1. When they have to ask “have you seen me today?” before you greet them.

It’s not their concern that you really hadn’t seen them.

2. When they see someone that is left handed.

How dare you be born that way?

3. When you have more than one colour in your hair.

Ah! You want to go and do prostitution.

4. When you wear a dress that is exposing your shoulder blades and ankles.

Better go and wear that turtleneck.

5. When they see a girl with more than one piercing and a boy that has any at all.

You sef, why are you chooking holes in your body?

6. When they hear that you were talking to someone of the opposite sex.

You better be ready to marry them.

7. When your curfew is 9:00 and you get in by 9:01.

You should have slept there na, since you can’t keep to time.

8. When you lend them money and ask for it back.

All the school fees they paid for you, did they collect it back? Better shift.

9. When they are talking to you and you are keeping quiet.

So, you can’t talk abi?

10. When they are talking to you and you are talking too.

So, you can’t keep quiet abi?

11. When you don’t greet all the 15 adults in a room individually.

You cannot prostrate 15 times?

12. When you don’t add “ma” or “sir” to the end of every word.

“yes ma, yes ma, yes” “Is it me you are saying yes too???”

13. When a sex scene comes on and your eyes are still open.

You want to learn so you can go and practice abi?

14. When they make a mistake and you correct them.

It’s like you’re mad.

15. When they want to slap you and you dodge it.

Fight them na.

16. When you eat your meat before touching your rice.

You need slap.

17. When you wear your trouser lower than this:

Be there sagging like a criminal.