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  • 8 Habits You Should Pick Up to Survive January

    8 Habits You Should Pick Up to Survive January

    Before you join the million other people hating on January, you should know there are things you can do to help make it suck a little less.

    Start doing these things if you want to get through January in one piece.

    Fast

    To make it better, some churches declare fasts in January. Even if you aren’t religious, you can pretend it’s because you want to lose the Christmas weight, and not because your account balance is dead and buried. You can’t go wrong with fasting. 

    Become an introvert

    It’s not like there’s anywhere you can go. The parties are over, and most people are back to steady grinding.

    But still attend owambes

    People will still throw wedding parties every weekend like they’re not in this same Nigeria. That’s their own. Your own is to attend and eat free food. 

    Trek everywhere

    Use it as a form of exercise. You can even think about your life and why you thought it was okay to finish your December salary before Christmas while at it.

    RELATED: 7 Ways to Prevent “Insufficient Funds” From Choking You in January

    Start fights for no reason

    Because you need to let out your frustrations. Fight with danfo conductors, or just drag people on Twitter, if throwing physical blows isn’t your thing.

    Drink more water

    A wise woman once said, “The one whose stomach is filled with water doesn’t desire food” or something like that. To make yourself feel better, you can even say you’re doing it for clearer skin.

    Become prayerful

    Make no mistake, you’ll need an all-powerful force to keep you relatively sane this month. The good thing is it works hand-in-hand with fasting.

    Try your hand at motivational quotes

    You need to believe you can aspire to maguire because the 774 days in January will try to break your spirit. Be prepared.

    NEXT READ: How to Work When Work Is the Last Thing on Your Mind

    Tife Oni

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  • 10 Weird Eating Habits Of People Who Will Disgrace You

    10 Weird Eating Habits Of People Who Will Disgrace You

    You can’t shame the shameless, but you can protect yourself from being disgraced by them. If your crush, or someone you just met displays any of these wired eating habits, jejely remove them from your radar.

    They will disgrace you without remorse.

    1. They spread their legs first

    If you sit near these people and expect them to cross their legs while eating, they’ll disappoint you. Those legs will be spread wide like a bedsheet. You have been warned.

    2. They unbuckle their belt first

    Flat tummy who? Wait till they want to consumea mountain of eba. If they unbutton their jeans too, just stand up and be going.

    3. They take off their cap/wig first

    Especially if they do this when they want to eat hot Amala. They will take off at critical times like when your bank moves mad and you need to pay for an Uber urgently.

    4. They unhook their bra first

    If they can ditch their bra for food, a support system, Is it your case that’ll be different. Their breasts will be fine, you won’t by the time they finish disgracing you.

    5. They reuse plates

    Instead of washing dirty plates in their kitchen, they prefer reusing. Don’t tell them you know their secret sha. Just delete their number fro.your phone.

    6. They drop plates under the bed after eating

    Before you conclude that someone is nice and innocent, check under their bed. You might see dirty plates from two years ago. God forbid that they should carry that disgraceful habit to the outside and drag your name in the mud.

    7. They licking all five fingers or more

    Asides fingers, they can even lick the plate clean. Do you want that same tongue in your mouth? Disgraceful something.

    8. They eat straight from the pot

    If plates are not enough for them, just know that nothing can satisfy them again in this life. Don’t plan public surprises or attend events with them oh because: disgrace.

    9. They use fork to eat swallow

    Especially in public. This is a cover up for all the disgraceful things they will eventually do to you.

    10. They use bare hand to eat rice

    You think people are cute and stuff until they start displaying their disgraceful colours in the outside.

    If they also display these cooking habits, then it’s from frying pan to fire.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • 6 Types of Sleepers You’ll Come Across

    6 Types of Sleepers You’ll Come Across

    People differ in how they do things, even sleeping. Some are funny, some are weird, and then we have those that make you go “wawu.”

    On that note, here are 6 types of sleepers. Let us know which one you come across the most.

    1. The ones that occupy the whole bed

    You can never share a bed with them. If they don’t press you to the wall like sardine, you’d definitely find yourself on the floor.

    2. The ones that are always tossing and turning

    They can switch between 15 positions within one hour of falling asleep. There’s just never the perfect one for them to sleep well.

    3. The complainers

    They complain about not sleeping enough, every single night. If you ask them how many hours should be allocated for sleeping, they’d probably say 24 hours.

    4. The oversleepers

    They wake up greeting “good morning” meanwhile it’s past 2 p.m. Even a pregnant woman would have given birth before they wake up.

    5. The light sleepers

    Just a pin drop can wake them up, and if you make noise while they are asleep, they can swear for you.

    6. The deep, a.k.a dead sleepers

    You’re never really sure if they’re actually sleeping or have transcended to another realm because of how lifeless they seem while asleep. The whole house could be burning and they won’t wake up.

    Regardless of your sleep patterns, it doesn’t beat the fact that quality sleep is one of the most vital factors needed for you to face the day like a champ.

    No matter the kind of sleeper you are, enjoy comfort with Mouka. Find the right mattress for you here.

    Follow Mouka on social media:

    Facebook: @MoukaLimited 

    Twitter: @moukalimited

    Instagram: @moukalimited

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • QUIZ: What Is Your Weird Habit?

    QUIZ: What Is Your Weird Habit?

    Everyone has a weird habit ranging from licking salt to sniffing petrol. Take this quiz and we’ll guess yours.

    Tuntamilore

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  • 4 Money Habits To Include In Your New Year Resolution

    4 Money Habits To Include In Your New Year Resolution

    All your life you have struggled with saving money and being financially independent? Every year, you make resolutions to improve but you give up midway and revert to your old ways. If this sounds like you worry no more, we have four not so difficult steps to guide you on the road to monetary freedom.

    1. Learn to budget

    If there is one thing you should include in your plans this year, it is tracking every single kobo you spend. Every single naira that goes in and out of your wallet should be audited and accounted for. No free money this year(wails in black tax). Anyone that needs money should call three months ahead so they can be included in your budget. Unplanned expenses are the single greatest source of financial disasters. Congregation, can I hear you say no impulse buying this year?

    *Suddenly not so proficient in excel*

    2. There is no passive income!

    Any talent you can monetize, this is the year. From cooking to writing, and occasionally sleeping with other people – put a price tag on it! Seriously, think about any skill you currently offer for free and improve on it so you can make it a proper side hustle. One of the ways to achieve financial mobility is to increase your income.

    *Addicted to cash*

    3. Have an incase Nigeria goes to hell funds

    If you can afford to (no responsibilities or absence of black tax), you should start to have a rainy day fund. If you earn enough to afford it, you should put away some percentage of your salary as an emergency fund because life is weird. Apart from your savings or investments, this is a good way to prevent unplanned expenses from resetting you back to brokeness land (I have been there and back I can show you vouchers).

    4. There is always rice at home

    The difference something as little as cooking your own food makes is enormous. Packing food to work can help you track your expenses and see what you spend money on outside of food. Also, learning to say no to the extra demands of owambe will greatly improve your financial outlook. Anything that is not important should be reviewed and immediately removed (Especially that gym subscription. We all know that summer body doesn’t count in heaven).

    *Chicken Republic who?*

    To make all of this work, a hack is to learn to forgive yourself. If you slip, take it as a bad day, and attack your goals with renewed vigor the next day.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • People We Refused To Allow Follow Us Into 2017

    People We Refused To Allow Follow Us Into 2017

    1. People that borrow money and refuse to pay us back.

    2. Buka servers that are miserly with actual stew and only pour oil all over the rice.

    3. People that disrespect the glorious delicacy that is amala.

    4. Weddings that don’t serve small chops. Is that one a wedding or punishment?

    5. Oversabi family members that only know how to ask when you are getting married.

    6. Uncles that turn every small joke into a sermon.

    7. People that don’t read Zikoko.

    8. Supermarkets that have turned “sorry we don’t have change” to their side hustle.

    9. Restaurants that always use “POS is not working” to disgrace someone.

    10. Yoruba movies with bad subtitles. Lol we are joking oh we will manage it like that.

    11. Boyfriends that only call you in the night after their real girlfriend has gone to bed.

    12. “Aunty I can sew it” tailors.

    13. Fitfam people that judge you for eating a whole cake by yourself.

    14. People that waited for a whole year to change instead of just doing the thing immediately.

    Jola Ayeye

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