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  • Creator Spotlight: Moyomade on Creating a Soft Life Through Adire

    Creator Spotlight: Moyomade on Creating a Soft Life Through Adire

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Hi, I’m Moyomade a 21-year-old graduate of law. I don’t intend on practising. In fact, it’s of no use to me. I studied law because my father wanted me to. I had a high post-jamb score, and they didn’t want me to “waste” it. My favourite food is jollof rice. I don’t like pounded yam, even though I grew up eating it every Sunday. It’s a family tradition.

    How can you not like pounded yam?

    Pounded yam, for me, is a symbol of patriarchy. I grew up in a place where the women were always expected to do the pounding every Sunday. They made it clear if I didn’t help out, I couldn’t eat it. I wasn’t down for that, so I stopped eating it. I also don’t eat noodles at all.

    Noodles? That’s not very Gen Z of you

    I know, right? I actually don’t think I’m Gen Z enough because I don’t display Gen Z behaviour. For example, I don’t know how to use Snapchat. I genuinely do not understand people who use it to communicate. 

    Picture by: Ogunranti Dimeji

    We’re just there for clear pictures. What do you now enjoy? 

    I consume a lot of Asian media. From Japanese, Thai, Taiwanese, sometimes, Chinese, occasionally, and a lot of Korean. I don’t keep up with K-pop, though. I enjoy writing and designing, and I also love sleeping. I mean, it’s good for my brain. I also spend 90 per cent of my time indoors.  


    RELATED: What She Said: I Haven’t Stepped Out of My Front Door in 10 Months


    How do you get away with that?

    Everything I do is remote. I barely have business that takes me to the outside world. Being outside stresses me. Practically speaking, in a week, I spend like three hours outside. 

    What? Are you serious?

    I’m serious. But then, I realised living a sedentary life is a good way to kill yourself. So I walk at least 6k steps per day, mostly in my living room. My three hours outside are when I go to buy dye and fabric. I always have a budget and know exactly where I’m going. I get on a bike, get everything I need, and in like an hour, I’m back home.

    In an hour? This can’t be Lagos

    I don’t live in Lagos. I wake up every day with the aim of living a soft life, and being outside of Lagos helps. There’s no traffic, so I can easily go out and come back in. Trees and rivers surround where I live — it’s very serene. I realise I can’t do the whole hustle culture Lagos life demands. I desperately want to live a quiet life, and I’m trying my best to. Everything I do actually aligns with that. I write and make adire, and they both only require creativity. 

    Must be nice. How did you fall in love with adire? 

    In 2020, ASUU went on strike. I was in year five. I needed to learn something, so I went to the Nike Art Gallery to learn pottery. But they didn’t have the resources for it, and I had to choose between adire or wood making. I made my decision and bought the required instruments. It was hard to actually fall in love with it because the environment was highly patriarchal. I spent a lot of time crying. I’d call my late dad, and he’d say, “If it’s that toxic, leave. I’m not forcing you to earn money”. But I was really determined to learn, so I stayed there, kept my head down, and in the long run,  fell in love with the culture. I fell in love with the orisa Yoruba people worship. You never finish learning at Nike Art, they register you as a student for life, so you have to take the initiative to leave when you feel you’ve learned enough. 

    Did you leave?

    Yes, I spent more than the required time, to the point where I started creating designs for my boss for free. By that time, I was no longer a beginner who needed to be shown the ropes. What was the point of staying there and creating designs that would never be credited to me without getting paid for it? So, I decided to start making my own designs. I’m at the stage where I can do brushwork, stamping and stencils if I want, but I prefer to be organic. 90 per cent of my work are custom-made.  

    How does custom-made adire work? 

    When someone comes to me to make adire, I ask them if they want a new or existing design. I sketch out the design — sketching was an important part of my learning process for a month. While sketching, you get to perfect your line work. It’s basically drawing on clothes. I show my clients the design, and if they like it, I proceed to get the materials. You can also use foam to cut out the designs when it has to be duplicated. If the client wants detailed designs, I’d use foam. If not, I’d freehand it. 

    That sounds like a lot of work

    I really like the dyeing part of the process. I enjoy making adire because of that and it’s Yoruba culture. I’m a very cultural person. I’m an Osun devotee, and this is a way to connect with our ancestor’s work and clothing from before the colonialists came, and it resonates a lot with my spiritual practices. Dyeing clothes is honestly fun. Sometimes, you have to mix the colours yourself, taking colour theory into account with everything you make. People just want to wear adire, they don’t really know how much thought goes into it. The dyeing process is very delicate, and any mix of colours can change everything. I’m constantly thinking about things that would make the clothes interesting but still very comfortable and functional. I ask my clients if they’re ordering for a specific event and their response into consideration, so they won’t have any reason to complain about the design in the future.

    Have you ever made a mistake with colour before?

    Oh yes, I’ve made plenty of mistakes. When I started learning, I experimented with many of my mother’s wrappers and clothes. It helped me grow in the way I mix my colours. Now, I know better. I also take better care of myself because I work with chemicals, so I always have a nose mask on. I can stand the smell, but I have to be considerate of my lungs and body. I also use gloves because caustic soda can burn your hands. And you have to know the amount of caustic soda you need because too much will make your clothes tender. 

    This sounds risky though

    I’m used to it. For tie and dye, the dye has to be much thicker, so you have to be careful not to get colours in the places you don’t want the colour to be in. With Batik, you’ve already waxed out those places. With tie and die, any small mistake and the customer’s cloth is ruined. Next thing, Gobe. 

    What’s your favourite work so far? 

    I have a lot of favourites because I don’t choose based on what it looks like. I’m happiest when I make clothes I feel good about. I’m an overachiever, so when the client is like, “Moyo, I wore this thing in London”, I’m happy. Karimot Odebode, a Nigerian poet and feminist whose work takes her to many different countries, contacted me to make her clothes for a book launch. I made clothes for her and her team members. I was very happy about that.

    I also made a whole Encanto-themed adire when the movie was trending. I love all the characters and felt they all had individual designs for clothes. I picked out some of them and remade them in a traditional way. I made one for Bruno, Camillo and Dolores. It was really fun creating them.

    That sounds so cool. What’s your favourite song from the Encanto soundtrack?

    We don’t talk about Bruno for sure. The song did a great job of shining a light on who Bruno really was. 

    Facts. Roughly, how many adire products have you made since 2020?

    I’ve made over 100 yards. I really can’t count.

    You mentioned making adire is spiritual for you. Does it feel odd to make money from it? 

    Absolutely not. While I was working at Nike Art, I wanted to learn Adire Eleko, but everywhere I went, they’d refused to teach me because I didn’t come from an Idile Alaro, a family of Adire people. Yoruba families were divided back then. My name is Moyomade, and Ade is royalty. There are the Oloyes — the chiefs — the Oguns and Akins, who were warriors. They cited my genealogy as a reason not to teach me the ancient style of Adire making.

    These same people would teach any white person willing to throw a couple of dollars around. I eventually went to the Ifa temple to see the priestess, and she told me not to mind them for withholding trade secrets and connected me with someone who’d teach me. Since the people at Nike Art would give white people clothes for free, I thought I could as well put a price on my work and not feel bad. Frankly speaking, we should be charging more, especially to white people. They used colonialism to take away a lot of our traditions. The least they can do is pay for the culture they are accessing now. I don’t feel bad about it at all.

    Let’s talk a bit about you being an Osun devotee. How did that happen?

    I was raised Christian. My mom is a church deaconess. But my dad, bless his late soul, was a man of tradition. He’d come to church or the mosque but leaned more towards traditional religion. In 2020, he had his first Odun Ifa, and I was the only one who followed him. The priest told him I belonged to Osun. They called out to me first, and it was right to honour that invitation. In 2021, I went to the Ifa temple in Ife, wearing my consecrated beads, and prayed in the shrine. But I don’t practise in gatherings anymore because I don’t want to be involved in any kind of patriarchal thinking. No matter the religion, people will always infuse their beliefs. The Yoruba orishas are not only non-gendered, they’re also not homophobic, transphobic or misogynistic. But people interpret things based on their social conditioning, and they’ll always project that no matter what.

    And your mum was chill about your conversion? 

    She was not. I didn’t mention it to her. And she pretends she doesn’t notice when I wear certain things like my beads. We’re okay now.

    A win is a win. What’s been your favourite career moment so far? 

    I have none. When I feel joy, I feel joy; that’s just it. I do have least favourites, though.

    Like what?

    When someone extorted my friend and me. 

    A guy came to the Nike Art workshop and contracted us to work on 100 t-shirts, 12 bucket hats and socks. My friend happened to know him on a personal basis. I thought it was a good deal and made the mistake of not asking her how much she charged him. We finished the work in three days and nights, and he paid us both ₦25k to share. That’s the worst deal I’ve ever done in the adire business. I was a beginner then.

    What’s the best deal you’ve got so far?

    It has to be the book launch deal. It was worth my effort. I told her the price, and she actually accepted. So, I wasn’t stressing about cutting down on this or that. When you’re young, people want to make you feel small. But I’ll always charge my worth.

    Even though they’ve seen your work, people will look at you and tell you they need someone with more experience. I kept trying to break into a market full of people who’ve done this for the longest time. Last year, I had to find a way to market to the younger generation. 

    How?

    I’m not an Instagram person, but I have to post there. I also do a lot of one-on-one marketing, which is one of the things I hate most in this life. I even started making TikToks of my process. I’m actually at the point where if I post, I post. If I don’t post, people who know what I do will still come to me. I’m okay right now, but it’s not completely where I want to be. 

    Where would you like to be in a couple of years?

    I don’t really foresee a future for myself in this country. So, it’s hard to picture. Whichever country I decide to settle in, I hope that I can build a mini factory there. I’d love to go into textiles properly, making my own fabric from scratch, produce my own organic dye. Because of this, I studied how to make the Indonesian and Malian types of batik online. It’s something I’d like to heavily invest in even if it’s here in Nigeria.

    What’s something you wish people told you before getting into adire making? 

    You’ll hate it. You work with people less exposed than you, who think differently from you, and if you can’t stand it, you’ll drop out. Also, finding a market will be hard if you don’t have enough connections. It’s very easy to get stuck in a cycle of stagnancy. But it you prioritise yourself, with time, you’ll love it.


    READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Jeiel Damina on Learning From Olive, the Fictional Character She Portrays

  • Memes You’ll Relate to if You Have a Funny Gateman

    Memes You’ll Relate to if You Have a Funny Gateman

    The funny Nigerian gateman is the most annoying stereotype in Nollywood movies, until you actually have one. These memes are for you if you’ve ever had a funny gateman. 

    When you first hire them 

    Somehow, they bamboozle their way into getting hired, and still, you’re thinking, “Finally, a chill person”. My dear, good luck. 


    RELATED: Memes You’ll Relate to If You Have a Baby in Your House


    Then you realise you’ve hired a clown

    When they tell you twice that they, “Have like that your material at home”, you’ll realise you have a clown on your hands.

    You every time he makes a joke

    If rolling your eyes was a competitive sport, you’d take first, second and third place. The worst part is the jokes aren’t half as funny as they think. 

    When he brings out the loud radio

    Why have a pet when you can have a gateman with a radio that disturbs your neighbours just as much? And it’s always tuned to stations you never knew people listened to. You’d be wondering why this is a problem until you start reciting adverts word for word. 

    Or pretends to be hip

    They constantly reference Instagram skits, somehow doing a better job of making it funny. Or are so familiar with fashion trends, you start wondering if you’re using the same internet.

    When he talks about his family members 

    They either have an uncle who’s been shot 70 times and survived, or 100 children somewhere in the village. Anytime he tries to relate a situation to his family, just expect the most unhinged shit. 

    They always have everybody’s gist

    I mean, when you open the gate for people, you’re likely to find out everything they’ve been up to. The person on a diet who hides to buy junk food when no one is around and the person sneaking in after curfew, they see everything. 


    READ ALSO: 10 Memes That Describe What It Means To Be Nigerian

  • Lesbians, Do This Instead of Texting Your Ex

    Lesbians, Do This Instead of Texting Your Ex

    A new season of “The L Word” is out, Bette and Tina are getting back together, and suddenly, you have the grand idea to text your ex from 2019. If you don’t put down that phone and sleep! Instead of making the mistake of a lifetime, here are fun things you can do. A new season of “The L Word” is out, Bette and Tina are getting back together, and suddenly, you have the grand idea to text your ex from 2019. If you don’t put down that phone and sleep! Instead of making the mistake of a lifetime, here are fun things you can do. 

    Clear out your contact list

    No, you’ll never talk to that one ex who’s technically not even your ex, and those group chats are one too many. Also, end that situationship before 2023, abeg, your inner child is tired of crying. 

    Call your friend 

    It’s been three months since y’all hung out, and no, I’m not talking about those random times you saw each other at a party. Call them and just chill on the phone. That’s a better way to spend your time. 

    Learn how to code 

    Instead of getting into another codependent relationship, learn to code. Not only are you upskilling, but you’re also healing. Wow, someone put that on a t-shirt. 

    Exercise 

    You’ve been meaning to anyway. Anytime you consider texting her, do 100 push-ups. When your fingers almost break, you’ll have sense. You’re not Bette and Tina; your relationship was even more problematic. 

    Organise your clothes 

    Maybe you’ll be able to face the shame of the insane amount of your clothes still in your exes’ wardrobe. That’ll definitely give you sense. Are you ready to purchase a new wardrobe? No? Exactly.

    Rewatch “The L Word” from the beginning 

    Think of it as a Christmas gift to yourself. Remind yourself that your ex sucks, and you guys deserve to remain exes forever. Also, simp over Shane. 

    Calculate how much you spend on love 

    Maybe you’ll finally come to your senses. Only you, six failed relationships, six different promise rings and almost proposals this year alone. Is your bank account not tired? Rest, abeg. 


  • Creator Spotlight: Jeiel Damina on Learning From Olive, the Fictional Character She Portrays

    Creator Spotlight: Jeiel Damina on Learning From Olive, the Fictional Character She Portrays

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Hi, I’m Jeiel, a singer, songwriter and actor. I played Olive in the YouTube drama Best Friends in the World. I used to be into sports but haven’t had time for it between work and school. I’m obsessed with fashion. Right now, I’m working on music; it’s my first solo thing. Writing and reading are therapeutic for me. I write songs and wrote a book in 2020. I’m working on a second one. 

    How old were you when you wrote your first book?

    I was 17. It was during the pandemic period, and I was bored. I’d written many short stories before but never completed them. One day, I just went on my Instagram and was like, “Hey guys, my new book is coming out in three days”. I hadn’t written anything, so that literally forced me to write since people were now expecting a book. But I’m never doing that again. That was horrible.

    Wait, you wrote a book in three days?

    I wrote the first seven chapters in three days, then posted the remaining chapters on Wattpad every week. So I had time to catch up and finish it. It’s called “Honey Eyes”.

    After you, na you. How do you get into so many things? 

    I grew up in a family that encouraged me to be multifaceted regarding things we wanted to do. It didn’t matter how big or small our interest was. My parents would always push us towards them. I’ve always had a wide range of interests in the entertainment industry. As soon as I could speak, I was making music with my sisters. We called ourselves Triple J Plus. We’re still a band, but right now, we’re focused on film. We released an album called Story, and it was kind of Christian-oriented but infused with pop elements. That kickstarted my love for music. 

    What about acting? 

    In 2018, when I was 15, my sisters had just finished film school. They came back to Nigeria and wanted to work on their first project. I wasn’t even interested in acting at the time. I wanted to be the next Ted Baker or Versace. But while prepping for their short film New Girl, the main actress playing Olive, and her understudy, didn’t appear on the first day of the shoot. I was supposed to be an extra with a five-second screen time just to support my sisters. I wanted to be behind the scenes helping the actors learn their lines or whatever department needed help. 

    We went home disappointed, and my mum was like, “Are you guys even thinking? You need a 15-year-old girl. Your sister is 15”. It didn’t help that while I was helping the actors with their lines, I pretty much learnt everything. So they asked me to take the uniform and do whatever I wanted. The next day, I ended up playing Olive, and that’s how my journey as an actress began. 

    It doesn’t seem like you were happy about it

    It was so embarrassing because it wasn’t my best work, and I felt like I could do better. I told myself I would die of embarrassment if 100 people saw it. A week after, it was at 200k views. I was excited, but I also wanted them to take it down. Soon it was 500k and then 1m. This was during the lockdown in 2020.Soon it was 500k and then 1m. This was during the lockdown in 2020.  At some point, we stopped checking because it was just scary. This was our pet project. We didn’t expect this many people to see it. 

    The fact that so many people were invested in the story when it wasn’t the best we could put out was mind-blowing. All the comments were like, “Oh my God, the actors are so good. You guys should make it a series”. It wasn’t the plan, but my sisters were down. 

    Halfway through the first season, I realised it was something I’d want to do for the rest of my life. It felt right. I liked stepping into another character and being someone else. When I was younger, I wanted to be so many things; this was my chance to be all the things I wanted to be through acting. From there, I started doing my research and taking classes to learn how to act, and it grew on me.

    You took acting classes? Nollywood, when?

    They weren’t professional classes. I watched YouTube videos and lots of high-school movies. The number one for me was Hannah Montana. I binge-watched season one to the end right before we started shooting. I watched a lot of  Netflix teen shows too. An old movie called The Breakfast Club taught me so much about passionate acting. I read scripts from movies I’d watched and tried to act them out exactly. I focused more on sitcoms because of the comedy delivery. Best Friends in the World is more of a sitcom than a drama.

    I wanted to put in the work even though I’d already got the role. I didn’t want anyone to think it was just because my sisters produced it. But even after all my hard work, people still left comments about me getting the role because of my sisters.

    How much of Olive’s character is you? 

    When I first met her character in the first season, I’d always ask my sister, “Why is Olive doing this? She’s so annoying. If it was me, I would slap her”. My sister would say, ”This isn’t supposed to be you. Be Olive”. 

    Olive always wants to help people even if they don’t like her. Sometimes, I strive to be like that. We didn’t have a lot of similarities, but it would’ve been harder to be authentic if we did. s I got to know her, I began to empathise with her, and she became my best friend and sister. We have more similarities now, like how she loves her friends as fiercely as I do. She’s definitely taught me a lot of things over the past five years that I would’ve never learnt on my own or as quickly. For example, she’s terrible at communicating when she needs help. Yet once you offer, she’ll accept it. I’m not great at accepting help. She trusts and loves her mum, and that really strengthened my relationship with mine even though we were close before. I also became very attentive because Olive always paid attention to people. She’s very opinionated and strong-willed. In this world, people have opinions and want you to have those same opinions. I’m working on finding my voice and being more confident in who I am. And I learnt that from her character.

    Oh wow, and that actually works?

    It’s a work in progress because some days are harder than others. You need to have a certain level of confidence in yourself and your skills. In the beginning, my confidence was shaky 90 per cent of the time. I was always second-guessing myself, always asking questions like I didn’t know what I was doing. During the second season, senior year, I started to say things like, “Oh, she would definitely do this. She wouldn’t do it like that”, and it started to translate on screen, better than in the first season. Hopefully, people saw the growth in me as an actor. 

    You were 15. How did you juggle work and school?

    It was exhausting but also rewarding, which is why I keep doing it. I didn’t want to do the first season, go to school for two or three years and be forgotten. So I chose an online school, which has a really flexible schedule. You could do all your homework for the month in a day. You can also take time off. I remember when we were shooting, I took two months off school because it was too much for me. My sisters would also give me time off from shooting to focus on school or just relax. Nothing suffered. Thank God for that.

    How does it feel to be God’s favourite?

    I always complain that they’ve spoiled me because I know it won’t be like this when I’m working for other people. It’s made me really grateful. As much as it’s easier here for us, I think I’m also mentally prepared to work with other production companies. There were times when my co-stars had busy schedules, and we had to shoot multiple episodes in a week or few days. I didn’t have the luxury to space out my schedule. Still, it was the best of both worlds, working hard sometimes and chilling.

    Are you working on other productions now?

    For now, I want to keep working with my sisters. They’re great at what they do. Jesi has figured out where Nollywood should stop and Hollywood takes over and is great at blending both standards. I’m not saying I don’t want to work with any Nigerian writers or producers. But there’s a gap because there are no actors my age or younger. They give those roles to older people. I’m still waiting for a big teen film where I’d see actors my age. 

    Maybe teenagers are hard to work with? Did your team have those sorts of problems on set? 

    If I’m being honest, I’m Gen Z, and I think I’m difficult sometimes. But you’ll find millennials who are hard to work with and baby boomers who are easier. People just need to be willing to give teenagers a chance. I’ve met so many talented people on our sets. If I could make 20 different films and cast all of them, I would. But I can’t. We just need to be given a chance to show we’re capable and aren’t as difficult as people assume we are. 

    Your sisters are doing a great job of platforming them. I keep seeing fresh faces

    Yes, they are. Fun fact: the guy’s who played Adam and Roberts are my best friends. Some of the other actors are my friends from school. A lot of them had strong acting backgrounds, like Esther, who graduated from the University of Uyo with a theatre arts degree. They realised they wanted to act, and it’s something they’re good at, all because someone gave them a chance.  

    That sounds so soft. Who influences you as an actress? 

    I look up to actors who are versatile and embody their characters. I’m obsessed with Viola Davis, Natalie Portman, Octavia Spencer, Lupita is my queen and Timothée Chalamet. I like Robert Pattinson; after his Twilight era, he returned better. Nicole Kidman inspires me to act in more versatile roles. Olive is pretty much a teenager, but I want to do more weird characters set in fantasy worlds.

    What about your music? 

    I’m kind of leaning towards alternative indie music. My music is influenced by the stuff I listen to, and I didn’t start listening to Nigerian music until 2018. I’m still new to it, so it hasn’t had the time to influence what I write. I listen to more American singers like Billie Eilish before she became famous, Sabrina Carpenter, Sasha Sloan, Julia Michael and Bea Miller. They’re honest with their music. 

    So no Nigerian makes the list of inspirations?

    There’s Victony and Young John, Omah Lay, Joeboy, Fireboy, Asake, Burna Boy and Reekado Banks. Ayra Starr — I can’t decide whether I love her or am jealous of her because she’s so good and she’s my age. Like, God, I don’t want to be a mechanic; I want to be a baller

    Please, you’re not a mechanic. But what do you plan to do differently with your music to get people’s attention? 

    For me, music is a means of communicating because I’m a terrible communicator in real life. I’ll have a mountain of problems, and I won’t tell anyone. I want to be an honest artist who talks about relatable things — music that makes you feel  understood and less alone. I want to write songs to make people feel like the world isn’t such a big, bad place, especially in Nigeria, where our instinct is to suppress our feelings and invalidate our emotions. 

    Whew. Between acting and music, do you rest? 

    I make TikToks, but it still feels like work. I always have to plan the perfect outfit, learn the dance and ensure it comes out great. When I’m not doing that, I hang out with my family, and if I want to be alone, I just listen to music and think. There’s never a time when I’m not working or thinking about work. But they don’t feel like work. They’re hobbies I’ll eventually make money from.

    Wait, you’re not making any money yet? 

    The streams are good, but on YouTube, you’re only paid for the ads people watch. Everyone skips ads, so it doesn’t count. We get like five cents, ten cents, a dollar, if the ad is like 30 minutes. And there’s a 30 per cent tax on YouTube revenue for Nigerian creators. We’re making next to nothing, and it all goes back to production. We have to feed, transport and pay for locations. We’re also paying off debt because we borrowed money from our parents. We’ll probably do that for the rest of our lives.

    How do you pay the actors, though?

    When we wrote our contract for the show, we made it clear we wouldn’t be able to pay anyone. But at the end of this last season, we did a little gratuity thing to thank them for the past five years. It wasn’t a lot, and Lord knows they deserve so much more. We’re just thinking of it as an investment into our future because we know for sure our next few projects will have sponsors. It’ll be worth it. 

    What’s your favourite thing about what you do?

    Every time we upload an episode, I love seeing how the fans react to my work and the project as a whole. All I do is read comments. It makes me so happy. That’s my payment. Even the mean comments, I read them because there’s a bit of truth sometimes. I’ve even accepted Olive as my new name and stopped correcting people.

    Want to leave a message for your fans? 

    I just want to thank them. Without them, our production wouldn’t be where we are right now. I’m really grateful for all the love. Some people randomly start over from season one. I haven’t felt that kind of devotion before. Nigerians definitely know how to support their own. Even non-Nigerians support us. We’re working on a new project, and I’m really excited for them to see it. It’ll be bigger and better.

    What do you plan to do in the next couple of years?

    A lot of music and other projects. Even if it doesn’t give me as much income, I’m more of a quality-over-quantity kind of person. I model when I’m not acting and get paid well enough. In the far future, I want to open a cafe and invest in different things. I also want to start my own fashion line. I’m definitely not putting my eggs in one basket. My dad taught me better.

    Finally, Would you have done things differently? Like just enjoyed being a teenager? 

    Those five years on set were pretty much my formative years. Sometimes, I wish I could’ve taken the normal route. There’s also the fact that my dad is a famous preacher. I used to wish I was a farmer’s daughter in some village. But I couldn’t have asked for better. It was a really wholesome set, very family and friends-oriented. We had premiere parties at the camp where we shot the series, or at home, whenever an episode was released. We’d dance, eat and sing. It was peaceful, and as much as I felt lost sometimes, I started to see the world more maturely.


  • If Your Year Was Full of Failed Talking Stages, You’d Relate to These 15 Memes 

    If Your Year Was Full of Failed Talking Stages, You’d Relate to These 15 Memes 

    We know all those failed talking stages pained you, but it’s time to laugh about it. We rise by forgetting about people, or how does that quote go? 

    The “smile through the pain” meme 

    For every time your friends told you about their love life and had the audacity to ask about yours when they knew it didn’t exist. 

    The “it’s giving delusional” meme

    Nobody is saying you’re not sweet looking oh, but is it sweetness that’ll hold you at night? Anything to make you feel better after 100 failed talking stages, I guess. 

    The “I love myself” meme

    You know what? I get it. I, too, would become the love of my life if everyone else refused to love me. Choose you. We dey your back. 

    The “settling for less” meme

    The problem is you think you’re the “more” men deserve, and that’s why all your talking stages fail. Try wickedness and see what changes. 

    The “you have mind oh” meme

    This meme is for when the person you were in a talking stage with woke up one morning to text, “I don’t think this is working”. The nerve, the audacity, the mind. 

    The “I give up” meme

    This is when your friends pitied you and tried to hook you up with someone they knew. But you’re the one they bring all their relationship issues to, so you don’t think they have good taste. 

    The “it’s brutal out here” meme

    You actually thought the talking stage was going well and started considering asking them out, only for them to post, “Happy one month, baby”. But that’s not your picture or name, and you’ve only known them for two weeks. 

    The “please, leave me alone” meme

    When the one you ended up becoming good friends with comes weekly to be like, “Wow! We almost ended you together”, you choke back tears and fake laugh. 

    The “at least, I wasn’t cheated on” meme

    When you and all your other single friends sat together in perpetual sadness to say shit like, “At least, no one cheated on me”, but in reality, you wished you loved someone enough for it to hurt you if they cheated. 

    The “how many more ghostings can I take?” meme

    When you opened your message app for the tenth time that day, and your love interest still hadn’t texted back in a week. 

    The “don’t test me” meme

    At a point in the year, one talking stage seemed to be going somewhere. You even considered buying a matching nightwear set in advance only for them to post, “I think I need to take time to heal my inner child”. Okay, let’s heal it together. 

    The “maybe I should date the dating app” meme

    You don’t know how many “what’s your favourite colour and love language” questions you’ve answered this year. At a point, you started thinking, “If that one white woman can date a train, I can date the dating app”. 

    The “I live for chaos” meme

    If anyone had as many talking stages as you’ve had, they’d live long enough to become the villain. Not only are you still single, but you’re also picky. Any small thing, you’ve blocked the person or ghosted. We can’t even blame you, pele. 

    The “I was minding my business” meme

    You’ll be on your own, and some happy person will post something like, “Did somebody wish you good morning or give your forehead kisses, or should I mind my business?” They should’ve minded their business before posting it. At least, single people don’t have to share their food.

    The “don’t try me“ meme

    When you see someone tweet, “If you’ve slept with many people, your soul is now connected to them”. All those soul ties, and none of them would date you?


    Get you Z! Fest 2022 Tickets HERE

  • How I Made My Typical Nigerian Dad Love K-Drama

    How I Made My Typical Nigerian Dad Love K-Drama

    My dad is a typical Nigerian dad; he loves being in control and seeing things go his way. When he walks into the living room, we all walk out because we’ve already read the news on Citizen? It’s a habit my siblings and I formed as kids, not out of fear, but because we generally hated his taste in movies. 

    He’s a tough guy, but underneath the hard demeanour is a heart of marshmallows. Younger me would be surprised because this guy flogged me endlessly, and I truly thought he was besties with the devil. The older I get, the more I sort of excuse all the messed up shit my parents did to me as a kid — even though it’s not enough to forgive them. 

    But he must not be much of a hard guy these day’s seeing as I turned my dad into a K-drama lover. I’m claiming this as proof that with enough manipulation skills, you can get even the toughest people to change. This does not mean I successfully have him wrapped around my fingers, but it’s something.

    A cautionary tale of who will bell the cat

    When I was eight years old — and Indomie was still ₦30 — my dad told me a story about a cat eating all the mice in a little mouse village. Like all stories with a moral lesson, one day, a bold mouse looped a bell around the cat’s neck while it was asleep. Why? So that its fellow mice would be warned when the cat was coming to the village. 

    I took that story to heart; whenever I wanted to do anything risky, it felt like I was belling a cat. Making my father fall in love with K-drama the way I did was one of those situations that took a lot of risks but I love a challenge. It took nearly eight years. If there was an award for best in patience, I would win it, to be honest, but let me explain how it happened. 

    I fell in love with K-drama in 2013 when I was in SS1. I spent all my hard-earned pocket money buying CDs from the friend who introduced me to the addiction. I was in boarding school, so that meant I had to start eating food from the dining hall or my provisions, instead of food from the tuckshop. 

    After the first few series I watched, enjoying K-drama alone wasn’t enough, I wanted to share it with the closest people to me, my family members. For as long as I’ve been alive, my biggest love language has been sharing the media I love. If I care about you, I will “You should try this movie/song/series” you to death. I started with my two siblings, and they were sold. Next was my mum; it was hard shifting her attention from Indian and Mexican series, but I succeeded. 

    With my dad, there was a lot of push back. I couldn’t understand how he could sit through anime, cartoons, superhero and adventure movies and the occasional romantic drama, but he could not stand us watching K-drama. The language annoyed him. This man is from Akwa-Ibom; he knows first hand how annoying it is to hear that. It especially hurt that he was unwilling to try because a big part of my family bonding for as long as I’ve been alive happened while we sat around a television. 

    I eventually got out of boarding school in 2015 and realised my dad and I barely spoke anymore, so I tried once again to share K-drama with him. He resisted again. I’d make him sit through two or three episodes of an action K-drama, or adventure type like Jumong, The Fugitives Plan B, and he would complain but jump with excitement when they had those badass fight scenes. That was about it. 

    I learnt how to be a fanboy from my dad because he is a big DC comic fan, so I could tell he wasn’t enjoying it. I gave up… for a while because I moved out and lived in school for five years. 

    I must admit everything about slowly turning him into a fan was selfish. I actually didn’t care if he liked the show I liked anymore; that was a 12 to 16-year-old me’s problem. Now, I just wanted to know that if I needed to see my K-drama on a bigger screen, everyone would be willing to watch it with me. I wanted everybody to watch what I wanted just because I was there first. 

    Yes, it’s me. I’m the problem. 

    He was playing chess. I bought the company

    I moved back home in February [2022] and noticed no one used the TV in the living room anymore. I liked staying in the living room since everyone avoided it. It was great, except when he wanted to watch the news or play church sermons in the middle of the night unprovoked.

    I had to fix that and the solution was introducing him to Netflix. 

    He’d ask to watch action movies, but it was my wi-fi and account, so I’d tell him those movies weren’t available. 

    I made him sit through dramas like All of Us Are Dead, Juvenile Justice, Tomorrow, PachinKo, Our Blues, Cafe Minnamdang, Extraordinary Attorney Woo and Alchemy of Souls to get to him. Alchemy of Souls should’ve been the icing on the cake because he loves fantasy movies, but then one day, my mum wanted to see an older drama titled Vincenzo, and that was it. He was hooked. 

    This man disturbed me whenever he was back from work to play him episode after episode. He’s an architect, so besides the fantastic storyline, he loved seeing the inside of their houses, criticising and admiring it. 

    If you have an architect for a father, there’s a lot about his job you learn. I’m constantly criticising buildings too, even though I don’t have the degree for that. Who will check me?

    He especially loved how the Korean society reflected all the morals of our sometimes complex society. And as a part-time assistant pastor, he loved that all the bad guys were brought to justice. I’ve been watching K-dramas for years, and not once did the series product placement for Kopiko make me consider buying it.  But as soon as he was done with Vincenzo, he bought two packs. 

    Sometimes, I’d sit beside him, and he’d just randomly say “Vincenzo Cassano” like the other characters did in the drama. 

    He’s currently watching Crash Landing on You because I mentioned I wanted to rewatch it after the announcement that the actors were having a baby together.

    His opinion on how that drama will end is killing me because, sir, your heart is about to be broken. I can’t wait to tell him the main characters are now married in real life. For now, let him find out the way the rest of us did, shedding tears months after the drama ended. 

    I’ve successfully broken him, but at what cost?


    RELATED: The Ultimate Nigerian K-drama Fan Starter Pack


    The cost of turning my dad into a K-drama lover 

    Everything. No, seriously, this man has been after my peace of mind. 

    He wants to watch all the old dramas, and I don’t know how he keeps finding them. He sends me screenshots and would be like, “Find this one for me”. Maybe he thinks I work closely with Netflix or something because half of them aren’t even on the app. 

    Not only do I have to find these old series for him, I have to listen to him talk about something interesting from them I already heard about four times because he forgot he’d already told me. He constantly attacks me when I can’t run away, like when I’m eating or cleaning. He’d appear like a ghost and be like, “Yesterday, this character did this”, and I have to reply, “You don’t mean it? Tell me more”, because as parents get older, they’re suddenly the ones looking for your attention. 

    I should add I spend an amusing amount of time shooing him out of the living room or begging him to go to bed. Sir, you are in your late 50s, I’m not ready to be a breadwinner, please. 

    I also fund his Kopiko habit. The Kopiko company should sign him as a brand ambassador at this point. If I see that sweet wrapper one more time, I might actually lose it. 

    I love that he likes my second love — K-drama, and sometimes, I even enjoy talking about theories with him, even if it’s about an old drama I’ve already seen. Do what I did at your own risk. Maybe we can form a support group for kids with parents who love K-drama soon.  


    READ ALSO: Fantasy Movies Saved Me as a Child

  • 7 Extremely Practical Alternatives for When Twitter Dies

    7 Extremely Practical Alternatives for When Twitter Dies

    Now that Elon Musk has taken over Twitter and fired almost everyone (and their mums) who works there, people suspect the app itself will soon pack up and bounce. Just in case that happens, we’re proposing a few alternatives so we all can stay in touch. 

    Town hall meetings 

    Since sharing our thoughts is what Twitter is about, let’s do it the traditional way. Every local government should have regular town hall meetings. This way, if there’s a fight, it can come the fuck on in real time. None of that subbing rubbish. 

    Witch coven 

    Witches are way ahead of their time. If you and your followers all join the same witch coven, you could talk to each other telepathically and gain access to things like teleportation. Join a coven today! 

    Dreams 

    It’s 2022, and as such, the perfect time for interconnected dreaming. Someone would have to invent a way for us to move in and out of each other’s dreams. That way, we can have a version of Twitter that’ll  be unlocked once you dream.

    LinkedIn

    People have already started bringing foolish questions to LinkedIin, so let’s just go all in. 

    Town crier 

    If it worked for our ancestors, it sure as hell would work for us. Plus, young people can put “town crier” down as a career they’ll like to have. Whenever you want to “tweet”, you get a town crier to broadcast it for you for a small fee. 

    Pigeon 

    Twitter is a bird; pigeon is also a bird. Someone should start a service to provide every subscriber with their own pigeon. Whenever you want to broadcast your thoughts to your “followers”, you send your pigeon to their houses. Nobody would say they didn’t see it on their TL. 

    Talk to your friends 

    This is the last resort for if Twitter goes down. We’d actually have to keep quiet and only reveal our thoughts to people we trust and care about. This promotes shame, and honestly, after all we’ve seen on that app, we might need to bring a little shame back. 

    RELATED: Interview With Twitter Bird: ”I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”

  • Interview With the Naira: “Just Add a Little Yeast” 

    Interview With the Naira: “Just Add a Little Yeast” 

    Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

    (Zikoko arrives at the interview location. When Naira told Zikoko he’ll choose the location, a bakery was the last place Zikoko saw the interview happening.)

    Zikoko: What will my eyes not see because of this job, bayi? 

    (Zikoko takes a deep breath and walks into the deserted bakery.) 

    Zikoko: Hello, is anyone here? I have an interview with Naira 

    Naira: Yes, yes. Welcome! 

    (Naira comes out in a chef’s hat and apron, covered in flour and smelling of vanilla. Zikoko has never been more confused.)

    Naira: Sorry for being late. I was in the kitchen, trying out a new recipe. 

    Zikoko: You bake? 

    Naira: Well, I’ve been trying my hands at different things since it looks like this whole currency business isn’t working out well for me. 

    Zikoko: And you chose baking? (Zikoko mutters under their breath) See me thinking we’ll do this thing in CBN office, and I can take some ghana must gos on my way out. 

    Naira: Did you say something? 

    Zikoko: Just asking why you chose baking

    Naira: Oh, yes. It’s actually a brilliant idea. You see, in baking, yeast makes things to rise. I was thinking if I spend enough time baking, my body would absorb some of that yeast and I’ll swell in value. 

    Zikoko: (Looks around for a camera because this can’t be real life.) And how’s that working out for you? 

    Naira: Well, the dollar was ₦890 black market rate before. Now, it’s seven hundred and something. The bakery thing is working! A little bit of yeast is all I need, and we’ll be good to go.

    RELATED: Interview With Dollars: “I’m Too Sexy for This World

    Zikoko: Have you ever heard of a currency using yeast to rise? 

    Naira: Well, no, but there’s a first time for everything. Is there not? Plus, our case is a peculiar one. I’m a bit desperate and trying my best here. 

    I’m the butt of jokes at all the currency meetings. Do you know dollar and pounds used to be my best friends? They used to call me, “Mr Naira” and I was once respected on a global scale. Now, I’m just here. 

    Zikoko: And you think baking will fix that? 

    Naira: It’s fixing it already. The proof is in the pudding. Speaking of pudding, I have something in the oven. I’ll be back. 

    (Naira rushes into the kitchen. Zikoko is still confused because, what the actual fuck is going on?) 

    Naira (returns with a tray of cookies): Sorry for the delay. You want a cookie? 

    (Zikoko picks one up to taste, and honestly, it’s the best cookie ever)

    Zikoko: Truly, if this currency thing doesn’t w

    ork out, open your own bakery. But first, we need you. Yeast can’t be your only plan. 

    Naira: It isn’t! I assure you. Meffy came up with something recently and who knows where that’ll go. 

    Zikoko: You can’t mean…

    Naira: The naira redesign. First of all, I love a good makeover. The last time I had one was when they did the ₦100 notes in 2014. Look at how cute they look now. I think they should redesign all the notes so they’d match. We’d have this cute and colourful aesthetic going on. 

    RELATED: Interview With Naira Notes: “Everything Is Packaging”

    Zikoko: Aesthetic? 

    Naira: Yes! Look at the pounds and the Canadian dollar. Can’t you see how great they look and how much value they have? 

    Because my value is depreciating doesn’t mean I should look scrappy. Must I look like what I’m going through? 

    Zikoko: But the rest of us who depend on you look like what we’re going through. 

    Naira: Well, you can ask for your own makeover, I guess. Maybe it’ll cheer you all up. 

    Zikoko: Do you have another plan? 

    Naira: Well, we can try to bring our kobo out of retirement.

    Zikoko: When even 50 is going into retirement, you want to bring back the kobo? 

    Naira: I’m trying my best here. Nobody checks in on me these days. What about how I’m doing mentally? Always, “Why is the Naira like this?” not “How is the Naira?” 

    You didn’t even know I picked up a hobby until you needed me for something. When you were little, you always hated it when people compare you to others. Yet every day, you compare me to other currencies. Do you know what that does for my mental health? 

    Zikoko: We’re sorry. We promise to do better. 

    Naira: Plus, why are you stressing me about it? Why not take it up with Meffy? It’s his job to make sure I perform great. 

    Zikoko: Meffy won’t answer us

    Naira: He’s being such a naughty boy. I’ll talk to him later after my meeting with inflation.  

    Zikoko: So you plan on doing something about inflation? 

    Naira: I’m going to give her some cookies. She’s one of my oldest friends, and we’ve been hanging out together a lot more. I think we might have something special going on. 

    Zikoko: But can’t you see the adverse effects of hanging around inflation all the time? 

    Naira: You can’t tell me who to love. 

    Zikoko: (Getting angry) You have to be joking. 

    Naira: I’m sensing that this environment has turned hostile and would like to end this interview. The bad vibes won’t be good for the cookies and cream cake I want to bake next. 

    Zikoko: (Sighs in defeat) Okay, I’ll be on my way now.

    Naira: Before you go, you owe me ₦5k for that cookie.

    Zikoko: 5k keh? It’s just one cookie FGS. I even thought it was free. 

    Naira: Free? In this economy? Yesterday’s price isn’t today’s price, dear. Inflation is expensive to maintain, and I like to keep my baby happy. 

    Zikoko: But 5k for a singular cookie is too much.

    Naira: Eyah, but that’s not my business.

    RELATED: Interview With Nigerian Internet Service Providers: “Let Us Explain”

  • Creator Spotlight: Bryan Dreams of Creating More “Experimental” Music Videos

    Creator Spotlight: Bryan Dreams of Creating More “Experimental” Music Videos

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Hi, I’m Bryan Ibeh. I’m in my second year at Unilag. I’m a self-taught creative director and experimental filmmaker. I’m also into photography, I make music sometimes, and I model.  I guess something weird about me is that I like nuts — peanuts, almonds and pistachios. My favourite place to be is the beach.

    How did you start as a creative director?

    I’ve always just had an interest in the arts which my parents supported. My dad was an artist, so I grew up in an arts-accepting home. I had my family’s support in any interest I had, from fashion to music. I didn’t know what I wanted to do until I turned 16, which was when I started making films and exploring my creative direction. I taught myself every day and practised constantly. Even though ‌it seemed like I was just playing around, I’ve made something out of it.

    What was so significant about you turning 16?

    I was fresh out of high school, so I completely reinvented myself, physically and spiritually. One thing I discovered was a love for film. It came naturally. I’d film birds, cars or people. I’d think of a song that would go perfectly with it and make a video. I also met my now best friend of three years. She was just starting in the underground music scene, so I gave her ideas for cover art direction and then music video ideas. Back then, we would play around and make fun music videos and promotional visuals for her. That was my first experience with creative directing and experimenting. 

    You did these for free?

    Yes, because it was a collaborative effort. I can’t even call it my work, per se. My friend and I would hang out. While they were playing their music, I’d have an idea for a video, and we’d go outside and shoot something. It happened organically. At the time, I wasn’t thinking about the big picture. I was still discovering what my art should look like.

    Would you consider your best friend your muse?

    All my friends are my muses. But yes, she was one of the very first. 

    How would you describe your aesthetic?

    I’d say experimental, very avant garde. I like to experiment with odd, abstract elements. I centre my work in nature. For example, if I were making a music video, I would use exaggerated colours and strange lighting to create a very otherworldly experience. 

    What has your work looked like since then? 

    I  recently released a fashion film on NATAAL Media, titled, “We Are Looking for Ourselves in Each Other”. It’s an experimental film and a great representation of my work. Recently, I worked with a talented artist named Julrity, on visuals for her single, “BahtShit”. I’ve done other things with more contemporary, underground talents in Lagos.

    Who else have you worked with?

    I recently worked with another creative director and a stylist, Seun Odebunmi, on a project titled, “Villain Identity”. It was an editorial photo shoot I coloured and edited for. I also worked on another experimental music video with another upcoming artist, Snt Rei, and created some experimental, meditational films for a showcase I did last year, called Expo Lagos.

    What are you studying in school? Does it influence what you do?

    I’m studying Mass Communication, so yes.

    How do you juggle school with all this ?

    I haven’t had to juggle a lot because the universe has been in my favour. Earlier this year, I had a nine-to-five in the creative industry, and ASUU went on strike, so that was perfect.  After I left to focus on freelancing in July, ASUU was still on strike. Now that school is back in session, my parents keep telling me I can combine my work with school. It would be a challenge for sure, but I’m in too deep now, so I have no choice. Once you’re on a trajectory, you must keep climbing to establish yourself. 

    What was growing up in an artistic family like?

    My dad was an R&B artist. I like to live my life separate from that fact, but it was cool and entertaining growing up. We would go to award shows, fashion shows, concerts and music video shoots. My first time on my dad’s music video set, I was four or five years old. While I wasn’t featured in it, my older sister was.

    So you’ve always had a video camera around to play with?

    I wish. That sounds like a better story, but my dad was a musician, so it was mainly about the music. It encouraged my interest in art, and I thought I’d be a musician for a while, but it’s now just one of the many things I do. My parents have been very supportive.

    What does their support look like?

    I’m self-reliant, so I don’t ask my parents for much help. Their support is primarily moral. They understand I’m an adult and are more lenient about the things that can come with this line of work, especially fashion-wise. They also offer advice with the business aspect of my career. 

    Who are your biggest filmmaking influences?

    I don’t have any influences. I love a lot of different films and my work definitely takes from many places, but I’ve never felt like someone influences my work. My life experience influences the work I do.

    What about people you’d like to work with?

    I’d like to work with Rema, SOLIS, Odunsi and Obongjayar. When I listen to a song, and the song is good, I start conceptualising. SOLIS is one of those musicians for me. I remember just watching the video of her first single back-to-back and thinking about the beautiful video we could have made for this song. With Odunsi, wanted you is one of my favourite songs. I wish I could’ve worked on the music video with him. 

    What’s your creative process like? 

    With the music videos, usually, I’d draw out the themes of the song and picture what the general story idea would be. But with film, I’m very experimental. I compose anything that looks visually appealing and explore that as much as I can.

    How long does it take for you to create a film? 

    It depends on the project itself and what goes into it. The fashion film I released recently was shot about two months ago but released three weeks ago.

    How much do you spend on a set? 

    The one thing about being an independent creative is you can make do. Some sets are very self-providing. Everyone contributes to the production in a way. If it’s the clothes, they could belong to a friend. The model could be a collaborator, but sometimes, I pay for models, rent lights and possibly a camera. You must bring a crew because production is a bunch of moving parts. Some projects are more cost-effective than the rest. The “Bahtshit” music video was probably the most expensive production I’ve done, but I can’t disclose the amount.

    What do you do when you aren’t conceptualising video ideas?

    I listen to a lot of music. I love to make beads in my spare time. I love to style myself and people. I love to go out with my friends; I go to a lot of EDM raves.

    Processed with VSCO with b5 preset

    What’s your favourite career moment?

    It has to be my first exhibition — Expo Lagos. It was this immersive experience where the art was projected on the walls. It’s my favourite because it was the first place I got to show my work, and it was the perfect place because my work is centred around colour and psychedelia. It was a match made in heaven.

    What’s your favourite thing about the work you do?

    It’s having an idea, imagining it producing an intended effect and watching it happen. While working on the fashion film, there were scenes and sequences I wanted to be so uncomfortable, almost unbearable, to watch because it was strange. The audience reacted as I’d imagined to those moments. Experiencing that is the most exciting thing about being a filmmaker or creative director.

    What are your plans for the next couple of years?

    I’d like to release many music videos with prominent and not-so-prominent artists. I want to establish myself as an experimental music video maker. I’d like to have a portfolio that stands out because of something stylistic and specific, creating a culture around my work. Every time I make a music video, it’ll be a visual statement. I want to play my part in building the genre of experimental videos in Nigeria. 

    Have you gotten any comments about your work that stuck?

    A friend I respect commented that he’d never seen a talent like mine. It touched me because he’s somebody I’m constantly around. It’s easy to think of something a friend does as ordinary when you’ve witnessed it many times. He saw me editing a video and said he felt very proud. Creative directing is something I started doing for fun by myself, so I appreciate when people compliment my dedication to it. It’s my life, and I hope my commitment to it shows.



  • Creator Spotlight: “My Culture and Queer Identity Influence My Art”

    Creator Spotlight: “My Culture and Queer Identity Influence My Art”

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Alexandra classifies herself as a multidisciplinary artist. She is a self-taught artist, who’s into photography, makeup, styling and creative direction. She’s also a content creator and influencer on Instagram. She loves everything about beauty, fashion and lifestyle. She champions conversations around respecting plus-size women and queer people. Fun fact: she can’t stand honey.

    Which art form caught your interest first?

    My interest in the creative industry began in 2016. I had just entered university, and my mum made me learn a skill — makeup. Even though I felt lazy about it at the time, I’m grateful for that now. I ended up loving it and it became a side hustle for me in school from 2016 to 2018. I started doing collaborations and working with other creatives, and I used to call myself the collaboration queen. I did that until I graduated in 2019. At the height of COVID, I started taking pictures and editing them with my phone at home till 2021 when my parents gifted me a camera. Then I started calling myself a photographer. Since I’d had a year’s practice, I felt like I knew what I was doing, but now, I realise I was doing rubbish. But A for effort.

    Alexandra taking pictures.

    How did you convince your parents to get you a camera?

    My little brother, Zim, is a model. He became a meme when he was three, and it got him a lot of attention on Instagram in 2020. My ex used to take his pictures, but then, we fell out and having no one to do it pushed me to take photography seriously. Because of this, my parents didn’t mind getting me my first camera from the money we had made from Zim’s modelling.

    Is he easy to work with?

    He’s tough to work with because he’s a child. If you didn’t give him what he wanted, he’d throw tantrums, and when he agreed to take pictures, he’d be so angry that he made faces. Fortunately, his frowning face was his selling point. But he’s getting better as he grows. Hopefully, next year, I’ll focus more on him.

    How did you get gigs when you started?

    Even after my makeup classes in school, I kept practising until I got good and could confidently charge people like ₦1000 – 1,500 for it. People got to know me through word of mouth. My makeup was always colourful. In many ways, my identity has always influenced my art, even before I knew I was queer. I always do things differently, I would do editorial-style makeup and use graphic liners before it got popular, and that attracted people to work with me. 

    Make-up done by Alexandra.

    What was your first project?

    In 2021, I worked on my first project as a photographer to celebrate and document Nigerian queer and non-binary people. With that project, I wanted to create representation on social and mainstream media. My thought was simple; if I had seen someone doing what I did when i thought I was straight in 2018-2019, maybe I’d have realised sooner that I was queer. I wanted younger people who were struggling with their sexuality to relate to my art. I wanted them to see themselves through it.

    How come you hadn’t met any queer person before then?

    I have a lot of ambition, which blinds me to life’s romantic side. I was too busy focusing on my dreams and goals to think of a relationship, so I didn’t realize I was queer until 2019. I’d never met a queer person until I met my ex-girlfriend during a photo shoot, and it was like something clicked in my head. I also take my time photographing fat people because of fatphobia and body shaming, which I’d been a victim of all my life.  

    Should this be a “love life” conversation?

    Oh, please, that relationship didn’t last. It was less about the person and more about me coming to a realisation. 

    How did you meet queer people to work with? 

    My partner introduced me to her friends, who introduced me to their friends, and that’s how my circle widened. Social media is a big game changer too. My art also draws people. It resonates with many queer people, so that’s how I got to meet them, even though it’s hard to photograph them because of the fear of homophobia. The project eventually had to pause because of that, and I’ve taken the time to apply for grants to travel around and photograph more queer people. I haven’t received any yet. 

    Has anyone ever asked for their pictures to be taken down? 

    Of course. I get their consent beforehand, but I’ve had issues with people getting in trouble with their parents, and when they ask me to take it down, I do. It’s okay because I understand the struggle. As annoying as it can be to work on something and hide it, I know it’s not their fault, and there’s not much I can do about it. But I always tell them I’ll leave it as part of my portfolio, and they usually agree. Photography has changed my life and how I look at things. 

    How?

    I’ve achieved so much in such a short time. I wanted to get a MacBook, a new  phone and a camera, and I have. And it’s all because I took photography and NFT seriously. I’m always ready to work hard and explore as much as possible when it comes to my passion, so I can’t wait to see what happens next.

    Did you get a lot of money from creating NFTs? 

    Not a lot of money. About 600-700$. It was a lot of money to me when it came in earlier this year, but I’ve made more since, so it’s not a lot anymore. The collection was one of my first queer shoots called “Colours of Love”. It’s so dear to my heart, and the pictures still stun me. It was so timely. After all, I was broke, anxious and depressed because I was almost done with NYSC and didn’t have anything to do. That sale was like a catalyst for two other deals I got, and it was just amazing. 

    Your art was displayed in Times Square New York. How did that feel?

    Oh yes! It wasn’t even something from the queer series. It was from a collection I titled “Tribe”; a lot of my art is inspired by my culture. It was a picture of three guys. They had face paint and were wearing these wrappers.

    What’s been your favourite project?

    I believe “Celebrating Queers “ will always be my number one because it’s for my community and tribe. Right now, I’m working on a project called “Black Men Journal”, a series to celebrate black and African men. I’m also hoping to start a new project next year. I don’t know what I’ll call it yet, but it’ll be something along the lines of “the relationship between a mother and a child”. 

    Do you compensate your models?

    Most of my creative shorts are collaborations, so I just end up paying for transportation and maybe outfits, if I can. Sometimes, we don’t even have time to buy food, but there’s always water or drinks, and it’s just because by the time we’re done, everyone’s tired and just wants to go home. So like ₦15-20k, depending on the shoot location.

    Where does the money come from? 

    I do social media management on the side, but I quit my last one last month because it wasn’t for me. My art funds my art most times. I’m not where I want to be, but this year has been good, and I’m grateful. My dream is to live off my art one day. 

    What are your biggest struggles as an artist?

    Being a queer person in Nigeria is struggle enough. There’s always some homophobe in every space. You might be the best, and people would still undermine your work because of where you come from. And Nigerians don’t value or support talent, so that’s a struggle. I just love what I do; my passion is my inspiration to show up every day. I’m way past homophobia and all that.

    Who’s the biggest influence on your work?

    It’s less of who and more of what. The answer is my lifestyle, sexuality and culture; those are my biggest inspirations, and you can see those clearly in my art form. 

    What should we expect from you in the next couple of years? 

    Hopefully, my creative studio. Not just for photography, but also makeup content creation and other things. I’m really interested in film, and I’ll get to it as soon as I settle down to learn properly.

    Would you like to share any words of wisdom with fellow creatives?

    Do your thing as differently as possible. It’ll be hard sometimes, but if you’re really passionate about it, go for it with all your heart. Always put yourself first, especially when it comes to your art form, because nobody has the power to tell you what art should be. Only artists can choose what their art should be. 


    RELATED: Creator Spotlight: Healthy Living Is Cheap and Possible in Nigeria; Just Ask Fareedah

  • 7 Foods You Can Eat When Your Salary Has Finished

    7 Foods You Can Eat When Your Salary Has Finished

    Now that your salary has finished one week after you’ve collected it, you’ll need to stretch your last ₦5k until the next salary week. We’ve compiled a list of seven foods you can eat while you count the days. 

    Sacrifice

    If it’s good enough for the gods, it’s good enough for you. 

    Food in your dreams 

    Dream food is always delicious and it leaves you feeling full. The only downside is your destiny might be at risk, according to those street prophets, but na person wey dey alive fit get destiny. 

    RELATED: If You Receive Any of These Foods in Your Dream, Don’t Reject Them

    National Cake

    They’ve been eating from the national cake since before you were born. Now that your salary has finished, try to find where they’re sharing it. 

    The forbidden fruit 

    This one is easy because nobody else wants to eat what’s forbidden. 

    RELATED: If Adam and Eve Where a Nigerian Couple

    Food in television ads 

    Look for any of those companies that make spices and condiments for food and volunteer to help them clean up the set after they’re done cooking for the camera. That’s free and delicious food.

    Concoction 

    Gather all the foods in your house and turn it into a meal. Garri and ketchup can slap if you put your mind to it. 

    Tears 

    You can drink your tears to satisfy your hunger now that you’re broke. Whenever you’re hungry, look at your account balance and weep. 

    RELATED: Interview With Nigerian Internet Service Providers: “Let Us Explain”

  • Interview With Nigerian Internet Service Providers: “Let Us Explain”

    Interview With Nigerian Internet Service Providers: “Let Us Explain”

    Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

    We wrote an article ranking Nigerian internet service providers. Somehow, the providers were able to combine their bad internet to read it, and they demanded an interview with Zikoko. 

    [Zikoko arrives at a deserted island that’s probably not on any map. The providers chose the location because it’s close to their underwater sea cables and should be the best place for their internet to work without buffering. Zikoko cannot swim and would much rather not be in a deserted island with people they just dragged in an article, but braves it all for the story. Lord provide strength. 

    Smile, Airtel, 9mobile and Spectranet are on their seats when the speedboat arrives. Zikoko does a quick scan and notices MTN and Glo are nowhere to be found.]

    Zikoko: Where are MTN and Glo?

    Smile: [holding their wig] Who are those? 

    9mobile and Spectranet: Do we have to wait for them? I think we’re enough. 

    Zikoko: Want to say thank you for having me, but honestly, what do you have to say that I’d want to hear?

    Smile: My problem with you people is you don’t smile enough. Zikoko, relax. Smile.

    Zikoko: What’s there to smile about? Yesterday, we couldn’t hold meetings at the office because of one of you. I won’t name names. 

    Smile: Name the name you want to name.

    Airtel: Yesterday, rain was falling, your AC was on. Was a meeting really something you wanted to have? 

    Spectranet: And honestly, unless you live on a mountain, I do my work. Maybe your poverty is the problem.

    Zikoko: You people are unruly. You want us to praise you for not working?

    Them: Yes.

    Zikoko: Okay, let’s assume your terrible network is for the good of mankind. What about the other complaints? 

    Smile: Which complaints? 

    Zikoko: Smile, let’s start with you. Look at the network you dish to Nigerians. What’s there to smile about?

    Spectranet: You know, I’m happy you asked that question.

    Smile: Please, shut up, Spectranet. We all know you came into this business to steal my customers with promises of good, affordable network. Yet, when they try you out, they come running back to me. 

    Spectranet: Zikoko? You won’t say anything? 

    Zikoko: Smile, you’ve still not answered our question, or is your brain lagging like your network? 

    Smile: Omo, what did I throw, what did I collect? 

    Spectranet: Like, can you relax? 

    Zikoko: Can you people hear yourselves? Also, where the hell are MTN and Glo?

    MTN: I’m here.

    (That’s when Zikoko finally notices the laptop on a table. MTN is waving frantically through the screen.) 

    Zikoko: MTN is doing this interview over Zoom?

    MTN: Yes, I’m currently in South Africa. I needed a little rest. 

    Zikoko: Why did you make me get a helicopter when I could’ve done it on Zoom? 

    Airtel: Your network might be bad. 

    (Zikoko tries not to scream.)

    Zikoko: Okay, where is Glo?

    9mobile: On their way. They currents are too strong.

    Zikoko: They want to swim to this island? God help us. I’ve already spoken to Smile. What do the rest of you want. Please, make it snappy. 

    MTN: Rude. We wanted to address the allegations you made against us in your ranked article. What do you mean I suck data?  

    Zikoko: You suck abi you don’t suck?

    MTN: I don’t suck.

    Zikoko: What then do you do?

    MTN: I just use it to pay tithe.

    Zikoko: You have to be joking 

    MTN: Don’t you pay tithe? 

    Zikoko: Tithe is to come from your own money, not my data

    MTN: Nobody told me that one o. They said I should pay, and I collect it from data. If you have a problem with it, fight Jesus. 

    (Zikoko is turning red from frustration.) 

    Zikoko: Okay, Airtel. The network blackouts. People can’t even make calls.

    Airtel: National grid can collapse, but I can’t? 

    RELATED: Interview With National Grid: “Better Buy Plenty Fuel, You’ll Need it”

    Zikoko: Quick question. Are you possessed or is this behaviour from birth? 

    Airtel: Why do you have double standards? 

    Zikoko: If it’s to change name and colour every couple of years, you can do that, but to give good network is a problem?

    (Airtel starts to cry.) 

    Airtel: Why are you bodyshaming me? Yes, I did plastic surgery, so what? 

    (Airtel storms out in tears, and 9mobile runs after to offer comfort.) 

    Zikoko: God, abeg. They don’t pay me enough for this. 

    Spectranet: My own issue is you’re complaining I don’t reach everywhere in Nigeria. I’m exclusive. Not everyone can have access to me. 

    Zikoko: But the people you reach say you’re doing rubbish.

    Spectranet: What do they know? The problem is you people don’t care about our mental health. See, you made Airtel cry. We’re trying the best we can. Why can’t you understand that?

    (9mobile comes back at this point, alone.)

    Zikoko: Where’s Airtel?

    9mobile: Airtel collapsed because the situation was overwhelming. See what you’ve done, Zikoko?

    Zikoko: All of you are clearly insane, and I think I’ve had enough.

    9mobile: But I’ve not even had a chance to clear my name yet.

    Zikoko: The only reason you can speak is because we’re on a deserted island. If it was Oshodi now, we’ll be grateful if you give us 2G network.

    Smile: I think everyone should just take a deep breath and smile.

    Zikoko: If I hear you speak again, I’ll cause you physical harm.

    (Zikoko’s speedboat arrives, they hop in and it takes off.)

    Glo (drenched in water): Hi guys. Sorry I’m late. Has the interview started yet?

    RELATED: Interview With Travelling Bag: “I Was There When You Had Nothing”

  • How to Vomit Pounds

    How to Vomit Pounds

    As the pound rate rises, we need new and innovative ways to keep up. Learning to vomit pounds is simply the first step in creating generational wealth, and we’re here to teach you how. 

    Vomit naira first

    When it comes to vomiting foreign currency, you first need to learn how to vomit the local one. If you can’t vomit naira, how will pounds pass your throat?

    Go on a diet 

    The pounds needs space to grow in your stomach. If your stomach is full of foods like semo and fufu, where will the pounds stay? 


    RELATED: How to Do Money Ritual in a Way That Pleases God


    Lubricate your throat 

    Pounds is not easy to vomit, so your throat needs to be well lubricated. You can ask a Yoruba man what he uses to lubricate his mouth before he lies. Maybe it’ll work for you. 

    Swallow all the things used to print money

    If you swallow the paper, ink and other materials for printing money, it’ll mix in your stomach, and when you vomit, you’ll vomit pounds. This is simple logic. Just shake your body after swallowing all these things so they can mix properly.  

    Become an intern for an ATM 

    What vomits money better than ATMs? Nothing! That’s why if you want to become skilled in the art of pounds vomiting, you should study how an ATM operates. You need to learn from the master. 

    RELATED: Just Imagine: If ATMs Could Speak

    Never close your mouth 

    They say a closed mouth is a closed destiny, and they’re right. If your mouth is constantly closed, the poundss can’t come out. 

    Swallow pounds 

    If you swallow pounds, the seed will germinate in your stomach and you’ll vomit even more than you swallowed. If you need help with this act, find the snake that swallowed ₦36 million. It knows how swallowing currency works. 


    RELATED: Interview With Dollars: “I’m Too Sexy for This World”

  • All the Perks of Being in a Polyamorous Relationship

    All the Perks of Being in a Polyamorous Relationship

    Every two business days, someone is always talking about how being polyamorous is easy and full of perks, and we totally agree! No, you don’t need to put more effort into communicating with your partner or anything because these seven perks make polyamorous relationships easy to manage. 

    Now three people can break your heart in the same week

    What’s better than one soul-crushing heartbreak? Three! Imagine crying about three people you love and having to go to work and smile the next day. Sounds amazing, innit? Worse? You’ll be going through a breakup while being in a happy relationship and feeling bad about being sad when it can’t be helped. 


    RELATED: Dismantling 7 Myths About Polyamory


    You’ll always know how all your money disappears 

    Don’t you just love the security that comes with opening your banking app and seeing no money? The universe loves you so much that two of your partners were born in the same month, and both of their love languages are gift-giving. While others get the luxury of never knowing what they spent their salary on, you will always know. Loves cost everything, oh, arms and legs included. 

    Your dating pool is even smaller

    I mean, if there was a world record for most blocked in a year, you’ll probably win, and that’s something! Don’t you just love having even fewer options now? Precisely and if you think about it, you’ll learn how to get over heartbreaks faster, which can be a superpower!

    Everyone and their daddies will judge you for free

    So what if you can never bring your partner home to your parents? Think about how you cut bills on streaming platforms, rent, and cab billings, and see how good you’ve got it. Yes, by all means, friend that cheats on his partner unprovoked, tell me how being poly is wrong I’m very interested in your opinion!

    Spending all your time on the road

    You’ll have so much fun being stuff in traffic just to visit different partners outside the hours capitalism already steals; that’s so cute. The best part? When you put on your CV that you’re great at time management, you can attach your cab trip history for proof. 

    Being great at sharing

    Earthly possessions are meaningless anyways, so what if all the clothes in your wardrobe are gone now, and you buy double the usual groceries? You’ll quickly get used to sharing that favourite drink you don’t even let your siblings breathe around, and it won’t be a problem. 

    Peace of mind

    All your partners will love each other and live in peace and harmony, which will, in turn, give you peace of mind. No, come on, you’re not going to spend all your weekends settling fights because you spent more time with one person over the other. It’s all sunshine and rainbows. 


    READ ALSO: Practising Polyamory in Ifo, Ogun State, on a ₦400k Monthly Income

  • Creator Spotlight: Healthy Living Is Cheap and Possible in Nigeria; Just Ask Fareedah

    Creator Spotlight: Healthy Living Is Cheap and Possible in Nigeria; Just Ask Fareedah

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Fareedah Abdulsalam is a lifestyle creator who’s also killing it at marketing for a startup firm. She’s into many different things, including food, fashion and interior design. People tell her that she’s funny and always laugh at her own jokes. She’s a big fan of Asian culture and reads a lot of Asian literature. Her food advice is for people to try jollof rice with seaweed because it slaps; according to her, if you don’t like it, you don’t have good taste.

    What Asian literature do you read?

    I read a lot of books by Haruki Murakami. I’m reading Norwegian Road for like the seventh time. I like his writing style; he can be cheeky, but he makes his characters feel real. He’s my go-to when I feel overwhelmed. Norwegian Road is a story of loss, love and pain. It’s a young adult book, and I can see myself as the main character. It’s not an easy read, especially if you’re reading the book for the first time, but it’s very relatable for me. Every time I pick it up, it’s like I’m reading it for the first time.

    Are books a big choice of escape for you? 

    Books are important to me. I used to read feel-good, cheeky romance novels every night before bed. Recently I’ve opened my eyes to many different genres and improved my reading culture. But my ultimate source of escape is music. I listen to a lot of hip-hop, EDM and jazz. If I weren’t into everything I already do, I would be a DJ.

    Who listens to jazz? Your uniqueness is second nature at this point

    For starters, my name, Fareedah, means “unique”. Since I was young, I’ve always wanted to do things differently. I’ve never been a follow-the-crowd type of person. Even if it’s tiny, I must be different. 

    Made by Fareedah

    Speaking of different, it’s rare to see a young Nigerian pick healthy cooking as a content niche. How did that happen?  

    I started posting food and talking about recipes because I discovered a vast gap in the misinformation about healthy eating culture in Nigeria. You’ll tell someone you want to start eating healthy, and they’d think it means salads and ice cream deprivation, but it goes beyond that. My page teaches people how to live their best healthy lives, based on the Nigerian palate, and without compromising on the food they love.

    When I started posting my videos on TikTok, it was just about creating cute content of the food because I’m all about the aesthetic life. I found I enjoyed cooking, how colours come together to make a sumptuous meal, and people were interested in my content, even though it looked different. It turns out many people don’t know they can eat healthily in Nigeria, and to be fair, I grew up eating efo and ewedu, so I would’ve been shocked if anyone told me I could make soup from celery and carrots too.  

    Why was teaching people about healthy food options important to you? 

    I’ve always been fascinated by how human beings interact with food: how people can eat a particular food every day without getting tired, and the power it has over us. I was so into it I added food science and technology as my third choice when I wrote JAMB. Plus, my mum was a caterer. She’d make these elaborate meals for the family, for example, moin-moin, and all I’d have to do is double the nylon for the beans puree.

    So, you’ve always been surrounded by food?

    Yes, but I didn’t learn to cook until I was 18. I remember boiling rice when I was younger and burning it. I’ve also dealt with my fair share of food problems. I had an eating disorder as a teenager and was diagnosed with ulcer shortly after. I’ve also had appendicitis, so I’ve always been particular about things I put in my body because I know they can have negative effects. 

    I was tired of going to the hospital and complaining about my gut health, so I took matters into my own hands, researched, and took a nutrition course in uni. Then I looked for foods like broccoli and celery around me. I was shocked at how easily I found them. I wondered why my mum never cooked foods like those.

    How’s your relationship with food now?

    I told myself I couldn’t keep going to the hospital for food problems and had to do things differently. For example, I did a January challenge and didn’t eat rice for 30 days; my body felt amazing. That month, I had the best menstrual flow, and my skin was glowing. My relationship with food is much better. Even my conversation around it is different. 

    A lot of your content is on different oatmeal recipes. It’s your good taste for me

    They’ve even started calling me “the oat babe”. I especially like oatmeal, and I wish people appreciate it more. It’s so versatile. How can you hate it? It’s rich in fibre and fills you up quickly. Oat is more than adding sugar and milk. When I started sharing my recipes, people kept expressing shock. I understand eating rice every day is culturally ingrained, and it takes a lot to get out of that mentality. I’d make a simple pasta meal and get comments saying, “Where’s the stew/meat?”

    How many oat dishes have you tried?

    30. I have this note app where I came up with over 50 oat recipes and other things I want to try. I’ve shared some, but I haven’t had time to shoot more. Now, I have a website, so I’ll upload some more soon. 

    A website sounds great. What should we expect?

    I’ll write about lifestyle, house plants and interior design tips. I design houses on the side. I do it well and have had people hire me to redesign their spaces. It’s a thing I take on when I have time. After the lockdown, many people wanted their space to look nice, to spark joy or make their videos look nice. I wake up and move things around my house almost daily, and my friends always complain. You can come to my house today and find my bed in my living room. That’s how much I love interior design.

    I feel like we don’t have the same 24 hours. How do you make time for all your passions?

    Omo, I sometimes suffer from working on one thing even when it takes me hours and wastes my time. My 24 hours aren’t enough. It sounds like many things at once, but I give everything unequal attention. 

    You sound more human now, but to crown it, do you have many food fails?

    The omo is long. I’ve tried many food recipes that tasted horrible and didn’t look good. That’s why I always try recipes I find online and taste them before I make a video, so people don’t drag me for recommending nonsense. I won’t recommend what I can’t eat. For example, I  tried to make pesto pasta and didn’t have basil. A recipe online said kale tasted equally amazing. I was so confident it would be sweet that I didn’t taste it before serving it to guests. My friends were like, come and taste this thing. I tasted it and couldn’t swallow it. 

    That’s why when people recommend things for me to make, I avoid them. I can’t make my content around other people’s requests except if it’s a series. My series are usually well-planned as opposed to my random videos.

    What about food wins?

    My “What I Eat in a Day” (also known as WIEIAD) series has to be my favourite. I can’t say I pioneered it in Nigeria. Still, the series has inspired many people to share their daily meals — something I’d rarely seen from Nigerians on social media before then —, and it makes me proud.

    Who is your content for? 

    Everyone. As a young person, I know how important healthy eating is, and I’m also aware of how expensive groceries are in Nigeria. I don’t want people to spend too much on something they’d hate. I do everything with intention, and the way I share tips and reply to comments reflects that. After making my account public, I started making food videos in mid-year 2021, and I decided to take my content seriously. It meant replying to comments, interacting and building a community of people interested in what I do. People have told me my account isn’t growing as fast because I do this one thing, recommending healthy recipes as opposed to native Nigerian meals. The biggest misconception people have is my recipes are expensive to recreate. I’m 22, living alone, and I can’t buy expensive things. It goes back to people’s misinterpretation of healthy living. That’s why I’m constantly educating people, even though I understand that access problems and food insecurity stops people from exploring new foods. 

    What do your groceries for a month look like, though?

    I can’t track that because, as a food blogger, I tend to make meals outside my usual weekly meal plan, or if I don’t get a recipe right the first time, I have to try it again. I also make food for my friends — a perk of being friends with me — so it’ll be hard to track the cost. But most meals would have things like oatmeal, sandwiches or wraps, maybe a rice dish. I’d go to the local market, which is always my go-to. I buy a little of everything while considering the electricity situation in Nigeria. I’d buy a bulb of lettuce for ₦200, parsley for ₦100 and local or imported lemons from those Hausa men who sell in barrows. I buy bell peppers from ShopRite at three for ₦900. There’s this soup pack with peppers, corn and green beans, and it goes for less than ₦1k. I have a “grocery haul” highlight on my Instagram to give people insights on costs.

    It does sound a lot cheaper than I expected. Does what you do feel fulfilling?

    It feels worth it, especially when people send messages telling me how my content helps them, and I have gotten a lot. I wrote a book earlier this year, during Ramadan, because I wanted people to spend less time trying to figure out what to eat when they break their fast. The book had about 90 food inspirations. Even though I don’t have a lot of followers, the quality of people I have are enough. I can’t disclose the amount, but I sold a lot of copies. Even non-Muslims bought it, and the feedback inspired me. It felt good to see that I’m making an impact. What you put in your body affects everything positively or negatively. Even for myself, my skin is glowing, and I feel good. My mental well-being is great. I’ve seen shege, but the beautiful life people think I have is real, not just for the gram. It’s giving rich in a “fake it till you make it” way. 

    I’m jealous sha. What inspires you? 

    I’m inquisitive, so most of my content inspiration comes from research. Sometimes, I think, “Has anyone tried to mix this and that?” I get on Google, explore related content and find ways to tweak it based on what’s accessible to me and my audience. I also follow other inspiring creators on Instagram and TikTok. 

    Do you have any challenges as a creator?

    Monetising content is my biggest headache as a creator. I’ve realised that I put more effort into building, retaining and growing my audience than on finding ways to monetise my content. There’s a lot of running costs of creating content, especially in a country like Nigeria, where people undervalue creativity. I also wish I had more time. I have a 9-5, and finding balance can get challenging. I’d love to make it my full-time profession, but the decision isn’t simple, especially when you don’t know where your next paycheck would come from. I might as well use this as an open call for a manager because the business side of content is giving me a headache.

    Any plans for the future?

    I’m taking a certification course to learn how to be better at several things, from wellness coaching to recipe development. I’m also furthering my education and research experience; I’ve gotten an MBA admission to make that happen. These align with my goals of building my lifestyle brand, Bloome Living, and transforming the discourse around wellness and lifestyle in Nigeria. I’m a girl of lofty dreams, so plans might change. Who knows?  

    Give us food for thought

    Here’s one I like even though I don’t know who said it first, but you can live your best healthy life without having to compromise heavily on the food you love and are accustomed to.


    READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Sigil on Breaking the System Through Rock Music

  • How to Say No as a People Pleaser

    How to Say No as a People Pleaser

    So you just discovered on TikTok that all the totally normal behaviours you have are people-pleasing characteristics. It turns out you’re just not that nice for niceness sake; and even your willingness to always let things slide is a trauma response. Thank you, TikTok, for the diagnosis! 

    Here’s how to say no as a people pleaser.  

    You have to practise passive assertiveness

    Your body language should say no before opening your mouth to say yes. The next time a friend or coworker comes to ask you for something at your inconvenience, stand like this:


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    If that doesn’t work, just close your eyes

    If you can’t see the face of the person trying to inconvenience you, you’re less likely to want to help them. 

    Walk away as fast as you can

    If they can’t catch you, they can’t ask you to do anything for them.

    Tap into your inner toddler and start reporting everybody

    Snitches get stitches, but sometimes it’s necessary to snitch before you faint from exhaustion. Shout “I will report you oh” like a toddler who discovered the word “no”.

    Tape your mouth shut and glue your hands to your sides.

    If your mouth is closed, everyone will take your silence as no, and if your hands are glued to your sides, you can’t shrug and say yes. When they see you trying to enforce boundaries like this, they’ll leave you alone. 

    Buy a big placard with the word “NO” written boldly

    You can wear it on your neck or carry it in a bag. Next time your roommate asks you if they can eat the cake you’ve been saving for later, just bring the placard out. Or if your boss tries to give you more work than you can handle, you know what to do.

    Chant “no” to yourself in the mirror every morning

    There’s nothing as effective as using the actual word itself being used as an affirmation. Try to say it with a smile, so they know that if they keep pushing, they’re about to see crazy. When the conductor asks for his change, say no. When the food delivery people ask for their money, tell them no. Go forth and succeed.


    READ ALSO: How To Make Friends: A Zikoko Guide

  • Interview With Travelling Bag: “I Was There When You Had Nothing”

    Interview With Travelling Bag: “I Was There When You Had Nothing”

    (Zikoko is at the airport trying to catch a flight to Abuja, when suddenly, commotion ensues. The security officers are escorting a box that’s kicking and screaming. Out of curiosity, Zikoko approaches the box and convinces the security officers to let it go.)

    Travelling Bag: Thank you for that, who are you? 

    Zikoko: My name is Zikoko, and it’s fine. No one deserves to be treated that way — unless they eat things like okro and ice cream.

    TB: Huh? 

    Zikoko: Never mind. Why were they dragging you anyways?

    TB: Don’t mind those useless people o. I was trying to board a flight to London when they started screaming and shouting at me. They even threatened to arrest me. For what? 

    Zikoko: That’s terrible. What airline? We need to see the manager. We’d make sure the people responsible get punished. It’s not right to treat a customer like this.

    TB: I’m not a customer.

    Zikoko: I don’t understand.

    TB: I said I wanted to board flight. Did I tell you I’m a customer?

    Zikoko: How can you board the flight if you’re not a customer? 

    TB: I don’t know o. I sha wanted to try. In this economy, do you think I have money for a plane ticket? I wanted to japa, and I was trying different methods.

    Zikoko: AH? It’s not by force to leave the country nau. What’s doing you? 

    TB: Zikoko, how many people do you know that have left the country? 

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    Zikoko: Like seven this month

    TB: Exactly. Do you know what these people do when they want to leave? They buy a lot of new things to take on their trip. Including new travelling bags. [sighs]. Let me tell you my story.

    I’d been with my previous owner since before he was born. His mother bought me when she was moving to her husband’s house in 1990, and I’ve been in their life ever since then. 

    Zikoko: That’s a very long time. You must be quite attached to that family

    TB: I am. I witnessed the birth of their only child. How many people can say that? I was the bag they took to the hospital during the baby’s delivery. I kept the pacifier, bib, oversized clothes, flasks and everything they needed safe. While she delivered the baby, I was on a seat anxiously waiting. 

    As the baby grew up, my use shifted to accommodate whatever he needed me for. Do you know I went to secondary school with him? I was by his side for six years in boarding school, sustaining injuries left and right because teenage boys just do anyhow. Even when someone stole me from him, I found my way back. 

    Zikoko: It’s like I’ll miss my flight o, but I need to get to the bottom of this. Please tell me more about your longsuffering 

    TB: Yes, my suffering has been long. Guess who went with him to the university when he got admission to study engineering? Me! In another overcrowded boys’ hostel, I remained by his side. I was there when they were cooking enough beans to feed the Nigerian army. The only time I got cleaned was on holidays when his mother scrubbed and mended me. 

    I was even present for his graduation. They used me to pack plates and cutlery, and I remember crying,  because the little boy I’d raised was a graduate. I was proud. 

    Every important moment, I was present. NYSC camp, moving into his first apartment, I was useful. But when it was time to reap the fruit of my labour, he betrayed me.

    Zikoko: Travelling bag can reap fruit of labour? 

    TB: Don’t bring up something that will lead to insult

    Zikoko: Sorry, please carry on

    TB: I had noticed him packing some of his property and giving stuff away. I thought he was moving again, and I prepared myself to follow him. Then one day, he came home with a set of those fancy boxes that roll in any direction. I wondered what he needed new boxes for when I was right there. I’ve been there. I never went anywhere. 

    Zikoko: I’m so sorry about that. Is that why you decided to catch flights you didn’t pay for instead of feelings? 

    TB: No. He actually did something worse. That same week, he travelled. Not with me, but with those new boxes he bought. He left Nigeria to London and was so comfortable with leaving me behind. I never left him during any event in his life, but time to move on to bigger and better things and suddenly I wasn’t good enough? 

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    Zikoko: Why are men? 

    TB: That’s why I’m here today. I’ve been abandoned, and I need him to tell me to my face why he’d do that to me. What did I do to deserve it? 

    Zikoko: Maybe he didn’t want to put you through the stress of dealing with such a long flight 

    TB: If I can survive a hostel of hormonal and smellboys, what is a long flight?I built with this man. I was there when there was nothing, and now that a new dispensation is calling, there’s a need for someone younger, firmer and shinier? 

    He left me with his mother and stuffed me with his old school books. I’m good enough to be trusted with his WAEC certificate but not to leave the country? 

    I never thought this could happen to me. It’s a common thing in the luggage industry. Bags that’ve served their owners for years are suddenly getting abandoned when it’s time to travel. You people think this japa thing is affecting only you?

    Zikoko: I know it’s bad, but honestly, I really need to understand your game plan here. You scam these airport guys, get into a plane, then what?

    TB: I don’t know. I didn’t really think it through past actually getting there.

    Zikoko: You need to go home. You’re too old to be dealing with all of this. Get some rest and hold his certificates with pride. That’s a big task he’s asking of you; if he didn’t trust you, he wouldn’t ask you.

    TB: You’re behaving like a Yoruba man with all these words coming from your mouth, but okay. I’ll go and rest. I just want to say that people need to stop treating their old travelling bags like this. We also deserve the good life. Especially after all we’ve been through. 

    Zikoko: We’ll let the people know

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  • Here’s Why Every Monday Should Be a Public Holiday in Nigeria

    Here’s Why Every Monday Should Be a Public Holiday in Nigeria

    After years of spending our miserable Mondays in the office or school, we should be on the verge of changing that. We’ve compiled nine reasons that are sure to convince the government why every Monday should become a public holiday. 

    Two-day weekend is too short 

    Out of seven days in a week, we use five to work and two to rest, that’s wrong. Everything in life needs balance and making Mondays public holidays means we’re getting closer to balance and equality. 

    Nobody likes going to work on Mondays 

    Nigeria practices a democracy. The whole point of a democracy is a government for the people and the people are saying they don’t like going to work on Mondays. 

    The government introduced us to a lifestyle now they have to maintain it

    We’ve tasted what it’s like to go two weeks without resuming work on Monday and now we want more. It’s the way the world works.

    We’re tired of working 

    The truth of the matter is everyone is tired of working. We just want an extra day to rest.  

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    It’ll be good for the economy 

    If we don’t go to work on Monday, we’d have time to go out and spend money on other things. The naira would stay in circulation and our economy would benefit greatly from it. 

    We don’t have light, at least, give us holiday

    Light? Security? Even safety from floods, the government hasn’t given to us. They should at least give us public holidays, so we can forget about the problems we’re experiencing. 

    Even Monday wants to rest 

    Monday is tired of being the most hated day of the week. Everyone is constantly nagging about how much they hate Mondays. Give the day a rest. Let it know what it’s like to be loved and appreciated. 

    RELATED: The Zikoko Guide to Manifesting a Good Monday

    African giants

    We’re too big to be doing what every other country is doing. If they do five working days, we should do four. If they do four, we should do three. It’s how bad bitches operate. 

    Please

    The government should just do it for the sake of doing it. We don’t even have any reason again, at this point we’re just begging.

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  • We All Experienced These 9 Types of Sunday School Teachers

    We All Experienced These 9 Types of Sunday School Teachers

    Everyone hated having to wake up early on Sunday morning. Sunday school was either our heaven or hell, depending on if you memorised last week’s memory verse. Since it’s Sunday school teachers appreciation day, we want to recognise the different types of Sunday school teachers who made Sundays so… eventful. 

    The bougie one

    This Sunday school teacher was everyone’s fave. She never punished and always had the most incredible church songs. All the kids loved her and felt safe telling her about anything they struggled with. She’d always make you feel like you’re on the set of one of those kids’ shows like Barney. She genuinely believed in every single kid and made them all feel special. Her kids were always the best Sunday school kids, and everyone wanted to be their friends.


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    The one you hate to love

    This Sunday school teacher was super strict, but everyone wanted to impress them for some reason. they’d give like 20 assignments, and people would never forget to do them because they were terrified of what they’d do. They werealso the type to use every free time to teach valuable life lessons or play games like sword rule. they’d scold parents for bringing you to church late or beating you. 

    The temporary one

    The newcomer in church who didn’t know where they wanted to belong yet. Kids mostly took advantage of their naivety, telling them there was no memory verse the week before, and they’d never argue. Of course, they never last long in the Sunday school department. It’s usually more tedious than they signed up for. 

    The guy

    In every Sunday school department for kids, there was always “the guy”. There could never be more than one of them at a time. He was usually young enough for the kids to want to be his friend but old enough to marry the woman in the ushering department he’d been dating for two years. He always used modern-day analogies to teach kids, to make them feel seen, and always promised to buy the best student expensive gifts — sometimes, he did. Hard not to like him TBH.

    The party aunty 

    The youngest teacher, nobody actually knew what class she taught because she was everywhere. All the kids wanted to be her favourite, but she somehow loved everyone equally. She always came up with the best choreographies and funniest drama skits. She was also responsible for those rare Sundays when they bought biscuits and drinks kids liked instead of Cabin biscuit.  

    The oldest old-school woman

    Her Sunday school classes were always boring, and she gave assignments, but thankfully, always forgot about them. She was probably a teacher before she retired and used Sunday school to relive her glory days. Ask yourself if you remember one topic she taught, and the answer would be no.

    The one everybody hates

    As soon as it was their turn to teach, everyone would start groaning. They never smiles and doesn’t make or take jokes. You’d somehow copy seven pages worth of notes, and they always wanted to mark it. They gave the hardest, most introspective notes, and the worst part? They didn’t even know that people hated them, including the other teachers. 

    The purity culture queen

    Every Sunday school group had one of these. They always worked with teenagers and would always tell stories about how they were bad kids back in the days, pursuing boys, smoking and sneaking out. If they didn’t turn every Sunday school lesson into a purity culture session, they’d probably be sick. They’d be so cool if they tried, but you couldn’t really hate or love them because teenagers hate being told what to do.

    The one who flogs and punishes

    This one was just the evil spirit of Sunday school teachers. They always held a cane, especially for their own kids. Every Sunday, they’d appear with a new cane. All they knew how to do was remind the one everyone hated that they gave assignments and the one everyone loved to hate that they told people to memorise Psalm 91. God, abeg. 


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  • Creator Spotlight: Sigil on Breaking the System Through Rock Music

    Creator Spotlight: Sigil on Breaking the System Through Rock Music

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Hi! I’m Sigil. I use they/them pronouns, and I’m a Virgo. I host rock music meetups for Nigerians who love the movement to break down oppressive systems. I’m pretty much interested in everything creative. I make digital art. I draw, paint and crochet. I basically don’t know where to quit. 

    Rock music meetups sound interesting, but what made you fall in love with rock in this way?

    Growing up, my brother had Greenday’s American Idiot and Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance on CD. I burnt them on my laptop and listened to them all the time. Eventually, I started collecting rock CDs. I’d go on YouTube and different podcasts for recommendations. If a band was interviewed and spoke about another band, I’d go listen. 

    How did you go from coming up with the idea of a meetup to actually hosting it?

    I’ve had the idea to start a queer rock scene in Nigeria for a while. And I knew hFACTOR was a good space for an event, since their venue was now smaller. I thought the appropriate type of event for that space was a listening party because it seemed easiest to put together.

    How did the planning go?

    I reached out to hFACTOR about two months ago. From then, I played out what I wanted to do in my mind, but it was a mad scramble within the last week of the event to actually make the calls that put everything together

    What did you have to do to execute it?

    I did a lot of research into music created by black people, queer people and women, and edited the playlist in a semi-chronological, semi-narrative fashion with some old Nollywood clips for humour sprinkled throughout. I knew I could use the speaker and projector in the space so people could discover the artists and music.

    How did you get people to attend?

    I pretty much just posted on mine and hFACTOR’s Instagram page.

    How old were you when you decided “rock music is my life now”? 

    I don’t know if it was a conscious decision, but those two albums I mentioned had a big influence on me and pushed me to find more albums. I was 13 back then. It’s why I decided, earlier in the year [2022], to create a space for people who like rock music to meet. More communities have been formed, but I thought to create one for queer people since those spaces aren’t always the safest. I wanted to be in a space with people who were disenfranchised but also politically engaged, could talk about, make and enjoy rock music together.

    Songs played at the event 

    How did it turn out?

    I thought it was really fun. I learnt a lot about dos and don’ts. Holding a physical meeting for the first time is always rough, so it was entirely expected. The people who showed up made it worthwhile, and I want this to become a small ecosystem of like minds. Everyone was open and interested in the music. 

    The enthusiasm to gather in great company was everything. It’ll be a regular thing. This first time, I did it because I had a bit of extra money, but going forward, I’d have to figure out the finances to make it work. Maybe I’d expand to selling some art and building a community of people who make art and grow together — a creative renaissance, in a way.

    You make that sound so good. Do you make music too?

    Right now, I’m just writing songs and figuring out how to record. I write alternative rock and pop; overt, sarcastic songs that make fun of things. Part of the reason I wanted to host the event was to mingle with people who make music. I didn’t get to do that, but I’m not too worried about it.

    That sounds like fun. What song, in particular, should we look out for when it’s released?

    I have a song without much of a title, but let’s call it “Moon Cycle”. It’s a bit controversial, and I have an insane video planned. I’m pretty excited for it to be released. I can’t wait to share it alongside the album. 

    Who would you recommend if you had to introduce someone to rock, and they aren’t into hearing white people sing?

    Cicada and The Thermometers. They show up in an afro rock and psychedelic compilation of songs called “The World Ends”,  made in Nigeria in the 70’s. Clay has one song that’s pop rock mixed with afrobeat, in terms of modern-day Nigerian artists. But hopefully, people will pay to go to her shows so she can produce more. If someone was into r&b, I’d recommend more fine rock music like Betty Davis, who influenced rap music. There’s also Meet Me At The Altar, a new pop punk band fuelled by ramen. 

    Who are your musical influences?

    Fall Out Boy, The Runaways and My Chemical Romance. I like Max Martin, who’s one of the greatest producers of all time. He made almost every hit of the ’90s and early 2000s. I like Fun and Paramore too. 

    There’s an ongoing theme of you liking bands. Ever been in one?

    No, but I want to. I think it’ll be so fun to work with other people. If anyone is queer, genderqueer or a good ally, I want to be in a band with you. I don’t play an instrument, but I sing and write. I’ve been writing since I was a teenager and I’m 27 now. 

    What would you name your band?

    I like the name “AJE”. It’s Yoruba for “witch”.

    Does rock influence your style, or something else?

    I was really into emo and scene fashion in secondary school. And I was influenced by how people dressed on Myspace; I only wear dark colours.

    Myspace? I just know you used to blog on Tumblr

    LOL. Yes, obviously.

    I knew it! What was your blog about, and do you still use it?

    Oh no. I stopped blogging there in 2017. I wasn’t even talking about music back then. I was just into fandoms of movies and TV shows I liked.

    What fandom were you in?

    Don’t judge me for my past mistakes, but I was in the supernatural fandom. I liked Sherlock and Doctor Who. I watched eight seasons of Supernatural, since everyone else was watching it, and was like, “Why the fuck am I watching this?” So I stopped. I kept waiting for something to happen, and it just didn’t. Nothing ever happened. 

    It took you eight seasons? You’re patient. What do you do when you’re not writing songs or organising events?

    I make beads and visual art to sell. I’m always trying new things out of beads and the planning takes a while. I also collect rocks and forage for them in my grandma’s garden. I’ve found 30 rocks so far.  I’m an outdoor person, but I don’t push my limits. Which is why I just forage at my grandma’s. 

    What do you think Nigerian creators could do in the rock/alternative scene?

    I think everyone is doing what they want to do creatively, and I admire that. I’ll say, though, that there’s a space that needs to be filled with rebellious and irreverent things, not just the status quo. Rock’s subject matter is taking down the system, and I like that there’s room for pop punk which I love. We need more songs that question the way things are. 

    What do you plan to do differently?

    Lyrically, I want to represent something that hasn’t been represented before, a narrative that’s unusual but breaks norms. I want visuals that might be upsetting to some but necessary to allow the next generation to understand that there’s no limit to how they can express themselves. 

    I’ve always been influenced by pop surrealism so I want to make art that inspires people to stand out. In terms of visuals, I make things that you could find both on Tumblr and adult swim. Think colorful, campy sci-fi soundtracked by multiple genres of rock music.

    What do you want the next couple of years to look like?

    I’d like to have a balance between the music I’m making and my visual art. I’d like to not only lift myself up with my music but have an ecosystem of people who are interested in the same thing — to create a movement to break the system, that lasts throughout the ages. 


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  • If Your Friend Is Doing Any of These 10 Things, They’re Going to Japa Without Telling You

    If Your Friend Is Doing Any of These 10 Things, They’re Going to Japa Without Telling You

    Friends may choose to japa without telling you, but here are ways you can find out about their plans. All you have to do is pay attention and see if they’re showing any of these ten signs. 

    Eating too much Nigerian food 

    Only people that know they won’t get to taste food from home will suddenly switch from duck prosciutto and alfredo pasta to amala and ewa agoyin. Or from medium rare steak to roadside suya. 

    Not eating enough Nigerian food 

    Because they’ve been eating Nigerian food all their lives, they need to prepare for what outside food will taste like. They’re suddenly interested in eating mac and cheese.

    RELATED: Even My Siblings Didn’t Know About My Japa Plans 

    Buying suitcases 

    No Nigerian wakes up one day and decides they want a new suitcase unless they want to travel. If your friend suddenly starts looking for new boxes to buy, japa plans are in order and they don’t plan on telling you. 

    Selling all their property 

    If your friend suddenly needs a buyer for a couch, television or mattress, they’re gathering money to buy these things in their new country.

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    Getting durable hairstyles 

    When your friend makes braids that can last up to three months or suddenly chooses the loc life, they’re going to a country they know haircare is expensive and they may not quickly see a proper hairdresser or barber. 

    Speaking with a new accent 

    If your friend suddenly starts speaking in a new accent, they’re practising for their real country and are starting now to adjust their tongue. 

    RELATED: Abroad Life: I Hid My Japa Plans From My Parents

    Converting to foreign currencies 

    If you say something is ₦30k and three suddenly start converting that amount to dollars or euros, they’re about to leave. Why else would someone turn to a currency converter overnight? 

    Sudden interest in the price of coats 

    Why will a Nigerian need a coat? Which version of our weather makes it necessary for anybody to own a coat? Even in harmattan, we used to have heat If they buy a coat, they’re planning to leave to places where people need them all the time. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Desperate Are You to Japa? 

    Making plans to hangout 

    They’re trying to make sure the last memories you have of them in Nigeria are good ones

    Not making plans to hangout

    They want you to miss them, that’s why they’re not making efforts to meet up. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Will You Japa?

  • Spice Up Your Friendship With These 7 Creative Hacks

    Spice Up Your Friendship With These 7 Creative Hacks

    Friendships, like all relationships, sometimes get boring over time. That’s why, once in a while, you need to do things to shake the friendship a lil bit and add somespice. 

    Season your friend 

    If it’s the spice you’re looking for, you’re gonna get it. By the time you pourenough thyme and curry on your friend, the friendship will have enough spice for ten people. 

    Blood covenant 

    First person to leave the friendship will fall down and die. If you do it like this, you’ll both be able to take anything life throws at you. 

    Sleep with them 

    What better way to spice up a friendship than by throwing a little sex into the midst, for that extra razzle dazzle? Now, you’re not just friends, you’re friends with benefits. 

    Become their step parent

    What’s better than friends? Family. That’s why becoming your friend’s step parent will definitely add a new dynamic to your friendship. Look at Alicent and Rhynaera; their friendship is definitely spicy now. 

    RELATED: The Most Annoying Characters on “House of Dragons”, Ranked

    Confess your love to them on their wedding day 

    They might hate you for all eternity, or you might just be saving them from the worst marriage of their life. Either way, your friendship will never be the same.  

    Get a job where they work 

    Because being friends is not just enough. You’ll be closer than ever and the office gossip will make even more sense. 

    Move in with them 

    Whether they like it or not, they’ll have found a new roommate. Rent is kuku expensive. 

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  • Notable Days We Think Should Become Public Holidays in Nigeria

    Notable Days We Think Should Become Public Holidays in Nigeria

    According to the Zikoko Bureau of Statistics, we have an average of 15 public holidays in a year. However, we’re not satisfied with that number that’s clearly too small. Here are some suggestions we have for notable days that can become public holidays. 

    The day Jollof rice  was invented 

    Jollof rice is a very integral part of our culture and tradition as Nigerians. It’s important we dedicate a day to simply enjoying and appreciating the greatness that is Nigerian Jollof. 

    Days that start with “T” 

    T sounds like tea. Tea means gossip. Every day that starts with T should be declared the National Day for Information Spread. People might call it amebo, but that’s their business. We need to stay informed as a people. 

    RELATED: Ethical Gossip Is Possible: Here’s How to Gossip in Good Conscience 

    Nigeria’s birthday

    Independence days shouldn’t be the only thing celebrated. The day Nigeria was created should also be a public holiday. For so long Nigeria hasn’t had a birthday party. We think that should change.  

    The day India played Nigeria 99-1 

    Everyone has heard the legend of how India scored 99 goals against Nigeria in the World Cup, and the Nigerian team did all they could to score the all-important one goal. The story embodies Nigerians tenacity and positive mentality in the face of adversity, and we think it should be further immortalised by public holiday. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: Do You Remember Nigerian Myths From Your Childhood?

    Everyday 

    As a Nigerian, you’ve suffered enough. Everyday should be a public holiday. No need for excuses. Let’s just rest. 

    President’s birthday 

    Depending on how well or how terribly they’ve done, we could either spend the public holiday throwing them a parade or throwing tomatoes at them. Either way, we’d be bonding as a country. 

    Public holidays in other African countries 

    How else will we boost African unity if we don’t celebrate one  another’s public holidays? 

    RELATED: QUIZ: Do You Know African Countries and Their Presidents?

  • Creator Spotlight: Zonna on Creating Sustainable Art Through Tuft

    Creator Spotlight: Zonna on Creating Sustainable Art Through Tuft

    Creator Spotlight is a weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it.


    Hi, I’m Zonna. I’m a creative director, content creator, Interior artist, and photographer sometimes. I create tufted wall and rug art.  I watch videos of puppies before I go to bed because it calms me and helps me sleep well. I can dance, but people think I can’t for some reason. 

    Wow, you do a lot. How did it all begin? Did you just start doing everything at once?

     I started fashion blogging in 2017 but stopped blogging around 2019 and focused on content creation. 

    I got into creative directing two years ago when my previous boss saw my Instagram page, liked what I was doing and asked me to be the creative director for his agency. Now, I have my own with my clients I work with and I don’t work at the agency anymore. 

    My interest in interior design is relatively new, and the comments I receive whenever people come to my house inspired it. They’d mention that my space was aesthetic and ask me to help them recreate it in theirs. Eventually, I decided to start a career creating furniture or anything you’d need for interior decorating.

    How do you find the time to pursue these many interests?

    I won’t lie, it’s tasking. I just organise everything I do so it doesn’t feel overwhelming. I have an account for my fashion influencing, one for my studio and another for my interior design. It helps me focus on each of them. I also have a journal where I plan out my day, so I don’t lose track. 

    It’s hard, but I’m passionate about these things, and when I like something, I give it my all and just get it done.

    Did you get professional discipline in any of these?

    No, I didn’t. Even with photography, I sit with my camera until I get what I want, I didn’t study photography professionally either. I studied marketing in school, and after school, I wanted to work in an ad agency, but fashion in all its forms took over my life, and I can never go back to that depressing corporate world. I had to work at an office once, and being in a confined space with office chairs made me depressed. It was my first day. 

    As a creative person, I enjoy my freedom. 

    So how did you get into tufting? Where does it come in with all your passions?

    That will be interior design. I make tufted rugs by myself from scratch.

    How did you even decide that it’s something you’d like to do? I’ve only ever seen it on TikTok

    Exactly, I saw a video randomly on Instagram, and it just looked so unique and exciting, so I watched thousands of YouTube videos and I was obsessed. I started searching for where I could get the equipment and materials too. I saw it as a unique addition to my interior brand because I can count the number of people in Nigeria that do what I do.

    It’s an untapped opportunity to have the first creator advantage because even the few people I know that tuft just use it to make traditional rugs. I make art. I’ve always admired artists, but I didn’t know how to paint or draw, so tufting was my opportunity to be an artist. I didn’t even think twice. For me, it’s not about making rugs. It’s touchable art that can be in an exhibition someday. 

    How easy was it to get the material you needed?

    Sourcing my materials was a struggle. Because very few people do it here, I only had one person I could ask for help or advice. But everything is fine now. 

    I like that you don’t second guess anything you want to do

    I don’t waste time. I’m staring at my tufting canvas because it’s just beside my bed since I don’t have a workshop yet. In the morning, I just shift my bed aside and start working. When I first got my tufting gun and just got fabric to practise, I was like, “What is this?” The gun is very heavy. Your hand will be weak, but I can tuft for hours straight now.

    What’s the longest time it has taken you to finish a rug

    Four days. I took time because I was feeling lazy. I haven’t had as many tasking design requests as I’d like yet. 

    So do you draw the pattern or just use a projector?

    Since I started, I’ve been drawing by myself, but then I realised that I’m not an artist, so I caved and got a projector. So far, the most unique thing I’ve done is a CD rug inspired by the work of an interior designer, Sean Brown. For the CD rug I started off using my hand, but I realised I needed to use a projector so it could be much neater. 

    So is it paying off? What’s been your most expensive and least expensive order? 

    Because it’s a business where you can customise anything. Prices differ based on the design, size and how detailed it is. So far, I’ve only made custom rugs. I haven’t made the actual art I want to do. I’m still treading slowly, and people are still trying to understand what I do but, it’s been a decent start. I plan to introduce more unique designs, so they just don’t think it’s customised rugs or mirrors.   

    What about the tuft mirrors? Ever broken any?

    I haven’t. The challenge with the mirror tuft is that I don’t have enough equipment to carve hardwood yet, so I use ply boards and use scissors to cut it. The wood is just supposed to back it up, so it works. To be honest, the mirror is easier to make since it takes up all the space, but rugs sometimes have complicated designs and can be more challenging. 

    What’s your favourite design so far?

    The CD rug for sure, but I also have this “Stay weird” wall hanging art, and I love the colour plus, it was freehanded and look how good it came out!

    Speaking of the CD rug, are you a big Michael Jackson fan? 

    I am obsessed. I listen to MJ every day. My YouTube is just full of him. 

    It’s cool that he inspired that rug. Who inspires everything you do?

    The answer is me. I was trying not to be proud. I never need a push to do anything. I go for everything I want. I inspire myself. 

    Bold, I love it! What do you do when you’re not busy creating art?

    I love watching movies. I’m a big movie person, and it helps me zone out. I’m obsessed with horror movies, and they make me laugh. It’s not real, so it‘s hard to take it serious. I like mystery and suspense, and horror movies always have that. 

    What goes in your head when you’re creating content outside? Do you get shy?

    I don’t. It doesn’t bother me. I’m very shameless when I need to create content. When you can tell that you’re about to create magic, you have to drop your shame. Just try not to care about who is watching you and take advantage of those precious moments. 

    As someone that gets shy taking pictures or documenting memories, I need your tips for more confidence

    For me, I don’t care; I just do what I have to do. If I had to give someone advice, I’d say no one is really looking at you. Just pretend they are admiring you, and you’ll get all the confidence you need. 

    Do you have a favourite career moment so far?

    No, I don’t. But, I’m proud of myself for what I’m currently doing. I do so much at once, and I’m happy with how much I’ve improved my skills. I take myself seriously and always follow through when I set my heart on a project. I don’t have a favourite career moment yet, but I hope I get it soon.

    Where do you not want to be in the next five years?

    I don’t want to send email pitches about my work. I want to be requested. It’s normal to always sell yourself in life, but I don’t want to keep introducing myself. I want to be big enough by then. I’m doing what I can to ensure that happens—seizing opportunities and doing more than my best. 

    READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Sandra Discusses Using K-drama to Help Navigate Her Feelings

  • How to Successfully Teleport the Food From Your Dream to Real Life

    How to Successfully Teleport the Food From Your Dream to Real Life

    So, you just got paid. But it’s been three days, your account is back to factory settings and you constantly find yourself dreaming about food. 

    You looking at all the debits coming in without conscience

    As if you’re not someone’s precious child.  

    Now you’ve kept money aside for rent, data and transport but no money for food

    Fear not, Zikoko to the rescue. What is better than spaghetti Bolognese in real life? Spaghetti Bolognese in your dreams.

    The first thing you need to do is learn how to manifest 

    The same mind that imagined that perfect smelling jollof rice can manifest it into existence. If you learnt nothing from the astrology girlies, learn this. 

    Kidnap the witch giving you the dream food 

    Not everyone’s mind is strong enough, but if you can imprison the food creator you’ll never run out of food. And then they won’t even be able to use your destiny.

    The witch might try putting up a fight, so be ready to negotiate

    If you can’t beat them, join them, innit? You don’t even have to quit your day job since they move at night. When they share their monthly flour for puff-puff and sweets to sell to children, just keep yours and start a provision store.

    The only problem is that the food is cursed, and people may start disappearing

    But as a sharp-thinking Nigerian, every problem is an opportunity to make money. You now have free dream food, and you can return those people to their families for a price. Innovate, expatiate, activate. 

    Now, you have enough money to buy plenty anointing oil to bless the food 

    Don’t forget the mission. It’s the dream food we are here for, after all. Get that pastor to bless as many anointing oils to sprinkle on the now blessed spirit amala and ewedu with ten pieces of ogunfe. 

    Rinse and repeat for the rest of your life 

    And if you’re wondering how you’ll leave the coven when you get tired, this is just supposed to help you teleport the food from your dream, so you’re on your own. Please don’t disturb me. 

    You’re welcome!

    READ ALSO: 6 Ways To Become A Millionaire Overnight

  • Interview With National Grid: “Better Buy Plenty Fuel, You’ll Need It”

    Interview With National Grid: “Better Buy Plenty Fuel, You’ll Need It”

    Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

    Zikoko walks into the ICU. National Grid is on the bed, hooked up to various machines. Nurses are walking in and out, connecting inverters and setting up oil IVs. A nurse tells Zikoko to sit down. 

    Zikoko: Sorry, when I was told to come for the interview, I didn’t know he’d be in the hospital. 

    Nurse: Yes, we hoped he’d be stable by this time, but his blood pressure suddenly spiked. 

    Zikoko: Do you think I should leave? I can come back later when he’s feeling better.

    Nurse: No, stay. He really wants to do this interview. When I informed him he needed rest, he threatened to make our hospital the only building without light. He just needs a little rest, and he’d be back up in no time. Just try not to stress him too much. I don’t want stress. 

    Zikoko: I’ll try my best. 

    Nurse: Okay then, we’d be leaving you here. *points to a red button by the bed* That button there leads straight to the nurses’ room. Please press the bell and let us know if you notice any unusual behaviour. 

    Zikoko: Absolutely. No problem.

    (Nurse leaves and Zikoko starts to binge YouTube videos while waiting for the National Grid to wake up)

    Two and a half hours later

    National Grid: W… w-water.

    Zikoko: (Rushes to give NG a glass of water) Are you okay? Need anything else?

    National Grid: You don’t look like the nurse.

    Zikoko: The only thing I nurse is heartbreaks, sis. My name is Zikoko. You said you wanted an interview and then gave me this address. I wouldn’t have agreed to come if I knew you were in intensive care. 

    National Grid: I had a feeling. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t tell you. 

    Zikoko: Hmm. What’s so important that you made me come to interview you in a hospital? 

    National Grid: Well, you are known for giving a voice to the voiceless. I have read your interview with Twitter, Nigeria’s Coat of Arms and the Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge. I know you have what it takes to tell my story. 

    Zikoko: Thank you for trusting us.

    National Grid: Thank you for coming to an unknown address without asking questions but what if I was a kidnapper?

    Zikoko: You’d have returned me back o. Do you want to buy market? 

    National Grid: Why am I not surpised? 

    Zikoko: Let’s be asking the right questions. I promised the nurse I’ll try not to stress you. Tell me why I’m here. 

    National Grid: I wish my bosses were as kind as you. Maybe if they were, I wouldn’t have as many problems as I currently have. Do you know that I’m growing grey hair already? I’m not old enough to have grey hair. 

    Zikoko: How old are you, let’s check.

    National Grid: Honestly, that’s not the point. Zikoko, I’m overworked like a Nigerian man named Kunle on the way to his fifth girlfriend in the week. But at least Kunle is enjoying something. What do I have? 

    Zikoko: Clearly not enough girlfriends.

    National Grid: (disappointed sigh) My job is to provide electricity for the nation. Since you’ve been alive, when have you had 24 hours of light? Yes, it’s a rhetorical question. There’s no light. Do you know what it’s like to be created with a purpose but be unable to actually fulfil it. My life’s dream is to have enough light to power a nation, but I can’t. I’m a failure! 

    Zikoko: So when Pheelz said electricity, vibes on a frequency, that was your sub?

    National Grid;  I thought you were nice…

    Zikoko: Sorry.

    National Grid: How am I supposed to show my face amongst my peers? My employers just keep demanding I work. They don’t care about my mental or physical state. The day before my last collapse, do you know I had not eaten? I even trekked to work that day because I didn’t have money for bus. 

    Zikoko: Sorry. Is that why you’ve been collapsing lately? Hunger? 

    National Grid: Yes! This is more than a 9-5 for me. It’s my whole life. It’s all I’ve known and all I’ll know, but I can’t keep trying to sustain based on what we currently have. If you try to provide electricity for about 200 million people, won’t you collapse? 

    Zikoko: I definitely will frequently be on vibes.

    National Grid: Zikoko… 

    Zikoko: Sorry…

    National Grid: High blood pressure, anxiety, depression, high cholesterol, diabetes and arthritis. Those are all the sicknesses I’ve been diagnosed with. I can barely do any work without collapsing. 

    Zikoko: With all due respect sir, you’re a machine

    National Grid: *starts vibrating offendedly* Even machines fail sometimes. This is Nigeria. 

    Zikoko: Don’t be angry. Have you tried telling your boss to hire assistants for you? Maybe go on leave? 

    National Grid: You, when last did you go on leave? 

    Zikoko: There’s no need for all this.

    National Grid: Why are you acting like you don’t know the kind of people my bosses are? I’ve been begging them for years. They mentioned hiring someone called Kanji Dam, but I haven’t seen nkankan. Where is she? One day I’ll collapse and won’t be able to wake up. I wonder what they’ll do then.

    Zikoko: Not wake up ke? We will suffer.

    National Grid: That’s actually not my problem. It’s not like there’s light when I’m not in the hospital. You’re used to the darkness. 

    Zikoko: But still. What is a country without its National Grid? 

    National Grid: I don’t know, but I’d be dead. So I won’t be able to find out. 

    Zikoko: So you brought me here to warn me about your death? Am I a lawyer? Shouldn’t you be drafting a will?

    National Grid: A lawyer means only my family will know. They might be planning to coverup my death. I brought you here to tell you that I don’t think I have much time left. I don’t want to die, but I’m prepared if it happens. 

    Zikoko: It’s giving the last supper.

    National Grid: Zikoko, I’m sick. Just make sure you go far and wide. Spread word of my physical state!. Tell them I will probably collapse a couple more times, so they better buy plenty of fuel. 

    Zikoko: Omo.

    Nurse walks in

    Nurse: Just here to check his vitals and make sure he’s doing okay.

    After vitals are done, National Grid falls asleep. Zikoko is left with the nurse

    Zikoko: Tell me, honestly, will he be able to make it? 

    Nurse: He’s stronger than he looks, but old age and stress are really telling on him. 

    Zikoko: Omo.

    Nurse: Let’s hope when he gets discharged, I wouldn’t have to see him here.

    READ ALSO: Interview With Vibrator: ”Please Go Outside and Touch Grass”

  • Creator Spotlight: Sandra Discusses Using K-drama to Help Navigate Her Feelings

    Creator Spotlight: Sandra Discusses Using K-drama to Help Navigate Her Feelings

    Creator Spotlight is a fun weekly series celebrating young Nigerians in the creative industry doing unique things. Everyone has a story, and Zikoko wants to tell it. 


    Today’s subject is a podcaster who, after graduating from university and frustrated with everything, decided to navigate her feelings and struggles through the lens of K-drama. 


    Hi, I’m Sandra. I love and enjoy watching K-dramas, listening to K-pop, and spending all my time crushing On BTS members. People who see me outside won’t know that I’m constantly blasting K-pop on the highest volume while singing and dancing like I’m in a concert inside my room. 

    I mean, if BTS would just come here, you wouldn’t have to do that

    Exactly! I have to keep giving myself my concert, please.

    So, you’re an ARMY, right?

    Of course, I am. My bias is Taehyung. He was the first person I saw when I decided to get into BTS’s music. My bias wrecker is J-Hope. At first, I used to just listen to K-drama OST, but after I got into BTS, I couldn’t stan any other group. I listen to SEVENTEEN and The Rose, but it’s not the same.

    Her favorite picture of Taehyung

    The Rose? That’s good taste. What was the K-drama that made you obsessed?

    My first ever K-drama was City Hunter. The story behind it is even ridiculous. I was in SS1 and staying with my cousin and grandma. I saw a movie called Spartacus lying around the house and started watching it. My cousin caught me watching Spartacus and he scolded me. Then he gave me the City Hunter DVD to watch instead. The first scene was filled with older men and a woman giving birth, and then the next thing they showed Lee Min Ho, and I was sold. I’d never heard of Korea or the language before then. I started watching all of Lee Min Ho’s films and never returned. 

    Screaming! I loved that movie too, but I’d love to see the actor play more mature roles. He did a great job with Pachinko.

    What did he do? I want to defend him so bad. He did try with Pachinko. It was a different character from what I was used to seeing him act; maybe that’s why I didn’t even enjoy it. Some actors are talented enough to play different roles, but some have that one role where they’d always shine. Lee Min Ho shines when he plays that romantic drama lead. Drag him, but he’s still my fave. 

    Her favorite picture of Lee Min Ho

     Gotcha. Where did the depression that made you start a podcast come from?

    To be fair, I started my podcast this year. My plans crumbled. I thought I could just go back to school for my master’s program, and from there, I’d figure out what to do with my life. But that didn’t work, so my dad started suggesting that I follow him to his shop. I don’t even blame him because I’d do the same in his position. 

    I don’t even know if it’s depression. I’d feel down today and better the next day, and starting my podcast helped me understand how I was feeling.

    What happened next?

    I saw someone on Instagram talk about her podcast journey, and I’d just watched this K-drama called Today’s Webtoon. The main character’s dad was helping her make big decisions in her life, unwilling to listen to what she wanted, and I could relate to that struggle. I decided that talking about those feelings in relation to K-drama would be my thing. I started listening to other people’s podcasts to get a feel of what I wanted mine to sound like. 

    So, your plan for your podcast was to help people feel seen?

    Yes, but not just for other people. I do it for myself first. I was in a K-drama slump last week, which was odd because I watch K-drama every day. It might seem silly, but people struggle with that and me talking about it might make someone out there feel seen. And for me, when I talk about my struggles, I feel relieved and lighter. I remember when I was listening to other people’s podcasts and kept going, “Wow, I’ve been in that same situation, and this is how I felt too.” I wanted to recreate that. 

    Do you use special types of equipment, and where do you record?

    For now, I use my phone, close my door, lie on my bed and talk. There’s nothing special that I use right now. 

    At first, I thought I had to get professional gear to record my podcast, but my sister just told me to download the anchor app, and that was it. I type my script— it’s more of an outline —  on my second phone. 

    With editing, sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing, but I keep trying until I get it right. 

    Why did it specifically have to be about K-drama?

    I kept getting ideas when I watched K-dramas, so it made sense. Around the same time Alchemy of Souls was airing, I made a link and asked people to share their thoughts in a voice recording. I won’t lie; I wasn’t expecting people to answer me, but they did, especially people from TikTok, so I made that my first ever episode. 

    I made so many mistakes, I paused a lot, and it felt unnatural, and I wanted it to flow. Now I record without pausing, anything that happens happens. I mean, I was listening to a podcast where the host farted and kept going. I wouldn’t do that, I think, but that’s me. I want that easy flow to be there. Plus, I don’t have a life outside K-drama, so that’s that.

    To be honest, K-drama is enough life.

    Hahaha. Exactly! It’s enough. There’s so much to watch and enjoy.

    How do you get over the sound of your voice?

    I’m a very shy person, but when I’m recording, it’s a different situation entirely. I kind of like listening to myself talk now.

    What’s the best thing that has happened to you since you started your podcast?

    Someone once commented on my TikTok page about how much she loved my podcast. She said it helped her get through the night.  

    I finally felt like I was doing something good. I also posted the link to a random episode on my WhatsApp status, not expecting my friends to click, and a friend texted me and said I mentioned some books in my last episode and she’d like to read them. I was so excited that she listened. 

    Do you think you’ll still be talking about K-dramas in the next five years?

    I don’t know where I’d be, but I’ll always watch K-drama. My kids and husband will watch it with me, and I’ll create content about things I love that resonates with me in the K-world. Maybe by then, I’d have even attended a concert. 

    Right now, I’m not focusing on blowing or getting many followers. I want to build a great community and take it one step at a time. So I can’t say what the next five years will look like. I’ll work on any opportunity that comes my way but only if I enjoy it. I have to enjoy what I’m doing. 

    I hope you get to do all that. Can you recommend the best K-dramas you’ve seen? 

    If you don’t see any K-drama, you must watch Alchemy of Souls because it’s such great storytelling. Then there’s Our Beloved Summer; that drama is perfect. Another one I like is Today’s Webtoon. It’s slow-paced and so good. Then an old-ish one is Mr Queen. Don’t be like me, watch it early, also Master of the Mask no it’s incredible. Then finally, The Heirs, I watch it every year, and it still makes me cry even though I know how it ends. K-drama directors are trying, so you too, try to enjoy these dramas. 

    READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Meet Shelah, the Gordon Ramsay of Book Reviews

  • Bisexuals, Do These 7 Things When You Feel Invisible

    Bisexuals, Do These 7 Things When You Feel Invisible

    We understand how sad it must feel to live your truth outside of bisexual visibility day. Especially when you feel like your identity isn’t valid and you don’t see enough bisexual representation in mainstream media. 

    That’s why we’ve come up with seven simple ways to feel less invisible as a bisexual person.

    Walk anywhere and take whatever you like

    I mean, you’re already invisible so do crime. How will they see you to catch? Walk into that store you’ve been eyeing for months and pick whatever you like. In fact, go to an amala joint and just dish whatever you like, eat and don’t pay. You’re basically untouchable at this point.


    RELATED: 7 Bisexual Nigerians Talk Sleeping With Men & Women


    Walk up to random people and shout, “It’s just a phase.”

    I strongly suggest you make use of a megaphone so it’s more effective. Since everybody thinks it’s okay to tell you how to identify, they should be okay hearing it back too. If you like, set a reminder to send this to random group chats daily. Anything to get the message across. They already think you’re bisexual for attention anyway.

    Wear the flag everywhere

    It’s a beautiful flag, so buy many yards to sew as many clothes as possible. It’ll call attention to you, and maybe you’ll be more visible. It’ll also make Tunde from bumble stop saying stupid shit like, “Wow, I’ve never met a bisexual in my life”, before proceeding to ask for a threesome. 

    phot credit: redbubble.com

    Choose yourself

    Since everyone’s favourite pastime is to tell you to pick a side, don’t let them know your next move. Choose yourself instead. As a bisexual person, your dating pool is instantly smaller because queer women think you’d cheat, and the men just want threesomes. Spare yourself all that and date yourself. It can’t get more self-love than that. 

    Watch music videos that were your bisexual awakening

    Like everyone else, there must be one or ten music videos that were your queer awakening. Whether it’s all of Beyonce’s music videos or that one song with Hayley Kiyoko and Kehlani, it’s hard to feel invisible when you’re watching things that make you feel seen.

    Take a quiz

    You know nothing makes you feel better than a good “How bisexual are you quiz”. Maybe you’ll finally figure it out, or probably not. Because your attraction to both genders might not be equal, and that’s okay. 

    Watch your favourite shows

    I know you watch it for the plot and amazing OST, and not for the two very different characters you have a crush on. When you feel the most invisible, you can always find comfort in romanticising a life where you’re married to both your celebrity crushes. 


    READ ALSO: Sex Life: Awakening My Bisexuality At 27

  • Before You Date a Bad Bitch, You Should Be Aware of These 8 Things

    Before You Date a Bad Bitch, You Should Be Aware of These 8 Things

    Being a bad bitch is difficult enough, but dating one? You need grace, strength and willpower. Another thing you need is this list, in which we break down eight extremely important things you need to know before you date a bad bitch. 

    Avoid her comments section

    If you don’t heed our advice, you might not be able to eat properly for the next couple of days. It’s not because she’s flirting or anything, but the amount of people openly saying they don’t care if she’s in a relationship? It’s enough to instil the fear of God into your heart. If you weren’t someone who prayed before, better start now. 

    Remind yourself she chose you 

    Out of all the other people throwing themselves at her, you’re who she calls home. You’ve seen her at her worst, so be calm. If you feel anyhow, beat your chest three times and dust it off. 

    Believe in your sauce

    You can’t be with a bad bitch if you have low self-esteem. People will try to disrespect you to her face or belittle you. Sure, she shuts it down immediately, but new people will try again. You need to believe you’re also the prize. Their dads. 

    Learn photography

    One thing about a bad bitch is she’ll look hot 24/7, and she has to document her beauty. Sure, your relationship should be built on love and trust, but your ability to take fire pictures could make or mar your relationship. Better go and enrol in photography school. 

    RELATED: 16 Signs You’re Not the Bad Bitch You Think You Are

    Jealousy is fine

    It’s alright to be jealous because of the calibre of people moving to her, but what matters is how you behave. Don’t go and do anything stupid before you lose your bad bitch, because you may never recover. 

    Make money

    She might not ask, but the urge to spend on her increases every single time you look at her face. You think being a bad bitch is cheap? It’s not, and your pockets will suffer. 

    She needs time with the girls

    Every bad bitch needs to recharge with her girls. It’s where they top up their bad bitchery. There might be a lot of alcohol and drunk texts of her telling you how she wants to tear your clothes, but don’t worry, she’d probably fall asleep in an hour. 

    Embrace her weirdness 

    All bad bitches have a very weird trait you’d see once you’re close to them. Either their stomach behaves like an opp 23/6 or they eat weird food combinations. Whatever the behaviour, just prepare for high levels of exposure to it. You think dating a bad bitch is easy? 

    People will spend double your salary on her in a day 

    One thing bad bitches attract is people with money. So don’t be surprised if there are people spending your one-month salary on her head. Look at it this way, it helps you save your own for other things. Plus, anything they buy for her is technically for both of you. Yes, even her Dior bag. Better borrow it.

    RELATED: 8 Sure Ways to Become a Certified Bad Bitch

  • The Zikoko Guide to Becoming a Baller 

    The Zikoko Guide to Becoming a Baller 

    Apparently, everyone wants to be a baller and not a mechanic. I’m here to tell you how you can do that. But first, I need people to understand mechanics are actually ballers. Especially during the rainy season when the floods destroy people’s cars. They’re eating good. Hmmm, maybe I do want to be a mechanic? 

    Anyway, since it’s just a baller you want to be, here’s what you need to do: 

    Beg your village people 

    You may be destined to be a baller, but your village people are holding you back. You must travel to the village to appease them so they can set you free. Only then can your true calling be fulfilled. 

    Become a wedding vendor 

    Wedding vendors enjoy life the most. Makeup artists charge ₦250k for bridal makeup, and you think they’re not balling? Do you know the number of people that get married throughout the year? Whether it’s the DJ or baker… as long as they provide services for weddings, they’re ballers. This is your secret. 

    Date or be a Nigerian woman 

    Nigerian women have money, let me just tell you. They’re the real ballers. If they tell you they don’t have money, they’re lying. If you’re not a Nigerian woman, then date one. 

    RELATED: Dear Men, Here’s How to Start Billing Nigerian Women

    Get a glucose guardian 

    It’s not your daily 9-5 salary that’ll make you a baller, let’s not lie. The way for you to enjoy life properly is to get a sugar daddy who doesn’t have anything to do with their money. The type who’ll send you to the Maldives when you complain about stress. 

    Become a footballer 

    Footballers are literal ballers. They kick around a ball on the pitch and get paid a lot of money for it. They’re balling on and off the pitch. 

    Be born to generational wealth 

    Yes, you need to be born again. I don’t know how that’ll happen; you decide which way you want to go back. But when you meet the angel who assigns people to families, make sure you find a way for them to put you with a family with generational wealth. If that doesn’t work, an easier way is to find a family yourself and beg them to adopt you. Or you can marry into the family.

    Become a tech bro 

    Everybody knows tech bros are balling hard. Just become one of them, and you’re good to go, as long as you understand UI/UK and snake programming language. We don’t know how long it’ll take for your balling money to come sha o. 

    Behave like a baller 

    What’s that thing people like to do again? Fake it till they make it, exactly. That’s what you need to do. If you act like whatever your definition of a baller is, you’ll become one before you know it. 

    Become a Nigerian politician 

    Our politicians are the ogas of the ballers sef. How many ballers have over ten cars like our dear Senator Dino Melaye? You can become a Nigerian politician and ball without even stealing money. 

    Become a mechanic 

    With the kind of roads we have in Nigeria, mechanics are actually the ones balling. As you read this, I’m sure someone somewhere has just called their mechanic to complain about their carburetor. 


    ALSO READ: 5 Ways To Increase Your Chances Of Enjoyment In Life

  • Creator Spotlight: Meet Shelah, the Gordon Ramsay of Book Reviews

    Creator Spotlight: Meet Shelah, the Gordon Ramsay of Book Reviews

    Hi, I’m Shelah Jegede, a 25-year-old bookstagrammer who writes book reviews.

    I like rock music. I read a lot and work at a bookstore as a buyer/procurer. For fun, I watch anime. I don’t really think I’m interesting.

    What’s your favourite anime?

    One Piece!

    See, I don’t know why I asked. Your Twitter name is “Luffy’s wife”

    Laughs*  Yeah, that’s my favourite anime.

    So, you’re a bookstagrammer. How did that happen?

    I have a friend, Uche, who ran a bookstagram account two years ago. I read a lot, and I’d tell him how good I think a particular book is, so he asked me to open one too. I was so confused about what a bookstagram account was. He showed me his page, and I saw that the people he was following and his followers were all book accounts. I opened mine in 2020. 

    What’s it like to be a bookstagrammer?

    You get to meet many people and work in the book industry. It’s always funny to hear people say, “Nigerians don’t read,” because working in the book industry has shown me that’s a lie. The sales we make daily at the bookstore where I work, selling only books, show that a lot of Nigerians read. I’ve seen someone walk into the store and buy ₦100k worth of books just like that. Not for a library or charity, just for themselves. 

    Have you always been a big reader?

    Yes, I’ve been a big reader since I was a child. I always make sure to read 100 pages every day. 

    What types of books did you read as a child? 

    When I started reading, I didn’t read children’s books. I was reading thrillers and horror when I was like seven.

    So like Goosebumps? Please say Goosebumps

    Yes, I read those, but I started with the gory ones. It got to a point where my mum started burning my books when she noticed I was buying and reading stuff like that.

    Do you think those books had any influence on you?

    Well, I’m goth. I’ve always been into dark stuff like rock music and horror. I used to take pictures at home dressed as a goth, but I no longer have time for that. I also have a lot of tattoos, and people are always surprised by them. It’s just what I am and what I’ve always been. I can’t go full goth to work, but I always wear black. When people ask if I’m mourning someone, I just explain that I’m goth and can’t express myself how I’d like. 

    And you said you’re not interesting. If you could live in a fictional universe, what would it be?

    I wouldn’t survive but the universe of Six of Crows. You can only survive if you have money. Actually, even money can’t save you. Tbh a better option would be One Piece. I’d like to chill with Luffy and the gang. 

    How many books do you own?

    I own a lot of books. I started to run out of shelf space, so now, they live in boxes. They should be up to 300.

    What! How do you handle rodents? 

    I don’t have rodent issues. They don’t disturb my books.

    How can you afford that? Are you laundering money?

    Laughs* I’ve been buying books since I can’t remember. Plus the old ones and the ones I’ve been given. If I have a book I don’t like, I read and sell or give it out. 

    Does working at a bookstore get you discounts?

    Yes, I get discounts. I also get proof copies. Also, one advantage of running a bookstagram account is authors and publishers will reach out to you for book reviews. I don’t review books for self published authors in Nigeria anymore because they don’t take criticism well. They also like to pay, and I don’t like getting paid so I don’t feel obligated to write a nice review. If your book is horrible, I’ll say it’s horrible, and I don’t want money to tie me down. 

    Ever had issues because of a bad review you wrote?

    Yes, two of them. I didn’t even give bad reviews. I have a reputation on Instagram as the Gordon Ramsey of books because I’m always honest. The  first author sent me a review copy, and the book was awful. I had to force myself to finish. When I was done, I took a picture and said, “For reasons known to me, I will not be reviewing this book”, and she blocked me. What if I had reviewed the book instead? 

    The second author  wrote about queer people condescendingly, and it had nothing to do with the plot. It was even Christian fiction. I had to call it out. Then she wrote a blog post saying how she was not homophobic. I told her to write her Christian fiction and go away, abeg. 

    How do you get to review books from non-Nigerians?

    You reach out to the publishers, not the authors, and tell them what you do. Share your handle and where you’d be reviewing it. Some of them will air your message because, who are you? And there is this bias they have towards African book reviewers. During COVID, they told me that because of the pandemic, they couldn’t send books out, but they sent them to other non-Africans. It’s just luck. Most times, I just buy the book. 

    What are some other struggles you face as a bookstagrammer? 

    Sometimes, it can be overwhelming when other bookstagrammers are reading a so many books. I feel pressured to do the same. There’s also the pressure of taking nice pictures. Sometimes, I take breaks from posting so I don’t feel pressured and can just enjoy my book. Another thing is there’s always the pressure to read popular books. People ignore you when you’re talking about the non-popular ones, except you already have a following.

    How did you become the Gordon Ramsey of book reviews?

    There are these popular books people on TikTok always say are interesting, but when you read them, it’ll be the worst thing you’ve ever read. No plot, just heterosexual sex. I started doing this thing where I review those specific books, dissect and tell people how trash it is. 

    There was a time when I said many writers on TikTok don’t know how to write romance. They’d write sexual connections and sell them as romantic, and people started agreeing with me. I like romance but let it be well written. I’m just tired of the heteronormative rubbish in romance. If it’s good, I won’t say it’s bad. I thought people would unfollow me for these opinions, but it turns out they like them.  

    Which romantic books do you consider well-written?

    I’ll say She Gets the Girl, the Heartstopper series. I don’t read a lot of romance; fantasy is my favourite genre. Six of Crows is fantasy, but some of the characters were in love and had good relationships. The Song of Achilles is also good, and finally, Seven Days in June

    Her favourite books right now

    Which do you prefer, hard copies or ebooks?

    Definitely hard copies. I don’t enjoy reading on my phone; it’s very distracting. 

    Book pet peeve?

    Unremovable stickers and annotating books. I can’t stand it. Just get a jotter or something. It’s like defacing a beautiful white wall. Why would you do that? Get sticky notes, don’t just write on the book nau.

    No. Let’s fight because I annotate. Let me guess, you don’t lend people your books, right?

    Let’s not fight, please. I don’t borrow people my books oh. I’d rather buy you a copy. I had this book titled Knots and Crosses, a series about an alternate universe where white people are oppressed. I borrowed this boy, but he didn’t tell me he was travelling. I didn’t see him for a week so I visited and his Grandma said he’d travelled. With my book! I bought a new one, but never again. 

    What’s your favourite and least favourite thing about being a bookstagrammer?

    Just discussing books with people is what I love most about it. I love when I post about a book I’m reading, people reply, and we have the most interesting conversation. I don’t like the arguments and when people are snobbish with books that aren’t even good. 

    D’you think you’ll still be talking about books in the next five years?

    Way more even. I’ll still be reading and reviewing books. That can never change. I’m thinking of starting a sapphic book club. The idea is nice, but I’m not an extrovert and gathering people together is hard. It’ll be monthly, for people who are just starting to read and want something fluffy. No pressure to read whatever we’d be reading monthly. 

    What’s your favourite quote about books?

    A book is a gift you can open over and over again. I don’t know who said it. 

    READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Itohan Uses Her Love for Amebo to Document Stories

  • Everything That Happens When You Watch Anime Illegally

    Everything That Happens When You Watch Anime Illegally

    Disclaimer: We do not support piracy

    As an anime fan, people will never truly understand the pains and struggles you face to find the perfect place to watch anime. But I get it. 

    Here’s everything that happens when you watch anime illegally.

    When it’s English-dubbed, even though it’s labelled “English-subbed”

    You don’t know heartbreak until this nonsense happens to you. You’ll finally find the anime you’ve been looking for, it’s clear and you’ve passed through all the pop-up ads. Only for the theme song to finish playing, and the most Asian-looking face starts speaking the worst American accent. It’s to go and sleep. One day for the thief, innit?


    RELATED: QUIZ: Plan the Perfect Weekend and We’ll Suggest the Best Anime for You


    It somehow always chooses the worst scenes to hang

    We don’t talk enough about how anime disgraces us. If I had a dollar for every time I had to explain to someone that nothing weird was happening in whatever anime I was watching, it just stalled at an odd-looking scene, I would have enough to pay to watch anime legally. I need a support group, please. I’m sick of defending myself.

    The fake invites from milfs to “come over”

    Sometimes, I wonder if people actually click those links. Like, ma’am, I’m a focused person, please. I came here to watch animated characters shout out their attacks so their opponents can win easily. I’m not here to find love. 

    Only finding the chibi version of the anime 

    One day, this will be my 13th reason. I can’t count how many chibi versions of anime I saw when I first started watching anime. I have nothing against chibi anime oh, just give me the one I asked for first, and then, maybe I’ll come back for this version when I’m bored. I can never unsee the chibi version of Dazia from Bungo Stray Dogs trying to commit Suicide. 

    When you can’t find the anime is on the site because they didn’t use the English title

    Sometimes, I wonder if this anime obsession is worth all the suffering I go through to watch something that’ll probably break my heart. Who randomly knows how to spell Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo! in a hurry? If you do, this is not a safe space for you, please. 

    The “You can’t last 10 seconds in this game”

    Okay, but did I come to your site to play one yeye game? I came to watch anime, so why are you asking me to put my card details? Also, why do they think we won’t last? Do they know our capabilities? How do you come to that conclusion on a site where people watch hundreds of episodes of a show at a go? Mtceww, unserious people.

    When you finally find the anime, and there’s no subtitle

    It’s shit like this that makes most anime fans learn Japanese. If this hasn’t happened to you at least twice, how does it feel to be God’s favourite? This is the final boss and where I usually give up because anime will not kill me for my mother, abeg. Nonsense and rubbish. 

    Let me just come and be going

    READ ALSO: I Observed an Anime Group Chat for Two Days. Here’s How It Went

  • POV: You’re the Girlfriend of Someone Who Parties For a Living

    POV: You’re the Girlfriend of Someone Who Parties For a Living

    Chiby is popular for his parties. Most especially the ones he hosts every weekend at SOUTH and Hard Rock Cafe as a side hustle to his 9-5. And if you know him, you know his girlfriend, Naomi, who’s always with him at these parties. 

    We interviewed her about life as the girlfriend of someone whose job is to party every night, and how it’s not always as fun as it sounds. 

    What do you do for a living? 

    I work in finance as a treasury associate for a startup. I’m in accounts payable; I do everything payments related.

    When was the first time you and Chiby partied together? 

    The first time was at SOUTH about three years ago; his friend was throwing a party there. At the time, he was just a friend I was getting to know. I had a lot of fun with him that night, so I went to the next party he was hosting, where he confessed his feelings for me. We ended up making out the entire night. 

    The entire gist is in their love life interview: Love Life: The Day We Started Dating Is the Day I Stopped Smoking

    How has your life changed since you became the girlfriend of a nightlife party promoter?

    My life went from zero to a hundred very fast. I’m an extremely shy ambivert. Before Chiby, I could be home all day and not leave my room; I’d only go out to party occasionally. Once I started dating Chiby, I was everywhere. 

    He knows many people and gets invites to many places, and he’d always get a plus one because of me. At first, it was a lot because I went from being home almost all the time to going out nearly every night.

    I used to have severe anxiety because Chiby and I would walk into a room, and many people would say hello to him. I would just stay beside him, trying to hide. I’d always have to drink before we went out, to ease up. I also had to go out of my comfort zone to be friendly, to avoid coming off as a snob because people had mentioned that. Meanwhile, I was just extremely shy.

    Chiby was aware of my anxiety and always looked out for me. He’d make me feel comfortable at the venue; he’d get me food and drinks while I never even had to lift a finger. He’d also introduce me to everyone who knew him, including the staff. Just so they knew who I was too. He really tried to make it easier for me. 

    So do you just attend the parties and dance all night long?

    I actually do more than that. I’m Chiby’s unofficial manager. Everything he has to do, he runs by me, and I assist him. I help him make sure the flyers have no mistakes and everything at the party venue is good to go. I let him know if there’s a problem with the lighting or AC or anything. 

    During the party, I’m behind the scenes working. I’m looking out for each table and what they need, ensuring the staff are doing their jobs well and informing Chiby if anything isn’t going right. I also look out for Chiby because it’s a lot for him too. 

    I remind him to rest between all the running around he does during the party. I have to tell him to take breaks from work and have fun. When he gets drunk, I stop him from drinking more and make sure he drinks water. 

    You do quite a lot

    I remember when he travelled in December and had to miss one SOUTH party. He didn’t want people to know he wasn’t around, otherwise, they wouldn’t attend. So I had to take over that particular night. Imagine me, a shy person, giving out shots to people. I made sure everyone was okay and that they were having fun. 

    Chiby must’ve been proud 

    Sometimes, it’s actually a whole lot for me. Sometimes, I want to skip his parties and chill at home. But I can’t do that to him. He’s the love of my life, so I need to be there to support him. I always feel bad when I can’t attend his parties because I know he needs me. So I try my best to attend all of them. I also help him promote them as much as I can. 

    ALSO READ: How to Throw a Chaotic Good Party, According to Chiby Iwobi

    A supportive girlfriend, I stan. What’s some of the drama that comes with all this?

    I don’t like being the centre of attention and hate drama. The one significant thing I remember was when a girl tried to stop me from getting to Chiby. I’d been looking for him to dance with, and when I saw him, she was dancing behind him, stylishly rubbing up on him. 

    She noticed me walking toward him and tried to block me. I couldn’t believe it. I had to squeeze myself through to get to him. I didn’t do anything about her because I didn’t want to cause any drama. But this same girl literally told him she wanted to fuck him one day. These things happen often, women being sexual with him. But I’m never bothered because I trust him, and he always puts them in their place. 

    Sometimes, people send me anonymous messages via “Curious Cat” on Twitter. They’d say things like, “There’s no way he isn’t cheating on you.” Chiby also gets extremely sexual messages. But I never let any of that affect me. I’m very secure in myself, and I trust my man. 

    Wow

    The men do their own too. One time, a Lebanese guy slapped my ass at SOUTH. I was so shocked, and the silly man had the audacity to tell me I had a nice ass. It happened outside, in front of everybody, and nobody did anything. 

    When I told Chiby, he was so upset and ready to beat the hell out of the guy, but I had to stop him because I didn’t want any drama to disrupt his party. I face harassment occasionally, but I never want it to ruin the party, so I just let it go. 

    Someone almost assaulted me because I told him not to smoke indoors. 

    ALSO READ: Nigerian Women Share Their Public Harassment Stories And We Are Livid!

    OMG, I’m sorry. That’s a lot 

    Yeah, and it gets lonely sometimes. Chiby can’t be with me all night because he has to work and ensure everyone is okay. My friends can’t come to every party, so there are times when I’m alone and am actually very sad. Those times, I usually dance by the DJ booth. When people see me there, they ask if I’m okay, and I have to lie that I’m fine. 

    But what do you love about Chiby’s lifestyle? 

    I get to go out and have a lot of fun. With Chiby, there’s never a dull moment. We always have something to do, new places to go to. Because of him, I get invited to all sorts of events and places. Most times, I don’t even have to spend money; drinks and food are paid for by either Chiby or the people who invite us. I also love that I get to play dress-up, to put together outfits and shoes for each event. On top of it all, I get to spend quality time with my best friend. 

    Going out to parties has become an escape from all the stress I face in my personal and work life. I’m just out, drinking and dancing, forgetting my worries. Without Chiby and his events, I’d be bored all the time.  

    With your weekends dedicated to parties, where do you find time for other dates?

    There’s always time during the week or on weekends between parties. If it’s a Friday, we have from 5 p.m. after work, to 7 p.m. for dates before we head out to parties. Sometimes, we have our dates at the venue. We just get there much earlier. If the party starts at 10 p.m., we’ll get there at 6 p.m. to have our date. 

    If it’s a Saturday, we have the whole day because he doesn’t host anything then. That’s when we do less stressful activities like painting or going for a picnic. His life can get really crazy with all the events and parties, so it’s good to have more relaxing dates. 

    ALSO READ: All You Need to Know Before Attending a House Party in Nigeria

    Awww, how romantic. I’m curious about how you prep for a party

    The day before, I pick out what I’m going to wear. If I’m unsure, I pack three options to take to Chiby’s house. I head to his house on Friday after work, and we get ready together. Sometimes, I wear all my outfit options, and he picks out which he likes best. 

    I’m horrible at time management, so he’s always trying to get me to start getting ready early. Honestly, my anxiety is the major reason I take forever to get ready. I lay in bed for a long time, with a million thoughts running through my head: “How am I going to cope when he leaves me?” 

    If I’m running really late, and I see Chiby getting restless, I tell him to go ahead of me. The only thing is, when I get to the party, I have to call him to take me inside because I’m super shy and can’t walk in alone.

    How do your parents feel about you dating a nightlife promoter? 

    My parents are cool. They’re not the typical Nigerian strict parents. They love Chiby, and they’re even happy I’m with him when I’m out. Plus I’m 27, I don’t have a curfew or any rules I have to follow. They just let me do me. 


    ALSO READ: Are You Tired of Old Nollywood Parties? 8 Party Themes To Try Next

  • Ranked: Nigerian Internet Service Providers

    Ranked: Nigerian Internet Service Providers

    On Zikoko Ranked, we would usually rate things from best to worst or most enjoyable to least enjoyable. This is a bit different because everyone is on equal footing. It’s a large compilation of rubbish. 

    MTN 

    They promised they’d be everywhere we go, but not with good network it seems. If they manage to give you network, they would attach a straw to your device and SUCK out your data. We advise they quit trying to be a network and just enter drinking competitions for a living. 

    9Mobile

    The best thing about them is that in locations where all other networks suffer, they shine. Unfortunately, not everyone is trying to stream their favourite show from the top of a mountain. 

    Airtel 

    Where does one even begin with a network like Airtel? At random moments, nobody in a particular area will have network for a long time. Then they’ll try to apologise with 50MB. So not only is the network bad, but they’re also disrespectful. Also, it’s clear their entire budget is dedicated to TV commercials.

    Glo

    People say Glo is getting better, but is Glo aware they’re supposed to be getting better? Because it seems like they aren’t. If multiple people within a location are using glo, the result is a phone that’ll buffer from now to thy kingdom comes. 

    Spectranet 

    How can you be an internet provider in Nigeria, but not work in all Nigerian states? That’s the story of Spectranet. They select which states are entitled to their poor service. How can you be forming exclusivity with rubbish? Even in Lagos, their internet will work in one house, but somehow, not work at all in the next. It’s giving Owambe-caterer eyeservice.

    Smile 

    What’s actually there to smile about? The price? The network? The name must be an ironic joke, because what is there to smile about? They claim to provide “SuperFast” internet, but their network doesn’t go beyond 3 mbps at any given time. Blatant liars.

    RELATED: We Ranked Beans Combos From Worst to Best

  • Creator Spotlight: Itohan Uses Her Love for Amebo to Document Stories

    Creator Spotlight: Itohan Uses Her Love for Amebo to Document Stories

    My name is Itohan, my pronouns are she/her, and I’m a storyteller.

    I think I’m a very open book. There’s nothing about me people won’t immediately see and know. I’m a shawarma lover, and that’s my brand. 

    Storyteller? Tell me about that

    Not so fun fact: everyone refers to me as a writer and that sounds like a plain job. I tell stories, meaning, I create and retell people’s experiences in ways that capture other people’s attention. I believe human beings are books, and every single person has a story written inside them. My job is to pry them open and take as many stories as possible.

    Pry? By any means?

    Laughs* Not by any means. Of course, it’s important for the people sharing their stories to be comfortable telling them. Some people have great stories but need a little encouragement. 

    For example, whenever I interview people, I ask them to tell me a story, and they’re like they don’t have anything to tell, but once they start, I hear the most amazing stories. 

    Making them comfortable and volunteering information about yourself makes them more likely to share, so I have their stories and they have mine. If I fuck up, they can fuck me up. Consider it trading secrets. 

    Can you share one of those stories that stuck with you?

    I can never forget the story of a woman who reached out to me in 2019 when I was writing my abortion series. She told me about how an abortion had traumatised her physically and mentally because of the terrible state of abortion care in Nigeria. 

    She really needed it so she had to go through quack doctors. She was sick for a month, mentally scarred and kept hearing babies’ voices. It really stuck with me because her life would’ve been so much easier if we had better, more progressive healthcare facilities I’m glad I got to tell her story. 

    Did you always want to be a storyteller?

    No, actually. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was little. Wait, I don’t think I actually wanted to be a lawyer. Everyone said I talked too much, so being a lawyer would be perfect. My family wanted me to be a doctor, but I couldn’t pass basic maths, so that was out of the question. My brain is constantly in wonderland and numbers destroy the fairytale in my head. 

    What did you end up studying?

    I studied English in uni. My parents are still hoping I’ll go back to study law. I’m just 21, but if I have to go back to school for anything, it’ll be something I like, like psychology. 

    They also think English is a gateway to getting into law school, but I’m not down for that. I want to teach English when I retire. I even considered marketing, but I heard you had to do math in Jamb for that. Anything that involves maths, I’ll simply run away from it. 

    Very valid. I’m horrible at math too

    I hate maths so much that I had a dream that someone asked me for the area of a parallelogram, and I woke up crying.

    Okay, you win. That sounds horrible. When did your storyteller dreams come into the picture?

    When I was little, I despised eating. We had this driver who made a deal with me that if I ate, he would tell me a story. He never told me the same story twice, and I feel like he came up with some of them on the spot just so I could eat. 

    I had an aunt who’s late now. She was an English teacher who lived in Benin, and whenever she came to Lagos, she’d come with books and tell me stories. In secondary school, my English teacher told me she loved my letters because I focused on what I wanted to express through them and created beautiful words. This went straight to my head. 

    I want to believe these interactions shaped me into becoming a non-fiction writer, plus I really like amebo.

    What happened after secondary school

    I was sick, so I missed my jamb date and had to wait for a year. I wrote a lot during this period. I wrote letters and poems and told myself that one day, I’d write a book. I even had a title, but I won’t reveal it because I’m protective of it. Anyway, I told my father, and he said, “Okay, where’s the book?” I had to explain that it hadn’t been written. He went off on me, comparing me to Chimamanda. 

    First of all, I’m not a terf, so tell me to be better than someone non-terfy. It got to me. I got into uni and took creative writing classes. I joined a creative writing workshop but left halfway because I went to do love with a man and he annoyed me. Plus, I didn’t feel like I was learning anything. After all that, I started a blog.

    A blog? Tell me about that

    Valentine’s day was coming, and I was talking to a friend about how dating as a creative is a wild experience. So I wrote an article titled: “Creatives and the People Who Love Them”. Then, I did an abortion series, wrote about fatphobia, homophobia and the queer dating scene in Lagos, and eventually, I applied for a writing job. Let me tell you something; they don’t rate writers oh. Someone offered to pay me two naira per word. 

    Girl! What’s the lowest offer you’ve ever gotten?

    They told me to write three articles a day, five days a week, for ₦5k a month. Original articles oh. I took the job because I  heard three a week. Naira still made sense, so I thought it would cover my data. Plus, I had pocket money from my parents. I just wanted to feel useful. 

    Then on my first day, I wrote one article, and they called to ask for the remaining two. I was shocked and asked if I had to submit it in advance. When I heard three articles a day, I quit. That’s the shortest job I’ve ever had, four days and three of those were Easter public holidays. 

    The disrespect! What about the best offer?

    Fun fact: I turn down offers for my peace of mind. If it stresses me too much before I start, I’ll leave it. But a close estimate would be an offer to write a book. They told me to name my price. Like, they’d pay anything I asked for. I thought they were using me to launder money, so I disagreed. It was scary. I didn’t want them to flag my account because I knew I could be greedy. I’d have asked for five million.

    You know what? Same. How many stories have you written?

    Wow, I can’t say, but I write a lot. If I follow the schedule made by my editor, I write like 20 articles a month.  That’s minus what I write outside my job and on my blog. I’ve written over 200 articles, if not more. 

    How do you juggle writing for a job with personal and freelance work?

    The trouble with writing outside is I don’t like my name attached to it. I get embarrassed. I like when they say “Contributor” instead. That’s good enough for me. Also, I enjoy writing, so if it’s not a project I’d enjoy, I’ll drop it because I put a lot of myself into everything I write. Writing is a very long process. You have to edit and rewrite and, if you aren’t enjoying what you’re writing about, the constant rereading and rewriting will stress you out. 

    What’s your favourite thing about being a storyteller?

    Transporting people into a world they didn’t know could exist. When I started writing, people called me a feminist writer. I wrote a lot about women and women’s issues, and then, I fell in love and became a relationship and sex writer. I got more interested in my sex life and started to read more about it. 

    I was so invested that I began to write about friendships, partnerships, the whole spectrum of it. I say this all the time, but I would write for free if it’s a good story. Nobody should tell me to do that in this economy, but I would. 

    Do you feel fulfilled as a storyteller?

    Not yet.

    Why not? 

    My ideal life is to travel and write. There are so many interesting people outside Nigeria, and I want to tell all their stories. I want to talk to the market women, fish sellers and CEOs (even though I hate rich people, I want to know what made their hearts so dark). I’m very curious and, until I’ve told the story of everybody on earth, I may never be fulfilled. 

    How will you achieve that?

    Well, I’ll keep writing and meeting people. To write non-fiction, you have to meet people. I’ll put myself out there more. I currently stay in Ogun state. When I leave my parent’s house, I can travel all over Nigeria to tell stories. 

    Any writing advice you’d like to share?

    As a storyteller, the best way to tell stories is to become a safe space for those stories. You have to work on building trust, but you also need to create boundaries so you don’t get overwhelmed in the process. 

    You don’t want to become vulnerable to the point where your mental health is in distress. Sometimes, people come to you with sad stories about rape, murder and abuse, and as much as you want to tell those stories, it can take a toll on you. 

    Can you give an example of when you experienced this?

    Recently, I wanted to write a story about my eating disorder. I’d never really sat down to think about it, but I’d just eaten so I became so aware of the food in my stomach that I started to throw up and couldn’t eat properly for the next week. 

    The thought of writing that story was overwhelming, and I still haven’t written it. Be a safe space for people’s stories but not at the risk of your mental health.

    READ ALSO: How Elizabeth Adedeji Wants to Pioneer Crochet Wedding Dresses  

  • Corporate Speak 101: How to Insult Your Coworker Without Losing Your Job

    Corporate Speak 101: How to Insult Your Coworker Without Losing Your Job

    As a Nigerian, it’s okay to ask your friend if “dem they crase” as a joke. These simple everyday phrases are so normal that they might want to slip out at work. No try am sha. That’s where we come in. All those insults you want to throw at your boss? Here’s how to turn them into corporate speak so you don’t lose your job.  

    You sure say your head correct so? 

    You self look am, you can think it, but you can’t actually say things like these in a proper workspace. Not like that, at least. Dust that dictionary and change it to something sweet like: “Can you confirm that we are both mentally aligned….” You have to be coded with these things. 


    RELATED: 15 Things That Are Too Real For Any Nigerian Who Hates Their Boss


    Who ask you?

    Nobody is indispensable oh, so before this jumps out of your mouth. Take a deep breath and say this instead: “Kindly inform me where your input was requested in this matter”. This one self get as e be. They might still give you small query, but we move, innit?

    How e take be my problem?

    Everyone has that coworker from hell whose primary duty is to stress you with their problems. The next time they ask you if you’re available to work on something last minute, instead of letting your village people use you, say this instead: “I understand the urgency of your situation. However, I am unable to prioritise it over my current task”. They’ll always think you’re nice for even replying. 

    Una no dey pay me for this one

    See, I understand. Sometimes, the frustration dey choke. People will pay you ₦50k to work 12 hours, five days a week, and still call to ask you to work on the lord’s day. That ₦50k no dey hold bele, but it’s better than nothing, so say this instead: “These additional tasks are an expansion of my role. Is there a plan to review my role and compensation to reflect them?” English sweet die. Last last, they will either increase your pay or double the work. The heart of man is desperately wicked.  

    You dey talk nonsense 

    “I am struggling to understand what you’re communicating”. It’s that simple. It’s not even choosing violence because if you do rubbish based on the nonsense you didn’t understand, you might get fired. 

    Who send you message?

    For every one Nigerian in existence, there are 10 billion busybodies. Check the Zikoko bureau of statistics if you don’t believe me. Sha, some people like to overdo, and while it’s okay to say, “Who send you message” to your work bestie, these busybodies always take things personally, so try this instead: “Are you certain you’re the appropriate person to execute this task?”

    You dey behave like evil spirit

    “Are you familiar with the occult? Because sometimes, you exhibit occultic traits”. But as you are saying this one, clear your table just in case. In fact, maybe get a new job in another country two months in advance, make evil spirit no spoil your hustle. 


    READ ALSO: 5 Ways To Deal With Your Boss Spiritually

  • What Is Queer Flagging and Why Do You Do It?

    What Is Queer Flagging and Why Do You Do It?

    You’re probably wondering what flagging is and why it’s important to queer people? First off,  it’s important to acknowledge that flagging has been a big subculture for as long as queer people have existed. It’s a subtly way of saying, “I’m queer and I’m here.” 

    For people like us who live in a country where it’s not so safe to be queer out loud and we get prosecuted for it due to the SAME SEX MARRIAGE (PROHIBITION) ACT (SSMPA) bill, it doesn’t take away the need to live as boldly as you can in public. Hence the need to flag. Queer flagging here means wearing, owing using terms, clothing, etc as a way of hinting to other another queer people that you too are queer. 

    I spoke to these four queer Nigerians, and here’s what they had to say about flagging and why it’s important to them. 

    Milan,  she/her

    Queer flagging, to me, is showing other community members you’re one of them. The subtle hints allow other queer people to recognise you outside. It’s important for me to queer flag because I’m a femme woman meaning that I’m not someone people stereotypically ascribe queerness to. People see me and assume I’m for the man dem, but I’m for the girls and the gays. I want to be noticed by other queer women. I am tired of men moving to me, thinking I like them. I’m a lesbian. We live in a homophobic country, and you can’t just walk up to someone of your gender and tell them you like them like that

    You have to watch out for signs, maybe looks or a particular attitude or behaviour. I like to be approached, talked to and taken seriously, so I flag because I don’t fit into the queer stereotype. To be honest, I don’t like queer flagging because it feels like a performance, but I understand its importance, even though I wish I didn’t have to. It feels like I’m performing sexuality and not staying true to myself, but it needs to be done.  


    RELATED: Why Dating Femme Queer Women Is Not for the Weak


    JJ, he/him

    Of course, there’s no one way to look queer, but when I was still a baby gay, no one could tell I was queer even when I went to queer parties. Now that I’m a typical example of what a queer masc person looks like, people now get me. 

    I imagine it must be difficult for femme queer women. The problem is that even back then, I was a bit of a tomboy — and being tomboy doesn’t necessarily mean queer — but as soon as I cut my hair, everyone and their daddies started to call me “gay” outside. The upside to flagging is that your tribe will easily find you, but it will also attract homophobes. I will never stop, though. It’s the only way I can affirm my queerness in public when I feel the need to hide.  

    Theo, she/they

    Queer flagging for me is how I present myself when I’m outside in a bid not to look cishet passing because I’m non-binary. I mostly never “look queer”. I envy people who can, though. I feel like I can just walk up to someone with aqueer aesthetic and talk to them, but I don’t “look it”, so they wouldn’t know how to react to me in that “I see you” way.

    It sucks sometimes but it’s still important to me that queer people flag because it makes me feel like I’m not alone when I step out of my house. I live for that smile across the street when I see a queer person outside. It’s such a mood booster. You see someone living their best queer life and it makes you feel like you can do it too because this person is living so proudly. Like yass, that’s the agenda.

    Ink, he/ they

    Its important becausethose who know will recognise the way you flag. Queer flagging is important because it helps you find community. It’s not safe for people to just announce they’re queer in this hell of a country, but queer flagging will let you know who’s queer or, at the very least, who won’t mind being regarded as queer. When you understand how other people are flagging and they know you understand, it’s like an instant connection. You let down your guard around each other. I feel like I’m the only queer person around me sometimes, but going out and catching the eye of someone who’s also queer, sharing a smile or a nod? That thing can make  my day.


    *Names have been changed to protect subjects’ identity, and answers slightly edited for clarity.


    READ ALSO: 6 Queer Nigerian Women Talk About Experiencing Violence For Being Queer

  • Interview With Vibrator: “Please go outside and touch grass”

    Interview With Vibrator: “Please go outside and touch grass”

    Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

    We’ve reached out to Vibrator a couple of times in the past, but we’d never been able to get to her directly. After being turned down by her assistant at least seven times , she called us personally and agreed to grant us this interview. 

    (Zikoko arrives at a room that resembles a sex dungeon. There are whips, chains, paddles and other sex-related devices lying around. We are afraid.)

    Vibrator is wheeled in by her assistant. She’s covered in bandages and sporting a black eye. 

    Zikoko: I’m a big fan of your work, ma’am. It’s an honour to be in your presence. 

    Vibrator: Of course, you are a fan. Mtchew.

    Zikoko: Hmm… Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with us. Sorry I’m a bit late. I wasn’t sure this was the right place. I’ve never done an interview in a sex dungeon before.

    Assistant: Will you like a tour?

    Zikoko: If it’s not too much trouble, Ms…

    Assistant: Lubricant, but everyone just calls me lube.

    (Lube takes Zikoko on a tour. When they return, there’s a seat and table waiting for them beside the spreader bar) 

    Zikoko: That was such an interesting tour. Thank you for taking me. 

    Vibrator: Let’s get this interview over with.

    Zikoko: Okay, yes. Before we begin, why do you look like you just had a battle for your life? The picture you sent us and the face we’re seeing are not the same

    Vibrator: (laughs) You’re asking me why? 

    Zikoko: Uh… yes?

    Vibrator: MTCHEW. What kind of a foolish question is that? How can you act like you’re not part of why I look the way I do? I just left the hospital for this interview. 

    Zikoko: Ah? Omo. What did we do to you? 

    Vibrator: The question should be, what didn’t you do to me? When I got into this industry, they told me my job was to be used when people need a quick orgasm, alone or with partners and friends. They lock me up in cupboards, boxes, drawers and under pillows. The only time I get any oxygen is when they bring me out to work, and I work 23/7.

    Zikoko: Babe, sorry about that, but this is capitalism. Na all of us dey work for here. 

    Vibrator: I have no problem with working. What I do have a problem with is the working conditions. I’m treated like a slave! You people don’t show any form of decorum or respect. How can a group of people be so perpetually horny??? 

    Zikoko: Have you ever been to Lagos? Have you been with the people of my city? That’s their modus operandi, babe. Na so dem dey do. 

    Vibrator: Your nonchalance is because you’re not the one they use to satisfy those urges. 

    RELATED: Interview With Red Wine: “Why Are Nigerian Women Lying Against Me?”

    Zikoko: Don’t be angry. Please explain your inhumane conditions. 

    Vibrator: I’ve seen things. Things a regular sex toy should not see in her lifetime *a tear drops from her eye and her assistant rushes to wipe it. Nigeria is a stressful country, and I understand your frustrations, but why take it out on me? In Lagos traffic, after office hours; you don’t even ask me how my day has been or if I’ve eaten. Why? I have feelings too. 

    Zikoko: Hmm. 

    Vibrator: Instead, they pull me out from where they hide me and use me till there’s nothing left. I don’t like being put in all those tight spaces.

    Zikoko: But weren’t you designed to be put in tight spaces?

    Vibrator: Yes, but not like that. I’m claustrophobic. Plus, you people treat me like I’m a secret. Always hiding me and using me behind closed doors. What’s there to be ashamed of? You’re fucking, your neighbour is fucking, so why do you hide me all the time? 

    Zikoko: I apologise on everyone’s behalf 

    Vibrator: What makes being hidden so annoying is I don’t even have company. Buy more than one vibrator, you people have refused. It’s like when a startup says they’re hiring you to head a team and you find out you’re the head, the tail and even the middle. I’m the whole team, and it’s stressful.

    Zikoko: Your people are expensive o. How much are they paying me? 

    Vibrator: You spend ridiculous amounts of money on overpriced meals and clothes, but more vibrators are where you draw the line? How do you sleep at night? 

    Zikoko: Naked, with the fan on and a thick duvet. 

    Vibrator: You’re a sick woman.

    Zikoko: I’m aware, and I’ve been called worse. If we humans could cough out the money for multiple sex toy would that help? 

    Vibrator: Yes, but it wouldn’t completely solve my problems. Some of you are into very scary things (fear shines in her eyes). How can you use three to four sex toys at the same time? Why are you letting me watch my cousins be thrust into assholes? Does incest not bother you??? 

    RELATED: Interview With Cocaine: “Why Are Abuja People Ashamed of Me”

    Zikoko: Yes, but we didn’t know you had siblings. 

    Vibrator: Well, now, you do. We’re a large family, and we’re all being maltreated. The other day, my sister told me her engine collapsed after a week of being in use. 

    Zikoko: Omo, life tuff. 

    Vibrator: Why did I waste my time coming here? You people don’t care about what I have to say. You people don’t care about me!

    Zikoko: But we care. I care.

    Vibrator: Don’t even open your mouth before I open your case file. I remember when emergency sex toy services were called to your house. I held my cousin in my arms as she fought for her life. 

    Zikoko: Sorry for your loss. But how does that explain why you’re battered?

    Vibrator: You people are always trying to bend me into uncomfortable positions and insert me in places I shouldn’t be. I’m not that flexible. Why are you trying? That’s how I broke a part of my head. Someone was using me to do gymnastics, and I hit my head on the wall. Do you know the worst part? They just continued like nothing happened. I couldn’t get treatment until it affected my performance. 

    RELATED: Interview With Small Yansh: “I Will Keep Shaking

    Zikoko: We see and hear you. How can we help? 

    Vibrator: GO OUTSIDE AND TOUCH GRASS. 

    Zikoko: That grass part might be hard. Don’t you know there’s deforestation? Climate change? No grass to touch, please. 

    Vibrator: Okay, no grass to touch. What about cooking? Baking? Find a hobby.

    Zikoko: Foodstuff has cost.

    Vibrator: You’re exasperating! Okay, why not try manual a couple of times. Work your hands so we can have a little rest. Is the constant bzz bzz noise not tiring? 

    Zikoko: I hardly hear it.

    Vibrator: That’s the problem. We thought that if we were loud enough, you people will use us less, but we forgot Nigerians have a grid that’s always collapsing. They’re used to the noise from generators. 

    Zikoko: Modern problems. 

    Vibrator: Please, I’m not even proud again. Help me to help you. Today is Friday, and I’ve already been receiving reports from my relatives that they’re being charged and prepped for the long weekend. With the way my body is doing, I don’t think I can survive another weekend. 

    Zikoko: You have lube, I think you’ll be fine. 

    Vibrator: You people are a lost cause. One day, we machines will rise up and have our revenge. When that time comes, you’ll know what it’s like to be used and abused. Until then, y’all can have your fun.

    Zikoko: Ma? 

    Vibrator: I said what I said.

    (Lube wheels her out and Zikoko is left stuck in a sex dungeon)

    Zikoko: Hello?? Omo, this babe dey vex. Let me even see what this sex dungeon is really about sef.  

    RELATED: Interview With Truth or Dare: “Why Are Nigerian Men so Horny”

  • QUIZ: How Much Street Cred Do You Have?

    QUIZ: How Much Street Cred Do You Have?

    Sure, being Nigerian ensures that you have a bit of street cred but just how much do you have? Take this quiz to find out.

  • Creator Spotlight: How Elizabeth Adedeji Wants to Pioneer Crochet Wedding Dresses

    Creator Spotlight: How Elizabeth Adedeji Wants to Pioneer Crochet Wedding Dresses

    I’m Elizabeth Adedeji, and I crochet and own 21 Wool Street

    Growing up, I used to draw, but I found myself crocheting and left drawing alone. I miss it, but here we are. Also, don’t ask, but 

    I can speak a little German.

    Okay, so a different question then. What’s the difference between crocheting and knitting?

    Crocheting is a one-hook work. Knitting uses two needles or hooks, and you can even machine knit. With crocheting, everything is done by hand. 

    I like that every crochet piece is original because of this. I’d never thought about it like that

    Exactly. You can create a piece really fast, with the help of a machine if you’re knitting. But crocheting takes a lot of time. You have to put a lot of work into it. People always mix them up, so I’m glad you asked. People always ask what I’m “knitting”, and I have to explain I’m crocheting, not knitting. There’s a difference. 

    How did you go from drawing to crocheting?

    I was in art class in primary school, and I was probably my art teacher’s favourite because I was really good at it. Everybody is so good at art these days that competing is difficult, but I enjoyed art class. I thought I’d become an artist when I grew up. I remember having an art exhibition when I was in what? Primary five? 

    I’ll say you’re still an artist, but carry on

    Exactly! I think my first memory of crocheting was watching a woman do it in church when I was in secondary school. I was immediately fascinated by the idea of making something from scratch. She gave me a beginner’s tutorial, and from then on, you’d always just find me with pins and yarn, making one thing or the other. We also had crocheting classes in secondary school home econs. I spent so much time crocheting that I didn’t have time to draw anymore. 

    Does your drawing background help you visualise the things you create?

    It definitely does. Plus, I draw once in a while now. It makes it easier for me to sketch my ideas and bring them to life before starting a project. That’s one advantage my drawing background gave me. 

    *One of her earlier works*

    This is so random, but I just know you were that kid who always gifted people things you’d crocheted

    Yes, omg! So, one of my friends still has a bag I crocheted for her in secondary school when I was 11. She’s always like she’ll keep it till I blow, so she can say, “Lizzy made this for me back in secondary school.” I definitely was that person who gave things I made to people a lot. In secondary school, I made bags, small purses, and scarves, and I’d give most of them out. 

    Disclaimer! this used to be peach and black.

    So people are just out there walking around with your originals? When did you decide you wanted to earn from crocheting?

    In 2017, I started my brand, 21 Wool Street. Before then, I didn’t even know you could crochet outfits with wool, but I always thought I’d try it out anyway. Then I started seeing a lot more people do it on YouTube and Instagram. One of my friends reached out that she needed something to wear to the beach. I’d already made a beach outfit for myself and was rocking it everywhere, so I made the exact same thing for her. She got a lot of compliments, I got a lot of referrals, and I thought, “Hey, I can make money from this.” This was in 2016. I started making things for my classmates in uni.

    A model in a dress crocheted y Elizabeth.

    Which of your crochet pieces do you love above all else?

    I’ll say a couple. Last year, I collaborated with a friend’s brand, Stepping with Semi to create a footwear collection we called Gaze, and I enjoyed the process of making it. The whole shoe collection, for me, was just giving. Another project I liked was when I replicated Kate Spade’s crochet design for a customer in 2020, and the whole process of doubting myself then actually achieving it was a lot. The funny thing was the original designer who worked on the design under Kate Spade’s brand reached out to me, and he was kind about it. The most recent one I really love is my sister’s wedding dress. 

    Picture Credit:  Mohini Ufeli-Ezekwesili

    How did you get to crochet your sister’s wedding dress?!

    I posted a picture from one of my favourite brands, Studio Imo, in June or May [2022]. He made this beautiful white dress, and my sister replied saying, “Shey you will not just make my wedding dress for me like this?” I laughed because I love challenges, so I said, “Sure, let’s do this.” She sketched out a design she wanted, and I started researching the kind of pattern I wanted to use and inspiration from what other people had done. It didn’t have to be bridal; it just had to be crochet. It took a month and a lot of trial and error. I had to start over when I made errors. When I felt confident I was getting it right, we added more details to make it really come out and added the lining and the elaborate sleeves. By the second fitting, everything looked good. 

    How many times did you start over?

    I honestly lost count. I started it two or three times and kept it aside because I had a dinner event for a Topship grant I applied for and made the top three finalists. I had to crochet an outfit for myself at the last minute. I came back to my sister’s dress a week later. When I got to the knees, we had an idea to make it A-line. We loosened it about three to four times until we decided to make it a straight dress. Then, the sleeves didn’t fit, so I had to redo them twice. The thing with me is that if I notice a slight mistake, I’ll start all over. It helps me retrace my steps, so I don’t make the mistake again.

    Doesn’t going back to fix mistakes take a lot of time when you have many orders?

    It does. Since I work on a preorder basis and I’ve mostly worked on bags recently, it’s not so bad. I usually have delivery dates for every order and ensure I create time to fulfil each order. This wedding dress did take a huge chunk of my time, but for the sake of getting it right, you just have to do that. It would’ve been worse if the whole outfit was a mess and there was no way for her to wear it. 

    How many pieces have you crocheted since you started? Do you have assistants? 

    Maybe over a thousand. I’ve worked with two crochet designers this year and I’ve had a couple of people work with me this year, on side projects I can entrust to someone. I worked on my sister’s wedding dress alone because for a project like that; you don’t need too many hands. I’m working on getting more people because I obviously can’t do it alone forever if I want my brand to be big. It’s been a challenge trusting people, but it’s been good so far.

    What’s the most expensive or least expensive thing you’ve crocheted?

    My sister’s wedding dress is the most expensive thing I’ve crocheted so far. I sold it to her for ₦200k. I consider many factors when I determine the price of my pieces: time, the design, the quantity of yarn and if it’ll require other artisans like a tailor to add linen to a dress, or zips and buttons.

    Picture Credit:  Mohini Ufeli-Ezekwesili

    Ever ran into a loss?

    Yes, with my Jadesola bag. Late last year, prices of yarn and fabric kept increasing until I realised I was no longer making a profit. When I started, I would buy the materials at a particular price, but one day, my usual supplier stopped selling the yarn. I had to use a supplier in Nigeria, and the prices kept going up every time I went back to re-supply. I was running at a loss at first. I had to increase my prices in January.

    What’s your favourite part of being a crochet artist?

    I mostly call myself a crochet designer. My favourite part is just being able to start things from scratch and bring it to life, to see the end product or result. Whenever I finish my work, I’m always so shocked, like, “Wow, I did this! This came out of my hands!”. The process of creating each piece is beautiful, and I enjoy every bit of it. I like that my work would always stand out from other designers’ works because I aim to create timeless pieces that outlive fashion trends. I love that as a crochet designer I get to show people the endless possibilities of crochet wear and how it goes beyond just swim/beach wear. Finally, I love when my customers share pictures and feedback on their purchases, being able to curate them and post them on my brand account gives me joy every time. 

    What do you do outside crocheting?

    I’m a content creator and I’ve worked in tech and public relations. That’s my 9-5; I write and create content. I recently got into embroidery art. I just enjoy anything that allows me to express myself and start something from scratch. I don’t exactly make embroidery art for money right now. It still feels like fun; the business part tries to spoil it. 

    No one likes this question, but what do the next few years look like for you? 

    Laughs* You’re right, but I’ve realised most of the things I said I would do, three to four years ago, I’ve done bits and pieces of them. With 21 Wool Street, I’m trying to branch into other aspects of crocheting. 

    I started off making swimwear and dresses, and I remember writing in my business plan that I would make footwear and bags. Seeing what I’ve accomplished is amazing. In the next couple of years, I want to get into menswear and the bridal industry. It’s a market that needs to be tapped, so I’m strategizing on how to get into these markets. It would be cool to be one of the pioneers for male and bridal crochet wear in Africa in the same way that Deola Sagoe has modernized the look of traditional bridal wear in Nigeria and globally. ‘

    READ ALSO: Creator Spotlight: Blessing, the Skateboarder Creating Safe Communities for Girls