female | Zikoko!

We already told you all you need to know to be the ‘perfect’ Nigerian wife, now we want to tell you how to be the ‘perfect’ female co-worker in Nigeria. Here’s how to make all the misogynists in your office happy:

1. Make hot tea for everybody the moment you get to work.

What else do you think you are there for?

2. You must greet all the men in the office before you sit down.

Go into their offices and kneel down. They don’t have to greet you back though.

3. Regardless of what they hired you to do, you are now the office secretary.

Take all the messages for your colleagues. They shouldn’t even have to ask you.

4. Make sure your car is not bigger than that of any of your male colleagues.

You don’t want to intimidate them at all.

5. If you’re not a “Mrs”, keep your opinions to yourself.

You’re single? Why are you now talking?

6. When your male colleague cracks a sexist joke, laugh the loudest.

The misogyny should not pain you.

7. If your colleague makes a mistake, keep quiet. He probably has your type at home.

Why are you correcting a man? Will you keep kwayet.

8. Don’t order lunch with your colleagues because you should have cooked from home.

You’re even supposed to cook for the whole office.

9. If your colleagues start giving you unsolicited advice, take it with a smile.

Marriage advice? Hair advice? Dress advice? Just smile and listen.

10. Make sure your heels are not higher than anyone else’s in the office.

You’re not there for fashion show. The uglier the better.

11. If you’re not married, don’t leave work early. Where do you know you’re going?

Who are you going home to see? Sit down there jor.

12. Make sure all the men have finished talking during a meeting before you add your mouth.

If not, just wait patiently.

13. When your colleague is sexually inappropriate with you, say “sorry” for tempting them.

Your skirt must have been too tight. Don’t do it again.

14. Remember that as long as you’re a spinster, your colleagues can call you a “girl”.

If you want to officially be a “woman” go and marry oh.

15. If your male colleague repeats exactly what you just said and gets all the credit, don’t complain.

It’s your fault for not being a man.

NerdEfiko

June 4, 2020

Inside Life

co-worker, female, Nigeria, Office
1. We know it’s a hard life out there for everyone.

2. But then when you’re single, female and live alone, it’s like everything is conspiring against you.

3. Your parents are always trying to get you to move back home.

Uhm…I have a job?
4. And they always want to know if you’re finally in a relationship.

5. There’s always that creepy colleague that keeps asking when he can “come over”.

No. Not now. Not ever.
6. And when you have a male guest over your neighbours are always like:

Is he the one?
7. You love your life but sometimes it can be frustrating.

8. When you’re walking home and you notice someone following you:

If you get any closer I will land you blow.
9. And your landlord assumes your rent is paid for by your parents or a man:

Ronke Otega

May 11, 2017

Oldies

Adulthood, female, Single
A new and exciting super hero is coming to town, and this character is not only female, it’s also West African *whoop whoop!*.

Created by US based Nigerian, Roye Okupe (founder of Youneek Studios), ‘Malika: Queen Warrior’ will tell the story of how a fierce West African queen and military leader was able to unite her kingdom in a precolonial era.

Set in the 15th century, the graphic novel will be released in 2017 and will come in two parts; a 20 paged teaser is already out on Kickstarter!

Roye Okupe is also the creator of the 2015 hit novel series ‘E.X.O: Legend of Wale Williams’. The novel has been featured on CNN, Forbes, and the New York Times. We can’t wait to see what he’ll be working on next!

Learn more about the Kickstarter campaign here.

Shola

October 18, 2016

Gist

female, Nigerian, roye okupe, super hero, West African
You probably never thought you’d see a 25-year-old female become a local government council chairman in Nigeria, but Hindatu Umar just shattered that glass ceiling.

Kebbi State Governor, Abubakar Atiku Bagudu, recently appointed Umar as the Chairperson of Argungu LGC, following the expiration of the former chairman’s tenure. Hindatu was previously the Deputy Chairman.

However, there have been ridiculous complaints over the appointment, because Hindatu is a young single female, with only secondary school certification.

If you’re familiar with Northern Nigeria’s culture of excluding women from political and economic discussions, you won’t find the outrage surprising. Northern states have high female illiteracy levels and President Buhari’s administration has been criticized for the low number of female political appointees.

Hindatu Umar has broken a record, please join us in celebrating her.

Shola

September 26, 2016

Gist

female, hausa, hindatu umar, kebbi, Nigeria, north, Women

1. Make hot tea for everybody the moment you get to work.

2. You must greet all the men in the office before you sit down.

3. Regardless of what they hired you to do, you are now the office secretary.

4. Make sure your car is not bigger than that of any of your male colleagues.

5. If you’re not a “Mrs”, keep your opinions to yourself.

6. When your male colleague cracks a sexist joke, laugh the loudest.

7. If your colleague makes a mistake, keep quiet. He probably has your type at home.

8. Don’t order lunch with your colleagues because you should have cooked from home.

9. If your colleagues start giving you unsolicited advice, take it with a smile.

10. Make sure your heels are not higher than anyone else’s in the office.

11. If you’re not married, don’t leave work early. Where do you know you’re going?

12. Make sure all the men have finished talking during a meeting before you add your mouth.

13. When your colleague is sexually inappropriate with you, say “sorry” for tempting them.

14. Remember that as long as you’re a spinster, your colleagues can call you a “girl”.

15. If your male colleague repeats exactly what you just said and gets all the credit, don’t complain.

1. We know it’s a hard life out there for everyone.

2. But then when you’re single, female and live alone, it’s like everything is conspiring against you.

3. Your parents are always trying to get you to move back home.

4. And they always want to know if you’re finally in a relationship.

5. There’s always that creepy colleague that keeps asking when he can “come over”.

6. And when you have a male guest over your neighbours are always like:

7. You love your life but sometimes it can be frustrating.

8. When you’re walking home and you notice someone following you:

9. And your landlord assumes your rent is paid for by your parents or a man:

A new and exciting super hero is coming to town, and this character is not only female, it’s also West African *whoop whoop!*.

Created by US based Nigerian, Roye Okupe (founder of Youneek Studios), ‘Malika: Queen Warrior’ will tell the story of how a fierce West African queen and military leader was able to unite her kingdom in a precolonial era.

Set in the 15th century, the graphic novel will be released in 2017 and will come in two parts; a 20 paged teaser is already out on Kickstarter!

Roye Okupe is also the creator of the 2015 hit novel series ‘E.X.O: Legend of Wale Williams’. The novel has been featured on CNN, Forbes, and the New York Times. We can’t wait to see what he’ll be working on next!

You probably never thought you’d see a 25-year-old female become a local government council chairman in Nigeria, but Hindatu Umar just shattered that glass ceiling.

Kebbi State Governor, Abubakar Atiku Bagudu, recently appointed Umar as the Chairperson of Argungu LGC, following the expiration of the former chairman’s tenure. Hindatu was previously the Deputy Chairman.

However, there have been ridiculous complaints over the appointment, because Hindatu is a young single female, with only secondary school certification.

Hindatu Umar has broken a record, please join us in celebrating her.

A new and exciting super hero is coming to town, and this character is not only female, it’s also West African whoop whoop!.