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goals | Zikoko!
  • 9 Uncommon New Year’s Resolutions for 2022

    9 Uncommon New Year’s Resolutions for 2022

    “In 2022, I want to…” Ugh. Tired of all the generic new year’s resolutions that never last beyond five business working days?

    Maybe these nine not-so-common resolutions should be on your list instead.

    1. Tweet more memes

    Imagine if memes suddenly go extinct, and people forgot how to find the “funny” in even the most serious of things? Tragic. Keep memes alive, plis and tenks.

    2. Save more urgent 2ks

    It’ll shock you to learn that “insufficient funds” is no respecter of persons. May the rainy day not find you without an umbrella.

    3. Not making any new year’s resolutions…

    …And avoid people who ask you about your new year’s resolutions.Why? Well, January is tomorrow, don’t worry you cannot change.

    4. Survive “Malaria” and it’s siblings

    Every disease manifesting as malaria; Omicron and other COVID variants or whatever they call themselves better stay away from you and yours.

    5. Delete all your dating apps

    It’s not like we’re shading you oh, but since you’ve had those apps, did you find the love of your life? Delete, delete, delete.

    6. Own things with your chest

    You want to wear your clothes inside out? Own that shit with your full chest. Nobody will beat you. Periodddd.

    7. Have one of your tweets go viral

    You’ll know you’ve made it in 2022 if at least one of your tweets goes VIRAL, overnight. Make it happen.

    8. Be someone’s new year’s resolution

    Ehen nau. First off, you are not a potato. So surely, someone somewhere must have you on their wishlist for 2022.

    9. Find a bag of money by the roadside

    Whether Baco bag or Ghana-must-go, bag is bag. The goal is to find money you didn’t work for. It might seem impossible just like other new year’s resolutions, but the Lord is your strength.

    Don’t forget to share this with someone who hates new year’s resolutions.

    Cheers, and have a happy new year!

    [newsletter]

  • People We Refused To Allow Follow Us Into 2017

    People We Refused To Allow Follow Us Into 2017

    1. People that borrow money and refuse to pay us back.

    2. Buka servers that are miserly with actual stew and only pour oil all over the rice.

    3. People that disrespect the glorious delicacy that is amala.

    4. Weddings that don’t serve small chops. Is that one a wedding or punishment?

    5. Oversabi family members that only know how to ask when you are getting married.

    6. Uncles that turn every small joke into a sermon.

    7. People that don’t read Zikoko.

    8. Supermarkets that have turned “sorry we don’t have change” to their side hustle.

    9. Restaurants that always use “POS is not working” to disgrace someone.

    10. Yoruba movies with bad subtitles. Lol we are joking oh we will manage it like that.

    11. Boyfriends that only call you in the night after their real girlfriend has gone to bed.

    12. “Aunty I can sew it” tailors.

    13. Fitfam people that judge you for eating a whole cake by yourself.

    14. People that waited for a whole year to change instead of just doing the thing immediately.

  • A Nigerian Girl Graduates With Her Mother With The Same Degree On The Same Day!

    A Nigerian Girl Graduates With Her Mother With The Same Degree On The Same Day!
    When Nigerian Twitter user, Stephanogabanna shared pictures of her graduation, we couldn’t be more impressed.

    She and her mother just bagged B.Sc degrees in Public Health from the same university.

    https://twitter.com/StephanoGabanna/status/729773974779879424

    And this was how we felt.

    But we couldn’t help but imagine how being in the same class with a Nigerian mother would be like. Here are some of them:

    1. Her, when you try to lie about not having homework.

    2. When you try to sit beside someone else in class.

    3. When you try to cheat during an exam.

    4. When she passes you in a test.

    5. When you try to do small amebo in class.

    6. When you try to skip a class.

  • 15 Things A Guy Should Do While Alive

    15 Things A Guy Should Do While Alive
    There are over a thousand things to do in a lifetime really. But there are some really important things you should do no matter where you live. We made a list to make it easy for you.

    1. Spend money on that outfit you so much want

    We know you have a “perfect outfit” idea in your head. From the shoes, pants to the shirt, blazer or suit, wrist watch, hat etc. Make sure you definitely buy that whole outfit while you are alive. Don’t be only well dressed in the coffin.

    2. Skip work to go skydiving

    These two go together so perfectly. It is going to be a day of thrills. Skipping work, and being over three thousand feet in the air. The adrenaline is second to none!

    3. Go to a gun range

    As a kid you surely did gunshot motions with your bare hands, right? Don’t let it stop there. Go to an actual gun range and fire some rounds, then frame your target sheet. Perfect!

    4. Try to meet your hero/role model

    You sure do have to meet someone you have always tried to emulate or be like. Make moves to meet them, trust us this is going to be amazing, well except your role model is dead.

    5. Get married

    Oh yes we went there! Get married settle down with someone you really love and be merry, have kids and be examples for other couples. We purposely did not put this at the end because: Life does not end after marriage.

    6. Come up with an idea that is unconventional

    Be brilliant. Your brain is a power tool and using it is really encouraged. You may not be an Einstein but come up with an idea you can call your own and flourish.

    7. Open the door for a lady repeatedly

    You know how it is said that “real men open doors for ladies”? Yeah, you should do that repeatedly you’d earn that badge of honor for opening doors.

    8. Give someone an expensive and needed gift

    This is hard sometimes, but a well thought out gift that is usually not averagely priced will be super appreciated. You sure want to be that person that “was the suerhero”, at least once in a lifetime. Don’t go broke sha.

    9. Make a million

    This is a life goal. Make a million whatever currency it is in. You have to do this in a lifetime or even move it up to the next level…billion.

    10. Get ripped and fit for the fun of it

    Its really good to stay healthy. And you know what else? Getting ripped! You have to do this also, it takes time but you know in your head you had/have them packs.

    11. Do a photoshoot or be in one

    Before you die you have to be photographed professionally. You know this, we all know this. (You need nice pictures to be in your burial program booklet when you die).

    12. Get a memorable award

    Nothing as good as being honored with an award for an achievement. It is really fulfilling. Make sure you do something that is worth being mentioned or being awarded. Even if it is “employee of the month”.

    13. Do something sexually fun/memorable with your partner

    Well this one does not need a lot of explaining *winks*

    14. Car race

    At a point in a man’s life, he must race – Martin Luther King Jr. You see you have to tick this pr put this n your bucket lists definitely. It is an amazing experience! Well go karting is also racing.

    15. Earn money doing what you love

    THis is probably the ultimate. You don’t want to be stuck in a job or career you despise. Get out and pursue/do what you love. NB: It is never too late.
  • All The Times Tyla Showed Us BFF Goals

    All The Times Tyla Showed Us BFF Goals
    Ornella Mayassi and Betty Richoux originally from Cameroun and Angola respectively, are the founders of Tyla, a brand that specializes in fashion, creative consulting, dancing  and other fun stuff. They shared some videos on Instagram that define pure goals for anyone with a BFF.

    When they danced to Koffi Olomide.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-le45rzYpg/?taken-by=tyla.official

    So much cuteness in one picture.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/9YQSqWNt46/?taken-by=bettyrichoux

    The expressions on their faces are too funny.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-lfNEwTYp_/?taken-by=tyla.official

    Now don’t you just want to jam to Yemi Alade?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-lfdX7TYqb/?taken-by=tyla.official

    When they did the “Do it like me challenge”.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-lfqF0TYqp/?taken-by=tyla.official

    …And were just totally lit.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-lf165TYq3/?taken-by=tyla.official

    Their friend even joined in the fun.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/-9gT0BMxr2/?taken-by=ornella.mayassi

    Do they slay together? Absolutely!

    https://www.instagram.com/p/6aPxPwtt9L/?taken-by=bettyrichoux