Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121
Inside life | Page 5 of 8 | Zikoko! Inside life | Page 5 of 8 | Zikoko!

Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • K-pop Stans in Nigeria Can Relate to These Struggles

    K-pop Stans in Nigeria Can Relate to These Struggles

    Being a K-pop stan in Nigeria is hard work that we actually love. I mean, what’s not to love about people who take their time to create wonderful music for their audience? Inject it. However, there are some ‌ struggles that almost make us lose morale; like when your favourite group does a shout out and forgets to mention the Nigerian fans — e dey pain, but we dey gallant. If you can relate to any of these, you deserve one small glass of soju.

    1. Learning Korean because the subtitles aren’t accurate

    Nigerian K-pop fans can relate to how much it sucks when K-pop groups release original content without English subtitles, which means you have to either start learning Korean or go consult with the great Duolingo owl for an interpretation. On the bright side, you can now speak Korean if you ever get to travel. 

    RELATED: Every K-Drama fan should know these basic Korean phrases

    2. You are too broke to afford merch

    Every K-pop fan knows what it’s like to die a little inside when you check your favourite group’s merch and find out it’s expensive as hell. What’s even worse is that some people ship it to Nigeria and proceed to sell it at 10x the original price.

    3. You might never attend a concert or fan meeting 

    With how expensive in-house flights cost, not to talk of flights outside Nigeria, we’ll support our favourite groups by watching their videos and cheering. Because what else can we do? 

    4. People think that you are weird

    People make fun of you for spending your time listening to music in another language, and you’re always catching stray bullets on Twitter. What they don’t understand is that a K-pop group probably saved your life at some point. You can’t help but stan.

    5. You feel bad about not getting as much recognition

    You might make videos getting people to stream their music, comment under their posts, and talk about your favourite group to anyone that cares to listen. But when they give their fans shout outs, the Nigerian fans are usually forgotten… It sucks sha, but we move. 

    6. You have considered making a DIY photo card

    You’ve spent a lot of time on Pinterest and have considered just printing their pictures on paper and laminating it because the actual photocards are too expensive. Don’t worry. We are not judging you. 

    7. You spend all your data on YouTube

    You are way too busy watching all their interviews and reality shows to be on any other app. You don’t get enough sleep because you use the YouTube night bonus to download them in bulk. The struggle is real. 

    RELATED: Top 7 BTS Music Videos Everyone Should Watch

    8. Making peace with the fact that your favourite group or solo artist will never tour Africa

    Even if they ‌perform in Africa, it’ll most likely be in South Africa. And except you are earning a comfortable salary or have parents that care about your interests, there’s no way you’ll be able to attend. 

    9. Paying an arm and a leg  for the “Korean experience” in Nigeria

    Just because you want to experience Korean food, they’ll almost empty your bank account.

    Is being a K-pop fan worth it? Yes, absolutely.

    READ ALSO:  Every K-Drama Fan Wants to Try These 7 Dishes

    Malakai Bassey

    , , , ,

  • Why It Sucks to be the Middle Kid in Nigeria

    Why It Sucks to be the Middle Kid in Nigeria

    Middle kids are the most underrepresented demographic in the sibling industry. How many middle child memes have you ever seen? These five Nigerians had a lot to say about being a middle child in Nigeria. 

    Ik, 34 

    Honestly, there’s nothing special about being the middle child. It’s almost like no one expects anything good or bad from you because they don’t see you. When you’re a royal fuckup like me, you learn to appreciate people’s lack of expectations for your life. Also, you get to fail as much as you like without feeling the pressure the firstborns feel. It also helps that I grew up in a pretty comfortable family. 

    You can drop out as many times, start new businesses that don’t work out and never move out. You hardly have friends because most of your friends are your older siblings’ friends or your younger siblings’ friends that hung out with you growing up. But it’s harsh realising this in your thirties. 

    Nothing fazes you until you look back at your siblings’ lives and see how well they have it and how established they are. They’re married and they have kids, but it’s just you as a single father, still living with your parents, hustling for two. But it’s fine, things never really work out for us middle kids like that. My time will come whenever that is. 

    Daniel, 10 

    My mom always makes me wear my [older] brother’s old shoes and old clothes, but they used to be new for him, and my [younger] sister always gets new things. Every time I have sweets and snacks, I’m the only one that always shares it with them. They don’t share sweets with me. Sometimes I even have to celebrate [my birthday] when my younger sister is celebrating, and I don’t even know why.

    My parents always blame me for everything that gets spoiled or broken in the house, even when it’s my sister that did it, just because she’s too small. That’s why I want to go to boarding school like my brother so that nobody will be sending me errands or blaming me again. My siblings always fight and put me in the middle and they never allow me to watch my shows. It’s not fair. I only like being the middle child when my brother goes to school and I’m the firstborn for a short while, but then he comes back every time. 

    Tunmise, 19 

    Being a middle child can be nice but it can be hell, too. You get treated as a child sometimes and get treated as an adult as well.

    When my older siblings beat me, my parents are on my side, especially my dad, even if I’m at fault, but when I do the same to my younger siblings, it’s always my fault. I can’t feel wronged because they support me too even when it’s my fault.

    RELATED:QUIZ: Can We Guess If You’re The First, Middle, Last Or Only Child?

    Dami, 24 

    All my life I’ve never really caused any trouble. Everything with me is just always different and low-key. I like it. I’m not really in the spotlight, neither am I  really in the background. I love it so much that I’m not the firstborn. Because the firstborn is there, I can skip responsibilities. I’ll most likely get away with not getting married since they have other children of either sex. 

    I’m also the child that has never really been at home as much as my other siblings. When I was younger, I used to think it sucked to be a middle child because I didn’t get a lot of special treatment, but now that I’m older, I love all of it. And if there’re  any extra benefits of being a middle child, I’ll accept them with my full flat chest.

    Denise, 18 

    You always have to give up something for your other siblings, especially when you’re just three. You always end up as the “understanding” one that doesn’t need a new school bag and doesn’t complain. 

    People always forget you exist. People always remember to get things for your older and your younger siblings, but you? Never. No one ever calls my mum “Mummy Denise”. it’s always my older sibling’s name or the last born’s — never mine. It sucks. 

    If the firstborn is a fuckup, it’s on you to be better and step up. You always have that at the back of your mind. The only upside is that you can get away with a lot of things because you’re invisible, anyway.

    CONTINUE READING:15 Pictures That Accurately Describe The Life Of A Middle Child

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 8 Types of People You’ll Meet at a Queer Event

    8 Types of People You’ll Meet at a Queer Event

    The only things  certain in this life are taxes, death and these eight types of people you’ll be lucky to meet at a queer event. 

    1. The are-we-here-for-the-same-event? people

    No. The answer is always no. So what if it was supposed to be a casual event? These ones always look like they just came back from a fashion show, with their two-piece outfits and fancy boots.  Never to be caught unfresh. 

    2. The overly friendly gay man

    He talks to you like he has known you for years, which makes you feel warm and welcome,especially if it’s your first queer event. He’s most likely going to introduce you to people you’ll keep meeting everywhere until you become friends. You won’t find him after that because he’s too busy hopping friend groups. 

    3. The 30+ lesbians

    Technically, they’re never really 30+, they just behave that way. They sit together like old men in a club, but when they get wasted? That’s when the party begins. 

    4. The baby gays

    You can always spot them in the crowd. They’re either too hyped or quiet as fuck, looking as gay as the eyes can see. You’d behave any of those ways too if you finally found your community after…. 

    5. The mom friend lesbian

    They don’t even have to be your friend or know you. They’ll just walk up to you and ask if you’re doing okay and how you’re getting home? Legit the sweetest set of people you’ll ever meet as a baby gay in a queer event. 

    RELATED: Every Queer Friend Group Has One of These

    6. The party hopper

    Home? What’s that? These guys live for the next thrill. They always know the right places to go and the next happening event. Their energy needs to be bottled up and sold because how do they do it? 

    7. The ones bonding on the floor 

    Wherever six or nine queer people are gathered, four people will  bond over trauma. If you pass by them, just walk away because as soon as you sit down, it’s about to be filled with tears and feelings you didn’t come to a party for. It does feel good talking about it in a safe space, though. 

    8. The couple

    Wherever you find one, you’ll find the other. They’re like rainbow magnets that always find their way back to each other. They’re cute to look at, though. Especially older couples. They just give people hope. 


    CONTINUE READING: The Lesbian Dating Experience: Expectations vs. Reality

    Malakai Bassey

    , , , ,

  • How to Dress Like a K-drama Character While Living in Nigeria

    How to Dress Like a K-drama Character While Living in Nigeria

    If you’re already a K-drama fan, you know that a big part of their movies is the fashion. You may not eat their food or know how to speak Korean, but you can at least dress like them. Here are ten clothing items that will help with that.  

    1. Expensive-ass suits

    Pantsuit o, skirt suit o, sha buy the one that will make you look like you come from money. Spice it up: sew an Aso-Oke or adire suit; who knows you may start a trend. See fashunz.

    2. Long coats

    There’s no reason why you should wear this in a hot country, but if it’s your cup of tea, you need a long coat to look like your favourite K-drama character. Add those chunky boots and it’s a lewk. If you want to enter public transport, sha hold a small vial of perfume, abeg. 

    3. A square neckline summer dress

    You can find this one anywhere. Tap into your inner romantic K-drama fan and buy as many as you can afford. Last last you can buy them for 1k in bend-down-select, or if you’re feeling rich, buy from Instagram “thrift” vendors.  

    4. Oversized cotton sweaters 

    Not the one that you stole from your partner. Use your own money to buy a nice oversized round-neck sweater in a bright colour of your choice. To nail the look, try to slack the hands. You are trying to look cute here. 

    5. Overalls

    Will you look like a child? Maybe, but aren’t we all trying to manifestheal our inner child? Overalls are cute and easy to find these days anyway. Pair them with nice t-shirts or blouses and there you go. 

    6. White shirts

    How else can you look like the K-drama CEO? Bonus point if you fold the sleeves unprovoked when no one sent you message. I don’t know why anyone would wear white in this country sha, especially when someone’s child can decide to wipe their hand on your shirt inside danfo.

    7. Fitted straight denim

    Fitted, not skinny, please. It’s more like boyfriend jeans but fitted. The point is to look like someone from the 90s, which is everyone these days anyway. 

    8. Tote bag

    Tap into your inner artsiness  and buy as many white tote bags as you can. It makes you look like  secondary school students in a K-drama.

    RELATED: 11 Reasons Why You Should Never Date A Creative

    9. Oversized blazer

    You don’t even need to buy this one. Just steal it. Your mum or dad probably have a lot of old blazers they don’t want anymore. If theirs are  too old-fashioned for you, you can buy something more modern, just be ready to cry hot tears for your account balance. 

    10. Denim shirts

    You should have this one in your wardrobe already. Pair it with a nice t-shirt and your oversized blazer and look at you goo: a Nigerian K-drama character with street fashunz. 

    CONTUINUE READING: Nigerian Men, Here’s What Your Shirt Says About You

    Malakai Bassey

    , ,

  • Why Your Nigerian Girlfriend Is Basically a Cat

    Why Your Nigerian Girlfriend Is Basically a Cat

    Have you ever noticed the similarities between your Nigerian girlfriend and a cat? Well, we’ve noticed eight.

    1) They like your own space but you can’t be in theirs

    If a cat likes you, they’d try to spend a lot of time in your personal space. If your Nigerian girlfriend likes you, she’d try to enter your skin, but if she’s sitting alone and you try to sit beside her, problem. What’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs is theirs.

    2) They’re expensive

    Love with a Nigerian woman is sweet, but when money enters, it’s so much sweeter. To take care of a cat will set you back a lot of money, and same with your babe.

    3) Constantly watching you make your stupid decisions

    Not only will your cat and Nigerian babe watch you do your nonsense, they both will judge you after you do your rubbish. The eyes of your cat will judge you and your babe will keep saying “shey you see what you’ve done to yourself?”

    4) Best in grooming

    Cats are the bad bitches of pets, and bad bitches can’t be caught lacking. That’s why they’re constantly grooming themselves. Your babes skincare costs the same as someone’s yearly rent because bad bitches have to look great always.

    5) They’re wicked

    How many songs are named after Nigerian men? Exactly! It’s because they don’t do anything. But you see the wickedness women have shown men? It’s enough for them to enter studio.

    6) Living with them means hair everywhere

    If it’s not from their many many wigs, it’s from wash day or retwist day. You know what else leaves hair everywhere? Cats.

    7) You look better by association

    Simply owning a cat is a huge flex and will improve anyone’s desirability. Dating a Nigerian babe will you just make you finer and hotter. The glow they provide is immaculate.

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

    , , ,

  • Parenting Tips Nigerian Dads Should Learn From Phil Dunphy

    Parenting Tips Nigerian Dads Should Learn From Phil Dunphy

    Phil Dunphy was one of the best characters in Modern Family and the best TV dad in my books. If you don’t agree, drop your address. Let’s fight. He is especially great because he teaches you how to parent in a way Nigerian dads could never, all the shade to them. Here are 7 parenting tips Nigerian dads could learn from him. 

    1. Always show up for your kids.

    Phil was miles away during Alex’s high school graduation and still showed up via video call. As a Nigerian kid, if your dad attended all your school events, good for you. But how many Nigerian dads even know their kids’ age or school? Not to talk of being virtually present for graduation. It’s hard to make time while living in the poverty capital of the world, but a simple phone call can make all the difference. 

    2. Make time to bond with your kids

    Phil and Luke had one of the best father/son relationships on screen. Especially because they bonded over the simplest things. Nigerian dads bond with you by sending you money or asking you to sit down with him while he watches the news. They need to do better. 

    3. Be reasonably overprotective 

    Nigerian dads take things too far. You can’t have friends over, visit people, date, experiment with clothes, hairstyles etc. And this is the reason why many Nigerian kids lie all the time. They’ve figured out that lying is the best way to navigate having an overprotective parent. Haley was dating an older man, and while Claire was going to allow it, Phil ran after her because it just wasn’t right. She was a child. That’s the only time being overprotective counts. 

    4. Put your family first

    Yeah, you need to make money to make their lives easier but no one is indispensable. Imagine dying and all your kids have to say at your funeral is that you spent all your time working.  God abeg. Learn from Phil, who knew how to make his family his number one priority. 

    5. Support your kids

    Nigerian dads need to learn how to be supportive. Phil was a master at this. When Hailey had to drop out, he supported her. That didn’t mean that he didn’t want her to succeed. He just understood that she needed time. He genuinely thought the best of all his kids, no matter what. Even Luke, who everyone thought was stupid and wouldn’t amount to anything. 

    6. Love your wife loudly 

    Phil set the bar high for what to expect in a romantic relationship for his kids. He treated her right, so they knew never to settle for less. See where I’m going with that? Nigerian men need to do better.

    7. Show emotion

    Nigerian dads think that being tough through everything is the way to go and it’s not., It teaches your kids to never properly process how they feel about anything. Did Phil cry for a lot of stupid reasons? Yes. But he showed his kids, by example, that they could be vulnerable with him. He’s a G for that. 

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 9 Weird Hangover Remedies That Actually Work

    9 Weird Hangover Remedies That Actually Work

    It’s TGIF and we know a lot of you drunkards out there are going to be downing bottles of alcohol tonight like you have spare livers kept aside somewhere.

    Tomorrow you’ll wake up with the worst headache, and you’ll tell yourself you’ll never drink again. We both know that’s a lie; it’s the hangover talking. We understand that hangovers are from the pit of hell, and that’s why these remedies — However weird they seem — may help you recover.

    Disclaimer: This isn’t medical advice in anyway.

    1. Raw eggs and orange juice

    This is a top-tier combo. The raw egg contains chemicals that will help restore functions to your body, and the orange juice has Vitamin C, which helps revitalise your body. Plus, the orange juice cancels out the taste of the raw egg.

    2. Garri and coke 

    Do you want your hangover to go away or not? So do yourself a favour and pour half a bottle of coke into a bowl of garri and drink it like you’d drink normal garri and water. The coke is to give you energy, while the garri is to soak up all the alcohol. 

    3. Agbo jedi jedi

    If you don’t already know, Nigerians use agbo jedi to cure every single disease on this planet. So if it can cure cancer, liver disease, stroke, heart disease, what’s now ordinary hangover?

    4. Sardines

    Yes, just sardines. The oil, fish and salt work together to settle your stomach. Don’t ask us questions, just do it.

    5. Indomie and ketchup 

    First of all, you’re welcome, because this one is tried and tested, so take our word for it. 

    6. Igbeaux

    Because highness >>>> hangover.

    7. Alcohol

    This is most likely the last thing you want to hear, but the only way to get over a hangover is to drink again. But this time, the type of alcohol you need to drink is the one that comes in a sachet: the kind that only roadside sellers have. Ask for Chelsea. This type of alcohol will burn the hangover right out of your system. 

    8. Eba and Okra 

    One way to get over a hangover is by eating heavy food. And what’s heavier than eba? By the time you finish eating the eba, sleep will slap you so hard, you’ll forget about any hangover. We chose okra soup so that the okra would draw out the alcohol in your body. Get it? Draw? If you don’t get it, forget about it. 

    9. Sex 

    If you’re having throbbing hangover headaches, sex is a great remedy for that. Having sex releases a hormone that is thought to help control pain. You’ll feel more relaxed and might eventually get some restful sleep. 

    Dammy Eneli

    , , , ,

  • These 7 Tricks Will Help You Spend Less Money in a Nigerian Market

    These 7 Tricks Will Help You Spend Less Money in a Nigerian Market

    If you accept the first price a market seller gives you when you go shopping, ‌pin this article to your home screen. Unless you and I are not living in the same economic crisis sha. The seven tricks will not just help you spend less money, they will save your life. 

    1. Pretend to walk away

    Nigerian mums are experts at doing this and it works almost every time. The trick is to pretend like you really want it, but you can’t afford it. Walk away ‌slowly after arguing back and forth. It will work with one seller, eventually. 

    2. Divide the original price by 2

    Never, ever accept the first price, no matter how good it seems. Haggling can be stressful, but at least you’ll be saving money. If they tell you something is 3000, tell them you have 1000 naira. They may insult your ancestors, but at least you’ll get a good deal. 

    3. Dress down

    Be as comfortable as possible, but don’t look too fancy. Shopkeepers increase prices based on your dressing. If you look like money, you’ll spend that money they think you have. 

    4. Carry reusable bags

    All those nylons you have been stuffing into one big bag are supposed to be reused. Instead of buying a new one in the market every time, have a stash of reusable bags. Reach into your inner Nigerian mum and save the environment while at it.

    5. Address every seller “Mummy” or “Daddy”

    They are less likely to cheat you if they think you’re respectful. Only use this when the person is much older than you, and know when to stop. 

    6. Practice your poker face

    Never let your excitement show. The moment you seem happy about the price or product, you have immediately increased the value and you will end up spending more. Practice your poker face before you leave your house or hide it behind your nose mask. 

    7. Speak Pidgin

    Whatever accent you copied, paid for, or borrowed, drop it at the bus stop of the market. Speaking pidgin will help you sweet-talk your way out of buying two pieces of plantain for 700 naira. 

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • Korean Parents Are Nigerian Parents in Disguise, Here’s Why

    Korean Parents Are Nigerian Parents in Disguise, Here’s Why

    After consuming an unhealthy amount of content from the Korean entertainment industry (Hallyuwood) and binge-watching Reply 1988, I have concluded that Korean parents are just Nigerian parents wey dey disguise.  With the following points, I hope I will be able to convince and not confuse you.

    1. Amebo is their part-time job

    In a battle for the amebo championship cup, Nigerian and Korean parents will probably end up in a draw. Everyone and their daddies will always be in your business whether you like it or not. If you disgrace your family on social media, one aunty Bisi will surely make sure it gets to your mum, and so will the Ahjumma that lives on your block in Korea. As a GenZ though, I should add that if people are reporting you and your parents are complaining, you are doing something right. 

    2. They will try to set you up

    When it comes to setting up their kids, I don’t even know who is worse between Korean and Nigerian parents. One thing is sure: neither of them will give you any warning and they have no regard for whatever plans you have for your life. But while Korean parents set their kids up with families richer than theirs. Nigerian mothers will want you to marry a woman from the village. This life no balance sha. 

    3. They will break your head if you fail your exams

    When it comes to schoolwork, they don’t play. They will go to any length to provide the best education for you. From borrowing to taking on more jobs than they can handle, they’d really do anything for their kids. Imagine failing after all that? They will raise hell and push you either to do better or to end up with crippling anxiety. Kids raised by these two sets of parents sha deserve the world because their parents expect too much from them and it can be a lot of pressure. 

    4. They are big on respect

    As a Nigerian kid, if you were not shocked to find out that your parents actually had names besides “Mummy” and “Daddy”, return your passport. In K-dramas, they always call their parents Appa and Eomma, and just like Nigerian parents, they always make such a big deal about respect. Talk back to these parents and be ready for a slap that will reset your brain.

    5. None of them know how to apologise

    Korean and Nigerian parents will rather chew glass and wet jeans than apologise to you when they do something wrong. If they apologise, run away, it’s a set-up. They apologise to you by buying something you like or giving you fewer chores. 

    6. They will always compare you to others

    The only difference is that while Nigerian parents do it at home, Korean parents will do this in public. Nigerian parents are always serious about it, but Korean parents use a tone that makes it sound like they’re joking. Either way, these two sets of parents would get along well if they were ever stuck together. 

    7. They always pamper their male children

    They give them fewer chores, get them anything they want and baby them, and will have the audacity to act brand new when they grow up to be irresponsible and unreliable. It’s why a central plot of K-dramas is about a wayward chaebol that is a disappointment, his illegitimate brother that wants to inherit the company by any means, a dad that is never there and a doting mom. Sounds like most Nollywood Movies to me. 

    8. They threaten to take you to the village if you fail in school

    Are you even a child raised by these two parents if they don’t threaten to take you to the village because you failed your exams? Nigerian parents will go on to threaten to make you sell agege bread, which is pretty much everyone’s villain origin story tbh.

    9. They are always loudly proud of their kids

    No one is more excited to see their kids excel like these two parents. They will act tough when you try to study a course that isn’t law or medicine. But as soon as you make a lot of money or you end up in a magazine, no one will hear word. The moms will boast everywhere — church, at burials, at work — they don’t even send. They are the cutest for real, just that their heads do usually knock sometimes. 

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • The Lesbian Dating Experience: Expectations vs. Reality

    The Lesbian Dating Experience: Expectations vs. Reality

    As a lesbian navigating the complicated experience that is queer dating in Nigeria, if you go into it with expectations based on what you see in any form of media you consume, it will end in tears. But, because we care about you, here are the realities of dating as a lesbian.

    1. Double wardrobe, more fun outfits to try

    Expectations: You guys will love each other’s sense of style and wear each other’s clothes, especially if you live together.

    Reality: One of you will have fewer clothes before the relationship ends. Also, you’ll likely find her sleeping in your T-shirt you only wear on special occasions or stealing your socks. Be prepared for annoying behaviour.

    2. She’ll move in with you and it will be fun

    Expectations: You’ll adopt or buy a cat, make breakfast for each other and will barely fight or argue.

    Reality: Like every normal human being, you’ll argue sometimes. Being a lesbian doesn’t cancel our arguments. Sharing a pet is hard, especially if you guys break up. Also, living with someone — a lover or not — can be exhausting. Maybe don’t do that?

    3. Her friends will become your friends

    Expectation: if her friend group is exclusively queer, they’d all automatically be friends with you.

    Reality: They probably won’t even like you, but who knows why? Especially if one of them has had a crush on her for a while. Good luck. Be friendly, but always remember that they are her friends first. 

    4. Your partner will care for you when you get your period

    Expectation: when you get your period, your partner will pamper you and make you tea and give you belly rubs.

    Reality: your partner may want to do all that but your periods will probably sync up, so now the both of you will cry together. Good luck.

    5. Unlimited orgasms 

    Expectations: You’ll orgasm 24 times in 24 hours every day of the week.

    Reality: you and your partner are not rabbits, please. And even God rested on the seventh day. Don’t you have work? Do you want to die? If you get 24 orgasms in one day from one person, report the person to the police for attempted murder. 

    6. They know how to treat women because they are women

    Expectation: your partner will reply to all your texts, be able to read your mind, be overly romantic.

    Reality: it’s not a packed deal that comes with being a lesbian. They can be assholes, too. Being a woman doesn’t make you an expert on women’s affairs. 

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • These 7 Courses Should Be Compulsory for Nigerian Men

    These 7 Courses Should Be Compulsory for Nigerian Men

    Nigerian men need to enrol in one of these seven courses if they want the quality of their lives to be better. We’re rooting for you, kings.  

    [newsletter]

    1. Patience 101

    Nigerian men need to rise above leaving their kids at home in fits of annoyance every Sunday. Be the change king; change begins with you. 

    2. Fundamentals of active listening 

    Dear Nigerian men, if you do not press your phones when you talk to your boss, why would you do that when your partner is talking to you?  

    3. Advanced cooking (that isn’t just noodles) 

    You need to stop being proud of yourself because you made noodles and added vegetables or sardine. If you can’t make at least four or five soups, who will marry you like this? 

    4. Introduction to romance

    It would not kill you guys to do something romantic once in a while, sha let it be something your partner likes. And remember not to mix up your partner’s names. Stay safe kings. 

    5. Moisturising for dummies

    Having a proper skincare routine is not as scary as you think it is and this nano degree will change your life. It’s 2022, there’s no excuse for being ashy.  

    6. Basic texting etiquette  

    We know it’s hard, but when she sends you a text, you’re supposed to reply to every single point she mentions. We know your demons want you to reply with “Okay” or to only reply to the last text she sent in a series of messages, but please, don’t let the devil use you to use her. 

    7. The beginner’s guide to self-care

    Kings, we know it’s hard, but you need to learn how to take care of yourself first. That brother, girlfriend or sister-in-law’s problem will happen again next month. Buy yourself that PS5 or a nice t-shirt. You deserve to be taken care of.

     

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    These loan apps are on a mission to disgrace you with those bulk messages they’re sending to your contacts. Fear not brethren, because as always, we’re here with a solution. Any of these ten ideas will help you avoid embarrassment and hold onto the money you borrowed without paying back.

    1. Deny it

    Look, there’s a possibility that this thing may not work for you, and if that’s the case, it’s clearly your village people. The next step for you should be to deny everything those messages said. All you need is a broadcast message that highlights your integrity accuse those apps of blasphemy. Post the message everywhere and look away. 

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    2. Hack them

    This is another reason to be a tech bro and we’ve already shown you how. So copy-paste some code and see your name disappear from their system. You’re welcome.

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    3. Use a fake ID

    Trust me, Werey dey disguise can work here. Just use your enemy’s driver’s license and passport. Frustrate your enemies and cash out in their name; that’s how to kill two birds with one stone.

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    4. Get a lawyer

    That your cousin in 300 Level studying law is your best option. Get them involved and drag those beeshes to court for defaming your character and tarnishing your image. 

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    5. Buy the dip

    When you hear crypto guys saying, “Buy the dip, buy the dip,” it’s actually not a joke. Use that loan to buy the dip and cash out. You may end up being rich enough to japa and block everyone on your contact list. It’s called starting afresh.

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    6. Don’t care

    Take a page from Uncle Bubu’s lesson notes. Nigeria is in debt, so who are you to pay up? Have you ever seen Uncle Bubu come and explain the situation to us? No. So forget about the messages and enjoy your life. 

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    7. Carry two odds

    If you didn’t understand this term, skip to the next option. This one is for the big boys on the streets. You can get ahead of this thing and pay back with one small bet. Make sure it’s not Arsenal and you’ll probably be alright. If you lose, that’s your business. We’ve tried.

    10 Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    8. Diversify your loans

    You’re everywhere, but you’re nowhere at the same time. How many people can believe you borrowed money from five different apps? A boss like you? That’s an insult you won’t stand for.

    9. Enter politics

    Nigerian politicians have hacked the whole system of broad daylight robbery. Join them. All you need to do is announce your intention to run for President. Your tag line should be Representing the youths.  When you win, the rest is history. 

    10. Start a GoFundMe

    Nigerians can be stingy, but a good story will get you the money you need. We can’t guarantee that someone won’t catch you, but at least you would have collected the money to pay back the loan in time.

    Ortega

    , , ,

  • These 7 Things Will Slap Inside Meat Pie

    These 7 Things Will Slap Inside Meat Pie

    Meat pie is perfectly imperfect because it doesn’t contain these 8 ingredients. If we fix up and start including these ingredients in meat pie, it’ll finally become elite. You’re welcome. 

    1. Yam

    What are potatoes if not yams yassified? Anything potatoes can do, yam can do. Yam even has an upper hand because it can choke you and I’ve never seen potatoes do that, please. 

    2. Beans 

    Knowing that this is already a thing in Warri just shows that they have good taste. Elevate your taste buds today and add this in the next time you’re making meat pie. 

    3. Scent leaves 

    I feel like there’s nothing that scent leaves can’t make better. They can give you clear skin, make the quality of your life better, attract money to you —  we’ve tested, tried and and now trust our findings, don’t worry. 

    4. Eja kika 

    `Just let us put you on to good things. There’s fish and then there’s eja kika. It’s not the same thing I promise you. The texture, the taste — especially when boiled — just imagine it inside meat pie. Something divinely inspired this recommendation.  

    5. Okra

    For one, okra is vegan, so you’ll be elevating your lifestyle. You can boil it, fry or bake it, and it would still slap. What’s a little sliminess for you, anyway?

     6. Akara

    What’s better than beans? Fried beans. Meat pie stuffed with akara is basically agege bread and akara that studied abroad anyway. 

     7. Atarodo 

    Just slice raw and add them to the pie so that we can actually taste the heat, please. Meat pie is too sweet please, we should humble it with a little atarodo. 

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 10 Trusted Ways to Ensure Your Salary Lasts Till Next Month

    10 Trusted Ways to Ensure Your Salary Lasts Till Next Month

    It’s officially salary week. After waiting for January to hurry its ass up, we can finally see the finish line and we’re sure most of you have gotten the long-awaited credit alert. While you may be tempted to blow all this money on or before February 14, we’d like to remind you that sapa is still real and it’s always on the prowl . To avoid stories that touch, we listed a couple of preventive measures you can take to safeguard your salary until next month. 

    [newsletter]

    1. Withdraw everything and bury it in the ground 

    Out of sight, out of mind. The reason you keep spending your money like your father is Otedola is because you can see it in your account every day. If you want your money to last till next month, withdraw everything from your account, pick a random plot of land and bury it there. Make sure you don’t mark the spot. Every time you feel like going back, remember you have to dig up the whole plot of land before you find it. But don’t call us if someone else finds your money sha; all monies buried at owner’s risk. 

    2. Take it to Shiloh so they can double it

    Remember when we told you to take your account number to Shiloh? Well, the eagle has landed. But we’ll need you to go back with the money so they can run you another miracle. Hold on to the hem of your pastor’s garment and don’t let go until they at least 2x your salary. If you have coconut head, they might quadruple it. Amen? 

    3. Give your mother to keep it for you

    If you think about it, she’s been saving money for you since you were a child. Have you ever seen the money? No. But every time someone gave you money growing up, she collected it and told you she’s “keeping” it for you. Who knows, maybe when she finally gives you all that money, you can buy a house in Banana Island. 

    4. Delete all your social media apps and run 

    If you’re smart, this should be a no-brainer. One of the reasons your salary doesn’t last is because you’re always buying unnecessary shit from Instagram vendors and going to the fancy restaurants you see on people’s stories. To dodge the trap of incoming poverty, delete all the social media apps on your phone. The only social media app you should have is LinkedIn, plus calendar, clock and calculator to keep track of all your expenses. 

    5. Break up with your partner and avoid relationships

    You want to save money but you’re out here doing love and spending money on dates? You must be a joker. In fact, look for a red marker and start painting your face like a clown. One of the easiest ways to save your money is by avoiding relationships like coronavirus 3.0. If anyone tells you, “Hi,” tell them to go and greet their daddy because you’re not doing. Stay focused. 

    6. Buy a bag of garri and drink it every day for 30 days

    Someone in the Bible fasted for 40 days and 40 nights; surely you can survive on soaking garri for only four weeks. Think of the greater good here: suffering builds character. 

    7. Find the person that multiplied his salary 23x 

    We still feel like this story has long legs. But then again, maybe we’re just jealous because we can’t even manage to double our salaries. If you can find him and learn from him, then good for you. If his method works, dear, please don’t be selfish, send us a DM so we can jot one or two fings down.

    8. Avoid broke people 

    Please and please, shey you know that broke people can’t help each other? How do we know you’re broke? My dear, you’re reading this post. If any of your broke friends asks you to come out, reject their offer with vim because you’ll end up spending money you don’t have. To make sure you don’t go broke before next month, we’ll advise that you only roll with the rich. But don’t be doing anyhow o, be a classy parasite. 

    9. Tell your family members you’re dead 

    It’s crazy how certain family members can smell your salary all the way from the village. It’s almost like they’re in the same WhatsApp group with your boss. The money lands like this and the next thing, one uncle that bathed you when you were three years old is calling you to help a cousin you didn’t even know existed. Best solution? Fake your death. Make a Facebook post and WhatsApp broadcast that you’ve passed away. They don’t have Instagram or Twitter, so you’ll be fine. 

    10. Sit at home 

    People who sit at home save more. It’s simple mathematics. If you stay home and eat the garri we asked you to buy, you’ll be fighting with Dangote over who’s richer in like two years. We know what we’re saying. 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , , ,

  • Hilarious Reasons to Maintain Your Ginger In the Gym Beyond January

    Hilarious Reasons to Maintain Your Ginger In the Gym Beyond January

    After almost 40 days and 40 nights, January is finally coming to an end. 

    Knowing that most of you love to live fake lives, we can bet that the end of January will mark your last day in the gym even after all the “New year, new me” gra-gra you were doing. While working out is hard AF, it comes with a lot of perks. We decided to compile a list of benefits that might inspire you to maintain your gym ginger for at least another three months. 

    1. You did this quitting shit last year already, change. 

    In 2021, you joined the gym in January and didn’t even wait for the month to end before you ran away. Now, here you are again in 2022 about to do the same thing. Are you not ashamed of yourself? Are you not embarrassed? If you want to join, join. If not, stay at home and eat your semo like the heathen that you are. 

    2. So you can fight your boss when they delay your salary 

    This one is very necessary. If you work in an office where they keep owing you salary, we advise you to summon up courage and fight your boss. To do this effectively, you have to be fit. If you beat them once, chances are your salary will never come late again. 

    3. Time to frustrate your ex

    You see that ex that showed you pepper? It’s time to give them revenge body. One of you will have to deactivate their socials because the internet will not be able to contain both of you. 

    4. Win back your ex

    We know some of you, they’ve used rope to tie your destiny. So if your goal is to go back to your ex and win their affection, a new gym body might just do the trick. If they break up with you again, you can channel your hot tears into more reps at the gym. Either way, you win . 

    5. So you can last longer in bed

    Research carried out by people who fornicate regularly seem to indicate that people who work out tend to last longer in bed. Yes, that’s the one you like abi? We’re not surprised. If you’re looking for marathon sex in 2022, we’ll suggest you run a marathon on the treadmill first. Simple arithmetic, that is the figure eight. 

    6. Starting an Onlyfans 

    2022 is about income diversification; banker by day, Onlyfans entrepreneur by night. If you need the motivation to stay in the gym, think of all the cold hard foreign currency you’ll be getting from being a lirru bit spicy on the interwebs. 

    7. Summer 2022 is for crop tops 

    If I don’t start wearing crop tops by June this year, call me a — never mind. 

    8. So you can fight conductors for change

    We’re not taking nonsense this year. It’s time to rack conductors that keep trying us because honestly, enough is enough. If you go to the gym and get big muscles, they won’t even have the liver to try you in the first place. 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , ,

  • Ridiculous Things That Shouldn’t Have Happened to Us as Kids

    Ridiculous Things That Shouldn’t Have Happened to Us as Kids

    Some odd things happened to us as kids that seemed normal at that time but now that we are older, our brains just keep going, “wtf?” Why did our parents let these things happen? Here is a list of some of the worst things we endured. 

    1. Getting punished for speaking your native language 

    What was the thought process behind this? We are Nigerians living in Nigeria; why can’t we speak our native language? This is why we don’t believe that certain states are real. Jigawa, we are greeting you. 

    2. Getting punished for late payments of school fees

    Just a thought oh, but why didn’t they beat the parents? Instead of beating kids, why didn’t they send them home? Kids didn’t need to be embarrassed and beaten to pass a message to their parents. Sometimes people don’t recover from things like these. 

    3.  Being beaten for coming late to school

    I don’t think teachers know this, but when you are four or even 15 you are not exactly in control of logistics. Nigerian parents need to start beating these people up since they only understand violence. 

    4. Flogging for things outside our control

    You would get flogged for things you had no control over and for things they should have explained better. Teachers would flog you for having bad eyesight, being left-handed, being hyperactive, for liking the opposite sex — it was all so unnecessary. 

    5. Being denied permission to use the bathroom

    In what insane world would this be normal? Why would you deny anyone the choice to use the bathroom? It’s giving slavery tbh. 

    6.  Getting beaten for bedwetting

    Did anyone ever stop to think that these kids were embarrassed that this was happening to them often? Would it have killed someone to offer a solution like making them pee before bed? Why is violence always the answer? 

    7. Spending your entire day in school

    Kids would wake up by 5-6 am, especially kids in Lagos. They’d be in school till 3 and then have another hour of extra lessons, and when they got home, one wicked lesson teacher would be waiting for them. Nigerian parents have no joy sha.

    8. Cutting your hair/ dreadlocks

    Why didn’t parents riot when these things happened to their kids?  You’d get admitted to a Christian school and they would ask you to cut your hair. Nigerian kids deserve better. 

    Malakai Bassey

    , ,

  • What Do These 7 Nigerians Think About Donating Their Organs?

    What Do These 7 Nigerians Think About Donating Their Organs?

    As Nigerians, the last thing we want to think about is what will happen after we die. First off, we’re not even dying anytime soon. 

    Although blood transfusion is common in Nigeria, not a lot of Nigerians have been in a situation where they’ve had to either donate or receive an organ from another person. So we wondered, is organ donation something Nigerians would consider and why? We asked a few Nigerians and here’s what they said:

    Festus, 33

    I was very indifferent about organ donation until six years ago when, while still living in New York, I had to rush my roommate to the emergency room for a surgery that ended up requiring a  kidney transplant. Apparently, somebody had recently passed away in the hospital, and based on the severity of his case, he got bumped up the UNOs list or something. Because his parents lived far away, I had to be on top of everything. Watching him finally get a kidney was a lot for me. I registered to become an organ donor that day. What if the person whose kidney he got hadn’t registered? Would he be alive today? We’d never know. If it could save my friend, I’d love to give someone else and their family a second chance as well. 

    Babatunde, 26

    God forbid! Unless it’s a family member, I’m not trying that shit—it’s creepy AF. So many times we’ve seen movies where someone receives an organ and creepy shit starts to happen to them. I know I’ll be dead and it’s not my business what happens to the person who collected my organs, but I still think it’s weird that a part of me would be out here living in someone else’s body. 

    Kelechi, 22

    Once I’m dead, I don’t see why I should be holding on to something I’m not using. It makes zero sense to me. Alive or not, if I can help, I’m more than happy to do it. Science and medicine have come a long way when it comes to giving people a second chance at life and I want to play my part. I’ll be dead either way, so why not? They can take everything, down to my eyeballs and skin, it’s not like I’ll be using it. But I’ll prefer it if it goes to a human being that needs it, not some random research facility. 

    Akinola, 30

    When I was still a teenager, I donated a kidney to my older brother. Unfortunately, his body rejected it and he passed away not too long after. While I’ve done it before, I don’t think I can do it again unless I’m actually dead. But even at that, I’d rather donate it to a research facility. Something about my brother dying despite all we did to save him still has a strange effect on how I view organ donations. 

    Ifeyinwa, 27

    I’m a doctor, what do you expect? I’ve seen so many people lose their lives simply because they couldn’t access an organ, or maybe the organ got to them too late. That feeling of knowing you can help, but the power is out of your hands — mehn, it can be devastating. If I feel like this, think about the person’s family and loved ones. As a doctor, I’ve seen too much to not want to help in any way I can. For now sha, I haven’t had to give one out but when the call comes, I’ll be there like NEPA bill. 

    Musty, 30

    People can do that in Nigeria? I thought it was only outside the country like India or something. Either way, I’m totally down to donate my brain because the truth is, a lot of Nigerians don’t have sense. LOL.

    Cynthia, 22

    I don’t think the Bible speaks against it, but my spirit just doesn’t agree with the idea of either having someone else’s organ in or me giving out an organ to someone else. I can’t categorically explain it, but it just doesn’t work for me. If a family member needs an organ, the hospital should provide it. If they can’t, I’m sure God will provide another solution. I’m not sure I can do it. 

    RECOMMEND: I Keep My Egg Donation Hustle A Secret — A Week In The Life Of An Egg Donor

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , ,

  • Every Nigerian Parent’s Search History Probably Looks Like This

    Every Nigerian Parent’s Search History Probably Looks Like This

    Nigerian parents wake up in the morning and choose violence every day. If they’re not sending you weird Whatsapp news, they’re pestering you to get married. We tried imagining what Nigerian parents’ browsing history could look like based on things they constantly complain about and came up with these:

    [newsletter]

    1. “Names of teenagers that died because they went out with friends”

    We get it. They don’t want us to have a life, but can they just chill?

    2. “Are durags a sign of the Antichrist?”

    When is anything not the sign of the Antichrist to them?

    3. “Video of a 10-year-old boy preaching”

    I can still say John 3:16; please leave me alone. 

    4. “7-year-old in Harvard”

    Okay, daddy. Maybe if your family had good brain genes now….

    5. “Why is my child not married?”

    Because I belong to the streets. Get with the program.

    6. “Do people lose their sight by pressing phones?”

    Do people lose their voices by shouting too much?

    7. “How to summon slippers and belts with your mind”

    Omo! They would have learnt how to do this if they could. 

    8. “Tope Alabi music download”

    Having to explain how streaming services work to Nigerian parents is my 13ᵗʰ  reason. 

    9. “Kolanut health benefits”

    I don’t care. This shit is way too bitter. Miss me with it.

    10. “Daily scriptures for wayward children”

    If you can’t raise a bad bitch, don’t give birth to one. 

    11. “How to be right all the time”

    Will you people die if you apologise just once?

    12. “How to see my kids’ WhatsApp status”

    Search from now till tomorrow, you won’t find it. We’re trying to protect you here. 

    13. “How to leave the channel on CNN/NTA forever”

    Why do they always lie that they are watching the news when all they do is fall asleep?

    14.“ When will I become a grandparent?”

    Except we can sell them as NFTs, never. Don’t be angry.

    15. “Names of women that have gotten pregnant from talking to boys”

    Nigerian parents will ruin you by telling you to run away from boys and still have the guts to ask you why you don’t want to get married. 

    16. “How much is an iPhone?”

    Whatever amount we tell you, mind your own business and don’t tell us to buy it for you. 

    17. “How to know your child’s salary”

    You can’t. You shouldn’t. Send all of us weekly allowance, please. We’re going through it. 

    Malakai Bassey

    , , , ,

  • 8 Appropriate Responses to Getting Fired

    8 Appropriate Responses to Getting Fired

    Nothing is more painful than receiving a termination email. After an hour of crying, come back and use these 8 self-care responses.

    1. “My pastor said I won’t get fired, please”

     Do they want to call your pastor a liar? Hell straight! Don’t even take rubbish from them. God has plans for you and being fired is not one of them. Back to sender abeg.

    2. “Okay bet”

    That’s it, that’s all an email like that deserves. Let them know you were down to leave yesterday. Time to start a TikTok account where you share company secrets and earn your coins. 

    3. “My mother said they don’t use to fire people from my village”

    Do they want to argue with your mum ni? If they don’t believe you, they should text all your uncles in the village to confirm. If they can’t do that, then they can’t fire you. Simple logic. 

    4. “I respectfully decline”

    What can they do? Beat you? Abeg, if they want to move mad, you move madder. Go to work the next day and every week after that until they forget to remove you from payroll. This works, trust me.

    5. “Add that mail to spam”

    Carry on with your day. No job will stress you this year. If you didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. If they have mind, they should come and tell you in person.

    6. “Omg is it opposite day?”

    It has to be an opposite day, but why did they choose to pretend to fire you instead of mistakenly sending you your CEO’s salary? Tell them to fix up and enjoy your day my gee.

    7. “It’s your daddy that will be fired”

    Don’t they have a conscience? Why do they always send it in the morning when you’ve not even eaten? Nobody will judge you if you respond with this ment for ment. 

    8. “Chill first, let me get back to you”

    It truly can not be you they sent that email to. Do they want you to starve? How will you fund your lifestyle? They should have considered all that before sending that email. Let them chill first. You’ll reply when you are ready. 

    [Newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 10 Best Feel-good Anime for Beginners

    10 Best Feel-good Anime for Beginners

    If “I need to get into anime this year” is on your 2022 resolutions, we have compiled this list of the best feel-good anime for beginners because you deserve nice things. If you don’t have this in your resolution, you are doing 2022 wrong.

    1. Komi Can’t Communicate 

    Shouko Komi, the main protagonist, is a beautiful and mysterious girl in her new high school and everyone wants to be her friend but she doesn’t talk. Hirohito Tadano is ordinary and does everything he can to stay out of trouble. When he finds himself sitting next to Komi, he finds himself on a mission to help her make 100 friends. This is the best anime for beginners, it is funny, sweet, and incredibly chaotic but that’s what makes it worth the watch. 

    2.  Food Wars!: Shokugeki no sama

     If you are a foodie and you have a favourite comfort food, you’ll love Shokugeki no Soma because this anime is solely about making great food. Just don’t make the mistake of watching this anime without snacks because it’ll leave your mouth watering for food you don’t even understand. 

    With every dish made by Soma and his unlikely friends at the Totsuki Academy and the ridiculous reactions to each meal, you might find yourself saying “WTF” but you’ll eventually get used to it. We care about your account balance so maybe don’t binge-watch this if you don’t want to binge eat.  

    3. Barakamon

    Barakamon is a story about a calligrapher named Handa who decides to embark on a journey of finding his self-worth. He settles on a rural island village far from life as he knows it in Tokyo. In the village, he meets amazing people that make him go through life-changing experiences. Finding yourself can be difficult, so this anime can seem sombre. However, it feels like a warm hug and is worth the watch. 

    4. School Babysitters

    After a series of unfortunate events, Ryuichi became the school’s babysitter. Not only is he responsible for the wellbeing of his own little brother, but that of dozens of other toddlers who all have different and wildly interesting personalities. This anime is cute as hell and the literal embodiment of  “uwu” from episode 1 to the very end! Can’t think of a better anime for beginners.

    5. Yuri On Ice

    After losing in a tournament, the main protagonist Yuri discards his skating career. Fortunately, with help from his long-time friend, Viktor, Yuri makes a glorious comeback. Throughout his journey, he regained his passion for skating and found love. The characters will make you invested in a sport you probably don’t watch a lot. You will also stay for the banter and the good music. I am jealous of people that get to watch this for the first time because that feeling is unmatched. 

    6. Haikyuu

    One thing the sports anime genre will do is evoke some feel-good emotion. Haikyu is a long-running shounen series from Haruichi Furudate. The series follows the adventures of a high school volleyball team on a quest to be the country’s strongest volleyball squad. It will give you an enormous dose of positivity. The characters have a way of lifting your spirits and motivating you. What’s not to love?

    7. A Place Further Than The Universe

    This anime is very big on the importance of friendships and romanticizes going on epic quests with friends. If you’ve ever felt the need to just pack up your life and try new things, you’ll be able to relate to the protagonist Mari Tamaki. Mari sets off on a life-changing journey to Antarctica. Along the way, they’re joined by Hinata Miyake and Yuzuki Shiraishi. Their journey to Antarctica is truly inspiring, but the real heart of the series is the friendship between the four girls.

    8. Assassination Classroom

    Assassination Classroom is about a class of middle schoolers who are tasked with assassinating their teacher before he destroys the world. Their teacher is a yellow tentacled monster whom they dubbed as Korosensei. While these students sharpen their assassination skills, they also learn how to look out for each other, the value of friendships, and even manage to become some of the top students academically. Korosensei teaches them valuable life lessons and makes the show funny as hell, even as they try to kill him.

    9. The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K

    Saiki Kusuoa is a student with pink hair and psychic powers. He’s kept his abilities in check since childhood, but high school is changing everything about his stance on using his powers. This anime is 99% funny and 1% serious. If you are looking for a good laugh, this anime is for you.  

    10. Ponyo

    Is any anime list complete without a studio ghibli recommendation? The answer is no. 

    5-year-old Sosuke lives a quiet life on an oceanside cliff with his mother, Lisa, until he finds a beautiful goldfish trapped in a bottle on the beach. Upon rescuing her, she names the fish Ponyo. But she is no ordinary goldfish, she is one of the many daughters of a masterful wizard and a sea goddess.  Ponyo uses her father’s magic to transform into a young girl and quickly falls in love with Sosuke, angered by this,  Ponyo’s father sends the ocean’s mighty waves to find his daughter for playing with such powerful sorcery. The two kids embark on an adventure of a lifetime to save the world and fulfil Ponyo’s dreams of becoming human.

    QUIZ: Can you guess the anime from the pixelated image of the main character?

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , ,

  • 8 Memes That Describe How People Think About The New Year

    8 Memes That Describe How People Think About The New Year

    No matter how bad a year is, one thing is constant; people will try to lie to themselves about things they will do in the next year. From lying that they will journal more or exercise more, as soon as the year is about to end, the lies begin to happen. We don’t know what makes people start acting brand new but here are 8 memes that describe how people think about a new year.

    1. The “Omo, I give up” meme 

    We don’t even blame people that can relate to this meme. Everyone is tired as it is, that is why no one is consciously trying to manifest anything for next year. 

    2. The “we move” meme 

    People that can relate to this meme have the mindset that drives capitalism. Must we always move? can’t we rest? where are we moving to? All the best to them sha. 

    3. The “my body count has reset” meme

    Every year, people tweet this and will still lie that they are over their ex. If you are so over that ex, why do you need to reset your body count? Secondly, what in the Babalawo science is this?  

    4. The “don’t disturb me please I’m manifesting” meme 

    These guys are too busy retweeting all those “Like this tweet and your helper will find you in two days”, we can’t even judge, manifest all you want, this country is hard and any extraterrestrial help you can get is better than nothing. 

    5. The “how far that 13th-month salary” meme 

    People that can relate to this meme are busy wondering how they will frustrate their boss into giving everyone a 13th-month salary before they start crying hot tears while looking at their account balance. 

    6. The “January lasts for 30 days and 30 nights” meme 

    Everyone knows that January is not a month for human beings to survive in, but no one knows why it always last’s that long. We go dey alright sha. 

    7. The “another year and I’m still single” meme 

    People that can relate to this meme are the ones that block couples that post anything about their relationships across social media platforms. Maybe next year will be your year sha, and if not, you can always go to Shiloh.

    8. The “next year I am ready to be a hoe” meme

    This meme is for people that have bought land “in the streets” and are tired of looking for “the one.” They are not trying to manifest any ‘Yama Yama’ partner, good luck to everyone trying to find love with them because it will end it tears. 

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • Tension Us This Christmas by Wearing These Cute Couple Outfits

    Tension Us This Christmas by Wearing These Cute Couple Outfits

    Every year, people that manage to superglue their relationship in time for Christmas always make sure to take pictures in matching pyjamas so they can caption it, “Me and mines.” Because we are tired of them rubbing this cliché in our faces, we’ve suggested  9 perfect outfits for them to wear instead. 

    1. Adieu Papa shirts

    Nothing screams love and romance like death. This outfit is free- it’ll last longer and you don’t even have to remove it after your photoshoot. Give us single people something to look forward to. Be different. 

    2. Lace

    It’ll be better if it’s one of those old lace styles that had many holes. And if you want to spice it up, you can swap outfits. Pyjamas are an imported trend after all, and if Yoruba movies are anything to go by, you can wear iro and buba to bed too. 

    3. Adire T-shirts

    You can even make it yourselves and have a mini photo shoot while the dye dries up. Who knows, you might find a new hobby that isn’t oppressing single people. 

    4. Santa Claus and Mrs Claus costume

    What could be more festive than this outfit? You can even reuse the pictures during Valentine’s day, and single people will still be pressed. 

    5. Suits

    If you are into that sort of thing, you can create a backstory where you are coworkers to add spice to that photoshoot no one asked for. Give us drama, give us a plot. It’s the least you can do. 

    6.  Wrapper 

    Who doesn’t love a good village setting photoshoot? Take us back to our roots: village palm wine tapper in a wrapper and his babe in a wrapper, holding a calabash.  

    7. BAGCO super sack

    With a little bit of imagination, anything can be turned into an outfit. Why be boring when you can be camp? You don’t even have to sew it or anything. Just make holes for your heads. You’re welcome. 

    8. Leaves

    Give us the Garden of Eden couture. Give us what white people thought we wore before colonisation.

    9. Ghana Must Go bags 

    We know that you are here for the oppression Olympics but if it was a fashion competition, you would win with this outfit. We would even vote for you to win.

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 7 Memes Every Last Born Can Relate to

    7 Memes Every Last Born Can Relate to

    Older siblings always say the worst things about last borns just because they don’t get punished as much as if they are doing suffer head Olympic. Last borns know that life is not always as great as other people think though, here are 7 memes lastborns can relate to.

    1. The “I know you do not rate me” meme

    You won’t die if you pick our calls with a nicer tone. Sometimes, we actually call to greet you because we care about your wellbeing. The see-finish is too much tbh. That being said, send us money, please.

    2. The “Am I a slave to you?” meme

    It’s almost like all last borns come out of the womb with the words “house help” tattooed on our foreheads. We’re assigned to do all the chores when everyone else is asleep. 

    3. The “I have sense” meme

    Despite what people think, the Last Borns Association of Nigeria would like to announce that we have sense. One person has to be the clown of the family, and we should be appreciated for carrying that responsibility.

    4. The “I did not come here to suffer” meme

    Last borns have made it clear that they came to enjoy life. And tbh, everyone should aspire to be like them. 

    5. The “Treat me like soft Agege” meme

    This includes not being sent to any “suffer head’ school like your siblings, being pampered silly and generally being babied. If you want to have soft life privileges, next time come as a lastborn. 

    6. The “I’m sha taller than you” meme

    The last borns’ head you are tapping today and calling “smallie” will one day grow up to be taller than you. If you had respected yourself back then, now that you have to look up to talk to them, they won’t be laughing at you, eyah.   

    7. The “In the end, you will still send me money and send me abroad” meme

    In the end, lastborns know that every sensible older sibling that isn’t against our progress wants to see us succeed and as much as they complain they always end up fighting for better opportunities for us. 

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 6 Jobs Abuja Men Do On The Side While Squatting With Their Babes

    6 Jobs Abuja Men Do On The Side While Squatting With Their Babes

    You know how everyone is always crying about how Lagos men are  wicked, serving breakfast up and down? Well, let’s introduce you to Abuja men and their shenanigans. Known for hobosexualism – the art of squatting with your sexual partner, these men are the real pandemic. But you know what? They’re actually hardworking as well. Here are some of the inspiring jobs they take on when they’re not eating all your food for free. 

    Fitness Trainer

    One of the most lucrative Abuja baby boy roles has to be the fitness trainer route. You see them all the time on Instagram and probably in every gym in town. These guys have like 18 packs and will take off their shirts faster than CBN can announce a new financial cock-blocking policy. During the day, they’re at the gym helping their clients learn the new booty building squat routine, and by night, you’ll be sure to either spot them at the latest clubs in shirts so tight they can barely breathe or in the bed of one of their clients doing plumber work.

    Selling “bespoke” trad

    Everyone who is anyone in Abuja has a clothing line at this point. What do you expect in a city where everyone dresses like they have a high-class wedding to attend? This is also another job you can take on while you live off your girlfriend. To do this well, you need to have a reliable tailor and a little bit of Instagram clout, so when you decide to sell one up and down for ₦80,000, no one will bat an eyelash. After all, it’s not really the trad they’re buying, it’s the aesthetics. 

    Running a barbing salon

    Another lucrative scene in Abuja is the barbing salon industry and we don’t use the word “Industry” lightly. In Abuja, a haircut can go for as high as ₦5,000 depending on the location and general je ne sais quoi of the place. Some will cut your hair, rub your head small, and decide it’s enough reason to bleed your account dry. If you can convince a woman to let you live with her for free, then getting her to open a barbing salon for you shouldn’t be so hard. 

    Chasing contracts

    This is the Abuja version of “I have containers on the high sea”. Unconfirmed statistics show that one in every six Abuja men has one or two contracts in the pipeline and that’s why they’ve mastered the art of drafting proposals. Literally, anyone can write you a business plan in Abuja. This is also one of the ways Abuja hobosexuals weasel their way into your bed and your Garki apartment. They’ll tell you one of their contracts is being processed and if you’re not jazzed up, you’ll enter one chance. 

    [newsletter]

    Influenza 

    Thanks to social media and Keeping up with the Kardashians, it’s easy to make a life for yourself just by being internet famous these days. Tapping into this market, Abuja men can be influencers for any and everything from waist trainers and slimming tea to just strolling through restaurants with Lecrae’s Coming in hot playing in the background. All you need to excel at this is a fine face, nice outfits and a phone with a good camera. For extra followers, throw in some muscle ear and dear. 

    A lirru bit of gheigh

    Landing a senator or minister in Abuja is not as easy as Abuja Connection made it look. While Clarion Chukwura and Eucharia Anunobi were battling it out for the tough men in the city, your competition here might just be the boyfriend you left at home. You’re not the only one who likes money, sis. And like the popular video says, “All of us na ashewo.” So please,  keep that in mind. 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , , ,

  • 7 Reasons Why Your Mother’s Prayers Aren’t Working

    7 Reasons Why Your Mother’s Prayers Aren’t Working

    Nigerians like to joke about having the protection and grace brought about by their mother’s prayers for them,  even though they’re constantly out doing things that could cancel out the prayers. If your mother prays for you but your life is still a colossal shit show, here are 7 probable reasons why her prayers aren’t working 

    1. You eat ass

    How can your mother’s prayers work for you when you’re vacuuming people’s anal cavities with your tongue? She is praying on her knees, and you’re on your knees defeating the prayers by tossing salads. Do better.

    2 . You are bad vibes

    That’s the tweet. It’s like the prayers try to find their way to you but all your bad vibes chase them away. Boya you will try to be better. 

    3 . You don’t eat semo

    Only uncultured people don’t like semo and being uncultured can hinder blessings. We’d know. We are the culture. Eat semo today so your mother’s prayers will start working. 

    4 . You fight bus conductors

    While your mother is busy praying for that promotion you so crave , you’re busy fighting with a conductor that will call her an ashawo just because you forgot to enter with your change.

    5 . You’re in the streets moving mad

    If we could do elections on the streets, you’d probably be the president. You’re serving other women’s children breakfast every two market days. How will your mother’s prayers work when Sade, Tunde and Kemi have all sworn for you in one month? 

    6. You haven’t given her grandchildren yet 

    I mean, you have just one job! Grown and independent, all the poor woman wants from you is grandbabies, but you’re still doing what I don’t know in the streets. Okay na. Y’all be easy. 

    7. You have coconut head

    There is only so much her prayers can do tbh. Your mother’s prayers are not working because while she is busy praying for your safety, you’re there skydiving in Nigeria. All the very best.  

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , , ,

  • How To Answer “Are You Married?” Like A Married Lagos Man

    How To Answer “Are You Married?” Like A Married Lagos Man

    Have you ever been in a situation where you’re out having a good time and some random person just asks if you’re married (even though they most likely already know the answer)? If you’ve ever been in this situation and didn’t know how to fire back, here are some responses you can go with next time that will make the nosy person’s head spin.

    And? 

    Ask them what that has to do with anything. So you’re married, and so bloody what? Is it a union or a prison? Remind them that it’s really not that big of a deal. It’s just a certificate and a ring. 

    Just a little bit 

    How can anyone blame you for cheating when you’re just a little bit married? Basically, you have just one leg in the marriage, and are free to wander and philander around Lagos with the other leg.. If they ask what it means to be a little bit married, tell them to take your answer like that and redirect their focus to the love you have for them. 

    What exactly do you mean by “married”? 

    Turn the tables around and interrogate the person. What exactly do they mean by “married”? And yes, it’s a compulsory exam question worth 20 marks. There are many ways to go around a marriage. This is the time to be smart and find that loophole. 

    Marriage? What does that even mean? 

    It’s time for you to act like your brain is empty. Marriage? What a foreign concept! All you know is that you’re single and ready to mingle. Anyone that claims to be married to you is obviously delusional. 

    [newsletter]

    Are any of us truly married? 

    Very important question. Who created these laws of marriage in the first place? Were Adam and Eve married? No. It’s high time we all learned to live on vibes and vibes alone. 

    But I’m here 

    Remind them that despite your alleged partner, you are here with them,professing your love, and that’s all that matters. Every other thing is noise. What else do they even want from you? If this isn’t true love, we don’t know what else it could be. 

    Is it your business? 

    Anybody who asks about your marital status in public clearly doesn’t mean you well. They were probably sent  by your village people to embarrass you. It’s only right that you tear your singlet and fight because they clearly want  violence.

    Abeg X3

    Why are they boxing you in? That’s very disrespectful. It’s time for you to shut down naysayers challenging the validity of your single-hood. Saying you’re married is like an attack and you have to dismiss these accusations to avoid further embarrassment.

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , , , ,

  • 10 Types Of People You’re Likely To Meet At A Concert This December

    10 Types Of People You’re Likely To Meet At A Concert This December

    Nothing prepares you for the drama that comes with going to a concert in Nigeria. From the main artist who chooses to show up seven hours late to the upcoming artist who expects you to sing along to a song they dropped that morning, everyone acts like they’re on steroids. With concert season around the corner (those prices though), we’ve made a list of people you’ll most likely run into at the next show you go for.

    1. The One With A Curfew

    They will spend the entire time reminding you that they have a curfew and need to be home before 10 p.m. This is funny because everyone knows that Nigerian concerts never  start on time. Most of the time, these ones leave before the main act gets on stage (which is usually at 3 a.m).

    2. The One Always Looking For A Place To Crash Until Daybreak

    Despite knowing that concerts run until very late, these ones won’t make plans for how they’ll get home or where they’ll sleep if they can’t get a ride.. They are basically running on vibes. If you meet someone like this at a concert and share a laugh together, they’ll ask to spend the night in your parlour. 

    3. The One That’s Too Big To Dance

    If there’s one thing Nigerians love, it’s forming. Why are you at a concert standing like an electric pole? These ones will rather die than actually admit that they’re having a good time. Tragic. 

    4. The One That Won’t Stop Dancing 

    These are the people that don’t understand the difference between a concert and a nightclub. Yes, you can dance o, but this is not Maltina Dance All so calm the hell down. They show up to concerts and start throwing their legs everywhere like Liquorose. All you can do at this point is get out of their way to avoid injury and let them finish.

    5. The One Trying To Outsing The Artist On Stage

    Arguably the most annoying group on this list. They will shout, not sing, every word as if their life depends on it. We get it. You’re a super fan. But please dear, we didn’t pay to hear you sing, so kindly geddifok. 

    6. The Ones Who Don’t Know The Lyrics 

    They’ll be in a corner passionately singing the lyrics to your favourite song but if you look closely, you’ll see that they’re just chopping their mouths singing a version of the song even the artist has never heard before. 

    [newsletter]

    7. The “I Was Dragged Here” Concert Goer 

    They probably got dragged there by their friends or have been forced to chaperone their siblings. Either way, they will spend their time side-eying and judging everyone that’s having a good time, just because they think they have better taste in music. Go and sell your taste in the market and allow us to have nice things. 

    8. The Discount Documentary Filmmaker That Wants To Record The Entire Concert 

    The most common on the list thanks to everyone constantly clinging to their phone. While it’s okay to record a couple of clips for the gram, these ones with their 512GB phones must record every single moment. It’s almost like they’ve been contracted by Netflix to make a documentary. 

    9. The Overly Touchy Couple 

    You know the couple with the girl in front and the guy behind her holding her waist? They’re practically inseparable and do all they can to remind us single people that we ain’t shit. Honestly, we can’t stand them either. Get a room! We came here to watch a musician, not two random people dry hump each other.

    10. The Creepy Guy That Doesn’t Understand Consent

    The absolute worst are the guys who go to concerts and harass women who just came to have a good time.  They feel like it’s their right to dance with anyone they want to because “we are all having fun”.  Don’t be a part of this group of people. You will get your ass kicked and thrown out of the concert. 

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , , ,

  • 8 Detty Lies Nollywood Told Us

    8 Detty Lies Nollywood Told Us

    There were certain lies Nollywood told us about life growing up that made us real disappointed when we grew up. They didn’t exactly say that these things would happen of course but isn’t art supposed to imitate life? Where was the inspiration coming from? Why did they become tropes?  Read on to find out the 8 detty lies Nollywood told us. 

    1. You can be offered money to break up with people’s kids

    This one hurts the most because we could have gone through this life without any expectations but Nollywood just had to lie. One day you wake up and you’re 25 and nobody has offered you millions of naira to leave their son alone.  Nobody has given you a visa to leave this country or bought you a house in another state with a six-figure job. Turns out that no one likes their kids that much.

    2. Unilag babes will pass their sugar daddies to you

    In this economy that everyone is struggling to find one sugar daddy, nobody will randomly offer you theirs, know this and know peace. If you can’t find one on your own, all the best to you. 

    3. People will offer you drugs as if it’s Vitamin C

    Nollywood movies made it seem like people would walk up to you unprovoked to offer you drugs.  Like sardine and plantain, everything is expensive now. Your friends won’t casually offer you brownies when they buy them anymore. It might happen once but if you say no, no one will keep offering it to you.  What do we know sha, we don’t do such things. 

    4. Your friends will be a bad influence

    Every young person who got into university eventually joined bad gang. No self-awareness at all, because what if you are more likely to influence other people’s kids badly?

    5. Evil people eventually get punished 

    Karma is not real. The sooner more people realise this, the easier it’ll be to get over it.  People do bad things all the time and get away with it, especially in Nigeria where the people who have been put in positions of power to keep people accountable commit the most offences. Nobody is going to run mad because they were evil. 

    6. Every old person is wise

    It turns out that having white hair and managing to live past forty doesn’t mean that common sense will find you. Old people do and say some of the stupidest shit all the time. It’s not by speaking in proverbs all the time. “Mumu dey follow person reach old age”. 

    7. All stepmothers are wicked

     Why didn’t the Stepmothers Association of Nigeria never organize a protest?  In those days, once a storyline involved a stepmother, 99% of the time, you knew she was going to be wicked. But in real life, people grew up with their biological mothers and were still traumatised; people also grew up with the best stepmothers. Na wa.

    8. Once you leave the village and go to Lagos, you will “make it”  

    Nollywood had village losers travelling from their villages to Lagos hoping that they would make it and coming back millionaires in 2 years. Omo,  if you come to Lagos now, all you’ll get is a huge dent in your bank account and plenty of heartbreak. 

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 10 Relatable Things That Signal The Arrival Of Christmas

    10 Relatable Things That Signal The Arrival Of Christmas

    Some people monitor their calendars ahead of Christmas, while others just go about it like it’s just another day,  even though they can’t completely ignore it. Here are some signs that signal the arrival of the sparkly lights and excess jollof rice season.

    1. Mariah Carey and Boney M rise up like Lazarus

    These two artists force their way into our lives every Christmas. For millennials and Gen Zs, it’s Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, but for your parents and grandparents, be sure to hear a lot of Boney M starting next week. 

    2. Eko Hotel roundabout starts to look like a Christmas lights battlefield

    For Lagosians, nothing signals the arrival of Christmas like driving past Eko Hotel and seeing that they’ve turned the roundabout into Father Christmas’ guest house. The moment you see this, you know it’s time to start buying and hoarding chickens before they start adding ₦100 to everything. 

    3. Everything becomes expensive AF! 

    Someone needs to explain the logic behind this. Every year, once sellers start to smell December, they go on their WhatsApp group and decide to increase their prices. They just feel like it’s time to show us pepper. If you like, walk away, no one will call you back to give you another “last price”. 

    4. Everyone and their daddy is having a concert

    We know this all too well. Tickets are already on sale. Nothing heralds Christmas more than musical concerts. The tickets usually say 7 p.m., but real ones know that the main artist will probably be turning semo by that time, so it’s best to go at midnight when witches are having their own conference. 

    5. Christmas carols services and fundraising everywhere

    As if they are competing with the “worldly” crowd, you can count on churches to increase the number of harvests and bazaars they have on their roster. Christmas Carols will also happen nonstop from Monday to Saturday. Anytime you blink, you’ll probably see three kings offering gold, frankincense and crypto coins. 

    [newsletter]

    6. Red and green everywhere!

    From those sparkly lights that look like thorns to some of your co-workers’ outfits, be prepared to see a lot of red and green. By mid-December, we doubt you’ll remember any other primary color. 

    7. No more sequins in the market

    Christmas brings with it a strong Nigerian urge to look like a mirror ball. It’s like everyone wants to shine just in case there’s a power outage. Buy your sequins now before it’s too late. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. 

    8. IJGBs are littered around like red sand in Benin

    Get ready for a lot of “innits” and “back in the states”, as Christmas is the only time our brothers and sisters in the diaspora decide to visit and flex on us (it’s not easy living in a country that actually works!). After months of trying their hands at Nigerian dance moves and making “My African parent” videos for TikTok, they finally come back for premium rocks and fornication. Want to blend in? Start practising your British-Amerigbor accent now. 

    9. You start spending money you don’t have

    The Christmas season is when your mouth will convince you that your taste palette has changed, and it’s time to start eating like crazy because it’s detty december.  We’ll advise you to think again. The trumpet won’t blow in December, and don’t forget rent is due at the end of January. A word is enough for the wise.

    10. Flight tickets become more expensive than drugs 

    Similar to market prices, you can bet that the price of your average flight will double. If you still haven’t bought your ticket by now, omo, to Jesus be your glory o!  

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

    , , ,

  • 8 Things People Say When They’ve Lost An Argument

    8 Things People Say When They’ve Lost An Argument

    Not everyone is great at conceding when they’ve lost an argument. If anyone says these eight things to you during an argument, just end it because you’ve won, but at what cost? 

    1. “We’re cool.”

    What they mean to say is that they will never forgive you in ten years. If you just finished arguing with someone, why would you ask them if you guys are still cool? What if they say no and beat you up? If anyone tells you this after they’ve lost an argument, they’re detty liars.  

    2. “Whatever”

    Simply means “e pain me die.” When someone says this, that’s when you know that you won the argument, because who says, “Whatever” like that if they’re not pained? 

    3. “Let’s agree to disagree” 

    This means that they think they are right but they don’t feel like arguing. Except, sometimes, they’re not even right, but it’s okay to help people salvage what’s left of their dignity I guess. 

    4. “Let’s dead the issue”

    This means that they can see that they are wrong but please let’s end it there abeg! If you are pro-peace, you can be a better person, but if not, and usually not, you can keep arguing until they admit that they were wrong. 

    5. “Okay, and?”

    This means they are close to tears and the next thing that comes out of your mouth will set them off. It’s times like this that you should choose peace sha, except you’re an evil spirit.   

    6 “I’m not raising my voice!”

    They usually say this while raising their voice, and it means that they are frustrated and can’t hear themselves. The best thing to do is to let them calm down. Sometimes, if they refuse to stop shouting, you too shout back, life is not that hard. 

    7. “That’s grammatically incorrect”

    The moment someone starts correcting your pronunciation or grammar during an argument, they are either an English student, an editor, or they know they’ve lost the argument. Smh! 

    8. “You’re right”

    This should mean that they are grown and can admit when they are wrong but according to the official Zikoko statistics, 99 per cent of the time, people say, ‘You’re right,” just so you’ll shut up. Nigerian men can relate, they pretty much invented it. 

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 7 Times Nigerians Move In Silence

    7 Times Nigerians Move In Silence

    For people that are mostly loud, it’s surprising that there are certain situations when Nigerians prefer to move in silence. Nigerians won’t share the good news with others until it’s stale.  If someone is getting a new house, they won’t mention it until they have lived in it for a year. Here are seven times Nigerians move in silence.

    1. When they want to travel abroad

    If there is one thing that will make Nigerians move in silence, it is when they are about to travel abroad. Nigerians don’t tell anyone about their travel plans; they just wake one day and post pictures in winter coats with the caption “Goodbye Nigeria, the evil you have done is enough. “ To be honest, we stan. 

    2. When they get pregnant

    Nigerians announce pregnancies three months into the pregnancy, or after the baby or babies have been born. The argument is that they are trying to make sure that their village people don’t see the baby and kill it. 

    3. When they build a new house

    No Nigerian will tell you when they are building their house except if they want to ask you for help. They won’t even tell you when they’ve bought the land — they just go to their various religious houses and give testimonies about their new house and invite people to eat rice. 

    4. When they are writing exams

    Nigerians only tell family members that they are writing exams, so they can beg them for money. Plus the moment people know you’re writing exams, they’d want to know the outcome, and it usually ends in tears. 

    5. When they are about to graduate

    Nigerian mums will make sure you don’t tell anyone what level you are in school or when you are about to graduate. They can’t let principalities and powers come into play and make you carry over all your courses until you are forced to drop out. 

    6. When they apply for their dream job 

    Nigerians move in silence when they apply for jobs because if you post it on social media, someone could cancel the interview on your behalf or even apply with a stronger CV. Nigerians have a first-class degree in moving mad.

    7. When they go to visit Babalawo 

    It makes sense that they won’t tell anyone about this so that they don’t get judged.  They just tell you that they believe in jazz, it works and that they’ve seen people in their village go to visit a Babalawo. You’d be silent too if you were tying somebody’s destiny inside a  bottle.

    [newsletter]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 10 Useless Talents Nigerian Kids Used To Be Proud Of

    10 Useless Talents Nigerian Kids Used To Be Proud Of

    In the days before Nigerian kids had social media and coding as extracurricular activities, there were certain useless talents kids used to be so proud of having that seemed somewhat cool at the time but are just really stupid (and downright creepy) in hindsight. Here are a few of them.

    1. Being able to turn your eyelids inside out

    I don’t know who told kids back then that this was appropriate to do and show people. But if you did this as a child, you deserve to get your ass kicked. I don’t care that you’re an adult now. Also, it’s a disability called “Ectropion.” The more you know.

    2. Sewing your hands 

    Of all the useless talents Nigerian kids were proud of, this was by far the weirdest and scariest because it could have easily gone wrong at any time. Was it dead skin? Why did so many kids have access to needles?  Kids should have a signed note from a parent to be able to buy things like that. 

    3. Rolling tongue

    It’s funny how kids used to be so impressed by being able to roll their tongues, Do that now as an adult and, a picture will somehow end up being immortalised as a meme on the internet forever. 

    4. Making sweater babies

    Since it’s no longer a thing, I guess we’ll never know the logic behind turning sweaters into the shapes of a swaddled baby. We hope that kids that used to treat those sweater babies as footballs by dropkicking them don’t have kids now because omo…

    5. Cartwheeling

    If you sit down with a group of kids for more than two seconds, at least one of them will cartwheel in a bid to impress you. First of all, humans were not made to stand upside down, please. Secondly, what if you break your neck? Did anyone ever think of this??

    6. Turning your lips outward and letting them stick

    How do you even discover that you have a useless talent like this? Who randomly plays with their lips until this happens? 

    7. Having that white spots on your fingernail

    The worst thing about this useless talent Nigerian kids used to be proud of is that having a white mark on your fingernail probably meant a deficiency in certain minerals or vitamins. No, because kids made up a whole song about a white bird that would give them white fingers. Anyways, it’s their creativity for us. 

    8.  Whistling

    For some reason, adults made up the most elaborate lies to make kids stop whistling but they never worked. Is it cool that you make very annoying and unusual sounds from your mouth? Maybe.

    9. Being able to snap your fingers

    Some kids could only snap the fingers on one hand, others could snap on both hands, either way, it’s not exactly a talent. Especially not when 5 girls snap their fingers at you while insulting you. Some kids went as far as soaking their hands in water for a long period to make it snap. No wonder parents always seemed annoyed with kids for no reason.

    10. Spinning pens, books, padlocks

    People that went to boarding school can relate to spinning padlocks during recess to cure boredom. It was kind of impressive that some people could spin books until they tore and padlocks until they didn’t work anymore. 

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , ,

  • 10 Important Questions To Ask Before Renting A House In Lagos

    10 Important Questions To Ask Before Renting A House In Lagos

    Before renting a house In Lagos, there are some important questions you must ask if you don’t want to end up moving back with your parents because you got frustrated. We’ve highlighted 10 of them in this article, you are welcome.

    1. What time do the neighbours switch off their generator?

    Save yourself the stress of living with people that will frustrate you by asking this question. If they don’t switch off their generator by 10, you should run because that means they don’t bring light. 

    2. How good are the network services in the area?

    If you’re working from home, this is an important question to ask before renting a house. You don’t want to become that coworker that never has a good network, trust us.  

    3. How often do blackouts happen?

    Just because there was light the day you went for inspection doesn’t mean that there’s always light. Ask questions just in case Nepa comes to carry the transformer away regularly. 

    4. How many schools, religious houses and clubs are close by?

    It’s very important to find out if you’ll be getting any sleep at all before you move into your new place so you can be prepared.  

    5. How many saloons are close by?

    They have a very bad habit of playing music with loud as fuck speakers to attract customers. Nobody will beat you for wanting to avoid that nightmare. 

    6. When it rains, do some houses shift positions?

    It sounds like a joke until you come home one day and your house has moved to a whole other street or is in the middle of the road. Anything is possible in this country.

    7. How many pets are in the building?

    This is an important question to ask if you are allergic to certain animals or afraid of them. You don’t want to be afraid to come out of a house you paid good money to live in. 

    8. How often do robbers attack?

    This should be the first question, to be honest. When you’re not doing a giveaway, why would you move into a house that robbers attack often? Then again, you can’t plan around things like these. 

    9. How many children live in the building?

    Ask for an estimated amount no matter what. Living with kids means waking up when their parents wake them up by 5 am to prepare for school because of how noisy they can be, and getting scratches on your car when they are allowed to play outside. 

    10. Do cab services decline rides when they see the address?

    If you must ask any question before renting a house, let it be this one. It’s very painful when cab service drivers decline your ride request because you live in a dead place with bad roads. Don’t set yourself up for heartbreak. 

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 10 Actors Only Real K-Drama Fans Know

    10 Actors Only Real K-Drama Fans Know

    You can’t call yourself a real K-drama fan if you haven’t seen these actors in any movie or TV series. Sometimes, they have big or small roles but we love them because they always have range, and as soon as they come up on your screen, you know that it’s going to be a good show.  

    1. Um Hyo-sup

    The man is the king of supporting roles. Sometimes, he makes the main lead’s life easier, other times, he’s the reason why the main lead is suffering but you can’t help but love him anyway. He was in “Gu’s Family Book”, “Two Weeks”, The Doctors, “My Love From Another Star”, “Start-Up”, “Shopaholic Louis”, “I Am Not A Robot” and many other shows. He is one of those characters that always makes you feel warm when you see them on screen. If you know him, you’re a real K-drama fan. 

    2. Kim Kwang-kyu

    This man’s middle name should be range. One minute he is playing the funny director of a media house that manages to be strict at the same time in “Pinocchio”, next minute, he is playing the role of a physically abusive teacher. If you watched old K-dramas like “I Hear Your Voice”, “You Are The Best”, “Scent Of  A Woman” or even newer dramas like “Lawless Lawyer”, “Red Sky”. You definitely fell in love with the characters he played and if you didn’t, you don’t like good things. 

    3. Sung Dong-il

    If there was a school for characters that played bad guys, this guy definitely used to come last. He is so bad at being a bad guy and spends half the time he is on screen making you laugh. This man makes any serious film unserious just by being in it and that’s why true k-drama fans love him. There’s no way to pick the best shows he’s been in but he played such good roles in the entire “Reply” series (1997, 1994, 1988), “Fugitive Plan B”, “It’s Okay, That’s Love”, “Hwarang”, “Moonlovers”, and “Sisyphus”. As soon as he comes on screen, if you’re a true K-drama fan you have to shout “Ahjussi” in your loudest K-drama protagonist voice. 

    4.  Kim Won Hae

    Everyone’s favourite “Ahjussi”, it doesn’t matter whether he’s a good guy or bad guy, you can’t just hate him because he will always make you laugh, just like he did in the recent drama, “One The Woman”. He has appeared in popular dramas like “Start-Up”, “Hotel del Luna”, “Strong Woman Do Bong Soon”, “Monthly Home Magazine” and his roles in these dramas show us why he’s a tv favourite. 

    5. Kim Sun Young

    She consistently plays the role of a kind “Ahjumma” that the main leads can lean on and does a great job. From her role in “Reply 1988” as a member of the mum trio. She appears in other popular dramas like “Crash Landing On You”, “When Camelia Blooms”, “Vagabond” and more.

    6.  Kim Young-ok

    Kdrama’s very own “Halmeoni”, she’s the grandma of all your faves, from Lee Min-ho to recently,  Kim Seon ho. She’s played fantastic roles in “Boys Over Flowers”, “Coffee Prince”, “The King”, “Mouse” and the just concluded “Hometown Chachacha”. She was also the mother of Gi-Hun in “Squid Game”. She becomes your favourite character by being this sweet old woman that reminds you of that grandmother you never call or visit. 

    7. Ahn Nae Sang

    This is another popular “Ahjussi” that stars in most of your favourite K-drama He has a wide range from the villain, to father, uncle, lawyer, detective, name it. He appeared in popular dramas like “Moon Embracing The Sun”, “Sungkyunkwan Scandal”, “Kill Me, Heal Me”, “Law School”, “Mouse” and “Devil Judge”.

    8. Kim Hee Jung

    She’s a standard mother in K-dramas and her range is from good to bad characters but she always delivers. She’s appeared in popular dramas like “Gu Family Book”, “Kill Me, Heal Me”, “Beauty Inside”, “Start-Up” and recently, “Monthly Home Magazine”.

    9. Kim Mi-Kyung

    She is the best “Ahjumma”. As a K-drama fan, If she isn’t your fave, you are wrong. From being a  secret hacker to being a dumb cleaner, a nurse, or a housekeeper for a rich family that is the real mother of the super-rich main lead, she’s the definition of range. She has graced some of our favourite dramas like “The Heirs”, “It’s Okay, That’s Love”, “Hi, Bye Mama”, “It’s Okay To Not Be Okay”, “18 Again” and killed it in every role she played. 

    10. Jeon Gook-hwan

    This baba is the premium evil character, K-dramas own Chiwetalu Agu. Once you see him, you can be sure that people will die and he’ll be wicked as shit. From the role, he played in “Empress Ki”, “King’s 2 Hearts”, “My Mister”, “Graceful Family”, “Crash Landing On You” and the recently concluded series “ One The Woman”, this man’s character was always a rich deadbeat father that enjoyed traumatising his kids for fun. We still like him sha. 

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 7 Situations That Make Nigerians Extra Religious

    7 Situations That Make Nigerians Extra Religious

    There’s no one as religious as Nigerians. But throw them into these 8 situations and watch them turn extra-religious in a fit of panic.

    1. Pregnancy scares

    You might have never seen your friend pray but the day they realise that their period might’ve gone to war and won’t return for 9 months, you will hear all the different names of God in the bible and their local dialect. Why? Because a Nigerian’s first course of action when a problem comes along is to panic in fits of prayers then find a solution after.

    2. Having to trust another Nigerian

    If you’ve ever gone jet skiing or canopy walking the Lekki Conservation Centre, one thing you’ll hear from most people is that they’re not scared of a bridge that’s several feet close to heaven but terrified of having to put their lives in the hands of another Nigerian. Cue the hot prayer sessions.

    3. Exams

    When a Nigerian is not prepared for an exam, you’ll know. They’ll be trying to get some last-minute cramming and in the same breath, begging God to give them a retentive memory. Because God is obviously a magician that will transport information they never read into their brains.

    4. When you’re in another state and your mum calls

    Whether you are 16 or 45, if your mum calls while you’re out having fun, just know that your day is most likely about to be ruined. Especially when you told her that you were going to the mall close by but caught a flight to Abuja instead. A lowkey valid reason to become extra-religious.

    5. When they try edibles

    It doesn’t matter if it’s their first or twentieth time, they will still react the same way. If you’re going to ask God to come and save you every time you do recreational drugs, maybe stop doing recreational drugs? Just a thought sha.

    6. When they get on planes

    There will always be people who spend entire plane rides praying for their lives. And rightfully so, because the last time people got close to God, he created languages and caused mass confusion.

    7. When they forget to do house chores

    If you’ve never been in that situation where your mum tells you to cook before she gets back and you forget until she walks in the door, how does it feel to be God’s favourite? In a time like this, praying to whatever deity you believe in is appropriate because you just might be going to meet them soon.

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 5 Funny Tortoise Stories Nigerian Kids Can Never Forget

    5 Funny Tortoise Stories Nigerian Kids Can Never Forget

    Many Nigerian kids grew up hearing folktales about the crafty tortoise and eventually came to realise that Mr Tortoise, or Ajapa as he is sometimes called, is the worst scammer in the business. Here are 5 funny tortoise stories we’ll never forget. 

    1. Tortoise in the sky

    In this story, Tortoise tapped into his inner Nigerian politician and asked for a feather from every bird so that he could make wings to follow them to a feast in the sky he wasn’t invited to. After taking advantage of their kindness, he tricked them by making them change their names for this party. He chose the name “All of you,” which led to this dirty bitch eating all the food and drinks that the party organisers offered to “All of you”. The birds got pissed, collected their feathers, and left him stranded in the clouds. This shameless animal still had the guts to beg one of the birds to bring out all the soft things in his house so he could jump from the cloud. Already over tortoise’s nonsense,the bird brought out the strongest materials in his house for the tortoise to land on. Mr Tortoise jumped and doomed his species to an eternity of cracked shells. 

    2. The Tortoise and the Wisdom gourd

    One thing about the stories starring Tortoise is how illogical it can be. In this story, Tortoise was distressed because he wanted to be the wisest person in the world. So he gathered all of the world’s wisdom into a gourd, which totally makes sense and took a long trip to the biggest tree he could find so as to hide his new treasure. When he found it, he noticed that his son had been following him. With all the knowledge he had, he didn’t know how he’d be able to climb the tree while holding the gourd. His son told him to put the gourd on his back so he could climb it. He was confused at how smart his son was since he had collected all the wisdom in the world. Realising how foolish his quest was, the tortoise smashed the gourd and went back home. 

    3. Tortoise and monkey

    Turns out that the tortoise and the monkey used to be friends a long time ago, but one day, the monkey cheated Mr tortoise. Instead of taking accountability for his actions, the monkey laughed in the tortoise’s face and refused to apologize. Tortoise went home and asked his wife to prepare the sweetest bean cakes she’d ever made. When it was ready, Mr Tortoise took it to the Lion and offered some to him. Lion loved it so much, he had to know where he could get some. Tortoise lied that it was made with monkey’s faeces and to get it that sweet, he had to be severely beaten. Lion immediately dashed off to the monkey’s house and demanded that the monkey produce bean cakes. Monkey tried to explain that there must’ve been a misunderstanding but was immediately beaten to a pulp by Lion. Lion eventually realized that he had been a pawn in the tortoise game and leaves. Tortoise, who had watched the whole thing play out, came out from his hiding place to laugh at him. The jungle is tough sha.

    4. The tortoise and the princess

    In this tortoise story, there was a king with a beautiful daughter who wanted to marry her off so he organised a contest and invited all the eligible men in the land. He ordered his chefs to make the hottest pepper soup and, on the day of the contest revealed that whoever won his daughter’s hand in marriage would be someone who could drink the pepper soup without showing discomfort. All the men and animals tried to drink the pepper soup but could not hold back. When it was Tortoise’s turn, he devised a plan. He told the crowd that he was going to sing a song for the princess and that anytime he drinks from the bowl, they should all collectively hiss. The tortoise then used their loud hiss to cover up his as they enjoyed the song too much to notice. He soon finished the soup, and while the king was sad to hand his beautiful daughter to a tortoise, he had made a vow and could not go back on it. The tortoise should be in jail.

    5. Why the Tortoise has a bald head

    Turns out that tortoises used to have hair before. Long ago, Mr dog and his family were making porridge yam, like the evil spirit he is, Mr Tortoise somehow smelt and followed the aroma to the dog’s house. Instead of asking for a plate like a sensible person, Tortoise decided to lie that the king had summoned Mr dog and his family, Tortoise promised to safeguard his house while they were away. As soon as they left, he began to eat as much as he could, knowing that they would hurry back as soon as they realized that the king wasn’t even around. He heard them approaching and decided to take some porridge home for his family but he had nothing to put it in, he got the brilliant idea to stuff the porridge in his hat and wear it. Mr dog came back and was so annoyed that Tortoise had wasted his time and they argued for a bit when all the tortoise wanted to do was rush home. The pain eventually got too much for the tortoise to bear, so he removed his hat and the porridge along with his hair fell out to everyone’s dismay. That’s why Tortoises are bald. 

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 6 Things You’ll Relate To If You Have Motion Sickness

    6 Things You’ll Relate To If You Have Motion Sickness

    Having motion sickness at any age can feel embarrassing, even though it shouldn’t since it’s one of those things you can’t control. If you’ve ever made a driver stop a ride for a bit because you got sick, you’ll relate to this article.

    1. Having mint on you at all times.

    Sometimes it helps and other times, it upsets your stomach even more. The truth is that everyone knows that the baddest bitches have stomach issues.

    2. Always wanting car windows down

    Especially if the car has a weird air freshener that makes you want to throw up. Motion sickness can be triggered by the smallest things.

    3. Not being able to read or watch anything in cars

    The words begin to dance and your eyes won’t be able to focus. You can’t concentrate on anything because your body is using all your energy to breathe at that point. 

    4. Falling asleep as soon as the car ride starts.

    It’s always better to close your eyes and drift off than to watch other people worry about you throwing up at any second.

    5. You never eat on the road

    Whatever goes in, instantly and violently comes out. There’s no point forcing yourself to eat something that’ll be a mess on the ground in a few minutes.

    6. People hated taking you out as a child

    If you had motion sickness as a child, you can relate to being left out of things sometimes. While it’s hard to deal with motion sickness in an adult, it is harder to take care of a child experiencing it. Plus children are infinitely more annoying.

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 8 Things That Should Be Available At ATMs

    8 Things That Should Be Available At ATMs

    There are some basic things that should be available at ATMs and since no one is talking about it, we have decided to highlight 8 of them in this article.

    1. Chairs

    Dear Nigerian banks, If you are going to have an atm gallery with just one atm working, providing chairs is the least you can do. You never know, while sitting down, more people might decide to save that last 1k instead of withdrawing it for shawarma.

    2. Ramps

    Of course, ramps should be available at ATMs you must always take into account your disabled customers, it’s a basic corporate social responsibility you owe your customers.

    3. Food trucks

    Sometimes the queue can be very long and if you step away for a second, Nigerians can almost break your head when you come back. Imagine holding hot amala in one hand and twenty thousand naira debit slip in the other. With these few points of ours, we hope we’ve been able to convince you to make this happen.

    4. Money doubler

    Honestly, this is an essential service all banks should make available at ATMs. When people withdraw their last cash, who wouldn’t want the option to double it for no extra fee of course? Banks should cover the extra cost with all the money they randomly collect for no reason.

    5. Umbrellas

    If asking for chairs is too much, surely this is a cheaper ask. The sun is always somehow hotter when money is leaving your account. Will they get stolen, possibly, but that’s not the point. Nigerians are a lot nicer when they aren’t standing under the hot sun.

    6. Wall socket

    The queues are always so long, this is the least banks can do, to be honest. Sometimes the brain can forget the account number you are supposed to transfer money to, so you type it into your phone. While waiting in the queue your phone goes off, that’s almost two hours of your life gone for no reason. Having a wall socket would make life better.

    7. Handkerchief dispenser

    All ATMs should come with this feature. As so as you eject your debit card, a handkerchief should come out with it so that you can clean your tears before spending that money you don’t have. Will people go there at night, pretending to withdraw so they can steal as many handkerchiefs as possible? Yes, but think of it as a way of creating jobs.

    8. Queue for old people

    These guys are the cause of all the drama and fights that happen at ATMs. The best solution is to give them a queue of their own so they can shout and demand respect from each other and society can be at peace again.

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 8 Upstairs Neighbour Starter Pack

    8 Upstairs Neighbour Starter Pack

    If you’ve ever had upstairs neighbours, you deserve a personal holiday because y’all go through it. Here are seven experiences you can relate to if you’ve had upstairs neighbours. 

    1. Loud music

    Why should other people sleep in peace or get any rest when they can just have an unplanned listening session with you? As an upstairs neighbour, it is your sworn duty to play music as loud as you can. Until they beat you up one day.

    2. Loud shoes

    Somehow, it always feels like upstairs neighbours don’t buy normal shoes because surely, it can’t be just shuffling of feet causing that much noise. Do all upstairs neighbours have handmade shoes with triple soles? 

    3. Slippery hands

    How dare you have a good eye and hand coordination? How else will you disturb your downstairs neighbours’ zoom presentation? At least 10 things should fall to the ground, how else will people know that you are alive?

    4. Move things around

    If your upstairs neighbour doesn’t randomly move furniture around early in the morning you must have very good luck. Human beings are irritating but not as much as the sound tiles make when you drag something on them. You best invest in earplugs. 

    5. Drill things 

    The first few months when your upstairs neighbours move in, you will hate your life. The consistent hammering, drilling and moving of things can make you run mad but what’s their business. 

    6. Argue loudly

    You figured out that the walls in your building were thin because somehow, you can always hear your upstairs neighbours arguing. It’s almost like one of the necessities for living on the last floor is to have a loud voice. Their conversations can be interesting sometimes sha.

    7. Bang doors

    People that live upstairs definitely didn’t live with parents who gave them hell for banging doors and it shows. These guys do not understand the concept of closing things slowly.

    8. Have leaking taps 

    If your downstairs neighbours don’t call you at least once a month because your bathroom taps leak into one of their rooms, are you even maximising your true potential? 

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , , ,

  • 7 Things No One Tells You About Owning A Dog

    7 Things No One Tells You About Owning A Dog

    No one talks about the reality of owning a dog because no one likes to admit that taking care of them can be hard. The next time you’re having baby fever and your brain tries to lie to you that getting a dog is a better option, refer back to this article. 

    1. Dogs don’t like when you disturb their routine

    If you let them get used to a particular routine during weekdays and you think you can sleep in during the weekends, be prepared for a rude wake-up call. No, seriously, they will whine and bark so much you’ll lose your mind. 

    2. Dog hair gets everywhere

    Is shedding normal? Yes. Is it annoying? Also yes. Unfortunately, almost all dogs shed. Be prepared to find dog hair under your bed, on your clothes, in your mouth and your hair. It’ll be everywhere. Be prepared to be best friends with a lint roller. 

    3. They can be understanding

    Sometimes they can tell when you’re sad because they spend time observing you. They know when you like having dinner, when your partner comes over, when you abandon them and go to work and they act accordingly. 

    4. Make sure you research all types of breeds 

    The reality about owning a dog is that if you don’t do your research it will end in tears.  You can’t buy a Lhasa when you live in an area that requires that you have a German shepherd. Not all dogs will eat cold eba and okro. 

    5. Get ready to sacrifice your time.

    Dogs are no different from kids, you will find yourself cancelling plans because you couldn’t get anyone to watch your dog.  If you’re into risk-taking though, you can leave them unattended, good luck with that nice rug you just got.  If you can’t make the sacrifice, just buy a stuffed toy. 

    6. Everything is a bed

    Dogs love soft surfaces–rugs, pillows, piles of laundry, your breasts or chest, testicles, kidneys. All that matters is that they are comfortable, that’s all that should matter to you too. 

    7. You need to trim their nails 

    Nail trimming is much easier if you do it when your dog’s nails are wet. This little tidbit will save you hours of stress and effort. Except you like when their nails get caught in all your nice things then please cut it.

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

    , ,