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fight | Zikoko!
  • QUIZ: This Quiz Knows Who You’ll Fight at Work This Week

    We suggest you find a new job before you start the fights.

  • QUIZ: Can You Fight for Love?

    Is it time to put on your boxing gloves?

  • 7 People You Should Always Be Ready To Fight

    We’re not saying you should physically fight these people. We’re just saying, with the current state of Nigeria’s economy, anyone trying to make you cough out ridiculous amounts of money for the barest minimum should catch these hands. 

    Nail techs that charge more than 20k

    If anyone’s charging you more than 20k in present-day Nigeria for nail extensions,  they’re your opp. Ask them to catch you outside.

    Real estate agents and landlords

    They belong to the same WhatsApp group because they want you to pay insane amounts of money on houses that cosplay as boxes and have slices of windows. You should actually call boys for them so that you’re not fighting alone.

    Restaurants

    After you’ve fought landlords and agents, you can go outside and ask restaurant owners to square up. Yes, they’re paying their rent in millions, but why do they want to use you to clear their gbese? Why is a milkshake 15k?

    Banks

    At this point, they’re all the same. The new ones, the old ones, all of them seem to have sworn an oath to stress and frustrate us all . So, the next time your bank makes you question your will to live, don’t just swear for them. You should actually go to the closest branch, and show them that they aren’t the only ones that can frustrate people. If they have no physical branches, drag them everywhere online.

    Instagram vendors

    Not all of them, just the ones that don’t respond on time after you pay, or lie about delivering your stuff and still send you things that will have you doing “what I ordered vs what i got”.

    Your employer

    Yes, you won’t be able to pay your bills without them, but look at it. Does your salary match your workload, or are they trying to suck your life’s worth because of said salary?

    Any business charging in dollars

    I understand that it’s 2023, but this is also Nigeria. The economy is rubbish, and the exchange rate is even more rubbish, so anyone asking you to pay for their services in dollars hates you and wants your downfall.

  • QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You Which Animal You’d Lose a Fight To

    You think you’re strong till you get into a fight with an animal. Take this quiz to know which one will disgrace you.

  • 5 Celebrity Beefs That Had The Internet In Shambles

    Nothing gets the internet going like a hot and spicy celebrity showdown. From Olamide dividing Lagos into two (one for him and the other for Don Jazzy) to Wizkid dragging Davido by his invisible edges by likening his voice to that of a frog, the internet has given us some of the most hilarious beefs of the decade. 

    Olamide vs. Don Jazzy (2016)

    Remember the time Olamide banned Don Jazzy from the mainland and told him to #LeaveTrashForLawma? We do too! This beef which started at the 2015 Headies after Reekado Bankz (Mavin) won the next rated award over Lil Kesh (YBNL), was one of the biggest celebrity showdowns we’ve witnessed in real-time, and probably the last time people tuned in to watch that award show. The beef was so bad it got reactions from both Dangote and Obasanjo. Talk about impact! Who can forget the shady DJ who kept dropping diss tracks after each opponent made his point? 

    PSquare vs. PSquare vs. The Other Okoye Brother (2017)

    Nollywood always hammered on the saying “Blood is thicker than water”, but in  2017, after many years of wowing audiences around the world with their love songs and dance moves, PSquare decided to break up and go their separate ways. But instead of keeping it classy, the brothers (and their other non-singing brother, Jude) dragged each other for filth on the interwebs. And in typical Nigerian fashion, their wives ended up catching stray bullets as agents of discord. While they recently reunited to post their bank account details and collect money on Twitter, fans are still holding out hope for a musical reunion. 

    Wizkid vs. Davido (2017)

    Davido made fun of Wizkid for shooting his Come Closer video with an invisible Drake, and Wizkid called him “frog voice”. Wizkid went on to call Davido a “local artist”, to which Davido responded with a major flex, an American passport (God when?). The whole thing was so chaotic we enjoyed every single bit of it. 

    Tiwa Savage vs. Seyi Shay (2021)

    Imagine going to the salon to get your hair done and then getting front row seats to the biggest celebrity showdown of 2021? A prime example of “maintaining the same energy offline”, the whole shebang happened when, after allegedly dissing Tiwa in a track, Seyi Shay decided to form familiarity at a salon. In a world star move, Tiwa called bullshit and proceeded to drag Seyi Shay by her edges.  

    Burna vs. Davido (2020)

    It’s hard to pinpoint the origin of this beef. One minute, Burna Boy is attributing Davido’s success to daddy’s money, next thing, there’s a full-on wrestling match in a Ghanaian club. From Fem to Way Too Big, these two have been subbing each other for a while now. The pettiest part has to be when Davido posted a picture with Wizkid which he tagged “The two greatest of all time, no cap.” And we all know how Burna gets when his “African giant” status is not recognized. If you don’t get this, ask Coachella

  • 9 Reasons You Should Fight Your Coworker

    So, have you ever felt like you need to beat some people you work with? Well, if you were not sure which things are enough for a fight to happen, we are here for you. These are nine reasons why you should fight your coworker.

    1) Meetings that could have been emails

    Imagine sitting through a long ass meeting that you know very well could have been sent as an email? That is enough to declare war even. Especially if the meeting stopped you from doing all the things you had already planned for that week. Whatever that coworker sees, they should take it like that.

    2) Texts after work hours

    It’s as if some coworkers don’t understand the meaning of “office hours”. If they did, they won’t be sending you emails and texts at 10 pm in the night, or if they’re truly unhinged, 1 am in the morning. Tell them to pull up.

    3) Their ridiculous deadlines

    Some coworkers just give deadlines without factoring in if you have any other thing to do. So what if they need it by 2 pm today? Why are they telling you by 11 am? Tell them to ask their dad, please. If you have any coworkers that do this, Zikoko gives you permission to fight them.

    4) Never responding to work messages on time

    What makes it extra annoying is that they are the same people that if you don’t reply on time, they will pour water in hellfire and cause a commotion. These kinds of people need to actually get beaten. So, fight your coworker.

    5) They order food without telling you

    Imagine shouting in the office that you are hungry and then your coworker has the audacity to order food without telling you. At this point, consider them your enemy and declare war.

    6) If they make you come to the office when you don’t need to

    Once they put semi in front of the remote work, wahala started. A lot of people don’t understand the concept of semi-remote work. If they start demanding your presence at work for no reason, then they clearly have a problem with you only a fight can settle.

    7) Slack notifications make you anxious

    When the sound of your slack notification makes you anxious because you are scared they are texting, then it is time to remind yourself this person is flesh and blood. The only way to do that is through violence.

    8) Always dumping extra work on you

    Anyone that gives you extra work without extra pay is the person your spiritual leader keeps warning you about. Don’t take the warning lightly o. While the spiritual leader handles the spiritual, you should tackle the physical.

    9) They never inform you about office changes

    If you have a coworker that never informs you when important changes are made in the office then you need to off shirt and face them, adult, to adult. The winner takes all, the loser faces shame.

    The important thing is that you have to win this fight. Your reputation and ours cannot spoil like that. If you want to know more on what is inside this life, please click here

    [donation]

  • QUIZ: Can You Fight?

    Are you the agbero of your friend group, or are you incapable of hurting a fly? Well, this quiz knows if you can handle yourself in a fight or not.

    Go ahead:

  • If You Are Non Confrontational, This Is For You.

    1. When someone says something that irritates you but you decide to let it go.

    2. When you start making excuses in your mind for people.

    3. When people say you don’t get angry, but on the inside, you’re like:

    4. This is you, getting so angry you start crying because you’re avoiding an argument.

    5. When your best friend upsets you but you still can’t argue.

    6. When you see people getting into confrontations and getting resolutions.

    7. When after all your peace keeping, people still get annoyed that you never fight.

    8. The day you finally let out everything you were holding in, you’re like:

  • Do You And Your Siblings Fight Like Crazy? This Must Be Why

    1. When you wake up and your sibling has wet the bed you are sharing.

    2. When it’s time to decide who gets the bigger piece of meat.

    3. When they bring their irritating friends to the room to play when you just want to relax.

    4. When your parents make it too obvious who their favourite child is.

    5. When it’s time to go out, the struggle for the front seat and window seats are epic.

    6. When all of you hustle to hide the remote control so you can watch what you want.

    7. When an aunty or uncle gives you money to “share amongst yourselves”.

    8. When one sibling does something wrong and wants to put everyone in trouble.

    9. When one sibling is a professional snitch.

  • 1. When your arch nemesis keeps looking for your trouble.

    2. And you are just looking at her like:

    3. And all her friends now join her to mock you and look for your trouble.

    4. Now your head is getting hotter and hotter.

    5. And before you know it you are abusing her like:

    6. Then she says after school you people will see.

    7. Now during maths you are calculating how many slaps it will take to make sure her mouth is swollen shut.

    8. And imagining how you will fight without tearing your school uniform.

    9. Your own friends are busy sending you notes of encouragement.

    10. After school you meet each other face to face for the real deal.

    11. Then you realise that she’s actually taller and fatter than you thought.

    12. Then she lands the first blow and you think this might be how you die.

    13. When she lands another one you decide to help yourself by “fainting”.

    14. Before she will use her big hands to kill you for your parents.

    15. When you get home your siblings laugh at you like:

    16. Meanwhile your mother is shouting at you because your uniform is dirty.

    17. If not that you survived a near death experience you would have fought all of them.

    18. But God is good, you faint today to fight tomorrow.

  • 9 Types of People You Probably Fought In Secondary School

    1. The ‘My Mummy Said I Shouldn’t Fight’

    After looking for trouble they’ll say “No…I want to fight…it’s just that my mummy said I should stop fighting”.

    2. The ‘Always Injured’

    These ones always have injuries, “I injured my hand yesterday, ask Seun. If not i’ll have rubbished your body”.

    3. The ‘Hold Me Back’

    “Guy, hold me back because it’s like this one wants to see my other side”.

    4. The ‘Cry-Cry Baby’

    “I SAID I’M NOT CRYING!… it’s just sand in my eyes”.

    5. The ‘Mad Man/Woman’

    The ones that fight like a demon is inside them. Please for your own safety, avoid at all costs!.

    6. The ‘Snitch’

    Argue small and they’ll run to a teacher like “Esskuz me Sir, Femi said he’ll slap the taste out of my mouth”.

    7. The ‘Never Walk Alone’

    Always forming Mighty Morphing with their gang and will never fight you alone.

    8. The ‘god of war’

    Always take fights too seriously, type of person that can blind you because you lost their pen.

    9. The ‘Charger’

    Very extra people, they’ll tear shirt, off trouser, slap themselves, and you’ll still beat them like your child.
  • All The Things That Happen When You And Your Best Friend Are Fighting

    1. When you see her out in public but you’re not ready to make up yet.

    Nope, not yet.

    2. When she cracks a joke but you are still fighting so no laughter from you.

    She thinks she is funny abi?

    3. When someone suggests you be the bigger person and apologise.

    Bigger person ko, bigger person ni!

    4. When you see her hanging out with someone else.

    Judas the betrayer!

    5. When there is gist and you are waiting for her to apologise before you tell her.

    Oya oh!

    6. When your parents ask about her, you’re like:

    Why?

    7. When someone thinks because you guys are fighting they can come and gossip about her to you.

    If you don’t get out of here before I give you elbow.

    8. When you finally make up after all the shakara.

    No more fight!

    9. When you are catching each other up on all the gist that happened during your fight.

    “In fact ehn…..”

  • All The Drama That Happens When Your Parents Are Arguing

    1. When you realise your parents are having a disagreement.

    Which kind of wahala is this one now?

    2. When your mother comes to report your father to you.

    How is this one my business now?

    3. When your father comes to report your mother to you.

    Oh you too?

    4. When they are both shouting over you but you can’t leave because they will now face you.

    So I should just stay here and be looking?

    5. When either of them try to get you to be on their side, you’re like:

    Please don’t involve me in your domestic squabble. Thanks!

    6. When they start using style to bribe you for your support.

    That’s when both of them know how to give you anything you want!

    7. When they are arguing about you or your siblings.

    So that is why somebody cannot hear word?

    8. You, to the parent that is on your side:

    The best parent in the whole world.

    9. How you and your siblings have to tiptoe around the house so you don’t collect misplaced anger:

    Please oh!

    10. When you see either of your parents coming to look for even more support.

    I’m not around oh, please!

    11. When you try to settle the argument and you end up stressed:

    Because you just wanted to help people oh!

    12. When they settle their quarrel and then turn on you together.

    Wow! Such betrayal!

    This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

    The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Click the link below to learn more.
  • Top 10 Fights Girls Have With Their Mothers

    1. When you try to go out in an outfit your mother thinks is too short or too tight, she’s like:

    “You might as well be naked! My friend will you go and change that rubbish!”

    2. When you’re uninterested in cooking and she’s wondering why.

    “Is this how you will be doing in your husband’s house?”

    3. When she doesn’t like your boyfriend and you are still dating him.

    Everyday she will use her advice and wise words to be torturing you in the house.

    4. When your hairstyle or make up is too loud or crazy for her.

    “Why do you like to do yourself jagga jagga like this?”

    5. When you go to school and you only call her three times a week instead of twice a day, she’s like:

    Hello ma, how many talk do you want us to talk?

    6. When she doesn’t like your friends and you still hang out with them.

    She’s usually right about them at the end of the day sha but still!

    7. When you decide to stop following her to her own church/mosque.

    Madam God is everywhere please let me go where I want!

    8. When you stop telling her gist because you know she’ll use it against you later.

    How can we be fighting because I’m not talking enough!

    9. When your female cousins/friends come to visit and your mother starts comparing the both of you.

    Be satisfied with what you have ma!

    10. When you come home “late” which is any time after 7:30pm.

    “You are now a nightcrawler abi?”
  • A Pastor And Babalawo Fought A Spiritual Battle Over Who Was More Powerful
    This spiritual battle between a Ghanaian babalawo and another pastor reminds us of the latest Batman Vs Superman movie- how the fight looked like it was going to be one deadly match!

    Apparently, Bishop Obinim, the Founder of International Leadsway church got mad when a spiritual priest claimed to be the source of his healing powers.

    Na wa!

    Bishop Obinim got angry and challenged the priest, Okomfo Yaw Appiah, to a spiritual battle at Jackson park, Kumasi.

    As per actor and boss.

    The rules were simple. Bishop Obinim wanted the priest to come and show his powers and the loser gets to be buried in a coffin.

    The loser should just go and report to God in heaven.

    Being a baby boy, the bishop came dressed in all white and bling with two VIP buses full of his congregation.

    As per angel of the most high.

    Funny enough, after making plenty mouth, Priest Okomfo didn’t show up because he claimed the police ‘prevented’ him from coming for the battle.

    Instead of him to say he’s not doing anymore.

    Bishop Obinim kuku declared himself winner of the battle in the presence of the over 3000 people who gathered to watch the battle.

    3,000 people no get work?

    Watch the full video of the drama here:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoIzubG8BNg&nohtml5=False
    [zkk_poll post=28342 poll=content_block_standard_format_8]
  • When Pounded Yam And Egusi Cause The Biggest Fight On The Internet
    There are over 7 billion people on earth today with obviously diverse cultures and ways of life. But why should food cause a huge fight  between people of different nationalities?

    It all started when Love & Hip-Hop Star, Tammy Rivera shared a picture of a plate of Pounded Yam and Egusi on her Instagram.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BD2K6LZTUUT/?taken-by=charliesangelll

    Those who found it disgusting commented saying the egusi looked really nasty.

    And Nigerians brought the rage of their ancestors (and fuel queues), calling them slaves for daring to bash their beloved Egusi soup.

    And then it became a full blown war between Nigerians and anybody that thought Egusi looked gross.

    Some Nigerians bashed other people’s foods.

    And people’s education and English speaking skills were questioned.

    When did weaves and make up have anything to do with Egusi soup?

    And while this messy fight was going on, Tammy explained to a fan who really wanted to know how she fell in love with Egusi.

    Why are they cursing themselves on another person’s Instagram page over food?

    When people that have to queue all night for fuel are calling people with constant supply of electricity slaves.

    Not even all Nigerians like Egusi soup but Nigerians still went in to fight like…

    When you try to ignorantly bash a Nigerian food but Nigerians came for you like..

    Not all foods will be appealing to everybody, we all have our different preferences. However, people should learn about other cultures before commenting or simply just unlook!

  • Senators In Nasarawa Left All Chill In Their Houses And Fought Dirty
    There are several ways of handling issues in Nigeria which hardly ever includes keeping calm.

    Nigerian senators usually solve issues by either making serious banter…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv0W5aQhqMc
    Because Nigerian women’s lives don’t matter.

    Or fight things out, street style.

    Because decorum is too much stress.

    On April 4, Nasarawa state lawmakers left trash for LAWMA.

    And fought at the state House of Assembly.

    Apparently, Governor Al-Makura’s appointment of 11 new council chairmen was what caused the wahala.

    Some of the senators opposed the Governor’s motion and accused those in support of receiving 50 million Naira bribe from him.

    The newly appointed council chairmen were supposed to be succeeding the former council leaders whose appointments ended on March 24.

    These senators disagreed because they thought the appointments were illegal.

    Na wa oh!

    We didn’t vote them for this sha.

    When those in charge of making the laws that guide the country are actually lawless.

    What a shame!

    Watch full details of the fight here:

    Perhaps, if the passion and anger of this fight is channelled into the Agatu crisis plaguing Nasarawa state, the problem could be solved quicker than imagined.

    [zkk_poll post=27018 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]
  • When Doing Amebo Caused An Epic Fight

    Over the weekend, this happened…

    Yes an epic, but dirty smelly fight.

    No not at Oshodi, but between Linda Ikeji and Wizkid…AGAIN!

    This fight proved to us all that doing amebo can get you into a little bit of trouble.

    But when amebo is what you do for money like Linda.

    Some people shouldn’t get upset when you say things like this about them.

    According to Linda, Wizkid was served a quit notice in his Lekki home.

    And instead of saying “Aunty Linda, why you always lying”, Wizkid took to his Instagram and cussed her out.

    When people call women “Old whore”, “Smelly P*ssy” and accuse them of sleeping around.

    Sorry oh, keeper and finisher of fresh bodies. Anyway smelly body parts never added or subtracted money from anyone’s bank account.

    When the best insult you can hand to a woman is her being unmarried.

    Keep shut, Monsiuer Misogynoir!

    When unmarried men with several children call other women unmarried.

    Are you even joking?

    When he could’ve just called one of her designer bags or shoes fake.

    So she would lose her mind and properly advertise her bag on Instagram.

    Instead, we had to bear the 700 word essay from Linda’s book of self righteousness, Chapter 1.

    Who dignity don epp?

    And they went clapback, for clapback.

    Sigh!

    Until one of them got tired.

    Or suddenly found the maturity they threw away.

    The end!

    Hay, thank God! [zkk_poll post=26785 poll=content_block_standard_format_12]
  • These Pictures Show How Nigerians Fight In Comments Sections

    Nigerians are great at many feats including going all out in comments section boxes.

    Going all out in the sense of not having any amount of chill whatsoever.

    And in the process, series of trailer jamming sessions happen.

    Just when we thought we had seen it all after Wale’s epic clapback at an American fan.

    The said fan dissed Olamide’s Guisseppe Zanotti sandals.

    An ongoing war has erupted between Nigerians and any other person who dares to disagree with them.

    And the fight that originally started from sandals has spread across other unrelated topics.

    There definitely isn’t any relationship between sandals and bleaching.

    Or slavery..

    Even Liberia…

    And of course Boko Haram.

    This is really confusing.

    What do you think about the fight?

    [zkk_poll post=17503 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]
  • Nigerian Celebrities Teach Us 7 Ways To Be A Frenemy

    Are you someone’s frenemy? How do you know who your frenemy is?

    Don’t look like that. We’ll explain to you. A frenemy is simply someone who acts like a friend but is actually an enemy.

    Remember these guys?

    Here are 7 of Nigerian celebrity frenemies

    1. Fight today, shoot a video together after two weeks.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFolJfCM-YY
    After fighting dirty at the Headies and on twitter, Olamide featured in a Mavins video only two weeks after. Awkward!

    2. Throw shade at each other and act cool while at it.

    Wizkid and Davido have not had a real fight yet but have been lowkey throwing epic shade at each other.

    3. Say how you really feel about them on the internet.

    After working under the same label for a few years, Wizkid and Skales kissed goodbye on a not-so-good note.

    4. Throw shade at your husband/wife.

    Yes! The very dramatic way 9ice and Toni Payne’s 1 year marriage ended . It was rather awkward that his marriage broke up after his controversial song “Once bitten twice shy song”. They’re cool now though.

    5. Cook a really mean diss track about someone you know so well.

    Ruggedman was mad that his supposed BFF 9ice, didn’t respond to the nasty rumours of an affair with his then wife, Toni Payne.

    6. Break up with bae on short notice and give them a shout out on stage after a few years.

    Clapbacks and snubs after their heartbreaking split of 2012,  D’banj and Donjazzy have kissed and made up but we all know it can never be as it was in the past.

    7. Take a cute selfie with a rival.

    Not every time throw shade or fight, sometimes take a cute selfie with your biggest rival like Genevieve and Omotola. [zkk_poll post=16139 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]
  • New Year’s Day Was Lit And Drama Gathered Round All Her Children For A Grand Performance.

    While Nigerians were chilling on the 1st of January, the recently concluded Headies awards became an Oshodi street fight between Don Jazzy and Olamide.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BADfTGYOBsT/?taken-by=thesmilinghat

    Before you start thinking only Nigerians like to fight on stage, Kanye West in 2009, snatched the mic from Taylor Swift at the Grammys. Why? He felt his darling little sister, Beyonce deserved the award instead.

    It wasn’t even his award or nomination. Sorry oh, elder Kanye.

    And because sequels are more interesting, Nicki Minaj went lower and called Miley Cyrus out at the VMAs in 2015.

    LMAO.

    On the very first day of 2016, during the Headies awards, drama and all her children came well prepared for their biggest performance yet.

    Wait for it!

    This time around, another passionate elder brother felt very pained his beloved little bro didn’t win the award he deserved.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7Puh-FaBhM
    Olamide felt Lil Kesh of his record label YBNL deserved to win the award of Next rated artist that was presented to Reekado Banks of the Mavins crew.

    However, the daddy of the award winner caught the randomly flying shade and dealt a lower blow.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob6HZw4MiJY
    LOL!” Come and take the car”.

    Olamide then took matters to twitter and rained words of rage on Don Jazzy.

    During his angry rant, he launched the newest slang of 2016, “Leave trash for LAWMA”.

    The people of twitter weren’t kind to Di’ja for her little dance after Don Jazzy’s shade.

    https://twitter.com/s_yewande/status/683180666708738048

    Some took sides as expected.

    https://twitter.com/chuzzus/status/683112400405528576

    Some of them had really deep insights to the fight.

    They are anticipating a diss mixtape from both sides.

    https://twitter.com/thatsureboy/status/683112470538510338

    For creative people, the fight only opened brilliant marketing ideas.

    [zkk_poll post=14937 poll=content_block_standard_format_20]