grooming | Zikoko!

I need all Nigerian men to be more experimental when it comes to dying their hair. Instead of always blonde or light brown, try these hair colours listed below.

Nigeria green

They say charity begins at home, abi? That’s a good enough reason to dye your hair green. This is a chance to confidently represent Nigeria. Although, with the way this country is going, there’s not much to represent. So maybe dye your hair the colour of money, green, to show that money is entering your account.

All the colours of the rainbow

Why do one colour when you can do seven? Plus, it’s a great way to show you’re an ally of the LGBTQ+ community. And you’re being creative and adventurous. Take risks and try this.

Toilet roll white

I specifically said toilet roll white, so you know the exact type of white I’m talking about; clean, plain white. A lot of men tend to underestimate how sexy white hair can look on them. Besides, for those who have a few white strands here and there, this is a chance to go all out and just dye everything.

ALSO READ: Beginner Tips to Know Before Dyeing Your Hair

Bubblegum pink

Yes, Nigerian men dye their hair pink, but not bubblegum pink. The type that’ll make people notice you from across the room. If you’re trying to catch the eye of your crush, use this colour. They’ll notice you immediately. Take it from me.

Fanta orange

Speaking of being noticed from across the room, this is another colour to try. Fanta represents enthusiasm and excitement. This is a way to tell people you’re fun and the life of the party.

Laptop grey

There’s a difference between white and grey hair dye. Grey is a lot more subtle. Try this if you don’t want something too daring, and especially if you’re wearing a three-piece suit. I guarantee that people will be in awe of how stunning you look.

Red and black

When you’re trying out this colour combination, please make sure you’re not living in your Nigerian parents’ house. Because they’ll immediately think you’ve joined some kind of cult.

Turquoise

Turquoise is such a gorgeous sexy colour that’ll look so great on dark-skinned men especially. If there’s any colour you should try on this list, it’s this one, or at least, start with this one. I feel like your skin glows with this colour.

Purple

Purple isn’t so bold. So you can try it when you want to do something unique with your hair but don’t want to stand out too much.

You may also read about the men struggling to grow their hair in this article: 14 Things Every Guy Struggling to Grow His Hair Can Relate To

Dammy Eneli

July 29, 2022

Man Dem

grooming, hair, Nigerian Men
Someone made a tweet about how grooming products for men makes them smell like concepts while women’s products have them smelling like real things and they were not wrong. We decided to write a guide to create the perfect men’s grooming products.

1. Make it 9-in-1

Men don’t like spending money unnecessarily on one thing when they have three girlfriends, their wives and sugar mummies to take care of. Do some of them have better skincare routines? Yes, but most men still use bath gels that also shampoo and condition their hair so who is the villain here?

2. You must make men smell like concepts

If other companies that make grooming products for men are still in business then surely this tactic works. Men don’t want to smell like flowers or vanilla, they want to smell like dark temptation, sporty Icy blast, hardwood and wet leather. You are welcome.

3. Dark packages

Just like their hearts, all grooming products for men should be dark. Men don’t need colour in their life. You see, it’s very bad for their aesthetic, how will other men be able to tell that they are alpha males if their shower gel is bright pink?

4. Be serious

When you’re making advertisements for grooming products for men, there’s no need for a plot or story, just go right to it. Tell them what the product does and use the least average looking guy you can find, make sure he is toned as fuck too. That’s sure to drive the point across.

5. Appeal to their testosterone

Most men don’t like to admit that they care about their appearance, name that product accordingly. Hydrating moisturizer? More like bro’s facial engine oil.

6. Pander to their need to multiply

For this product to sell, they have to know that they will smell good enough for their partners to lose their minds. Nothing motivates them to buy a product like the possibility of sex.

[donation]

Malakai Bassey

November 4, 2021

Man Dem

Funny, grooming, Man dem, skincare
You know how Nigerians are generally homophobic; any small thing and they’ll recoil and say “Ah yew a gay?”

First of all there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Second of all, there are some perfectly normal things homosexual and heterosexual men should be able to do without being labelled.

If you do some of the things listed below, they either say you’re acting like a woman or that you’re “a gay.”

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1. Skincare

Men aren’t even allowed to have the most basic form of skincare apart from rubbing cream. If you own ordinary facial cleanser, people will pile on you to ask whether you’re a woman. To Nigerians, the end of skincare for men should be Irish Spring and Vaseline.

Your skin is important, take care ovveeet. #skincareroutine #skincaretips pic.twitter.com/cv9lRZitdI
— Baby Orisa 🎭🐣 (@FoluOyefeso) July 26, 2020

If you use sunscreen, scrubs and toner, that’s the end. Nigerians will probably call the police on you. Abeg, take care of your skin before you come out looking like harmattan victim.

2. Pedicure/Manicure

Walking into a Nigerian salon for pedicure and manicure is like walking into the market naked. The women will look at you like you grew horns on your chest. Grooming your nails has nothing to do with your sexuality. That’s why your feet look like you were escorting the Israelites during their journey through the desert. Get a mani/pedi TODAY.

3. Wearing body jewellery

If you’ve managed to do the above things without being labelled as gay, Nigerians won’t let you escape this one. Wear an anklet and you are guaranteed to receive funny looks all day. In fact, anything more than wristwatch, chain and a ring is guaranteed to make you the center of attention. For Nigerians, multiple pieces of jewellery mean you’re “doing like woman”. If you wear waistbeads, forget it.

4. Using lip balm

You might wonder why so many people walk around with lips cracked like the dry Savannah plains of East Africa. Let me tell you why. It’s because Nigerians think men using lip balm is akin to them using lipstick and is, therefore, GAY. That’s why.

Please, please and please, endeavour to use lip balm. Your partner is too shy to tell you but I will tell you on their behalf. Take care of your lips.

5. Snappy fashion sense

Nigerians love a fashion-savvy man. Just make sure you’re not *too* fashion-savvy. If you are, you’ll soon start to hear whispers of “Maybe he is a gay.” Shoutout to the gay fashion icons. Nigerians, people can dress well and not be gay.

6. When they tell their bros “I love you”

When you finish fighting for the above, this is the final boss level you must fight. If you tell your Nigerian male friend you love them, they begin to avoid you like a plague. The toxic masculinity is so strong, fathers don’t even say it their sons.

Don’t tight the world to your chest. Relax small and tell your friends you love them. You will not die.

You should probably read Are Nigerians Now More Accepting Of LGBT Rights? Idk sha.

Olufemi Fadahunsi

August 10, 2020

Inside Life

grooming, Homosexuality, Men, skincare