Employers | Zikoko!

It’s not news that our politicians and the federal government have joined hands together to further stress our lives with crazy-high living costs, naira devaluation and the threat of food shortage. As if that weren’t enough, Daddy Tesla tried to put us in Twitter jail.

Do you want my life?

The point is, these are trying times, and we all need extra motivation, especially 9-5ers. If you’re an employer thinking of using free lunch or mental health seminars to support your staff during this period, please stop it. Here’s how we really want to be supported.

Remote and hybrid work options

The new fuel prices mean transportation costs aren’t smiling. If the employee can do the work at home, please let them. It’ll also save the amount of money spent on electricity and Wi-Fi at the office. A win-win.

Hardship allowance

No matter how small the amount, it’ll show that you’re not like Nigerian politicians and you actually relate to your employees’ struggles.

Employee loans

There’s no money on ground, and offering loans may be what saves your employees from Nigeria-induced sapa. It doesn’t even have to be a huge amount. Loaning employees a couple of months’ salary won’t crash the business, and you can recover it through salaries.

Surveys that actually help

Another option is asking the employees how they’d like to be supported and trying to implement the feedback.

Salary increase

Your revenue and profits are probably not that great either, but if possible, increase salaries to help cushion the effects of these times. No one says no to more money.

Can that meeting be an email?

Remember what I said about fuel? There’s really no need to call a team-wide meeting if it could just be an email. Help us reduce charging time, biko.

Talk about it

Whatever you do to support your staff, carrying them along is important. Knowing they’re not alone in these struggles could do wonders for motivation.

NEXT READ: How Has the Fuel Price Hike Affected Transportation Costs in Major Cities?

Click to submit a pitch

Tife Oni

July 3, 2023

Money

9-5ers, capitalism, cost of living in Nigeria, Employers, Nigerian Boss, Nigerians, workplace
Forget whatever you experienced at the hands of your unfortunate ex; Nigerian recruiters are the OGs of ghosting. You’d think you wowed them at all five stages of the interview, only to wait for an employment letter that never comes.

It do usually pain

But there are ways to know when a recruiter is about to leave you on read, and that’s what I’m about to teach you.

The job requires more than three interview stages

Don’t think the fact that they’re calling you back for one million assessments makes you special. Any recruiter who does this is looking for a perfect candidate, and everyone knows that’s impossible. If you doubt me, just make one tiny mistake at stage seven and see if they’ll call you back.

The recruiter wears a suit

They’re too serious. If you make the mistake of showing up without a tie or laughing too much during the interview, it’s all over for you.

They don’t wear a suit

Nine times out of ten, recruiters like this work in organisations that take “work culture” seriously. So, odds are they’ll comb through your social media before even calling you. If they find something off, ghosting straight.

There are more than three interviewers

Even if almost everyone on the panel likes you, one person can decide to be the instrument of your village people.

The recruiter compliments your fashion sense

They think you have money and know that the ₦80k they plan to offer you can’t even pay for your Uber.

I just remembered one interview I went for while I was still job hunting 😭
HR kept looking at my wig, finally asked me the price and I told her.

Oya time to negotiate salary now, I tell her what I want and she burst laugh

“You want to use our money to be buying wig”
— Kemmy❤️ (@the_kemmy) May 31, 2023

They ask for your expected salary

Whatever you respond with is liable to lead to ghosting. Too small? You don’t know your worth. Too much? You’re worth too much for them.

Then they smile when you answer

You probably just named a figure even the CEO doesn’t get. That’s the only reason for that smile, trust me.

They’re too friendly during the interview

They’re probably trying to cushion the fact that the interview is just a formality, and the CEO’s elder sister’s friend’s cousin is waiting to resume.

Or don’t crack a smile

They either don’t like you, or they recently fought with their spouse. Either way, it’s not looking good for you.

They say, “We’ll get back to you.”

They won’t.

NEXT READ: A Day in the Life of a Frustrated Job Seeker

Tife Oni

June 5, 2023

Money

9-5ers, Employers, Funny, Inside life, Nigerian recruiters, Nigerians, recruiters, work
Whether you choose to call it a white or black lie — the point is, you may have done it before, and you’ll do it again.

Take this quiz and we’ll predict the next lie you’ll tell your employer.

Tife Oni

August 10, 2022

Funds, Quizzes

Employers, Funny, Jobs, lie, Nigerians
Memes are a very effective way to communicate how you feel without using words. There’s no one you’ll send you’ll send a meme to who won’t understand what you are saying, except, of course, they are a millennial or baby boomer.

Here are a couple of memes to send to your boss when you need a raise.

1. The “why are you doing this to me” meme.

If your boss sees this meme and doesn’t know you are starving; that boss is wicked. This meme is a cry for your help, but your desperation isn’t jumping out nonetheless. You are begging for that raise, but you aren’t desperate.

2. The “laughs maliciously” meme.

Send this meme when they make jokes on Slack or any of the group chats you are both in. Let your boss know you are malicious of their salary and how rich they are and you want the same for yourself.

3. The “your money is safe with me” meme.

Only send this meme when you are putting minimal effort into your job, but you want plenty of money regardless of the quality of your work. Encourage your employer to take a chance with you.

4. The “I’ve taken this matter to Babalawo” meme.

This will let them know it’s above you now and whatever happens to them is none of your business. You have done your bit, it’s time for them to do theirs.

If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

5. The “I’ve taken matters into my hands and I command you to give me a raise” meme.

Send this to your boss first thing in the morning, make sure it’s the first thing they wake up to. If they don’t have you on their mind all through the day, come to our office to fight with us.

6. The “My God is going to deal with you” meme.

This meme has to be sent with a little message, something like “me, praying about a raise” so your employer won’t just open the meme and laugh. Let them know you’ve taken their matter to God.

7. This meme is self-explanatory.

Send them this meme every day for a week and you’ll be sure to get a raise. You are clearly begging your boss because your life depends on it.

8. The “I’m not one to be messed with” memes.

Let that employer know you are the one to be played with and you’ve said what you said about wanting a raise. Of course, they’ll tremble when they see this meme and give you a raise before the day is over.

Ibukun

November 24, 2021

Inside Life

Employee, Employers, Jokes, Raise, salary
If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria (even if you live outside the country), you know about our high levels of unemployment.

It is a terrible something.
Nigerian employers sef are not helping matters.

Like when they’re interviewing you and after going through your CV for 15 minutes, they still tell you to “tell me about yourself.”

So when #9jaEmployers started trending on Twitter, we knew that people were finally ready to voice their frustrations.

And because we love you so much, we’re here to bring you the funniest tweets.

You can thank us later.
Let’s start with this one, about experience.

How?! LOL
And this one, about all the times prospective employers reminded you that all your degrees aren’t worth shit.

The one about what happens when you mistakenly ask for a raise.

And this one, about when employers develop selective amnesia.

This one about when your initial job description and actual job don’t mix.

And this one about when they use your salary to hold you hostage.

Then there was this one, telling you why you should never set high standards.

And this one showing you what employers really think about your life plans.

This one about when you call in sick.

When your employer is just really petty.

This one about how the job market really works.

Nepotism at it’s best!
This one from this person that is legit confused.

Nobody understands. They themselves don’t even understand.
Then there was this guy, who asked the most important question.

This guy, that couldn’t join the trend.

Last but not the least were these tweets that predicted the futures of most of the people taking part in this trend.

Nigerian employers, learn something from this.

CHANGE YOUR WAYS!!!
If you enjoyed this, read this next article that tells you how to properly ace a job interview.

These Pictures Will Show You How to Ace Your Interview and Get that Job — Ninja Style

Astor George

May 27, 2017

Gist

Employers, Funny, hilarious, Job, Nigerian, tweets, Twitter