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  • 7 Nigerian Creatives Share Their Worst Experience With A Client

    7 Nigerian Creatives Share Their Worst Experience With A Client

    The Nigerian creative space is filled with tales from creatives about being underappreciated within the industry. From being paid with exposure to not getting paid at all, these Nigerian creatives share their worst client experience. 

    I am yet to see exposure pay my bills

    Quincy, Graphics Designer

    So, I had this conversation with a client who happened to be a former boss. He needed me to do branding for him and when I sent him the quote, he told me the design was just something small I can do on Canva. I didn’t believe my ears, I just stopped answering his calls. He should go and do it on Canva by himself. 

    Tiffany, Choreographer And Video Editor

    I told a client my rates and every time they got back to me, they tried to slash it by half till it was practically nothing. A particular client called me for “business lunch” and ended up toasting me for over an hour and even tried to follow me home. I was extremely disgusted.

    Folajimi, Copy Writer

    It was this one client that came with the flimsiest of briefs. We had like 2 meetings in which I practically begged them to properly explain what they wanted but they kept on repeating what they put in the flimsy brief. They didn’t know what exactly they wanted and just wanted me to keep writing different things until they saw something they liked. Clueless clients who want to waste your time because they think you have so much of it are the  fucking worst.

    Leroy, Graphics Designer And Videographer

    I worked for a club before. I had a deal with them to do graphic designs every day and get paid at the end of the month. There was a verbal agreement and I began working, rookie mistake. Towards the end of the month, I was called to make a video for the club. They assured me of a bonus so I went. I didn’t sleep that night cause clubbing is a night time activity. After working so hard, they refused to pay me. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, I even started begging them to pay me, nothing worked. They used all my designs and my video and left me stranded.

    Rume, Digital Artist

    Last year, a brand offered me 10k a month for remote design work. When I declined, the man who reached out kept insisting that I can’t decline. He said my beauty was the reason he couldn’t increase the pay, that people will suspect him of having a crush on me if he did so. All because of 10,000 Naira. Another terrible experience was with a man who commissioned me for a painting. He got upset that I wanted to meet in a public space. After he started sending sexual gifs on twitter, I told him I wasn’t interested in the job again because he was harassing me and then I blocked him. Two months later, he sent me money, since he already had my account details, to do a commissioned painting for his wife. I wanted to throw up. 

    Anyaoha, Event Planner

    Somebody really popular on Twitter contacted me to plan his wedding. We spoke over the phone, I contacted people, made a whole quote and gave him everything he needed to know about the costs. After a while, he began to avoid my calls and texts with stupid excuses. Days after, I saw his wedding pictures on my timeline and I was shocked. He didn’t pay me a dime but he used my expertise to have the wedding done either by himself or with the help of someone else. It really affected my business. I had to shut it down for a while.

    Kelvin, Software Engineer

     In 2020 I decided to collect a gig from one Nigerian woman. I was to make two websites for her company, one was supposed to be Nigerian facing and the other UK facing. They told me that they had limited time for the UK site and I should come up with the barest minimum in the least possible time. They even gave me another website to get the content from.

    I was done with the site in 32hrs and these people said they needed unique content (after giving me a website to get content from). I don’t create website content I only develop the websites. The person that gave me the gig knows this but they still decided to act irrationally.

    It’s been two months of back and forth now, telling me they want to review, I’ve not blocked this particular site now because of some reasons, but the sad thing is I still haven’t been paid fully for work done on the site.

    I have too many experiences of how Nigerians make you work too much to get the best but end up owing you or asking you to refer you to a bigger brand site (that was done by teams with a large budget).

    For more interesting Zikoko stories, check out https://bit.ly/30uTpmB

    Eris Ekanem

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  • 5 Things You Probably Considered After Receiving A Beating As A Nigerian Child

    5 Things You Probably Considered After Receiving A Beating As A Nigerian Child

    As a Nigerian child, our experiences as kids are more similar than expected. Almost as if we were all raised by the same people. Here are 5 things you probably considered after getting your ass whooped by your parent.

    1. Running Away From Home

    story of our collective lives

    You’d be in the room packing up your bags like you had a bridge to sleep under. Usually, we’d realise how silly the plan mid-packing and just give up, sometimes, we make it to the door right before common sense comes knocking.

    2. Am I Adopted?

    yes, I am.

    After receiving a life-changing whooping, we’d be stuck wondering if these people are our birth parents. Back then, doing the smallest out of character things got you a whooping so “Am I adopted?” was a recurring question.

    3. My real parents are coming for me

    I don’t want to be here anymore.

    With the realisation that we might be adopted comes the expected “when will my real mommy and daddy come for me?” This is the biggest scam because we’d be so full of hope but our hypothetical parents never came for us. It sucks more if you looked like your mom or dad, you knew there was no escaping.

    4. I will never talk to them again

    Silent treatment

    We always played with the option of never speaking to our parents again but the silent treatment never lasts because we caved in. All they needed to do was bribe us with food.

    5. Hunger strike

     Hunger strikes never work because it usually goes unnoticed and always seem to happen when an “exotic” meal is being prepared. How can you have a hunger strike when pounded yam and white soup is for lunch.

    What did you consider doing after a beating as a Nigerian child?

    Eris Ekanem

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  • 10 Nigerians Share Their Worst Boil Experiences

    10 Nigerians Share Their Worst Boil Experiences

    For there is no greater pain than a boil where it is not supposed to be.

    Common Boil Nuggets

    Having a boil can be a very humbling experience especially when they appear in sensitive areas. From headaches, fevers, and the fear of getting a potential STI, boils are known to generally cause discomfort, embarrassment, and a world of pain. Today, 10 Nigerians share their worst boil experience with Zikoko. 

    1. Dapo, Male 

    Around 2016, I went through a boil-ympics phase. It started on my nose, after some days, it appeared on my eyelids. Then I got another one in my nose, like inside my nose. The day it popped, I remember buying a fresh pack of tissue paper and gently cleaning because it was so painful. I had another one in my groin. I thought I had gotten “the gono” and visited the hospital but my doctor laughed and prescribed some antibiotics. The worst one has to be my ears. My attempts to reach it with a cotton bud brought excruciating pain. Worst three days of my life. You wouldn’t believe it but I presently have a boil on my right eyelid. I’d rate the pain a 7 out of 10. 

    2. Bimi, Female

    I got them on the ass, groin and armpit for over 3-4 months. Couldn’t sit properly or close my thighs right. I was on a lot of antibiotics for the MRSA but they were also causing the boils so I had to do a lot of dietary changes and take medications. Also tried warm compresses until they popped and took tons of painkillers. The pain ranged from a 4-9 on different days. 

    3. Kooper, Male

    I’ve had three different terrible boil experiences. The first was under my armpit. It was difficult to bring the arm down because of the pain that would come so I always had to give my arm and armpit a little distance. The second was inside my nostrils. I had headaches, it was difficult to focus on anything but the boil. When I tried to pop the boil, it just released a small fluid, dried up and continued to torment me. The worst one was my eyelids. I couldn’t see properly, keeping my eyes open became a chore. Overall, I’d rate the pain a 6-8, 8 being extreme, out of 10. 

    4. Chisom, Female

    Having a boil is such an unpleasant experience. I had a boil in my nose that hurt, throbbed and caused a fever. I had to resist the urge to touch it. The feeling when it finally popped was euphoric, mainly because I knew it will soon go away. If I could do anything differently, it’d be to touch a boil less. The pain rate was a 6.

    5. Ugo, Male

    I have a theory that boiled groundnut caused boil for me and fried one caused pimples. I have stopped taking both but before now, I have had a boil in my asscrack, armpit, and asshole. As you can imagine, taking a dump became an extreme sport. I dreaded it. Sitting down was very painful so I found myself standing a lot. I was scared of popping it and when it finally popped, I was scared of infection. I rubbed ointment constantly, eventually, ampiclox helped dry it. I’d rate the pain level 4,5,7 for my asscrack, armpit, and asshole respectively.

    6. Lade, Female

    I was in secondary school when I felt a boil growing under my armpit. It was so uncomfortable that I spent of that period – a week- walking with my arms akimbo. The boil was so huge, it caused some sort of extra soft flesh to grow on my armpit, it’s gone now but back then after I healed, I would play with it. I had to use ampiclox or ampicillin with some ointment, I can’t remember, to heal the boil. For me, it was more uncomfortable than painful, I’d rate the pain a 6 out of 10.

    7. Sam, Male

    From the eyelid boil to the armpit boil that was triggered by a deodorant to the knee boil that happened cause I pulled a hair which turned to a wound and later to a boil, I’ve had my fair share of painful boils. I had to use antibiotics, wait for a long time for the boil to get ripe, and finally draining it out. Pain level was on a 7-8 out of 10. 

    8. Mosunmola, Female

    I’ve had one in my ear actually. I was in secondary school at the time, I had no idea one could have a boil in their ear till I did. It was very uncomfortable and I cried a lot. I ended up going to the hospital to get it checked and drained out. The pain was an 8 out of 10. 

    9. Chibuzor, Male

    I was 8-years-old at the time I had the boil. It was right in the middle of my ass crack. Standing was painful, but nowhere near as painful as sitting. Walking? You’d see me and think I have money. Or I was going to fight.  I was miserable. My mom gave me medication but I remember the pain as a solid 8 out of 10. 

    10. Atii, Female

     I had a boil on my labia and it was one of the most disgusting things ever. When it started I thought it would go away, it just kept growing bigger and bigger until it was the size of a golf ball. Thank goodness I was unemployed at the time. A brush against my thighs was so painful I had to walk with a waddle. I was too embarrassed to go to the hospital to pop it at the time so I asked my mom to do it. Have you seen Dr Pimple Popper? Yes, it was that gross. Disgusting pus oozed out. My mom had to pop it in 3 different sessions and then we applied methylated spirit on it. THE PAIN. It healed surprisingly well but I’d have to rate the pain a 7 out of 10. 

    On what scale would you rate your worst boil experience?

    Eris Ekanem

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  • 7 Best Places To Cry As Told By Nigerian Twitter Users

    7 Best Places To Cry As Told By Nigerian Twitter Users

    Everyone knows that sometimes, a good cry is all you need to feel better about your existence. Today, Zikoko shares 7 best places to cry as told by Nigerians on twitter.

    1. Outside In The Rain

    According to this Nigerian twitter user, when you need to get things off your chest, nothing beats standing under the rain as you expose your body to the hazards of bad weather. Would you get struck by lightning? maybe. Would your neighbours think you’re a lunatic? definitely. But at least, your tears got a chance to be one with nature.

    2. While Cutting Onions Or Sitting On An Okada

    What better cover-up for your tears than when you’re cutting onions and the stench rhymes with your unhappiness thus making you cry? or better yet, when the okada-man goes fast enough for your eyes to water and you’re suddenly reminded that you’re an adult now and have to pay bills so you let the tears fall.

    Okada-man: Oga, you dey cry? You: No, na breeze full my eyes.

    3. In Your Bedroom

    Whether facing the wall…
    or in the closet…

    These Nigerians agree that the bedroom is where the waterworks and for others, darkness is a key component to a successful crying session. Note, PHCN has to be in agreement with your grief for it to bang.

    https://twitter.com/badrobotmein/status/1283177407973916672?s=20
    https://twitter.com/DartNerd_/status/1283190355467403265?s=20

    4. Office Bathrooms

    Something about the tiling in an office bathroom hits different when you cry. It’s like the perfect echo chamber for your sobs and sadness and it intensifies when you know that you work long hours for little pay at a job you absolutely hate.

    5. Your Human’s Chest

    Relationship twitter at it again…😒

    This only works for those in some form of relationship. If you’re single don’t attempt this it will only end with you sobbing on a stranger’s chest as they try to peel you off and clean your snot off their shirt.

    6. In The Presence Of God

    https://twitter.com/LeoKolade/status/1283176495448555528?s=20

    Sometimes, worship hits different. One moment you’re singing a song, the next you’re on the floor bawling as you think of the goodness of God in your life. Most worshippers have mastered the art of looking immaculate as they cry unto glory, others, not so much.

    6. At The Ocean

    Crying by the Ocean works well if you’re a marine spirit because why else will you be crying by the ocean? This person is obviously a version of Disney’s Ariel who misses the ocean life and can’t wait to play with her pet Jamaican crab.

    7. Inside A Car

    Crying inside a car is top tier crying spot especially when the car isn’t yours. The car owner might want to interrupt with their curiosity but you must stop them with the weight of your sadness.

    Bonus: In The Card Shop Reading The Messages In Greeting Cards Because You’re A Baby-Back Bitch

    This tweet was oddly specific that it had to make the list. Obviously, this person has obviously been through a lot.

    In case we missed anything, tell us your favourite crying spot and why it bangs.

    Eris Ekanem

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  • Introducing, The Zikoko Refresh 2.0

    Introducing, The Zikoko Refresh 2.0

    These days, things look a lot different at Zikoko. 

    https://twitter.com/zikokomag/status/599129166592798720

    We’ve come a long way since going live 5 years ago when we began creating amazing content and meme-ifying this corner of the internet. 

    In the past two years specifically, we’ve sustained an enthusiastic learn-as-you-go vibe while dealing with the struggles of an ever-changing media landscape. In this time, we’ve grown a lot as a team, experimented with a wide range of formats, and slammed an unhealthy amount of sticky notes everywhere we found room.

    One thing has stayed the same: the resolve to create smart and joyful content for young Africans everywhere. 

    As a yay to our current streak, we have a range of things we’d like to share with you. 

    First, a facelift.  

    https://twitter.com/zikokomag/status/1259896772165599234?s=19

    More than a facelift, we’re making sure that you can find everything you enjoy about Zikoko, easily. For example, the stacks will help you find all your favourite stories fast, from Sex Life and Abroad Life, to What She Said. Bringing Quizzes up means your binge is a few clicks easier to reach. And we’ve made the categories more defined. 

    About the categories. 

    We’ve grouped our efforts into a diverse range of interests. From defining the sacred art of chopping life to documenting a diverse range of human experiences, these are our verticals:

    Inside Life

    The life of every category begins here. You could call it an incubator of sorts. “So, it’s life as you know it,” Ope, our Resident General and Managing Editor, says. 

    “It’s stories that connect just about every fragment of life and how people live. Daily life. Relatable stories. Weird stories. How government decisions and activities affect real people as told by those real people.”

    So it’s Astor’s weird takes on weird things. It’s Kunle’s ridiculous lists. It’s Boyin playing Citizen Vigilante. It’s Blessing, the newest kid on the block, crawling through here and everywhere else. 

    Pop

    Daniel describes this as “our take on pop culture, from the music scene to Nollywood.” So, if you need some recommendations on what you should be listening to, this is where you come. You’ll find Astor’s reviews sometimes, and Daniel dissecting the music scene other times.

    Chopist

    “Everything that has to do with chopping life,” is how Toke defines Chopist. “Chopping life is simply living your best life.” From VRSUS to Jollof Road, this is where we’re exploring enjoyment. 

    Aluta n Chill

    “Well, it’s this series where I reach out to students across Nigerian campuses, have conversations with them, and draw out stories about the student experience in Nigeria and for Nigerians,” says Toheeb. 

    Money

    Hassan puts it this way; “we want to show how people make money, how they keep it or grow it, and how they spend it.” We’re ramping up on our path to helping you understand this money. Here, you’ll find series like Hassan’s A Week In The Life, or Naira Life.

    HER

    Here, the goal according to Toke is to “create relatable content for women across every demographic.” You’ll find everything about being a woman here. 

    Quizzes

    Some days are for testing out your knowledge of the world, other days are for bants because really, you can’t kill yourself. 

    Behind all of these categories and stories are people working harder than ever to get every part of the engine moving forward. It’s the design team coming through poster by the poster. It’s the video team taking in last-minute edits, and editing videos from their bedrooms. It’s the engagement team trying new experiments, every day. Also, It’s the management team looking for money to pay our salaries. It’s our partners looking and

    Zikoko happens because these people show up. 

    Find Zikoko Videos

    One thing is clear: everything Zikoko is today is a result of everyone who’s ever showed up to do the work, and keep us going. From that first editorial team in 2015 to the person taking one more quiz before going to bed.

    We live for this. 

    The world is changing, and full of uncertainties, and while it might not be easy to predict precisely where the world is headed, one thing is certain: 

    We’ll still be here, making content, exploring formats, talking to young Africans everywhere, with all the ginger and joy. 

    P.S: Play around with the website, and leave some feedback; that’s how it gets better.

    Fu’ad Lawal

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  • 5 Valentine’s Day Gifts Everyone Gave In Secondary School

    5 Valentine’s Day Gifts Everyone Gave In Secondary School

    Back in secondary school, people starved for months just so they could use their pocket money to buy stupid gifts (or stage elaborate gestures ) for their then significant others. Tell me. How did those relationships turn out? Do you even still remember their names?

    You didn’t expect to be shamed when you opened this article, did you? Well, sit back, relax, and grab a snack because there’s more on the way. Here are 5 valentine’s day gifts you most likely gave or received in secondary school.

    1) A Card

    Full of mushy heartfelt and sincere wishes written by some poor child in a Chinese sweatshop. All you did was write your name at the end and hope that the sentiments expressed in the card were enough to get you to second base.

    2) Flower

    SAMSUNG CSC

    Notice how I said “flower” and not “flowers?” That’s because they usually bought that single synthetic rose (you know the one) that smelled like camphor. Seriously, one strong sniff of those things was enough to instantly get you to Chernobyl-levels of cancer.

    3) Perfume

    Perfumes that were more water than fragrance and had the most insane packaging e.g. having the bottle be shaped like a woman striking a sexy pose and the cover be a giant flower, making the woman look like a distant relative of Toad from Super Mario.

    4) Love-shaped picture frame.

    The ones nobody could ever use because no photographer back in the day developed pictures that small.

    5) Teddy Bear

    They were hella cheap too so they always fell apart slowly over a couple of months like a poorly-built build-a-bear project. It was the thought that counted, though.

    #ICYMI: We made a new show named Blind Date in which we sent a bunch of single people on an all-expense-paid date, interviewing them before and after they met. The first episode drops February 14 (Valentine’s Day) on our YouTube channel.

    Astor George

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  • QUIZ: Which African Predicament Are You? Take This Quiz and Find Out

    QUIZ: Which African Predicament Are You? Take This Quiz and Find Out

    From bad roads, to stealing ballot boxes, Africa is currently going through a lot. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you which African predicament you are.

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • Life Hacks That Have Made Adulting a Bit Easier for Me

    Life Hacks That Have Made Adulting a Bit Easier for Me

    Once you become an adult, there are suddenly all these balls thrown at you to juggle, and you have to try your best to keep all of them in the air. There’s you, your work, family, and social life. Let’s not forget mental and physical health. It can all be very tiring. 

    Honestly, I wish I could unsubscribe from this whole adulting thing. Unfortunately, I can’t. So I’ve found little hacks to help make it a less miserable journey

    Prioritising my mental and physical health 

    . One of the hacks, which is something I discovered late last year, is disconnecting from my gadgets. I noticed that being on my devices made my brain consume too much information from various sources. This led to information overload, which got me stressed and feeling overwhelmed. It affected my entire mood and, to some extent, my physical health. I decided to begin a routine of disconnecting from all my gadgets two hours before going to bed. I’d use that time to reflect on my day, read fiction or gist with people in the house. I’ve been doing this for almost a year now, and I’ve noticed that my brain no longer feels like it’s working overtime; my head feels clearer. Because my brain is relaxed, so is my body.  

    Another thing that has affected my body is going to the gym. Working out is a hack that not many people know about. Early morning gym is what gives my body and brain the energy to tackle whatever activity I have for the day. I always feel so refreshed and like I can take over the world. I strongly recommend it. Working out at night is also great if you’re not a morning person. You get to offload all the mental exhaustion from the day and prepare yourself for a good sleep. 

    Asking for help but also doing things alone 

    With all the stress around adulting, I’ve had to learn to ask for help. I always thought I could do everything alone, but that overwhelmed me. My current job has made me realise that asking for help is okay. And there are always people willing to help you. I feel more at ease now that I’m not doing everything by myself. But, I’ve also learnt to do things alone, such as going to the beach, restaurants, parties etc. Another hack I’ve learnt that has made adulting easier for me is to go out alone. Spending quality time with myself outside of the house helps me clear my head and re-energise. It also makes me feel relaxed and at peace and allows me to disconnect from this stressful adulting world.

    Outsourcing

    One of the most important things I’ve learnt is outsourcing. If you’re going to take anything from this article, take this. Work takes up most of my time during the day. I never have the time to grocery shop or run errands such as picking up clothes from my tailor or dropping off my laundry at the dry cleaners. I’ve had to learn to outsource it. Because I simply do not have the time or energy to enter Lagos traffic to do all the running around. If I do that, I’ll have to do my office work at night, which takes out of my rest time. Apps like Glovo help you with things like this; online grocery shopping and running errands for you with their dispatch services. 

    I also outsource food as much as I can. I don’t always have the energy to cook and prep my meals on the weekends, so in the coming week, I order food. I’ve stopped feeling guilty about ordering food online. Being an adult is exhausting, and sometimes I may just want to eat a burger while binge-watching my favourite TV series as a way to distress. Don’t feel guilty about choosing to order food instead of cooking. Buy it and enjoy it with your full chest. If you’re looking for where to order food, the Glovo app lists many restaurants you can order from. 

    ———————————————————————————————————————

    Glovo is an app that allows you to buy, collect and send any product within your city. Order anything you want with Glovo, and it will be delivered in minutes. You can order from any restaurant in your city, supermarket, or shop. Just request a Glovo, and they’ll get it for you.

    Download the app for free on either iOS or Android and watch life become easier for you.  

    Dammy Eneli