flogging | Zikoko!

To be honest, 90s kids suffered. We were just too young to know that suffering is not the same as discipline or love.

1. Whenever you buy anything, even if it’s maggi, put inside a nylon.

Nobody must see what they sent you.

2. When they give you food, you show it to your parents first.

Otherwise…

3. If you attend any birthday party, you must not taste anything.

Bring everything home. Every single thing in that party pack must be complete.

4. Always grind pepper in this container.

Always the custard container, and God help you if you decide to play football on the way and pour the pepper away.

5. Misplacing money used to send you on an errand is equal to death.

Just ‘lost’ with the money and don’t return home.

6. If a trader refuses to collect an item you were asked to return, it is death.

Please collect it from my hand, anything you are looking for in your life, you will see it.

7. When you mistakenly interrupt an adult conversation.

Because that’s what you will certainly get.

QUIZ: Only People Who Speak Fluent ‘Nigerian Parent’ Can Get 10/13

Kunle Ologunro

July 11, 2020

Inside Life

90s Kids, flogging, Nigerian parents, punishment
1. “If i hear peem”

“One word must not come out of your mouth”
2. “If you move your hand, i’ll add more”

Ultimate form of torture.
3. “Oya, hold your lips like this”

“I dont even want to hear you breathe”.
4. “Stand on that tile and don’t move an inch”

You’ll be doing gymnastics over cane.
5. “Don’t beg me, it’ll only make it worse”

Dun cry dun beg, issallova.
6. “If I let my hand touch you, you’ll see heaven”

“Just jejely take the cane and go”.
7. I didn’t kill my mother so you won’t kill me

“I’ll kill you before you kill me”.
8. “Did you just raise your hand to block me? You want to box me”

“You want to assassinate your father ba?”.

Osaretin Tunde-Oni

November 29, 2016

Oldies

african, cane, flogging, Nigerian parents
1. Bathroom Slippers

Perfect width and length for slaps too.
2. Wooden Spoons

For easy kitchen beatings.
3. Slides

Fantastic for throwing at the head of your younger siblings.
4. Your fathers belt

When the belt comes out, someone’s dying.
5. Good ol’ fashioned slaps

Some matters can only be settled by hand.
6. The wires at the back of the TV

The koboko of the sitting room.
7. Broom (Igbale)

When your mother/aunty just wants to kill you.

Osaretin Tunde-Oni

November 11, 2016

Oldies

cane, flogging, Nigeria, nigerian household
1. The chester

Baddest guy ever liveth, feels no pain. All the girls hailed him when the teacher finished.
2. The fake hard guy: tries to be like the chester, but starts squeezing face after the second stroke

He can even start crying after!
3. The running man

Once cane touches his body, he’s off.
4. The one that begs everybody to go before him

You will still chop the beating sha.
5. The cry baby

This one has already cried for God to spare him before cane even nears his body.
6. The one that takes five minutes to react after every stroke

Oga, other people are on queue oh!
7. The one that always challenges the teacher flogging.

‘Sir, my doctor said nobody should flog me, I have Oesophagus.’
What was your reaction to flogging? Comment and share!

Boyin Plumptre

November 7, 2016

Oldies

flogging, secondary school

1. Whenever you buy anything, even if it’s maggi, put inside a nylon.

2. When they give you food, you show it to your parents first.

3. If you attend any birthday party, you must not taste anything.

4. Always grind pepper in this container.

5. Misplacing money used to send you on an errand is equal to death.

6. If a trader refuses to collect an item you were asked to return, it is death.

7. When you mistakenly interrupt an adult conversation.

1. “If i hear peem”

2. “If you move your hand, i’ll add more”

3. “Oya, hold your lips like this”

4. “Stand on that tile and don’t move an inch”

5. “Don’t beg me, it’ll only make it worse”

6. “If I let my hand touch you, you’ll see heaven”

7. I didn’t kill my mother so you won’t kill me

8. “Did you just raise your hand to block me? You want to box me”

1. Bathroom Slippers

2. Wooden Spoons

3. Slides

4. Your fathers belt

5. Good ol’ fashioned slaps

6. The wires at the back of the TV

7. Broom (Igbale)

1. The chester

2. The fake hard guy: tries to be like the chester, but starts squeezing face after the second stroke

3. The running man

4. The one that begs everybody to go before him

5. The cry baby

6. The one that takes five minutes to react after every stroke

7. The one that always challenges the teacher flogging.

What was your reaction to flogging? Comment and share!