Hot | Zikoko!

There’s no light, fuel is expensive, and the harmattan is confused. So, we’re left with nothing but to deal with this scary heat.

It’s so hot that everything on this list stands no chance of competing with this heat.

You

You’re so physically attractive that you make others feel insecure. But, my dear, I have some news for you: The heat in town has taken your spot. Now all you can do is cry about the Neps with all of us.

Miami Heat

If you think the American basketball team is the hottest thing ever, you don’t know ball. This is not 2013 when they had Dwayne Wade and LeBron James, and could easily win a 7 game series. The hot weather wins this round, (it doesn’t have injured players).

Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:

Ibadan Micra taxis

The Micra taxis in Ibadan see the sun more than everyone every day. The heat inside it is even incomparable. But the heat outside right now can melt it down to a mass of purple and yellow if it stays too long.

Dangote’s phone in 2021

The resulting hotness of Dangote’s phone from non-stop calls and messages after his ass leaked online was probably enough to make coffee. But this heat can cosplay as hell’s kitchen. The heat wins.

Samsung Note 7

Samsung Note 7 phones gained notoriety from its overheating and exploding batteries in 2016, but the heat currently combating us in Nigeria? It’ll beat out of you all the “waters” Tyla sang about. And when you lose your breath, what’s next?

That one Sheyman and Dr. Pat song

Remember the hot Sheyman’s and Dr. Pat’s song that went, “I’m hotter than fire, give me some water” in 2009? But is it hotter than anything out right now, talk more of this heat wave?

Hotter than fire una

Hell

We’ve not been to hell, but what this heat has unleashed is hotter than Gerald Johnson’s description of it. At least, Rihanna’s Umbrella plays in hell, this Nigerian heat screams, “Get right with God!”

Don’t let us die from heat

Take Note of these 10 Ways To Stay Cool in This Heat

Tomide Marv

February 13, 2024

Inside Life

Funny, heat, Hot, Hot weather, Nigeria
Look no further, we know your baddie-type.

Chioma Munachi

August 8, 2023

Quizzes

bad bitch, baddie, Hot
Are you distractingly hot or do you have to rely solely on your personality to help you attract people? Well, if you’re not sure, this quiz can help you clear your doubts.

Go ahead:

NerdEfiko

June 20, 2020

Quizzes

Hot, Quiz
Meet Wang Deshun, an 80-year-old Chinese actor, model and artist whose body is showing no signs of frailness or old age. He is undoubtedly ~~the world’s~~ China’s oldest and hottest grandpa.
Wang Deshun created a major national buzz after he strutted his stuff on the catwalk at the 2015 Beijing International Fashion Week.

He created his own pantomime dance group at 49, and started his first gym session at the age of 50. He swims and exercises for about 3 hours daily.

The father of two, who turned 80 this year says he believes he still has a lot of potential. He plans on parachuting sometime soon.

The 80-year-old is keen on changing China’s perception of aging. According to him “nature determines your age, but you determine your state of mind”.

We also want to be sizzling hot like this in our old age, but ‘eba and egusi’ won’t let us be great .

Don’t be like us though. Here’s some inspiration for you to take your fitfam more seriously!

https://youtu.be/HX4saxIfPYw

Shola

November 7, 2016

Gist

china, fit, fitfaming, Gym, Hot, hottest grandpa
1. What everywhere feels like right now:

2. You, drowning in your sweat every single night.

Is this how I will die?
3. When you try to take a cold shower and even the water coming from the tap is hot.

What is this sorcery?
4. When you start sweating the second you step out of the bathroom.

Hay God! Who did I offend?
5. When you realize NEPA chose the hottest time of the year to stop giving us light.

You people are clearly witches.
6. When they manage to bring small light but the fan is just blowing hot air in your face.

See me see trouble.
7. When you go somewhere and they don’t have AC.

Please, I’m going. It is not by force.
8. You, praying for even small rain to fall.

God, please do it for your children.
9. When the heat rashes finally attack.

My back oh.
10. When you start missing the dusty harmattan.

Harmattan, we are sorry we complained.
11. When someone tries to bring up having sex in this heat.

It’s like your ancestors are mad.
12. When you see your fellow strugglers complaining about the heat.

You guys understand.
13. When you see someone wearing plenty clothes.

WOOL IN THIS HEAT??? Clap for yourself.
14. When you have to enter public transport and the body odour slaps you right in the face.

What the hell?
15. When you get stuck in traffic in a car without AC.

I was not born to suffer, biko.

Daniel Orubo

February 25, 2016

Oldies

ac, Africa, fan, heat, Hot, Nigeria, sweat
Odunayo

September 14, 2015

Pop

Hot, Man Crush, Phyno
Not to over emphasize or anything. I know you all know Ebuka. You first saw him on Big Brother Nigeria in 2006, and the rest would be history except, I don’t think you people fully grasp the extent of the total babe-ness of this man. Yes, I made my own word.

I would like to show you, so let’s go on an Instagram crawl:

1. This is Ebuka after an all-nighter. This face has not slept.

https://instagram.com/p/7KVogBI31p/

Every guy reading this knows what they look like when they stay up an extra 2 hours.

2. That butt.

https://instagram.com/p/7Cr5N6I3wz/

I rest all my cases.

3. He’s the Yoruba boy of your dreams – Igbo boy that looks good in a Dashiki.

https://instagram.com/p/6-KxrSo37X/

I know I’m right.

4. Is this what lawyers look like? If yes, sign me up.

https://instagram.com/p/5w0CHII3xg/

He studied law at the University of Abuja. He proceeded to the Nigerian Law School Bwari, Abuja and then returned to school after a 5 year working gap, graduating from the Washington College of Law of the American University Washington DC, with Master of Laws degree specializations in Intellectual Property as well as Communications law from the Law and Government program.

5. There’s also the fact that 33 never looked this good.

https://instagram.com/p/6MS3iNI35t/

I’m thoroughly fascinated

6. If he was on the team, I’d have attended the World Cup.

https://instagram.com/p/5eS0DWo31J/

Just saying. Don’t mind my account balance.

7. Look at those guns.

https://instagram.com/p/5HYpcWI3__/

Which Cynthia? You belong to all of us now.

8. As a Lagos Big Boy…

https://instagram.com/p/4pC80-o39p/?taken-by=okija

White trad repping!

9. He looks good in everything.

https://instagram.com/p/4rb5dto3_3/

Sigh!

10. He was an adorable baby.

https://instagram.com/p/4jJNXWI344/

Mama’s joy.

11. You’ve seen many pictures, but have you seen this?

https://instagram.com/p/3O_j9kI34y/

I bet you haven’t.

12. Now you have. I have to tell you something. But first, this side view:

https://instagram.com/p/3Bz8-gI38H/

I’m suddenly into silhouettes and side views.

13. This gorgeous man is engaged to this beautiful lady, Cynthia Obianodo.

https://instagram.com/p/7IAgcUo35k/

She’s beyond pretty.

14. Look at them together.

https://instagram.com/p/4EfuACI3xe/

Adorable.

15. But we can still crush. I mean, look at him.

https://instagram.com/p/2_l3LrI3zD/

Like Obama said, YES WE CAN!

16. No one would blame you.

https://instagram.com/p/28wjPYI35m/

They’re not blind.

17. I know I won’t!

https://instagram.com/p/0VVsUOI31e/

Of course not! I wrote this, remember? Igbo kwenu!

Our journey here is now over. But, you can go on without me. Ebuka has tons of pictures on his Instagram page. Go look, and share, share, share this with everyone.

Isn’t he now your Man Crush Forever?

Odunayo

September 7, 2015

Pop

@Ebuka, Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, Hot, Man Crush, MCM
Odunayo

August 24, 2015

Pop

Grandpa, Hot, love, MCM, Richard MOfe Damijo, RMD
Nigerian men have been named the 8th Sexiest Men in the World, according to a survey done, when 66,000 American women took a poll on MissTravel.com.

Great going!

As much as all Nigerian men would like to believe that this ranking applies to all of them, it doesn’t. It probably only applies to these men:

Oh hey there, Richard Mofe Damijo!

Yes or no… to Joseph Benjamin?

But what if Lynxxx was waiting on you?

If you could have a shoulder rub from Alex Ekubo…

Or dinner with Ebuka Obi Uchendu.

After dinner with Ramsey Noah.

Climb into bed with Uti Nwachukwu.

But Chiwetel Ejiofor sees into your soul.

A phone call from Sesan.

Praiz serenades you.

Iyanya err… dances?

Would it be okay if IK Ogbonna made you breakfast?

Or OC Ukeje invites you to skinny dip in a private swimming pool?

Maybe you’d prefer a long walk on the beach, while the sun sets with Peter Okoye.

Or a picnic with John Boyega.

You could go see Paris with Banky W.

Or a have movie marathon with Gbenro Ajibade.

Crown it with bath with Dare Art Alade.

Yup, I said it. Give up.

Odunayo

August 21, 2015

Inside Life, Oldies

Fine, Hot, Men, Nigerian
Y’all remember Drake? Yeah. He sang “The Motto”, “Best I ever had”, “Hold on we’re going home” and all those fire break up rap albums.

And we all knew him as the light skinned boy next door who kept getting with other nigga girls. He was good looking, you know. Like this:

Handsome — but not hot:

via MTV

Unobtrusively cute Jewish boy, with slight fashion challenges:

via BillBoard

So when new pictures of Drake surfaced, I was like WHAT?!

via Twitter

Why is Drake looking so hot?!

via watchcloud

Why’s Drake looking like Arab money?

via Twitter

Repeat after me: “Drake is DADDY!”

It’s the beard…

via Twitter

…and the abs.

via Twitter

Even Justin Bieber noticed.

via Instagram

This is the summary of how we all feel:

If you’re a guy reading this, use Drake as a reference in your glo’ up prayer. Because if you’re reading this, Drake Made It!

via Twitter

Odunayo

August 1, 2015

Pop

abs, Beards, Drake, Hot

You

Miami Heat

Ibadan Micra taxis

Dangote’s phone in 2021

Samsung Note 7

That one Sheyman and Dr. Pat song

Hell

Take Note of these 10 Ways To Stay Cool in This Heat

Wang Deshun created a major national buzz after he strutted his stuff on the catwalk at the 2015 Beijing International Fashion Week.

He created his own pantomime dance group at 49, and started his first gym session at the age of 50. He swims and exercises for about 3 hours daily.

The father of two, who turned 80 this year says he believes he still has a lot of potential. He plans on parachuting sometime soon.

The 80-year-old is keen on changing China’s perception of aging. According to him “nature determines your age, but you determine your state of mind”.

We also want to be sizzling hot like this in our old age, but ‘eba and egusi’ won’t let us be great .

Don’t be like us though. Here’s some inspiration for you to take your fitfam more seriously!

1. What everywhere feels like right now:

2. You, drowning in your sweat every single night.

3. When you try to take a cold shower and even the water coming from the tap is hot.

4. When you start sweating the second you step out of the bathroom.

5. When you realize NEPA chose the hottest time of the year to stop giving us light.

6. When they manage to bring small light but the fan is just blowing hot air in your face.

7. When you go somewhere and they don’t have AC.

8. You, praying for even small rain to fall.

9. When the heat rashes finally attack.

10. When you start missing the dusty harmattan.

11. When someone tries to bring up having sex in this heat.

12. When you see your fellow strugglers complaining about the heat.

13. When you see someone wearing plenty clothes.

14. When you have to enter public transport and the body odour slaps you right in the face.

15. When you get stuck in traffic in a car without AC.

1. This is Ebuka after an all-nighter. This face has not slept.

2. That butt.

3. He’s the Yoruba boy of your dreams – Igbo boy that looks good in a Dashiki.

4. Is this what lawyers look like? If yes, sign me up.

5. There’s also the fact that 33 never looked this good.

6. If he was on the team, I’d have attended the World Cup.

7. Look at those guns.

8. As a Lagos Big Boy…

9. He looks good in everything.

10. He was an adorable baby.

11. You’ve seen many pictures, but have you seen this?

12. Now you have. I have to tell you something. But first, this side view:

13. This gorgeous man is engaged to this beautiful lady, Cynthia Obianodo.

14. Look at them together.

15. But we can still crush. I mean, look at him.

16. No one would blame you.

17. I know I won’t!

Oh hey there, Richard Mofe Damijo!

Yes or no… to Joseph Benjamin?

But what if Lynxxx was waiting on you?

If you could have a shoulder rub from Alex Ekubo…

Or dinner with Ebuka Obi Uchendu.

After dinner with Ramsey Noah.

Climb into bed with Uti Nwachukwu.

But Chiwetel Ejiofor sees into your soul.

A phone call from Sesan.

Praiz serenades you.

Iyanya err… dances?

Would it be okay if IK Ogbonna made you breakfast?

Or OC Ukeje invites you to skinny dip in a private swimming pool?

Maybe you’d prefer a long walk on the beach, while the sun sets with Peter Okoye.

Or a picnic with John Boyega.

You could go see Paris with Banky W.

Or a have movie marathon with Gbenro Ajibade.

Crown it with bath with Dare Art Alade.

Y’all remember Drake? Yeah. He sang “The Motto”, “Best I ever had”, “Hold on we’re going home” and all those fire break up rap albums.

And we all knew him as the light skinned boy next door who kept getting with other nigga girls. He was good looking, you know. Like this:

Handsome — but not hot:

Unobtrusively cute Jewish boy, with slight fashion challenges:

So when new pictures of Drake surfaced, I was like WHAT?!

Why is Drake looking so hot?!

Why’s Drake looking like Arab money?

Repeat after me: “Drake is DADDY!”

It’s the beard…

…and the abs.

Even Justin Bieber noticed.

This is the summary of how we all feel:

If you’re a guy reading this, use Drake as a reference in your glo’ up prayer. Because if you’re reading this, Drake Made It!