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They already stress you every day, and they still want to charge you for it? No. It cannot happen.
Or your Bolt driver wants extra money
They’ll say fuel is crazy expensive, but it’s not affecting them alone. The app has already increased price. They should leave the rest to God.
When food passes you by at a party
You mean you’re just going to sit there and be mature about the fact that you’ll be leaving an owambe without tasting rice? Come off it.
Or when they tell you meat has finished
It’s a different story if you’re a vegetarian. But if you really like meat, what’s the point of hiding your pain?
When someone takes too much time at the ATM stand
Be the smaller person by kneeling down to beg them for funds since they have too much of it.
If you’re arguing with an agbero
In this scenario, change our advice from “go lower” to “lay low”, and you’ll be safe.
When salary doesn’t enter on salary date
If your salary always takes too long to drop, why are you working fast and getting everything done quickly? Take your time too. Obviously, no one around you is in a rush.
We’re tired of hearing relationships are coming to an end because of ordinary arguments. If one of you didn’t harm or kill someone, then every fight is solvable with these guaranteed tips.
Don’t let us hear you fought or broke up again o.
Break into singing and dancing
Women love singing and dancing. Do you think Bollywood people don’t know what they’re doing? When she’s shouting at the top of her voice about how you slept with her sister, just start singing and dancing. If I hear she doesn’t forgive you straight!
Tickle her
Tell me one person who doesn’t like laughing. One person. No? Exactly. So your Nigerian girlfriend is no different. Laughter is kuku the best medicine.
Bring up her weight
The best time to bring up the fact that your babe has added a few kilograms is right in the middle of an argument. Just say, “No wonder you’re now fat”. It’ll take her mind off the fight, and she’ll appreciate you telling her about her body, which is absolutely your business.
Kiss her mid-shout
Romance is not dead. It never was, and it never will be. The reason you were cheating is because you were spreading love. Spread the love to her too.
Serve your food in front of her
As she’s talking, just walk to the kitchen to serve yourself. If she’s still talking when you’re done, start eating. If she’s still talking when you’ve finished eating, go to bed. By the time you wake up, in this world or the next, the argument should be over.
Compare her to her friends
When she says something you don’t like, say something like, “At least, Stephanie doesn’t treat me like this”. The closer the friend is to her, the more effective this will be. It’ll help her reflect on the decisions she’s made and act better.
Cry
In a world where men are not emotionally vulnerable, emotional vulnerability will help you win loads and loads of arguments. Just try it out, and see the wonders your tears can do. It doesn’t matter that you’re drinking too much and being unavailable. Cry your way out of accepting responsibility.
Honestly, poverty is in the land, and nobody has money — or time — to visit any bloody therapists. Invite the elderly and wise, AKA Mummy Femi, to solve the issue.
Do a fake break-up
Break up with her. She’ll most likely cry and beg, and when you tell her you were joking, there’ll be no more argument. If she accepts the breakup, you dodged a bullet. You can’t lose, really.
Randomly start recording
Whip out your phone, put the camera in her face and record everything she says while screaming, “I have this on record!” She will comport herself.
Tell her she’s overreacting
This is the most effective way to win arguments with your Nigerian girlfriend. Say stuff like, “You’re shouting”, “Calm down”, “It’s not that deep” or “Is it not ordinary period? That’s why you’re behaving like this.”
One thing we don’t like about relationships is that you and your significant other will fight. Fighting brings out all of the annoying behaviours, such as ignoring each other, being passive-aggressive — and if you’re really petty — throwing shade. And If you’re as petty as I am and always want to win fights, this is where I can help you. Follow me.
Which partner?
If you’re single and you opened this article, I don’t know what you’re doing here. How can you fight with someone you don’t have? Shift one side.
Create a burner account and start dragging them online
Do this: While you’re dragging your partner by their edges with your burner account, you’re out there defending them with your real account. Your partner will see you as their ride-or-die and will forget whatever the fight was about. Plus, you can hold this act of kindness over their head for later.
Cry
Two things can happen here: they’ll feel sorry for you and apologise, then the fight ends, or it’ll get awkward, they’ll feel weird about you crying and just apologise.
No matter how upset somebody is, food always makes them feel better. That’s why people eat when they’re upset. Buy your partner their favourite food and you’ve won.
Send them money
I believe there’s no problem in this life that money can’t solve. And that includes the problem of winning a fight. Send your partner money with the narration: “Are we still fighting?” That fight you were having will cease to exist in the universe.
Remove your clothes in front of them
They’ll be turned on so fast that they won’t even remember what you were fighting about. You can always count on horniness to come through for you.
Whyne them
Call them all sorts of sweet names. Hype your partner up like your life depends on it. Before you know it, they’ll start blushing foolishly and saying, “Stop jo,” or, “Abeg get out.”
Surprise baecation
You give your bae a chance to leave this country to go somewhere and relax, and you expect them to continue fighting with you? You’ve won future fights sef.
Call their parents
If there’s anybody that can set your partner straight, it’s their parents. And you already know parents don’t want anything that will upset their future in-law. So they’ll gladly call their child and tell them to behave.
Always bring up your ex
They’ll be so shocked at the audacity that they’ll let the fight go. Because clearly, you’re not normal.
Send them nudes while at work
Create sexual tension by sending them sexy naked pictures while they’re busy working. That’s what they’ll think about all day instead of the fight. Then they’ll rush home to you to fornicate, and gbam, the fight don end.
Act like you don’t know you’re fighting
I promise you, they’ll be confused. Your partner will begin to question whether you two are actually fighting. At some point, they’ll give in.
If you’ve ever been in a fight, you should know that there are multiple possible ways it can end. Many times, fights end with one person wishing that the people trying to hold them back at the beginning of the fight had been a bit stronger. Maybe they wouldn’t be in so much pain.
If you’re ever about to get into a fight though, and you notice your opponent do any of the things in this article, we have one advice: run.
1. When they start laughing
People fight when they’re angry, so tell me, why is this person you are about to fight laughing? What does he know that you don’t? Isn’t he meant to be frowning and getting ready to brawl?
My sister, if you’re about to fight and they start laughing, just start laughing with them and say something like. “Oh so you knew I was joking too!”, pat them on the back and find your way out of there ASAP.
2. When they break a bottle on their own head
The elders say “A fly that dances carelessly in front of a spider’s web, risks the wrath of the spider’s teeth.” See, if someone breaks a bottle on their own head in preparation to fight with you and that doesn’t clear the anger from your eyes, anything you see, take it like that.
3. When they start removing their clothes
If they remove their clothes normally, you need to start quickly assess the situation and decide if you can still fight someone that doesn’t want anything (most likely your blood) to stain their clothes.
But if they tear their clothes, please run. Have you tried tearing a piece of clothing before? Do you know how difficult it is? A person who can easily rend their garment has been fighting for years. They will beat you to stupor.
4. When they have scars
When you’re fighting, you have to think on your feet and ask yourself a lot of questions; Why is this person not afraid to fight me? Why do they have so many scars?
Let me tell you why they have scars. It’s because they have been fighting all their lives. So just leave your change with them and go home. May we not leave home and not return.
5. When they start cracking their fingers and neck
