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golden morn | Zikoko!
  • If You Don’t Like Any of These 10 Foods, You’re Bad Vibes

    If You Don’t Like Any of These 10 Foods, You’re Bad Vibes

    Every day, people just wake up and expose their lack of taste to the whole world unprovoked by slandering great-tasting, perfectly fine food. Today, I’m taking a stand: I’m here to tell you that if you don’t like any of these ten foods, we need to question your taste buds.

    Oats

    If you don’t like oats, you simply lack imagination. Oats are such bad bitches that you can do so much with them. You can make oatmeal and throw in nuts, seeds or even fruits. You can make oat cookies. You can even blend oats to make smoothies with bananas, peanut butter, and milk, or add oats to yogurt to taste the good side of life. Enjoyment!

    Avocado

    Maybe avocado slander was once cool, but now it’s just forced, please. There are so many ways to enjoy avocado: on its own, with bread, in dips like guacamole, etc. It’s so multi-talented that it’s great for your belly, your hair and your skin. Never take food suggestions from anyone that doesn’t like avocado.

    Greek Yoghurt

    Thicker and creamier than regular yogurt and slaps your mouth even harder than agbalumo. If Yoruba Demon were to be a snack!

    Pap

    I can draw a straight line from people who dislike pap to people who don’t know how to prepare it.  

    Golden Morn

    The closest meal to Cerelac that we had back in the day when life was easier and we had no worries. How can you hate nostalgia?

    Amala

    I’m saying this as someone who once hated amala. I now realized that I only disliked it because I was eating it with abula (ew, because what is beans doing with swallow?). Amala with good old ewedu and that pepper stew is life. You need to open your mind. 

    Dodo

    Why? How can you even hate the king of sides? 

    Wheat Bread

    See, this is the only food on this list I can entertain skepticism about. I too have mixed feelings because very many bakeries get it wrong. It’s kind of like agbalumo — you need luck to find a good one. And once you find it, never let that brand go. Wheat bread typically takes some getting used to, but once you do, you’re in for the good life.

    Zobo

    Zobo saved our lives back in university — along with egg rolls. But now you people graduated and you think you’ve outgrown Zobo? Smh. 

    Boiled yam

    People who slander boiled yam stress me out. How can you boldly proclaim to the world that you don’t have taste? Please, check out these 10 things you can do with yam and uplift your taste buds please.

  • 10 Food Combinations Nigerians Need to Normalise

    10 Food Combinations Nigerians Need to Normalise

    Nigerians often like to play it safe with food. The typical Nigerian would visit a foreign country only to ask for egusi soup. It’s time to stop that behaviour. We came up with these top ten food combinations you need to try out. Brethren, this life is too short to eat boring food.

    1. Shawarma with ponmo slices.

    Hear me out: if we can eat chicken shawarma and beef shawarma, then what’s stopping us from trying out ponmo shawarma? Besides, isn’t ponmo part of beef? You people just hate local content, that’s why you are discriminating against ponmo. Free yourself from discrimination, add ponmo to your shawarma today and live life.

    2. Eba and ketchup.

    The rationale behind this is simple. If we can eat tomato stew, why not tomato ketchup and eba? Ketchup is literally tomato stew with sugar, so what is stopping us from normalising it, especially on those nights when you wake up hungry and there is nothing at home. If you have ketchup, you can just make eba and eat both.

    NB: This photo has plantain added.

    3. Plantain and ice-cream.

    If you have not tried this, I’m sorry for you oh. Sweetness overload.

    4. Golden morn and stew.

    The Yoruba part of me endorses this. I can’t eat something bland without adding a dash of pepper. Golden Morn isn’t exactly bland, but it’s too plain and sometimes, a little stew is what is needed for that extra oomph. You don’t have to try with stew on your first attempt. Start with stewed meat. Eat one spoon of Golden Morn and bite the meat. The next time you eat Golden Morn, you will be eager to try proper stew.

    5. Gbegiri and bread.

    Let me not even hear anybody shout. You people can eat bread and beans but bread and gbegiri is where you draw the line? Isn’t gbegiri beans soup? Please please please. So you can eat amala and beans but not bread and beans in soup form? Don’t vex me.

    6. Baileys and cornflakes.

    Alcoholics will love this one. And we give it to you.

    7. Garri and milk with tomato slices.

    It’s time to take your garri drinking to the next level. If you are worried that milk will make you add weight, that’s why the tomato slices are there: to help you diet.

    8. Fried yam and ice cream.

    I don’t have to preach about this for too long. The experience is in the taste. Try it and see that the Lord is good.

    9. Garri and cake.

    You can either cut your cake into bits and pour it into the garri, or you can bite the cake after each spoon of garri. Both ways work and are guaranteed to give you a throatgasm. I know, I’ve been there.

    10. Semo and Milo.

    If Semo porridge is your thing, then you will enjoy this immensely. Now, who do we have to talk to so we can sign these foods into the constitution?

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