insomnia | Zikoko!

A day in the life is a one-off Zikoko entry that chronicles what it means to hustle in Nigeria. Especially in professions that are misunderstood. Professions like witchcraft, sleep paralysis demons. We hope to understand what goes on behind the scenes.

The subject for today is my sleep paralysis demon who tells me about the misconceptions that come with the work.

7:00 am:

I wake up late today. I spent the night checking on people to make sure that they weren’t dying in their sleep. And what did I get? people binding and casting me with the blood of Jesus. I don’t get it. I am literally there to prevent you from passing in your sleep and you are calling Jesus. Ontop ordinary “are you fine?” It’s baffling. Anyhow, I understand that this is a thankless job, but someone must do it. It won’t hurt for someone to thank me still. Human beings are just too rude.

I don’t want to think about it. I pick up my phone and I go to Zikoko.com to laugh away my sorrows.

12:00 pm:

A new roaster is out. Ramadan has started so I can’t check on Muslim clients again. They will be awake during my peak hours. My best friend is a Muslim. It’s sad that I can’t meet his family because they will never accept me for who I am. If only they know who their son truly is. Oh, the stories I have.

One time, a girl asked him to choke her. Obviously, Mr. Goody little shoes could not, so I had to step in. He instructed her to turn off the lights and we swapped places. Even with my super boost and greater hardening, this girl was still not satisfied. The scariest thing that can happen on this job is getting a human being that actually enjoys choking. Nigerians are crazy with their sufferhead.

Another time, he sent me to threaten his boss over a salary raise. It turned out that his boss was super horny so we made out. That was nice. He got his raise but till today, he doesn’t know the details of what happened.

I lost out because his boss stopped replying my messages. Another person who just couldn’t stand to be seen with me in the day. I may be a demon on the streets, but I am a lover in the sheets.

6:00 pm.

I don’t know how long I can keep doing this job. I want to retire one of these days and maybe fall in love. After a point, it gets tiring to see people either scared of you or make you some weird object of their sexual fantasy. I just want people to look at me and smile. Is that too much to ask?

When I start to think like this, I get sad. I hope I find love some day. Love that is wholesome and active as there can be no bystander in love.

I shake off these thoughts. I have to sleep now because I am going to work at midnight. Sometimes, I wonder if my own sleep paralysis demon feels a type of way. I’ll strike up a conversation today.