Game of Votes | Zikoko!

Dear Nigerians, Sleep With Your Two Eyes Open

This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA.

On October 23, 2022, the United States government issued an emergency alert to American citizens living in Nigeria. The notice warned them of imminent terror attacks on any number of assets — especially in Abuja — and preached caution and vigilance.

Of course, Nigerians received the alert as well as you might expect.

[Image source: Tenor]

In typical Nigerian fashion, our own Department of State Services (DSS) quickly dismissed the U.S. alert as an ordinary security headache, not the pulmonary embolism it sounded like. The agency even said something like, “Hey, we’ve also issued similar warnings in the past” — which is true but isn’t the point. It’s not the Warning Olympics.

Whatever calm the DSS response offered, it went down the toilet when the U.S. government made another move on October 25. The U.S. Department of State authorised the departure of non-emergency staff and their family members back to America over the terror threats.

One of the embassy’s helpful suggestions for Americans who choose to remain in Nigeria is to have plans that don’t require the U.S. government’s assistance, which sounds like, “You’re on your own if kasala bursts.”

[Image source: Zikoko Memes]

Considering Nigeria’s history with terrorism in the past decade, this week’s events should register some concerns that the Nigerian government should be taking more seriously.

Instead, we’ve got the DSS soft-pedalling the threat and Lai Mohammed doing what he does best — calling Indian hemp spinach. Nigerians were sleeping with only one eye closed before, but we may need to sleep with both eyes open until this cup passes over. It’s time to be more vigilant than ever.

[Image source: Zikoko Memes]

What else happened this week?

Nigeria’s flooding crisis is a campaign issue

[Image source: Peter Obi Campaign]

It’s been weeks since Nigeria’s 2022 flooding crisis went from “It’s okay, this is normal every year,” to “Too many people are dying, do we still have a government?” The floods continue to wreak havoc around the country leaving 612 Nigerians dead and over 3.5 million people directly affected.

The situation wasn’t tragic enough to stop Buhari from travelling to South Korea this week. And he didn’t even bother to send the Minister of Condolences, Yemi Osinbajo, to have some humane facetime with the victims. His version of taking the crisis more seriously is announcing that he needs 90 days to put a plan together.

[Image source: Zikoko Memes]

Thankfully, the 2023 presidential candidates are filling the wide gap of humane leadership Buhari has left right in the middle of the flooding crisis. The Labour Party (LP) candidate, Peter Obi, has gone on a donation spree and visited victims, gaining leadership points and photos that’ll look great in his campaign album weeks from now.

The Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) candidate, Atiku Abubakar has also met displaced victims, donated millions and made commitments to provide permanent solutions to Nigeria’s frequent flooding problems. And the All Progressives Congress (APC) candidate, Bola Tinubu, has thrown millions of naira at the problem, even if he’s not found time in his busy schedule to meet the victims.

The good thing here is that as much as Nigeria’s 2023 elections campaign season has been troubled by ethno-religious tensions, it’s also catered to real issues affecting Nigerians. The days when campaigns were about eating roasted corn by the roadside are over. Or maybe we’re just being too optimistic here.

Have You Seen This Video?

We read Tinubu's 80-page manifesto so you don't have to. Here are the things we found. 1/2 pic.twitter.com/BKo4r9ZkQg
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) October 29, 2022

Question of the week

Fuel queues are back in major Nigerian cities and we spoke to a filling station manager about how good or bad a fuel scarcity crisis is for business. We also want to hear how you’ve been dealing with the ongoing scarcity crisis.

Click here to tweet your answer to @ZikokoCitizen on Twitter.

Ehen, one more thing…

Godwin Emefiele’s Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) is redesigning the ₦‎200, ₦‎500 and ₦‎1000 banknotes and one of his reasons is that it’ll minimise the access Nigerians have to large volumes of cash needed for ransom payments.

If you’re a kidnapper in Nigeria, it’s time to find a new line of work. Meffy is coming for you.

Samson Toromade

October 31, 2022

Game of Votes

Game of Votes, security, terrorism, United States
It’s Raining Nigerian Doctors in the UK

This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA.

If you’re feeling mischievous and throw a stone into a United Kingdom hospital, there are good odds it’ll land on a Nigerian-trained doctor who’ll scream, “Wetin be that?”

Seven years ago when Buhari became president, only 233 Nigerian-trained doctors moved to the UK. But that’s only 33 more than the 200 Nigerian doctors who moved to the UK in September 2022 alone.

If you had to guess how many Nigerian-trained doctors have relocated to the United Kingdom the entire year, what would your number be? According to the UK’s General Medical Council, the number of fleeing doctors between January and September is 1,307.

And there are more doctors waiting on the queue to get out of the country [Image source: Zikoko Memes]

For a country that already has a shortage of doctors in the health sector, losing even one doctor to other countries is a concern. To lose 1,307 professionals in just nine months is a tragedy. According to research by BMJ Global Health, low and middle-income countries lose $15.86 billion annually when locally-trained doctors migrate to high-income countries. The greatest total costs are incurred by India, Pakistan, South Africa and, of course, Nigeria ($3.1 billion).

The unchecked loss of highly-qualified doctors to new dispensations poses a threat to Nigeria’s already troubled health sector. Not only is it a loss of human capital with economic consequences, but can be a matter of life and death for Nigerians that need quality care.

[Image source: Zikoko Memes]

Nigerian doctors, like other Nigerians surfing the japa wave, are fleeing poor working and living conditions in pursuit of better opportunities abroad, and you have to wonder when the Nigerian government will tackle the exodus with ideas more sophisticated than just simply chaining them to hospital beds.

What else happened this week?

The 2023 presidential election is finally gaining life

The top three candidates for the 2023 presidential election finally breathed some life into their campaigns two weeks too late. On September 28, 2022, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) officially opened the floor for candidates to start campaigning, but all three have been sluggish with kicking things off.

What changed this week?

The candidate of the Labour Party (LP), Peter Obi, announced a presidential campaign council comprising 1,234 (seriously, this number isn’t a joke) members. Former presidential spokesperson and Obi’s current ride-or-die, Doyin Okupe, is the campaign’s director-general. Okupe boasted Obi already has a minimum of 15 million votes waiting for him at the polls, as long as INEC doesn’t do anyhow.

Notably, Obi skipped the committee’s unveiling ceremony for a speaking engagement at the ICAN 52nd Annual Accountants Conference. But with how low the standards have got, you’re just thankful he wasn’t off somewhere in London secretly treating an undisclosed illness.

The candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, officially flagged off his campaign and promised Nigerians would never again suffer from hunger and insecurity.

[Image source: Zikoko Memes]

But his campaign is still haunted by the ghost of Rivers State governor, Nyesom Wike, who predictably didn’t show up at the campaign launch, putting a question mark on Atiku’s high regard for himself as a unifier. In fact, days later, the party postponed two campaign outings in two states reportedly to give the candidate more time to patch things with Wike.

The candidate of the All Progressives Congress (APC), Bola Tinubu, also oversaw the launch of the party’s Women Presidential Campaign Committee. He charged his campaigners to preach his gospel and politely tell people that want his party out of government to shut their dirty mouths. It’s a great way to endear yourself to undecided voters if the goal is to lose the election.

Question of the week

What should the Nigerian government be doing about the ongoing flooding crisis that it isn’t already doing?

Click here to tweet your answer to @ZikokoCitizen on Twitter.

Ehen, one more thing…

The governor of Rivers State, Nyesom Wike, appointed over 28,000 officials for political units this week. When you get over the taxpayer cost of these appointments, you have to wonder if the governor is preparing for an imminent war the rest of us don’t know about.

Samson Toromade

October 17, 2022

Game of Votes

2023 Elections, 2023 presidential election, ATIKU ABUBAKAR, Game of Votes, Nigerian doctors, united kingdom
Nigeria Is Living in the Days of Noah, Again

This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA.

Nigeria has a very short list of frequent natural disasters: Ponzi schemes, politicians and destructive annual floods.

Over the past week, thousands of people living in Kogi State became homeless after invasive floods visited them and decided to feel at home. Many of these victims have raised alarm about their fate, but this isn’t just a story about Kogi.

Source: Twitter/@AlejiOjay

This year, more than half a million Nigerians have suffered the same watery fate witnessed in Kogi this week. Between January and August alone, flood incidents in 33 states killed 372 people, according to statistics from the National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA). And the sad thing is there’s nothing special about what’s happening because it repeats itself every year.

Heavy rainfalls cause much of these flood incidents but there’s a man-made aspect to it too. Every year, Cameroonian officials release excess water from Lagdo Dam. The excess water knows no boundaries and travels, without a visa, through the River Niger and Benue to wreak havoc in Nigeria. This happens every year, yet the government hardly ever prepares for it other than to raise alarm.

In fact, Kogi’s Commissioner for Environment, Victor Omofaiye, was upset that the victims ignored NEMA’s warnings to move to higher ground, even though there’s little evidence the government provided them with alternatives. The state government is now scrambling to provide relief for those affected by appealing to the Federal Government and non-governmental organisations (NGOs).

Until that help comes, at least the affected residents can console themselves with these shamelessly-branded boats the Kogi State first lady, Rashida Yahaya Bello, donated before this week’s severe floods.

Source: Blueprint

What Else Happened This Week?

The Battle for Who’ll Inherit Buhari’s Mess Is Live!

Presidential candidates have been heavily flirting with Nigerians for the past couple of months but that’s just pre-marital sex in election campaign terms. It wasn’t until September 28, 2022 that the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) blew the whistle for the official start of campaigns.

This leaves the floor open for candidates to commence the battle for the unique honour of becoming the man or woman who inherits Buhari-shaped trials and tribulations from May 29, 2023.

The candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, flagged off his campaign with the launch of a range of books that are about him. He also released a 15-minute video address promising to be Nigeria’s great unifier, never mind that he’s been struggling to unite his own party.

The candidate of the Labour Party (LP), Peter Obi, flagged off his campaign at a solidarity rally with his supporters in Jos, Plateau State. It was an auspicious day for him too because Bloomberg News released the result of a poll that showed him as the clear favourite to win next year’s election. It’s the third major poll he’s won in weeks, but February is still a long time away.

The candidate of the All Progressives Congress (APC), Bola Tinubu, launched his own campaign with a press statement after he flew to London and cancelled his scheduled campaign event. There has to be something about London that seduces Nigerian presidents and presidential hopefuls and we’d like to know so we can use it to keep them here.

On February 25, 2023, more than 90 million Nigerians will have the opportunity to pick the country’s next president from a pool of 17 men and one woman. The time to pay attention and choose your fighter starts now.

Have You Seen This Video?

Thousands of Kogi State residents have been displaced by floods, but you wouldn't know that from looking at Governor Yahaya Bello's social media activity. pic.twitter.com/9D7AVIKx5K
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) September 28, 2022

Ehen, one more thing…

Nigeria’s national grid collapsed for the seventh time in 2022 this week and sent Nigerians back into familiar darkness. At what point are we taking it to Shiloh for deliverance?

Samson Toromade

October 3, 2022

Game of Votes

ATIKU ABUBAKAR, Bola Tinubu, Flood, Game of Votes, Kogi state, Nigeria, Peter Obi
FG’s Unstoppable Force Meets ASUU’s Immovable Object

This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA.

If the ongoing ASUU strike is a scripted show, this week is the point where all the three armies clash on the open battlefield to settle scores.

Huffing and puffing on one end is ASUU, the titular star of the show fighting for affection. Staring at it with contempt on the other end is the Federal Government, the toxic boss spending its employees’ pension on G-Wagon.

If you take time to look into the distance, you will find Nigerian students groaning in pain as the two armies flex their muscles at each other.

What happens when all three meet in the open field?

Students set the pace for this week’s chaos when the National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS) mobilised members to block the Lagos-Ibadan expressway last week.
On Monday, September 19, they stepped it up when they blocked the Lagos International Airport Road and threatened to move the action to the Third Mainland Bridge. The underdogs of the story also promised not to allow political campaigns run smoothly in the country. Their simple demand was for the two agbayas to kiss and make up immediately so they can return to class.

The government didn’t like the disruptions the students caused so it turned its attention to ASUU. While it was having an unsuccessful civil dialogue with ASUU, it was also exploring a nuclear option to get the union back to work — the National Industrial Court (NIC).

The court commenced hearing on Monday after the government filed a case against ASUU to challenge the strike. The government’s main request to the court is to determine if the ASUU strike is legal and if striking lecturers are entitled to salaries while on strike.

On Wednesday, September 21, the industrial court ordered ASUU back to work while the key arguments are resolved. The government, students and their parents are happy with the decision, but ASUU is appealing the judgement.

So we’re asking: What’s the worst possible thing that can happen when you force unhappy workers back to work for a toxic boss?

What Else Happened This Week?

It’s Not The Best Time To Be A Ponmo Lover

Ponmo isn’t the fanciest of the beef class — it doesn’t make the noisemakers’ list but sits quietly without disturbing anyone. It’s even probably nice enough to piss on you if you were on fire. But this week, the Federal Government came for ponmo.

The director-general of the Nigerian Institute of Leather and Science Technology (NILEST), Muhammad Yakubu, is on a crusade to retire ponmo as a culinary option for Nigerians.

As far as we know, ponmo isn’t responsible for why no one’s ever heard of NILEST, but stopping Nigerians from eating the cow skin meat would apparently boost leather production in Nigeria.

To sell his pitch, Yakubu slandered ponmo with the argument that it holds no nutritional value. His proposal may sound like a joke, but he’s already lobbying members of the National Assembly to help him ban ponmo from the dinner table. All for the sake of leather.

It’s certainly a tricky situation for ponmo because this is apparently not just a clout-chasing cry for attention by NILEST.

If this goes to the National Assembly, Nigeria has to decide between ponmo or a thriving leather industry. If you’re a ponmo lover, this is the time to defend its honour.

Have You Seen This Video?

Trigger Warning: Nigerian politicians acting like they care about you when it's election season. pic.twitter.com/D6o6YHC199
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) September 17, 2022

Question of the Week

What’s your favourite Buhari nickname?

Click here to tweet your answer to @ZikokoCitizen on Twitter.

Ehen, one more thing…

Senator Ike Ekweremadu has only been sitting in a UK prison for three months and there’s a lawyer in court back home begging to replace him in the Senate.

It’s true what they say about the mice hosting a feast in the kitchen when the cat’s on vacation, huh?

Samson Toromade

September 26, 2022

Game of Votes

ASUU strike, ban, federal government, Game of Votes
Why You Should Be a Game of Votes Subscriber

An interesting pro of being a Nigerian is also its major con: you deal with some of the most equal parts annoying and entertaining politics anywhere in the world.

If only there was a newsletter that helps you navigate that messy pool…

These are the ways our Game of Votes newsletter can make your life easier if only you subscribe.

Saves you time and energy

Sorting through the news every day can be an exhausting task: from reading about terrorists doing friends with benefits with the government, to ASUU strike, to well-fed politicians getting hardship allowance and sending foreign aid to the Niger Republic and Afghanistan while you starve.

Game of Votes can save you all the hassle of looking for the politics and governance stories that should actually matter to you. We’ll be the coconut head so you don’t have to.

Teaches you how to fight Nigeria back

Nigeria is a weapon fashioned against you, and for as long as you can’t japa, Game of Votes is the shield you can use to fight back against powers and principalities with consistently engaging analysis of what’s really going on.

You need to pass the time with something

There comes a time in your life when you have five minutes to yourself — on the commute to work, in between quarrels with your lover, or sitting on the toilet.

Those precious five minutes are just enough time to read our Game of Votes newsletter with the most thoughtful easy-to-understand commentary about political trends in Nigeria, and maybe some toilet humour.

More entertaining than the final season of Game of Thrones

Now, Game of Votes isn’t a TV show, but we can promise it packs more political entertainment for subscribers than whatever they did with the final season of Game of Thrones.

Game of Votes newsletter is free

Unlike cassava, garri, ewa or agbado, our Game of Votes newsletter is completely free (except for the money you pay for data, of course). You don’t have to worry about the inflation that Buhari and Meffy don’t know how to solve.

Join the cool club and sign up for Game of Votes to get all the tea in your inbox at 8 am every Friday.

ALSO READ: These Five-Minute Activities Can Improve Your Life

Samson Toromade

September 13, 2022

Citizen

Game of Votes, Nigeria, Nigerians
Game of Votes: The Nigeria Police Force Wants to Steal Your Heart

This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA.

The public image of the Nigeria Police Force (NPF) is as black as the uniform the officers wear. And when Nigerians protested with the call to #EndSARS in 2020, the police washed their very dirty underwear, overwear and all sorts of wears before the global community.

To gain a bit more control over the narrative, there are now many police spokespersons on Twitter directly attending to public complaints. But these spokespersons still do messy things like trying to act savage or victim-blame.

The NPF is now trying to mend fences with Nigerians through the magic restorative power of improved public relations. This week, the Inspector-General, Usman Baba, announced plans to launch a Police PR School for officers. This school will focus on things like behaviour management, professionalism, and hopefully, the medicine that banishes the spirit of extortion and high-handedness.

That training can start with the Force spokesperson himself to prevent more tweets like this:

Whatever the NPF is cooking here, improved engagement with Nigerians shouldn’t be about putting paper over cracks, but committing to true reforms that Nigerians can get behind. For starters, it would be nice for officers to stop extorting Nigerians. We don’t have anything for the boys.

What Else Happened This Week?

Nigerian Politicians Can’t Stay in One Place — It’s Science

One thing you can always trust a Nigerian politician to do is fornicate with party membership, especially around elections.

On August 29th, 2022, the presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, travelled down to Kano for a lavish celebration. The party held the ceremony in honour of a prodigal son that had just returned to its fold — Senator Ibrahim Shekarau.

Shekarau left the PDP in 2018 when he joined the All Progressives Congress (APC). And there was similar fanfare when he dumped the APC for the New Nigeria People’s Party (NNPP) three months ago in May 2022.

Shekarau proves the science that Nigerian politicians can’t be trusted to stick to one party, and you can always expect them to move in the thirst for power. Even the Atiku that went to welcome him in Kano has moved across parties four times since 2007. Well, he wants to be president, and the game is the game.

What this culture of repeated defection highlights is there are no ideological principles guiding Nigeria’s politics. No wonder the country is in the state that it is.

Have You Seen This Video?

There are better ways Buhari could be spending all the Abacha loot Nigeria is recovering, and we have a few great ideas. pic.twitter.com/SiA1TYORxl
— Citizen by Zikoko (@ZikokoCitizen) August 30, 2022

Question of the Week

How many Nigerian political parties are participating in the 2023 general elections?

Click here to tweet your answer to @ZikokoCitizen on Twitter.

Ehen, one more thing…

Buhari publicly assured Nigerians he’ll allow them to vote for whoever they want in 2023, and we can only wonder, “What kind of democratic president allows democratic stuff to happen?” Such a weird guy.

Don’t forget to subscribe to the Game of Votes newsletter.

Samson Toromade

September 5, 2022

Game of Votes

Game of Votes, Nigeria, Nigerian Police Force, Nigerians
These Five-Minute Activities Can Improve Your Life

Being a Nigerian can feel like a lot sometimes. There are simply too many things capable of ending you. This is why it’s important that you take every opportunity to give yourself a fighting chance.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, and taking five minutes to do any of these things can improve your life.

Clear out your overflowing inbox

Only psychopaths have more than 20 unread emails in their inbox. Why do you have 8,963 unread emails?

Start clearing that thing before we alert Interpol.

Block your online haters

It’s unhealthy to give your haters access to you so you have to reduce the odds of those weapons fashioned against you. Scrutinise your social media accounts and block anyone giving you bad vibes.

Update your haters’ list

And because you can never run out of haters, fish out the upcoming ones and schedule them for future blocking. Seriously, never give room for bad vibes.

Return all those phone calls you’ve been dodging

Of course, as a Nigerian, you’re dodging phone calls because that’s where the devil of billing resides. But you can’t hide forever and you need to return some calls to hear the voices of your loved ones like your mother, barber and the person you’re owing urgent ₦2k. Onigbese.

Learn something new

Acquiring new skills is useful for refreshing your mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s how to make a TikTok video, or use a fire extinguisher or change a generator’s spark plug. Always carve out time to learn something new.

Exercise

The hustle is cool and all that but are you taking care of yourself? How much exercise are you doing? Even if it’s frog jumping or skipping, take some time to loosen up your tight muscles. It may serve you well in the future agbado army.

Cancel subscriptions

Sapa is in town and it’s useful to keep track of all the expenses you can do without, like your premium TrueCaller subscription or that streaming platform you only ever use once every two months.

Sit quietly and catch up with yourself

There’s too much going on in the world and you’re jumping from one panic to the next. It’s important to take timeouts every now and then to just sit there and think about your life and what the point of everything is.

Read Game of Votes newsletter

Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes newsletter is a weekly roundup of this situation we call Nigeria — the good, the bad, and the extremely bizarre.

The newsletter will wade through all the stressful news to help you understand what’s really going on in Nigeria and why you need to care. And all of this is done in five minutes or less. You can subscribe here.

Samson Toromade

August 30, 2022

Citizen, Inside Life

Game of Votes, Nigerians
QUIZ: What’s Your Political Personality Type?

Does reading anything Nigerian-politics-related on Twitter excite you or make you want to throw your phone away?

Take the quiz to determine your political personality.

Tife Oni

August 18, 2022

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

Game of Votes, Nigerians, Politics
These People Want to Lead Nigeria But Who Are They?

And just like that, we are headed towards another election season. While elections are not expected to officially kick off until February 18, 2023, a couple of familiar faces (and one new face) have indicated an interest in replacing our dearest President Buhari. But before you get bombarded with billboards and promises, we decided to do a little research and introduce you to some of these politicians.

1. Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu

Finally, after months of guessing and speculation, the Jagaban of Lagos, Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu has officially thrown his fila into the 2023 presidential race.

What you should know

Tinubu has been running things in Nigeria, especially Lagos, for a long time. He was a senator in 1992, served as governor twice, handpicked all the governors that came after him, pushed his wife to the senate and created the All Progressive Congress (APC) which got Bubu into Aso Rock. So far, there have been questions surrounding his source of wealth, educational background and whether or not he’s as old as Dumbledore.

Let’s not get into the health concerns that had him in London for the better part of 2021. It’s giving Buhari 2.0.

2. Orji Uzor Kalu

Former Abia state governor and current Chief Whip of the Nigerian senate (the whip is not a BDSM thing o), Orji Uzor Kalu has also indicated an interest in the 2023 presidential elections.

What you should know

While Kalu has done well for print media with The Daily Sun and The Telegraph, we can’t ignore the ₦7.1 billion fraud case that was brought against him in 2007. Despite the case still ongoing, he was allowed to run for and win a seat in the senate in 2019.

Kalu was eventually convicted and sentenced to 12 years in jail in 2019, but before he could really start sweeping cells in kirikiri, a Supreme Court judge nullified his conviction in May 2020. Interesting.

3. Yahaya Bello

This man announced his intentions as far back as 2020, less than a year after he won his second term as Kogi state governor. Apparently, Nigerian youths, celebrities and elites were “pressuring” him to run.

What you should know

Yahaya Bello is no stranger to the news. When he’s not dancing in the gym, he’s being criticised for owing salaries in his state, despite receiving a ₦20 billion bailout from Sterling Bank to pay said salaries. He was also allegedly involved in the mistreatment of Barrister Natasha Akpoti, the only female candidate to run against him in the 2020 Kogi state governorship polls. It’s giving bully with a side of misogyny.

4. Dele Momodu

Remember Ovation Magazine? Yes, this is the man behind it. Famous publisher and media personality, Dele Momodu has also offered to lead us to freedom.

What you should know

This isn’t his first time at the rodeo. Momodu previously ran for president in 2011 under the National Conscience Party (NCP), however, despite that loss, he has decided to run again. This time, he intends to run under the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP). While his beefs with Davido and KWAM 1 might be more popular than his lack of experience in office, it feels good to see a different face in the race, even though it’s a face we already know.

5. Bukola Saraki

Former Senate President, Bukola Saraki has also made his intention known about 2023.

What you should know

Before becoming a senator and then Senate President, Bukola Saraki served as governor of Kwara State from 2003 to 2011. Saraki has switched parties so many times, it’s hard to keep up. Starting out with the PDP, he switched to the APC before switching back to the PDP.

He intended to run for this job in 2019, but eventually settled as the top man in charge of Atiku Abubakar’s presidential campaign. From corruption cases to armed robbery, Saraki has had his fair share of run-ins with the law. However, he has continued to maintain his innocence. Has anyone ever accepted that they’re guilty?

6. Anyim Pius Anyim

One of the most vocal aspirants from the South-East, Anyim Pius Anyim was a Senate President during the era of Olusegun Obasanjo from 2000 to 2003. He also served as Secretary-General of the Federation under Goodluck Jonathan from 2011 to 2015.

What you should know

During his time as Senate President and Secretary-General of the Federation, Anyim racked with Samuel Ominyi Egwu and Martin Elechi, two sitting governors from Ebonyi state (his state).

In 2021, he was also invited and interrogated by the EFCC in connection with a ₦780 million corruption case involving former Minister of Aviation, Stella Oduah. Again, nothing new.

7. Khadijah Okunni-Lamini

Nigerians have discovered a brand new candidate and the first woman to officially throw her hat into the ring for the 2023 presidential elections. Khadijah Okunni-Lamini (popularly known as KOL) has stated that she is joining the race out of a strong desire to rekindle hope and make Nigeria work for all Nigerians.

What you should know

KOL is one of the lesser-known candidates to have shown interest in joining the presidential race this year. While she might lack political experience, KOL is a media personality and the brain behind Slice Media Solutions, an advertising agency based in Lagos Nigeria. She is also behind some social impact initiatives such as Water Relief Nigeria, Help Our Youth (HOY), To Better Nigeria & Project: Bridge the Gap.

8. Kingsley Moghalu

Kingsley Moghalu, a 2019 Presidential candidate is also making a comeback to the race next year after previously losing to Bubu.

What you should knowMoghalu served as the Deputy Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria from 2009 to 2014. He was one of the youngest contenders in the last elections, where he contested under the Young Progressives Party (YPP). Next year, he will be joining the race again, this time, under the African Democratic Congress (ADC).

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

January 17, 2022

Citizen

2023 General Elections, citizen, Game of Votes, Nigerian elections, Presidential Elections
Fellow Nigerians, Be Careful What You Say…
This is Zikoko’s Game of Votes Weekly Dispatch. We share the most important things that happen in Nigeria every week. 5pm Thursdays. Stay woke.

Be Careful What You Say.

Did you say freedom of speech? SHH, the Nigerian government might have no idea what that means and might not want to hear what you have to say about it. How do I know? Well, the Senate has proposed a bill to kill anybody who speaks hatefully. Damn son, I’ve got bars. But seriously.

What time is it?

Time to check yourself before you say ANYTHING that will be frowned upon because it’s still not clear what hate speech means under the bill; don’t like the border closure? SHH. Curious about the salaries of your senators? SHH. Our government doesn’t like noise; it grinds their gears and they’ll be grinding yours if you are convicted of a hate speech crime.

Whose brilliant idea was this anyway?

Deputy Senate Whip, Sabi Abdullahi, representing Niger North Senatorial district. Apparently, he woke up to this bright idea one morning in 2018 when he was in the 8th assembly, and thought it would be awesome to introduce the bill to the floor because he was uncomfortable with how freely Nigerians in a democratic society spoke. Although it didn’t get the immediate results he wanted, the bill recently reared its ugly head again, had its first reading and many Nigerians are not liking this new development at all.

GUESS WHO GOT SACKED.

I’m someone, I’m the chairman of a local party but my members just suspended me. Who am I? Let me give you a clue. My wife’s name is Eve and I’m the first man. Alright, you can stop guessing, it was none other than Adams Oshiomole. News reaching us is that the Edo state chapter of the All Progressives Congress (APC) has suspended him.

Now Why Would They Do Something Like That?

Oshiomole was suspended for his alleged role in the crisis rocking the state chapter of the party. This comes as APC governors give him an ultimatum to resign — As chairman of the All Progressives Congress (APC), he has been asked to convene a National Executive Council (NEC) meeting to address the party’s challenges or resign from his position.

Trouble in Oshiomhole Paradise or Trouble in APC paradise?

Both. Members of the APC have allegedly been protesting against the following: Poor reward system in the party; Abandonment of founding fathers; Neglect of the entire party structure; Failure to convene a quarterly meeting of the National Executive Committee (NEC) – the decision making organ of the party amongst other things.

Particularly in Edo State, the battle between Obaseki and Oshiomole may have escalated to a fist fight. Ahead of the 2020 governorship election in the state, it is alleged that Oshiomole was shopping to replace Obaseki who is the current governor.

As if that was not enough, the Edo chapter of the APC also suspended this same Governor Obaseki for allegedly perfecting plans to defect to the opposition People’s Democratic Party (PDP) ahead of next year’s election.

Is This A Suspension Party?

Here’s the fun part. It just might be a party you and I were not invited to. The man who led the suspension of Oshiomhole — Anslem Ojezua — has also been suspended in a controversial manner.

DSS DOES NOT GIVE AF ABOUT COURT ORDERS.

Despite countless court rulings to let Sowore go, the DSS is pig-headed about doing that and are simply pissing on the bail conditions that Sowore has met. Their excuse? Nobody came to receive him on the D-day, not even his lawyers who fought so hard to. And what happened to the people who dared to protest against this injustice? They got shot at by the DSS.

Meanwhile, the Washington Post is weighing in on this issue of national embarrassment while the State Security Service continues to give reasons why Sowore is still in jail.

DID YOU MISS THIS?
1. This is for everyone who loves Keke Napeps and maybe lives in Abuja: well, they’ve been banned in your city.
2. The Nigerian children will be so glad that DJ Cuppy threw an exclusive party for her 27th birthday since they’ll soon get a share of the N5.1 billion that was raised on their behalf. Right? Right?
3. Nigerians came for Babatunde Raji Fashola when he dared to claim that the roads in Nigeria were not bad and citizens were just being delusional. We hear you, Mr Minister, we hear you.
NOT.THE.NEWS.

Did you know you need a ferry to get to Senegal from The Gambia? No? Neither did I until I read this. The Jollof Road team is presently in Senegal and they have all the info. Follow them on their trip around West Africa here.

Ministry is moving

The dispatch is growing. If you enjoyed reading this, share this with someone, you hear? Z!KOKO

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We tell you the most important things that happened in Nigeria, during the week, in a way that won’t bore you to death.
Gabriella Opara

November 15, 2019

General

Game of Votes, news
What Even Is The Digital Economy?
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1. Why Did The Ministry of Finance Get A Fancy New Name?

Someone in the federal government will not rest until every single ministry of Nigeria grows up, marries and adopts a multi-hyphenated last name. The Ministry of Industry, Trade and Development, The Ministry of Finance, Budget and National Planning etc. Newly wedded and making the rounds as a blushing bride is the Ministry of Communications and Digital Economy.

While I have long since given up on finding reasons as to why the government does its government things, the motives behind the ministry re-naming were offered, so I guess we have to talk about it now. Groan.

So… what’s up with the name?

On October 23rd, President Buhari, acting on the advice of the Minister of Communications – Isa Patanmi, approved the re-naming of the nations Communications Ministry (I bet your last ₦500, you had no idea who the minister of communications was). This approval was communicated in a statement to that effect.

According to the statement (and I’m quoting here), Mr Patanmi will now “properly position and empower the ministry to fulfil his digital economy objectives.” Anyone else feel a little chill at that ‘his’ personalisation? Just me? Okurr.

But what even is a digital economy?

Nobody knows, but it’s provocative.

The way I see it, the digital economy comprises any economic activity requiring electronic/digital measures to be fulfilled. So that’s everything from Instagram vendors, to heavyweight technology companies, to perhaps even the banking sector. Did the Minister of Communications just take a huge chunk out of the Minister of Finance’s role? And y’all said he suggested this to the president? Hm.

2. Simon Achuba, you have 10 seconds to leave the Kogi State Government House.

Wait, wait, make that 5. Your replacement’s already here.
Note to self: do not ever cross your boss, ever. Especially when he’s a petty MF like the Kogi State Governor – Yahaya Bello.

Before we get into the why of the impeachment of Simon Achuba, former deputy governor of Kogi State, let’s take a look at some of the things he alleges the executive and legislative arms of Kogi State have done to him since his removal:
1. They allegedly caused policemen to mount a barricade at the entrance of his home.
2. They allegedly caused the electricity supply to be cut off from his home
3. They also allegedly disconnected and disconnected the power generating set in his home … all within hours of his impeachment as deputy-governor.
Gurl!

What could have caused this treatment to my mans?

The tidy sum of N819,709,980.

Now what exactly caused the rift between governor and deputy governor is cause for some speculation, but this figure is the amount Achaba alleged was owed to him by Governor Yahaya Bello.

The sum represents unpaid salaries, travel allowances, hotel bills, pledges and outstanding monthly impresses, all of which had been allegedly withheld from the deputy guv since 2017. (Let’s pretend to not notice a government official allegedly racked up almost a billion in travel allowances and salaries over the course of two years).

The office of the deputy-first lady (?) had also stopped receiving payment alongside her husband. Petty what?

In July 2019, Achuba brought a legal action against Bello to enforce the payment of the sum allegedly owed to him. He also sprinkled allegations of financial misappropriation, non-performance and other crimes against the governor into the mix. Our guy also alleged that the governor attempted to assassinate him? Man, what was happening in that state house?

Gbas, meet gbos.

In August, the Kogi State House of Assembly expressed displeasure at Achuba’s conduct against the government of Kogi State. They accused him of criminal indulgence, financial misappropriation and non-performance. So they raised a petition against him, supported by a certain Governor Bello, who encouraged the house to look into the allegations against his deputy, ahead of a possible impeachment.

To decide on the petition, a seven-man panel was raised to investigate the allegations and they essentially found the Kogi deputy governor not-guilty. Guess who didn’t give AF anyway and called for his impeachment? Just guess.

Simon Achuba was officially impeached from office on October 18th. By the 21st, a new deputy was sworn in – Mr Edward David Onoja.

Just to finally burst your heads with this Kogi issue, Onoja was sworn in by the Chief Justice of Kogi State- Justice Nadir Ajana. The same guy that ordered that a panel be set up to investigate the allegations against Simon Achuba. The same panel that found Achuba not- guilty of the allegations that were laid against him.

When I tell you I’m tired…

3. Boy, if you don’t fix that budget.

On October 21st, the Senate rejected the ₦23 billion budget presented by the Minister of the Niger Delta – Godswill Akpabio. Their reason? It was designed to fail.

That’s very

See, what had happened was — the proposed budget listed a ton of new projects to embark on to transform the Niger Delta or whatever, the only problem is, the big ND is littered with just as many uncompleted and abandoned projects. Also, the Senate was none too pleased that the ministry failed to contact the necessary stakeholders in the Niger Delta before drawing up the budget.

Back to the drawing board kids.

But wait, there’s more!
Boyin Plumptre

October 25, 2019

Citizen

Game of Votes
Every day, Nigeria Strays Further From The Light of the 21st Century
(A look at the events surrounding the protests of August 5.)

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So quick question: Where are we going as a country?

Back to the late 20th century, it seems. Is the “newly sworn-in” President Bubu scared that someone that is not his clone is coming to take over from him?

What did a great man once say?

A great man once said, “Hell is empty, and all the devils are in Nigeria.” No, it wasn’t you, Shakespeare. That great man, whoever he is, was however correct.

Let’s take a look at what he was talking about:

President Bubucakes insists he respects the rights of citizens to protest, but described organisers of the #RevolutionNow protests “as individuals merely seeking to attain power by violent and undemocratic means”. He insisted that the era of coups and “revolutions” were over. Could he be afraid of something? Could he be having a serious case of PTSD? I mean, it was in this same August in 1985 that he was overthrown in a coup led by General Ibrahim Babangida and other members of the ruling Supreme Military Council (SMC).
A look at the backstory:

Sowore, a human rights activist, who ran against President Muhammadu Buhari in the 2019 elections declared a protest on August 5. The point of the protest was to demand a better Nigeria. Incase Bubucakes was unsure, protests are an action declaring disapproval. We helped him check

Then what?

Then the Department of State then arrested him and said (and you’re not reading this wrongly), that his call for protest was “threatening public safety, peaceful co-existence and social harmony in the country.” The public relations officer of the DSS, Mr. Peter Afunanya then went ahead to define what a revolution was and assured citizens that there’ll be no revolution on August 5.

Jokes on him: While there was no revolution — revolutions tend to happen over time — there were protests which went ahead despite Sowore’s arrest.
Here’s what happened during the protest:

In Lagos, the police claimed that the protest was treason, and fired teargas. They checked people’s phones and arrested the individuals they could arrest. 1998 called, they want their tear gas back.

They arrested protesters in Osun and brutalised a woman and a journalist.
- What the hell is going on here???
Under the sun and in the rain…

Despite heavy rain, protesters in Abuja weathered the storm and went ahead to protest. And if the rain couldn’t stop them, surely the police taking over their original venue the Unity Fountain, did not stop them. All they had to do was change locations. If the NYSC anthem was the theme for their protest, there would be a consistent emphasis on this part of the lyrics: “under the sun and in the rain.”

In Ibadan, the police laid siege at the main gate of the University of Ibadan to prevent the protest. They were successful in doing this but also succeeded in creating fear in the students and University occupants. Counteractive if you asked me.

In Kaduna, the story is quite different. It is suspected that residents of Kaduna State may have shunned the protest because of the court ruling on the foreign medical trip request of the leader of the Islamic Movement in Nigeria, Sheikh Ibraheem El-Zakzaky. Do you know who was excited all this time? Bubucakes of course. A report has it that that President Buhari was elated that Nigerians “ignored” calls to join the #RevolutionNow protests.
Is this time any different from Occupy Nigeria of 2012? Not really. According to the National Secretary of the Committee for the Defence of Human Rights, Olayinka Folarin,“The word revolution is a predated statement that was even used by the people in government today, including President Muhammadu Buhari. In 2012, Goodluck Jonathan did not stop our nationwide protest at Ojota, and the people in the present government participated. They have become tyrannical and have started unleashing mayhem and terror on the good people of Nigeria after they took office.”
What’s that you said? Gbas-gbos.

As of today, a court has ordered the detainment of Sowore for 45 days while the police investigates the allegation of instigating the public and seeking a change of the present administration order than the provided constitutional means of doing so. against him.

Meanwhile, while Buhari is claiming that the Era of coup is over and that the ballot box was the only constitutional means of changing government and a president in Nigeria, the Aare Onakakanfo of Yorubaland, Gani Adams has pleaded with Buhari to not take us back to the military era.

What’s it gonna be Nigeria?
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Ope

August 9, 2019

Citizen

Buhari, Ctizen, Game of Votes, Nigeria, protest, Sowore