I’m not saying that I go to weddings because of food, but if there’s no food, I’m not going anywhere! If you’re someone like me, then I’m sure you’ve noticed these stages of getting food at Nigerian weddings.

Like, we all know that after small dancing, they will serve food. So tell me why you’re delaying my joy with your dance if you’re not wicked. 

All of us have almost died, but you’re there doing shoki.

When they finally bring the food out, but keep skipping you.

Eskis me, sah. Am I invisible?

When the hunger gets too much, you just have to find the person that invited you.

See how your people are doing me. I’m hungry, epp.

When the waiter eventually heads your way to take your order.

Then comes back again and again… for the same order.

The same waiter comes back with a tray high above his head, and you’re excited for your food.

Only for him to lower it and give you water.

Then the gods finally smile on you and they bring you small chops.

Wawu… So I survived this torture?

Finally, they bring the jollof rice to your table.

By this time, you’re already shaking. And as your fate will have it, the plates finish before they reach you. You want to start shouting, but home training.

The waiter comes back with his tray, only to give you yam pottage and tell you that jollof rice has finished.

Whattt??? Jesus, is this a heart attack? Have a wedding food nightmare story? Share with us, let’s laugh at you too!