their chances.

There are certain things to do to improve your chances of “congratulations you got the job” over “we decided to pursue other candidates.”

These are some common interview mistakes to avoid:

1) Not researching the company.

It seems very obvious to research the company you want to work for but many people don’t do this. It’s important to know how their core values and mission statement tie into your role. It also helps to know key senior employees in the company in case they are in charge of the interview. Don’t be caught unaware as failing a question about the company can make it look like you don’t care enough about the job.

2) Wearing the wrong clothes.

Check for culture fit for the role you are applying for. Don’t wear casual clothes for a formal interview and vice versa. The wrong clothing screams “I don’t belong here.” That’s why it’s important to research the company you are applying to and dress appropriately.

3) Arriving late.

Man, there is nothing tackier than arriving at an interview late. It’s better to not even go because interviewers can get the impression that you don’t value their time. Try to arrive some minutes before your interview so you are mentally prepared and settled. Being calm before an interview greatly increases your confidence.

4) Not being coherent.

Try to rehearse the answer to “tell me about yourself” over and over again so that it reads smooth and natural. It won’t help if you are just thinking about the answer to this question on the spot. It will make you come off as scattered and disjointed. This can also reduce your chances of getting the job.

5) Outright lying.

Try to avoid claiming expertise you don’t have because some interviewers can decide to test your claims in real-time. Once they spot a lie, it becomes difficult to believe any other thing you say no matter how true it is. It is just safer to avoid such a scenario.

*Proficient in excel left this chat*

6) Disturbing the interviewer.

After the interview, constantly calling and sending emails to the company will not increase your chances of getting the job. This only shows them that you are sort of desperate (which you are but it doesn’t mean they should know). Try not to nag the interviewer so much in such a short period of time as this can put them off.

In case you missed this, here are killer questions to ask at the end of an interview to blow your interviewer away.

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Hassan Yahaya

March 16, 2020

Hustle

career, Interview, Job, work
1. The beggy-beggy.

Prepared to beg his life away for the job.
2. The one that came to kill it.

Acting like na only him get road.
3. The nervous guy.

Sweating under AC like say we dey desert.
4. The one that acts like he’s going to get the job.

See the way he’s doing like Sina Rambo.
5. The baby.

Looks like he just finished primary school.
6. The fashionista.

Oga we came to find job, not modelling contract. Nawa for you.
7. The connects guy

Always calling somebody that knows somebody, even though they’re not picking up.
8. The O.G

Has been to 10 offices before this one, always looking bored.
9. The person sleeping like it’s his fathers parlour.

He’s even snoring ontop of it. Blood of Jesus.

Osaretin Tunde-Oni

November 17, 2016

Oldies

Funny, Interview, Job
1. When you get there later than everyone else and have to do the walk of shame past the other serious applicants.

They are all judging you!
2. When your trousers tear while you’re climbing okada to get to the interview.

God this is not the life I was promised!
3. When you get there for the interview and they tell you it was the day before.

My enemies have succeeded!
4. When the HR department tells you they sent you an invitation by mistake.

So what is supposed to happen now?
5. When you realise you forgot to wear your wig to the interview and your hair is jagga-jagga.

I hope they like the hair plaited under the wig cap sha.
6. When your stomach starts misbehaving during the interview.

Na wa oh!
7. When the interviewer is the ex you said will never amount to anything.

“That was just a joke.”
8. When you exaggerated on your C.V and they ask you to demonstrate your lies.

“I was claiming those skills in faith”.
9. When you hear how much they are willing to pay and it’s less than half of what you expected.

Why not just ask us to work for free.
10. When the interview is in front of everybody as if you are applying for visa.

So my shame can be outside abi?
11. The #GoPlaces interview promises to be anything BUT an interview of nightmares.

12. The interview is aimed at finding your interests and strengths, and seeing where you fit in the company!

13. Isn’t this the type of interview you want to be a part of?

So click here to take the interview! You won’t regret it!
This post is brought to you by Heineken Go Places.
Go Places takes the unique form of an interactive visual storytelling game, which guides participants on an adventure of choices, adopting elements of the global Heineken Company culture, whilst showing off a diverse, multi-talented workforce including Africans and Nigerians.

Jola Ayeye

November 14, 2016

Oldies

Interview, Job, Job Interview, sponsored, work
1. When you sit down and they say “can we meet you?”

Abi you cannot see me?
2. When they ask you “why should we hire you?”

Do you want me to starve?
3. When they ask you where you see yourself in 5 years.

My eyes are paining me, biko.
4. When they ask you how much you’d like to get paid and then cut that figure in half.

Hay God!
5. When they know you’re 25 and still ask for 24 years experience.

Is it fair?
6. How you laugh when the interviewer cracks a dry joke:

Ya very funny sir.
7. When you finish the interview and find out you still have 3 more tests.

Is it that deep?
8. When they ask you what their company goals are.

See question.
9. How you feel when the person interviewing you asks a stupid question:

You that you have the job you don’t even have sense.
10. You, waiting for them to get back to you.

You people should call me na,
11. When the interviewer that was cracking jokes with you doesn’t get back to you.

Where is the loyalty?

Daniel Orubo

June 28, 2016

Oldies

employ, Interview, Job, Job Interview, Nigeria
1. You have sent your CV out to about 200 employers and now, you’re just praying for a reply.

Please, take your time.
2. Then you get that interview call and you’re so nervous, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

WHAT WILL I WEAR?!
3. So you get to your interview hours ahead of time, and you have to wait….

And wait!
4. When your friend applies for the same position as you and you meet him at the interview.

Who sent you? Oversabi.
5. When you get called before the know-it-all candidate.

Oya fly now.
6. When you are so nervous at your interview, you say something you immediately regret.

*inserts foot in mouth*
7. When they say ‘tell me about yourself’.

What can I say, I’m unemployed.
8. When they start asking questions you didn’t expect: “What is the first law of thermodynamics?”.

Wait, what?! I was not ready.
9. Then the interviewer asks you what made you apply for the job.

Food, money, shelter, clothing…
10. When the recruiter bases the entire interview on your lack of experience.

Why did you now call me here?
11. At the interview, when they ask for your salary expectations.

You don’t really want me to answer that.
12. When the interviewer asks ‘what are your flaws?’.

I’m basically perfect.
13. When they keep asking for information that’s already on your resume.

*screams on the inside*
14. When you come out from the interview and all the other candidates want to know what you were asked.

Look at me. We are not friends.
15. When you find out that someone else got the position.

God why?!?!
16. But you don’t give up and you just look forward to the next interview call.

My own will come.

Odunayo

November 30, 2015

Oldies

Interview, Job, Job Interview, Nigerian
What happens when people suddenly lose their jobs due to COVID-19 (thanks, but no thanks 2020) or circumstances beyond their control? For many people in Nigeria, life gets tough. Make that tough because it’s already the ghetto over here.

We got 5 people to share their job hunting chronicles with us, and honestly, the struggle is real!

Read on.

Yetty

It was my first job after school and I was just really grateful that I had a job, even though it was the absolute worst. My boss called me one day and explained that they weren’t making money and so couldn’t sustain the staff strength. He added that since he had been spending his personal money on the company, he wanted to invest in something else and would have to let me go.

This happened in February.

One thing I regret is that I have nothing to show for a year’s work in terms of funds. I didn’t have income insurance. I wasn’t earning much either; had to pay rent in Lagos, feed, and take care of basic stuff. Looking for a job has been stressful. Before losing my job, I was trying to transition into a new career entirely and I’ve been studying and all. But you know how the job market is, they ask for three years of experience for entry-level roles and even internships (all my life, I always thought internships were meant for one to learn and acquire skills). So yeah, it’s been very hard.

Jeph

I was working in this place where I was handling Marketing. Frankly, I loved my colleagues and the impact of our work. The CEO on the other hand, I didn’t like very much. He paid little to no attention to employee welfare and would stress the life out of you. The work hours were terrible and he’d call at ungodly hours. I once resigned and he begged me to stay. He wouldn’t let me go on leave because I was a “key man risk”. He never increased salaries the three years I worked with him.

At the beginning of the COVID-19 lockdown, I had to work overtime to ensure that the business ran as smoothly as possible. Still, no raise. There was even the risk of a pay cut. One Sunday, I didn’t pick this man’s call because I was asleep. When I did, oga said I was acting stupidly, and that at my age, he was running a business worth ₦22 million so I should stop being irresponsible.

I waited for my salary and I resigned in March last year (2020), but the drama lingered till October. He wanted to punish me with handover like he’d usually do to others and I ignored him. I instead requested for my statutory payments to be made and he ignored me until I sent him an email. They finally responded that they were going to pay up, but then they sent a lawyer to me saying I threatened them and I should come to sign an undertaking. This was about 3 months post-resignation. They also said I obstructed their revenue inflow by not handing over and some other nonsense like that. Then went on to threaten to sue me for $36000 and 4 Million Naira. Thing is, their claims were frivolous and asides from that, I was never given an employment letter and wasn’t bound by any contract terms to follow any set procedures. I sha had my lawyer do the talk with theirs till I never heard from them again. I have sha learnt the importance of knowing the labour laws, work insurance and how to handle employment contracts.

Temi

I resigned o.

I was working for a bunch of companies and one particular day I just typed my resignation letter and sent it the next week to most of them at the same time because I was tired. How would I be having thirteen-hour meetings, and they’ll still schedule a meeting for the next day!? It didn’t make sense to me. I was juggling like 9 companies at the same time including my travel agency thing. It was a lot. I was always tired and never even got much sleep. I’m job hunting, but not totally unemployed. I already found a job in the U.S. Getting it was very difficult and my contract will be over in 4 months. I’m sending my resignation to the remaining companies by the end of the week.

Chuks

I’m out of a job, and it actually hasn’t been easy. Although, I haven’t really been applying for long. Let’s say from the beginning of the year I’ve sent over 20 applications and I haven’t gotten any invites yet. Even when I managed to get invited to one, it sounded like a fraud. I was so tired because it was evident that the guy who put out the advert meant to defraud job seekers.
In addition to this, my mum feels like I don’t want to go get a job, and I’m comfortable staying at home which sucks.
I think it’s due to the fact that I started my own brand and she wants immediate monetary results. I keep telling her that it’s a whole different process, and doesn’t just happen like magic. Parents just see ‘pressing of phone and laptop’ as a waste of time. In my opinion, they need to change their mentality, lol.

Ije

I freelance in Digital Marketing and Brand Strategy. Sometimes, I pitch to brands or wait for them to approach me. I’ve not been on a campaign for like 6 months now, so it’s been really difficult trying to lay my hands-on jobs. The ones I get, sometimes when I reach out to them, they always promise to get back to me but don’t.

Omo. The financial strain has been really terrible, I won’t lie. I don’t get funds from home like that and most times, the only thing I depend on to sustain myself are funds I get from jobs. People hit me up for Social Media Management once in a while, but sometimes something comes up and they’re not able to complete the deal. It has made my finances terrible. Right now, I don’t even think I want to go through the stress of looking for jobs again, I am tired. It’s draining and exhausting. If the jobs come, good because at this point I just feel like all my efforts are fruitless. I don’t know what else to do. In as much as that’s a mood, I can’t just dey. I’ll still pitch to brands and companies even if I said I won’t. It’s just generally discouraging.

Employers or even employees themselves invested in insuring their income hasn’t been normalised in Nigeria. It is this vacuum Casava is trying to fill with its Income Protection Insurance. Casava’s motivation stems from the ever-rising unemployment rate in Nigeria and the fact that this has plunged many people into financial distress.

In a nutshell, Casava helps you earn after losing your job, save money on healthcare and insure every other thing you care about. Get early access.

Susan Nwaobiala

April 7, 1990

Inside Life

covid-19, Interview, Job hunting, sponsored

First, I have to ask. Why “Zoro”?

When did it become a full-blown thing for you?

What was it like in the studio with Wizboyy?

How soft?

What happened?

What did you do after?

Did you consider making an album after the success of “Ogene”?

Ahh. What did you do in the end?

I’m curious how you became a smoker

When were you able to get back on track?

Then you dropped an EP right after

What’s happening in Ibadan? You’ve shot a lot of content there recently

You have an open closeness with fellow artists — Falz, Mayorkun — that’s rare among Nigerian musicians

When should we expect the next album?

Which artists are you feeling right now?

Read Next: “People Still Like Me This Much?” — Reminisce Celebrates Fan Response to “Alaye Toh Se Gogo”

What inspired Alaye Toh Se Gogo Volume 1?

What was the creation process like?

What’s a day in your life like?

Are you ever worried about ageism in the Nigerian hip-hop industry?

Who influenced your music growing up?

What’s one thing you still aspire towards?

I once saw a photo of you with your head buried in a book, and my takeaway was you’re a book lover. Am I right?

It could’ve been football over music?

How did you know you were a good enough rapper?

What was your early experience as a rapper?

This reflects in your stage name, Reminisce

Each of your projects seems curated to take listeners through the significant phases of your life. Is that intentional?

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve learnt so far?

What does success mean to you?

Zikoko: What will my eyes not see because of this job, bayi?

Zikoko: Hello, is anyone here? I have an interview with Naira

Zikoko: You bake?

Zikoko: And you chose baking? (Zikoko mutters under their breath) See me thinking we’ll do this thing in CBN office, and I can take some ghana must gos on my way out.

Zikoko: Just asking why you chose baking

Zikoko: (Looks around for a camera because this can’t be real life.) And how’s that working out for you?

Zikoko: Have you ever heard of a currency using yeast to rise?

Zikoko: And you think baking will fix that?

Zikoko: Truly, if this currency thing doesn’t w

ork out, open your own bakery. But first, we need you. Yeast can’t be your only plan.

Zikoko: You can’t mean…

Zikoko: Aesthetic?

Zikoko: But the rest of us who depend on you look like what we’re going through.

Zikoko: Do you have another plan?

Zikoko: When even ₦50 is going into retirement, you want to bring back the kobo?

Zikoko: We’re sorry. We promise to do better.

Zikoko: Meffy won’t answer us.

Zikoko: So you plan on doing something about inflation?

Zikoko: But can’t you see the adverse effects of hanging around inflation all the time?

Zikoko: (Getting angry) You have to be joking.

Zikoko: (Sighs in defeat) Okay, I’ll be on my way now.

Zikoko: ₦5k keh? It’s just one cookie FGS. I even thought it was free.

Zikoko: But ₦5k for a singular cookie is too much.

“Would you eat garri without sugar?”

“Are you a Man Utd fan?”

“Do you usually lost?”

“Do you use MTN?”

“Do you have Japa plans?”

“Who’s your daddy?”

“How many bottles of beer before you start sharing office secrets?”

“Are you lactose intolerant?”

“Will anybody come and do paranran for you at the office?”

“Do you eat semo?”

“Do you read Money by Zikoko?”

Rock music meetups sound interesting, but what made you fall in love with rock in this way?

How did you go from coming up with the idea of a meetup to actually hosting it?

How did the planning go?

What did you have to do to execute it?

How did you get people to attend?

How old were you when you decided “rock music is my life now”?

How did it turn out?

You make that sound so good. Do you make music too?

That sounds like fun. What song, in particular, should we look out for when it’s released?

Who would you recommend if you had to introduce someone to rock, and they aren’t into hearing white people sing?

Who are your musical influences?

There’s an ongoing theme of you liking bands. Ever been in one?

What would you name your band?

Does rock influence your style, or something else?

Myspace? I just know you used to blog on Tumblr

I knew it! What was your blog about, and do you still use it?