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Lagos has been rated the third most stressful city in the entire world.
So if you live in Lagos and can still take out time to read this, you deserve a lot of accolades.
Lagos has pushed a lot of us to the edge at one point or another. We might have adapted or in the process of adaptation.
Whichever it is, here are some ways to know you have really had enough of this city.
If you’ve ever been stuck in traffic that was literally on hold for hours, you would understand that patience is very important to maintain your sanity sometimes.
See, there’s levels to traffic in Lagos.
While you’re stuck in traffic, you turn on the radio just to hear some “wanna gonna”, while you strain your ears to catch up.
Accents are the only things distributed free of charge in this city.
But eating fantastic food at a low cost is an extreme sport in Lagos.
In summary, overpriced food is a trademark
If you happen to live on the island, rain is probably not your best friend. When it rains, it pours, and floods.
Even you will be flooded. This is when Lagos island turns into an actual island
Let’s focus on rent for a minute, from finding the house, to affording the bills, all I have to say is..
..In this Lagos if you want to enjoy, you just have to blow o
And then if you don’t own a car, transportation is an extreme sport in Lagos. I want to talk about the cost but I also want to talk about the stress of even getting buses itself.
Let’s just thank God we are alive
If you have not had an encounter or know someone that has had an encounter or heard stories about Sarz officials, do you even leave in Lagos?
If you see them, Just run.
We always wonder why there are so many people in Lagos or why so many plan to move here? Like why is Lagos so overpopulated?
But the real question is, why are you in Lagos? Just take a moment and ask yourself why you choose to continue suffering?
There are certain things which define Lagos we’ve all come to love and accept. There are its yellow buses and taxis, its traffic and the fact that it never sleeps. Asides these things, these places, and monuments have also come to define Lagos in such a way that Lagos could never be Lagos without them.
National Theatre
Show a picture of the national theatre to someone who has never been to Lagos and they’ll recognize it. The theatre is full of kiosks and bars that come alive in the night time.
New Afrikan Shrine
The Shrine is a cultural and music hub located in central Ikeja. People who don’t want you to enjoy Lagos will try to convince you it’s for bad gang only. Don’t listen to them, just show them this picture of Ambode and the President of France at Shrine.
National Stadium
The National Stadium is so much more than a bus stop at Surulere it’s one of the places that makes Lagos truly Lagos and the birthplace of some of Nigeria’s greatest sportsmen.
Lekki-Ikoyi Link Bridge
Even though it was only just commissioned in 2013, the link bridge has become almost synonymous with Lagos. Any new age Nollywood movie released after 2013 has a shot of the bridge in it. And any Lagosian trying to show off their Lagos to non-Lagosian always starts off with showing them a picture of the bridge.
Balogun Market
If you’ve never been to Balogun market please indicate so that we can seize your Lagos passport. Balogun is your go-to-market for everything you need from Ankara to Jeans from Mandilas.
Banana Island
The Narnia of Lagos, where all the big girls and big boys of Lagos aspire to live in. We’ve lost count of how many Nigerian artists have mentioned it in their songs.
Apapa Amusement Park
If you grew up in Lagos then we are pretty sure Apapa Amusement Park was one of the highlights of your childhood. The park was renovated in 2016 so now is a great time to go and relive your childhood.
Mr. Biggs
Although Mr. Biggs is now scattered across the country, it all started here in Lagos. Who remembers begging their parents to stop at Mr. Biggs after church on Sunday to buy their meat pie?
Mile 12 Market
Mile 12 is the number one market to buy foodstuff from. If you are planning an owambe and need to buy a basket of tomatoes just head straight to Mile 12. Mile 12 is where the market in your neighborhood goes to ‘buy market’.
Tafewa Balewa Square
Anywhere you see a picture of these four white horses you’d know its TBS in Lagos.
As if Lagos traffic is not stressful enough on its own, you must always run into these characters who take it upon themselves to just frustrate your life.
The ones who take it upon themselves to become traffic coordinators.
Kuku go and join LASTMA now.
The ones who are always begging to change lane once they see small space.
Oga face your front and stay in your lane.
The ones who want to try and use their wealth to frustrate you but your God is bigger than them.
Wo madam Rolls Royce please pass in front of me. It’s not me that’ll scratch your car and carry gbese.
What of the ones that must buy something from every hawker that should pass.
Oga but what are you buying vuvuzela for now. You dey go Russia?
You must jam one ‘big man’ that will come and use siren to clear road for himself and cause confusion.
Na wa o. You can’t exercise small patience.
The danfo drivers that are always trying to help you remove your side mirror.
You better look well, if you remove my glass I’ll seize your bus.
Then there are the ones who will roll down their windows and start swearing for everybody’s mother.
Please o better go and face Ambode.
Those ones that will just be sleeping like they are in their bedroom.
Please let me pass, you no sleep for night?
There are the ones who always come prepared to die in the traffic.
Food? Check. Neck pillow? Check. Series? Check. I’ll kill this Lagos before it kills me.
The ones that will get down from their car to go and do God knows what and then cause even more traffic.
Are you a baby? you can’t sit in one place abi?
The annoying ones that’ll turn their horns into toy.
Am I a witch? Do you think I can fly? You better calm down there.
Then there are the ones that must sha bash someone’s car.
Are you blind? Abi you were sleeping?
Last last we sha can’t blame any of them. It’s this Lagos that is trying to kill us.
