etiquette | Zikoko!

8 Types Of Callers That Can Seriously Stress You Out

If not that phone numbers cannot always be changed so easily, some people would never be reachable via call anymore. Why? Mostly because of all the different types of stressful callers blasting their phones.

Number 8 are the worst. The best thing is to block them.

1. Telemarketers

Sometimes it can be so bad that even when you block their number, they find a way of catching you unawares. Talmabout, “Dear customer…” Usain Bolt would be jealous of the speed with which you hang up such calls.

2. The breathers

How will you call someone and keep quiet? The worst thing is when you can clearly hear them breathing over the phone. People are creepy.

3. The unknown callers

Instead of going straight to the point and stating who they are or how they got your number, these callers would rather play games. “So you don’t know me?” “Guess who’s calling.” Which kind of wahala is this?

4. The shouters

These ones talk on top of their voice so much that your poor ears will never remain the same after the call. Even microphone no do reach like this.

5. The distracted ones

They talk to different people in the background, all the while forgetting you’re on the other end of the call. It’s not their fault, shebi it’s you that picked up.

6. The impatient ones

Don’t expect them to wait till the end of the call oh. Before you finish talking, they’ve hung up (sometimes unintentionally). On top your own airtime! Hay God.

7. The exes

Just when you’re finally moving on with your life and healing from the relationship trauma, they’ll remember you. No be JuJu be that? Better cover your number with the blood of Jesus.

8. The ghosts

They’re always in one serious trouble or the other, and it’s you they call to bail them out. But when things are good, they suddenly ghost you till the next emergency.

Still on calls, go here to find out some of the secret things people say before picking up your call.

Susan Nwaobiala

October 2, 2021

Inside Life

etiquette, Phone calls
7 Simple Couch Surfing Etiquette For Squatters

Couching surfing is the bougie big brother term for squatting. Basically, people let you sleep on their couch for the vague number of days you said you’d be around for. There are simple rules to the art of couch-surfing.

1. Don’t finish your host’s food ffs

They are letting you sleep in their home. Have some decency to not finish their food. If you’re going to eat, make sure it’s not the last thing available. Don’t be a fool and take the last noodles and fry their last egg. Are you a thief?

2. Clean up after yourself dammit

Unless your host tells you not to bother because their cleaner comes every two days, do some damn cleaning. Even then, don’t eat and leave the dishes. Don’t take a shit without properly flushing. Don’t leave soap lather on the bathroom walls. You’re not a piglet. Be a decent person and clean up after yourself.

3. Contribute when you can

We get that you’re poor and struggling but sometimes, pitch in for some things. Don’t let your host bear the cost of everything especially if you know they are struggling. Help with the groceries, contribute for the light bill or Wi-fi. Do something, anything. Don’t be a parasite.

4. Always seek permission before using personal effects of your host

Don’t spray their perfume like you’re trying to kill a flying cockroach. Don’t use their skincare products like your acne is not a result of your wickedness. Please, don’t wear their clothes and shoes without letting them know. This is just bottom tier behaviour. Always seek the permission of your host before touching their stuff.

5. Don’t bring a co-squatter, this isn’t a homeless shelter

This is absolutely not the time for you to help your fellow homeless person. Bringing someone else to couch-surf with you is basically you turning your host’s home into Ojuelegba under bridge. Don’t do it.

6. Leave at the agreed time, plis

Don’t be a fool. If you’ve given a date to move out, stick to it. Don’t say 2 weeks and stay for 2 years. Don’t use style and move in, bringing your personal effects slowly into the house until BOOM! Your picture is hanging on the wall. Don’t go from having a black nylon bag to having one side of the wardrobe. Be responsible and leave at the agreed time.

Recommended: 7 Nigerians Share Their Worst Experience With Squatters.

One year ago, we left Nigeria for an 80-day adventure across West Africa. Something is coming. Unshared stories. New perspectives. Limited series. 10 episodes.

Eris Ekanem

September 23, 2020

Inside Life

couch surfing, etiquette, squatters
6 Rules For Navigating Strip Clubs

Unless your mother was a stripper who went into labour in the middle of a killer routine and had you on stage, everyone’s first experience of strip clubs is in Hollywood movies. These movies make you think you can just stroll in and do whatever you want. That kind of behaviour will get you thrown out by the bouncers.

Here are 6 rules for navigating strip clubs.

1) Buy something.

Buy a drink or a dance. Don’t just come in and sit around, feeding your eyes. The club is not your lounge.

2) Don’t ask the strippers to give you their real names or phone numbers.

Some of the strippers do it as a side hustle and don’t want the outside world knowing about their moonlighting activities due to the stigma. So, if a stripper tells you that their name is Asampete, take it like that.

3) Don’t record videos or take pictures.

Know that the strippers have private lives that they may want to keep separate from their club personas. Don’t be a douche. The strippers want to be famous in the club, not on YouTube.

4) Pay for your dances.

Don’t let the strippers embarrass you. They are offering you a service in exchange for payment. Pay them their money or prepare to be fucked up by the bouncers AND the strippers.

5) Don’t try to get sexual favours from the strippers.

They don’t offer that kind of service. They’re not there to be your personal escorts. Just get your lap dance and go.

6) Don’t get handsy.

Like the previous point said, you’re there to get a lap dance (maybe squeeze in a short conversation) and go. Groping will get you knocked TF out. This also goes for female patrons. Just because you’re the same gender as the stripper doesn’t give you the right to touch them.

All these rules apply in strip clubs everywhere. Except for Nigeria because our little corner of the world exists in the twilight zone. Don’t believe me? Below is a one-minute video (for the new Zikoko series “Quickie“) in which I talk about my experience in a Lagos strip club.

https://twitter.com/zikokomag/status/1238383230409211904?s=20

What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

Astor George

March 13, 2020

Inside Life

etiquette, Rules, strip club
10 Things Nigerians Need To Do So Their Home Training Can Be Complete

1. Men, can you please stop peeing anywhere you see?

Why are we seeing like a hundred penises a day? Why?
2. Also men, can you please stop stretching your sweaty hands on the danfo seat?

This is not your father’s car, though.
3. People, STOP STARING!

Do Nigerians know looking like lucozade is rude?
4. Akara women, stop using your hands to pick our food!

What is that nonsense?
5. Traders everywhere, please stop dragging us innocent passers by.

Eko and Yaba boys are so guilty of this.
6. What of all the people that will be coughing in our mouths in public?

Spreading the germs and all the viruses!
7. And all those buka people selling rice and small stew, mind yourself!

Okay, this has nothing to do with etiquette, but WHY are you ‘mizing’ stew ???
8. Special shout out to all those who quietly release gas in public places and unlook like:

The worst!
9. As for people that use public toilets and don’t flush, your case is on another level.

No home training!
10. And those ones that chook mouth when you and your friends are talking.

But who asked you?

Shola

November 11, 2016

Oldies

etiquette, Food, Home training, Nigerians