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1. When you are trying to sleep but the porter has 1000 announcements at 6 AM
Can you please not?
2. You finally dress in your best outfit and KDS says it’s not compliant
Lord Jesus Christ, why do you people exist?
3. When you are late for your 7 AM and there is no keke anywhere
So this is how life is.
4. When you have to wake up super early for Spirikoko
Is it by force to pray?
5. The struggle to get an exeat during spiritual week
My grandmother’s grandson died so we are doing the burial this weekend.
6. When it is school fees season
Let us make this money!!!
7. When you’re trying to ‘dorcas’ and KDS is being extra
Someone can’t walk on the road in peace again?
8. When you see your lecturer for the semester is renowned for giving carry overs and 49’s
Why me?
9. When you have to do three GEDS in one semester
All these hours of trying to stay awake in class.
10. When it is time for mid semester after spiritual week
Ahan already? They don’t use to play with you guys?
11. Heading to ‘Caf’ for special sabbath lunch
This food will not pass me by.
12. When there are six parties in Lagos and everybody is going to be there
We must all show face there by all means.
13. Walking in and out of your hall when you’ve settled the hall administrator for the semester
Y’all cant tell me nothing
14. When they start smoking on your block
Its not me you people will put in trouble.
15. When they say chapel seminar will determine if you graduate or not
Don’t go and dull yourself.
16. When you see someone with 06/ matric number in your 11/ class
AH CHAIRMAN!
17. Church services when it is exam period
Please they are praying for exam success.
18. When the lecturer says “next class is for AOC”
MVP!
19. When your exam is in WRA or SCT and there are only 20 people in the whole hall
Its over.
20. And you have to battle with CCTV
21. Checking your results on UMIS after a semester of Quilox and Weekend trips
22. And then when you finally graduate after all the challenges
When your Nigerian mum says “Let’s go to the store or market” we know how that feels and the reactions that follow. Here are a few ways you can survive a shopping trip with your mum.
1. Be prepared! Brace yourself!
Because it’s about to be a tough long experience.
2. Pack every single thing you need.
Water, toiletries, snacks, a sleeping bag also.
3. Prepare your muscles and get your energy up.
Because you are about to be a bag carrier for the rest of that day.
4. Prepare your secret shopping list.
Who knows you may get lucky.
5. Tell her how much you love her on the way to the shop.
Of course you’re the best mum in Nigeria! You always surprise me with the best things!
6. Prepare to be disappointed.
Because you will most likely not get anything you want.
7. Be ready to agree to every and anything.
Because nobody wants any problems.
8. Get ready to be interviewed for every thing you pick.
That is if you are allowed to get anything.
9. Get ready to be wowed by her bargaining skills.
When she is haggling a price from N13,000 to N1,300.
10. Get your patience levels to 110%.
When she mistakenly spots the choir mistress in the crowd of people.
11. Unfold your mat, sleeping bag or chair and relax.
