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friend group | Zikoko!
  • Why Being the Single Friend Sucks 

    It doesn’t matter if you recently returned to the streets, you’re taking a break from relationships to focus on yourself or you’re not just meeting the right people. 

    You can probably relate to this story if you’re a single friend

    Your friend just celebrated their first anniversary with bae 

    You remember all the times you’ve had to weigh in as relationship counsellor 

    You send them messages to show your excitement

    God when Pro-Max 

    Now you’re asking your friends when they’ll get married 

    Because you want to wear aso ebi and eat party jollof. 

    But they counter it with, “when will you sef find a partner?” 

    It’s giving Nigerian nosey aunty, TBH. 

    Then they try to match you with someone 

    There’s no harm in trying, right?

    So they start sharing your number and social media handles 

    It starts with their partner’s friend, then their coworker. Next thing, it’s someone who’d previously hit on them. 

    As long as the person is good-looking, you don’t mind 

    Ah yes, they’re very fine. But do they have sense? 

    Soon after, you already know it won’t work

    If they’re not saying “am cool” or trying to “have you eaten” you to death, they’re telling you how they want you people to be eating each other’s work.

    You’re now worried about the kind of people your friend knows 

    And why they even thought it was a good match.

    You conclude your friends hate you

    And you’ve decided to stop indulging in their amateur match-making. 

    But they won’t stop sending you posts about single people 

    Will you rest, in Jesus’ name?

    Or doing yimu at your “God-when” comments 

    Delete this immediately. 

    It’s clear to them that you’re a clown 

    You’re one with the streets. 

    Still, whenever you post a cute picture of you with someone 

    Anyone where you’re both smiling

    They rush to the DM to ask if the Lord has finally done it 

    Done wot?

    They think you’re choosing to stay on the streets because ashawo is in your eye 

    Which might be true

    But they don’t know the dating pool is murky these days 

    Everybody on the street is either wicked, planning to japa or married.

    You’re actually ready for a relationship 

    You just need to find someone worth it

    But you don’t know how many talking stages you have left in you 

    Your helper is the only person you want to tell more about yourself.

    READ NEXT: 8 Memes That Describe How People Think About The New Year 

  • Ask These Questions Before Accepting Someone New Into Your Friend Group

    Choosing friends is a big deal. Trust me, you don’t want the person holding all your secrets to wake up one day and decide not to have sense.

    And if you already have a friend group, you’ll understand how important it is not to bring someone new who’d scatter your friendship dynamic. Ask new applicants these questions so you can make the right choice.

    Semo or pap?

    Trick question because there’s no right answer. If they pick either, they deserve to be locked up with their preferred option. Good riddance.

    Will you take my side?

    Imagine having a friend who you share gist about your foolish ex with, and they have the audacity to say, “I think your ex might be right, though.” What the actual heck?

    Can you take fire pictures?

    Your social media can’t contain selfies only. It won’t hurt to have another friend to help you get your best angles.


    RELATED: 7 Important Reasons Why You Need a Friend Group


    Do you usually keep secrets?

    Before you’ll go and be doing friendship with someone who’ll japa and call to inform you from the abroad three years later.

    How many people do you know?

    Like a wise person once said, “we rise by lifting others.” We all need a connected friend. They don’t even need to be rich rich. If they can score you extra meat at an owambe, hold them tight. 

    Do you have sense?

    If they take it as an insult, they really don’t have sense.

    Do you like advice?

    Not the one that’ll complain about their cheating partner all day, but will still be ignoring your advice to leave them. They can even wake up and claim you’re the enemy of their weyrey lover.

    Are you stingy?

    Again, they don’t have to be rich. But a good friend should be able to share nice things with you, and vice versa. 

    Are you dramatic?

    Make your choice based on the level of drama you can live with. Imagine being friends with someone who under or over-matches your energy. God abeg.


    NEXT READ: 5 Nigerians on Being the “Broke Friend”

  • 7 Important Reasons Why You Need a Friend Group

    You probably don’t think you need a friend group. The things on this list, however, are all you need to convince and not confuse you that friend groups are very important. 

    A fun birthday

    One gift per member of the friend group. Just imagine all of them joining money to buy you a car or small island, depending on the collective wealth of the group. Having a friend group makes it more likely you’ll have a surprise birthday party. Who doesn’t want one of those? 

    Gossip sweet die

    People act like gossiping is terrible, and sure it has its downsides, but it’s mostly fun. Having a friend group means putting pieces of gist together to form the whole story. And if anyone finds out you’re using your group for gossip, they could judge you all they want, but you don’t care. You’ve never been happier. 

    RELATED: 10 People You’ll Find in a Friendship Group

    People you can share platters with 

    If you’re someone who always wants to eat everything a restaurant has to offer, you desperately need a friend group. Buying a platter for yourself means you pay the total price and still pay for takeaway. A friend group means you pay a fraction of the cost and taste everything. Dollar is ₦600; choose wisely. 

    Never do anything alone 

    There’s always one member of the friend group down for whatever strange activity you want to engage in. You’d never be alone again. 

    RELATED: Every Queer Friend Group Has One of These

    Fewer people to get for an orgy 

    You need at least 12 people for an orgy. With a friend group, you’ve already knocked a significant number out of that list. Work smarter, not harder. 

    People you can split subs with 

    Netflix, Spotify, Showmax, etc. cost a lot of money, the kind of money you can use to buy land. A friend group means you can opt for a family plan and pay a fraction. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a wealthy friend you can mooch off of. Everyone wins.

    Screenshots from your fun gc for social media 

    This is the single most important reason to have a friend group. Sure, having people to do activities with is fun, but you also need content to post on social media. Everyone wants to post screenshots of the group chat. And you want everyone to think you’re funny and cool. You need to feed off of the jealousy of your followers. Showing off >>>>

    RELATED: 10 Signs You’re the Toxic Friend in Your Friend Group