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Guy | Zikoko!
  • How You Know That Nigerian Babe Isn’t Into You

    How You Know That Nigerian Babe Isn’t Into You

    Nigerian babes aren’t exactly subtle when they aren’t feeling you, but a lot of guys still struggle with taking a hint. Well, here are some clear signs that she isn’t into you.

    1. When you see a fine babe and you hit her with your signature “you look familiar” line:

    Do better.

    2. When she gives you her number just so you can let her be.

    “Free me, abeg”

    3. How she replies your messages:

    Ouch!

    4. When you ask her to hang out and she says “I’ll tell you when I’m free”.

    You go wait die.

    5. You, calling her with all the persistence of a goat:

    Take a hint, my nigga.

    6. When she finally agrees to go on a date with you just so she can see road.

    At least it’s something.

    7. You guys actually have a good time, but now she is giving you brother-sister vibes.

    Chai! Well, you can be Lannisters.

    8. When she starts coming to you for relationship advice.

    It’s all over.

    9. Whenever a stranger says you guys make a cute couple and she laughs a little too long.

    Is it funny like that?

    10. This painful conversation:

    See the amnesia.

    11. When she says she wishes she could find a guy like you.

    Am I not a guy like me again?

    12. Whenever you try to escape from the zone.

    Just chill in that zone like that.

    13. Her, whenever you try to profess love.

    Ouch!

    14. When she hits you with her finishing move.

    https://twitter.com/Egbengijima/status/683145586682544128
  • Everything That Happens When A Girl Tells A Guy She Missed Her Period

    Everything That Happens When A Girl Tells A Guy She Missed Her Period

    1. So you’ve been doing the nasty together for a while.

    So much fun, right!

    2. And the other night was pretty amazing.

    Really good.

    3. When you see her coming over, but she’s not smiling.

    Is she breaking up with me?

    4. Then says the dreaded words “We need to talk”.

    What have I done?

    5. You try to remember every bad thing you’ve done since you last saw her.

    Oh God!

    She takes her time to get to the point. But when she does…

    6. Then she drops the news.

    JESUS!

    7. SHE HAS MISSED HER PERIOD!

    *faints*

    8. Then the thoughts start to pour in:

    “Where did you keep it?”
    You try to remember if you used protection.
    “Oh God, why am I so fertile…?”
    “Will she do abortion?…probably not.”
    You trying to calculate the price of pampers:
    And how much you’ll spend to raise a child.
    “Hay God! My mother will murder me.”
    “Why did I even have sex?”

    9. Then you start to think of your options.

    “Can I run away?”

    10. You think to yourself, “Maybe I will make a good father.”

    Then you’re realistic again. You haven’t even finished taking care of yourself.

    11. When you finally accept what is coming.

    “You will be a good father to your child.”

    12. Then she calls you to apologize. Her period just came.

    You want to kill me?!