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  • 7 Things Feminists Are Doing to Reduce the Rising Dollar Rate

    With the dollar rising faster than dough, feminists have sprung to action to save the entire country from extinction. We spoke to them and here’s a list of things they plan to do: 

    Stealing our partner’s hoodies 

    Because we need to save money. What’s better than buying your own hoodie with money you don’t have? Stealing one. 

    Hiding money in our PiggyVest accounts 

    By hiding our money and spending other people’s money, we’re trying to reduce the amount of money in circulation and thus bring down the dollar exchange rate. 

    RELATED: 10 Things Nigerian Women Spend Their Salary On

    Refusing to cook or do the dishes alone

    By making everyone participate in physical labor, we’re actively contributing to increasing productivity, which will yield more revenue, and directly improve the exchange rate. 

    Practicing how to eat corn 

    I believe we were all there when a presidential candidate said that we will survive on corn. We need to all join hands to eat corn better so the dollar rate can come down. 

    Practicing safe sex 

    Safe sex reduces the level of sexually transmitted infections on the streets, which reduces the amount of money spent on treatment. Less money spent = lower dollar rate. Quick maths. 

    RELATED: 7 Things To Do After Having Unprotected Sex

    Spending time on Twitter 

    All the time we spend on Twitter is actually us putting in our hours to reducing the dollar rate. We do this by quoting tweets with shady responses or telling men to moisturise. Quite effective, if you ask me. 

     Empowering women 

    This is pretty simple economics. As women empowerment goes up, the dollar rate comes down. Everybody is happy. This is a call to action.

    Now that you know what Nigerian feminists are currently up to, here’s an article about how to be a feminist Nigerian men love. 

    How chaotic would Zikoko on TikTok be? Follow us to find out!

    Mariam Sule

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  • Feminists Are the Reason for These Problems in the World

    If you look around you, you’ll spot issues that feminists are solely responsible for. In fact, scientists have said that more than half of the world’s problems are a result of the very existence of feminism and the people who practice it.

    [newsletter]

    1. Lesbianism 

    A huge part of feminism is women supporting and paving the way for each other, which we all know inevitably leads to genital meet & greets and violent scissoring.  This is how lesbianism was invented and how they keep recruiting people into the act.

    2. The heat in Nigeria 

     Feminists are too hot. Their arguments are too hot, and their bodies too. The heat they emit is fucking up the ozone layer and speeding up global warming. Why hasn’t Greta Thunberg said something about this yet?! 

    3. The price of fuel in Nigeria

    Feminists have refused to refine crude oil themselves, and that’s why Nigeria is still importing crude oil and selling fuel at such a high price. Feminists need to come off their high horses and start refining oil or use all their knowledge to make water-powered cars. All this arguing on Twitter is not achieving anything.

    4. The Nigerian passport being useless

    Feminists aren’t doing enough to change the colour of the Nigerian passport. We’re not sure if changing the colour will help but they need to get to work and do something about it.

    5. The quantity of Nkwobi

    Feminists eat so little food because they are always watching their weight, and Nkwobi sellers seemingly market that meal to feminists. Now non-feminists have to eat so little too. 

    6. Nigeria getting kicked out of the Afcon

    . They were too busy focusing on Maduka Okoye’s beauty, they forgot to join the men on the pitch and play with them (seeing as they want to be men so bad). 

    7. Exchange rate 

    All feminists are doing is exchanging pussy juices instead of being beneficial to foreign exchange. 

    8. The existence of Semo

    Semo is here today because a feminist thought it was a meal worthy enough to be eaten. Gosh

    9. Capitalism 

    Your boss stressing you out today because a group of women loved the concept of work so much, they fought for the right for everyone to work. Now everyone has to wake up and obey their employer’s call.

    10. Chief Daddy 2

    The movie most likely has a feminist as part of the crew. That’s enough reason for it to be on this list.

    11. Bad roads 

    Bad roads exist because feminists won’t sit down in one place. Always moving up and down with their high-heeled shoes fighting for the rights of women and children. 

    12. Divorce

    See, it’s feminists that started divorcing men opened other women’s eyes to men’s red flags and bad behaviour.  Now, women all over the world see a reason to divorce their sweet husbands.

    Ibukun

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  • 7 Things Nigerian Women Are Angry About

    There’s a lot of creepy behavior directed towards Nigerian women that have been annoyingly normalized. Most of them are often masked as jokes, so the perpetrators expect women to laugh over them. But perverted behavior is perverted behavior, and because we can only deal with one pandemic at a time, we will appreciate it if y’all stopped doing these things.

    1. Catcalling.

    It’s a real tragedy that there may never be enough adjectives to describe just how annoying, disrespectful and disgusting catcalling is.

    2. Toasters who won’t accept a No.

    It’s not cute if you keep badgering a woman who has repeatedly said no. You are walking a fine line to harassment and you need to stop.

    3. Random men touching us in public places.

    Absolutely unacceptable in every sense. Normalise keeping your hands to yourself.

    4. Random men giving us pet names in public.

    zikoko - Nigerian women

    We have names for a reason. Use them please.

    5. Men standing very close to us in public spaces. 

    zikoko - Nigerian women

    It’s a queue, not a sandwich. Please shift.

    6. Compliments about our bodies from strangers.

    zikoko - Nigerian women

    If we don’t roll like that then we don’t roll like that. Keep the lewd comments for people who you have that kind of relationship with.

    7. Men staring at our cleavage in public.

    zikoko - Nigerian women

    Again, this is not OK behaviour.

    This is a list of 7 things Nigerian women don’t have to apologise for being angry about, and while you are here, you should read this too: 7 Ways To Deal With Workplace Sexual Harassment.

    Blessing Onyelobi

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  • This Post Is Proof That Nigerian Women Have Been Protesting For A Long Time

    You’ve definitely heard of the Women’s March that held worldwide on January 21.

    A woman holds a sign at the historic Women’s March on Washington. About 3 million people marched worldwide.

    Women (and men) accross the world came together to protest against Donald Trump’s presidency, because of his disrespectful comments regarding women (regarding everything, really).

    Protesters march in Melbourne, Australia.

    They protested against his economic and healthcare policies as well as his controversial stance on climate change, the environment and immigration.

    Women protest against Donald Trump in Barcelona, Spain.

    The March did not hold in Nigeria, although a lot of Nigerian women were there in spirit.

    Activists join the #WomensMarch in Karura Forest, Nairobi.

    Now, some Nigerian men are saying they hope that ‘one day Nigerian women will also march for their rights’.

    LOL what? Nigerian women have been marching and protesting and fighting back since before we were born.

    The Aba Women’s War of 1929 when Igbo women protested against colonial rulers for hiking taxes.

    Nigerian women have been marching for an end to violence against women and girls, for almost 3 years straight now.

    Nigerian women protest in front of NASS, Abuja for the abducted Chibok Girls.

    Nigerian women have been shouting, online and offline that NO means HELL NO!

    Women participate in a Stand To End Rape (S.T.E.R) awareness march.

    Nigerian women have been fighting for their right to life and a clean environment, because women’s rights are really human rights!

    Nigerian women protesting naked against Shell in Bayelsa, after the oil giant refused to honour an existing clean-up agreement.

    So is it our women’s fault that people have refused to acknowledge them here in Nigeria?

    If you were previously ignorant of these facts, now you know better, You’re welcome.

    Shola

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