Exam | Zikoko!

Exams are annoying. Why can’t we just say we understand, and the school believes us? Except they’re not confident in their teaching, why do they need to test our knowledge?

It is this lack of logic on the part of schools that led us to almost never read ahead of exams. Let’s take a trip down memory lane.

When it’s time to attempt the objective questions

The perfect chance to use the ancient art that’s been passed down from generation to generation — mini mini mani mo.

When you see the exact topics you skipped in the theory section

Source: Zikoko Memes

The topic you ignored coming back to haunt you is a tale as old as time.

When the next instruction is “based on your answer to question 1, answer the following”

Source: Zikoko Memes

You don’t even know the answer to question 1. It’s every student’s nightmare.

You look around, and everyone is firing on

It’s just you, your brain and your God (if you believe in one) that’ll help you out of this ditch.

When the teacher corrects a question, but you already answered it confidently

Any score wey your eye see, just take am like that.

He looks at your script and says, “I want to believe you people are reading the question well”

Source: Zikoko Memes

This is the biggest indicator that the highest you can score in the exam is 13/60.

“Use the diagram below to answer the questions,” but you’ve never seen that diagram in your life

Source: Zikoko Memes

Is it an animal or an inanimate object? Who knows.

Five minutes more

Source: Zikoko Memes

Your mostly empty brain tries to scribble as much as it can as quickly as it can.

After the exam, someone asks you answered to the question on the back page

Source: Zikoko Memes

I’m sorry, what? There were questions at the back?

Olayoyin Olorunmota

June 8, 2023

Inside Life

Exam, Funny, Nigeria, Nigerians
When your lecturer says, “A is for God, B is for me,” you already know you’re in trouble and you have to put in extra effort to pass the course. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t. And here are some telltale signs you’re going to carry over a course.

You go blank in the hall

This is the first sign of doom. And if you’ve ever been in this situation, you know just how frustrating it is, especially if you actually tried your best to prepare. But at the sight of the first question, your brain decides to go completely go blank and the only thing you can think of is “God abeg o, who go help oh”.

You have no idea what the compulsory question is saying

The moment you check your question paper and realize the one topic you decided to skip came out as the compulsory question and two follow-up questions. So now you’re stuck in the hall calculating how many marks you need to pass.

You need this How to Pass an Exam Without Reading: a Zikoko Guide

After the exam, you can’t relate to other people’s answers

Immediately after the exam, you see people discussing and you decide to join in. But while the argument is whether the correct answer is east or west, your own was semo.

When you can’t even remember writing the exam

The exam was so traumatizing, you completely blocked it out of your memory. In your mind, you know you already failed, so you’re mentally preparing for the next time you have to retake it.

When you refused to buy the lecturer’s textbook

You decided to call his bluff even after his numerous threats and warnings. But on the exam day, he shows up in the hall and separates those who have the book from those who don’t, right before he announces an open book exam.

You get to the hall and your formation gets scattered

They don’t just separate you from your friends, but they put you in the front row with your ex’s new partner, and now you’re trying to figure everything out on your own.

When you miss the most important class

The one day you decide to stab a class is the same day the lecturer arrives early to class, takes attendance, shares his area of concentration, gives assignments, and even has a pop quiz — all of which constitute 60% of your total grade.

You feel the sudden inclination to learn a trade

You already knew that school na scam. But after the particular exam, you find yourself checking out skills and job opportunities for people that don’t require education. You realize that your grades don’t define you, and you were always better with your hands anyway.

Carryovers are scary, but they’re not the end of the world, that’s why We Asked 5 Nigerian Students How They Dealt With Failing a Course

Meyimi O.

August 21, 2022

Aluta and Chill, Inside Life

Exam, Lecturer, Nigerian students
It’s been japa season for so long and almost every Nigerian is trying to leave this country. We know you probably want to leave too and you’re most likely going to need to write IELTS, which is why we’ve come up with these easy tips to help you pass your IELTS on the first try.

1. Don’t talk for 10 days.

If you really about passing your IELTS, you’ll keep quiet for more than 10 days sef. Don’t go around doing cho cho cho up and down before you mess up the little English you’ve been managing. Keeping quiet helps keep the English in your brain safe.

2. Spend your days thinking of how to answer your questions.

Again, the perks of keeping quiet. When you keep quiet, you get to think of how to answer the test questions correctly without having to study. Fink about your answers and spend more time finking about thinking about your answers.

3. Don’t look for trouble before someone swears for you and makes you fail your exam.

The fact that we have to tell you this means you are nowhere ready to take the test. Why are you even looking for trouble a few days before writing IELTS when you know your village people are so hardworking? It makes no gaddamn sense.

4. Tell your Babalawo to reveal test questions to you.

Why study when you can just call your Babalawo to project the questions and answers to you in your dream? You have to let them know a few weeks ahead of time sha, so they can get all the questions and answers ready for you immediately you need them.

5. Get a math tutor.

This is one of the best things you can do when preparing to pass IELTS. Maths tutors really don’t care about their grammar and tend to make a lot of errors when speaking. Constantly communicating with them will help your brain immediately recognize wrong grammar.

6. Only watch Nollywood movies on Youtube.

We are being really specific because we really want to help your life. Spend a chunk of your time watching Nollywood movies on Youtube. For best results, combine this with reading Yoruba movie subtitles.

Try these easy tips first before shitting on these brilliant ideas.

Ibukun

January 11, 2022

Inside Life

Exam, ielts, Japa, passing exam
1. You’ll open the question paper and realize that you don’t know anything.

Hay God!
2. You start looking around for an efiko you can copy from.

Open book for me na.
3. This is you when the efiko finally lets you dub.

YASSSSS GAWD!!!
4. This is you when the invigilator catches you and threatens to collect your paper.

PLEASE SIR!! I’M SORRY SIR!!!
5. This is you when the invigilator moves your seat to the front of the class to write the exam alone.

God in heaven, why have you forsaken me?!
6. You’ll start doing nonsense calculation, somehow hoping that you’ll come to an answer that makes sense.

God helps those who help themselves.
7. When the Maths teacher comes into the class to jokingly ask if the questions are too difficult and everybody says no.

Speak for yourselves oh!
8. When you hear the invigilator say “5 minutes more”, you’ll start writing nonsense to fill space on your answer sheet.

Maybe the teacher will pity me if he thinks I actually put effort.
9. This is you when the teacher walks by you to check your work.

Squeeze your face and act like you’re thinking hard.
10. You’ll look back at the class to see if someone can throw last minute dubs to you.

Brethren. Help me.
11. When the invigilator says “Submit!” and you know you’ve failed but you try to hide the tears in your eyes.

Keep your head high.
12. When you get home and your parents ask you how the exam went, you’ll lie and say it was good.

They’ll still find out when the result comes out sha oh.
The worst thing about Maths wasn’t just the exam, the classes were annoying too. Read this next article to find out just how annoying.

22 Things You’ll Understand If Mathematics Was Your Worst Subject

Astor George

May 2, 2017

Oldies

Exam, Funny, maths, Nigerian
1. When you told your friends that you’re going abroad for Uni but your father says you should go and pick JAMB form.

Oh God! Why me?
2. When you’re filing JAMB form with your parents and start writing “Theatre Ar…”

Jisos!
3. When your mother forces you to fill in Engineering/Law/Medicine as 1st and 2nd choice.

Epp me, God!
4. You and your guys entering JAMB lesson like:

Bad guys.
5. When you see your elders writing in the same JAMB centre as you.

My oga.
6. When JAMB gives you that useless calculator for Maths.

To use and do what?
7. When someone that has a different exam type is still copying you.

Are you normal?
8. JAMB and Nokia torchlight phones.

When you hear that ringtone, you know dubs have arrived.
9. When you hear that JAMB results are out.

Hay God!
10. When your classmate that paid for special centers still scores 130.

Good for you.
11. Your mother checking your JAMB result with you.

I’m not ready.
12. When you only had to write JAMB 3 times before passing.

I sabi book.
13. When you finally pass JAMB but remember you still have to pass Post JAMB.

Chai!
14. How old you feel when you hear that this is how they write JAMB now:

I’m old sha.

Daniel Orubo

May 4, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Exam, JAMB, Nigeria, secondary school, UTME
1. When the teacher asks if everyone understands and the class says “YES!”.

You people understood that?
2. You, in most classes:

Why am I even here?
3. When the teacher doesn’t give an area of concentration before exam.

What sort of devil?
4. You, trying to study:

I don’t understand what I’m looking at.
5. When you hear that the class efiko is organizing tutorials.

Can’t dull it.
6. When you get your exam questions and start wondering when they taught you all this.

Hian. I didn’t miss class na? What is all this?
7. When all your classmates are collecting extra sheet and you haven’t even finished the one they gave you.

What is this struggle?
8. When you look around during an exam and see everyone using a compass and you don’t know what it’s for.

You people sef.
9. You, whenever you hear “10 minutes left” during a test:

Didn’t we just start?
10. When your classmates are comparing answers after a test and they all got ’24’, while you got ‘Sodium’.

Hay God!
11. When your classmates are calculating what they need to get an A and you’re calculating what you need to not carryover.

We have different issues, abeg.
12. You, when you hear that results are out:

The stress.
13. When you hear the class efiko complaining about getting a B.

See this mad person.
14. When you get a C in a course you thought you’d fail.

God is good.
15. Your motto:

It’s true sha.

Daniel Orubo

January 14, 2016

Oldies

Class, Efiko, Exam, Fail, Pass, School, Teacher

When it’s time to attempt the objective questions

When you see the exact topics you skipped in the theory section

When the next instruction is “based on your answer to question 1, answer the following”

You look around, and everyone is firing on

When the teacher corrects a question, but you already answered it confidently

He looks at your script and says, “I want to believe you people are reading the question well”

“Use the diagram below to answer the questions,” but you’ve never seen that diagram in your life

Five minutes more

After the exam, someone asks you answered to the question on the back page

You go blank in the hall

You have no idea what the compulsory question is saying

After the exam, you can’t relate to other people’s answers

When you can’t even remember writing the exam

When you refused to buy the lecturer’s textbook

You get to the hall and your formation gets scattered

When you miss the most important class

You feel the sudden inclination to learn a trade

1. Don’t talk for 10 days.

2. Spend your days thinking of how to answer your questions.

3. Don’t look for trouble before someone swears for you and makes you fail your exam.

4. Tell your Babalawo to reveal test questions to you.

5. Get a math tutor.

6. Only watch Nollywood movies on Youtube.

1. You’ll open the question paper and realize that you don’t know anything.

2. You start looking around for an efiko you can copy from.

3. This is you when the efiko finally lets you dub.

4. This is you when the invigilator catches you and threatens to collect your paper.

5. This is you when the invigilator moves your seat to the front of the class to write the exam alone.

6. You’ll start doing nonsense calculation, somehow hoping that you’ll come to an answer that makes sense.

7. When the Maths teacher comes into the class to jokingly ask if the questions are too difficult and everybody says no.

8. When you hear the invigilator say “5 minutes more”, you’ll start writing nonsense to fill space on your answer sheet.

9. This is you when the teacher walks by you to check your work.

10. You’ll look back at the class to see if someone can throw last minute dubs to you.

11. When the invigilator says “Submit!” and you know you’ve failed but you try to hide the tears in your eyes.

12. When you get home and your parents ask you how the exam went, you’ll lie and say it was good.

The worst thing about Maths wasn’t just the exam, the classes were annoying too. Read this next article to find out just how annoying.

1. When you told your friends that you’re going abroad for Uni but your father says you should go and pick JAMB form.

2. When you’re filing JAMB form with your parents and start writing “Theatre Ar…”

3. When your mother forces you to fill in Engineering/Law/Medicine as 1st and 2nd choice.

4. You and your guys entering JAMB lesson like:

5. When you see your elders writing in the same JAMB centre as you.

6. When JAMB gives you that useless calculator for Maths.

7. When someone that has a different exam type is still copying you.

8. JAMB and Nokia torchlight phones.

9. When you hear that JAMB results are out.

10. When your classmate that paid for special centers still scores 130.

11. Your mother checking your JAMB result with you.

12. When you only had to write JAMB 3 times before passing.

13. When you finally pass JAMB but remember you still have to pass Post JAMB.

14. How old you feel when you hear that this is how they write JAMB now:

1. When the teacher asks if everyone understands and the class says “YES!”.

2. You, in most classes:

3. When the teacher doesn’t give an area of concentration before exam.

4. You, trying to study:

5. When you hear that the class efiko is organizing tutorials.

6. When you get your exam questions and start wondering when they taught you all this.

7. When all your classmates are collecting extra sheet and you haven’t even finished the one they gave you.

8. When you look around during an exam and see everyone using a compass and you don’t know what it’s for.

9. You, whenever you hear “10 minutes left” during a test:

10. When your classmates are comparing answers after a test and they all got ’24’, while you got ‘Sodium’.

11. When your classmates are calculating what they need to get an A and you’re calculating what you need to not carryover.

12. You, when you hear that results are out:

13. When you hear the class efiko complaining about getting a B.

14. When you get a C in a course you thought you’d fail.

15. Your motto: