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Sometimes introverts agree on plans to go out, only to start regretting it when the day of reckoning draws nearer. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or you don’t want to spend time with your friends; you’d just rather do it in the confines of your house. So here are some very practical excuses to help introverts cancel any outing.
Elections are coming
What type of citizen would you be if you chose to party, instead of staying indoors, praying for the country? It’s not even safe during these periods, so it’s better to stay in your house, watch and pray diligently.
You have Covid
This excuse is the only good thing that came out of this virus. Trust us, this excuse will get you out of any outing because who wants to get infected?
Just make sure you tell them over the phone, so you can punctuate your speech with a few coughs here and there.
The ground is moving
Yes, your flatmate had cake in the freezer and you ate it all because you were starving. And now the ground is shifting, your neck is turning, you’ve forgotten how to breathe, you think you’re gonna die.
They’ll immediately get it that you’ve had edibles and you can’t find your way out of the house.
Everyone knows Nigerian mothers are always dreaming up reasons for you to not go out. So just tell them your mother had a dream and they’ll not question you. I mean, what type of friend would ask you to disobey your own mother?
This is for people who stay on their own. Make sure you’ve started complaining about your landlord days before D-day. So on that day, just tell them somebody scratched the landlord’s car and now he’s not letting anybody in or out the compound.
Nobody will question you when you tell them you can’t leave the house with an almost-dead phone. End the call mid-sentence and put your phone on airplane mode. They’ll assume your phone died and go on with their plans. Beware of people who always carry power banks around sha.
You’re watching your neighbour’s pet
Your neighbour had a family emergency and had to travel for a few days, and he left his pet in your care. And surely, you can’t possibly abandon the poor thing to sit alone in your apartment.
Short and simple. You’re a slave to capitalism, so when your masters call, you answer.
Skincare is expensive
You can’t take the risk of being around other humans that could touch you and ruin all the progress you’ve started making.
There’s food at home
The oldest and most effective line in Nigerian history. Tell them you do not encourage bad behaviour in these trying times, and as such will not be eating out when you have food at home.
Instead of stressing yourself by thinking of a lie whenever you reply to texts late, you can just use any of these foolproof excuses.
1) Cooking beans
Everyone knows cooking beans takes a long time. So what if you are replying their texts after two days? Do they know how many people you were cooking for?
2) Picking stones from rice
Maybe you wanted to pick the stones from an entire bag of rice? Who are they to question this 100% sensible reason?
3) Breaking Egusi
You volunteered to help feed the community and the food for the day was pounded yam and egusi? Or someone gifted you a basket of Egusi and you want to keep it? There are so many reasons you could be breaking Egusi. Use that as an excuse today!
4) Frying plantain
Everyone knows that with frying plantain, once you look away, everything has burnt. That’s why you couldn’t reply their texts. You were so focused on getting unburnt dodo.
5) Meeting
Bosses can be terrible and meetings can last for HOURS. So, why not try this foolproof excuse? It doesn’t matter if the time they texted was at 3 am on a Sunday. Something came up in the office and it was an emergency.
6) Fell asleep
If sleeping beauty can do what she did, why couldn’t it happen to you too? You’re a growing child and you need your sleep. Don’t let anyone stress you.
7) Had a bath
Yes, baths can take as long as two days. What if you decided to connect with your marine spirit ancestors from there? They don’t know you, they don’t know your story.
For more on what is inside this life, please click here
Nigerians are pros when it comes to dodging paying people back their money. They’ll give you any excuse on God’s green earth to avoid repaying you your money.
In a lot of instances, Nigerians are quick to dish out excuses or complaints and most of the time, it is really hard to believe them. Here are a few of the regular lies that roll from Nigerian lips.
1. “I am not at home”
From creditors to landlords to people who you really do not want to see, this is the number one lie Nigerians tell whoever is home with them to tell on their behalf.
2. “I’m broke”
When it is time to contribute, or to spend money, or to buy aso-ebi this is the number one lie. We don’t know if Nigerians are really broke or they are just overly frugal.
3. “I am stuck in traffic”
This lie is really particular to Lagosians, and comes in handy because of the regular traffic jams. People could even use this as an excuse to be late to their own funerals.
4. “I’m a little bit down”
This is handy for; “Can you come help us set up this event?” “Can you come for the youth meeting?” “Can we get married today?” Nigerians will use this lie to get out of any commitment.
5. “Trust me I’m not lying”
This lie is the default red flag for “I am a huge liar”. We have gotten used to it now and we can use it to detect liars from 100 kilometers away.
6. “I ran out of credit”
This one works for every situation when you did not communicate properly; ” Why did you not call to inform us?” “Why did you not tell us you were about to die?” Perfect lie to get out of being blamed.
7. “I’m almost there”
This is probably a universal lie but Nigerians use this at will. It gets really annoying especially if the person running late has the keys to the house and you really want to use the bathroom.
8. “Don’t worry I will handle it”
Nothing screams “I am incompetent” more than this lie. Nigerian tailors use this one like they say “good morning”. When someone tells you this, keep an eye on everything they do.
9. “My house is not that far”
Residents of Ajah, Epe, outskirts of Abuja,
10. “I will pay you back next week, trust me”
Nigerians do this habitually, well not all Nigerians but the chronic debtors will throw this lie out just to get you to part with your hard earned money. Beware!
And sometimes by excuses, we mean lies. In some cases, they cannot even be bothered to excuse their behavior.
In a lot of instances, Nigerians are quick to dish out excuses or complaints and most of the time, it is really hard to believe them. Here are a few of the regular lies that roll from Nigerian lips.
